#ask gng

[skell10]

You should draw them (skatergradient) cuddling!!! Nothing better than drawing happy fluffy stuff lalala or you could do stock image pictures like this!!

Roblox is life

[themothcriminal]

Hallo! I saw that you said something about Gill and Gilbert doing another (legally distinct) stream in 2025, and I was wondering what your source is? Just asking cause I want to see where to find details as they come out

aw man I'm sorry to disappoint, that was all wishful thinking on my part. but who knows what the future might bring

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

responding to the ttrpg ask. I only really know about dnd but

I think out of all the mercs soldier really likes dnd. Like. He was so invested in it in the gargoyles and gravel comics. Medic would be too but he bullshits his way into weaponizing healing spells.

It's so funny that you think Soldier is "invested in it" when he's actively terrible and has presumably picked up that cursed amulet like six or seven times in a row. Now idk anything abt DnD really, I've never played, I've always thought that Pauling picked objectively the three worst guys to play GnG (Gargoyles n Gravel) with. Demo, Medic, Pyro, and possibly Sniper would be my GnG game night picks, with Demo and Pyro being big fantasy guys, Medic being an all-around giant fuckass nerd, and Sniper just kinda seeming like the kind of guy who can get behind a board game with like, notetaking and skill checks and shit. He probably spent his childhood playing, like, Stratego or some lame shit like that

[butchboromir]

ew sorry aGAIN. brian being so supportive of pat during breath of the wild because babe was so NERVOUS! god god. having thoughts about them being nice to each other don’t mind me SORRY AGAIN GOODNIGHT (ily!)

botw gng was so good. it's like 2am here so i have nothing new or coherent to say but like. yeah. wauauuagh. i miss them :(

[apotheoseity]

For the palette asks ancient ruins with pixie PLEAAAASE

[bunycube]

Madarame and Towa’s fridge after their ending is pathetic. Like maybe two ketchup packets and some Chinese take-out. Madarame DOES feel like he can make some mean fried rice or something. Just making the best rice at 2am for him and Towa.

qRGITHRJWFHSHS BOTH OF RHEM WOULD BARELY EAT neither of them cook only take out BUT IRKRRRDJFHD madarame jsut has the vibes of someone whos a good cook but he also looks like someone whp couldnt be bothered to do it jshfdh

[nastasyafilippovnas]

100% everything you said. I don’t hate her with Paul because he does care about her enough to want to protect her, and there is a level on which he understands her which is rare for Georgia. But yeah, no chemistry. The dumbest thing she ever did-not necessarily the worst, but the dumbest-was kill Tom. I understand the thought process. “My hands are already dirty so I might as well help this family.” But damn woman think of yourself once in a while.

I do hate her with Paul lol. No, seriously, I get what you mean about him caring about her, but, idk. I feel like, with Paul, Georgia is always waiting for something that will make him leave, because they are so different and he doesn't really understand everything she had to do. I also feel like she only loves Paul because he is "a good guy" and she hasn't met many of those. I mean, Kenny and Gil are total pieces of trash. Zion is nice, but ultimately he left when she needed him the most. So, in comparision, Paul is her prince charming. But does she love him? Really love him? I don't know.

And, ofc, I know I'm biased because I'm very much Team Joe, but it just feels like they have a more special connection. And imo Georgia never went there besides some flirting because it scares her, hoe good it could be and how she could f-cked it up.

I guess we will see where the show takes us with them on s03 (if there's a s03!). I hope Georgia doesn't spend the whole season in prison. I agree it was a very dumb move. She likes Cynthia, so she kills her dying husband, lol. Please, Georgia, you're not a cat, that's not a acceptable gift!

[room-freak]

FURRY SPOTTED!

*Grabs a metal bat and flies at Dupe*

[Silly Item Asylum Reference]

([It GRABBED the end of the bat with two claws, dragging them closer before slashing their face and pushing them out of the false door.])

`And STAY OUT!`

im going to ping the 10 hour burst man, clay man, weegee, man of nature, and the devs lest you reference IA again (im kidding please do it more)

[aratakatism]

sorryfor not rlly posting besides reblogs idk public posting is starting to scare me again which is why i’m back on just. private twitter

[ithinkhemeows]

green dot?? the tiktok conspiracists really ran her off tiktok 😭

afsjsdfjhfk as long as she comes here ig????

[2knightt]

Do you think u could write abt the gang being (separately) absolutely obsessed with the reader. Like they adore everything she does, they can’t get enough of her. To the point where the rest of the gang starts releasing them abt it, meanwhile reader is like completely oblivious lol

୧ ׅ𖥔 ۫ heaven and hell were words to me.⋄ 𓍯

…IN WHICH! the greasers are totally obsessed!

tags/warnings: no confessions—just the gang having a crush, gang being literally whipped, them being a little odd, kinda toxic!johnny LFMAO, nothing else to my knowledge

ೃauthor notes⁀➷ i’m just working…working hard so i can please you.(shout out to ema/corvyes/loml for that ref.) but if i get a req asking me for like the gng confessing to you—i will do it. trust.

Dallas Winston

WHEN HE’S DRUNK, YOU’RE ALLLL HE TALKS ABOUT LMFAOOOO

“i’m tellin’ you—there ain’t a girl like her.”

dallas would repeat after what felt like this 5th drink of the night. buck is sick of him, two-bit regrets dragging him along, and dallas just wants to tell them how good you looked today.

when he sees you walking home, to school, or to work he WILL tag along. HE DOESN’T GAF IF YOU TELL HIM TO TAKE A HIKE!

actually, he kinda does. you’re like the only person he listens to.

LMFAOOO THE GANG THREATENS TO CALL YOU OVER WHENEVER DALLAS IS DOING SMTH STUPID

like whenever you threaten a kid ur gna tell santa.

“dallas, i’m gonna tell y/n what you did last week.”

“??if you do, i’ll beat your head in, soda.”

“YIKES..i’m gonna have to tell her that too…”

“…don’t, she’d be so mad at me😔😒.”

THE GANG TEASES DALLAS THE WORST(besides ponyboy) ABOUT YOU LFNAOAOAOAO

like they’re shoving him toward you, nudging him at even the slightest mention of you, giggling as they tell him they seen you today.

“look, it’s your girlfriend.”

“steve, shut up! she ain’t deaf!”

—

“GO SEE HER!”

“OW—i mean—hi, y/n.”

“did you…trip? or did you mean to bump into me?”

“yeah, sorry or whatever. some IDIOT back there pushed me.”

—

“guess who i saw..🥰🥰”

“who?”

“your wife…”

“can you NOT.”

despite all that, you somehow, still don’t know how he feels about you. how? we’ll never know. it’s beyond the human mind.

his friends try and hint at you that the big, bad greaser has a school girl crush on you. do you get what they’re trying to say? no. but that’s okay, you’re just a girl.

lowkey pisses dallas off but that’s okay cuz he prefers admiring from afar. DOES HOWEVER ASK YOU TO HANG OUT AND CONSIDERS THEM A DATE IN HIS HEAD TO KEEP HIM SANE LFMAO

“you wanna go see this drag race tomorrow?”

“sure! i don’t have work then. uhm, pick me up at my place!”

“alright, cool.”

‘yeah..,it’s date🥱😍’ — dallas’ brain.

Johnny Cade

‘johnny, if you even fucking stutter when you talk to her today—you’re gonna have to drink pickle juice.’

“oh, hi. i didn’t see you there, johnny. ‘m sorry.”

“o-oh—it’s alright.”

