#asriel can only handle one of them at the same time lol

[tragicotps]

"She is her mother's daughter, but she is also mine." He's a failure of a man and a failure of a father. [You call yourself a father?] You took my daughter from me and I will never forgive you. [Now I can't forgive him, but I don't hate him either.] Don't lie to me. Don't. Please...my heart won't take it. [I'll tell you, if you tell me why you lied to me about being my father.]

You'd do that? For her? Not just her. [You don't come from nothing Lyra, you're the product of something extraordinary.]

[askfallenroyalty]

I just read the surprise/early update and the sound I made followed by "Torielllll....! :(" after I finished... the anguish I felt is indescribable. This poor, poor woman, if only she knew why this feeling of not knowing what is "real" was because of the resets... You captured the feelings of terror, discombobulation, and bewilderment perfectly. A perfect punch in the gut!

oof yeah i feel in hindsight Toriel learning about the timelines was under-explored. ALSO SORRY IM RAMBLY TONIGHT LOL i just feel like talkin at lenght so apologies for all the long posts past midnight aslfkjasdlf. also THANK YOU for all ur kind asks i don't always answer cause when i get nice asks i like looking at them often but that means i don't respond ;o;

Her reaction is to care about how Asriel must of felt using the power (and granted, in the tumblr version she doesn't know/understand the fact that Asriel was Flowey for a long time before being revived as Asriel. Though in the redraw she's going to learn earlier.) anyway she's like, oh, that must been tough on Asriel ): how lonely

but like??? now i realize she'd have permanent deja vu from all the reloads that weren't erased with a true reset. (which, in AFR universe, isn't even a guarantee) she's suffered from this ability, more so than anyone else as she's the only one to truly know all the kids who've come through the Ruins. (Asgore is also the only other guaranteed one, but uh, we already know his... baggage... with the reloads...)

anyway when she finds out, she's going to go "ok? insane but you have scientific evidence let me adjust to this wild new information" to "wait wait were those unstable years when the kids fell REAL? my kids actually DID kill me? HELLO?" and that's going to be. interesting to explore!

i feel like it could even be an EARLY reveal! I feel like Hol specifically is going to want to apologize for what they did. And now that I have opportunity to explore how Asriel is going to explain the age-up is more than just "oh yeah i was a flower for a while" cause. Toriel KNOWS the amalgamate experiments are (vaguely) recent. She fired Dr.Alphys over it. She knows the details now. So Asriel's explanation of being a flower for years in secret makes no damn sense if they've grown to 16 years old when they died at 12.

So yeah, that's going to be something that'll be pushed to a boiling point in the next chapter(s). HOW exactly is she going to handle all this??? like obviously, she's not going to treat this the same if this were adults committing these horrible acts. they're children. Toriel will continue to love them and forgive them because it truly is not the same situation as it would be with, say, Asgore making the calcuatled decision to murder innocent people. like Hol thinking they're some adventurer badass and killing a monster is very much different from that. (and yeah Asgore is more complicated as it relates to war and the barrier and all that bla bla)

Anyway rambling aside i really really look forward to exploring this. cause like, frankly, toriel canonically has all that angsty bs that people put on sans (when he doesn't even remember reloads or gets killed except last minute in no mercy runs 🙄) like toriel had 6 human kids who canonically reloaded around her. give me THAT angst and exploration of that's consequences. I like getting the chance to explore more of Toriel's psychology, baggage and her journey to moving past that. i'm really sad we don't get to see how toriel improved as a mother and person in AFR but rather just that she did. now we get to!!! fuck yeah!

but yeah god what a horrifying, truly awful thing to experience. like on one hand, she must be relieved "oh so there's nothing actually wrong with my reality i don't have a life altering memory related mental illness (yet)" but also "oh so that was all real and i can never truly look at these kids without knowing they've done something truly, truly unforgivable to me. (but i will forgive them)"

AND NOW i'm thinking that toriel had to been told by flowey at some point what they've done to her too. in one of those reloads, flowey likely confessed to get a reaction from her. after the shock of it, she'd pretend it didn't bother her to forgive them. and that'd build up resentment because Flowey doesn't want to be forgiven, they want punishment and consequences and for it to have mattered.

just. AUGH. so many thoughts on this its killing me inside

[lordeasriel]

I really care about your opinion, how do you feel about the bbc show and the way it's going?

