#askwerewolfdean

[outinablaze-ofglory-blog]

Life Goes On... But What For?

Cas leans on the doorjam in the entrance of their bedroom, watching Dean tickling Hael into a screaming fit of laughter, smiling all the while as he watched his happy little family. Dean was laughing almost as hard as Hael, grinning evilly down at her while she did her best to squirm out of reach of Daddy's hands. This happened almost every morning and still she came and woke them up, bouncing on the bed until Dean woke up. Cas would wake up moments later when Hael was squirming and giggling and he'd just smile and go make a pot of coffee. It was Castiel's job to jump in at the last second and save Hael from a horrible fate at the hands of the Tickle Monster. "Papa! Help!" That was his cue... Cas joined in the fray, grabbing Dean from behind, holding the Hunter still long enough for Hael to escape, but now Cas was the one who had to pay the price. Haely fled the room, squealing happily, headed for her own room so she could get ready for school while Dean pinned Cas to the bed and kissed him senseless. Okay, so it wasn't the worst price to pay for being a hero, but Dean's scruffy jaw could be a little rough first thing in the morning. Still, Cas wouldn't have this any other way. His eyes drift shut, a content smile curving his lips even while they responded to Dean's, the sound of Hael running around the house trying to get her scattered school things together adding a subtle note of familiarity to the background of this apple pie life - but Dean was slipping away from him, and as Castiel's eyes snapped open, all he could see was the terror on Dean's face, contorted to anger, and then to hopeless acceptance. Dean's face was lost in a red haze and then everything went black. 

~

The buzz of the alarm scared the shit out of Cas and he sat bolt upright, smashing his hand down on top of the damn thing until it stopped buzzing. Just a dream... it was all just a dream. Except, when Cas looked over at the space next to him where Dean should have been, the bed was still made neatly and the crushing reality washed over Cas just as it did every morning. Some mornings he was strong enough to handle it... other mornings, mornings like this, he just pulled Dean's pillow over, curled up around it, and wept into the fluffiness until he couldn't feel the pain anymore. It still smelled like him, as did the clothes in the closet, the discarded towel Cas had carefully hung back in the bathroom, the side of the couch Dean always sprawled out on when they watched movies with Hael, and the leather jacket that Cas wore everywhere even though it was a little too big for him. Some mornings Cas could handle having his other half brutally ripped from him, murdered in their own home in the middle of the afternoon while Cas was picking Hael up from school - this was not one of those mornings. Castiel screamed into the pillow, staining it with his tears, begging the beings who no longer listened to just give Dean back. Why Dean? When would the punishments end? 

It was another hour before Castiel stopped grieving enough to slither weakly out of bed. He trudged passed his daughter's empty room, downstairs to the cold kitchen where he made a pot of coffee, just as he always did. He hadn't touched the thermostat since he lost Dean, keeping it at a chilly 62 degrees. Cas had always hated how cold Dean kept the house... 

"We are not penguins Dean. Why do we have to live in an igloo?" 

If you don't like the cold, put a sweater on. 

"I'm tired of wearing sweaters all the time, Dean. They're uncomfortable..." 

Well in that case, I can think of something else that might warm you up.

"Really Dean? Right now?" 

I thought you were cold...

"I am, but-" 

So why argue? You know I'm irresistible! 

Cas sighed and poured two cups of coffee, just like he always did, setting one next to the empty plate across the table where he also laid the comics from the newspaper. The coffee would get cold, the comics would go unread, but it was halfway normal and Cas couldn't bear to break this habit, not yet. He sipped his own coffee, looking over the rest of the paper without really seeing the words. He ended up leaving the drink half finished, trudging back upstairs for a quick hot shower (Scalding hot water and a cold shower wall... you used to love that), before getting dressed, shrugging on Dean's coat, and heading off to the cemetery to visit the empty coffin they had buried in Dean's name. Cas and Sam had gone out alone, up to one of Dean's favourite camping places and they had given him a proper Hunter's burial. The casket and headstone were for Hael's sake so she would have a place to come back to whenever she wanted to talk to her dad. In a way, maybe it had been for Cas too... 

In his desperation to keep Hael safe from the demons that had killed Dean, Castiel had begged his eldest brother to protect Hael. Gabriel and Sam had offered, but it would have been just as painful for Sam to see Hael's face everyday as it was for Cas, and Hael would be safest with Michael since no one really knew where the eldest archangel spent his time. No one would dare stand against a being who was prophesied to best even the Devil himself. Desperate indeed.... 

And so, Cas spent his days on the road, hunting as Dean had taught him, doing what had to be done to rid the world of darkness, and he still came home to that empty house with it's painful and sweet memories, the things that still smelled like his Mate, the art covered room his daughter used to sleep soundly in every night... Castiel was never meant to be happy, but those memories would stay with him until the day he died. Castiel had a cause again, fighting for his daughter and the memory of the man he loved. He was a renegade Hunter in an old, shiny black Impala, the terror that monsters were starting to tell their children about in the place of the Winchester's name. Don't draw attention to yourself or the shadow angel will come and kill you. 

And they were right to be afraid. 

