#at best he’s MIA at worst the Horde has him and is using him to spy on you. Which if that was a possibility— why not bring that up in S4?

[mimdecisive]

does anyone else find it kinda weird that SPOP just casually dropped in the fact that there’s a Prince who can see ANYWHERE in the world magically, aka the perfect spy, and Glimmer just… didn’t think of recruiting him?

Why wasn’t Peekablue already part of the Rebellion??? What is he using his powers for that’s soooo important? He could literally see all of the Horde’s plans and warn the Rebellion and give them a HUGE leg up on them, and he wasn’t even mentioned until S5.

I know he was a hermit almost never seen but are you telling me Glimmer wouldn’t even TRY to find him and convince him to join?That’s a mystery in itself; where IS Peekablue, and why does no one care? Is he literally missing? Because if he’s literally missing, maybe someone should help him.

[dontcallmecarrie]

You guys know the drill. Some spoilers for Chapter 20 in TWiFFON, [plus some themes that get touched on in the next arc,] because of obvious reasons. 

The what-if I’m playing with this round, under the cut because it grew on me and now wants to be its own spinoff oneshot of TWiFFON:

What if Ultron had managed to kidnap Tony?

I wasn’t very subtle about Ultron’s obsession with stealing Tony away, and it’s pretty obvious what would’ve happened if he hadn’t been stopped. Vision got to him before he got a chance to do so, but if he hadn’t been assimilated, Ultron would had most definitely stolen Tony away. 

As for exactly what happens...It depends a bit, actually. In Chapter 20, Vision was lucky; Ultron hadn’t expected him to be that strong, and managed to win the fight. 

But maybe, in another universe, Ultron won, because Vision powerful but young, whereas Ultron knows his limits, and has been sitting for years with little more to do than wait and plan. 

If Vision had lost the battle, Ultron would’ve possessed the Mind Stone, and been amused by Vision enough to transfer him to the now-mostly-defunct Legionnaire while keeping the shiny new vibranium body for himself. 

...or perhaps he does something else, but there’s only so many what-ifs I’m willing to keep track of during a shatterpoint, so just roll with him ditching Vision, all right? 

And, with it, Ultron would have been unstoppable. 

Tony, of course, would’ve known right away that something was wrong, but he’s busy fighting a huge horde of Chitauri on his own lonesome, cut off from everyone else, and would not have been able to take Ultron on as well. The Iron Legion’s good, but their numbers are being decimated because Ultron’s got his main objective [the Mind Stone back] and he wants to take Tony with him when he goes to report to Thanos, so subtlety isn’t a concern anymore. 

The Avengers realize they’ve been played, pretty damn fast. 

Because it’s pretty hard not to notice, when the Chitauri aren't working as a distraction anymore, just focused on overwhelming Iron Man, and Tony’s very clearly trying not to lose it over the comms and the portal’s acting up but they don’t have Loki’s Scepter, don’t know how to influence it. 

The battle’s almost entirely shifted to the air so the team can only watch while Tony Stark’s finally overwhelmed by the entirety of the Chitauri army, and swept away into the portal, and it closing almost immediately after. 

Now, since I’m fighting off plot bunnies already, I won’t go into what would’ve happened if Ultron had left the portal open, because that’s pretty self-explanatory and any alternatives would require their own post for me to go into specifics.

Tony’s very obviously freaking out, and this is literally his worst nightmare, cut off from JARVIS, and the rest and he’s seeing the alien army he’s been trying to get the Earth ready for and...welp. 

That he’s being dragged and ‘presented’ to Thanos, is only the goddamn cherry on top.

He doesn’t know what happened to Vision, but Ultron’s wearing his body and that’s not exactly helping either. The only silver lining to being around Ultron is his tendency to monologue, and that’s how Tony gets an idea of what’s going on. 

Thanos is looking at him like he’s an insect, and oh, that’s where Loki got some of his crazy from, makes sense. [He’s so, so screwed, isn't he?]

...oh, wait, they want to recruit Tony? And have him make them an army, because they’re curious as to what he’s capable of? This, he can work with.

