#at least he knows what boiled peanuts are because if he didn’t I’d scream

[deityofhearts]

another poll brought to you by “I live in a southern bubble and frequently find out that things which I thought to be normal and common are in fact, NOT normal and common”

“greasy rice” (idk if it goes by another name, I’ve always known it to be called greasy rice) is made by reusing the water that you used to boil your meats (primarily ribs in my family) to cook your rice as well as adding additional seasonings (especially salt, it’s gotta be salty)!

lastly: im sure other people make it differently, this is just based on how I’ve always known it to be made!

[heyitssmiller]

Chop It Like It’s Hot

Chapter 6: I’ve Got a Bad Queso Loving You

Pining. Food that may or may not be a disaster. The end of an era.

Also people actually wanted to be tagged for updates?? That makes my heart so happy <3

Tag List: @heyoitslysso @unknown-and-invisible

Chop It Like It’s Hot Masterlist

@lumosinlove

  It was weird, walking into the studio by himself for the first time. Finn kept expecting Logan to be right by his side like always and it hurt a little every time Finn remembered. He walked into the kitchens where he was greeted by a sunny smile and kind eyes and dimples.

He still missed Logan, but it was hard to mope with Leo Knut around.

“Hey,” Leo greeted, motioning for Finn to join him at the station. “Welcome to the final four.”

“Thanks. It feels weird here.”

Leo hummed. “Quiet, right?”

“Definitely less hectic.” Finn agreed, leaning his hip against the counter. “So what are we cooking today?”

“Well, why don’t you tell me? We’re cooking for someone special to you. I’m assuming that’s Logan, right?” At Finn’s nod a strange, unreadable expression flashed across Leo’s face before he continued. “Okay, so what types of food do you think of when you think of him?”

Finn thought about it, then smiled. “Our first date – after years and years of being friends and crushing on each other but refusing to do anything about it – was at a Mexican restaurant. We were on a roadie and went to go get dinner together and I was so frustrated at this point that I kind of just blurted, ‘Is this a date?’” Finn laughed a little at the memory. “And Lo, he just stared at me with those big green eyes of his for a moment and said, ‘I sure hope so.’ And that was it. No more drama, no more fuss. Just those two sentences – that was all we needed.”

The look from earlier was back on Leo’s face. Finn still didn’t know what it meant.

“I think we can definitely work with that.” He said finally. “How about we elevate a Mexican dish? Something to be meaningful but to also showcase your cooking? I've got a few recipes in mind. What about grilled citrus-marinated chicken?”

Finn wrinkled his nose and shook his head.

“Alright. Pulled pork tamales with corn salsa? Polenta stacks? Chipotle Mahi Mahi burrito bowl?”

“Oh!” Finn said excitedly. “I like that one. Logan calls me Fish sometimes.”

Leo laughed. “Why?”

“Nicknames are kind of a thing in hockey. It’s considered weird if you don’t have one. I’m Harzy, Harz, Fish, and probably a few more that I’m forgetting.”

“And Logan?”

“He’s Tremz or Tremzy, usually.” He looked over at the blond, propping his chin in his hand and smiling. “You want a nickname?”

“Oh, god. With a last name like Knut, I’m sure you’ll have plenty to go off of.” He laughed, turning to head towards the pantry. Finn followed after him like the love-struck puppy he was.

“Nut. Nutty. Peanut. Peanut butter. Nutter Butter. Honey bunches of nut – “

“How have you already come up with so many?” Leo stretched to grab a bowl off the top shelf, his t-shirt shifting up to reveal pale skin Finn desperately wanted to reach out and touch.

“I’m a professional hockey player.”

“Fair enough. Can you head to the spices and grab smoked paprika, chili powder, cumin, salt, pepper and onion powder?”

Finn grabbed the ingredients and met Leo back at the station. “Ready to get started? You’ll get the printed recipe and you can take as many notes as you want now and use them tonight.”

