#astarion telling the pc ‘no one has a heart like you. you’re…you’

[dent-de-leon]

The scene where Astarion meets Sebastian hurts my heart so bad. Thinking about how it mirrors the “sweet darling boy” that Astarion let go because he couldn’t bear to hurt him. Thinking about how Astarion can admit that if he’d met Tav/Durge back then, he would have killed them too—how agonized by guilt he is at the mere thought of it. Begs them not to speak of it.

Astarion having a weakness for partners who are sweet, kind, compassionate—Astarion telling Tav/Durge, “No one ever looked out for me. No one ever said a kind thing to me. Other people don’t have a heart like you. You’re…you. No one is like that.” Astarion clinging to these stolen moments of warmth, so starved for genuine affection and compassion.

Are there others Astarion still wishes he’d spared, even if it would cost him dearly—

[shadowheartssimp]

pc/shadowheart (another modern au fic help) sub 3k words.

-- x -- 1:21 am - 1 new message

Xildi groggily reaches out to her buzzing phone, only a little peeved that something so easily broke her from her trance. With a sigh she gazes at the awfully bright screen and finds herself frowning before her mind can even process. She doesn’t even get to unlock her phone before another message comes in.

1:23 am - 2 new messages

Sitting up straighter, she finally unlocks her phone.

2 messages from Shadowheart

1:21am → 

hey, are you awake

1:23am → 

youre probably trancing

With a sigh, Xildi weighs her options before realizing there’s not exactly one. Her fingers move fast as she types her reply.

1:24am ← 

I’m ‘awake’ now. What’s wrong?

1:25 am →

i didnt say anything was wrong

1:26 am →

you assumed that

Xildi rolls her eyes before looking back down to her phone.

1:27 am →

anyways

Moments pass, and the elf is torn whether or not she wants to return to her trance. She wonders how pissed Shadowheart would be if she accidentally left her on read, and decides that it’s likely not worth finding out.

1:31 am ←

Shadowheart?

1:31 am ← 

You’re making it seem like something’s wrong.

Most likely because something is wrong, but getting the half-elf to admit that is half the battle. Huffing, Xildi shuffles off the bed and begins traversing to her kitchen. Might as well get a snack if she’s about to be up all night waiting for whatever is wrong with her friend. 

Her phone buzzes as she’s prepping a light snack for herself, at least signaling that Shadowheart didn’t pass out on her. Scratch wakes as well, trotting into the kitchen and wagging his tail in hopes for a midnight snack as well.

1:38 am → 

someone from the orphanage contacted me today

1:38 am → 

i didnt want to even message you but idk

1:39 am →

unfortunately you know my past

Xildi rolls her eyes, it wasn’t her fault that Shadowheart blabbed it out when she was drinking too much wine at Wyll’s party. Either way, the story did already peak her interest and Xildi found herself approaching her couch with warm toast.

1:40 am ← 

The orphanage? I thought you told them to never contact you again.

1:41 am →

i did

1:41 am →

that’s why its bothering me

Quizzically Xildi bites on her toast.

1:42 am ←

Wait… you didn’t answer? Are you telling me they called and you let them go straight to voicemail?

1:43 am → 

and? i didnt want to be reminded of that awful place

1:44 am → 

i dont want to listen to it

1:44 am →

at least alone. im coming over

Xildi blanches. She’s coming over, now? She’s hardly well dressed for visitors, practically in her underwear and hair a mess. Not to mention that the place was in an array (not really, but in her eyes it was a pigsty that couldn’t be seen by anyone else’s eyes).

1:45 am ← 

Now?! Seriously? Couldn’t you wait until morning?

1:45 am ←

Shadowheart, my place is a mess.

1:46 am →

yes. now. 

It starts processing in her head. Shadowheart doesn’t live far, perhaps 15 minutes minimum if she takes the bus, but there aren’t any at this hour. At least she’s pretty sure there’s none.  So she’s walking, that gives her probably an extra 10 minutes. Then she’s reminded of how incredibly dangerous that is to begin with -- but it’s Shadowheart and she likely doesn’t care to begin with. She grew up in this neighborhood, this is nothing!

1:48 →

i need you

Oh. Xildi knows her cheeks are warm, because never has Shadowheart ever been so forward. A heavy breath leaves her lips as she knows she has no choice now but to let her come over and likely listen to this voice mail with her. Whatever comes afterward will be another story she’s sure.

1:50 am ←

The door’s unlocked, please be safe getting here.

1:51 am →

im fine

1:52 am →

but youre sweet to worry

Frantically Xildi shoves the now cold toast into her mouth and begins cleaning at an incredible pace. She starts with the kitchen, disturbed that she even let there be dirty dishes to begin with. A few minutes later and she’s drying her hands, curiously peaking over at her phone to see if anything else has come through. Thankfully nothing and she sets off for her bedroom.

It only takes a few more minutes to tidy up before she goes back to retrieve her phone. 

