#as much as is possible as one person living under the conditions of our current reality

[ghostzzy]

i'm so glad i don't feel the urge to have to political post on the blog anymore.

[lizbethborden]

Its so true, Dworkin and Mackinnon predicted everything about this current era. Porn has become sex now; teenage girls being bullied into anal and getting choked by boys and coerced into sending nudes at an age typically understood as one of “exploration”—now porn defines sex and sexuality; and Gail Dines and many others have talked about the deeply deadening effect of porn on empathy and the ability to recognize women as people. Porn crept ever further into the mainstream and it has totally saturated our culture, from the ‘arts’—not just streaming/TV or Lars Von Trier films, but I’m thinking of stuff as small as frames of comic books traced from porn, art distributed online traced from porn—to the personal intimate lives of human beings, women being choked, spat on, beaten—then again, even back in the 80s, men were using porn to abuse women, and the most widely available stuff was still not as vile as the porn you can find with a 2sec Google search from any phone or computer today. Deepfake porn turns all women existing in public into potential victims of violent and degrading misogynist fetishism and sexuality. OF and its ilk makes it possible for any woman to monetize herself in the form of porn and in a time of increasing economic instability, inflation, high food and gas prices, the upcoming potential loss of health insurance for millions, I’m sure it’s more appealing than ever. Porn terminology is everywhere, “MILF,” “ebony,” etc. And all of this is done under the guise of sexual liberation and free speech, and to argue against it is seen as puritanical, condescending at best, hateful, antifeminist, “SWERF”/“TERF”-y at worst. It is a demonstrated fact of the research done into porn that it shuts off vital abilities to connect with women as human beings, to empathize with women and to reject violence against us; that porn usage conditions the user into seeking out ever more intense, bizarre, violent content to use in order to achieve the same pleasure and orgasm that “vanilla��� content used to do for them. What must it be doing to all of us, collectively, to have porn on every level of our culture now? What is it doing to the position of women in our society, already half citizens at best, earning significantly less than men, with our bodily autonomy stripped away in many states, being denied life-saving procedures and medications—not just mifepristone etc but even things like lupus medication and anti-inflammatories that may potentially affect us and our bodies if we chose at some point to maybe get pregnant—even being arrested for drinking or taking drugs while decidedly not pregnant because it could affect a potential fetus at some point? Are we not degraded objects already? What does it mean for us to be reduced to “cumsocks” and pornographic objects on top of all this? How deeply destructive is this society, how much further will it go to enforce the category of woman as hole, woman as receptacle, woman as vessel, woman as meat?

[aesethewitch]

Loopholes

Thinking about general versus specific spells and loopholes in magic today…

I find that general spells are often less effective than spells that are really specific. Or, at least, a general spell’s effects are more difficult to measure than a spell with specific instructions and expectations.

Leaving spells general also leaves room for loopholes. Now, depending on the paradigm you’re operating from, loopholes may not be an issue. But they can cause unexpected and sometimes unwanted side effects, or cause the primary desired outcome to manifest in a way that isn’t ideal.

For another example, consider if you cast a spell for someone to take a romantic interest in you with no specifications on the type of person you’re looking for. That coworker you don’t particularly like but who already thinks you’re neat is likelier to form romantic feelings for you than, say, the unattainable hot guy whose name you don’t know and with whom your only conversation is “Would you like that small, medium, or large?”

This, in my paradigm, is because those connections either already exist or they’re stronger. You know that coworker better, they know you better, and you have more ties than the hot barista you see once every three weeks.

If you want the barista’s attention and not the coworker’s, it’s important to specify that — to close the loophole.

I always think about connections working against me, too, when I’m doing magic. If a person who hates me is the primary interviewer at a company I’m interested in, I have to account for their rancid opinion if I want to get that job. I have to do extra work to either get around, rewrite, or disconnect the existing connection in order to increase the likelihood of a favorable outcome.

My partner and I are currently looking at buying a house (yay!). Our area is pretty expensive, and very affordable homes tend to be… well, to put it kindly… shitholes.

Those conditions (those connections) are strongly ingrained into the environment. I can’t single-handedly change the economy, though I wish I could. And I can’t force a house to spontaneously appear between two existing houses, even though that neighborhood is absolutely perfect and I desperately want to live there. There isn’t room, and that isn’t physically possible.

Well, alright, I suppose I could do a spell to convince both owners to chop up their parcels into smaller pieces for sale, do another spell to make the parcels affordable, and then another spell for someone to build an affordable house on the land. But that’d be a teeny little house and yard! It might work better in a location with bigger parcels and more space between houses, but this is a cute little rural-type suburb, not the country roads further out of town. As it is in this location we’re looking at, to make it viable for our wants and needs would be physically impossible; we’d be compromising too much one way or another, and it wouldn’t be worthwhile!

But I can do spells for houses with specific qualities to come onto the market, and I can include my particular price range! I can do magic to encourage the bank to give us a better deal on our pre-approval! I can do a spell to urge sellers to drop their prices or accept an offer that’s under their asking price but within our budget!

It’s a matter of identifying what I want and what might stand in the way. It’s also about considering the things I’m leaving unsaid, or that could be taken in multiple ways. Like, if I say I want a basement, and we find a house that’s perfect, fitting all our desired qualities!

…except that basement floods several times a year, and that’s why it’s unfinished, so it’s wasted space that requires expensive yearly upkeep or a massive, pricey overhaul to prevent for the future. That would be a hell of a loophole to discover. Closing as many loopholes as possible can help a spell produce a result that’s exactly (or close to exactly) what I expect it to be with as few unpleasant side effects as possible.

Another method I’ve seen, which I think comes from @windvexer, is the “if/then” method of creating conditions within a spell. I find it’s really useful for closing loopholes, since it keeps a spell from deviating from your instructions or fizzling out when it can’t fulfill its purpose as written.

The method looks like this in practice:

“This spell is a money spell. Its purpose is to bring $500 in tarot commissions to me by the end of April.

“If April is not possible, then by the end of June.

“If $500 is not possible, then no less than $300.

“If not by tarot commissions, then this money will come to me via tips and subscriptions.

“If not by tips and subscriptions, then this money will come to me via other types of contract work.

“If any final condition (end of June, no less than $300, contract work) is not possible, I will receive a sign in the form of three cardinals sitting on the hood of my car, and the spell will end.”

Thus, the loopholes I’m worried about are closed, and I have a condition set to end the spell and send me a sign if it isn’t possible. It’s a simple but very effective method that I’ve found really useful for getting super specific in my spellwork!

Anyways, point is, loopholes matter because connections matter and therefore the space between those connections matter. If one of my spells fails or produces an unexpected result, loopholes are the first things I look for. What happened, and could I have prevented it? How so? Then note it down, and do the next spell.

[genderkoolaid]

Do you genuinely believe we can somehow change the hearts and minds of billionaires and politicians in power in for example the USA in a way that will actually result in a radical change in and improvement of conditions for folks currently oppressed under capitalism in the USA and hopefully globally? If so, how?

This is coming from someone who really would like to believe pure nonviolence is possible but who does not see much of an actual way forward for that. That said I do not see those billionaires and politicians as "nonhuman", I don't think that's productive and I think dehumanizing anyone who is factually a human person as a practice is dangerous so I am in agreement with you there. Thanks for your time if you choose to share your thoughts.