‘well, shit.”

he thinks he looks like such a fucking loser when he talks to you omfg😭😭

the gang tries to tell him he might have a shot but he thinks they’re just telling him that because he’s their friend. :(

HEAVILY admires from afar. like seriously he’s a fucking stalker

WAIT LMFOAOO HE’D BE THE TYPE OF GUY TO ACCIDENTALLY STALK YOU LIKE HE’D FOLLOW YOU PLACES FROM AFAR LMFAOAOAOOAOA

what a little freak

anyways

he accidentally lets things slip to let you know he’s better than any other guy trying to go after you. like if you had a shitty ex—he’s preaching that he’d ‘never treat you like that, he can’t imagine that a guy with a brain ever would.’

johnny does everything to keep your attention on HIM and nobody else when your friends try and talk to you when you two are out together. like you could be having a conversation with him and he’d be just pouting in the background with his arms crossed.

“y/n, look. they got that shirt you was talkin’ ‘bout. let’s go check it out. c’mon.” “oh—alright! bye, viv!😊” “yeah, bye viv.😒”

side eyes the gang whenever they bring you up in conversation

“johnny and y/n sittin’ in a tree—“

“😒🤨”

“alright.”

he tries to subtly hint that he really likes you and that you’re his type but it’s not subtle at ALL.

“y’know, if i were to have a girlfriend, i’d wish she was like you.”

—

“my type? uhm, it’d probably be someone-“ and he goes on to describe you.

Ponyboy Curtis

‘holy fuck that’s literally y/n walking towards me??!! does she know i’m here—does she even know me-wow she looks good in red. i mean—SHE’S WAVING OH MY GOD.’

HE IS SUCH A WRECK I CANTTT

ponyboy is the type to stare off into space in your direction and dream about how well he’d treat you if he was your man!!

yk how bitches be like ‘my man, my man!’ whenever they talk about their crush?? he’s all ‘my girl, my girl!’ WUAGRMRNEE

the gang was so confused on why he was so eager to go to school all of a sudden?? and why he cares about his appearance just slightly more than usual?? …is that soda’s shirt he’s wearing?-

two-bit was the first one to realize what was happening when he seen ponyboy and you talk in the halls. that wasn’t the giveaway, though.

it was the way he stared at you like you were the only girl alive and everyone else was just gone. two-bit was almost moved to tears to see ponyboy all grown😞😞!!!

“is tha’ your girlfriend? that why you couldn’t wait ‘til monday?”

“shut up!”

“ouuu, wait until the gang hears ‘bout this!”

“YOU AIN’T TELLIN’ ‘EM NOTHIN’!”

ever since — it has been hell on earth for ponyboy. dallas brings you up every time ponyboy gets smart, johnny giggles at every kissing scene at a movie nudges him, soda and darry had to give him ‘the talk,’ (soda just made it worse by making snide remarks.) and steve never stopped poking fun at him.

two-bit tried to get you to spill the beans on how you felt about him, but all you’d do was huff and ignore him. FINE THEN😒!—is what he always thought.

soda, johnny and two-bit all let ponyboy rant about you.

“LIKE, BRO. my girl, my girl! she’s so cute and smart. LIKE SHE’S TOTALLY MY DREAM.”

—

“that’s so cute ☹️” - soda

“SHE WANTS YOU SOO BAD” - two-bit

“just go tell her, man.” - johnny

does everything to impress you stoppp 😭😭!! pony is trying harder in school, using less hair grease, wearing darry’s cheap cologne when he’s not looking, etc.

HE’S SO SILLY I LOVE HIM!!!

Sodapop Curtis

delusional king!!! yes soda, let the voices in your head tell you that she wants you so bad!!🫶🫶

swear to goddd he thinks y’all are meant to be. you tipped him when he was working at the cash register and he was sooo in love

sorry in my head he’s a hopeless romantic

cause a) you were gorgeous, b) kind enough to tip him, and c) most likely rich💯💯

when he seen you at random places with your friends—soda would get so excited LMFAOOO

STOP HE’D HOUND PONY FOR YOUR NAME

“bro they probably go to your school—just lemme look at your yearbook!”

“no??? you weirdo???”

“please??!! i’ll do the dishes or something!”

“….get me a pack of cigarettes and i’ll tell you.”

“OKAY🥰🥰”

stole them but pony never said how to get them so who gaf!!!

SODA WOULD TOTALLY WRITE YOUR FIRST INITAL + HIS LMFAOOAOAOAOAA

or he’d see who’s last name went best with curtis or your last name!!!1!1!1

he’s crazy insane over you did i say that already

whenever you come by the dx—he’d give you shit for free while you insist to pay.

“jus’ take it.”

“i can’t—i’d feel terrible.”

“it’s alright, no one has to know. right?”

he’d flash his million dollar smile, pushing your coke and chips close to you, inciting you to just take the food.

WAJENEDKD he wants u so bad it’s. so terrible.

steve hates his rambles

“YOU SHOULDA SEEN THE WAY ME AND HER WAS TALKING—SHE’S SO INTO MEEEE”

“yeah, she wants you!!! shut up now!!”

Darry Curtis

nobody knows. it’s like a top secret only darry knows. the gang has their suspicions but they can never really know why darry is suddenly so adamant on going to go get him, soda, and pony’s hair done at the salon.

they alllll can see that he only really talks to you—but at the same time he does that weird ass dad stance where they stand with their arms crossed and legs far apart LMFAOOOOO

darry thinks you’re like…model fine btw.!!!!!

BROOO WHEN YOU LIKE UNCONSCIOUSLY MASSAGE HIS HEAD WHEN YOURE CUTTING IT—HE’S SOO READY TO JUST ASK YOU OUT

darry doesn’t know what it is but goddamn!! you have him in a spell!!

“c’mon—we gotta go to the salon again.”

“….we just went?”

“TWO WEEKS AGO. it’s about time we go AGAIN.”

does in fact work a little extra just so he can see you. he’s that much of a loverboy i fear.

HE DOES ACTUALLY NOT WAIT TO ASK YOU OUT

like, among all the gang, he’s the only one mature enough to actually flirt with you properly & to ask if you’re single.

darry’s fucking down like that.

AWWHHH HE TOTALLY BUYS YOU FLOWERS AS A ‘THANK YOU’ GIFT LOL

flexs his strength around you to prove he’s worthy !!! DARRY LOVEEESSS SHOWING OFF WHEN YOU’RE LOOKING

megara + hercules methink…..

you two probably started hanging out as ‘friends.’ …yeah right!!!!

he’s driving you around as you be his pretty little passenger princess, he’s offering to buy you things when you two are out, etc, etc.

darry might not know how to show that he likes you, but trust me, the second that you look a little too far into his actions—it gets obvious.

like maybe too obvious idk.

Steve Randle

HELLLOOOO??? HE IS TOTALLY SHOWING OFF HIS GYMNASTICS MOVES AROUND YOU

“bro, bro! (yes he’d call you bro. idgaf.) watch what i can do!!😊😊” “wowwww, steve that’s so cool.”

geeks out near you. when you aren’t around the average person would see him and go ‘jesus christ, he literally might beat my ass.’ but when you’re around, they might think, ‘why is that scary looking guy talking about cars and comic books rn??’

you bring out the nerd in him in the best way possible🫶😊 BECAUSE THAT MEANS HE LIKE LIKES YOUUUUUUU

and it’s so obvious to the gang bc wdym steve told you all about DC comics while all they got was a ‘yeah, it’s alright.’ …hm…..

soda NEVER shuts the fuck up and him and his little girlfriend. NEVERRREE

“why’re you so pouty today? y/n ain’t say hi?”

