#asking if i know if 'bug food' is the next big thing fuck outta here

[sargewood]

watching the alex and logan try singapore cuisine video again and it literally is just watching the most awkward first date

[babyboibucky]

Elevate Thy Hate

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Not a day goes by that you and Bucky don’t argue.

Word Count: 4,642

Warnings: Cliché plot but slight angst, self-doubt and Bucky being a loveable idiot who sucks at communicating

A/N: Surprise one-shot because I just remembered I wrote this like...last year lmfao

MAIN MASTERLIST

-

You woke up feeling great and excited. The mission was finally finished, debriefings were done and reports have been submitted. Everyone was given an entire week to get some rest and since rest days were pretty rare, you truly looked forward to this day.

Before you could even saunter in the kitchen, you had already heard the chatters from your fellow Avengers. One particular voice irked you though but hell no, you weren’t going to let one Bucky Barnes ruin your day.

A chorus of good mornings greeted you as soon as you walked into the kitchen. Nat and Steve were on one side of the counter sipping their coffee while Sam and Wanda were finishing up their food. Tony and Bruce were out of sight, probably holed up in the lab doing experiments as usual. Bucky didn’t acknowledge you and quickly headed out of the kitchen, thankfully. You weren’t in the mood to pick a fight.

Walking up to the cupboards, you quickly grabbed you favorite cereal and proceeded to pour it out on your bowl. None came out though. You peeked inside bag and saw that only crumbs of it were left.

“Who the—“

Everyone was already pointing at Bucky when you turned around to ask. And of course, Bucky did it on purpose because he stood there at the end of the hallway, watching you with smug grin on his face.

“I hope your day sucks.” He said and flipped you the bird before turning around to walk away.

You groaned out loud, ignoring the amused chuckles from everyone else in the kitchen.

“I’m not stooping down to your level, asshole! I hope your day is average!”

The day was fortunately uneventful, except for your ruined breakfast care of Bucky. You were determined not to let that annoy you for the rest of the day. So far, so good. You could only wish it’d continue that way for the rest of the week.

-

“I told you not to rush!” Bucky snapped.

“I had him already! If you didn’t throw that goddamn smoke grenade I would’ve killed him!” You explained.

You could see Sam shaking his head in frustration. Bucky always had to blame something on you even though you weren’t the one at fault.

Bucky snorted, “He had a sniper for fuck’s sake! One shot and you’re dead.”

“Oh wow, says the one who got shot before I did.” You rolled your eyes at Bucky.

The two of you continued to bicker until Nat and Steve walked into the living room looking confused as you and Bucky exchanged insults while Sam remained sandwiched between the both of you on the couch.

“Who got shot?” Steve asked, glancing at you and Bucky alternately.

“Did we miss out on a mission or...?” Nat continued.

Sam chuckled, “We were playing Call of Duty and we lost.” He explained, taking the opportunity to get up from the sofa.

Steve still looked lost, something that Nat immediately picked up. “It’s a video game.” She explained.

“You two are fighting over a game?” He asked you and Bucky.

“They fight over everything.” Nat shrugged and walked out of the room with Sam tagging behind her.

“I’m outta here too, I’m so done babysitting the kids.” He muttered under his breath.

-

It was past midnight when you were in the living room alone, watching television while eating a Whopper. The lights were turned off and it was absolutely quiet in the compound, setting the perfect ambience for the crime documentary you were watching.

Not long after, you heard someone walk into the living room. It was only when your heard the familiar grunt that you realized who it was. Of course, it had to be Bucky.

“Are you eating a burger?” He asked incredulously.

“No, it’s popcorn. Of course it’s a fucking burger, are you blind or just dumb?” You snapped, your eyes still glued on the television.

“Dumbfounded that you’re eating that at this hour. No wonder you suck at cardio.” Bucky said as he sat down on the other end of the sofa.

“Are you body-shaming me?” You gasped.

Bucky snickered, “I didn’t say anything, I just said you suck at cardio.” He said, not looking at you.

You chose to ignore him and brought your attention back to the television. It was quiet for moment. You almost forgot about Bucky’s presence until of course, he decided to annoy you yet again.

“Can you pass the remote?” Bucky asked monotonously.

“No.”

Silence.

“This show sucks.” He commented.

You were focused on the show but noticed that Bucky was staring at you.

“Can you please pass the remote?” He asked again.

“In case you didn’t notice, I’m watching. I was here first. I hold the rights to control the remote.” You deadpanned, refusing to look at him.

There was a flash of black and gold right before your eyes. Everything happened quickly and the next thing you knew, Bucky was hovering above you, trapping you between his body and the arm rest of the sofa.

“The fuck, Barnes?! Get off of me!” You protested and started pushing him away.

“You gotta work on your reflexes, darling.” He said, finally leaning away from you, remote now in his hand.

He grinned triumphantly and switched the channel before placing the remote inside his sweatpants, “Want to switch the channel? Come and get it.” he taunted as he leaned back on the couch, opening his legs wide as he showed off how the remote created a tent in his sweatpants.

That was the remote...right? You mentally slapped yourself for actually thinking about what Bucky was packing beneath those pants and frowned.

“You’re an asshole and a disgusting one.” You told him.

“God, I hate you.” You muttered and crumpled the wrapper of your burger before throwing it at Bucky.

Deciding that you didn’t want to argue any further, you got up and left the living room, but not without telling Bucky again how much you hated him for making your life miserable.

“The feeling is mutual.” You heard him say.

-

The petty fights with Bucky went on and on during that entire week of rest. Despite the arguments, there were small moments of kindness shared between you and the soldier.

“Where are you going dressed up so nicely?” You asked Bucky upon seeing him walk into the kitchen wearing a leather jacket on top of a black shirt, dark, tight-fitting jeans and a pair of Doc Martens.

It was meant as an insult, of course. You took every opportunity to tease Bucky and his newfound sense of fashion. Said fashion meant his taste for very millennial outfits despite his old age.

“Grocery.” He replied as he went over to the fridge to pour himself a glass of water.

“Ooh, can you buy me Starbucks on your way back? I’ll pay.” You asked kindly.

Bucky just stared at you as he drank from his glass of water. He slammed it on the counter before walking past you.

“Not a damn chance.”

He did buy you Starbucks though. It didn’t shock you that much considering that the both of you didn’t hate on each other all the damn time. But what surprised you was that he brought you your usual drink and your favorite pastry too.

Steve must have forced him to do so, probably told his best friend your usual orders as well so you made a note to thank him as soon as they got back.

And thank Steve you did, but you didn’t expect the reply that you got.

“Oh was that the reason why Bucky kept bugging me about stopping by Starbucks?” Steve asked.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “What do you mean? I thought he told you I asked him to buy me Starbucks.”

Steve chuckled, “I guess now I know why he wouldn’t shut up about it.” he said, amusement laced in his tone.

“I don’t understand, Cap.” you said.

Steve just smiled at you in response before squeezing your shoulder, “Maybe you will understand soon.”

And with that, he left you feeling even more confused. You honestly didn’t understand the context of the conversation so you decided to just ignore it. Steve sometimes would say weird shit that none of the Avengers knew about. You dismissed it and thought that maybe it was Steve being a decade old, it was probably an old man thing.

You decided to make coffee for Bucky the following day, as a simple gesture to thank him for the Starbucks. He didn’t ask you to pay him back so you felt obligated to do a little something for him. You were an asshole to him sometimes, yes, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to give credit where credit is due.

Okay, so maybe you didn’t really hate Bucky. If you did actually hate him, the entire team would probably do something about it. Maybe force the two of you to talk things out. The hatred was all fun and games, everyone seemed to be amused by it too.

You still considered Bucky your friend despite the constant bickering. You had to admit, the arguments were pretty fun.

Although, you were wondering whether Bucky felt the same about considering you as his friend. Sometimes, his attitude towards you confused the hell out of you.

One day he’d eat the chocolate you’ve been saving up for cheat day just to spite you. And it definitely did because you ended up cursing him out loud when you saw him munching on it. The next day he brought you a new one. You were watching Netflix when he waltzed into the living room and threw a bar of chocolate at your lap before walking out without saying a word.

These exchange of small yet kind (and confusing) gestures remained unacknowledged. You didn’t know why but you also didn’t feel the need to talk about them. You weren’t going to lie but Bucky’s random acts of kindness would always put a smile on your face.

-

The vacation unfortunately came to an end and everyone had to go back to saving the world. All of you were gathered in the conference room with Fury for a briefing about the next mission. It wasn’t as big as the last one but it still required a lot of planning.

After explaining the mission, Fury let Steve take over the meeting to strategize.

Some were assigned to do surveillance around the parameter while some were appointed to do all the groundwork. Steve of course, just had to partner you with Bucky to do the actual infiltration given that your skills complemented each other’s.

You grinned and was prepared to roast Bucky’s ass when you turned to him and was met with a scowl. He shook his head with what you assumed was disappointment and turned away from you.

It was the first time he ever dismissed you like that. Sure, you were rude to each other but the look that Bucky gave you wasn’t a teasing one. He wasn’t mocking you nor frustrated. Bucky seemed to really hate the idea of being partnered with you. It was the first time that the two of you had to work together without anyone else. Usually, Steve or Sam joined but for this mission, it was just you and Bucky. Concluding that he must have woken up at the wrong side of the bed, you chose to ignore your gut feeling and focused back to Steve.

After the meeting, everyone else exited the room and started with the preparations for the mission. As you walked down the hallway leading to your bedroom, you heard some soft chattering coming from Steve’s bedroom.

You were supposed to ignore it until you heard your name, making you stop in your tracks.

“I can’t be partnered with her, Steve.”

Bucky.

“Buck, just go with it. I can’t be changing assignments at the last minute.” Steve explained.

Bucky sighed, “You know I can’t function properly when she’s around, let alone be partnered with her. She distracts me, Steve. Her skills distract me and I swear on our friendship, I would end up dying on this assignment.”

“You’re being overly dramatic, Buck. Just suck it up, pal. Do the mission and get it over with.”

“Steve, you don’t understand. I really can’t deal with her. Especially if it’s just the two of us. You know how much I fucking—“

“Hate me?”

You couldn’t help but interject in their conversation. How could you not? Bucky was complaining about how he couldn’t deal with you. It really hurt hearing Bucky say all those things about you. Sure, you were somewhat new to the team and you didn’t have superpowers nor years of training like the rest. But you worked your ass off to be in this position. And for him to say that he couldn’t function with you being around struck a nerve. The last thing on your mind was to hold back your teammates, that’s why you train twice, thrice as hard.

Steve and Bucky stared at you as if they’ve seen a ghost. It’s as if all their blood was drained out of their body when they saw you step inside the room. Bucky was about to say something but you decided to cut him off, not wanting to hear more about how he doesn’t want to be partnered with you.

“We don’t get along that well, I get that. But I honestly thought that our arguments were harmless. Hell, I consider us friends. I didn’t think that you actually hated me.” Your voice quivered because you were truly, deeply hurt.

“That’s not what I meant.” Bucky insisted.

“You literally said that you might end up dying because of being partnered with me, Bucky! Look, I know that I don’t have a super serum running through my veins. I can’t move things with my mind and I can’t come up with life-changing tech. I wasn’t trained since childhood nor have the perfect aim. But I worked hard to be in this team. I trained hard not to be a burden to anyone and I’m sorry if my skills aren’t up to your standards.”

What did you even do to Bucky for him to hate you this much?

“Don’t worry, I won’t burden you. Once this mission is over, I won’t bother you anymore. Ever.” You said before walking out of the way, ignoring Bucky when he had repeatedly called your name.

-

The ride to the location was filled with tension. Although everyone else had no idea what happened, they somehow knew that the tension had something to do with you and Bucky.

Thankfully, the quinjet was big enough for you not to end up sitting beside Bucky.

“You okay?” Wanda asked, noticing how restless you were.

What you heard definitely affected you in more ways than one. You kept on double checking your weapons, your gadgets and you even ended up doubting yourself. Were you really equipped to be an Avenger? Steve said that Bucky was merely overacting but what if he was right? What if you weren’t skilled enough to protect him or your teammates?

“That’s not true.” Wanda said out of the blue. “I didn’t mean to read your mind, though. Your thoughts are coming off too strong, kinda hard to ignore.” She said apologetically.

You softly laughed, “I should really be staying away from you.” You joked.

Wanda smiled and placed her hand on top of yours, “I mean it though. You’re amazing at what you do. I don’t understand why you’re doubting yourself about being an Avenger.”

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you offered Wanda a grateful smile. You noticed that Bucky had been staring at you the entire time but simply ignored him. You weren’t going to let him snap you out of your focus.

-

Once on location, everyone started to split up and listened for Steve’s orders through the comms. You and Bucky managed to get inside the base, all thanks to Nat and the Hulk who handled all the guards.

The building was completely empty when the two of you walked around in search of the hidden quarters where all the intel were kept.

Bucky whistled to get your attention, you turned and saw that he was motioning towards what seemed to be a regular brick wall. However, there were a few bricks out of place and upon examining it, you realized it was some sort of a secret door. You managed to figure out which bricks to push and thankfully, it didn’t take you long enough to open the door which revealed an old, steel elevator.

“We found the entrance, Steve.” Bucky said into the comms.

“Careful in there, there were suspiciously a few guards within the parameters. They all might be in there.” Nat warned.

You heaved out a deep breath before stepping into the elevator with Bucky trailing behind you. There was only one button in the elevator, a red one.

“Can someone scan the elevator and make sure this button won’t set off any boobie trap or something?” You asked nervously as you inspected the elevator for any hidden traps.

The comms cracked with Sam’s voice. “Button is safe although...” he trailed.

“Although what?” Bucky asked, examining the elevator as well.

“You’re in for a long ride.”

You frowned, “How long?” You asked.

“Can’t see. It’s way too deep.”

Sam was able to scan the entire base and true enough, the elevator would lead deep down into the hidden laboratory. How deep into the ground it was, none could tell. Neither Sam nor Tony’s technology could see through due to the lack of signal. Steve said it might be dangerous to proceed given that there were no other ways into the lab except for the elevator.

The lack of signal down there meant no communication.

“Guys, I don’t think it’s a good idea to continue with this mission.” Steve said.

“But we’re so close, Steve.” You said.

“I think Steve is right. It’d be hard to call for back up when things go south.” Bucky interjected, not even sparing you a glance.

You snorted. Bucky sure wasn’t overacting when he was complaining about your skills. He definitely didn’t trust you. You weren’t going to settle for that.

“We won’t need any back up.”

And with that, you pressed the red button and completely ignored everyone’s warnings through the comms. Bucky looked at you with disbelief and tried to press the red button again in hopes of halting the elevator. However, the brick wall had closed and the elevator started its descent.

“Why the fuck did you do that?!” He yelled and tried to search the elevator for some sort of stop button.

“We’ll follow soon!” Steve’s voice was the last you heard before your comms completely lost its signal.

“Christ, we don’t even know whether it’s the lab that’s down there!” Bucky said, continuing his search for anything that would bring the both of you up to the ground floor.

“I’m not as stupid as you think I am. All secret doors lead to a top secret room and no, we won’t be needing any back up because I am totally capable of taking down anyone who gets in the way.” You stubbornly replied and leaned against the wall.

You wondered how long the elevator ride was going to be. At the speed that it’s going, it wasn’t impossible to take at least fifteen to twenty minutes if the lab was really far down into the ground. Bucky’s frustration was evident from the way he kept on inspecting the elevator walls. At first it was easy to ignore but Bucky was becoming more and more desperate to find a way to go back up.

“Your desperation to stay away from me is just...astounding.” You said with a bitter chuckle.

“I’m finding a way to get out of here, not away from you.” Bucky explained calmly.

You shook your head, “You don’t trust me to keep you alive, I get it. But can you tone it down even for just a bit?” You spat at him.

Bucky pressed the bridge of his nose and let out an exasperated sigh, “You don’t need to keep me alive.”

“Of course not, you don’t need me to do so ‘cause you’re so capable. How did I not think of that?” At this point, you couldn’t stop the word vomit.

You had tons of things to say to Bucky to prove to him that you were totally good at what you do, that he didn’t need to underestimate you just because you were a new addition to the team.

“That’s not what I mean.” Bucky explained again.

It was starting to annoy you that the more you were becoming agitated, the calmer he was becoming. And he kept on telling you that he meant differently with his statements but he never really attempted to further explain his side.

“Then what do you mean, Bucky?” You pressed. “What did I ever do to you for you to hate me this much? Did I say something offensive? Do I have to train 24/7 for you to think that I deserve to be working alongside the Avengers?” You kept on babbling on and on and on.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand, “I don’t hate you, okay?” He doesn’t even spare you a look.

All this time, he was looking at anything but you and it was really getting on your nerves.

“See? You keep on telling me that you don’t hate me but you can’t even look at me! I mean, if you really loathe me then own up to it! It hurts me more that you keep on denying it when you can’t even explain a damn thing. At least tell me why!” You were never an emotional person and Bucky knew that, so when he finally turned to look at you, he was surprised to see you on the verge of tears.

“Hey, hey...” Bucky coaxed and tried to hold you but you stepped away from him.

“Just please tell me why, Buck. Tell me and I promise to stay away. If you think I suck at being an Avenger to the point of irritating you, tell me so I can train my fucking ass off until you deem me fit to be an Avenger. If my jokes offended you, I’m sorry. If I—“

“It’s because I like you.”

“...what?”

Bucky Barnes...likes you? It’s as if the silence went on forever inside the elevator that seemed to keep going. How long were the two of you inside it anyway? You couldn’t tell anymore and you didn’t know whether Bucky was simply fooling around with you.

“That’s not funny.” You said.

Bucky shook his head, “It’s not a joke.”

You stared at him doubtfully, “Explain.” You demanded.

Bucky licked his lips and let out a soft chuckle, “I’m an idiot.” He said.

“That doesn’t explain anything. If any, I’d think you’re simply fucking with me.” You pointed out and crossed your arms over your chest.

That seemed to urge Bucky to finally explain. “What you heard in Steve’s room was correct.”

“So you really hate me.”

Bucky groaned, “Let me finish, please?” He pleaded. When you remained silent, he continued to explain himself.

“You really do distract me during missions. Because you’re so amazing and I never doubted your skills. But I also get worried and I hate it when I see you in pain or wounded and it fucking distracts me. I didn’t want to be partnered with you because when I see you, I just...fuck. I like you that much. You kick someone’s ass and I’d end up watching you with awe that it’d cause me my own demise. That’s what I meant. That I’d probably end up dying because whenever you’re around, you have my full attention.”

The anger within you dissipated just like that. You could feel your face heat up from Bucky’s unexpected confession.

“But you’re an asshole to me.” You pointed out.

Bucky laughed, “Because that’s how I get your attention. You walk into a room with a kind-hearted super soldier, a witty bird brain and a few more intelligent men and yet I’d be the first one you’d acknowledge. With a snarky comment but still, attention is attention. It’s the only way I get to interact with you without feeling awkward. I suck at conversations, I mean, you heard me and though I was hating on you when I was merely blabbering to Steve about how much I like you.”

This time, you couldn’t hold back your laughter. All along, Bucky was finding a way to talk to you even though it meant constant arguments over the pettiest things. To be fair though, he really did suck at communicating.

“I’m sorry that it came across like that.” Bucky apologized sincerely. “I hope this doesn’t change anything between us.” He admitted.

You shrugged, “Oh but it does. In fact, it changes everything.”

Bucky’s face fell.

“Because I think I like you too and I kinda want for things to change. For the better of course.” You grinned.

Bucky chuckled and scratched his forehead bashfully, “You think, huh? Not sure?” He asked and turned to you just as the elevator doors opened.

Indeed, it led to the lab where almost all of the targets stayed. The man nearest the elevator had his gun pointed at Bucky but before he could even pull the trigger, Bucky had thrown his knife at him without even sparing a glance and choked the next guy to attack with his metal arm before throwing him towards a group of armed men. He was just gazing at you with a smittened smile.

“Still not sure about liking me back?”

Impressed at his gesture, you smirked.

“Now I am.”

-

By the time Steve, Nat and Sam walked out of the elevator, the mission had already been done. You walked towards the trio and handed Steve a USB.

“All their data is already saved there. Wiped out their entire system clean too.” You told him, voice chirpy and all.

Bucky was right behind you, a couple of folders in his hands before handing them to Sam, “Lotsa confidential info in there too which includes our next targets.” he said and walked past Sam with a certain jump in his steps.

The three exchanged glances before looking around the entire lab. Men were scattered on the floor, most were dead and others heavily injured.

“What the hell happened here?” Nat asked, avoiding the injured men on the ground as she walked around.

“The mission happened, Nat. All that matters now is that everything has been resolved. I mean, everything.” You said meaningfully and threw Bucky a flirty smile before walking into the elevator.

He followed suit and saluted at the three before pushing the red button. The doors weren’t even closed yet when Bucky couldn’t hold back and quickly leaned to press a soft kiss on your lips. An action that definitely didn’t go unnoticed by the three. You couldn’t help but chuckle when you noticed their reactions before the elevator closed.

Said trio stood there dumbfounded and confused as hell. Early on, the tension between you and Bucky was felt by everyone. The kind of tension then wasn’t even a sexual one. It was so intense that Nat was actually expecting to see you and Bucky at each other’s throats when they got down to the lab.

“Guess that the long ass elevator ride did something. Whatever was in that elevator seems interesting. Wanna go check it out, Nat?” Sam asked suggestively.

Steve chuckled and shook his head.

Nat simply smirked and walked past Sam, “In your dreams, Wilson.”

-

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[threecrowsinatrenchcoat]

Plant Your Hope With Good Seeds

Dukeceit Week Day 3: Snakes/Bugs

Remus and Janus break up. But literally everyone knows that's not what they want. Everyone, including their plants.

AO3 Link: [here]

Word Count: 4337

Warnings: n/a

@dukeceitweek <3

-

Unknown Number

hey so i kno i said i wouldnt text u but rupert isnt doin good. can i bring him back? he misses u

Janus stared at the text for several minutes. Rupert was, of course, the Monstera Variegata that he and Remus had raised together all the way from propagation. It had been one of the pride and joys of their plant collection. Losing Rupert in the split had hurt almost as much as losing Remus.

...Almost. 

Janus

Is it getting enough light? Remember it needed the grow light even next to the window. 

Janus texted back against his better judgement. He and Remus were broken up. They’d agreed not to text for a while. They’d agreed to give each other space, get used to being apart. 

It sucked, though. The apartment felt empty without Remus and half their plant collection.

Unknown Number

ya i kno. but i don’t have any south facign windows here. our place is better

Unknown Number

i mean ur place

Janus sighed morosely. Well, if it was for Rupert…

Janus

Fine. Rupert can come back.

Unknown Number

yay! ill be in town this weekend. ill bring him ok?

Janus

Ok.

And then Janus promptly threw his phone across the room.

Because here’s the thing. Janus and Remus were broken up. Remus had moved eight hours away and everything. He’d been accepted into the Nuclear Engineering graduate program a state away, and they had both heard too many horror stories about long-distance relationships to brother trying. So they’d had a very civil and mutual split. Janus kept the apartment. Remus took the TV. And they’d divided their plant family between them: they each kept their favorites, and Remus had taken the hardier plants, while Janus kept the ones that were likely not to survive an interstate move.

And then… Remus left.

And Janus had not immediately wanted him back. Not at all.

(And, of course, Janus was lying to himself.)

Remus texted him Saturday morning that he was on his way, and Janus spent the first few hours of the wait stress-cleaning. He then checked on every single plant in the apartment. Watered the ones that needed it. Rotated some of the more vivacious growers so that they wouldn’t lean full-body toward their light source. Moved his small army of Sansevierias out to the apartment balcony for some extra sun.   

Then, when all that still failed to fill up the entire eight hours of waiting, he started stress-cooking. So by the time Remus texted that he’d just gotten off the highway, Janus had himself a pot of minestrone soup simmering on the stove, a tray of made-from-scratch lasagna in the oven, and was mixing up a batch of double chocolate chip cookies. 

There was no way he was going to eat all this food himself, he realized. He was so used to booking big meals like this, because Remus ate like he was three people. And lasagna was his favorite.

“Oh, Jake, what am I doing?” he groaned to the N’Joy Pothos that cascaded down the side of the refrigerator. And then his doorbell rang. 

Janus opened the door to find Remus, dancing awkwardly from foot to foot, with his face half-hidden behind the green-and-white leaves of Rupert. 

“...Hey,” Remus said, sounding sheepish. Janus’ heart clenched.

“Hi,” he said. They stood there in the doorway for a full minute before Janus stepped back and motioned for Remus to follow. Remus hesitated, but obeyed. 

“Uh… I’ll just…” Remus looked around. Janus hated how uncomfortable he looked. Until about two weeks ago, this had been Remus’ apartment, too. “Can I put him in his old spot?”

“Sure,” Janus replied with a nod. Rupert’s old spot had been in the bedroom, where the big, beautiful south-facing window let in a ton of light. He’d moved Venus de Milos, his Marble Queen Pothos, and La Hoya Jackson, the finicky Hoya Carnosa that Remus had wanted but didn’t expect to make the 8-hour drive without going into shock, to free up Rupert’s spot. Remus hesitated again, before he nodded awkwardly and wandered off to the bedroom, all three feet of plant and two gallons of soil in tow. Janus went to the oven and took out the lasagna. 

“Howl looks good,” Remus said when he came back into the kitchen. Janus glanced up from where he was laying balls of cookie dough out onto baking sheets. 

“Thank you,” he replied. Howl was their dramatic fiddle leaf fig tree, which had decided to throw a fit just before Remus left. “I switched it to a terracotta pot with peat moss and pearlite, and doubled its water intake. It seems to be tolerating it well.”

“Good.” There was a long pause. Then,” How are you?”

Janus looked back to the cookies. “I’m doing well,” he lied. “And you? Do you start class soon?”

“Next week,” Remus answered. “And, uh. Yeah, I’m doin’ good.” Another long pause. “Uh… I’ll just. Head out, I guess.”

“You could stay,” Janus blurted out. Shit. “For dinner, I mean.” He gestured to the tray of lasagna, fresh from the oven. “If you want.”

Remus gave him an uncharacteristically shy smile, then nodded slowly. He didn’t say anything, though, so Janus just gestured for him to take a seat at the table. And then he joined him, a plate of lasagna for each of them.

“So tell me, how’s living with Roman again?” Janus asked, a few bites into the meal, because he could not take the awkward silence a moment longer.

“It’s ok,” Remus answered. He shoveled another forkful of lasagna into his mouth. “This is really good, Jan.”

Janus smiled softly. “Thank you.” A pause. “Roman doesn’t mind all the plants?”

“Nah, he’s dating this guy Patton who apparently loves plants, so the apartment being full of houseplants is a huge plus to him now.”

“Good for him.” The oven timer went off, startling him slightly. He started to get up, but Remus waved him off.

“I got ‘em, you did all the cooking.”

Janus didn’t protest. Remus got up and took the cookies out of the oven. And he even moved them to a cooling rack like Janus had taught him to do. He came back to the table. 

“How’s work?”

Janus sighed. “Oh, terrible as always,” he answered. “I really must start looking for a new job.”

