#ask ted and fi

[skijumpingf1]

Welcome to my ski jumping Instagram following analysis that literally nobody asked for (I am in need of new hobbies btw)

For this I analysed all male jumpers who scored world cup points this season (67 in total).

The most follower has Zyla (412.000), followed by Stoch (396.000) and Kubacki (353.000). Wellinger is fourth and the first none polish jumper with around 165.000 followers.

Bartolj (1.090), Marusiak (1.233) and Imhof (1.331) have the least followers.

The FIS Instagram has a following of around 95.700 people. Jumpers who have a higher following than this and can be considered "bigger than the sport" (you get what I mean hopefully) are Zyla, Stoch, Kubacki, Wellinger, Kot, P. Prevc, R. Kobayashi, Kraft and Geiger.

On average a male ski jumper has 45.007 followers. Jumpers who have an over average following are the above and Tande, Forfang, Hayböck, Leyhe, Granerud and D. Prevc.

A few things that surprised me are that Kos is the only jumper out of the top 10 in WC that has less than 10.000 followers. Especially since he is basically carrying team Slovenia in terms of content imo. Also, Sundal has just 3.363 followers which seems low considering he was on the podium this season. I thought that Stoch has the most followers tbh and not Zyla but apparently I was wrong.

Let´s move on the nations in general.

As you can see Poland obviously has the most followers on average (who is suprised? Not me). USA has the least.

A thing to point here is that Japan is being carried heavily by Ryoyu. Without him team Japan would be just above Switzerland. Also, the second most following in team Japan has Junshiro.

This trend can be seen in team Slovenia as well. Peter has almost triple as much followers as his brother Domen, who has the second most followers in the team. Interestingly if we would count Cene in this statistic too, he would be number 3 in terms of following (in front of Timi, Anze, etc.). So we can see that jumpers with successful siblings maybe get a boost by this.

Team Norway feels the most homogeneous. The main guys (Danny, Johann, Halvor, Robert, Marius) have pretty similarly following. It is a spread from around 30.000 between them but that is nothing compared to team Austria for example (Stefan has over 70.000 more followers than Michi in second). The reason for that is that team Norway has noone who has that really big following. All the other top teams have at least one jumper who is sticking out.

From the small teams (with just one person in the standings) Ipcioglu has the most followers with over 30.000, which is quite remarkable for a jumper who isn’t from a ski jumping nation.

[astrolook]

Mercury in the houses

(Where does your brain do the most damage? Let’s find out! 😆)

Mercury in the 1st House: "I Talk, Therefore I Am." 📝

Speaks like they’re in a debate competition—even when ordering coffee. ☕

When it comes to job/career, can succeed in anything requiring fast thinking, persuasion, or scamming people legally. (Lawyer, salesperson, journalist.)

Will text you a 3-paragraph explanation for why they took 5 minutes to reply. 📱

Probably debated with your siblings (if you have any) so much as a child they now have trust issues.

Flirts like it's a TED Talk—informative, persuasive, and slightly exhausting.

Looks like their pen was possessed by a demon mid-word. 👻

Your brain runs at 5G speed, but their mouth runs at 6G.

Mercury in the 2nd House: "Money Talks… and So Do I!"💰

Talks slow and calculated—like they’re charging per word.

For job/career, you are perfect for finance, business, or making passive-aggressive Etsy shops.

"Who owes me $15 from 2020? I remember."

Your Handwriting: Fancy-looking cursive that belongs on an expensive check. ✍️

If has family, you might have an Excel sheet of who spent what on Christmas gifts. 🎁

Watches finance YouTubers like they’re movies.

Mercury in the 3rd House: "I Have 1000 Thoughts Per Minute."

Can out-talk an auctioneer. Never. Shuts. Up. Talks so fast, even their Wi-Fi can’t keep up.

For job/career, you could do well as journalist, social media manager, or that one coworker who emails at 3 AM.

Chaotic bisexual, pansexual, or flirts for sport. 🏆

Handwriting: Could be unreadable. Like a doctor’s prescription.

Probably has 50 tabs opened at once.

ADHD? I've seen this placement with people who has mercury in 3rd house.

Mercury in the 4th House: "Let’s Overthink Our Childhood."📝

When they talk it sounds like a therapist even when giving food orders.

For job/career, anything home-based (Freelancer, therapist, professional nostalgic, home maker).

Writes long emotional texts and then deletes them.

They're the one that tells their sibling, "Mom always liked me better" or "You're adopted".

Handwriting: Cutesy and emotional—like a grandma’s love letter.

On their social media accounts, they posts sentimental throwbacks way too much.

Biggest Flaw: Lives in the past.

Mercury in the 5th House: "Flirting is My Second Language."📝

Flirty, dramatic, and annoyingly charming.

For job/career, anything creative—actor, writer, public speaker, meme creator.

Flirts with everyone, dates no one. Flirting in the comments section.

Was the funny but annoying child.

Can’t take anything seriously.

Mercury in the 6th House: "I think in bullet points."

If anyone asks them a question, it would sound like a Google search result.

For job/career, perfectionist boss (or their employee’s worst nightmare).

Too busy analyzing red flags to enjoy romance.

Handwriting: Neat, small, and borderline obsessive.

Leaves detailed Yelp reviews.

Mercury in the 7th House: "Let’s Discuss This… Again."📝

Speaks in "we" instead of "I" (even when they’re single).

For job/career, they are good at lawyer, diplomat, or customer service expert.

Always "the mediator" in sibling fights.

Plays marriage counselor to their parents.

Can’t be alone, but overthinks commitment.

Mercury in the 8th House: "Secrets? I Know Them All."📝

The way they talk: Low voice, deep words, big secrets.

For job/career, they're good at investigator, psychologist, hacker, or a blackmail expert.

In love, communicates in mystery and sexual tension.

Handwriting: Looks like a serial killer’s notes.

Leaves cryptic tweets.

Won’t admit their sexuality… but they are. Sometimes they could be straight, but a sibling could be gay.

Mercury in the 9th House: "I will talk your ear off about philosophy and conspiracy theories" 📝

Flirts by explaining history.

In love, turns deep convos into foreplay.

Probably thinks they’re smarter than their parents.

Posts long Reddit rants.

Handwriting: Could be messy, but big and confident.

For job/career, could excel at teacher, philosopher, or annoying podcast host.

Mercury in the 10th House: "I’m CEO of Overthinking My Career."📝

Talks like a LinkedIn post and takes life too seriously.

For job/career, could be a CEO, politician, or a corporate robot, lol.

Will literally schedule date nights.

Takes love as seriously as a business contract.

Will only befriend "useful people."

Mostly posts work-related updates.

Mercury in the 11th House: "I'm the human embodiment of a Reddit thread"📝

Speaks like they’re in a sci-fi movie.

Tech startup, social activist, or online troll.

In love, probably falls for their best friend.

Might like the idea of "open-minded" relationships.

The "black sheep" of the family.

Handwriting: Either it looks like it belongs on a protest sign or kinda bad.

Mercury in the 12th House: "Did I Say That Out Loud?"

Mumbles, forgets what they were saying.

Job/Career: Psychic, therapist, or mysterious writer. If writes, these people would write under a pen name.

Either super close to their siblings or never speaks to them.

Very much into horror, psychological thriller movies.

Handwriting: Looks like a haunted diary.

Terrible at explaining emotions but fantastic at writing it.

Mercury is where your brain lives, where your mouth runs, and where your Wi-Fi connection to reality glitches. 😆🌍✨

Curious about your birth chart and what it's really saying about you? 🌟 Slide into my DMs for a personalized astrology reading, and let's unlock the secrets of your stars. ✨ Don’t forget to check out my pinned post for pricing details! 🔮 Let’s make those cosmic connections happen! 🌙🌌

[probablyasocialecologist]

“The machines we have now, they’re not conscious,” he says. “When one person teaches another person, that is an interaction between consciousnesses.” Meanwhile, AI models are trained by toggling so-called “weights” or the strength of connections between different variables in the model, in order to get a desired output. “It would be a real mistake to think that when you’re teaching a child, all you are doing is adjusting the weights in a network.”

Chiang’s main objection, a writerly one, is with the words we choose to describe all this. Anthropomorphic language such as “learn”, “understand”, “know” and personal pronouns such as “I” that AI engineers and journalists project on to chatbots such as ChatGPT create an illusion. This hasty shorthand pushes all of us, he says — even those intimately familiar with how these systems work — towards seeing sparks of sentience in AI tools, where there are none.

“There was an exchange on Twitter a while back where someone said, ‘What is artificial intelligence?’ And someone else said, ‘A poor choice of words in 1954’,” he says. “And, you know, they’re right. I think that if we had chosen a different phrase for it, back in the ’50s, we might have avoided a lot of the confusion that we’re having now.”

So if he had to invent a term, what would it be? His answer is instant: applied statistics.

“It’s genuinely amazing that . . . these sorts of things can be extracted from a statistical analysis of a large body of text,” he says. But, in his view, that doesn’t make the tools intelligent. Applied statistics is a far more precise descriptor, “but no one wants to use that term, because it’s not as sexy”.

[...]

Given his fascination with the relationship between language and intelligence, I’m particularly curious about his views on AI writing, the type of text produced by the likes of ChatGPT. How, I ask, will machine-generated words change the type of writing we both do? For the first time in our conversation, I see a flash of irritation. “Do they write things that speak to people? I mean, has there been any ChatGPT-generated essay that actually spoke to people?” he says.

Chiang’s view is that large language models (or LLMs), the technology underlying chatbots such as ChatGPT and Google’s Bard, are useful mostly for producing filler text that no one necessarily wants to read or write, tasks that anthropologist David Graeber called “bullshit jobs”. AI-generated text is not delightful, but it could perhaps be useful in those certain areas, he concedes.

“But the fact that LLMs are able to do some of that — that’s not exactly a resounding endorsement of their abilities,” he says. “That’s more a statement about how much bullshit we are required to generate and deal with in our daily lives.”

[corantus]

hi i'm ted and im mayor of fat dyke city

Johnny and Roxy Defend the Universe

ko-fi + commissions // commissions tag

bluesky

nsfw acct (18+)

FAQ:

i announce comms when they're open but you can check my ko-fi store!

you can use my art for icons / headers but credit me in your bio: "icon credit @ corantus" etc.

don't repost my art on other websites please

i answer asks publicly unless you tell me not to

i draw in gimp with a marker brush that i made + cintiq 13hd

[ameenvie]

I Think He Knows - Jamie Tartt x fem!Reader

masterlist | ao3 | ko-fi | fic recs

"his hands around a cold glass makes me wanna know that body like it's mine"

Word count: 4.6k Warnings: nsfw, smut, minors DNI! kind of angry sex, unprotected sex (wouldn't recommend irl), oral(male receiving), fingering, p in v sex, praise kink, dirty talk, slightly dom!Jamie(?), hickeys, possessiveness Tags: smut Prompt/Summary: You go out to get your mind off work and Jamie - but to your surprise he shows up at the same bar as you. Things happen. Put me in horny jail. A/N: This is the first smut I've written in a hot minute, and my first ever Jamie fic, so I just hope it doesn't suck! 😭❤ I still have to get the hang of how to write him. Maybe the intro/non-smut part is a bit too long, but idk I kept rewriting this so much. :') I hope you enjoy nevertheless! ❤❤❤

It felt like thousands of hammers were beating down onto your head. You were staring at your computer screen, trying to grasp what you were looking at, but the stress, the flickering office lights, and the constant noises of talking made it impossible.

