#as the hours pass by i can feel my heart rate increase

[footballandshit]

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[gghostwriter]

Hey can I request something? Maybe something where Spencer comes home to find his partner passed out on the bathroom floor?? Perhaps due to a hot prolonged shower? No serious ailments just a little bump on the head and a worried spencer hehe. Thank you!!! I love your work!!

Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader Trope: Established Relationship; Fluff! Just fluff Warning: Medical inaccuracies A/N: This is a little bit shorter than my first request but still cute nonetheless. Hope you like it anon! Main masterlist

Blackout. // Spencer Reid

It was late into the night—10:30pm, to be exact, when Spencer arrived back home from a case in Dallas. The team had spent four grueling days catching the unsub and sleeping in highly questionable hygienic motels. The thought of the stale smell of cigarettes and grimy countertops made him shudder. All he wanted to do now was take a deep shower, kiss and cuddle with you, and crash into a deep sleep. 

He entered the threshold quietly, knowing your on-call schedule at the hospital for the whole month was taxing. He expected you to be passed out on the bed—dreaming of sunshine and rainbows but imagine his surprise when he noted the bathroom light open and the door slightly ajar. 

“Y/N, sweetheart, I’m home,” he called out. 

A muffled groan answered his call. 

That alarmed him enough to drop his satchel and coat on the floor, feet clad in mismatched socks sliding across the wooden floor. The sight of you sitting on the bathroom floor, back against the wall, stopped his heart from beating—thirty second full stop—before it started beating again at twice the normal speed. 

“Y/N. Are you alright—“ he bent down to peer into your fluttering eyelids. “—did you hit your head? Is your vision blurry? What—” 

You raised your hand to stop his spiraling. “I felt faint from the heat, Spence. That’s all.”

His eyes widened in alarm as he tried to spot any external injuries. “Did you faint? Are you sure you didn’t hit your head?”

You shook your head, causing him to gasp with worry. 

“Don’t shake your head! Sudden movement can stretch and further damage brain tissues—we should, we should get you to the hospital!” His voice cracking at the end.

“No hospital, I’m alright Spence. I sat down when I felt dizzy so no head injury to worry about,” you smiled, taking in your boyfriend’s fussy hands, touching your face and head, and his face showcasing a variety of looks, all painting worry. “Plus, I’m a doctor. Pretty sure, I know what I’m talking about.” 

He sighed. “I’m a doctor, too, and your boyfriend, I have every right to worry.” Wrapping his arms around your waist, he brought you up to a stand. “Lean on me, let’s get you to bed.”

You hobbled to bed where Spencer fussed to situate you in. Having spent all your working hours doing the opposite, it was amazing to be the receiving end—especially from someone as dedicated and caring as Spencer. 

He rushed to bring you a cup of water. “Drink slowly. It’s possible that you’ve been dehydrated and it was exacerbated with your hot shower. Did you drink enough water today, Y/N?” 

“Yes, Dr. Reid. I drank plenty of water during my breaks,” you teased. 

“I sense you’re starting to feel better. The sarcasm is back,” he jested with a smile before replacing it with a look of seriousness. “I know you like your hot showers but do you think you could lower the temperature to prevent the fainting spells from happening again? I worry about you, especially when I’m out on a case. A study found that hot water increased heart rates by 32% and blood flow by 44%, which isn’t bad in itself but combined with your fatigue and resistance to drink lots of water, there’s a higher possibility of you fainting again and again.” 

You caressed his cheek before nodding your head. “Alright, I will, Spence. Y’know all this worrying for me will give you premature grey hair and that—“ ruffling his wavy locks “—would be a travesty.” 

He laughed, giving you a peck before stepping out of his work clothes. “I’ll take a quick shower, be right back and please, stay where you are.”

You watched as he entered the bathroom, leaving the door open just in case you’d call and he’d come running. Sliding down under the covers, you felt your exhaustion pulling you under to a state of in between reality and dreamland. 

Your last coherent memory was Spencer sliding next to you, cuddling you to his chest, giving you a kiss good night, and his sweet murmurs of ‘I love you.’

My inbox is currently open for any more fluff requests! Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[norrisluv]

RACE WINNER - LANDO NORRIS

summary: You tell your boyfriend you're pregnant warnings: pregnancy and fluff

I've been carrying the pregnancy test around with me, waiting for the best moment to tell him. I've been hiding my pregnancy from Lando for two weeks so that it would be the perfect moment, but no moment ever seems perfect.

We were in Miami for another race. I smile at Lando as he gets dressed for the race that starts in half an hour.

"You're looking at me again"

I come out of my thoughts when I hear Lando's voice next to me

"I'm sorry, but you look very handsome in your racing suit"

He smiles at me and leaves a kiss on my lips. 

"I have to go to the track now, but I love you.

I smile as he starts to leave the McLaren garage

"I love you too"

It was the 55th lap and I'd been on my feet since lap 37. Lando was leading the Miami Grand Prix, always increasing the gap between him and Max. 

"He'll make it," I whisper to myself

One of the engineers looks at me smiling

"We don't know yet"

"But he'll do it, I believe in him"

I felt my heart beat faster when Zak told me that Lando was entering the last lap. In the last few seconds of the race, my eyes were already watering and when Lando finally passes the checkered flag, I fall back in my chair crying.

"Hey, come on! Let's celebrate with Lando"

The people from the McLaren start celebrating and running towards where Lando was going to park. I quickly go to my bag and take out the positive pregnancy test without anyone noticing. I hold it tightly in my hand, trying to hide it. 

When we finally reach the bars, I see Lando take off his helmet and run over to his team, jumping in. I start laughing with a few tears in my eyes as he celebrates.

After hugging a few teammates and Zak, he comes over to me, hugging and kissing me

"You did it, baby" I whisper in his ear and he lets out a laugh

"I did it. I couldn't have done it without you."

When he moves away a bit to go to the interviews, I take his hand and hold up my hand with the pregnancy test. He looks at me confused but then looks at my hand. He takes the test and I see more tears forming in his eyes

"What?"

I nod once

"Are you..."

I nod a second time

"Oh my God"

He hugs me again and picks me up, spinning me around in the air, while I hear people shouting and smiling

"This is the best day ever, I'm going to be a father"

He pulls away from me a little and walks over to Oscar, showing him the test. Oscar opens his mouth in surprise and looks at me. I smile at him and he smiles back at me, then congratulates Lando.

Then Lando runs to Carlos

"Is he going to tell everyone?" I looked at Zak who was also looking at Lando smiling

"He's happy and excited"

Carlos hugs Lando and congratulates him too. 

As Lando heads towards the interviews, he still has the test in his hand.

"Oh my God" I let out a sigh as Lando smiles at the camera

"Hello Lando! Congratulations on your first Formula 1 win, how are you feeling - Oh, what's that in your hand?"

The camera pans down a little and Lando smiles wider, looking slightly at me

"I'm feeling great! It's a very special day, of course. I won my first race in Formula 1, but that's not all. The most special thing is that I found out my girlfriend is pregnant and...wow. This day couldn't be better"

I smile, listening to Lando's interview in the distance. Suddenly I hear my cell phone ringing and see that it's Lando's sisters and my sister.

"So you told him? How did he react?" my sister asks and I can hear the laughter of Lando's sisters on the other call

"Of course she didn't, at this rate Lando won't know until she's giving birth - AH Cisca!"

I let out a laugh at Flo's comment and look back at Lando who is now heading for the podium.

"No Flo, I told him. And I couldn't be happier"

[addthespaghetti]

I Can’t Imagine Bein’ Anywhere Else

Warnings: fluff, angst (not a lot), and panic attacks

1400+ words

As you finally walk through the door of your apartment, you take a deep breath, relieving the stress from a long day of work and one too many stairs. After standing there for a moment, enjoying the quiet of your apartment, you put your bag on the table and bend down to take off your shoes, but before you can, a ball of black fur and eyes that look like they can and will murder you if you don't feed him right this second walks in between your legs.

“Hey Sergio,” you said as you redirected your hand from your shoes to the meowing cat between your legs.

Knowing Sergio gets like this when he is hungry, you forget your shoes and pick up the spoiled cat. You carry him to his food bowl to see what all his complaining is about. As you walk through your apartment to get to his food dish, you turn your head to avoid the picture on the wall, aware that it will worsen your already fragile mood.

“Are you serious Sergio? Your food bowl is practically full.” You say to the cat curled up in your arms giving you a sweet look.

You roll your eyes as you put him down and walk over to the bin with his way to expensive cat food. “Spoiled ass cat,” you mutter under your breath as you put fresh food into his bowl.

Before you can stop pouring the food out of the cup you are using, Sergio rushes up to the dish, acting like he has not been fed in years, even though it has been only a few hours, “Calm down, damn.” You say to the cat that is already tearing into his food.

You put the empty cup onto the counter. Then you hear your phone ring in the other room. You walk over to the bag you left on the console table and grab it out of your bag to see who is calling you.

Jennifer Jareau

Confused, you answer the phone. You were never close with Emily's team, even more now since her death. You answer the phone, feeling the drop in your stomach and your heart rate increasing just like it did seven months ago when JJ called you out of the blue and told you the love of your life was dead.

Ignoring the anxiety you are feeling, you answer the phone, “What's up JJ?” You ask, fidgeting nervously.

“Hey, are you home?”

From where you are standing, you look around the apartment, confused by the blonde question.

“Yeah?” you answer in a confused tone, “Why?”

JJ pauses before she answers you, “Do you mind if I come over?”

“My apartment is a mess, but if you need to.” You answer honestly.

You hear JJ talking on the other side of the phone to someone in the background before she speaks again, “It won't bother me. I have a young boy at home. I will be there in about twenty minutes.”

“Alright, see you soon.” You say before hanging up.

The next twenty minutes were hell. You finally were able to take off your shoes, but not before you anxiously walked around your apartment cleaning up, hoping it would pass the time quicker. Still, every time you looked at the clock, the time never seemed to move.

Knock Knock Knock

Startled by the sudden noise, you rush to the door. Before opening the door, you look out the peephole. You can see JJ talking to someone. You can not tell who, but you open it anyway. JJ was your late girlfriend's best friend and an FBI agent. She would not bring someone to hurt you.

“Hey JJ,” you say to the blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman, in front of you. You look at JJ to see how she looks; you are no profiler, but you can tell JJ looks stressed and tired. It is written all over her face.

After studying JJ, you turn to the person who is standing next to her, and your stomach immediately drops.

“E-Emily?” You can barely stutter out before your eyes start to well with tears, and your breathing starts to rapidly increase.

Someone is trying to say something to you, but everything sounds as if it is a mile away as you stare at the woman standing before you.

The love of your life is standing in front of you. The woman you buried seven months ago is alive. The woman you grieved and stayed up all night crying because you would never be able to hug her, kiss her, or hold her ever again was standing right in front of you.

Suddenly, you felt sick. You ran back into the apartment, avoiding looking at the picture out of habit, and ran to the bathroom. Where you spilled your guts into the toilet bowl.

As you lay against the toilet, dry heaving, you feel hands on your back and grabbing your hair. You sob into the toilet bowl after finally finishing up the last of the wave of sickness.

Leaning away from the toilet bowl, you fall backward onto the wall, wrap your arms around your bunched-up knees, and start crying. You feel arms wrap around you, still not noticing whose arms you are sobbing into. You let them hold you until you calm down a little bit more.

As your sobs slow down and your breathing starts to get back to normal, you finally look up to see who is holding you, and it is Emily. You could smell her signature perfume and the specific brand of shampoo that only she uses. You can tell it is her by the way she is holding you so you don’t get uncomfortable, but so she can still hold you close.

Emily is alive and real. The love of your life is here holding you as you break down in her arms.

