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please-destroy · 6 hours ago

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The 26th of December

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word Count 4k

You first met at the Shield base. She was ahead of you in the cafeteria line.

Natasha was alone. You’d never seen her before and you guessed she was a new agent. She was slightly jittery. She held herself unnaturally still but her eyes darted around the room. Barely noticeable, but you caught it.

Her red hair was tied back in two perfect braids, her pale face was fresh except for dark shadows under her eyes. You stood next to her in the line, holding a plastic tray and feeling like a school-child all over again.

Natasha held an apple in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. Her grip made the plastic crackle.

‘You know, it’s not so bad here.’ You mused aloud after a minute, enjoying the way her head whipped around at the sound of your voice.

Her breath hitched and then she regained herself. You watched her expression move immediately from panic to calm. You took note of the emotional control. Not a typical rookie agent.

‘Maybe for you. They’re training me with Robin Hood.’ She answered after a beat.

‘Oh.’ You pretended to consider. ‘Well then, I guess you’re fucked.’

Her answering laugh rasped through you like an electric current.

You ended up sitting at the same table,whilst you ate. Natasha was a mix of conflicting signals. Her smile was easy but it rarely reflected in her eyes. Her shoulders were loose, but her posture was stiff.

She ate her apple slowly. You tried to make small talk between bites of your own meal. You started to hear the trace of a Russian accent in her short responses.

Natasha was down to the apple core before she told you anything about herself. Even then, it was just fragments. She’d made a deal with Agent Barton, she’d held up her end of the bargain, now she was here.

You didn’t press for more details. You didn’t think you could.

Instead, you pushed your plate to the centre of the table and gestured to the untouched fries.

‘Well.’ You said lightly. ‘Maybe this ridiculous place can be your home.’

Natasha’s lips twisted into something too complicated to be a smile.

‘I don’t think I know what home is.’

You glanced at her hand, sneaking to grab a fry. You grinned.

‘Don’t worry.’ You promised. ‘It’s not that complicated.’

Conversation with Natasha was like trying to fill in a blank sheet of paper. Sometimes, you felt like your threw conversation topics into the air, trying to guess what she wanted to talk about.

It was easy to spend time with her. Despite different routines and training, you made a habit of eating together.

The habit became easy.

Every mealtime, you found yourselves together at the same time and same place.

Through her first months at Shield, you watched Natasha’s demeanour change.

Her smile became easy with others. She didn’t tense up in crowds anymore. When your friends came occasionally to sit at your table, she always seemed to welcome the company. You couldn’t tell for sure if she liked them but she never seemed to hesitate when she found herself in a group.

She definitely preferred socialising with you there. You knew she’d declined a few bigger get-togethers with other agents.

You thought maybe she liked that you’d known her so long. Longer than anyone except Agent Barton.

Her eyes sparkled whenever she started talking about an inside joke between the two of you. If people were around, she’d meet your gaze daring you to share the story behind it.

Your mind still lingered on what she’d said about home, on the first day that you'd met her.

You wondered what she thought about it now.

Every so often, you’d catch the mask slipping. A wince after training, when she sat down at the table. A worried expression that smoothed itself immediately into an easy smile. A momentary stormy look aimed at nothing in particular.

The shadows that lingered under her eyes, darkening and fading with a cyclicality that worried you.

Sometimes, she’d steal a piece of food from your plate and give you a look too fatigued to be playful.

It was after one of those looks that you invited her back to your rooms at the Shield base.

You had to finish some work, you told her, but you’d like the company anyway.

It felt obvious, like a natural next step that should’ve happened months ago.

You couldn’t help lighting up inside when she said yes.

That evening you typed on your laptop from the sofa, enjoying absentmindedly Natasha's exploration of your space. Her casualness was undercut by tiny hesitations.

She wandered in and out your kitchen like she was on a guided tour, you heard muffled noises and knew she was rustling through your rarely used spice rack. She wandered back through to your living room, and you tried not to smile obviously when she touched the edge of your fluffy rug experimentally with her foot. She studied the cushions on your sofa and the house plant by the door. You watched her finger trail down the spines of several books on your bookshelf.

Every time she moved on from something, you waited for her to finally settle. To sit next to you on the sofa, to switch on the TV, or start to talk.

It was when you heard the rubber duck squeak in your bathroom, that you finally understood. Why would she know how to make herself at home?

‘Natasha.’ You called, looking up from your laptop screen. Natasha’s head popped around a doorway.

You smiled automatically and watched her match it with a smile of her own.

‘You know, you can do whatever you want here’ You told her, tone light but still serious. ‘Mi casa es tu casa.’

Natasha rolled her eyes. You knew then that you’d been too forward. You’d acknowledged her discomfort but she hadn’t wanted you to see it in the first place.

You didn’t feel sorry. You meant what you said. You rose from the sofa to make you both some coffee.

You touched her shoulder with absentminded affection as you walked past. Natasha went still at the action. You turned before you entered the kitchen, wanting to double check if the touch was okay.

You watched Natasha smile secretly down at the ground. She lifted her head, feeling your gaze and rolled her eyes again. Her smile only got stronger.

You walked into the kitchen feeling lighter than air. When you returned five minutes later, Natasha was sitting cross legged on your floor.

She gave you a small smirk when you handed her the coffee mug. You sat on the sofa, just to the side of her. You watched silently as she ripped blank pages out of one of your old notebooks. Her fingers worked deftly as she made snowflakes, origami shapes and chains of paper dolls.

You watched her with a mix of awe and something undefinable. You thought about home. How the definition of it was starting to change for you too.

After some time, you couldn’t help but reach over, picking up the red biro pen that was lying on the coffee table. Natasha startled then relaxed readily, when you moved to sit beside her. She watched as you messily coloured in the hair of the nearest paper doll. The bright red was almost obnoxious.

Natasha elbowed you lightly when you scribbled ‘Romanoff’ on the doll’s dress.

When Natasha left, you hung the paper dolls above the TV.

Agent Barton told you about Natasha’s dilemma before she did. You’d never spoken before but when he caught up with you in the hallway, he addressed you by your first name. It took you a moment to realise that he knew exactly who you were. It turned out, Natasha talked a lot about you.

Natasha’s annual vacation time was mandatory and had to be taken, but she hadn’t booked any of it. Clint didn’t need to explain why. You’d known Natasha for nearly six months now and she’d never spoken about anyone except the people she’d met since joining Shield.

Clint lay the problem out matter of factly.

Natasha had nowhere to go and she didn’t seem to want to leave.

It was the easiest solution you’d ever come up with.

You found Natasha in weapons training. She was easy to spot with her usual red braid falling down between her shoulder blades. Her arms were raised as she aimed a gun. Ears covered and focus exact.

She still spotted you almost immediately.

You waved awkwardly as she lowered her gun and removed her ear defenders.

‘What are you doing for Christmas?’

Natasha’s head tilted. At first, you thought she hadn’t understood the question. It took a second, before you realised that she didn’t understand why you were asking. She thought it was obvious that she didn’t have plans.

‘Maybe we could rent a place for the vacation time.’ You suggested. ‘We could go somewhere snowier than here.’

Natasha watched you for a long moment and then you watched her lips life into a small smile.

‘I like snow.’ She said at last.

The next few weeks passed slowly. A new anticipation crept into your life. You rented a cabin in the middle of nowhere for the holidays. In theory, it was the perfect background for an idyllic snowy Christmas. Trees surrounded it on three sides, it was one step away from a true nature retreat.

When you described the vacation home to Natasha. She’d just nodded seriously, like you were giving her a rundown of details for a future mission. You tried not to let her reaction worry you, she was relatively quiet for the rest of the day.

The next day, Natasha joined you for breakfast with obvious intent. Before you'd had time to say hello. Natasha asked you about the clothes and other essentials you were planning to pack. You found yourself head first into a detailed conversation, full of follow up questions about things like the capacity of your car trunk.

It was then, as she nodded seriously to each of your answers, that you realised. Natasha didn't know what to expect.

The realisation made you feel a sudden sense of responsibility and freedom. Natasha had no expectations for what the holiday could be. But she'd still said yes. It was a good feeling to be trusted.

You observed her sitting across the table. Natasha chewed her lower lip as she thought about her next question. Her fork spun thoughtlessly against her plate.

You realised, that everyone in this place knew either Agent Romanoff or the Black Widow.

You were the only one who knew Natasha.

Natasha cleared her throat awkwardly, her voice came out quieter and she leaned forward slightly.

‘Could we?’ She hesitated. ‘Should we bring fairy lights? Would that be festive?’

You’d never smiled harder in your life.

‘Yeah.’ You agreed enthusiastically, reaching over to pause her fork mid-twirl. ‘That would be amazing.’

You’d once sat opposite a blank page but now Natasha was a watercolour.

The vacation time came at last and together you drove away from the Shield base full of anticipation.

Natasha was silent, her focus turned to the world passing outside the car window. You fiddled with the radio and tried not to overthink her quietness.

Just over an hour into your drive, you realised that her eyes were sparkling. Another quick glance over to her and you saw the small smile hidden on her lips.

You let some of your excitement trickle back in. You switched the radio to Christmas music and watched her hand quietly tap against her thigh.

Natasha was your best friend. She was starting to become your family.

You felt your heart squeeze with a new happiness when you heard her deep intake of breath as you drove up to the cabin. The wooden exterior was framed with a thousand golden fairy lights. You’d called the rental agency and asked for a favour. You hadn’t been able to resist.

You watched Natasha’s expression as she stepped out of the car. For the first time, any trace of uncertainty was forgotten. Her wide eyes filled with curiosity and excitement.

Her foot crunched on the frozen ground and her eyes shot to the snow covered forest floor with a muted joy. You laughed and her gaze found you instead. Her red hair was loose and long, she’d combed out her braids during the car ride. It framed her face prettily.

Natasha rolled her eyes at your expression but then she started to smile widely.

You held up a finger in a silent request for her to wait a minute before you hurried to the trunk of your car. You fished in your bag for a few moments and retrieved a pair of festive felt reindeer antlers.

Your face hurt from smiling so hard as you walked back and fixed the pair of antlers onto Natasha’s head. Natasha’s bare fingers reached up and traced the soft material. Her expression was undecided and then it relaxed into another bright smile. For the first time, your heart pounded nervously at her proximity. You’d never seen someone look so beautiful. Natasha moved her head and the bells on the antlers tinkled.

‘Come on.’ You murmured, another persistent smile tugging at your lips. ‘You’ll get cold.’

The next few days were illuminating. It became clear just how embedded Natasha’s lifestyle was, as you watched her invent and stick to a new regimented schedule. There was something fascinating about how naturally she followed a routine, even with no real pressure to keep it.

Early morning runs, chopping wood for the stove, yoga, completing stolen work assignments, reading spy novels, undertaking thorough research into unusual topics.

Your schedule was something different. Unlike Natasha, you reverted immediately to a more relaxed way of life, happily shaking off the Shield agent lifestyle.

You woke later in the day, always after the sun had decidedly risen. You scrounged breakfast from the fridge. You let any passing whim decide your day’s activity. A stroll to find a nearby frozen lake, a sudden urge to make gingerbread.

You realised soon enough that Natasha’s busy schedule was really paper thin. It only took an invitation and she was eager to join yours instead. She told you all about her spy novel when she joined you on your rambling walk to find the frozen lake. She told you about trying to run in the snow outside as she helped with the icing for your gingerbread house.

That was the other thing that you were starting to notice about Natasha. You’d known her for nearly a year now. You knew you liked her company. You could tell she liked yours. You realised that every minute you spent together only made you want a thousand minutes more.

On the third morning, you woke up to the smell of coffee. You opened your eyes readily, you’d been moments from waking up at your usual time anyway. Natasha cleared her throat and you startled before seeing her standing awkwardly in the doorway. She was holding two mugs of coffee, clearly unsure.

You smiled automatically at the sight of her. Natasha’s shoulders relaxed and she smiled too. Her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail and she was wearing green winter pyjamas, straight from a cheesy catalogue.

‘Morning.’ You yawned as you sat up.

‘Morning.’ She echoed, handing you the coffee.

‘You’re the best.’ You mumbled happily, taking a sip.

You felt Natasha hesitate, trying to decide if she should leave. You patted the bedspread beside you. It was an easy invitation. Natasha curled up in the space next to you, hands cupping her mug.

‘I like your pyjamas.’ You said with a smirk.

‘Shut up.’ She said dryly, but you could tell she was pleased.

‘Very festive.’

You drank coffee in silence for a few minutes and then you started to talk.

At first it was light things, another book she’d just read, how cold it was that morning.

Then the conversation shifted. She started to tell you real things.

Pieces of childhood. The way the tree branches bowed over the walls of her childhood home. The deep chill of Russian winters. Her favourite American Christmas movie. Where she’d been when she first saw it.

You thought about all the light talking she’d been doing this vacation as you passed your days together. You wondered if she’d been trying to find the courage for this. With every smile or nod from you, the words kept coming from Natasha. Difficult things. Happy memories that lived with an undercurrent of sadness.

You felt a lump in your throat listening to her, wishing you could explain how much you liked hearing her talk like that. How much you liked her.

It was all special.

That Christmas Eve, you suggested a drive to the nearest town for supplies. Natasha looked confused but she only smiled and agreed. She didn’t mention your full kitchen pantry and stacked fridge, already full to the brim with enough ingredients for a full Christmas dinner.

This time, she didn’t stare out the car window for the journey. Instead, she played with the radio dials until she found a Christmas song to sing along to. Her quiet singing made your chest tight with an overwhelming kind of feeling.

You pulled up outside a second-hand store. Natasha looked even more confused as she read the sign on the store. You dragged her in with you to pick up the order that you’d called ahead to see if they had in stock.

In the car, Natasha held the DVD of her favourite American Christmas movie like it was her first ever present.

You only pulled the car over one other time. The very last Christmas tree left in the parking lot beside the small hardware store was cheap and hard not to take pity on.

Together that afternoon, you adorned the tree with some fairy lights taken from the outside porch and for the rest of the evening, Natasha made paper decorations. You put on an old CD of Christmas music that you'd found, before sitting next to Natasha and starting one of the spy novels that she'd already told you the entire plot of.

As she made the decorations, Natasha began to sing again.

You didn’t swap presents on Christmas Day.

Natasha had asked you about that weeks before and you’d promised her not to worry.

It started like the days before it, Natasha walked into your room with her usual quiet hesitation and two mugs of coffee. She started grinning when she saw you, sitting up and ready with the pair of reindeer antlers already on your head.

She gave you your mug and curled familiarly into the space beside you.

‘What do you want to do today?’ She asked, the question feeling completely natural after the last week.

You turned your head towards her and watched Natasha try not to laugh when your antler’s tinkled.

‘I want to see the best Christmas movie that you’ve ever seen.’

Natasha's eyes closed when she smiled in response. Her head rested gently against your shoulder.

Spending a day with Natasha was the easiest way to spend a day.

It was a good Christmas.

Natasha nudged your door open on the morning of the 26th of December. Your last vacation day. You were already awake; she offered you your coffee before she started to speak. You held your breath in anticipation when she cleared her throat nervously.

‘I wanted to say thank you.’ She said carefully. ‘For letting me come here.’

She stood awkwardly at the foot of your bed. She was still wearing her festive pyjamas and you thought that they might be your favourite thing in the world. Her hair was tied back in its usual long braid. She chewed her lower lip and you watched her eyes try to dart nervously before she focused them on you.

‘Natasha.’ You tried to find the right words, cupping your hot mug. ‘You’re my favourite person in the world. You don't have to say thank you. It wouldn't feel like home without you.’

That was the moment. When the last piece clicked.

You watched Natasha walk slowly around your bed. You watched her place her coffee mug on the nightstand. You felt the bed shift as she crawled into the familiar space beside you.

Her thumb brushed your cheek when she kissed you. Her touch was warm from the coffee mug.

She tasted like home.

Things fell apart slowly and then all at once.

You returned to the real world.

Natasha’s training had been becoming more specialised for a long time. Director Fury’s plans for her became clearer and more intentional. Her time was less her own.

You were careful never to push. Natasha became more distracted, her eyes held their secret exhaustion again.

You cherished her when she was there. The first time an additional training session ran through your usual time for dinner, you didn’t let yourself be upset.

That evening, you heard a knock on your door and knew it was her. Natasha's tired eyes were worried and full of unspoken guilt. You pulled her towards you with a feeling of sudden urgency and happiness that came from the simplicity of seeing her standing there.

You kissed her for a long moment and Natasha met your lips with eager relief. Then, you led her to your sofa, ignoring her protests as you insisted on trying to find enough food in your rarely used kitchen to constitute a meal for her.

She slept in your bed that night, curled familiarly into the space next to you. You listened to her steady breathing and knew that you loved her in a way that wouldn’t change.

Her missions got longer. Natasha was trusted with more. She saved more lives with each mission and you watched her start to forgive herself for the things she could barely say aloud.

You did your best to accept that Natasha might choose a future that didn’t include you so easily. She was exceptional, in her kindness, bravery and skill.

You knew Natasha could feel the impending future too. The busier she became with work, the more effort she made to spend every other moment with you.

You felt like a pocket of steadiness in her world of chaos. You knew it was a privilege.

You can't always hold onto your home.

Natasha was given a long-term undercover mission. When she told you about it, you felt a horrible sinking in your chest. It was a feeling that you’d been anticipating.

You knew what her job meant and you knew her talent at it.

All you could really think about in that moment was that she’d clearly been crying. Her shaky breathing stuttered as she tried to tell you the news.