Finn clicked his pen in response, earning another smile. “Let’s do this.”

“So we’re going to combine olive oil, chipotle chiles, garlic, smoked paprika, chili powder, cumin, salt, pepper and onion powder into a bowl and whisk it really good. Then you can add the mahi mahi and toss it in there. Next we’re going to place it in the fridge while we start the rice.” Leo covered the bowl and set it in the fridge before reaching for a pot and turning the stove on.

“Add coconut milk and some coconut water to a pot and bring it to a low boil before adding rice, salt, unsweetened coconut and coconut oil. Stir to combine, then place the lid on the pot and turn the heat down to the lowest setting possible. Following so far?”

Finn nodded, definitely feeling a little overwhelmed.

Leo gave him a reassuring smile. “You got this. Next, let the rice to cook for ten minutes then turn the heat off completely. Let the rice sit on the stove, covered for another 20 minutes, then remove the lid and fluff the rice with a fork. Add the cilantro and lime juice – “

“No cilantro.”

Leo looked up from his pot. “What?”

“No cilantro.” Finn repeated. “Lo doesn’t like cilantro.”

“Got it. No cilantro. I think we’ve got enough seasoning without it.” Leo grabbed another bowl and pushed some ingredients towards him on the counter.

“Now we’re going to make the salsa. Add the diced mango, chopped strawberries, jalapeño, lime juice, pinch of cayenne and a pinch of salt to a bowl. Toss it, cover it, and keep it in the fridge until ready to serve. Now we’re going to cook that fish.” Leo grabbed the fish out of the fridge and sent him a sly look. “Hopefully this doesn’t count as cannibalism.”

Finn laughed loudly. “Oh man, wait until Logan hears that.”

Leo fiddled with the settings on the grill, which made Finn a little nervous. As seen in the build your own burger competition, he wasn’t the best with grills. He’d scared away all the ducks with how loud he screamed when he turned the grill on too high and flames erupted from it.

“You’re going to want a medium heat to cook this fish. Once the grill is nice and hot, add the mahi mahi, skin side facing up. Cook these for about 4-5 minutes and then flip them and cook until they’re crisp and mostly cooked through. This is super important: remove the skin.  We’re going to be cutting this fish into chunks and having pieces of fish skin in there would be really gross.

“Last thing is to plate these. All you’re going to do is divide the rice among your tortilla bowls and add the lettuce, black beans, and corn. Divide up the fish and then top each bowl with salsa, queso, and a dollop of sour cream. And you’re done!” Leo looked over at Finn, who was still writing notes. “Not so bad, right?”

Finn gave him a blank stare, then ran a hand through his hair nervously. “Go over it again one more time?”

“Sure.” Leo pushed one of the plates over to Finn. “Want to try some first?”

“Fuck yes.”

***

Logan stood in the studio hallway yet again, waiting with the rest of the families the final four contestants were cooking for tonight. It was going to be weird, being on the opposite side of the judging table. But at least he wasn’t cooking.

They finally got the cue to enter the kitchen and his eyes immediately found Finn, who was grinning madly and running right at him – whether he was allowed to or not. Logan laughed as Finn collided with him, hugging him close. “You just saw me this morning.”

“Yeah, but I missed you.”

Logan melted a little at that and kissed him softly on the cheek. “Did you have a good day?”

Finn whined, shooting a longing look over at Leo. “Lo, you would not believe – “

“Please head back to your stations, recruits!” Dorcas called.

“Gotta go.” Finn sighed, taking a step back. Logan gave his hand a squeeze.

“You’ve got this.”

“Recruits, tonight you’ll be creating dishes for your loved ones. And your team leaders, of course. You can use any notes you’ve taken. You have an hour to complete this task and your time starts… now!”

Logan took his seat at the judges table (weird) and watched as Finn dashed off to the pantry. He made small talk with the other family members as time began to tick down much slower than he remembered from his time on the show. He turned his head when Leo sat down next to him and smiled almost nervously.