“Finally getting fed up?” Remus teased. Janus rolled his eyes. More seriously, Remus continued, “You deserve better, Jan. You gotta find some place that treats you right and pays you what you’re worth.”

“Thank you, Remus.”

“And hey, just sayin’, I still think you’d make an excellent stripper.”

Janus snorted at that. “I haven’t fully ruled out that particular career change.”

They fell easily back into their usual banter, lingering late into the night over a dessert of milk and cookies. It was pushing 10pm when Remus glanced at his phone and cursed softly. Janus glanced at his phone as well.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you so late,” he said. Remus shrugged.

“Nah, it’s cool. Thanks for dinner, Jan. It was real good, as always.”

“Where are you staying?”

“Uh… well, the plan was to stay with Logan, but I guess he had some kind of family emergency, so I don’t wanna trouble him. I’ll probably see if I can find a hotel room.”

Janus’ brow furrowed at that. “Why don’t you just stay here?”

“Oh, uh. I don’t wanna trouble you. I kinda feel like I already overstayed my welcome a bit?”

“Nonsense. A hotel room will cost you at least $100 for the night, and that’s simply ridiculous,” Janus insisted. “You should just stay here.”

Remus worried at his lip, which Janus knew meant he was mulling over his options. Then, he nodded. “If it’s not a bother?”

“Of course not. You’re not a bother, Remus.”

Remus’ eyes softened, and he smiled. “Ok. Thank you. Oh… lemmie go get my overnight back outta my truck.”

When Remus came back inside, Janus had just about finished making up the couch. 

“Hey, you don’t gotta get all fancy,” Remus teased. “You know I can sleep basically anywhere.”

“This is for me,” Janus replied. He fluffed up one of the pillows a bit more. “You take the bed.”

An odd look flashed across Remus’ face. “No way, Jan. I’m good on the couch.”

“Remus, you just drove eight hours, and you’re doing it again tomorrow. I am not letting you fuck up your back.”

‘I don’t-”

“Yes you do, no matter how often you say you can sleep anywhere,” Janus scoffed. “You can’t lie to me.”

Remus’ eyes softened, and after a moment, he sighed. “Ok, Jan. But what about you?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“You hate sleeping on couches.”

“It’s only one night-”

“And don’t you work tomorrow?”

“Yes, but-”

“You’re going to be so grumpy at work without a proper night’s sleep.”

“I’m usually grumpy at work anyway,” Janus pointed out. Remus snorted.

“Ok, that’s true. But I don’t want you to be even grumpier,” he said. “Let’s just share the bed.”

Janus eyed him for a moment. This was a terrible idea. They should not do this.

“Ok,” Janus said anyway.

They got ready for bed in awkward silence, which just made Janus miss Remus’ long, rambling chatter that much more. When Janus finished in the bathroom, he found Remus sitting gingerly on what used to be his side of the bed. Janus came over and sat down on the other side.

“Hey, uh… thanks,” Remus said. “For lettin’ me stay.”

“Of course,” Janus answered. “I… I still think of you as a friend, Remus.”

At that. Remus grimaced slightly. He didn’t say anything, seeming unable to find the right words. Before he could, Janus pulled back the top blankets on the bed and laid down. After a moment, Remus did the same.

“Good night, Remus,” Janus said quietly.

“...Good night, Janus,” Remus answered. Then he reached over and shut off the light.

-

Remus played that night over and over in his head in the days after he got home, and each and every time, he was just as stumped. 

He knew, in his brain, why he and Janus had broken up. It had been the only thing that made sense at the time, when the facts were just that Remus was moving away to pursue a lifelong dream, and Janus would never ever try to stop him from doing so. So they broke up. It made sense… right? 

But… That morning, he’d woken up to Janus curled up in his arms, face smushed against Remus’ neck, and… Remus had completely forgotten why they had even broken up in the first place.

Remus was back at Roman’s apartment, now. Eight hours away in his own cold bed, arms empty of the man he loved, just staring at the ceiling. A sharp knock on his door snapped him out of his daze.

“Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty,” Roman called. “Don’t you have class in like an hour?”

“Fuck!” Remus scrambled to get up, but succeeded only in rolling out of the bed.

“Don’t forget to lock the door when you leave,” Roman added. Clearly he was unconcerned by the loud “thump” of a body hitting the floor. 

“Yup, got it,” Remus groaned in reply. He staggered, successfully this time, to his feet. 

Getting dressed was a rushed affair of ‘grab whatever’s closest,’ and soon he emerged from the bedroom with one shoe on, the other in his hand, and his backpack slung over one shoulder. He rushed into the kitchen to grab the travel mug of coffee Janus always set out for him in the mornings. And then the realization hit: Janus didn’t live here.

Remus dropped his shoe. 

The rest of the day went about as well as it could have gone without any coffee- that is to say, terribly. He got lost trying to get to campus, then he got lost again trying to get to class. Then he got stuck in traffic on the way back to Roman’s apartment. And then, to top it all off, the grocery store had been out of his favorite chips. 

So here he was, mopey and chip-less, and fucking exhausted. He dumped his backpack and collapsed face-first onto the couch. Roman, who happened to be sitting on said couch, made a noise of protest.

“Move, I need to sulk,” Remus mumbled, though his voice was thoroughly muffled by Roman’s thigh, since that was where his face had landed. 

“What on earth do you need to sulk for?” Roman asked incredulously. He moved to shove Remus off of him, but Remus went full ragdoll, and Roman couldn’t do a damn thing. “You are a grown man, you know.”

Remus turned his head just enough to stick his tongue out at Roman. Roman stuck his tongue out back.

“I had a terrible day, I earned a good sulk.”

“Didn’t like your classes?”

“Nah, they were great.”

“Professors?”

“Great.”

“Classmates?”

“Great.”

“Then Zeus Almighty, what are you so mopey-dopey about?” Roman remanded.

Remus squirmed around so he was laying on his back, head still in Roman’s lap, to look up at his brother. “So… uh… you promise not to get all, like. I told you so and shit?” 

“You miss Janus!”

“No! I-”

“You do!” Roman crowed triumphantly. Remus rolled onto his side so he didn’t have to look at his brother’s dumb gloaty face.

“...Maybe,” he groaned. Abruptly, he clamored to his feet and started for the stairs. “I gotta go build a chair.”

“Carpentry won’t solve your relationship problems,” Roman called after him.

“I know,” Remus called back. “Wrong type of wood.” If Roman had a response to that, Remus was already out the door and didn’t have to hear it. 

Patton found him out in front of the apartment building some time later, a jigsaw in hand, and a pile of cut wooden dowels at his feet.

“Hey, kiddo, what are you up to?”

Remus looked up from where he was balancing a plank of wood precariously across a milk crate, because his work table was one of the things he’d had to leave behind at Janus’ place.

“Oh, hey. Ro-bro’s upstairs.”

Patton gave him the sort of smile teachers gave to the kid they caught eating glue for the fourth time. “That doesn’t look super safe. Do you want any help?”

Remus took in Patton’s soft blue sweater and the dad-jeans from the nicer end of his closet, as well as the reusable grocery store bag that smelled suspiciously like some kind of lovely home-cooked meal; he shook his head. “You look dressed for a date night,” he said. “I don’t wanna fuck up two relationships this week.”

Patton’s eyes, impossibly, got even bigger and softer than they normally were, which honestly was quite the feat. He walked over to the stairs but, instead of making his way up to Roman’s apartment, he plopped down on the third step, facing Remus. Remus stared, bewildered.

“Uh, what’chu doin’ there, pops?”

“Well, it just sounded like you needed to talk,” Patton replied cheerfully. “So here I am.”

Remus stared a moment longer, somehow even more bewildered than before. “Uh…”

“I know I haven’t known you very long,” Patton continued. “But something tells me you’re the type of person who busts out the power tools when you’re upset.”

“How the hell can you tell that?”

Patton glanced over his shoulder, then leaned forward slightly. “Because,” he said, voice lowered conspiratorially. “I’m like that too.”

Remus blinked. “You?”

“Yup! I replaced all the tables and chairs in my house with ones I made myself after my last breakup,” Patton giggled. “Only two of them collapsed when I sat in them, too!”

Remus glanced down at the jigsaw in his hands, and then he sighed. He set it down, and went to sit next to Patton on the steps. 

“Ok, well. Yeah, maybe I’m kinda upset.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah? No? Maybe?”

“Yup, those are your three options!” Patton teased. Remus rolled his eyes.

“Ok, fine. You win, daddy-o. I’m upset because I miss my boyfriend. Or, well, my ex-boyfriend. I want him to be my boyfriend again.”

“Have you told him that?”

“Of course not,” Remus whined.

“Why not?”

“Because… I mean. It wouldn’t change anything. I still moved away. And I don’t even know if he’d want to be my boyfriend again either. Maybe he’s happier now.”

“You don’t know that,” Patton said gently. “Sure, maybe the circumstances aren’t the best right now, but if you both want it, things have a funny way of working out. But you have to talk to him.”

“I…” Remus paused. And then he sighed deeply. “I guess you’re right. Hey thanks, that did actually sorta help.”

Patton offered him a gentle smile. “Of course, Remus! Any time!”

“Hey!”

They both turned to see Roman standing at the top of the stairs, arms crossed.

“My own brother, hogging my boyfriend like this! The betrayal-”

“Relax, Ro, he’s not my type,” Remus shot back. “I prefer sarcastic little menaces.”

Patton giggled at that. He stood up and patted Remus on the shoulder. “I hope things work out,” he said. Remus smiled back.

“Yeah, I hope so too.”

Really, he just wanted Janus to be happy. Ideally with him, but if Janus was happier without him, well… so be it. 

- - -

Janus was miserable. 

“Dude, c’mon,” Virgil grumbled, immediately upon seeing the state of the apartment. “You’ve been watering your plants and filling the humidifiers, but you can’t be bothered to throw out your gross pizza boxes?” A pause. “Wait, you don’t even like pizza, what the hell.”

Janus just shrugged. After letting Virgil and Logan into the apartment, he’d gone straight back into blanket-burrito-on-the-couch mode. And really, he’d only bothered to get up and let them inside in the first place because Virgil had threatened to axe down the door- and Janus knew for a fact that Virgil owned multiple axes. 

“I believe he is engaging in what is described as ‘emotional eating,’ or using food as a coping mechanism in a time of stress and emotional turmoil,” Logan said helpfully. Virgil just huffed.

“That’s fine and all, but Jesus Christ, dude.” He gestured around the livingroom where… ok, yeah, it was a mess.

“Did you two come here just to insult me?” Janus grumbled. His face was half-mashed into a pillow, though, so who knows how much of that was actually discernible.

“We came to make sure you were still alive,” Virgil snapped, indicating that at least most of what Janus had said was discernible. “You weren’t answering any texts.”

“Yes, and you called out of work three days in a row,” Logan added. “We are concerned for you, Janus.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Janus lied from the comfort of his depression blanket burrito. He was not particularly surprised when neither Virgil or Logan looked even remotely convinced.

“Alright, drastic measure time,” Virgil growled. He walked over to the window, and picked up the young Burgundy Rubber Tree Janus had yet to name. Janus sat bolt upright. 

“Virgil? Don’t you dare-”

Virgil walked past him and vanished down the hall. When he came back, his hands were empty, and he had a smirk on his face.

“Oh, fuck you,” Janus hissed. He dragged himself up off the couch to go rescue the poor thing, finding it stashed in the dark, windowless bathroom. When he came back to the livingroom, Virgil and Logan were sprawled across the couch.

“Ha ha, very funny.” Janus set the rubber tree back on the windowsill alongside the Snake Plant Army. “Ok, I’m up. Are you heathens happy now?”

“I take offense to that,” Logan muttered, while Virgil just crossed his arms and said, curtly, “Spill it.”

“Spill what?”

“Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not upset-”

“Falsehood,” Logan interrupted. “I have known you since high school, Janus, and I have never seen you like this before. It is highly alarming.”

“Is this about Remus?” Virgil asked.

“No,” Janus said immediately. “Of course not.”

Virgil and Logan exchanged a Look. Janus groaned.

“Fuck. Ok, fine. Maybe it is.”

“Was that so hard?” Virgil asked. 

“Yes.”

“You-”

“Janus,” Logan interrupted Virgil’s retort. “It is my understanding that emotional distress is often alleviated through, as they say, ‘talking it out.’ It is clear you are not handling the break-up as well as you initially believed-”

“Of course I’m not!” Janus snapped. He took a deep breath, and turned back to the plants on his windowsill. Kaa, the Sansevieria Moonshine Remus had gotten for Janus as an anniversary present last year, was already leaning slightly toward the window again. He rotated it, and a few of the other snake plants on the sill. And then he realized the others had been quiet for far too long. He turned to find them both watching him with sympathetic expressions. “What?”

“Keep going,” Virgil prompted. Janus sighed. He felt exhausted.

“Of course I’m not,” he said again. “Because I love Remus.”

“And?” Virgil prompted.

“...And I didn’t want us to break up,” he finished, feeling glum. Wordlessly, Virgil stood up, and approached Janus, arms out. Janus stepped into the embrace. Nobody said anything; Janus didn’t cry, but he stood there for a long time. Then, he stepped back.

“Thank you,” he said, and he meant it. Virgil gave him a small smile. Logan cocked his head, seeming confused.

“I don’t understand. You just… needed a hug?”

“Hugs are great, Logan,” Virgil replied. “You should try them sometime- hey, where are you going?”

Janus strode past them both, beelining for his bedroom to find his laptop. Over his shoulder, he answered, “To fill out some job applications.”

- - -

Remus was outside building a new bookshelf- because Patton was moving in, and Roman's teenie-tiny sad little excuse for a bookshelf, which held only Disney DVDs and no actual books, wouldn’t suffice for all of Patton’s cookbooks- when his phone rang. Which was weird, because nobody ever called him, because he never fucking answered.

“Not interested, Mr. Spam Man,” he crooned over the sound of the generic iPhone ringtone. He was learning how to do kerf bending for this bookcase, and goddamn it he wasn’t going to be distracted by-

His phone started ringing again. He swore and ripped off his gloves to silence his phone. But as he did so, he realized the number flashing across his screen was a familiar one. 

“Janus? Are you ok?” he answered the call, half panicked, because Janus hated phone calls almost as much as he did.

“Hi. Yes, everything’s fine.” Janus sounded slightly hysterical, which made Remus feel even more frantic. “Where are you?”

“I’m at Roman’s. Are you sure you’re ok-”

“Great, don’t leave. I’ll be right there.”

“What does that mean-” Remus demanded, but the line was already dead. Remus swore again. He briefly considered calling him back, because what the actual fuck was that all about, but he was only about 30 seconds into that brief consideration before a familiar car tearing through the apartment complex parking lot caught his attention. He quickly brushed as much of the sawdust off his clothes as he could because holy shit Janus had just parked right there in front of Roman’s apartment.

Remus watched, dumbfounded, as Janus scrambled out of his car- dressed in his very nice black suit and pale yellow button-up- and came running across the lawn toward where Remus was working. He had a tiny plant clutched to his chest.

“Uh, Jan, you good?” Remus asked. Janus stopped in front of him and doubled over, breathless, for a few moments. Then, he straightened up, and fixed Remus with a look of sheer determination.

“Remus. I want to get back together.”

Remus’ heart, the traitorous bastard, leaped up into his throat and blocked all his words from coming out. 

“It’s… it’s ok if you don’t want that,” Janus continued. His look of determination faltered slightly. “It’s ok. But I needed to tell you. Because I love you, so much. And I… I didn’t want you to think I didn’t, even if you don't-”

Remus found his words abruptly. “Jan, fuck! I do! I do love you. I never stopped loving you. All I want is to be with you.”

Janus’ eyes softened. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Good, because I’ve just been offered a job here.”

Remus choked. Janus was eyeing him smugly. “You. Just like that, you got a job here?”

“Just like that,” Janus grinned. “I just came from the interview. They offered me a position on the spot.”

Remus couldn't help himself any longer. He lurched forward and pulled Janus tightly into his arms.

“Hey, be careful,” Janus said, though he made absolutely no effort to get out of Remus’ embrace. “You’ll crush our new son.”

Remus pulled back just enough to look at the small plant Janus held in his hands, and only then did his brain register what it was. 

“Is! Is that-”

“Yes,” Janus replied, holding up the tiny Drosera Capensis seedling. Remus had wanted one of these for ages.

“For me?”

“Well, for us, ideally,” Janus answered, with a shy smile. “But, mostly for you, yes.”

Remus gently plucked the baby octopus plant- their new son!- from Janus’ hands, and placed it carefully on top of the milk crate that was serving as his carpentry workbench. Then, he hoisted Janus up off the ground and spun him around.

“Oh- Re-” Janus exclaimed, though he was laughing. “Put me down!”

“No!” Remus trilled. He spun Janus around once more. Then he just stood there, holding Janus, gazing up at him. Janus’ eyes grew soft. Slowly, he carded his fingers through Remus’ hair.

“Hey,” Janus said.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Remus set Janus down, but kept his arms still wrapped tightly around him. His heart felt warm.

“Hey.”

Janus looked up at him. “Yeah?”

“I love you, too.”��

[danaduchy]

NPCs about Seeds

Full script of Far Cry 5 (except cutscenes)

* What were those Seed brothers like? Can't imagine there's anything like a healthy sibling rivalry going on there. * John's the baby of the Seed family. His brothers turn a blind eye to his more sadistic indulgences. * Joseph and John show why it's hard to have a family business. Money and blood mix weird. Even when you're not tryin' to be a messiah.   * When you escaped the bunker... John didn't say it... but you could see it in his face. Failure. Things got worse from there... Like he was trying to make up for something. Prove to his brother he could... * Kim and I used to throw these weekend BBs. Open invite. All you had to do was bring something. If you can believe it, the whole Seed family came once. They brang watery mac and cheese. I shoulda knew they were monsters when they did that. * John's on edge 'cause his brother-Father is getting' cranky. What a fucked up sibling relationship those two got. * Maybe John will go crying to his "father". I wanna see Joseph give John a spanking. * Joseph's pissed the hell off. I hear John's sweating like a piggy. * Word's out - Joseph's had it with John. That little punk is backed into a corner now. * Good thing for us John and Jacob haven't sorted out their brotherly nonsense. I mean if we're lucky, they'll just take each other down. If not, well, I'm going to keep some grenades around with John's name on 'em, eh? It's comin' to a head man.     * Says somethin' that Joseph didn't save his brother. Family really doesn't mean shit to these people. * Wonder what Daddy Seed is feelin' right now. Oh. Shit. What if he WANTED John dead? Fuck man, I can't think about the big game. We did it here. We kicked ass. That's gotta matter. Okay that’s what I'm telling myself.  Yeah, that’s it. * I'm just sayin': If I was Joseph and I had the ability to see into future occurrences, I woulda warned my boy John that he was gon' get murdered... and made some good bets. * I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Joseph tries to spin John's death to his own advantage. * John Seed never had the Father's full confidence, what I heard. But the Joseph loves little sister Faith, and gave her everything her twisted heart desired. * Jacob always tried to look out for his little brother. Imagine what he's gonna do when he finds out you killed him.

* John was always the runt of the Seed family. I'm not surprised that you were able to get him. But I gotta warn you, Jacob's a whole lot meaner than his little brother. * Joseph adopted Faith into their family. She's going to be madder'n a wet hen that you killed her brother John. * John liked to throw his weight around, tryin' to prove how strong he was. Jacob knows he's strong. His actions are more controlled, and he's a lot scarier for it. John was always super emotional, but Jacob's buttons won't be so easy to push. * All this could have been avoided if only a mid-level cable channel gave the Seed family the reality show they deserved. * You know, if any of these Seeds ran for office, they'd win in a landslide. Mind control charisma just oozes off of them. * Come to think of it, the Seeds work just like a political office. You got Joseph, the mayor, and John, Jacob and Faith as his city councilors. It's no wonder they forced me and my people out of office - they already knew how to play the game! * Each of the Seeds has their own bunker. They call them “Gates”. * Know how I sniffed out Eden's Gate's bullshit early on?  Only the Seeds were allowed to be angry, everybody else had to be calm--even though we all had our asses in that church because we were mad at the same shit too. But now everybody gets to be angry, 'cause it's a weapon pointin' where the Seeds want it. Protect the project. Transparent motherfuckers.

John

Resistance

* John's always been obsessed with the people in Fall's End. And with Mary May in particular. * Deep down, I think John wants to die. That man has scars that run deep. * John's got a particular ritual he sticks to. You get marked with a video, then you get dunked in the water. When John wants you found, he doesn't stop. Ever. * Nowadays, if you're caught huntin’, John Seed'll have ya' killed. * John's got people getting baptized all across the valley. In rivers, creeks, hell, even in puddles. * John scrawls a fucking tattoo on your chest, then flays you the fuck alive. He nails it to a wall. * If the peggies wanted a heap of food, why didn't they drive a ways to the wholesale club and take that over? Everythin' would be canned and ready for them instead of still in the ground. You can tell John Seed never had to raise a kid.   * The cult takes people and then sorts out where they go. Whoever John doesn't keep, he sends to Jacob. Or Faith. * John really puts the dick in dictator. The fucker just loves calling and leaving answering machine messages, too. * John's always wearing a key around his neck. He calls it the key to paradise. I don't wanna know what it unlocks. * I'm pretty sure the family that used to own this farm is long gone. John Seed made an offer. They refused. That's that. * This fertilizer company was bought by John Seed a long time ago. They ran it as a legit business. * This one guy, Les Doverspike. House is northwest. He thought he could prepare for everything... Din't count on... JOHN SEED'S LAWYERING SUPER POWERS! In the blink of an eye, Eden's Gate owned Les' land, bunker, arm, leg, dingleberries, ....EVERYTHING! * I've heard some pretty brutal stories about what happens when John wants you to confess. * The peggies had to have planned all this way ahead of time - they're harvestin' at record speed. I guess they had little meetings... John probably hunkered over his map gettin' a hard-on for the sound of his own voice. Hm... now there's a thought... * The thing that always bugs me about John Seed is, who goes to a lawyer that’s tatted up more than a gangbanger? * You're attractin' a lot of attention, especially from John Seed. John's paying special attention to you. * John wants you real bad. Have you considered maybe he's in some kinda love with you? He oughta killed you like two or three times already but he's playin' cat and mouse. Just sayin', if you find yourself alone with him maybe a good long somethin-or-other could save our necks. * Man, that John, he sure does have a hard on for you. So I'm thinking, you guys should probably just fuck and uh get it over with. * I bet you John gives the best spankin's. Sorry I know that's messed up. What can I say, he brings it outta me. I'm just sayin' maybe we don't kill John is all. Seems a waste of a perfectly good set of buns. * Before you, John never lost his cool. You're driving John literally crazy. * I drank with Joey Hudson back in the day. She doesn't take shit from anyone. John's gonna eat her alive. * I know how these things go, man. Deputy, you better keep skeleton keys and wire cutters and a swiss army knife and anythin' that'll get you outta a hogtie on you at all times, because John is gonna truss you up like a dinner turkey real soon. * Always thought there was somethin' kinda twisted about John. * John the Baptist is an amoral predator, end of story. * John Seed's not gettin' what he wants, so he's pitchin' a fit. * Keep an ear out for John's fucken' plane. He loves buzzin' around in that hunk of shit. * I've known men like John Seed before. Real charismatic. They'll sell ya poison and convince ya it's a health tonic. He'd fit in real nice in Washington... * I had one conversation with John Seed and I knew! I knew... He masks his words as guidance, but deep down there is a selfishness that could only come from pure evil. * John Seed's a piece of shit. When news spread that I was expecting, that scumbag spread rumors that HE was the biological father of my baby. I don't know if he was trying to create a wedge between me and Nick or if he was just doing it to laugh at us. * I hear John Seed was a lawyer or something. Used the rules to buy up stuff in the Holland Valley. The cult must have been running damage control already, because think of what a story that'd make. Unless we're already all tapped out of giving a fuck about the shitty economy and its parasites. Huh. Yeah. He's same old, actually. Same fucking old. * I remember the first time John Seed set foot in this bar. I'm wiping down counters and Ma's countin' the till when I hear her bark, 'What the fuck do you want?' I look up and he's standin' in the doorway. Eyein' me like I'm a meal. Some people 'round here said give the Seed's a chance. I knew they were bad news from the start. * Eden's Gate took this town right from under us. They started buying up all the land, forcing business to shut down and foreclosing on homes.... My parents and me fought back, but John wanted this bar. Told 'em he'd have to pry it from our cold dead hands. So, the cult paid off the county and made it illegal to transport alcohol. We fought back with lawyers, but those leeches bled us dry, too. * Whenever there's a neighbor in need, everybody around here pitches in. A couple days after we told some people I was pregnant, we got all this secondhand baby shit from everybody. John Seed stole all of it the next day. * Heard Pastor Jerome had you saving people from being kidnapped. John Seed did that to me. The fucker made me think he was going to torture me, too. Had me wait in a room for half a day thinking he was going to do it. All that fucker did was give me one of those ink jobs. It was messed up. * John Seed is just a man. He seeks glory and riches. He immersed himself in a sea of self-aggrandizement. He pounds pulpits. He professes principals he neither believes nor practices. He stokes fear. But he is just a man. * Before you came along, John Seed kidnapped me. He has his way of getting a person to say things. It's not about my words. It's about what's in his head. When he was done, I was beaten, toed in the woods, and left to die. * A long time ago, in peaceful times, I asked John Seed what was driving him. He gave me so many answers. All of them lies. * John Seed is a cruel soul who can't be reasoned with. He enjoys making people suffer. * John and the Peggies are taking everything and everyone that ain't nailed down. Even then they just come with crowbars. * After you're marked for baptism and dunked in the fucking river, John drags you to his bunker. God save us from whatever he does in there. * There must be a reason John almost drowns people in the baptisms. It's a power play but there's more to it. * If John really wanted to, he could wipe Fall's End off the map. He's toying with the people there, like a sadistic cat. * John's got a singular mind. Dug up from a serial killer's grave, but still, singular. * There's something really wrong with John. I don't have a name for it but you can see it in that creepy smile of his. * When I first saw him on the cult's videos, John seemed pretty harmless. But when I met him in person, he made the hairs on my neck stand up. * John bought up all the businesses 'round here and promised us jobs but the only people who got work were cultists. * When John asks you for somethin', he's not really askin'. He'll get what he wants from you one way or another. * John wants us all to say yes, but I think he actually really likes it when they say no. Gives him an excuse to get mean. * Anyone who doesn't confess to John gets killed and put on display as a warning to others. It's inhuman. * John doesn't just mark people with a sin, but their houses too. You can see his calling cards all over the valley. * I got a package from John Seed the other day. // What was inside it? // A note that said I was favored and that if I admitted to my sin, I'd be cleansed. * What does John Seed do exactly...? // He messes with your head. Asks you questions. Makes you say shit you don't want to be saying. I... I really don't want to talk about it. * John was right, we all do have one sin that tends to run our life. In a weird way maybe he did give us a second chance. * My old house was a piece of shit. It would creak at night, so bad I thought for sure some boogie man was coming to get me every night growing up. // Heh, aw, that's cute. // Yeah. John gutted and burned it to a crisp last week. * Okay, I need to lighten the mood. This is unbearable. // Oh Lord. // John Seed is so uptight, he takes a ruler to bed to see how long he sleeps. // I'm not in the mood. // John Seed is so uptight, he fell down a coal shaft and found a diamond in his ass a week later. // Okay that's pretty good. * You seen that John guy? Most aggressive grin I ever seen on a human being. Like a chimpanzee before it bites ya. // God what a creep. // I hate to think what kinda life he's come from. // Who gives a shit? He's evil. // What makes a guy that evil though? // It doesn't matter. There are loads of people out there with troubled pasts but they manage not to run an apocalypse murder cult. * Not like John was the peak of sanity before, but he's going straight up coo-coo bananas with all you're doin'. * Sounds like Broseph's mad! Ouuuu, family probs! John's like that little brother who gets held down and farted on, and then curls into a ball and cries. * One thing about John -- the more you ruffle his feathers, the angrier he gets. He can't deal with embarrassment; being made to look bad. He'll start sending out search parties to grab people like us, so we gotta stay frosty. * John's lustin' for a dogfight with you, huh. I bet that kid jerked it to Top Gun or something and now it's the only way he can get a stiffie, is in a dogfight. If you have to kick the bucket I hope that's one of your last thoughts, its a good one. * John's playin' a strange game with you. Dunno what's worse, that sometimes he seems to want you dead, or sometimes he seems to want you alive. * John's no better than his brother's dog, and we all know what needs doin' to a mad dog. * John's huntin' you like an animal.  He catches you, you're probably gonna join his other trophies on his wall. * Hey dep, I just wanna say I'm sorry, I heard John's got a partner of yours It's gotta be scary, you know. Probably heard about how John cuts people up and knows all these pressure points and can make you feel pain beyond anything you ever imagined. Anyways don't think about that. I'm sure... I'm sure she's fine. She'll be alright. * Was John dead behind the eyes when you met him? It's not my imagination, there's no soul back there. * I heard there's no spare key for the bunker prison. Just one for John. Control freak. * John Seed, what a fuckin' self-absorbed dick, huh? You just KNOW he jerks off in the mirror, and marvels at his fuckin' facial expressions. * That's John Seed's Ranch. I heard he loved hiding in that castle of his. * John had this place built just for him. Even got a hangar for his fucken' planes. * Look at this place. John's got the worst case of younger sibling syndrome I ever seen. * John's such a neat freak, it's inhuman. * Ugh. John Seed's temple to himself. Fucker's got a tennis court. I ain't never seen anybody play. Just another way he's a hypocrite. * I know everyone's got a bunker out here, but John's is ridiculous. * John's taste in home decor is... awful. * John's been stealin' the planes from all over the Valley. He keeps the best ones at the airstrip next to his ranch. * Of all the Seeds, I think I understood John the least. Inferiority complex, maybe? But he was a lawyer, he could have gone out and, I don't know, been a Wall Street megalomaniac. I guess economic murder isn't as satisfying as direct murder. * John made tattoos look real bad man, I'm glad he's six feet under. You gotta respect the ink. He didn't even learn a proper letterin' or font techniques or nothing, man. No way I'd have even trusted him to touch up my tramp stamp. * With John gone, Jacob will have a harder time building up his army. But he's already got a strong force at the ready.

