#ashes: it's always 'stop isolating yourself' and 'you're better than this ashes'

[magicalgirlartist]

[ID: digital drawing of two women, one a tiefling with red skin, horns, and a black and red gothic Lolita outfit, the other a half-orc with green skin, small tusks, and a silver and purple set of plate armor. The tiefling has the orc by the face, her other hand curled into a claw, snarling while the orc leans away, desperately trying to make eye contact and speaking as she's forced down towards the ground. End ID.]

Gonna keep trucking away at Draw Everything June! Featuring Keth the half-orc paladin magical girl and Ashes the tiefling warlock magical girl. They're so normal about each other omg <3

[Commissions open!]

[ovwechoes]

Exes to Lovers with Ashe x Reader Themes: gn reader, love/hate, rival gangs, mutual pining, au, imagines, drunk confession. Word count: 981

Imagine Ashe watching you from the other side of the road. She's just passing through with her gang, when she finds herself fixated on you. Your outfit clad with silver spikes, buckles, zippers, leather, and chains. She can't help but feel as though you've stolen her style - and yet, she takes it as a badge of honour. 

Imagine Ashe letting your gang watch her body pass by, uttering words into your ears about your ex and how she ‘left something good behind’ and how ‘you’re better off without her'. And yet, you can't help but chuckle to yourself as you remember how the night before went. How their gruelling insults would change if they knew how different the situation could possibly be.

Imagine how smug you would stand, arms crossed as you watched her carefully walk across your gaze. The road seperated the two of you, and yet you still felt blessed with this view of her. Your face was stoic, refusing to expose your feelings for your ex, and yet deep down you couldn't stop recounting how she tasted on your lips the night before, how comfortable she was as she lay in your bed. You recounted her softest moments that night as she walked with a venomous smile curling on her face, with her stride confident and bold.

Imagine her gang watching you just the same, and yet they don't utter a word to their leader. You're far too aware that if a single word were uttered about you, Ashe wouldn't hesitate to punish them properly; she can't help but stick by your side regardless of your position in her life. She may not show you grace to your face, when her gang members linger off her shoulders and hang by every word that slips from her mouth, but Ashe has always been too defensive with her loved ones. 

Imagine the relationship before didn't end sour - it was simply because you two were too busy, too enamoured with your times apart. You had been amicable, but abided to Ashe's advice to emphasise the intensity of the break-up. After all, they couldn't know that there was a door left open for the future - a door the two of you had stepped through once again when the time was right. There's too much at stake, she explained that night.

Imagine Ashe being the one to ignite the spark between the two of you. She had turned up to your door a year later - drunk, slurring her words and demanding to enter your home. You couldn't help but chuckle to yourself, as you abided to her. It wasn't unexpected for her to be like this, you had seen your fair share of her stumbling over herself, planting herself in her spot on your sofa, and watching you meet her there. But what you never expected was that she wanted to be with you again. She missed you, she said, as she continued watching your expressions for any sign of rejection. Ashe will always hold her cards close to her, refusing to expose herself to others, but once she's had enough to drink it's as though she completely forgets to.

Imagine yourself sat beside her, truthfully expecting her to be just saying it because she's lonely. You look at her, evaluate if this is actually what's happening, or if she's seeking your warmth on a cold and isolating night. When you see a slither of a tear leave her eye, and sit itself on her waterline, you realise she's being honest. You sit with your own feelings as you let her speak, let her sober up and realise what she's doing. When she's finally done, you tell her you'll speak to her in the morning, with her crashing on your sofa in response. 

Imagine that morning, as you're nursing her back to health from her hangover and explain what she said her face grows more tiresome. She looks frustrated with herself, as you utter her confession. It's as though she never wanted to tell you, refusing to be the first to embarrass herself with something so juvenial. To her, nothing is more degrading than confessing your feelings to someone, especially your ex. And yet, you couldn't help but feel relief swarm your body as you explained you felt the same way. That no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't imagine being with someone else. No one matched her energy, her competence, and her love for you. All you wanted was for her to come back, for her to love you like before. 