“Emily,” you say quietly, moving your hand up to touch her face, to feel her again after all this time of missing her and her touch.

The raven-haired woman looks down at you with tears in her eyes, “I’m sorry,” before she can finish her apology, you put your lips on hers. Emily kisses you back immediately. This kiss wasn’t rushed or lust-filled. It was slow and sweet. You could taste the salt from the tears on her lips and the vanilla chapstick she applies to her lips.

You pull back from the kiss, and sit in each other's arms, not speaking to each other. You both were too scared to break the silence in the room.

Before either of you can break the silence, a loud meow comes from right next to you, and Sergio tries to move right in between you and Emily.

“I swear that cat is homophobic," you mutter without thinking, not letting the spawn of satan get between you and your girlfriend.

Emily looks at you and then laughs, “What?” She asks, still giggling.

“I’m just saying, every time there is a gay person in this apartment doing gay things, he stops them. It is obviously homophobia.” You say refusing to take back what you said about Sergio being homophobic.

“Cats can’t be homophobic, babe,” Emily says, letting you go from her embrace and standing up. After standing up, she puts out her hand to make it easier for you to stand up.

You take her hand and stand up, rolling your eyes at her. You start walking to the living room. “Well, that cat is,” you say, moving to sit on the couch.

Emily follows close behind you, silently laughing before sitting down right next to you on the couch and pulling you closer to her.

“I’m sorry,” Emily says, suddenly getting serious. As her dark brown eyes stare into your soul.

You take a deep breath before responding in a timid whisper, “I don’t want to talk about it tonight. I only want to lay in your arms all night, cuddled together on the couch or on the bed. I really don’t care which one. I only want you.”

“I can do that. JJ already left, so it is just me and you tonight anyway.” The raven-haired woman says, pulling you closer into her arms.

You and Emily stay cuddled on the couch, holding each other. You both are on the verge of sleep. Before you fall asleep, Emily could hear you whisper, “I love you, Emily.”

“I love you too, baby,” Emily says, not knowing if you are awake or asleep. All she cares about is you are lying in her arms even after everything that happened.

[miziscrying]

I am feeling so nauseous. I broke my 36hr fast this morning with 2 eggs and bc's I was still super hungry I also had a handful of blueberries and a protein yoghurt. I felt full and stuffed afterwards but still a little dizzy. As a former binge eater it's scary to feel full from this little amount of food...

I drank 2 cups of coffee and half a monster energy zero before heading to school. My legs felt kinda wobbly and standing up straight was an exhausting chore. The first two periods passed and I felt okay but then I couldn't focus anymore. I'm sure, I was about to faint or something like that because the dizziness took over me and I couldn't focus at all. Idk what that was but my heart rate somehow drastically increased and my head kinda started to hurt.

I didn't want to pass out in class so I ate one of those "emergency" hard candys I always keep in my bag with me. I felt a little better but since I would have only had another 2 hours P.E. class in the afternoon I decided to go home.

(I was scared I would pass out on the way home but thankfully I didn't I just almost fell🥲)

Now that I'm home I'm still debating whether I should eat an apple, make myself a fruit salad or just go to sleep and tell my parents I'm sick so that I can fast till tomorrow morning. I'm just worried that I won't be able to sleep the night. Like last night I woke up almost 4 times and couldn't sleep anymore so that I got up at already 5.30am💀

I'm so locked in. I DON'T WANT FOOD ANYMORE! Now, that I'm finnally losing weight... I just don't know what to do anymore atp...

[gyuv1nist]

seat besties

sung hanbin x reader

you would never say you hated university. your course was great, you had a friend group that was also the best support group, and the best of all; your attendance didn't really matter- just as long as you did the work it was fine.

the look of disgust which woonggi sent you in the lecture hall was lethal. “i can’t believe you’re going to ‘seat bestie’ your way into his bed.”

“hey, i did not say that! i’m going to seat bestie my way into getting food with him, then get to know him more, you know like in a romantic way! correct me if i’m wrong but that’s called courting” you shot back, flashing a cheeky smile.

“i’d be surprised if you got anywhere past being able to sit next to him.” your friend, minji chuckled. you rolled your eyes and sunk into your chair.

“you guys are just jealous i don’t want you as my seat bestie.”

and before you knew it, you stood at the back of the classroom, tapping your foot and waiting for the tutor to put the seating arrangement on the screen. in the event in which you did sit next to him, it would be a win-win situation. your attendance will finally look presentable and you got to make it better whilst seeing your crush at the same time.

“are you unhappy with your seat?”

you were yanked out of your small trance and spun around, looking up at the voice. you quickly glanced and felt your heart fall to your stomach as you saw that name next to yours.

“oh! hanbin, hi!” great way to start. “i’m not unhappy, i was just deep in thought, let’s have a good term together.” you smiled, choosing to avoid eye contact with the attractive man in front of you and deciding to beeline straight for the table.

you sat down with him and before you know it, you were already bored out of your mind. it never made sense how professors would act as if the start of a new term meant that you didn’t do several others before. the clock was going extra slow and the slides just seemed to keep going and going. you had to do something before you went crazy.

you rummaged through your pencil case for a bit before finding a marker and flipped the useless schedule to the blank side.

‘since we’re seat besties now, do u wanna give me ur number so we can compare answers in the future? :p’

after hesitating a little bit, you brought your foot to his and gently tapped it, slowly edging the note towards him whilst keeping your eye contact straight ahead. this was way out of character; usually you would wait until someone asked for your number or just let the feelings dissolve but your boredom got the better of you. to your delight, the note was slipped back with more writing than you gave it with.

‘if you actually mean comparing answers sure! but if you just want to steal my answers that’s completely fine too. it’s 0XX-XXX-XXXX :) what other benefits do i get from being your seat bestie?’

deciding to ignore your most undoubtedly increasing heart rate, your pencil was quick to retouch the paper again.

‘you get endless hours of me complaining and maybe some snacks if i’m feeling nice. what do i get out of it??”

‘haha so excited about that. as for you, you get me. not to push my own buttons but if i were you i’d be quite satisfied with that.’

if there was any life on mars, they could for sure see you melt into your seat from the many light years they were away. you raised your eyebrows and looked at him, god knows how you didn’t pass out from the look he gave you back. unfortunately, the note passing made the class go by way too fast and you found yourself already packing away all your stuff.

“don’t make me regret listening to your request hanbin. i’ll let the note passing go this time but next time i will have you guys reading it outloud.” the professor shook his head as the both of you walked out of the room.

wait- what did he just say? what request? did he personally ask to be sat next to you?

“hey, what did he mean back there? what request did you make?” you asked, folding your arms. he quietly chuckled and put his hands up.

“i was hoping he’d not mention that but what’s the point in hiding it now? before this class, i decided to ask if we could be sat together. i heard some things about you being interested in me, and i’m not going to lie and say i’m not interested back.”

your legs locked like chains on a bike and you felt your heart drop into your stomach. “wait, how the fuck do you know?” hanbin kept walking as you took small steps forward.

“you know we are in the same lecture right?” he smiled, looking back at you whilst opening the exit to the building. you slowly nodded and edged closer to him. “to put it straight, you and your friends aren’t the quietest people.”

well shit.

“come on let’s go get some food, that’s what seat besties do no?”

[kaylinlmfao]

hii can you do a chris!ghostface pls 🤗🤗

yes, ofc ofc. halloween special ig. enjoy!

The phone rings, the ringing is continuous. A phone call, at this hour? You get up from the stool in the kitchen, your feet hitting the cold floor. You answer the phone, your ear pressed against the phone hearing a voice like gravel, speak on the other end.

“You know... you're not supposed to answer calls at this hour, doll.” "I'm sorry, who is this?" You ask, your voice sugary sweet.

The voice laughs, you can feel it in your ear, a little too close for comfort.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know who I am. I know you’ve heard the news, doll. I’m the center of attention, now.” "Oh let me guess! You're the killer running around and killing girls." You say, sarcasm filling your tone.

The voice laughs again.

“You’re catching on, aren’t you little doll?” "Don't call me that." You demand, flustered.

The voice chuckles.

“What do you want me to call you then? Little miss, Miss-Doesn’t-Know-A-Killer-When-She-Hears-His-Voice? Or do you want me to call you by your real name?” You glance around, looking for anything out of place. "You don't know my name. You don't know anything about me."

The voice laughs darkly again.

“Oh, but I do, sweetheart. I know exactly where you are, what your favorite color is, what your house looks like, and I guess the more important detail... I know your real name. It’s just as pretty as you, darling.”

You look around frantically, scanning anything to be out of place or different. Anything to cause you alarm. "Ok then. I'll play. What am I wearing right now?"

The voice chuckles. Your heart rate is increasing.

“That’s the thing. You’re not wearing anything at all. Your eyes are wide open as we speak on the phone together.” You gasp, dropping the phone as you curl up under your blanket on your bed. Slowly, you pick up the phone again.

The voice laughs.

“Oh, you poor doll. You’re trembling, aren’t you? That’s okay, I love to terrify my prey... it makes things more interesting. Or, do you prefer I call you by your real name. I’m always up for hearing that silky voice of yours.” "Why do you call me your prey?" You ask, trying to distract him.

The voice's tone is filled with amusement.

“Oh, please little doll. Is it not obvious? I’m here... on the phone with you, calling you. I’m playing with you. As if I’m the cat, and you’re the little mouse. Don’t you know by now? What happens after the cat tires of the little mouse?” "He eats her?" You whisper, terrified.

The voice laughs at you again.

“Ahh, the mouse is getting smarter. You know, I have to say... you’re much more fun to play with than my other girls.” "If you have other girls, why don't you talk to them and leave me alone?"

“Oh, because you’re the one that’s answering right now. I’m having far too much fun, little mouse." "Don't call me that. I'm going to hang up now." “You do that, sweetheart. And by the way... your door is unlocked. Might want to fix that, doll.” You blush and lock your door. Then you go into your closet, slipping on some clothes. Its the middle of the night. Nobody will hear you if you scream.

A moment passes after you lock the door, and after you get into some clothes. Your phone buzzes. Your heart starts to beat rapidly again, just as before when you answered. You see as your phone lights up, and your face pales. The caller ID is labeled ‘Unknown’. You don't want to answer, so you don't. You let it ring., hoping he'll give up and leave you alone.

The phone buzzes again. Another call. And another. And another. He’s calling you non-stop now. You can feel your breath start to quicken. You feel the room close in. Your eyes dart to the phone, and then to your front door.

Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Ring, ring. You pick up the phone, tears running down your face. "What do you want from me?!" You sob into the phone.

There is silence on the other end. At first, you’re relieved... he’s not talking, until you hear a faint... laugh. The laugh goes on for a bit before he finally speaks. His voice is even more gravelly, now. Almost scary to hear, actually.

“Did you really think you could just hang up on me, and that would be it doll? No little mouse, that’s not how this works.” You take a deep calming breath. "What do you want from me?" You breath, calmer now.

You feel your heart beating faster, again.

“What do I want... now, let’s see. Your beauty, for one. Your hair, your eyes, and that sweet, sweet voice of yours. I want you as mine.”

“Your body... is something I’ll get eventually.”

"No you won't! I won't let you touch me. Ever. Leave me alone or I call the police."

The voice laughs.

“The police... hah! Sweet little girl. You know... you’re not the first one to try calling them. You know what happened to her, don’t you?” "What happened to her?" You already know. She was one of the girls on the news, you're sure.

The voice laughs, but it’s much more sinister now.

“Oh, she tried to call the police, little mouse. When I was at her house, she tried to call them while I was right next to her. When they answered, she told them what was going on. Do you know what happened next?” "What happened next?" You ask fearfully.

The phone is silent, before he finally speaks. His voice is still raspy and his tone is even darker.