You wondered if you knew her so well, or if she wasn’t trying to hide at all from you anymore.

You hugged her tightly and tried to absolve her of her guilt.

She was going to miss your next Christmas.

You kissed her forehead and told her that you loved her. Natasha tangled her fingers with your own. She squeezed your hand tight. She kissed the back of your hand softly.

The next day, you walked her to the airstrip. You felt unnaturally still as you tried to stop your chest from heaving with a loss it could already feel.

Before she walked onto the jet, Natasha turned around. Her small, awkward wave echoed your own. You watched her braids hit her back as she turned again and walked onto the aircraft.

Months passed.

You lived a strange empty life.

You didn’t remember the world before Natasha, you still expected to see her at every mealtime.

Christmas day arrived.

You decorated your small plastic tree with the paper dolls that had hung above your TV for nearly two years. You watched a Christmas movie that was someone else's favourite.

On the 26th of December, you got a phone call. It was Clint and it was the middle of the night. You were in your car before he’d finished talking.

Home is the place that you are loved.

You found her about a mile from the Shield base, it was just past midnight.

Natasha was walking along the side of the river with her hood up, bathed in the orange glow of the streetlights.

She noticed you almost immediately. She came to a stop, eyes wary and shoulders braced.

You gave a small, awkward wave and she remembered herself.

She moved toward you, pace quick.

When she reached you, her head pressed desperately against your thick winter jacket.

You kissed the soft fabric of her green hood and held her tight.

The sound of the river and the shaking of her cries.

Home was in the sound of the river and the shaking of her cries.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x you #black widow x reader

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godmadeaterribleerror · 11 hours ago

Text

Chapter 6 - Everything I Do

Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, Sam Winchester/Reader (platonic), light fluff, mutual pining, light angst, love confession, smut (handjob, fingering, p in v sex), Dean's got the Mark of Cain, uh oh.

Summary/Warnings: The Mark reaches a breaking point. Usual Warnings, little angst, lotta smut.

Author's Note: I am of the firm belief Rowena would’ve said cunt religiously if the CW wasn’t full of a bunch of pussies.

Chapter title from Video Games by Lana Del Ray

Word Count: 8.7k

Read on A03!

Chapter 5

Dean can breathe. Not easily, but he can. He can feel the weight of something airy and thin wrapped around him, stuck to his skin and far too heavy. There’s a hand on his brow, and it’s not the right one. Dean’s not sure what the right one would even be, but he knows it’s not this one. This one feels a little wrinkled, and the nails are too long, and it doesn’t satiate the betterlust. It’s just there, pressed to his skin like it’s looking for something and not all too pleased with what it finds.

The longer it’s there, the more the betterlust pounds and stabs and scrapes at him. Rots his guts and carves open his skull and rips through his chest. It’s searching for something that’s not there, and Dean’s head is too clouded with pain and ache and sickness to figure out where he should even be looking. Not in the hand. Not in the thing around him like a shroud–hot and clinging to him like a plague—but maybe somewhere close. Because wherever Dean is—he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t have enough of a brain to guess right now—it’s unfamiliar, but feels right. He’s lying on something soft, and it smells good, and when his fingers flex, they’re tracing over an impression left on the area next to him. An indent left on the space by something that could curve and press into Dean exactly like he wants. Craves. Needs.

The betterlust starts to flare and bellow, almost drowning out the low voices around him, and Dean knows he might die if he doesn’t find what fits into that impression and take it.

“How long has he been like this?”

“I’m not sure, a few hours?”

“Well can you try to be sure, Samuel?”

“I got here the same time you did, how am I supposed to be sure-“

“Ask our resident Dean Expert, the poor girl has been stuck with him all week-“

“No, I’m not going to make her do more. And, uh,” there’s a long sigh, and Dean still isn’t really sure what’s going on, or who these people are, or why they’re talking about him. “I don’t think it’s safe for her right now. To be around him. He said he didn’t want her-“

“He obviously lied, you idiotic boy-“

“He didn’t want her to know, Rowena. And it’s not my place to tell her-“

“She’s a big girl, she’ll survive a little bit of emotions.”

“He’d, he’d fucking kill me-“

“And he will kill himself if he does not accept what he needs! It’s quite honestly a miracle he was a stubborn enough arse to resist the Mark’s demands this long.”

Dean’s really fucking confused. There are two voices, one that sounds a little like his and one that very much doesn’t, and they’re both talking about him like he’s important. He doesn’t feel important. He mostly just feels tired, and bad, and sick. Sweaty and hungry and desperate for something he can’t name, but they say he needs to name or he’ll die, and he doesn’t even really know what names are right now-

“If I tell her, this becomes her responsibility-“

“Well, Dearie, I wasn’t aware you were stupid and blind-“

“Hey-“

“You cannot look me in the eyes and say that she would not welcome the responsibility, boy. She is so pathetically obsessed with him it makes me feel ill.”

Dean felt his mouth try to frown—he can’t figure out how to move, so it more of a twisted grimace—as he racked his mush of a brain to figure out who they could possibly be referring to. He couldn’t remember names, but he could remember presences. Remember that the voice like his was good, and he was supposed to protect it. The voice that wasn’t like his was bad, and kind of a bitch, but helpful when they ran out of options. There wasn’t a third voice, but there was a smell that he really liked. Loved. Craved. Needed-

That was the imprint. And it wasn’t here right now, but the betterlust and already spiraling around it and constricting his lungs as he tried to find it. He needed it, and it didn’t need him, and he was going to die-

“I know,” the familiar voice sighed. “Believe me, I know, but I can’t ask that of her-“

“She’ll shred your sorry arse apart if you don’t-“

“And Dean will put a bullet through my brain if I do!”

“He will die before he gets the chance. Have I not made it clear that, unless Dean receives the help our lovely, pretty, lovesick-“

Then the voice that wasn’t like Dean’s said a name, and the betterlust exploded inside him. He knew that name. He’d die and kill and cut himself to pieces for that name. He wanted it. He couldn’t have it. He needed it, more than he needs air or water or food or music. The betterlust demanded it, and was shredding apart his insides because he refused to take it, but was also lending him the strength to find it. To find Her. Dean needed to fucking find Her, or nothing would ever be good again-

His eyes fly open, and for a long movement everything is only a blinding blur of color. There’s noise around him—both voices shouting words that sound like they’re for him but he can’t understand—and Dean’s brain kicks into a vigilant, borderline feral function as he hauls himself up, something pushes him back down, and the betterlust grew feral.

“Rowena, grab the other arm-“

“I am not meant for brute labor, Samuel-“

“Are you fucking kidding me-“

Dean roars Her name clawing and grabbing at the air to try and go, try to get to Her, because he was going to fucking die, and the betterlust told him She could fix this, make this better, make Dean better-

“Oh for- Fine.”

The voice not like Dean’s says something he can’t understand, his whole body tightens. Like a weight has been dropped on his chest, and ropes have been wrapped around his limbs, forcing him to collapse back onto the bed with a noise that might have been a whine.

“Dean.” Rowena appears in his vision, her face drawn in annoyance. “Blink twice if you understand me.”

Dean scowls, but blinked twice.

“Good. Are you going to try and kill us again?”

Dean glowers at Rowena, keeping his eyes wide open in a gesture of no, and she sighs.

“Good boy. I’ll let you up, but if you ever try and grab my hair again, I’ll make you regret having hands, aye?”

The tension vanishes from Dean’s body, and he sits up slowly, pinch the bridge of his nose to try and curb the pounding ache behind his eyes, taking deep, mechanical breathes to get some fucking control over his body. Over the betterlust. Over himself.

“Dean, are you feeling okay?“

Sam looks worried. He’s frowning and scanning over Dean with concern, like there will be wound on his skin they can patch up to fix this.

But only one thing can fix this. And Dean still isn’t strong enough to not know where She is, not when all he can remember is dragging himself to Her room, and hearing her voice, and seeing her pretty face before it all went dark.

Dean mutters Her name, his voice low and gruff, and Sam and Rowena freeze. “Where is she.”

“She’s eating.” Sam mutters, bracing his hands on his hips. “I told her to get some rest. You freaked her out, dude, she-“ Sam shakes his head, giving Dean a look he doesn’t understand, and doesn’t have the energy to try and decipher. “She was really shaken, when we got back. She needs-“

“She needs you.” Rowena interrupts Sam, and he shoots her a venomous glare. “You’re too much of a meat-headed dolt to see it, but that darling girl looked as if she’d been devastated over you.”

“Rowena.” Sam hisses. “We agreed-“

“You agreed. I made no promises-“

Dean raises his hands—they both need to shut up, or his skin will fly off his body—and their argument stutters off.

“How bad is it.” He looks to Rowena, the moment alone an act of labor. “And don’t try to lie or sugarcoat it. How long I got.”

Rowena sighs. “If you insist on keeping your head up your own arse, a day. Maybe two.”

“But we’re going to try to reverse it.” Sam jumps in, his voice desperate. “And Rowena gave you something to keep you going-“

“But, as I told your brother,” Rowena’s words are harsh, and Dean appreciates it. This really isn’t the fucking time for dancing around anything. “It is a very temporary solution, and the reversal will take time you no longer have. There is an obvious fix to your little problem-“

Dean lets out a dry chuckled. “My problem? Last I checked, Rowena, you were the one who fucked this up-“

“I did not fuck anything up, you petulant man child-“

“Rowena-“

“No!” Rowena cuts off Sam with sharp words, holding Dean’s glare. “I did my job, Dean Winchester, but you are too much of an arrogant, brooding little cunt to do yours.”

Dean narrows his eyes. “Watch it, bitch-“

“I did not have to help you,” Rowena hisses. “But that poor, desperate, lovesick woman begged me to. You know exactly what you need, and you are too cruel and stupid to do it.”

Dean’s hands curl into fists on the sheets. “I said fucking watch it-“

“She’s right.” Sam mutters, and Dean’s gaze whips to him, his mouth falling open at Sam’s pitying, exhausted expression.

“I’m sorry, I must be going insane, because there’s no fucking way you just sided with Rowena-“

“I didn’t side with her.” Sam snaps, running a hand over his face as he shakes his head. “I’m just trying to get you to think for five seconds. I’m trying not to lose my brother because he can’t see what’s right in front of him-“

Dean scoffs. “There’s nothing in front of me, Sam. Rowena botched the spell, and now I can’t do anything but-“ He cuts himself off with a groan, a stab of pain twisting over his ribs, and Sam throws his hands in the air.

“For crying out loud, Dean, you’re dying because of this self-righteous, sacrificial bullshit you always pull! Rowena didn’t botch the spell, you’re just refusing to give the Mark what it wants, and until you do-“

“It doesn’t matter what I want!” Dean roars, slamming a hand down on the mattress. “Fuck, Sam, I’m not going to force myself onto her just because-“

“Because you think she’ll say no?” Sam rolls his eyes. “Dude, you can’t be stupid enough to really believe that-“

Dean scowls. They don’t fucking get it. Sam and Rowena don’t know Her like Dean does. They don’t understand that She would say yes, but she wouldn’t really want it, and Dean would stain and mark Her in a way that they’d never come back from. She’d never smile at him the same, and he’d have to die alone in the dirt when she finally got the memo that he wasn’t worth helping. When She left him, her soul more tainted than when she’d found him. When his poison sunk into Her skin, and she would still be so pretty and amazing, but ruined and marred from Dean’s touch. From how weak and pathetic and toxic he was.

He couldn’t do that. He’d rather fucking die.

“Just drop it, Sammy.” Dean mutters, his gaze falling to that imprint of Her on the bed. Her bed. Dean was finally in Her bed, and he didn’t even get to enjoy it. “It’s not happening. And you’re not going to convince me, so either fix this, or let me die without goddamn yelling at me.”

There’s a moment of wired silence, Rowena silent in the corner of the room as Sam and Dean glare at each other, and Sam shakes his head like he can’t believe Dean’s nerve. Like Dean isn’t saving the only good thing they both have. Protecting the only person that’s stayed with them, that they both love, even if Dean’s love is made of undying, animalistic, grime and dirt covered devotion, and Sam’s is purer, softer affection that could never cut and scar Her like Dean’s.

“She was crying.” Sam finally says, his tone colder than Dean’s heard it in a long time. “When we got back, she was sobbing, Dean. Have you ever seen her cry? Ever?”

He hasn’t. Dean has seen Her grit her teeth and bite back sounds of agony from injuries, seen Her scream and flail when they’ve lost people, and seen Her so angry it scared him a little, but he’s never seen Her cry. She didn’t cry. Her eyes got glossy, and her voice grew tight and choked, but she didn’t cry. Sam has to be lying, and he doesn’t look or sound like he is, but he has to be. She doesn’t cry, so why the hell would that be the truth? But why would Sam lie, and why has She stayed this long, and fuck, everything hurts and Dean’s too damn tired to figure out what the hell Sam is trying to tell him but the betterlust is scratching at his heart to know-

“Sam,” Dean swallows, watching his brother carefully. “I-“

There’s a knock at the door, and everything in Dean flies to the sound. It’s Her. Before Sam’s hand is even on the doorknob, Dean somehow knows it’s Her. Here. Maybe for him, maybe not, but the betterlust doesn’t seem to care because it’s Her-

She looks horrible. Still so fucking pretty, but horrible. There’s a slump to Her posture as she stands in the door—hair tangled and shirt wrinkled—and Her gorgeous face is slightly puffed. Her lips pouting. Her eyes lined with red.

Like She’s been crying.

Sam says Her name in question, and when She speaks her voice is hoarse.

“Look, I know you to told me to rest, but-“ Her mouth falls open as her eyes land on Dean, and Her sharp inhale feels like it shoots adrenaline right into his blood.

He tries to offer Her a winning, I’d be happy to see me too smile, but it doesn’t feel right on his face. It feels too vulnerable, where it’s always been like a shield. It feels like it’s a lie, or trick, or act of cruelty when Dean’s rarely met a woman who doesn’t flush and giggle under that attention. It’s supposed to make him feel good from their happy, hopeful eyes. It’s supposed to make them feel good from Dean’s well-crafted, carefully wielded charm.

But right now he still just feels like shit. Bottom of the gutter, horrible, flea-ridden and matted shit. A fucking piece of shit that might have made Her cry, and isn’t even smart enough to know why.

He tries again, making the smile wider, adding his most casual drawl. “Hey, Sweetheart-“

She makes a strangled sound—loud and pained, making the betterlust start to snap at Dean’s brittle spine—and all but runs to the bed, almost falling to Dean’s side as Her hands begin to grab at his face and run over his skin. Angling him for Her to examine with frantic eyes and words, igniting little paths of insatiable fire wherever She touches.

“Are you okay?!” She turns his head to the side, her fingers tracing his jaw and cheek like boils or scars might have just appeared. “Your fever is gone,” the back of Her hand presses to his brow, flipping to touch it with Her palm. “But shit, you’re covered in sweat-“ Her glare whips around to Sam, Her grip still tight on Dean’s face. He doesn’t really mind. The betterlust is still trying to climb out of his throat, but he can fight it—for Her—and this can be enough. It’s all he’ll get before he’s gone anyway. Her touch, and loud almost furious shout at Sam. “Why didn’t you change the sheets like I told you to-“

“He was dead weight,” Sam says Her name, his voice a hell of a lot kinder than when he’d been talking to Dean. “And you also told us to make sure he got some rest. Rowena said the fever broke, and he’s lucid again-“

“But this is gross Sam, and you could’ve moved him if you tried-“

“Moved him where? He started freaking whimpering when we took away your comforter-“

Dean scowls. “Can you guys stop talkin’ about me like I’m not right fucking here-“

Her gaze turns back to Dean, the odd, aggressively mind-numbing panic and care returning to her eyes as she begins to examine him once more.

“You seem better, but you’re redder than you should be, and, shit, was that scar always there-“

Her finger’s trial over Dean’s chin, dangerously close to his mouth, and he has to bite down a groan as he says Her name. “That’s been there at least a decade-“

“What about this one-“

“Three years, you were there when I got it-“

“Fuck, you’re right.” She shakes her head, Her eyes suddenly boaring into Dean’s and settling warmth in his gut. “Well, are you feeling okay? Does anything hurt, or feel sick, or feel numb-“

“Sweetheart.” He catches Her hand, and she falls silent with wide eyes. “I’m-“

“And,” She moves his gaze onto Her’s, and fuck She’s always so pretty. Even when She’s pissed at him. Especially when She’s pissed at him. “Don’t you dare fucking lie to me, Winchester, I’ll stab you-“

He chuckles, and it’s dry and low, but maybe the realest sound he’s made since he woke up. “I don’t doubt that, Sweetheart.” He drawls, and she lets his guide Her hands away from his face. “But I promise, I’m feelin’ better.”

She nods slowly, and Dean pretends he can’t see Sam’s eye roll in the background.

“Oh. Okay.” She turns at Sam and Rowena, her voice slightly unsteady and weak. “Have you, um, have you both been in here? The whole time I was eating?”

Sam nods. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” She swallows, and Dean notices Her body go slightly rigid. Sam must notice too, because he tilts his head and frowns at her.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sorry, it’s just…” She trails off, staring at her nails as her voice drop to a mumble. “There’s a lot of people in here. Makes me nervous.”

“Shit, sorry.” Sam says Her name, his voice apologetic. “Didn’t know that. We can go, if you want.”

There’s a long moment where She’s just staring at Sam, Her mouth slightly open, and her body curled in on itself like she’d been punched. Sam repeats Her name, his voice cautious, and when She snaps out of it, her voice is still soft and anxious.