Imagine Ashe agreeing, after a lengthy conversation as she sat on your sofa ‘resting her eyes’ with a glass of water in her hands. You didn't want to lose her again, so that was your one condition. Ashe's one condition was to keep it a secret, for now until she was ready. You agreed - better than nothing, right? That's what you thought to yourself as you felt her move closer and closer to you slowly, before finding her laying on your lap and with your hands returning to her hair. Not often would she be like this - the only times when she was sick, hungover or comfortable enough to be vulnerable. You couldn't tell which was the case, and yet you refused to question it as silver strands interloped with your fingers and you rubbed her head soothingly.

Imagine now, holding your relationship close to your chest. You two had worked hard at first to figure things out, stop things from getting to how they were last time. It was finally paying off, with your time at night spent adorning one another. Patience was a virtue, and you were sure that this time things would surely be better. After all, you had your own lives, own gangs, and own space. What could go wrong?

[teine-mallaichte]

Alt prompt @ailesswhumptober - "You always make everything worse."

Paul can't understand what is happening to Ash

CW: A character really not understanding mental health, a character really not understanding eating disorders, vaeuge references to disordered eating, self destruction, control, isolation, implied suicidal ideation, dehuminisation.

AiLessWhumptober List

Complex 27

"You always make everything worse!"

He had heard Paul’s frustrations before, countless times. The barbs once stung, but now they settled into a numb ache, like a persistent ache in his bones. Paul didn’t understand—couldn’t understand. To him, this was another bout of their familiar rivalry, another attempt to snap Ash back into line. But for Ash, it was different. It ran deeper.

Paul’s voice trembled with frustration as he stepped closer, his presence imposing in the small space. “Do you even care what happens anymore? Do you even care if we survive?”

Ash’s response was slow, his voice rough with fatigue. "Survive…" He repeated the word softly, almost as if tasting its bitter meaning. His eyes flickered briefly to meet Paul’s, tired and distant. "That’s all it is to you, isn’t it? Survival."

Paul stiffened, his frustration boiling over. "What else is there?" His fist clenched at his side, his anger threatening to spill over. "You think this is some kind of game? You think skipping meals and acting like this isn’t going to get you killed?"

Ash didn’t flinch. Instead, he blinked slowly, his gaze drifting back to the floor. “Maybe I don’t care if it does.”

Those words hung in the air, heavy and loaded with implications. It wasn’t the first time Ash had hinted at such resignation. Paul remembered their last argument, when Ash had stated bitterly, "At least I’d die still being me." It sent a chill down Paul's spine. He had always thought of Ash as resilient, unyielding in the face of adversity. But now, seeing him like this, he wasn’t so sure.

"You don’t mean that," Paul retorted, his voice softer now, tinged with disbelief. He crouched down in front of Ash, desperately searching his friend’s face for any sign of the Ash he knew, the Ash who revelled in their rivalry, who never backed down from a challenge. “You can’t.”

Paul’s hands curled into fists, his knuckles white with tension. He hated this feeling—helpless, unable to reach Ash when he needed to most. For years, they had trained together, competed together, pushed each other to their limits. But this was different. This wasn’t about missions or rankings. This was about Ash’s very will to fight.

“Ash,” Paul’s voice cracked, betraying the fear and frustration he felt. He hated how vulnerable it made him sound, how powerless he felt. "What’s happening to you?"

Ash closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. “It’s nothing you can fix, Paul. Just… stop trying.”

“You’re better than this,” Paul insisted, his voice quieter now, tinged with a desperate plea, "you just need to leaner to stop make everything worse for yourself."

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” Paul’s voice was a low growl, anger masking the desperation he felt, "You're just… burnt out. If you just learnt to play the game things would be better. It's the only way to survive here Ash."

Ash laughed, a broken sound that grated against Paul’s nerves. "You keep saying that like it means something," Ash muttered, shaking his head. "But surviving… surviving isn’t enough anymore, Paul. Not when we’re already dead inside."