...it’s been a few years since the debut of Iron Man, and Tony never really advertised what went down in Afghanistan. Plus, these aliens have different priorities, and really it’s not their fault they’re making the same mistake the Ten Rings did. 

Except for the way it really, really is. 

Add in Tony’s resistance to the Mind Stone [Loki tried it on him in the Avengers and failed, remember? Plus with humanity’s surprise tolerance for items of infinite cosmic power that I mentioned in another post] and you get Tony with highly advanced alien tech, being forced to supply an army for the enemy. 

Because that’s ended so well for his captors before, right?

Meanwhile, back on Earth...

...hmm. I can’t decide. Because the Avengers are reeling, are going ‘oh shit’ and ‘looks like Tony wasn’t as crazy as we thought, oops’, while JARVIS...

Umm. Well, obviously he’s not going to take it well. 

And I can’t honestly say how that’ll go down. Because JARVIS, at this point, is traumatized and has been hyperfixating on Tony’s safety to cope. His morality’s never been much to write home about and Tony was what was keeping him reigned in. He has a robot army at hand, doesn’t believe in overkill, and his morality chain’s gone, there’s no way this can go wrong, right?

He was already borderline Skynet in some ways, but seeing Tony get kidnapped [and hearing him, and feeling the connection become static]...well. I’ll leave that up to your imagination.

It depends, really.

If he goes the subtle route:

 JARVIS would regroup the Iron Legion, collect Vision and any alien artifacts, and book it home. He wouldn’t care about what happens to the Avengers, except to run a subroutine to monitor them [because he’d deemed them a potential threat before but now Tony got captured on their watch—] and mobilizing as many researchers to get on the case as he possibly can. Dr. Foster’s data gets copied to his private servers, SWORD and R&D are on it, and it still doesn’t feel like it’s enough.

Vision gives him the data, and got moved to an Iron Man suit [because the body he’s in was mostly running on willpower], while they’re working on making him a newer and better body. [And if the Iron Legion’s also growing exponentially...well, that’s no one’s business, now, is it?]

Rhodey immediately gets brought in, and is kept in the loop the entire time. 

This isn’t his normal field of study, and the only words he recognizes are the ones that also pertained to aviation engineering, but he does his best to not get lost.

He’s seething, and only part of it’s guilt [he’d been less than 500 meters away, again, just like last time—], and JARVIS clued him in as to how the team had treated Tony [he’d punched Thor while still in the suit, when they’d first met. Thor had let him, and didn’t lift a hand to fight back]. 

But things are going slower now, because Resident Genius 1′s the guy who got kidnapped, while Genius 2′s MIA [...or not? Maybe he sticks around? Hmm...] and Dr. Foster and Selvig’re doing quite a bit of heavy lifting. Not to say SWORD and SI aren’t, but their specialties are in ways to make things explode better other fields, so progress isn’t what it used to be.

The Avengers, meanwhile...well, they get shafted, simply put. Tony was the one doing all the work, and now that he’s gone and SI’s devoted its spare resources to finding him, they’re facing the scrutiny of the world and don't have any good answers to their tough questions.

 Turns out losing billionaire philanthropists was a bigger deal than they’d thought, and now that Tony’s gone it’s Steve that’s getting called by the World Security Council, except this time it’s about reconstruction efforts in Johannesburg and questioning his recruitment choices and what was being done to secure the planet and he doesn’t know what to say. 

...that might’ve been a bit harsh, actually.

 I’d like to think that Tony’s loss would’ve been the wake-up call the Avengers never had, the likes of Phil Coulson’s death in the first Avengers movie, because I’m a sucker for good team dynamics and even if it won't go this way in TWiFFON, if I can fix it even a little, I will. 

Just...umm. 

Please ignore Wanda’s absence, or pretend that the Chitauri took out both twins instead of just Pietro in this one, because of reasons.