“I hope you’re not too mad at me for last week.”

“Nah,” Logan said with a shrug, doing everything he could think of to slow his heartrate down. “I deserved it. I served you guys raw pizza dough.”

“Only because I suggested you start over.”

Logan laughed incredulously. “Because my pizza wasn’t a pizza! Seriously, don’t worry about it.” He looked over at Finn, who was shying away from the grill as he threw the fish on it. “I’m glad he made it instead of me. He’s been so excited to be on this show.”

“He’s really improved a lot. You both did.”

“I’m still not sure I trust either of us in the kitchen.”

“Baby steps.” Leo said with a smile. “You’re more capable than you think.”

He glanced at the clock and let his voice carry to the contestants. “One minute left, recruits!”

Finn glanced up from his plating, cursed, and started working faster.

“Five, four, three, two, one, time’s up! Stop what you’re doing and step away from your plates!”

“I can see why you like this so much.” Logan said, eyes still on Finn as he looked down at his plates critically. “You get to sit here, no stress, and eat people’s food. This is the dream.”

“Not on this show. You should’ve tried some of the earlier dishes this season. I got food poisoning twice.”

“You did what?”

“It might’ve been three times if I’d eaten that chicken you tried to serve in the first challenge.” Leo teased.

“Why isn’t giving a chef food poisoning an immediate elimination?”

“Because then we’d have very few recruits left, and that would be a very short season.”

Finn set down his plates, smiling nervously. Logan looked down and smiled softly. “Mexican food.”

“No cilantro, just how you like it.”

God, Logan didn’t deserve him.

“Let’s see how this tastes.” Leo said, looking down at his plate. “The presentation is really nice.”

They both took bites of their food. The fish was dry, but Logan thought the rest of it was really good.

“It’s under-seasoned a little bit,” Leo commented. “And the fish is a little dry, but your salsa is perfect and the ratios of everything else in the bowl is very nice.”

Logan grinned up at Finn. “I definitely wouldn’t be opposed to you bringing this recipe home.”

“We need move on to the next contestant. Nice job, Finn.”

Finn beamed and grabbed his plates back.

***

“And the chef who will be leaving us tonight is…” Logan held Finn’s hand and waited for Leo to finish.

“Finn. I’m sorry, your time as a recruit is over. Please turn in your apron.”

Finn sighed, squeezed Logan’s hand, and stepped forward.

“It was really close, but in the end the under-seasoned and overcooked fish did you in.” Leo said, looking apologetic. “I’ve really enjoyed having you on the show. You’ve been a joy to teach.”

“Thanks for having me.” Finn said, trying to be cheerful as he handed over his apron. “I had a blast.”

After the cameras stopped rolling, Logan and Finn made sure to find Leo before they left. He was scrubbing down the grill and looked up when he noticed them. “So this is goodbye, huh?”

“Looks like it.” Logan replied, unabashedly staring and trying to memorize everything he could. Was it weird to miss someone when you hadn’t even said goodbye yet? When they were standing right in front of you? 

Finn piped up, “If you’re ever in Gryffindor, look us up. We’d love to see you.”

“Same for when you come to New York for games.” Leo smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Here,” Finn grabbed his phone out of his pocket. “What’s your number? We can send you our team schedule when we get it.”

Finn, you’re a genius.

“That would be great! I, uh, I really liked having y’all on the show. It’d be nice to see each other again.” His cheeks were red again, and Logan had to bite back a whine. He wanted to kiss those red spots so badly.

But this definitely wasn’t the time. There were people everywhere, two of them were probably leaving in the morning, and they didn’t know when they’d see him again. Or if he even liked them back.

Fuck.

Both Logan and Finn had forgotten just how awful the guessing game really was.

