#at first shes like bro i'm trying to pee

[mulletmitsuya]

Toman groupchat

Warnings: swearing, suggestive, mentions of poop, mentions of homophobia (joke), mentions of men getting pregnant

Desc: here the boys discuss whether men can get pregnant or not and other shenanigans. this also very fucking stupid

Mikey: i just took the biggest shit

Mikey: you guys will not believe the sheer size of this thing like it's as big as my forearm

Mikey: makes me wonder how women give birth

Kazutora: ?

Draken: keep this shit to yourself what the hell is wrong with you

Mikey: how can i keep this shit to myself when i've already flushed it down the toilet🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mitsuya: what does you shitting have to do with women giving birth?

Mitsuya: never mind shouldn't have asked

Mikey: well the poop tore my butt up so imagine what babies do to vaginas

Baji: this is why i'm never giving birth. looks too hard

Draken: ...you're not a candidate to do so? you're male?

Baji: what does my gender have to do with giving birth

Draken: it has everything to do with it??? what are you talking about

Baji: wow didn't know you guys were so sexist

Chifuyu: Baji-san, gender and sex are two different things...

Baji: ?

Chifuyu: sex is your chromosomes and basically what you were born with and gender is what you identify as. so since you're male, you don't have the reproductive organs to get pregnant and have a child. only female bodied people can.

Smiley: bro you're 17 how the fuck do you not know this

Baji: never been good at biology

Smiley: you don't have to be good at it to know you can't get pregnant💀

Baji: so men can't get pregnant?

Chifuyu: well if someone born as a female transitions into a man, then gets pregnant, we can pretty much say that men can get pregnant

Baji: so men can get pregnant but not males?

Chifuyu: yeah i guess

Baji: interesting

Baji: i don't think anyone's tried hard enough

Baji: i'll get a male pregnant one day, watch

Mitsuya: wtf

Draken: is the biology lesson over?

Mikey: my ass still hurts i think i'll need ointment

Kazutora: why r u reporting this to us

Mikey: you guys are my friends

Mitsuya: no ones wants to know about your bowel movements

Baji: why do you always wanna sound smart Mitsuya. just say shit or shitting

Smiley: watch, next time he'll say defecation

Chifuyu: excretion

Mikey: excrement

Kazutora: fecal matter

Draken: guys what the fuck can we not talk about this? it's fucking gross

Baji: oho here comes the fucking poop police

Kazutora: instead of his siren going "wee woo wee woo" it probably goes "pee poo pee poo" lmao

Mikey: LMAO😭

Draken: what are you a bunch of 5 year olds??

Baji: we're 17

Draken: 😐

Mitsuya: can we change the subject? christ

Smiley: i did crack for the first time yesterday. shit was crazy

Mikey: YOU DO DRUGS???? BRO

Baji: yo Nahoya what the fuck

Draken: we're not supposed to do drugs

Smiley: who's we?? i'm doing them not you🤨??

Draken: and what's Angry gonna think?

Smiley: he doesn't need to know. and i did it to impress a girl so chill it's not a regular thing

Mikey: why would you try and impress a girl with doing crack?

Smiley: she's a drug addict

Smiley: but the sex was fire tho even though she tried to kill me halfway through

Mikey: YOU'RE HAVING SEX??

Kazutora: that's not fair☹️

Kazutora: where are you meeting women?

Smiley: outside

Kazutora: oh

Draken: why did she try to kill you?

Smiley: halfway through she started choking the shit outta me while she was on top and i almost died but also it was the best nut i've ever experienced so it's a win win

Mikey: that doesn't sound appealing at all😭

Draken: that sounds like assault actually

Smiley: idgaf a beautiful woman can do whatever she wants with me and if she wants to kill me then so be it (i'm a feminist)

Mitsuya: yeah but like, she should have asked

Smiley: we were both high off our rockers

Draken: yeah i feel like she should have asked you so you could have developed a healthy sex dynamic where you both share each other kinks before hand

Baji: oho here comes the fucking sex police

Kazutora: this time the siren would be men whimpering

Chifuyu: why men?

Kazutora: i don't think Draken would use women moaning cause of how the brothel might have traumatized him i think and he respects women too much

Kazutora: also he's gay

Draken: fuck off i'm not

Draken: and Baji say something else i dare you

Baji: what are you gonna do? have sex with me?

Smiley: you're all taking this way too seriously😁

Baji: with what Kazutora said, i'ma start blasting whimpering audios when i get a car

Mitsuya: i'm pretty sure that's illegal or something

Smiley: dawg no one wants to hear that

Baji: who wouldn't want to hear men whimpering?

Baji: especially the high pitched ones

Baji: cause you can associate them with twinks

Baji: with dual coloured hair, jingly earnings and large unsettling eyes

Baji: and maybe even a blonde with an undercut and big blue cow eyes

Kazutora: Baji what are you on about

Chifuyu: wait are you being serious or is this a joke Baji-san 😂😂😂😂

Draken: uhh

Smiley: i keep hoping you being gay is a joke but then you say shit like this

Baji: why

Smiley: i'm not fond of gay people

Baji: homophobia's got you missing out on some good head

Draken: we support and respect all identies, Smiley. don't make this a problem

Smiley: i'll ask again, WHO'S WE?

[risingshards]

Things I am not over from the movie (Venture Bros spoilers)

-That little moment of Doc being able to calculate how long they have in freefall, like he's actually really really smart he just is burdened with [gestures to his entire life prior]. I love any moment where he gets to actually be competent.

-"All you need to know is that the person who gave birth to you loves you. I promise they do." That is maybe the most beautiful line in the entire series I'm SOBBING. Bonus points that its true meaning is super science weirdness overflowing with love. That's the series in a nutshell.

-That potentially the last shot of the series is the Venture Bros' first "Go Team Venture"

-How hilarious it was that Monarch and 21's new outfits had the squeaky plastic/leather sounds, IIRC Jackson and Doc wanted that for something earlier in the show but couldn't get it

-The pee in a jar reference (I cannot believe this got in and I can't believe how sentimental it made me)

-Dermott stealing and hoarding Venture relics, I love that he joined OSI and basically ended up in the same spot

-My theories getting obliterated. I should've shared it beforehand but my big theory going in: In commentary for S3 they kind of go over an early version of Bobbi's history with Rusty and Jonas. My thought was that Bobbi St. Simone was not only the boys' mother with Rusty but also that she was Brock's mom who she had with Jonas, making him both the boys' brother and also Rusty's. It made perfect sense in my head but I'm glad I was wrong in hindsight lol. Force Majeure had a very similar face to Brock though so maybe that's his dad hmm...

-I kept waiting to see what the title meant, and with the cover I was expecting a giant baboon to show up that was somehow dormant under Ventech tower, but the actual title ended up making a lot of sense (and the gushing baboon blood mentioned in press releases ended up being Monarch's...)

-James Urbaniak posted a bit of the script that had me anxious about the movie for a long while, the last audio he recorded for the movie were screams for the electromagnetic scene, and he shared a bit of the script and covered most of it up so it just read like "HATRED screams and opens fire.....HELPER is COMPLETELY DESTROYED." So I kept imagining how it would go, assuming they were going up against some ruthless enemy not trying to destroy a bunch of Alexas in an electromagnetically charged room. I had a nightmare where weirdly enough the scene was happening in space which ended up being where the scene took place which is weird, but in the dream version Hatred like violently died and I was so devastated. I must care about the Venture crew a great deal because I've definitely had nightmares about characters dying before big eps/specials before, before Operation PROM I had a dream about Orpheus getting lit on fire that I still remember and shudder thinking about. Also seeing Helper safe (well their head at least) in the ending was a great anxiety douser cuz from the script I thought Helper got like disintigrated and the movie would have tons of characters dying in some Venture-pocalypse.

-Monarch is Rusty clone 22, making him and 21's friendship more numerically satisfying

-Going by that my assumption is approximately 20 Rusty Ventures bit the dust before our Rusty lasted, just like his boys.

-THAT POST CREDITS SCENE UGHHHHHHHH MY HEARRRRTTTTT

[she-ismysun]

The Rookie 6x06 Live Blog Thread

Obvious spoilers ahead 🫡💫

I can't . for your own good. LMAO Angela !! First off, why is tim just leaving his car unlocked. Second, how long has he been in his car?? I didn't strike tim as a man to leave that many wrappers in the front seat of his car

"If I get fired.. I start living off my husband's trust fund :D" i love you angela

Oh boy. RIP Nolan, getting turned left and right with disaster. Unsolved murder, escaped convict, BAILEY WANTING A KID

I do really enjoy ad breaks for live Television. it gives me a minute to breathe and process and pee LMAO

Really? You're gonna walk away from your job, your relationship with Lucy.. angela's saying what we're all thinking. She's the realest.

*reminder to look for that Tim gif

"This is very annoying" [angela look]

PFFFF "I'm a grown man, I don't have a bff"

why confess to the murder by lie about the method indeed...

anyone else think this mom and daughter look wayy too close in age to be mom and daughter? No shade to teen moms, she just looks so super young and good for a mom

CUNTY? WHY HE COME OUT THE CAR LIKE THAT?? A good ol twirl and all. Slayful

oh yeah. timothy "the reaper" bradford

ok what the hell is the tea. it can't have just been lying on a report says Angela.

"I put my career above my oath" 💔

OAHDLK NOT THE "expecting mommy" book. Bailey, this is the whole reason he didn't continue dating Jessica (well there was more but he didn't want more kids!) "The longer you let me have hope, the more painful it'll be"

welcome back lucy. its been the whole half episode HEUHFDLJAKS WHAT THE FUCK. RAY? GE THT EFUCK AWAY FROM HERE. YOU CANT JUST COME IN

the way my heart just dropped. chat i am NOT ok

"YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHATS GOING ON RIGHT NOW. NOW!!!! STOP TRYING TO PROTECT ME!"

I am DONE being the good girlfriend! You don't have to tell me everything but you HAVE to let me in *cue ad break*

PHEWWW. Nyla and Aaron are always beefing bro. I mean fair! Fair maiming from Nyla but whew.

I'm so used to watching on Hulu and being back to rewind every 5 seconds because i Didn't catch everything. lmao nice moves Nolan with da soap

also i desperately need captions and there are *none* rewatching tomorrow in class <3

oh what the fish. my stream FROZE . AND i got spoilers for Greys 😭

OH HELLO???? IA INVESTIGATION. Timothy?!?! why the HELL are you lying?! to IA!!! and how the hell is this going to come back to bite him in the ass. Tim *knowingly* falsified reports. Lying through his damn teeth. Not something I wa slooking forward to or expecting.

NYLA PRETENDING TO NOT KNOW HOW TO SHOOT A GUN IS SO FUCKING FUNNY.

so IA investigation closes without a hitch. No one gets in trouble. Not Tim. Not Angela. Not Lucy.

OU. THE HUG. THERE WAS SO MUCH HURT IN THAT. QUICK. -

UM SO. i quickly had to abandon this thread beacuse I couldn't even enjoy a chenford comfort hug. because it wasn't that. TIMOTHY BRADFORD. WHAT IS HAPPENING

[completely-normal-about-trolls]

20 Years Ago...

"One minute to showtime!" The stage manager called out. The brothers stretched and did their normal pre-concert routines, trying to limber up and get rid of the nerves that typically came with this type of gig. Chants of "BroZone! BroZone! BroZone!" could easily be heard backstage, sending each of them deeper into their nerves.

John Dory hummed in thought, mulling over their set list for tonight's performance. "Alright, guys. We're gonna open with 'Girl, Baby, Baby,' and end with 'Baby, Baby, Girl.' No, that doesn't sound right." The Leader paused, a better idea coming quickly. "Ooh! I got it! Open with 'Baby, Baby, Girl,' close with 'Baby, Baby, Girl, Woman!' Yes!" He threw his pencil at the sheet music and laughed to him in confidence. "We are going to make boyband history tonight."