“I need a break” you exclaimed as you promptly stood up from your desk. The conversation next to you came to a halt as Keeley gave you a worried look.

“Are you alright, babe?”

“Sure, I just need a little fresh air” you answered with a sweet smile. Even though Keeley was your boss, she was also one of your best friends, and you were thankful to the universe that you met her.

You were the social media manager at KJPR responsible for the AFC Richmond brand. And as fun and exciting as it was, there were moments when you just wanted to run away and never look back. Such as today.

The team had a new brand partnership deal, and few of the players had to post to their socials about certain products. It was really nothing extraordinary, but it was a big brand so it was crucial that everything was on schedule. Now you were in the reporting phase, and you haven’t received the necessary info from one of the players yet. As you stood outside the office building, leaning against the wall, you picked your phone out of your pocket and dialed him. It rang once, twice… and he hang up on you. You rolled your eyes and cursed under your breath as you headed back to your desk.

“Need any help?” Keeley asked with the sweetest, most concerned voice you’ve ever heard, but you just shook your head.

“Nothing I can’t handle! I’m headed to the dog track if that’s alright. I need to take care of something.”

“Give ‘em hell!” she replied and left you alone.

You jumped into your car and drove over to Nelson Road, where you knew the boys had their training at the moment. The man at the front desk recognized you and let you in, and you headed to Rebecca’s office first to say hello, then went to the stands and took a seat to wait until the team was finished with practice. When Ted noticed you, he gave you that huge moustachy smile of his and waved at you. You mirrored the gesture before your gaze wandered back to the players.

You sat close enough to the pitch to make out his facial expression when he saw you. First, he seemed annoyed, then he gave you the most dramatic eyeroll you’ve ever seen before he ran away laughing.

You weren’t sure what he expected your reaction to be, but you knew you just looked annoyed.

“Whistle! WHISTLE!” You heard coach Kent scream at the players, and you chuckled. The team gathered around the coaches then made a beeline towards the changing room. You knew this was your cue to follow them as well.

You leaned against the wall as you waited for Jamie, hugging your bag. Of course because he was aware that you were waiting for him, he’d be dead last to leave. You weren’t sure if it was against your person or just the fact that he hated to cooperate. Maybe both. A few of the players started to leave and they waved and smiled at you as hey passed.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally stepped out of the locker room – as you predicted – dead last. He stopped in the doorway with his hands in his pocket.

“I tried to call you.”

“I know” was all he said, and you raised your eyebrows at him. He was so cocky, you kind of wanted to punch him in the face, but that wouldn’t look too good on your resume.

“Alright, I guess you were busy then.”

“Nah, not really” he answered, and you saw a shit-eating grin spread on his face. God, Jamie.

“Look, I hope you don’t think I enjoy this, but I need the results of the campaign, okay? And you can only blame yourself, because you are the one who insisted that nobody can manage your account other than you. It would make all our lives much easier if I could just check the data myself.” You knew you were rambling and maybe talking a little too fast, showing how annoyed you were. You didn’t like giving people the satisfaction of knowing they got under your skin, but Jamie was world class at that.

“A’ight” he mumbled and started searching for his phone, then handed it to you. “If you want to check it so bad, go on, be my guest.”

You swore your eyes shot daggers at him. You grabbed his phone and took a seat on the bench next to you. He followed suit without a word, hands in his pockets.

You unlocked his phone and opened Instagram, but as you were navigating through it you saw a notification pop up from a girl with a text saying: “try me 😘”. Just a tiny glance at her profile picture was enough for you to conclude that she was gorgeous, and you felt your stomach do a flip. Were you… jealous? Of one of Jamie’s flings? C’mon.

You shook your head as if you could shake the thought out of it as you proceeded to check the necessary info. You didn’t realize, but while you were doing this, Jamie’s eyes searched your face like it held the answer to the universe’s biggest question.

You sent yourself a mail from his phone and shoved it back at him. He looked at you with a look you’ve never saw on his face before, and you could swear for a second that it was guilt sitting in his eyes.

“Thanks for nothing” you said as you grabbed your bag and left.

“Nice seeing you too!” he shouted as you slammed the door behind you. Your blood was boiling in your veins as you were walking back to your office. You dropped yourself onto your chair and buried your face in your palms. What a fucking day. He always finds a way to mess with your head. The sounds of Keeley knocking on your door snapped you out of it.

“Come in” you sighed as you looked at her with a defeated expression.

“Jamie again?” she asked sympathetically as she sat down in front of you.

“Always” you scoffed and started fiddling with a pen on your desk. He’s taking the piss out of me, always trying to get under my skin!” Keeley didn’t say anything, she just gave you a knowing look. “Stop looking at me like that, I know what you want to say!”

“I’m not saying anything” she replied and locked her mouth with an imaginary key and threw it away.

“That’s what I thought” you chuckled and took a deep breath. “I’ll be done with this by the end of the day, and then we can open your not-so-secret stash of champagne in your office, what do you say?”

“Sounds perfect, love!” As she left your office you delved into your work and tried not to think of Jamie. It was so silly – you thought. You felt like you were in school, arguing with yourself about your feelings, and having a crush on the guy who pulled on your ponytail. There was no way you were jealous right? Jamie was insufferable in general – cocky, arrogant, full of himself. Hard to work with. Attention seeking. But he had his moments where he was also funny. Caring. Honest. Compassionate. He was an amazing footballer.

You groaned out loud. You were wrapping up your day as you decided you’re going to put an end to this madness. You went home, picked out a nice dress – nothing too fancy, but it still made you feel like a million bucks. You called yourself an uber and asked them to bring you to one of your favourite bars. You were excited to finally grab a few drinks and let your hair down for a night, and maybe even go home with someone handsome to take your mind off your annoying feelings that started to bubble to the surface.

You took a seat at the bar and ordered your favourite drink. The bartender winked at you, and you chuckled. You propped yourself up on your elbow and started to look around. People were mingling, talking, laughing. Some couples were hiding in the more secluded corners of the room, whispering sweet nothings to each other.

You got your order but before you could thank the bartender for it, you heard a voice all too familiar.

“That’s on me. And another one, will ya’?” You turned around to face him as he was smiling down at you. Your heart skipped a beat as your eyes locked with his – you could never exactly pinpoint what colour they were, sometimes they seemed blue, sometimes grey, even green. You felt like you could stare at them forever. This wasn’t happening. You weren’t even sure if you ever saw him out and about like this. Instead of his usual tracksuit or puffy west he was wearing a white button-down shirt, with a few of its buttons unbuttoned, its sleeves rolled up, showing his tattoos. His hair was let loose, and a few strands fell into his eyes. You felt your heart drop into your stomach, and you were so shocked you couldn’t think of a single word to say, like your brain just short-circuited.

“Wow, Jamie, so nice to see you here, what a lovely coincidence! Come, join me for a drink!” he said, grounding you back to earth.

“Very funny. What are you doing here?” The words came out a little more accusatory than you meant, but you couldn’t help yourself. You came here to take your mind off him, and here he was, hotter than ever, standing so close to you that the scent of his cologne made you feel lightheaded. You wished the earth would just open up and swallow you whole.

“Just blowing off some steam. Celebrating my free weekend, I guess.” He shrugged.

“Alone?” Your question seemed to catch him off guard, as he raised his eyebrows. Your answer was just another shrug. “I see, I see, you don’t have to explain yourself to me, I know how this goes.” You waved with your hands in front of you, like you could shoo the image of him with other women out of your brain. You felt like you were going insane. In the meantime, he got his own drink, and he nursed it on the bar top with his left hand, the other in his pocket as he faced you. He looked even more gorgeous than usual, the way the shirt hugged his muscles ignited a flame in your body you never wanted to acknowledge.

“You know you’re being very judgmental now despite the fact, that you are alone as well.”

“I mean, it’s not my DMs that are full of gorgeous woman inviting me to tango” you scoffed, but immediately after you said the words out loud you scolded yourself internally for sounding so pathetic. Fucking hell.

“Are you jealous, love?” He grinned as he took a sip out of his drink. You rolled your eyes and stood up from your seat, but not before you managed to take a peek of how his lips touched the glass as he drank, and how perfect his jawline looked as he tilted his head slightly. FUCK.

“Maybe in your dreams, Tartt.”

“The lady doth protest too much” he laughed. You were quite shocked that Jamie Tartt out of all people would quote Shakespeare to you, but you were too angry to acknowledge that. You shook your head and turned your back on him, trying to get away, anywhere. You walked to the back of the big room and found yourself in a smaller conversation room – it was empty.

You took a deep breath, and you turned on your heels to head for another, more populated spot, but as you opened the door he stood there, one hand leaning against the doorframe, his drink in the other. He seemed like he was thinking.

“Jamie, I swear to God-” You couldn’t finish your sentence because he pushed himself into the room with you. You felt your heartbeat in your throat and heard it drumming loudly in your ears. He was so close. You closed the door behind him, and you only realized what that suggested after you saw his cocky smile. You didn’t immediately leave the room. You stayed there with him. It was painful to admit – even just to yourself -, but you wanted to be there with him.

He stepped closer, practically caging you between the door and his body. You felt your heart racing and your head spin as you looked up at his gorgeous face. Neither of you said anything, you were just searching his face, eyes darting between his gaze and his lips as you weren’t sure what to do. You didn’t realize he was looking at your lips as well, his breath fanning your face. He slowly leaned in; his lips were barely hovering above yours. Your heartbeat went into full overdrive, and you let his lips linger there for a second before you closed the gap and kissed him.

It all seemed to happen so fast you weren’t even sure it was real. You wrapped your arms around his neck and buried one of your hands in his hair as he was locking the door behind you. In any other circumstances he would be fuming about you ruining his hair, but not now. His hands were tracing your body as he pulled you into him – from your back to your sides, leaving goosebumps in their wake before they finally settled on your bottom as he pulled you even closer. Your nerves were on fire, and you felt waves of arousal wash over you.

When you broke away to get some air, he wasted no time and started to plant small kisses on your cheek, slowly moving to your throat before settling at the soft spot between your neck and clavicle. You moaned his name which made him smile against your skin. You couldn't help but smile too. Somewhere a tiny voice in the back of your mind scolded you for being so euphoric about this whole situation, but you didn’t care. All you cared about is Jamie’s lips on you and the way his hand sneaked under your dress and drew hot circles on your skin.

“My name never sounded so pretty before” he mused before he pushed the strap of your dress aside to kiss a mark onto your skin just above your breast. Your breath hitched as you tried to make him stop.

“Stop it, people will see” you whined, which just encouraged him even more. You felt the prickling sensation on your skin, you were sure he’s going to leave a mark. When he finished, he adored his masterpiece before planting a soft kiss on the red spot he left behind.

“Maybe I want that, love” he whispered against your ear as he caressed your thighs. “I want everyone to see that you’re my girl.”

