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movedvalkyriesryde · 5 years ago

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Place Your Bets 9/9

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Money is on the line and the months are counting down so who will win in the bet to when Bucky and Y/N finally get together? And will they figure out what’s exactly going on

Warnings: swearing, not as much comedy but a whole lotta fluff

A/N: And there you have it! The journey has come to an end! Thank you so much to everyone who has read this series, a special thank you to all of you who reblogged and commented on it!! You’re support has honestly made me the happiest person ever every time I read your comments (and tags!)!! I love you all!! This has been a fantastic journey and I hope I haven’t disappointed with the ending. WE OUT

Word Count: 2,714

Masterlist

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Part Nine

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Part Five - Just a Tease

Bucky sauntered into the lounge freely, he was walking on cloud nine. He had a date with a pretty girl and at the same time he was pulling a fast one on all of his friends while making a buck or two. All in all, a pretty good outcome.

It was nearing 7:30pm now, dinner was sitting on the stove ready to be eaten by whoever was feeling it, it was hard enough getting everyone at the compound at the same time, a sit down dinner was out of the question. It did mean that a group would congregate in the common room while they ate normally.

Currently, this was the case. Wanda, Tony, Nat, Sam and Bruce were all lounging on the large couches eating what little food was left on their plates. To the untrained eye it was a normal night, the TV was on, casual conversation was in the air. Oh how those untrained eyes are wrong, these five (well four let’s be real Nat was hoping it was all over, she didn’t like the idea of betting on their friends’ love life) were waiting to catch a glimpse of either Y/N or Bucky to see what they were up to. The group chat had been on fire for the past hour and everyone was eagerly awaiting to see either leave.

There were theories, of course there were theories. Sam’s suggestion was that Bucky was lying out of his arse and he would just do a lap of the compound before coming back. Actually, that was probably the most popular theory. Wanda thought maybe they were both lying, but that would mean they had to have talked to each other and she wouldn’t believe that had happened unless she saw it with her own two eyes.

When Bucky walked into the room with his jacket on and rested his foot on the end of the couch to tie up the laces of his boots, all eyes were on him. That was the point.

“And where are you off to?” Sam asked with a devilish smile, leaning back on the sofa.

“I’ve got a date” Bucky shrugged his shoulders as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Everyone’s eyebrows raised when Bucky smiled slightly. Maybe Sam was wrong?

Before anyone could question him further the sound of footsteps came from behind them and Bucky straightened up faster than everyone turned around. He straightened his jacket and smiled at Y/N as she walked in and stood to the back of the room.

“Hey,” Bucky jogged over to her, they shared shy smiles but both had a twinkle in their eye, they knew what they were doing to their friends, driving them mad.

“Hey”

“You look really lovely,” Bucky scratched the back of his neck.

The group on the couches looked on in amazement, Tony turned to Sam and mouthed the words ‘what the fuck is going on?’ Sam could only shrug his shoulders in response, he had no idea either.

“Thank you, so do you,” Bucky blushed at her words, it wasn’t for show. To be honest, they were both nervous as hell. They had a right to be! Even if this whole plan was to get payback for what their friends had done, even if they had said it was to teach them a lesson, they were still going on a date! They’d decided that they may as well go out and get dinner while they were at it, they couldn’t get caught sneaking dinner once they got back, well, that’s what Y/N had said.

Bucky wasn’t quite sure where they were going, maybe a kebab place he’d found with Sam on a night out a few weeks ago, maybe pizza. What if she didn’t like pizza? What if she did actually have plans and they were just leaving together?

Similar thoughts were going through Y/N’s head. What if Bucky didn’t actually want to hang out with her? What if he wanted to talk about last night?

A shared thought between the duo, what if they wanted to talk about last night?!?

“Should we get going?” He sucked in a breath and held out one arm towards the elevator, his other going to rest on her lower back as Y/N turned towards it. They walked out side by side, his arm on her back and shy eyes avoiding the other, but neither turned back to the group.

“Hey wait!”

“Where are you going?!”

“Are you going on a date?!” They heard the calls as the doors closed in front of them.

“Think that worked? It was quite subtle,” she asked, Bucky dropped his hand from her back, it’s not a real date, he told himself.

“I think we got their attention,” he laughed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The drive into the city was quiet and long. The only bit of conversation the two shared was where they should go, Y/N said the kebab place sounded nice when Bucky suggested it, at least now they had a location.

Going through both minds were similar thoughts still, wondering that maybe the fun they had had was just because they were getting back at their friends and not because the other was enjoying their company. There was so much that was going unsaid, so much was hanging in the air between them, they sleep with each other was the one in big bold letters, there was also the little speech Bucky had given beforehand, or the mutual pining they were experiencing for each other without the other knowing at all.

Conversation at the small kebab store was anything but what they were doing and why they were doing it. It gave the pair an opportunity to get to know each other, there’s always a positive isn’t there. They talked about their favourite things, about what they liked to do in their free time. They even shared stories from missions, the funny ones, like when Sam fell asleep on the roof and almost fell through a window, that seemed to be one of Bucky’s favourites.

The only time the conversation really lulled was when they were eating, and even then it was only one of them that ate while the other talked. It was so easy to talk to one another, they were both so intrigued with what the other had to say that they were almost fighting to ask the questions. The smiles on both of their faces never left their faces.

The pair strolled down the street towards towards the car, they’d gone the long way, Bucky having taken a wrong turn, not realising where he was going with Y/N blindly following him while they continued to talk. There was a comfortable silence between them as they walked side by side. The air was starting to cool now and Y/N felt the wind cut through her, she leaned closer towards Bucky as they walked. He took his hands out of his pockets, opening his body as an invitation for her to lean closer. They never quite made it past fingers brushing against each other, pinkies almost locking when they reached the car.

“How many do you think are waiting up for us?” Bucky asked with a chuckle as the compound came into view.

“I say they’ll be three of them at least,” she laughed back, looking over to Bucky whose smile broke out further across his face.

“Wanna bet on that,” he winked causing both of them to erupt into laughter for the millionth time that night.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Pay up Sam it’s over,” Steve stood over Sam sticking the jar that was already overflowing with cash towards him. Sam stayed in his seat, his arms crossed and shaking his head.

“It’s not over until I hear it from them, I need evidence,” he was determined they were lying, everyone else had admitted defeat but Sam was a stubborn man, luckily, Steve was just as stubborn.

“You saw them leave together for christ’s sake!” Nat threw her hands up at Sam.

“That means nothing!” Sam yelled. The room filled with groans and you could almost hear them roll their eyes at Sam’s comments.