“That would be good.” She whispers. “Thank you.”

Sam nods. “No problem. Me and Rowena,” he shoots the witch a glare, and she rolls her eyes. “Are gonna go try to fix this. Text me if you need anything, either of you.”

She hums an acknowledgment, Her attention never leaving Dean as Sam and Rowena close the door, and Dean’s whole existence begins to curve into only the feeling of Her as her fingers trace over the back of his hand.

After a long moment of silence—only the sound of Dean’s heart in his ears and the shifting of blankets under their bodies—she swallows, her voice barely a breath. “They can’t fix it, can they.”

He blinks at Her. “They’re gonna get it-“

“Don’t lie to me, Dean.” She gives him a soft smile that makes her look like she’s already grieving, and something in him lights up and withers away in the same second. “Please.”

He swallows. He is really tired of lying to Her. And he can say something closer to the truth and still hold his ground. He’s not quite that weak. Not yet.

“It’ll be close.” He grunts. “But I’ve survived worse. I just gotta pull through-“

“You don’t, though.” She whispers. “Rowena said you just have to-“

“Rowena can eat me.” Dean mutters, glaring at the door. “I’m not doin’ whatever the hell the Mark tells me to, that was the fucking point of this.”

“The point was to help you, Dean.” She sounds so freaking sad, and it’s pulling Dean apart. His will and mind all being reduced to Her. Too good and pretty to be sad. And it’s just Dean. She shouldn’t be this sad over only Dean.

“Sweetheart-“

“I don’t,” She swallows, speaking over Dean with quiet, soft words. “I don’t know why you’re being such an ass, Dean. Why can’t you just do what the betterlust wants? Isn’t it what you want-“

“It is.” Dean has to push the words through his teeth, because She so close and it’s not close enough and everything fucking hurts. “But I can’t have it, so we’re dead in the water. But Sammy and Rowena-“

“Dean.”

He can’t look Her in the eyes. Her voice is so gentle and nervous, and he’s not strong enough to look Her in the eyes and see all that worry and pity in them. He can barely even grunt an acknowledgment for her to continue.

“What do you want?”

“I’m not gonna-“

“Is it me?” She whispers, and Dean’s eyes shoot to Her’s. He can’t breathe. He can’t do anything but stare at Her and try not to die as he realizes this is it. This is how he loses Her. Forever. This is the last time he gets to look at Her and bask in her beauty and kindness, the last time he gets to drown in the smell of cherries and feel a little more alive under Her touch.

But She doesn’t look afraid, or disgusted. She just looks urgent. Desperate. As confused and hopelessly hopeful as Dean feels.

And he can’t speak, or think, or do anything but stare at Her as she speaks again.

“Dean, do you,” She takes a shaking breath, and Dean needs to touch Her. “Do you love me?”

——————

He’s not saying anything. Dean’s looking at you like you’ve shot him right through his heart, ripped it out, and taken a bite. Gaping like he’s trying to ask you for it back but can’t find the breath to, blinking like he’s trying to test if you’re really there. He reaches a hand up to run over his own face, reaches out to touch you—trace broad, calloused fingers over your cheekbones and jaw, over your chin like he’s wiping something you can’t see away—and jerks back suddenly, like you’d hurt him. Burned him. Branded him.

He’s branded you. You’re never going to forget his voice in your head, sounding like he’s overdosed on something awful, and doesn’t think he’ll come back down. Like he’s trying to cleanse himself of something by whispering words that will either haunt you past the grave or feed you for the rest of your life. Your heart will never forget the way it stopped for only a second before kicking into a pace that was all too fast when Dean’s eyes closed, and your hands will always remember the cold fever of his skin.

“Dean.” You have to make your voice strong. Steady, like you’re demanding something from him and not praying to him. “Please-“

“Why-“ His voice is hoarse, almost strangled, and it makes your every muscle feel a little weaker. “Why would you ask that.”

“I’m, I can’t tell you, just please answer me-“

“Did Sam tell you-“

“Sam?” You frown, shaking your head slightly. “No, I just, this has nothing to do with Sam-“

“Then why the hell are you-“

“What would Sam have told me?”

Dean falls silent, opening and closing his mouth as he goes red, his eyes looking almost feral. He looks like a cornered animal, something starved and needy, unsure if it should bite the hand reaching for it or grab it and never let go.

You want to hold him and never let go. You want him to grab your hand, and hold it, and never think to drop it again. You want to hear him say those words again, and have his voice be certain. You want to touch him, no matter if he’s like this or breaking or furious or—in those rare, priceless moments—happy. And you need to know. Dean’s never owed you anything, and he never will, but if there’s only one thing that he can offer you in universe, it would be really nice if it was this. If Dean ever gives you anything, please, dear God, let it be this.

“Dean,” you whisper, moving your hand to his knee and holding his almost fearful, rabid gaze. “Please answer me. Tell me what Sam-“

“He,” Dean swallows, voice gruff. “He wasn’t supposed to say anything. He fucking swore he’d never-“

“He didn’t.” You repeat, unsure if he’s even understanding the words out of your mouth. “All I’ve talked to Sam about is the spell. But why-“

“Rowena.” He mutters, and it sounds like he’s mostly talking to himself. “Rowena must’ve open her bitch mouth-“

“I haven’t really talked to Rowena at all-“

“Must’ve been some fucking spell-“

“Dean!” You scream, your nails digging into his leg like you can hold him with you forever. “It was you! You told me you loved me! You had a fever and you told me you loved me, you said my name, and I just,” Your voice cracks, desperation starting to break through your blood, out of your mouth in spit. “I need to know, please, you need to tell me if you meant it-“

“Sweetheart-“

“Please.” You refuse to look him in the eyes. The moment you look in Dean’s deep, pretty eyes you’ll know what he’s thinking, and you’ll lose him forever. Everything in you is screaming to know, but you’re still not able to just look into Dean’s eyes. “Dean, please tell me.”

“Why.”

For a second you’re not sure if you heard him right. The question startles you enough to make you look up, and the moment you see him something snaps inside of you. He looks wounded. Nervous. Almost as afraid of you—of your words, and what they might be capable of doing to him if you use them wrong—as you are of him.

“Why would you need to know.” He rasps, staring at his own hands. Flexing in his lap, seemingly against his will. “You’re not- It’s not somethin’ you’re-“ He looks up to you, his eyes almost pleading. “Why would you give a shit about-“

“About you?”

Dean’s throat bobs, his nod short, and you summon more bravery than you’ve ever been capable of before. Enough to reach out, over the space between your bodies that so small—but still feels like miles—and place your hand on his cheek. Keeping his gaze on yours.

“I always care about you. I-” You take a shaking breath, the last words falling off your tongue. “I love you.”

Dean’s hand shoots up to cover yours. To hold you against him, with a grip that tells you he might be trying to sear his skin into yours.

“You-“ His voice is so soft. His hand over yours is like iron, but everything else about him seems to be dreamlike. Hazy and uncertain, both of you watching each other like you’re sure the other will vanish if you look away. “You love me?”

“Yeah,” you try to smile at him, and it’s not charismatic. It’s pleading and tragic and so fucking delicate. “I do. I mean, I have. For a while.”

“How-“

“Four years.“

He blinks at you. “No, I, I meant-“ He swallows, shaking his head. “I meant how. How did that happen.”

It’s your turn to frown at him. “How did that happen?”

“You shouldn’t love me.” He mutters, his hand over yours flexing. Like he’s trying to pull it away but doesn’t know how. “It’ll get you hurt.”

You raise your brows slightly, running your thumb over his cheek. “Are you going to hurt me?”

Dean’s eyes narrow. “That’s not what I-“

“Are you?”

“Of course not, I’d never-“

“Why?”

“It doesn’t matter why-“

“It does.” You whisper, folding your legs under you to rise on your knees, dropping your brow to his. Holding his gaze the whole time. “It matters to me, Dean.“

He makes a choked sound, but doesn’t move away. “Why?”

“Because I love you.” You whisper. “And it would be really cool if you loved me.”

Dean’s only staring at you, his eyes flicking between your own, slightly blurred gaze that can still see him so well, and your lips.

“And it happened,” you push on, your voice growing a little weak when he still doesn’t respond. “Because it’s really easy to love you, Dean Winchester. You’re a good man.” You offer him a smile, and his own mouth falls open just a little. “And even if you don’t love me, I wouldn’t have you any other-“

Something in Dean’s eyes flickers, and he moves before you’re sure what’s happening. Yanking you into his lap with his hand—fingers now tangled in yours��catching you with an arm around your waist, and kissing you.

Kissing you. Dean’s kissing you.

Your body sparks into action—even as your brain becomes fogged with a hazy, Dean-shaped lust—and you fist a hand into his shirt, pulling him as close as the world will allow. He’s holding you so carefully, leaning down in a slight dip, and there could be a storm raging around you instead of the soft, romantic rain this feels like it belongs to, but you wouldn’t know. Because this is a kiss people wage wars over.

It’s louder than music in your ears and electric in your blood, but sparks isn’t a strong enough word. It’s like lightning. Shooting through your spine and lighting up every nerve in your body to Dean. Soft lips molding perfectly into yours, warm and calloused hands skillfully mapping over your skin, a groan down your throat that you can feel settle in your lower gut and start a wildfire. You’ve been hungry and you’ve never dared to eat, but Dean is here now and you’ll either be starved for the rest of your life or never want for anything again.

When Dean tries to pull away, you just follow him. Chase after his lips with yours, trying to get just a little more before this all comes tumbling down. Before the thought can even dare to cross Dean’s mind—that he’s not good for you, and he should go—because this is all you’ve ever wanted and you’ll be damned if you don’t cling to it for as long as he’ll allow. You’ll fall all the way down, until your body is only supported by Dean below you, and you’ll forsake oxygen until your body demands it. Maybe a little while after, too.

And Dean doesn’t seem to care to let you go. Every time he tries to pull back it’s a jerked movement, and every time you collide again he grows more and more feral. His groans turn into deep, animalistic growls, and his touch on your skin becomes rough. Not painful, never painful, but urgent. Uncontrolled. Pulling at your skin like he’s trying to meld it into his, kissing you with bruising force, bucking up into you with his hard cock brushing your inner thighs.

You grind down onto him once—when he hits closer to where you’re beginning to ache for him, and your own need grows stronger than you’re desire to let Dean control this—and he bites you. Dean catches your lip between his teeth, sucks in into his mouth, and grins like he’s won a prize when you whine a plea of his name.

“Holy shit,” he mutters your name, pressing his brow to yours as you both catch your breath, grabbing your waist to stop the next roll of your hips. “I’m not- I can’t do this to you-“

“You’re not doing anything to me,” you whisper. “I love you. I want this.”

Dean catches your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles and staring at the movement, his voice so low you almost don’t hear it. “Say you’re lying.”

You blink at him, and shake your head. “No.”

His eyes flash, shooting back to yours as he grunts your name. “You need to say you’re lyin’ right now, or I’ll-“

“You’ll what?” You lower your face back down, until you’re sharing Dean’s every breath. “Fuck me? Actually say you want me?”

His throat bobs, voice rough with lust. “You, I can’t fucking control it, sweetheart, if you’re fuckin’ with me you need to take it back now-“

“Dean.” You grab his face between your hand, forcing his darkened gaze back to yours. “Answer my fucking question.”

He shakes his head weakly. “You don’t-“

“I love you.” You hiss. You need to make sure he feels it, in the slightly spit on his face, that still tastes a little like him because it’s pushed through lips that are swollen from Dean, and Dean alone. You glide a hand down his chest, the kiss apparently fueling something bold inside you that hadn’t been there before. Your fingers trace down, over his abdomen—hardened from work but still soft in all the best places—and Dean takes in a sharp breath, his hands on your hips tightening enough to leave a mark, and you lean back. Just enough to open space between your bodies, just enough for you to palm him through his sweatpants.

He’s huge, and twitching under your careful, light fingers, and God, you need him inside of you in any fucking way—between your hands or filling your mouth or buried deep into your cunt—but Dean’s still just staring at you. His chest heaving, eyes so dark and wanting you might cum just from his attention, and nostrils flaring as you move your hand up, resting right over the hem of his pants.

“I love you, Dean,” you whisper, the rush of confidence barreling down as you wait for him to do anything. “And you need to tell me now that you don’t love me, or-“ you take a long breath, dragging up the last bit of your nerve. “You need to say you love me, and do something about it.”

Something shatters in Dean’s gaze for the last time, and whatever war he’s been waging with himself reaches a brutal end as he surges back up, kissing you with all spit and bloody need. Like you’re the best thing he’s ever dared to have on his tongue, and he might be trying to chew off a bit of you to keep.

He won’t need to. He has you. He’s had you for a while, and when he leans back to watch you with glazed, hungry eyes, his words seal some deep, fragile part of you to him forever.

“I love you,” Dean grunts your name, scanning over your face like he’s afraid the words will yank you from his hands. They won’t. “I need you. I gotta have you, but I’m- I’m not in control of it right now-“

“I can take it.” You push your hand into Dean’s sweats, taking his cock in your hand. He groans, eyelids fluttering, and when you run your thumb over the head of him—pressing into the weeping slit and squeezing just so lightly—he hisses your name like a prayer. “Please, Dean. I want it. Please.”

You pull down his pants with your free hand, taking his boxers with them, and start to slowly pump your hand up and down his impressive length. There will be bruising marks of Dean’s hands of your hips for a while, but you’ll survive. It’s worth it, to watch him unravel below you, to see Dean’s pretty eyes grow glazed with lust for you, feel his dick throb and hips jerk under your touch, hear his low growls and grunts as his jaw clenches and he doesn’t pull you away.

“God,” he moans your name, and you start to squirm above him, desperate for a bit of your own relief. “I wanna- Wanna taste you. Fuck you. Ruin you-“

“So do it,” you slip your other hand down—trusting Dean’s hold to keep you upright—and squeeze his balls. “You say you love me, Dean, but you haven’t proved it-“

The words do exactly what you’d wanted them to. Dean yanks your hand from around him, crashes his lips into yours with a fervor that might have been dangerous if it didn’t taste and sound and feel like Dean, and lets go.

His every movement is rough and uncontrolled, because his tether over every bit of will that had seemed to keep him restrained is gone, and in its wake is only the Mark. All its lust and fury and hunger, primal and focused on you. On taking what it wants.

And you’d give it to him, even if it left a few marks on your skin and bruising on your heart, but you realize that the Mark doesn’t seem to just want to use you. If it did, Dean wouldn’t be sucking on your neck and moaning at the taste of your skin, all while tracing big, warms hands around your body to palm your breasts. He wouldn’t allow you to grind onto him, or whimper his name, or scratch at his skin as he pulls you apart with barely anything at all. When he flips your over without any effort—only a low grunt and flex of his muscles—you feel like the most priceless bag of flour in the word. Perfect to be tossed around like that forever, but worth more to him—more the Mark—than just another body.

And you can’t see him anymore, but you don’t need to. You hear the sounds of him shuffling behind you, the muffled noise of his shirt being tossed onto the floor, and then his voice. Low and feral and saying your name in a way that makes your knees weak.

“Up.” He grunts, and you whine when he angles your hips up and pulls down your shorts, you already wet cunt being hit by the cold air. “So fuckin’ pretty, gonna ruin you, baby. You’re never gonna even think about a cock that’s not mine again-“

You nod a little stupidly, wiggling your ass back into him and moaning when his still-clothed erection presses right into you. “Fuck, Dean, please-“

He spanks your pussy—just once the stinging pleasure shooing up your spine—and you bury your face in the sheets to stifles your desperate moan.

“Need ya’ to listen.” He mutters. “You’re gonna have to talk to me, baby, lemme know what feels good, what you’re likin’, what you need more of-“

“You,” you gasp, and Dean chuckles, running a taunting finger between your folds. “God, I need you, Dean, need you so bad-“

“You need me?” He pushes the finger into your cunt, his body moving to covers yours as he whispers in your ear. “Need me to fuck this tight little pussy until you scream? Goddamn prove you how much I’ve wanted you, how much I’ve always wanted you-“

“Yes.” You nod frantically, grinding your ass up into him. “Show me, please show me-“

Dean moves your head to the side, capturing your lips in a long, slow kiss, and hums in satisfaction when he crooks that finger right up against that deep, sensitive spot inside of you, and your hands start to claw at the sheets.

Then he’s gone. Without warning Dean draws back, yanks his finger out without warning, spanks your pussy again—chuckling at the high, needy sound that escapes your lips—and presses one hand to your lower back to still your writhing as he shuffles behind you

“Tell me whatcha want, baby.” He mutters, moving his hand to rub up and down your thigh. “And I’ll get it for ‘ya. But you have,“ He slaps your pussy one last time for emphasis, and you can only moan. “To say what you-“

“Your cock.” You whisper, spreading your legs wider for his to see. To look at your wet pussy—need dripping down to your knee—and take whatever the Mark is asking of him. “Want your cock Dean. Want you to fuck me, no holding back, please-“

He slams into you without warning. Burying himself at the hilt in one brutal movement, groaning above you as you go limp under him, trying only to twist and touch him, only to push back and somehow get him deeper. You feel so full, so fucking high on the stretch of Dean inside you, but it’s not enough-

“God, sweetheart, you feel so fucking good.” Dean starts to massage your ass, with one hand, the other holding you up in the air for him to use. “Better than I dreamed, feel like heaven, gonna fuck you so good like you deserve-“

“Dean, fuck-” you clench around him, the praise feeding right into your cockdrunk daze of Dean, and he groans.