The sudden possessiveness caught you off guard and you let out a small whimper. Your common sense was thrown out of the window a while ago and at that moment that was all you wanted as well – everyone to see that you were his girl. He stopped for a second to look into your eyes. He placed his hands on your cheeks and pulled you in for another kiss. You saw stars as he kissed you with the passion of a starved man, his tongue gently caressing your lips before he went all in.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, and in a second, he lifted you by your thighs. You wrapped your legs around his hips which caused one of your shoes to fall off as he started to back towards the sofa. While doing so, he bumped into the small table, knocking his drink over. You both chuckled before he finally sat down, with you straddling him.

Your dress was ridden all the way up your thighs, making your black lace panties visible, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Jamie. His gaze seemed hungry, like he was ready to devour you any second, and you felt the heat creeping up to your ears.

“I see someone was planning on getting laid tonight” he said teasingly.

“Oh, fuck off, Jamie!”

“C’mon love I’m just messing with ya” he smiled at you before he put his hand on the back of your head and pulled you in for another kiss. He was smiling into it, the bastard. In this position you couldn’t help but feel his bulge press against you, which made your blood boil in your veins. You wanted him so bad. You let out a shaky breath as you unconsciously started to grind yourself against his clothed length. Jamie moaned under you, and he furrowed his brows like he was trying to focus on the sensation, nothing else.

You slowly unbuttoned his shirt, leaving kisses on his chest as you progressed, and when you finished you slightly pushed it off his shoulders. You were mad for him, and even though you didn’t want to admit, you wanted nothing more than him fucking you right then and there. Little did you know that Jamie was feeling the same.

He looked at you with those gorgeous puppy eyes and you couldn’t help yourself anymore. You planted open mouthed kisses on his sharp jawline, neck, down his chest. You felt bold all of a sudden, and started to suck a mark onto his neck, which he rewarded with a groan. You took a second to examine the red mark you left on his skin before you licked it softly to ease the pain left in its wake. Jamie was a moaning mess under you, bucking his hips into you involuntarily, his hands gripping your thighs for dear life. You felt bold, wanted, sexy. Like a million bucks.

“Jamie, I want you to fuck me” you whispered into his ear, and you thought his soul left his body in that second.

“Fucking hell, angel” he answered and instantly one of his hands was in your hair, pulling you into another kiss, his other hand pushing your dress higher on your body, until your whole ass was exposed. “Such a greedy lil’ thing, aren’t ya?”

He looked at your dampened underwear as he hovered his finger over it, then swiped one big stroke from your entrance to your clit through the damp fabric. You shut your eyes and threw your head back from the sensation. Finally feeling his touch on you was like heaven. The flames of need were eating away at your body, and you weren’t sure how long you can stand the teasing.

“Please, Jamie”

“You’re fucking cute when you beg” he said, a cocky grin on his face, but before you could say anything, he hooked one of his fingers into your panties, and pulled them aside, exposing you completely. You felt flustered, your confidence wavered. He didn’t leave you time to overthink, because he pushed one of his fingers into you without any difficulty. You let out a moan which he mirrored before he spoke. “Shit, all this for me? I don’t deserve you.”

“You’re damn right you don’t” you chuckled as he started to pump his finger into you, before quickly adding another one. He smiled at you as you rested your forehead against his, slowly riding on his fingers. With his free hand he managed to pull down the strap of your dress enough to free your breast and he started to kiss and nib on your sensitive skin, leaving another hickey just above your nipple.

You hissed at the sensation and bucked your hip a bit harder, making him press into you deeper. Jamie’s fingers felt like they were made for you, and he damn well knew how to use them. As you started to ride him a bit harder, he started to curl his fingers inside you to press against your sweet spot and started circling his thumb against your clit with just the right amount of pressure, it made you see stars. You were a moaning, whimpering mess as his fingers fucked you senseless, pushing deeper and deeper with every movement.

“I know, love” he whispered between kisses. You bit down on his lower lip before you tongues started to dance around each other, and he moved his free hand to cradle your breast and caress your hardened nipple. It was all too much – his lips on yours, his hand on your tit and his fingers fucking you like there was no tomorrow.

You felt tension build in your body, your nerves wind up, ready to be released any second. You started riding his fingers harder and faster, chasing that high you felt was so close.

“C’mon angel, come for me, that’s it. That’s my good girl” he whispered against your lips, and just after a few more pumps of his fingers you came crashing hard with Jamie’s name falling from your lips like a prayer, your veins filled with fire as your vision turned white.

He wrapped you in his arms and started to draw circles on your bare back as you came down from your high while he placed small kisses into the crook of your neck and on your temple. After a minute of collecting yourself, you sat up and kissed him again as you started to undo his belt. You definitely weren’t unaware of the huge bulge in his pants, and you wanted to ease his suffering.

He just watched you do it, with one of his arms spread across the back of the sofa. He looked mesmerized by how beautiful you were. After you finished with his belt you undid the buttons of his slacks and pulled them down with his underwear. He just watched you and you could swear he was holding his breath.

You bit your lip as you took the view in, before you started slowly stroking his hard member. He threw his head back and he moved his hand to caress your cheek. You continued to slowly jerk him off, but you couldn’t help yourself. You licked the tip of his dick, and you made it a show. It was slow, sensual, and you looked at him for the whole time. When he caught your eyes he let out a shaky breath and involuntarily bucked his hips towards your face.

You swiped your tongue against his shaft before you took him fully into your mouth and started bobbing your head. His hand moved to tangle in your hair as he guided your rhythm slowly. He moaned under your touch, loving the way your lips felt around him. You started to pick up your pace a little and he rolled his hips against your face. His hand started to push you deeper onto his cock, and the feeling of his length in your throat made your eyes swell up, and you moaned around him.

“C’mon love” he said and guided you away from him, back onto his lap. You straddled him again, his now bare dick pressed against your wet pussy, and you saw stars from the sensation. “Maybe next time we’ll finish that, yeah? But now I want all of you” he said as he aligned himself to your entrance.

Next time was all you heard in your head. You leaned down to kiss him before you slowly lowered yourself onto him. You relished in the sensation of his cock filling and stretching you inch by inch, it was delicious. Jamie’s lips parted slightly as he threw his head back, enjoying the moment just as much as you did. As he bottomed out, you kept still for a second, barely moving before starting to roll your hips, slowly lifting yourself before coming down again.

“Jamie” you whined, and you held onto his shoulders for dear life as you rode him. His fingers dug into your skin at your hips where he held you. You moved so perfectly in sync it was like you were made for each other, the way he rolled his hips into you made you see stars.

“So good for me, love. Taking me so well, my good girl” he whispered against your lips after he sat up, wrapped you into a tight hug and kissed you. He swiped his tongue against your swollen lips, and you bit down on his. You dug your fingers into his hair as you started moving faster and faster, getting overwhelmed by the sensation.

Jamie moved his hand from your hair to your cheek, swiping your lips with his thumb before pushing it into your mouth. You licked it slowly before he pulled it away and moved it to your swollen clit. You gasped at the perfect feeling of his finger being on you again, before he started to circle his thumb around the sensitive bud. You felt your walls tighten around him, which ripped a moan from his lungs. He never stopped his movements, he fucked into you like he never wanted anything else.

“Taking me so well, babe. So tight for me” he whispered against your burning skin. His words poisoned your mind, and they ran through your veins, igniting everything inside you. You buried your head into his shoulder as you felt your climax approaching. He was filling you up so perfectly, his dick hitting your sweet spot with every thrust. He was gripping your thigh so hard you wondered if it’s going to leave a mark. You kind of hoped it would. You felt the knot in your stomach tighten, and his name fell from your lips like a prayer.

“Jamie, I-“ you gasped and you dug your nails into his shoulders.

“That’s it, angel. Come for me” he moaned against your ear and you knew he held himself back. You rolled your hips against him once, twice, all your nerves wind up before they inevitably snapped, and another orgasm washed over you. You moaned into Jamie’s mouth – your vision went white, your muscles clenched around him as you came, which gave him what he needed to reach his own high as well, hugging you tightly onto him. The silence in the room felt deafening all of a sudden. You nuzzled your face into the crook of Jamie’s neck, and he started to slowly caress your hair as he hugged you close.

After your nerves calmed down a bit you started to collect yourself and he helped you to clean up the mess. He took your hand and kissed you, before looking into your eyes.

“So… do you want to get out of here?” His grin was the widest you’ve ever seen and you laughed.

“Yeah, sure” you chuckled as he wrapped his arm around you.

***

The next morning you woke up to your phone ringing. It was Keeley.

“Yeah?” you asked in a sleepy voice, looking over at Jamie who was laying next to you, his arm wrapped around your waist. You were in his bed. He was already awake, looking at you with a sheepish smile.

“So, I know you don’t want to talk about this” Keeley started, her energy through the roof, she spoke so fast you barely had time to acknowledge her words, “but I think you should talk to Jamie. You should tell him you’re into him!” A very telling laugh found its way past your lips before you spoke and you heard an audible gasp on the other side of the line.

“I think he knows” you said to Keeley while looking at Jamie, who was now chuckling next to you as he kissed your free hand.

[barrenclan]

I’m not sure if this is the place to ask but, could you make a list of some sort so all of the sci fi stories the titles of the epilogues are pulled from are in one place? Obviously after the epilogues are done of course! I really love the inclusion of them I think it’s super neat!!

Sure thing, I'm glad you like em. Once again I highly recommend reading all these - most can be found for free online.

Epilogue 1: "Nightfall" by Isaac Asimov

Epilogue 2: "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" by Harlan Ellison

Epilogue 3: "Arena" by Fredric Brown

Epilogue 4: "It's a Good Life" by Jerome Bixby

Epilogue 5: "Baby Is Three" by Theodore Sturgeon

Epilogue 6: "The Cold Equations" by Tom Godwin

Epilogue 7: "Tortoiseshell Cats are Not Refundable" by Cat Rambo

Epilogue 8: "Story of Your Life" by Ted Chiang

Epilogue 9: "Microcosmic God" by Theodore Sturgeon

Epilogue 10: "Mimsy Were the Borogoves" by Lewis Padgett

[louloulemons-posts]

Teddy

Eddie Munson X Reader

Summary : Reader has a nickname for Eddie that melts his heart.

Word Count : 1.6k

Warnings : Pure fluff, reader cries a little, minor talk of Eddies mom passing, talk of heads being chopped off, swears, pet names, use of Y/N, not proofread, just fluffy goodness.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Walking into the cafeteria, you look around for your boyfriend and his friends. Wandering over to the noisy boys, you smile, slipping into the seat beside his.

In the middle of a rant about hellfire, he rambled on about the others whining about lack of knowledge of his newest campaign.

“What’s the point of me,” he paused, kissing you cheek and placing his ring decorated hand on your thigh, giving it a squeeze.

“-Telling you anything about it, it kinda defeats the object. You’d get through it too easy.”

“Can’t we just have a hint what we’re up against?” Jeff asked.

“Yeah man you wiped the floor with us last time,” Mike complained.

“Maybe it’s cause you’re shit,” Eddie shrugged, to which you lightly punched his shoulder. “What?” He asked.

“Don’t be mean Teddy, give ‘em a hint.”

You looked away from him, pulling your lunch out of your bag. A sandwich, some cherries and a bottle of water. “Fine, it’s sort of similar to last time. Just remember how many things can hide in the dark.”

“Wow thanks for zero help,” Dustin said. Eddie just shrugged, as you slid half of your sandwich over to him. “Here you go Teds.”

Kissing your head he smiled, “Thanks Sweet Girl.”

“You busy later?”

“No why?”