Peggies

* John Seed's a funny guy. But not 'ha-ha' funny. * Dang, John's bunker is so luxurious. There's parts of this bunker that only John can access. * Deputy Hudson is one of John's "special projects". Every time John leaves here, he's got a big smile on his face. * John's got the only key to the deeper parts of the bunker. We really oughtta make a copy of John's key. What if he loses it? * John knows the human heart. He's been through a lot. It's why I trust him. * I wonder if John's place will survive the Collapse? * I could get in trouble for saying this, but it smells funny in John's house. * Haven't seen John here in a long time. He's super busy. * I knew John loved planes, but I didn't know he also loved boats. I bet John's boat costs more than my old house. * I've never seen Brother John on a boat, but I know he likes to get wet. * You think John fishes? * We need to keep this place tidy. You know how John gets with his baptisms. * Bet we're guardin' John's unreleased films. * I hope Brother John takes me for a plane ride someday. * John keeps all of his favorite things stashed in the hangar. * John wants the word Yes plastered all over this place. Gotta attract new brothers and sisters. * Taking this scrap metal is good forward thinking. John's left nothing to chance. He's a smart man. * Bet John'll be a king after the collapse. * If you're marked, John believes you can be saved. I didn't want to admit my sin at first, but John showed me how to accept it gracefully. * Feels weird turning those people into Angels. I mean, they worked in the store here with us. They cooperated. // Sure, they cooperated. But they were still sinners. There's no going back at a certain point, you know? John said that this was the only way to save them. * I know it's John's will, but...I don't like killing dogs. * John's made catchin' that deputy our top priority. Wonder why John wants the deputy alive. * That deputy's fixin' to get taken into John's special room. * John's relentless, that deputy don't stand a chance. * John's gettin' awful mad. I pity anyone who has to deal with him face to face. * I don't know what's goin' on in John's head, but it's embarrassing. * I thought John had control of things, but lately it feels like he's got no idea what he's doin'. * John's got that look in his eye, I almost feel bad for the people of Fall's End. * John will make everyone atone, even if it kills him. * John was right, they never saw us comin'. * John's so smart. Burnin' what we can't take, so people know they need us, spirit and body. * Last I heard from John, he was real angry. Never knew he had that amount of righteous wrath in him. * Pray you never see John lose his cool. // He never does. // He has though. Some sinner a while back had words with 'im. I couldn't hear exactly, but I heard 'em say the Father's name - I never seen John go so red so fast. // What'd he do? // Well he gets in his plane and wipes the sinner's property off the goddamned map. He rains fire on'em. They're scurryin' everywhere, screamin'. Like a magnifying glass on an anthill. * The Seeds lost a good brother in John. * Maybe John wasn't part of the plan? Maybe this is still what the voice told Joseph? * John's faith wavered, but mine's never been stronger. * I'll miss John's pep talks. * John did so much for the project. He can never be replaced. * John proved his devotion in blood. How can we do any less? * John was always larger than life, it felt like he was immortal.

Joseph

Resistance

* Joseph doesn't like it when his family goes off-book. * I know this is an unpopular opinion, but what if Joseph's right about the end of the world? * That's the first place Joseph ever built. Back when they pretended to be good. Joseph used to preach here. We could have saved us some trouble if we had just set fire to it years ago. * Joseph Seed and his whole family are like the politicians who ran this country into the ground. They sell ya hope and change and all these people buy into it thinking it's gonna be different this time. It ain't. Might as well be buyin' magic beans. * These people in Eden's Gate have been led astray. Joseph Seed claims he loves everyone. Wants them to know the truth.  The truth is he preaches vengeance and sows lies. But the words of an evil man ring louder in the minds of the weak... * You know what really gets me? Cult leaders are usually always in it for the money. Just like a pyramid scheme. Joseph ain't like that. I keep tryin' to break this guy down into what he wants from people. If it ain't money, and it ain't sex, what the hell is it? * Joseph's a charismatic son of a bitch. I mean, you've heard him. The pitch. The tempo. The way the words roll off his gentle lips. His mannerisms. I mean he's been speech trained, probably more than any politician I've ever seen. That's how you know he's a government guy. * I know the people of this valley. They're good, hard workin' people. But in bad times, people get scared, start lookin' for someone to blame. Joseph Seed fed on that fear. Told folk the end of the world was coming. Lot of 'em believed him. Truth be told... way things are now? I sometimes wonder if he's right. Folks felt abandoned, grew weary, they needed our help. And we didn't listen, but Joseph Seed did. Joseph Seed wooed people. He told them EXACTLY what they wanted to hear. With those falsehoods, lies, his poison. It's driven a lot of good folks away from the righteous path. * I knew Joseph Seed was bad business when he wormed his way in here a few years back. I imagine the fucking mainstream media would paint us as two sides of the same coin, because they're either lazy or corrupt or both... But to me, it's simple: I'm willing to sacrifice everything for my family, while Joseph Seed wants to burn down the world for his. * Y'know, I had a dream last night that involved me, a bed, whips and chains, and Joseph Seed. Suffice to say there were a lot of conflicting emotions and sensations... * Did you have a vision? Faith dosed me with bliss, and I saw the Father come to me, personally, and tell me terrible things. * I have a lot of pity for Faith. Joseph is the true monster, manipulating that young woman into a weapon. * Who the heck is Faith, y'know? Joseph treats her both like his daughter and his sister. How much does she know? How influential is she? It's all twisted together. * I wonder how many other secret bunkers there are in the county? Joseph procured a whole missile silo and no one saw! * Faith came to Hope County to detox. Like tourism of hillbilly country for rehab. But Joseph took a shine to her and she was reborn. Hell, her real name ain't even Faith, but something rich, like Riley or Rachel. * Joseph believes in Faith. He's entrusted her with all manner of heinous activity out here. We need to take her out. * I can't see what kind of method to the madness Eden's Gate has goin' on. Three heralds of the Collapse? What are they even doin'? // They got a system. Faith sows, John reaps, Jacob... // Steps on your neck? // Deals in belief, I guess. // Nah, that's Joseph's job. He's the charismatic populist motherfucker. Jacob just wants to cull people. * Joseph's just a nobody from nowhere. How'd he get this many people behind him? * There was a time no western religious leader would be caught dead with a goddamned man-bun. Fuck I miss those days. Listen, I get that he's runnin' this big old cult and all but if you're gonna run a big old cult you gotta look the part! Long robe that's a weird color, like puce or something, stringy moustache, head shaved bald like a baby. Not like some kind of lovechild between a hipster and a country singer. * Joseph Seed's family is gone. He's gonna be vulnerable and running on emotion. He won't be thinkin' straight. If we're putting this to a vote, I'd say we close this chapter for good, as soon as possible.

Peggies

* The father's takin' a personal interest in those deputies now... Maybe his visions told him somethin'.   * Joseph said that deputy is special. I wonder what he meant by that. * Despite everything they've done to us, I know Joseph would still forgive them. * We have to love the sinners. It's what Joseph would want. * It's been too long since I've seen our Father's face. * Joseph is a gifted songwriter. You haven't lived until you've heard Joseph sing this live. * I heard that the Father got the idea for the Judges in a vision. * Jacob might teach us to shoot, but Joseph guides our aim. * President Seed has a nice ring to it. Wonder if Joseph has political aspirations? * I see why Joseph liked this county. Plenty of silos for what we need to store. * Everyone knows Joseph will not tolerate idle hands.   * The Father keeps all the best stuff for his Chosen. Leaves us the scraps. * After the collapse, we won't hear the Father on the radio anymore. * Joseph's disappointed in us, I can tell. We gotta do better. * I hope the Father doesn't take this out on us. * I can't imagine how Joseph feels now, with his brother gone.   * With Jacob gone the Father has to have a backup plan for us. He has to. * Our Father was supposed to save us. Joseph wouldn't ever abandon us, would he? * Joseph will know what to do. I just have to find out where he's hidin'.

Jacob

Resistance

* We're in Jacob's territory now. Know how I know? Wildlife is scarce. I'm not one for hunting but this area in particular used to be home to quite a few species. They've either been driven away or taken in for experiments. It's sad. * Jacob Seed's in charge out here. He's ex-military, he's a combat veteran, and he's a psycho. * Faith was Joseph's favorite, but Jacob is his toughest soldier, bar none. * Jacob's got this Chair. He straps people in and breaks them down until their souls are gone. Then he controls their mind. Don't end up in that chair. * I know Jacob's the bad guy and all, but every bad guy thinks they're this misunderstood hero, right? Has anyone ever tried to just, you know, take him for coffee and talk to him? * Strippin' people of their mind and freewill to build an army for The Father, that ain't right. I still can't believe Jacob and Joseph are brothers. * The mind is the most dangerous weapon and Jacob knows that all too well. No one was really prepared for this. * I've seen him up close once and I'll tell ya' Jacob Seed is one scary motherfucker. * Jacob had one thing right. Things are only goin' to get worse and you gotta be ready for it. * I had a dream once that Jacob took me on a hunt. We shot some deer and he asked me to skin them. As I was cutting them open they changed... it wasn't deer. I... I don't think it was a dream. * Whatever you do, don't listen to the music. That's how Jacob gets you. * One of the first places Jacob took over is the old Veteran's Hospital. No one thought much of it at the time. * Careful. Jacob likes to play mind games with ya. * This was an animal sanctuary until Jacob took it over. Looks like he's got some freaky deaky shit goin' on. Jake-n-Bake Seed really had his fingers up in everything up here. * Jacob's completely insane. He's not even trying to hide what he's doing anymore. * Heard that Jacob has been doin' some weird stuff with animals over here... and not just wolves this time. * Jacob's been putting people in cages. Keepin' them there with no food or water for weeks!  Almost better if they just killed you. * Eli worked on Jacob's special bunkers, did you know that? Turns out they didn't get along. Who would've thought? * No one is immune to Jacob's fucked up conversion. Once they hit you with that you ain't ever the same. * Jacob, he's knows everything that I'm thinking. He's got the key to my mind and he twists... and twists... and twists. * Jacob... his experiments... he takes us... owns us, speaks to us. He hears us. Jacob... he's in control. He controls everything. * Jacob knows how to get into your head. Twists things around so you don't know what's right anymore. * If Jacob can't find a use for you in his army, you become target practice for troops. * Be careful out there. Friends might not be friends anymore after Jacob's done with them. * I bet the Peggies got an armory here, too. I can't believe how Jacob got them so organized. * Jacob's using everything he learned in the military and twisting it to suit the needs of Eden's Gate. Son of a bitch is a poor excuse for a soldier if you ask me. As long as he's alive my Pops will be rolling in his grave, all bitter and mad. * Have to say, you've ticked Jacob off something fierce. * You wanna bet that Jacob had that three-wolf moon poster as a kid? I bet he was a cub scout, too. Now he's getting his badge for people-skinning and brainwashing. * I'm seeing a lot more choppers in the air. Looks like Jacob's using them to move troops and supplies. * You know, I was dumb enough to work for Jacob a few years back. Who you think built him all those Peggie bunkers? You think I saw any of this comin'? Hell no... * Jacob's new recruits gotta kill someone they care about, just to prove their loyalty. That's messed up on so many levels. * Jacob will be pied that you and the Cougars freed the Henbane River. He'll need a new source of soldiers. * Jacob sees himself as beyond the other so-called Heralds. He views his work as the most important, and that the others' purpose was to support him. * Jacob will break every bone in your body to convert you. He lives for pain. * Jacob would happily sacrifice everyone and everything in Hope County to feed Joseph's Collapse. He doesn't care about Faith. * Between John, Faith, and Jacob, I'd say our mind control freak is the worst. He makes people kill their own family. His own mind's twisted. He's a damn maniac. * I hear Jacob's looking everywhere for you. * You gotta save us from all this darkness. All this death. Jacob's losing it and he's out hunting down more people. He's gonna do anything for Joseph's plan to work. * Cult's got the wrong idea 'bout sacrifices. My neighbor killed his old man 'cause Jacob said so. For fuck's sake, you don't do that. * Jacob's gone nuts 'cause he lost a lot of his precious, mindless soldiers. I'd say it sucks even more to see our own teammates turned against us. * Jacob's pissed. That's new. He's always been the crazy type, but I'm afraid of what he'll come up with next. Stay sharp. * Using music to control people is so in bad taste, but Jacob's song pick, that's gotta say something about him. * How much do we know about this Jacob fella? He seems strong. Got a good setup going on... We ought to take some photographs of him or somethin'. Preferably shirtless... Y'know, for intelligence purposes. Know your enemy. * If Jacob he had an experienced woman in his life, this shit would not be happenin'. I'll take one for the team if it comes to that. Just don't tell Xander I said that. He'll get jealous. * I knew Jacob was trouble as soon as he showed up. I mean, did you see his face? It's all burned and twisted like his heart. * Jacob's got training grounds all over the place. I've seen them out there, shooting anything that moves. * I can almost understand why people follow Jacob. He's knows what he's doin', that's for sure. Mind you he's also a fucken' psychopath kind of a deal breaker for me. * Honestly, Jacob scares the shit outta me, even more than the Father. I've seen Jacob up close, I've looked him in the eyes they're empty, not a single shred of humanity anywhere. * Jacob's one sick fuck. Nailing up bodies? Burning people alive? That's just messed up. * You know what? I think Jacob's scared of Eli. That's why he's tried so hard to get him. * Jacob must be getting desperate and crazy. More troops out here than ever. * Jacob's plan worked. I tried to warn them. I told them not to go back. Jacob's going to win. He always wins. * Jacob was the big, mean, brute of the Seed clan. * Jacob was an example of how a vet can go bad without any help. Still glad he's dead of course.

Peggies

* Hope Jacob doesn't have another surprise inspection. Last one didn't go so hot. * Jacob asks for sacrifices from us all.  I gave up my son just so I could understand the Father's pain. * Jacob can turn these animals into weapons for the Father, I've seen him do it. * Jacob calls those wolves of his Judges, 'cause that's what they do. If you're not worthy, they tear you to shreds. * Jacob takes us, molds us and lifts us up to realize our potential. Just like this Judge. Once, it was just a simple wolf. Then it heard the voice of the Father. Now look at it. Stronger, faster... a killer. That's what Jacob does, he makes us better than we were, because only the very best of us will pass through Eden's Gate and on to salvation. * Jacob has asked us to find more recruits for the Project. We have to make them see the light... by force if necessary. * Jacob taught me how to bring a boar down will one killshot. Now I just apply the same logic to sinners. Easy. * Trust nobody, that's what Jacob told us. * Last time I was here Jacob himself complimented me on my shootin'. * Jacob will whip the strong ones into shape. The rest of 'em won't survive training. Jacob sure puts you through your paces here. It's how he makes us strong. * Jacob only wants the strongest of any creature. * Some of the converts have a hard time losing their old notions, but Jacob has a way of getting them to see the light. * If you've ever been in Jacob's presence you know just how powerful he really is. * There is no way anyone would dare stand up to Jacob. They'd be dead in a second. * Jacob's got this county locked down. There's no way they're gonna take him out. * Jacob knows what he's doin'. If he says he's got this bastard covered, I believe him. You know Jacob. He's not gonna give up. * I hear Jacob is furious. We have to try harder. We can't fail the Father. * Jacob's not dead. There's no way. He's too strong to die. * The sacrifice of Jacob must be part of the Father's great plan; we must trust in him. * The guy who killed Jacob. He fucken' cheated. You know Jacob. There's no way he would've lost in a straight up fight. Can't do anything for Jacob, but we can make sure Pratt pays for letting that bastard get away. * Do you think this the father knew about all this? // Of course. It's all part of his plan. // Even losing Jacob? // Do you doubt the Father's visions? // No! Of course not.... it's just... the guys... they have questions.... // Questions? Now's not the time for questions! It's time for action! Do you want to die a sinner? // No! Or course not! // Then get back to your post. The Father needs us now, more than ever! * So what the hell are we going to do now? // What do you mean? // What do I mean? Jacob's dead! That's a pretty big deal, if you ask me. // We still have the Father. It's his plan after all. // Sure, but he had Jacob and the others to help. He can't do it all himself. // That's why we're here. We have to step up, do whatever is asked of us. We can't give up, not now. // Yeah, you're right. Especially with what's coming. // Exactly. Get back to your post, this isn't over yet.

Pratt

* Jacob's caught himself a Deputy. I think it's Pratt. Poor bastard, he's not gonna last a day in there. * Deputy Pratt always came off as a bit of a douchebag, but that doesn't mean he deserves what Jacob's doin' to him. * I'd sure hate to be that Deputy Pratt right now. Jacob's gonna rip him to pieces. He tried to arrest his brother for God sake. * Pratt's days are numbered. One of these days Jacob's gonna have him nailed up on some billboard or something just like the others. * I keep thinking about Pratt, and what Jacob's doin' to him. That poor man's brain's gonna be totally fucked. * Can only imagine what it's like to be left in a cage with nothing to eat for days. God, do you think that's what they're doing to that Deputy of yours? Poor bastard. * I don't think that Deputy's gonna live much longer. I hear Jacob's furious and you can be sure who he's gonna take it out on. * Next time you meet your friend Pratt, be careful. Jacob does things... to your mind... he might not be the same person you remember. Don't say I didn't warn you. * Can you fuckin' believe that guy? // Who? // The Deputy. Pratt. He was wanderin' around behind the cages. // What the fuck was he doin' there? // Who the hell knows. Jacob's probably got him off doing some shit. // Yeah, he's lucky to be able to put two words together after what Jacob did to him! // Seriously. Sometimes I think it's a mistake to put too much trust in these converts. You should come willing to the light, or be struck down. * I.. I was told to feed the Judges but I didn't know where their food was. // Jesus, Pratt. Does nothing stick in that brain of yours? Over there, where it's always kept. // Right! Th..thanks Phil! It won't happen again! // It better not. * I just want go out and hunt down the bastard that killed Jacob and beat them to death.//Don't worry. They'll be here soon enough. We've got their buddy Pratt down here. Pretty sure we're next on the list.//Aren't you worried? They were strong enough to take on Jacob...// Fuck 'em. With the number of guards we got here? They'd be crazy to try to take us on. * Good thing Pratt's out man. He was lookin' like a hipster in a bullfight man. * There's not much of the old Deputy Pratt left, Jacob made sure of that. Almost would've been better that he'd died in there.       * Yeah, the Deputy might be free, but I won't say he's okay. No one is okay after they've been through the trials. No one. * Jacob sure did a number on Pratt. Not sure there's much of him left in there. * It's gonna take a while for Deputy Pratt to recover from this... if he ever does.

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

[goliath-de-senfina-sango]

New People

Danny personally felt that he was well within his rights to be a bit weirded out by what was going on.  He was on his way to school, getting interrupted by some half-formed spider ghost with threads all over the place that he had to dodge out of the way of before he could even get close to shooting it, Tucker was freaking out and Sam was doing her best to shoot away the webs that Danny actually got caught in.  It took quite a bit of time to squish much of the bug and then get it in the thermos.  During this time, Danny got hit by its pincers and bitten, and the wound was exposed and dripping ectoplasm and some thick purple goop that he assumed was venom.   Things were the standard amount of bad.

The unusual thing was when a ghost with blue skin, pink eyes, and rippling hair that shifted colors between red, yellow and orange flew up to him and gently grabbed his arm.  And then he pulled out a cotton ball from his pocket and started dabbing Danny’s wound.  “Yikes, this is a nasty bite.  You’re Danny Phantom, right?  The bridge spirit?”

“Uh,” Danny looked down at his friends, who shrugged, weapons trained on the newcomer.  “Yeah, I’m the halfa Danny Phantom.”  The guy snorted and Danny scowled.  “What’s so funny?”

“Halfa sounds like something my son would’ve called it when he was 7.”  Once the cotton ball was soaked through it was put in a ziplock that vanished off to somewhere and a water bottle was poured over it instead, followed by a cloth.  “I’m Dr. Jason Pace.  Nice to meet you.”

Danny stared at the man while he cleaned his cut with wide eyes.  “There are ghost doctors?”  It felt like a dumb question, doctors died as much as anyone else, but with all the violent ghosts that came through it was weird to see someone who specialized in helping people.

“Death is hardly enough to keep a medic from helping people who need attention,” Jason said with a chuckle.  “When I woke up in the Infinite Realms I met this big burly werewolf in a hoodie who said he was here to take me where I’m supposed to go but he got to me late, and I thought ‘wow, psychopomps are real and they can be behind schedule.’”

“Did.  Did this werewolf happen to speak Esperanto?”

“Yeah, said his name is Wulf.  I told him that wasn’t very original and he agreed.  Then I told him that I needed to see my husband and he cut open a hole back to the living realm about two weeks after my death, and after a very passionate and emotional night, I headed back into work and just sorta.  Kept doing what I do.”  He hummed, holding up the cloth and setting it on fire before tossing it behind him, where Danny watched it turn to ashes before it made it five feet above the ground. He swiped the purple goop with a q-tip, and then a bunch of vials of glowing liquid appeared from thin air, spinning around him in a lazy orbit.  “Poisonous and venomous ghost animals are horrors and ecto entomologists can kiss my ass if they wanna preach about preserving species.”

“What… are you doing?”

“Ah that’s what it is- you’re going to feel numb in a couple of seconds, which is perfectly normal, but then your core will start to go … well let’s just say I’m glad I got to you in time.”  One of the vials stopped, the swab burned up like the cloth, and a syringe was put into play.  “This is an antivenom.  Please don’t squirm, or this will hurt more.”  Jason pressed the needle over where a vein should’ve been, and Danny hissed at the sharp prick of pain.  Then a lollipop of all things was presented to him.  “Hope you like blueberry.”

“So, what I’m gathering is that you just wanna treat people and you came up to me cause I got bit by a spider.  I don’t remember my folks ranting about a doctor ghost tricking the people at the hospital into dastardly plans so I’m gonna guess you’re not from around here.”

“Oh, this isn’t why I came to your town of course, but yeah this is the thing I’m gonna be doing.”  The syringe needle, once removed, was disintegrated like the rest, and a bandage was stuck on Danny’s arm before his suit could reform around it.  “You should be good… and don’t worry, I don’t mess with people’s heads.  I just help people.  And yes, I know how to help bridge spirits like yourself.”  He held out a business card and gave a two-fingered salute.  “Give that a little charge if you need me.  Bye!”

They watched Jason fade from sight and Danny stared at where he’d been with wide eyes, blinking rapidly.  “What the f-”

“We need to get to school!”  Sam shouted, drawing his attention down to his best friends.  Danny dove down and scooped them both up, turning invisible and flying toward the school.  “Oh, wow, ok.”

“So that was weird, right?”

“That was really fuckin weird, yeah,” Tucker said.  “I guess it makes sense that there’d be ghost doctors, hospitals are the evilest places.”

“I’m glad he’s here,” Sam said.  “Maybe he’ll be able to help you keep up with your habit of crashing into things.”

“I don’t have a habit thank you. My enemies have a habit of yeeting me into things.  There’s a difference.”

“You can turn intangible and go through things instead of slamming into them so.”  After that fun and lovely argument, Danny almost forgot the weirdness of Dr. Pace.

 That is until Lancer introduced the class to a very tall boy with brown hair, tan, freckled skin, and pink eyes.  Pink eyes that were glowing ever so softly. “Hello class, this is Kyle Pace. He’s an exchange student from Pittsburg.”

“Hey there,” Kyle said with a wave, smiling wide enough that everyone could see his canines were much longer and too pointy to be human.  “My last school was Three Rivers so uh I’m kinda not used to this kinda school, so if I’m weird I’m sorry about that.”

“Not a problem, Kyle.”  Lancer patted the large boy on the back.  “Your classmates will be doing their best to help you adjust, I’m sure.”  No one missed the look Lancer gave them, and no one even really considered caring.  Danny, Sam and Tucker were all staring at Kyle with varying degrees of subtly. “There’s a seat between Danny Fenton and Dash Baxter over there, Mr. Pace.  I’ll make sure you get a study guide to catch you up on where we are.”