“bro, shut up!”

steals for you and gives them to you all proud like he paid for it LMFAO

tries to be sooo cool around you but the second you bring up the latest batman comic he’s all “OMGOMGOMGOMG IT WAS SOO GOOD!! DID YOU SEE THE-“ he’s a loser what can i say.

dallas totally flirts with you in front of steve just to piss him off LOLLL like when he sees dallas twirling your hair around his finger steve is just all “???🤨🤨😡😡”

and then becomes your knight in shining armour and swoops you away as he glares daggers at dally!!!!<3

Two-bit Mathews

he becomes the funniest man on the planet i’m not joking

he says jokes that anybody and everybody will laugh at. just because he wants to see you laugh at what he says for his delusions

two-bit thinks like ‘she laugh=she likes me’

he’s not the brightest but it’s okay

HE MAKES IT SOOO KNOWN THAT HE LIKES YOU LFMAOOOOOO

“you’re lookin’ pretty? who’s the fella?” / “gee, i didn’t believe when they said they seen an angel walkin’ around until now.” / “well, now you owe me dinner.”

shit like that

two thinks he’s soooo smooth…smh.

DALLAS AND PONYBOY SO BADLY WANTS HIM SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY ABOUT YOU LMFAOOO

they keep on telling him just to confess already but then two gets all giggly and shy and goes “omg guys noooo🤭🤭🤭🫣🫣”

just coincidentally runs into you everywhere you go!!! (literally has eyes everywhere. he’s weird. he’s odd.)

follows you around like a lost puppy and lowkey kinda gossips. idk.

[finsplurtz]

Hey gay make more izuku midoriya x top male reader😘

-love anon

— i love that u said hey gay bc I LOVE IZUKU MIDORYTA

a challenge — izuku.midoriya

— dom ! male.reader x sub ! Izuku Midoriya

— contents : pro hero Deku gets fucked before work , u make him walk around at work with dick up his ass and watch him struggle , no condom gng! , lots of cum and :3

warnings : semi public..sex?

✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮

Tormenting pro hero deku

Just before work started you were blowing his back out like crazy like you had his back arching and he was shaking like crazy as he came ughhh cutie alert

you were running out of time so you guys fucked raw which was…..normal sorta you guys occasionally used condoms when you didn’t want things to get messy but this time you didn’t

when izuku knew u were abt to nut he started to nudge you away and tell you to pull out and his cute face was making things harder for you so whatever.

you shoved his face into the mattress and he felt your big dick twitch in him as you let your load coat his walls and he whined very breathlessly in response

“Yn i t..told you not to..now I have..to..to clean it” he reached his hand over to his hole and spread it making you flush seeing your cum drip down his legs

“ah- let’s uhm…” you panic looking for a napkin or something, izukus just whining and whimpering on the bed, his face still pressed against the bedsheets. He jolted up feeling your fingers enter him

“no more yn…..~”

“relax ill get it out for you” you’re digging it out and go to look for more napkins and you come across a silicon penis lol! Dildo.

you smile to yourself and go back to your cute boyfriend who was holding himself up on his elbow while he tried getting the cum out himself.

“no izuk baby I told you I’d do it..” you get on the bed and crawl over to him grabbing him by the neck and pulling him into a deep kiss, he’s letting out small moans in the kiss, his hands holding onto your buff arms

he feels you prod something against his hole and he tried to pull away or take a peak at whatever you were doing when suddenly he moaned loudly and bit your lip when you pushed the toy into him.

“augh—! y..n..?” he choked back a moan and looked down to see his hole plunged by a glossy green dildo hehehe

he looked up at you and saw your bleeding lip

“yn we have to go to wor— hnngm~ sto..p..” you fuck him with the toy for a bit before just nuzzling it deep in him and helping him put his briefs on.

“yn what are you doing…”

“take this as a challenge, yeah? see if you can go the whole day at work with this thing deep inside you…” you kiss the corner of his lips and pick him up and off the bed. You place him over your shoulder and start looking for his pants while he groans but doesn’t fight it

You put his pants on and help him get ready while he’s holding into you like it was the last time

Once he was ready you stepped back to look at him, his legs still trembled ever so slightly and he was struggling to even stay still

“yn I don’t think I can…this is…w..weird..”

“sure you can hon, we work together today so…I’ll keep an eye on you, cmon walk” you grab your stuff and urge him to follow and he’s pretty…slow…

taking a couple steps before having to stop in the middle for a bit. You scoff and call him a drama queen before swiftly picking him up and taking him to the car yourself.

the whole day you would stand behind him or hug him from behind just to push the dildo further into him making him shudder underneath you. you would ask him if he was okay in front of people just to mess with him and tell him to sit down, only to push him down on the seat roughly earning a quiet moan from the smaller.

by the end of the day he would be a trembling mess, he wouldn’t be able to even speak to anyone without fucking up some words so you spoke for him.

he would tug on your shirt and you’d lean down to hear him better, “can we..g-go to..the bathroom ple…please…” he said in a whisper. He sounded so desperate and cute you just couldn’t say no so of course you took him into a stall and kissed the shit outta him

“hurts..it hurts yn..” izuku cried quietly, you dipped your hands into his pants and held onto the end of the dildo starting to slowly glide it in and out while comforting him.

“it’s okay baby…you did really good today..nobody caught on surprisingly. After this we can go home and take a nice bath, yeah? Really get you cleaned up..” you held back a smirk watching him lean his head onto your chest and arch his back, small moans leaving his pretty mouth as you fucked him slowly.

“got that baby..?” he’d only nod shakily and grip your shirt tighter.

small tears stream down his face as he feels himself get closer to coming, you notice and stop the movement and take your hand out. He whimpers in annoyance and looks up at you with a small glare.

“see if you can hold it a tad bit longer hon, I mean we can’t make a mess in these clean clean stalls now, can we?” he was going to give you a sly remark but none came to him head, he let out a shaky breath and led him out.

he couldn’t last long, you noticed he was sorta crying in the car and squirming on his seat, you felt bad so you helped him by jerking him off in the car, he was extremely noisy and needy the whole time, he came all over your hand with a shaky moan and you swore that fucker was gonna pass out in your car

you carried him back home and before plopping him in the shower, you decided to just go one round with him and boy was he talkative tonight.

“ack- fuck!! ugh..~ fuck me h-hardeeer..” he was seriously out it, his shyness was obliterated and he was seeing stars.

he was dead asleep when you were bathing him, you washed him squeaky clean, he looked so peaceful all cuddled up to you in bed.

the next morning he couldn’t even stand up, tumbling down if he tried. He scolded you and now has punished you by making you wear condoms every time you guys do it for the next 6 months.

he couldn’t even go 2 weeks without fucking raw tho

a/n: this green fuck is all i think abt ALSO IM ABT TO HIT 1K I WILL NUT ON YALL🙏🙏

[flo-zoinks]

DONT ASK WHY BUT WHAT I IMAGINE EACH RDR2 GNG MEMBER SMELLS LIKE

Dutch - hint of ginger mixed with cigar and alcohol

Hosea - tea ingredients like lemon and peppermint

Arthur - cigarettes and animal carcasses

Charles - sage and basil (homemade)

Sadie - dried blood and tobacco

Abigail - a floral (mostly rose and lily) perfume given to her by john like 3 years ago (she treasures it)

Jack - that child body odour mixed with chocolate

John - 1899 lotta body odour and slight metal

Javier - fireplace wood and a weirdly expensive musk imported (tobacco mostly)

Swanson - alcohol and a collection of random herbs

Bill - strong body odour mixed with cheap ass 'manly' musk bought for 70p in saint Denis markets but they mix real bad

Grimshaw - Homemade citrus scent

Karen - Beer mixed with small hint of coconut

Tilly - Mint leaves (she made the perfume)

Mary-beth - Roses perfume given to her by Arthur (he robbed a guy)