“What to rent a movie?”

“Sure, want a movie night?”

“Mhm, you can stay if you want. Parents won’t mind Teds.”

He went quiet as he nodded, taking a bite out of his half of the sandwich. You noticed how his cheeks were flushed, and through his thick curls you could see his ears red.

“You alright?”

“Yeah Sweetheart I’m good, foods nice.”

“Want any cherries?” He nodded, handing him a couple, you offered them to the other boys as well.

A few of them took some, all thanking you for the offer.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Lunch was uneventful after that, until your friend Chloe came running in. “Y/N,” she said, placing a hand of your shoulder.

Turning to her, you smiled, “Hey Clo, everything okay?”

“Do you think you could help me with moving my project, it’s almost breaking and I need to get it to our next class.”

“Oh yeah sure.” You packed away your lunch and stood from the table.

Throwing your bag over your shoulder, you leaned down to peck your boyfriends lips. “I’ll meet you at the van,” he said.

“Okay, see you later Teddy.” You and Chloe waved goodbye to the others and headed out.

“So um … Teddy huh?” Gareth teased.

“Shut up!” He said.

“But it’s cute! I’m gonna start calling you that now, Eddie Teddy.”

“Fuck off, only Y/Ns allowed to call me that.”

“Aww why?” He asked.

“Uh cause she’s my girlfriend you dick.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Standing by Eddies van you saw him walk out of the building, saying goodbye to Dustin and wandering over to you. You smiled and waved slightly as he made his way.

“Hey Sweetheart,” he smiled.

“Hey Teddy,” you said, standing on your tiptoes to kiss him. Taking your bag off you shoulder, he offered you his hand as you climbed in the van, placing the bag by your feet.

“Thanks.”

“Always.” He walked around to his side and began to drive out of the parking lot. “So what are we getting? Horror, sci-fi or are you gonna make me sit through a chick flick?” He asked.

“You always ask that, but you get so into them!”

“Do not!”

“Lies. I know you love them really Teds.”

“Mhm whatever you say.”

“Well I was thinking, I pick a movie for you, and you pick one for me.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“I’ve got popcorn at home and candy, so it’s just the movies.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Walking into Family Video, Eddie kissed your cheek and spoke, “I’m just gonna go say hi, go pick out the movie Sweetheart.”

“Okay.” Waving to the pair behind the counter before walking away down the aisle.

“Hey Munson.”

“Harrington, Buckley. How are we?”

“Good, you hear to use our discount?” Steve asked. “You know it.”

“How’s it going with Y/N?” Robin questioned.

“She’s great. It’s great.”

“I’m so glad I introduced you.”

“Yeah me too, I’ll owe you forever. Can’t believe she’s stuck around.”

“Coming up to six months now right?” The other boy asked.

Eddie nodded. “So movie night? Her parents like you?”

“Her dads a metal head himself Steve, of course he likes him!” Steve held his hands up in defence at Robins words. Eddie laughed, “Yeah they’re great people, really nice. Makes sense though, having that Sweet girl as their daughter.”

“Talking about me?” You popped up besides Eddie. “You? Sweet? Nah,” The curly haired boy teased. You bumped his side, letting out a playful sigh. “Go pick your movie Teds,” you said.

“What did you get?”

“It’s called Highlander. Looks good.”

“Oh yeah it’s cool,” Steve agreed, “I watched it the other day, insane, but great.”

“Perfect! Now go pick,” you pushed him towards the aisle lightly.

“Jesus, you tryna get rid of me?”

“Me? Get rid of you? Never!”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

“Okay so I have Sweet and Salty popcorn, M&Ms and Reece’s. Help yourself,” you said, climbing on the couch next to Eddie. “Did you plan this?” He asked.

“I was just really hoping you’d be up for it,” you explained. “I’m always up for spending time with you Sweetheart.” You smiled, and snuggled into him.

“Okay kids we’re heading out now, we’ll be home at 1 at the latest,” your mom said, popping her head round the door. “Okay, have fun,” you waved to her.”

The pair shouted to goodbye to you and Eddie and were on their way. “Okay which movie first?” You asked.

“Well one has Sean Connery and one has Bowie so either ones a good pick.”

“We should start gory and end sweet?”

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll put it in.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Soon enough you were sat together watching Highlander. Scottish warriors were freaking out because a man named Connor had come back from the dead.

“I think this was a good pick,” Eddie said.

“Thanks Teds, I’m glad your enjoy it.” Once again you noticed his face flushing. “Why do you do that?” You asked.

He looked away from the screen to face you, “Do what Sweet girl?”

“Go all blushy?”

“I’m not!”

“You are, your cheeks are all pink and I bet your ears are warm.” You reached out to feel, but he leaned away.

“Let me feel!”

“No! Get away from my ears.”

“Let me feel them!”

“No you little monster. Get back,” he shuffled to the edge of the couch.

You crawled after him, leaving him trapped. Reaching out again, you successfully touched his ear, it was burning. “Aha! I knew it!”

“Shush! Watch the movie! Look it’s Sean Connery.”

“No no, I’m pausing it.” You reached for the remote and paused it on the older man’s face.

“What’s going on? You know you can tell me anything?” You said softly, fully facing him. Legs crossed and hands in your lap. “I know sweetheart it’s just ..” he sighed.

“It’s okay Teddy. Take your time.”

“It’s that.”

“What?”

“Teddy.”

“Teddy?”

“When you call me Teddy I just,” he groaned, leaning back into the plush couch. “Do you not like it? I can stop,” you said, terrified that you’d made your lover uncomfortable.

“No!” He almost shouted. “Please don’t stop. I love it, so much,” he said, reaching out for your hand. “Then why’s it bad?”

“Oh sweet girl it’s not. It’s so far from bad, if makes my heart burst and my brain turn mushy.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah oh. Haven’t had anyone call me Teddy in a long time. When you first did it, it scared me, but I love it so much.”

You played with the rings on his fingers, “Who else called you Teddy?”

“My mom. Her little Teddy, said Edward was too grown up for me yet. Wayne was the one who started calling me Eddie after everything that happened.

“He called me Teddy once and I freaked. Said only mom could call me that, and now she was gone no one could. But then you came along, and damn sweetheart … you changed everything.

“So sweet and kind and beautiful. You called me Teddy and I felt so loved, only two ladies have made me feel like that. That’s how I knew it’d have to be you, you’d be my one and only girl. I just love you so much.”

You sniffled, rubbing your glassy eyes. “Oh no, oh Sweetheart. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you,” Eddie said, panicked, pulling you into his lap.

“You didn’t! It’s just so sweet. I’m so happy I make you feel like that. So honoured that you let me call you Teddy.”

“I am your Teddy, like I was hers, and I’m Wayne’s Eddie or Son.”

“You said something else to Teds.”

“I did didn’t I?” He asked, to which you nodded. “Well it’s true Sweetheart, I love you. Think I have from the day Robin introduced us.”

“I love you too Teddy.” He cupped your face with his hands, metal chilly on your face, but his warm palms comforted you. Leaning in he kissed your lips softly.

You pulled him back in, holding onto his shirt. Making the kiss more passionate, opening your mouth slightly, letting his tongue slide in.

After making out until you needed to breathe, you smiled at him, “I love you so much my Teddy.”

“I love you too Sweet girl, now come on let’s watch some guys chop each others heads off.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave any requests 🤍

[dottie-n-stripes]

Ok this is going to be a little bit rambly but I promise its going somewhere, so;

On the subject of Darius sharing his name with a series of SHMUPs where you fight mechanical fish + marine life of an eldritch origin (Darius lore is mental), one of the series' most enduring in-jokes comes from the second game, curtesy of the music that plays during the first stage. The intro to the song has (english) pilot chatter mixed into it- and its mostly standard stuff, sci-fi technojargon and the like... until all of a sudden the lady speaking just goes "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A THING CALLED 'TUNA SASHIMI'", in what I *think* was meant to be a James Bond style wordplay one liner (cos, y'know, fighting fish innit), but it instead comes off as a contextless non-sequitur. I'm not sure what the policy on throwing links into asks is but it's fairly easy to search- it's the song titled Olga Breeze.

ALL OF WHICH IS TO SAY, bringing it back on topic; I now personally headcanon that Darius (the octoling) has never had Tuna Sashimi, and would really like to try some, but something always prevents him from being able to do so. Why? For my own amusement and absolutely nobody else's. The thought of this terminally grumpy and stoic man having a lifelong food craving that forever goes unfulfilled despite his best efforts scratches the same absurd comedy itch as him being weirdly attached to owning an iPad, at least for me. Let My Man Have Some Tuna Sashimi

(ok thats it rambly tangent over thank you for coming to my ted talk)

:pensive:

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

Cancelled

Jake Lockley x GN!Reader • Rating: T •Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | requestinfo• MK Bingo 2024 Masterlist• ko-fi •

Summary: Your plans change.

🌛For @moonknight-events MK Bingo Spring 2024 Event🌜

A/N: Sat on a few of these fics for ages because I'm overthinking them, but thought 'ahhh, I need to post them now in time for the event!' Having a deadline is very helpful.

Warnings: Reader experiencing some sensory issues, Jake reading smutty books, overuse of italics, typos, not beta read, rail-road sentences, please let me know if I've missed a warning!

Word Count: 801

Your phone buzzes on the bed. The drone is muffled slightly by the pillow it’s under. You finish fixing your outfit in the mirror and sigh. 

The material was ever so slightly wrong today. Normally it was fine, but now the feel of it just irritated you. But this was the seventh outfit you’d tried on and honestly if you were going to make it to the restaurant by 8pm, even with Jake’s ingenious driving, you had to leave now. 

You pick up your phone, glancing at the screen as you unlock it. 

One message. 

From one of your friends you were meeting up with. Probably something along the lines of ‘see everyone soon’. Usually you were excited to see them. They were some of your oldest and dearest friends, and you loved their company. But today it just felt off. Getting dressed up and going out. Eating at a semi expensive (for your budget anyway) restaurant that you didn’t even like that much. Putting on your ‘social interaction face’. It all just seems far too exhausting. 

Your eyes widened as you read the messages on the group chat. 

‘Can’t make it, stupid traffic at the tunnel! Been stuck for 50 mins and haven’t moved!’

‘I can’t either, babysitter fell through!’

‘So sorry everyone, maybe it’s for the best, I’ve got a horrible headache and was gonna power through, but maybe it’s best if we reschedule?’

The last message had you at-ted. 

‘It’s that okay with you? Sorry you let you down! <3’

Relief floods your veins and you hastily type a, ‘no worries, let’s reschedule’, adding several happy face emojis out of paranoia that your message could be misread, before you wish everyone well and to have a good evening. 

Jake hears you throw your bedroom door open, but doesn’t glance up from where he’s slouched over your armchair reading. It’s one of those bodice-ripping paperbacks from the 80s with the fabulously illustrated covers. Jake’s guilty pleasure. While he knows that Marc and Steven wouldn’t care, and most likely wouldn’t be bothered at all by his reading choices, he also very much does not want them to know. A feeling he’s sure he should try to unpack at some point. 

But that was a future Jake task. 

Which is why he’d taken to either hiding them behind the cistern in Steven’s flat or keeping them at yours, tucked neatly on your bookshelf (with your permission) behind a row of your books. 

“You ready to go amor?” He asked as he turned the page. 