“Don’t do that,” he grunts your name, and it sounds like an order. “I ain’t gonna last if you-“ He moans as you squeeze around his massive cock again, and pulls all the way out before slamming back into you with a growl.

Your mouth falls open, a sound like a mewl escaping your mouth, and Dean starts to fuck you. Really, properly fuck you into the mattress, with low groans and an unforgiving pace, bumping your cervix and snaking a hand around your stomach to pull you up to his chest, rubbing your clit until you’re wrecked and seeing stars, thrusting up into you like a jackhammer and keeping you so blissfully pleasured and warm.

“So fuckin’ good,” he growls your name in your ear, and you squeak. “Takin’ this cock so fuckin’ well, all warm and tight, made for me. You were fuckin’ made for me-“

Dean’s thumb and fore finger roll your clit in a tight circle, and you cum with a scream. Light and color lining your vision, the far-off sound of Dean’s filthy praise making your orgasm ride out and out and out until you’re sure you’ve reached something like heaven. Your vision is still blurred when the satisfaction has washed fully through you, and you realize Dean’s stopped moving.

His hand tangles in your hair, angling your face back for him to see, and fuck he’s so handsome. Breathing heavy in your ear, lips puffed from sucking and kiss your skin, eyes glazed but still focused on you.

You must look like an idiot. Your expression is slack and needy, your eyes glazed a lips parted, but Dean looks at you like you’re a diamond and his cock twitches inside you as your eyes meet.

“Shit, baby,” he mutters. “You gotta say somethin’-“

“That-“ You let out another moan, your pussy still fluttering around him. “Good.”

He chuckles, kiss the very corner of your mouth with a smirk. “You got full words, Sweetheart?”

You swallow, the full feeling of Dean—throbbing inside you, still rock hard, pushing against that heavenly spot but with just too little pressure to send you over once more—crashing into you, and you say the only thing you can think of.

“Keep going?”

He stares at you for a second, then shakes his head. “No, I- I’ll be fine, I can take care of myself-“

“Want you to use me.” You’re practically whining, and you’d be more embarrassed if the words didn’t make Dean jerk up into you. “Please-“

He groans your name, burying his face in the crook of your shoulder. “I’m not- you’re-“

“I said don’t hold back.” You whisper, rolling your hips against him and feeling pride glow in your chest at his moan. “Fuck me, Dean. I’m yours.”

And there it is again. You say the exact right thing, the thing you knew would work, and Dean gives in. He shoves you down, flips you onto your back—pulling out for only a second as he adjusts you under him—and starts to fuck you like an animal. Rutting into you at a near inhuman speed, hitting your cervix with every thrust, every word a low growl that coils release tighter and tighter in your lower gut.

“So fuckin’ greedy,” he grunts, slamming a little rougher. “Wantin’ more, begging me to fuck you, so fucking pretty comin’ apart on my cock, tell me how good it feels, baby-“

“Good,” you moan, your nails digging into his shoulders as the bed creaks around you, your whole body overwhelmed with pleasure. “Feel so full, Dean, feels so good, you’re so fucking big-“

He groans, and you start to babble. You’re not even sure what you’re saying anymore, because every word feels like it’s spilling from your mouth. But every inch of your brain trapped in Dean’s skin slapping against yours, his muscles flexing around you, the low and primal sounds rumbling out of his chest as his movements grow sloppy and his cock starts to throb inside of you, and you couldn’t think about anything else if you tried.

“You feel so good, Dean, please don’t stop, want you to cum, I-“ You gasp as he starts to kill up your neck, your hands shooting into his hair. “Fuck, Dean, please, so good, God, I love you-“

His mouth slams into yours, and your orgasm rushes through you like a tidal wave. Longer and powerful, leaving you so fucked out you can only whine under Dean’s body, toes curling and eyes rolling back in your head as your pussy flutters around him.

Dean pulls out, keeping one hand gently on your knee as he pumps himself with an almost blurring fist, and cums over your abdomen and thighs. It’s hot and sticky, and part of you wishes you’d had enough of a brain to ask him to let you taste it, but you’re so completely spent that when Dean collapses over you—a heavy, comfortable weight you’re more than happy to be trapped beneath—your brain wipes every other thought but Dean away, and you decide to just stay here. Where Dean’s face in buried in your neck, and your sore from all of it but there will never be a better pain to experience.

“I-“ Dean breaks the silence, words muffled in your skin. “I feel better.”

“Oh.” You huff a soft laugh. “Good.”

“What, uh, what should we tell Sammy?”

You tug on his hair, just enough to move his gaze back to yours. “That we had sex?”

“No,” Dean groans your name, a smile pulling at his lips. “About the Mark. But we should tell him that-“

You make a mock, dramatic gasp. “Dean Winchester, are you going to brag about sex to your brother-“

“It’s sex with you, Sweetheart.” He winks, rolling you both over and caging you comfortably against his chest. “And Sammy’ll be thrilled to hear it, he’s been on my ass for years-“

“Years?” You squeak. “How many years?”

He shrugs. “I dunno, all of them?”

“All of them?! What do you mean all of them-“

“I mean since I met you.” Dean starts to rub soothing circles on your back, his mouth curling in smug amusement. “Deep breathes, baby, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”

You flush, still not really use to the baby thing. Or Dean’s hands on your skin, every touch lingering like an imprint that will never even try to fade. “Shut up-“

He shakes his head. “Nah. You love it.” A boyish, wide smile splits over his face. “You love me.”

You might die. You might explode into a million, tiny pieces of confetti and shimmering glass, because Dean looks so happy. There are no ghosts in his beautiful eyes, no loathing or dread stained over his perfect face. He’s happy, here, with you, and you’re not cruel enough to stop yourself from crawling up his chest and pressing a soft, sweet kiss to his lips.

“I do love you,” you mumble against him, straddling his torso as you push yourself up flat palms. “But I’m still gonna tell you to shut up.”

He chuckles, the sound rolling and humming right into your blood. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Dean reaches up to tuck a little hair behind your ears, and freezes, his eyes trained on his forearm. On the Mark.

“We, uh,” he clears his throat, watching you carefully. “We do need to figure out what we’re gonna do about this.”

“Yeah.” You sigh. “We do. But I, I think-“

You cut yourself off, taking his hand in yours and running light fingers over the Mark in thought. Dean stares up at you with a slight awe in his gaze that makes you feel almost important, and your words fall to a soft breath.

“If you want.” You whisper. “We can turn it back-“

“No.” He shakes his head, sounding almost panicked. “I’m not goin’ back to that shit, not now-“

“Dean.” Your fingers still on his arm. “Was it me? That the Mark wanted?”

He swallows, but nods, and you sigh.

“We’re going to have separate sometimes. And we can figure out the bloodlust-“

“We should have to figure it out though, you don’t gotta put up with that-“

“I know.” You smile at him, and it’s not hard. Smiling at Dean is never hard. “But I will.”

“Do you-“ He stares at you, tangling his fingers in yours. “Do you not want me to keep the betterlust? You can tell me, I don’t want you to feel like you have to, for me-“

“God, no.” You shake your head, squeezing his hand. “I’m just, I’m worried about what might happen when the betterlust decides I’m not enough. Or when this, um, when you-“

Dean says your name, slow and firm, and you swallow. “This is it for me. It’s you, and the Mark knows that. You’re gonna be more than enough, hell, you’re more than I deserve-“

“That’s not true.” You mumble. “You deserve the world.”

He chuckles, pressing a kiss to the palm of your hand. “It’s adorable that you really believe that, baby, but-“

You scowl at him. “It’s the truth, Dean. You’re a good man, I meant what I said-“

“I know you did.” His charming, cowboy grins falters slightly. Not falling, but twisting into one you’ve never seen before. Still roguish, still well designed and stealing your breath, but with a slight crack that allows you to see deeper. To see the lonely part of him, that really thinks you don’t belong here with him. That’s trying to drag you into him, because he’s certain you’ll start running if he doesn’t. “But this,” he nods to the Mark. “Is still gonna be a problem. I’m still gonna be a problem-“

“You’re not a problem-“

He says your name, the word careful and tender and holy from his lips. It’s the best way you’ve ever heard it. The only way you want to hear it again. “Do you want me to keep the betterlust.”

You purse your lips, and nod.

“Words, baby-“

“Yes.” You whisper. “But I need you to promise me that if it stops working-“

“It won’t.” He shrugs, his voice flat, as if he’s speaking in fact. “And we’re gonna keep looking for a way to get this son of a bitch off. But we’re doin’ it together.” He pauses, scanning over your open features. “If that’s what you-“

You lean down, silencing him with a long, easy kiss. It’s not desperate anymore, but careful. Like you’re making art, or starting to spin a web that could unravel with a single tug, but neither of you will let it. You’ll never let this—whatever this becomes—fall apart. You’ll put your whole life into keeping Dean, fighting for him and helping him and reminding him that he’s not really a burden. Letting him remind you that he really does want you, and he’s never going to allow you to doubt that again.

“Together.” You speak against his lips, letting your content breath fall into his mouth. “I’d like to stay together.”

He nods, mouth curving into a grin. “Alright then. Together.”

End Note: Thank you so so much for reading!!! I've had a lot of fun with this one, and I'm so happy y'all have as well! I hope to see some of you soon for the next one, and if not, thank you. no matter what!!

If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3

If you want to be tagged, just ask!

Taglist

@artemys-ackles @brtodd @panicking-outside-the-disco @megara0224

@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @spacecowgirl126 @globetrotter28 @aylacavebear @lovewolfspirit

@lordofthunderthr @nightxcreature @underground-secrets @amberlthomas @kamisobsessed

@tcedenslash

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hibiscusol · 2 days ago

Text

ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ sailor song, one. ་༘🌊࿐

masterlist ｡𖦹°‧ welcome page ｡𖦹°‧ series masterlist

── ‧₊ ᵎᵎ pairing: jj maybank x reader

── ‧₊ ᵎᵎ sypnosis: after your best friend sarah and his new pogue boyfriend get lost at sea, you find comfort in the only person who understands you. and weirdly, that person is a pogue, the jj maybank.

── ‧₊ ᵎᵎ warnings: language and mentions of alcohol

── ‧₊ ᵎᵎ author's note: yeah, this is my way of coping. i miss the man. anyways lmk if u like it or if u have any ideas for the next chapters!

────🫐────

“Oh, shit, my bad,” The blond boy whispers after colliding with you, all your books dropping to the ground. You look up and see him, the tall blond pogue rarely present at school. You nod and walk past him, not paying much attention. It wouldn’t be a good thing to be seen with him and his friends, especially after Sarah and the Routledge guy’s death.

Everybody’s going through it. The Camerons have been grieving in their… own ways. Rafe, the eldest child of the Camerons has not been seen in days. Someone said they’d seen him smoking weed in his dealer’s backyard. Guess his sister’s death made him hit rock bottom.

And as for her new pogue boyfriend, John B, no one cares. No one knew him other than his few friends, one of them being the old kook Kiara Carrera. Well, they’re like a weird cult always up to some shit. They’ve chosen their place.

The missing posters have been up for a while. No one really believes it, they couldn’t have survived a storm like that. You’ve been trying to handle it. In your room for days, thinking about the empty spaces your best friend Sarah would fill. Thinking about how she’d gotten distant the past few days. Not telling you where she was going, not telling you about the new guy. You blamed yourself for it. Maybe if you’d tried to talk to her more a few days before she died, she wouldn’t have gone with him.

When the thoughts get too loud during English class, you excuse yourself and leave. You walk through the hallways and outside the school, sitting on a nearby bench. No one said a word to you. No one said you were allowed to grief too. Like you weren’t her best friend. Were you?

You take a deep breath and look around, making sure no one saw you leave school grounds. That’s when you see him again. The blond boy.

He walks out of school as well, looking around and spotting you. He scoffs, and as much as he tries to find a way to avoid you, you’re sitting on the only bench that’s out here. He slowly walks over. “Can I sit-?” He says and you nod. “Yeah. Go ahead.” You say and look away, pulling your legs into your stomach, hugging your calves.

He sits down as far away on the bench from you as possible, taking a deep breath. A few minutes of silence go by. “I heard you were her friend.” He says, breaking the silence.

“What?” You whisper, surprised he would actually talk to you. “I said I heard you were Sarah’s best friend.” He repeats, looking at you this time. He looks… decent.

“Yeah. I was.” you say, looking away from him. “That was before your friends showed up, though.” You say and roll your eyes. He nods, his lips pressing together.

“We didn’t do shit. She wanted to join us, so she did.” He says defensively. “Well, she got dragged into all the criminal stuff that you do. She didn’t know what type of people you were.” I say, sitting straight. I have the time today.

“John B did not kill Peterkin.” He says frowning. “Sure, he didn’t.” You say and he frowns again. “I’m being serious. He did not.”

“You think I’m just gonna believe you because you said so? What even was your name again?” I say and roll my eyes. Yes, exactly the way I imagined a pogue to be. “No, but I’m saying that you’re judging without getting to know us.” He pauses for a second, almost like he’s pondering if he should say or not. “I’m JJ. JJ Maybank.”

Oh, JJ Maybank. With the dad. He works for your father. Or maybe worked. Poor guy was definitely an addict.

“I know your dad.” You blurt out, and the way his face falls tells you you hit a sore spot. You look away. “He… he worked for my dad.” You elaborate, looking down at your shoes.

A few moments pass by and when you turn to look at him again, he’s off the bench, walking away. You frown, watching him walk away. Weird. Why’d he just walk away like that?

You sigh and look ahead into the trees in front you. The back of the school where the students have done everything. A few minutes later, a voice startles you again. “Hey, sorry, I was…”

You jump, letting out a low gasp as you sit up straighter. “What the fuck, Maybank? I thought you left and then you…” You say before he stretches his hand out, a necklace in his palm. Your eyes widen as you notice what it is. The S necklace. With Sarah’s initial on it.

“We found this at the chateau. The chateau is… um, our place, kind of. She’d left it there.” He says as you shakily take it from him.

“We didn’t force her into anything…” “Shut up, Maybank.” You say as you put the necklace around your neck. “Just… I don’t wanna hear it.”

He nods, taking a deep breath as he takes a step back, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m just being nice, Kook.” Oh, now he’s getting sassy. You roll your eyes, unwrapping your arms from around your legs and letting your feet touch the ground as you stand up. “Yeah, well, you could’ve been nice by saving her before she was dead.” I roll my eyes as I grab my backpack, throwing it over my shoulder. You’re mad at everyone and everything. You’re mad at Sarah for leaving you here, and you’re mad at being neglected. She was your best friend. And the moment she left, suddenly she was everyone else’s.

“Wait.” JJ’s voice cuts through your thoughts and your feel your heart ache. The few soft streams of light have found their way from in between trees and leaves onto his blond hair and blue eyes and you take a deep breath, mentally shaking yourself. Stop.

“We both lost our best friends. If there’s anyone who knows what you’re going through, it’s me. Yeah, I don’t like you and you don’t like me. But… be decent.” He nods, as if he wants you to agree. Your hands tighten on the straps on your backpack and you nod after a second. “I… Yeah. Sure. I… I’m Y/N.”

“Yeah, okay.” He nods, running a hand through his hair. “I know who you are.” You tear your gaze away from him and take deep breaths until you get inside. The moment you get inside the school bathroom, tears are rolling down your face and you let out quiet sobs, turning to the bathroom and kicking a bathroom door open, walking in and locking door. Her necklace around your neck feels like it’s choking you, and you press your palms against your temples, tears running down your cheeks and neck.

How long is it gonna feel like this?

────🫐────

#outer banks #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank #outer banks fic #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank headcannons #obx fanfiction #jj obx #jj outer banks

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azuredawn81 · 2 days ago

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please read later | connor bedard x gf!reader

❅ summary: connor’s relationship has been falling apart. it’s totally his fault. he put all his focus on hockey, but the blackhawks just keep losing and he keeps failing and it’s draining him. it’s drained him to the point where he physically cannot be present.

❅ pairing: connor bedard x reader

❅ content: angst

❅ word count: 1k

❅ prompt: hours outside in the snow - modern baseball

❅ warnings: none

❅ note: i also have a really fire poem written for this song prompt - mutuals dm me

❅ tags: @dream-girl06 @Summert158 @lekkerfrikandelletje @camiesully

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙₊⋆ ͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

I spent all of Christmas Eve fake angry at you for

Who knows what now or then

he wasn’t even mad. every point y/n had made was valid, every statement accurate.

“it’s like you don’t even care anymore!”

“i do care!”

“no, you’re always gone. you never check in.”

“that’s not true.”

“connor, as soon as you leave chicago, it’s like my number is no longer on your phone!”

he couldn’t remember anything else she had said. she was right. he was wrong. he was a terrible, sorry excuse for a boyfriend. she was a saint. she deserved better.

I spent all of Christmas Eve trying to get warmer

After standing outside for hours

Knowing at this point I'd be

Lucky to get any sleep

And I'll toss and turn until the early morning

after the argument, connor had stormed out of the apartment, more willing to face the chicago cold than his girlfriend’s gaze. the snow fell like tears, each snowflake landing perfectly on his eyelashes, mixing in with his sobs. as he kept walking down the street, he saw families in windows. bright, smiling, happy couples with laughing kids. candles in windows, trees with lights, street lamps glowing like the moon. his last straw was passing by a brownstone, a couple grinning ear to ear in matching pajamas on the first floor. he sat on the sidewalk, sinking into the snow, his head in his hands.

he was there for a few hours, when an elderly woman came up.