Micah - body odour STRONG and decay, hint of liquor too

Molly - Mixed floral perfumes like jasmine and rose imported from France

Strauss - Clean Clothes with slight lavender

Kieran - horse fur

Pearson - PUNGENT animal blood and raw meat like it's real obvious

Sean - alcohol and water

Lenny - wood and ginger

SORRY I FORGOT 2 I KNEW I DID EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE 2 OF MY FAVES HERE @shions-chin-scar

Uncle - wet moldy clothes with a strong ethanol reek and grass

Trelawny - would change often with a wild story behind when he returns from random places, but mostly with a Woman's lavender perfume and coffee

[butchboromir]

hi hi sorry i’m literally just poppin in to say i’m clinically fucked in the head about patbrian i’m in the Trenches watching every episode of gill and gilbert and like. the way these streams in chronological order are simply a Tapestry Woven Together of patbri falling in LOVE. getting closer knowing each other better being more comfy Loving Each Other!

sorry! sorry

NEVER apologize for putting patbrian in my inbox. literally gill and gilbert will top every other gaming youtube rpf because you get that chronological unedited form of gng which is so ideal for showing that relationship growth. and then you get the bonuses of their other streams + cameos in eachother's videos. whereas a lot of other stuff (that is not gng) is more Edited Down. But yeah. Patbrian gay

[cyberg4n]

✧ 𝐁𝐄𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒

paring: neteyam x metkayina!fem!reader

warnings: nothing, reader is tsireya’s sister, fluff

a/n: rip blud, love u gng (ಡ‸ಡ)

summary: neteyam finds you making jewelry, and asks to join you.

definitions: lor - beautiful | irayo - thank you

you sit inside your mauri pod, weaving in shells through the band of your bracelet. you had just finished collecting washed up shells and decided to make them useful. you would find yourself hiding away in your mauri pod rather that socializing with others, especially the sully’s. your father had to beg you to come out to greet them the first time they had arrived. although your sister was eager to show them around the village, you were more distracted by the oldest son in the family — neteyam. he’s a warrior, according to tsireya. you were immediately impressed once you had heard that. tsireya had more interest in lo’ak though, the rebellious teenage boy. even though lo’ak was just as equally nice to you, you only had your eye on his brother.

you continue sewing in silence, the light clink of the shells echoed throughout the mauri. as soon as you reach for another shell, you hear somebody clear their throat. you quickly look up, laying your unfinished bracelet in your lap. neteyam stood in front of you, arms crossed. “what are you doing?” he asks. you freeze up, thinking of a response — but you can’t. he stands there before taking a step closer to you. “can i join you?” he says, pointing to the bowl full of shells. you hesitantly nod, scooting over to make room. he smiles, sitting down next to you. he picks up three pieces of twine, choosing a few different selections of iridescent shells in a variety of shapes and colors. you look over at him, watching as he braids the shells in a pattern with the twine.

you’re surprised with his skill. “you’re very good,” you mumble, continuing to work on your bracelet. he looks up, scoffing a bit. “no, not as good as you.” you jerk your head up, confused how he would know that your any better than he is. “how would you know i’m any good?” you ask. he grins, “everything you wear — you make all of it, yes?” he says, looking down at your outfit. you feel yourself getting hot, you wonder if it’s from the warm breeze, or if it’s from your nerves. you nod in response to his question. “then that is how i know you are better than me, everything you wear is lor.” you can’t help but smile, looking down at your lap. “irayo,” you murmured.

you both continued to get back to work, just enjoying each others company in silence. “what do you think of lo’ak?” neteyam asks, “what?” you question, “do you like him?” he says without looking up. you think he’s joking, so you start laughing. he pauses, looking back up at you. when you realize he’s serious, you throw a hand over your mouth. “no, tsireya’s the one that likes him.” he gives you a look of amusement, nodding before he continues braiding the twine. you keep twisting your bracelet around, the thin blanket of tension settling between the two of you. you hesitate before you speak up again. “why do you ask?”

he shrugs, shaking his head. “it just seemed like you liked him,” he responded. you roll your head back, smiling as if he was playing a joke on you. “please, my standards are higher than that. no offense.” neteyam laughs, settling his arm on his knee. “so who do you like?” when you look over at him, he’s looking at you as if he knows what you’re gonna say. he doesn’t take his eyes off of you until you look away. “no one, just this, uhm.” your voice nervously shakes, “just this boy.” he tilts his head, a smirk on his face. “and that’s all you’re going to tell me?” he laughs. “how about you describe him to me and i’ll try to guess who it is in the village.” you turn your head, pursing your lips. “you know every boys name in this village, already?” he nods in enthusiasm. “of course i do.”

you hum, thinking of a way to describe him. “well, he’s…” you trail off, “he’s this strong war- uh,” you stammer. neteyam cocks his head to the side. “he’s tall, just a tinsy bit older than me, he’s incredible at hunting, he has amazing braided hair, and these gorgeous piercing eyes.” you glance over at him - his lips are parted, squinting at you slightly. “you know, it just sounds like you’re describing your dream man.” you laugh, “i am, and he’s real — i assure you.” he nods sarcastically. he goes back to his woven piece, “do i know him?” he persisted. the tone of his voice sounded more threatened. you hum in agreement, smirking at his expression. his lips are drawn into a slight frown, as he bites the inside of his mouth.

neteyam stops asking questions for a while, mainly just focusing on finishing his piece. you slowly lose track of time, noticing that it’s slowly getting darker out. “oh, neteyam you need to go before my parents find you here with me.” you quickly stand up, clearing the ground area out. neteyam stands up with you, grabbing your arm. “hold on,” he says. he slowly pulls you back down to sit next to him. you seat yourself between his legs, feeling your back pushed up against his chest. goosebumps line your skin as his fingers trail through your hair. he lightly pulls out a piece of your hair, taking his woven accessory and braiding it back in. you hold your breathe, nervously tapping the surface of your skin. he ties off the end of your braid, backing up to look at you.

his eyes crinkled with his smile. he extends his hand out to you, and you accept it. he leads you towards the shore of the reef, pointing to the reflective water. you lean over, looking at your reflection. the side of your head glowed with the slight ripple of the ocean. you finally realize what neteyam had been making the whole time. it was a hair piece for you. “you’re beautiful,” neteyam utters. you turn to look at him, eyes wide. he looks at you in awe, not glancing away. “you’re amazing, y/n.” your breath hitches as you step closer to him. you feel the warmth radiating off his body. you part your lips, kissing him softly. he reciprocates, pulling you closer by your waist. you smile into the kiss, giggling as he he pulls away. he stares at you in adoration, a pleased expression on his face.

“i guess i’m your dream guy, huh?”

please do not copy or repost my writings to any other sites !

[eshayteaparty]

Better Again

JJ x Reader (Outer Banks)

Word count: 6.5k

TW: for anorexia, swearing, mentions of abuse, depression, self harm, body-shaming, pet names, desc of reader being overweight, desc of reader being underweight, bed-rotting. Angst. Mentions of fem!reader

Summary: Your weight stops you from loving JJ. Bad eating and exercising habits you tried to hide catch his attention. He tries to tackle them alone, but once they blossom into something bigger, he needs you to try. There's some obstacles in your way.

First fic and it's pretty heavy so it might not be the best gng :) P4L

Life in North Carolina was a dream.

It wasn’t that way because of what you had, necessarily- it was who you had by your side. A loyal group, four whole friends, who were there for you tenfold.

Even if problems were smothered by fear, they were never left untouched. The pogues always did at least the bare minimum in offering support if the insecurity or mistreatment was something you were reluctant to open up about. They’d be there on the outside, waiting patiently to be let in…or for their chance to hold you up under your arms when you crashed out.