I feel like before I give my take, I need to say that I understand the show is its own thing, and while I do wish they did a better job adapting certain things, I understand that sometimes there is a need for radical change or cut, especially when your budget is not super high (which HDM does have a lot of money into it, still is not a super big budget production, so they have to worry about these things). And I do enjoy many things about the show, but my overall vibe is mixed, to be honest. I’m stating this now because people often question whether I like the show or not, becaus I do criticise it a lot, and I simply have a critic view of the things I like, which is why I discuss them a lot and it can be overwhelming.

My main issues with the show are these 3 things: (which I’ll put under the cut because this got a bit longer than I wanted to lmao sorry)

Lack of worldbuilding and loose lore: I’ve been talking about this since day one, and this mostly applies to season 1 because I can’t judge season 2 yet because it’s not fully aired yet, but the show suffers from lack of worldbuilding, especially in Lyra’s world, which is the world that sets everything in motion. I still dislike the fact they introduced Will mid-NL, I don’t think he needed all those episodes to establish something that easily could’ve been done in S2 and because they gave TSK a lot of time, other parts of Lyra’s world suffered considerably, mainly the witches and the Magisterium.

The show doesn’t really expand on those two groups, especially, and I think that’s not good, especially the Magisterium (which they have over simplified by making it one big baddie, or so it seems at least, not to mention that implying a single leader for them practically ruins Marcel Delamare’s arc in TBOD and I’m very mad about that lmao). A lot of the Magisterium plot has that infighting aspect, which creates tension on their side as well as against their enemies, but the show doesn’t really explore that or the nuances of the Church, and they also don’t explore how varied the witches are, and I feel like this is a serious mistake. (The portrayal of the witches is by far my least favourite thing in the show, if I’m being honest).

Dull parallel world (and lack of daemons): this ties a bit with the worldbuilding aspect, but this is mainly about design choices. I think the show doesn’t make Lyra’s world as unique as it should be. On its own the world looks pretty and the outfits of most of the cast are great, but when you realise that Will’s world is intertwined with that, you don’t really feel like these two worlds are vastly different.

There is an odd situation in which Marisa’s fashion feels 30s/40s, but most of the men from her social circle (not fair to compare with the gyptians) just wear plain suits and they look much more modern. And while I get that they went for a timeless vibes, with different eras and styles, Lyra’s world feels like a caricature and it doesn’t feel believable. The colour palette is mostly the same for both worlds (even in s2, it’s hard to tell much of the difference because either the scenes are indoors or at night.) This, paired with the lack of daemons (which has been discussed many times in the fandom) kinda bums me out.

Marisa’s oversimplification: I’m mentioning Marisa, specifically, because she is the one that suffers the most due to this writing issues, but other characters like Lord Asriel, MacPhail, the general collective of the Witches, they all suffer from the writing trying to take away the nuances of them and make them flatter than in the book. Marisa is the worst because without her complexity and her flaws, she simply gets dull and boring and flavourless, and it’s kinda what has been happening in the show in my opinion. All she does is weep and she has no strength that doesn’t rely on a random fit of rage that dies out and she gets upset. There’s some great moments, like when she mimics the Monkey, but most of the time she’s just a shadow of who she is supposed to be.

The show tries really hard to make her a Scorned Mother - right from the get go, they try to makes us see how she wants Lyra, how she struggles with her “bad nature” and how that affects their relationship. There is this lingering implication that Lyra was taken from her against her wishes; they make it seem like being a mother to Lyra is her driving force, the only reason why she seeks power and influence. And that is the opposite of Book! Marisa, who is a force of nature, ruthless and ambitious, with not an ounce of maternal instinct.