Kyle nodded and plopped down in his seat, bookbag set down next to him, and the class moved on as though this were normal.  Well, Wes was fuming at the back of the class but no one paid him any attention.  He looked like he was paying attention, and after a while, Danny decided he should do the same, but the glow in Kyle’s eyes and the way Danny’s ghost sense was stuck in his throat, almost alerting him to a ghost but not, messed up his focus even worse than a regular old attack.

When Lunch rolled around, they had a chance to actually talk about it.  “So uh, when Dr. Pace said he had a kid,” Tucker said, “Do you think he meant like after he died?”

“My ghost sense says yes, which is gross to think about, but also kind of an existential crisis going on.”  Danny pushed his food around on his platter, staring at it and through it.  “How the fuck does that even work?”

“Well if Box Lunch,” Sam said with a shudder, “Can exist then maybe… what did he call it?  Bridge Spirits?  Maybe they can happen, ya know, naturally?”

“This validates everyone who wants to fuck Phantom,” Tucker said with a mouth full of meatloaf from home.  Danny punched his arm without looking and took satisfaction in his yelp.  “I’m just sayin.”

“Swallow first, and then - novel idea - don’t say it.”

“I saw him leave algebra with Dash and Dash’s hair isn’t looking so perfectly combed right now,” Tucker said anyway, earning a kick in the shins from Sam.

Danny groaned.  “Can we talk about something else?”

The universe did not agree with their subject of discussion moving away from Kyle, however, as he strode over to their table and plopped down next to Danny.  He had a lunch box filled with clearly homemade food that looked like it was cooked by a chef compared to the lunch meat on Danny’s platter.  He tossed an arm around Danny’s shoulders and gave them all a cheerful, “Hey there!  How’re you guys doing?  I saw your spider backpack and I know appearances aren’t everything but,” he pointed at Sam with a lazy grin, “do you like snakes?”

“Uh, yes?”  Sam looked between Danny and Kyle, likely assessing how dangerous he might be.  “Just not your kind of snake.”

“Pardon?”

“People who hang out with Dash Baxter tend to be just like him.”  Sam folded her arms and scowled, and Tucker rolled his eyes.   Kyle just frowned and looked over at the A lister table, making eye contact with Dash for a moment.

“Only impression I got outta Dash was attractive when he’s not talking, what kinda guy is he?” Sam was all too eager to share that and so was Tucker.  Danny watched as Kyle’s expression grew darker while staring at Dash, eyes beginning to glow brighter until he turned back to the table and covered Tucker’s mouth.  “Aight, an asshole.  Got it. Y’all know that’s all like, illegal, right?  Someone can record him doing this shit and either call the police or threaten it.”

“I mean, we could but then the other A listers would be out for us,” Danny said.

“I dunno what the A list is supposed to be, but I’m betting it’s something really stupid, and I have ta say: can we talk about snakes now?”  Kyle stuffed food in his mouth, and then the conversation about which snakes were cuter, cooler and more dangerous began.  Danny zoned out, stretching his senses to confirm the current of ecto energy under Kyle’s skin and wondered how to bring that up.

Before Danny could ask Kyle if he was possessed or just Like That, Dash Baxter’s voice caught his ear.  “Hey, Kyle, why’re you hangin out with these losers?  You should-” that was as far as Dash got before a pink bubble appeared around him and Kyle turned around to shove the bubble.  It rolled along the floor until it bumped into the A lister table and then popped, leaving Dash to fumble into his seat.  Then Kyle turned back to the table.

“I really want a pet snake, or like even some fish, but Dad doesn’t trust me and Pop thinks that I should learn to be responsible first before I go asking for a pet.  Like, aren’t parents supposed to use pets as a test of responsibility?”

“Some parents think that,” Sam said, her salad finished and her protein shake almost done, “but it’s unfair to put all that on a kid.”

“So,” Tucker said slowly, “everyone is staring at us and I’m kinda wondering if we’re gonna talk about you putting Dash in gay baby jail.”

“Is that weird?”  Kyle raised a brow, and Danny snorted.  “I just really didn’t wanna talk to him if he’s an asshole like y’all said and the bubble popped pretty quick.”  Kyle looked around at the dead silent cafeteria, and his skin began to glow.  “Why are people starin?”

“Because you just blew your cover, ghost!”  Valerie snarled across the cafeteria, and it exploded into chatter.  Kyle flinched at the noise and a bubble appeared around the table that blocked out the noise.

“What the fuck?  What’s going on?”

“Uh, dude, they don’t know about half ghosts.”

“But you’re a bridge spirit too!”

“They don’t know that!  I’ve got a secret identity to keep!”

“I- wow, ok spider-man.  Alright.”  Kyle took a breath and dropped his shield, floating up above the crowd of teens.  “HEY!”  The crowd when slowly quiet as Kyle waved a glowing hand around to get everyone’s attention.  “MY DUDES!  Thanks. So uh, yeah, I’m not sure what y’all think I am, but I can explain pretty easy.”

“Oh I’m certain you can, ghost, but we’re not interested in your lies!”

“Excuse you, I don’t lie anymore than you do.  Anyway, when a living human and a ghost love each other very much-”

“Are you saying your mom or dad banged a ghost?!”  Dale was always so eloquent, it had Danny wondering how he had such bad grades.

“Yeah,” Kyle shrugged, hands stuffed in his pockets.  “I don’t have a Mom though, Dad and Pop just figured out that ghostly physiology is malleable and they wanted a kid.  I’m done talking about my conception now, cause that’s gross, but like, this is a basic thing to understand.”  Kyle floated back down to his seat and crossed his legs.  “I swear I heard at least five girls around here want to start a family with Phantom, and I just gotta wonder: y’all did know that’s possible right?”

Silence eerie as a horror movie washed over the cafeteria.  People processed what they’d been told and some of their minds tripped over themselves trying to do so.  Kyle turned back to Sam and started complaining about pets while chatter erupted around them all, and Danny slammed his head against the table.

[yankyo]

“You’re sure you have everything? Passport? ID? Extra currency? Are you going to be warm enough-?”

“YES. I’m sure, I’m fine, I’m ready!” You cut Adam off as you finished stuffing things into your backpack, the better part of the Maitland-Deetz household watching you silently while the last of your belongings disappeared into a suitcase and an, admittedly oversized, backpack. Barbara and Adam were worrying over you, while Charles and Delia were watching with amusement as you pressed and pressed to force your suitcase to close.

You had been planning for this for months. You couldn’t be more ready if you tried! Your University had a two week long excursion program to Japan, that happened every Autumn. You had to rearrange some classes, and drop some entirely, when a professor or two insisted that their individual, two credit hour, elective course was more important than what could be a life changing experience. Besides, beyond regular studies, you had your own agenda…

You were working on a book. A ghost book…which is what brought you into Lydia’s little circle to begin with. When she started going to your University, though by that point you were getting ready to start graduate school, the two of you would talk at length about the macabre and the strange. After around six months or so, she invited you to meet her family. Her whole family. And that included Adam, Barbara…and someone who soon grew very close to your heart…Which drove you to learn more. Everything you could! But, even with two ghosts and a demon at your questioning, you still found yourself wanting more. So you decided this was the perfect opportunity to expand those horizons. Beetlejuice, however, was not so enthused.

“I don’t get it, babes. Why go allll the way there, just to hear what you could hear from me, right here?” He had been asking, the night before, as you made your final selections regarding shoes, and jackets.

“Because if I’m writing a book, I can’t cite ‘My Demon boyfriend, bug soda, as a source.’” You tossed back, looking between a sweater or two, before giving up and tossing them both into the pile that you still needed to put into your bag.

“Aww, come on, I’m reliable!” He persisted, making you laugh a bit.

“Since when, and to whom? Cite your sources. APA? MLA?” You glanced back towards him, seeing him laying half off your bed, arms over his head, and hands reaching the floor.

“Ugh, stop speaking Greek, the blood is rushing to my head-“

“What blood?” You snarked back, making him go silent for a moment.

“…okay, fine, touche.” He sat up, and looked you intently now. “Look…I know you’re set on this, right? And nothin’ I’m gonna say is gonna talk you outta it, but…trust me when I say, those bitches don’t fuck around. And if you waltz yourself in there, looking for something…you might just find it, you know…?”

The serious tone to his voice gave you pause, and you came to sit on the edge of the bed, searching his face for…something, you weren’t sure. But there was a hard edge you weren’t used to seeing.

“Beej…baby…I’m gonna be just fine…! It’s only two weeks…you’ll blink, and it’ll be over! And not to mention, if I need anything, or…hell, even if I just wanna see you, I’ve got your number.” You promised, pulling him forward to kiss his forehead, as though that would ease his thoughts.

“…Isn’t international calling like- super-“

“Your name, baby. Your name.”

“…Right.”

  Which brought you back to now, picking up your bag, and throwing hugs and promises to travel safely to each and every member of the family…except one. You opened your mouth to say something, only for Charles to look down at his watch, and give a start. “Ah, look at that! We need to get going, if you’re going to make your connections.” He started lifting your suitcase, and you shuffled your backpack on.

“Wait…!! Beej isn’t here, I haven’t had a chance to say bye…!” You insisted, before Adam and Barbara gave you a little push.

“No time!” He chimed.

“Nope! None! You need to get going!” She insisted.

That…was odd. Usually they were all about hugs, and kisses, and goodbyes, and…all that sappy stuff. You narrowed your eyes, and opened your mouth to ask what they were up to, only for the front door of the house to open, and Charles was already moving your things out, leaving you to hurry and catch up to your friend’s dad.

“Be safe!” Called Adam.

“Have fun!” Called Barbara

“Take Pictures!” Called Delia

“Bring me back something cool!” Called Lydia.

But there was a voice missing from the mix, and it made the rock of anxiety in your stomach just a little bit bigger. It didn’t matter how excited you were…this was a really big undertaking…and not getting to see Beetlejuice before you left…? Made it just a little bit harder.