“They’re driving up!” Sam and Steve spun their heads to Bruce who stood by the large window, The two of them, as well as Wanda, Clint and Tony jumped up and ran towards the window to see the car driving around the bend and into the garage.

“Sam, I believe you owe me $100” Steve smirked and held out the jar towards his friend. Sam huffed out a breath and dug into his pocket, pulling out the crumpled bill he’d gotten purely for this bet, and shoving it into the jar. “Thank you.” Steve hummed and walked out of the room, time to share his winnings.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“I can’t believe we were able to sneak past them all,” Y/N looked up at Bucky in awe, he’d snuck them through every hidden hallway he knew.

“I get bored of watching movies all night when I can’t sleep,” he smiled at her, “sometimes I like to explore around the place.” “Well maybe you can show me some other hidden gems you’ve found around here,” they rounded the corner, reaching Y/N’s hallway.

“I’ve got a few I can show you,” Bucky bit his lip looking down at her, it’s not a date he was still telling himself.

“Ya know Buck,” Y/N turned once they reached her door, she leaned against the door frame. They were almost chest to chest, she could almost feel his breath on her face and he had to shove his hands into his pockets to stop himself from reaching out and grabbing her waist. “This has got to be the best fake first date I’ve ever been on,” Bucky’s smile widened for a second before it slowly fell again.

“What about compared to real first dates?” he held his gaze to the ground and bit his lip waiting for her answer. Y/N moved away from the door frame and took a small step closer to Bucky, causing him to lift his gaze back up towards her.

“That’s just an unfair comparison,” he raised an eyebrow, questioning her comment, “if it was a real first date it’d end in a kiss.”

“And what if it did? Would that change the status of it’s realness?” he leaned forward further, Bucky brought his hands out of his pockets and held them firmly to the side. His eyes darted down to Y/N’s lips then up to her eyes and down again.

“Depends on how good the kiss was,” she gave him a small smirk, her gaze flicking down to his lips as well. Bucky reached out to place a soft hand on her neck, his fingers brushing against her jaw. He smiled as he leaned forward and captured her lips in his, they both smiled into the kiss. Her hands rested on his waist while his held her face gently. It was soft and quick but not quick enough for Bucky to not taste the soda she’d had with dinner on her lips or imprint in his mind what it felt like when she kissed him with a smile.

“Definitely one of the best first dates I’ve ever been on,” Y/N whispered against his lips, Bucky’s smile widened as he breathed out a laugh and took a small step back, his hands going down to hold hers.

“Does that mean I’ll get a second one?” Bucky’s voice was quiet as he spoke, his fingers played with hers nervously. Y/N nodded her head, she didn’t quite trust herself not to squeak if she opened her mouth, needing to compose herself. Bucky nodded along with her letting go of her hands, he breathed out another laugh “How about tomorrow?” he ran his hand through his hair.

“Sounds perfect Bucky.”

“Great, uh, awesome,” Bucky stepped forward and gave Y/N a quick kiss on her cheek before pulling back, “night gorgeous” he winked and turned to walk to his room. Before he got far Y/N reached out and grabbed his metal hand, pulling him back around to her.

“Just so you know, it was you I was talking about,” he gave her a look of confusion, knitting his eyebrows together, “my birthday wish, that was you.” Bucky’s hands went back up to hold her cheeks as he pulled her towards him and placed a rough kiss on her lips. She giggled as he pulled away and kissed her cheek again.

“Night doll” he called as he practically skipped down the hall.

Y/N walked backwards into her room, a big goofy smile on her face as she shut the door.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bucky couldn’t shake his smile even if the world exploded right then and there. He was floating as he walked into his room with a skip.

“Fucking hell!” Bucky jumped as he looked up and saw Steve sitting at his desk with the lamp as the only source of light, a jar full of cash sat next to his arm that was on the desk. “What the hell are you doing here?!”

“Waiting for you to get back from your date, how was it?” Steve smiled at his friend who stood there in front of him opening and closing his mouth.

“And what if I bought her back here?” he gathered himself quickly, folding his arms over his chest and starring a challenging look at Steve.

“I know you Buck,” he shook his head, amused by the whole ordeal, “you wouldn’t do that on the first date. Even if you’d already slept with her,” he laughed.

“What’s that?” Bucky nodded towards the jar, he could take a guess at what it was but he wanted Steve to confirm it.

“Your winnings,” Bucky nodded and leaned against the couch opposite Steve, “how long did it take for the pretend date to be real?” Steve smirked.

“You knew?!” Bucky’s eyes widened, he should have known he wouldn’t be able to pull a fast one over on Steve, of all the people.

“I’m not an idiot jerk, you both asked to be in on it hours apart!” Steve threw his hands out in front of him as he talked, did Bucky really think he was that dumb?

“Pretty sure you’re an idiot” Bucky rolled his eyes as Steve leaned back into his chair.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“And what was that?” Steve rolled his eyes, he was sick of the games, it was late, he wanted to go to bed and just be happy for his friend, “the whole bloody night but god it was worth it Steve.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Seven fucking days Buck,” Sam shook his head and laughed. As much as he didn’t like losing, especially to Steve, he couldn’t be happier Bucky had finally gotten his head out of his arse.

“Couldn’t let you win mate, I’d never hear the end of it,” Bucky smirked over his coffee cup. He’d told Steve about his date last night, then Sam this morning, though he’d made sure to keep out the fact that it wasn’t exactly a real date until the end but that’s beside the point. Sam continued to laugh as he took a bite out of his toast.

“Morning all,” Y/N chimed as she skipped into the kitchen and made her way to the coffee machine.

“Morning” Sam said between bites.

“Morning gorgeous,” Bucky beamed at the sight of her, he walked over and wrapped his arm around her waist, placing a kiss on her cheek. She looked up at him smiling right back at him while he leaned on the counter next to her. Y/N could get used to this attention from Bucky, though she’d have to stop herself from swooning every time.

“Dammit, now we’re going to have to deal with the lovey dovey bullshit!” Sam gagged, running out of the room. Steve and Wanda burst out laughing from their spots at the bar, watching with ever present satisfaction on their faces at their friends happiness. It was well worth the loss of his winnings, Steve thought, he was never in it for the money anyway.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

and a big thank you for reading! Let me know what you think and requests are open!