She does eventually decide to help Lyra, instead of harming her, but even that action comes from a narcisistic place: Lyra is to her a possession, something that belongs to her, and that she wants to preserve. The show just handles her badly, falling into overused, boring tropes that struck far from the book version.

These are usually my main complaints about the show, and they upset me every episode to the point I’m practically ignoring them now lmao The show does a lot of good things too, making Will less of a prick, restoring Lyra’s personality from the first book into S2 Lyra (so far, please keep it that way), Mary is looking great too. They have mostly a great cast, and they did improve the daemons this season (except uh, there are far less daemons to show because of the other worlds - and the Ruta Skadi daemon change pisses me off tbh).

They do have a lot of interest in the show, but the writing (the main issue to me) feels clunky and childish, with the show toning down most of the themes that make His Dark Materials so special, especially to me (which frankly I expected them to do, but it still stings a bit). They make the Magisterium a single bad entity that feels more Authoritarian-Fascist, than a theocracy (even if they sneak in the religious symbols and rituals and garments, it’s just not a good portrayal, it’s very tame and shy); and they try to justify Marisa’s actions (especially in current interviews, there’s lots of talk about how her background will play in the show to “explain why she is the way she is”). The fact the Magisterium is portrayed as pure evil makes it looks less familiar than it should be, and therefore they don’t look scary, they seem like a caricature, a joke.

A lot of the essence of the characters get lost, and the core message of the story too, like when Iorek and the Gyptians tell Lyra she can be one of them, to support her lack of “proper family”, when that is the opposite of the books message. It doesn’t make sense for them to change that, other than maybe Jack Thorne wanted to because it makes the story feels less hopeless, but it’s why he fails to adapt these character - he doesn’t capture the essence, he tries to write these character with gaps in them.

However, the thing that annoys me the most is how they portray Asriel. It’s just... it’s bad. Really bad, which is a shame cause James is talented as fuck, but he had little time to film for season 1, and then they portrayed him very poorly. That scene when he addresses Roger in episode 7 is ridiculous, Asriel would never behave that way; there was relief in him finding Roger was there too, yes, but not to that extent and not in such a cringe way. Asriel is not deranged or irrational, he is a man on a mission, and Roger was a tool (there is no pleasure in Asriel taking his life and no excuses - it needed to be done and he did it); they just needed him to sound creepy in the show for whatever reason.

I hated how they handled the bridge scene for Asriel, Lyra and Marisa, but that’s long and complicated for me to explain here. In S2, there has been some mentions of him so far, including the implication he might have ruined Cittàgazze himself and I frankly don’t understand where did they get that idea. But the cherry on the top was Thorold telling Marisa that Asriel was gonna kill Lyra and that’s just-- that’s so dumb. That’s genuinely dumb writing, because Thorold knows Lyra followed Asriel to the mountain, and while I do believe Asriel would have killed Lyra if Roger wasn’t there, there is no way Thorold should know or consider that Asriel was gonna hurt Lyra, because Roger was there. In fact, Thorold’s interactions with Asriel in episode 8 already disprove this, so either Thorold was lying in S2 for the sake of, I don’t know, chaos or whatever, or the person who wrote this was a five-star, solid gold, fucking moron.

I’m not gonna mention the lost episode because that was no one’s fault, but the fact that they discarded an episode that all information we have on imply that it was important to set up the backstory of the angels and the city, it’s... concerning. It means they wrote something parallel that should’ve been woven into the season.

The truth is, I still watch the show on Sundays, and I still like some stuff they do (especially Mary’s stuff, so far), and despite me slandering the show per your request anon lol (cause unfortunately my honest opinion is mixed, I just don’t try to overfocus on the negative on Tumblr, I mostly talk about it on discord or private), I do think anyone who has read the books should watch the show.

