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love-killed-the-superstar · 7 years ago

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Roses Are Lame, Roses Are Blue: Chapter 8

so, er, there’s really no fucking excuse for this???? except that when i don’t know how to write a chapter i will just procrastinate on it for literally years?? seriously someone just punch me

Title: Chapter 8: Flowers Are Without Hope Pairing: RespectShipping (Ash/Drew) Summary: A/D. Ash and Drew have never had the chance to see eye to eye, mostly due to the two living in the different trainer classes of pokemon trainer and pokemon coordinator. But when Drew proves he's a worthy opponent after winning a battle against Ash, the two find their lives are lacking a rivalry in which the latter respects the former. RespectShipping, M/M, slash.

(Chapter 8 - On Cloud Arcanine. Or, the one where Ash and Drew spend all screen time furiously avoiding looking at each other.)

Read on Fanfiction.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8711638/8/Roses-Are-Lame-Roses-Are-Blue

8: Flowers Are Without Hope

-Kanto Route 5, August 18th, 2005-

“I can't believe this line, May,�� Ash grumbled, glancing at the long queue in front of them. “These gourmet cakes of yours better be worth it.”

“Oh, they will be,” May chirped, glancing up from her guide book for a few moments to smile reassuringly. “My guidebook calls it the best bakery around!”

The best bakery around? Ash couldn't say he'd ventured out of Pallet Town much as a kid but he'd never heard of this bakery before, so surely it couldn't be that great. (Unless it was the one that Professor Oak always used to buy those stale cream puffs from whenever Ash and Gary had helped him out with fieldwork in the corral. If it was that bakery he'd rather fight a wild arcanine than choke them down.)

The group were on their way to Saffron City in order for May to start competing in Kanto contests in order to enter the Kanto Grand Festival being held in the Indigo Plateau. Ash was happy for May wanting to explore the region, he really was, but he didn't see why they had to stop at all the dumb places marked in her guidebook. If they rewound a few years and travelled this route with Misty, would they still be stopping at all these places? Ash wasn't sure. Either way, he was more than a little agitated when thinking about all the time they were wasting standing around this crowded joint.

As he shuffled from foot to foot irritably, a strange howl erupted from the clearing behind the bakery, and onlookers watched in amazement as an auburn shape bounded towards them, releasing another growl.

“That's an arcanine!” Ash exclaimed, pulling out his pokedex. Hopefully his updated dex would have new information following Professor Oak's extensive examinations of his grandson's arcanine over the years.

The cries of the public increased as the pokemon grew closer, once again crying out powerfully. With a spring in its step, the fire pokemon leapt gracefully over the group, landing perfectly before continuing to speed off into the distance.

“That was cool!” Max beamed, watching as the large orange figure grew smaller.

“I'd love to catch it,” sighed May, clasping her hands together excitedly. As they continued to watch it, in awe of its speed, a new voice joined the fray.

“Arcanine!”

Ash's eyes widened and he spun round rapidly, a little dizzy.

“Look, it's Drew!”

But why? What was Drew even doing here? The last time Ash had saw him...

Ash watched his closet rival as he chased the minute flaxen shape in the distance, eyes shining, grin confident.

“Go, Flygon, flamethrower!”

With a cry, Drew's pokemon spat out a powerful fire that blazed at the arcanine's feet. With a roar from deep in its belly, the arcanine retaliated with an equally strong attack that streamed from its open jaws.

“Look, Arcanine's using heatwave!” Max gasped, eyes wide. The flygon hastily dodged the attack, unnerved by it. Annoyed by the harassment, the arcanine released a sudden burst of energy, speeding off into the trees.

“What's that?” Ash asked, bewildered.

“Now it's using its extreme speed,” Max observed, unable to tear his eyes away.

“It got away!” Drew stopped in front of the group, fists clenched and teeth grinding. Ash had rarely seen him so wound up over a pokemon... that said, Ash had never seen Drew catch a pokemon before, had he? He supposed the latter would probably want to do some sort of intimate pre-battle routine, bowing at his pokemon before charging in with another freaking petal dance. He doubted he'd expected company at all.