What I like about Against the Logic of the Guillotine is that it isn't for pure nonviolence. It breaks down the false binary that our options are "let the streets run red with blood until our every thirst for revenge is slaked" or "punching nazis makes you as bad as them 🥺"

& i think that binary is tempting because it absolves us of a responsibility to think deeply about things. if all revolutionary violence is good and justified, then you don't have to think too hard about the violence, you just see it & condone it. If all violence is bad and morally evil, then you still don't have to think too hard to condemn it. Our options are like, moral baby food.

But if we reject that binary, then there is no easy answer. Its not as easy as "yes leftist violence is always justified" or "any violence ever is always unjustified." You have to ask yourself, what am I doing? Why? What does this accomplish? Who is affected by this? What do they have to say? It makes us look at the actual nature of our violence and pick it apart and see where we have fucked up and where we might fuck up again. Its a lot more messy and also requires that we form relationships with others & genuinely listen to what they have to say. Its much much harder than Violence Good or Violence Bad but its also much more capable of adapting to the needs of people in the complicated situations where we find ourselves.

My opinion is that we will not reach anti-capitalism and anti-imperialism without violence. But more than anything, its because the systems in power will not let us. I think the foundation of the Revolution (in a more abstract sense of the word) must be community. We should focus our efforts most on building local networks of mutual support. If people suddenly find themself in a community that has free public food gardens & a community fridge, where people are already practicing transformative justice, etc. etc. then it will become materially obvious that we don't need to rely on the current system to survive. It will become clear that the current system is more of a hindrance to what we could do if we were not being controlled. And then people will be more likely to support any revolutionary violence that becomes necessary, because they will see their neighbors and know that when the dust settles, they know how to care for each other through shitty situations. Violence should really be the topping on a cake of community & indispensability politics.

Also this line from AtLotG really changed my perspective on "punishing the rich":

The worst punishment anyone could inflict on those who govern and police us today would be to compel them to live in a society in which everything they’ve done is regarded as embarrassing—for them to have to sit in assemblies in which no one listens to them, to go on living among us without any special privileges in full awareness of the harm they have done. If we fantasize about anything, let us fantasize about making our movements so strong that we will hardly have to kill anyone to overthrow the state and abolish capitalism. This is more becoming of our dignity as partisans of liberation.

"If we fantasize about anything, let us fantasize about making our movements so strong that we will hardly have to kill anyone to overthrow the state and abolish capitalism" really sums it up for me.

[drdemonprince]

CW: suicide, commitment, psychosis

My sibling is someone who unequivocally says being committed saved their life and was not inherently traumatic outside of the extremely traumatic mental health crisis that led to it. (However, our local psych ER/psych inpatient is probably one of the better ones and does not use any kind of restraints or force medication. They seem to have an okay track record explaining what the pills are and asking if the person can try them, which I get can still be coercive in some cases, but worked well with my sibling. Also, I was visiting them as much as I could every day, which they found really helpful, and I could keep my eye out for any issues.)

My sibling (~30) had a severe psychotic episode that doesn't quite fit any current DSM diagnosis. They went 0 to 100 from no suicidal ideation to actively attempting suicide in front of me due to delusions about being hunted by supernatural entities who would torture them. They finally could not sleep for days, and therefore I could not go to sleep because they'd try to kill themself. They were not dangerous to me intentionally, but one or both of us could have been hurt by me trying to take a weapon from them. They could not think at all outside of panic and delusions and had no short term memory, so they describe themself as having been incapable of understanding their condition. They weren't able to engage with any social interventions, because how would you have the time or bandwidth if you were living in terror of demons about to torture you and couldn't remember conversations from an hour ago?

They went to the hospital voluntarily after being stopped from attempting, but then they were committed because of aforementioned memory issues when they shortly informed the doctors they had to leave and kill themself. In a moment of lucidity, they were glad to be there, but they just couldn't stay lucid from moment to moment. Trying to get outpatient help in the weeks all this was escalating had been fruitless, with a lot of dismissive assholes, but these particular inpatient docs actually cared and asked how they were doing and figured out a dose of antipsychotics that made it all just... stop like a switch had been flipped.

Once they weren't operating under the terrifying delusions, they 100% did not want to die and were so relieved I stopped them and got help from others when it was becoming too dangerous to us both for me to intervene alone. I get that this kind of crisis is really different from living with chronic suicidal ideation or depression, which is something I personally deal with on a low level, but it was a genuine, terrifying situation where someone's expressed wishes were the opposite of what they wanted when they could understand their situation more fully.

I am allowed to share this, but if this is somehow not on anon, please delete it. Stigma about psychosis is REAL.

Yo this is super helpful, thank you for sharing. One of the trickier aspects of upholding disabled people's autonomy and taking a harm reductionist approach to suicide and self-harm is the fact that people in a state of psychosis may temporarily want something they would otherwise never want.

Though with some experience working through it with a caring and informed support network, it is possible to stand in for the person's stated desires and help them get through the period of lacking lucidity -- and of course psychosis can become a lot less destabilizing with time. i know someone who relies on a close friend to help ground them when they're having delusions and hallucinations -- a quick phone call is now enough to convince them they don't need to kill themselves, but that's after years of getting used to having psychotic states.

glad you and your sibling found solutions and made it through this okay.

[fromchaostocosmos]

I'm an Ashkenazi Jew who comes from a family that is just Ashkenazim as far as I'm aware.

I currently happen to fairly pale, though growing up in the summer or when going in the sun I would that sort tan that would make me look more "ethnically ambiguous" as some might say.

This is something that is actually pretty common in family. And in the spring and summer my dad often gets assumed to be South Asian, Middle Eastern, or Arab from people who are from those communities especially when he has a beard.

This doesn't happen in the winter though.

I have a sister who when one her jobs meant she was interacting with a Latino community she would tell us, her family, that everyone at her job was shocked to find out that she was not a Latina because of how she looked.

I also have a sibling that has blonde hair, pale skin, and blue eyes.

I have gone through "where do you come from, no where do you really come from" "what are you are you, I can tell there is something" and that "I knew there was something ethnic about you" when finding out I'm Jewish and much more.

One of the biggest things that bothers me about the whole Jews=White bullshit and "well ok just Ashkenazi Jews=White then" bullshit is that no matter how pale, how much "white" features may appear in someone who not white they are not White.

I'm not saying they don't have Conditional White Privilege because they do.

Rather that is not the focus of what I'm talking about.

If you have person who is very fair with blonde hair and blue eyes and they are Black, First Nation, Asian, Latino, Caribbean, African, (and I apologize I went very broad in terms of categories because I wanted to make sure I covered as much ground in terms of ethnic and racial diversity as possible and I'm sure that I still missed the mark)

It would highly inappropriate, insensitive, and show a deep lack of understanding to say that this person is white because of how they look.

It would be one thing if one parent was white, but again that is not what I'm talking about.

What I'm talking about we can not just look at a person and go this is what they must be because this is what they look like.

and the point that I'm making is how this thing of ignoring the reality of the person, their history, who do they come from is pushed aside instead for they look like and we really see an aspect of that when it comes to how people view Jews.

Those with power, the true real power do not view Jews as White TM and never have and never will.

And when it cuts deeply to have so much our history and experiences and everything essentially ignored and undermined and swept away because we are White TM.