For me, personally, everything I love about HDM is barely on the show - complex characters, the philosophy, the oppression by religion, the interesting world - and the vibe I get is that they’re adapting a coming-of-age love story, which is the last and - being fully honest - the least important message these books give us, but unfortunately they were set to making a family show from the start, and my expectations were high and unmatched, and a family is what we’re getting: toned down, cute, pretty visuals and soulless (heh, pun intended), philosophically speaking. I expect a certain pattern going into S3, but I always like to hold out hope that they will hire better writers (apparently Jack Thorne already wrote 4 scripts, so there you go lmao), and try to give HDM the adaptation it deserves. The truth is, if you’re a picky, canon reliant person like I am, the show might be a struggle, but if you just like the story for the teen romance, or if you don’t care about overthinking a show/book, then most people can have a good time with it.

[thethrillof]

oops i wrote an ut fic from a weird crossover au that would probs make no sense to anyone not in the know--tho i did at least keep it mostly vague until the very end so feel free to read it and ignore the neighbor bit of the last paras lol

warning for kinda self-harm/body horror and the mention of burning to death

[One: your body.]

Furry all over now, sure. There's a pair of scratchy spots on the top of your skull that are going to be horns, of course. Claws, fangs, the works. Everything you were expecting when you woke up to Asriel's panic whirling through your head, only seconds to recognize what's happened and resign yourself to it. One more body-share, you can handle that. Your old one was burned so badly it was nearly dust anyway, even if you could recover more than was really left on the asphalt in the end.

You can admit weren't expecting the rest of it. 

Turns out, neither were Asriel or Chara.

Flowers are the bane of your existance. They used to be just in how they looked, or in Chara's words, 'purely aesthetic', but now they're a physically painful part of your life. Around those horn-nubs, in the crook of your elbows, on either side of your spin, they grow as if they're a fuzzy mane.

They are a part of you, but it's not just funny monster hair. You learned this when the first few of them popped up overnight, and your shared reaction was to scream in shock and tear them out as soon as you opened your eyes.

They were tiny yellow flowers. Not the golden flowers, too small; not buttercups, too many petals; and when they slid out of your skin, they had silver-stained roots and showered your blankets with dust.

It has something to do with your thoughts, you've been told. Magic has specific form depending on the monster, but determination can twist it into anything, and you're nothing but monster-magic and determination these days, with maybe a little more of the latter than desirable.

You can't just pick the petals off and pretend it's all weird green fur or snip the stems down. You feel it as much as if you were peeling off bits of your own skin. The options are only to ignore it or tear every one out by the roots, all or nothing, no matter what, and they always grow back within days.

You haven't given up, but...well. The ones around your horns are kinda pretty, you admit one day, and they can't bother you so much if you're not staring in a mirror. And the ones around your spine aren't that big a deal, nobody can see them under your shirt. Only the elbow ones are left to deal with, and that's a lot easier.

Grudging acceptance is still acceptance, and not long after that, your magic seems to bloom and reward you. You still have flowers, still small, still everywhere they were before.

Only now instead of that sickening yellow, they're a fantastic shade of red.

[Two: your heart.]

Three minds in one is an uncomfortable arrangement. Yeah, moving your body itself can be weird, and sometimes you try to write with the wrong hand or brush hair you don't have or eat something you forgot you don't like anymore, but those are small things. You can handle those.

A little less is...feelings.

Chara locks them up pretty well, but when they spill out, they do hard. Icy explosions of emotion, leveling and coating everything around for hours until they can defrost--or one of you can fetch them from a corner of your mind, if things are particularly dire, but they rarely are.

Asriel locks them up with much less skill. It bursts in anger as the same as in happiness, as if all those emotions he didn't feel for a century are intent on catching up with him. For all you know, that's the truth. Just 'cause you're dead now doesn't mean you're an expert. He sometimes takes control when he does that, storming off with your body and heedless of whatever might be in his way--like doorframes against his shoulder. (Monsters can't bruise like humans do, but pain’s pain.)

You...thought you were the best at it. Locking up the bad, only expressing the better stuff, and you were wrong. Your emotions are always there, always leaking out, always building and putting pressure on everything. Sometimes that's good. Sometimes it leaves you all wound up for reasons none of you realize early enough, keeping you pacing through the house and plucking at your good flowers and eating all the food in the kitchen without tasting any of it (which is a shame).

And oh, when the memories hit. The memories.