[ajoy3fanfics]

Missing VIII

Kagome blinked once, twice, trying to figure out if the figure standing in her doorway reallywas her ex-fiancé, before closing them tightly, looking half way psychotic. ‘Deep breaths, girl. Its not really him. You’re seeing things, just like before. Its not really Inuyasha, just wishful thinking. You’ll open your eyes and poof, he’ll be gone.’ She counted to three and felt her heart race as the man before her clearly had not disappeared, but neither did he take a step towards her.

She tilted her head, taking in his full image. His shoulders were hunched as he dug his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, a twisted scowl on his face as he altered from completely avoiding her gaze and giving shy, unsure peeks in her direction. His entire body looked tense, and more infuriatingly,hot. How could he look so damn goodjust standing there? It pissed Kagome off that she could go months without seeing him, but the second she did she was weak in the knees and her stomach in knots.

It used to be something she liked, back when they were a couple. The man would so much as look at her with those amber eyes and she was a puddle of want. Now… Now she needed to get over it. They- well, there was no ‘they’ anymore. It was he and Kikyo. She and Koga. They were nothing more than history, over and done with, and yeah, she sometimes longed to revisit, especially on those long, lonely nights, but that wasn’t reality. She couldn’t let Inuyasha have this effect on her, not anymore. Giving herself a mental shake, she gripped the grocery bags in her hand, knuckles turning white and let out a shaky breath.

“Inuyasha?” She asked. Her voice made him snap to attention, eyes trained on her, somehow hard and fragile all at once. “What are you doing here?” She did her best to hide the lump in her throat, but the words still choked her. She didn’t want Inuyasha to notice that seeing him here was like witnessing a ghost, a piece of her past she wanted to wrap herself in.

It was hard to look at her. Rationally, he knew Kagome was different, but fuckit felt so familiar- like coming home, because damn it, this washis home. And she washis woman.

Is. She still ishis woman. He couldn’t let Miroku keep swaying him. Seeing her ready to open theirdoor, to theirhome, still in her work clothes, ingredients for their dinner bagged and ready to be cooked… it just felt right. This was where he belonged. Not with Kikyo or Miroku or anyone else on the damn planet. With Kagome.

He needed to go home.

Closing the distance between them, he stood over Kagome, her frame smaller than he remembered in his absence. Kagome sucked in a breath, hating and loving the scent of him that was filling her head and making her dizzy. Kagome was certain the hanyou could hear her heart beating at double speed as he locked eyes with her, bending slightly as slid his hands over hers, causing her to jump at the unexpected contact. Inuyasha had managed to transfer the bags into his own hands and removed the weight from hers. He gave her a crooked smile and said, “I’m here to help with these,” He motioned towards the bags, slightly nodding his head. “What else?”

She was wordless, in complete shock as she watched him walk to the doorway, and wait, raising his brows when she didn’t move to unlock the door. “You coming?” He asked. The whole thing was off. Did- Did he lose more time, more of his memory? Did he forget that they were not together? She winced thinking about having to go through that situation again. The break up was hard enough, but having to do it a second time was torture. She really wasn’t sure she would be able to withstand it a third time. Swallowing hard, she stood her ground.

“I- I don’t think it’s a good idea you’re here.” Kagome bit her bottom lip, watching for a sign of… well she didn’t know what.

“Why?” He questioned, tone clipped. “You’re boyfriend going to get mad?” His expression seemed to change into something darker. Kagome felt like the wind was knocked out of her; she wasn’t sure if she should be happy that he wasn’t worse off, or upset, the way he was talking. Hearing her ex talk about her current dating situation made her stomach sink. He spoke low, his sharp fangs bared with his threat. “Bring him. Let him say it to my fucking face.” He could feel his blood boiling, feel the rage building inside of him, ready to take on whoever dared to warm his fiancés bed. Inuyasha took in her surprise, her eyes wide with shock, the way her body language changed and knew he needed to calm himself down or he was going to blow everything. “Look, I’m- I’m sorry.” He said, breathing out deeply. Kagome arched her brow; sorry wasn’t something the hanyou said often. “Can- Can you just open the door? I only want to talk. If… if you don’t want me to stay, I get it. I’m not trying to make things hard for you. I can set these down and leave. I just want to talk. Even if its just 5 minutes. I’m-“ He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, as if the white tiles could grant him the words he needed to convince her. “I’m so fucking confused. I just- I just need to clear a few things up. I’m really struggling, Kagome.”