Spruce was on the ground, grunting and groaning as he tried to get his abs rock hard and popping for tonight performance. "510. 511. 512," He said to himself.

"Love to see it, brother," John Dory said, making his way over to Spruce. "I'm wanna see a hundred more of those by showtime. Those abs need to poppin', baby!" He smiled, admiring his brother's abs and knowing all the praise they'd get from ladies just from a glimpse of those.

"God, I wanna boil an egg on those abs!" He said as he walked away from The Heartthrob.

"John Dory," Clay said, getting his brother's attention. "Do I really have to keep wearing these things?" He asked, gesturing to the slightly shiny underwear he was wearing.

"Yes, you do, Clay," John Dory said, going over to The Fun Boy. "They're funderdrawers. It's underwear, but 76% more fun!" He reasoned. "Now, let's see those dance moves, brother!"

"Fine," Clay said with a sigh. "Rusty Robot-" He started with a stiff, robotic dance. "Into Wiggle Worm-" He did a little body roll. "End on Caliente Puppet." He did a little walk like he was being moved by some strings. "Yeah!" He struck a funny little pose and stuck out his tounge. At least he was trying to have fun.

"Bro, you look stressed," Floyd said, stopping John Dory from walking away. "Breathe." He took a deep breath as to mimic what to do, smiling as he felt his nerves wash away.

"Well, of course I'm stressed, Floyd," he said mockingly. "It's the first show of the tour! We have to hit the perfect family harmony! We promised the fans!" He said with a little whine, gesturing to the stage.

"Ok, calm down. You're making Bitty B nervous," The Sensitive One said, gesturing to the littlest member of their group.

"What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She can't be nervous!" He said. "She has to be perfect! Ugh, I knew we shouldn't have let a girl into a boyband!"

"John, stop that," Floyd said. "It's her first show. Be patient." He walked away from and went to their baby sister's side. She was peeking out of the vine curtains, looking out nervously on the crowd.

"Hey, Bramble," Floyd said. "How you feeling?"

The girl turned around, messing with her pink onesie. "I feel like I'm gonna barf, pass out, and-"

"Pee your pants all at once?" Floyd guessed with a smile.

Bramble stared up in shock. "How'd you know?" She asked in a sweet little voice.

"Ah, you got the pre show jitters," Floyd said simply. "Completely normal. Everyone gets them." He smiled at his little sister. "You wanna know what I do when I get them?"

Bramble paused and began to think. "Barf, pass out, and pee your pants?"

Floyd let out a little chuckle. "I remember that I'm with my brothers, and that when we come together, there is nothing we can't do."

"But no one's ever hit the perfect family harmony before," Bramble said. "Is it true it can shatter diamonds?" She asked with a starstruck look.

"Yeah," Floyd said, smiling at her. "It's that powerful."

"Alright, boys. And Bramble," John said, cutting through their little conversation. "Just remember, no matter what you do, follow my lead." He pulled Bramble forward and quickly tied her hair into a ponytail, with a pink sparkly bow that was as big as her head.

"Or maybe," Floyd countered. "Let's just go out there and have fun together."

"It's just... So much pressure!" Clay said nervously, gulping as he gripped the vine curtain.

Bramble whined and pushed away from John, trying to take the bow out. "I don't wanna wear it!"

"Too bad! You're a girl and it makes you look cute!" John said firmly, forcing the ponytail and bow tighter. "Now keep the damn bow in." He rolled his eyes and shook his head, mumbling something about how much trouble girls caused.

"Ten seconds!" The stage manager called out.

"A-And what happens if we can't hit the harmony?" Spruce asked as he oiled up his abs.

"Oh, that's not an option," John Dory said, turning back to the group. "If we can't hit the perfect family harmony, we aren't perfect. And if we aren't perfect, we're nothing! Just follow my lead, and the harmony will happen," he insisted. "Let's bro!" John, Spruce, and Clay went on stage, leaving a whimpering Bramble and an upset Floyd behind.

"I don't wanna wear it..." Bramble whined. "I don't wanna be a girl. I wish I was a boy like you, Floyd..."

"I know. But it'll be ok." Floyd gave her a sad smile and loosened both the bow and ponytail. "I'll talk to John Dory before the next show. Just wear it for now. Just to make him happy." He put her glasses on and led her out as the bros were being introduced.

"Ladies and gentlemen, here they are!" The announcer called out. "The Heartthrob!"

Spruce swung out on stage and gave his signature smolder to the crowd, smiling as they cheered.

"The Fun Boy!"

Clay bounced on some mushrooms around the stage, jumping and flipping until he landed on stage and stuck a pose.

"The Sensitive One!"

Floyd flipped his hair and struck a pose as well, smiling at the crowd.

"The Leader!"

John's entrance, while dramatic, was simple. He rose to the stage and threw out his arms, taking up as much space as possible.

"And... The Baby!"

A spotlight shone down Bramble. She giggled and stuck out her tounge, holding up a peace sign to the crowd.

"Give it up for BroZone!"

The group came together at centre stage, all striking a pose as the music began to play.

"Oh there she goes!" They sang in unison.

"On the floor, let's do this. No more talking!" Spruce broke out of the formation and smiled. He opened his vest, watching as women (and some men) around the stage fainted at the sight of his abs.

"Did anybody notice?" It was Floyd's turn to break, heading to the front and turning up the charm.

"The energy just shifted when we dropped in." He gave a little smile, slowly walking back. "Ooh, let it drop in."

"Ooh, I don't flex but I might," Clay sang, busting out his best moves. "Groove about to take flight." Clay jumped out of the way, letting John take center stage.

"'Cause the night is young and the music's on, and we got love on sight." John smiled and moved out of the way, letting Bramble take the spotlight now.

Bramble gave a wide, toothy grin, looking out on the crowd as she sang and danced. "The sky was the limit! Now the stars where we're livin'! It's the vibe when we're in it! It'll blow your MIND!" She giggled and squealed as she heard people shouting "BITTY B!" She could barely believe it! She was finally singing and dancing with her brothers! As they went into the chorus, she noticed a glow surround her. Then it went around John, then her other three brothers. Oh my hair, was this the Perfect Family Harmony?!

"Ok. great!" John whispered. "It's working! Yes!" He rushed forward, heading to the front of the stage and gesturing for the bros to follow him. "C'mon, guys!"

Floyd gave a nervous look to the others, slowly following John.

"What's he doing?!" Clay asked in a whisper. "This isn't my choreo!" He followed John anyway, and so did Spruce.

Bramble watched them sadly. She didn't know what was going on. Floyd motioned for her to come forward, and she followed like a little puppy. She watched her brothers stack on top of each other one by one, and she was passed up to the top, standing on Clay's hand as she held the harmony with her brothers.

However, Bramble's tiny lungs couldn't hold the note for long, and her little legs quickly got tired. Her voice strained and her legs wobbled. The tower started to sway. She slipped off Clay's hand and the dirty socked feet of her onesie fell into Clay's open mouth. He stopped singing and spat, trying to get the taste off his tongue as he dropped Bramble. The tower quickly fell, and Floyd fell off the stage entirely, grabbing onto a nearby vine to try and regain his balance. John got up and was about to tear Spruce and Clay a new one, but he was knocked into a mushroom by Floyd swinging by on the vine. Through one tiny disaster after another, John Dory, Spruce, Clay, and Floyd had all been tied up in the lighting system by the vines.

Bramble watched, tears beginning to form. She stared out at the crowd, who was just as shocked as her.

A stage hand ran out, trying to damage control. "Ladies and gentlemen, please stand by!" She called out. "Uh, we're experiencing, uh, some stuff."

"Hey," John called out. "At least we didn't fall!" The vines snapped, and the four brothers face planted into the stage. ".....we fell."

Bramble just watched, tears starting to fall. Was this her fault? Maybe John Dory was right. Maybe they shouldn't have let a girl into the band...

Floyd stood up and dusted himself off, rushing over as soon as he saw her. "Hey, hey, it's ok, Bram," he said softly. "Let's just go home. We'll work everything out there."

▪︎□▪︎□▪︎□▪︎□▪︎

"See what happens when you don't follow my lead?!" John said as the brothers stormed into the pod. "Ugh, i knew we shouldn't have let Bramble join!"

"Dude, this is exactly what happens when we follow your lead!" Spruce said, following him deeper into the pod. "And stop picking on Bitty B! It wasn't her fault!"

"Oh, so it's my fault?" John asked sarcastically. "Is that what you're saying?" He sighed heavily. "I know we can reach the perfect family harmony!"

"What if we don't want to?" Spruce asked with a glare.

"Yeah, dude!" Clay cut in. "This used to be fun. Now it's all about bein' perfect," he said mockingly.

"You know what?" Spruce said, quickly coming to a revelation. "I'm done playing the heartthrob. My exquisitely chiseled rock hard abs and i quit." He ripped off the purple vest he was wearing, tearing it in half.

"I quit, too," Clay said. "And you can keep these." He pulled out his funderdrawers and threw them in John's face. "i'm more than just the fun one. I'm in a sad book club. Did you know that? A sad book club!" He said, trying to defend himself. "I'm going to find trolls who take me seriously."

John pulled the underwear off his face, slowly getting enraged. "Fine! I don't need this!" He started backing away from them. "I'm out. I'm done. I'm sorry." He grabbed a camping backpack and a grappling hook. "I'm gonna go hike the Neverglade Trail by myself, bro-lone." He shot the hook outside the window, listening to it hit and latch onto a branch. "Yeah, that's right. Bro-bro going solo. Yolo." He turned away from them and hopped out the window, calling out to them one last time. "Goodbye forever! Later, losers!"

Spruce and Clay watched with unimpressed look, deciding to go out the door like normal trolls. "Fine, I'm out of here," Clay said.

"Same here," Spruce said, leaving without another word.

"Guys, please," Floyd said, trying to make them stop. "C'mon..." He sighed, watching as they ignored him and went further from the pod.

"It's my fault," Bramble said, tears still running down her cheeks. "I ruined everything."

"No, no, Bramble," Floyd said, kneeling down in front of her. "This is not your fault." He sighed, trying to think of an explanation to satisfy his little sister. "We're not in sync. We've gone from boys to men, and now there's only one direction for us to go: the backstreets."

"But not you, Floyd," Bramble said. "You're not leaving, too."

"Not forever," he said. "I'll be back. I promise. But right now, I... I have to follow my heart. It's telling me that it's time to start a solo career."

"But what am I gonna do?" She asked, feeling the tears coming back. She was losing all her brothers left and right, and it was like they didn't even care.

"Bramble, you are gonna do the most important thing of all," Floyd said, looking around the pod. "You're gonna...take care of Grandma!" He smiled and gestured to Grandma Rosiepuff, shuffling a deck of cards at the table.

"C'mon, Bramble," she said in a sweet voice. "Let's play some rummy. But I won't let you win." She suddenly became serious. "Because I play for the money."

Bramble looked back at Floyd, looking a little scared.

"You might have to let her win. Occasionally," he said with a wink. "When you miss me, you can wear this." He took off his leafy vest and wrapped it around her. "It'll be like I'm right here with you."

"And when you come back we'll make our hideout," Bramble insisted, showing him a little drawing. It was the childish schematics of an underground bunker, with one room for each of them, and a drawing of all of them on a water slide in the bunker.

Floyd looked it over with a smile. "Definitely. Is that a ten story water slide?"

"Yeah, that's how we shower!" She giggled excitedly and bounced in place.

"Well, then we better keep this in a safe place." He folded it back up and put it in a pocket inside the vest. He reached out, giving her one last hug. When they pulled away, he smiled at her. "See you soon, Baby Bramble..." He really didn't want to leave. But there was no way in hell Grandma would let him take her. He got up and headed to the door, grabbing his guitar and looking back one last time.

Bramble looked so adorable, standing in the oversized vest, with the ribbon of her bow now undone and hanging loosely around her neck. She gave him a toothy grin and waved goodbye as he left. "Bye... See you later..." She called out.