“I let her speak to them. I let her think she was safe. But the funny thing is... I knew they wouldn’t come in time.” "Why?"

The voice laughs. It’s haunting, to be honest.

“Why did I get to hear her beg for her life while knowing there was nothing she could do? Is that what you want to know?” "Fuck you, you creep!" You cry, going through your house and checking the doors and windows.

The phone is silent, again. Your breathing is ragged. You just know by that silence that you hung up.

You check your whole house. Every room, every closet, every window, and every door. They’re all locked, and secure. Every single one.

You let out a soft breath of relief. He's not in your house. He can't be.

Ring, ring. Your phone buzzes again. You see the Caller ID labeled as Unknown, again. Your heart races. A small voice inside your head tells you not to answer the phone again. But this small part of you knows that if you answer it, you might just survive.

You answer the phone, your voice silky and scared. "H-hello?"

There is a moment of silence. Your breathing starts to slow, and your heart rate starts to stabilize. That is... until the voice is heard again. His voice is soft and silky.

“Hello little mouse. Did you check under your bed?”

pt 2?

[ya-zz]

I just found your work and I’m in love!

I have a small req-

How’d you think Rama would react to s/o having a panic attack?

LMAO YEAH THE 50+ NOTIFICATIONS TOLD ME THAT hahah

Thank you so much though! I endorse the spamming, makes me feel all warm inside ♥

oh hey, my gif is in the Ramattra search- perfect time to use it... (I may try and get one in Shambali Monastery on Friday evening... I kinda wanna get a few different backgrounds for people to use...)

Ramattra x Reader (gen)

Word count: 1107

Ramattra was close to you, more so than with any other human. He didn’t hide it, in fact he openly expressed that he enjoyed spending time with you. Just the thought of being around you brought a warmth within his wires, something of which he enjoyed greatly. 

Seeing you happy made him happy, it made him fall for you more and more. Being able to see your smile everyday made it worth the restless nights he’d spend in his quarters waiting for the sun to rise. As an omnic who rarely, if at all slept, the hours would pass by slowly, almost torturing him. 

Of course, he never made a move, valuing the friendship he had grown with you. He put his feelings aside just so he could keep being by your side. It was the one thing he did keep secret from you and everyone else - that he loved you.

However, as of late, things had been tense around you. The mood swings caught him off guard and he felt constantly on edge as if he had done something wrong. No matter how many times you would reassure him that he hadn’t done anything bad towards you, there was still a twinge of doubt coursing through his wires.

He kept a small distance with you, not wanting to hurt you further despite your assurance. He felt guilty for something he hadn’t done and you noticed it. You were somewhat grateful for the distance, being allowed to dwell with your own thoughts for awhile. 

There was a day, however, when he didn’t see you at all. He was worried, he wouldn’t lie about that. There was a slight twitch in his hands as he’d work, his mind wandering to you and what you were doing.

Only when he ventured outside did he finally find you. You were laying on the ground, staring up into the endless sky as the clouds rolled in and threatened to rain. He approached you, not wanting to alarm you. 

“Hey Ramattra…” You speak out, not moving as you heard the larger omnic approach you from the right. 

“Is everything ok, [y/n]?” He asked, standing above you and looking down as his wires hanged loosely around his head. His shadow covered your face. 

You keep your eyes on him. “Yeah. You wanna sit down with me?” 

“Can I?” 

“Sure. Some company wouldn’t hurt.” You smile, still looking up at him and finally turning when he moves to sit next to you. 

“What’s on your mind?” He asks, looking down at you. 

“Nothing important.” 

“Are you sure? You have been acting strange lately.” He cocks his head to the side slightly, optics looking at you.

“Sorry. Just some past trauma coming up…” You turn you head back, looking up at the sky again. 

“Oh? Would you-”

“Not really… Just thinking about it is bad enough…” You cut him off. 

He lets out a small hum, turning to face the mountains in the distance. “I am here for you, you know that, right?” 

“Yeah, thank you.” You smile gently, keeping your focus on the sky. 

The both of you stayed quiet, the afternoon going by peacefully until your small whimpers broke the silence. 

Ramattra looks over at you, noticing how you were asleep, chest rising and falling in an erratic rhythm. Your breathing was shallow, eyes shut tight and body shaking as you turn your head to the side, swallowing a hard lump in your throat. 

His sensors picked up a small warning coming from your body, your heart rate increasing quickly as you laid there on the grass. 

“[y/n]...?” His voice was low as he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. “[y/n], is everything ok?” He could feel the panic rising in his circuitry, something of which he hadn’t felt for a long time. 

You stirred awake, eyes blinking to adjust to the daylight, your body still in a state of panic as you turn to look at the omnic, tears brimming in your eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He spoke quietly, unsure on what to do.

You shifted, sitting up and placing a hand on your chest in hopes to calm yourself down but nothing was working. Your body shook violently as endless traumatic thoughts raced through your head. 

Ramattra grabbed your free hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, hoping it would help in someway. When you squeezed his hand back in response, he leant over and pulled you closely to him, the quiet hum of his body aiding you in calming down. 

With the side of your head pressed against his chest, you could hear his inner workings, the soft hum of electric coursing through his body, the soft clicks as he moved his hand to gentle pet your head.

He had heard of humans having panic attacks, thinking them weak for overthinking, but seeing you in distress made him realise that it was more than that. He still had a lot to learn about humans, especially you. 

Eventually, after some time, he felt your body relax against him, the shaking had stopped and your heartbeat a normal rhythm alongside your breathing. He let out a soft sigh, hand not leaving your head as he continued to pet it, gently stroking down your scalp in soothing motions. His other hand had rested on your lower back, another gentle up and down motion. 

Some time passed as you stayed in his embrace, not wanting to move until he finally spoke.

“Are you ok?” 

You look up at him, a small nod and smile. “Yeah… Thank you…” 

“It was nothing.” He tilted his head slightly, optics scanning you. 

You rest your head back onto his chest. “Sorry you had to witness that…” 

“There is nothing to apologise for. I am glad I was here to help.” He continued his motions on your head and back, still keeping you grounded. 

“I usually deal with them myself…” You admitted shamefully. 

“Come to me if you need to. No matter the time. I do not want you to suffer.” He leans down, placing his forehead on top of your head.

A soft sigh escapes you as you lean in closer to him, smiling gently. “Thank you…” 

Ramattra felt at peace with you in his arms, looking out across the mountains. He felt even closer to you now than he did prior, the feelings inside only growing more with each passing minute. He wanted to care for you, to be there for you as much as you’d let him, through the happy times and the painful - he wanted nothing more than to be by your side.

[zenkor123]

Journal of Peeta Mellark-Great episode of 4th October 75 ADD pt 1

October 4th 75 ADD

I expect in the coming years in 13 to hear great details about my flashbacks from lots of people, however I want to record what the flashbacks look like from my own memory. Or rather Dr Molina wants me to and I agree with her. These aren’t simply episodes of madness but they feel really real to me, the lizard mutts, capital torturers, fake images of mutt Katniss I can almost smell them. I used to think of them not as my own as belonging to the whisper or the monster I tried to forget about them as soon as they were over but now that I made peace with the monster they feel different. Dr Molina says I never really left the capital torture chambers and I can’ t keep pretending otherwise. I need to face those hallucinations she says, stop being ashamed of them So here it goes:

“Since merging with the mutt, the flashbacks and episodes have taken on a different character. Instead of a mission to drive rage agianst Katniss images hallucinations now are of my fears. As I wake up I first sees premonitions or pre flashbacks. I tried to ignore it as best as possible but I didn’t have any Morphling and I quickly used up my little bottle. Images of the mutts Snow showed his captives the lizard mutts that whispered the name of Katniss only stopping as they killed either avoxes engineered to look idenical to Katniss, or actual clones of her as snow laughed, his war on Katniss not built on anything more then a ego driven grudge by a man child. mutt katniss with fangs, the doctors that destroyed me, swarms of tracker jackers all came to attack me . I felt pain particularly in areas that had been subject to Jacker venom injections, lion mutts, Cato Mutts, Monkey mutts, wolf mutts, Myrna , all joined the attack. It all seemed real to me, first the mutts appeared in flashes then attacked them with the pain increasing as it went on. I first tried to remind himself they weren't real but then he went mutt himself and attacked the hallucinations. First I winced in pain, my pupils increased in size, then my heart rate increased and felt enough bodily tension that I could pass out. Rather then passing out I went mutt and battled hard to crush the sources of my pain I roaring loudly as my eyes filled with rage. I Got up and began chocking the capital tormenting beating mutt Katniss, and throwing things at the Lizard mutts. I killed several lizard Sometimes it was all of these combined often it was other horrors from my mind occasionally it was one at a time. Sometimes they were simply background noise. In this state I am highly dangerous and thanks to Snow’s demons I have destroyed property, injured nurses while confusing them for the hallucinations. It is sometimes culminative like snapping after 100 mosquito bites with outside stimuli playing a major role like before. The flashback lasted an hour. Katniss remembers watching the entire episode from the ventilation shaft it did look different from his previous episodes, he looked like a full scale mutt on a violent rampage against illusive threats. Katniss could only watch from the distance transfixed to these sights. The look on his face she had seen before while hunting that of a cornered animal Followed by that of bear warding off intruders followed by the face of an angry predator.

The more pain I experienced the angrier he got when with fear, I looked fully red, my veins showing and I yelled at my demons telling them to go die, and that I’m not going back to the capital(in my episode the tormentors claimed to be taking me back to the capital in a portal) I made noises of pain even after my hallucinations fell before my might. But there were more hallucinations I got a bottle and began chasing the hallucinactions of Spiders. Dr Aurelius fired a needle with a needle gun that knocked myself unconscious. All the hallucinations and bothers disappeared and I felt calm I heard a thump as I feel fast asleep.”

So here it is, this was painful to write but Dr Molina says it will get easier as time goes on. She also had me draw this entire episode, they are in my sketchbook and urges me to do this with all my monsters so I am doing it. How am I supposed to work otherwise? Katniss sees the drawing of Lizard mutts, and realizes that she may face those mutts in the capital as Snow created them to assassinate her.

They are trying several methods to cope with these episodes. They will become part of me and I will get strength from them she says. I look in the mirror afterwards and I see myself in a different light, the curls are the mark of wilderness, my cheeks my strength, my eyes my determination like the ocean waves, with my pupils dilating like waves. I look intimidating I am strong I just haven’t realized it until now. My skin looks fleshy, rather then sunlike. I have lost my physical innocence that pictures of Peeta show.