I don't know if I've done a good job at explaining what I'm trying articulate and hopefully others will be able to add on to this and help because I'm not super confident in how well I explained it. But I needed to at least try to and say this because of how much it has been bothering me and how upsetting I find it all.

For all you want to say Ashkenazi are the European Jews or that all Jews are European I want to remind you that had we not been forcibly taken from our Homeland in shackles as slaves we never would have been in Europe in the first place.

And all these features we carry that are not ethnically Jewish ones, the last names we have because traditionally we do not have them, all of that is because it was forced onto to us. We did not choose it.

The names were put onto us. The features were raped into us.

If you had been living under the heel of your rapists and killers for as long as us, if you had been living with the blade hanging over your heads as long as we have, if you had been raped for as long as us perhaps you too would look a lot more on much larger scale like those who done the same to you as they did to us.

I ask you to please keep that all in mind, I ask you to please remember all of that, and I also must add that you do not forget that this has been our reality, the reality of every Jew no matter where for 2,000 years.

Please think about that.

[trans-ralsei]

i got clocked sometime back.

no there's nothing to worry about, i'm safe. but it was the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me in a while. maybe i sounded off. maybe it wasn't wise to venture out without an umbrella and with a white shirt with the november rains. maybe i really shouldn't have trusted how the map looked in this neighbourhood of cul-de-sacs, and maybe i shouldn't have looked really drenched when i first came in.

it was odd, though. the conversation started out with this person talking about her work. she'd been a lifestyle correspondent for the city paper, you see, the same place i worked for eight months before being unceremoniously tossed out for having adhd. she asks about my personal writing. we are among poets and intellectuals; everyone talks about literature, about publishing, about writing in Kenya or India or the US or the home city. they're well-travelled too, talking about living in Nairobi or Delhi or New York.

so i find it difficult. i write fanfiction, I say, but I'm not even actively writing fanfiction. we talk briefly about the fandoms i'm in; she'd been surprisingly knowledgeable about the Anime of the Month. i ask why the city paper didn't have an anime column, but I suppose now that it's because anime's considered a cultural import. she talks about someone who did write about anime for the city paper, but who unfortunately left.

the room's kinda warm despite the air-conditioning, and the rain still patters outside. i talk about the real reason why i've been invited into this party of writers: i'm a journalist. i've written commentary, op-eds. i've reported on current affairs and written news analyses. i had a blog where i wrote political stuff, I ran it when I was 18. it's on tumblr, even.

i ask about her time writing for the lifestyle section of the city paper, about her time as a foreign correspondent. and i talk about a time where i felt like i was writing for an audience: telling folk what they wanted to hear, when they wanted to hear it. talking to kindly men about my experience, and how they treated me as a rational voice of The Youth Of The Day.

and she springs it on me. "your previous bylines... were they under your deadname?"

I didn't say anything about myself being trans or being a boy, and the only outwardly queer thing that I was wearing was the rainbow watch strap that I had on. I reel back, and blink.

This wasn't said out of malice, I think, and several responses run through my head. (the funniest, and the one I regret not using, being: what's a deadname?)

I try asking 'how did you know?' but I got a non-committal: "I've got trans friends! I've got trans colleagues even."

I think about myself, and how prominent I'd been. I wasn't on stage at Pride, but I might as well have been: the one thing the city paper did when they fired me was to set me free to be a spokesperson of sorts, to speak at panels, to write the guide to reporting on trans folk in the city, to contribute to the industry stylebook on gender-sensitive issues.

And yet I thought of that as a lack of discipline. I do have a trans friend in the city paper. We know that the climate here has never been friendly to voices that weren't conservative. We know that sticking our heads out lends ourselves to situations exactly like this one. That it was possible for my reputation to precede me.

I talk to the trans friend (more senior, or senpai) at the city paper and tell her about this experience. She says cis people probably see it, they probably read me as trans. But they don't say it out loud. She suggests that the correspondent could be familiar with my public profile. She says it doesn't take much to google me.

And she's right. I think one of the key reasons why I've been so vague about myself here is that some of my mutuals want to be stealth, and they don't want to be known. But I've been a representative of sorts. Not a full-fledged famous trans person in the home city — that honour will always go to my ex-boss, who will always overshadow me — but I've been a spokesperson for the city-wide trans movement and an organiser.

"You're a somewhat visible figure," my trans friend says.

But I don't wish to be. I wish very much to be in the shadows, but if we're all there then do people even see us? I've had a comment on the city-wide trans movement's Instagram asking if we were all even real or if we were just some Westerners peddling some woke shit, and I really wanted to say: I'm a real person. We can fucking settle tomorrow. Pioneer Mall. 4pm. Bitch. But for the sake of appearances...

Maybe it's my personality. Maybe it's just how I am. Maybe I'm the girl who shows up. I've always been the girl who shows up.

Maybe I don't fucking know how to talk to cis people anymore. Maybe I just can't lie. Maybe I'm proud of being seen. Maybe I think it would make a difference. Maybe it's made a difference.

But yeah, I wish I felt safe. I wish I felt safe being trans.

[husbandograveyard]

🕱 Lovebites Masterlist 🕱 this is a VAMPIRE AU event 🕱 ☽☽Character: Gundham Tanaka (DGRP II) x Gn Reader ☾☾ ✩ Requested by: @silenceofthecookies ✩ [fluff]✩ Warnings: hurt animal, but you rescue, nothing gruesome ✩

You liked being a vampire. You didn’t always use to like it. But after a couple of decades, when it didn’t all feel new and scary, you got used to it. There were many benefits, and ever since you met your current partner, you were not alone, more stable, and integrated into life as much as two vampires could possibly be. 

You liked being a vampire, because it came with so many benefits. The enhanced power, speed, senses. You liked feeling strong and powerful without having to exert much effort. You liked being able to observe your surroundings so much better than you ever could in your mortal life. And generally, you liked the immortality. 

But with said immortality, came also the major downside of being a vampire. Because your lifespan was now a never ending one, but those of your surroundings weren’t. Time seemed to slow down, what seemed like ages in your mortal life was over in the blink of an eye now that you had eternity ahead of you. 

The worst of it came in your familiars. Gundham was partial to hamsters, the worst possible option according to you, because even under the best of conditions, they only lived a couple of years. You barely had time to properly get attached to them before you had to say goodbye, breaking your heart every single time. 

Your boyfriend had way more pragmatic approach to it, quoting the cycle of life and death, and assuring you that the hamster had still lived a happy life with you two as its owners, better than it probably would have gotten without the two of you. 

And yet. You longed for another familiar. One that would stick around a little longer. And maybe one your boyfriend wouldn’t be carrying on his person most of the time, allowing you more time to bond with it. You couldn’t blame him for his actions, he was the hamster-whisperer if there ever was one, but the companionship of a familiar was not his right alone to have. 

So when you found the tiniest kitten in a puddle on the street, you couldn’t help but immediately feel connected to it. You had checked, but no mother or other kittens to be found. It was writhing and meowing loudly, and it was shivering from the cold. It immediately calmed down when you gently wrapped it in your coat, holding it close until you were home. 

You got to work immediately, calling a vet you knew for instructions and assistance, and went out of your way to acquire as many of the supplies as you could. The little creature was barely moving, and you were getting worried about its wellbeing. It was then you felt a presence behind you, and you turned around, startled by your partner, standing over you, trying to figure out just what you were cradling, when all of your hamsters, excuse me, dark devas of destruction were all snuggly tucked away in his scarf, their absolute favorite spot. 