But before you knew It, you were ushered into the car, watching as the four waved from the door step, and Charles pulled from the driveway.

~~~~

As soon as you were there, everything else fell away. You took…what must have been thousands of photos! Nightlife, temples, Shrines, Castles, FOOD. And for each one you sent back to your little found family, a whole outpouring of love met you. Except for BJ. You could see that he was looking at every one of your pictures, sometimes as soon as you sent them, but he never replied. You sent a photo, saying “Nightlife in Shinsekai!!” or “Look at this cat I found!” But no matter the subject, he stayed quiet.

Weird.

But being thirteen hours ahead, you didn’t exactly have the time to sit there and hound him for a reply. He might just be trying to take his mind off you being gone…the separation anxiety had been hard, you knew, but he was trying! And if not talking made it easier, then that was okay. Just another week, and you’d be back in his arms, with a lot more research, and couple cool gifts.

Speaking of your research, it was coming along well. You’d finally nailed down the specific spirits you were going to be talking about in your book, which was more than you had to begin with. You’d interviewed locals from multiple cities about their belief in the supernatural, and their encounters with ghosts. You’d visited multiple temples, and shrines, and other places where spirits were believed to lurk, but so far, you had seen hide nor hair of any of them…

You weren’t sure if that was good or bad, yet.

Either way, it wasn’t until the final stop on your trip that things took a little bit of a worse turn…

You were in Kyoto, which was very, very well known for it’s spirits. Hell, there was a huge shopping center, with a shrine, right in the middle. It was tied right into the identity, by this point.

“Ah…come on, come on….!” You grumbled, turning in circles as your maps decided exactly where it was trying to take you. It was starting to get late, and the last of the buses were starting to run. You had to hurry, or else you’d be walking back to your hotel…You were tired, your feet hurt, and you’d been having pronounced problems with your various tech items all day. All you wanted was to get home, shower, and sleep before you had to be up and at the airport the next day.

Finally, you found your way to the bus station…riiight as the last bus was pulling away.

“No! No no no, shit!!” You hissed, watching as the bus got further and further away, as though that would bring it back to you. Needless to say, it didn’t work.

Guess we’re walkin’, huh?

You whipped your head around. It was faint, but you could have sworn you heard something…familiar.

You brushed it off, rolled your shoulders, and steeled yourself. It wasn’t a far walk, but it was enough that your feet were aching just at the thought, after a whole day of walking. It was past ten, by this point. Most placed were closed, aside from the odd convenience store, who’s lights offered you a moment of respite from anxiety, before you re-emerged to continue your trek. You started dodging through neighborhoods…you were almost there..!!

Just a block or two away, you were stopped at a cross walk. Even with the foot traffic dying, and the late hour, there was still the occasional car. You were too tired to book it, and you’d rather just be safe, and wait, instead of forcing yourself. As you came to a stop, you came to the realization that a woman stood on the corner beside you. She was tall, and thin, With messy black hair that hung around her face like a shroud. From her profile, you couldn’t see her eyes, only he medical mask that covered her nose and mouth. They weren’t uncommon here. You’d actually worn one earlier in the week when you’d gotten a little cold. Either way, she didn’t appear at all threatening…maybe a little burnt out or high, but not threatening.

But you still felt a cold thread of dread climbing further and further up your spine.

…This light was running long. You glanced to either side of the road, not seeing any cars, or any other pedestrians. It was just you, and this woman, in the fluorescent light of a street lamp. You rocked back and forth on your feet.

“…Do you think…I’m pretty?” The words were so soft, you almost missed them.

“I’m sorry I don’t speak-…what was that?” You heard the words…you just wanted to be sure you heard her correctly. Not to mention, it took you an extra moment to register…she spoke English, to you.

“I asked….do you think I’m pretty?” The words were louder this time, and she turned her face to you. Her eyes were incredibly beautiful. Her skin was like porcelain, and they looked at you with such an honest intensity, that your heart skipped a few beats.

“I….yes, you’re very pretty…” You murmured, as you searched her face. You saw the corners of her eyes turn up in what you assumed was a grin, beneath the mask, and you smiled back, feeling good that you’d been nice.

You heard the sickening sound of something…fleshy, and wet as she reached for the straps of her mask. Squelching, and smacking…When she finally lifted her head to you, and her mask came off, You took two half steps back. She was starting to twitch, now.

Beneath her mask was a bloodied smile, slit ear to ear. You froze, taking another step back. You wanted to run! To scream! Do to…anything, anything at all, but your body was refusing to respond now. Everything turned to ice.

“Do you…still think…I’m pretty?” She demanded of you, mouth struggling to form the appropriate words through it’s injury. You remembered this story. The slit-mouth woman. You remembered this tale- Now how do you get out of it? How-

Something with…candy…? Ugh, no that couldn’t be right. Counting? No! Fuck…Her question…that had to be it, right? You had to answer…

“…I think…I think you’re still very beautiful…” You managed to get out, as she jerked her way towards you, hands outstretched. A shake tore it’s way up your spine as her hands, cold as ice, cupped either side of your cheeks. Despite the ice in your blood, you could feel the atmosphere crackle with…something…heat, or electricity, or…something.

You looked back to the woman finally to see that her once kind and gentle eyes were replaced with ones manic, and hungry. The hand on your left cheek grabbed you by your hair, making you cry out, and fall to your knees. From the side of her dress, she produced a pair of scissors, looking as though they were ancient, and caked in a maroon substance…you could only guess you would soon be adding to. You finally started to make noise. You were crying, and kicking, and screaming, but despite it all, she held your head steady.

“If you think I am pretty…then you would want to look like me, yes?” She said, drawing closer.

That had been the wrong answer.

Oh god. You were going to die here.

You were going to die on the other side of the world. Maybe you’d never be identified. Maybe you’d be kept in a morgue forever, no one knowing who you were. You’d never see Lydia again. Or the Maitlands. Or the Deetz’s. Maybe not even….You had already started to sob, and to your luck…this seemed to amuse her.

“Oooh, I know…! You’re going to be so lovely, aren’t you?” She cooed, as though she were comforting a newborn. Her hand stroked down your cheek, and you finally heard it.

That was the sound of air being displaced at high speeds.

And there was only one person you knew who could do that. Demon, really.

Beetlejuice.

“GET YOUR GRIMY FUCKIN’ HANDS OFFA MY BREATHER-“ Came the yell.

In a flurry of motion, you were released, falling to the pavement below as the Kuchisake Onna was very swiftly socked in the cheek. It made a disgusting squelching noise, and she shrieked, dropping her scissors which nearly hit your leg.

You looked up to see Beetlejuice, so red he nearly glowed, grabbing the woman by the front of her dress, and hauling her up to look her in the eye, despite her being a measure taller than him.

“You listen to me slit-mouth skank, and you listen damn good, understand? That is MY breather. MINE. You wanna fuck with them, you gotta fuck with me, and you do NOT wanna fuck with me. CLEAR?” There was a long, tense moment, before she finally nodded, clicking her tongue, and hissing something in another language. “Nah. I don’t wanna hear it. Get your shit. And go. You can find a meal somewhere else, I don’t care who, but this one is under protection.” He insisted, finally throwing her back.

Less than gracefully, she picked herself up, put her mask back on, sent you a scowling look, and grabbed her scissors.

“Tell your pet…that even my work…could not fix a face that…you could be attracted to.” With that, she finally shambled off, which left you, sitting on the pavement, in tears.

“Hey…hey, hey, there you are…” Beej finally closed in on you, kneeling beside you. His hair was finally fading now, into soft greens and blues… He picked up your head gently, and a choked sob left your throat, as you fell into his arms. “It’s okay…see? You’re fine…”

“You were r-right…I shouldn’t have c-come…” You cried, too caught up in him being back to really care what you were saying, who saw, or the fact that you were rubbing your face into his absolutely disgusting suit.

“Hey…no, no, you should have…! This was just a bad encounter, ya know? And to be honest, you’re lucky! She’s a bottom feeder. Most of ‘em wouldn’t even listen to me, but they also don’t go around fucking with randos on the street. You gotta really piss ‘em off.” Somehow, that didn’t make you feel better.

“I w-w-wanna go home now…” You hiccuped, and he helped you up, steering you towards your hotel.

Wait…how did he know where that was?

When you turned your head to ask the question, he already knew what you were thinking.

“I uhhh…I’ve kinda…uhhh…been followin’ you this whole time. Just to be safe!! You know? I wasn’t gonna interfere or nothin’, I just wanted to make sure something like…well…that, didn’t happen.”

In all honesty, you were grateful for it. It meant that you lived to see him, and your family again, so that was all that mattered. You leaned into him heavily, as the adrenaline left your body and you felt yourself crashing back down to earth, hard. You were so tired…

But finally, he maneuvered you into the hotel, and up to your room, ignoring the stares and scandalized whispers at his appearance, finally getting you into bed, all safe and sound. He was getting ready to pop out of existence again, when you reached your arms towards him, making little grabby hands.

“Ohh, nuh-uh, you left for two weeks, you gotta make it through two weeks-“

“Nooo, come on, I just had a traumatic experience!” You insisted, sticking out your lower lip, and turning the grabby hands up to 11.

Finally, he broke, heaving a sigh as though this was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, and slipped from his coat, and pants. He was about to climb in when you stopped him.

“Shirt too. I refuse to pay for a new pair of sheets because it ruined them.”

He grumbled a little more, but soon, was finally snuggled to your side, the world right again. And…well…you rather liked being his breather, especially if it kept you safe from…whatever else lurked beyond the veil.

[nodesiretogrowup]

I LOVED THIS EPISODE! It was nice to have a kid-focused episode. The past few have focused a lot on the adults, so it was nice to see the kids in the spotlight again. It was SO COOL to see the kids playing off each other. We NEED more of it next season. Lena is my daughter, so I was happy to see her back, though I’d rather she not have to suffer.

Spoilers and more detailed thoughts below:

YAY NERF GUNS! Also, it was super sweet of the boys to reassure Lena that they know she’s a good guy now. 

LOVED all the different jammies on display. I usually rock something similar to Lena and Violet. Dewey in the footie pajamas gives me LIFE. And Huey with his hat. I’m surprised he didn’t say something along the lines of “Warm head, warm dreams.”

Super cute that Lena set this all up. My baby wants friends.

“Self defense weapons, all manner of booby trap.” I feel like Violet would have suggested having those no matter what. I love my slightly feral nerd daughter.

Beakley for BEST bodyguard.

“Nothing weird is gonna happen at this slumber party.” Webby, babe, you’re just ASKING for trouble.

Lena’s little song and cake! MY HEART! I think Huey may have drawn some inspiration from that cake, lol

“Time loses all meaning in the infinite night of the shadow realm.” HELP THIS CHILD! And again, I think Donald would be the perfect parent for her.

“You are a wordsmith!” Webby LOVES her shadow gf.

THE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS! AND THEY MATCHED EACH KID! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS GIRL!

Of course Louie is suspicious. He was wary of his mom AND just spent the last episode getting betrayed by Goldie.

“You literally sound like that now.” Huey, you need to learn how to read a room.

“That’s just my voice, I can’t help it!” I feel ya there. And a nice bit of foreshadowing

“I’ve found it’s clearer to convey no emotion whatsoever.” Also not a good way to talk to people.

Aw, Lena. Like Webby said, you don’t have to prove yourself. That seems to be a running theme this season. Dewey wants to prove himself to his mom, Louie wants to prove himself to anyone, and Della wants to prove that she is a good mom and fits into this family.

“That makes you super-extra-good, right?” “Math checks out.” You two share one (1) brain cell and that’s adorable.

Webby has no table manners and that is valid.

“LET’S EAT PURE SUGAR!” That is just a bad idea in general, much less for Huey.

What happened to Huey? Why was his mouth all grey?

“You know who my best friend is?” “Me.” “Sleep.” A.) Mood, B.) Dewey’s face is PRICELESS! You can’t win them all.

Sleeping Beakley is TERRIFYING.

“It might be sleepy-time.” Webby, you are TOO PRECIOUS!

Anyone getting some Nightmare on Elm Street vibes? Specifically the third one? I guess that was what they were going for, what with the title and all.

Concerned girlfriend is concerned.

MY POOR BABY! HASN’T SHE SUFFERED ENOUGH?!

“Do you need, *whispers* you-know-what paper?” Not sure if Beakley told her toilet isn’t something you should go around saying or if Webby doesn’t want to embarrass anyone. Either way, cute!

Lena pulls of Dewey’s do well.

One of the most precious moments ever! And a reminded that they are still pretty young.

WEBBY IS SUCH A GOOD FRIEND/GIRLFRIEND! *happy tears*

LOVED the shot of Lena with the stars reflected in her eyes.

Heck, the animation for all the dreams is AMAZING! I love how you can INSTANTLY TELL whose dream we’re in.

I’m glad they figured out that they were in a shared dream early. Gives us more time for wacky dream shenanigans!

Webby/hamburgers is otp

I like that they used the “you can’t read in dreams” thing. Nice touch. It looks like at least Launchpad, Scrooge, and Donald had a corresponding emoji.

“Why are you dialing a banana?” DREAM LOGIC!

SWORD HORSE!

Webby CANONLY kins Scrooge!

EXTREMELY EXTREME OBSTACLE COURSE

Louie putting a stop to unicorn shenanigans before they begin.

Those directions. Better than Penny’s at least.

Violet is blunt and to the point. She’s probably a Virgo.

LIVING for all the cartoony sound effects!

POOR LENA! AND YAY SUPPORTIVE WEBBY! Also, love Louie in the background being confused as fuck.

That cute little smile! I WOULD DIE FOR LENA!

I don’t think the whole “don’t wake a sleepwalker” thing is actually valid in real life, but here it’s probably a goodish idea. Magic is weird and unpredictable.

“LET’S FLY, BECAUSE WE CAAAAAAN!” I like the way you think. I love that Louie’s wings have dollar signs. And Lena’s bat wings are DOPE.

“I HATE WALKING!” Louie is MOOD.

Huey and Dewey crashing, lol

That unicorn got DEEP. And I now crackship him and Manny.

Lena walked into Snow White.

“I probably grew horrible bat wings for non-evil reasons.” It’s because you are a baby goth.

“I ATE A BUG!” Dewey, you are a special boy and that’s valid.

“Ew, Webby, why is there a school in your dream?” Again, Louie is MOOD.

Ugh, I wish I could make out what the sign in front of the school says. I see EXCELLENCE though.

Dewey CONFIRMED HSM fan. And I’m getting some Saved By The Bell vibes. He’s binged ALL the high school classics. This is probably how Mabel dreamed high school would look like before the crushing slap of reality hit her.

His hair and jacket. Too cute, expect for his hair being alive. That was freaky. I fear for him when he learns what high school is actually like.

His song. Dewey is in for HEARTBREAK. LIVE YOUR DREAM WHILE YOU CAN!

I know most people are going with Dewey is bi after the whole romantic interest thing, but I feel like he might be aro/ace. Dewey is threatened by choosing a romantic partner. I’ve kind of always seen him as ace though, so it might just be me. Or it could be him trying to figure out his sexuality, which is cool. I love that the crew threw that in. The boy is not straight in any way though.

I love that Dewey’s singing rivals are Beagle Boys.

“Who knows what that’s about?” “I have some theories.” SYMBOLISM!

Dewey Dude is upsetting even BEFORE it turned into Magica.

The balance between comedy and STRAIGHT UP HORROR was handled well.

Lena has watched Wizard of Oz.

“You ruined my big dance!” Priorities, Dewey. Louie looks relieved though.

Dewey’s hair looked super cute when it was wet.

Why did he and Lena taste the water? Is there some sort of significance there?

“I just failed a class called Dew-ology.” “Well I’m the class Dew-torian.” That’s stretching it, Dewey.

“I gotta get outta here.” Haha, Dewey’s dream is Huey’s nightmare.

Louie-field. I WANT PLUSHIES. Also, Louie confirmed furry?

“This is your dream? To be even lazier?” Don’t be a hater, Huey! Louie’s got the right idea.

Wonder if Beakley taking care of Louie-field means anything.

Seriously, Huey is SUCH a hater! He wants out of Dewey’s dream and he mocks Louie’s.

“HOW ARE YOU SLEEP-SLEEPING?” Don’t hate cause you ain’t. Also, I have napped in a dream once so....

Louie’s sleep face is MAJESTIC. HE’S BEAUTY, HE’S GRACE.

“I just am.” Louie is so wise.

Wolf Lena is BEST

Violet, there is a better way to talk about people’s psychological issues.

Why would you choose the litter box?

“WHY, HUEY, WHY?!” No arguments here.

I’m the eldest sibling like Huey and I’m the shortest of the three of us, so I get you, Huey. But there are better, cooler, less upsetting ways to manifest that dream. Like switching bodies with a tall person.

His legs make rubber band noises when he moves.

“Don’t listen to him! Follow your lame dreams.” What a supportive brother.

Huey’s dream is Dewey’s nightmare. Nice.

I too use my feet to do things, like opening doors or getting stuff off the floor. But opening jars of FOOD?! UNSANITARY AND YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

Someone is a Spinel fanboy.

Or is he Slender-Huey?

“And it’s my dream to be in a montage.” While it is pretty dope, why does Dewey get two dreams?! Greedy little bastard. Are we sure he’s not the evil triplet, lol.

HERE’S HOW PHOOEY CAN WIN! Liked that they implied he’s the evil one. He’s a yellow, less 90s Dippy Fresh.

JUST SAY NO TO PHOOEY! His name means the f-word.

MORE DRAGON BALL Z!

NERD ALERT! 

Huey has found a kindred soul.

I like that Violet even has Quackfaster as a librarian.

“It’s almost 6am!” Your old man is showing. Sidenote-I tend to wake up around 6. I’m old.

“Go get some jobs!” Scrooge, do you know about child labor laws?

This is the second episode of this set that Scrooge comes off as a bit of a prick.

POOR LENA! At least all the kids care about her. The poor girl needs some friends.

“She’s gonna be cold without her sweater!” His heart’s in the right place.

I love that all the kids jump in after Webby immediately. NEVER LEAVE A MAN BEHIND.

Louie just spinning in the background.

“I think this is more nightmare.” Thank you, Captain Obvious.

I want that castle as a playset.

Good lord this scene was hard to watch. It reminded me a lot of Raven in Ever After High (and Teen Titans Raven too). She’s so afraid of being predestined to become evil that it’s consuming her to the point that she can’t see anything else and feels stuck. Some of this really hit close to home for me because I deal with depression and anxiety and when a big episode hits it’s hard to find my way out. Luckily, just like Lena, I have a good support system.

 Magica gaslighting Lena was really upsetting to see.

Lena becoming Magica then a literal monster? LET MY DAUGHTER HAVE PEACE!

“Ugh, why does everything I say sound sarcastic?” Callback

Was that a hint at a Gargoyles reboot? I JOKE TO EASE THE PAIN!

#youtriedDewey

Dewey’s spinny eyes, lol

Webby is most competent fighter

Poor Louie. The past two episode have not been kind to him physically.

Lena will ALWAYS be there for Webby.

POOR LENA!

HURRAY FOR SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS!

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC, BITCH!

“It’s fine, FINE!” Just wait for puberty, Huey. It will be slightly less disturbing.

I TOTALLY CALLED THAT THIS WAS A PLOT FOR MAGICA TO GET HER POWERS BACK! YAY FOR BEING RIGHT!

Magica is meth aunt.

“I don’t need you. You need me!” THAT’S MY GIRL!

FERAL

I bet Magica is gonna lie about still having powers so she can get close enough to Lena to regain her powers and stab everyone in the back. Whether or not she succeeds... 

Boyd and Lena should start a club. The “I thought/felt like I was a real, flesh and blood being, had an existential crises over it, and am trying to deal with my evil relative” club. Huey’s the moderator, he’s working on his consoling badge.

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU

Start from the way beginning here!

Chapter 32: Chill Lofi Beats to Panic To

It’s that final few weeks before graduation and I’ve slowed down a bit. I’m on track to graduate and the only final I need to worry about is the one in my hero class. Plus with my Labyrinth test coming up, training is a must and is to be squeezed in as much as possible.

-Hero class, Gym-

“Okay class today will be a little different” Aizawa announced “today Miss Palma is going to take on all of you one by one to test her agility” he holds up a timer “it will be timed, the fighting rubric is the first one out of bounds or unable to fight marks time” he motioned to Palma to step into the ring “your position Miss.”

“Thank you sensei” I walk into the circle “Who’s the unlucky first?”

“Heh, It’s Bakugo” Aizawa checked the list “step in there.”

“Remember our first time in the ring?” Bakugo reminisced “and you whooped my ass clear across the floor?”

“How could I forget?!” I get into fighting position “no holding back now, I want an honest fight.”

“I will” he sneered as he got in his position “because I’m gonna win this time!”

Time started and in 30 seconds, I got him pinned to the ground.

“...And that’s time” Aizawa clicked on the timer “great work out there.”

“Dammit!” Bakugo growled as I lifted my foot off his back “defeated again! Guess that’s why they call you the undefeated.”

“But you’ve improved greatly” I said as I extended my hand “thank you for the fight.”

“Heh, shut it American-san!” he snickered as he grabbed my hand to hoist him up.

Everyone else’s fights ended under a minute, proving my power and agility.

“Last fight, Shinso” Aizawa announced “please enter the ring.”

“Oh Hitoshi, Hitoshi” I sighed “it’s been a while since we tussled.”

“Heh sure, a while” he laughed “guess last night was a while ago to you huh?”

“HEY! Watch it!” I blush and get in position “lest you want to get ya ass beat in more than one way.”

“Oh?! Is that a promise?” he gets in his position “I’d love to see you try.” Once the timer clicked, I dashed forward and try to get close enough for the copy. “Hey here’s a concept, What color is your underwear?”

“Check your bedroom floor” I said without missing a beat, knowing his plan to get me in his control.

“Too clever of an answer” he tries to dodge my attacks, barely evading “okay then riddle me this, Kiss me.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me in.

“That’s my line!” I shake myself loose “getting bold are we?!”

“I learned from the best” he smiled “isn’t that right?”

“Why of cours-” I froze in place, I fell for his trick!

The class gasped “I can’t believe it!” Momo broke the silence “she’s finally going to be defeated, after so long.”

“Come on Palma-san!” screamed Kirishima “you can snap out of it!”

“Yeah! Fight your way out like you aways do!” Mina stood up to chant “Palma-san! Palma-san!” Most of the class followed suite.

“END HER REIGN SHINSO KUN!” Mineta and Kaminari screamed “SHINSO KUN! SHINSO KUN!”

“Why don’t you come here and give me a kiss” Shinso commanded her “before I send you out of bounds.”

The chanting increased as I got closer to him, just before kissing his cheek, I broke out of the brainwash and slapped him. “HA! Didn’t think I’d do that huh?!”

“Dang it, so close too!” he rubbed his cheek “you play a very sneaky game kitty.”

“Look at this kitty!” I lifted my shirt and a bit of the front of my pants to fully flash my breasts and part of my crotch, away from everyone else’s eyes. He freezes in place, at the mercy of my command. “Why don’t you walk toward that line?” I pointed to a line and he walked right up to the edge “Oh this so much fun! Do that little cat dance Hitoshi!” he does the dance and I pull down his pants to show everyone is cat boxers “When I kiss your cheek, take one step forward and you’ll be out of my command.” I kiss his cheek and he obeyed the last command before realizing what just happened.

“AYAH! How could I give in like that!” he turned red as he fumbled to pull up his pants “I knew you’d embarrass like this too!”

“Hehehe aw I’m sorry I went a little over board with the commands” I put my hands together “forgive me? please Hitoshi?”

“I can’t stay mad at you!” he got soft and hugged her “you’re a little cutie, kissy wissy baby wayby cuddle bug! Yes you are!”

“Hitoshi!” I blushed “this is so cringe! Please sensei, what was my time for that?”

“2 minutes and 24 seconds” he checked the clip board “and that makes Palma-san the undefeated streak record holder!” he clapped and everyone did the same “for 3 straight years, no defeats nor forfeits in any of our sparring training.”

“Aww thanks yall” I said as Shinso let go “though you didn’t defeat me, I’ve seen you improve greatly with every spar, thank you for constantly improving yourselves despite the high chance of defeat.” 

We did more training and the locker room talk was a buzz. “Hey Palma-san” spoke up Jiro “what was with that dialogue with Shinso?”

“What do you mean?” I said as I took off my shirt.

“It was awfully” Jiro was making a suggestive face “flirtatious, even for one of your iconic taunts.”

“I’ve just upped my taunting is all” I took off my shoes and tossed them into the locker “I had to or it would’ve been hard to evade his questions.”

“How did you know he does that little dance?” asked Uraraka.

“I can see his window from my window very clearly” I chortle “the things he’s not aware of at 3am!”

“Don’t hide it Palma-san” Momo said as she turned to face me “it’s clear that you and Shinso have a thing for each other.”

“Yea, I mean, you two have been awfully close since you woke up from your condition” Jiro stated “and I don’t know what kind of friends casually kiss and do baby talk like that.”

I felt all the girls’ eyes on me as I stopped buttoning my shirt and got visibly sweaty “It was just a kiss on the cheek no big whoop!”

“Oh yea? If it’s nothing, kiss one of the other boys on the cheek” Mina crossed her arms “kiss Bakugo on the cheek, you’re all buddy buddy with him! do it.”

“You know what, I will!” I huffed as I finished getting dressed “I’ll walk out there, get his attention and give the most platonic cheek kiss you’ve ever seen!” The girls hurried to see me do the thing. I spot him along with the other boys that were talking to each other about something “HEY BLASTY!”

“YEA?!” Bakugo yelled back.

“IMA GIVE YOU THE MOST PLATONIC BRO PECK OF YOUR LIFE!” I matched his energy as I stomped toward him.

“I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!” he growled as he squared his shoulders.

As I bumped his shoulder and leaned in for the cheek kiss, I chickened out and growled “OH! I can’t fucking do it!” I stepped away from him “I’m a big ol’ softy and I can’t just kiss some dude I don’t have feelings for.”

“Urm, what-” Tokoyami tried to call me out of our escapades.

“Shut ya beak Toko!” I squinted loudly at him, then shifted my gaze toward Todoroki “Shoto! set me on fire! do it!” I got in a T pose.

“I can’t set you on fire, you have a date with Shinso later.” Todoroki bluntly said and the girls immediately squealed.

Shinso stepped forward, blushed and defeated “They interrogated me too” he sighed as he held my hand “it’s all true, we’ve been dating for nearly a year now and I wanted it to be a private matter but I guess I was also a bit heavy handed on the flirty taunts.”

“Yea, can’t believe everyone had to find out this way” I squeezed his hand “I guess the word was going to get out eventually.”

“I ship this so hard!” Hagakure squealed

“Please don’t-” Shinso and I started to say but was cut off by another squeal.

“Your ship name is the Control Duo!” she hopped and clapped “because you can control anyone with your brainwash and you can control anything and any quirk with your telekinesis and copy! The perfect combo!”

“That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said about our relationship ever” Shinso and I said in sync “do you see why we kept things secret?”

“They even synchronize! Why aren’t we like that?” Kirishima said to Bakugo.

“Ugh, want warp outta here?” I groaned

“Yes please! I just wanna eat in peace.” Shinso said as we did our little ‘chest bump to teleport’ thing to warp us to the classroom to get our packed food.

“Man I wish I had a girlfriend that’d transport me out of situations” Kaminari sighed “they’re so lucky to have fallen for each other, they oddly make a cute couple, don’t you think Iida-kun?” he turns to where Iida was standing but he wasn’t there. “What the? where did he go?”

Iida was at the 2nd floor of the school, looking out of the window to see the couple eating under the tree in the patio. “What does he have that I don’t” he sighed in defeat “she’s too good for him, my turn will come next!”

Time passes and it’s 2 weeks before graduation, preparations to move out were on their way for the couple.

-Hero Dorms, Sunday evening-

“Shinso, what’s with the boxes?” Iida said as he passed by Shinso’s room and stopped “move out day isn’t until 4 days before graduation.”

“I know but I’m getting my stuff ready because, well” he motioned for Iida to come in and close the door “Don’t tell anyone but I’m moving in with Ita in this nice house in a protected community.”

“What?” Iida whispered

“Yea it’s hard to believe but it’s a great place and it’s close to where I’m going to be placed to work” he stuffed his books in the propped up box “she offered me to co-habit with her in July and of course I said yes. We officially move in the day after New Years but I’m getting a head start on packing so I can have things ready to go.”

“So what about the days leading up to the move in?” Iida questioned 

“We’ll be staying at my parent’s house until then” he placed the last book in the box “they’ll finally meet her! And then we’ll be living together” he sighed “I can’t wait to just wake up in our shared bed and have her next to me, every morning, forever.”

“Forever? Are you planning to marry her?!” Iida chopped as he asked.

“Marriage? Nah, I don’t like putting labels on us” he scoffed “we’re just forever partners, besides, we haven’t had that talk yet so who knows.”

“Right, well I’ll leave you to your packing” he turned to leave “I wish you the best on your move in.” Once he got to his room, his mood changed drastically. He wasn’t nice and patient Iida, he was jealous and bitter Iida. “How could she not ask me? I’m never going to get my chance if he moves in with her! I’d never disrespect her like that, I’d marry to proclaim my love for her!” he mumbled to himself “She deserves better, she should be with me!” This resentment grew and grew as the days went by until finally he couldn’t contain it anymore.

-Move out day, Sunset-

“Oh wait Hitoshi” Palma stopped walking before remembering what she’s been meaning to do “I need to invite Tenya.”

“Alright, I’ll wait for you in the commons area” Shinso said as he saw her stamper off to Iida’s room.

She knocks on the door “Who is it?”

“It’s me, Ita”

“Come in!”

She opens the door to see a nearly cleared out room “Oh dang, you’re almost done” she closes the door behind her “wanna take a break and come with me to the carnival at the school?”

“The carnival? Oh the intel one!” he exclaimed “I’d love too, let me just put on my shoes.”

“Cool! I got my little squad of you, Mimi, Jin, Hitoshi ready to go and-”

“Wait, it’s not just us?” Iida stopped reaching for his shoes.

“Well, no, I wanted to go as a group so I can have one last high school memory with yall before I leave to take my exam in 2 days”

“Then I won’t go if Shinso is going too” 

“Why? What’s wrong?” she got suspicious “you’ve been distant lately, did something happen?”

“It’s just that” he tightened his fists “you’ve been hiding things from me like you don’t trust me! How can you call me your friend, chosen family, if you don’t tell me everything?!”

“What are you talking about?!”

“About you and Shinso moving in together!” he raised his voice “do you not trust me with that?”

“How am I supposed to tell you anything if you’re always busy?!” she clapped back “you’re my friend and I won’t disrupt your time to get things done to tell you something because I want us to converse about it when I tell you.”

“Well, then maybe we shouldn’t be friends!” he exploded whatever he had pent up.

“Tenya what are you-”

“Put some respect on my name! Last name to address me Palma-san!” he loomed over her with anger in his eyes, clearly not himself.

“Let’s talk this out, please tell me what’s wrong” she pleaded “this isn’t like you and I’m scared, talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to be said here!” he turned to finish packing “leave or I’ll throw you out.”

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong!”

“You’ve always been the disobedient one” he picked her up, opened his door and tossed her out like rag doll before slamming his door closed. The noise got the attention on everyone in the hall and commons room.

“Palma-san!” Tokoyami rushed over to her side “are you alright? what happened?”

“I don’t know” she was in shock “Tenya just threw me out of his room when I tried to talk things out.”

“That doesn’t sound like him” Shoji said as he picked her up “I’ve never heard him yell like that to you, what did you say?”

“I just asked him to come with me to the carnival and it escalated from there.”

“Babe” Shinso said in a monotone voice

“Yeah?” she responded and froze in place.

“Stand up and come here” he commanded as she walked into his arms “I’m going to take care of things here, don’t worry about us.” He commanded her until they were at the carnival. Palma couldn’t enjoy herself because the argument was still fresh in her mind. “Hey, don’t sweat it babe” Shinso comforted her as they rode the ferris wheel “give it time and I’m sure he’ll own up to what happened.”