"I know it's hard, Bramble," Grandma said. She got up and picked her up, holding her close. "But the boys fight like this all the time. They'll be back before the end of the month and you'll be back to your singing and dancing in no time."

"Promise?" Bramble asked sweetly.

"Promise," Rosiepuff said. "And that's a Grandma Promise, so you know it's good and true. How about I teach you how to play rummy?"

"Ok!"

[jollyreginaldrancher]

Yellowjackets S2 e7 thoughts and stuff

Things are reaching a new low

It looks like they're snowed in.

I guess they're all gonna be pooping in the pee bucket now.

Shauna's still holding onto her child 😭

Is Shauna abrasive because of everything that happened or because she's worried they'll try to eat the baby?

The snow took Jackie from her and now she has to put her baby in the snow to protect it and I am not okay.

The credits are different this time. I never watch them but from the bits I've caught, they are definitely different this time.

The audio is different, lacking its usual gritty guitar riffs in the beginning, and layering the vocals over the vocals. Things are ramping up and we are really reaching the point of no return.

VAN BROUGHT THE TITTY PEN WITH HER. SHE KEPT THR TITTY PEN ON HER PERSONS THIS WHOLE TIME!

Tai you did not side-eye Van when Nat accused you all of needing help. You're the one eating puppies, my friend.

Though Van is shut tighter than a clam shell or a nun's legs, Taissa isn't Miss open book either.

Teen Van is really looking for the meaning of life. Ma'am you have a hot girlfriend during the cold winter. Keeping her warm is your purpose.

"I need to know why I'm still alive"

Because we love you, that's why. Next question.

Van for sure picked forage because Misty picked it. The pettiness 😅

Fuck Lottie specifically for the chore Shauna got

Ben is blurring the lines between the real world and his maladaptive daydreaming dimension

Bro's own fantasy bf dumped him.

He's gonna kill himself, isn't he?

Oh, Lottie is just straight up trying to torture the gals. She tried to put Misty in a full-on deathtrap. Run, Misty, run!

Maybe Gen is the pit-girl. Also thanks to Akilah for finally letting us know what at least one of the other girls is called.

Nah fuck Mari, I hope she IS the pit girl or that she dies because how dare you call my unhinged daughter psychotic? And how dare you insinuate my accidental murderer of a child is a killer?

Yas, Akilah! Thank you for side-eyeing Mari for me. Fuck you Mari.

Oh they're fully culting now.

I love how they're rationalising maybe eating the dead girl. Misty's not happy about it but I'm cracking up. Imagine you get cast in this and the one fucking time you get any screentime it's as a goon, rationalising potentially eating a corpse.

I'm genuinely surprised we haven't jumped back to the present. I can't remember the last time we stayed in one setting for this long.

Tai: I think my shadow-self is gone 🥹

Lottie: it better not be. That thing had gps.

Tai was graffiting.

Still not over Tai walking around in Van's clothes all season.

Tai: the other me is threatening my family

Lottie: that's your inner you telling you to run away with Van

Everyone keeps dumping on Misty for what though? They're just as bad 😭 let she among you who has not accidentally killed a friend or lover cast the first stone.

Anyway back to the 'fuck off Mari' days

Say what you want but Misty is a good friend who won't let her friends get eaten.

And now Shauna's mourning Jackie again but she's really gone and Shauna has to get through this in her own 😭😭

Fuck Todd and fuck Lottie for making Shauna think she had to kill the goat/the goat was gonna die.

I just want to hug Shauna 😭😭😭

Now it's Misty's turn to get tortured 🥺

Misty's guard is so persistent she even wears her glasses in a sensory deprivation tank.

I'm gonna pretend not to see the Morse code love notes and other indicators of Misty vibing with that guy and persevere with my MistyNat headcanon.

I still don't like or trust that guy hitting on Misty.

Did Ben bury Crystal? Or is Misty looking in the wrong place? Or was Crystal eaten by wolves?

I still think he's gonna kill himself or something.

He really looked Misty in the face and asked her to push him. He really did that. What a fucking asshole. Like not bad enough he wants to kill himself, he wants to do it in front of Misty and even wants her to kill him herself?!

What a fucking asshole.

Poor Misty

She doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve any of that. She's just a dumb kid trying to save everybody.

Oh fuck

Oh no

Oh fuck

No no no

No

No

Van can't have cancer

She can't have months to live

This isn't happening

LOTTIE DO YOUR FUCKING WILDRENESS MAGIC AND MAKE IT NOT SO

Tai took her ring off she was accepting shit and then Van announced this. No. No, i don't accept this reality.

I can't even get excited about them kissing and stuff anymore 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I can't even be happy that I was right about Van being sick because I didn't want her to be sick. Or at least I didn't want her to be this sick 😩

Lottie's therapy sessions are 100% in her head. I am positive.

I fucking knew it.

Van sharing her booze with Misty 🥹

They talk so badly about her that I find it genuinely surprising that they actually treat her like a human being, and even extend the odd olive branch her way.

I definitely notice a shift within Nat. The clothes, the attitude. She seems way more chill now.

What's interesting is that Lottie seems to have shifted too. Like almost like they swapped clothes and personalities in a way. Not completely but they definitely had an effect on each other.

Just like the last two days or so seem to have completely changed Taissa and probably Van too. I really hope we see more of Van pre-Tai in the present day just as a baseline.

But yeah as sweet as this reunion is I am stressed as fuck because you just know bad shit is gonna happen and this won't last. Like with Shauna's happy dream about the baby, you just know they're going to wake up to death in the morning.

But Florence and the machine is playing (I think) and the gals are pals and having fun and we're seeing them interact in different groups for once and it's so heartwarming and sweet and I love them so much 🥹

I desperately wanna know what Misty was gonna say about that summer

Tai is going through those stages of grief. She's at denial. Van is at anger and she does NOT want to talk about it 😭

Van and Shauna dancing 🥰 you usually just see Shauna interact with Taissa but it makes sense that she would have been close to Van too. I mean next to Tai, she was the only other girl she called out to in her dream, when the baby was missing.

Poor Misty, dancing on her own though 🥺

I feel so bad for Misty. Like even when she's included she's not included in shit. That feels so rough.

Did Shauna just deck her? What the fuck? She blames Misty for the baby? And she bit Van? Great, now Van's gonna have an infection to content with cause. I doubt they have toothpaste.

Lottie really just volunteered to be her punching bag 😮

These girls were really meant to die, huh?

Like this is some final destination shit. No one will be standing by the end of it.

Holly fuck

And they're calling Misty a murderer and stuff but look at Shauna go.

Geez

Is Lottie a ghost right now? Cause Shauna fucked her up and I wouldn't be surprised if she fucking died just then.

Honestly surprised she had that much energy. I don't have that much energy on a good day, let alone after months of starvation.

Also when they get back they ought to build a shrine to Misty for keeping their asses alive through all of this. Ben, Shauna and Lottie especially. Van too though. Actually Van shouldn't pray to any god since she is clearly stronger than all of them combined.

And they found that body and now the shoes are starting to drop. Surely they won't go anywhere with this. It's not like they'll mess up the status quo, right? Right?

[redmeansdead]

[Opens up to a photo of a boy and ten girls who are his sisters around him; all except one of them are smiling.] Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Ever wonder what it's like to grow up in a big family? Well, don't let the picture fool you! It's not all sugar and spice. Don't believe me?" [He opens the door to reveal plenty of chaos going on caused by his sisters; such as a baby playing with pots and pans, one sister reading a poem, one sister dressed up like a mummy in some white cloth substance chasing another sister wearing a pretty dress who is screaming in terror, one sister playing Football in the house, one sister angrily chasing another grinning sister through the halls, and one sister playing on a guitar.] "Welcome to...the Loud House." [Depending on which version of the pilot you see, the title may or may not show up. Lincoln closes the door and stretches a little.] "Surviving in a big family can be challenging, even the little things, like getting a turn in the bathroom. Which is why I give you..." [as he speaks, a caption with the following words shows up] "Lincoln Loud's Three P's to go Poo and Pee. You're gonna need Patience, Perseverance, and most importantly, Problem Solving. With these three steps, you'll get into the bathroom every time." [starts straining] "Which is important. Especially if you wait until the very last second to go!" [busts out comic book] "Into the breach!" [Heads out the door]

Lincoln: "Luna? A little traveling music?" Luna: "You got it, bro. One, two, three!" [starts jamming on her guitar and fulfills her brother's request.] [Lincoln begins his journey down the hallway to the bathroom.] Lucy: "Hey, Lincoln, you wanna hear my poem?" Lincoln: "I do, but I have a pressing engagement." [His funny sister Luan stops him in his tracks.] Luan: ""Lincoln! Smell my new flower!" [squirts water from flower, but Lincoln ducks just in the nick of time.] Lincoln: "Ha! Did you really think I'd fall for-" Luan: [suddenly squirts water from a flower on her left shoe into Lincoln's mouth.] "It's not easy being this good." [laughs] Lynn: "Clear the track!" [Lincoln does a spit take and gets out of the way for Lynn.] Lynn: "Comin' through!" [plays a bizarre sport involving wearing a football helmet, riding a motorbike, and hitting a tennis ball with a hockey stick; crashes into wall.] "SCORE!!!" [Lincoln tries to continue but is stopped by his little sister Lola.] Lola: "Hold it, Lincoln. Play 'Fashion Photographer' with me!" Lincoln: "I would Lola, but I really have to-" Lola: "YOU PLAY, OR I'LL TELL MOM YOU WERE READING COMICS ON THE ROOF IN YOUR UNDERWEAR AGAIN!" Lincoln: [makes an embarrassed side glance to the viewers and then starts taking photos of Lola as she poses for the camera.] "Work the camera! Uh-huh! That's it! Show me what you got!" Lily: [walking in the background] "Poo-poo!" Lincoln: "Who's a beauty queen?" [enter Lola's twin Lana carrying a pile of mud in her hands.] Lana: "Lincoln!" Lola: "Hey! I'm working here!" Lana: "Check out my mud pie! It's nice and squishy!" [squishes it and smears it all over Lola's face.] Lincoln: [with too much pressure] "Gotta go!" [continues] Lucy: [out of nowhere] "Now?" Lincoln: "Still pressing!" [leaps over his little sister Lisa who is writing a mathematical formula on the wall.] "Don't forget to carry the 1!"[she glances at him] Leni: [trying to use the vacuum cleaner] "Does anyone know how to turn on this sucky thingy?" [turns it on but also vacuums up Lincoln's shirt and pants leaving him in just his underwear now.] "Got it!" [Lincoln is almost in the bathroom, but his oldest sister Lori cuts in front of him and refuses to let him in.] Lori: "Beat it, twerp." Lincoln: [hopping around] "Come on, Lori! No fair! I was here first!" Lori: "Well, I was born first!" [shuts herself in the bathroom.] [As Lincoln has to endure the pressure even longer, Lucy walks over.] Lucy: "It looks like you have time now." [commences poem] "My love is like water. Bursting forth. Like a dam breaking. All control lost. Water rushing, churning, turning landscape to mud. Time runs out. Water. I feel the impending doom. My love" [While she recites her poem, every word from it causes Lincoln to feel even more pressure and have to go even worse than before; suddenly, Lily walks by with a full diaper and the stink nauseates Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Ugh! Could clear a room!" [gets an idea] "Could clear a room! Time to put the third P: Problem Solving into action."