“son, are you okay?”

“yeah, i’m… i’m fine.”

“you should be home, it’s christmas.”

she walked with him back to his apartment. “i’m sure she loves you. don’t give up on her.”

y/n was asleep in their bed, with every good blanket. shivering, connor put on flannel pajama pants and a blackhawks hoodie, doing anything he could to warm up. he sat in front of the heater, his hands out close enough to burn, like he had been selling matches.

he curls up next to the heater, trying to conserve heat. all night, his teeth chattered and he tried to get comfortable on the floor, to no avail. he couldn’t sleep even if he was comfortable. she was on his mind.

'Cause what's better than seeing

What I'm missing daily?

every day was the same. she had lectures, lab, study group meetings. he had practices, games, media appearances. it was just too much. he could tell how much happier she was at uchicago, anyone could tell. sometimes, it felt like he only knew about her life from her instagram stories. her perfect, polished instagram stories. ones that screamed “single and loving it”. except, she wasn’t single and she was miserable.

“maybe if you treated me like your girlfriend instead of your roommate, i’d be happier around you.”

“i try, y/n! i try every day!”

“no, you don’t!”

“yes, i do!”

“you come home at 11pm, all “i’m so tired”, and when i try to do anything, you’re like “not tonight”.”

“that’s not my fault! sorensen has me on ice the entire game!”

“so you’re too tired to snuggle your girlfriend? too tired to say “i love you”? too tired to let me make sure you’re not bruised?”

“i can check myself for bruises!”

“that’s not the point, connor!”

“look, i’m sorry i don’t cuddle you. are you happy now?”

“god, connor, how do you not understand how much happier i am away from you?”

I guess what I'm trying to say is that

You might run, oh but

I won't hide, shed an

Ounce of light on my half-

Hopeless life

“i don’t know what to do, kevin. i love her so much.”

“tell her that. don’t let her go.”

“she’s already gone.”

he hung up the phone and pushed open the apartment door.

“y/n?”

“kitchen.”

he walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “you feeling alright?”

“yeah, i’m fine.”

he pressed a short kiss to her neck, his lips lingering. “sure?”

“yes, i’m sure.”

“i love you.”

“love you too.”

he nuzzled his face against her shoulder.

“connor?”

“yes?”

“are you okay?”

“it’s… tough. on the ice.”

“i bet.”

“i feel like i’m failing everyone.”

“not me.”

“y/n, can you promise me something?”

“of course.”

“remember how i was during the off-season?”

“yeah?”

"Don't let me go back"

But since you've taken the time to read so carefully

Everything I've ever sent

I guess I'll spend the next few lines hoping and wishing

Yet thanking appropriately

she always read too much into things. everything was falling apart and it was all his fault. she deserves better. he knows better than to act like this, pretending he can be the guy she needs.

connor quietly made his way into their shared closet and began to pack his clothes, his toiletries, anything he would need. he filled his duffel bag and suitcase with his whole life, except his most important items: the framed picture of him and y/n, sitting on the nightstand by her phone, and the bracelet she had made him. he traced the characters on the beads, the glossy black “bedard 98” shining in the light of his phone flashlight.

he grabbed a piece of paper from her journal and a pen, her pink glitter gel pen, and began to write his last words to her. every word was about how he wasn’t enough, how sorry he was that he wasn’t there, how in another life, where he didn’t play hockey, they could’ve stayed together. he was not in a good place to be a good boyfriend and nothing brought him joy. she deserves joy. she deserves the world. but he couldn’t give her that.

to y/n

Please read later

'Cause I don't think I have the heart

To let you read this now

But if I had the heart, oh

You know that I know better

This isn't how you say aloud

Oh, say aloud:

"Don't let me go back"

don’t come looking.

love,

connor

#౨ৎ azure writes <3 #nhl x reader #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine #nhl players #nhl #connor bedard #cb98 #bedsy #connor bedard x reader #chicago #nhl blackhawks #chicago blackhawks

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duachai · 2 days ago

Text

HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT - BANG CHAN | STRAY KIDS

Loneliness is such a sad affair, and I can hardly wait to be with you again

♱ PAIRING : BANG CHAN X MALE READER

♱ SYNOPSIS : M/n, a university junior, secretly dates Bang Chan. When the group performs at his campus, their hidden relationship is exposed.

♱ CONTENT WARNING : This writing contains explicit sexual content and mature themes.

♱ AUTHOR'S NOTE : Merry Christmas my lovelies! I can't wait to show you what I have in store next year! I will see you in 2025.

LINKS : Wattpad | Kofi

The sun cast a warm glow over the university lawn, where M/n and his two best friends, Jiho and Minseo, sat cross-legged on the grass. Their lunchboxes laid open, and the air was filled with laughter and the scent of freshly baked bread from a nearby food cart. It was a Thursday afternoon, and the group of friends had just met up for the first time this week for lunch.

“Did you finish Professor Kim’s reading?” Minseo asked, biting into a rice ball.

“Nope, fuck that seriously,” M/n replied, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “He assigns way too much for one week.”

Minseo hummed. “True dat.”

Jiho, scrolling on his phone, suddenly let out a loud gasp, aggressively slapping M/n’s shoulder in excitement. “Oh my God! No way!”

Both M/n and Minseo turned toward him, startled.

“What, you psycho bitch?” Minseo asked, her curiosity piqued yet annoyed at how loud Jiho was shrieking like he had no home training.

Jiho shoved his phone in their faces, the screen displaying a social media post with bold letters: Surprise! Stray Kids will be performing at Hanseong University today at 3 PM.

M/n froze, his heart leaping into his throat. He quickly schooled his expression, pretending to be indifferent. “That’s cool, I guess,” he said with a shrug, taking a sip of his drink.

“Cool?” Jiho exclaimed, nearly spilling his coffee to slap the back of M/n’s head. “Bitch, are you sick? This is Stray Kids! Do you not understand the seriousness of this ordeal?”

Minseo chuckled. “Ain’t never used ‘ordeal’ in your life, scholar.” Jiho sucked his teeth at Minseo.

M/n forced a smile, his thoughts racing. Why didn’t he tell me? Chan, his boyfriend and the leader of Stray Kids, had conveniently left out this major detail during their last phone call.

“We have to go early!” Jiho said, already packing up his lunch. “I want to get a good spot.”

“I guess I’ll go too,” Minseo added. “M/n, you’re coming, right?”

M/n hesitated. “Uh, yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom first.”

Jiho and Minseo groaned in unison. “Go piss, girl,” Minseo teased.

“We’ll try and save you a seat, but I can’t promise if Seungmin wants it first. Or maybe he can sit in my lap…” Jiho pondered, biting his lip in a weird, horny kinda way.

M/n laughed nervously, fidgeting with the strap of his backpack. “I’ll catch up.”

Quickly, M/n rushed off. His mind was spinning. He wasn’t mad that Chan hadn’t told him, and he understood the need for secrecy, but being blindsided like this made his heart race with anxiety. What if his friends put two and two together? What if someone saw them?

Reaching the side door of the main building, M/n glanced over his shoulder. The campus was alive with energy as students gathered in clusters, buzzing with excitement for the upcoming performance.

Inside, the hallways were quieter, the faint hum of conversation drifting from nearby rooms. M/n spotted a staff member carrying a clipboard and quickly ducked behind a pillar, holding his breath until the coast was clear.

He made his way toward the room labeled Stray Kids in bold black letters on a laminated sign. His hand hesitated on the doorknob before he knocked softly.

“Come in,” came a familiar voice.

M/n stepped inside, shutting the door quickly behind him. The room was small and bustling with energy, racks of clothes lined one wall, and makeup cases were strewn across a long table. But in the middle of it all stood Chan, wearing a casual yet stylish outfit, his hair perfectly styled, and a look of surprise spreading across his face.

“M/n?” Chan crossed the room in two quick strides, his tone a mix of confusion and joy. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” M/n replied, his voice low but tinged with a little nervousness as he looked around at the people passing by. “You didn’t think to warn me you’d be performing at my fuckin’ university? What if we get caught here?”

Chan quickly whisked M/n away, placing his hands on his shoulders and guiding him to a smaller room in the back. This space was more private, with only a counter and a few chairs.

M/n leaned against the dressing room counter with his arms crossed in a pout.

Chan put his hands on both sides of M/n’s hips, his thumbs circling gently on the little bit of exposed skin between his shirt and jeans. “It was supposed to be a surprise. Management didn’t finalize it until yesterday, and I figured you’d find out anyway.”

“Well, surprise,” M/n said, his voice clearly more scared about getting caught than about blaming Chan for not saying anything. “Now I’m here freaking out, trying to make sure none of my friends figure out I’m dating you.”

Chan softened, his hand reaching out to gently touch M/n’s cheek. “Baby, don’t be like that. I didn’t mean to stress you out. I just… wanted to see you.”

M/n sighed, his irritation melting under Chan’s warm gaze. “You’re lucky I like you.”

Chan grinned. “I know.”

Chan’s grin softened as he leaned in closer, his forehead gently pressing against M/n’s. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” M/n felt his heart flutter in his chest, the warmth of Chan’s breath fanning against his lips. Despite his nerves, he couldn’t stop the small smile that crept onto his face.

“You just saw me last week, drama queen.”

Chan chuckled, his voice dropping to a low murmur. “A week feels like forever when it comes to you.”

Before M/n could respond, Chan closed the distance, capturing his lips in a kiss that sent a rush of heat coursing through his body. It started gentle, as if Chan was savoring the moment, but the longing between them quickly took over.

Chan’s hands slid from M/n’s hips to wrap securely around his waist, pulling him closer until their bodies were flush against each other. M/n’s hands found their way to Chan’s chest, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as he kissed back with equal fervor.

The world outside the small dressing room seemed to melt away. The muffled voices and distant chatter from the hallway faded, leaving only the sound of their breaths and the soft hum of their hearts racing in tandem.

Chan tilted his head, deepening the kiss, his hands roaming up and down M/n’s back in soothing yet possessive strokes. M/n’s resolve crumbled, and he let out a quiet, involuntary whimper against Chan’s lips.

That sound seemed to ignite something in Chan. He pressed M/n back gently against the counter, his lips moving with a desperation that spoke of every moment they’d spent apart. His fingers tangled in M/n’s hair, tilting his head to gain better access, and M/n melted into him completely.

When they finally broke apart for air, their foreheads rested together, both of them breathing heavily. Chan’s gaze was intense, his eyes dark with affection and want.

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice hoarse but steady. “I don’t care where we are or who’s around. I’ll always want to kiss you like that.”

M/n felt his cheeks flush, his hands still clutching Chan’s shirt. “You’re so corny,” he mumbled, but the soft smile on his face betrayed the truth, he loved every second of it.

Chan grinned, his thumb brushing against M/n’s bottom lip. “And you love it.”

M/n didn’t deny it. Instead, he pulled Chan down for another kiss, this one slow and tender, a promise of all the stolen moments they’d share, no matter how complicated their situation might be.

M/n felt the heat rising between them as Chan leaned back into him, his lips finding their way to the corner of M/n’s mouth, then down along his jawline. Each touch sent a spark through M/n, his breath hitching as Chan’s lips traveled to his neck, leaving a trail of featherlight kisses that grew bolder with each press.

“Channie,” M/n whispered that nickname that always made Chan weak, his voice trembling with both urgency and affection.

Chan hummed against his skin, the vibration sending shivers down M/n’s spine. “Hmm?” he murmured, his lips brushing against the sensitive spot just below M/n’s ear.

“You’re going to leave a mark,” M/n warned, though his voice lacked any real conviction.

Chan chuckled softly, the sound low and sultry. “Would that be such a bad thing?” he teased, his hands tightening on M/n’s waist.

M/n pushed at his chest lightly, his cheeks flushed. “Yes, it would! My friends would definitely notice.”

Chan pulled back just enough to look at him, his eyes sparkling with mischief and affection. “Fine, no marks… not right now at least,” he conceded with a cheeky grin, leaning in for another kiss that was slower, deeper, and impossibly more intoxicating.

M/n sighed into the kiss, his hands sliding up to Chan’s shoulders, gripping them tightly as if to anchor himself. Chan tilted his head, his lips moving against M/n’s with a rhythm that felt natural, effortless, like they’d been made for this exact moment.

The kiss grew hungrier, more desperate, as if the limited time they had together only fueled the need to make every second count. Chan’s hands slid down M/n’s back, resting just above his hips as he pressed them even closer together, their bodies fitting like pieces of a puzzle.

M/n felt the counter digging into his back, but he didn’t care. All he could focus on was the way Chan’s lips moved against his, the way his hands explored his body with a careful yet insistent touch, the way his entire being seemed to drown in Chan’s presence.

Their kiss broke only when the need for air became too great, but even then, Chan stayed close, their noses brushing as their breaths mingled.

“I wish we didn’t have to hide,” Chan said softly, his voice tinged with a rare vulnerability.

M/n’s heart clenched at the admission. He reached up to cup Chan’s cheek, his thumb brushing gently against his skin. “Me too,” he admitted. “But as long as I have you, I can deal with the rest.”

Chan smiled, leaning into M/n’s touch. “You’re too good to me.”

“And don’t you forget it,” M/n replied with a teasing grin, though his tone was filled with affection.

Chan chuckled, stealing one last lingering kiss before finally pulling back, though his arms stayed wrapped securely around M/n’s waist. “I guess I should let you go before your friends send out a search party.”

M/n groaned, reluctant to step away. “Yeah, I guess… but this isn’t over.”

Chan smirked, his gaze full of promise. “Not even close.”

M/n reluctantly pulled away, smoothing his shirt and adjusting his glasses as he tried to compose himself. His heart was still racing, and his lips tingled from Chan’s kisses, but he needed to act normal—at least normal enough to fool Jiho and Minseo.

“You’ll be watching, right?” Chan asked, his voice softer now.

M/n hesitated, biting his lip. “I’ll try. Jiho and Minseo are expecting me to sit with them, so I can’t make it obvious.”

Chan nodded, understanding written all over his face. “Just… stay close if you can,” he said, reaching out to squeeze M/n’s hand briefly. “It’ll be nice knowing you’re there.”

M/n smiled despite his nerves. “I’ll be there. Just don’t get too distracted by my handsome face.”

Chan laughed quietly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “No promises.”

With one last lingering glance, M/n slipped out of the makeshift dressing room, carefully closing the door behind him. The hallway was still relatively empty, though the muffled sound of voices and footsteps indicated that students were already gathering for the performance.

M/n took a deep breath, his hand lingering on the doorknob for a moment before he stepped away. He couldn’t afford to look suspicious.

As he walked back toward the outdoor venue, the hum of excitement grew louder. Groups of students were chatting animatedly, and some were already seated near the stage, phones in hand, ready to record every moment.

Spotting Jiho and Minseo wasn’t hard as they were near the middle of the crowd, Jiho waving his arms wildly to flag M/n down.

“There you are!” Jiho exclaimed as M/n approached. “Took you long enough. What, did you fall in?”

“Something like that,” M/n replied with a shrug, slipping into the spot they’d saved for him.

Minseo handed him a bottle of water, her eyes narrowing slightly. “You okay? You look kind of flustered.”

“I’m fine,” M/n said quickly, taking a sip of water to cover his nerves. “It’s just hot out here.��

Jiho fanned himself dramatically with his hand. “Girl, same. But who cares? We’re about to see Stray Kids! Can you believe it? Like, right here! This is history in the making. Maybe our school isn’t so shit after all.”

M/n forced a laugh, his stomach flipping at the thought of seeing Chan on stage while sitting among his friends, who had no idea about their relationship.

As the minutes ticked by, the crowd grew larger, and the excitement became palpable. When the emcee finally took the stage to introduce Stray Kids, the cheers were deafening. M/n felt his pulse quicken as he prepared for what was about to happen.

The lights dimmed slightly, and the opening beats of a familiar song filled the air. Then, there they were… Stray Kids, stepping onto the stage with the kind of confidence and charisma that could command any crowd.

M/n’s eyes immediately found Chan, who stood at the center, his presence magnetic. Chan’s gaze briefly scanned the crowd, and though M/n knew it was impossible for him to pick him out among so many people, he still felt a jolt when their eyes seemed to meet for a split second.

Jiho was screaming next to him, clutching Minseo’s arm in excitement. “Oh my God, look at Bang Chan! He’s so fucking hot!”

M/n bit his lip to suppress a smile, his cheeks heating up. If only Jiho knew.

As the performance continued, M/n couldn’t help but admire Chan. He was in his element, his movements fluid and precise, his voice commanding and powerful. It was a side of him M/n didn’t often get to see up close, and it made him fall for him all over again.

But amidst the thrill of the performance, M/n couldn’t shake the anxiety bubbling under the surface. What if someone noticed the way Chan looked at him? What if someone figured out their connection?

He forced himself to focus on the music, clapping and cheering along with his friends. For now, he just had to get through the show without raising any suspicion.

The campus was still buzzing with excitement from Stray Kids’ performance. Students milled about in groups, their chatter echoing across the quad. M/n kept his head down, weaving through the crowd as casually as he could. His heart pounded in his chest, not from excitement but from nerves.

When he reached the side gate leading to the quiet garden behind the art building, he glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching. The garden was one of the most secluded spots on campus, a hidden oasis with benches tucked under canopies of leafy trees.

Chan was already there, leaning against the trunk of a tree, his hoodie pulled low over his face. Even in the dim light, M/n could see the tension in his posture.

“Chan,” M/n called softly, stepping closer.