May stared for a few moments, mouth still gaping as she watched the spot where the arcanine had been, before turning to face Brock quizzically.

“So what's extreme speed, Brock?”

“It's an attack that increases a pokemon's speed,” Brock explained simply, “and by using it in battle it will almost always guarantee you the first attack.”

“Only an amateur would ask a question like that, May,” Drew smirked, approaching the group smugly. May frowned but held back from verbally attacking him, simply muttering, “I didn't know you were here in Kanto too, Drew.”

Ash was kind of wondering about that too.

“Real winners can never resist competition,” Drew said, flicking his fringe back, “though that does make me wonder why you're here.”

Don't take the bait, May, Ash grumbled silently.

“Can't you try to be polite?” she snapped, planting on her hips while scowling at the smug-faced coordinator opposite. Drew's smirk deepened.

“I guess this means that you've come to enter the Kanto Grand Festival too, huh?” Brock intervened, frowning a little at Drew, the latter turning his head slightly as he spoke.

“Well, more accurately I'm here to win it.”

“You're in luck for most annoying but I'm winning the festival!”

The competitive banter came to an abrupt halt as Drew reached into his pocket. “Yeah? Think so?” As he spoke, the small golden case he was holding flicked open, revealing a small glossy orange ribbon. “Check it out.”

May gasped, eyes wide.

“Huh? Is that a genuine Kanto contest ribbon?!”

“That it is.”

May groaned, fists clenched.

“I still haven't won a single one of those!”

“Well of course you haven't.” Again with the damn hair flipping, Ash seethed. He was starting to believe Drew did it to hide that he was bullshitting everything. “I'm on my way to catch that arcanine now so I can continue winning my way through Kanto.”

“For your information I'm gonna catch that arcanine!” retorted May, rising to his challenge as usual.

“I'd love to see you try.” He put his hands back in his pockets. “But I'd hate to see you humiliated.”

May stamped her foot in frustration.

“I'm gonna show you!”

Drew's eyes met with Ash's for just a moment, sharp and impossible to read, before he turned back to his flygon.

“Let's go, Flygon. Let's go get that arcanine!”

Without looking back, he began to run, his flygon following suit, and part of Ash felt hollow. It was a simple rivalry behind the scenes, just as it had been before, but... it felt like Drew was being deliberately cold towards him.

Still, he forced a smile. It wouldn't do any good to make his friends worry when May was so fired up about catching this arcanine, and besides, if it meant May wouldn't pick up on the change between Ash and Drew since she'd last seen them both, it was for the best.

“Wow, Drew's flygon is really something else,” Max remarked.

“Who cares?” snapped May. “I'm about to show him something else! And capturing that arcinine will be the perfect way to start!” Ash had to admit, seeing the look on Drew's face if – no, when – May captured the pokemon before him was a satisfying thought.

“Yeah, and we can all help you out!” Pikachu expressed a noise of agreement, and May grinned and took off after Drew.

“Let's go then!”

Max caught up with her quickly and began firing off questions – which pokemon was she planning on using? Did she have a strategy in mind for dealing with arcanine, and did she even know its most common attacks? – Brock fell into step with Ash.

“So,” he said in a low voice. “Drew's in Kanto. Did you know?”

“No,” Ash said shortly. “No, I didn't know where he was going any more than you did.”

“I was just asking,” Brock said quickly. He paused. “Did you two talk, in the end? About everything that happened?”

“Brock, can we not do this now?” Ash interrupted, trying not to raise his voice. “Anything that was happening between me and Drew, it's sorted now. It won't happen again. And bringing it up is only gonna make May suspicious, and right now her heart is set on capturing arcanine.”

Brock watched him silently for a few moments, before shrugging.

“Okay. But later, if you want to talk...”

“I know,” Ash exhaled. “You'll be here. I know.”