You bounded over to him, ripping your stupid, itchy top off in the process. “Excellent news!” You stopped in front of him, smacking your hands onto the armchair for emphasis. 

Jake didn’t even flinch, half absorbed in his book and half used to your dramatic flare.

“Oh?” He glanced up at you and paused, a small frown of interest crossing his face. “You don’t have a top on.” 

“Exceptional observation skills Lockey.” 

He smirks. 

“Guess what?” 

“You’re embracing a new life as a nudist?” 

“The meal’s cancelled.” 

“What?” 

“The meal’s cancelled. You know cancelled, as in not happening.” You grin.

He gives you a playful look and swats your upper arm softly with his book. (His middle finger pressed inside to keep his page.) “I know what cancelled means, why?”

“Traffic, no babysitter, and headache.” You list the reasons as you count them on your hand excitedly. 

He smiles. “Really weren’t feeling it today were you?”

“How could you tell?” You say playfully. 

“Well, you kicking the door open to tell me was a good give away.”

You laugh.

“Plus, you really were leaving it pretty fine to get there on time.” He slips his bookmark between the pages and puts the book down on the floor before inching forward, he wraps his arms around your waist and gently pulls you into his lap, giving you plenty of time to step back if you wanted to. “I know how much being late makes you anxious.” 

You snuggle up to him, wrapping your own arms around his shoulders and kissing his cheek. His day old stubble rubs against your skin. But this sensation is comforting. Like home. 

“So you letting it get to this time without us going, or without you telling me off for reading instead of putting my shoes on.” 

“I don’t tell you off.” You grumble, your words muffled by how your mouth is pressed against his neck. 

Jake laughs. “Playfully.”

You tut affectionately. “Alright, playfully.” You adjust your position on his lap, getting comfortable. 

“So, what do you want to do tonight?” He presses a light kiss to your temple.

“Hmm, how about… pizza and you can read some of your smutty book to me?” 

He laughs again and kisses your lips. “Sounds good.” 

____________________________________________

Thank you for reading!

@pleasurebuttonwrites @raven-rk @campingwiththecharmings @alexxavicry @whatthefishh @romanarose @strangerhands @saturn-rings-writes @lonelyisamyw-0love @queerponcho @steven-grants-world  @eyelessfaces @angel-of-the-moons @minigirl87 @lunar-ghoulie @silvernight-m @autismsupermusicalassassin @apesarecuul @reallyrallyauthor @basicalyrandom @alwaysmicado @mangoslushcrush @marc-spectorr @soft-girl-musings  @spxctorsslxt @novarosewood

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[friendly--interstellar--stardust]

allah would not be disgusted by the terrorists taking non-muslim lives. i think you need to read the quran properly. people who are not of the book (muslims, jews, christians) are considered fair game by muhammad pbuh. islam is a jihad and must continue to be so until the caliphate has been established. muhammad pbuh is very clear about this. hindus are denying the rightful place of allah and muhammad pbuh and so deserve to die as the kafirs they are. i think you've fallen into the trap of thinking wishy washy apostates and their pathetic "uwu i hate everything about the quran but i'll still call myself muslim" belief system are the real muslims. they aren't. they are not even muslim and they will burn in the hellfire. the quran is the word of muhammad pbuh and must not be adapted in any way. death to all non believers. if you are upset by that then you need to ask yourself why you refuse to welcome the light of allah into your life instead of continuing to insult islam by refusing it.

Oh wow, look at you, Prophet of Psychopathy, typing up genocidal fanfiction like it’s a TED Talk. Newsflash, you bootlicking bottom-tier extremist: no god worth worshipping would high-five you for being a murderous, brainwashed little piss stain. You’re not a warrior of faith, you’re just a socially rejected incel with a God complex and a Wi-Fi connection.

You think death threats make you holy? Nah, bitch—you're just the kind of pathetic loser who couldn't get a real purpose in life, so you decided to cosplay as a jihadi philosopher while living off someone else's broadband. Call it jihad, call it caliphate, call it whatever delusion helps you sleep—you’re still just a future documentary on 'What Went Wrong With These Dumbasses.'

This isn’t religion. This is a disease. A festering, coward-fueled ideology that feeds on dead bodies and calls it 'holy work.' You don’t believe in God, you believe in bloodlust. You worship violence, hide behind scripture, and jerk off to the fantasy of mass murder while calling it 'faith.'

You know what your ideology is? It’s the last refuge of brain-dead cowards who are too fking lazy to build something, so they’d rather burn everything down. You wear your hate like armor because deep down, you know you’re nothing. No soul, no vision, no empathy. Just rage and rot and the delusion that killing innocents makes you ‘righteous'.

You call it jihad, caliphate, divine justice—whatever medieval bullshit you use to excuse genocide—but it’s just terrorism with a fancier font. Your ideology thrives on the corpses of kids, the tears of mothers, and the silence of cowards.

There’s a special kind of pathetic in celebrating murder because your 'book' tells you others don’t deserve to live.

You aren’t devout. You’re diseased. You aren’t righteous. You’re radicalized filth. And if karma has any sense of timing, may it return to you in ways you’ll never see coming. The world doesn’t need your ideology. It needs it buried, burned, and banned.

Your ideology is less ‘faith’ and more ‘terrorist cosplay for brain-dead losers who couldn't pass 5th grade without blaming someone else.’ You don't follow a path—you follow your pathetic, violent urges and slap holy words on them to sound important. You're not a warrior, you're a goddamn parasite.

Mocking innocent lives lost? That’s your grand contribution to humanity? Pathetic. Your entire ideology is built on the corpses of better people than you’ll ever be.

You call it sacred? I call it psychotic. You call it righteous? It's repulsive. It’s not a mission, it’s a fking tantrum that’s lasted centuries—led by crusty zealots too scared to think for themselves. The world sees you. You are not holy. You are a walking, talking warning sign for why extremism needs to be burned to ash and flushed out of every society.

[neoyi]

☀️"I'm in the race, but I've already won And getting there can be half the fun So don't stop me 'til I'm good and done Don't you try to rain on my Perfect day" 🌙

Oh, boy, time for another Resh'an/Specter fancomic, in which Resh'an tries to improve his social life and Shopkeeper, oddly, has a problem with that. This one will be 16 pages. Here's the first half. Takes place after "Moonlight Jellies."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

⭐ bsky / Prince Marine: The Dandy Robot (webcomic) / itch.io / Ko-Fi ⭐

More info under the "Keep Reading.

This takes place after "The Messenger." Since a lot of a Messenger's duty is cyclical, even after Ninja ends the Demon Army, that doesn't mean other time periods and alternate worlds are safe. So the Order's job is never done. Plus, I assume they're also just keeping an eye out for any kind of strange anomaly throughout space/time, so... they got their work cut out for them.

I have not read ever single ARG Sabotage Studios released, so I'm not a 100% sure on what Shopkeeper or any Order's relationship is with Resh'an. I chose to stick with them being, for lack of better analogue, work buddies. Resh'an is not associated with the Blue Robes and vice versa (though I believe that's canon), they just have similar goals concerning time and space.

I colored in Shopkeeper's robes a different shade of blue to let her stand out from Arty and Prophet. The bowling shirts also have little pins to further differentiate the three. They each have different height and weight, but I wanted to visually add some stuff so you can peg which one is which.

Why does Prophet sense Death in Specter Knight? Oh, maybe he's just more in-tune with the greater cosmos around him, who knows?

Specter Knight and Resh'an both agree Garrus is hot, but the latter liked the brooding tragic figure of Thane and Specter was kind enough to let his boyfriend choose the romance path.

I think Resh'an would enjoy her stories and provide good commentary. But he was so fucking burnt out that he kind of tuned out to most of them. Plus, you can only live for so long before you realize all her tales were stuff he's already heard some variation of over the millennia.

...Resh'an does like hearing about myths and stories about Death now that he's dating Specter. He likes asking the latter what, if any, confirmation or feelings he has towards many of them (he is very amused by the befuddling mess version of Death portrayed in the Bill and Ted films.)

[nerdqueenmari]

Guys, I hate doing this. It makes me feel like I'm begging for alms and like I can't take care of myself. But pride isn't worth starving for, so here goes.

I live in an apartment where internet is provided with the space. I have zero control over my internet, and no ability to negotiate anything with the ISP itself. I work remotely for a company with stringent security requirements because of the nature of the information we handle, and am only able to use a wired workstation provided by my employer. My internet has been down for three days now, so I've lost out on three days' work, and multiple calls to the middle man internet tech support has resulted in only non-updates of that they are working on it, but they have no idea when it will be back.

All this to say: Due to circumstances out of my control, I am going to come up $250+ short on my check this pay period, depending on how soon my internet is back (though with the holiday, it's unlikely there will be much work available even when my internet works). I know it's holiday time and we're all strapped and struggling, which is why I hate to need help, but the fact is that I do.

Last year, my partner @trashprinceward helped set up a Ko-fi when I was in difficult circumstances. Bros, I gotta bring it back, and I'm being flippantly casual because I don't like to be a burden on anyone or to look like I can't take care of myself. If you have a few bucks you can toss to someone extremely worried about not getting evicted and also being able to feed her adorable cat, it would be very, extremely appreciated.

Thank you for attending my TED Talk about swallowing my pride and asking for help from my friends. I expect nothing, but anything is appreciated, even just a signal boost. Thank you, guys. Thank you for all your support and companionship.

Marisa's Internet Catastrophe Fund

[lizthewriter]

love is so embarrassing / ted logan

PAIRING  ted logan x fem!reader

SUMMARY  you continually give your all to a jock who could care less - ted makes you realize there's mucb better options out there. namely, him.

TAGS  ted logan x fem!reader, high school, prom, og!boyfriend is a complete dick, best friends to lovers, fluff, angst, loser!ted, kissing, cursing, canon-typical lingo, most excellent

QUOTE  "just watch as i crucify myself, / for some weird second string, / loser who's not worth mentioning, / my god, love's embarrassing as hell," - love is embarrassing by olivia rodrigo

WORD COUNT 1.7K

WRITTEN  12.30.2023

ted -

you stormed into ted's bedroom, slamming the door behind you. ted watched from his bed with an expression of mostly shock, mingled with a slight bit of awe. you flopped onto his bed, buried your face into his pillow, and let out a feral scream. he placed down the magazine he'd been flipping through and held a finger next to your side, weighing the pros and cons of poking you to elicit a reaction. before he had time to do so, you immediately sat up with an angry pout and offered him the most sympathetic look you could while so angry.

"sorry, it's just . . . i hate him. i hate him! he said we would be spending the whole night together, but yet again he's made plans with his 'friends' and he's 'so so sorry.' honestly, i'm getting sick of it!"

oh, you were angry about that boyfriend of yours. ted wasn't a fan at all - the way he treated you was most heinous. he didn't really seem to care about you - if anything, he treated you like a side piece. no, Ted didn't like him one bit.

"don't be sorry," ted said, flashing you one of his trademark grins. somehow, just with a smile, he was always able to make you feel better. "I hate him too! a dickweed like him doesn't deserve a babe- i mean, a girl - like you."

your lips spread into a thin line, which he supposed was an attempt at a smile. "thanks teddy," you responded softly, patting him on the thigh. you tried to think about something else, move the topic of conversation away from your good-for-nothing boyfriend. "so, whatcha doing?"