Chan’s head snapped up, and a relieved smile broke across his face. “M/n.”

Before M/n could say anything, Chan closed the distance between them, pulling him into a tight hug. The world seemed to fade away as Chan’s familiar warmth surrounded him, grounding him in the moment.

“That was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life,” Chan murmured against M/n’s hair. “I don’t like pretending I don’t know you.”

M/n pulled back just enough to look up at him, his brows furrowed. “It was just for a moment, we’re all good now”

Chan cupped M/n’s face in his hands, his thumbs brushing gently over his cheeks. “I know. I didn’t think it through, and I’m sorry. I just… wanted to see you. It’s been weeks, and when this opportunity came up, I couldn’t pass it up.”

M/n sighed, his irritation softening under Chan’s earnest gaze. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

Chan chuckled softly. “I’ve been told.”

For a moment, they stood there in the quiet garden, the distant hum of campus life fading into the background. Chan’s hands slid down to M/n’s shoulders, his touch light but grounding.

“I missed you,” Chan admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

M/n’s heart softened. He reached up, his hand resting over Chan’s on his shoulder. “I missed you too.”

Chan leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to M/n’s forehead, lingering there for a moment. “You’ve been on my mind every day,” he murmured. “I know this isn’t easy for you, but I’m grateful. For you, for us.”

M/n felt a lump rise in his throat. He tilted his head to meet Chan’s gaze, his lips twitching into a small smile. “Just… don’t surprise me like this again, okay?”

Chan grinned, his dimples showing even in the low light. “Promise. No more surprises.”

They shared a soft laugh, the tension melting away as the moment stretched between them. M/n felt a sense of calm wash over him, the chaos of the day fading into the background.

“Stay for a bit?” Chan asked, his voice hopeful.

M/n glanced toward the path leading back to the main campus, then back at Chan. “A little longer,” he said, his voice quiet but sure.

And for the first time that day, M/n allowed himself to relax, leaning into Chan’s embrace as the world outside the garden faded away. The peaceful silence of the garden was abruptly shattered by the sound of approaching voices. M/n froze, his heart skipping a beat as he recognized the unmistakable laughter of Minseo and Jiho.

“Didn’t you say you saw him come this way?” Jiho’s voice rang out, closer than M/n would have liked.

“I swear he’s hiding something,” Minseo replied. “He bolted like his ass was on fire.”

Chan tensed, his hands still on M/n’s shoulders. “Who is that?” he whispered.

“My friends,” M/n hissed, panic lacing his voice. He grabbed Chan’s arm, pulling him toward a thicker cluster of trees. “Hide!”

But before they could move far, Minseo’s sharp eyes caught them. “M/n? Is that you?”

M/n’s stomach dropped as both Minseo and Jiho rounded the corner of the garden path, their expressions shifting from confusion to wide-eyed shock.

“M/n,” Jiho started, his gaze flicking between M/n and the man standing too close to him. “Why does that guy look exactly like—”

“Bang Chan?!” Minseo practically shrieked, pointing an accusatory finger.

M/n’s brain short-circuited as he stood frozen, caught red-handed. Chan, to his credit, didn’t flinch. Instead, he straightened up and offered a sheepish smile.

“Uh, hi,” Chan said, scratching the back of his neck.

Jiho gawked at him, his jaw practically on the ground. “What the fuck is happening right now?!”

Minseo’s eyes narrowed, zeroing in on M/n. “You’ve been sneaking around with Bang Chan? THE Bang Chan?!”

“I—uh—” M/n stammered, his face burning.

“Wait, are you two like… dating?” Jiho asked, his voice a mix of disbelief and giddy excitement.

M/n opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He felt like a deer caught in headlights.

Chan stepped in, his voice calm and steady. “Yes. We are.”

Minseo’s jaw dropped. Jiho let out an audible gasp, covering his mouth like he’d just heard the juiciest gossip of the year.

“You mean to tell me,” Minseo started, her hands on her hips, “that you’ve been dating Bang Chan this whole time, and you didn’t say a damn word?”

“It’s complicated,” M/n mumbled, avoiding their gazes.

Jiho burst into laughter, startling everyone. “Complicated? That’s the understatement of the century! Dude, you’re dating a literal K-pop idol!”

Minseo, on the other hand, was still processing. “I’m just mad you didn’t tell us. We’re your best friends, M/n.”

“I couldn’t,” M/n said, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s not just my secret to tell.”

Minseo softened slightly, her expression shifting from anger to understanding. “I get it. But you should’ve trusted us.”

Chan stepped closer to M/n, his hand brushing against his arm in silent reassurance. “I asked him to keep it private,” he explained. “We’re trying to protect what we have. It’s not easy with my career.”

Jiho looked at them both, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “You know what? I ship it. Power couple vibes. But you owe us details, M/n.”

Minseo rolled her eyes but smiled. “Fine. But don’t think you’re off the hook. We’re having a long talk about this later.”

M/n exhaled in relief, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Thanks, guys.”

Minseo nodded. “Just… be careful. And Chan? You better treat him right.”

Chan grinned, his dimples on full display. “Always.”

The tension eased as the group exchanged a few more words, and M/n realized that while his secret was out, maybe it wasn’t the worst thing after all.

As Minseo and Jiho walked off, their voices fading into the distance, M/n let out a long, exasperated sigh, leaning against the tree. He covered his face with his hands, his ears still burning from embarrassment.

“That was awkward,” M/n muttered.

Chan chuckled softly, stepping closer and nudging M/n’s shoulder. “Awkward, sure, but your friends are pretty great.”

M/n peeked at him through his fingers. “Great? Jiho almost fainted, and Minseo was ready to kill me.”

Chan grinned, his dimples making a playful appearance. “Yeah, but they care about you. That much is obvious. And I like that about them.”

M/n lowered his hands, a reluctant smile creeping onto his face. “You’re just saying that because they didn’t hate your guts.”

“Maybe.” Chan’s voice softened, his eyes locking onto M/n’s. His expression shifted, the playful glint replaced with something deeper, more tender. “But seriously, they’re good people. And they love you.”

M/n felt his heart flutter under Chan’s gaze, the intensity of it making his stomach flip. He looked away, biting his lip to suppress a shy grin.

Chan tilted his head, stepping even closer until their faces were mere inches apart. His hand reached out, brushing a strand of hair from M/n’s forehead. “Well, since we don’t have to hide anymore…”

M/n barely had time to process the words before Chan leaned in, capturing his lips in a slow, deliberate kiss. Unlike before, this wasn’t rushed or frantic. It was deep and consuming, filled with all the emotions they’d had to suppress for so long.

Chan’s hands found M/n’s waist, pulling him closer, while M/n’s fingers instinctively gripped the front of Chan’s hoodie. The world around them melted away—the garden, the university, the lingering nerves—all replaced by the warmth of each other.

M/n sighed into the kiss, his body relaxing as he leaned into Chan. He felt the gentle pressure of Chan’s hands sliding up his back, holding him securely as if he never wanted to let go.

When they finally broke apart, both were slightly breathless, their foreheads resting together. Chan smiled, his thumb gently stroking M/n’s side. “I’ve been wanting to do that without worrying who’s watching.”

M/n laughed softly, his voice shaky but filled with warmth. “That’s gonna take some getting used to.”

Chan’s grin widened. “We’ll figure it out. Together.”

M/n nodded, his cheeks flushed but his heart full. “Together.”

They stood there for a moment longer, lost in their own little world, before the sound of distant chatter reminded them of where they were.

Chan smirked, taking M/n’s hand in his. “Come on. Let’s get out of here before your friends come back for round two.”

M/n rolled his eyes but didn’t let go of Chan’s hand, following him out of the garden with a newfound sense of freedom.

134 notes · View notes

tenebraevesper · 2 days ago

Text

With Light In My Heart, Entry 4: Fears To Fathom

''I will forge through smoke and steel, breaking free, but can I heal? The answer waits beyond the fire, a pyre built from my desire. What's the price for what I seek? A future grim, a heart too weak? The line I walk is burning clear, yet I press on, despite the fear.''

– Embers of the Abyss by ABOKAI Release (Sonic X Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings)

xXxXxXx

Sonic stretched his arms, shifting into a more comfortable position, placing his arms behind his head and relaxing. He was lying on the soft grass beneath a tree, enjoying the shade as he had taken a nap. Shadow was sitting next to him under the tree, arms folded across his chest and eyes closed, but unlike Sonic he remained alert.

They had been travelling for a few days now, having left the urban areas. Sonic, as usual, had no plan or goal on mind, telling Shadow to just enjoy the sights. Shadow, on the other hand, felt that they should at least know their destination, but he kept his thoughts to himself, reminding himself that Sonic was in charge of this adventure. So, when Sonic suggested to take a little nap, Shadow didn't really object, as he actually enjoyed the peace and quiet, even if he couldn't fully relax. He still felt that he need to remain vigilant in case something happened.

''Hey, Shadow, are you okay?''

Shadow blinked in surprise, glancing at Sonic who had turned his head to him, giving him a curious look. There was something about his gaze, something perceptive.

''I'm fine. Why are you asking?'' Shadow replied in his usual guarded tone.

''You seem to be a bit on edge, but that might just be how you carry yourself,'' Sonic replied, with Shadow furrowing a brow, wondering if Sonic was teasing him again or just making an observation. He didn't really get the time to respond as Sonic got up, stretching his arms again and looking ready to run off.

''I suppose you're done with your beauty sleep,'' Shadow said as he got up, with Sonic giving him a sheepish smile.

''Hey, it is the main reason why I always look so handsome,'' Sonic replied, intertwining his fingers as he did a few more stretches. ''Maybe you should also be taking naps to help you with your grumpiness.''

''I prefer to remain alert in case something happens,'' Shadow replied, arms still folded across his chest.

''As I said before, you're always on edge. Would it kill you to relax and take it easy for once?'' Sonic asked. ''You did great at Twinkle Park.''

''That was a different matter, and for your information, you taking things easy didn't always end up in your favour,'' Shadow reminded him. To his surprise, Sonic went silent for a moment as if reflecting on his words, but then shrugged it off.

''I suppose you're right about that. Still, you could allow yourself at least a little bit of unwinding,'' Sonic said, with the two starting to walk away from the tree.

''Actually, I did enjoy the peace and quiet while you had your nap,'' Shadow said, taking note of Sonic's smile, only for it to vanish when he added, ''At least until you started to talk.''

Sonic snorted. ''I'll take what I can get. How about we try to see where we end up next?''

''Because it's all about the journey and not about the destination,'' Shadow repeated the words he had already heard several times.

''Exactly!'' Sonic replied in a chipper tone, with two starting their run.

''I'd prefer if there was a bit more meaning to the journey then,'' Shadow said, skating alongside Sonic. The cobalt hedgehog hummed in thought.

''I guess I could add that to the itinerary,'' Sonic said, his answer catching Shadow off guard and leaving him baffled.

''You have an itinerary?!''

''Eh, not really…'' Sonic gave him a sheepish smile, scratching his chin. ''But, I'll keep it on mind. I want this journey to be as enjoyable for you as it's for me.''

Shadow sighed, having figured that this would be the case. He couldn't help but find it a bit amusing, noting how this was just typical for Sonic, as well as feeling a sense of warmth flicker in his chest. Even if he wasn't going admit it out loud, he did appreciate Sonic's attempts to look out for him. He knew that, despite his own hesitance to be emotionally open, Sonic cared deeply and was trying to show it in his own way. Sometimes, it irritated Shadow, and other times, he felt that there was something much deeper to Sonic's actions, but his rival was unable to properly explain himself. Shadow could understand that, as he wasn't exactly approachable either and he figured that Sonic may have also been frustrated by his own reserved demeanor. That was simply how they were, and Shadow doubted that anything could change that.

''What… happened here?''

Shadow's attention was drawn to the hilltop Sonic suddenly ran off to, with Shadow following him, only to be met with the same sight that left Sonic stunned. Below them was a small village, but something was wrong with it, as there were no people there, as if ti had been abandoned by its inhabitants. Shadow felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, a sense of dread spreading in his chest. He turned to Sonic, who was staring at the village in disbelief, still processing what he was seeing. He then quickly ran off without a word, with Shadow following him in silence.

''Hello?! Is anybody here?!'' Sonic put his hands into a funnel and shouted as loud as possible, hoping to find someone, anyone. Meanwhile, Shadow took a closer look at the houses, some of which had broken windows and doors, and even spotted one missing a wall. He furrowed a brow, aware that some kind of attack must've occurred and he sincerely doubted that there were any people here. Sonic turned to Shadow, looking rather perturbed by their find. ''Do you think that Eggman had attacked this place?''

''It is possible, but if that's the case, it couldn't have been a recent attack,'' Shadow replied, with Sonic giving him a confused look. ''Take a look around. It is impossible for nature to take over so fast.'' Sonic listened, his gaze falling upon the grass and weeds that were growing between the remnants of the houses. He knew that Shadow was right, but he still wanted answers. ''If I'd have to estimate, I'd say that it had been months since the attack had happened.'' Shadow started to walk, having spotted something in the tall grass, both him and Sonic feeling a chilling sensation flowing down their spines when he picked up a broken and dirty Wispon. Shadow continued, his tone calm despite the eerie sensation he felt, ''They had tried to fight back, but ultimately failed.''

''I don't understand. The Restoration would've helped them to rebuild…'' Sonic trailed off, starting to walk. It was quite disturbing to see a village being abandoned like this, as even during the worst of his attacks, once Eggman's Badniks had been scrapped, people would return and carry on with their lives.

''There may have been several reasons why this place had been abandoned. The inhabitants didn't want to return or couldn't return,'' Shadow said, his tone grave. ''Or, there was no one left to return and rebuild.''

Sonic suddenly felt cold, as if someone poured a bucket of icy water over him. He didn't even want to think about the implications of Shadow's assumption. He closed his eyes, shaking his head as he tried to rationalize the situation, trying to make himself believe that the people who left this village were safe and living somewhere else. He wished that he had been here to save them, but he knew that this wouldn't have been possible. He didn't know when or why the attack had happened, nor where he had been during the whole ordeal. Perhaps, there was no way for them to send out a call for help to the Restoration.

Shadow stared at Sonic, knowing that despite his attempts at trying to stay optimistic, his rival was unsettled by the whole situation. They had little to no information about what may have happened, but even if they did piece the whole story together, there as nothing they could do to help. Shadow distracted himself with his own search for more clues, wondering if this was even an Eggman attack. He could hardly imagine anyone else attacking a small village like this, but even then, this place held no significance. If the mad Doctor wanted to conquer something, he would've chosen a location that was more important.

Unless… Shadow lowered his gaze, aware that there were only two events that during which this village could've been abandoned, and neither of those held any pleasant memories. He lifted his head, walking towards one of the houses and peering inside. The windows and doors had been broken from the outside, as if someone had kicked them down. He knew from experience that Eggman's Badniks wouldn't bother with any of that, focusing on blasting their way through everything, leaving only destruction in their wake. This only left him with one option, and it wasn't better than the the other one.

''I might have an idea what could've happened to this place,'' Shadow said, with Sonic looking up at him, his expression a mix of hope and anxiety. ''To make it clear, this is pure speculation on my part and we will probably never learn what had really happened.''

''What is your theory?'' Sonic asked.

''There have been only two events in the past months when this village could've been attacked. My mind went first to the war against the Doctor and Infinite, since they had managed to take over 99% of Earth within months,'' Shadow explained, with Sonic's expression darkening.

He still remembered what things were like during the Eggman War, even though he was imprisoned for most of the time, joining his friends during the build-up to the final battle. He had only seen the aftermath of the devastation that Eggman and Infinite had caused, not knowing the true extent of it until the Resistance started to send people to cities and villages to aid them in fighting off the remains of the Eggman Army and rebuilding their homes.

''Unfortunately, this is only one possibility, as there was another event that could've had the same result,'' Shadow continued, his sharp gaze meeting Sonic's weary one. It took him a moment, his emerald eyes widened as it dawned upon him what Shadow was referring to.

''You mean, the Metal Virus,'' Sonic said in a quiet, if firm tone. Shadow nodded.

''The Zombots wouldn't have had a problem of damaging the village, breaking the doors and windows to get to the survivors and then just left searching for more victims. We know that many people had been displaced due to the Metal Virus, so it is possible that after that ordeal had ended, they decided against returning, finding a home somewhere else,'' Shadow continued.

''That's… That's possible,'' Sonic muttered. Even though this option was more acceptable, as Sonic knew that everyone who had been infected by the Metal Virus had been saved by him and Super Silver, it still left a bitter taste in his mouth. Both were silent for a moment, with Sonic's gaze falling on his own hands, a cold, clammy sensation returning and biting into his fingertips. He shook his head, trying to push the memory out of his head and shoot a half-hearted smile at Shadow. ''In any case, we should leave since there isn't any reason for us to stay here.''

Shadow nodded, following Sonic out of the village. He wasn't fooled by Sonic's smile or his nonchalance, aware that the cobalt hedgehog was bothered by what had happened, but he still pushed through regardless, deeming it as just another adventure. Shadow could understand why he wouldn't want to be reminded of those events, also hating to bring up things he wished to forget, but at the same time he knew that they owed each other a proper conversation. There had been so many things left unsaid between them, and even though Shadow had told Sonic that he regretted what he had told him during the Metal Virus Incident, he still felt that they needed to talk.