Katniss realizes she has reached a major point in the answer with regards to Peeta's transformation the point where he no longer sees himself in the mirror but sees an mutt that escaped from the evil plans of his creator instead. Katniss sees the emergence of a hope, in Peeta that perhaps if he can only leave the past behind symbolized by her, that past being lost and not even belonging to him, he can start anew, build new memories, all without her, Katniss also notes that Peeta is also beginning to wonder if perhaps something good could come from the hijacking hence his reference to how strong he is.

in other news for the first time I am meeting my new co workers who will still hire me after the mega episode. We visit a secret room in the hospital called the “Den”. It is a large room, with a refrigerator, oven, book shelf, sofa, and a door that goes directly to the tunnel network. It also is painted! Its walls contain drawings of a water fall that is next to a great sea, upon asking galena say it is the Niagara Falls.There are also numerous wooden crates, of the elixir of the East as they tell me Morphling was called before it was discovered that district 6 also had native Morphling farms. It has paintings of district 13 before the dark days and the ancestral forests that Salesman Brown showed me. I see many new faces but I also am surprised to see Johanna, well not surprised, since I sometimes see her siphoning Morphling into buckets. The faces are all young. We are seated around a table. There are lots of couples. The people standing up are in their 50s with grey hair one of whom is Dr Galena, the Elephant. But there is lots of new faces. I sit in between Ash Brown, the hoppo(a type of hippo mutt) and Johanna Mason(the iron pecker) who welcomes me into the club and tells me she is glad there will be another victor in the cell. So my application has been accepted? Great! They confirm this and say my application has been accepted and that I will start by doing Morphling siphoning with Johanna I have the code name “Jabberjay.” I receive a tattoo of a Jabberjay that one of the cell drew. I ask who drew the Jabberjay the drawing is pretty well done. A young woman about Johanna's age raises her hand she looks like Ash but she is also a forester. She introduces herself as Velma Brown, code name the Swan the packager of what I learn is called the “victors cell." She says that formal positions while true are understatements that they put on their monthly reports to coin. I laugh, it’s so devious, so I get the choice of multiple tattoos. A Jabberjay rising from fire, a Jabberjay flying in the sky, or a Jabberjay eating bread. I request 2 of the tattoos, the Jabberyjay flying in the sky and the Jabberjay eating bread. My right arm has the Jabberjay in the sky and my left arm has the Jabberjay pecking at bread. It is decided that Johana will instruct me in morphing siphoning, and that Ash will take me on more tours of the tunnels of District 13. Everyone in the room has a Yellowish tinge to their skin like the morphings of D6, they also all smell like morphing. The Den has additional rooms-the expanded closet which is called the Bar, the Closet is the size of a restroom and reflects how used 13 is to compressed spaces. The Bar is only seperate due to its large foldable window to the main hallways which customers can climb in, and it is sound sealed. People can drink morphing and listen to music. The next to introduce themselves is Arlo Stockbridge, code name the groundhog, the keeper of the Den. He is the one who gives me the tour and shows me the bar. He is an engineer who I have seen working on the hospital machines. He isn’t a man of many words, but his intelligence is apparent. He also aids in the designs of the design of tunnels and caverns in the mines of 13. He is nervous to meet me, he reminds me of Beetee Latier. He is figiting with coins, but he isn’t nervous it is like the coins which spin in his hand provide stimulation. He is not red headed with blue eyes but has brown hair and Green eyes. Someone, a woman who’s hand he was holding before, who he is sitting next to is using straws for the same purpose, she has a baby on held her chest. She also is not a red head but has grey-blue eyes and copper colored hair. He explains with intensity the workings of the morphing machines and offers to do a demonstration of the machines. Arlo introduces her in his own introduction as Helena stocksbridge, code name, the Gecko who manages the data for the cartel as his wife. It is clear that everyone in this cell has known each other for a very long period of time….

[narvaldetierra]

Sleep is overrated

Summary: Tasha is concerned that Patterson hasn't slept for the past three days. AKA Three nights Patterson didn't sleep and the one she did.

Tags: Established Relationship. Self Sleep Deprivation. Mention of Visual Hallucination. Do not try this at home. Words: 3486 A/N: I came up with this idea a long time ago, after watching episode 3x20 when Reade sends everybody home except for Patterson. And we already saw that Kurt had to tell her to go back to her apartment to rest, so here I am. But this story is settled somewhere in season 3, before the dragonfly tattoo and after they caught Hirst. Acknowledgments: I want to take this space to thank @nachosncheeze for being my beta reader in this work and helping me to improve the translation. Without you, this wouldn't be as beautiful as it is. So thank you 💖

1.

Like every software engineer, Patterson knew two basic truths: coffee is needed to exist and sleep is overrated. She could spend entire nights awake and working, she had done it before and those had turned out to be very productive nights. Like those nights working on her science projects in middle school, or like when it was exam season at college. She had done it for this job before too, especially since Jane had appeared in that bag in the middle of Times Square.

It wasn't something that bothered her. In fact, she really enjoyed working at night, when the lab was almost empty and silence reigned. It was much easier to concentrate that way, with no one rushing her, yelling to type faster on a code she was making up on the spot, in an unprecedented, tense situation. Patterson loved her team, they were her family and she would do anything for them, but when they yelled over her shoulder telling her how to do her work, she wished they would leave.

Thus she wanted to use the silence of the night for better concentration. She could feel the pressure coming from Reade to find Roman's location and couldn't blame him, several weeks had passed since the team had gotten back together and so far they had only done what Roman wanted them to do: racing after every tattoo, like donkeys chasing a carrot. That needed to stop. She needed to find something that would at least help them understand Roman's full plan.

As time went by, she took one and two, and three coffees. She walked around the lab to make sure to keep her circulatory system active and thus ensure that her brain was well-oxygenated and kept her alert. "Come on! You can do it!" she said to herself gesticulating with her hands in the air, "You were part of the three blind mice, you are not hacking illegally again, but you can find something that lead to Roman! You've done this too long to give up." She let out a sigh, grateful that no one had been present to hear her talking to herself, then went back to the search as if nothing had happened. 

When it was 5 am she decided to take a shower before the day shift agents arrived, she was sure it would clear her head. And she wasn't wrong at all. Before getting out of the shower, she turned off the hot water so that only cold, icy water would come out to wake her. It was a trick she had learned in college: the ice water in contact with the skin works as a shock to the body, which, under such stress, increases the heart rate, thus increasing blood circulation and releasing adrenaline. In that precise instant, her mind went blank and that's when she realized how to decode a specific tattoo.

2.

After a new day of work, the team had solved another tattoo. They should have been pleased to have done it in record time, but they weren't closer to catching Roman or Crawford. Patterson was beginning to feel frustrated, like when she found a puzzle that couldn't solve and spent days obsessing over a solution. 

That's why she decided to spend another night in the lab, working in that beautiful silence, which had proved to be quite useful. She was sure it could be again, after a very much-needed coffee. A few hours ago she still had that false extra energy caused by the excess dopamine. Now that feeling had faded away and she felt so cold.

She wasn't planning to stay the whole night, just enough to get a lead. However, when she walked into the lab with her steaming mug, her smile faded away when she saw that Rich was also there.

"Oh! Patty Cakes! Welcome to the night shift. What brings you here?" he asked in his characteristic playful mood.

"What are you doing here Rich?"

"Ah, ah, ah… I asked first."

Patterson rolled her eyes and put the mug down on a table near the terminal she decided to work on. "I wanted to advance some work."

"Oh? Yeah… me too. That's what I was doing here… by no means did I forget to do that absurdly boring paperwork they ask for after every mission. I keep those things up to date. Apparently, it's a big deal. Did you know that?"

"Rich, how long has it been since you submitted your paperwork?"

"Maybe two or three–"

"Days?"

"Weeks."

"Rich!"

"I know, I know. That's why I'm here this late. Jeez! You don't have to give me a lecture about it."

"I– I wasn't– ugh," she didn't care enough to say anything else about it.

For the next five minutes, they remained silent, each one concentrating on their stuff. Until Rich's ADHD appeared.

"Do you mind if I play music?" he asked and, without really waiting for an answer, he pressed play. He didn't really care, he needed the background noise, plus it would make the tedious task of paperwork more entertaining.

"No, I guess–" she covered a yawn that interrupted her, "I guess it's ok," she looked away from the screen for just a second and went back to what she was doing.

The playlist was something without any kind of coherence, the most diverse songs were playing, going from a soft melody to an energetic song that sounded too loud for a workspace. There were just the two of them in the lab, and neither of them should have been in there that late. She was already tired, so Patterson tried not to pay attention and kept working.

"I'm hungry. Have you had dinner yet?" Rich asked after a couple of minutes. 

"Not yet," Patterson replied without even looking up, focused on what she was doing.

"Shall we order pizza?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Oh, wait, I already ate pizza this week," he thought about it for a minute, then he just shrugged "I don't care, I like pizza. Do you want me to order?"

"Rich, I’m trying to concentrate here."

“Sorry, I won’t interrupt you anymore. Just– tell me what kind of pizza you like.” Patterson stared at him in silence, wanting him quiet for once. “Or don’t. Doesn’t matter. I’ll order you a cheese one, everyone likes cheese, or they should.”

Music kept playing, and they went back to work. For a few more minutes Patterson was able to work quietly, although she had a feeling that this was going to be a long, long night with Rich. When her coffee was empty, she looked for a blanket scarf to wear. She had just returned to her terminal when Rich arrived with a few boxes of pizza.

"Dinner is here!"

That was when Patterson understood that she had two options: go back to her apartment or stay the whole night there, dealing with Rich. As tempting as the idea of going to bed was, she couldn't give up so soon. So she stayed, grateful to have more than one change of clothes in her locker.

3.

That day wasn't as exciting as the previous one, but they were able to get some encrypted files that could be of interest in Crawford's case. Thus, the team had a status meeting at the end of the day.

"Patterson, how long do you think it will take you to decode those files?" Reade asked.

"I'm not sure, looks like complex encryption. Maybe a few hours… or maybe all night."

"Alright, get on with it. The rest of you, go home to rest." Then Reade left the lab. He still had paperwork to finish before going home.

Jane and Kurt left as well, talking about dinner. After a long day, they all were tired and, unaware of Patterson's situation, they just wished her a quiet night, so she could solve it quickly enough. One by one, the lab technicians left too, until there was just Patterson and Tasha, who refused to leave her alone.

"It's ok, you don't have to stay, you can go home," Patterson said as she kept typing.

"Perhaps I can't exactly be helpful, but I can keep you company. Besides, you still need to eat and it has been several days since we had dinner together."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's been a long week, with so much work–"

"You don't need to apologize, just pick something to order for dinner."

"Right now, I could use a coffee," Patterson said and covered a yawn with her right hand. She was exhausted and had no idea where she was getting enough energy to keep working.

"Dinner first, coffee later. And don't you dare to say Go-Gurt."

"Fine," she reluctantly agreed, but when she reached out to take the menu Tasha was offering, her hand-eye coordination failed. She thought she was grabbing the menu, but her hand closed right next to it, in the air. Patterson ran the tip of her tongue over her lower lip nervously and hurriedly grabbed the menu, pretending that nothing had happened, but it wasn't enough to fool Tasha.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" she turned and took a few casual steps as she looked at the menu.

"Wait– Patterson how long have you not slept?"

"So, do you prefer Chinese or Thai?" She attempted to change the conversation and picked up her phone, pretending to look for more options to eat.

"Patterson! You promised you wouldn't do that anymore!" 

"I'm ok, it's nothing I can't handle. Besides, you all need me here at the lab."

"But we need you healthy, rested, lucid."

"I know, I know. It's just– one thing led to another." Those were very poor excuses, she wasn't even trying, was too tired for that. "Look, I'll finish this thing Reade asked me to do, and then I'll go to sleep, ok?"

"You should go to sleep right now." 

"Tash, I mean it, I don't want to argue about it now. We can eat dinner together or we can talk about my sleep schedules, but we can't do both, I need to finish this."

Tasha remained silent for a moment, watching her, unable to believe what she was hearing. "I prefer Indian." She decided that it wasn't the moment to have that conversation, but it wouldn't be something she'd let go of that easily.

"Thanks," was all Patterson had to say. Then she ordered the food and went back to her computer to continue typing.

The next few minutes were spent in silence. Words were only exchanged when Patterson reached an impasse and had to find a new approach to get better results, and only turned away from the screen when Tasha returned with their food.

They ate the first few bites quietly until Tasha said "This isn't urgent enough to go without sleep for–" she realized she didn't know - "I don't even want to know how long."

"What if it is?" she hurried to swallow the food to answer, "What if by not decoding this in time, we miss the opportunity to prevent something bad from happening?"

"Is that what kept you awake?"

"No! Yes. Maybe– I don't know! I just know that what we do here is important, there is no space for mistakes."