"me?" ted asked, a little suprised that you were interested. you had spent a lot less time with him and bill ever since you started dating that douchebag. sometimes, he thought you had forgotten about him completely - and that made him feel totally bogus. thus, his eyes sparkled in excitement and he began to talk very fast because when was the last time you two had some time to just chat? "i'm just looking at these totally awesome dudes, to get uh - uh -" he glanced upwards in an attempt to remember the word he wanted to use. "well, i'm writing music for wyld stallyns and stuff."

"oh, cool!" you exclaimed. "can I see?"

"no!" ted responded, perhaps a bit too quickly. he didn't want you to see the many failed attempts at writing a most bodacious love song for you. "they're still, er, works in progress, dudette!"

"oh, well, all right!" you paused, lost in thought, before you asked, "wanna go watch a movie?"

you -

you had felt the guilt creep in rather quickly once you realized how much you'd been procrastinating on hanging out with your best friends, bill and ted. you had been so hyperfixated on your boyfriend that you had completely forgotten about your weekly movie night and failed to meet up with bill to help him paint some posters for a wyld stallyns. you decided to apologize by treating them to a day at the mall, buying ice cream and movie tickets for all of you.

while you and bill chatted vehemently about perhaps the coolest sci-fi film you've ever seen, ted was a bit preoccupied watching your so-called boyfriend get a bit too cozy with cindy. cindy, who most considered to be the prettiest girl in your grade, was head cheerleader (though you had always been the prettiest, in ted's mind). you noticed that ted was being uncharacteristically quiet and followed his line of sight. immediately, your jubilant expression fell to something much more hardened.

"of course he's here. why wouldn't he be." he somehow always found a way to ruin your best days - and who the hell was that he was copying up with?

"hey, wow, look over there!" bill said all of a sudden, pointing to the lower floor of the mall, in the opposite direction. you didn't notice the look that bill gave ted and glanced to where he was pointing. there was nothing there.

"i don't see anything," you said with furrowed brows, completely distracted now and confused as to what exactly bill had spotted. ted had rushed to your side and looked down as well.

"what? i don't-" ted let out what sounded like a small whimper of pain (you didn't see bill step on his foot). "oh yeah! duh! the thing, you didn't see . . . the thing?"

"what thing?" you asked exasperatedly.

"come on!" bill exclaimed, running towards the escalator. ted barked out a laugh before quickly following him in pursuit.

"wait, guys!" you didn't realize until you jad gotten home - they were distracting you from your so-called boyfriend. you couldn't help but smile the rest of the day.

ted -

you and ted walked off the bus together, laughing your asses off as you made the slow walk to your houses. the two of you had lived next to each other for as long as you could remember. the bond between the two of you had remained strong ever since.

ted watched as you through your head back with a bark of laughter and he admired the way your grin split your face, the way your hair tickled the nape of your neck, how the sun twinkled in your beautiful eyes. he was snapped back to reality when you had straightened out your head, your entire back even, and stared in suprise at someone sitting on your front lawn. they held a boombox, romantic music blaring through the speakers. they held a sign, one that made ted sick to the very depths of his stomach. will you go to prom with me?

ted had been planning on asking you that very same question later today. but it was too late - you were running up to that douchebag, your arms thrown around his neck as you shouted "yes!" rather a bit loudly. that sound is punctuated in his ears for the rest of the day.

later, when you were both sitting in his room doing homework (well, you were doing homework - he was sulking while pretending to write about history stuff) he placed down his pencil. this drew your attention.

"what do you see in him?" ted asked.

"what?" you responded with furrowed brows, obviously not yet accustomed to the sudden change in conversation.

"what do you see in him? your boyfriend? he's not - not smart or anything. not that funny. not even that good at football."

you leaned back and closed your math textbook. "what's that supposed to mean?" he felt uncomfortable now, at your offended tone, and wondered whether he should have spoke up at all.

"he just doesn't treat you right," ted grumbled. "you deserve to be treated most excellently - and he certainly does not treat you as such. you saw him with that girl at the mall."

you nodded slowly before gathering all your books together in a rush, fury painted all over your face.

"where are you going?" ted asked innocently.

"away from you," you responded harshly. "you know what i think, ted, I think you're jealous that i have a date for prom and you don't. don't pick on my boyfriend because your miserable."

"what, no, that's -" you held a hand to his face as you left his room, slamming the door behind you. "non-non-heinous, man."

you -

you smiled for the picture your parents took with you, your boyfriend, and bill and ted (the boys were glaring daggers at each other, not to your awareness). as you were ushered out the door, you were met by the sight of a limo out front.

you felt someone snake a finger under the strap of your dress, pulling it back and snapping it against your skin. you let out a yelp, slapping your boyfriend in the arm, half-serious. "ow!"

"well show a little more skin next time, missy, i thought we were having a fun time," he responded with another cruel chuckle. you wrapped your arma ariund your shoulders with discomfort, pulling the straps of your dress further upwards. yoy glanced towards ted, his teeth clenched and fists crumpled. maybe he was right. maybe he really was a douchebag. it was time you didn't let him treat you like shit.

"well if that's all you cared about tonight, getting your dick wet, then i suggest you find another easily-manipulated girl to be your prom bitch," you barked back sharply. as soon as you realized the words that had left your mouth, you slapped a hand over your mouth. bill arched a brow at ted in suprise, who let out a snicker.

"you find that funny, logan?" your (ex-)boyfriend said to ted.

"yeah, i do," ted responded, blowing out his chest, trying to seem tough. only a second later there was a sickening crunch, a blow dealt to his jaw. he fell down to the ground, his face turned away from you. you rushed over to ted, asking if he was okay. you only heard your ex scoff and walk back towards the limo.

"ted, let me see your face," you said gently. he turned his face towards you and you let out a gasp. his jaw was all bruised up. "oh god! i'm so sorry!"

"cool, dude! battle scar!" bill exclaimed excitedly, letting out a chuckle. ted pushed himself to be sitting upright, a grin spreading like an infection across his face.

"i totally pissed him off, didn't i?" ted asked, obviously very smug with himself despite having just been punched square in the face. "I told ya he was bogus."

"i should have listened to you earlier," you responded sheepishly, wincing at the memory of raising your voice at ted. "I wish i could make it up to you."

"well, there is a way . . ." ted trailed off, looking towards bill. he responded to ted with an ostentatious thumbs up, and ted returned to your gaze with another lazy grin. "go to prom with me?"

[ameenvie]

Over The Phone - jamie tartt x fem!reader

masterlist | ao3 | ko-fi | fic recs

Word count: 1.5k Pairing: Jamie Tartt x fem!reader Warnings: nsfw, smut, minors DNI!, phone sex, mutual masturbation, dirrrty talk Tags: smut Prompt/Summary: Kinktober day 6 - Phone sex. Speaks for itself, Jamie is at an away game without you and you miss him dearly A/N: Not much for this one, just want to thank the amazing people who beta-read this for me: @angelbarnes-rogers & @confessionsofatotaldramaslut!! ❤✨ I just hope you'll enjoy this! 🙏❤❤

Your phone started buzzing on the bed next to you, it lit up and you saw your boyfriend’s name on the screen alongside a funny photo of the two of you. It was quite late already, so you didn’t expect him to call but you quickly answered.

“I thought you were asleep already” you said in a low, sleepy voice.

“Nah, we were watching a film. No phones allowed” Jamie said on the other side of the line, his voice just as tired as yours.

Richmond had an away game at the weekend, and unfortunately this time you couldn’t travel to watch him play. It might’ve been silly, but you really missed him even though he was only gone for a day or two at times like these.

“That sounds fun” you replied and closed your book that you were reading, setting it on the bedside table. “Did Ted make you cry again?” you chuckled, and Jamie scoffed.

“I never cry on films.”

“Yeah, sure” you teased. “Don’t you have a curfew? It’s getting quite late.”

“Just wanted to hear your voice before going to bed” he paused before continuing. “I miss you.” His admission didn’t surprise you, but it made your heart swell and a warm feeling of love spread through your body. His words wrapped around you like a warm blanket on a winter evening.

“I miss you too, Jamie.” You shuffled under the covers, and he probably heard the sound of the fabric ruffling.

“You in bed?” he asked, and you swore his voice got a bit deeper than it was just mere seconds ago.

“Yeah. I wish you were here.”

“Me too, love” he paused for a second before he spoke again. “But don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you when I get home.” His voice was cocky, and you heard the smile in his voice.

“Yeah?” you chuckled. “Any particular ideas?” You knew exactly what he was alluding to. You already felt heat rise in your body and a tingling sensation settling in your stomach.

“You know it” he teased.

“Maybe, but...” you hesitated.

“Yes, angel?”

“I want you to tell me” you whispered and let out a shaky breath. Usually, you didn’t mind asking for what you want, hell, even begging – but you felt self-conscious now all of a sudden. Jamie let out a low hum on the other end of the line before he spoke again.

“You want me to tell you how I’d fuck you if I was there, hmm?”

“Fuck, Jamie” you breathed, squeezing your eyes shut. You put the call on speakers and set the phone onto the pillow next to you.

“Can’t last one day without me.”

You shuffled under the covers to get out of your underwear. Your breathing was already heavy, and he didn’t even begin.

“Don’t touch yourself yet. Want to take my time with you” he mused, and his voice was dripping with lust. You could basically see him in front of you – his hair loose and messy, lying on his hotel bed in a t-shirt and his boxers alone. It turned you on even more, the need to touch him stronger with every second.

“’tis what you think about all day when I’m away? How I’m going to fill you up when I get home?” his words were filthy, but you heard in his voice that he was smiling. The image of it burned into your mind and filled every small segment of it completely. “I bet it is.” You gripped the sheets next to your body as you listened to him, dying to feel some friction between your legs. You loved that filthy mouth of his and you couldn't deny it as moans and whimpers escaped your lips.

“It is” you whined, and he let out a low chuckle.

“Are you naked?”

“N-no” you stuttered. “In a top.”

“Be a good girl and take them off for me, hmm?” You heard fabric ruffling on the other side of the line before you took the hem of your spaghetti-strap top and pulled it over your head, the cold air of the room felt alien for a second, hardening your nipples. You squeezed your eyes shut as frustration began to rise in your body together with your neediness. You wanted to be touched so bad, even if it was only by your own hands. But you didn’t even think about cheating, you waited for Jamie’s next orders.

“Fucking hell, love if I was there, I’d make you feel so good, yeah? Kiss your pretty tits first, just how you like-“ he groaned, and he had to pause for a second. You figured forming sentences was just as hard for him as it was for you in this lustful haze. All you could think about was how much you wanted him. “Touch them” he commanded, and you obliged, your hand sneaking up to your breast as you squeezed it gently at first, but then a bit harder. You let out a shaky breath before your finger moved to slowly play with your nipple, circling and pinching it gently. You moaned loudly before you heard Jamie’s voice again.

“I want you to put your finger into your pretty little mouth and make it as wet as you can ‘aight love?” Flames were eating away at your body as heat rose to your ears before you put your index finger into your mouth and licked on it slowly. A brief thought of Jamie’s length in your mouth invaded your thoughts and you let out a loud moan.