The issue was, neither of them were good with these kind of talks. It was one of the traits they shared, with Sonic hiding his emotions behind jokes and snarky comments, while Shadow would refuse to talk at all. However, the recent nightmares had reminded Shadow that, if he kept pushing away whatever emotional turmoil he was suffering from, it would come back to haunt him until he gave into his anger, and if that happened… Shadow knew how dangerous he could be when he was set loose.

Shadow and Sonic suddenly stopped, their ears perking when they heard the low rumbling of a thunder as dark clouds formed above them. They glanced at each other, with Sonic stating, ''We should find shelter.''

Shadow agreed, with both hurrying through the woods, both searching for a place to stay when they heard the roar of thunder above them, followed by a sudden downpour. ''Over here!''

Shadow pulled Sonic towards a hollow tree, managing to make it without getting drenched in the rainstorm. There was enough space for both of them, but they still had to sit close next to each other. Sonic sighed, staring at the rainstorm outside their shelter.

''I had no idea that it would get this bad,'' he said, leaning back. ''It was so nice earlier.''

''I suppose you should also add 'checking the weather' to your itinerary,'' Shadow remarked, causing Sonic to snort in amusement.

''I guess we're stuck here, for now,'' Sonic replied. Shadow hummed in agreement, with both falling silent for a moment, listening to the rain pouring outside their shelter. The dark hedgehog wondered if he should finally talk to Sonic about what had happened, but he still had some lingering doubts about bringing it up. Perhaps, he should move on rather than stay in the past.

''You were right.''

''What?''

Shadow gave Sonic a puzzled look, the cobalt hedgehog giving him a forced smile. ''The whole situation with the Metal Virus.'' Sonic gave Shadow a firm look. ''To make it clear, I don't regret giving Mr. Tinker another chance, but what happened afterwards…''

''It's not your fault.'' Sonic gave Shadow a look of surprise, having not expected to hear that. ''I meant it when I said that I regret what I had told you during the whole Metal Virus Incident.''

Sonic fell silent, unsure how to respond. He knew this conversation was long overdue, but he still felt awkward talking about it. ''I appreciate the apology… But, I know I should've done more to prevent Mr. Tinker from turning back into Dr. Eggman.''

''Rouge had told me about Dr. Starline in detail, and I don't believe that anyone could've predicted his involvement. If you still believe that it's your fault for what had happened, then I'm also at fault for just leaving without ensuring that nobody would come to search for him,'' Shadow said.

''You were the only one opposed to my decision to leave Mr. Tinker on his own,'' Sonic stated, still remembering their argument.

''I was, and after reflecting on that, I had realized that I was a complete fool,'' Shadow said, only to hear a soft chuckle coming from Sonic.

''Woah, didn't expect you to admit that,'' Sonic said, meeting Shadow's deadpan gaze. ''Still, I guess I could've handled it better.''

''I don't think you should've been the sole person to carry the burden of deciding what to do with the Doctor, even if he was completely harmless at the time,'' Shadow said.

''The Chaotix and Rouge knew that I've been dealing with Eggman for far longer than anyone else, so I understand why they asked me to make the final decision,'' Sonic replied. ''I don't know how things would've turned out if it weren't for Starline, but something is telling me that Eggman would've returned regardless.''

''I suppose that's something we can agree on,'' Shadow said, both falling silent for a moment, only for the dark hedgehog to add in a quiet tone, ''You didn't deserve to get infected. Not to mention, I made things worse due to my own arrogance, believing that just because I was the Ultimate Lifeform, that I was immune to the Metal Virus.''

''You did last for a while, didn't you?'' Sonic noted. Shadow nodded.

''I did, but it didn't matter because I refused to listen to you or to Rouge. You tried to warn me, and I just ignored you. If I hadn't, maybe I could've somehow helped you fight off the Zombots,'' he continued.

''Honestly, I don't know how much you would've been able to do even if you managed to keep the infection at bay,'' Sonic replied, his eye-lids lowering as he sighed. ''I had so many close calls because I tried to help people, only to forget that I'd be hurting them by touching them. I barely slept because I had keep on running to prevent the Metal Virus from spreading, and fighting the Zombots didn't help. I kept thinking about what you had told me, and even got a reminder later on from Espio that I was responsible for everything. I also ended up running into Eggman and Starline, and I was willing to leave them at the mercy of the Zombots.'' Sonic frowned, lowering his head and rubbing his temple. ''I was so exhausted that I couldn't think clearly anymore, and all I could do was to watch innocent people fall victim to the virus, including my own friends, and that doesn't even include the whole mess with the Deadly Six and them taking the Chaos Emeralds. Thinking back to it, one mistake could've cost us everything, even if Silver and I had managed to save everyone.''

''We both made mistakes that almost cost us everything,'' Shadow muttered, his eyes narrowing. ''I had also let someone go who later on became a world-threatening terror and helped Eggman to enslaved the world for months.''

''You mean, Infinite?'' Sonic said, with Shadow nodding. ''Is that why you were so adamant about eliminating Eggman when became Mr. Tinker, as well as Starline at White Park?''

Shadow didn't answer, but that was enough of a confirmation for Sonic. Instead of answering Sonic's question, Shadow responded, ''I have witnessed the brutality of Infinite's actions first hand and I have watched you fixing my mistake. In the aftermath, all I could think about was to ensure that someone like Infinite wouldn't rise again. I had a lot to make up for.''

''That would explain why you'd grown more rasher, prideful and violent than you were previously,'' Sonic said, with Shadow lowering his head in guilt, his ears pinning back. ''But, you're still the Shadow I know.'' Shadow gave Sonic a look of surprise, a bit puzzled by the response, with Sonic adding, ''You might not be the most approachable guy, but I know that you care deeply.'' He noticed Shadow raising an eyebrow, causing Sonic to chuckle lightly. ''I mean it. If you didn't care, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now and instead probably fighting.''

''I'm surprised that we're even having this conversation instead of completely avoiding the matter,'' Shadow said.

''Well, I did say that this was kinda long overdue and that I want to talk to you more openly. It's something I picked up back on Starfall Islands by talking to Amy, Knuckles and Tails. I had figured that you should be next on my list,'' Sonic replied, giving Shadow a warm smile. ''I actually feel better after this. What about you?''

''I… I don't feel the same burden as before,'' Shadow replied, only for Sonic to playfully elbow him.

''Hey, that's behind us now, isn't it?'' Sonic tried to cheer him up. Shadow nodded, having to admit that Sonic was right. At least he could leave this part of his past behind and focus on the present… right?

Shadow sighed, aware that it wouldn't be that easy. In fact, he knew that he lost himself once again, despite his own promise to move on and fight without any anger in his heart. He felt like he failed himself and he failed everyone else… Maria especially. He had made this promise to her and to himself, and he couldn't keep it.

''Shadow?''

Both Sonic and Shadow were startled by the sudden roar of thunder, sounding more like an explosion. The two hedgehogs exchanged glances of concern, with Sonic adding anxiously, ''Let's hope that we picked a good shelter.''

''I could use Chaos Control in case something happens,'' Shadow pointed out, with Sonic nodding in response. Shadow then gave him a curious look. ''You wanted to ask me something.''

''Yeah, um… It's a bit difficult to explain…'' Sonic said, fidgeting. Truth to be told, it was rare for him to be so openly vulnerable around another person. Even when he felt despair gripping him in a deathly embrace, he simply refused to show any hopelessness or anguish, keeping on smiling regardless of the pain. His adventure on Starfall Islands was a show of his unbreakable will, having endured the cyber corruption long enough to save Amy, Knuckles and Tails… Sonic's ears suddenly drooped when he was reminded that the cyber corruption also left him at his most vulnerable. He closed his eyes, pressing his hands against his temples as a familiar jolt of pain spread through his body. He knew it was just in his mind, but that didn't make it hurt less.

''Sonic-''

Sonic suddenly opened his eyes when he felt a hand on his shoulder and a gentle voice calling out for him. He turned his head towards Shadow, who appeared to be equally surprised that he actually reached for Sonic in order to comfort him. The last time Shadow attempted to reach out for Sonic like this, it was in an attempt to console the grieving hedgehog as the entirety of Green Hill decayed around them. He never succeeded due to his own reluctance, but he got more opportunities later on. However, he had no reservations this time, gripping Sonic's shoulder firmly and giving him a considerate look.

''If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to,'' Shadow told him. He knew all too well that talking so openly wasn't easy for either of them, and he wasn't going to push Sonic unnecessarily into something he wasn't comfortable with. Sonic shook his head.

''It's fine. I just lost myself a bit thinking about something else…'' Sonic replied, giving him an assuring smile, but Shadow didn't buy it. He knew there was something on Sonic's mind that was clearly bothering him and nothing that his rival said could fool him. To his surprise, Sonic turned his head towards him, his gaze rather melancholic, but he still smiled, trying to hide how he really felt. ''The truth is, when you brought up the Metal Virus, I was reminded of something that I sincerely hope will never happen again.'' Sonic narrowed his eyes, staring ahead, his voice now firm. ''That I would be too slow to save anyone.''

''That is a reasonable fear to have,'' Shadow said, his response surprising Sonic. Sonic then smiled sheepishly, scratching his cheek.

''Reasonable, maybe? But, it's also kind of stupid… You know what, just forget that I said anything,'' Sonic said, trying to move on from the topic.

''I don't believe that it is stupid,'' Shadow responded, lowering his hand and folding his arms across his chest. ''After all, you said that you hope it won't happen again. That would mean that you failed to save someone.''

''I…'' Sonic's eyes widened upon hearing this, and he lowered his gaze as he fell silent again. ''It's something I keep thinking about every now and then…''

''You don't have to say anything. I understand,'' Shadow told him, his tone even. Even if the dark hedgehog didn't know the details, he understood well how it felt to fail to save someone. He was the Ultimate Lifeform, perhaps the most powerful being in the universe, and despite all of that power, he couldn't save the only person he cared about. The pain he felt still lingered, breaching from time to time no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. Even if he had gotten some closure when he met Maria once again in the White Space, he knew that his regrets and the ache in his heart would never go away.

''It's not a big deal, really…'' Sonic protested, but he didn't sound too convinced in his own argument.

He knew that nothing he went through could compare to what Shadow had to deal with, but Shadow clearly didn't share the same sentiment. Still, he didn't question him further about it, which Sonic was thankful for. It was a lot to process for both of them and despite appreciating the conversation, Sonic felt emotionally drained, certain that Shadow felt the same. Part of him wanted to move on from this conversation, to bounce back as he usually would, but he found himself unable to do that. He could put up a brave face for his own friends to assure them that everything would be fine, but he couldn't do the same for himself.

Instead, he remained silent, listening to the downpour outside of their shelter. In a way, the sound of the constant rain was quite calming, allowing him to ease his nerves. It reminded him of the days he would spend at home relaxing and reading books. He hummed in thought, muttering, ''Maybe we should go find a library next…''

Shadow rose an eyebrow upon hearing that. ''Why would you want to go to a library?''

''Uh, heh, did I say that out loud?'' Sonic was startled, giving Shadow a sheepish smile. Shadow nodded. ''I was just thinking how I'd usually read books on rainy days. Something to distract me when there's nothing to do.'' Sonic gave him a curious look. ''Do you have any hobbies? I mean, there has to be something else you do besides brooding.''

''I don't brood,'' Shadow responded in a slightly irked tone, but Sonic didn't buy that. ''If you have to know, I also read in my free time…''

''So the Ultimate Lifeform is a bookworm!'' Sonic said excitedly. ''Yeah, now we definitely have to visit a library. You could show me what kind of books you like to read and I could recommend you my favorites.''

''I had told you before, you're the guide…'' Shadow started, only to get interrupted by Sonic.

''Yeah, and I also want you to enjoy yourself,'' Sonic told him firmly. Shadow took note of Sonic's resolute gaze, realizing that Sonic won't back down and relenting.

''Fine. Do you have any specific location on mind?'' Shadow asked.

''In fact, I do. But, it might take us some time to get there,'' Sonic said, a grin forming on his lips. ''Or, we could use the Chaos Emerald.''

Shadow reached for the green Chaos Emerald hidden in his quills, holding it up. ''Where are we going next?'' Sonic told him, with Shadow expressing interest upon hearing the name of their next destination. ''I can get us there. Are you ready?''

''Dude, I was born ready!'' Sonic said, clenching his fist as he gave Shadow a confident look. Both got up, with Shadow holding the Chaos Emerald.

''Chaos Control!''

Links:

#Previous Chapter

#Current Chapter

#Next Chapter

#With Light In My Heart (Masterlist)

#With Light In My Heart #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #idw sonic #sonic x shadow generations #sonic frontiers #sonic forces #sonadow #Merry Christmas!

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sparks-and-smoke · 2 hours ago

Note

Hello! Could I get a fic about Bucky accidentally finding the reader’s Christmas gifts to him? Maybe he tries (and fails) to act surprised?

Thank you (ps I know it’s after Christmas, sue me)

Aww~ I don't care that it's too late for the holidays. It's cute! Merry Christmas (belated)

Characters/Pairings: Bucky x reader (code name honey)

Content/Warnings: none it’s just goofy holiday fluff

Author Note: merry late Christmas, this may or may not be loosely based in the Fate Stone AU I have brewing. (which since you are my beta reader ;) you already know about it.)

You are a notoriously bad gift giver, Bucky had been warned many times. He didn’t really care. As long as it came from the heart it couldn’t possibly be that bad. He could put up with socks or a cheesy mug as long as it came from you. But this was worse, so much worse.

“Sam, I don't even know what to do with it.” Bucky rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands, confiding in the only other person he knew that wouldn’t immediately tell Honey. “Can I be honest here, it’s hideous.”

Sam was keeping a pretty good poker face over his mug poker but the situation was undeniably funny. “It can’t possibly be that bad.” But Bucky’s mortified face said it all. “Why were you spying on her gift away?”

“I didn’t mean too! Necessarily. She hid it in the bottom of the closet, man. She didn’t even hide it well... I’m a spy, I notice things. Plus it was pretty hard to miss.” The blanket had been tucked away in the back of the walk-in closet under a few other things. But the obnoxious colors of the corner peeking out from under the folded jeans had caught his eyes. They didn’t own anything in orange. Anything.

His honey had gotten him a blanket, which would normally have been so very sweet seeing how Bucky hated being cold, but it wasn’t just a blanket. It was one of those viral blankets, the ones that are loosely based on 70’s rock band merch with lighting and thunder clouds rolling in the background. It’s featured pictures of Alpine, every goofy spastic picture of the cat that his girl could find with her name in the boldest font Bucky had ever seen. Honestly it hurt his eyes, and as Bucky went about describing it to Sam the other man damn near fell out of his chair.

“That is perfect. No really I think she might be a genius. I’m gonna need a video of you opening that one.” Sam goaded.

“You're not helping.” Bucky growls, guilt twisting in his guts like a worm, but Sam was too busy laughing to try and give a shit. “How am I gonna act surprised now? Let alone be excited?”