"Don't start with that 'we are all already dead' bullshit again," Paul’s hands shot out, gripping Ash’s shoulders, trying to shake him out of it, trying to make him care. Paul’s frustration boiled over. “Damn it, Ash!” He shook him harder, hoping to jolt him back to reality. “You can’t just give up like this. We have missions, responsibilities—”

“And what does any of it matter?” Ash’s voice was hollow, resigned. “What do any of these missions really change? We kill for them, we die for them, and for what? More missions, more killing. It’s a cycle, Paul. A sick, endless cycle.”

Paul sat back on his heels, staring at Ash, observing him carefully. This wasn’t the defiant, calculating Ash he knew. Doubt crept into his thoughts, gnawing at him. Were they just cogs in a machine, grinding down into nothingness? Had Ash had a point all along? Where all those assets they had lost over the years, those who broke or were decommissioned, really flawed? Or was that just something the facility told them?

He had always believed in their mission, in the necessity of their actions. But now, faced with Ash’s disillusionment, he felt a flicker of doubt. Were they really making a difference, or were they just cogs in a machine that ground them down?

“I don’t want to see go back to A Block,” Paul admitted quietly, “But I can’t watch you destroy yourself either.”

Ash's gaze softened for a moment, a flicker of something—a hint of recognition, maybe. “I’m not giving up,” he murmured, almost to himself. “I’m just… finding my own way.”

Paul stared at him, torn between the urge to understand and the frustration that continued to bubble, “Your way? Not eating isn’t finding a way, Ash. It’s self-destruction.”

“Then maybe I need to feel that,” Ash replied, his voice cold and distant, his demeanour shifting to something almost vulnerable, “Maybe this is the only thing I can control.”

Paul’s heart sank as he realized the depth of Ash’s struggle. He had always thought he understood Ash better than anyone, but now, faced with this painful reality, he felt lost. “You think this gives you control?” he asked softly,“You’re just giving them what they want—an excuse to treat you like you’re broken.”

Ash’s expression hardened, the flicker of vulnerability extinguished. “At least then I’m not just a pawn in their game.”

Silence hung between them, thick and suffocating. Paul’s frustration bubbled up again, but this time it was mixed with a deep sadness. He had fought alongside Ash for years, trusted him, but now he was staring into the abyss of his friend’s despair, feeling helpless to pull him back.

“Ash,” Paul finally said quietly before hesitating, hardening his expression, "I can fix this. We can fix this," he declared, "I'm going to fix it."

Ash's laughter echoed in the cramped space, bitter and devoid of humor. “You really think that? You think you can just wave your hand and make it all better? Like you always do?” His eyes flashed with anger, but there was an underlying pain that Paul could no longer ignore.

“I don’t have to wave my hand!" Paul snapped back, frustration spilling over once more. Ash's laughter echoed in the cramped space, bitter and devoid of humor. “You really think that? You think you can just wave your hand and make it all better? Like you always do?” His eyes flashed with anger, but there was an underlying pain that Paul could no longer ignore.

“I don’t have to wave my hand! I just have to remind you that you’re not alone in this!” Paul snapped back, frustration spilling over once more, "And I am going to prove it." He pushed himself to his feet without another word, leaving the room without giving Ash a chance to srgue.

The air felt electric in the wake of Paul’s outburst, a heavy silence settling like dust in the corners of the room. Ash’s heart raced as he watched Paul storm out, each footstep echoing with a mixture of determination and desperation. Ash’s mind whirled, caught in a tempest of emotions—anger, confusion, and a deep-seated ache that he had long buried.

He slumped further against the wall. A deep ache pulsing through his body, he was tired. Beyond tired really, but there was no word that summed up the knawing emptiness he felt. He ran a hand through his messy hair, pulling at the roots in frustration.

Why couldn't Paul see? Why couldn't he understand that this wasn’t a game? It hadn't been a game for a long time.