…

Most of the morning and afternoon were spent trying and failing to engage in battle with the arcanine. It clearly wasn't looking to partner up with a trainer any time soon, and Ash's patience was waning thin. May was driven, however, and their latest endeavour involved them crouched behind a rock, high up in the mountains.

“So tell me again why we're up here?” Max piped up, also visibly impatient with May's boundless energy.

“Cause this is our last chance,” Ash ground out.

“The old woodsman said Arcanine likes to come up here,” Brock explained. “So if it does we'll have it cornered on the ledge with nowhere else to run!”

“And with no more distractions like pecha berries what could possibly go wrong?” chimed in May, with a look of pure energized determination on her face.

Squirtle uttered a confused grunt, and the group glanced over. Arcanine was making its way towards the edge of the mountainside, and Brock hissed, “There it is!”

“Go get it, May!” urged Ash, half-excited and half wanting the excursion to be over already. He couldn't deny how cool it would be if May did capture the arcanine after all, though. Especially if it meant she had beaten Drew to it.

May stepped forward with Squirtle in her arms, giggling in anticipation, and the arcanine whipped around.

“So, Arcanine, this time you're not getting away!” May began, but at that moment, as per usual, Drew jumped in without missing a beat, landing a few paces in front of May with his flygon in tow. May gasped.

“Go, Flygon!” Drew called, smug determination written all over his face. Something in Ash's blood boiled. A small part of him enjoyed the way Drew's face lit up when he was facing an opponent, but the rest of him despised that even more. This was supposed to be May's victory.

“What are you doing?!” May squeaked out in indignation. “I was here first, Drew!”

“Hardly,” Drew scoffed. “I was up on that ledge since this morning.”

Arcanine, sensing the tension between the two, took that moment to leap over their heads and sprint up the mountainside and out of sight. May groaned as it disappeared from view.

“Great!” she snarled, glaring pointedly at Drew. “Thanks to you Arcanine got away and now neither one of us has it!”

“Please. Like you ever had a chance of catching it anyway.”

“How dare you, Drew!” May burst out, seething. “If you think you're so great let's have a battle right now to see who gets to go after Arcanine!”

Drew reached up to flick his fringe out of his eyes, and Ash fought the urge to roll his eyes.

“Huh! I guess a little warm up practice won't hurt.”

As they got into position, Ash caught Drew's eye.

Just let her have this one, he mouthed. He knew it was unfair – May could fight her own battles, she certainly didn't need his protection – but something inside of him was just begging Drew to show some sort of mercy. Drew stared right through him.

Brock raised his arms.

“Let this one-on-one pokemon battle begin!” he called.

“I'll give you the first move,” Drew said. For a moment, his gaze flickered over to Ash, and Ash found himself relieved. At least Drew wasn't completely blanking him, even if he was, as usual, impossible to read.

“You'll probably regret that,” countered May, fuelled by the urge to one up him. “Squirtle, start with tackle!”

Inwardly, Ash groaned.

“Why'd she start off with that?!” he asked aloud.

“And all Drew has to do is...”

“Go, Flygon, fly!”

Flygon easily dodged the attack, and Ash fought the urge to bury his face in his hands.

The battle ended badly and Drew, determined to one up May, was the first to reach the top of the mountain. Once they discovered the nest, they weren't sure where to go from there, but Team Rocket had, as usual, interrupted and captured the entire family of pokemon.

Ash seriously wondered if Team Rocket had any other hobbies besides gatecrashing their travels.

Surprisingly, Drew had stuck around to help, and his flygon had burst Team Rocket's balloon, sending them hurtling into the brush below. The group chased Team Rocket to where they crashed, the growlithe cubs and arcanine still trapped in the net, and both Ash and Brock reached for their pokeballs.

“We got them! Let's go, Brock!”

“Right!”

May interrupted.

“Wait.”

Ash stopped in his tracks, brow furrowed in confusion.