You held up the kitten to him and explained your situation, unable to read his expression as he looked at you intently, taking in every word you said.

“Why are we standing around wasting time then? Let’s conserve our energy and channel it into this helpless being!” 

You blinked a couple of times, his sudden outbursts and loud voice still managing to startle you at times, even after being together for literal centuries. His strange way of speaking had evolved over the years, but had been stuck in some time periods, making him a little bit of a weirdo to anyone who’d speak to him nowadays. You thought it was endearing, especially since you knew he always meant well. 

Just like now. With his help and the guidance from your vet at the phone, you managed to get the little thing in the best state possible in no time. Now it was but a matter of patience, and hoping that your actions had been enough. 

Gundham was uncharacteristically quiet, leading you to the couch so you could sit down and take a minute. Two of his hamsters rested in his scarf, but San-D and Cham-P left to sit with you, snuggling up to your neck, providing you with some comfort. 

“I have neglected your wants for a familiar” 

You looked up at Gundham in confusion. 

“We have familiars though.” You smiled gently, gesturing at the two little creatures nestled on your shoulders. 

“Yes, but I am aware most of them are from my choices and introduced to the darkness by none other than me. It is not that I don’t trust you with tasks of such importance, it is just-” 

You held up your hand, quietly interrupting his apology and smiled. “Is this your way of saying we can keep the cat?” “Of course.”  

[rebootgrimm]

I’m going to re-share this GoFundMe. I don’t know if they’re on Tumblr or not.

The copy-pasted story from the GoFundMe site is under the cut if you want to read, but as of July 1st they need money for:

Clothes

Temporary shelter (like a tent)

Food

Water

Hygiene products

Children’s supplies

Passport fees

Border crossing fees

Temporary accommodations

Possible flights out of Egypt

As like with every GoFundMe I share, if you can or can’t donate please reblog.

tags because it’s been hours and no one has seen this

@inktimerose @schnozzlebozzle @averagetmntfan @analog-cottage-gore @baileythebean

@thesilliestofallqueers @vv4loe @therearenonutsforsomeendermen @lilacquintet @candycoffinss

@ask-sora-aguilar

Hello!

This is Mohammed's family, currently residing in northern Gaza. We have initiated this fundraising campaign to help us leave Gaza for a safer place. Gaza has become uninhabitable. Let me briefly explain our situation.

Mohammed's family consists of:

Father: Mohammed (34 years old)

Mother: Sahar (30 years old)

Daughter: Tala (4 years old)

We are living in unimaginably harsh conditions. After losing our jobs in graphic design and digital marketing, we lost everything... our home, our jobs, our security, even the devices we used to work with, due to the devastating war in Gaza. We are now living in dreadful conditions, without a stable shelter or a source of income.

Our live turned into a nightmare due to the relentless war. Our warm home was not spared from the bombings; it was completely destroyed, and now we live in a small room.

We have endured numerous hardships. We have been displaced more than 5 times within northern Gaza, never reaching Rafah, always besieged under continuous bombardment, witnessing death day after day, miraculously escaping it.

On December 30th, we were trapped for 12 hours in a building belonging to our relatives, under constant airstrikes from planes and tanks. The upper floors were targeted and completely destroyed, but by the grace of God, we miraculously escaped under heavy gunfire and shelling. Mohammad was injured in his desperate attempt to escape danger, and now he suffers from a foot injury, exacerbated by the lack of medical care and malnutrition due to the famine we are facing.

We were forced to grind grains and feed on animal feed to survive. We haven't received aid for months, facing worsening conditions every day.

We separately need your support to leave Gaza and live in peace away from extermination and escape from the difficult living conditions, where bombings occur everywhere and every moment, electricity is scarce, and there is no decent food available. We have endured so much destruction in Gaza.

Please, help us leave Gaza and move to Egypt. The travel cost to cross the Egyptian border is $8,500 per person, and your contributions will be allocated to ensure their safe passage and evacuation from Gaza, in addition to covering the basic costs associated with them.

HOW WILL WE USE THE MONEY ?!

Your donations will give our family motivation to work hard for a new beginning. We decided to start this fundraising to help us to start a new and safe life So please we need your support thank you.

Your Donations cover:

Basic necessities

(water, food, hygiene products, children supplies)

Passport fees

Border crossing fees

Temporary accommodations and flights out of Egypt should we be able to secure them safe passage

In short, you can help us by:

Contributing: Every donation, regardless of its size, makes a difference in our lives.

Promoting: Help amplify our cause by sharing this fundraising campaign with your network of friends and family on social media platforms.

Let's join forces together to give us a new chance at life. We urgently need our support and solidarity.

Thank you for every contribution you make and for standing by their side in these difficult circumstances.

We will always be grateful for your generosity.

[dailyanarchistposts]

Chapter 9: Conclusion

If we take now the teachings which can be borrowed from the analysis of modern society, in connection with the body of evidence relative to the importance of mutual aid in the evolution of the animal world and of mankind, we may sum up our inquiry as follows.

In the animal world we have seen that the vast majority of species live in societies, and that they find in association the best arms for the struggle for life: understood, of course, in its wide Darwinian sense — not as a struggle for the sheer means of existence, but as a struggle against all natural conditions unfavourable to the species. The animal species, in which individual struggle has been reduced to its narrowest limits, and the practice of mutual aid has attained the greatest development, are invariably the most numerous, the most prosperous, and the most open to further progress. The mutual protection which is obtained in this case, the possibility of attaining old age and of accumulating experience, the higher intellectual development, and the further growth of sociable habits, secure the maintenance of the species, its extension, and its further progressive evolution. The unsociable species, on the contrary, are doomed to decay.

Going next over to man, we found him living in clans and tribes at the very dawn of the stone age; we saw a wide series of social institutions developed already in the lower savage stage, in the clan and the tribe; and we found that the earliest tribal customs and habits gave to mankind the embryo of all the institutions which made later on the leading aspects of further progress. Out of the savage tribe grew up the barbarian village community; and a new, still wider, circle of social customs, habits, and institutions, numbers of which are still alive among ourselves, was developed under the principles of common possession of a given territory and common defence of it, under the jurisdiction of the village folkmote, and in the federation of villages belonging, or supposed to belong, to one stem. And when new requirements induced men to make a new start, they made it in the city, which represented a double network of territorial units (village communities), connected with guilds these latter arising out ofthe common prosecution of a given art or craft, or for mutual support and defence.

And finally, in the last two chapters facts were produced to show that although the growth of the State on the pattern of Imperial Rome had put a violent end to all medieval institutions for mutual support, this new aspect of civilization could not last. The State, based upon loose aggregations of individuals and undertaking to be their only bond of union, did not answer its purpose. The mutual-aid tendency finally broke down its iron rules; it reappeared and reasserted itself in an infinity of associations which now tend to embrace all aspects of life and to take possession of all that is required by man for life and for reproducing the waste occasioned by life.

It will probably be remarked that mutual aid, even though it may represent one of the factors of evolution, covers nevertheless one aspect only of human relations; that by the side of this current, powerful though it may be, there is, and always has been, the other current — the self-assertion of the individual, not only in its efforts to attain personal or caste superiority, economical, political, and spiritual, but also in its much more important although less evident function of breaking through the bonds, always prone to become crystallized, which the tribe, the village community, the city, and the State impose upon the individual. In other words, there is the self-assertion of the individual taken as a progressive element.