Some things, however, were just too embarrassing to talk about. You’d rather tackle them in private, on your own. Away from prying eyes.

Even if the fight was impossible.

Every single day, without fail, you would exercise. You couldn’t even call it that, really- it was just jerking your body around in constant, relentless movements you had heard could tone your body and help you to lose weight. You would always call off plans at night, saying you were too busy, and had always denied the pogues coming into your home if you felt you hadn’t done enough activity that day.

Your body was a mess. You’d spend ages picking at the fat on your lower stomach in the mirror and analysing your frame to the max. No matter what you did, or how little you ate, or how much you moved…you were big. A big girl.

The pogues didn’t seem to think that way about themselves, and rightfully so. They were all so effortlessly beautiful, and ate with confidence you felt would always be out of your reach. Even though you, too, were a pogue, on the outskirts of society and barely scraping by on occasional lucky breaks finding treasure and odd jobs, you couldn’t bring yourself to eat. It was a privilege whenever you were offered nice food, and you decided not to take it.

Nobody mentioned it at mealtimes. The atmosphere was meant to be happy when they ate together, after all. Moments eating food were warm, fleeting moments, with positive connotations. It’s not that they didn’t care. Maybe they assumed you’d already eaten. Even if your favourite foods were placed in front of you.

Above all, you felt silly. Your issue felt so insignificant, so nothing compared to what the others went through. Kiara was kicked out constantly, JJ met up with them day and night with fresh bruises and marks up and down his body- John B had no parents at all. You, having trouble with eating, were unimportant. You didn’t deserve to be the priority, so you never would be.

It had been a long day of exploring and sailing around The Cut, and everybody was hungry. The plan was to visit Kiara’s parent’s restaurant and beg them for food until they broke. JJ’s idea, as it usually was.

JJ kept himself fit and strong. He stayed active all day, and ate just as much. If you had ever struggled while eating, he’d simply ask you if you were ‘gon’ finish that, mama?’. What he ate probably still wasn’t enough to keep him running- he wasn’t well off, after all- but there was always a smile on his face, colour in his cheeks and volume in his hair. Meat on his pearly bones.

Weight wasn’t even close to being a topic often brought up in the pogue squad, but JJ partook in it occasionally with you. He’d pick you up in his hugs, do his best to imitate a skeleton when you sat down or sighed, and squeeze your shoulders or hips from behind just to hear you shriek. It wasn’t out of malice, of course, he’d rather Ward came back to life for the fourth time than body-shame you. It still irked you a little, though. How he managed to hold you, and see you like that, when you were a fat person. 

You were a fat person. There was one in your reflection every day, and walking around with the pogues until the sun went down. There was no timeline or another life where you weren’t ginormous, and chairs didn’t creak under your weight, and your thighs didn’t chafe when you wore shorts in the summer. 

That is what stopped you from getting closer to JJ Maybank. 

“I always forget how magical this place is.”

JJ lets the words come out in a satisfied gasp as he drops the water glass away from his mouth. He points finger guns at Kiara’s dad as he walks through the restaurant- much to the old man’s dismay. John B stifles laughter as JJ kicks back in the booth and rubs stomach impatiently. “I’ve got a hankerin’, Carrera sir, for your famous fries! Unwrecked!” 

You sit in-between Kiara and JJ on the left side of the comfy leather booth, just so they won’t spend the whole time bickering. You’re grateful that every time your group comes here, they just order a load of fries for the table. There’s no such thing as portions when your family does nothing but share.

“You’re so…polite, JJ,” says Kiara, sarcasm weaving skillfully into her words as she gives him the look, “I’m starstruck by your manners every time I do this for us.”

You laugh as convincingly as you can, but grease and salt is a fiend that fills all five of your senses and ends up turning you numb. You bring your hand to your chest as Kiara’s mum brings over two baskets of loaded fries and the pogues all cheer. JJ slaps you on the back, not bothering to be cautious. “Look at this feast!” He raises a fry, bumping Pope with his arm as it's on its way up. “Let tonight foreshadow the kook-est of all futures!” 

“Had no idea you knew such big words.” Pope mutters this through a satisfied smile and takes a fry for himself as politely as he does just about everything. “Thank you, Mr. Carrera. I’ll pay you back in a few days, at least.”

You stare down at the food in front of you, feeling familiar cotton block your ears and give you shaky hands. A pit forms in your stomach. Yes, you’re so, so hungry, but…you haven’t done enough. You don’t deserve this. To eat.

Somebody clicks their fingers in front of your face, and you look up to JJ’s blue-green eyes staring back into yours. He smiles crookedly. 

“Does it look that good?”

You look from JJ to the fries, then back again. “Sorry?” 

He sniggers. “Cmon, it looks like you’re in a trance, ma. Don’t make me ‘here comes the aeroplane’ you. Dig in.”

Fingers grip the soft skin of your thighs under the table, digging into those instead. You flinch, and come to find they’re your own.

Say something.

“I…I can’t.” Your voice comes out croaky and unconfident, and you mentally berate yourself. “I mean- I mean I shouldn’t. I already ate…heaps. You guys have been at the beach all day.”

Kiara’s pulled from her idle chat with John B, and she looks at you too. “Like you weren’t there too? I distinctly remember Jayj…teaching you how to surf again, or…”

“Or,” JJ runs a hand up your back, your fat back, making you jump. The whole booth shakes. “She’s not even here. She’s a memory and I was surfin’ with the boogeyman.”

He grabs a hold of your shoulder and squeezes as gently as he always does, but tonight it’s too much. 

Your hands push up from the booth and you squeeze past Kiara, no doubt disturbing her with your wide frame on the way out. It feels like you can’t find your footing, even on solid ground. “I-I’m jus’ gonna go home,” you croak, sniffing back your emotions. 

The pogues all stare at you from the booth. You’re clutching a chair by the bar in your oversized t-shirt, looking near tears. Nobody wants you to go. 

JJ makes a move towards you and you smile at them all as best as you can. You’re busy tonight, anyway. 

“I’m okay.” You say, tucking back your hair behind your ears. “I’ve got stuff to do tonight, honest. Cleaning my place ‘n all, it’s a dump.” 

They’re all obviously suspicious, but their stares turn into cheeky looks, like they’re getting you to admit something.

“Is that why I can’t ever come over?” That was JJ. The question makes your smile a bit tighter and your clothes, too, in turn. You can feel them suffocating you endlessly. 

“You can’t ever come over cuz I’m a weed-free zone, Jitterbug.” 

JJ relaxes back into his seat and winks at you. “Have a good one, baby. That place better be squeaky clean for t’night.”

Kiara elbows him harshly in the side and waves you off as you go. “Later!”

You begin the trip home with your phone light turned on. Luckily the darkness of winter hasn’t yet swallowed up the orange sky and taken away the last silver linings of light. Even though it’s dangerous for you to be alone outside in later hours, you’ve got a few conditions in your favour at the very least.

Obviously as a pogue, you didn’t live in a sparkling mansion. You didn’t even live in a sparkling house. What you had was more like a bungalow- one story, small space, one bedroom- but as you lived on your own, it was just right. 

You were happy to be by yourself. Nobody could stop you when you exercised, or didn’t eat for hours, or passed out from overexertion. It was your own hideout. Since you’d been picking up odd jobs here and there as young as twelve years old, you’d saved up enough to move out of your deadbeat parent’s house and go full swamp-scum pogue. That was what you had wanted anyway, to connect with your friends and avoid your folks as much as possible. There had been no such thing as ‘easy’ from the minute you popped out.