She considered, for a moment, telling him to leave. Set down the bags and just turn around. His problems were not hers,not anymore at least. But when was the last time she had seen him so vulnerable? When had he needed her, reallyneeded her like this? It was only natural that he had questions, and logically, the person he would turn to for answers would be her.

Even after everything he had put her through, she wouldn’t be able to turn him away. Crossing the space, she took her key and unlocked the door, hesitating before she pushed it open, stepping aside so the hanyou could pass through. He muttered his thanks as he placed the things down on the table, taking a not so subtle look around the room.

Not much had changed. The kitchen was tidy, a few odd dishes drying on the rack, the living room still arranged in the same manner. The pictures on the wall were different. Faces he recognized in places he had never gone- things that had happened after they split. Not for the first time, he thanked God that she hadn’t moved, that he could find her easily, that things seemed normalhere. “I can’t believe you’re still here.” He mumbled. This had never meant to be permanent, just a cheaper spot to live while Inuyasha and his team worked on their home. They figured they could accrue a savings if they lived in a less than stellar house and pour it all into the plot of land Inuyasha was building their dream home on. He said his comment in what he meant to be gratefulness, however it rubbed Kagome the wrong way.

“Well you didn’t leave me with much of an option.” She said, rummaging through the groceries as she began to put things away. Turning in her direction, he walked over to the table and grabbed a jar of peanut butter and opened the cabinet door, placing it on the bottom shelf. A small moment he relished. A small piece of normal. A small piece of them. “What do you mean?” he asked. Kagome did not look his way as she answered, choosing to focus on her task.

“You left me in a mountain of debt and a lease.” She answered, tone cold and precise. “We had deposits and payment plans on everything from the furniture to wedding venues and when we made purchases it was based off of a two income household. By the time I was able to pay off some of it, staying here was the cheapest option.”

Inuyasha did he best to hide his surprise. How could any of that be possible? Okay, so they did break up, but was he really so much of an asshole that he wouldn’t help set her right? He thought about her car, how worried she was about the high payments, but he insisted that she get a decent vehicle, adamant he would help her. They were a couple, right? What was his was hers, no question. If she needed some help paying for a car that would keep her safe he was happy to do it. Inuyasha had a sinking feeling in his gut as he thought of it now. “How? Why didn’t I take half the debt, or help pay it off?” He asked. “Was I really that much of an ass?”

It was hard to stay mad at him like this, helpless and unsure of everything, but Kagome refused to be swayed. “Post break up Inuyasha wasn’t my favorite version of you.” She looked him up and down, still helping unpack her things and gods, she must’ve seen him do this a thousand times. It brought back a tender memory that softened some of her anger. “Besides,” She sighed, “its not like I asked you to help shoulder it.” She put the last of her things away and leaned her back against the counter.

“Why wouldn’t you ask?” He questioned. “Why put yourself through so much bullshit? I would’ve-“

“I’d rather pay it off for the rest of my life than ask you for help.” She cut him off, a colder side than Inuyasha could ever remember. She had always been so light, happy. This slow burning anger, is this what he had reduced her to? “You shouldn’t have to ask, I should have fucking known.” He hung his head and lowered his voice. “I’m so sorry, Kagome.”

“You had other things on your mind.” Kagome folded her arms over her chest and squared her shoulders. She needed to draw a line between them, and having him knee deep in regrets he couldn’t even remember would do no one any good. She tried to soften her tone without sounding cold. “What did you need to talk about?”

“Well, for starters this. We need to go to an ATM.” He said, eager to right his wrongs. “I have money in the bank. How much-“

“No, Inuyasha.” She said.