It is evident that no review of evolution can be complete, unless these two dominant currents are analyzed. However, the self-assertion of the individual or of groups of individuals, their struggles for superiority, and the conflicts which resulted therefrom, have already been analyzed, described, and glorified from time immemorial. In fact, up to the present time, this current alone has received attention from the epical poet, the annalist, the historian, and the sociologist. History, such as it has hitherto been written, is almost entirely a description of the ways and means by which theocracy, military power, autocracy, and, later on, the richer classes’ rule have been promoted, established, and maintained. The struggles between these forces make, in fact, the substance of history. We may thus take the knowledge of the individual factor in human history as granted — even though there is full room for a new study of the subject on the lines just alluded to; while, on the other side, the mutual-aid factor has been hitherto totally lost sight of; it was simply denied, or even scoffed at, by the writers of the present and past generation. It was therefore necessary to show, first of all, the immense part which this factor plays in the evolution of both the animal world and human societies. Only after this has been fully recognized will it be possible to proceed to a comparison between the two factors.

To make even a rough estimate of their relative importance by any method more or less statistical, is evidently impossible. One single war — we all know — may be productive of more evil, immediate and subsequent, than hundreds of years of the unchecked action of the mutual-aid principle may be productive of good. But when we see that in the animal world, progressive development and mutual aid go hand in hand, while the inner struggle within the species is concomitant with retrogressive development; when we notice that with man, even success in struggle and war is proportionate to the development of mutual aid in each of the two conflicting nations, cities, parties, or tribes, and that in the process of evolution war itself (so far as it can go this way) has been made subservient to the ends of progress in mutual aid within the nation, the city or the clan — we already obtain a perception of the dominating influence of the mutual-aid factor as an element of progress. But we see also that the practice of mutual aid and its successive developments have created the very conditions of society life in which man was enabled to develop his arts, knowledge, and intelligence; and that the periods when institutions based on the mutual-aid tendency took their greatest development were also the periods of the greatest progress in arts, industry, and science. In fact, the study of the inner life of the medieval city and of the ancient Greek cities reveals the fact that the combination of mutual aid, as it was practised within the guild and the Greek clan, with a large initiative which was left to the individual and the group by means of the federative principle, gave to mankind the two greatest periods of its history — the ancient Greek city and the medieval city periods; while the ruin of the above institutions during the State periods of history, which followed, corresponded in both cases to a rapid decay.

As to the sudden industrial progress which has been achieved during our own century, and which is usually ascribed to the triumph of individualism and competition, it certainly has a much deeper origin than that. Once the great discoveries of the fifteenth century were made, especially that of the pressure of the atmosphere, supported by a series of advances in natural philosophy — and they were made under the medieval city organization, — once these discoveries were made, the invention of the steam-motor, and all the revolution which the conquest of a new power implied, had necessarily to follow. If the medieval cities had lived to bring their discoveries to that point, the ethical consequences of the revolution effected by steam might have been different; but the same revolution in technics and science would have inevitably taken place. It remains, indeed, an open question whether the general decay of industries which followed the ruin of the free cities, and was especially noticeable in the first part of the eighteenth century, did not considerably retard the appearance of the steam-engine as well as the consequent revolution in arts. When we consider the astounding rapidity of industrial progress from the twelfth to the fifteenth centuries — in weaving, working of metals, architecture and navigation, and ponder over the scientific discoveries which that industrial progress led to at the end of the fifteenth century — we must ask ourselves whether mankind was not delayed in its taking full advantage of these conquests when a general depression of arts and industries took place in Europe after the decay of medieval civilization. Surely it was not the disappearance of the artist-artisan, nor the ruin of large cities and the extinction of intercourse between them, which could favour the industrial revolution; and we know indeed that James Watt spent twenty or more years of his life in order to render his invention serviceable, because he could not find in the last century what he would have readily found in medieval Florence or Brügge, that is, the artisans capable of realizing his devices in metal, and of giving them the artistic finish and precision which the steam-engine requires.

To attribute, therefore, the industrial progress of our century to the war of each against all which it has proclaimed, is to reason like the man who, knowing not the causes of rain, attributes it to the victim he has immolated before his clay idol. For industrial progress, as for each other conquest over nature, mutual aid and close intercourse certainly are, as they have been, much more advantageous than mutual struggle.

However, it is especially in the domain of ethics that the dominating importance of the mutual-aid principle appears in full. That mutual aid is the real foundation of our ethical conceptions seems evident enough. But whatever the opinions as to the first origin of the mutual-aid feeling or instinct may be whether a biological or a supernatural cause is ascribed to it — we must trace its existence as far back as to the lowest stages of the animal world; and from these stages we can follow its uninterrupted evolution, in opposition to a number of contrary agencies, through all degrees of human development, up to the present times. Even the new religions which were born from time to time — always at epochs when the mutual-aid principle was falling into decay in the theocracies and despotic States of the East, or at the decline of the Roman Empire — even the new religions have only reaffirmed that same principle. They found their first supporters among the humble, in the lowest, downtrodden layers of society, where the mutual-aid principle is the necessary foundation of everyday life; and the new forms of union which were introduced in the earliest Buddhist and Christian communities, in the Moravian brotherhoods and so on, took the character of a return to the best aspects of mutual aid in early tribal life.

Each time, however, that an attempt to return to this old principle was made, its fundamental idea itself was widened. From the clan it was extended to the stem, to the federation of stems, to the nation, and finally — in ideal, at least — to the whole of mankind. It was also refined at the same time. In primitive Buddhism, in primitive Christianity, in the writings of some of the Mussulman teachers, in the early movements of the Reform, and especially in the ethical and philosophical movements of the last century and of our own times, the total abandonment of the idea of revenge, or of “due reward” — of good for good and evil for evil — is affirmed more and more vigorously. The higher conception of “no revenge for wrongs,” and of freely giving more than one expects to receive from his neighbours, is proclaimed as being the real principle of morality — a principle superior to mere equivalence, equity, or justice, and more conducive to happiness. And man is appealed to to be guided in his acts, not merely by love, which is always personal, or at the best tribal, but by the perception of his oneness with each human being. In the practice of mutual aid, which we can retrace to the earliest beginnings of evolution, we thus find the positive and undoubted origin of our ethical conceptions; and we can affirm that in the ethical progress of man, mutual support not mutual struggle — has had the leading part. In its wide extension, even at the present time, we also see the best guarantee of a still loftier evolution of our race.

[try-and-try-and-try-again]

17.07.24 - Young Darwin Scholarship Day 3

Today there was a heavy focus on marine life. The majority of the day was spent at Plymouth with the Ocean Conservation Trust.

1-2. Possibly my highlight of the visit to the National Marine Aquarium was meeting Rodger the Common Octopus (Octopus vulgaris). I’ve written about the Common Octopus so much at school and university but this was my first time seeing one in the flesh and it was a special moment for me.