“I hope so” she loosened up and sighed “because I don’t get why he got so hostile” she put her head on his shoulder “thanks for keeping me together.”

“No problem love” he rested his head on hers “soon we’ll have better days, together.”

-Labyrinth test day, End of the school day, Hero Wing-

“Oh this just in class” Aizawa paused his lecture to see the text on his phone “Miss Palma passed her exam, unscathed.” The class exploded in cheer and sighs of relief. “She’ll be back tomorrow before the end of the school day to take her exam, please contain your congratulations until she finishes her exam tomorrow” Aizawa puts his phone back on the table “now back to what I was saying...”

Shinso peers behind him to see Iida staring at the empty desk between them, that was really bothering him, especially since Iida hasn’t apologized. After class, Shinso confronted him in the hallway.

“Iida-kun, may I have word with you?” Shinso got his attention by blocking his way.

“What can I do for you?” Iida fixed his glasses, glaring back at Shinso.

“You can start by apologizing to Ita” Shinso crossed his arms “you have some nerve to treat your friend like that.”

“How can you talk to me about her when you knew I loved her first” Iida clenched his jaw “she was mine and you took her away from me! I don’t even see why she’d choose you over me!”

“You hurt her because of her choice?” Shinso raised his voice “she told me you made it clear that you’re friends and nothing more.”

“She’s the literal love of my life” tears formed in Iida’s eyes “I had plans with her, I was going to tell her how I feel but it’s hopeless now” he takes slow steps forward “I’m a better man than you! She deserves better!” He shoves Shinso.

“Why hurt her then?!” Shinso regains his balance “I won’t fight you Iida-kun, but she has made her choice and as her friend, you should respect that!”

“Easy for you to say” Iida huffed “you’re the one that’s going to wake up to her everyday!” he throws a heavy punch to Shinso’s shoulder, escalating everything into a full blown fight. They didn’t get away with this, though, Nezu and Aizawa had them separated until graduation since it was their first offense and very close to graduation. Everyone knew about the fight by the dinner time, including Ita. When she came back and did her exam, she was terrified of Iida and even more confused on why he’s like this now.

-Graduation day, in the intel dorms-

“Look at us!” Mimi exclaimed as she watched me smooth over my now short, curly hair “in our country’s traditional wear, we did it!”

“I’m just excited to final be not be responsible for those twinks!” I joked “can’t wait to just live my wildest, domestic life with Hitoshi.”

“To think we’re going to be living in the same community” Jin said over his garment fastening “what adventures are going to await us after this!”

We finish getting ready and portal into the auditorium to get to our seats. After a lot of speeches, awards came next.

“May all of our graduating international students come up to the stage?” Nezu announced and waited for everyone to get on stage “these students came from far and wide, away from family and are graduating at the top hero school in Japan” the crowd applauded “but one of them has stood out the most, they’ve excelled in everything they’ve been given and went beyond plus ultra to help their fellow student. Not only that, but is a top 3 in their program!” Nezu motioned for Midnight to bring out the plaque “It’s none other than Itati Palma from the United States of America, Bear tamer, Commanding Officer and Talented young lady.” The crowd roared with cheers and clapping as she received her award.

“Oh geez, wow thank you UA and thank you to my fellow international student for their hard work, we did it!” I look at my plaque and smile “I have something to confess, I’m here not by choice, but by duty. I was nearly killed in my home community because I didn’t want to see my friends or teachers hurt by organized crime. And with no hero culture to save us, I put my life on the line when I should’ve fled. I’m not a hero and I’m not an agent, I am bravery that ignited the duty in the hearts of many to continue the fight back home. I work hard for them so when I do return home, we could finally put a stop to the terror that oppresses us.” I scan the room “I want all of you, future heroes, agents and business moguls alike, to make the promise that you’ll continue your fight to spark the will and bravery to make our community a safer place to live, thank you!”

More talking and naming us one by one for our diplomas later and we were finished. I saw a whole lot of that button tradition happening and cringed at the fact that I got some before. I spotted Iida walking toward the parking lot and ran after him.

“Ten- Iida! Hey!” 

“Hm? Oh Palma-san” he said flatly, like he wasn’t excited to see me “you cut your hair.”

“Yeah, it’s what I do after completing something” I peer over his shoulder to see his parents and brother talking to other parents “oh sorry if I was interrupting your family time but I just wanted to say that I hope you have nice holiday and to not be a stranger and text or call me every once in a while.”

“That won’t be necessary” he turned to leave “we aren’t friends anymore, I thought I made that clear.”

“Oh I see” my smile disappeared and my heart ached from his words “maybe fate will-”

“Good bye Palma-san” he said without looking at me and walked toward his family to leave.

“Bye” I weakly waved him off but it was in vain as he just fully ignored me.

“What a jerk!” Jin exclaimed behind me “like what is his problem?! Can’t even say good bye to you like a decent human? I swear I had a bad feeling about him.”

“You okay babygirl?” Mimi put her hand on my shoulder, I didn’t respond “let’s forget him and go for a nice smoke sesh.” She carried me to Shinso and we all smoked before having to part ways until we moved in.

The days rolled by slowly, even though I was very comfortable with Shinso and being under the same house with his family, I still was hurt by all things Iida said. I know it was wasn’t like him to say all that and pick fights, it felt like it was all my fault and I didn’t know what I did wrong. Shinso was there to make me forget about all my worries and refocus on the now.

-Move in day-

“...and here’s the keys to the place” my caseworker hands over a ring of labeled keys “oh before I forget! An update from home.”

“Oh cool, um Hitoshi, will you-” I started to say but Shinso knew what to do.

“I’ll be upstairs, setting up the office space” he rubbed my back “come up when you’re done.”

“What a considerate one you got yourself” the caseworker waited for him to be out of earshot “but anyways, it looks like nothing has changed but they’ve stopped spreading their territory. Its massive but still away from your family, but just in case, we’ve put your family under a no travel lock.”

“Oh that’s not good” I worried “how come?”

“With all the activity, we can’t have your family traveling outside the upstate county in case of targeting” she pulled up photos “they’ve targeted that boy you were with, we’ve lost track of him but we’re not sure if he died or escaped. Last sighting was him running in the middle of the night with just a backpack, trying to train car jump. We suspect he caught a train heading to Los Banos.”

“To El Rancho county?! How long ago was this?” I was perplexed by that part as he doesn’t like rancho anything.

“3 weeks ago, but his family didn’t put a missing persons report on him” she sighed “I think they encouraged him to run away from the violence.”

“I believe that” I said as I looked at a security camera quality picture of him jumping onto a box car “I hope he’s alright then.”

“We do too, and that completes our update” she gathers the pictures “I’ll get out of your hair to continue moving in and such.”

“Thank you so much, I hope I hear soon from you” I handed back the picture. They left and I headed up to where Shinso was “Hey, need help with the desk?”

“Nah I got it” he said as he looked up from the printed instructions “everything okay?”

“Yeah, everyone’s fine. It’s just that my family can’t come see me for a while” I sighed deeply and crossed my arms “and one of my friends ran away from home to escape the violence, I just hope they’re alright.”

“Aw babe, come here” he stands up and brings her in for an embrace “life hasn’t been fair for you in a while but I’m here, don’t worry about the big stuff. You’re here, safe and very much loved.”

I buried my face in the crook of his neck “You’re right, I can’t keep worrying myself like this, I love you.”

The weeks turned into months, things back home didn’t get better nor worse and I felt myself have something missing from my life. But I really couldn’t figure it out.

-Downtown Sumida, after work-

“My legs are killing me!” Jin groaned “honestly, who’s idea was it to enable the quirk suppress field when my job relies on my quirk?!” we all sit at the local tea shop for some boba “but I’m happy we can finally hang out after weeks of just work.”

“Yeah SPEAKING OF WHICH! Did you tell Hitoshi about your admittance?” Mimi perked up “I nearly forgot you applied for the local university!”

“I did and he wasn’t very supportive” I recalled everything he said “we got in a fight over it because he doesn’t like the idea of me being so busy with academics that I’d hardly have time for us. He’s cooled off since then but he’s upset that it’ll change our already busy schedule.”

“Oh I’m sorry he’s being like that” Mimi said as our order came “are things okay with you two?”

“Not to air out our troubles but things aren’t that great” I stab the straw into my drink “he doesn’t want to do the things I suggest nor compromise, we had a future plans talk and he doesn’t want to marry nor own a house but kids are a maybe. Plus on top of all that, he’s been very sexually needy, it was fun for like 4 days but I can’t have him eating me out every-time I lay on the couch or rip my pants off to do me on the kitchen counter when I come home from work!”

Mimi and Jin looked at each other “So what are you going to do?”

“I’m gonna go to college and deny him of unwanted sex” I took a sip “and if he really cares, he’d respect my wishes! Because I want to do things worth-while and our idea won’t launch itself!”

“I love that, you’re making your own happiness” Jin takes a sip “also I can’t believe you’re going to make our silly little high school project into reality.”

“It’s not silly! That little robo dog is still functional after all this time!” I exclaimed “the only thing silly about it is that 3 teenagers made it out of thrift shop electronics and scraps for an A minus!”

“I’m still salty at sensei for that” Jin crossed his arms.

“Point is, we have the potential to make it into a small security companion company. With the increase of working heroes with families, this could be the mediator for their security” I put my hand over theirs “and I’m so happy to have at least you two in support on this venture. Even if there’s a chance we’d flop.”

“I hope we expand big enough to have one of those cool low rise buildings as our headquarters AND have a staff!” Mimi started to get excited “So that way things run smoothly, even if we’re not always there.”

“Woah one step at a time Mimi!” I giggled “for now, lets focus on step number one, credentials to start such a thing.”

“To us, and the future of our success!” Jin raised his drink.

“TO US!” we dinked drinks and laughed.

I got home later with slight dread that Shinso was going to say something about being out a little past than promised. “I’m home.”

“Babe!” Shinso walked up excitedly to me as I closed the door “okay so I know I’ve been sorta a jerk to you about your future plans and we haven’t really pushed past it” he held my hands as he explained himself “I’m just a little afraid that you’ll get lost in your studies that you’ll be rushing yourself to get to other things, so I got something to ground you back on whats important.” He leads me to the living room and points to an open box on the coffee table “take a look.”

I peered in and saw an orange tabby with a leather collar looking back at me and meowed. “You got a cat?!” I nearly lost my shit in excitement.

“Yup, I adopted him from the shelter near my work” he walked up to me “he’s a little over a year old, has all his shots, no quirk and no name until I picked him up” he picked up the cat and flipped the metal tag for me to read “look.”

“HIS NAME IS BISCUIT!” I gushed and almost cried “Hitoshi! We’re pet parents, I’m literally crying!” I cry with a smile and pet the cat’s head.

“I thought you might like him” he chuckled as he kissed my cheek “he’s the new edition to our family...along with Muffins.” he said as he caught a glimpse of the little robo dog manually adjust the thermostat.

In that moment, a sort of forgot all the rough patches and re-aligned myself to be the best so I can give a good future to my expanding family.....nothing will go wrong, right?    

-Chapter 32, End-

<Previous - Next>               

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Ch. 8 - I’d rather these ball sacks havers had haverballsacks.

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it.  Her husband is in charge of the Supernatrual Police (BUR) so he’s going to Scotland about it.

Alexia is also going north to help her husband with a crew crafted for a comedy. and oh boy I can’ts wait.

Chapter 8 – I’d rather these ball sacks havers had haverballsacks.

             The next day they touch-down on Scottish soil and immediately Maccon is there.  He was on his way, smelled her…what near 2,000 feet in the sky and just followed the dirigible until it landed. Yeah okay sure suspension of disbelief or whatever. You know what I’m not going to suspend my disbelief for? The fact that apparently all werewolves, including Maccon travel in wolf form and only bring a basic cloak to hide their nudity with when they transform.  Apparently all places just have outfits, for every conceivable body type and size, set aside in case they have werewolf visitors.  I guess they’ll all just have to never bring any food, weapons, paperwork, books, toothbrushes, gifts, or literally anything else when they travel. That seems highly practical. 

He could just hold a bag in their mouth or give him a doggy back-pack.  Hell, since this is a fantasy, I might suspend my disbelief if you told me that these ball sack havers had haverballsacks which were just infinity scrotums that they can literally pull whatever they felt like out.  I KNOW THIS IS A DUMB STICKING POINT BUT SHE PURPOSEFULLY MADE IT SUPER UNPRACTICAL AND FOR NO FUCKING REASON RRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!

So back to reality, Ivy officially rejects Tunstell.  Tunstell then starts flirting back with Felicity and being mean to Ivy.  Okay sure. LeFoux convinces the crew she should go with because the pack they’re going to see (Kingair) has a broken aethographor she says she’ll fix.   By broken aethographor she means women, and by fix she means fuck.

I don’t believe I said it in full yet, but the spanker ship I mentioned earlier was housing the Kingair clan of werewolves.  The humanization seems to follow these werewolves who can’t change shape, and it seems to have started when there Alpha mysteriously died. Maccon used to be Alpha of this pack but mysteriously moved over to his current pack by killing the leader there. So off to the center of the mystery everyone!

When they get to the big old dingy castle, there is a huge middle aged tough-ass Scottish woman telling them to piss off.  Maccon says he’s there for BUR (the supernatural police) and not cause he used to be the Alpha there.  She seems cool with this, despite having obvious animosity to him personally.  Her name is Sidheag.  Alexia instantly endears herself to everyone by remarking very loudly that the castle is filthy.  When Sidheag threatens to throw her in the rain again, Alexia says if Sidheag would mind if she would do some dusting.  This ~endears~ her to Sidheag.  I suppose anybody else would think she’s a rude spoiled little shit but its protags the best day here in shitty self-insert novel #84zillion.

Half the people in the clan seem to hate Maccon, while the other half like him. Also a weird moment where Maccon introduces his whole merry band but totally leaves out Angelique…and I’m pretty sure the only reason is that the author forgot.  She’s the slave of the group anyway HAHA!

We also learn that Sidheag is apparently Maccon’s great-great-great granddaughter.  Alexia is not happy that Maccon was previously married before he was a werewolf and had living descendants that she doesn’t know about.  4 things about this:

1.)    I couldn’t be less surprised. Maccon literally says nothing to Alexia besides, “You’re unbearable, let’s have sex woman.”   We’ve all known he’s a fucking sack of dogshit.

2.)    None of these relations attended Maccon’s wedding? Do they ALL hate him? That bodes well, and also isn’t surprising because I believe we have established he is a pile of puppy poop.

3.)    I can forgive it, but it’s irritating to me that Alexia had never got sexual tingles, or kissed another boy before they got married. However Maccon? 100s of lovers and his spawn litter the Scottish country-side. I don’t think it was the author’s intent to wave that huge double standard around but it just bugs me.

4.)    The reveal about how Sidheag is related to Maccon would have been a MUCH BETTER CLIFF-HANGER AND ENCOUNTER!

Imagine, if you will, the crew goes to the castle looking for Maccon, they run into a hostile Sidheag, Alexia introduces herself as Lady Maccon and it instantly sets off Sidheag.  Perhaps calling Alexia a trollop, and says that Maccon is HER last name as well.

DUN DUN DUN! GOOD CLIFFHANGER!

We open up the next chapter with an Alexia/Sidhaeg scuffle, Alexia perhaps assuming that Sidheag is Maccon’s ex-wife or maybe even a current wife. That TRASHMAN!  AREN’T THESE BOOKS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN? MORE ACTION PLZ!  However before anybody is seriously injured Maccon intervenes after he heard a gun go off and settles the dispute with the truth.

So back to this sad reality. Maccon goes to talk with the Beta of the pack and the rest of the crew settle into their rooms.  Alexia overhears Felicity asking Tunstell if she’s ~safe~ since they have rooms next to each other.

*YUCK BARF*

Tunstell does probably what I would have done, GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE!

Alexia has the brilliant idea of hiding her bag (which was attempted to be broken in before) in Ivy’s room.  She convinces Ivy this is a good course of action by saying that she’s hiding a gift she got for Maccon in the bag. Socks, like really good socks that she needs to check on every now and again.  That’s dumb but fine.  

Alexia goes back to her room to get dressed for dinner. (God that sounds so annoying, why do people like this time period again?)  Maccon shows up and fails to seduce her.  They then have one of their OH SO DELIGHTFUL back and forths. Where basically Alexia tries to ask Maccon about why he leaves without telling her anything? (but tells Lyall) What is going on with the Kingair clan? What’s his history with the Kingair clan? Why he didn’t tell her he used to be married? Why he didn’t think it appropriate to tell her he has great-great-great grandchildren running around? And if he has other great-great-great grandchildren running around?

These are all great questions, and I wish the writer wasn’t such a hack that answering any of them would spoil this or future books.  So the most we get out of Maccon is, “I didn’t tell you because you didn’t ask and you were supposed to have children before you turned into a werewolf.  Also the person who is Beta wolf now, wasn’t Beta under me.”

HAHA GREAT!  Meanwhile Alexia off-handidly mentions she took a tumble (in a really forced way) so Maccon can get mad in turn for her not sharing everything with him.  Alexia does this really annoying thing of pretending to be demure and sweet in order to avoid telling him. Which like,

1.)    Ew

2.)    Maccon is clearly not into the wilting flower business I have no idea why you think acting all coy is going to make him forgive you or whatever.

3.)    Why are you hiding this from him anyway?  She puts herself in danger all the time and Maccon acts like it’s, at best an annoyance. He is shown to have gotten way more upset when she does stuff like ‘Not sit with him at dinner’ and ‘Want to know anything about him.’

But in the end Alexia tells him that she fell off the dirigible but is fine. You know the reason why Alexia tries to hide the ~tumble~ from him by acting like a ninny? It’s to make their two situations seem equivalent when they’re super not.

On one hand we have a woman who didn’t immediately tell her husband about a dangerous situation she was in, even though it only happened the day before, and she wasn’t injured.  She, when pressed, tells him about it.

On the other hand Maccon leaves her totally in the dark about a lot of relevant information about his past, present, and the current situation they’re in. Also Maccon doesn’t properly answer any of her questions. He just dodges it and shirks responsibility the entire time. Yet we’re made to believe that they are equals in the relationship with matching baggage. BULLSHIT! Like in all these dumb fuck titles, the man has vastly more power and we feign female empowerment because the woman pouts at this injustice even if nothing fucking changes. This is summed up best with the last lines of this chapter.

“Are you going to tell me the real reason you came back to Scotland Do not think you have thrown me off the scent so easily.”

“I never doubted you, my sweet demure little Alexia.”

Lady Maccon gave him her best, most fierce, battle-ax expression, and they went down to dinner.

THAT’S HOW THE CHAPTER ENDS!  He just doesn’t answer and the author just moves the plot forward on clumsy legs regardless.

Say something nice Faps:

Sidheag is cool. I hope she’s not ruined.

Castles are cool.

The sock back and forth between Alexia and Ivy was actually kinda cute and funny. Even if it was dumb as hell.

[dangerwatson]

            SO, MS. WATSON. YOU WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

It’s ya girl Lin back on my ‘ let’s cry about a beautiful woman together ’ bs. Here’s MJ ! It’s long, but that’s to have all her relevant information in one place should you ( or me more than likely ) need to hit it up for future reference. I’m excited to have her here ya’ll.

BASICS.

Given / Birth Name : Mary Jane Watson Nickname / Preferred Name : MJ, Red Alias(es) : N/A Birthdate / Age : June 19th 1991 / Twenty - Seven Place of Birth : Montoursville, Pennsylvania Current Location : Little Italy, NYC Gender Identity : Cis Female Sexual / Romantic Orientation : Disaster Bisexual Ethnicity / Race / Cultural Heritage: African - American && German Marital Status : Single Occupation : Field Reporter && Political commentator for Weekly Review Religious Beliefs : Agnostic. Raised Christian.

CHARACTERISTICS.

Height : 5′8″ Weight : 135 Body Type / Build : Entirely Average. Could stand to go to the gym, but honestly who has that kind of time. Don’t compare her to fruit she hates that. Eye Color : Green  Hair Color / Texture : Auburn. Worn natural, 4b curls and all. Sometimes braided, sometimes weaved, sometimes in bantu knots or covered by headscarves. She’s very particular with her hair - touching it can and will lead to physical harm against the perpetrator if unwelcome. Recognizable Features / Scars : Big ol’ dimples and a slight cleft chin. Dusting of dark freckles across nose and chest. Speech Patterns / Accent : Has a deeper voice, boarding whisky worn. Because she’s moved around the majority of her childhood MJ has no discernible accent, giving her a modulated tone that’s perfect for clear annunciation across media platforms. Languages Spoken : English, French, ASL Powers / Skills / Abilities : No powers, however MJ has a nose for good stories, and tends to follow wherever they take her.  Overall Health : Good.

RELATIONSHIPS.

Order of Birth : Youngest Number of Siblings : 1 Father’s Status + Relationship : Phillip Watson, alive. An abusive alcoholic, former High School English teacher. No relationship amends have been made. Mother’s Status + Relationship : Madeline Watson nee Rains, deceased. A starry eyed dreamer, former actress turned stay at home mother. Left Phillip after he struck Gayle, bounced both children through various family members. Passed away shortly after from congenital heart failure exacerbated by stress and lack of access to treatment. Sibling Status + Relationship : Gayle Watson, older sister by almost five years. Unlike MJ, continued to have a relationship with their father. Married her schoolyard sweetheart and had two children. He divorced her around the same time MJ graduated high school, leaving both sisters ( and her nephews ) living under Aunt Anne’s roof. They’re nearly estranged. When she visits her aunt and nephews, both sisters make a point of keeping their conversations short -- if they happen at all. Loyalty / Affiliation : Outwardly neutral, though subject to change behind closed doors.

PERSONALITY.

MBTI : ESFJ Hobbies : Dancing. Doesn’t matter where, when, why or how. Catch her pulling an n*sync routine in her living room at 4 PM on a Tuesday. MJ also has a knack for exploration. There are a lot of ( read : free ) things to do around the city and magically finds them all. Who cares if you have no interest in the Fungi Festival, there are booths everywhere for a quick way to kill an afternoon. Tried needlework one afternoon, didn’t stick and now there’s an abomination of mutant looking cats hanging above her bathroom door. Bad Habits : Smoking. Fixing / hyper - focusing on her hair when uncomfortable or stressed. Jumping head first into the dating scene only to find out it’s the shallow end. Providing 20 second long fart sounds whenever someone asks “how are you?” Taking care of others before taking care of herself. Three Positive Traits : The silent Mom Friend. Allow me to explain : MJ is traditionally that bitch^tm making sure you get home okay after hanging out, she ensures your soul is as well nourished as your body. For all of her outward party-girl aesthetics and a forced mean girl perception on her by others, she makes sure her friends are in good headspaces. That they feel encouraged to follow their ambitions and ultimately celebrate every success no matter the size. It’s the type of selflessness that she’d wanted for herself growing up, so I’ve labeled it as her BEST trait. She’s incredibly outgoing. An extrovert through and through, getting her battery charged by being around people. It’s what makes her an attractive personality. When in a battle of small talk, MJ not only listens and remembers those small shared details but she knows how to keep the conversation going without making it seem like a chore. I love how in tune she is like that, girl vibes hard with new and old friends alike. Finally, MJ would make a professional bargain hunter blush. She grew up poor and as a direct result is extremely careful about what she’s doing with money. And yes, being financially responsible during these trying times as a Millennial trying to earn that bread is pretty much a given good quality. We all wish it wasn’t, but here we are. Three Negative Traits : MJ is stubborn to a fault. When she digs her heels into something it’s hard to get her to stop until a desired outcome is achieved ( or undesired, event depending ). While this is usually reworded as a positive asset —- being so DRIVEN and MOTIVATED —– that’s simply not the case with her. She’s lived through all consequences resulting from this inability to budge and none of the supposed rewards. Been fired from more jobs than she’d care to admit for telling former bosses where to shove unrealistic worker expectations, or coworkers where they can file passive aggressive bullpucky. She’s also incredibly stunted emotionally. As mentioned, she’s a silent Mom Friend, but reciprocation of her actions isn’t met with as much of an openness as one might expect. MJ keeps her feelings to herself, and it usually builds up until she suffers a full scale breakdown triggered by something mundane like … dropping a fry or seeing a lady bug stepped on. Decompressing is a word in her vocabulary, for sure, but it was easier to partake in as a 20 year old than as a near 30 year old with responsibilities and bills to pay. Picky puts it in palatable terms, but MJ knows what she likes and how she likes it. When she doesn’t, then she’ll quickly find a preference. In the meantime we’ll say she’s very particular about what styles she likes to wear, how her make up is, how her hair looks, and over all what image she’s presenting to a general public. It’s a habit she hasn’t been able to shake. Moral Alignment : Neutral Good

ASSOCIATIONS.

One Song : Dead and Lovely - Tom Waits One Quote / Piece of Art : “Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.” One Fear : Following the Watson Women path of horrible no good very bad mistakes and poor life decisions. One Strength : Persistence One Object : Breathe Right Nasal Strips One Place : May’s kitchen One Food : Garlic One Scent : Cinnamon. One Lucky Charm : Old tattered friendship bracelet

-----------------------

Pretty typical “American Dream !” 50′s family dynamic. Everyone looking great in their Sunday best photos, father with a steady job, stay at home mom to save on daycare, two daughters and a stray cat named Sir Stinkybottom.

Father started facing emotional breaking points brought about by lack of what he considered satisfactory income and inbound midlife crisis. Turned to drinking, ( turned into a right train wreck. )

Mary-Jane, Gayle and Maddie hopped from various family member’s couches to crash for a couple of weeks at a time during the separation process from Phillip.  This lasted a year.

Maddie passed away when MJ was around 10 and Gayle 15, Gayle instantly taking up the role of Mother Figure to MJ’s wild child foil. MJ maintains she doesn’t remember all that much about her mother while Gayle remembers everything and that becomes a point of contention. 

Father returns into their life. It’s messy, he eats away at their still developing ego’s like the cancerous human blob he’s chosen to become. Their Aunt Anna, who they live with, intervenes when she can.

Gayle gets the fuck outta there by marrying her high school sweetheart, moving to the midwest and popping out two adorable munchkins named Kevin and Thommy.

MJ has the pleasure of dealing with their dad alone for the next five years. Which she does by a little thing called home avoidance. Garners the reputation quickly as a party girl at Midtown, someone ready to go anywhere and everywhere at any time. 

Began solidly working around fifteen to help Anna out, sometimes in Diners, sometimes in retail. Her ability to sell her brand began early and honed with surgical precision during these years. All currently reflected across media platforms where she became a 2010 influencer ( and paid for little more than modeling ).

Started college at seventeen, typical move. Took 6 years for her to finish as she paid her way through without loans. The last thing MJ wanted when finally breaking out of Queens was a student dept choker. Graduated at 23 with a dual bachelors in journalism and political science.

Bounced between larger broadcasting industries for a few years as an underpaid intern before growing concerned by their lacking criteria. The burnout was real.

Tirelessly sought employment at her favorite ( but SMALL ) news agency. By luck of the draw she was screen tested and hired on for a slot as field reporter.  

She’s been with Weekly Review since. Now having two years under her belt ( still extremely Green in her industry ), she’s pushing for higher scope investigative journalist pieces. And for once, they’re not telling her no.

[theharlequinwriter]

He’s Just like you.

Summary :  you and sam have a bad fight causing you to leave not knowing your pregnant and its a couple years later

Word count : 2,720

triggers: swearing.

“Dean wheres sam”

I stood on my tip toes looking over deans shoulder looking for my tall boyfriend sam.

“He took of with that demon bitch”

I gritted my teeth.

“Ruby”             I hated her more than anything , I knew that she was lying to us about helping dean outta going to hell but of course we couldn’t took a damn angel to save him. I hated how much sam trusted her , I feel like he would chose her over me , so I avoided the question during fights. I sat back on the couch grabbing my food from the brown bag dean had.

“You okay y/n?”

“Im fine why?”

“You seem upset lately maybe a little bitchy”

I pushed deans arm , taking a bite of my burger. We sat watching movies until at least midnight when sam finally came back in the door. Dean and I both turned now looking at sam who stood there as if he had just gotten off work.

“Where were you sam?”

“With ruby babe”

He walked by grabbing his salad pecking me on the cheek. I heard more footsteps and in walks in the demon herself ruby.

“Why the hell are you here demon bitch”

“Watch you’re tone with me hunter skank”

I walked around the couch coming face to face with ruby.

“Lets go bitch”

I pushed her back , sam came grabbing my hand leading me to the kitchen.

“What the hell y/n”

“Really sam”

“What?”

“You brought her here knowing how I feel about her”

“Shes helping me”

“I can help you sam”

“Not like she can”

“Are you sleeping with the bitch or something”

“What no”

“Then what the hell sam , why am I getting the 3rd degree here”

“Shes helping me y/n more than you or dean ever could”

“Wow sam I stayed with you even after dean went to hell ,I stayed when I found out you’re a demon blood junkie , I stayed even when she came”                                                       “No one asked you too y/n”

His hands now clenching into fist.

“I didnt ask you to stay , you did that all on your own”

“What was I gonna do sam , let you go y2k on everyone and everything?”

“I dont know y/n but it would of been easier if you just left”

“Really why so you could fuck her without feeling guilty after , oh im sorry I mean "helping” you"  

“Actually you know what y/n yes okay yes im fucking ruby ,ya happy now , wanna know why? Cause she doesnt bitch all the time , she doesnt need me to protect her , id rather her have my back at least I can depend on her”

“SAM!”

dean yelled stepping between us.

I felt my heart shatter In pieces, I felt tears forming , I didnt want him to see me cry.

I walked away still hearing him yell at dean about how ruby is better for him than me , how maybe I should just go. I went to our room grabbing everything I could , smashing pictures as I walked around the room.

“Okay  sam , hope your happy”

I walked away grabbing my bag and a little money. I gave dean a hug then I walked out the door not looking back.

I finally got to a cheap hotel where I got a single bed for the weekend. I walked inside falling onto the bed tears falling down my face. How could he say that. I took a shower , getting out my phone had a text from dean.

-hey y/n think it finally hit sam your not coming back , he might try call ya Ill let you know if he does anything stupid and dont worry about ruby ill gank her soon-

I didn’t reply i want sam to worry to realize im not going back.