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Part Nine

Taglist: @little-brown-foxx @ibookishqueen @jacelynenursalim @buckyos @marcelaverzani @winters-history @happywobble @allonszassbutt @wiplop @pantamemes @emotionallysalty @jsmith509 @acf2510 @ashleyhearto @starklokison @annimalq @cautiouscalum @gabyer0309 @rorynne @tuliptx @redmachetecrossbow27 @sleepingspacedragon @cielphantomhixe @coffee-and-stardust @abswritesfandoms @forsaken-letters @mywinterwolf @emogeographics @marvelsangels @libellule2001

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barns fanfic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes au #place your bets #pyb #wiplop #emogeographics

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embracetheshipping · 7 years ago

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For the drabble challenge: 102 =)

“You hear that? That’s the sound of my awesomeness.“

Being a high profile task force was not without its benefits. Oh sure - full immunity and means was great, but that stipulation was offset by the sheer difficulty and high degree of danger that Five-0 faced on a daily basis. But on the plus side, cases wherein they were able to rescue victims or save targets who possessed prominent status sometimes resulted in additional rewards when the outcome of the investigation was favorable.

Most of the time, Steve refused to accept any favors, lest his team appear to be taking kickbacks from the wealthy. But every once in awhile, they were offered something pretty harmless, and if it would do the team some good, like an opportunity to relax or blow off steam, then there was no harm in taking advantage of said gifts.

Such benevolence was the reason Steve was stuck in his current predicament.

“Looks like I win again,” Danny said.

Steve glowered at his partner’s smug smirk. He shifted his plastic guitar to the opposite hand and shook the other to get the stiffness out of his fingers. “One more time. Double or nothing.”

Chin approached Danny and handed him a water bottle. “I think you should quit while you’re ahead, Steve,” he advised.

Danny accepted the bottle and set a pair of fake drumsticks on the ground at his feet. He stood up, careful not to knock over the play drum kit, and drained the water in one go.

Steve looked away, reminding himself that he shouldn’t be admiring his friend’s flushed skin or the movement of his throat as he gulped down his water.

Kono patted Steve on the shoulder. “Hate to say it boss, but he’s right. Danny’s totally owned you every time.”

“Not every time,” Steve protested. “And my hand started cramping up.”

Danny replaced the cap on his water bottle and licked his lips (Steve resolutely did NOT stare at that either). “Excuses, excuses,” he said.

Lou appeared between them. “Come on, McGarrett. Admit defeat and let’s go check out the rest of this resort. You said the manager gave us free reign to participate in any and all activities they have to offer. I’m not about to spend all day in the adult equivalent of Chuck E. Cheese’s, watching you two duke it out in a music video game when I could be out playing eighteen holes on the golf course.”

“Just one more,” Steve promised, his competitiveness overriding the inappropriate thoughts about his best friend. “Come on, Danny.”

“Fine,” Danny agreed. He sat back down on the stool and picked up the drumsticks again. He twirled them between his fingers. “Get ready, Steve. You’re about to owe me fifty bucks.”

“We’ll see.” Steve scrolled through the song options on the highest difficulty mode and chose a song that he felt confident would be too fast for Danny to keep up.

He made his selection and got into position - feet planted a hip’s width apart, the fingers of his left hand on the buttons that looked like guitar frets, and his right on the lever that simulated the strumming action. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Danny lazily twirl the drumsticks a few more times before the game loaded.

The screen flashed with bright colors and a computer-generated band appeared, complete with a cheering crowd. Two vertical scrollbars popped up, one for each of them. The bars would display colored circles that corresponded to the buttons on Steve’s guitar and the rims of Danny’s drums. The goal was to follow along and press the appropriate buttons (or in Danny’s case, hit the correct drum with the sticks) in time with the song. When it was over, they would be given a total completion score, but then it would break it down between the two of them.

There was no gradual warm-up in the song’s intro for either of them. The music began and immediately jumped into a complex series of “notes” for the guitar and drum sections.

Steve’s fingers flew across the buttons as he bent all of his concentration on his scrollbar. It wasn’t easy - he had to ignore Danny’s wild arm movements and his progress, as well as the computerized avatars of the famous musicians playing and dancing in the background on the screen.

He was doing well for the first forty-five seconds or so, having only missed a beat or two, but a sudden onslaught of even faster combos began to trip him up.

Behind him, he heard faint murmurs, and the atmosphere became charged with excited energy. Steve sensed that others besides his teammates were watching their competition. In fact, it seemed that a small crowd of other resort patrons had taken an interest in their game and were gathering around to watch.

Steve swore when his fingers started to cramp again (and no - he hadn’t been making that up). Sweat trickled down the back of his neck, and he bit his bottom lip.

The music stopped as suddenly as it began. The spectators cheered along with their onscreen counterparts when Steve and Danny’s combined score of four gold stars burst on the display, indicating that they could advance to the next level if they so desired.

Then the stats changed to display their individual scores, and Steve was dismayed to see that Danny’s was double his.

The crowd clapped and cheered again. Apparently many of them had chosen to back Danny during their little match.

Danny swiveled on the stool to face Steve. “Oh - you hear that? That is the sound of my awesomeness!” He stood and mock bowed to the amused observers.

Steve set down the game guitar, and Danny left the drumsticks on the kit. A few college kids high-fived Danny, then moved in to take their places and play a few songs themselves.

The Five-0 Team weaved around tourists and teenagers to exit the hotel’s arcade. When they were clear of the main floor, Danny held out his hand and wiggled his fingers expectantly. “Well? Pay up, Steve.”

Steve rolled his eyes and slipped his wallet out of his back pocket. He slapped two twenty dollar bills and a ten into Danny’s eager palm.

“Sweet!” Danny held the money up over his head so that the light shone through the paper. “Looks legit. You guys ready to hit the bar? First round’s on me.” He led the way towards an exit that would lead to the resort’s outdoor bar and grill.

“You know, that was really impressive,” Kono said. She punched Danny in the arm. “I can’t believe you can move your arms that fast.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “Nice to know all your ridiculous, over-the-top hand motions can be put to good use.”

Lou, Chin and Kono chuckled at the familiar banter and left the pair to choose a table in the dining area.

Steve accompanied Danny up to the bar to place their order. After the bartender turned away to get their beers, Steve leaned against the counter and waited for Danny to gloat some more.

Instead, Danny drummed his fingers on the counter, eyes downcast.

“What? Oh, come on. You’re not mad about what I just said, are you? I was just kidding.”

“I know that,” Danny snapped. He shrugged. “I was just thinking…”

“About what?” Steve prompted.

Danny looked over and studied him for a moment. Steve didn’t know what he was looking for, but he seemed to find it. A slow, sultry smile made its way across Danny’s face.

“Well, I was thinking about some other good uses my “ridiculous hand motions” have been known to accomplish.”

Steve swallowed at the low tone and the associated implication. “Y-yeah?”

“Sure,” Danny said. “If you invite me to your room later, I’d be happy to give you a demonstration.”

Steve nodded, perhaps a little too eagerly, but he didn’t really care. “Yeah, okay.”