[bloodyspade0000]

30-day knb challenge: Day 1- Favorite Male character

↳ Haizaki Shougo

I am not justifying Haizaki's behaviour. I think he needs a tall glass of respect woman juice and therapy. This is just meant to explain why he is my favourite character and help you better understand him as a character. Do not send hate or take my words out of context. You will be reported, deleted and cancelled. Thank you and enjoy. :)

My favourite character is Haizaki Shougo *dodges tomatoes* a lot of people in the fandom hate this guy for many reasons. It's kind of funny how many people hate him and the amount of hate he gets just for existing. Like bruh; he's sixteen, leave him alone. 😂

His whole existence is just sad. He was literally created to be hated.

Like straight up, Tadatoshi Fujimaki even admitted that he hated Haizaki. Haizaki's sole purpose of existing is to make the Generation of Miracles look better even though they’re just as problematic as he. No one is fucking perfect and is about time people woke the fuck up and realized it. Your faves are problematic move the fuck on.

Yes, the Miracles are redeemable but so is Haizaki. Yet, unlike the Miracles, he does not get redeemable. No, he disappears and is never seen again. Like bitch, what the fuck!? if you’re gonna introduce a character to only have them disappear for a long time and either have them show up again or just never mention them again. Wasting the potential they had to be a very good character or not having them redeem themselves while the other characters who were just as fucking problematic get a fucking redemption arc because they’re fucking main characters!? What’s the point of that character even existing in the first place? What kind of bullshit is that? Just to have them exist to make the main characters look good? How the fuck does that make sense? Like where is my Haizaki redemption arc? Do I have to write it on my own? I will write it. I am writing one.

Haizaki is the only character I could relate to. Being second best, struggling to find somewhere to fit in and overshadowed and replaced by someone everyone thinks is better than you. It's fucking depressing, okay? You spend your whole life thinking you’re not good enough, and it hurts. I don't feel like going too deep into it because I don't owe you a detailed explanation of my trauma, okay?. So I'll save that for my fics where I self-project half of it onto Haizaki. It’s a coping mechanism, okay? Therapy is fucking expensive.

The anime ruined his whole character, got rid of his whole arc and shorted it down, and made him worse than he really is.

A post explaining how the anime did him dirty and goes more in-depth about his character

I am not trying to justify his actions, i.e. him manhandling Alex and beating Himura up. He does terrible shit. We all do lousy shit sometimes, but that doesn't make us bad people. Making mistakes is a part of being human, and we're supposed to hold people accountable for their actions and help them realize what they’re doing is wrong, allowing them to grow and change. Not condemn them and ostracize them, which leads to isolation and a lot of psychological trauma and self-hatred, and as someone who has dealt with—is still dealing with all three. It is not fun. It makes living painful. Highly unrecommended.

Haizaki does not have a positive role model in his life nor anybody he can turn to, everyone has already given up on him. Even Nijimura and Kuroko didn’t even try to help him, being more focused on the Miracles. (Yes, I know kuroko tried to stop him from throwing his basketball shoes away, but that doesn’t fucking count because after that Kuroko just gave up on Haiazki too). Haizaki has probably grown grew up knowing only violence and not a single ounce of kindness, turning him into the bitter and angry little boy he is.

Haizaki had so much potential. But instead of making him a great villain that potential was WASTED on fucking Kise.

Also, the Kaijo vs Seirin match in the winter cup was completely useless because Kise already got redeemed and he literally got no character development from it.

And Seirin was gonna fucking win anyways because duh thier the main characters. 🙄

Now some headcanons I think about a lot:

1. He gets abused. Some psychological behavioural consequences of child abuse are unhealthy sexual practices and juvenile delinquency, and Haizaki exhibits all three which are some external behaviours of most (NOT ALL) male abuse victims. Haizaki's a womanizer, aggressive, hostile and violent. Yet, he backs down when someone stronger than him comes around and puts him in his place i.e. Aomine and Nijimura.

a factsheet explaining the long term consequences of child abuse and neglect

How to help a friend dealing with family abuse or neglect

How to Handle Abuse

2. He's a victim. And when you're a victim, you either become angry and cynical with everything and everyone around you, swearing never to be a victim again and struggle with gaining back control of your life. Not wanting anyone to see you being vulnerable because being vulnerable makes you weak. Being weak makes you shatter. You always shatter like glass, cutting yourself every time you pick up broken pieces, watching as blood trickles through your fingers.