Its been two months since I left, i decided I need to get a apartment in a little town where supernatural things didn’t occur.  I went into the little market buying some food and shampoo oh and pregnancy test.

I got home taking the test , it came back positive only one guy could be the father.

Sam.

I havent slept with anyone else or even looked at another guy I still loved sam.                    

*TWO YEARS LATER*

“Mommy , mommy look”

I got down on knees taking the drawing out of ethans hand.

My son ethan looks just like his father , he has his eyes and hair , his laugh , smile. He makes me miss sam everyday.

“Thats amazing baby , what is it”

Looking at the drawings it was a very tall person with a cape and what look like dogs.

“Its daddy , you said hes saving people from devil dogs , silly mommy”

I put it on the frige placing him in his seat. I gave him his lunch , he always wanted to know about sam ever since he had a play date with a kid who had both his parents. I told him sam was off saving the world from monsters like ghost and devil dogs. He always asked if his daddy was coming home or will he ever see him.

He was so smart for a child his age. After lunch I asked if he wanted to go to the park to play and feed the ducks.

We got in the car buckling ethan into his seat. When got to the park , ethan took off for the swings. I sat on a bench close enough to see but not so close I can’t see my surroundings. Im still a hunter  after all. Ethan was playing tag with some of his friends when another mom came and sat next to me.

“Hey y/n , how are you”

“Im fine susan ,how are you”

“Honestly a little shook up , some fbi agents came to the house asking about murders”

“Creepy”

“Oh my thats them”

She pointed her finger over at two men in suits , walking twords us. I brushed my hair into my face , I turned to her but she was already gone. As they got closer I could hear them banter back and forth.

“Excuse me miss may we ask you some questions”

I sat up looking up at the man who spoke.

“Hi sam”

His jaw dropped as I spoke to him , I flashed a smile , I jumped up hugging dean before reaching out offering sam a hug. He pulled me in hugging me tightly his hands rested on my lower back. I pulled away still having the smell of him fill my nose

“So what’s going on , I havent heard about any murders”

Dean spoke when sam just stood  there with a big smile across his face.

“Happend in the 80’s thinking its a wendigo who went quite”

“You guys still gotta gank it nice or not a monsters a monster right”

“Right”

Dean winked at me before sam cut in.

“So uhh whats new”

“A little this , a litte that”

I didnt tell him about ethan, I didnt need a absent father in his life Sam kept glancing at the ground then back at me.

“We ganked ruby”

“Oh im sorry ”

“Im not ,she was tricking me”

“Oh well cant trust anyone I guess”

“Ive missed you y/n”

“I miss you too sam”

His smile grew bigger.

“Maybe we can get a drink tonight and talk”

“I can’t im sorry”

“Oh you got a boyfriend or something?”

“No ”

Dean now trying to help his brother spoke now giving me his best charm.

“Why dont the three of us go get a drink and talk about getting the band back together”

“Id love to you guys but I cant”

Sam was about to protest when ethan came running from the playground.

“Mommy , mommy I caught a bug”

I picked him up sitting him on my hip.

“Let me see”

He opend his hand showing a dead cricket"

“Its dead hun”

“I know silly mommy , it was scaring lisa so I saved her , like how daddy saved you from monsters”

I kissed his cheek putting him back down , crouching down I grabbed his hand.

“Go say bye we gotta go home”

He smiled running off to say bye, I stood up sam and dean both wide eyed and speechless.  I waved my hand in front of sams face making him snap out of his trance.

“You have a a a a son?”

“Yea his names ethan”

Sam stayed speachless watching ethan run back to us.

Ethan stood by my side , gripping my pant leg tightly. Sam crouched down pulling out his fake fbi badge.

“Hi im sam”

Ethan grabbed his badge.

“Im ethan”

“Tell him your full name ethan”

ethan tucked his head into my leg before looking back at sam smiling.

“My name is Ethan Samuel Winchester”

Sams head shot up looking at me, he stood up trying to figure out what to say.                                        

“Ethan hunny dont forget your toy”

He ran back to the swings where his toy dragon sat in the sand. Sam finally spoke.

“Is he mine?”

“Yes sam , hes your son”

“When did you find out"                    

"Maybe a month and a half after I left”

“Why didnt you call?”

“Didnt think you would care”

I could see tears filling up his eyes. Ethan walked over , picking him up I gave sam and dean quick hugs before walking to my car , shaky and on the verge of tears.

*sams pov*

Dean and I just killed off the 90 year old wendigo. Dean decided we had a crazy day so the bar was the perfect place to go. We sat down at a table near the back , dean ordered 6 shots of whiskey , 3 for each , and two beers one for each. As we drank my mind kept snapping back to y/n and our son.

“Sammy?”

I snapped out of my day dream to dean cheersing me with his shot.

“So you’re a daddy sam”

“Im not a dad im just the biological father , I wasnt there for anything”

Dean downed his other two shots , so did I. He raised he hand asking for 3

More rounds. We were in the middle of our 3 or was it 5th round with jack when I finally yelled.

“Why the fuck didnt she call me dean? Ya know just be like oh hey sam im pregnant with your child just fyi or a text something”

“You told her to go sam , told her you wanted ruby , that you were cheating on her with ruby , that you wished she left , you made her feel worthless , unloved , unwanted , you were so jacked up on demon blood you didnt care when she walked out the door”

I buried my face in my hands , dean was right , it was my fault she never came back or called , I dont blame her for hiding him from me.

Dean cleared his throat.

“She clearly tells the kid about you”

I looked up at him , feeling tears build behind my eyelids.

“What?”

“She tells the kid about you I mean you didnt hear him say he saved the girl from the bug like his daddy saved her”

My heart beat hard agianst my chest. I had to see her ,tell her everything. I stood up but dean pushed me back into my seat.

“2 more rounds”

After we drank I felt the room spinning , my thoughts jumbled between y/n and ethan , and more alcohol. I walked outside feeling the cold air hit my face.

“Cas!”

I yelled when I heard the sound of wings I turned to see 3 cas’s , he spoke but I couldn’t hear him.

“T-t-t take me to y/n”

Next thing I knew I was infront of a little white house.

*y/n pov*

*BANG BANG*

I ran to the door , it was 2 am who the hell is banging at my door this late. I opened the door to find a very drunk , very sad sam.

“Sam?”

He smiled pulling me to his chest.

“Y/n!!”

I took him inside sitting him on the couch handing him a water bottle.

“Sam what are you doing here?”

“This right here ”

He patted his hands on the couch.

“Is where im meant to be”

“Sam please dont”

“Please just listen”

I sat next to him making sure we didnt touch.

“Y/n im so sorry for how I acted , for what I s s s said , ruby was a lying bitch just l l like you said. She tricked me into horrible things I never had sex with her , I never even looked at her like that , I was so junked up on demon blood that I didnt see that you were what I needed , w w what I need baby.”

I saw tears falling from his eyes now when he spoke.

“Baby you are my world , and we have a son ,  , I dont blame you for keeping him from me, but I I can’t , wont miss anymore of his life or yours , I need you back y/n , im so sorry so so so sorry”

He was now full on crying , I could tell dean had gotten him drunk so he could say how he felt. He looked back at me , his eyes blood shot and his     breath smelling of whiskey.

“He has your eyes sam”

“Really?”

“Yeah , he is just like you more and more everyday”

I felt tears falling down my face.

“Sam you can come back but you have to be here , I wont let you hurt ethan”

“I wont ever hurt eaither of you”

His hands grabbed mine pulling me to him so now I was sitting on his lap facing him. He put one of his hands on my lower back while the other rested on my cheek. He closed the gap between us his lips gently touching mine. I kissed back running my hands through his hair making the kiss deeper.

“Ive missed you so much sam”

I helped him upstairs ,letting him sleep in my bed. As I layed next to him , he wrapped his hands around my waist pulling me into his spooning me.

“Does ethan know about me?”

“Yeah he knows you and dean hunting   monsters like ghost and demons but he thinks your a superhero”

I heard his laugh as we fell asleep. I woke up before sam untangling myself from him. I walked downstairs where ethan sat watching his morning cartoons. I called him over to the kitchen sitting him in his chair I went to the frige grabbing things for pancakes.

“Mommy what’s wrong?”

Ethan looked at me smiling

“Nothing baby”

I walked away from my mixing bowl picking ethan up sitting him on my hip. Grabbing my wallet I took the picture of me sam and dean out handing it to him.

“That right there is your uncle dean , hes really brave and the tall guy thats your daddy sam he’s my hero”

Ethan smiled holding the picture, I walked into the kitchen sitting him down on the floor. I heard steps coming from upstairs.

“Ethan hun I have a surprise for you”

His head snapped up looking at me with wonder.

“What is it mommy?”

“I want you to look at that picture real close”

As he squinted his eyes , sam came down standing at the walk way into the kitchen.

“Now ethan look up”

Ethan looked up from the picture , as his eyes met sam , the biggest smile formed across his face.

“DADDY!!!”

he ran over grabbing sams legs as sam picked him up.

“Daddy your back!”

Sam hugged him tears falling down his face.  His eyes locked onto mine.

“Daddys home now ethan”

After breakfast dean came over so ethan could know his family. As sam and I did dishes his hands grabbed my hips spining me around so now I was face to face with him.

“Y/n I wanna be a family”

“We are sam”

“I wanna make it offical”

He reached into his pocket pulling out a ring.

“I know its not much but will you marry me ?”

“Yes sam oh my lord yes”

He kissed me , my hands tangled in jis hair as we parted I could hear ethan and dean.

“Ew mommy and daddy are kissing”

“I know right gross”

I smiled at sam , knowing he will always be there for ethan and I

[austinpanda]

Gallbladder Surgery, with Firefly

5:00 a.m. - Wake up, make coffee, then realize, “Shit, I can’t have anything to eat or drink.” And Zach won’t have any coffee, because he’s both empathetic, and nervous on my behalf, so a whole pot of coffee went to waste. I hate that.

6:05 a.m. - Stacy shows up! She’s going to do the driving. She has brought with her a gift for me, a plush gallbladder holding a handful of pretty stones it created. Basically my sister is the shit.

6:15 a.m. - Stacy, Zach and I head for Seton Southwest Hospital on FM 1826. That “FM” stands for “farm to market” which makes it sound like my hospital is in the middle of a cow pasture, but this is not so. It’s actually a pretty busy part of southwest Austin. They said there’d be plenty of parking, and they were right! Since it’s not yet 7:00 a.m. when we get there, we pretty much have the whole place to ourselves. And it’s not an emergency room, so the reception area has no one in it when we show up.

6:50 a.m. - The receptionist (who is almost certainly not called that, maybe she’s a nurse?) is curly-haired and ebullient, a bit too much for this early in the day, but it beats grumpy and curt, I suppose. She cheerfully takes my driver’s license, my insurance card and $1607.22. She prints about a hundred stickers with my name and barcodes on them. She isn’t shy about showing us the spiral notebook where she keeps all her passwords written down. Again, though, polite and cheerful!

7:00 a.m. - We take the elevator to the second floor and head for the Day Surgery area. We’re shown to a little three-sided cubbyhole room with the hospital bed, a couple of chairs, a TV and a crucifix on the wall, and stuff starts happening.

[At this point, I begin to lose track of what time things happened, so I’m giving up on that format. I blame the drugs they gave me. The sweet, sweet, wonderful drugs.]

Over the next 90 minutes, I’m seen by numerous people, completing many, many tasks. They put an IV in my left arm. Blood pressure cuff on my right arm, which is never removed until just before I’m discharged. I’m given socks. They have a name: Pillow Paws, and they’ve thoughtfully provided me the XXL-sized ones.

They got me a gown and said to get completely naked and put the gown on. “It ties in the back, so your hiney is going to be sticking out.” “Great.” Once I had it on, Zach advised it was inside out, so I did it again. Put the special socks on. Gave Zach my glasses, my watch, and my wedding ring. Everyone wanted to make sure I was comfortable and not too cold. Everyone was so kind!

They put this stuff that looked like green food coloring in my IV. It’s a dye called, no shit, Firefly. It’s something they can use to illuminate something inside me, for the purpose of making something they’re doing inside me easier to see.

They make a point of asking me the same questions repeatedly. What’s our date of birth? What’s your height? Who’s your surgeon today? And what procedure are we having done? I take great (and undoubtedly insufficiently concealed) pride in whipping out my special English Major Superpowers to give them the exact name of my procedure: Laparoscopic cholecystectomy, with robots and Firefly. (My English Major Superpower is that I took the time to look up the term and teach myself how to say it, because not knowing what my own surgery is officially called would bug the shit out of me.) They laugh. They say, “It not a bunch of robots or anything, just the one robot.”

I notice the same thing I noticed in the Emergency Room at St. David’s: Almost every woman there has a trim waist and a HUGE diamond wedding ring.

At one point, one of the women came into the room to give us The Talk About Pain. She went to great lengths to point out that, not gonna lie, it’s gonna hurt. You’re gonna have, you know, a big incision in your belly button, and that’s right at your core, so everything you do, every move you make, every breath you take, every leaf you rake, etc. is going to hurt a bit. I’m just saying, gotta be honest with you about this, we can do a lot to make the pain tolerable, but we can’t make it go away completely, so...yeah, there’s gonna be some pain. You’ll notice it especially when you sit down or stand up, or cough, or try to lift something, so don’t. The idea with the pain medications is to keep the pain from getting up to 8 by keeping it down at about a 3 or 4 proactively. She said: you’ll take your pain meds every six hours. Do not skip a dose because it’s in the middle of the night. You don’t want to wake up with the pain at an 8. Set an alarm and take the overnight dose, without fail.

The TV in the room just happened to be showing a movie I loved as a child, and hadn’t seen in decades: Halloween II. I used to watch this over and over when we first got cable TV as an adolescent. This movie was my introduction to the song, “Mr. Sandman,” which was its end theme. It honestly felt a little bit magical to be seeing Halloween II while waiting for my surgery. This may sound banal, but it gave me hope, when I hadn’t realized I needed some. Movies do that kind of thing to me.

More questions. Date of birth. Surgeon’s name. What’s the procedure? Laparoscopic cholecystectomy with one damn robot and Firefly juice. Am I a little bit loopy? Must be the Versed they gave me. Not sure why they give me this. The stated purpose is to relax me, but the unstated purpose seems to be that it gives you amnesia, so you don’t remember anything that happens next. Oh well. I was relaxed, and I don’t remember shit, so I guess it worked, and I guess I’m okay with it.

The surgeon came. He said, “Hey, how’s it going, just doing some paperwork here, we’ll get started soon, everything looks good, any questions, kay I’m outta here, see you the operating room, can someone get me a Campari and soda?” (I made up that last thing.) Then the anesthesiologist came, and while Stacy observed that he had a really rich, deep voice, I don’t remember that at all. All I remember was having to ask, “So...if I’m something of a professional-grade pot head, you know, is that going to interfere with--” He was already smiling and shaking his head before I finished the question. Normally I don’t like my questions being dismissed so glibly, but this was, in fact, the answer that I was hoping for. “No, it’s not going to cause any problems. You won’t wake up during the procedure.” Maybe I woke up lots of times, and the Versed made me forget them! Didn’t think of that, didja, tough guy?

Finally, it was time. As they wheeled me out, Zach (the guy I married) had them stop so he could give me a kiss. He said later that it felt weird, us being two big gay homosexuals, kissing in front of everybody, but it felt great that he did it. A couple of women took me to the operating room. I asked, “The boil-water restrictions just lifted yesterday...how did everybody scrub in for surgeries when that was happening?” I have no recollection of her answer at all.

In the emergency room, the first thought that hit me was, “Money, money, money. All the money. I’m surrounded by millions and millions of dollars worth of medical equipment.” Being lower middle class makes you conscious of when you’re sitting next to something that’s worth more money than you’ll make in your whole lifetime. Where does this happen? Museums and hospitals.

I scooted off my bed onto the surgery table while they laid me flat and started getting me ready. I assumed the (and this is the name of a Soundgarden song) Jesus Christ pose, with my arms outstretched, like I was being horizontally crucified. I looked right, saw my arm had a strap holding it to the arm rest, then looked left and saw the same thing.

They asked, “How we doin?” And I said, “I’m good! Except now that I know my arms are tied down, my nose itches.” So, and this is why I love nurses, they scratched my nose. I repaid them with happy sounds and a hearty, “THAAANK you!”

Then they put the breathing mask on. I didn’t sense that anything was coming out of it, and I didn’t get the result I’d anticipated, which was, “Count down from one hundred.” “Okay, ninety-zzzzzzzzzz.” What they said was, “Now take deep breaths, deep as you can...deep as you can. The last patient was able to take breaths about twice as deep.” And I thought, seriously? You’re going for my nuts at a time like this? And the other woman said, “Well, the last one was a meditation expert.” Fine. Whatever, dude. BIG DEEP BREATHS while I waited for the lights to go out. It wasn’t instantaneous, until it was. I took a deep breath, and woke up an hour or so later in the recovery room with a woman puttering around me.

Her name was Kathleen, and that’s about all I remember of her. I’m sure she told me things and I responded, but I don’t recall what was said. I wasn’t in pain, but I could feel that a few things weren’t like they were before. (Later I realized it was the stab wound in my belly button and the sore throat. More about that in a bit.) I remember being more comfortable than I’d ever been in a bed in my whole life. I knew my feet were sticking out the bottom of the bed, because I’m tall, and that felt great, too! I felt half weird, half great. Anesthesia is just the best.

The fog lifted, gradually. Kathleen puttered, made notes, talked to me, people walked by. Before long, Kathleen said I was recovering nicely and wheeled me back into the pre-op room, where Stacy and Zach were waiting. Apparently I was more alert and lucid than they anticipated. I attribute this to my life-long ah...efforts to appear alert and lucid while fucked up. They were paying off now, dangit! I was not hurting. I was pleased that it was over, because I knew it must have been boring for them to wait.

Over about another hour, they did all the things they do after the surgery. How are you feeling? You sound good. Want some water? (Ohmygod, yes. I’d been fasting since the previous midnight.) The surgery went well! You’re really recovering quickly! I seemed to be their ideal patient, and it was sweet of them to say so. It’s not that I was pleasant and funny, although they did really like the gallbladder plush, which I took with me. It’s that they liked how smoothly everything had gone, and how quickly and chipperly I seemed to be recovering.

The surgeon spoke with Stacy and Zach after the surgery, and gave them some pictures taken by the surgery robot. Apparently, my gallbladder did NOT look good. He could tell it had needed to come out for some time. He showed them pictures, and sent some on his phone to Zach, and then got Stacy’s number and texted her the pictures too, and showed them some of the pics he’d taken on his phone, just like he’d shown me in our first consultation visit. This guy really likes showing you pictures of gallbladders on his cell phone. I hope he’s not taking his dirty-ass cell phone into the operating room.

I marvel that my stomach has been shaved, and I’ve been covered with iodine, which has been cleaned off, leaving an orange stain. My hairless, orange tummy reminds everyone of the president.

Time to leave! IV out, bandaid on, blood pressure cuff off, backless gown off, clothes back on, and yep, just like the movies, they don’t let you walk out. They wheelchair your ass out. I could tell it was time when they said, “Who’s driving? Okay, you’re probably going to want to go now and get the car and pull it up front,” which Stacy did. I thanked the nice lady who wheeled me out for everyone’s hard work and kindness.

On the way home, Stacy said, “Want to get your pain pills from the pharmacy?” And I said, “Sure!” Then I did a body check: I was beginning to feel the stab wound in my belly button. I was really beginning to feel the sore throat, and it was getting unpleasant. So, despite my desire to make this easier for Stacy, since she was working so hard to make things easy for me, I said fuggit, “Um, can I go home instead?” After getting home, Stacy and Zach went to the pharmacy to pick up my Hydrocodones The charge for the 30 pills was just over a dollar. Sometimes insurance is so sweet, I could kiss it! Other times, like those $1607.22 times, not so much.

Now it’s Tuesday and the surgery is more than 24 hours in the past. My belly button hurts like a sonofabitch, but the hydrocodones and the ice pack are keeping it manageable. They make it so that it doesn’t actively hurt when I’m just sitting here; it only hurts when I stand up or sit down or cough.

Next pain pill in 42 minutes. Cautious optimism! :)

[jolienjoyswriting]

The Maze of the Manor, Ch. I

Chapter 1 of "The Maze of the Manor," an Essence of Ragnarok story.

Oh… hi, Mark.  I didn't see you, there. So, I actually wanted to write a completely unrelated story… but, I'm kind of scared that, after all the pre-production work I've done (character models, research, lore, etc.), it wont turn out like I want it to.  So, I've been writing other things, instead. This, in particular, is a story I've been mulling over in my head.  It's one of those "seems like a fun idea, but I've got other things to do" sort of ideas.  But, like I said… I've got cold feet about the story I actually want to write, so I made this, instead.  x:

Word count: 17,853 – Character count: 2,939 Originally written: May 29th, 2019

A pushy bat and a reluctant fox go out to see a spook-house!  Zoinks!

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    “This ain’ what I expected t’ find, at all…!  Of all th’ things ta– un… believable!”

    Joseph softly panted, his ears flicking as he looked up from his… rather compromising position.  Seeing his best friend standing at the door gave him relief… until he realized why she covering her face and shaking her head.  Slowly, he turned his attention back to the person that had led him to being in such a predicament… only to see sweet, red eyes and an innocent, white-furred face… albeit, with some red stains around the mouth… staring back.  It was like they were looking to him for answers, as well.  Unfortunately, all the fox could tell either of them was…     “I– I can explain…  Uhn… I think…?”     The black-furred bat rolled her eyes.  “Oh, this ought’a be good…”     But, what, exactly, happened?  And, how did get to that point…? –––––

    “C’mon, Josey!  It’s Masquerade Week!  What better way t’ join th’ festivities than by goin’ to a real, live, spooky house…?  It’ll be fun!”

    That was the story Jessica sold her companion, the one-eyed, golden-furred fox by the name of Joseph, as she dragged him out of his house.  Truthfully, he really didn’t feel like going out… or, really, doing much of anything.  Two years prior, he’d lost his girlfriend in what could only be described as “a series of injustices.”  It really messed him up in a number of ways, such as leading him to stay indoors more often and lose motivation with his freelance music compositions.  Still, his friends wanted him to get out and have some fun, once-in-a-while – it was “good for him,” they said – and, for-better-or-worse, Jessica was the most adamant about it, often dragging him to one place or another… sometimes, completely against his will…

    “But, I don’t want to have fun!” Joseph protested as he found himself dragged by the arm of his black turtleneck sweater.     “Sure, ya do!” she immediately countered.  “Everyone likes fun!”     “You’re lying!”     “Nuh-uh!” the girl in the turquoise sweater and hip-hugging denim jeans further countered.  “What’s life without a li’l fun?”     “Safe…” was Joseph’s guess.     “Boooring!” was his companion’s correction.  “Now, siddown, strap in, ‘n let’s gooooo!”     “Doesn’t seem like you’re giving me much choice…”     That observation was a little self-evident, all things considered.  She had already pushed him into his car’s passenger seat, pulled the seat belt over, and fastened him in.  Once she slid over the hood of Joseph’s green compact car, she hopped into the driver’s side.     “This’ll be a hoot!” she told him while pulling the key from the fabric rolls of her cowl-neck sweater.  “I promise!”     “If you say so, Jess…”     “Hey… would I lie t’ you?”     Joseph grunted as she started the vehicle.  “Only if it was for a good cause…”     “Exactly!  Now, let’s get’a goin’!”     With that, she pulled out of his driveway and onto the road some meters away.  Not long after, they were on their way to her so-called “spooky house.”

    “Say, Jessie…”     The red-head with the pink fringe hummed to her companion.  Her red-and-green eyes were focused on the road, but her ears pivoted toward him, showing that he had her attention.     “Where did you say this place was?  We’ve been driving for a while…”     “It’s way-way-waaay out ‘n th’ boonies!” was her cheerful reply.  “Ever hear of a place called ‘Talwar Village?’”     “You’re… you’re talking me to Talwar Village?”  Joseph scowled.  “Jessie, that’s… like… almost a day’s drive over!”     “It’s a good thing we’re leavin’ now, huh?”     Joseph looked at the clock on the dashboard.  It read “11:20 AM.”     “No– Jessie, stop the car,” he said as he whipped his head back toward the driver.  “I did not agree to a road trip!  Stop, turn around, go back.”     “Oh, don’t be such a whiner, Josey!  It’s not like ya had someplace t’ be!”     “Jessica, I’m serious.”  He glared at the perky bat.  “Stop.  The car.  Now.”     Jessica didn’t respond to his stern order and just kept on driving while quietly humming a song he recognized as one of his own.     “Stop.  The.  Car.”     Again, she didn’t respond.  Joseph was starting to get angry…     “Jessica U. Ingmann, if you don’t stop this fucking car right now, I will–”     “You’ll what?” she finally snapped.  “Bail?  Yank th’ wheel outta my hands?  Go ‘head!  See what ‘appens, bitch!”     The fox’s ears folding into a somewhat-hostile position and he growled, baring his teeth at Jessica.  Clearly, he didn’t appreciate being encouraged to cause a car accident.

    “Jessica…” he eventually called in a much calmer voice.  “Please.  I don’t want to go on a road trip.  I’m asking nicely… turn the car around and take me home.  Okay?”     At that point, the bat-girl finally glanced his way.     “Gods damn it, Joe…” she said with a sigh.  “Yer such a big baby sometimes…”     “You all-but-kidnaped me to go on some mystery road trip with you, Jess!  You won’t even tell me where, specifically, we’re going!”  He sighed, as well, before calming back down.  “I didn’t want to come and I don’t want to go…  I just want to go back home… where I can’t upset or hurt anyone.”     “Dunno if ya noticed, kiddo… but, if ya ain’t drove me off, by now… nothin’ ya say ‘r do’s gonna bug me, none.”     Joseph blinked, his ears perking.  Jessica was grinning at him.

    “Yer gonna have t’ trus’ me on this trip, Joe.  Ya know I’d never do anythin’ that’d make ya miserable!  ‘cept eat all yer food, that one time.  Buuut, heeey!  I promise, this trip’ll be worth it.  Jus’… ya know… be patient?”     She paused, retrieving a small device from her collar, which she handed over.     “Play some cell phone games ‘f yer bored?  Ya dun have t’ talk ta me ‘n it’s okay ‘f yer mad at me.  Jus’… ya know…  I want’cha t’ see this place.  I been.  It’s worth it.”     “I…  Of course, I trust you, Jess.  It’s just…”  He gave another sigh before looking down at the floor of the car.  “You’re just so impulsive, sometimes…  I barely even had time to get dressed, I didn’t brush my teeth or comb my fur…  I’m surprised you even grabbed my phone.”     “‘course, I did!”  She grinned a little more.  “We migh’ get lost, where we’re goin’!”     “Really.”  When she gave a nod, he lightly chuckled.  “We’ll see, I guess…”     “Tha’s th’ spirit!  Ooh, speakin’ of… hope we see some’a them!”     “I’ll keep an eye out.  And, Jessie?”     Her ears gave a flick.  “Mm?”     There was a brief pause… then, Joseph told her, “Thanks.”     “Oh, dun thank me, love!”  The bat-girl wiggled in her seat.  “I’ve been dyin’ t’ get’cha inta this place!  Watchin’ ya react t’ all th’ obvious spookums is gonna be so much fuuun…!”     “Heh.  If you say so…”  The fox flipped open his phone and booted up a game before telling her, “Just don’t be surprised if my reaction to jump-scares is pretty dull…”     “Weee shaaall seeeee, mwa ha ha ha haaah!”     Her “spooky voice” finally got Joseph to crack a smile… which made her smile even brighter!  She always enjoyed trying to cheer him up, but it really made her day when it worked!

    Time moved on as the numbers on the travel meter added up.  Two pit-stops and dinner at a truck stop delayed their journey ever-so-slightly, but as the sun swung from one side of the sky to the other, they knew they were drawing closer to their destination.  That, and there was a road sign signaling “Talwar Village” being ten kilometers away.

    “Man, when I said this place was ‘almost a day’s drive,’” Joseph commented as he noticed the sky, “I wasn’t thinking it really would be!  But, yeah.  It’s getting dark.  I can see the stars– well, I could see the stars, I mean.  All these trees kind of make it hard.”     “It’s okay, Josey!” the driving bat told him.  “Soon, it’ll be completely dark ‘n ya can look out th’ window at th’ beaaautiful night’s sky right above us!”     “I also kind of forgot that Talwar really was out in the sticks.  Uh, no pun intended.”     Jessica snorted with laughter.  “Suuure, it wasn’t!”     “My brain’s just wired for puns, sometimes – you know that.”     “Mm-hmm, jus’ like my brain’s wired fer tacos.”     The fox tilted his head.  “Uh… I don’t think that’s how–”     “Here’s our turn!”     Joseph hadn’t been full paying attention, but…     “Huh?  Wait.  What did that big sign say?  It looked important.”     “Dun worry ‘bout that, Goldie!  Jus’ settle in fer a long, bumpy ride!”     “What do you mean, ‘a–’ guh-uh-uhh!”

    Before he could finish repeating her thought, he got his answer.  The road had suddenly turned rough and bumpy – and, for good reason!  In the glow of the headlights, Joseph saw that…     “This road isn’t paved.”     “Yep!  Rather, nope!” Jessica corrected herself.     “Jessica…”  Joseph looked at his companion with concern.  “Why isn’t this road paved?”     “‘cuz, it’s a primitive road!” was her overly-simple answer.     “Is this a road…?”  He gave a heavy grunt as the vehicle hit something that made it jump.  “You sure someone didn’t just cut a swath through the woods and call it a day…?”     “This is a recognized road, hun.  It’s even on maps!” she assured him.  “But, it just ain’ maintained by Talwar.”     That made Joseph curious…  “Why not?”     “Well… it’s partly ‘cuz th’ owner’a this land won’t give th’ township permission…  ‘e kinda jus’ wants t’ be left to ’is lonesome.”     “Oh.  I see.”  Joseph paused… then, he hummed.  “Wait.  he wants to be left alone… but, he has a haunted house?”     “‘Spooky house,’ Joe!” she corrected with a grin.     “Okay, ‘spooky house.’  Still, it seems a little suspicious that–”     “This road ain’t really s’posed t’ be driven on by modern vehicles,” Jessica suddenly interjected.  “It’s s’posed t’ be driven by carriage!  Adds to th’ atmosphere!”     “Oh.  That… actually makes a lot of sense.”  Once again, he had to pause for thought.  “Wait, if this isn’t supposed to be driven… why are we driving it?”     There was another pause, though it was Jessica’s, instead of his.     “I know th’ guy what runs th’ house,” she eventually told him.  “‘e invited me over t’ see what’s what, ‘n… stuff!”     “Wait, but you said…’”  The fox narrowed right eye…before remembering that it was hidden under an eyepatch.  He narrowed his left eye, then, before saying, “This sounds a little–”     “We’re here!!”     Joseph gave a blink, staring out the windshield.  Situated ahead of their vehicle was a rather large, rather imposing manor that took up quite a lot of real estate within a grassy clearing within the deep woods.

    Just from what he could see, the large building was roughly the width of four-or-five normal houses and it appeared to have at least three floors to it, including the ground floor…  It was also painted in shades of brown, ranging from dark chocolate to cocoa with some of the trim being sand-colored.  There were many windows in front and one-or-two balconies on the second floor, as well as a large porch in front with six steps leading up to a massive double-door.

    “What… hang on…”  Joseph squinted.  “Is that… are those…  Jessie?”     “Yeesss?” the girl asked, grinning as she turned off the engine.     “This place… doesn’t look spooky, at all.”

    A closer look around revealed to Joseph that the porch was decorated with some colorful paper lanterns and, curiously, there was a swinging bench on the porch with some floral-print cushions.  Some of the windows of the manor also had small plants on their shelves and several of them had elegant curtains on the inside.  However, there was a distinct lack of bats… ravens… dark clouds or lightning… anything even remotely “spooky!”  In fact, it just looked like a fancy mansion that didn’t even look that old, much less imposing.

