#asexualheteroromantic

[ace-exploring]

CASUAL

I've never had casual sex.

The idea is super interesting. Like, letting someone you don't even know put their dick in you. HOO BOY. Not sexy AT ALL.

Or maybe they're someone you do know but aren't in love with, and that's a foreign concept to me. Like, brain does not compute.

The only way it might work for me is if it's someone I'm in love with whom I know is also in love with me, but we've had a discussion beforehand that it's no strings attached, and even then, that's clearly not CASUAL.

I mean, the whole thing is moot anyway since I'm married. But I do think about it very occasionally.

I think there might be some demisexual in me, since I can only imagine fucking someone I love and trust. I guess we'll never find out!

[ace-exploring]

my uterus tried to kill me

Besides being married for nearly 10 years, my only other relationship was 2 years with my high school boyfriend (I do loyalty really well!) who left me for someone who would fuck him.

I think he thought I lied about getting my period more than once a month as an excuse not to fuck, which, if he had asked me AT ALL instead of making an assumption, I could have told him my surprise periods are related to stress, and are quite common in people who menstruate. I got my period twice a month in October-November due to exam stress for exactly 7 years, from Grades 10-12, then 4 years of an undergrad degree + post grad. It MAGICALLY stopped the year after I graduated.

MAGICALLY.

Not to mention that years later I would nearly die from menorrhagia.

[ace-exploring]

UNFUCKABLE

I have an innate belief that I am inherently unattractive except to the one man who fell in love with my personality before he even knew what I looked like.

He has ADHD and they do things to the extreme. He asked me to marry him after about a month. One fucking month. I was 20 years old when I found my person.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm ace because no one else will fuck me and it's just me putting up my defensive walls.

But then I think it's because I genuinely don't want to fuck anyone else, so I have blinkers on and have never realised if anyone else have ever wanted to fuck me.

It's not something I spend a lot of time thinking about.

[ace-exploring]

COMING OUT AS ASEXUAL TO MY HUSBAND OF 8 YEARS

I was 35 when I told my husband, "I think I'm on the asexual spectrum, as a grey-ace, which means I rarely feel sexual desire or desire for sex," and then added, "Which I think is why I don't initiate very often."

He said, "That actually explains a lot."

To be clear, the only person I feel sexual desire and sexual attraction to is my husband, which is why I married him. This is why I identify as grey-ace.

[ace-exploring]

LABELS (TW - sexual assault)

I was 35 when I realised I was grey-ace.

It took me so long because I didn't know grey-aces existed. I knew I wasn't completely asexual because I did want to have sex with the man I married. But realising I wasn't allosexual took much, much longer. I didn't fit in either camp, and it made me feel weird and very alone.

I attributed my general apathy to sex to three things:

Past sexual trauma (grooming/sexual assault/attempted rape)

Low libido

Being married… which meant I wasn't 'supposed' to find anyone else attractive, right?

Since discovering greysexuality I have been able to embrace the fact that I don't feel sexual attraction very often. It's almost a relief, to find a place where I 'fit'.

Knowing my sexual needs are related to my monthly cycle of hormones has freed me from trying to explain or excuse my lack of interest but oh wait suddenly I'm VERY interested what the fuck?

This is why labels and fucking awareness can bloody help!

[ace-exploring]

HETEROROMANTIC

I identify as grey-ace but heteroromantic, so the question of 'would I date a trans man/woman' is unfortunately no. I would date a trans man if he was post-op. And here's why:

I am not romantically attracted to women, and I am not physically attracted to vaginas.

I want a man with a dick.

It doesn't matter if the dick is broken. Trust me.