[In the bathroom, Lori is applying lipstick until she hears Lincoln opening the door.] Lori: [irked] "I said I was-" [suddenly sees something horrifying and gasps.] "What are you doing with that?" [The door closes and whatever is occurring cannot be seen, but it only causes Lori to panic.] Lori: [terrified] "Lincoln, I'm warning you! Keep that thing away from me! Lincoln! LINCOLN!" [opens the door and runs out in horror.] "AAAAHHHH!!!" [Lincoln comes out wearing the vacuum's nozzle like a gas mask and Lynn's football helmet for protection; his other sisters look on in bewilderment and Lincoln reveals that he held Lily's dirty diaper by Lynn's hockey stick as a way to chase Lori out of the bathroom.] Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lola, Lana, and Lisa: [elated] "YAY!!!" Lucy: [nonchalantly] "Yay..." [A giggling Lily scurries across the hall now naked; Lincoln then tosses his literal baby sister's soiled padding into the trash.] Lincoln: [wrapping up] "Like I said, surviving in a big family can be challenging. But it's not impossible. Now, if you'll excuse me...pressing engagement!" [closes door to finally use the toilet.] "AWW, YEAH! WOO, SWEET RELIEF! WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!! [notices something] "Hey! We're out of toilet paper! Guys! There's no toilet paper! Someone! Can someone bring me a new roll?!" [Unfortunately for him, his sisters are causing too much of a ruckus in the hall to hear his pleas.] Lincoln: "CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?! ANYONE! PLEASE!!! HELP!!!" [The title card for the show and its creator, either the original design or the final version for it, pops up for the Loud House.]

this is retribution sent down to me for the crime of sending my brother as much of the bee movie script as would fit into a tumblr ask and making his blog glitchy as fuck for about a month after he answered the ask

[nathank77]

4/3/24

8:48 p.m Updated/Edited/Slightly Added to 9:16 p.m

I took the 1MG and passed out rapidly. I slept for about 5 hours. I needed to pee and I couldn't fall back to sleep bc of it so I took a Benadryl... and slept until 4:45 p.m.

So my doctor sent me the paperwork to get my hsv2 test. I scheduled it for Friday.

My endo called me today when I was sleeping and he wants me to try the Atorvastatin again and stop if I get muscles spasms again. He said my thyroid ultrasound went well. Yet there are two nodules so I'm confused. Are they talking about my 3 year inflamed lymph node they always scan and the original nodule on my thyroid?

Also they said nothing about my eye exam... Maybe that means call the eye doctor cause he already did it? I'm going to call the eye doctor tomorrow.

Anyways I woke up at 4:30 p.m. My new Ray-Bans will be here tomorrow, as well as all my boxers/socks and my new shoes. The nerdy rimless are still in, "the works." EVGA received my package and idk if they shipped another.... the RMA is, "complete." But I don't see tracking and never got another product. I'm going to call them tomorrow.

I decided I needed to go grocery shopping as the weather today sucked but will be the same tomorrow. I had therapy at 7 p.m. There is a huge puddle around my car and my engine has been ticking, so I had to put oil in it. Idk if it resolved it bc of the hail and shitty weather. I used the whole bottle and didn't see anything on the dipstick... I'm sure there is enough. I know I haven't done an oil change or filled it in a while and my car has 7 oil leaks. It usually needs oil once every 2 months or so. I will find out if it fixed the ticking on Friday when it isn't a fucking monsoon and I can hear my car.

The puddle was so bad that it was taller than my shoes plastic bottom. Water sunk into my sneakers and soaked my socks all the way up to the top of my feet. So I had to go to Walmart and stop and shop like that.

I only grabbed the necessities. I need a decent amount of stuff still but I'll be good until Friday. I'll go to Quest, then grocery shopping and then cvs for my Xanax.

I got home changed my socks and shoes and attended therapy. Mike was saying my report isn't formated correctly.. I'm going to read the thing he sent me but I have put a lot of work into it. He was like you don't need a notary, ummm yes you do I called and talked directly to the office and I need to have a notary so the people I listed can release information.... I'll read what he sent me but I'm pretty sure I did everything right. He said I need bullet points and headlines... I don't think that's true...

Either way it was a generally ineffective therapy session. Not the worst one. I'm not mad but he said you got to make sure you do it right otherwise they won't even read it.....I'm pretty sure I am doing it right.

Beyond that he said something concerning, once I report her it will be available publicly... Idk how true that is but if it is, I mean I still need to do it for my internal peace and suffering... I'm concerned about that.... but I can't let her live her beautiful life and potentially endanger another client... she truly is negligent...

He also said benzodiazepines are going to get phased out in 10 years like quludes... like bro please stop giving me anxiety. They are the only reason I fucking sleep.

I feel like the first 35 minutes was the Mike show. I can't wait to leave. I'm going to give him maybe a month, I need him to read the report so he knows what I said. I'll still read the website he sent me but I'm 90% sure I did everything right.............

Anyways now that I've had a little time to go over my test results I took pictures of everything concerning. I'm the most concerned about my Alkaline phosphate jumping so high within like 15 days... I'm concerned about a few other things but I got to do my research. It's funny cause I'm on less Methimazole than I was before. So in theory it's likely not the Methimazole or maybe I'm going into remission and I need to stop it idk....

[iiryebreadii]

OKAY. OKAY. finished totk. more thoughts. Everything is under a cut because 1) spoilers for the end of the game and 2) it got LONG many thoughts head full

I got all the shrines before going to fight ganondorf, and I'm sad to say they did the botw thing and made it so you can only fully upgrade either stamina OR hearts, not both. Finding the shrines was actually made much easier with the lightroots in the depths! I went around and filled out the full map underground and that let me know which shrines I had missed on the surface, and then for the sky islands I used the hero's path to see which ones I hadn't visited yet and then sifted through those until I found them all

Speaking of, THE REWARD FOR GETTING ALL THE SHRINES?? HELLO?? I can't wait to see what people say about that bit of lore cause idk WHAT is going on there. furry link real

going into the depths of the castle to find ganondorf was so nerve wracking lmao, the music did an excellent job of putting me on edge. and the little note about how the sages' powers can't reach you?? excellent, very ominous

Going back to the very beginning of the game, the corridor where you walk with zelda, but this time without her and with it covered in gloom... ough. My experience with the beginning of the game there was basically me just happy screaming about getting to walk around and talk to zelda, and that juxtaposed with the ending, where I'm getting ready to fight the demon king with ramping anxiety, OUGH very cool

my BROS came to HELP i love them. also I keep forgetting that mineru is a sage even though I use her for piggyback rides all the time

REHYDRATED GANONDORF REAL. like I know we saw him in the trailers and memories and stuff but I wasn't sure if we'd get to fight him at full strength you know? I thought they might pull a fast one on us and make the final fight against pee-paw ganon, which would have been kinda lame tbh

Ganondorf does perfect dodges too!! He gets the slow-mo!! thankfully he cannot flurry rush lol. I spent the entire first phase against him with both of use just circling each other and trading occasional blows, felt very cool

the transformation into the demon king was super cool but my favorite part might have been how the health bar just. kept going. nearly off the screen. that was equal parts awesome and hilarious

I saved a bunch of super strong weapons to fight him and what do I end up doing?? Only using the master sword. my WIFE made that sword for me I am damn well gonna use it to kill him. it just never occurred to me to try to use anything else lol. Except arrows with gibdo bones fused on, cause those things do CRAZY damage

MY MAN ATE HIS STONE. OKAY. OKAY. also I LOVE how much he looked like the calamity during his transformation, with the glow-y yellow eyes and misty body. I wonder if he has any memory of being calamity ganon? Maybe the calamity was just excess rage and malice instead of something with more intent. It was obviously intelligent, but how intelligent?

DRAGON FIGHT DRAGON FIGHT DRAGON FIGHT

MY WIFE CAME TO SAVE ME!! I LOVE HER!!! That whole part of the fight was super cinematic and fun, I got legitimately emotional when she dove in to the rescue. All that time I spent sitting on her head and flying around hyrule, who knew I was actually training for the final fight

ZELDAAAA I'm so glad I could undragon you girl I missed youuuu I missed you <3 rauru and sonia are vibing in the afterlife now, which now makes the fact that rauru passed on asap after helping link make sense, he was probably missing his wife :(

pretty wack that they gave link his normal arm back :/ I guess you could argue it got ungoopified by the shrines + the thing with Sonia and Rauru purifying dragon-zelda but it feels weird to me

I guess a counter point to that, without it we wouldn't get to parallel to the beginning with the reaching out to catch zelda. speaking of. REACHING OUT TO CATCH HER. AUGH IM NOT OK. IM NOT OK!!! literally so emotional. I thought reaching her was gonna be a cutscene but nope!! You have to dive to get to her!! makes me wonder what happens if you don't catch her.......but I would never dare experiment. that's my girl.

i am. so glad. she doesn't remember being a dragon for a billion years. hoooo that would be traumatic. I mean ya girl has trauma in spades but at least she doesn't have to deal with the memory of that part. and she was so happy that she got to see hyrule's founding!! She had her own whole adventure :) and at least a good portion of it was pleasant and filled with new friends!! good for her, good for her

post credits scene was pretty neat!! Felt nice to give mineru a little send off, not for me but for zelda. according to the stone monument things, they were pretty close and they hung out in mineru's lab a lot, so it's nice she got to have a proper goodbye to at least one of her friends from the past. And then everyone pledging to work with her to protect hyrule at the end :')

All in all I have had a STUPENDOUS time with this game, it was a fantastic sequel to a fantastic game. I'm probably gonna still play and find the rest of the sage's wills and play with the building mechanic some more, but I'll leave that for a bit later once I've had a chance to really absorb the ending!! I've got an idea for a totk PMV that I'm working on, so that might make an appearance on this blog once it's done 👀 I'm sure I'll have more thoughts later, but I think this will be my last post in this sort of style with the bullet points and such

also goodness gracious nintendo do NOT make another direct sequel these kids have gone through SO much. let zelda and link go take a nap they've earned it

[acaiasahi]

nahh bc i just read your rant on my ask but i feel you bro, there's this girl in my class who acts EXACTLY like your co-worker and i rlly just want to rip off her hair 🤯😭

btw, the peace after finishing a semester is so satisfying srsly, i can finally sleep early now LMAO 😭 usually i sleep around 12:30AM-1AM during exam season and wake up st like 5AM to continue studying which ikik, it's effed up but what else can i do lol 😭😭

anyways, i have more tea to spill (bc i have no one else to spill the tea to) so tell me if you're up for it aaaand how have you been?? <33

- 🌱

i actually requested my boss to not put me on the schedule for awhile bc of crazy shit happening in my life but she fr won't stop bothering me :/ ik she has nice intentions but ever since she broke up w her partner, she's been seeking validation in me and it's getting tiring 😭 she also has covid bc she stopped wearing her mask like a bimbo 🤨

do get some rest tho, ik it's easier said than done but maybe drink some non-caf tea to wind down, maybe even use melatonin gummies to get back on track with ur sleeping sched? i literally understand having a shitty sleep sched, i fr be goin to bed at like 6 am knowing damn well i gotta wake up soon for work in a couple hours 😭😭😭

i'm literally always up for ur tea, it's not even a question anymore 😭😭😭 for me tho, a lot has happened n it's been good and bad :/

cw: stalking (?), car accident.

so on a really good note, i'm getting close to my other coworkers at my retail job and they're so sweet and not pushy at all, they're polite and always are open-minded AND respect my pronouns <3333 but on a more sadder/disturbing note, while i was working, this sus ass customer came in and tried to keep talking to me while i was literally trying to do my job and when i was finally fed up, i told my coworkers i was going to the back and as soon as i got there, i went to the bathroom bc tmi i needed to pee, anyway, i locked the door n all the junk and i find out that the creepy customer followed me into the break room and tried to get in the bathroom i was in :/

during that same week, i got into a car accident bc this asshole wouldn't slow down and both my sisters were in the car so i swerved out the way to keep them safe or he would've hit my little sister who was in the back seat :( we're hoping to catch the guy bc 1) he lives in the same apartment complex as me, 2) it wasn't my fault in the first place LOL but i'm js grateful no one got hurt. &lt;3

other than that, i've been trying my best to keep positive and seeing piwon and talking to y'all has been helping w it &lt;3

[la-ermitana]

I wanna show you something. 