“Touch yourself, babe. Like I would – I’d take my time with you, teasing that gorgeous pussy of yours” he mused, and you thought you heard him shuffle on the other side of the line, touching himself as well. You swiped your wet finger against your sensitive clit and you gasped, your back arching away from the bed. You started to rub slow circles around the sensitive bud and you rolled your hips against your palm. All Jamie could hear was your heavy breathing as he slowly palmed himself.

“Jamie” you whimpered his name as you continued your ministrations before you pushed a finger inside your dripping cunt. His name fell from your lips like a prayer.

“Feels good, hmm?”

“Not as good as yours” you admitted bashfully. “Can I- can I add another one, please?” Jamie groaned and cursed under his breath.

“Fuck, how could I say no to that?” he chuckled dryly, and you pushed another finger inside yourself. The stretch felt amazing but you knew it was nothing compared to Jamie being inside of you. You moved them in and out, your walls hugged them perfectly as you picked up your pace.

“Jamie?”

“Yes, love?”

“Are you touching yourself?” you asked between breaths as your other hand find its way to your clit, continuing where you left off.

“Fuck, babe” he moaned into the phone before he continued. “Yes I am.” You rolled your hips a bit stronger against your fingers and you felt your arousal soak them. “You like that, hmm?”

“Yes” you gasped.

“You like how I’m doing that while thinking of you?”

“What… Are you thinking about?” You bit your lip.

“About your perfect lil pussy, how I’d like to taste it. Fuck, angel I’d eat you out all night long, making you come ‘til you can���t talk.” You moaned out loud, Jamie’s words filling your thoughts, images of his head between your legs as he smiles at you devilishly as you can’t keep your composure. His name is all you can muster up, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.  You felt your nerves igniting and tension build in your every muscle, like a bow that’s ready to snap. You tightened the movements of your finger on your clit.

“And then I’d fuck you so good. I’ll make you feel so good, love.” His breathing started to become erratic and he found it harder and harder to keep going as his own high creeped up in him. He moaned between the words; you knew they turned him on just as much as they turned you on. “Fill your tight little cunt perfectly. You’d be so good for me, wouldn’t you babe?” Your fingers curled inside you to reach your sweet spot as his filthy words pushed you closer and closer to the edge.

“Jamie, I’m so-“ you gasped. “So close.” He moaned and picked up his pace as well.

“Come for me” he whispered. “With me.” His words were stuttering. Your breathing became more and more erratic by the second. “Fuck, love, I can’t wait to feel you around me, so good. I love you so fucking much.”

You felt your walls tighten around your fingers as the coil inside your body snapped as your orgasm washed over you. You fucked yourself through your high, your walls fluttering around your fingers as you came down. You still heard Jamie’s strained moans for a second before he reached his own release as well, cursing and moaning under his breath.

“You alright?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Fantastic” he answered. “Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“It’s gonna be worth the wait I promise.”

[therealdaydreamstark]

STARK RANTS ✨

Since it’s trending recently why not say my thoughts now??

Ok let me make this quick and simple.

Why the heck would Disney spend billions of dollars to make a Snow White remake with cheaply crafted costumes when we have the nice version right here?! 👇🏼

~ Like this is a ABC soap opera with romance, action, humor and gorgeous outfits (yes a good chunk of the show has a blue screen for scenes BUT STILL not the point!)

AND YET? It looks better in my opinion than the total drama disaster that the movie seems to be??

Disney you spent billions of dollars and your costumes look like Party City made them 🤨🙄🤣

Btw you watch season 1 to see how the tale went down on Disney Plus 🤔

Who knows I might change my mind slightly IF and when I see the movie? OR NOT! High chance I don’t see it period.

Anyways thanks for reading my Ted Talk 🥰 hope you enjoyed it!

——-

Tags: @ask-starrk @missstrawbs2001 1 @purpleprincessonfyre @wizzzardofoz z @thechoooooosenone e @rickb-chaos @whitefoxoxo h h @marvelsfavoriteuncle @elzabeth-stark @sci-fi-lexcon @jackiequick @blueboirick @gcthvile @aidanxsophxoxo @meiramel l l @trulysummersprivate @yetanotherwells @gaminggirlsstuff

[97keanu]

hi dearest, i loved your gorgeous response to my ask about getting high with keanuverse characters!

i’m stoned again, watching bill and ted and feeling creative…. the song “two heads are better than one” from the movie rlly has me lost in thought about just how great a bill and ted threesome would be

anyways, much love 😚

- 🍃anon

*˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳Ofc! As one crusty stoner to another, I love getting your asks hehe, and this one was actually the one that helped get my out of my writers block! <3 decided to add some holiday spice after finding out that San Dimas actually has had freak snow storms in the 90s.

Tags/CW: drugs/getting high obvi, stoner/skater!reader(they met b&t at the skate park hehe), threesome, oral (m/f receiving), p in v, p in a, double penetration, spitroast, soft doms!Bill + Ted, claiming, semi bimbo-fied, reader ends up feeling a bit dumb from how much c*ck she's taking, service top!Bill, commanding!Ted, primal-ish!ted, ted treats you like he owns you, objectification, you're basically a f*ck doll for bill and ted tonight, c*ckwarming.

The night's have grown long, and despite San Dimas usually keeping up the heat in the winter, today had dipped well into freezing degrees. The forecast, to everyone's dismay, predicted the snow storm of the century, and what better an opportunity than to bunker down and party with your boyfriend and his best friend..

Bill and Ted had already stocked their tiny apartment with snacks, VHS comedies they has rented, and enough weed to supply you all into next week. After your shift at the mall, you hurry to beat the snow that threatens to come down. You watch as a few straggling customers try to find something to do in the mall, but one after another, the lights of each store grows dim, until it's just you and other managers locking up. You head to your car as the wind picks up, prickling your nose with its cold hand. You arrived at Bill and Ted's place just as the flurries started to tumble, catching in your hair and melting as you come inside their cozy abode...

Ted is the first to greet you, taking the large pack of soda and groceries you brought from your hands with ease and smile. His warm lips kiss your chilly cheek and you feel the heat rising even more there. He takes your groceries to the kitchen to unload, and you follow, finding Bill sitting on the counter, a bag of potato chips already being devoured. His pale eyes are rimmed with red, making them seem so much bluer.

"Alright! Now we can finally party!" Bill cheers with a smile and offers you a high five.

You gladly accept, hoping get on his level soon yourself. Ted can sense this, and when he's done tossing the food into the fridge, he comes over and puts his arm around you.

"I held out until you got here, but Bill couldn't wait." He laughs, taking a lighter and joint from his orange coat pocket.

"We can share this one," he continues, and holds it out to your lips, placing it there when you're ready and lighting it for you.

You love when he takes care of you like that, treating you like his little princess and doing it all for you. It's what drew you in to him, the way he knew instinctively when to be there for you. Ever since he patched your knee up at the skatepark without hesitating, you've been head over heels.

What makes it better is, Ted has always known when to let you do it yourself as well. He's there to treat you right when you want it, but he doesn't think you need his help all the time. It's what made you two work so well.

You inhale your first hit, the smoke filling your lungs, expanding as you hold it. You pull Ted in, bringing his tall frame down to your level, and letting the smoke in your mouth find its way into his. He happily accpects, shotgunning the smoke while letting his lips finish with a well placed kiss at the end. You look into those deep chocolate eyes of his and can feel the smile that's forming on your lips.

Soon enough, you find yourself starting to feel the buzz, the joint getting smaller and smaller as the three of you make your way into the living room, plopping on the couch together. You somehow end up between Bill and Ted.

"We should like, totally put some flicks on, dude!" Ted says to Bill with a goofy grin.

"Right on! Let's watch Dazed and Confused!" Bill's eyes are droopy and his laugh happy.

You find yourself left next to him as Ted goes to pop the movie in. Your mind grows fuzzier and as you sit and giggle with Bill on the couch about dumb jokes, you find that funny feeling that's been finding its way in your stomach since you met the two stoners. You know you and Ted are dating, but when it started out, you weren't sure who you were more attracted to. You wonder if Bill still has residual feelings for you the way you do for him as his hand brushes yours on the couch.

Ted can see you two interacting from the kitchen, and to his own surprise, he smiles about it. He knows that when Bill and him first met you, that both of them liked you. He knows Bill was a good sport about it all, losing a rock, paper, scissors battle with Ted and backing off so that he could date you. Still, Ted wonders if it was ever possible that he could share you.

You however, have no idea that Ted has fantasized about letting Bill in on the relationship, so you pull your hand back from Bill's after a lingering pause. Ted rounds the corner of the couch and sits back down next to you, relighting up the end of the joint and sharing it with you once more.

You know if you get much higher you'll begin to feel it in your body, when it hits just right and every moment feels so much better than before. It's dangerous because of how horny that makes you. You know Bill and Ted share a room here, so it would be hard to find alone time with just Ted. As you inhale a particularly long puff, you begin to think it won't matter in the end, especially with the way Bill and Ted are looking at you now.

You place your hand on Ted's neck, softly beginning to pull him in to exchange the smoke in your lungs once more, but Ted moves. He takes his own hands to your cheeks, steadying you and pointing you into Bill's direction. Bill leans in, okay with the offer as long as Ted is, and you find yourself lost in those droopy, icy blue eyes once again.

His lips part, pressing against yours ever so softly. You're reminded once more that Bill has the face of an angel, and as you exhale into his mouth, it's as if he's stolen all the breath in your lungs. A tingle runs from your lips gently on his, and smoke swirls up into the air as it escapes the gaps between you two. You feel Ted's hands on your neck and waist, guiding you. Before you can think about what you're doing, your lips move against Bill's and suddenly all you can do is what feels good right now. You don't think too hard on the implications.

As your kiss deepens with Bill, you feel Ted on your neck, kissing and sucking there, his hands wandering your body. He pulls on your shirt a bit, and whispers in your ear, deep and husky, full of want.

"I want to show you off.."

You oblige, Bill breaking the kiss and watching as Ted helps to take your top off, undressing you slow. Even the way the fabric on your skin feels right now is making you horny. When it's gone, goosebumps form on your bare skin as the cold of the night rushes in to feast on it. The snow outside falls gently, with big lazy flakes layering on the ground.

Bill can't hide his smile, even if he tries. He loves the way your body looks, and the two men exchange glances over it, and you feel a bit like an object to be shown and played with for a moment. That makes the wetness that was budding between your thighs bloom even more, you start to love the idea of Bill and Ted taking their time with you, using you up like the toy you are. It's not even in a cruel objectification way. No, they're just two curious stoners who have needs that want to get out with your body, and you know if you asked them to stop they wouldn't hesitate. That trust between you three makes this all the better.

You let Bill part your legs, his hand running up your thigh and going so deep between them. A tingle rockets through your body at the touch, and Ted works on getting your bra off. Once it is, your nipples harden in the chilly air, and you look up with a smile, biting your lip and laughing as Ted eyes you hungrily. You've never seen him want you so bad.

Ted's warm mouth engulfs one of your nipples, while his hands move to tease the other. The sensation is almost overwhelming alone, but you're practically soaking from how Bill's hands move against your cunt, not yet finding their way around your panties. Bill keeps his hand there, playing with you beneath your skirt until you're moaning out. You gasp when he parts your legs further, getting on his knees between them and bringing your legs up to rest on his shoulders. You look down at those brilliant blue eyes and that smile of his, watching with suspense as he slowly pushes your panties to the side, letting your damp cunt get a taste of that cool air.