Sometimes it's the old ones; Chara feeling the weight of their own body in their shared arms, Asriel strangled by hope and fear and refusal, the melting, the dying, the waking. Always there, always a fear, what if something happens this time? What if we ruin it all again?

It leaves your fur on-end and again, pacing nonstop, reassuring each other that you're all together, or at least that they are. You step out when you need to. They're their memories and living nightmares, after all.

Sometimes it's new ones; you, with the flare of fire aimed at you, the explosion of pain in your upper chest and throat, the burning, the nothing--and then a far-away viewpoint seeing the flames, getting close enough to curl your leaves and stain your roots with your own smoldering ashes before you could get a grip on that slippery thing, that core of emotion, that SOUL--

And you forget who you are, and you need to go to the nearest place with a view of the sky, no matter how murky or clouded or how late the time shows, to reassure you that it's all real, to pick your own self apart to remember that it's all different viewpoints, you really are three.

It's rough. It's not something you can share.

...Sometimes, you find yourself getting tired.

[Three: your magic.]

A monster with a human SOUL is a horrible beast with unfathomable power, they say. A monster with a human SOUL that's been fused with another in some impossible way is even moreso.

This isn't wrong, as it turns out. Maybe the 'horrible' bit--you all have problems, some bigger than others, but you're reasonably polite, and you have and keep tons of friends, even now!

The power you have within yourself...is much greater. The ability to SAVE is still slightly outside your grasp on the surface--of course it is, you really wouldn't have let Flowey take your SOUL if you could avoid it, even if you're making the best of it and he's grateful to have a body again--only a SAVE isn't what you even need.

You have fire, like Asriel's parents, only tinged red in the center of the bullets' forms. You have stars, completely red, able to reduce anything to dust (not monsters, but stone, metal, whatever you set your mind to) within seconds. You can sometimes see the routes of reality itself and take shortcuts, and see where Sans' ones lead. You can grow at will, normal-looking Boss Monster Child Asriel and the first form of the God of Hyperdeath. Your favorite: you can fly.

Power has a price, however. You used to hate the plaster walls of Toriel's house, but now at least you can fix up what you smash holes in when surprised without much problem. Your fire can burst out of control if you aren't focusing hard on it, singing the fur off your hands and ruining any recipes you want to try. If you want to leave, any of your three parts, you leave; your abilities work on instinct, teleporting you elsewhere if you're lucky, throwing you towards the nearest window to smash through with your too-small-for-that horns and shoot up until you're in the clouds.

There's more, too. A deep wellspring of strength in your chest, in the red SOUL that still resides there, and you could tap it. The same power Asriel could use to destroy the village humans, so long ago.

You don't dare touch it. There's enough on your plate, thank you.

[Four: your friends.]

It wasn't easy. Asriel and Chara were dead for a hundred years. You were dead, a horrible public incident, set up to create tension between humans and monsters...probably. You don't know. You haven't been able to hunt down the one who got you yet.

Of course you came to Toriel first; limping, dizzy, crying, all three of you, various shades of hurt and confusion and fear and, oddly, hope. She called Asgore. What could be told, you told; what couldn't be...well, monsters are kind. They're still waiting for an explanation, but the relief of having you back is enough.

...And that's all. You're going to tell who else is mourning you, certainly. Undyne's unsettlingly calm declaration of hate at the one who did it on the news broadcast haunts you days later. Papyrus has been weeping and leaving your phone voice mails, even though he knows you're gone. You can only bet the rest are worse, but you can't bring yourself to check the news anymore, or Undernet. You feel terrible enough just getting used to it all.

And those are only monsters. Monsters, you can trust. They won't panic too badly, they'll be glad you're alive. But humans? You don't want to start another war over how monsters can take SOULS. You can't tell most of them, not directly.

...Though there is the neighbor, right across the grass. There's not much of a fence there, just some low shrubs--you're friends already, and he can see you whenever you're out. He does, in fact, your eyes are better now, and you can see his shape through the thin blinds over the windows. You think he's hurting; you think he's missing you; you know he's very observant.