Danny winked, and then turned to pay the bartender.

Steve no longer cared about losing the game.

#h50 #mcdanno #drabble challenge #myfanfiction #mini fic #i maintain that danny is awesome #and it turns steve on

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junker-town · 7 years ago

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The 1 thing each NFL team should have done differently this offseason

After six weeks of the 2017 season, it’s easy to see which offseason moves worked and which didn’t.

Hindsight is always 20/20. It’s easy to look back now and see exactly what your favorite NFL team could have done differently in the offseason. And that’s exactly what we’ve asked SB Nation’s NFL team sites to do this week.

For some teams, the answer was clear. The Cardinals let Calais Campbell walk in free agency, and he’s been a force for the Jaguars. Campbell has eight sacks on the season already. The Cardinals’ entire defense has just 12.

The answer for the Jaguars is also obvious. Blake Bortles is not going to be a viable franchise quarterback, and they should have gone after one in free agency or snagged someone in the draft. Bortles is averaging 178 passing yards per game and has eight touchdowns against five picks.

Jacksonville is ranked eighth in the league for scoring, but that’s not because of Bortles. The Jaguars have been helped along by six rushing touchdowns, which ties them for third in the NFL. A league-best four defensive touchdowns have also made a difference and don't have a thing to do with Bortles.

Our team sites weighed in and shared what they thought their favorite team would pick if they had do-over, whether it was a move the team made or one they didn’t. Here’s what they chose:

Arizona Cardinals: They never should have let Calais Campbell walk

While the signing of Chandler Jones was important, it seemed to be rather easy to get a contract sorted out. Instead of doing that first, then franchising Campbell to insure he was around for one more season, while also making sure that Robert Nkemdiche was ready for the spotlight.

Instead, the Cardinals gambled. They let Calais walk and he has been a part of the transformation of the Jacksonville Jaguars defense.

Campbell through six games has eight sacks (second most in the NFL), two more than Chandler Jones on the season, and is one away from tying his career high.

For more, check out the entire entry at Revenge of the Birds.

Atlanta Falcons: They should have drafted a defensive tackle

Had the Falcons known [stopping the run] would be an issue, they may have elected to pick up a defensive tackle in the draft, because this looks like a pretty solid class. That would have given them another young, fresh player on the interior this entire time, and I believe that could have made a legitimate different in the outcomes of the Buffalo and Miami games.

For more, check out the entire entry at the Falcoholic.

Baltimore Ravens: They shouldn’t have passed up JuJu Smith-Schuster

It was tough to narrow this one down. Kyle Barber, the managing editor of Baltimore Beatdown, writes:

It’s a really difficult thing to look back on and make a definitive response. I was confident in the offensive line, with Alex Lewis and Marshal Yanda as the interior players. I believe right tackle was the biggest loss, followed by skipping over JuJu Smith-Schuster. Austin Howard has performed well, so I’m not taking Ricky Wagner back. My final answer, not drafting Juju. Baltimore misses out on yet another wideout.

For more, check out the entire entry at Baltimore Beatdown.

Buffalo Bills: Not bringing in a better offensive coordinator

There were rumors Mike McCoy was on Sean McDermott’s short list of candidates. Instead, Buffalo ended up with Rick Dennison who has never called plays before and Buffalo’s run game has suffered immensely, the new blocking schemes aren’t working, and their passing game is worse, too.

For more, check out the entire entry at Buffalo Rumblings.

Carolina Panthers: They should have fired Dave Gettleman sooner

The common theory for Gettleman’s exit — and all we have are theories because Richardson has been notoriously silent on his reasoning for the decision — is that folks inside the organization grew tired of Gettleman’s poor ‘bedside manner’ when dealing with pending free agents during contract negotiations. Panthers fans saw the departures of Jordan Gross, DeAngelo Williams, Steve Smith and Josh Norman under Gettleman’s watch, and were preparing for the potential exits of Thomas Davis and Greg Olsen in the near future. Apparently those last two players were the final straw for Richardson, and he decided to choose loyalty over winning by giving Gettleman the axe.

For more, check out the entire entry at Cat Scratch Reader.

Chicago Bears: Mike Glennon should have never started

So, what is my issue with the Glennon signing? My issue is that once it became evident that Glennon was a net-negative on the field, he no longer should have been playing. To me, Glennon’s career combined with his preseason performance was enough to jeopardize his starting job heading into week 1.

For more, check out the entire entry at Windy City Gridiron.

Cincinnati Bengals: Letting Andrew Whitworth go to the Rams in free agency

It was a hot button issue when the team let Whitworth leave for the Los Angeles Rams on a three-year, $33,750,000 deal. Last season the offensive line didn’t play well, but it wasn’t Whitworth’s fault. He had one of his best season’s at the age of 34. He turned 35 last December, so the Bengals had an issue giving him a long-term deal. This reportedly rubbed Whitworth the wrong way, and when the Rams offered him a massive three-year contract he took it. Now, with that said, the Rams could opt out of the deal in 2018 or 2019 with relative ease. Though, it's pretty obvious that won't be happening in 2018 based on how well Whitworth is continuing to play this year.

For more, check out the entire entry at Cincy Jungle.

Cleveland Browns: Not giving DeShone Kizer more receiving talent to work with

However, while the team repaired several spots on the team this offseason, most notable the offensive line, they failed when it came to the receiver position. They threw their money at Kenny Britt, and he’s had a Dwayne Bowe-like start to the season. With Corey Coleman sidelined, the team’s most intriguing receivers are Kasen Williams and Bryce Treggs, guys who would be practice squad players elsewhere. The free agent market wasn’t exactly oozing with talent, but still, there’s no arguing that something could have gone better at this position.

For more, check out the entire entry at Dawgs by Nature.

Dallas Cowboys: They should have looked for more help at linebacker

But as time went on and Sean Lee got hurt, Smith, and Durant to a lesser degree, were exposed by the Rams and the Packers. Not only in the running game but in pass coverage and containing the quarterback. Damien Wilson has also not taken the next step up. Without Lee, the linebackers have been a mess. If they could have found a player to help (yes, I know that’s not always easy to do, but they could have made a serious effort), then I believe they could be 3-2 or possibly 4-1 at this point.

For more, check out the entire entry at Blogging the Boys.

Denver Broncos: They should have kept Russell Okung

They would be in pretty good shape, actually. Okung has graded out at a respectable 72.7 from Pro Football Focus at left tackle for the Los Angeles Chargers, which means he could have found success at right tackle in Denver. He certainly would be better than the putrid 38.7 PFF grade that Watson has put out so far this season.