"That's why you should sleep. You have a giant team of people trained to get the job done, to help you, and complete the tasks while you rest. You need to trust in them."

"I do!"

"Then learn to delegate." Tasha let out a sigh and set the food aside. She approached Patterson and took her hands in hers. "Honey, I'm not looking for a fight, I just want you to take better care of yourself, and have regular periods of sleep so that you can continue doing what you love to do."

"I know…" she admitted.

"I won't insist anymore this time, let's have dinner in peace, finish with the task assigned to you and I'll take you home to rest. But promise, truly and sincerely, that you will not do it again."

"I promise." A soft smile appeared on Patterson's lips and she moved closer to kiss her. 

"Now… could you tell me how many nights you spent here? I promise I won't get mad."

"Hmm…" she hesitated for a moment, and in a barely audible voice said, "This is the third one."

Tasha had to make a great effort to restrain herself from saying anything about it, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, "Can I try some of your food?" she asked with a smile. Then she preferred to change the conversation to keep her promise.

The rest of the night Tasha focused on helping Patterson in any way she could. She wasn't an expert in coding and she knew little about encryption, but she had some basic knowledge, so she could at least take care of minor tasks. As the hours went by Tasha noticed that the blonde's yawns became more frequent, she even saw her nodding off on one or two occasions. The brunette had to hold back to keep her promise and let Patterson finish the job before taking her home to rest.

+1

By the time the team arrived at the lab, Patterson and Tasha were a continuous yawning machine, although they managed to disguise them quite successfully. In their hands was the third cup of coffee of the day, which no longer seemed to have enough effect on Patterson. The blond felt just as tired but with rapid heartbeats due to the caffeine.

Patterson explained, without much interest, how they were able to decode the files. Then she gave them some coordinates from three places related to the new tattoos on Jane's body.

The team departed with a clear mission, leaving Patterson and Rich. They would assist the team remotely, as they always did, providing additional information about the sites they had been sent.

Stepping out into the hallway, Tasha let Jane and Weller go ahead and took Reade aside so they could talk alone.

“You need to send Patterson home,” she said seriously, steering right into his eyes.

“What? The day is just beginning, we need her here.” 

“No. Reade. You NEED to send Patterson home.” She emphasized each word individually to make it clear how serious she was about it. “I know how much we need her, as much as I know you haven't slept well these past days. But Patterson has been awake for four days now.”

“That's not true, she–”

“She won't say anything because she is a workaholic and is determined to find something that gives us the advantage we need. You won't notice it on her face either because she does magic with her makeup. Still, you have to do something about it.” Both were silent for a moment. Tasha took a deep breath and got closer to him. Softening her voice, she added, “Look, I know you hate being compared with Weller but, when he was in charge, he learned the hard way that he had to watch over Patterson's rest periods. Because when she gets obsessed with something, she forgets about anything else. Even eating and sleep become irrelevant for her.”

Reade stared at her, pondering her words. He knew Patterson used to get obsessed over work, but he hadn't really thought it was that big of a deal. He look at Patterson through the window in the lab door, she was writing some numbers on a glass board. Then he felt bad for ordering her to stay the night to work, though he had no regrets if that had brought them any closer to Roman. 

“Listen, you don't have to send her home right now. But unless you want her to collapse in the middle of the lab, you'll do it as soon as her speech becomes erratic or her hands have a tremor.”

“Ok, I'll keep an eye over her,” he finally agreed. Noticing that Tasha was not pleased he added, “I'll be sure to send her home to rest. And then she'll have two days off.”

With a soft nod and a smile, Tasha thanked her friend for taking her words. He was the boss and call the shots, but she would take care of Patterson, especially when the blond didn't do it herself. Then she left to find Weller and Jane. 

The hours seemed to pass slower than any other day. By noon, Patterson could have sworn it was already 7 pm. She couldn't drink any more coffee, she wasn't hungry either. Everything she tried to do, took her double of time. She was cranky too.

Rich intercepted Tasha as soon as she got to the lab.

"I think something is wrong with Pattycakes."

"What? What happened?" She looked over, worried. Patterson was talking to Afreen.

"She's been a little moody. Not that I complain about it, it was a little fun. But I noticed her hands shaking too. Her handwriting is unreadable today."

"I'll take care of it."

"Is she on drugs?"

"What? Of course not!" She approached Rich to get a confident talk, "Look, she hadn't slept well. Reade is aware of this, there's no need for the lab team to know it too. Ok? You'll have to be in charge for the rest of the day."

Rich's eyes had a sparkle in them that terrified Tasha, but she was sure the team could handle anything he did.

"Hi honey," Tasha said approaching Patterson, "I think it's time."

"Oh, hi. Time for what?"

"To go home."

“I'm fine, you don't have to worry, ok?” 

"I know you think that you are, but I've seen you like this before. I still remember when you collapsed from trying to stop Sandstorm too.” 

“Well, that wasn't because of a lack of sleep, I had a radiotransm–”

“You hadn't even eaten that time,” Tasha insisted. She was sure that Patterson's collapse hadn't been only because of that transmitter. But that wasn't important now. “You are a super genius, but you still need to sleep. So take your stuff, we're leaving.”

Patterson didn't have the energy to keep arguing with Tasha and, although she might never tell her, deep down she liked that she cared for her that much. She left what she was doing in Afreen's hands, grabbed her things, and followed Tasha down the halls.

While they waited for the elevator, Tasha saw Reade in his office and just with signs, she told him that she was leaving with Patterson, as they had agreed earlier.

During the short car ride, the little energy that remained in Patterson's body faded away. It took her a lot of concentration to keep her eyes open. Her yawning became uncontrollable. Patterson's body seemed heavier but her mind couldn't rest yet. Somehow she kept seeing Jane's luminescent tattoos floating in the air around her. She had read about hallucinations caused by sleep deprivation before, but it felt weird to experience them.

“You can take a nap if you want. I'll wake you when we get there.”

The blonde shook her head and turned her gaze away following a floating tattoo with the shape of a flaming rose. Patterson's mind, obsessed with solving puzzles, made a series of theories about the reasons why her subconscious bring up that particular tattoo. But before she was capable to make any logical conclusion, they arrived at Tasha's apartment.

After a failed attempt to get out of the car, Tasha hurried to help Patterson to stand up. It was clear that her coordination was failing. She was sleep-drunk enough that climbing a stairway became a challenge. Tasha was sure she had managed to get Patterson to her apartment, just in the nick of time to prevent her from collapsing.

“I'll find you something more comfortable so you can rest better," Tasha offered when they got to the bedroom. She sat Patterson on the bed and made sure she was safe before leaving for the dressing room.

The blonde leaned back, lying crosswise in the middle of the bed. Her feet were still on the ground. She hadn't even taken off her boots. Resting her back on a soft, cushioned surface seemed like a divine pleasure. Patterson hadn't realized how much her body needed to rest until she did.

Tasha returned with a gray T-shirt and plaid pants for Patterson, only to find her deeply asleep. She shook her head, sighing in resignation. Then she took off Patterson's boots and changed out of her pants for the pajamas. She placed the blond on the bed with her head against the pillow and covered her with a blanket. Tasha closed the curtains to create a better resting environment. Finally, after changing her clothes, she lay down next to Patterson. Tasha hugged her, becoming the big spoon, and stroked her hair until she also fell asleep.

(Read it on AO3 too)

[clarepreed]

Micro Story: Caffeine

Story Content and Summary - 1,132 words. No resus. A gentle, first-person POV story about a reaction to coffee. Written gender neutral. Hurt/comfort. 🏳️‍🌈

--

“Are you all right?”

You raise your eyebrows at me, watching as I sit slumped at the breakfast table. I have a headache, the kind that feels like approaching summer storms.

“I’m getting a migraine.” My voice is embarrassing in its pitifulness.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You hover, unsure if you should touch me. Sometimes the migraines make my skin hurt. “What can I do for you? Want a glass of water?”

“Water would be good…” I close my eyes and grind the lids with the heels of my hands. “Actually, can I have some of your coffee?”

In this household, we keep caffeinated coffee, which you mostly drink, and decaffeinated coffee, which is all for me.

I hear the silence of your hesitation before you ask: “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it might help my head.” I drop my hands and give you a wobbly smile to reassure you. You nod and offer me your own tentative grin. Making coffee is something you can do to help. You like feeling useful, and I so often have problems you can’t solve.

Soon, I have a hot cup of drip in my hands, smoothed out with a splash of half-and-half. Caffeinated coffee is good; decaf beans aren’t always easy to find, and I miss the variety of roasts available to people who can tolerate caffeine.

“Want some toast or eggs with that?” you ask.

“Both.” I am confident I’ll be hungry when my head feels better, and I know coffee on an empty stomach isn’t the best idea.

You are kind and make us breakfast, and by the time it’s ready I feel like eating. I go on to get cleaned up for the day, feeling better and better as the minutes tick by. On the agenda: Work in the backyard until it rains or it’s time for lunch. Don’t get sunburned. My headache fades until it’s nothing but smoke on the horizon, and I pull on some yard clothes and follow you outside.

I make it an hour.

The problem starts with a fluttering sensation in my chest. I think at first I have indigestion, but then I stand up from my crouch by the flower bed. A cold sweat breaks out across my forehead, and I sway. You have your back to me, so you don’t see me wavering on my feet. What you notice instead is that I’ve suddenly gone silent, my chatter terminating mid-sentence.

“Are you all right?” The same question as before. I’m standing in the yard with my hand pressed to my stomach, hoping the lightheadedness and nausea will pass.

The fluttering in my chest worsens, and I identify the sensation as palpitations. I wonder if I can catch my pulse rate on my watch without alerting you, but it’s too late. You are already up and headed in my direction, evidently seeing something concerning in my sweaty face.

I shiver, even though it’s already in the eighties at this early hour, and you take my arm.

“Come sit down.” You pull me toward the patio furniture. I follow. My legs feel insubstantial. 

The fluttering in my chest increases pace until it feels like hammering, and I’m breathing fast. I let you ease me into a chair, watch as you crouch in front of me, trying to judge my condition by the look on my face. Your hand reaches out, cups the clammy skin of my cheek.

“Do you feel faint? You look pale.”

I nod, breathless now. I just want to feel better. 

“My heart,” I pant, hurriedly continuing when I see a look of alarm pass over your face. “My heart’s beating really fast. I shouldn’t have had that coffee.”

You nod, relaxing just a bit. You look more sympathetic than anything else, and you don’t chastise me. No “I told you so,” or “You always do this.” You are, above all else, kind.

Your fingers move from my face to my neck, pressing against my carotid. I watch your face grow distant as you concentrate, then frown. “Can you stand? I want to get you inside, out of the sun. I can get that pulse oximeter we bought for COVID.”

I start to rise, but you stop me with a hand on the center of my chest. “Hey! Go slow. You don’t have chest pains, do you?”

“No.” It’s the truth, but at this point I’m frightened and my lips tremble. You can tell I’m still unsteady on my feet as we rise together, so you keep hold of my arm and lead me inside. The world around me cants and wheels lazily. I wonder if I’m going to vomit.

The air indoors is crisp, and you set me down on the sofa. I try to fold over and put my head between my knees, but then I can’t breathe, so I have to push myself upright. I’m quickly losing control of myself, my own breathy gasps loud in my ears.

I hardly notice that you’ve gone anywhere when you’re back, carrying your phone and a glass of water and the promised pulse ox. 

“Hey,” you say, clipping the little white clamp on my damp index finger. “Try to slow your breathing. You’re going to be okay.”

I close my eyes and lean against the back of the sofa. You have your hands on my legs, rubbing my thighs as you encourage me to calm down.

“Your heart rate is pretty high,” you say, “but if you can take some deep breaths, I don’t think I have to call an ambulance.”