3-4. The other two most in-focus photos I took at the aquarium. A beautiful little jellyfish and a clown fish. I don’t know the specific species of either. I wish I’d thought to take photos of the signs - I did for other creatures so I don’t know why I didn’t for these two. Maybe it was because I was a bit overwhelmed in the aquarium and may not have been thinking clearly. It’s a brilliant independent aquarium that prioritises the welfare of the animals, conservation and research, it was exciting to see so many amazing creatures and I thoroughly recommend visiting it, but lots of spaces were crowded and noisy and had strange lighting which I personally found hard to deal with.

5. After a tour of the aquarium and a talk on conservation work, plankton and dichotomous keys we went on a boat trip round Plymouth Sound. We did some plankton trawling and looked at the findings under a microscope. There were a few zooplankton but also sadly, microplastics. Plankton levels are increasing around the UK, particularly phytoplankton, due to climate change which is drawing more whales to our coast lines to feed than before, hence why whale sightings are going up. Plankton is a significant indicator of environmental conditions and has an important role in food chains so recording their presence is important. The definition of plankton is anything that cannot swim freely against the current and can cover organisms of various sizes. Zooplankton are divided into Holoplankton which remain as plankton for their entire lives, and Meroplankton which live as plankton only at certain stages of their life cycle.

6-8. On the boat trip we also pulled up three Edible Crabs (Cancer pagurus) using smoky bacon as bait (apparently it specifically has to be smoky bacon). There was one male (picture 7) and two females (one of which is in picture 8). Their sexes are determined by the shape of the undersides of their exoskeletons. The prominence of the female’s features suggest she may be carrying eggs. We were hoping to see Cetaceans and Seals from the boat but alas no. Nature is unpredictable.

9. Bittersweet Nightshade (Solanum dolcamara) spotted on the way to the beach and bridge to look for otters again.

10. No otters were spotted but there was a parade of 22 Canada Geese! I also saw my first ever (live) Kingfisher!!!

Today was hard going again, I can’t lie. I came close to sitting things out but I really wanted to try and keep up. I am sick of the constant battle between pain, fatigue and sensory overload and the desire to see, learn and experience things. Thankfully the people I am with have been so accommodating and helpful and it was a good day over all. Another highlight was hearing lots of nice folk music on the way back from Plymouth that I am glad to have been made aware of (one of the scholars is Scottish and a cèilidh musician and had a playlist).

[twilightmalachite]

2×2 - Grown-Up Situation 8

Author: Akira

Characters: Yuuta, Hinata, Shinobu, Nagisa

Translator: Mika Enstars

"You’re not a very physically strong person, Shinobu-kun, so don’t push yourself too hard, okay?"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Downtown

Hinata: —Oh, looks like our producers have arrived on set too!

Yuuta: Good morniii~ng, Anzu-san! Good luck today!

Shinobu: I’d be grateful for your help this time around, or rather, this time too, de gozaru…♪

Hinata: For the record, while the producer changes every time for 2×2, both YamadaP and AnzuP will be on site.

Nagisa: …Hm. It is an effective way to observe your opponent’s work up close, and perhaps also a means to monitor them to ensure there’s no cheating.

…That’s fair.

Yuuta: That’s true, but… Both producers have a lot of other work to do, so it must be quite a burden to show up on site for every 2×2.

Shinobu: Yeah… Anzu-dono had a bit of a cough last time we recorded, so I’m rather worried about her health, de gozaru.

Hinata: Doesn’t she always push herself too hard?

Huh? Actually, Anzu-san doesn’t seem to be feeling well, so she took a sick day off to be cautious…?

W-Will things be okay?

Hinata: Ah, I’m not worried about Anzu-san, but about the program… It’s mostly her own fault she’s not feeling well.

Shinobu: We didn’t say anything…

Yuuta: When you put it like that, it sounds like you instead actually don’t care about her at all, Aniki. ♪

Hinata: Uu, but that’s not what I meant. The producer in charge of the fifth episode of 2×2 is Anzu-san, isn’t she?

What do we do? If she can’t come on-site, how will she give us directions?

Nagisa: …It appears she will be giving direction through HoldHands for the time being.

…YamadaP has come on-site, although he is not in charge this time, so I do not think he can be too intrusive.

Shinobu: If YamadaP ended up producing AnzuP’s episode, it wouldn’t make any sense, de gozaru.

That would make the match, or the producer showdown, nonviable.

Hinata: It’s not something she should do to the point of destroying her body. I feel it’s fine to end this with Anzu-san’s loss now that she’s called in sick.

Managing the health of your idols and yourself is part of the job.

By falling ill, Anzu-san’s already considered inferior to YamadaP as a producer.

Yuuta: We’ve never had to miss work due to falling ill! We are healthy children! ☆

Hinata: But it’s caused for some mental unwellness because of that…

Yuuta: Moving on. This 12 episode program is already in the middle of it’s run with the fifth episode, and it seems to be getting a lot of viewership ratings thanks to the two producers competing.

It might not be feasible to cancel it at this point. At least, to the company or agency, in other words ES.

Hinata: Grown-up stuff is tough.

Nagisa: …I agree. Anzu-san’s name will be credited as this episode’s producer, and it appears that the match will continue whilst keeping her health condition under wraps.

…We should probably try to avoid mentioning it as much as possible.

Shinobu: During filming, at least, de gozaru. Hmm, I am worried about Anzu-dono though…

Yuuta: We just have to do our job. I’m sure doing that much would let Anzu-san at least rest easy.

Hinata: That’s right. …So, what kind of thing are we doing for our “experience” this time?

Nagisa: …I believe we’ve all received instruction from Anzu-san through HoldHands.

…What we’re doing for our “experience” this time is, umm, “experiencing life on the streets”?

Shinobu: Whoa, sounds like another harsh one!

Hinata: You’re not a very physically strong person, Shinobu-kun, so don’t push yourself too hard, okay?

Yuuta: That’s my line, Aniki.

Hinata: The current Yuuta-kun isn’t considerate enough, so I’m saying it for you!

Shinobu: I-I don’t want the siblings to quarrel, de gozaru~? Let’s get along, get along…♪

Nagisa: …Fufu, it is somehow unnerving for various reasons.

…In short, it appears we will be living on the streets for about a week, five days to be exact.

Yuuta: So like a homele… I have a feeling I shouldn’t use that word. Umm, so like an unemployed person with no fixed address?

Nagisa: …That’s right. Like we’ve been thrown out onto the street in only our clothes and have to survive for five days.

Yuuta: So we’ll be surviving in the concrete jungle!

Hinata: Whaaat, this will be easy, then!

Shinobu: Wha, wha? I’m here thinking this will be the hardest so far, de gozaru!?

Even harder than the third episode where we lived in extreme poverty, living on only 500 yen a day!

We at least had an apartment to live in with furniture and a bed, de gozaru!

We won’t even have that this time, de gozaru! It’s like a hard-mode was given to living in extreme poverty due to popular demand?

Nagisa: …Is the producer in charge this time around, Anzu-san, a demon?

Yuuta: She can be brutal at times, but I think she’s rather gentle with this.

Hinata: Yup. We can use the experience of how to save money during the program’s third episode of living in extreme poverty, though not Ran-senpai.

Yuuta: Yup. We have experience.

Shinobu: Oh, right. Yuuta-kun and Hinata-kun—

Yuuta: Yeah. When we were kids, we ran away from home and lived on the streets for some time. We earned money through things like street performances.

That experience can be put to good use. If anything, isn’t that why Anzu-san chose this to be our experience this time?