1 new message from Shadowheart

2:04 am →

bitch’zel stopped me on my way. im omw now

Xildi purses her lips, it was awfully late for Lae’zel to be out and about. Now that she thinks upon it, she does recall Astarion’s door closing roughly ten minutes or so ago. Interesting. 

2:05 am ←

Any chance there’s a bus going at this hour?

2:06 am →

already ahead of you

2:06 am → 

last bus of the night… guess im staying at your place again

2:07 am ←

Glad I cleaned my room then :/

2:07 am → 

how kind! bold of you to think id actually sleep with you though

Xildi feels her heart strings pull at that one. 

2:07 am →

well…

2:08 am →

perhaps a discussion for another night

Dropping her phone onto the bed, Xildi falls back and stares up at her ceiling. She’s already on a roller coaster of emotions, she can’t imagine what must be barreling through Shadowheart at the moment. Scratch trots into her room, whining slightly before laying on the floor by the foot of her bed. 

Her phone buzzes again and she lazily reaches across her bed to find it. She doesn’t even get a chance to look at the screen before it drops on her face with a defiant thud. Groaning she picks it off her face and squints at the bright device.

2:14 am →  

or i guess you dont want to talk about it

2:14 am ←  

I do.

2:15 am → 

😤😤 good

Xildi finds herself laughing and lowers her phone onto her chest. 

2:18 am ←

Do you have an ETA?

2:19 am →

excited to see me?

2:19 am →

bout five minutes though

Xildi decides that staring aimlessly at her ceiling is her best way to waste time, not finding energy to do much else. She knows Shadowheart arrives when the door creaks open slowly, and Scratch jumps from his spot on the floor and sprints out of the room. She can hear the light grunt from the half-elf as the dog nearly knocks her over, a fragile laugh echoing the silence as claws scratch along the wooden floor.

It thankfully doesn’t take long for Scratch to settle, Xildi notes from the sudden silence. There are light steps, from both the dog and Shadowheart as they approach her room and the elf gradually rises herself into a more approachable position. Finally their eyes meet in the dim room and she can just tell how worn Shadowheart is.

“Hey,” comes lightly from Xilid as she offers a faint smile. She figures if anything she should try to be welcoming. 

Something close to a response comes from Shadowheart who sulks into the room, dropping her backpack on the way. She practically falls face first onto the bed and lets out what Xildi assumes is a much needed breath.

Tentatively, the elf places a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“Do you want to change first?”

“I guess.”

So it was going to be a difficult night -- morning? Xildi isn’t sure anymore. Gradually Shadowheart rises from her spot and keeps her gaze away from the elf, absolutely avoiding the pressing matter on hand. The tension stays thick as she digs through her backpack and eventually pulls some sweats out.

Pointendly looking away, Xildi focuses on the ceiling once more as Shadowheart changes. A few quiet moments pass before the mattress shifts and the half elf hesitantly lays down next to her. Now two sets of eyes focus on the white popcorn.

Shadowheart is silent for a long time -- long enough that the elf fears that she has fallen asleep. Just when she’s about to ask, she hears Shadowheart say “I don’t even know if I want to hear what they have to say.”

Xildi shifts her gaze to a troubled Shadowheart who still casts her hard stare to the ceiling. “Do you think you’d be better not knowing?”

“No,” comes first, followed shortly by “I don’t know”.

Finally dark green eyes meet Xildi, ones filled with exhaustion and definitely some fear. The elf can’t help but wonder of all the horrors her friend(?) grew up with in that orphanage. “I could always listen to it, so you don’t have to.”

“And hold it against me?”

“You know I wouldn’t do that.”

Something close to a soft smile eases its way onto Shadowheart’s face, scooting closer and resting her cheek on Xildi’s shoulder. The half-elf’s phone does a light drop on her stomach, almost as an invitation before she sighs. 

Taking the hint, the elf lifts Shadowheart’s phone and goes to unlock it. Truthfully it felt wrong to be even doing that, but she figured if she didn’t there was no way in hell Shadowheart would. A light mutter from her side tells her the passcode that she already secretly knows from another drunken night, and she quickly exits her messages before seeing something she might not meant to be. 

Hell, she shouldn’t be navigating her phone to begin with. 

Her thumb taps the phone app and she feels Shadowheart tense against her, digits gripping her arm. “We could always listen to it later.”

“No,” says Shadowheart as she glares at her own phone. “I didn’t come all this way to continue ignoring it.”

With a slow nod, Xildi continues and clicks on the voicemail tab. She’s only a little surprised to see a few from Gale and Wyll, from today even, but ignores it for the sake of seeing the number sticking out like a thumb between it all. Tentatively she glances to the woman beside her, who holds a fierce look before she taps the number to play the voicemail. 