“How high?”

“Don’t worry about the number. Just take a deep breath. In… out… in… out…”

My hands are shaking. Hell, my entire body is shaking. If this goes on much longer, I’m going to cry.

“Just keep breathing.” Your voice is soothing. “You’re okay. In… out…”

I try to match your pace, relaxing my body against the upholstery.

“It’s already helping,” you reassure me. “You’re doing such a good job.”

Another moment passes and you climb to your feet and sit down on the sofa. My eyes are still closed, but I feel your arm come around my shoulders. You adjust my hand so that you can still read the pulse oximeter, then reach up to trail your fingers down my sweaty cheek.

“In, and out…”

It’s getting easier to breathe, so I lean against you, relaxing into the soothing nature of your touch. 

“You’ll be back to normal before you know it,” you murmur. Your hand moves to my hair, smoothing it back from my face.

My trembling quiets, and I draw an easy breath.

“Good.” Your voice remains low-pitched and gentle. “You can just sit here with me for a while and relax, okay? We have all the time in the world.”

[sorrowful-hyacinth]

Whumpril 2023

Pleasure in Pain #5

Day 2: “Get some rest.”

[ Previous / Next ] — {Masterlist}

I know I’m a day behind, school isn’t helping, but I still want to write so I’m just going to go at my own pace.

Contents: TW amputation, TW blood, Chainsaw, Vampire Whumpee, Lady Whumper, Whumper Turned Whumpee.

+++

Lilith had her arms crossed across her chest, her fingers tapping rhythmically on her bicep. Her eyes were scanning Cordova’s body top to bottom. She finally fixed her eyes to his feet and Cordova’s gaze followed.

“You know, I might have been able to help your legs heal faster by cleaning them up, but your feet are in no position to heal anytime soon. I could cut them off if you want them to heal faster.”

Cordova’s eyes widened. He was finding it harder to believe that she spoke of the act of amputation so nonchalantly. Of course he didn’t want to lose any limbs, he knew they would grow back, but who would wish to be amputated, let alone experience the pain? “N-no it’s fine, I-I can wait for them to heal.”

“Oh please, I’m providing you the mercy of amputating your limbs that have basically become ash. You won’t accept my help?”

“I-it’s not that. I-I just, um, I’ve been without bl-”, Should I say that? What good would it do to tell her I need blood? She obviously knows that and hasn’t offered. “I’m not exactly healing at the highest rate right now.”

“That’s true, you need blood to keep up with your regeneration. Either way, the dead skin has to come off somehow and I don’t have hours to just to peel it off myself.”

She turns around and walks straight to the tools, more like torture devices, and hovers her hand above them as if trying to feel for the right one. She reached to her right and grabbed a chainsaw.

“I think this one would be able to do just the trick. It’ll be able to go straight through the bone. This is definitely the most efficient way. I promise it’ll be worth it.”

Lilith crept forward, teasing the sound of the saw. Cordova’s body shivered. She stood in front of him, holding the chainsaw so that it grazed his right foot. He twitched at the cold steel and his heart rate exponentially increasing with every individual tooth of the saw that took turns touching his skin. “I-I d-don’t think tha-”.

“Didn’t you say you were going to cooperate? That I could do anything I wanted? Why are you being so defiant when you know it won’t change the outcome?”

“I-I’m just-”, scared, “-will you get it over with quickly?”

“If you don’t struggle, it shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes. I’ve had practice.”

Lilith places the saw firmly just above his right ankle. Cordova’s whole body tensed, his fingernails squeezing into his palms, he shut his eyes and faced away as if it would help him forget about what’s about to transpire.

“I’ll tell you what, tomorrow I’ll tell my husband to not do anything to you, so you can heal. Aaannd if you behave, then I’ll consider throwing in some pigs blood.”

Was she seriously bargaining right now? Of course I don’t want to get hurt, and pigs blood tastes like shit but it’s better than nothing. Cordova simply nodded hoping that was enough for her as he prepared himself. Lilith took that as her cue to start immediately.

The sound of the chainsaw echoed off the walls and filled Cordovas ears. The moment the chain hacked into his flesh his shut jaw was pried open by his drowned out screams. He could feel his blood splatter onto his thighs and hands. He reeled his head back as far as the table would allow. His wrists pressed into the silver restraints causing a searing pain that couldn’t compete against what he was experiencing. The chainsaw, relentless, moved passed the muscle and tendons and provided a new sensation that stopped any noise from coming out of his mouth. The chain hit his bone with a force that caused it to rattle up his right leg. Cordova swore he could feel it crack with the power of an earthquake. His foot was hanging slightly off on one side, practically doing some of the work for Lilith as it pulled on the other side. She finished but cutting off the remaining flesh. His foot hit the ground with a thud as the chainsaws visceral sound died down. Cordova hadn’t realized he was crying until he heard his own sobs, he grimaced as he inhaled sharply as if trying to keep his screams to himself.

“One more~”, Lilith said in a singly voice.

Before Cordova could mentally prepare himself, Lilith started to repeat what she had done to his left foot. Halfway through, Cordova was barely conscious, not making a single noise, eyes fluttering. His other foot dropped to the floor. Lilith placed the chainsaw down on the floor and picked his feet up like they were shoes. She walked towards the table and pulled out a waste bin dropping both into it. She wiped her hands on her coat and picked up the chainsaw as to put it back where she found it. Lilith pressed the button and the table leveled itself out horizontally. Cordova didn’t react, if anything it made it easier for him to slip into unconsciousness. Lilith made her way out, but before closing the door she turned to look at Cordova.

“Get some rest.”

+++

Date: April 2, 2023

Taglist: @turn-the-tables-on-them @whumpril

[ Previous / Next ]

[gelnanapass]

Will anybody see this? Idk. But just in case I wanna post my story. Warning it's about someone with an addiction so that could be a trigger.

Hands shaking. Tears streaming. Hands grasping onto her head. Breathing speeds up. Heart rate increases. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! She screams repeatedly internally. ... silence. Everything goes quiet. Time practically stops. There's a random wave of calm. She lifts her head and grasps onto the pill bottle. Opens the bottle and pops the pills into her mouth. The bottle said don't take more than 2 in 24 hours. Don't use these to sleep. She didnt care. Didn't stop her from taking 4, in one sitting, during the daytime. She needs the thoughts to stop. She needed to sleep so she could no longer think. The cycle will always repeat. School. Come home. Sleep. That was her when she was a kid. (12) Now she's 21. The pills turned into alcohol. The cycle was slightly changed. Work. Come home. Drink alcohol. She always said I'll never be like my dad. I'll never become addicted to pills or alcohol. Sure she took some drowsy pills but that didn't count. Those aren't heavy drugs or alcohol. Now 21 years old. Major addict. She started as a social drinker. Always went to parties and got WASTED. But it was only at parties. So everything was okay. Friends starting having hangouts multiple times a week. The hangouts which had drugs and alcohol. But again she was fine. It's not like it was a daily thing. Plus it wasn't that bad. (Totally) And well you know how that goes. It started spiraling from there. At home drinking. Then Daily. Then A shit ton Daily. Throwing up CONSTANTLY. Just like any day she reaches for a drink. Then another. Then another. Then.. drink in hand. In the bathroom. Throwing up. And her vision suddenly fades to black. She was supposed to hangout with her drinking buddy today. Her friend came over as planned. Knocked on the door. No answer. They were extremely close so she walks in. Surprised that the door was unlocked but walks in nonetheless. "Hello" "Anybody here?" No response. She walks towards the bedroom. Looks to her side. There's the bathroom with the door wide open. She looks down, and sees her passed out in her own throw up. This was a common occurrence. But something about this time was different. The friend stayed calm anyway and took care of her. Including the mess. She woke up feeling sick as hell. Yet the first thought was "I need to grab a drink" The friend grabbed onto her wrist. And then cleans up the throw up mess.

-Changes to 1st person-

My friend started talking to me. And the conversation is all a blur to me now. I remember the mention of AA and how my drinking is a problem. With some stupid response of mine saying "nahh I can control my drinking" "it's not that bad and I can stop if I wanted to". Yeah I was sorely mistaken. Yeah things just started to get worse shortly after. When I decided "im gonna get sober and prove them wrong" I made it 1 day. Then thought just 1 drink. Just another. And then another. And it just kept building up one after the other. And after that a thought kinda came up. "I really can't control it" She tried to hold onto the thought of control anyways. But that thought of control slowly faded away in time. When the realization of no control finally sunk in things got rough. All this time I thought I could control it. But I can't stop. I can't fucking stop. I was terrified. And shit terrified sounds like an understatement.

[markowensmile]

The Spotlight- Chapter 11 (A Gary Barlow FanFiction)

The world is still cloaked in darkness as I lace up my running shoes, my fingers trembling slightly from the early morning chill. I step out of the house, the cool air immediately nipping at my exposed skin, causing goosebumps to rise along my arms. I take a deep breath, letting the crisp air fill my lungs, before I set off down the quiet street.

My footsteps echo in the pre-dawn silence, a steady rhythm that matches the pounding of my heart. With each stride, I try to outrun the doubts that have plagued me since yesterday's performance. Gary's inscrutable expression flashes in my mind, and I push myself to run faster, as if I could somehow leave those worries behind in the shadows. I feel my stomach twist into knots. What if I wasn't good enough? What if all this was for nothing?

The darkness around me feels oppressive, mirroring the uncertainty that's been gnawing at my insides. I can barely make out the outlines of the houses I pass; their windows are dark and lifeless. It's as if the whole world is holding its breath, waiting for the sun to rise and decisions to be made.

As I round a corner, my thoughts drift to the afternoon ahead. In just a few hours, Gary will announce his final four. The weight of that impending moment sits heavy on my chest, making each breath feel labored. I try to focus on the sound of my feet hitting the pavement, the steady in-and-out of my breathing, anything to distract me from the swirling vortex of what-ifs in my head. Did I hit that high note perfectly? Was my timing off during the bridge? The doubts start to creep in, insidious and persistent, like a shadow growing longer as the sun sets.

Gradually, the inky blackness begins to soften, and the world around me slowly comes into focus. Shades of gray emerge from the darkness, outlining trees and buildings that were previously invisible. It's as if the landscape is slowly waking up, stretching, and yawning its way into existence.

The gradual lightening of the sky mirrors the growing anticipation in my chest. With each passing minute, we draw closer to the moment of truth. I can feel my heart rate increasing, and I'm not sure if it's from the exertion or the anxiety.

I push myself harder, my legs pumping furiously as I sprint up a small incline. The burn in my muscles is a welcome distraction from the turmoil in my mind. For a moment, I can pretend that this run is all that matters and that there isn't a life-changing decision looming on the horizon.

As I crest the hill, I notice my shoelace has come undone. In my distracted state, I don't notice the uneven pavement beneath my feet. I stumble, my arms flailing as I try to regain my balance.

But it's too late. My foot catches on the loose lace, and suddenly, I'm falling. Time seems to slow down as I brace myself for impact, my arms outstretched, my eyes squeezing shut. I wait for the sting of the pavement against my skin, but it never comes.

Instead, I feel strong arms wrap around me, catching me mid-fall. For a moment, I'm too stunned to move, my heart pounding from the near-miss and the unexpected rescue. Then, slowly, I open my eyes and look up.

My breath catches in my throat as I find myself staring into the familiar face of Gary Barlow. His green eyes, filled with concern, are mere inches from mine. I feel the warmth of his arms around me, steady and secure, and my mind goes completely blank.

"Are you alright?" Gary asks, his voice low and tinged with worry.

I open my mouth to respond, but no words come out. A deeper flush creeps across my face, stemming not only from my recent exertion but also from the wave of mortification washing over me. Here I am, sweaty and disheveled from my run, literally falling into the arms of Gary. It's like something out of a ridiculous dream.

