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#as my spirit followed inertia off a cliff. emotionally.
angelhound · 2 years
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#i overcame like 6 fears yesterday and it was cool and great and all but the aftershock feels like my body slammed on the brakes#as my spirit followed inertia off a cliff. emotionally.#idk how to keep up with the changes i have implimented with my own hands#do u know how many people i now have to text back and make plans with after i was good at it yesterday and now i am#??#somewhere else. digging in my heels because it is so painful to grow#but my hermit crab body has already outgrown my hermit crab shell metaphorically i cannot go back but i also cannot keep up#being real is the worst actually i am nauseous#i dont regret it but it is the worst i am more comfortable with being universally condemned than having everyone tell me i am cool. or loved#or that i am anything to them at all. i am very good at being alone i do not know how to do whatever i am doing now#it will be easy someday that is the only thing keeping me focused#it will be like breathing someday#i will meet fate face to face and we will kiss on the mouth and i will only cry just a little#only because its over#my ears are still ringing but everything else is like static#there is only one person in this world that knows me in a way that did not burn me up and its the last person i will see in the end#im going to listen to montana on repeat and try not to feel like i am a child in only the worst ways#if i knew how i would draw the way embarrassment feels to me but its too deep to see it clearly#it is further down than i can reach even with light like trying to unearth what is below the sea floor#but anyways i am ok probably i am perhaps just hungry. ur not u have a snickers or whatever
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