You practically writhe against them both just from that. Your moans increase as Bill dips his head deeper, his mouth warmly blowing against your exposed pussy. You cry out as his tongue laps up the whole of your cunt, making sure to wet all of you even more, being sure to taste you completely. Ted continues at your breasts, and the combination of the two already has you practically cumming. Being this high makes it so easy, makes every movement feel so much more extreme. You feel the heat of your high radiating off your body, particularly your cunt right now.

Bill continues, bringing his attention to your clit, circling slowly, then faster. He uses a flat tongue between to really give all of it attention at once, then drives you made when he sucks softly. Your hand finds his mess of blond curls and tangles in it, trying to keep him on your clit when he's sucking hardest, before being overstimulated and having to take a breath. The two men laugh a few times from how much you're enjoying this, and you feel like you're under such a microscope for them right now. Like something for them both to play with together.

"I want you to moan his name..." You hear Ted's voice whisper to you, and you glance into his eyes.

He wants this. He wants to see you submit to his friend the way you have to him. You bite your lip, trying to really feel ready for that, and as Bill's mouth sucks once more, you do, calling out his name.

"Bill...! Please, god...it feels so good...!" You cry out, cunt aching for more.

"You'll have to ask him to let you cum. Maybe even beg..." Ted continues to instruct, and you nod like the good little slut you are, brain empty of everything except pleasure and pleasing right now.

Your legs shake as you begin to come closer, your pussy bucking into Bill's mouth for any friction it can get. Your nipples are so sensitive, and Ted takes his time making sure each are sufficiently attended to, his hands sometimes roaming else where to squeeze and hold. You feel your pleasure rising, and you don't know how much more you can take.

"Please, Bill! I need to cum so badly..." You whimper out, and see him looking up at you, his hand moving to take over on your clit so he can speak.

"That's right, I want you to cum for me. I want you to be a good little toy and cum while moaning out my name for me." Bill commands, and you don't even try to deny him.

He puts his mouth back to your pussy, taking all of it once more, sucking and licking, a few small nibbles with well placed teeth sending you over the edge, driving you absolutely mad. You clutch his hair, clutch onto Ted who's begun to twist and bite your nipples the way you like, and waves of pleasure pass over your body as your legs shake and practically clamp down on Bill's head. Both men hold you fast, keeping you still, keeping your legs open as your ride out wave after wave of pleasure. You feel completely gone, your body stimulated beyond what you thought possible, and your orgasm goes on for far past what you thought it would. Bill and Ted are not ones to quit, however, and their tongues and hands keep you going until you're completely satisfied.

When your muscles finally give up, legs parting and falling to your sides, they both take a breather. Ted rests his head on your chest, that rises and falls quickly, tiredly. Bill rests his head on your inner thigh, eyes barely open, looking at you with a satisfied smile. The three of you take all the time you need to recover, simply enjoying laying there together. It's not like there's anywhere to go in the morning, the snow has piled up way past what they thought it would. You guys have all the time in the world to explore each other.

Bill is the first to move, reaching over and taking a deep hit of the joint once more. He passes it to Ted, who passes it to your lips once more. You wearily take another hit, unsure if you could even get much higher, but there's no way you're about to let them both out smoke you after that. Ted finishes his hit and puts the joint on an ashtray on the coffee table.

Ted helps move you, pulling you up til you're on your hands and knees on the couch. Every move you make sends shock waves of residual pleasure through your legs and stomach, and you have to bite your lip to keep from moaning from just that. Your cunt wants so much more now, aching to be filled and throbbing from what Bill's already done to you. You, almost helplessly, as Bill gets on the couch in front of you, his cock flopping out of his sweatpants as he pulls them down.

Ted moves behind you, and you can't see what he's up to, but in a moment, you feel the heat of the tip of his cock against your ass. You shiver as all of it flops against your ass, glancing back and seeing Ted measuring his cock there, seeing how it will fit so nicely and deeply inside of you. You turn back to Bill, and without having to be told, take his cock in your hand, stroking it and admiring how much girth he had.

You open your mouth, sticking your tongue out like the dumb little fuck doll that you are, and Bill takes advantage of that, slipping his cock in as deeply as possible. You want to cry out but it comes out choked from how deep Bill is in your mouth, still in utter pleasure from how Ted slips his cock against your soaked cunt. Soon enough, Ted dips into your pussy, finding his way in slowly, but not stopping until he's gone as deep as he can. You're aching and stretched out by the time he gets to the hilt of his cock, and all you can do is look up at Ted who's slowly fucking your mouth the same way.

The two men keep taking what they want from your slutty little holes, and you find yourself closing your eyes and losing yourself to the sensation of being used so freely. You can't believe you've let both of them take you like this, trapped between the two of them so you couldn't get away if you tried, mouth and cunt filled to the brim with cock.

You feel Ted's hand reach up and grab your hair, pull it so that you can look back and see him. He keeps pulling you up until Bill's cock falls out of your mouth, and Ted's mouth is at your neck. You watch like a limp doll, unable to fight back, as Bill comes closer, taking your breaths in his hands, squeezing them together and lapping them up.

"You're pussy is mine, you got that?" You hear Ted grumble in your ear as he claims that part of you with his cock, his hand still pulling your hair.

You nod, unable to even speak at this point, letting and wanting them to do whatever to you, feeling so easily overpowered.

"Bill's allowed to have fun with your other two holes as much as he pleases, however..." Ted continues as Bill feasts on your breasts and let's a hand snake to your clit.

You squirm as he plays with you there, the cock that's filling you so deeply combined with that stimulation bringing you to your next orgasm. You spasm, your body unable to stop itself for cumming. Bill continues to work his hands on you as you work through yourself round of pleasure for the night. When you're finished, Ted's cock stalls for a moment, and you whine out.

"Tell him thank you for letting you cum." Ted instructs, face next to your neck, watching as Bill rises from your tits.

"T-thank you, Bill..." You stammer out, and Bill smiles, bringing your head towards him and kissing you deeply once more.

You happily kiss back, letting Bill explore your mouth with his tongue and yours doing the same. You can't believe how commanding your usually sweet, goofy boyfriend is. How how badly his best friend wants you. You also don't care for the implications, all you need right now is both of these men fucking your brains out until you're a mess that can barely walk. You let Ted slide of you, and with Bill's help flip you around so you're facing Ted once more. They both help to pick your weight up, and you easily slide back onto Ted's cock with your wet pussy. Bill reaches down, sliding some of your wetness to your ass.

"Is it okay if I try this?" You hear Bill ask, obviously wanting to try out your ass. You can tell he's half asking you, but who he's really asking is Ted. You nod, but Ted speaks up.

"As long as it's not her cunt, bro. I don't want anyone else accidently getting her pregnant, that's my job..." The way he talks about you like your his property has you wanting more, you feel so bare and ready to be used right now.

Bill nods, and slowly rubs his cock against your asshole, making slow movement, ready to stop if you were to protest. But you don't. You want both of them to fill you up down there, to feel completely full by both of their cocks was becoming more and more important as the time went by. You moan out as the tip of his cock begins to softly and slowly glide into your ass. Bill here's you groan in slight discomfort as it goes deeper, and he softly kisses your neck, assuring you. Ted doesn't move his cock inside you, not while you're so carefully starting to take Bill's. Instead, his hand goes to your clit, rubbing soft circles and easing tension from having Bill slowly go deeper inside you.

You welcome the pain and the pleasure of both, both men's mouths somewhere on your skin and kissing the pain away. Soon, Bill's entire cock has found it's way snuggly in your ass. You moan from how much it is, and for a few moments any slight movement from either of their cocks is driving you wild. Ted keeps his hand busy on your clit, kissing you deeply and sucking on your tongue as both of them slowly begin pumping in and out of you.

Your leg's can hardly hold themselves up, and you're lucky that both men can keep you suspended over their cocks so easily. You take Ted's cock in your pussy with ease, and slowly begin to take Bill's in your ass as well. You feel a heat like never before back there, and every time Bill plunges deeper, it's as if he's hitting a spot that you've never even tried before. You're a dumb mess between the two men, sloppily kissing both of them and changing when the other guides you to another. You feel pure bliss and ecstasy from how much pleasure is being taken from your sensitive cunt and asshole. Ted even makes sure to give your breasts the attention they need, before trading off to Bill who cups them from behind.

You feel both men's cocks rubbing harder and faster inside of you, feeling only a thin barrier between the two of them. You're stretched and full to the max, moans and words a jumble of pleasure, eyes fluttering shut from how badly you need to cum a third time. For a moment, the high makes you wonder if you haven't already, that's how good it feels to be sandwiched in between your boyfriend and his best friend. You don't even care if they use you as their fuck doll for the rest of the weekend. Part of you wishes the snow never let's up.

You feel Ted's cock begin to get harder first. Then Bill's follows, taking deeper and faster blows at your hole. You don't know how much more you can take, and you're babbling about how good it feels, while both men laugh at what a mess you are, enjoying the pleasure of taking so much of your body.

"God, babe, I can't believe how much of a slut you've been tonight. If I knew you were such a naughty girl, I would have shared you with Bill ages ago..." Ted groans out as he gets closer, looking you in the eyes, watching how hard it is for you to keep them open. You nod along like the dumb little whore you are.

"Yeah, I could have gotten a turn at taking such a tight asshole then." Bill whispers into your ear, biting and sucking your neck when he's done.

You feel completely taken by both of them. Completely owned. Completely devoured.

Your body relaxes into the pounding of your two holes and you let your trembling pussy cum for the third time tonight, taking all the pleasure it can get and then some. The unintended clenching and tightening of your holes sends both men over the edge. Ted first, who's faster cock slows and pounds cum as deep inside of your cunt as possible. Then Bill, who can barely slow down enough to finish, sealing his cock into your ass with a final stroke and letting his hot, sticky cum fill there.

Your body can barely keep itself up, and you whine when Bill and Ted take their cocks out of you slowly.

"Aw, does our princess miss being so full?" Ted asks as he pulls you onto his lap, both of your skins sweaty and glistening from the workout.

"Mhm..." You murmur, and to your surprise, and excitement, Ted lifts you up gently and let's you slide your pussy back onto his cock.

"There." He whispers in your ear, playing with your hair. "Now you can keep it warm for me..."

You giggle a little and snuggle into his neck, and you see Bill stand up, likely going to clean up.

"Thanks, dude, I knew your babe would be a totally good fuck." Bill says over his shoulder lazily, but satisfied.

"Anytime, dude, use her holes whenever you want..." Ted says with a smile, eyes looking into yours, waiting for you to say no the way he has been all night.

With the way you've just been fucked by them, you wouldn't even dare to deny him. You hope that this isn't the last time this weekend, even. You snuggle back into Ted's neck, and he talks softly to you, praising you.

"You were so good tonight," his dominating voice gone, now ready to give you the care you need. "You just tell me anytime you don't want to, we'll stop right away."

"No, I..." You breathe into his neck. "I like how you two used me up...I think I needed this..."

You feel his arms wrap around you, almost like a protective barrier between you and the world, and you sink happily into him, your cunt still warming his cock perfectly.

"I'm glad, you were such a good girl for us, I'm happy you had fun too..." His voice seems sleepier by the minute.

You hum a positive reply, and he keeps praising you, drawing little circles on your back until you fall asleep right there.

You're thankful for a snow storm in San Dimas.