[twotheanon]

I feel as though I ought to explain

as you may or may not know, I do not get on with my mother at all

in the past fights have been had, words have been exchanged, angry angry words and I was eventually kicked out (although still very young) and in the last few years I've managed to start dealing with what I went through...more or less, but there are still aspects that panic/upset/freak me out

my mother was notorious for constantly dying her hair different colors (i don't even remember what color her hair is supposed to be anymore) so the house would always stink of the stuff

in the last year or so, I've found that the smell of hair dye really seems to be a bad trigger for flashbacks and panic attacks for me, bringing up bad memories that I had for all intents and purposes deliberately buried in order to save myself from going insane or something like that

which makes things complicated when I'm the only person in my house who doesn't dye my hair

I have told my housemates about this and because I know its unfair of me to expect them not to do it we have this like system in place which works wonderfully usually. They will tell me when they're planning on dying someone's hair plenty of time ahead so I can grab some food or something before they start or I can make myself scarce as needed and then, they'll let me know when they're finished

they also usually spray strong deodorizer so I don't even get like any after effects

This evening, I said I was going out for a few hours and they decided to dye one of my housemate's hair, knowing that they'd have plenty of time to clear up before I got home and they wouldn't have to bother me with it at all

Unfortunately it was tipping it down and I ended up coming back a lot earlier than any of us expected

They yelled immediately that they were dying someone's hair and that it wouldn't be finished for about another half hour to an hour so I might want to avoid the kitchen

but I was hungry and they'd done the most of it and he was just sitting there with the hair dye sat in his hair, I figured I would do well to have something to eat since I was tired, hungry and soaked and thought I'd be alright

There were no real problems until I finished and climbed the three flights of stairs to my room and started breathing heavily through my nose

The smell had clung to my nostrils and my clothes a bit and basically I ended up staggering into my room having triggered myself into having bad bad flashbacks and panicking

I haven't had an attack like that since before last christmas and so I was very freaked out

I'm sorry if I upset or worried anyone but I was panicking and thought if anybody would be able to help me it'd be my friends on here

Thank you everyone who offered help and advice

seriously

I love you all

[deanrwinchesterjr-blog]

OOC ~ to everyone ~

I'm so terribly sorry. I've been away for so long... And I need to finish these RPs with the M!A thingy soon... I miss small!Dean...

Well, I promise I'll be here tomorrow, okay? Again, I am really sorry. But life's been mean.

[theskinwalkercastiel-blog]

ooc: Hey guys.

Sorry about not getting on at all yesterday, it was my birthday, and I was at school, then got home, and left to go out to the corn maze, and then went and got dinner and had cake....it was a very busy night lol.

Also, tomorrow I leave for Chicon, so if I reply today, and I stop, I've probably gotten distracted by something, or I'm getting ready, so the best idea for you to do is to submit the link to your reply. 

To the people that have longer then one paragraph:

I have Chuck, and the future Castiel's. I will reply after I get back on Monday....maybe, but I have just been so busy, that getting to them have been really hard. Sorry.

[confessionsoftherpers-blog]

Outinablazeofglory is one of the best Rp-er's I know. They have this whole different spin on future!Cas that makes them so unique and fun to Rp with. So they are not completely a canon Cas, but that adds to his appeal. I also love their muse Alex, who is my other half and my best friend. I don't know where I would be without them. -ask-werewolf-dean

[freedomisjustalie-blog]

* causally sneaks up and leaves mun and muse a welcome to tumblr Cake *

mun; OMG!!! Thank you!!!

[formerlyheavensbitch-blog]

(( * Kasey ninja poofs in and leaves a cheesburger for you, then disappears * ))

...

...

Is that for you or me?

I don't know

...

I'll fight you for it

You won't win

No you just think I won't win

*picks up and holds away from Lysz's grasp*

*too short to reach and grab away* *narrows eyes* you are so evil

*nom nom nom*

I hate you

¦3

Cas & Lysz

[twotheanon]

ask-werewolf-dean replied to your post: ask-werewolf-dean replied to your post: Dammit did...

there is no word in any language for the cutesy girlish squeal I made when I saw this

[twotheanon]

ask-werewolf-dean replied to your post: Dammit did I turn invisible again?

no you haven’t.

*hugs* ily

[twotheanon]

ask-werewolf-dean answered your question: If I was to liveblog a film tomorrow…what would...

little shop of horrors

OMG I am so on that once I can get my hands on a copy

azulafromhell answered your question: If I was to liveblog a film tomorrow…what would...

Moving Alan. It’s on youtube. You have to watch it in parts, though.

I actually have a copy of that. Never watched it though

[twotheanon]

ask-werewolf-dean replied to your post: ask-werewolf-dean replied to your link: MEANIES...

what reasons would those be??

Sharing awesomnicity

[twotheanon]

ask-werewolf-dean replied to your link: MEANIES NEED NOT APPLY

Water you DOING!!!!

I believe it is called promotion

because of reasons

[twotheanon]

ask-werewolf-dean replied to your link: Follow!!

TWO! What the Hell are you doing!

[twotheanon]

:3 herro

[outinablaze-ofglory-blog]

Kasey.....

[outinablaze-ofglory-blog]

Meet the Mun (by outinablazeof glory)

Sorry I sound like such an idiot >.< I'm so tired right now.