[chenyann]

Sleeping With The First Years<3

Ace trappola,Deuce spade,Jack howl,Epel felmier and Sebek zigvolt

hello everyone ^^ so I'm trying something new and I swear I'm working on the epel fic;; but enjoy this while yall wait~yako♡ Tw:sebek slander fluff/crack

Ace

Happy- that's it he is just super happy!

plops on the bed and lays down on the side he knows you sleep on, oh you sleep on the right side of the bed?

TOO BAD THAT'S ACES SIDE NOW

A cuddler

Like he will latch on you like it's the end of the world.

hope you don't need pee y/n 

he looks like he has been knocked 

OMG Is he breathing?!

yes

you don't need to call the police he's fine that's just how he sleeps

If you do somehow wake him up he will let you do what you need too

won't stop complaining that you're taking too long😒

holds your hand when you come back and cuddles you when you’re sleeping💜

WILL TAKE IT TO HIS GRAVE THAT HE DIDN'T ENJOY IT

SAYS THAT YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WANTED TO CUDDLE

"I would never cuddle you gross you probably got cooties"

"I don't"

"and plus you seemed cold so I just wrapped my Arms around you"

"It was hot last night?"

he got quite real quick

that was the conversation yall had the next morning

Deuce

call the ambulance/or room service 

going through the 5 stages of grief in 10 seconds 

the only woman he slept with was his mom when he was a kid

you're just knocked out since being ramshackle prefect is hard 

hesitantly. VERY hesitantly climbs in bed with you

doesn't want to wake you up for the life of him 

You know that careful SpongeBob meme that's him.

poor boy is so stiff 🤧

would try to get out of bed to sleep on the floor.

woke you up in the process 

apologizes, maybe even start getting upset

Comfort him y/nnie right now

you would tell him to go to sleep or at least try to sleep while you're in the bathroom

you're just playing on your phone waiting for him to sleep

"Carter deuce won't sleep how do you make him sleep"

"idk lol"

"ok"

he's asleep when you come back

you are a cuddler now I don't make the rules

very light sleeper

he will feel you cuddling him but will try to go back to sleep.

when he wakes up he thinks you look pretty 

wakes you up gently 

100% tells his mom about it

Jack

he doesn't mind

his tail is swaying pretty fast tho??🤨🤨

asks you if you want him to sleep on the floor

tail speeds up when you say no

you sit on the bed to watch TV and he comes out of the bathroom with silk pajamas?

your sleepy so you're sleeping first 

turns off the TV for you 

he's the type to read before bed ill die on this hill

he's reading his book when you just rested your head on his man boobs chest.

On the outside he's like (・・ ) ?

but it's a lie he is throwing a party in his head

Puts his book down and turns off the side lamp

puts his arms around you💜💜💜

it's like a free heater

his tail rests on your side as he cuddles you

You're smug cause your a lil faker you ain't really asleep huh

You rn:<(￣︶￣)>

you thought you ate huh? Well you did. Left no crumbs🥲

would wake up before you and when you ask if he cuddled you he would be like 

"uhhh no????"

but he did enjoy that little moment when you used his chest as a pillow.

Source:trust me bro

Epel

Kicking crying screaming/j

he would be a bit upset since he would hope he would be a bit more buff so if you cuddle together you can feel safe💙

eyebrows immediately go straight down. But stops because he knows vil or Rook is about to lecture how he would get wrinkles 

wears silk pajamas but hates it (vil made him wear it)

but if you like them he loves them

orders pizza and watches TV with you *it's a horror movie*

yall went to sleep at like 2am cause yall were scared lol

tries to say something romantic but fails terribly 

Naw it probably was like 

"epel I'm scared to sleep with if I lose my toes😭"

"Its okay mah wittle cotton swab I'll protect ya"

"Room service " 

"AHHHHHHH!!!!"

He screamed like a dying bird, the poor room service was so upset you had to reassure the woman that you watched a horror movie and that she did nothing wrong.

he latched to you like a leech when he fell asleep

his hands are so cold like??? Did you just come back from Antarctica? Why tf are you so cold

you tried to wiggle out his grasp but it was hard cause he was strong in his sleep.

you eventually fell asleep and cuddled him back

He wasn't even asleep he was faking it like you did with Jack

texts Jack about it 

tries to act tough in the morning 

failed again lol

"Huh why am I so cold?"

……

"WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN PREFECT!?"

…..

"You felt safe?...lol as you should"

!? 

"Wait no I'm sorry y/n"

Sebek

why? Why would you do this to yourself?

You know what's gonna happen,Yet you still gonna do it?

you're getting your license revoked and blocked/j

he's mad HOW DARE THEY TELL ME TO SLEEP WITH THIS LOWLY HUMAN

he tries to sleep on the floor but you were like no 👹 

talks about how his waka Sama is so peaceful at night and how you can't compare.

He snores loud af😒

how does he know how tf mallues is at night does he watch him sleep???😭

Wears old man pajamas

after changing he lays on the bed

he is like a plank😭😭 his whole body is straight like doesn't that hurt???

You fall asleep and cuddle him

is about to wake you up but he see your quote on quote cute-ish face so calmly sleeping

blushes he thinks your kinda ugly but one..….ONE percent cute

take that as a compliment

low-key when you saw him sleeping the next morning with one arm around your waist you lost your bet with Ace

The Bet was that if he sleeped or not

pay your money y/nnie or else you about to be in debt 💜

denies that he ever had his arm around your waist

YOU THINK ONE OF LORD MALLUES GUARDS WOULD SLEEP WITH A PATHETIC HUMAN EVEN CUDDLE IT?!

"ya"

[ohsilverplease]

I could, no smarm intended, use your thoughts and prayers and good vibes and whatever other positive things you can beam into the universe and point my way.

My mom is in the hospital, at the care level below ICU, with fluid around her heart and lungs. She was diagnosed with COPD and asthma this summer and I guess she never fully recovered from the pneumonia she also had at that point. She's awake (well I haven't talked to her today but we texted some last night) but we don't know next steps yet.

Older Bro has been visiting my parents for a week but had to fly back this morning (out of DC, a 4-hour drive from their house). Dad was driving him to the airport and stopped at my house at 2 am to drop off the dog (who belongs to my cousin, who just had back surgery so we are fostering one of his pups). Dog escaped before they even made it through the gate, while I was still sleeping. I woke up at 3 to pee, thought "hmm I thought they'd have been here an hour ago" and they drove up a minute later to say they'd been chasing her for 45 minutes and had to leave soon or Bro would miss his flight. They were going to take one more lap around the neighborhood but every time they'd gotten close to her, she'd run off because she thought it was a game. She's a black husky so being out at night was especially hard to see.

So I put my shoes and jacket on over my sheep pajamas, grabbed a flashlight and some treats, and headed out on foot just to see if she'd come for me. Luckily she'd been at my house a few times so at least maybe there would be familiar smells or whatever. I was going to put out food and water but I'd just seen a possum next door so I just put out water. (I am such a bad storyteller, these details are irrelevant, but it's really just for me.) So I walk to the end of my street, towards the busy road (which wasn't bad at 3 am obviously but there were a few cars). I saw a car pulled on the wrong side of the road and headed towards it, and then thought "what if this ISN'T my dad and brother and I'm heading to my doom" but then I heard them whistle and saw the pup run in front of the headlights. So we spent another 5 minutes trying to get her to stop for a treat, which she did, but darted away when I tried to grab her and ran up across the road to the woods.

So Dad and Bro left, frustrated and scared and also trying to get to the airport on time. I said I'd walk the block back home because it's safe enough, and as I'm walking back a car honks and some guy yells "your dog is in the middle of the road" and then she ran off ahead of me and turned onto my street and stopped to sniff and took a treat from me and let me put the leash on her. I kept giving her treats till we got inside, and then elatedly texted Dad and Bro so they could stop worrying. She drank a bunch of water and we went to bed at like 4.

Anyway, burying the lede here, but I have covid -- symptoms started 8 days ago, I tested negative the first 2 days, went about my business thinking I had a cold, and then tested positive on Monday. So I'm working from home, still congested, more fatigued than usual, and extra worried from lack of sleep and the fact that my dad didn't come back by here yet. He may have gone straight home but that would add an extra hour maybe for him to get to the hospital to see mom, but I'm not sure what time she can have visitors or anything. And I guess he doesn't want to spend time here that might cause him to transmit covid (even though he had it in August) considering he might be spending a lot of time at the hospital soon.

Anyway again. I have to take cupcakes to the office for a baby shower because I'm dumb and can't ask for help. Someone will meet me at the car so I don't infect anyone but I should have just done this differently. I'm so tired. I think C is coming over this afternoon; he also probably has covid now. Everything is just a lot.

[strawberry-nugget]

Bnha characters as things I've said or have been said to me

A/n: halfway through writing this, I realised many things have been said to me in a very mean way, I had just filtered them in my brain to the point everything seems funny now. Fear not, these are just super out of context things that are very humorous.

Disclaimer: minors dni, every character depicted is over 18 years of age.

Warnings: mentions of periods, spoilers for the amazing spiderman 2 (I believe), language, mhhhm if you find anything else kindly let me know so I can put it in the warnings

Uraraka (to Aoyama): we don't all have to like Big Time Rush just because you do! 

—

Denki: I'm going to give this dog my lunch

Bakugo: don't, have you ever seen a dog eat cheese puffs? 

Denki: yes... No?

—

Jirou, accidentally leaking during her period

Sero: WHAT'S WITH ALL THAT BLOOD

Jirou: i- ah, cut my hand? Uh? Yeah I guess?! I cut my hand

Sero: SHOW ME YOUR HAND WE HAVE TO STOP THE BLEEDING, EVERYONE! JIROU'S HAND IS BLEEDING

—

Amajiki: how do you tongue someone? 

Kirishima: it's like? An?? Octopus?? 

Amajiki: octopus? 

Kirishima: in like, texture and stuff

Amajiki: wait what? 

Kirishima: just get your tongue in their mouth it's not hard

Amajiki: why octopus tho i-

—

Reporter: Deku, who do you think is going to make it to the next big 5 of the hero charts? 

Shoto oh, oh, can I say? 

Deku: obviously my- well yes shoto you may say your own guesses, 

Shoto: *passionately swaying back and forth while singing 'I don't want to miss a thing'*

Deku: shoto? Shoto uhmm we're waiting

Shoto: OHHHHH

—

Mina, texting Bakugo: I'm never taking you along with me next time I do my nails. 

—

Mirko: stop being so pretty- oh my god did a fucking horse just turn around to stare at you? 

Hawks: I'm pretty sure I just caught its attention while passing by, calm your tits

—

Denki: which celebrity would you sleep with? 

Bakugo: none

Denki: what? 

Bakugo: You heard me. None

Denki: even if they paid you? 

Bakugo: yeah.. I'm never having sex so good luck with fishing an answer out of everyone else

—

Deku: uh that's actually incorrect, the joker doesn't have a backstory and by assigning him one you're taking all the essence away from his character. Justifying the acts of a canonically psychopathic serial killer with a fixation on a bunch of people by giving him a conventionally moral and excusable story to make him relatable is against the idea of why he's still who he is and that's what's wrong with our society. I think we are willing to excuse villains if they have a heartbreaking backstory but the point with Joker is that he doesn't have one so nice try making him be someone who could ever be salvaged. Now if you open the killing joke by Alan Moore and Frank Miller you will see that Batman is also of same nature, although in his face we find someone we can and should feel sympathy for-

—

Tsuyu watching spiderman with Bakugo and Sero: what's coming out of her nose? 

Bakugo: blood. She's literally dying

Sero: BRO!

Tsuyu: And why is it coming from her nose? 

Sero: she hit her head so that's? Natural? 

Tsuyu? Didn't she hit the back of her head? 