“Not no, Kagome. How much mon-“

“No.” she answered more firmly.

“But-“

“Just stop!” She screamed, finally losing her temper. “You can’t fix everything all the time. You-“

“You always have to be the hero, don’t you?” She was crying, tears uncontrollably rolling down her plump cheeks as her anger came to a full boil. “I used to love that about you, you know? I was always so proud that my boyfriend was the one who stuck up for the underdog, my fiancé was the one who would be the first to jump in and defend someone. I bragged about your sense of justice.” She laughed, bitter, devoid of any warmth, giving him a chill. “You couldn’t just leave her alone, could you? She needed help and you just hadto step in and make things better, even if the cost was me, or us?” Her eyes… he had never seen them so full of anger, so full of betrayal. He had turned her into this, turned her kind soul into a jaded one. How could he come back from this?

Inuyasha blinked as his jaw fell open, the ringing in his ears so intense he stumbled, catching himself on the chair. Kagome rushed to his side, any anger she had completely dissipated, his safety and health the most pressing matter on her mind. “Are you okay?!” She asked, gripping his shoulder, urging him to turn her way. “Inuyasha, look at me! Do we need to go to the doctor? In-“

He gripped her hand, wrapping his large fingers around her small ones, taking deep breaths of air, before he spoke. “I’m alright.” He said. “I’m okay.” Without thinking, he leaned his head against hers, closing his eyes as he tried to process what in the hell had just happened.

“What-?”

“I think, I think I had a memory resurface.” He shook his head slightly so that he wouldn’t jostle her. “I’m not sure.”

“That’s great then.” Kagome smiled. “That’s good, right?”

Inuyasha raised a brow as he looked at her. “It wasn’t a particularly good one.” He swallowed hard, his voice still hoarse. “Either way, this is the first that’s come back.”  Kagome seemed genuinely surprised by this. It had to be being home, being with her. She had stood up to get him a glass of water and pushed the glass towards him. Wordlessly he thanked her, a slight nod of appreciation. She always knew what he needed without asking.

“Should I call Miroku to take you home? Or to the doctor?”

Well, maybe not always.

“I don’t need a doctor.” He waved her off. “And I’m already home.”

Kagome frowned. “Inuyasha,” She started. “We talked about this. A lot.”

“And it doesn’t change the way I feel.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“Inuyasha, Im- I have a boyfriend.” Well, sort of a boyfriend, but he didn’t need to know that. Nervously (seriously, why was shenervous that she was dating?) she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

“You had a fiancé first.” He ground out, reaching for her hand. He needed to touch her, needed the skin to skin contact. She tugged her hand, but he refused to let her go.

“And my finance cheated on me and left me for another woman.” She reminded him, giving her hand another tug to gain freedom.

“I cheated?” he asked, his hand going slack. “I really…” It didn’t seem possible. He never even thought about being with someone else, let alone act in it. Taking the opportunity, she removed her hand and shrugged.

“You said no, you never physicallycheated, but I wasn’t sure. There were a lot of times I think back on and…” it was hard to finish her sentence, almost if she spoke it out loud it would make it true. “But emotional cheating is just as bad. Maybe worse.”

Inuyasha nodded, because what else could he do. He fucking agreed. “I’m so sorry Kagome.” It felt like a broken record, that he just kept saying the same few phrases over and over but he truly meant it.

“Look, it’s the past. Theres no reason to dwell on it. You moved on, I moved on. It sucks that you cant remember, but maybe that’s a good thing. A fresh start, you know?” She gave him a small smile, a kindness he didn’t deserve.

“I don’t want to start over. I don’t want to forget.” He said low. “I want you back. I never wanted to lose you in the first place, but obviously I screwed things up. I need you Kagome.”

How many times had she envisioned this? Heard it play out in her head, in her dreams. In her fantasy, she was able to over come the hurt, but reality left the confession feeling bitter and a little too late. She shook her head. “No.”