Your body is constantly on high alert. The default is flight or fight—survival to the fittest.

Or you bite your lip and keep your head down, bottling everything inside and looking for escapes or seeking validation. You want to be wanted and loved because you struggle with loving and accepting yourself. There's always a voice in the back of your head telling you, you're not good enough or that it's your fault. That everything is your fault. Self-hatred and self-doubt are your tormentors.

Or it's a combination between both—a constant struggle.

And I believe Haizaki portrays both from the way he acts and presents himself. Especially since his motto is literally "Survival of the fittest,” and he had once told Kuroko, " there are bad guys and then the really scary people," or something along those lines, which I believe he is talking from experience. You learn from your experiences. They either make you or break you.

3. He's touch-starved.

What Does It Mean to Be Touch Starved?

4. He's bisexual and has a lot of internalized homophobia. I can just feel his internalized homophobia rolling off of him. Bruh, I just know cuz I am bisexual, and I have struggled with internalized homophobia and still sadly struggle with it cuz I grew up surrounded by homophobic people.

I still live with them. 😭

Also, we live in a society that thinks straight is the default.

What internalized homophobia is.

5. His sexual awakening was probably Aomine or Kise. Could be both 😂?

6. He cries himself to sleep every night.

7. He's observant and a great judge of character. It's a fact. This guy literally predicted the downfall of the Miracles. Straight up warned Kuroko too. Too bad Kuroko didn't listen to him.

8. He's hilarious. When he first appeared in the manga, he literally called Himura a loser, lol. XD

9. He's a closeted softie and a total tsundere.

10. doesn't know how to react to kindness and will think you're threatening him or will feel really awkward and uncomfortable but will cover it up with his scowl, or he'll have a breakdown.

11. needs a lot of reassurance and head pats

12. swears a lot. Has no filter.

13. His bother is in the yakuza or some high position of power, and he feels inferior to him. It also explains why Haizaki gets away with things because he would have been kicked out of school if his bother wasn't either-or. I'm talking about his bother being in the yakuza, lol. XD

14. He and Momoi dated for a while but broke up on a mutual understanding that thier relationship just didn't work out. They're best friends and hang out sometimes.

15. Haizaki's good with kids and just genuinely likes them. He would be a great father and try his best to raise his kids right.

16. He gets sick really easily

17. He's clingy

18. He has no friends, mainly because he doesn't want people to get close to him because he's afraid of getting hurt again. Also, everyone in knb hates him.

19. He watches cartoons cuz he was never allowed to watch them when he was a kid. His childhood is trash, okay?

20. He hides in the closet because that's where he feels safe the most—rhetorically and literally.

21. Sleep-deprived and only runs on caffeine and spite.

List of fics that portray Haizaki better than the anime:

Heavy is the head by extrastellar

Idle Hands by DarkWoods

Another Chance by regretting my username_ (777imou_offline367)

What Matters is that We're Together by StrawFairy

06:00:00 of Haizaki Shougo (4) by ReiClien

This Is Happening by SharkGirl

What is Love by voices_in_my_head

A completely uncalled catharsis by oddball

One-shots

intertwined, under a spell by kornevable

ԼƠƔƐ & ӇΛƬƐ by Arthuria_PenDragon

delirium by extrastellar

me with you by doublejoint

Turn My Camera On by wordsliketeeth

At Summer's End by doublejoint

Taste by Hibari1_san

I Can't Get Enough of You by HisDarkSecret

I don't care if it hurts by llowsywriter

Ashes by doublejoint

broken things by lowsywriter

Series:

Finally found each other by suzakukills

This Is Happening Universe by SharkGirl

DNA by flowerway

My WIPS:

Isn’t it lovely?

Broken Crown

Love me, Love me, Love me

Grey skies

Rabbit hole

A playlist of songs that I believe fit Haizaki

Kuroko’s basketball’s manga

In conclusion, You can hate Haizaki as much as you want. But just keep it to yourself. Haizaki is my baby and I will protect him with my life.