For more, check out the entire entry at Mile High Report.

Detroit Lions: The pass rush was neglected

So what should they have done? Free agency didn’t turn out to be as fruitful as the Lions had likely hoped. Chandler Jones, Melvin Ingram, Jason Pierre-Paul and Charles Johnson all ended up re-signing with their teams before free agency opened.

But this looked to be a pretty decent draft to add an edge rusher. If Detroit didn’t want to take a chance on one of the top-tier edge rushers like Charles Harris or Taco Charlton, there were plenty of options later in the draft. They could have taken Carl Lawson (3.5 sacks in 2017) late in the third round or Deatrich Wise (3.0 sacks) instead of Michael Roberts in the fourth.

For more, check out the entire entry at Pride of Detroit.

Green Bay Packers: Their big mistake was letting Micah Hyde go

The former Packers slot corner-slash-safety would have provided a steadying presence for the young secondary. Hyde would have been the team’s starting slot corner from day one, and he would have provided some critical depth at safety as well. As for his 2017, he leads the league with a career-high four interceptions and his contract — which carries a $4 million salary cap hit this season — should not have put the Packers in jeopardy of exceeding the cap.

Oh, and let’s not forget that Hyde would also provide value by remaining the Packers’ punt returner, a job at which Trevor Davis has failed to impress as yet.

For more, check out the entire entry at Acme Packing Company.

Houston Texans: Letting A.J. Bouye sign with the Jaguars is the easy answer

I reckon many of you immediately shouted “RE-SIGN A.J. BOUYE!” in response to that query. Valid. Bouye was a revelation last year, and the Texans chose to neither sign him to a long-term deal nor utilize the franchise tag to keep him in Houston for at least one more year. Bouye decamped to Jacksonville, where he has joined forces with Jalen Ramsey to form a rather potent duo at cornerback, thus strengthening a very solid Jaguars defense.

For more, check out the entire entry at Battle Red Blog.

Indianapolis Colts: Not bringing in Chris Ballard’s choice at head coach

The only thing worse than having to watch Colts football without Andrew Luck on the sideline — due to an injury he suffered during his time playing with, for and under Ryan Grigson and Chuck Pagano — is to watch Pagano lead a new quarterback and new team to inconsistent performances, blowout losses and leave fans asking the same coaching questions they were making over the last five years.

For more, check out the entire entry at Stampede Blue.

Jacksonville Jaguars: It’s simple. Sign a quarterback

Blake Bortles ain’t it and yet we’ve seen free agents and backups provide sparks for their teams. And Old Man Tom Coughlin wouldn’t have even needed to compromise his principles of not signing players who know their Constitutional rights to upgrade the position.

Look at Josh McCown and his over 70 percent completion percentage. With an overachieving defense, he’s one bad call away from being 4-2 — and he was signed for only $6 million! Or Jacoby Brissett who has been inconsistent at times but has picked up the playbook quicker than most and has provided a spark where a lesser quarterback would be 0-6 with that offensive line.

Why didn’t we give up some Day 3 draft picks for Brett Hundley or Matt Moore? Oh, because we really, really needed Dawuane Smoot and Blair Brown.

For more, check out the entire entry at Big Cat Country.

Kansas City Chiefs: They made the right call not to push Alex Smith to the side

The best move for the Chiefs is the one they didn’t make. As Joel Thorman explains:

But think back to how different things were in the preseason with how we viewed the quarterback situation. It wasn’t that long ago. I joked before the season that it would be a very Kansas City thing for Alex to come out and play really well and make this a tough decision next year. Even the Chiefs can’t get drafting a franchise quarterback right! And here we are.

For more, check out the entire entry at Arrowhead Pride.

Los Angeles Chargers: It’s time to think about life after Philip Rivers

The Chargers should have taken a quarterback with the No. 7 overall pick in the 2017 NFL Draft. Philip Rivers is nearing the end of his career whether we are ready to say goodbye or not. Deshaun Watson already looks like a franchise-changing player for the Houston Texans and it’s hard to imagine a future as bright as the one the Chargers would have if he was backing up Rivers right now. It might not have helped this year, but maybe it would have.

For more, check out the entire entry at Bolts from the Blue.

Los Angeles Rams: The signing of RB Lance Dunbar

It’s not a huge criticism. Dunbar came over from the Dallas Cowboys on a pretty inexpensive one-year deal. But given that he hasn’t contributed, well, anything to this point, it’s the easy target here.

I considered perhaps the lack of an extension for DL Aaron Donald or the extension for ILB Alec Ogletree here, but there’s some argument to be had. I’m not sure there is an argument left in support of the Dunbar move.

For more, check out the entire entry at Turf Show Times.

Miami Dolphins: They let all-around tight end Dion Sims walk

Tight end Dion Sims left the Dolphins to sign with the Chicago Bears on a three-year, $18 million contract. Miami traded a seventh-round pick to the Jacksonville Jaguars for tight end Julius Thomas, who signed a two-year, $12.2 million contract after the trade. Basically, for a $300,000 2017 cap hit increase, the Dolphins swapped Thomas as the starting tight end over Sims.

For more, check out the entire entry at the Phinsider.

Minnesota Vikings: Signing an injured Latavius Murray

Murray was signed in late March, and it was assumed that he was going to be the guy that the Vikings would use as their go-to back in the post-Adrian Peterson era. Of course, a couple of days after he signed, Murray had surgery on an ankle that he had injured the previous season, and the injury kept him out for most of Training Camp.

For more, check out the entire entry at the Daily Norseman.

New England Patriots: They didn’t keep Martellus Bennett

The most immediate and obvious change would be to not let Martellus Bennett go. The Patriots let Bennett walk to the Green Bay Packers and acquired Dwayne Allen from the Indianapolis Colts and James O’Shaughnessy from the Kansas City Chiefs. O’Shaughnessy didn’t make the final roster and Allen hasn’t recorded a single catch, even with Rob Gronkowski not playing last week. Allen’s been an okay blocker, but he’s been a huge drop from Bennett on the offense.

For more, check out the entire entry at Pats Pulpit.

New Orleans Saints: The Saints don’t have any offseason regrets

Given how everything has played out for the Saints, it might be safe to say that nothing would be changed if a do-over was in play. The best moves the team made in the offseason might have been the ones they didn’t make.

For more, check out the entire entry at Canal Street Chronicles.