Hinata: Yup. This won’t be a first for us, so she hoped it’d be no sweat for us—No she trusted us that it would be.

Anzu-san, who knows us very well, has prepared something that I believe is a perfect fit for us.

Though I do feel bad for Shinobu-kun who will have to tag along.

Shinobu: … …

[ ☆ ]

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[libbee]

Who takes decision in your life?

🌸 for anyone who resonates

I was met with one question "Who is in control of your life?" People replied "Me"; i thought to myself what was my answer? I never felt like i chose my choices. Sometimes they were wishful thinking that happened to come true. But most of the daydreams did not come true. Hint: No I didnt fall in passionate thrilling romance with a bad boy who only has soft place for me. Not to say that fantasies are useless. Fantasies are psychic processes that tell you a lot about yourself. They are not waste of time either. Fantasies tell you have a creative bone that is urging to express outside. Most of the times fantasies are when we are really bored stressed unsatisfied lonely insecure in life. Fantasies can be a way to quickly satiate unfulfilled desires.

But somewhere fantasies create unrealistic expectations that are almost impossible for the life we currently actually have. And that is a pretty shitty way to live. To be always living in glamour of fantasies, anticipating it and hightened expectations. Not to forget that for every 1 successful person there are 100s of those who do not succeed. "Just try harder", "Good luck next time", "You probably didnt work the right strategy" but the real answer is "I dont know why you did not succeed". I personally dont believe in law of attraction because it did not work for me. So I instead chose to go with the flow of the tao and let fate bring whatever result it wants.

Jeff Bezos once said "When a company comes up with an idea, it's a messy process--There's no 'aha' moment." What it means is that rather than panicking for the final result, try to solve the mess that the process is. As an 8th houser, my life + my parents' life (both 8th housers) have been very unpredictable; just when we thought things were stable something would create ripples and disturb the calm waters. From one extreme to the other, we were all affected by each other's fate and ups downs. Being a child, I would get neurotic thinking "why is my life not carefree like others", "why cant i be stable for one day", "does everyone have such rollercoaster life"? Then I would think "perhaps if we get through this life would calm down", "perhaps this is the last challenge", "just this time then i will enjoy life". Little did I know that 8th house is highly karmic and fated. Same for Saturn/Saturn in 8th house/Pluto placements. When life feels fated, you have no choice but to surrender to the forces. Because the more you consciously push the more life resists your movement. Problems of 8th house are not going to mild, we just learned to be calm in emergency, control our panic, calmly take logical decision and manage our life as much as possible. The lesson for these people was "to choose their emotional reaction".

"However simple an impulse appears to be, every nuance of its particular character, its strength and direction, its course, its timing, its aim, all depend on special psychic conditions, in other words on an attitude. And the attitude consists of a constellation of contents so numerous that they cannot be counted" - Carl Jung. My current life attitude is somewhere between cynicism, hopeful pessimism, taoism and stoicism. A mix of all these work for me. What it means is that instead of obsessing over things not under my conscious control (like result of an exam, behaviour of other people, fate of a relationship), I only focus on things under my control that is effort, reason and mind.

It is not passivity or defeatism. It is a life lesson for people who have faced many misfortunes to be prepared for the future and to make peace with the past.

[rissi-chan]

Patreon Launch!

Hey, fellow fanatics!

I decided to finally take the plunge and launch a Patreon for my art (fanart and original) and writing (fanfic and original). Both becaue it will motivate me to draw and write more often, and because of my current life situation (which will be explained as best I can under the cut, for those that care to read).

There will be NSFW content in certain pledges, so MDNI with the subscription levels that include that stuff!

Fanart will mostly be BG3 as that is my most recent and current hyperfixation, but other fandoms I am likely to produce content from include:

Dungeons and Dragons, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Touchstarved

AND potentially the occasional/rare otome/dating sim fandoms, Fire Emblem, and various anime and/or manga.

Along with original content and characters that live in my head rent free!

I will also most likely periodically do commissions—but I will have to set up a pricing breakdown/separate web page for that, probably.

Here is the link to my freshly launched page!:

Now, the life ramble that explains my current situation:

So, life is hard.

I've been lucky. I don't pay rent (I still live with my mother). I only have to help pay for groceries on occasion. I have a job (barely, but we'll get into that) with probably the most freedom/flexibility on could possibly imagine. I have free time—loads.

So what's the problem?

The job I mentioned is hard to really call a job. I'm all but officially unemployed. My parents (when my dad was still alive) bought the local newspaper that my mom has worked at for nearly as long as I've been alive. We live in a small, SMALL town. The run of each weekly issue is maybe in the 2,000-4,000 range. We make most of our money selling ads (which is gross, but the newspaper industry is failing in general, and we are a just a local, rural print and many choose other, more advanced forms of advertisement which reach a broader audience). We've been in the red for the past 2 years, my mother often skipping her own pay check to ensure that she can pay the 2 other elderly employees that are on staff. I make less than $400 a month. Much less.

That's the price you pay for freedom. Little pay, LOTS of time. The reverse is also true, which is something I'm sure a vast majority of people can relate to.

Capitalism is so much fun, isn't it?

Those that are out of college and live with a parent may also be able to relate to what comes next.

The relationship between my mother and I has always had its strained moments, to put it mildly. We are very different people. We have different life experiences, we cope with stress differently. There is a running joke on social media that living with your parents after college/as an adult has the financial advantages, but at the cost of your mental health—and that is very much the reality of our situation.

My biggest insecurity in recent years—since the sudden passing of my father in 2018—has been the feeling of being a burden.

I've never been a healthy person. We always joke that I got all the sickly genetics and my brother got all the cosmic bad luck. I'm autistic. I have anxiety and depression. I have an autoimmune disease. I inherited the genetic heart condition that killed my father. I had a blood clot 2 years ago. I no longer have health insurance. None of this is uncommon, certainly. But I avoid healthcare entirely unless it's an absolute necessity (like the blood clot).

I limit my eating, so we don't have to buy groceries as often.

But my mother has always had a temper, especially when she's stressed. And with the business so up-in-the-air and the constant worry of having to close our doors and find new jobs in a VERY small town + in a society with very limited options, spam job listings, and bogus opportunities, she is almost ALWAYS stressed these days.

She takes it out on me. I'm the only one here.

My feelings of being a burden are all but confirmed for me in those moments. She knows just what to say to hurt me most (whether she realizes it or not, she uses my insecurities against me), and my mental and emotional health worsen, as does the relationship between my mother and I.

I play games or draw or write to feel happy. To have some reprieve from reality.

But "it doesn't make money" and therefore it's a waste of time.

And that brings me to where I am now.

I may make next-to-nothing by launching a Patreon, but it will still be more than the next-to-nothing I make now as well as the LITERAL nothing I will be making if the business is forced to close.

I continue to job hunt on a daily basis, mostly for remote work given my middle-of-nowhere location (if anyone knows of any legit positions I could look into PLEASE let me know—send me a PM, reply to this post, anything). But this will both motivate me to keep doing the things that make me happy and also provide a tiny bit of support to our financial situation.

I have also been in a long distance relationship going on 9 years now. Long distance as in nearly 9,000 miles and an entire ocean away. I try to visit every year, but obviously during Covid that was not an option (totally and completely understandable), and with our finances so precarious, it gets more and more difficult to see my now (as of my visit last year) fiance.