Bakugo: LET ME WATCH THIS SCENE IN PIECE OH MY GOD

—

Hawks: First of all, uncross your arms. You're in defense mode and I'm not attacking you… right now. We'll see what happens in a while 

—

Momo: I didn't mean it when I said don't text me back if you don't make a move on them. Text me back I miss you. 

—

Jirou: just because I went to see black Panther with you does not mean we're together

—

Koda: yes, I am gonna carry this dog until we find a place for it to pee and then I'm carrying it back, is that so hard to grasp

—

Tokoyami: I just realised that the joke with not being able to not see John Cena is because it's a pun with his name

Kirishima: I'm pretty sure it's because of a move of his

Tokoyami: you seem to know about this stuff. I trust you

—

Iida: wake up! Now! Were in a club and you screamed that this is a nice piece of broken glass and you run your finger over it? Are you insane? 

Uraraka: but its-

Iida: DON'T FALL ASLEEP, NO DON'T TOUCH THE GLASS AGAIN

—

Mina: wait- deku is NOT your boyfriend? 

Uraraka: no!? 

Mina: I thought you two had SOMETHING going on? 

Uraraka: in his head? 

Mina: HE- ISN'T HE LIKE IN LOVE WITH YOU? 

Uraraka: wait what? 

—

Toga: I thought you were a bitch when I met you, I put on il ballo del la qua and you turned it off. I can't trust anyone who doesn't want to dance to this song! 

Shigaraki: maybe I'm just emo okay? Otherwise I'm harmless. Also. I was dressed as a vampire, I had to maintain my image at all costs

—

Dabi: *sings grenade by bruno Mars in every small gathering of the Lov and forces everyone to listen*

—

Aoyama, only listening to 5sos for four days: momo can you please buy me the 5sos book for my birthday? 

—

If you ask for part two I am simply going to expose how many dumb bitch moments or trauma I have which idk if it's humorous content. Anyways... Who wants to see bnha and shy things I do next?

[stopbeingrude]

Hi guys. Happy Gruvia/ Greige day. I wish all of you wonderful time.

That's gonna be the first one shot , i have ever published here, feedback is welcome. I hope It's not that bad and you'll somehow like it lmao.

,,I think I would rather have a plushie as a Christmas gift…., but I guess I shouldn't be too picky."

-Dad? - called 6-year-old Greige, on one December afternoon, when both him and his father were decorating a christmas-tree in the living room . December 24th was slowly approaching. It was Greige's favorite time of the year , because he was able to spend Christmas with all of his family, including all of his uncles , aunts and friends. Not forgetting about grandpa Makarov . Even Uncle Gildards would show up, bringing something for the kids. -I was wondering what would happen if Santa's reindeer suddenly wanted to pee while flying?- asked seriously little boy. No one wanted to tell him that. When he asked big bro Romeo , he just started laughing and then he called him silly. "How could he do that?" -thought heartbroken Greige after. -Heh , where did that come from? ... you know ... they'd have to stop somewhere by, right? Daddy doesn't know much about it- said Gray, trying to keep himself from laughing. He couldn't laugh, he knew it would offend his little angel. Their son hated when someone made fun of him . After all, he was already a big boy, and everyone knows that such must be taken seriously. - So maybe Mommy knows? I will go and ask her,- said the little boy, putting down Christmas decorations . Speaking of mom, he had recently noticed his mother's strange behavior. She had been getting tired very easily lately, she often took naps. He also noticed that she spent an enormous amount of time sewing ,mostly clothing. Well.. he was aware of his mom's hobby, but usually it was limited to sewing plushies, sometimes socks or fixing their clothes. - You know, I don't think mommy knows more than me - said Gray after hanging the last Christmas-ball. - Besides, you know that mommy is sleeping now, right? She hasn't been feeling well lately, so she mustn't be disturbed. Something was off, even Daddy acts differently- thought little Fullbuster Now, that got the boy worried. - Is something wrong with Mommy? - asked slowly Greige He loved Mommy and Daddy most in the world and the very thought of them suffering hurt him deeply. "No, I won't start crying…Boys my age don't do that..." He had often been told that he should stop being such a crybaby (mostly by Yajeh or Nasha . Shutora would never. She was always trying her best to cheer him up,while reminding her twin and little Dragneel that if they won't stop with this stupid teasing, she would make sure both of them would regret it later). Unfortunately Greige could not help it. Whenever someone was hurt or something went wrong, he would usually cry. Turns out he inherited his mom's sensitivity... "Mommy…..something was definitely wrong with her.." The thought of something happening to his dear Mom filled him with great terror once again. He started shaking What if she's ill, or even worse..she's gonna….. "No , no , that's not possible..." - he shook his little head full of dark , curly hair. - I'm overreacting, just like Yajeh told me - No, no.. don't worry, Greige, Mommy's fine, it's nothing serious,"-Gray said quickly, trying his best to calm his son down, giving him a hug and then kissing him on forehead He knew exactly what was going on with his beloved, in fact, when an excited Juvia came back home one evening and informed him of the pregnancy, he was overjoyed. Soon he will be holding his son or daughter in his arms. Then it hit him. The baby might turn out to be a girl, and Gray had no idea how to take care of girls...Dear God….Ok ,ok.. he still has plenty of time to learn. He can always ask Gajeel about it..yes Gajeel or Alzack...even Elfman ( he would never ask Natsu, even if he's life depended on it, that would be too humiliating for him). Wait...it wasn't his top priority right now. After all, he needs to inform his son about the news first. Neither of them was quite sure how to do it. They remembered very well the situation from a few months ago when the Redfox twins got into an argument. Horrified, Greige stated that being an only child is not that bad, since having siblings meant constant war. Although being honest , Greige never

directly told them that he hates the idea of having a sibling . Considering how much time he spent with Nasha and Elfman and Ever's daughter Ember, or year-old Reiki Fernandes, it would seem that he's perfect for the big brother role. Besides, they can't hide it forever, sooner or later he would notice Juvia's belly. However, the biggest concern for Fullbuster was the fact that such news could lead to a longer conversation, which again could lead to uncomfortable questions that Gray was not ready to answer. He is not going to tell his son about the birds and the bees. No, no, hell no… None of them are ready for this! "Come on Gray, what's wrong with you, you just have to tell him. You've been in worse situations….after all, you've fought with all sorts of criminals, weirdos and monsters ,compared to what you've been through, it's nothing''- thought the ice mage But how to start such a conversation? How about …. -Hey Greige, have you written a letter to Santa yet? "Yes, just ask him what he wants for Christmas and make a few innocent suggestions." -Oh no i didn't, thank you for reminding me Dad. - And tell Daddy, what would you like to ask Santa for? The boy was silent for a moment, most likely to think about the answer, but after a while he called out in a loud voice. -I'D LIKE TO ASK HIM FOR PEACE IN THE WORLD AND FOR EVERY POOR PERSON TO GET A BETTER LIFE AND FOR EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY!..... It would also be nice to get a new plushie……but it's not as important. Do you think Santa can do that?-he asked hopefully Gray stood there for a moment, stunned. His baby was truly an angel...wishing happiness upon the entire world, it nearly made him tear up…. but no... he needed to explain to his son that he should wish for something more....... attainable. -Ooh... really..that's....very nice of you, but...I think that such a wish...yym...takes a bit of time and Santa w-won't be able to do it…., why don't you ask him for….. for example a toy like a teddy bear, figurines....or new books or something else...I don't know.......sibling?... Greige looked at him, like he had just proposed to him to take a walk on the rooftop. Where did that come from? What is dad talking about? S-sibling...?? -Sibling? You mean like a little brother or sister? A baby?- asked the little boy loudly. -Yes, that's exactly what I meant, but well you'll need to wait for a while, because it takes time for a baby to….be ready.- mumbled out Gray - So that's not really a Christmas present- stated boy still visibly shocked -...Well y-yes , but... -But didn't you say mommy has been feeling unwell lately?...If we had a baby, wouldn't it be tiring for her?....Besides, do you think we need a new baby? - asked seriously Greige Why would they need a baby? They were living happily in this house , just three of them. It's not like he dislikes babies , they're cute and all…..but it's just simply weird.. -Well... I wouldn't say it's necessary , but it would be nice to have one at home.. don't you think?....- asked his dad Maybe? -And don't worry about mommy, I am sure that she will be so happy with the new baby , it will make her feel better.- stated Gray , this time with a smile -Hello my darlings- Juvia's voice said suddenly They both turned their heads toward the bedroom's door, finding Juvia's tired but smiling face there. Greige quickly got up and ran toward his mother. -Mommy, are you feeling better? Do you need anything?- said the little boy, hugging her legs. Juvia kissed her son's cheek. -Hi sweetheart, Mommy is fine- she answered while taking a seat next to her precious Gray, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. -Did I hear you talking about babies?- Juvia asked, pretending to be surprised, while giving Gray a tiny smirk. - Daddy said it would be nice to have a baby and that it would make you feel better... - he began. - I don't think a baby is necessary, because it would be a little strange that there will be more of us in the house, but if you really wish for one ,then that's fine with me. -Really? Mommy's glad to hear that.-

replied a happy Juvia , giving her husband a big smile. Gray gave her the same smile, but just when he thought everything had been taken care of, there came the soft voice of his baby boy. - Mommy....Daddy...but you won't love the baby more than me, will you? - asked Greige, with his head lowered and tears in his dark eyes. Both Gray and Juvia stood there very surprised, neither of them had even thought of such a scenario. -Greige, what makes you think that?- asked older Fullbuster. -Sunshine, no...- Juvia hugged her son quickly- You mustn't think like that, we would never stop loving you. Remember darling, parents love all their children equally. - You know, its true that we'll have to spend a lot of time taking care of your brother or sister, but you have to remember that they won't be able to do anything on their own. You were like that when you were born too.- said Gray - I'm sorry. I won't do that again- said Greige seriously. -Do you think I offended the baby? I don't want the baby to think I don't want him or her,- said the terrified boy .What if the baby will always remember this and he will never be forgiven. - Don't worry, honey, I'm sure she won't mind,- said the water mage, stroking her belly. -She?-Gray thought. Turns out his wife wasn't telling him everything... -Wait a minute! -said suddenly Greige after a moment of silence -The baby will be in the tummy, just like Reiki was in Auntie Erza's , right? - Well baby is already there, but your right - answered Gray -Daddy? - Yes buddy ? - How did it get there? Shit. -Yyyy… Horrified, Gray turned his gaze to his wife, silently pleading for help. -You know what, angel? It's almost 8pm, I think it's time for you to take a bath, okay?- proposed Juvia, saving her husband from very uncomfortable talk. - Ok Mommy. Will you read me a bedtime story after we finish? - Of course They were already moving towards the bathroom when Juvia quickly turned towards her husband, gave him a kiss on the cheek and whispered : -You're welcome. Has Gray already mentioned how much he loved his wife?

Bonus!:

( ok I swear it was funnier in my head...Once again Happy Gruvia day !!!)

[domschestofbones]

Aural. 1/5 short stories based on the five senses (cosmic horror)

“Lonely Day is the best ¾ metal song of all time. Tell me I’m wrong. System is undefeated, you can’t find a single bad song in their entire run. Go on, tell me one, bro.” The greasy punk squealed, eyes twitchin’.

Can’t I ever get a break from these fuckin’ people? Some sweaty guy gets an eye on what I'm lookin’ at and just feels the undying need to interject. It’s like a law of nature. God forbid I pick up a Metallica record around a dude with a ponytail and a Led Zeppelin shirt. I try to just enjoy things that make me happy, man. Metal, hip hop, electronic music, country, pop, whatever. All art has merit, and will make someone, at some point, happy. I see people nitpicking creativity all the time, especially if it’s something someone else enjoys. Music purists should be banned from record stores. Issue is that they already own all of ‘em.

 It’s cool, though. Bitchin’ to myself about others bitchin’ to me about shit I like but they don’t is so dumb that only a human could do it. If my JBLs are loud enough though, I can’t hear ‘em. 