"I... um... yes," I finally manage to stammer out, my words tumbling over each other in a nervous rush. "I'm fine. Thank you. I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there. I mean, obviously, I didn't see you, or I wouldn't have... Oh God, I'm babbling, aren't I?"

Gary chuckles softly, the sound vibrating through his chest where I'm still pressed against him. He helps me straighten up, his hands lingering on my arms to make sure I'm steady.

"There is no need to apologize," he says, a hint of amusement in his voice. "I'm just glad you ran into me, and I was here to catch you. That could have been a nasty fall."

I nod, still feeling flustered. "Yeah, it could have been. Thank you, really. I don't know what I was thinking, running with my shoelace undone like that."

Gary's eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles. "I'd hate for you to show up all banged up for today's shoot," he jokes.

I can't help but notice Gary's workout attire, and my breath catches in my throat. His shirt clings to his body, outlining his toned physique. Droplets of sweat glisten at the roots of his hair, waiting to fall. He looks absolutely stunning, and I have to force myself to focus on his face.

"What are you doing up so early?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. It's obvious he's out for a run, just like me, but there's something in his expression that suggests there's more to it. There is a hint of preoccupation in his eyes, as if his mind is elsewhere.

Gary shrugs, a small smile playing on his lips. "I like to get up early for a run. It helps clear the mind, you know?"

I nod, understanding all too well. Then, unable to help myself, I let out a small laugh. "I have to say, I'm surprised to see you here. Let alone anywhere near the house." I pause, feeling a bit bold. "I thought you'd be somewhere even more fancier and only show up for filming."

Gary's eyebrows rise slightly at my comment, and I immediately regret my words. My cheeks flush even hotter, if that's possible.

"Is that what you think of me?" he asks, his tone curious rather than offended. "That I'm too big to be around the contestants?"

I stammer, trying to backpedal. "No, I... I didn't mean..."

Gary chuckles, shaking his head. "That's a bit pretentious, don't you think?"

His words, though gentle, make me want to sink into the ground. I've managed to insult one of the judges, my potential full time mentor, within minutes of our first real interaction.

"I'm sorry," I say quickly. "I didn't mean to imply... It's just that you're Gary B-"

"Barlow." He finishes for me. "I'm aware of who I am," he teases.

I keep trying to dig myself out of this mess I've gotten myself into. "You're a legend. I guess I assumed..."

Gary's expression softens. "I'm just a person, Riley. Like you. I put my trousers on one leg at a time, same as everyone else."

His words, so down-to-earth and honest, caught me off guard. I look at him, really look at him, and see beyond the celebrity facade. There's a vulnerability in his eyes, a hint of the real person behind the polished exterior. But now there is a slight tension in his shoulders that wasn't there before. It makes me think there's more that he's not saying. His eyes dart away for a second, looking out at the lightening horizon, before coming back to meet mine.

"I take it you were out for an early morning run too?"

"Yeah," I say, grateful for the change of subject. "I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd try to clear my head."

Something in Gary's expression shifts, becoming more serious. "Nervous about the announcement this afternoon?"

I bite my lip, considering how to answer. Part of me wants to put on a brave face and pretend that I'm completely confident. But there's something about Gary's gentle inquiry that makes me want to be honest.

"Terrified, actually," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "I keep replaying last night's performance in my head, picking apart every little detail."

Gary nods, understanding in his eyes. "That's completely normal, you know. Even after all these years, I still find myself doing the same thing after performances."

His words surprise me. "Really? You always seem so confident on stage."

He laughs; the sound is infectious and genuine. "Trust me, appearances can be deceiving. We all have our doubts and insecurities. The key is not letting them paralyze you."

I nod, absorbing his words. There's a moment of comfortable silence between us, broken only by the sound of early morning birds and the distant hum of traffic starting to pick up.

"Well, I should get back to it," I say, taking a step backwards. "Thanks again for saving me from a faceplant. I'll see you again later today." I'm about to continue my run when Gary's voice stops me.

"You know," Gary says suddenly, "since we're both up, there's something I'd like to show you. If you're interested, that is."

My heart skips a beat at his offer. "Show me?"

He nods, a hint of excitement in his eyes. "There's a spot not far from here. It's a bit of a hidden gem. What do you say? Fancy a walk?"

I hesitate for a moment, acutely aware of how I must look and smell after my run. But the opportunity to spend more time with Gary and see something he clearly finds special is too tempting to pass up.

"I'd love to," I say, hoping my voice doesn't betray how nervous and excited I feel.

Gary's face lights up with a smile that makes my heart do a little flip in my chest. "Great. It's just a short walk from here. Oh, and you might want to double-knot that shoelace this time," he adds with a wink.

I laugh, feeling some of my earlier embarrassment melt away. As I bend down to tie my shoe properly, I can't help but marvel at the unexpected turn this morning has taken. What started as an anxiety-fueled run has somehow led to a sunrise walk with Gary.

As we set off together, the sky above us began to lighten, the darkness giving way to soft shades of pink and gold. It feels like the start of something new, something exciting.

Gary leads the way, his stride confident and unhurried. I fall into step beside him, hyper-aware of his presence. We walk in companionable silence for a few minutes, the only sounds being our footsteps and the gradually awakening world around us.

"So, Riley," Gary says, breaking the silence. "Tell me something about yourself that's not in your X Factor bio."

I laugh nervously, caught off guard by the question. "Oh, um... well, I'm terrified of spiders. Like, embarrassingly so. I once made my ex climb out of bed at 3 AM to remove a tiny spider from the bathroom."

Gary chuckles, "I can relate. I'm not a fan either. Though I usually try the glass-and-paper method instead of waking someone up."

I grin. "I'll have to remember that technique next time. Maybe you could give me a tutorial."

He smiles with a playful glint in his eyes. "Only if you promise not to laugh if I get a little jumpy."

I laugh, shaking my head. "Deal. So, any surprising fears or quirks I should know about?"

Gary pauses, then admits with a slightly embarrassed smile, "Okay, don't judge, but I've always been a bit afraid of horses."

I blink in surprise. "Horses? Really? But they're so... majestic."

He laughs, nodding. "I know, right? But they're also big and powerful, and I never quite know how to handle them. And for some reason, they seem to love following me around. It's like they can sense my fear and want to mess with me."

I giggle, picturing the scenario. "So, you're like a horse magnet? That's hilarious!"

Gary grins, shaking his head. "Yeah, it's like they have a radar for it. I swear, I can't go near a stable without one trying to be my new best friend."

I chuckle, enjoying the lighthearted moment. "Well, if we ever find ourselves near horses, I'll make sure to keep them from flocking to you."

Gary laughs, his eyes sparkling. "I appreciate that. Maybe you can be my official horse deterrent."

I can't help but smile.

As we continue talking, the atmosphere between us is light and easy. Sharing these little fears and quirks, and even joking about them, creates a sense of connection and comfort. It's a simple, sweet moment, filled with laughter and a hint of something special beginning to unfold between us.

As we walk, the path begins to incline slightly. Gary points to a small trail branching off from the main path. "It's just up here," he says, a hint of excitement in his voice.

The trail is narrow and a bit overgrown; it is clearly not frequently used. I follow Gary closely, ducking under low-hanging branches and carefully stepping over exposed roots. The exertion of the climb warms me back up, and I can feel a light sheen of sweat on my forehead.

Just as I'm starting to wonder how much further we have to go, Gary stops abruptly. He turns to me with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Close your eyes," he says.

I raise an eyebrow, skeptical. "Really?"

He nods, grinning. "Trust me. It'll be worth it."

Taking a deep breath, I comply, closing my eyes. I feel Gary's hand on my arm, gently guiding me forward. The ground beneath my feet changes from soft earth to something more solid—rock, perhaps. The air feels different too, more open.

"Okay." Gary's voice comes from beside me, soft and close. "Open your eyes."

I blink my eyes open, and for a moment, I'm sure I must still be dreaming. We're standing on a small rocky outcrop, and the world spreads out before us in a breathtaking panorama. The sky is a canvas of soft pinks, oranges, and golds, and the sun is just beginning to peek over the horizon. Below us, the city is waking up, tiny lights twinkling in the dawn light.

"Oh my God," I breathe, unable to take my eyes off the view. "This is... incredible."

Gary smiles, clearly pleased by my reaction. "I discovered this spot by accident a few years ago. I come here whenever I need to clear my head or find some inspiration."

We stand in silence for a while, watching as the sun slowly rises, painting the sky in ever-changing colors. The beauty of the moment is almost overwhelming, and I feel a lump form in my throat.

"Thank you for sharing this with me," I say softly, turning to look at Gary. The golden light of the sunrise illuminates his face, making his eyes shine. For a moment, our gazes lock, and I feel a jolt of electricity run through me.

Gary clears his throat, breaking the moment. "You're welcome," he says, his voice a little rough. "I thought you could use a bit of perspective before the big announcement today."

The mention of the announcement brings reality crashing back. All the doubts and fears I'd momentarily forgotten come flooding back. Gary must see the change in my expression because he places a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Hey," he says gently. "Whatever happens today, remember this moment. Remember how it feels to stand here, on top of the world. That feeling, that passion, and that drive that brought you here—that's what matters. Not the outcome of one competition."

I nod, trying to absorb his words. "It's just... I want this so badly. I'm afraid of letting everyone down. Letting myself down."

Gary's expression softens. "Riley, listen to me. I've been in this industry for a long time, and I've seen countless talented people come and go. What sets the great ones apart isn't just their voice or their stage presence. It's their resilience, their ability to keep pushing forward no matter what challenges they face."

He pauses, his gaze intense. "From what I've seen of you so far, you have that resilience in spades. Whatever happens today, I have no doubt that you're going to make your mark on this industry."

His words wash over me, soothing some of the anxiety that's been gnawing at me. I feel tears prick at the corners of my eyes, overwhelmed by his faith in me. "Thank you," I whisper, not trusting my voice to say more.

Gary smiles, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze before letting his hand drop. "Come on," he says. "We should head back. Big day ahead."

As we make our way back down the trail, I try to hold onto the peace of that moment on the outcrop. The memory of the sunrise and Gary's words feels like a talisman against the uncertainty ahead.

When we reach the main path, Gary turns to me. "I should get going. I've got some preparations to make before the announcement."

I nod, suddenly reluctant for our time together to end. "Of course. Thank you again for everything."

Gary smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "It was my pleasure, Riley. Remember what I said, alright? No matter what happens, you've got what it takes." He starts to walk away before turning back around. "For the record, I always stay at the same house with my acts." A weird tingle spreads throughout my chest at this information.

With a final nod, he turns and starts jogging down the path. I watch him go, my emotions a swirling mix of gratitude, anxiousness, and something else I'm not quite ready to name.

I make my way back to the judge's house, my heart still racing from the unexpected encounter with Gary. As I approach the entrance, I can't help but glance around, hoping to catch another glimpse of him. The house seems quiet; there is no sign of Gary or anyone else, for that matter. A mix of disappointment and relief washes over me as I head towards my room.

Once inside, I peel off my sweaty running clothes and step into the shower. The warm water cascades over me, washing away the physical exertion of my run but doing little to calm my racing thoughts. I can't shake the memory of Gary's words and his unwavering belief in me. It's both comforting and terrifying to know that someone I admire so much sees potential in me.

As I dry off and get dressed, I try to focus on preparing for the day ahead. I style my hair, apply a light touch of makeup, and choose an outfit that makes me feel confident yet comfortable. It's a small armor against the uncertainty that lies ahead.

By the afternoon, the anticipation has become almost unbearable. Needing a change of scenery, I head downstairs. As I reach the ground floor, I spot David sitting by the pool outside. I make my way out to join him and settle into the chair next to him. David turns to me, his expression a mix of concern and curiosity.