“Let Drew and I finish it up this time,” she said with a grin.

Drew's eyes met Ash's.

“Yeah, since we were the ones who started this whole thing off.”

Ash, surprised and just relieved Drew was talking to him at this time, didn't need much convincing.

“All right, it's all yours!”

Drew turned away quickly, and the moment was over.

“Come on, Flygon, we gotta rescue Arcanine!” He stabbed a finger towards Team Rocket. “Steel wing the net!”

Flygon cut the net down easily, and May and Drew engaged in a double battle against Team Rocket. Between calling out attacks, the two were complimenting each other on their form, and Ash felt a twinge of something in his chest. Jealousy, maybe? Loneliness? Longing? At this point, he couldn't sort out one feeling from another when it came to Drew. Everything turned into a cluster of messy emotions.

As Flygon took out Jessie's dustox with a flamethrower, Ash felt himself being drawn into the battle, like a dance.

“Yeah!”

“Those two are a great team!” he exclaimed.

“Even though their styles are totally different they work well together,” Brock remarked.

Were they all that different? Ash had always seen an eerie similarity to their fighting styles, even if their attitudes, training methods and the way they presented in contests were polar opposites. He was sure they would both hate being compared to one another, but Ash didn't necessarily see it as being a bad thing – in fact, it reminded him of Gary, and how the two of them had been like opposite sides of a coin, different and yet somehow the same.

Rivals. That was how he'd see it. Different and yet tethered together.

After Team Rocket were blasted off, the group stood for a while watching Arcanine groom its cubs. Ash turned to May.

“There it is. So, did you change your mind about catching it?”

May nodded.

“Yep.” She turned to Drew. “Well, go ahead...”

Drew shook his head slightly, still with that damn smile.

“As much as I think I could win with it, I don't wanna break up a happy family.” He hummed, brushing his fringe away from his face once more. “So I'll let them be.”

How generous, Ash thought dryly. May seemed satisfied with his response, and they all watched as the arcanine led its litter away.

…

“Hey.”

Drew turned to see Ash standing a few feet from him, fists clenching and unclenching with nerves. They had trailed back to the bakery May had suggested earlier for a victory snack, and the two of them had left to use the bathroom while May, Max and Brock queued. Only, Drew realised, it had been a ploy on Ash's part to get him alone.

“Can we not do this now?” he muttered.

“We have to. Drew, we need to talk,” Ash said, pushing his hair back self-consciously. “I... I thought you might call me one of these days. It's been weeks, you know, since we last talked.”

Drew's eyes narrowed.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“We need to talk about this, you know? I'm sorry things went so weird on the phone last time. I didn't want it to be that way, it's just... I was freaked out. My mom found out about us, and I didn't know what to do. It made me realise how mixed up my feelings were, how bad the timing was. If I knew you were going to Kanto too...”

“What, you would have arranged a dinner date?” Drew snapped. “Get real, Ash. This was never going to work, was it? I don't know why I held on to some kind of hope that things would get better between us.”

“I want things to!” Ash pleaded. “I want us to be how we were before – before things got all weird and intense! Why can't we just be rivals for a while again, and see where it goes from here? Please, I don't want to lose what we have.”

“You can't lose something that was never there to begin with,” Drew said sourly. “No one knows about this rivalry, so is it even real?”

“Stop trying to shut me down with, with psychology or whatever,” burst out Ash, fuming. “I believed in you as my rival, even if we kept it a secret. I learned from you. You made me interested in contests! You're telling me none of that was real? How could I feel these things if there was no rivalry at all?!”

“Then why don't we just tell them? Why not just admit that we're rivals?”

Ash frowned.

“What do you mean? I... I thought you liked that this was something private.”

“Why does it have to be?” Drew countered. “I mean, you never thought it was weird that we were keeping it hidden from them? But I'm the stupid one for reading into it, right?”