My mom bought me a shirt from Walmart or something when I was a kid that said “If it’s too loud, you’re too old”. I thought it was pretty badass when I was younger. It had a rough sketched stick figure on it cranking up an oversized red volume knob under the text. It honestly rings true, in a different context. It’s nice to just pay attention to things you understand.

Crossing the sidewalk makes me think of Abbey Road. Rubber Soul is my favorite, for sure. “What Goes On” is some instant headnod with how those drums drive. Aren’t people who hate the Beatles just so much fun to talk to? Fuck those guys right off, man. Zappa out here yapping day in and out like a goddamn chihuahua. 

From behind me someone yelled “Ay Don!”

I turned around,”What’s u—”

The world goes blank.

I woke up in the hospital without a memory of any incident. Feels like I got hit by a car or something, though. My ears are ringing like feedback from an amp. I can see my mom arguing with a guy much shorter than her, he’s wearing scrubs. Fuck, my ears hurt. This rigning sucks, man. I hope they can give me some meds for it. I hope this shit goes away soon, it makes me want to dig a pencil in my ear. 

Part 2

I should be leaving the Hospital today, fuckin’ finally. Feeling yourself getting weaker, muscles shrinking, face losing weight, it’s torture. I’m not a gym rat, but I appreciate my health and ability to do a shitty kickflip. Can’t wait to go do that again, I should be getting out today.

While the nurses were wrapping up the last of the discharge paperwork, they let me put my headphones in. I didn’t bother telling them my ears were ringing, I didn’t want to stay here any longer, it smells terrible. Plus, it gradually went away after the first day and a half or so. I wasn’t actually too banged up. Just got a concussion, a broken rib and some ear ringin’ that I kept to myself.

The kid who hit me was a young girl in driver’s ed. She looked like she had seen her parents slaughtered in front of her or something, her eyes were wide when she looked at me. I can’t really get it out of my head how upset she seemed when she saw me in the bed here. The instructor later told me that she was still under 10 hours of driving time and that she was on the spectrum for autism. Emotionally taxing events like these hit her really hard and she would sometimes spiral into herself. I told him to tell her that I didn't wanna press charges, and to relay to her that I'm fine and that I hope she’s fine. I waved to her and smiled when she came to see me, and she just cried more. Hope she’s getting along better now, poor kid. 

I kinda feel like listening to a podcast, but I’ve actually had this song stuck in my head since I woke up. That annoying dude in the record store had me thinking about System of a Down. Is it another rule of the universe that a self titled album will live throughout time in crystallized mint? Track one is Suite-Pee. I get goosebumps thinking about the breakdown one minute in. I need to see these guys before I die. 

What a fuckin’ track. Quick picking and some slides in the tuning of C G C F A D start poking at my eardrums, I close my eyes and a smile tears along my skin. I swear the beginning measures of this song could form the mountains, rivers and stars of my own Shangri La. I would live so well in that world. A place where positivity and aggression dance together in a grip so intense that the air flexes around them. Destruction is disgusting and beautiful. The expanse of life is terrifying and soulful. It comes into focus under my shut eyelids. Fuckin’ A.

The introductory riffs switch to the drop of the chords and bombing of the drums and my head explodes. My ears scream like they’re bleeding and I wail louder than I thought I ever could. I’m dizzy, nauseous and my face is melting. I puke all over myself, my ears start ringing in the highest pitch I’ve ever heard in my life. Like, I had no idea a sound could ever be this high. This shit seems like it should just kill someone on the spot. I certainly fuckin’ thought this was it. Killed by my favorite SOAD song, ain’t life a bitch. That’s what my headstone should say. I faint.

Part 3

The ENT doctor tells me I have Subjective Tinnitus that can eventually progress to Musical Tinnitus. ST is caused by an overexposure to loud noise, MT being a malformation of that condition which occurs over time. It’s essentially going to make me start hallucinating and recreating melodies in real time in my mind as I get older. Which kind of sounds cool, sounds kind of trippy. Fuckin’ sucks, but I guess it’s better than being deaf. I should’ve worn more ear plugs at concerts, for sure. I started to wear em every show last year, but one year out of almost twenty isn’t a groundbreaking change. Thus, here we are. I have yet again fucked myself.

They gave me some ear drop medications to take home, an information packet on the condition and related issues, and told me to avoid using headphones and listening to loud music. My mom rubbed my shoulder in a hug knowing that I wasn’t going to be okay when the shock wore off. I can feel it wearing off already, I need to get home. I can’t be here right now. I hug my mom a second time, tell her I love her, get in my Lyft and head off to my apartment complex. I had to ask the Lyft driver to turn down the track, he looked at me annoyingly. I told him I love Kendrick, though. He kinda just scoffed. Fuck me.

As I close the door and take my first step toward the lawn, a kid rides behind me on a bike. He blasted a toy megaphone alarm at the back of my ear and I swear a rusty nail flew into it. My knees buckled and I hit the sidewalk hard, gripping my head cuz it felt like my brain was trying to escape my skull. I thought pressure would help so I squeezed hard. The kids got scared of my voice and pedaled like hell down the street, crying cuz they probably thought I was insane. 

The ringing was an ocean that felt thick yet without density. It was sterile and formless, I couldn’t tell any sense from another. Everything in existence was piercing, white, loud. I knew I was on the ground outside my apartment, but I couldn't place the feeling of actually being anywhere. Sometimes, when I sit on a couch too long, my limbs will start to feel like they’re part of the couch and my vision tunnels towards the TV or whatever. I start to feel, like, further back than I really am. If that makes sense. It was like that, but with absolutely everything that I can see or feel, or hear or touch. It’s like an endless valley.

Maybe not everything though, I could’ve heard a voice near the end of the white out. It didn’t sound like a language though, it sounded more animalian or something. If not animalian, something more…natural, than a human voice.

Part 4

During my white-out I couldn't really think. I was really only able to think about how it felt afterwards. It felt like I was in a coma or something. I didn’t really look at my phone when I was in the car, so I didn’t notice what time I collapsed. But it seemed like the sun was further in the sky when I came to. I hope I wasn’t out too long. I really don’t want to get kicked out of this apartment. My head feels fuzzy and thoughts aren’t coming to me so easily right now. I think I'm just gonna chill and watch some TV, probably still need to recover from the hospital anyway. Gotta get snacks and shit before I loaf out.

I looked in my cupboard and saw a sticky note from Mom: 

“Hi, Honey! I hope you got home ok! Give me a call as soon as you’re in, ok? I stole your keys and put all your favorite snacks in the cabinets and frozen meals in the freezer! Stay home for a few days ok? No work? Also, clean up the WEED and BEERS. What kind of girl is going to spend the night with that smell? Ok, enough griping. 

Love you!”

-Mom

Oh fuck yeah. I can’t believe she remembers I love Andy Capp’s. She’s always shit talkin’ me but she’s the best. I grab the chips and a beer and hit the couch. She’s right, I’m fuckin gross dude. I should really clean this place up, I could probably start a spider habitat here. I’ll do that in a bit, I really should sit down for a second. My legs still feel like jelly and I’m kinda foggy. The cushions are all I need right now. I stand in front of the couch, stretch my arms out like the chilled out christ figure that I am and just…plop…Fuck, that feels good. The couch, a beer, some snacks, and some weed after a hard day is better than any sex in the world and I’ll be a purist on that one. Die on that hill. Yup. The condensation on the can makes me feel like I’m in exotic lands, baby. Fuck, that tastes good. I turn the cable on, streaming seems like too much work right now. I am so surprised MTV is still around, or that they’re still called MTV. Martin is on VH1 right now, hell yeah. Get me a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious, and some skittles. I feel like watching Bad Boys.

I got halfway through the bag of chips when my doorbell rang and sent me back into the pearl void. That ring resonated into a fine point that penetrated any walls I had in my head. It broke me down. I can’t feel anything, everything is jagged snow. Barely holding thoughts… Heari-.. Some. can’t….Agh–..nnn…him.him..him.you.him..you.you…….who– WHO A….That.. noise..I…so fucking beau…WHOO ARE YOUU?!

Part 5

The world goes from white to black, then slowly blooms. I’m on the carpet on top of a now soaked up puddle of beer and a crushed up bag of chips. What the fuck am I gonna do about this?! I can’t even drink a beer and watch TV without being almost killed by this shit! Obviously I gotta take out all the bells and alarms; smoke detector, door bell, phone on vibrate, all that. Fuck! Should I just post a sign on the door? People are idiots, they don’t read signs anyway, fuck that. Nah, I’m taking this shit down. I don’t care anymore. I need to soundproof this place. I spend the next hour doing just that and then I feel safe enough to chill a bit. I step into the bathroom for a long hot shower on the dime of the landlord, he sucks so fuck him. I’m so pissed, man.

The shower turns on with a little rattle and then starts to whine. My heart jumps out of my chest and I scramble to run away from the noise that I think is going to follow it. My foot gets caught in the shower curtain, jerks me downward and I–.

I come to with a throbbing head, I’m zoned out but the shower is still on. My eyes slowly refocus and my ears recalculate. “no..no.no…NO FUCK! NO PLEASE!!” I hear myself whimpering, losing a sense of who I am for a moment.

 The whining shower head gives me no chance and I’m plunged in it again. I just want peace. Death would be better than this. The whine becomes my world. Sharp white angles bent inward on other sharp white angles create a reality that’s invisible but feels harsh and violent, directed even. Precisely towards me. Is this my world? I think it must be. It feels like I’ve never known anything else, what could a memory be in a place like this? If I had memories, I feel them mingling and folding in on each other to make one mesh substance. I know I have been here before, though. I know this place. I think I’ve been here for some time.

There it is. I hear something other than the ring, it’s a crackling maybe. Or maybe something blowing up or expanding. It’s very dense, very fast approaching from a long way away. I don’t think I can be scared of what it is anymore. That sort of mindset isn’t a part of me anymore. Whatever that is, is however, a part of me. My world of a single shade is a part of me. I need to know this other thing. I wait for it to come closer. It takes a while. I don’t really feel the pain anymore, I don’t think. Don’t feel much of anything, just anticipation. 

It’s here!! I can finally hear it! It’s warm, burning. Not a memory, this is new. New, and burning, and bright. It’s overwhelming, makes me feel and smell and taste everything and the nothingness of everything. I’ve never really known what any of those sensations truly meant until just now. Everything I’ve ever heard in my life, this sounds just like that, all in one. Everything that could be heard and translated into love is here, everything that could be hateful I hear along with it. I think it is everything. That’s why it’s not human, why it’s not exactly natural. It’s everything that could be or couldn’t be heard at any and all points in time. It makes my heart disintegrate as I try to recognize my place in this grand song. I’m here, there, and also not. I can’t recall where it stopped or if I believe it will ever stop. It seems like it would be impossible to see it while merely being a part of it, but can I observe the thing if I am the thing? I believe I am. I believe I must be. I must be. I can’t go back into the dark. This is where I stay. Measures and patterns of non-existence swim in this space and there is no use for claiming the title, “I”. It’s no longer suitable. 

A thought turns into a fragment and then seems very, very far away.

[yamithediaperdork]

Super baby training (dc)

It had been a pleasant surprise for Kon when he'd been invited over to Kal's and Lois's for a Sunday dinner, but they hadn't even been halfway though the horrible pot roast that Lois had made (Leading Kon to assume his big brother Kal was only able to survive dinners with his wife due to his invurinbily) when it became clear that there was a purpose for his invite, and the reason sat in the room like a 700 pound gorilla. (and we all know how Kon felt about monkey's)

"So..Does anyone tell me what's going on here or do I need to ask M'gann to come over and start reading minds?" Kon asked, looking from Kal to Lois.

"First of all, Rude!" Lois scolded, then blushed a little. "and secondly..well ..er..You know I'm pregnant.."

"Gasp! and here I thought you were hiding a cake under your shirt!" Kon joked, getting a snort from Kal though Lois glared first at him, then at Kal who found something interesting to look at on the wall.