Maybe he'll work it out on his own. Maybe...maybe you'll tell him, anyway. As a test. A try.

You can only hope.

[lordeasriel]

Ok, I’ve read chapters 1-11 of The Secret Commonwealth and this is my set of impressions so far. I’m using the audiobook, which is wonderful and I recommend it! Under the cut for spoilery reasons:

First and foremost, the audiobook: Michael Sheen is A-MA-ZING! And because he did La Belle Sauvage too, lots of voices are recognisable and I love it. Pan sounds a lot like young Malcolm, but less sweet and more sharp and snappish and it’s beautiful. Marcel has hints of Bonneville = Papadimitriou aka disgustingly smooth but scholary and witty. Lyra sounds amazing; Alice and Hannah have the same voices as they did in LBS (i love you michael for this). Malcolm has a mix of Coram’s voice and Asriel’s voice, he sounds worldly and sexy scholarly at the same time, I love it! Olivier sounds like a lil bitch.

I love the part where Lyra is telling Miriam about her origin story and it’s added that she wasn’t sure about the horse, but she liked it. She won’t give up on the romantic vibes of Asriel saving her, first the swordfight, now a horse lmao;

“I saw someone being mudered” Pantalaimon no chills lmao I love this adult Pan, he is so special to me, but then again I always loved him and his grumpy mood.

The Hyperchorasmians: this was such a wild moment, I laughed out loud and was like “is this a self meta?” but someone did brought to my attention it may be a self parody, I love it regardless.

Pantalaimon saying "I do exist (...) we exist” and so on, was really powerful, because it feels like a horrible existential crisis and I get his anger with Lyra and I feel his entitled to it. Right now, they’re struggling with their sense of self, yet they are one, and while Lyra finds that concept interesting, Pan is afraid because the same concept suggests he ain’t even real. In our world, our existential crisis consists of asking “do i exist or not?” but in Lyra’s world, is like asking if only a part of you is real and that’s bloody horrible to even think about.

I love how smoothly Pullman retconned Alice’s age, in “Lyra now thought she wasn’t as old as she first thought” like yeah my man, nice try, but I see through the lies of the jedi your retcon, yet I love it all the same lmao I’m glad she’s alive and well.

I love that remark of Lyra having learned how to charm people and manipulate information out of them with her wits and small talk. That’s such a Marisa trait, at least as I always perceived her and it really made be bubbly and cheerful as I noticed that.

I also noticed how Lyra refers to Asriel either by his name or as Lord Asriel, and she still refers to Marisa as Mrs. Coulter, although she acknowledges them as father and mother when other people refer to them that way. I’m a little sad she doesn’t refer to them as mom and dad, but then again i feel like they never earned that treatment from her and I get it.

Pan suggesting Malcolm and Alice may be lovers and Lyra stares at him then ignores him because the mere thought of it it’s inconceivable LMAO

Lyra remembering Asriel’s moonlight walk with her was too much for me, that’s as emotional as I’m gonna get. It really made me sad that Asriel was living hand to mouth and that he left her nothing; to think that his most recent luxury was his house arrest on Svalbard is, well, sad.

On a happier note, Dr Carne supporting Lyra is my favourite thing. He cared enough about her to actually give her a home and support, and I think people should respect him more. This guy is the father Lyra had, however quirky the entire situation was and I have an immense love for this character.

Oh my God, I cannot believe they kept Lyra in the dark for so long. She is so fucking clueless about everything! What is wrong with those people? Tell the girl everything for fuck’s sake! The moment she snapped I snapped too; for fuck’s sake, she should have known about that stuff the moment she came back from the other worlds. Also, the fact she does not know about Asriel and Marisa is infuriating, but that one I can forgive because they kinda did threw themselves into a fucking void and didn’t wanr anyone about it, so...

HOW THE FUCK IS THE MAGISTERIUM STILL STRONG???? I am so fucking angry! I can understand why it takes a long time for them to dissolve entirely, but they are still strong and influential and Asriel’s war was for absolutely nothing. He and Marisa died for nothing, everyone that died there died for nothing and I am so angry because I hate theocracies with every fiber of my fucking being and I AM SO FUCKING SMAD;

Lyra does mention “the witches of the north” and that got me thinking that there may be more types of witches around the world and that not all of them have split daemons. But I don’t know, just a thought.