“That's not what I'm saying!” Ash interrupted. “Of course I don't think that! But... but we kept it a secret before these feelings started coming up, don't you see? It's always been about improving each other, opening our eyes to other ways of battling and training! I don't get why that has to change?”

“It would be so easy to just tell her, Ash.” Drew's voice was flat. “We could tell May we're rivals too. Right here, right now, we could tell her together. It would be so simple.”

“You know she wouldn't like it,” Ash said in a defeated voice.

“She'd get over it. You two aren't my only rivals, and I know for a fact I'm not yours. One of these days May will find someone else to call her rival, too.” Drew's eyes bore into Ash. “Why can't we just be honest with her?”

“She's so pumped just being with you. I don't want to ruin it,” he said desperately. “But I don't want to end what we have either, Drew. Please.”

“I've kept quiet for you, Ash. You don't want them to know about our rivalry – you're ashamed of the feelings we have! I'm... I'm done being your secret.” Drew stared at him coldly, and then looked down. “Until next time.”

“Drew, come on!”

Drew headed back to queue with May, and Ash hung back in defeat, standing beside Brock with enough intensity to burn down the place. If Brock sensed something had happened, he didn't say a word.

They didn't speak a word to each other for the remainder of the afternoon.

…

The sun was beginning to set, and Brock mentioned about setting up camp.

“Well then, I guess this is goodbye,” Drew said, glancing between the group. His eyes lingered on Ash for just a beat longer, and then he quickly turned back to May again.

“Until we meet again, at least,” she said with a laugh.

Drew took a step forward.

“You know, there's a contest coming up in Saffron City I think you should enter.”

May blinked.

“I hadn't heard anything about it... why, are you entering?”

Drew smirked.

“Nah, I have to focus on finding a new pokemon to strengthen my team first. But I think you'd do really well in it.”

He began to walk away, refusing to look back.

“Well, thank you, Drew!” May called after him. He offered a wave without turning around, and then disappeared into the woods.

“What a poser,” Ash muttered, and Max snickered as May nudged him on the arm crossly.

The evening was uneventful, but the shared looks and things left unsaid lingered in Ash's mind as they ate dinner and did some evening training, finding a clearing where they could see late evening stars beginning to twinkle. They set up camp in the woods, and Brock took a seat beside Ash while May and Max finished their food and got ready for bed.

“So, wanna talk about what happened today?”

“There's nothing to talk about, Brock,” Ash sighed. “You saw. We barely said a civil word to each other.”

“That's the part that stumped me, honestly.” Brock squeezed his shoulder. “Have you worked out... whatever's going on between the two of you?”

“No. Actually, I think things have gotten worse. We agreed to go back to how we were, but... it's different, I can tell.” He looked away and muttered, “I don't think he's even planning on talking to me, if he can help it. We argued earlier.”

“He didn't take it very well, then?” Brock asked flatly.

“Take what very well?”

“That you aren't interested in a relationship.”

“Brock, it's not that I wasn't, you know, interested in him, and being with him,” Ash said, brow furrowed in frustration as he tried to choose his words carefully. “But, all it was doing was making things tense for us, and tense for May and Drew. So I told him I wanted to just be rivals, for now. It's not a decision I rushed, but... the way we've both been acting, I think he thought I was going to say yes.”

Brock exhaled.

“I had no idea you felt that way about him, you know. I'm sorry you couldn't talk to me about it until things got bad.” Ash frowned up at him. “What are you talking about, Brock? That isn't on you. I didn't even know what was happening until it got to that point. I've never felt these kind of things before. How could I know it was... well, a kind of love?” “I thought you and Misty would always end up together, truthfully,” Brock said with a laugh. “I thought when we were travelling I was watching young love unfold. You were really oblivious to it all?”

“Me and Misty?!” Ash's eyes bugged out. “Sorry to burst your bubblebeam there, Brock, but Misty used to tease me like I was her kid brother! Sure, we got along fine, but...”

“Well, have you ever had a crush on a girl?” Brock asked.

Ash shrugged.