It starts casual enough, the shuffling of papers, stating who is calling and stating that they were looking for, yes indeed, Shadowheart. To this day Xildi is shocked that they truly messed up her birth certificate that badly. Just when they’re both thinking that the call is a fluke, that they’re trying to bait her back into calling without anything, they hear: “Please call us back when you can, we believe we might have found information about your parents.”

It clicks.

Shadowheart is still, terrifyingly so.

Xildi glances from the phone in her hand, to Shadowheart who is practically cuddling her side, to her white popcorn ceiling. Even she is unsure if it’s the truth or a white lie to get back in communication with her.

“I hate them,” comes quietly from Shadowheart, who’s biting so hard on her lip that blood dares to drip. “I hate them so much.”

Xildi remains quiet, completely and utterly unsure of how to proceed with this new information. A part of her feels that she shouldn’t have just heard this voicemail. She can only imagine how Shadowheart would have handled the news alone. Poorly, if she really has to guess.

Said woman exhales loudly, her grip on Xildi’s arm tightening before gradually loosening. Her breath is fragile for a moment, teetering on the edge of likely tears -- the elf doesn’t dare to look -- before mellowing out to an extent. She shifts slightly before sitting up and crossing her legs. 

“I don’t even know if I want to meet them.”

Her voice is so fragile, unlike herself, that it takes Xildi by surprise. She’s sitting up faster than she can imagine and wastes no time placing a hand over Shadowheart’s own. The very least she can do right now is be supportive. “You don’t have to any time soon.”

Briefly the half-elf tenses from the touch. “They left me there.”

“Sometimes there’s not a choice,” says Xildi with a frown, remembering her own past all too well. She wonders if her brothers are still well even after all this time. “Even so, because of that it led to us meeting, right?”

“Look at you, trying to make this positive,” scoffs Shadowheart, but the faintest of smiles shines. Their eyes lock for a few seconds and the same butterfly feeling stirs in Xildi’s stomach. “It’s crazy how one even can change everything. That orphanage was shit, but it led me to Shar -- something to believe in.”

“Are you thinking how things might’ve been different if you grew up with them?”

Shadowheart tilts her head. “My parents? A little,” pursing her lips, she gazes intently at the wall behind Xildi. “I hate that they left me in that awful place, never once tried to get in contact with me. And now I despise that the orphanage is trying to bring me back.”

“You don’t have to go, or even call back.” With a reassuring smile, Xilid takes her hand back and runs it idly through her hair. “If you’re happy where you are, why change it?”

The half elf pauses, as if Xildi’s words struck her like a bolt of lightning. Her gaze shifts from the wall to her lips, then to her eyes. “Would you change anything?”

“Me?” A bit baffled, Xildi raises a brow before shrugging it off. “A few things here and there sure, but I suppose it’s often better to let destiny take its course.”

“You think us meeting is destiny? That’s cute.”

Xildi gives Shadowheart a look, despite it all there’s something deeper that she’s not inherently saying. It gives her an inkling that somewhere inside, she’s actually agreeing with her -- and that they should continue letting it. Her heart skips in her chest, unsure whether to take the advance before she manages a response. “Do you disagree?”

A long silence fills the air, as if Shadowheart is weighing her options carefully. What is likely only a moment or two feels like an eternity, dragging on and eating away at Xildi until finally -- finally! -- the bed shifts underneath Shadowheart’s weight and the woman is sitting next to her. Polished nails gently scratch at Xildi’s fingers before resting. “No, I don’t think so. In fact…” trailing off, Shadowheart uncharastically fails to meet Xildi’s gaze. “I think you should let it take its course, right now.”

Oh.

Mustering up all of her courage, Xildi leans forward and lifts her free hand, cupping one of Shadowheart’s cheeks. Her skin is warm and soft against her cool hands, a dull reminder of how chilly she prefers to keep her room. Her heart is pounding against her chest as she leans closer. She can see all of her eye lashes, how they begin to flutter nervously, and the dark hues of green in Shadowheart’s eyes. 

Her breath catches, perhaps the other’s too, before she sets her mind on it. Her chest practically explodes as she timidly presses her lips against Shadowheart’s, a full eruption of emotions consuming her as she suddenly gasps for air. How she frees her other hand to cup her other cheek, the need to feel incredibly close to her rising as her heart continues to pound. 

Shadowheart chuckles against her lips, the hot breath tickling her lips as she finds herself smiling. It’s not long before she goes again, parting her lips just enough to ensnare the half-elf’s lower lip. To feel how soft and full hers are against her own, the warmth that comes to her cheeks, face -- hell, her stomach too. All overwhelming but wonderful at the same time. She wasn’t aware how much she was craving this moment.

After what feels like an eternity (but definitely was a couple minutes at most), Xildi pulls herself away and shyly drops her hands to the bed. Her cheeks burn as she stares at a lopsided and completely goofy grin that stretches on Shadowheart’s face. Endearing? Absolutely.

“Perhaps… it was destiny -- us meeting that is.”

Xildi smiles. “Perhaps it was.”