"How'd you sleep?" he asks.

I let out a small sigh. "Tossing and turning all night. You?"

"Yeah, me too," David admits, running a hand through his hair.

A moment of silence passes between us, and the weight of the upcoming announcement is palpable in the air. Then a thought occurrs to me.

"Did you know Gary is staying here too?" I ask, trying to keep my tone casual.

David nods, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Why do you think they call it the judge's house?"

I feel a blush creep up my cheeks, suddenly feeling silly for even asking. "I thought it was just for show," I admit with a laugh. "And I didn't see him last night."

David chuckles, shaking his head at my naivety. "I saw him leave with Mark yesterday; he probably got back late."

Then he glances at his watch, his expression growing more serious. "In an hour, we'll find out who's staying and leaving."

"Yeah." I sigh.

We lapse into silence, both lost in our own thoughts. The gentle lapping of the pool water and the distant chirping of birds are the only sounds breaking the silence. It's a beautiful day, but the beauty feels almost mocking in the face of our fear.

I lean back in my chair, closing my eyes, and try to recapture the peace I felt watching the sunrise with Gary. But the memory, instead of calming me, only intensifies the butterflies in my stomach. In just an hour, everything could change. All the work and all the dreams are hanging in the balance.

David and I sit there, side by side, each lost in our own world of hopes and fears as the minutes tick slowly by, bringing us ever closer to the moment of truth. I sit nervously with the other contestants, my heart pounding in my chest, as we wait for Dermot to arrive. The tension in the air is palpable, and I can feel the nerves radiating from everyone around me. David, Trisha, Melissa, Sean, and Dean are all here, each of us lost in our own thoughts about what's to come. When Dermot finally appears, his presence sends a jolt through the group. He explains the process: we'll be called individually to speak with Gary, and we're not to return to the house until everyone has had their turn.

The secrecy of it all only adds to my nerves.

"David." Dermot calls first.

I watch as David stands, his face a mixture of determination and fear. He gives us a small nod before following Dermot out. As the door closes behind them, the silence in the room becomes deafening. Minutes tick by, feeling like hours. I try to distract myself by observing the others. Melissa is fidgeting with her red hair, twirling a strand around her finger. Sean appears calm on the surface, but I notice his leg bouncing slightly. Dean is leaning back in his chair, trying to look relaxed, but the tension in his shoulders gives him away. And Trisha... well, she's sitting there with an air of confidence that I can't help but envy.

"Melissa." Dermot's voice breaks through the silence as he returns.

Melissa stands, taking a deep breath before she leaves. I wonder what David was told—whether he's celebrating or devastated right now. The uncertainty is excruciating.

More time passes. I find myself replaying my performances in my head, analyzing every note and every gesture.

"Sean." Dermot calls next.

Sean gives us a tight smile as he leaves. I catch Trisha's eye for a moment, and there's a flash of something there—worry, perhaps? It's gone in an instant, replaced by her usual mask of self-assurance.

The waiting continues. I think about my conversation with Gary this morning, wondering if it means anything for my chances. But then I remind myself that he's a professional, and our chance encounter probably won't factor into his decision.

"Trisha," Dermot announces.

Trisha stands, smoothing down her clothes and flipping her hair. She walks out with her head held high, as if she's already won. I feel a twinge of irritation at her attitude.

Now it's just Dean and me. We exchange a look, a silent acknowledgment of our shared nervousness. I try to offer him a reassuring smile, but I'm not sure how convincing it is when I'm barely holding it together myself.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Dermot returns. "Riley," he says.

My heart leaps into my throat as I stand. This is it. The moment that could change everything. I take a deep breath, steeling myself for whatever comes next. As I follow Dermot out, I can feel Dean's eyes on me, wishing me luck.

The walk to wherever Gary is waiting feels both too long and too short. My mind is racing, trying to prepare for every possible outcome. But as we approach the door, I realize that no amount of preparation could truly prepare me for this moment. Dermot gives me an encouraging nod as he opens the door. I step through, my future hanging in the balance, ready to face whatever Gary has to say.

I see Gary sitting outside by the pool, in the same spot where David and I shared that quiet moment earlier today. He's no longer in his workout clothes; instead, he's wearing black slacks and a salmon polo, his hair neatly combed. As I approach, he stands up and motions for me to sit in the chair next to him.

"Hi," he says, his tone almost familiar, as if he's greeting me again but doesn't want to acknowledge our earlier encounter in front of the cameras.

"How are you feeling?" Gary asks, his eyes searching mine.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. "I think you already know," I reply, my voice barely above a whisper. It's a loaded response—he's been a judge for years and knows how nerve-wracking this moment is for contestants—but it's also a nod to our conversation earlier, when I confessed how terrified I was.

Gary nods, understanding the weight behind my words.

He leans forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees. "From your very first audition, I've seen a lot of potential in you," he begins, and I feel my heart rate quicken. "You've continued to impress me throughout bootcamp. Your performance yesterday was incredibly powerful, however..."

I hold my breath, waiting for the 'but' that I'm sure is coming.

"I could see you were in so much pain while you were singing, really letting your emotions take over," Gary continues. "It's clear you sing with immense passion, and that's such a gift. But what I don't want to happen is for you to get so deep into those emotions that you lose the audience."

I nod, trying to absorb his words even as my mind races with uncertainty.

"I want you to know that it's great to pour your heart into your music, but it's also important to remember to bring the audience with you," he explains. "I almost see a lost person up there, someone who's searching for something, and I want you to find yourself. This competition is fierce, and every performance is crucial. This hasn't been an easy decision..."

As Gary speaks, I feel my heart sinking. Our conversation earlier flashes through my mind—was that his way of warning me that I'd be going home? The realization hits me hard, and I feel a tear escape, rolling down my cheek. Gary notices, and for a moment, he raises his hand as if to wipe it away. Instead, he gently places it on my arm, the warmth of his touch both comforting and devastating.

"Riley," he says, his voice softer now.

I brace myself for the final blow, closing my eyes briefly.

"You're coming with me to the live shows!"

My eyes snap open, disbelief washing over me. Did I hear him correctly? The words take a moment to sink in, and when they do, a wave of emotion crashes over me. Joy, relief, excitement—they all swirl together, leaving me temporarily speechless.

"R-really?" I manage to stammer out, my voice cracking with emotion.

Gary's face breaks into a warm smile. "Really," he confirms. "You've earned this, Riley. Your talent is undeniable, and I believe in you. Remember what I said? We need to work on channeling those emotions and finding that balance between feeling the music and connecting with the audience. But most importantly, I want you to find yourself and show us who you really are."

I nod vigorously, still trying to process the news. "I will, I promise. Thank you so much, Gary. I won't let you down."

"This is your chance," he says, giving my arm a gentle squeeze before letting go. "I believe in you."

As I stand up, my legs feel shaky, but there's a newfound strength coursing through me. I've made it to the live shows. This is my chance to prove myself, to show Gary and the world what I'm capable of.

"Thank you again," I say, my voice steadier now. "I'm ready for this."

Gary nods, a hint of pride in his eyes. "Now go on; I have to talk to Dean next."

I turn to leave, my mind already racing with thoughts of the journey ahead. As I walk away, I can feel Gary's gaze on me, and I straighten my shoulders. I'm going to make the most of this opportunity. I'm going to find myself through this competition with Gary by my side, and I'm going to show everyone exactly why I deserve to be here.

[nathank77]

8/14/24

11:41 a.m

My tsh is low. And my t3 and t4 are normal. That means subclinical hyperthyroidism. I'm not noticing symptoms minus the slight increase in my heart rate and worsening insomnia.

I called my Dr and left a message. Idk If I should be increasing Methimazole or just leaving my dose as is and seeing what happens, although it would explain my slight increase in heart rate and difficulty falling asleep without weed added in to my normal dose of xanax.

It would also explain why sleep hasn't been easy for me. Insomnia is a symptom of hyperthyroidism.... I smoked last night before the Xanax. I passed out. I prob got 6 or 6 1/2 hours of sleep bc I woke up needing to pee twice. The first time at 4:30 am. I took Melatonin 3mg and took an additional 3 hits. I passed back out within a hour.... per my tv sleep timer. When I woke back up at 6:50 a.m I didn't feel comfortable taking more Melatonin bc it was so close to my waking hour of 8 a.m (I don't chose to wake up at 7 a.m anymore if I can get 9 hours I take it.)

I also didn't feel comfortable smoking pot bc it was so close my waking hour, that regardless of if I fell asleep or not, I didn't want to wake up and be high or be high and awake bc of the slight increase in hallucinations....

I didn't fall back to sleep. I laid there with my eyes closed until 7:50 and got up cause what the fuck ever. I'll never microsleep as long as I hit rem sleep every night. 6 to 6 1/2 hours is better than nothing.

I'm awaiting hearing back from my doctor. I won't celebrate any weight loss if I have any that is. And now i have an answer for why weed or a higher dose of xanax has been required to hit sleep stage 1. I haven't taken a higher dose of xanax the last two night. Taking 4 hits at 9 p.m and taking xanax around 9:30 has adequately knocked me out within 30-45 minutes. Sometimes I think 15 minutes but idk that's the issue with microsleep, you lay there for hours with your eyes closed and once you start sleeping again, closing your eyes for 5 minutes feels like a lifetime.....

So to not raise my tolerance I will continue to smoke weed before bedtime and risk my hallucination worsening. Although I don't think it will bc when I smoked daily during the worst of it, I did start to slowly recover.

I mean it is what it is but I wish my tsh would go to normal. Sleep comes easier and then I wouldn't need weed with xanax. I always have anxiety from the weed but I fall asleep fast.

I don't like weed like I used to it makes me anxious but I fall asleep quickly. So whatever. I hope I don't have to increase Methimazole bc I'll go Hypo no doubt with my t3 and t4 levels. I'll see what the Dr says. Unfortunately I'm a long way from remission.

Also I've been thinking about Kristen a lot. If you're here and sometimes I think you are, do you know what I want more than your license? I want a sincere apology. I want you to look me deep in the eyes and prove that the good person I saw behind those eyes actually exists. I want the most sincere genuine apology you're capable of more than I want to strip you of your license. I only want your license bc you didn't show an ounce of sympathy.

[ashleyhlovestay]

I can hardly believe it's been 1 year since I went to the Eras Tour in Kansas City! @taylorswift is my inspiration and role model. My mom and I were lucky to get 10th row tickets to night 2 in KC. I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome which causes my heart rate to increase, my blood pressure can drop, I get shaky, and I can faint. At the time, I was on new medicines that seemed to be helping so I wasn't having episodes. I also have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, which causes chronic, excruciating pain. It was an extremely hot day and we had been in our seats 4 hours by the time Taylor came on. When "Cruel Summer" started playing, I felt like I was going to pass out. My mom took me to the back of the floor area to get some air. I started to faint, and my mom and one of Taylor's security guards both caught me so I didn't fall. Taylor's mom happened to be there and asked what was going on. My mom explained my medical issues to her as I was transported to the medical area. She went with my mom to find where they took me and checked to see how I was doing. They gave me IV fluids and medicine, and Mama Swift took a picture with me and generously offered to let us sit in the VIP tent to see the rest of the show once I was feeling better. When I have these episodes, I am so out of it and can't keep a clear head; I can't fully remember the concert. I hated missing so many of my favorite songs but am so grateful that I had so many people that cared for me in that moment. Thank you to Taylor and Mama Swift, Taylor's security team, and Arrowhead Stadium security guards and medical staff for everything you did for me and keeping everyone safe. I am forever grateful and hope that Taylor sees this message. 🫶

@taylornation @nhett