Thor’s taking it the hardest, and Vision’s mention of Thanos [one of the things he’d managed to get from Ultron’s mind during the fight] makes his blood run cold as he remember’s Loki’s Scepter [and the gleam of madness in his eyes], the similarities between him and Tony, and goes back to Asgard as soon as possible because—no, please no. Hopefully Heimdall had something, please, don’t let this happen again—

Steve’s the team leader, and he’s taking it pretty damn hard, too. He’s looking back, and remembering what happened last time, and wants to punch himself in the face. How had he not seen this? Why hadn’t he— just— how could he have been so stupid? [And what could they do now?] 

His nightmares had featured Bucky falling for years now. Seeing Tony getting swept up and up and up is not much better. 

Natasha’s calling in as many favors as she can, and between her and Maria Hill, a good chunk of SHIELD’s scientists are also working on it. Relations between SWORD and SHIELD improve, because they’re collaborating more, and working towards the same goal. 

Clint’s retirement either gets moved up from ‘after this mission’ to ‘right fucking now, go to ground and lay low stat’, or he stays with team, since half the roster’s MIA and the other half isn’t doing so hot. He’s also calling in every favor he’s got, and the scientists who were working on the Tesseract and weren’t in Natasha’s debt tended to owe him one. [Or two.] 

Bruce’s situation I already covered. Either MIA or hard at work.

They’re doing what they can with what they have, and maybe it’s not enough right now, but they’ll get there. 

[Aka the cast of TWiFFON assembles to rescue Tony.]

Of course, that’s assuming JARVIS has a modicum of self-restraint and subtlety, when Tony’s been kidnapped on his watch. [He doesn't believe in overkill, after all.]

If JARVIS had decided to go forego subtlety, though...

He can make Skynet look like a toddler, his morals are now officially compromised, and Tony did his level best to keep him safe.

You do the math.

He may or may not have kidnapped every scientist who hadn’t replied favorably to his request within 72 hours, is what I’m saying. 

He may or may not have stolen all data from multiple nations without making any bones about it, and scared the crap out of the planet while at it. 

Ditto as to what the Iron Legion’s up to. Or Stark Industries. 

Tony would gladly raise hell for those he cares about, and some things run in the family. 

Either way, at some point another wormhole’s made, or opens up.

Everyone’s gearing for battle and panicking and the Iron Legion’s assembled, when a single figure in slim black-and-gold armor slowly exits and the portal starts to close behind him.

“This the right place? Terra—Earth, I mean, Earth! Damn I’ve really spent too much time abroad. Hey, JARVIS, miss me—oooh boy. You’ve been busy, haven't you?”

[cinedave]

REVIEW: Fast & Furious 8 - A Stath Sequel

Have you ever been in one of those relationships where things start out great until you eventually release you’re just going in circles? You do the same things over and again like nothing will actually develop any further (if I have, you have must have done). Then suddenly one day it hits you that the pair of you has an expiration date that may already have passed. If I’m being completely honest, I expected to feel that way about the Fast & Furious franchise by now. Don’t get me wrong, I have a high revving heart and a stiff shifter for these movies and the salute to sheer action lunacy they have become. Yet when they announced plans for films 8 and 9 part of me starting wondering just how long they could keep making essentially the same movie with interchangeable locations and action set pieces before the enjoyment slowed down. Nothing lasts forever (just ask a Browncoat) so more than anything else I walked into this 8th Fast & Furious instalment with one question on my mind; is this where things hit the brakes? As it turns out this movie wouldn’t know how to slow down if its life depended on it. Stowe those relationship jitters back in the trunk for another few years because this franchise is still fast, still furious and still an enjoyable blockbuster experience.

Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel – “I am Groot”) is forced by cyber terrorist Cipher (Charlize Theron – Mad Max: Fury Road) to betray his family  and help her with a series of heists. It seems like the end of the road but refusing to give up the “best crew on the planet” take on Cipher to get Dom back.