The pogues never bother to lock the door of The Chateau in case anybody and everybody needs to crash there for the night, or a few days, or even for the rest of their life. You honour this rule too by always keeping your house unarmed. You walk through the front door after the trek home you’d just been on and shut it behind you. Home, sweet home. 

An empty spot waits for you on the floor of your room. You could first…go over what you had today.

For breakfast: An apple and two bits of toast. That was already too much. 

Your snack: Packet of seaweed. Salty, refined- a bad, bad habit. 

You hadn’t had any lunch. You’d had another apple, a bowl of cereal, and skipped dinner. 

Too many calories, too many carbs, too much gluten. You could burn it all off if you worked hard enough, and eat less the next day.

You strip off your shirt to save yourself the annoyance of washing all the sweat out later and turn on the same old disc in the radio you always use. It’s nonsensical pop. Just what you need to tune out.

The music consumes you as you let yourself fall into the same repetitive actions from every night before. In and out, losing your breath over something you’re gaslighting yourself into thinking will work. In and out. Burn, crash, but it’s a good kind of hurt. The hurt that says you’re making progress. The hurt that says, ‘you will be skinnier’. Eat less tomorrow, work harder today. Every day. 

Thoughts leak into your head through a faucet you’ve even considered turning off via lobotomy sometimes. A cesspool of more hurtful but effective ideas is yours to swim in, to inhale, to feel all over. Vomit. Laxatives. Ozempic. No, that would mean something really was wrong. That was too risky. Too confirming.

That really said you had an illness. All you were doing was exercise and…dieting. 

That was okay.

You had been keeping up that aching burn in your stomach for probably around thirty minutes, with your ears getting sweaty from your hair hanging down beside them in stringy tendrils, when there’s a jaunty knock on your bedroom door. 

“You busy, mama?”

JJ wasn’t just what he presented himself to be on the surface. Inside, you knew he was perceptive to how you felt and what made you tick. He knew when you were sad, when you were put off, or about to lose your shit. Even if you never let him in the way you let him talk to you and offered him advice, he could read you- whether you liked it or not.

Tonight, as soon as you’d left, you had an inkling that you’d shown too much emotion about the food. You had..panicked. Normally, nonchalance about your disordered thinking came easy to you, and therefore masking, but it was the pressure and the smells and the gentle touches of his hands on your big, fatty shoulders and up the sweaty rolls of your back…it was all too much. 

He’d noticed. Everybody had, but him especially so. The stress on your face, the messing with your hair and the reluctance you had had to speak or banter were all tell-tale signs of turmoil you wouldn’t tell anybody about. The pogues were a family, he supposed, after all. All families had secrets. Despite that, he wanted to be let in. To know you. 

Hearing him knock makes your stomach drop. You’re sweaty, red in the cheeks and your hair is a mess, You’re done for. Your voice becomes a rasp as you yell out, 

“In a second!”, and rush up to your dresser to pause the music that had blared in your ears and distracted you from wanting to stop just a moment ago. The door handle bends- he’s not waiting.

“JJ!” Your voice gets shrill and tight, like a balloon under pressure. “I said in a second!”

“If you’re doin’ something private, you know I’m always up to assist!” He says through the opening door. His tone is joking and friendly. It always is when it comes to you. He’s tried to be gentle before, but it never got through to you. You’d felt like he was babying you, or something.

He strolls into the room as you have your back to him, standing over a basket of your washing. Okay, this was fine. The flush would just be…embarrassment. The sweating because it was summer. He’d have no idea.

“It’s pretty humid in here, for our luck this season.” JJ walks around to you, his hands in the pockets of his board shorts. You straighten up and he smiles at you, but it turns down once he’s looked you over for a second. 

“..Woah. you’re not sick, are you?”

You swallow. “No. You embarrassed me, Jayj, I was like- like changing when you knocked. And you never wait.”

He looks you up and down and you realise from the look in his eyes and the slight frown on his face that oh shit, he does not believe you. 

His hand, familiar, raises towards your face, and you flinch. You aren’t sure what you’re expecting. It comes up to your forehead and you can feel the coolness of his rings whilst your eyes are shut. 

“You feel ill.” He says slowly. His eyes bug a bit and he steps back, his boots making new scuff marks on your carpet. “Don’t tell me that’s the start o’ monkeypox'. I’ll set this place on fire.” 

Happy to have a way out, you allow yourself to laugh a little. “It’s not monkeypox, Jay. That’s not here yet.”

“What happens when we go find El Dorado, though? All those foreign places..brewin’ with the stuff.” 

He sits down on your bed and you don’t do the same, which was probably a mistake. You can still feel his eyes on you as he gets comfortable and you follow through with sorting your washing.

“Y’got sweat all up your back, miss.” 

“I do?”

“Yeah. Did you really skip the fries cuz you were full? Or did you get sick from something else?”

You start to feel genuinely sick now.

You thread your hands through your wispy hair, looking at the floor as you turn around to face him again. “Uh…yeah, I was…full.”

JJ stops looking at you, and starts to stare at you instead. 

Sweaty back, sweaty face, red cheeks, and your muscles and hands are even shaking a little. Unless you’re going into cardiac arrest, this is way more than a sudden new illness you’ve contracted. Above all, you look upset. Like he’s about to foil your plans or figure something out about you that you wanted to hide. 

“Hey…baby.”

He stands up. You stand back.

“I noticed…you’re a little on the skinnier side.”

No, no, no. this wasn’t meant to happen. 

“I just…I know I dig atcha’ for it, but it- like- it freaks me out a bit sometimes. You never take your shirt off when we’re in the water, or even just sailing, you never ever eat the grub Kiara’s family cooks up for us, which is free, by the way, so not takin’ advantage of that is a tad insane-”

“Stop it.” 

You barely recognise your own voice, but at least it’s saying what you wanted to. JJ looks taken aback. 

“I’m fine, JJ. I’m not skinny. You’re being ridiculous.”

His eyes bug all over again. “What do you mean?? Look at you, baby! I could shot-put you a hundy’ yards, no sweat!” 

“You’re lying!” You start to yell at him. Your sweat has dried uncomfortably against your skin and made your t-shirt stick to you even more than your fat abomination of a belly does every day, all day, without mercy. Nothing fits you right, nothing looks right on you, you’re ugly and fat and piglike and he’s a liar, he’s such a liar. “Look at me, clearly! I’m not skinny at all!”

JJ doesn’t understand what you’re saying, and it’s written all over his face. What were you even talking about? 

You were skinny. The entire group knew you were skinny. You had hollow cheeks that made you look sad even when you were happy, you had ribs that looked like bookshelves storing organs growing colder the longer you restricted yourself and you had such small wrists that JJ had once laughed that a prison break would be a breeze for you- they’d never be handcuffs in existence small enough for your tiny hands. 

The pogues were all at least somewhat underprivileged, and it came in different forms. They all assumed you just didn’t have food at home, or were too busy working to even spend the money you made. Because of this, they all did their best to take you out to eat, or catch fish for you, or steal a slice or two of bread from a house they were investigating to fix you up a makeshift sandwich. You always refused. It didn’t seem like it had been out of courtesy anymore.

You were sleepy and irritable and sometimes slow on adventures because of your condition. Your blood ran like toothpaste. JJ could never see your veins. Did you have issues drinking water too? He didn’t know. He realised he had had no idea what your problems truly were, until tonight. 

Tonight, he’d caught you in an act that had spoiled your life for months. You’d forgotten when you’d even started ‘working out’ all alone. He hated himself for not seeing the signs, but at least now, while you stood in front of him, in deep denial and misery and self hatred, he was here to save you. He’d turned down your street and he’d park in your head and tackle your struggles like they were his own. 

He’d figured it all out from looking at you once. 

Just how pathetic were you?