    “Oh, dun let th’ cheery exterior fool ya!” Jessica told him as she exited the vehicle.  “It’s th’ real deal, ‘nside!”     “No, seriously, Jess…”  The fox frowned as he left his car and followed the excited bat up onto the porch.  “This place just looks like a hidden millionaire’s house… or, something.  I mean, did you see the potted plants?  Look at this cute little swing!  Jessie, this place is not spooky…”     The bat-girl tilted her head, giving her companion a curious, almost innocent look.     “In fact,” he continued, “if I didn’t know better, I’d say you just hauled me to some random location, far away from town!  Are you even sure this is the right place?”     “‘f this wasn’ th’ right place…” Jessica started with a smirk, “would I ‘ave th’ key?”     Joseph gave a blink as the girl withdrew something from her pocket.  It did, indeed, look like a metal key… one that was perfectly ordinary and seemed to match the modern lock on the right-hand door.     “I dunno…?” he said as she unlocked the door.  “Knowing you, you might’ve got a key from some dude you were dating, then decided to go raid his house while he was away on vacation…”     “Joseph.  Really.”  Jessica gave a look of disbelief.  “Would I do that?”     “I dunno.”  The fox smirked.  “You tell me.”     For a few moments, Jessica didn’t respond.  After that, she gave a wink and a grin, wrapped one hand around the old-style door handle, put a thumb on the lever, and gave it a push.  Not long after, the door opened inward, revealing the interior of the manor to them both.

    Joseph had expected the inside of the mansion to look a little different from the outside… but, he hadn’t been expecting the radical difference between the styles!  The outside looked like it had been maintained and updated with the times, but the inside almost looked like something from the era of magic and superstition!     The foyer led straight ahead and onto another set of double-doors at the end of a colossal hallway that, to Joseph’s view, might have been even bigger than the entryway of the Tower of Masamune!  The hall, itself, looked wide enough to house several vehicles side-by-side, and the number of doors on the ground floor, alone, was astounding!  There must have been a good thirty doors on that floor, alone… which made him wonder how many more doors were up on the first floor, which lay at the end of a tall flight of stairs on either side of them.     Aside from the doors, there were also all the hallmarks of a stereotypical “spooky mansion,” such as suits of armor beside some doors and statues of various figures he didn’t recognize resting on pedestals beside others.  There were a couple of velvet-cushioned chairs, here-or-there, and many paintings of people – mostly fancy women – on the walls.  Finally, hanging above them was a massive, elegant chandelier made of crystal and gold.  He wasn’t sure if it was powered or had candles… but, it lit the entire room without trouble, either way.

    “Gah!!”     Suddenly, a resounding thoom from behind caught Joseph’s attention!  When he spun around to see what it was, he noticed… Jessica was grinning from-ear-to-ear, clearly trying not to laugh.  It was pretty obvious that she’d been the one to slam the door, trying to scare him.

    “What the Void, Jessica?!” he half-screeched as he put a hand over his chest.  “Are you trying to give me a heart attack…?”     “Told’ja this place was spoooooky, kiddo!” she laughed.     “That wasn’t ‘spooky!’” he protested.  “That was just… just… startling!”     “Jus’ gettin’ ya ready fer th’ spooks t’ come!”     The fox huffed and grumbled.  “You’re an ass, Jess…”     “‘n, yer adorable when yer frightened!” she retorted with a grin.  “Looket yer fur all stickin’ up ’n stuff!  I jus’ wanna pet’cha ’n tell ya everything’s aaall okay, aww…!”

    “What… ever.”  Joseph sighed, shaking his head.  “Anyway… what do we do, now?”     “First, I wanna show ya somethin’ cool…”     “Okay.  Lead o– h-hey, what are you–?”     “Take my hand, Joe,” she warned in an oddly serious tone.  “Dun want’cha gettin’ lost.”     “How could I get lost?” he asked as she led him toward the left staircase.  “This place doesn’t seem like it’d be hard to navigate…”     “Oh, trus’ me!  I been lost ‘n ‘ere, plenty!  Had’a wait fer Ro t’ come ‘n find me.  Was kind’a embarrassin’.”     “You had to wait for who to come find you?” Joseph asked.     “Ro,” she repeated as they sped past the first couple of doors on the first floor.  “Ya know!  Th’ overly-dramatic batty-bat what–”     Jessica came to a sudden stop – both in vocalizations and in motion.  Joseph had yanked on her arm.

    “I’m sorry…  Did you say… ‘Ro?’  As in, ‘Count Arturo Moretti?’”     Jessica’s ears fell, but she didn’t turn his way.  “Uuuh…”     “Count Moretti, Lord of the Moretti Clan of Vampires?”     “Uuuuuhh…”     “The same Vampire Lord who wants to flay me alive just because we’re friends?”     “Uuuuuuuuuuhhh…”     “And… this is his manor?  His home?”     Jessica didn’t repeat herself a third time.  Instead, she just gave an audible swallow.     “You brought me to the home of a guy who wants me dead?  You brought me into his domain?  You willingly put me into what could possibly be the most danger I have ever been in?  All because you were… what?  Bored?”     “I… th-thought you’d think it was neat…?” the bat skittishly responded.  Once she gave a nervous laugh, though, she had to turn around.  Joseph had wrenched his hand free from hers.     “Welp,” he said as he spun around, “this was a waste of time.  I’ll be outside.  In the car.”     “No, wait, don’t–!” Jessica called.  When the turned, though…  “Shhiiieeeet…”     It was too late.  Joseph… had vanished.

[gray--dragneel]

Gross

This is a late birthday present for @selenba / @f-r-f-t! I hope Gray taking care of a drunk Natsu counts as domestic in your books, Fran :)

[Ao3]

Gray peeks an eye open to check the message on his phone. You should have come! Lucy texts for the second time. Gray almost agrees. The house is too quiet without Natsu in it. He pulls Natsu’s muffler over his mouth and shrugs. He was just too tired to do anything other than send Natsu off with a have fun, be safe. Hell, he's still too tired to do anything but lay here.

Gray’s phone beeps again and he opens the snap Lucy’s sent him. His eyes go wide at the sight of Natsu on a table, shaking his ass and sensually pulling his vest off while Cana and Loke cheer in the background. He barely gets a glimpse at the black bar before the video is gone. He’s imitating you.

Gray snorts. He strips to music once and Natsu never lets it go. Tossing his phone aside, he decides to nap before Natsu calls him to be picked up.

His phone rings an hour later, and after a minute of blindly fumbling he manages to answer. “Stripper Boy,” Gajeel greets before Gray gets a word in. “Salamander’s pretty drunk, you better come get him.”

“Fuck’d you say, Gaj?!” Natsu barks somewhere on the other end.

“Mind yer own business, Pinkie!” Gajeel says. Gray can practically hear him rolling his eyes. “And hurry up, would ya? He hasn't shut up about you for the last two hours.”

“You know what, Gajeel-” Natsu roars.

Gray chuckles. “Yeah, I'll be there soon. Don't strangle him before I get there.”

Gajeel barely gets in a, “No promises,” before Gray hangs up and rolls out of bed.

Gray parks the magic-mobile outside Cana’s house and unhooks the SE plug. Natsu is easy to hear, even as he walks up the driveway.

That bright pink hair is the first thing he sees when he walks in the door. It’s heartwarming, even sends a giddy swoop through his stomach. Gray has missed the sight of this ridiculous dragon the last several hours. The moment is short lived as Natsu jabs an accusing finger in Gajeel’s face. “And it’s not as if you haven't been foaming at the mouth talking about Levy’s legs all night!”

They're still going on about that?

“You little-” Gajeel huffs. Levy throws him a stern, albeit amused look and he rolls his eyes. He spots Gray over Natsu's shoulder and tuts. “Whatever.”

Natsu lets out a triumphant ha! as he walks away.

With nothing to focus on, Natsu sways. He looks from one side to another in a way Gray recognizes. He's trying to find something to lean on so he doesn't let on how drunk he truly is. “Shit,” Natsu says quietly.

Gray snorts and takes a few steps forward. He puts his hands on Natsu's hips to offer him some semblance of balance. Natsu stiffens and his hands clench. “Hey, jack ass,” he growls, “I told you I’m taken!”

Gray’s brow pinches. “Eh?”

“Hands off!” Natsu turns, fist swinging at Gray’s face.

Gray doesn't flinch, just watches the exact moment Natsu's nose catches up with the scents around him and his eyes widen enough to actually be open. His sneer vanishes, replaced with a brilliant smile and his fist opens to grab at the back of Gray’s shoulder as he launches from an attack straight into a hug.

“Gray!” Natsu squeezes him hard and nuzzles his face into the crook of Gray’s neck the best he can.

“What’s the big idea, Ashes, swinging at me like that?” Gray teases.

“Shut up,” Natsu says. “One of Lucy’s friends keeps hittin’ on me.” He looks around, glaring at someone he can't find. “Think he might’ve finally left.”

Gray blinks at him, suppressing a smile at the innocence in Natsu's face despite the fact that he was completely ready to pop someone out of loyalty. “Maybe don’t get so violent next time, hmm?”

Natsu’s lip juts out. “Maybe come with me next time so the creeps don’t bother in the first place.” Gray opens his mouth to snark out a retort but Natsu’s got his face shoved against him again, nose softly dragging along his neck. “My scarf smells like you.” Gray looks down in time to see Natsu’s cheeks perk up as he smiles.

Gray runs his fingers through Natsu’s hair. “Let’s get you home, Natsu.”

Natsu sighs and pushes into the touch before Gray’s hand is gone. “Yes, love.”

“Gross,” Laxus says, pulling Freed into his lap.

The bliss on Natsu’s face disappears. “Wanna go, Lax?” Natsu asks.

Gray drags him towards the door before Laxus can respond.

“Can you believe him?” Natsu asks. He shakes his head when Gray tries to steer him towards the magic-mobile. Gray doesn’t fight him. They only live a few blocks away. “Calling us gross when him and Freed are so- so-” Natsu laughs. “Gross. They’re gross.”

“Are you saying he’s wrong?” Gray slips his fingers through Natsu’s. “We’re rarely ever apart anymore. Tonight was the first night in, what, two months?” Natsu turns bright, shiny eyes on him and Gray rolls his own in turn. “It’s a miracle I haven’t murdered you.”

Natsu sticks his tongue out at him. “You’d miss me too much, Snowflake.” He mulls it over for a moment. “Aside from that though, I don’t think we’re that bad.”

Gray laughs. “Natsu. You cling to me koala-style every morning I have to get out of bed before you do.”

Natsu huffs. “So?”

“So sometimes I have to pee!”

Natsu chortles and bites into his lip. “Why don’t you roll me off then?”

“‘Cause you give me those damn puppy eyes and I end up staying twice as long as I normally would even if I’m ready to piss myself.”

Natsu tilts his head. “Does that… bother you?”

Gray shrugs. “No one likes having to pee that badly. Especially with a grown man’s leg pushing down on your bladder.”

“No, I...“ Natsu grips his hand tighter. “I mean when I cling. I know I do it a lot and I don’t mean to, I just-” He sighs. “I know you like your space. And I don’t wanna drive you crazy.”

Gray’s brows furrow. “Are you kidding? You made me crazy before we got together.” Natsu flinches and Gray could kick himself. Shit. So humour isn’t going to cut it here. “All right, listen. Yeah, sometimes you make me crazy. Sometimes I just wanna sit in quiet and read a book and you crawl into my lap and poke me until I pay attention to you. Sometimes you sniff out the food I was hiding and scarf it down when you think I’m not looking. Hell, sometimes you sing in the fucking shower at the top of your lungs when you know I’m trying to take a nap.”

Natsu sighs. “I’m sorr-”

“No, shut up.” Gray stops in front of their porch and sits down, tugging on Natsu’s hand until he sits beside him. As surprising as it is that Natsu still worries about this after 5 years together, Gray can’t fault him for it. Everyone's always thought that Natsu is more invested in their relationship, maybe Gray needs to work on letting him know that isn’t the case. “Even when you poke me to the point of me wanting to roll you off the couch, I want you there.” Natsu nods slowly and pulls their hands into his lap. “And I don’t care when you eat my food ‘cause half the time I expect you to and knowing you enjoy it so much... I don’t know. Makes it bearable. Besides, you end up buying me more out of guilt anyways so it’s not that big of a deal.”

Natsu laughs and leans his head on Gray’s shoulder. “And the singing?”

Gray groans. “Are you gonna make me say it?” Natsu nods again. “I like your singing. It’s nice. Never woulda thought someone who needs their mouth taped shut half the time could sound like… like that.”

Natsu knocks their hands against Gray’s thigh. “Ass.”

Gray knocks them back against Natsu’s. “So, yeah. I guess sometimes you do drive me crazy. But it doesn’t ever bother me. If it did, we wouldn’t be here now, would we?”

Natsu hums. “You got some annoying quirks too, ya know.”

“Charming,” Gray deadpans.

“No, but-” Natsu pulls back up to look at him. “But I feel the same. Not just ‘not bothered.’ Like… like I’d rather it be you bugging the hell outta me than anyone else, ya know?”

Gray smiles, just a little, and nods. “Yeah. I think I get what you mean.”

Natsu sits up straight, determination flashing in his eyes. “Gray, I wanna ask you something. Can I?”

Gray laughs. “When has me telling you no ever stopped you before?”

Natsu’s fingers tighten around Gray’s. “I’m serious, it’s important!”

Gray starts at his burst in volume. “Yeah, Ashes, of course.”

Natsu takes a deep breath and nods. Gray can pinpoint the moment where he realizes he hasn't thought of how he's going to ask but Natsu shakes it off quickly. Natsu looks at him a second, smiles and asks, “Will you marry me?”

Gray gapes at him and when Natsu doesn't get an immediate response he wilts, bravado seeping out with the breath that gets knocked from his lungs.

“Natsu-”

“If you don't wanna-”

“Natsu-”

“I probably shoulda asked when I was sober.”

“Natsu-”

“Man, this sucks.”

“Natsu!” Gray grabs his chin and tilts it up. A grin spreads over his face. “We’ve been married a year and a half, you big dummy.”

Natsu looks mildly embarrassed, but it's gone as soon as it came when he remembers. Natsu leans forward and kisses his mate. His husband. “Well, lucky me.”

Gray’s cheeks burn and he shoves Natsu's face away from his. “Tch! Laxus is right, we are gross and it's all on you.”

“I’m your favourite.”

“Debatable.”

“Fact that we’re married says otherwi-” Natsu cuts off with a gasp. “Where’s my ring, you cheap bastard?!”

Gray stands, walks up the steps and unlocks the front door. “By the sink, where you left it when you did half the dishes.”

“Oh, right.”

Gray laughs. “I can’t believe you forgot we’re married.”

Natsu goes off on some rant about how it's Cana’s fault for feeding him shot after shot but Gray isn't quite listening. He's watching Natsu reverently slide his ring back on.

Natsu's still explaining himself, or repeating himself rather, when they walk into their room. He trips over one of Gray’s discarded shirts and faceplants on the carpet, swearing and laughing and Gray finds himself falling a little more in love.

Maybe they are gross. But Gray thinks that maybe he doesn't care.

[eastithoughtyousaidweest]

Malaysian Persuasion

7/17

Today was my first full day in Malaysia, and it was probably almost perfect.

First of all, it was so chill. Amalen also had just gotten home from a trip to China, so he just wanted to chill out, which was ok with me because I’ve been waking up at 6 or 7am to either work on my doc or travel for the past 3 weeks. So I woke up at 10am without an alarm (after drinking with him and his roommate until 3:30, to be fair), and it was really nice.

We spent the morning just hanging, just like a bunch of guys might do in the U.S. We slowly worked up the motivation to drive down the street to get some breakfast around 11:30am, and got some rice with fried pork and chicken called char suey. Pretty delish, despite being a bit heavier than my usual breakfast. I also found a dude selling buns out of his truck, and he had a bunch of flavors they didn’t have in China; I tried one with this coconut sugary paste inside called kaya, which was less coconut than I expected, but the bready bun was still floofy, which is really all I’m looking for.

We whittled away a few hours eating, chilling and watching the first new episode of Game of Thrones, which I was totally fine with, even though usual me would’ve been like “Why the fuck am I sitting around watching TV while I’m in Malaysia???” But honestly, I saw value in just building a relationship with Amalen and his roommate Kelvin, and didn’t see a need to force anything, especially when they were my hosts.

Anyway, around 2pm, Amalen and I started driving out to this waterfall in the jungle he’d been promising me all day. It was an hour and 20 min drive, but we just caught up and talked the whole way, so it was actually really nice. Before entering the jungle, we stopped and got a bunch of fried snacks from this stand in a parking lot, Amalen chatting up the older Muslim woman selling us the treats as if they were besties. People here at stores seem to really like chatting, and Amalen’s a pro at playing that social game.

To get to where we were going, Amalen had to drive his thankfully tiny white car down a skinny asphalt road, riddled with treacherous potholes, through an indigenous village with homes made of wood and tin roofs, and finally to a barrier where we parked. He comes to that spot a lot, and knew some of the indigenous people there, and he actually spoke in Malay to a few people we saw to make sure it was still ok to enter, so I knew we weren’t being disrespectful or something by entering this land.

And I’m so glad we were able to enter, because it was mind-blowing. Thick, lush, green rainforest all around me, buzzing and chirping with bug and bird hums, crinkling with the panicked retreats of tiny lizards, speckled with the sun sneakily glimmering its way through the cracks. It was sticky and humid, but not too hot. As we went, Amalen pointed plants out to me and showed me signs on the trail of wild boar having been there the previous night. Wild boar are super overpopulated in that area of Malaysia, destroying trails and crops, so Amalen told me hunting them, like deer culling in the U.S., was usually ok. And he broke out a pocket knife he’d sharpen before we came out to the jungle, so I knew if anything, we were at least pseudo-safe.

Luckily, no boar hunting went down. What did go down is that we finally arrived at this amazing waterfall Amalen called his secret waterfall. It flow down along grey boulders, white and frothing, pouring out into a rocky-bottomed pool deep enough to stand in. When we walked up to the waterfall itself, we could face away from it and just let the water work the tension out like a natural massage. The water was not too cold, and the area was totally isolated. We sat on a rock, ate fried plantains and egg rolls and doughnuts from the stand, swam and got waterfall massages, and just relaxed. After weeks of running, it was exactly what I needed. And I was so grateful to Amalen for taking me to such an amazing place I literally never could’ve even accessed on my own.

Only downside? Leeches. It sounds freakier than it is, but essentially, they were tiny, slug-like things, smaller than the top part of my pinky, who would latch onto our feet or legs after we walked through certain areas. Amalen helped me, teaching me how to use a pocketknife to scrape them off after they latched. They left me with tiny little circular cuts, which actually bled for a while because apparently their saliva is anti-coagulant. But they didn’t hurt, and really, it’s not different than a mosquito or something, just a bit more graphic.

Anyway, that didn’t take away from anything. Afterwards, we met up with Amaeln’s friend Ryan at a food court, where I tried satay (chicken on skewers with peanut sauce to dip in), coconut rice with spicy sauce, anchovies and egg, and panak (a sort of sushi roll but in a wheat wrap, with crunchy vegetables and some sort of tempura inside). We also bought ourselves three more-than-half-liter bottles of Tiger Beer from Singapore. We had just finished them, and I was feeling a solid buzz, when Ryan’s dad showed up out of nowhere and ordered us three more bottles. So we were obligated to get way drunker than any of us anticipated, but hey, we swapped stories about our countries, joked around a bunch, and really has an awesome greasy, drinky night.

I pre-screened my doc to Amalen and Kelvin tonight too. It was really cool to see how Amalen got so excited about certain parts, and how much discussion it generated afterwards about COP and Amalen’s NGO, even between two people who are in it. I’m really pumped to see how more people like it, and really happy to see the impact it’s making for those in it.

Exploring KL tomorrow with Kelvin. Night night.

<3Scaht

7/18

Damn. So much socializing today. Like 11 hours of it. But it was great.

Started off by heading into KL with Kelvin, who grew up here. He took me to get a really good outdoor food stall court, which there are a bunch of here, in Chinatown. There was food everywhere, but I trusted him to know what was good, so I let him order this spicy red coconut curry for us, brimming with crispy fried pork skin, oysters, green vegetables and eggplant. It was so delish, until I bit into a pork skin saturated with curry and it burst straight into my throat like a juicy grape full of spicy fire. Totally burned the shit out of my throat, but luckily dessert was a cup of shaved ice (really finely ground ice covered in coconut milk and supplemented with various jellies and red bean), so I was soothed soon enough.

We then spent like 5 hours walking all over KL. He took me to the Independence Square where a lot of protests have happened, to the looming, corn-cob-looking Petronas Twin Towers, to some fancy-shmancy malls, to a fruit stand where we drank some coconut water straight outta the coconut, and to Little India. On the way, he told me SO much about Malaysia, from its history as a British colony to the politics and issues with election rigging to the school he went to and what it was like, and so much more. He was a really great tour guide, and since he’s around my age and we have similar interests, he was able to provide me much history into the politics and social issues I’m always interested in learning about.

One thing he told me that really stood out is that he loves just taking people around the city, and that if someone asked him for directions, he’d usually be happy to just walk them there. He said that was actually a pretty common thing to do here. Also, when I tried to pay him back for the food, he told me to not worry about the money. He said that really in Malaysia, they like to treat their guests, and they try not to let money be a big deal between friends, so it’s a big part of their culture to do that. These two things really struck me because they’re just so much friendlier and communal ways of supporting one another than in the U.S., where most people don’t wanna talk to you at all in the city, much less walk you somewhere, and where even $0.25 is often Venmo’ed between friends. I wanna bring back some of that hospitality to my own practices, because it definitely reflects the way I’d like people to interact.

Next, I met with Jolene, one of the Malaysians who was part of my film, for dinner in a hipster part of town called Bangsar. It 3 or 4 hilly streets were lined with international cuisines, fancy bakeries and cafes, boutique clothes, and bars trying very hard to look chill and/or refined. We actually got a really good dinner at a Nyonya restaurant, which combines Malay and Chinese styles; a whole fried fish and these smoky, fishy sautéed greens, plus fancy cocktails. We chatted about life and joked around, and I really enjoyed just getting to know her better. Of course, she treated me, which was super nice cause these were no street food prices.

Last, she texted her friend Sidney to meet up with us, an awesome guy who actually filmed some follow-up interviews for the film for me here in Malaysia since I wasn’t here. I hadn’t met him in person until then, but he was really great. Deep thinker, really open about things like mental health and insecurities, and really into films. We nerded out over cameras and film editing and our favorite movies, and he actually ended up coming with me to this huge food street called Jalan Alor, which was lined for about 2 city blocks with restaurants and stalls selling Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese, Malaysia, coconut ice cream, dim sum, and a whole lotta stanky durian. If you don’t know, durian is a huge spiky fruit, like the size of a football or bigger, which smells kind of like fart or rotten eggs or a combo thereof. Kelvin, who loves it, actually told me he wouldn’t consider it a fruit, but just its own food group: Durian. He also told me that if you eat it within 8 hours or so of drinking alcohol, it’ll fuck up your stomach. So I haven’t tried it yet, but I want to for sure.

Anyway, it was really special to explore the city with all of these people and build up my relationships here. I’m so grateful for the guidance and the hospitality, and I REALLY hope they can all make it to the States one day so I can return the favor.

<3Scaht

7/19-7/20

It has come to an end. These were my final 2 days in not just Malaysia, but of my trip overall. And I think it couldn’t have been more fulfilling and shitshow-y.

Wednesday I wandered around the city on my own, hitting up the National Museum where I learned a whole lot about the history of the Malay Empires and how Malaysia was a key trading midpoint between China and the Middle East and the history of colonialism in Malaysia and all sorts of other cool stuff. As any U.S. citizen would know, we just don’t really learn that stuff in our schools, and it was super cool to gain all this knowledge about a totally different part of the world.

One thing it made me think about was the idea of cultural appropriation, because the museum talked a lot about how in the 14th and 15th centuries, as people from different regions met up and traded goods and skills and ideas, many cultures adopted parts of other cultures. This meant anything from parts of their dress to artistic motifs to cooking flavors. I thought this was really interesting, because it was made out to be a very mutually beneficial kind of cultural exchange, as opposed to in the U.S. today, where the conversation about cultural appropriation emphasizes the stealing of other’s cultures. I think maybe the difference is that often in places like the U.S., the cultural appropriation is done for profit, or without an actual interaction with the people whose culture it is, leading to disrespectful use of cultural elements and profiting off other’s culture without giving them any credit or economic compensation. In contrast, it seems like in these old Silk Road trade exchanges, people were actually sharing their cultures of their own accord, and interacting with those whose culture it was. Not that this means there wasn’t any ripping off of cultural elements or fetishzation of other’s cultures, but it makes me wonder if this sort of cultural mixing can happen in a positive and beneficial way that enriches humanity.

Wednesday night was the big night: the “world premiere” of my film on the Malaysian Youth Delegation (MYD) to the COP21 climate negotiations. I’ve mentioned it throughout the blog, but to give you more context, I got a grant from my university in November 2015 to go with my friend Miranda and make a film on youth climate activism at COP21, the international UN climate negotiations where the Paris Agreement was created. We ended up meeting the Malaysian Youth Delegation, a group of 5 young peeps who were there for the first time representing their country. We hung out and filmed them for 10 days, and then over the past year and a half have been editing it together. Why’d it take a year and a half, you ask? Broken harddrive, Miranda graduating, me finishing school, general procrastination; these all comprise some aspect of the answer. But in a silver lining to a terrible event, Trump pulling out of the Paris Agreement actually made the film relevant again, so I kicked myself into gear, committed to going to Malaysia, and have been working on the film at 6 or 7am almost every day of this trip to finish it before, well, two days ago.

The film came out to about 40 minutes, the longest film I’ve made by far (the next longest is only 12 minutes). Screening it was an awesome experience; 4 out of the 5 main MYD members were there, and about 8 of their younger members who they’re currently training to go to the next COP in Bonn, Germany were there as well. Screening a film to a group of people who are so intimately familiar with each other and the material is a cool experience; they were constantly giggling at seeing themselves or their friends onscreen, and they already understood the context of what was going on, making it easier for them to get into it. They also laughed at my jokes throughout the film, which I think is every filmmaker’s dream; it’s really hard to tell whether the things I think are funny are gonna land with an audience, but I think it went pretty nicely.

I did a Q&A after the screening where everyone asked a ton of questions, and it was really nice to be able to share my experiences and reflect on things with them. Overall, in the moment the whole screening just felt like a really casual thing; we were just in a classroom, watching it on a projector. Very intimate. But I gotta say I feel pretty amazing that I was able to make this happen. There was a long period of time where I thought this film was just gonna go incomplete, and it really made me feel guilty and weighed on me a lot. Now, that weight is finally gone, and I have a project that I actually followed-through on which I am really proud of. I’m hoping to submit it to some film fests too, so hopefully things will keep happening. But I’m really grateful that I was able to do this screening, and that I got so much time and energy and support from everyone in MYD, and everyone else who listened to me whine about this film over the past year and a half.

My final 12 or so hours in Malaysia were the shitshow part. Amalen, Kelvin and I had planned to drive to Kuantan, a small town on the east coast of the country where Amalen grew up. It was supposedly a 3-hour drive away, so we set off around 12am after a little post-screening dinner, hoping to arrive by 3am. The catch was that I had to take a bus back to KL the next day at like 1:30pm, so I really would only have like 10 hours in Kuantan. But I did it because Amalen promised me some beach time, and I didn’t really have much else to do.

Oh, and I should mention that we brought Amalen’s cat Jenny along too, because Amalen wanted to get her spayed at the vet in his hometown. Unfortunately for her and us, he didn’t have a carrier. Apparently, in the past, she usually just chills out under the passenger seat and is fine. But today for whatever reason, Jenny was not happy. She kept scrambling up to the rear window, then down under the seats, then up my legs into a box on the seat next to me, then under Kelvin’s feet as he drove. We all tried to make nice spaces for her and calm her down. but she took at least 30 minutes to finally just sit down and start distracting herself by licking herself clean. Poor kitty.

Anyway, I should’ve known things weren’t gonna go so well on this trip when about 30 minutes into the drive, we stopped for gas and Kelvin puked in the parking lot. He had some sort of stomach bug, and it all hit him right there. Of course, all the gas station convenience stores were closed, so he couldn’t even get some water to wash his mouth out.

Somehow, he kept driving, and we drove up to the Genting Highlands, a detour Amalen and Kelvin had planned without me really knowing what was happening. It’s these really high hills where Malaysia’s only legal casino is built. We drove up and around all these hairpin turns, the yellow lights of this massive casino glowing all across the peak of this looming hill. Eventually, we stopped at a lookout point where you could see the KL skyline and chilled for like an hour, drinking beers and chatting. That was all good, except for when Kelvin started puking again. Turns out beer doesn’t mix so well with stomach bugs. Who knew?

Amalen took over the wheel, and we kept going. At this point it was already like 3am and we’d only made it like 45 minutes towards Kuantan cause of all the detours. I did my best to stay up and keep Amalen company as he drove, but I could feel the exhaustion and the beer dragging my eyelids down like stones. I drifted in and out of conversation, nodding a lot with my eyes half open before finally passing out. Amalen ended up pulling over in a parking lot around 4:30, planning to snooze for like 15 minutes. We woke up at 6:45am.

In the end, the snooze was for the best to keep up safe, even though we didn’t actually arrive til like 8am. An 8 hour trip total. And I had to head back at 1:30pm. So much for a 3 hour drive.

At this point, I was also just exhausted and hungover and my stomach felt like butt. Some combination of the fried food I had eaten for dinner and the beer and the lack of sleep made my body real pissed off, and pretty soon my tummy opened up the floodgates. I felt weak, and had a headache, and even the smell of food made me feel nauseous. But I pushed through, determined to get to the beach and just pass out on the sand. Which I did.

We chilled at the beach for like an hour and a half, and I even worked up the energy to sit in the waves a bit and look at all the tiny little crabs that would scatter into holes in the sand as I approached. So at least I can say I’ve been in the South China Sea, even if only as an attempted hangover cure.

Amalen drove me to the bus station at 1pm, and I’ve been in transit between bus and train and plane since then. Amalen was a super awesome host, giving me a place to stay and taking me to get all the staple Malaysian food and showing me some really beautiful parts of his world in Malaysia. I also really enjoyed the long car trips where we just got to talk and get to know each other’s stories and life philosophies better. He’s a really thoughtful, knowledgeable, goofy dude, and he cares a lot about his friends, which I really respect. It really blows my mind that, because of a random thought me and Miranda had to apply for a grant to go to Paris, I now have lifelong friends on the other side of the globe. Life is pretty dope like that.

So yah, that’s all. Hope you enjoyed perusing my travels, and if you have any questions or things to say to me or want some travel suggestions, hit me up through one of the ridiculous amount of communication channels I now have (WeChat, Facebook, Text, WhatsApp, GroupMe, Email, Signal, whatever).

Annyeong kyeseyo (Korean)

Joigin (Cantonese)

Zài jiàn (Mandarin)

Pope gone mai (Lao)

Selamat tinggal (Malaysian)

Byeeee (Scott)