I only read 11 chapters, but so far I am 95% percent sure Lyra and Olivier are going to end up together by the end of the third book. I will not elaborate on this now since I have very little to go on with, but I will speak more as I read more. I do not approve of this, but I fear this may be the route Sir Phil is going for. I hope I am wrong.

Malcolm’s description of his feelings for Lyra are creepy and cringe. If he only, I don’t know, “discovered” his feelings for her recently, I could overlook it with a certain frown, but he’s been having those weird ass feelings since she was his student and a minor and that’s creepy, to say the least. I know he acknowledges that what he felt wrong was wrong and weird, and wow, thank god, but the fact he indulges himself on those feelings now that she’s older is weird. I feel like Pullman is deceiving us, I’m just not sure. I love Malcolm, I do, and I am slightly attracted to him now lmaoooo but no, you see? No. Not okay, but as I said before, I don’t think they’re ending up together. I hope I am right.

Also the way Pullman describes it lmaoooo “Malcolm Polstead, age 31, was in love with Lyra” or something like that. It was so funny, I felt like I was read a very well-written fanfiction that suddenly the author had a stroke and wrote as if they’re 12 and in love. It was very cringe, I don’t know, I was embarassed on Malcolm’s behalf.

I really love that Oakley Street is still going strong, sort of lol and that Malcolm is now a member and I hope we get to see more of them. I love spies and I love Oakley Street and I’m sad Nugent is dead.

Makepeace referring to Pan as “my boy” warms my heart because it shows the daemons’ treatment we should see and treat them: they are people and they have feelings and they exist and should be acknowledged. I just cherish the whole conflict between Lyra and Pan because this is what it feels so far: the struggle of being who they are and the pain that comes with it.

I have an unpopular opinion here, but I love the relationship between Pan and Lyra; I love their banter, their fight, their anger with each other. It feels right, although I am sad that they are fighting a lot because of the existence business, I think Lyra is really being inconsiderate with Pan. But, I think their constant disagreement is in-character; they always disagreed with each other, they always were very different from each other, so I love that they struggle with that, it’s just sad that they’re bordering on self-loathing and they need to work on that. I want them to find the spark of love they had, but not to the point where they are clingy again; they’re people and they’re different and they are the same person, so they need to come to terms with that. It really hurt me when Pan had to yell that he exists, that hit so close to home and I don’t know, I felt speechless for a moment.

Pan saying: “You are in a world full of colour, and you wanna see it in black and white” was a powerful. I really appreciate how that argument was handled. It’s beautiful and sad and painful to listen, there’s so much emotion in Lyra.

Back to Malcolm, I think that Pullman is going for a weird route here, not gonna lie. But so far I think that Malcolm’s awareness of its weirdness is alright, I think and as long as he never acts on his feelings, we’re gonna be fine. I want Lyra to end her story alone and with a healthy relationship with Pantalaimon, because that’s what really matters in life.

Now, more Oakley Street: I’m sorry but Glenys Godwin is awesome and I am so happy that a woman is the head of my favourite spy organisation, thank you sir phil for this gift. I love her and her daemon, and that OS is a bit stronger than before. RIP Lord Nugent, thank you for your service, you ruthless bastard.

I do not trust that priest tho; I think it’s cool and stuff, but I just dont trust religious figures in general lmao i hope he is not a traitor.

I don’t know what is wrong with Marcel, but I like him cause he’s clever but I hate him cause he’s a Magisterium bitch. I had the spoiler that he is Seasea’s brother, I had this theory that maybe they’re twins, but so far it hasn’t been mentioned and I am horribly curious. I wonder, did he changed his name? Did Marisa change her name? I thought van zee was canon tbh

Giorgio Brabandt is a man, my friends, and what a man he is. He is AWESOME. I loved him immediately. I love the gyptians in general.

What the heck is happening to those roses?