New York Giants: Figure out a way to fix the offensive line

Here’s how Big Blue View’s Ed Valentine would have done that:

Forget about signing wide receiver Brandon Marshall. Anyone who reads this site regularly should know that is a move I would not have made — and I said so before the Giants even made it. I did my best to give Marshall the benefit of the doubt, but no one should be surprised that didn’t work. The two years and $11 million the Giants gave Marshall would not have been enough to sign a big-name free agent offensive lineman. Perhaps, though, Marshall’s money and what the Giants spent in smaller signings on John Jerry and D.J. Fluker, would have been enough to get them in the ballpark for a top-tier player.

For more, check out the entire entry at Big Blue View.

New York Jets: Center is still a liability

The move I really can’t wrap my head around is the Jets handing Wesley Johnson the starting center job. Johnson filled in a lot for Nick Mangold last year, and his play was spotty. I can understand giving him a chance to compete for the job, but the Jets handed him the starting role with little resistance. And they ended up paying him median starting center money. There isn’t even a discount.

For more, check out the entire entry at Gang Green Nation.

Oakland Raiders: Predictability on offense is a problem

To sum it up, this offense is a far cry from the dynamic offense of a year ago. Despite new weapons like Marshawn Lynch, Jared Cook, and Cordarrelle Patterson. The only change was the offensive coordinator.

That doesn’t mean it all falls on him. It may be that last season Musgrave wasn’t holding the offense back, but rather masking Carr’s deficiencies and maximizing his strengths. Or, if you’d like to remain optimistic, they could just be going through some growing pains. And at 2-4 with the Chiefs coming to town in two days, there’s sparse hope there’s time to recover.

For more, check out the entire entry at Silver and Black Pride.

Philadelphia Eagles: The Eagles made the right choice to trade Jordan Matthews

Bleeding Green Nation took it in a different direction:

So in honor of staying positive, I’m going to flip today’s question around into: “Where would the Eagles be if they HADN'T made a certain move?”

The move that comes to mind is the Eagles’ decision to trade Jordan Matthews and a 2018 third-round pick for Ronald Darby. A number of people were NOT on board with trading JMatt at the time.

There was concern about removing Matthews’ production from the offense. There was concern about losing a valued member of the locker room. There was concern about how this trade would specifically impact Carson Wentz.

For more, check out the entire entry at Bleeding Green Nation.

Pittsburgh Steelers: What if they hadn’t signed Joe Haden?

If Haden had never been acquired, the Steelers would likely be looking at a couple options at the starting outside cornerback position opposite Artie Burns. If you recall, the team was having a “two dogs, one bone” competition between Ross Cockrell and Coty Sensabaugh at the end of the preseason, and the Steelers would likely have had to go with one of those players had Haden not been picked up as a free agent.

Would Cockrell or Sensabaugh be able to do what Haden has done with his experience, leadership and communication in the back end? Some might argue yes, but I will certainly sway towards the other side of the fence.

For more, check out the entire entry at Behind the Steel Curtain.

San Francisco 49ers: They should have drafted Deshaun Watson

The 49ers spent their No. 3 overall pick on Solomon Thomas, and he is off to a solid start. He has had some inconsistency, but he’s emerging as a solid presence on the line. It’s looking like a fairly solid selection, but if the 49ers could have landed a franchise quarterback there, it makes all the sense in the world. It’s too early to say Watson is going to keep this up, but it’s hard not to be impressed.

For more, check out the entire entry at Niners Nation.

Seattle Seahawks: They didn’t match the 49ers’ offer to Garry Gilliam

Even if the team didn’t view Gilliam as an NFL starter, having quality depth at the tackle position is still valuable. Gilliam hasn’t taken snaps as an NFL left tackle, but the likelihood that he is a better left tackle than Rees Odhiambo is very high. After letting Russell Okung leave after the 2015 season with no plan to replace him (no, Bradley Sowell doesn’t count), this makes two straight offseasons of very questionable decisions at the tackle position.

For more, check out the entire entry at Field Gulls.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: They needed to sign more defensive talent

Number one on that list has to be pass-rusher. Noah Spence is slowly turning into an impressive player and Robert Ayers has his moments, but the Bucs still lack an impactful edge presence. And there’s a few players who would have fit the bill—Julius Peppers was available, and he has 6.5 sacks now. Calais Campbell was available, and he has a whopping eight sacks.

For more, check out the entire entry at Bucs Nation.

Tennessee Titans: They should have brought in A.J. Bouye

Jon Robinson has made a lot of great moves as the general manager of the Titans. The one move that he should have made this offseason was signing A.J. Bouye. The biggest weakness the Titans still have is the secondary. Think about how good this secondary would be with Bouye and Logan Ryan on the outside and Adoree Jackson in the slot.

Signing Bouye also would have weakened that Jaguars secondary that is one of the best in the league. The combination of Bouye and Jalen Ramsey in Jacksonville is going to cause headaches for the Titans for the next few years.

For more, check out the entire entry at Music City Miracles.

Washington: Do what it takes to lock up Kirk Cousins

To me, if I could go back in time to the offseason, the one change I would make is pretty simple: I would have stroked the check necessary to lock Kirk Cousins up for years to come. Let’s set aside—for a moment—what we know about how Kirk has played this season. (He hasn’t been Joe Montana, but he has produced, and quite frankly, he has proven he is a top-flight starter in this league.)

For more, check out the entire entry at Hogs Haven.

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dorothyd89 · 8 years ago

Text

Shine a Damn Light

Time has no meaning in this godforsaken cell.

How long have I been sitting here?

Hours?

Days?

The windowless walls feel like they’re closing in around me. A single neon light above gives the room an eerie glow and makes every shadow a distorted monstrosity. There I sit, alone, nervously awaiting whoever comes through a lone door in the corner.

Next to me, a small table full of sharp and twisted instruments that will surely be used to inflict excruciating amounts of pain.

I tell myself to not look at them, and yet I can’t look away.

As I silently curse my predicament, I can’t help but think, “please get this over with.” After all, waiting is the worst part.

Actually, it’s the second worst. The worst, of course, is knowing that I have nobody to blame for this predicament but myself. Afterall, it was my choices that led me here.

The door opens and a woman enters. She quietly puts on a pair of rubber gloves and gives me a look that turns my blood cold. I am convinced her overly pleasant smile is hiding an absolutely masochistic psychosis.

“Hello Stephen. Shall we begin?” she says in an accent that I can’t quite place.

The metal chair activates, and slowly begins to recline into the floor.

I stare up at the ceiling, slowly close my eyes, and quietly begin to panic.

For the first time in 3 years, I am at the dentist.

Why I hate the Dentist

You’re probably now saying, “Damnit, Steve! I thought you were actually in trouble. You’re just going to the dentist! You are a terrible person and I hope somebody kicks you in the shin today.”

Sorry about that. I promise this has a point and you will learn a valuable life lesson today.