Since the 5th film successfully revived the franchise into being more heist movie orientated we’ve seen increasing amounts of overarching links between films and this 8th offering is setup as the Avengers film to those solo outings. The Cipher organization is presented as an all powerful evil that actually orchestrated the terrorist events of films 6 and 7 as part of their wider agenda and 7’s God’s Eye mcguffin even features significantly giving those events more purpose. With Dom & crew having foiled those two efforts Cipher is now treating them as a serious threat with deadly consequences. While doing this via a forced betrayal from Dom gives him some desperately needed character development (seriously, Dom has not changed at all in 7 films). This really does pull the franchise together into a greater sense of continuity rather than merely being a set of random adventures. The superhero approach feels right too. After 7 many joked that this franchise had become Marvel movies without the superpowers so why not steer headlong into that. Although making Kurt Russell’s “Mr Nobody” character in their Nick Fury still needs plenty of work.

In keeping with that Marvel angle Fast 8 also finds good results in transitioning popular antagonists of prior films into protagonists like Dwane Johnson’s Hobbs previously. This does come with a bit of knee jerk character ret-conning and the odd case of alternative facts but particularly in this case you won’t care. That’s because its main subject is Jason Statham’s (he’s the Stath) Fast 7 villain, Deckard Shaw… and he is the best thing in this movie by a full quarter mile. The story starts off a little sluggish and piecemeal but the second his limey chrome dome of greatness appears on scream there’s an immediate upshift as be hilariously banters with Hobbs before launching into the film’s best fight sequence in a large scale prison riot. Your eyes see Dwane Johnson shrugging off rubber bullets and slamming armored guards around like James Ellsworths while Statham is laying brutal and acrobatic beat downs towards anything is in his path and your heart tells you, “….. I’m home”. Just like Fast 5 was a Rock powered juggernaut this film is all about The Stath primarily because director F. Gary Gray (Straight Outta Compton) lets his character lighten up to the action/comedy levels of his best prior films. For all the submarines smashing through ice lakes and hordes or zombie cars (no, seriously) the film’s standout sequence is nothing more than Statham going all out in an action scene while dealing with a more unorthodox protection scenario. More than anything else it embodies the euphoric lunacy that keeps the engine running on these films. You’ll watch it in complete disbelief with the biggest smile your face can muster.

Oddly Dominic Toretto is not this film’s biggest betrayal. That belongs to franchise’s longstanding screenwriter Chris Morgan (writing every film since Tokyo Drift and also a producer since 6). This is easily his worst script of all the films with some truly awkward and terrible dialogue that even key cast members can’t save. While he still keeps Tyresse Gibson’s (Transformers) Roman consistently funny this film is notably lacking in usual level of good character interactions and overall comedy than we’ve come to expect from the last few films. The worst victim is Dwane Johnson. Although, for making him do a Samoan war dance with his daughter’s soccer team, if I ever see Morgan I will hug him for an awkward amount of time; that was genius. Yet for the rest of the film Morgan feeds Johnson little more than crushed glass for dialogue and unsurprisingly it’s hard for him to swallow or spit out again making supposedly funny moments the wrong kind of cringe worthy.

This isn’t helped by the bloated cast. Even with Paul Walker’s Brian and Jordana Brewster’s Mia written out (but still get some good respectful mentions) this convoy has too many passengers. Nathalie Emmanuel’s (Game of Thrones) Ramsey spends the entire film failing to convince us why she’s still around. Scott Eastwood’s (Suicide Squad) is pushed as the new team member but has no character other than being constantly being ripped on for being a newb. Part of you will be wishing they’d just kick these people out the car and give you more time with the better characters. That said there are a few good new/single film additions. Look out for Kristofer “Tormund Giantsbane” Hivju on henchmen duties, a hilarious cameo from Dame Helen Mirren and Charlize Theron does make her cold calculating villain persona work.

While there is notably less partying and “under bum” in this outing it is a solid action blockbuster viewing experience that will certainly satisfying franchise fans and justifies its continuation. I’d put it on the same level Fast 7 being not as good as 5 & 6 but still better than the earlier films. The locations and stunning, the action is adrenalin fueled and delightfully insane in places. Yes it has a few gremlins under the hood but if you want solid eye candy blockbuster entertainment then make a date with this Fate of the Furious.