Inuyasha looked up towards the ceiling, searching for the right thing to say, the right way to phrase his thoughts without putting his foot in his mouth. “I get it.” He finally said. “Its going to fucking kill me, but I understand.” Kagome bit her lip as she nodded, the pressure of the conversation heavy and tense.

“Could- Do you think I could still see you?” He asked, a delicate hope in his eyes. “I know it’s a lot to ask… but I need some normal and fuck, Kagome you’re my normal. I know I can’t go back to being your fiancé, but… can’t we go back to friends?”

Could they? She had so much anger, so much unresolved shitwith Inuyasha, was that even possible?

Was it something she even wanted?

“I don’t know…” She answered honestly.

“We used to be friends. We were friends first-“

“Barely!”

“But still friends first. Wasn’t my fault you couldn’t keep your hands off of me.” He wiggled his brows suggestively.

“Sure, because I was the one making advances.” She snorted.

“Fess up Higurashi, you couldn’t keep your eyes off my ass and you know it.”

Kagome shrugged. “It was a really nice ass.” Pointing her index finger at him she chastised, “But I never made the first move.”

“And it drove me fucking crazy.” He admitted. “You drove me crazy.” He said with a smile.

“Ditto.” It felt easy, and gods, that was dangerous. A heavy silence fell over them, the magic of the moment gone.

“We always had fun hanging out.” Inuyasha said.  “Just dinner, or a movie or-“

“That’s dating. We cant date. I don’t think Kikyo would be thrilled with that idea.”

“Fuck Kikyo.” He hissed. “I haven’t spoken to her since that day at the hospital.” That seemed to surprise Kagome, although she was remiss to show it. “I get it- youre with Koga and Ill fucking deal with that on my own…I just… I want to be around you. I need you in my life.”

Kagome was sure that this was a mistake.

There was no such thing  as being friends with an ex, not really.

But he was hurting, and he seemed genuine. As long as they kept a boundary, maybe it would give her the closure she was aching for and finally be able to move on with her life.

“Okay.” She said weakly. “We can… tryto be friends.”

Even though she knew it was a mistake, her heart felt so full watching the smile reach his eyes

[ghostly-desires]

Hu Gu Po

by kristin

虎姑婆 (hu gu po) was the story my mother used to tell me whenever we stayed at my ama’s house in burbank.  I hated the bed, which smelled like stale lavender and mothballs.  the mattress springs had rusted a long time ago and the entire bed shrieked whenever I turned over in the night (which was often - LA is hot as hell and the house is too old to have AC. even if there was, we were too damn asian to use it). my mom and I shared the same bed, and my grandma slept a room over.  I didn’t learn until years later that my agong didn’t even sleep in the same house as ama - he took the bus every night to his friend’s place (a single-room unit in a public housing project specifically for all the aging chinese and mexican seniors in the area). 

because neither of us could sleep (my mother despised the house she grew up in, which hadn’t changed in the decades she’d been away, and I was too damn hot), my mother told me the story of hu gu po. sometimes up to 5 or 6 times a night, but each time she told the story, it was a little different.  like different puzzle pieces of the same picture.  by the time I was in my preteens, the story had morphed into bizarre shadows of the original - there was a version set in america, with my mom putting on a thick chinese-accented english, there was a version where all the characters were smurfs, and worst of all - versions where the story ended tragically (I always made her tell it again with a happy ending). there was even one version that turned into a commercial, with my mom adopting a peppy celebrity-endorser voice that made me laugh so had I rolled right off the godawful mattress.

hu gu po is basically a taiwanese little red riding hood (emphasis on taiwanese). a tiger spirit wants to transform into a woman, but she can only transform into human form by eating children’s toes like peanuts (my mom always made sure to say the peanut part, but I’m pretty sure that’s just because she really likes snacking on peanuts). there are a million versions out there on the internet, but I’ve never read one about toes - I’m pretty sure it was my mom’s invention. when we watched tv together on the sofa, my legs in her lap, she squeezed my toes anytime something scary happened on screen - the result is that she developed some kind of obsession with my toes, sometimes giving them names or pinching them whenever she was mad at me.