“I don’t dude, I guess you need to start taking an acting class.” Sam wiped the tears from his eyes.

~~~~

Bucky watched with crinkled eyes as you opened your gifts from him. A nice wool winter coat because all you owned was a puffer, and while it was adorable on you and always kept you warm you always said you wanted something dressier for date night. And in your stocking an assortment of your favorite treats, skin care you were low on, and that perfume that you had been drooling over since October but always talked yourself out of because of the price tag. Bucky had been making a list since your birthday, keeping tabs on what you lingered on in stores and what you sighed at as you scrolled. He knew his girl and he knew her well. And the way you lit up with every item told him he hit it out of the park.

“Do you like it Honey?” he asked, his chin propped on his hand. His face couldn’t have been softer or voice more full of love as he watched you glow with joy.

“I love it. How did you even know what eye cream I use?”

“It wasn't that hard doll.” Bucky laughed, it sits in a clear box on your vanity of course he knows.

“Here! Open yours.” You hand him his stocking and the present wrapped in pretty silver paper, looking so excited you may vibrate across the floor. He plastered on his best game face as his stomach did a little flip. Do not ruin this for her Barnes.

He starts with the stocking. Pulling out body wash and a cologne scented with that smoky bourbon and apple scent you were fond of, along with a small batch roasted coffee and some new gloves. So far so good, and he made sure to kiss you. “I love it honey.”

“Yeah, but you haven’t opened your big one.” you say with a twinkle in your eyes that makes him wanna melt into the floor. Should he tell her, confess he saw it? Risk it and pretend he loves it?

“You’re right I haven’t.” he corrects himself with a smile picking up the package. It was instantly heavier than he remembered and as he tears open the package he has a brief (very guilty) moment of hoping that maybe he was wrong…

But no there it is. That hideous blanket that he knows instantly from the look on your face he is gonna end up snuggling under for the rest of time just to see you smile the way you are right in this moment. He opened his mouth to tell you thanks as genuinely as he could muster but honey was already biting her bottom lip. A fit of giggles falling out of her. “You already saw it didn’t you!” she managed to get out between chitters.

“What?! No- I…”

A pillow from the couch flew at his head. “I knew you would. You little sneak, you do this every year!” Honey chastised as Bucky dodged another swing with the pillow.

“Hey! Whoa!” Bucky's arms go up in a weak attempt at blocking her little onslaught. “I didn’t mean too!”

“Bullshit James Buchanan!” thump, a hit to his ribs. “You did it on your birthday.” Whack, a bump to the top of his head. “You somehow sniffed out the tickets I bought to Coney Island.” one more swing but this time Bucky caught the pillow, pulling you into his lap with it.

“I did not do it on purpose!” he defended, but he was beaming. Eyes crinkling in the corner as she glared playfully. “I didn’t!”

“Yeah, you just somehow stumbled upon the blanket I hid under the laundry in the back of our closet.”

“I was looking for my coat!”

“On the ground?”

Bucky was caught, because yes he had been looking. He always did. The man couldn’t help it, he always was just too curious. “Yea, I thought so you little rat! Do you like it?” she asks earnestly. And Bucky feels that gnawing feeling again, trying not to let it show on his face.

“It’s… super fluffy.” he tries to deflect, hating to lie to honey, but her face is already breaking into a grin. What the hell?

“You hate it.” she beams. “It’s hideous huh?”

Bucky frowns, slouching back in his chair. Did she want him to hate it. “Uh, yeah it is..”

“Good thing it’s not your actual present huh.”

Bucky's eyes narrow. “You little-” She did this on purpose, hid the most outrageous thing she could find just to punish him for spoiling presents. Clever girl. Weeks of fretting over how he was gonna pull this off and SHE KNEW THE WHOLE TIME. With a giggle honey climbs off his lap and back behind the couch, pulling out a slim package from the cavern behind, and Bucky’s face nearly splits in half.

“Here. Merry Christmas.” She offers him the parcel with a kiss, sitting in his lap as he unwraps it, and he feels his heart flutter a little. It’s a scrapbook. Full of pictures of him, her, Alpine and their friends. Taken by everyone who has known them the last few years. There isn’t a lot, he doesn’t like taking pictures, preferring to take them. So she must have scoured their friends' phones to find all of these and Bucky can feel tear picking the backs of his eyes. Good tears.

“Thank you Honey. I love it. I love you…”

#voice-of-velhart #bucky barnes #avengers #marvel #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #winter soldier #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #Sparks picks up

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wildflowerwoodsworld · 16 hours ago

Text

Wild's Black Clover Fic Recs

I did have one list, but Tumblr wouldn't let me post is all as one, so stay tuned for Part Two with more shippy fics

So, I've seen a lot of these floating around over the years and they all seem to have the same dozen fics on them, so I want to try and highlight some of the lesser known fics in this fandom I love alongside some of the more well-known ones. (Note: I have done my best to avoid reccing more than three/four fics by the same person to make sure plenty of authors make it onto the list, not just the popular ones)

This is not just my tastes, I have asked a lot of other people in this fandom for their own fic recs to compile into this list.

Disclaimer: despite my best attempts to be unbiased with this list, I'm human. There are some amazing fics that I haven't personally read bc they contain my NOTPs or tags I don't like or they just squick me out. This is not a complete list of fics in the fandom you should read. This is a list of fics I, and my friends, like.

I will also not be including any purely smut fics on this list.

Wordcounts have been rounded to the nearest 1000 words. They might be slightly longer or slightly shorter than the wordcount listed.

With that being said, let's get into it!

Gen Bulls-Centric Fics

I'm going to preface this entry with the statement that I was not intending to put any of my own fics on this list. Then I had several people tell me that I needed to include this. So here it is.

Crytpid Black Bulls (Series) by WildflowerWoods

Rating: T Ships: Gen Black Bulls Length: 130k The Black Bulls are the cryptids of the Clover Kingdom. AKA a series of short stories about the Black Bulls and everyone else coming to realise just how crazy they are. Not in chronological order.

Small Problems by eclipsingbinary

(I would also reccomend the series this fic is attatched to)

Rating: T Ships: Gen Black Bulls Length: 52k Yami sends out four of his magic knights to investigate a well explored dungeon. Three of them come back a little different. The story of Yami's adventures in unexpected fatherhood, Asta's sudden promotion to 'not the youngest member of the squad anymore' and Vanessa's new talents in children's toy manufacture. Also featuring unpleasant realisations, child endangerment and a hefty dose of making things better with cuddles and pancakes.

hearts can break, but can also be mended by Katcchan

Rating: G Ships: Yami & Finral, Black Bulls & Finral Length: 3k A few days after the Royal Knights Selection Exam, Finral wakes up to Yami talking to William and his brother, Langris. Finral + Yami/Black Bulls hurt/comfort fic!

love, i've lost a screw or two, so could i snag a spare off you? by JadeGM

Rating: G Ships: Yami & Everyone Length: 2k After the final battle against the Dark Triad, the Black Bulls all want to make sure their captain's okay - and they're not the only ones.

Found My Heart and Broke It Here by JadeGM

Rating: M Ships: Luck & Magna, Luck & Vanessa Length: 5k Being bodysnatched via forbidden magic isn't a pleasant sensation for anyone, but it works out especially badly in combination with Luck's natural mana sensitivity. There will be hugs at the end, just as in canon.

The Place I Call Home by Oighear

Rating: G Ships: Gen Black Bulls Length: 3k Day 8: Free prompt- Home How the Black Bulls made their base and their squad their home.

A Bird in the Rain by Acacia_May

Rating: T Ships: Finral & Yami & Vanessa & Gordon Length: 2k If Captain Yami is being honest, he doesn't know what to make of the poor girl who followed him home from the Forest of Witches and who, for some unfathomable reason, still hasn't left yet. When the Black Bulls get caught in a torrential downpour in the middle of nowhere, however, he gets to see a completely new side of her and a new side of his squad as well. Maybe she belongs with them after all. Pre-Series Black Bulls Family Fluff and Fluffy Team Bonding. This is all about the love of a found family and friendship. I guess if you really wanted to see some of the relationships as romantic you could(?), but this is not a romantic work (beyond just the tiniest bit of Finral being Finral, I guess haha). This story takes place before "Yellow Flowers," but you don't have to read that story in order to understand this one. Rating is for some language. Thank you for reading! Cheers!!

Spin the Wheel by Cyrooo

Rating: G Ships: Gen Black Bulls boys Length: 1k Day Two: Competition In which eight black bulls members play Twister under the watchful eyes of their captain and vice captain and it's as horrible as it sounds, really.

Let Us Be Stars (ongoing) by Teleportation_Magic

Rating: Not Rated Ships: Asta & Noelle Length: 7k Her legs were shaking. Asta was somewhere, ahead of her, sword in hand and a sort of never-ending conviction in his heart. She couldn’t match that, shouldn’t have tried, really, since she was going to end up dead now. And then the sky lights up. Or, Noelle and Asta find themselves in the Purple Orcas with enemies on all sides and a corrupt Captain. However, their fate is still inextricably tied to the squad of criminals as their enemies gather and pounce.

Fortune Favours the Bold by BeamMeUpCas

Rating: G Ships: Asta & Yuno, Yami & Finral, Asta & Finral Length: 21k A few months after the Eye of the Midnight Sun attacked the capital, rebuilding efforts are still ongoing. The Diamond Kingdom capitalizes on this opportunity, threatening the borderlands. The Black Bulls, amongst others, are sent to quell the insurgence. But when a lucky strike leaves Asta badly hurt, Finral, Yami, and Yuno need to do the unthinkable to keep their friend alive.

Hunted by eclipsingbinary, finralroulacoolsa

Rating: T Ships: Finral & Magna Length: 100k Liliane Vaude stands at a crossroads in her garden. In one universe she turns right. In another, she turns left and finds her son and stepson chatting together instead of doing lessons. She knows now that Finral is holding Langris back. They need to get Finral out of the house before he corrupts Langris with his idleness. That Magic Knight they met at Gueldre’s party was interested in spatial magic. He might be convinced to take Finral away to mentor him in the city. Six years later, Magna Swing is trying to improve his magic after failing the Magic Knight entrance exam. He is cold, wet, and hungry. Surely one night in a warm basement is not going to do any harm. He is not expecting what, or who he finds.

New Squad-mate, Who Dis? by ZirconiumDragon

Rating: T Ships: Finral & Zora & Asta Length: 2k Finral wakes up to find that his squad suddenly has a new member.

Fears, Insomnia, White Wine, and Hugs by unfortunately_i_love_it

Rating: T Ships: Finral & Vanessa Length: 5k No. No, he can’t. He can’t. This... This is already so stupid. So stupid of his thoughts and so stupid of him for letting the thoughts get to him like this. He couldn’t tell her what was wrong. He couldn’t tell her what was wrong because there was nothing wrong. It was fine. He was fine. He’s just overreacting. He’s just being stupid. He’s just being- “-pathetic.” Or: Vanessa comforts Finral after a rough bout of un-gucci thoughts following a rough battle.

Crazy Trust Thing by eclipsingbinary

Rating: T Ships: Finral & Yami & Vanessa Length: 24k The Black Bulls are given an undercover mission to take down mage-traffickers on the border. It sounds dangerous to Finral, but anything is better than being in the Capital when his family arrives for Langris’s Magic Knight Exam. Yami would just like his ride to come off the roof. Featuring hurt Finral, lots of comfort, finding a family and finding a home. Also known as “the story of why Captain Yami never asks Finral to ‘push past his limits’ when he says he cannot make a portal.”

The sides of Finral (Vaude) Roulacase by Lacris03

Rating: T Ships: Finral & The Black Bulls, Finral & Langris Length: 14k Finral is known to be a happy-go-lucky member of the Black Bulls. But everyone has more than one side to them. Finral is no different. The series of one-shots will mainly focus on the various sides to one Finral Roulacase and how it changes everything yet nothing at the same time.

It's Okay. We'll Just Keep Finding Ourselves by ZirconiumDragon

Rating: G Ships: Finral & The Black Bulls Length: 19k 5 Times Finral helped his squadmates. And one time he was helped in return. (Or maybe he was really being helped all along.) Alternatively: The Black Bulls are a family. And Finral is the mom friend.

Lumiereward by Cyrooo

Rating: G Ships: Nero & Lumiere, Nero & the Black Bulls Length: 1k Nero misses home. (Always). OR: Nero is a compass and Lumiere is her north.

faith bleeds through the cracks by TellNearaToWrite

Rating: T Ships: Finral & Yami Length: 8k Yami knew three things. First, that being a squad captain was shaping up to be a lot like fatherhood, and second, he was definitely not cut out for that shit. Third. Well. Julius had a lot to answer for, that was for sure. The least he could do was help a bit.

Why Asta (and Liebe) are Banned From the Kitchen by bluemeanies

Rating: G Ships: Asta & Liebe Length: 2k After Yami's katana becomes Demon Slicer and joins Asta's grimoire, Asta and Liebe start looking for other things that could be good anti-magic weapons. Liebe might be taking the concept a little too far.

Flower Crowns by AngelicCharizard

Rating: G Ships: Asta & Liebe Length: 1k During an off day, Asta decides it's a great idea to bring a devil to a church

Gen Not Bulls-Centric Fics

Think about it (Series) by thoughtfullyrainynightmare

Rating: G Ships: none Length: 6k This is a collection of short drabbles that exist to give insight to the canon characters presented in Black Clover from my personal perspective. This is about how I see them

What you sow by Willows_Bend (Katy_Stark)

Rating: G Ships: Jack & Charlotte & Yami Length: 1k Jack didn't know what to expect when he walked into their shared apartment living room. Yami glaring at a tiny plant in a pot while trying to navigate the language of botany was not one of them.

Black Clover: Captain Yami's Rescuers by YenGirl

Rating: Not Rated Ships: Yami & Jack, Yami & Charlotte Length: 1k While in captivity, Captain Yami ponders the age old question of who will rescue him and William Vangeance.

What Yami Saw by BeamMeUpCas

Rating: G Ships: Yami & Nozel Length: 8k Nozel needs a favor. Yami will maybe not hold it over his head for all eternity but he'll take great delight in letting Nozel think he will.

Ten-year Rendezvous by khanh

Rating: G Ships: William & Damnatio Length: 3k William and Damnatio went out drinking once every year.

Life goes on by teaxtime

Rating: Not Rated Ships: Yuno & Belle Length: 1k Bell had lived a long time, and will be around for even longer. (Somewhat of a character study)

The Misadventures of Morning and Darkness (Series) by BBRosenfeld

Rating: G Ships: Yami & Morgen, Yami & Nacht Length: 11k Morgen and Yami are Magic Knights from the Grey Deers squad, and most unlikely of friends. However, they were as efficient as they were opposites of each other. Follow our two besties on their path towards knighthoods, in a fanfic that explores the sinfully unexplored potential of Morgen and Yami's shenanigans as Magic Knights!

Prince Sekke by Oighear

Rating: G Ships: Silva Family Length: 6k The equilibrium between the three royal families in the Clover Kingdom was fragile. If most royals believed their own House deserved to stand alone in power, they refrained from stating these thoughts and acknowledged that the other two Houses were necessary in maintaining the perfect system they had crafted. This cordial understanding was however put in great danger when none other than King Augustus Kira Clover XIII decided to make Sekke Bronzazza a prince.

When the sun sets by khanh

Rating: G Ships: William & the Golden Dawn Length: 1k On the night Zenon captured William, the Golden Dawn has an argument. “Captain Vangeance used everything he has to save us all!” “And he shouldn’t have!! What is the use of us?!”

Follow That Dream by IAmStoryteller

Rating: M Ships: Kirsch & Dorothy Length: 6k It never occurred to anyone to question how Dorothy Unsworth, a whimsical witch, earned the trust and loyalty of Kirsch Vermillion, the narcissistic, arrogant royal.

baking dawn by saikiks (jakubox)

Rating: G Ships: Langris & the Golden Dawn Length: 1k in which langris finds himself in a happy, chaotic mess.

playing pretend by November_Clouds

Rating: T Ships: Yami & William Length: 1k When Yami Finrally comes to, all he can see is darkness. day 1: waking up restrained + shackled manga spoilers!

Lay Beside Me, Under Wicked Sky by AvaCelt

Rating: G Ships: Silva Family Length: 2k Noelle leaves, and the chips fall where they do. [Silva family!fic, post-canon]

Sunset by Lanternova

Rating: G Ships: Finral & Langris Length: 2k Before leaving on his journey, Langris and Finral talk.

birdcage by dollyfish

Rating: G Ships: Finral & Langris Length: 1k here’s gold, here’s flesh, here’s a person with two eyes like a bright, vast galaxy. you’ve never even believed in eyes so honest, and you’re thirteen, you ought to have some proper experience with the world outside the mansion. but you’re also a Vaude, and you don’t. you’re facing another Vaude, and you think- just a flicker, but it’s there- you think he pities you.

Artifice by subtleassiduities

Rating: T Ships: Silva Family Length: 31k When a retrieval mission traps Nozel with a dangerous and powerful artifact, Nebra and Solid struggle to find help before time runs out for him. But their attempts are thwarted by a widespread, rapidly progressing phenomenon: Everybody in the Clover Kingdom is forgetting about Nozel Silva. Their only choice is to depend on one another-- and Noelle, the only other person who can hold onto a memory of their dear brother. Their rescue mission forces them to face their own memories, twisted against them in ways they may not be able to overcome. TL;DR: You ever see Pokemon 3: The Movie? It's kind of like that, but better.

That One Time When Julius Was Late by wintermelon_soldier

Rating: G Ships: Julius & the Captains Length: 1k "We're late... again," Marx said with a worried expression. "Don't worry, Marx. I'm sure everything is just f-" The Magic Emperor pushed both doors open hoping to greet the Captains only to be welcomed by a vast wasteland. The conference room where it once stood is replaced by a large, empty landmass with no trees or building in sight. "W-what in the world is happening?" Marx cried at his mentor.

Ghosts by IAmStoryteller

Rating: T Ships: Julius & Everyone Length: 3k Julius has a bit of a secret. He can see ghosts of his dear departed friends.

OC Centric Fics

Paper Hearts (Ongoing) by KaLolasFantasyWorld

Rating: M Ships: Nozel/OC Length: 270k Helena Drazel is a twenty five year old Royal from Diamond Kingdom. She's a charming and cheerful woman, ready to leave the sheltered embrace of her family's estate. Her mother previously a Clover citizen and an old friend of late Acier Silva, gets her daughter an invitation to study healing magic in the Capital. Because of that friendship Helena is placed under the care of Royal House of Silva. However the siblings, especially the eldest Nozel, are not so fond of her at the beginning. You don't have to know the Black Clover story to read this. I'll be the explaining the world as the story progresses. It will be happening throughout the main events of the whole Black Clover animated series starting from the beginning (episodes 5 - 170), but I will describe them from Helena's perspective. This is a romance, but also a Silva family redemption story and a long slow burn, with many platonic relationships and BC characters appearances. It's canon plus meanwhile... Other ships will appear later in the story. There are some illustrations ;) I will include notes about possible anime spoilers. Prepare yourself for lots of laughter, drama, spanglish, angst and sexual tension. Enjoy <3

Embers of Sun and Flame by thoughtfullyrainynightmare

Rating: M Ships: Fuegoleon/OC Length: 243k This is a love story that unfolds during troubling times. Clover Kingdom facing threats from all around, but still two souls battle to merge themselves into one. Though it is not easy, especially given that one of them is not from Clover herself. But will their efforts be enough? Will their tender emotions burst into flames or shall the faintly flickering embers dim down and die out in the ashes? Read to find out ;) The story continues in "Embers of Sun and Flame: Before We Have It"

Children of the Future by LightNova

Rating: T Ships: Next Gen kids & their parents, YamiChar, Greyche, Zobra, Fuegoleon/OC, FinVan, William/OC, Julius/OC, Astelle, Yuno/OC Length: 105k When Yami and Charlotte had been summoned to see the Wizard king they had not been expecting to find out they had a 19 year old daughter from the future! Nor had they been expecting even more children from the future to appear in their world shortly after her. Just what was going on, and who was sending them here and why?

#black clover #fic rec list #fic recs

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