"You've been hanging out with Wally too much." She huffed. "ANYWAYS! well, with me and Clark expecting.. well.. One of us could use some experience with child care..and I might need some as well when it comes to super babies.." Lois said, turning very red and looking at the same spot as Kal as she trailed off.

Suddenly Kon had a bad feeling in his tummy and it wasn't just from Lois's bad cooking.

"Uh..Wow! Look at the time! I think I better get back to mount justice, you know red tornado has us on a STRICT curfew an-" Kon was cut off by his big brother of sorts Kal at that point.

"I already called ahead and cleared it with both him and Batman. you're good to stay here for a week unless the team needs you." He said, giving a smile.

"..Now while hanging out with my big bro SOUNDS awesome on paper..I have to point out that it kinda sorta sounds like what you two want is a practice super baby for a week and Uh.." Kon blushed big time. "I'm not really big on rocking huggies."

Kal smiled and winked, getting up and coming over and patting Kon on the back.

"Not yet you aren't."

One heated discussion later and a deal of sorts was hit. Kon would be Kal's to look after for 5 days, with Lois handling the last two of the week. He'd be in diapers (and using them) for the whole week and would be expected to baby talk and babble for the most part, and try and get Kal to figure out what it was he wanted without just letting him know.

For Lois it would be more strait forward with just getting used to Krytotian poops and the struggles of burping one, and he'd be able to talk normally and the like.

His payment for all of this, as long as he did the full week? Getting Superman's legion of superhero's flight ring and giving Kon flying lessons.

Since it was a sore spot for the clone that he couldn't fly, this soothed over most of his misgiving about the whole deal, though while Kal was out and getting the supplies (Having stashed them away from the apartment so Kon wouldn't accidentally find them before hand) Lois had made a mini add on request to Kon, with a wicked look on her face.

"Sooo I know this is a little bit evil.. But well..think you could ham up the brattyness and make Kal suffer a little? I just wanna see the look on his face when you pee on him." She snickered.

"..You sure your not a member of the light? and heh.. We'll see what happens." Kon said and gave the classic superman wink.

Clark Kent to some, Kal-el to his closet friends and superman to all was known for many things. his belief in truth and justice, His power set, his never ending battle with the forces of evil.

But one thing he wasn't known for and for good reason was his diapering skills, as would become apparent as Kon laid on his back naked from the waist down with his butt on a teddy bear changing mat, waiting on Kal who just looked unsure as he had a diaper in one hand and a container of baby powder in the other.

"..Anytime now." Kon muttered, squirming and blushing, oddly feeling a urge to suck on his thumb as his bare sex was on display. A bare sex that had brought up a interesting question from Lois.

"Huh, so you shave down there?" Lois had asked, sounding amused.

"H-Huh? no..I..I just assumed krytotians didn't get pubes.." Kon had squeaked out.

"I WISH!"

"Lois honey, your embarrassing him." Kal had said, not that now Kal himself wasn't doing much better.

"I'm uh, just trying to-" Kal said sheepishly, setting the baby powder down and rubbing the back of his head.

"For the love of..this isn't something you need to be a Luthor or Brannic to solve Clark, unfold the diaper and get it under his butt." Lois snapped.

Kal started to move into action as Kon snickered.

"I guess we know who wears the cape and who wears the pants around here." he teased.

"Your suppose to be using only baby talk right now." Kal huffed as he lifted up Kon's butt and got the diaper under it.

"..ba do dee da." Kon said one hand pointing at Kal and the other making a waving motion for a cape. "ba da goo!" and then pointing over at Lois, more to the point her pants.

"-snk- Such a clever little guy we have!" Lois said, trying not to break out laughing.

"heh, I do have to give credit where it's due. he manged it in baby talk." Kal admitted and then lifted up Kon's t-shirt, tickling his tummy. "Who's a clever big baby? who's my clever little brother?" He coo'ed, making Kon giggle and squirm.

It also did something that Lois wanted but Kon hadn't planned on doing yet, both him and Kal shocked as a stream sprayed out and soaked the front of the man of steels white dress shirt.

"..Really?" Kal asked, looking less then embarrassed while Kon turned red as a tomato, looking away.

"Hey, don't blame him..everyone knows you always finish diapering a baby before accidents happen. that one is on you~" Lois chuckled.

'This is gonna be a long week' thought both the man and the boy of steel.

With the boy of steel in a nice thick diaper (Actually two of them since Kal didn't wanna get peed on again) Clark followed up the outfit with a blue and red onesie that naturally had the S shield on the front (and the butt) of it and smirked as the forever teen squirmed and blushed.

"Gosh, you just look so cute! Lois, get the camera!" he called out, turning his head to say it and taking a near by stuffed animal to the side of the head. "Er..on second thought never mind."

Kon smirked and giggled then eeped as Kal gave him a stern look, a muffled fear poot escaping into the seat of his diapers.

"For the record little man. every dog..well puppy in your case but anyways, gets one bite. that was yours." He said smirking and pushing his glasses up.

"ah ba da bu bum bum?" Kon whined, hands going behind him and trying to cover his well padded butt.

"heh, that's right. I'll spank that butt if you do it again litt-"

"CLARK KENT!" Came Lois's voice, and they both turned to see her with her hands on her hips. "you will do no such thing! he's just a BABY!" She scolded then added. "Don't MAKE me call your mother!"

Kon giggled madly as Kal who could tank a nuclear missile, go toe to toe with doomsday and move moons out of their orbits got a scared look on his face.

"I can't even say you wouldn't." Kal sulked. "Fine, no spanking but he will get a hand slap."

"Hmm..I suppose I'll allow that. Now..Perry called me in for a breaking story..actually he wanted you smallville but told him you were busy. so you boys have fun." Lois said and winked, then walked out the door.

"..Did she just use you babying me to scoop you?" Kon asked, figuring since Lois was the one who wanted the baby talk it was safe to talk normal now.

"Some habits never die." Kal remarked dryly.

With Lois gone and Kal clearly alright with Kon using his big boy words, Kon tried to ease his way out of some of the more embarrassing asscepts of babyhood.. though Kal wasn't budging.

"Come on, who's gonna know if I take a dump in the potty vs. the diapers?" Kon whined.

he didn't even have to go yet, but still wasn't looking forward to it.

"I'll know. and besides, you gave your word to do everything in the pampers. and if you wanna be superman someday, you need to live up to your word..it's all part of BEING superman." Kal said, pulling the fussy teenager in for a big hug.

"Ngggh..you know that speech would of been more inspirational if it wasn't about me baking brownies in a pair of huggies." Kon muttered and huffed.

"...Clearly being a wordsmith runs in the family." Kal teased. "Baking brownies? never heard that."

"Well I'm not shocked..how many people do you think wanna talk about pooping and slang terms for it around the man of steel?" Kon giggled then paused, a BIG silly grin on his face. "wait, is that part of what you do in the watchtower? sit around and talk about the potty habits of the different members?!"

"heh.. well Not really though.." and Kal gave Kon a impish grin and wagged his eyebrows, tugging the big little guy into his lap. "We DID have to talk over what the sewer system was gonna need to handle all the different aliens. Flash was sure I had to fly up to like the moon or Mar's to take a poop since he didn't think earth potties could handle me. Naturally J'ohn was less then happy, asking if Flash thought his world was just a public toilet for the rest of the solar system."

Kon broke out in massive giggles over that, even as without thinking about it he nuzzled into the man of steel and popped his thumb in his mouth, sucking away for 3 seconds and only becoming aware it was in his mouth when Kal gently pulled it back out.

"ah ah ah, no thumb sucking little guy. little boys hands are covered in germs." Kal lightly scolded, though they both knew any germ that could affect even a half krytoain would of already put Lois in the ICU.

Taking out a large pacifier with of course, a red and blue mouth guard and a S shield on it, it was popped into the boy of steel's mouth and he suckled hard and fast, blushing and nuzzling into Kal even tighter, shutting his eyes.

"heh..I think somebodies wanted cuddles for awhile huh?" He asked gently, but even as he spoke he knew he'd get no answer.

Kon's breathing had fallen into a pattern and his body had relaxed.. the toddler of steel had conked out in da-da's lap.

Kal of course could of gone and put Kon to bed in the makeshift crib they had gotten (really a bed with rails added to the sides) but found himself reluctant to put the little guy down and instead floated up and over to the leather couch him and Lois had and gently set them down, laying down on his back with Kon cuddling into him and getting drool on Kal's shirt. Considering what Kon had already gotten on him however it wasn't exactly a big deal.

'He just looks so peaceful and happy..Maybe I should of been giving him cuddles long before this.' He mused, picturing how mad and angry he had been when he'd first come out of cadmas.'Then again, i doubt he would of just let me give him all the hugs, let alone put him in some bulky diapers.'

Of course there was every chance, Kal admitted to himself that part of Kon's anger and frustration was because he had just needed the hugs. It was one of his bigger regrets that he'd handled Kon's existence so poorly when he'd first found out he was cloned and truth be told, as he warmed up to him he couldn't help but feel he had blown his chance. He had wanted to ask to be Kon's father figure if not outright dad but knew he had missed his chance and just gone with brothers instead..though he had a inkling if he revisited the subject now Kon would agree to let Kal be his daddy.

'Of course with a baby on the way, who knows how that would work out.' Kal thought, brooding a little and finding himself getting a little tired. 'It's something to bring up with Lois later when she gets back.'

For now the Man and toddler of steel shared a nap on the couch, one of them pooting softly and mumbling behind his pacifier.

Lois was in less then a good mood as she came back. the story Perry had called Clark for had actually been a fluff piece and boring, and she was convinced that Perry had known in advance that Lois would poach the story and set her up for a safer assignment what with her having a bun in the oven.

Opening the door and walking into the living room however all of her frustration and anger was gone as she had to bite down on her tongue to keep from squealing at the sight in front of her.

Baby and daddy cuddling on the couch and at some point Kon who had been sucking on a pacifier (which was now on the floor) had gotten a hold of Clark's hand and was *gush* sucking on Clark's thumb!

Lois wasn't stupid and knew that Clark regretted how he'd handled the whole Kon thing and wanted to adopt him..and she also knew that someone who had trained himself in use of his powers as well as Clark had all these years didn't actually need daddy training.

All of this had been for the goal of getting Kon some TLC and hopefully getting them both to see they'd be happier as daddy and son then big and little brothers.

as she toyed with whether or not to snap a few pictures, Martha and Johnathan would of LOVED to see this, a loud brassy fart filled the room and then Kon was making small grunting noises.

Before she could debate whether or not to wake Kon up or Kal up, the back of the diaper started to expand out though the Onesie didn't snap open has it was actually made of a materiel meant to expand, same with the disposable diapers. (Alien tech put to it's best use)

The smell, while far from pleasant wasn't as horrible as she'd been worried about and after waiting for Kon to finish up, and to see if either of them would wake up on their own, she had her answer: Kon once he was finished loading the seat of his huggies which had ballooned out nicely just gurgled and nuzzled into Clark even more and Clark *Squeal* had just smiled in his sleep and reached down, Patting the boys filled padding.

As much as she wanted to just leave them alone, they WERE in a apartment and that stink was gonna spread, so before they started having the neighbors complain she came over and gently shook Clark's shoulder.

"Hey..hey come on smallville. wakey wakey." She said softly, trying not to wake up Kon.

"Hmm..Oh hey honey. what u-" Clark started to say, then sniffed and looked down, smirking a little

"Yeah, somebody needs a diaper change." Lois said and then, because she was a hopeless ham at time's couldn't help herself. "And THAT, Looks like a job for Superman."

"Wrong, This looks like a job for Super daddy." Clark said, and Lois could tell that there was going to be more then one baby stinking up their apartment soon.

'Look's like we better start looking into getting a house with a big yard.' She giggled to herself as Clark carried Kon over to the changing pad.

The end