“I’m not skinny, JJ,” you know you’re going to lose, so you’re falling apart, standing in front of your full-body mirror going, “you’re crazy. J-just look at me, honestly. Maybe c-compared to Nikocado I am.”

JJ’s head starts to constantly shake. “No, ma, just look in the mirror for a sec. Look, I can feel every single damn rib!” 

You smack his hands away. “I’m literally gaining weight!”

He starts to laugh, incredulously, because he just can’t believe you. “You’ve been losing weight every day. I can see it, cuz I look atcha’ every day, baby. Us pogues are terrified you’ll straight pass out in the water one day and we won’t be there to save you.”

Tears well in your dull eyes. He can’t even remember the last time they had even a little light in them. 

“Wh…do you do this every night?”

Shit.

“What?”

“Get all sweaty? I know you’re working out. That’s a labour sheen if I’ve ever seen one. Looks like you lifted fifty tons just now.”

He quiets his voice as you start to shrink in on yourself. He feels guilty for accusing you of that, but it worries him. He’s shooted his shot a few times in the past year and tried to see you after dark, but you always turn him down. Tell him, ‘we can hang out in the morning’. It’s all making sense.

He facepalms, laughing humorlessly. “Holy shit, baby. You realise this is like…a massive problem, don’t you?”

“What is??” You don’t want him to say it. You can taste your tears on your cheeks as they roll down, and worry about your sodium intake as a bitter joke.

“You- you’re starving yourself. How did I not see it?? God, and- and you were exercising just now, I know it. What’s wrong with you??”

“Nothing!” You say shrilly. “Is it not fine for me to exercise?? You can’t dictate what I do!-”

“You’ll fuckin’ die if you keep this up!” He yells at you. It hurts. It hurts more than hunger ever has, or the workout burn, or the one time you did end up making yourself throw up after you felt you’d had too much to eat one day. “You’ll die, baby!” He clutches your shoulders and feeling the bones there makes him feel sick. Soon enough, his own eyes are tearing up. “Why’re you doing this? You’re tiny. You make Bella Hadid jealous. Actually, it- it’s just as abusive as that!”

“I’m not.” You’re sobbing instead of talking. He holds you hostage in front of the mirror and even looks like he’s about to pull your shirt up and make you stare. You shake your head hopelessly as you’re met with the sight of your rolls of fat, all your chins, all the features you have that have haunted you for years. 

And yet…he keeps telling you you’re wrong. Can’t he see them too?

“I’m fat, JJ! I’m a f-fucking fatass! I don’t need to eat more!”

“No, no, baby, no. Look at yourself, cmon..what’re you seeing that I’m not…?”

You grab at the skin around your middle as you fall apart. The skin- globs of clay and meat and horror contaminating your waist and making you undesirable to all. “Look at me!!”

JJ watches you grasp at nothing. He even puts his hand there, on your belly, and he feels your hip bone harshly bump the inside of his wrist. He shakes his head again.

“There- there’s nothing there, mama. You’re nowhere near fat. I’m scared for you, you- you’re not at all. You’re light as a f-fuckin’ feather.”

“I’m fat.” The words come out of your mouth like a useless mantra. “I’m big, JJ, you’re just being nice, my- my clothes don’t fit, my face is greasy a-and big..”

“Darling…” he trails off, because he feels so hopeless. “Don’t say that. I t-think- I think you’re dysmorphic, or something…you’re on the verge of your death.”

Even though he’s telling you all of this, you just don’t believe it. You never believed when they were concerned for you, either, because you never ever saw why. You were…big. Right? A big…girl.

“This is called…an ed, or something.” He mutters by your ear, feeling a little ill in the stomach. What does that mean for you? Does it even mean something? “God, you- this is crazy, baby. I wish I had more bank, I swear I- I’d get you fixed so quick..”

“I don’t n-need to be fixed.” 

“Yes, you do. You’re..you’re anorexic. I think that’s what the word is.”

“I’m not.” The words are coming out of you like you’re a robot, and it makes him desperate. He turns you towards him and guides your chin towards him so you have to meet his eyes, no matter how you feel about it.

“You’re being silly, y/n. I-I know you’re still in there, c…c'mon. You’re unwell. Don’t you- don’t you feel unwell?” His voice breaks a bit, as he’s worried your bones will be doing in no time. “H..hungry?”

You know you’re not fine. You know what you’re doing to yourself is wrong, but…the results were meant to make it right. It’s not two wrongs, it’s just one, fueled by..a good idea. But it’s not working. 

“..n..no.” 

“Liar.” He wraps you up in a tight hug, bringing one hand to wrap around your lower back and the over to blanket your shoulders. You wouldn’t have to reciprocate for him to be holding you both tight enough to support a bungee jump. Your ribs are definitely poking him, but he doesn’t make a sound. That breaks you in turn. Hesitantly, you cuddle him right back, feeling so confused about why he cares so much. 

You were supposed to receive this love when you got slim. When your body was pretty enough for him to love it as much as he does your nature. 

In JJ’s head, however, he had loved both features the same this whole time.

“You’re a little liar, baby.” He buries his face in the crook of your neck, breathing you in. listening to your own breathing, just so he knows you’re still alive. You’re both lucky you’re still alive.

“You’re hungry, and a liar. And I- I’m gon’ getcha well. Promise.” 

Mealtimes were never the same after that night. 

Right off the bat, JJ had told you he wouldn’t take you to hospital if you promised to try, for him- neither of you could afford the proper therapy anyway. Instead, he would be with you for most of the day, and at all meals, no matter their size. It got irritating, always being made to finish your food and having your bedroom walked into every night without fail, but…nothing bad really came of it, at least at first.

A few weeks in, you started to pull back. Your head would relentlessly tell you you were fat, or unwanted, and if you got well, you’d be even bigger than you were before. He wouldn’t even want to look at you. On the off chance you were ever alone, you would cry. You would hold your hands to your blotchy face and cry your energy away. Adventures were skipped because of your mental state.

JJ was the most worried he had ever been for you. He couldn’t relate to your struggles- you’re grateful he didn’t- but even if you had a full belly you just looked so…sad. You never smiled when you ate, though you were around folks with ‘next-level jesting abilities’. Colour came back into your cheeks, but not your eyes. You were just depressed.

He’d taken all the mirrors out of your bathroom so you could shower. He’d taken even the tiny scales out of your kitchen so you wouldn’t get a fright and fully spiral. You were teetering on a dangerous edge, and he was trying desperately to reel you in before you drowned or slipped sideways into a whole new pool of disorder. 

You’d spend all day inside. When he didn’t have food for himself or you that day, he’d sit with you and keep you company to make sure you didn’t exercise and hurt yourself. He’d also taken everything sharp he could find out of your house. Just in case.

You gained weight. You couldn’t really feel the difference, but it didn’t hurt as much to lie down and you didn’t feel like you’d fall to bits if you took a tumble. Your insides got warmer and your temperature climbed, which was good, but you never showed mental improvement. You had genuinely thought what you were doing was okay, as long as it was making you skinnier. He didn’t know how to cheer you up anymore, or convince you of how beautiful you were. 

But there was no way in hell he wasn’t going to try.

He was there with you, one night, on your bed. Holding your hand, petting your thawing knuckles. It was dark and quiet in the room. JJ couldn’t remember the last time the lights had been on when he was around.

You’re laying beside him, your arms as far away from your stomach as humanly possible for you. You hated feeling your body. All the new skin there made you repulsed by yourself.

“..Y/n?”

Your eyes don’t open. “Mmm.”

“We..okay, listen, so we wanted to check out this shipwreck, tomorrow morning. Sarah Cameron’s comin’ along and okay, before you complain, I know she’s a Kook, but JB’s makin’ eyes at her and I wanna see some action.”