(i know how weird this sounds. it gets weirder.)

so this tiger spirit, aka hu gu po (which translates to something like “tiger auntie”) lures in these two kids by pretending to be the kids’ grandma (my mother always said it was an older boy and a younger girl, but the “actual” story only has one girl - I’m sure it’s because she wanted to include my older brother.) while the kids are sleeping, hu gu po creeps up and eats (!!!) the little girl’s toe. just one. (at this point in the story, my mom would sneak her hand under the sheet and grab my toe until I screamed).  the next morning, the girl and her brother wake up, and the boy immediately realizes someone had stolen her sister’s toe. he’s alarmed, but at this point, he doesn’t suspect anyone. it couldn’t be his sweet old grandma.

but the next night, another toe goes missing. and another. and another. 

at this point, the brother is suspicious.  he knows something’s going on. he stays awake one night and catches hu gu po in the act of sniffing his sister’s toes, choosing the plumpest one.  

this is when my mom starts rewriting all the endings:

in one, he’s kept a pot of boiling water over the fire, an incognito weapon. he pours the water on hu gu po, who runs away screaming (the girl’s last toe is safe, and the tiger spirit retreats).

in another one, he decides his sister isn’t worth saving and runs away, saving himself. 

but my favorite endings were always the ones that were the least probable: for example, that he sets the house on fire in a panic, then grabs his sister and flees to the roof as the house burns around them. hu gu po escapes, and the kids are trapped: luckily, the sister mysteriously produces a bottle of blue potion, which she throws to her brother (”here, bruh-da! drink-ah dis!!” because, for some reason, the siblings decide it’s a good time to practice their english) and then he drinks and sprouts wings, flying after the tiger. he slaughters the tiger, then flies back for his sister, saving her just in time as the house collapses around them.

and that’s just the short version.

needless to say, they got wilder and wilder as the night progressed. my mother would sing hu gu po’s “time to eat children!!” song, which involved pinching my arm a lot and scaring me to tears.

I think about us huddled beneath the blanket, my brother already asleep on the floor below.  sleep was simple for him. he’d tire himself out playing soccer with the chinese and mexican kids in the neighborhood, take a bucket bath (running water was rare in that house), then fall promptly asleep. but my days were always lonelier. even when we spent whole summers in burbank, I never made any friends, except for the occasional cat I fed.  instead, I hung around the house, hiding whenever ama had (another) explosive fit.  ama and my mom have never gotten along - my mother was too weak, just like her father (my grandma’s words).  she wasn’t ambitious enough.  she didn’t cook well enough.  she hadn’t raised my brother and I right.  each fight seemed to last for hours, but my mother never spoke a word back.  my mom’s explanation was that ama was a rat (her chinese zodiac), and rats are like that. she’s a sheep. and that’s supposed to explain everything.

when I asked her what being a tiger meant, she just told me I’d be unmarriage-able.  if only someone had told her just how true that would turn out to be.

sometimes I wanted to ask if she learned the story of hu gu po from her mother. if ama ever whispered to her for hours of the night, giggling until the first light arrowed through the narrow blinds.  I never did ask. it was too sad for me to imagine that at one time, they’d been as close as I was with my mother.  I didn’t want to think it was possible for two people to turn from this (heads close, the sheets forming a tent) to this (yelling from the kitchen, waving a cleaver).

now that I’m older, the story of hu gu po isn’t nearly as heroic.  it doesn’t seem like a story about two spunky kid-heroes overcoming the odds.  now I find it unbearably sad, this old beast that just wanted to be seen as human. only by consuming children can she be a woman.  only through violence can she be made into something loveable. 

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someone at the office today mentioned going down to LA to visit family, so I started reminiscing about my summers in Burbank !! here it is!!!