If you couldn’t tell, I hate the dentist. In fact, I would say have an actual phobia of going to one. And last week, for the first time in 3 years, I got my teeth cleaned.

I’m not afraid of the dentist because of the sterility of the building, or because the dentist himself is scary, or the fact that it’s always uncomfortable for me.

It’s more deeply rooted in shame back to my childhood, believe it or not.

When I was younger I used to drink a lot of sugary soda. Sunkist and Sprite were my favorites. Oh and Starburst candy! I also have soft teeth. So it wasn’t surprising that I would eventually get a cavity – I remember it like it was yesterday, because I thought it was the end of the world. I saw it as a major character defect, and if I remember correctly, my mom had to console me that it didn’t make me a broken person. Despite this deep shame I felt about my teeth being imperfect, I didn’t want to accept it.

… And that led to more problems.

Every time I would go to the dentist, it felt like I was playing Russian Roulette. Sometimes I would get a good check-up. Sometimes I would get drilled.

And every time I got drilled, the shame came rushing back. And so going to the dentist became an actual fear of mine.

Every 6 months, I could feel the hairs on my neck instinctively stand up when I found out it was time for my routine cleaning. The car ride to the dentist with my mom felt like William Wallace’s ride to the chopping block: “I don’t know what you’re going to do to me, but please just get it over with.”

It was never the time in the chair that ruined me, it was the anxiety leading up to the moment the dental hygienist would get started.

WORRYING that I would get yelled at, KNOWING that I probably had a cavity, and WAITING for them to decide my teeth’s fate. Sometimes they would drill. Sometimes they would lecture me on flossing. Sometimes I would get a clean bill of health.

Regardless of the outcome, I was a little ball of stress walking in. Every single time.

Now that I’m older, my dental hygiene has significantly improved. I’ve been using an electric toothbrush for years. I don’t drink soda, I don’t eat candy, and I generally take care of my mouth. I even bought those little floss pick things and manage to floss every once in awhile!

And we all know how hard flossing is. Mitch Hedberg said it best:

“People who smoke cigarettes, they say “You don’t know how hard it is to quit smoking.” Yes I do. It’s as hard as it is to start flossing.”

Anyways, my last cavity was in like 2008, and regular visits to the dentist were fine until 2013.

However, since I’ve moved so damn much since starting Nerd Fitness, my insurance has changed a bazillion times, and I have this irrational fear of the dentist, I’ve conveniently been “too busy” to go to the dentist for the past few years.

I used every excuse in the book for years as to why I couldn’t be bothered to get my teeth cleaned. It wasn’t my fault. I just had other things that had to happen first. For YEARS.

Can you see what’s REALLY happening here?

Obviously I know dental hygiene is really important. I have an insurance plan that covers a free teeth cleaning every six months, which means not going is a dumb thing to do. The sooner I go to the dentist, the sooner I can learn if there are any issues, and the sooner I can get rid of any hidden build-up before it becomes a problem.

Logically, I know all of these things. And yet it had been 3 years since my last dental visit.

Why? Because I was afraid.

In my head, I told myself: “If you don’t go to the dentist, then you can’t be told you have a cavity. If you can’t be told you have a cavity, then you don’t have one. Aka you have perfect dental health. There’s no ambiguity or anxiety. Problem solved!”

You might read that sentence and say, “Steve, you are being ridiculous. If you have a cavity, waiting LONGER to deal with it is only making the problem worse. You are a grown man who owns a fitness company. This is absurd.”

To those, people I say, “DON’T YOU THINK I ALREADY KNOW THAT!?” I’m not saying my thought process is rational or even intelligent here. In fact, I know it’s really really really dumb. I know how important it can be to take care of myself. I go to the gym 4 days per week. I get plenty of sleep! I eat pretty damn well! I really take care of myself.

And yet, my brain convinced me for 3 years to avoid the dentist and thus avoid judgment/pain/acknowledgment that my teeth aren’t perfect.

That is absurd, and yet… here we are.

Last week, my anxiety, shame, and guilt all came flooding back the second I walked down that dental office hallway, past cell after cell, until I reached mine. I felt like a character in the most recent Hostel or Saw movie.

Now, you might have read all of the above and can actually relate: “Ha! I’ve totally done the same thing! Can’t get in trouble if I don’t go right?! Can’t get a cavity if nobody tells me I have one! It’s science.”

Whichever camp you happen to fall in, I have a lesson for you.

You might not relate to this irrational fear of the dentist, but I bet there’s a darkness your life that you’re avoiding too.

In your relationships, your job, or even looking in the mirror…

What’s hiding in the darkness?

Somebody left a comment on a recent article I wrote about shame, guilt, hero-worship, and offending people: “This isn’t anything that offended me, it just casts a light where I don’t want to look. I’m tired of doing this to myself. I’m done with fooling myself. My belly hitting the desk in front of me has pissed me off for the last time.”

We all do it!

As long as we pretend like whatever is hiding in the darkness doesn’t exist, then we don’t have to confront it or deal with it. If we don’t address, acknowledge, or measure it, then we can pretend that this particular thing, obscured by darkness, isn’t real. And thus, we can go on naively innocent assuming all is well.

Even if the last time we looked in the darkness was years ago. Kind of like Schroedinger’s cat… my teeth were both perfect and imperfect at the same time – that as long as I didn’t look in the box, both existed and thus I could continue judgment and acknowledgment-free.

And I get it, the darkness is scary!

The Darkness is also an awesome band from the mid 2000s, but that’s neither here nor there.

I’m reminded of the amazing dog cartoon you’ve definitely seen – he’s sitting there as a fire engulfs his surroundings. Despite this madness, he’s quietly drinking his coffee saying “this is fine.”

Some might say this is a dog resigned to his fate, like the captain of the Titanic going down with his ship. Might as well enjoy a cup of coffee, saying “this is fine” while the world burns.

Instead, I look at it from a different angle. Mostly because then all of this makes sense, and I can live out my dream of sharing this comic in a NF article and help you live a better life.

What if this dog is refusing to accept the fact that HIS HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN, and instead chooses to tell his brain, “This is fine. All is well. No need to panic.” Of course, had he panicked sooner, he could have just… left the building.

I am this dog on fire when it comes to my teeth. Everything is fine! Don’t pay attention to your mouth. Just ignore it. If you don’t go to the dentist, you can assume your teeth are as perfect as the last time you had them cleaned. Even if that was years ago and one of your teeth sometimes hurts.

We need to confront the darkness, and we need to do it now. We can’t ignore the obscured parts of our lives we want to avoid and tell ourselves, “This is fine.”