“Not that I can think of? I don't know what that makes me. I don't see any point in using labels and stuff right now. It's not productive, is it?”

“Guess not.” Brock hummed to himself, deliberating on something for a few moments, before speaking up again. “You know, I thought Lance was cute, that time we met up with him.”

Ash turned to stare at him. “You did?”

Brock nodded, and cracked a smile. “Like you said, you don't have to put a label on what you feel. But if you want my advice, I think you should call him. Smooth things over.”

Ash stared down at his pokedex.

“I don't know about that, Brock. I think he's upset with me.”

“All the more reason to, then. Tell him what you told me, about the timing being bad and just wanting things to be simple. If he knows where he stands, the both of you will surely bounce back from it.”

Brock patted him on the shoulder and rose to his feet. “I'm going to bed, but promise me you'll sort things out?”

“I'll try,” Ash muttered. “He's not the easiest guy to talk to.”

With a wave, Brock headed back to where May and Max were sitting in their sleeping bags and climbed into his own. Ash headed a little deeper into the forest, and dialled Drew's pokedex code. He fiddled with his fringe, half-wondering if there was any point making himself presentable for this conversation, but half wanting Drew to find him attractive over his crappy pokedex facecam.

On the fourth ring, Drew answered. His hair was slightly ruffled, either from sleep or from recently flying, and he was in lodgings that looked like a typical pokemon centre room.

“Hey.”

“I told you goodbye,” Drew deadpanned.

“I know. But, but we need to talk properly, Drew. I'm sorry things got out of hand. But you're not ditching the Saffron City contest because of me, are you? I won't talk to you, if that's what you need to hear. I don't want to stand in your way.”

Drew scoffed.

“Don't flatter yourself. I wasn't planning on going anyway.”

“Drop the smug bullshit for a second, will you?” snapped Ash. “Why do you care so much about telling May, all of a sudden? Up until today you've been fine keeping it between the two of us. Whether it's romantic or not, I don't see why we have to involve anyone else.”

“You're ashamed of me, Ash,” Drew said harshly, silencing him instantly. “I won't be kept around at your convenience. I get that you think you're being noble and sheltering May, but someone was always going to get hurt. It just sucks you'd rather make me pay than just tell her the truth about us.”

“Drew, you're her first rival,” Ash said pleadingly. “If I tell her, it'll screw with her confidence.”

“You think she doesn't already know on some level?” Drew asked sharply. “Ash, she knows we've spent time together away from her, she knows I've given you at least one rose, and she knows that I get in your head. She's been putting the pieces together for months, can't you see that?”

Ash shook his head slowly, feeling the colour draining from his face.

“If she knows, why doesn't she just ask?”

“The same reason you won't just tell her, I suppose.” Drew's voice was quiet, but harsh. “Maybe it's cause she just doesn't wanna know. She's your damn friend, you figure it out.”

“You aren't being fair,” Ash protested.

“No?” Drew's eyes flashed. “I've been patient. I've given you time to sort through your feelings, I haven't run to May to reveal our big fucking secret! Now it's your turn to give me some time to get through this. I can take you not reciprocating my feelings. I can handle rejection, but when you won't even admit to your friends that I'm your damn rival? Why would I want to be stuck in a rivalry like that in the first place?”

Ash held the phone so tightly his fingers hurt.

“I don't want you to give up on us, Drew,” he whispered. “Please.”

Drew dragged a hand through his hair, looking truly exhausted.

“I can't do this right now, Ash. If I have to wait around for you to figure out what the hell you want from me, I'll never go anywhere. Just let me be until the next time we meet.”

“Please-”

The call ended, and Ash gripped his phone in despair.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, burying his face in his hands. “Damn you, Drew.”

#pokemon #respectshipping #ash/drew #drew/ash #ashxdrew #drewxash #writing #well... i finally beat on cloud arcanine #seriously fuck that episode for giving me nothing to work with im so bitter #oh well whats done is done #happy respectshipping everybody

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