“I don’t mind.”

“I didn’t finish.” He looks at you, and lifts his hand under your chin to make you look at him again. “Wanna come?”

“I can’t swim.”

JJ sighs and looks up at the ceiling. “Yes, you can, mama. Y’just never take your shirt off. You’d look amazing in a bikini and I think you know it.”

Your eyes are too dry to shed more tears.

“No I wouldn’t. You waste so much time trying to make me feel better.”

It was the truth. As a result of your crashouts, JJ had been avoiding the group almost as much as you had to spend more time with you. In the earlier days, he’d tried to get you to tag along- he’d even got exasperated and picked you up once, which had made you upset. You were a welcome burden in his heart, but a heavy weight on his mind and shoulders. You never went anywhere but your bed, but he was always afraid your thoughts would get too much for you one day.

“...I don’t know what to do, Y/n.” He rubs a hand over his eyes. “I’m- I’m sorry, like, I really…I’m jazzed that you’re eating, baby, really, but..you won’t ever come outside. We can’t be the pogues without you and you’re not there.”

“I’m sorry, JJ.” You croak. “I’m sorry. I mean it. I just feel so…ugly. Every hour, every day. I can’t help it.”

“Yes, you can. I can. Honestly, you’re the most beautiful lady I’ve ever seen, and you’ve just never seen it.” 

“Saying that isn’t going to fix me. You don’t have to be the one to fix me.”

His expression crumples like wet paper as your eyes meet his saying that. He sniffs, “baby-”

“It’s not your job. I’m mentally fucked, do you understand? You’re my age, and about as qualified, which I’m n-not. It’s not on you to take care of me.”

You didn’t even notice you had started crying. Tears down your cheeks are a constant sensation at this point. Looking at him now, really looking at him, you can see he’s crying too. It feels horrible inside you, knowing that you did that, but his face still says he doesn’t blame you for a thing.

“I know I’m not a therapist, ma! I- I really- I just really need you to be better!” Cracks in his voice make your own skin feel like shattering porcelain. “I want you back!”

He holds you tight. Some nights he will, some nights he won’t. It depends on how you’re feeling about your body. You don’t feel good, however you know that he probably needs a hug just as much as you.

“I-It’s really hard-” you start to fully sob, losing your weak composure in his arms- “I w-want to get..b-better but you- you can’t cure u-ugly.”

“You are not ugly.” His voice is directly in your ear, making you scrunch your shoulder up. “Listen to me, right now. You. Are. Not. Ugly.” 

“Yes I am.”

“Come on, Y/n, we’ve been going over this for a month. Hell- you wouldn’t even know or not! Y’haven’t seen yourself for a month!” 

“Well you wouldn’t know what it’s like, JJ!” You yell at him- then immediately realise what you just let slip. His eyes widen a little and his eyebrows furrow as you start to go red from shame.

“...What?”

When you don’t say anything back, he simply runs his pinky across the delicate skin beneath your eye and looks down at the blankets between you two.

“...Day and night, Y/n, I’m struck dumb by how much I think you’re beautiful. It..it makes me feel weak. No matter how you’ve presented yourself to me, healthy body or skin and bones, I’ve never been able to let you go.”

You don’t want to hear him say all this, but he holds your hands and doesn’t let you pull away. 

“I mean it when I say you’re pretty as sin. In your best moments, and in your worst, I…I’ve wanted you.” He chuckles bitterly. “Call me a simp, or down bad, but I…I couldn’t live without you. Hearing you were sick made me possessive, and obsessed with you, but it- I don’t know how else to show you that I care. I’ve always cared about you, Y/n. I want you to be happy s-so bad. You don’t have to let me in if you d..don’t want to, but…I want to understand. Understand how you, a girl so ethereal, could ever want to starve or hate yourself.” 

If he had had more to say, you weren’t able to hear it, because you’d started kissing him as his voice grew smaller.

You had liked JJ from the very first time you two met and he had always felt out of your league. He was beautiful, bold and blonde, and there was no such thing as a world where you two could fall in love.

One of the main reasons you had such severe body issues was because of your fear of never being loved. Not just by a boyfriend, but by anybody. That threat had followed you around your whole life and manifested as an eating disorder.

If you were skinny, you would have it all. That’s what you had told yourself. Affection wouldn’t feel right if you weren’t slim, would it? Yet somehow, as JJ pets your hair and crosses his legs over yours in your small, dusty bedroom, you felt all the love you had ever wanted doubled in one kiss. Tasting him in your mouth is beer, mint, somehow, and above all, this boy feels like home. 

It was a naive thought to have, but in that moment, he was all you needed to get better. 

You pull apart.

“...JJ.” You dab your mouth on your shirt and he smiles at you. No matter what you say, he’ll accept you tenfold. This you’re certain of.

“I don’t- I don’t think we should…date. Yet. if you even wanted to.” You say softly. “Just..only because I’m not well and I don’t want those feelings to interfere with us. The bad feelings.”

“...Oh.”

He looks reluctant to agree to this condition, but he knows it would be better for the both of you. He bites his cheek, and nods. “Okay, baby. Don’t feel guilty. I got all the time in the world to wait.”

 The room goes quiet, but this time the silence is comfortable.

“But you know I uh…I’m into you. Right?” 

“I’m not so sure that’s true.”

“Well, it is.” He lies back down beside you and rests his head on your sagging pillows. “I don’t think I’d spend hours in your smelly shack if I wasn’t.”

“Nonsense, Jay.” You almost laugh. “I'm nowhere near in nice shape.”

“Because you’ve been here every day for the past four weeks.” The plan he’d had a few minutes ago enters his head again at just the right time. “Please, please come out with us. It’ll give you sun, some fun in the water, and you can…you can be with us pogues again.”

You feel a hand gently grasp your own. It’s twice the warmth of yours, and envelopes your fingers.

“Be with me again.” 

It’s both crazy and a little embarrassing how fast he got you out of the dumps. In one night, JJ Maybank had improved your body image and convinced you to come outside for the first time in ages. Like Jesus performing a miracle, he had saved you from a self-made tomb. 

He gave you your mirrors back so you could pretty yourself up a little, but he had stood with you the whole time and reassured you constantly about how your face looked. He wiped away the tear stains, the crust, smeared your chapped lips in healing balm, and sat you in the bath to give your hair a thorough wash. Those were the perks of knowing a boy who had one-hundred percent tolerance to dirt, you supposed.

When it had come time to pick out an outfit, he was right there again. You hadn’t worn a bikini in ages, but you had come to find he’d borrowed you a one piece from…some kook’s house. You weren’t sure, but were appreciative of the gesture so much that you started to cry again. He was right there to fix your makeup. 

Until JJ, you hadn’t known such care and domesticity. He himself called it the bare minimum. You’d promised to give him your very best self in turn, once you were well again, and in good time, you did. Your friendship, fueled by heart and sacrifice, blossomed into something unspokenly more. 

You wouldn’t put a label on it yet. JJ was okay with that, and so were you. It felt good to just sit and know somebody cared about you just as much as you did them. Boyfriends and girlfriends were overrated, anyway, and JJ proudly called himself your lover every day.

On the off-chance you had a slip up, he was right there with you if you needed him, but some days, you didn’t want him to see you ruin. He understood that. Not everything was up to him. His duty wasn’t to save you, it was to love you. You were glad he knew it.

Against all odds, you came to love yourself again. That meant you could love him back. 

Just as he had promised, he was there waiting on the other side like the light at the end of the tunnel. Lighting your days and your nights, while you were the sun, thriving in the day and going down in the evening. He wasn’t going anywhere.

No solar system is complete without the stars.