Are you guilty of any of the following rationalizations?:

If I don’t step on the scale, then I don’t need to address the fact that I have slowly put on 5 pounds a year for the past decade.

If I don’t look at my bank statement, then I don’t need to address how little money I have, and I don’t need to start saving. YOLOOOOO TIME TO BUY ANOTHER GADGET.

If I don’t go to the doctor and get an annual physical, then I don’t have to get yelled at and have him tell me i’m overweight and at risk for Type-2 diabetes.

If I don’t check my credit score, then I don’t need to address the fact that I have “the credit score of a homeless ghost” (shout out to New Girl) and address the fact that I have a spending and credit problem.

If I don’t tell my kid that I found his drug stash, then I can go on naively assuming he’s still the little angel I raised him to be.

If I don’t have this uncomfortable conversation with my partner, then I don’t need to address the fact that I’m in a loveless relationship or that I’m no longer attracted to them.

If I don’t go see a therapist then I don’t have to confront the fact that my mom was a shitty parent and I’m doing the same thing to my daughter.

If I don’t open my mail or answer my phone, then I can’t talk to the bill collector and avoid the fact that I’m three house payments behind. Lalalalala, can’t hear you.

If I don’t take the red pill and see how deep this rabbit hole goes, then I don’t have to address the fact that I’m in a prison for my mind and I can go back to my blissfully ignorant life in The Matrix.

We have dark corners we purposefully avoid, and we don’t want to know what’s in them. Shining a bright, powerful spotlight on the thing we don’t want to acknowledge can be horribly PAINFUL.

In my mind, it’s also the grown-up thing to do. As we all try to do a bit more adulting (even me, at age 32), we need to confront the darkness. After all, we know the truth.

That through avoidance and refusal to peer into that darkness, and the longer we wait to confront what’s hiding in there, the WORSE it gets. That every day we wait to confront the problem is making our eventual confrontation harder and harder on ourselves A simple cavity becomes surgery. Slightly overweight becomes obese. Obese becomes life threatening. Poor becomes broke. And the whole time we’re sitting there going “this is fine”.

So help yourself, and go get a big damn flashlight.

Shine a light and own it.

There is a BIG challenge that comes with shining a light on something you’ve purposefully kept hiding in the darkness.

Whatever it is, it might be significantly WORSE than you ever thought possible:

That the scale is much higher than expected. Like 75 pounds heavier. FML.

That I actually have less than no money. I can’t believe I bought that crap last week.

That I have 6 cavities and need to get a tooth pulled. Shit.

That talking to a therapist absolutely destroys me and digs up all kind of mental issues and years of pain and abuse I’ve been avoiding.

That I can’t afford this house I’m underwater on and need to move back home with my parents.

That this business was a stupid idea, and I need to declare bankruptcy.

That I am somehow a dog, and sitting in a building that’s actually on fire.

That I’ve actually been living in The Matrix this whole time.

That we have a painful conversation with a spouse who we learn has been cheating on us.

If you’re not prepared for it, if you aren’t ready to handle an answer that MIGHT be worse than you expected… learning the truth might hurt. Badly.

If we’re not careful, this truth can cause us to sink further into shame or depression. We might feel ashamed of how badly we’ve botched things. Or guilty that we let things get so bad. Or stupid and worthless for not asking for help years earlier instead of suffering in silence.

Which is what we’re all really afraid of and why we avoid shining the light.

We assume the “not knowing” is safer and less painful than the truth. As long as we don’t know, it can never be worse than we think it could be.

Unfortunately, the “not knowing” is also what keeps us prisoner, keeps us from addressing the problem head on, and always leads to more heartache (or toothache, heyo!) for ourselves. And we can’t start solving the problem until we learn what it is and how big it is.

Which means you need to walk into the darkness with NON-JUDGMENTAL acceptance (a tall order), use 20 seconds of courage, and shine a big damn spotlight on what’s lurking there.

This is the hard part, but also the most important.

Feelings of shame and self-blame are going to rush in. The challenge is not identifying with that stuff. When I felt stupid and embarrassed for not going into the dentist for so long, it was hard not getting caught up in those feelings. But once they pass, the clouds part and you realize: hey, I’m here and owning up to this. I can’t fix yesterday, so I feel pride for finally stepping up and addressing this issue. I’m alive, “this too shall pass”.

So accept responsibility for your actions and say: “Okay, holy crap that is worse than I expected. I am GLAD I caught it now rather than waiting even longer. What can I start doing today to fix this situation?”

In other words, shine a damn light and own it:

DO NOT be mad at yourself for letting it get this bad.

DO NOT let yourself get depressed about how much further you just realized you have to go to climb out of the hole you suddenly find yourself in.

As Rafiki taught Simba in The Lion King: “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”

DO NOT BE MAD AT HOW BAD THINGS ARE.

INSTEAD, BE PROUD OF YOURSELF for finally stepping up and addressing it.

As the saying goes, you are under no obligation to continue being who you were 5 minutes ago. The OLD you was the one avoiding addressing these challenges. The OLD you was naive and stupid and young (I don’t care if the OLD you was 5 minutes ago).

The NEW you is older and wiser and stepping up to take ownership and action.

You still might be scared poopless, but at least you’re doing something about it. Great work.

Stand tall, aim that big-ass spotlight into the dark corner, and F***ING OWN what you find there.

When you say, “Alright, what’s in here? I got this.” it can change your mentality from shame and avoidance to acceptance and action.

Your next step will be to take this new baseline and improve from there. Don’t compare yourself to the past you thought you were before the spotlight (e.g. I thought my teeth were perfect and healthy, but with the spotlight I discovered new problems).

Instead, set a new baseline based on what the light revealed and grow from there:

“I can’t believe I put on 150 pounds” becomes “Okay, I am 350 pounds today. Next stop is 349.”

“I can’t believe I am $35,000 in credit card debt since I got out of college” becomes “Okay, I am starting at $35,000. I can start paying this down immediately. ”

“I used to be [skinny/debt-free/mentally-healthy] and now I am [negative shame-based identity]” becomes “This is where I am today. What can I do right now?”

Thank you for putting up with my dental horror story, now it’s your turn. Please leave a comment and answer the following questions:

Where is the shadow in your life that you previously didn’t want to shine a spotlight on?

Can you use 20 seconds of courage and then write a nonjudgmental sentence about what you’ve revealed?

What’s one action step you’re taking today to start improvement?

For the record, I ended up having to go back to the dentist two more times after this most recent visit (only one cavity though!), and I’ve already scheduled the next appointment in my calendar for 6 months from now.

-Steve, smiling

(kind of…my mouth is pretty numb at the moment)

###

Photo: regonold: jail

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fitnetpro · 8 years ago