If I can manage to get the money together, we plan to elope during my visit this year. But our future is undeniably going to be difficult without money. Moving isn't cheap. Immigrating isn't easy.

But that's all on the back-burner for now, while we address the more immediate concerns.

I am motivated to do what I can to make ANY extra money while looking for a legitimate job to provide a more stable situation.

Any support—a reblog, a share, a pledge/subscription, a job listing suggestion, ANYTHING will be MASSIVELY appreciated.

I know life is difficult for pretty much everyone on the planet right now. If we could all help each other easily, we would. But I understand that that's not an easy ask for most people at this point in time. I hate having to resort to monetizing my passions, and asking people for support (not pressuring, but even asking is hard in the current state of the world).

But I see few other options.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading my rant and please reblog/share <3

[prismaticstreams]

Building confidence with chronic illness and disability

What does it look like to be empowered and confident with a disability or chronic illness?

I’ve been pondering this lately as I find it’s easy to get into the mindset that when my health improves or if I fully recover, then I’ll finally feel confident, badass and empowered. And yes, that’s partly true. Having more energy and wellbeing definitely gives me a huge boost in my mood and sense of self efficacy. I also think it’s great to work on improving our health as much as possible.

However, what do we do in the mean time? What would it look like to be the best version of myself, right here with my current circumstances? I've been pondering this question recently, and wanted to explore it further.

Unfortunately, many of us get trapped in a downward spiral that feels out of our control. Feeling unwell saps our self esteem, and having to stop jobs, reduce social activities or limit hobbies can be very depressing. It’s a vicious circle that can be tough to escape. Financial and health struggles can create so much anxiety and stress, it can feel crippling not just physically, but mentally, too. It can feel shameful and embarrassing, and often we just want to hide and protect ourselves.

There can also be a lot of self-consciousness about our physical bodies and appearance. For example, many medications can make people put on weight, fatigue can cause dark circles under the eyes, and allergies can make people’s faces look puffy. Surgeries can also leave people with scars and it’s normal to wonder if people will find you attractive, especially in the dating scene.

However, the great thing about working on our health and confidence is that it can also be an upward spiral. Confidence can help motivate and empower us to improve our health and life situation, and in turn the increase in energy and health can boost our confidence. I’ve found that even improving my health by 5% or 10% can make a surprisingly dramatic difference in my overall quality of life. Every little bit counts!

Here is my advice, based on my life experience - in no particular order:

One: Escape the comparison trap.

Stop comparing to others, especially other able bodied people. Even comparing to others with the same condition can be highly problematic, as people have wildly varying symptoms, different levels of severity, as well as different levels of support and financial resources. Many people with the same outward symptoms also have a completely different root cause (or combination of root causes). Not to mention the treatments that work for some may not work for others at all. Some people find a silver bullet solution, but for most people, it’s more complex than just one thing.

Focus on yourself and stay in your lane. Concentrate on your personal achievements and look at how far you’ve come. Being able to walk for five minutes may mean nothing to the average person, but it may be a huge milestone for you. Don’t forget to celebrate your wins! Even the small ones. Also embrace the reality that the journey is going to be up and down. You’re going to have good days and bad days. Don’t let that discourage you from continuing.

Two: Self compassion and self acceptance.

Work on talking to yourself with more love, compassion and acceptance. Acceptance is really important because we need to come to terms with our reality, which is often incredibly frustrating and painful. This often involves a great deal of grief too. It’s okay to feel all the emotions, and hold space for them. I find journalling, therapy and EFT tapping really helpful in this process. I also really like parts work, and the concept of unblending, as it helps me gain perspective on difficult emotions and parts.

Know that it’s okay to feel the sadness and anger. It’s also okay to feel envious and jealous of people who are able bodied and have easier lives. It’s normal. Don’t add insult to injury by beating yourself up over totally normal emotions!! Society encourages us to repress and deny our shadow, but we need safe spaces to talk about the tough stuff.

Being disabled and chronically ill comes with a huge amount of stigma, and often trauma, too. Get the treatment you need for any trauma that’s holding you back and sapping your spirit. I recommend EMDR and somatic therapy, but there’s lots of other modalities out there too.

Three: Own it fully.

This is easier said than done, but when you’re disabled or chronically ill, it’s better to own it and speak about it as confidently as possible. I find this is especially relevant in social or dating situations. I try to be honest, open and frank about my lifestyle and limitations, rather than hiding it or pretending I don’t have any conditions. This is sometimes a tough line to walk as you don’t want to overshare or freak people out, but in general I prefer to be up front with people.

This also includes freely using mobility aids in public settings, social situations or going on dates. I’ve become very comfortable using a mobility scooter to get around, and often take a walking stick with me too. It takes time to get used to this, but the more you do it, the less self-conscious you’ll feel. Some people find it helps to decorate their mobility aids or get a walking stick that looks funky. Canes can be incorporated into a steampunk, dark academia or dapper aesthetic in a fun way! Find a way to own it and make it your own, in a way that suits your personality and style.

Another area that can be challenging is dealing with dietary limitations. Strict diets and allergies can be tricky, but again, it’s better just to own it. I don’t eat at restaurants, but I still go to restaurants and cafes with friends and enjoy hanging out. Yes, it’s a little awkward sometimes, but you have to push through it. The right people won’t care, and will value your presence more than anything else.

Four: Seek supportive connections, friends and community, whether online or off.

Find friends, groups and events that are supportive, uplifting and accessible. Don’t hang around people who judge you or drag you down. Even people who constantly insist on giving annoying unsolicited advice (like "just drink more water!") can drain your precious spoons.

I know this is so much easier said than done, because being disabled or chronically ill can bring with it a great deal of isolation. It’s natural to just hang on to whatever connections you have, and not want to let go or burn a bridge. So be kind to yourself if there’s some people you’re just not ready to let go of right now. But keep looking for better friends who are going to life you up and who fully accept and celebrate you as you are.

Never, ever assume you have to tolerate any abuse or mistreatment because you’re disabled or chronically ill. You are not a burden and never deserve to be treated badly.

The same goes for dates and partners. Don’t settle for people who are toxic, judgemental or just tolerate you – rather than fully accepting and loving you right now, for who you are. Also, find people who respect and cherish you as a person, not for what you can do for them or what you achieve. People who are very focused on things like class, money and status are usually best avoided where possible.

Five: Cultivate a sense of purpose in your life that’s bigger than you.

I find when I’m focused on my purpose and calling, it’s easier to be confident because I’m not so focused on what other people think of me. I recognise that I have a calling that’s a lot more important than that! Obviously, this is easier said than done, especially if you can no longer work – or have had to change jobs, or reduce your work hours. Even volunteering can be surprisingly difficult when you have health limitations.

But purpose, meaning and calling in life are much greater than what we do for money, or even our hobbies. Relationships are a core source of meaning and purpose for many people. Being creative and growing spiritually are also significant. I’ve written more about this in other blog posts, but I find this is a significant piece of building a sense of empowerment in difficult circumstances. Reflecting on your core values can be really powerful and inspiring.

I’d recommend doing an exercise where you select words or phrases that represent your core values in life.

Six: Don’t be afraid to have fun, explore and try new things, as much as you can!

I find singing and dancing at home to positive, empowering songs can really boost my mood and confidence. It can be hard to be as spontaneous and active as I would like, but I still try my best to engage in life to the fullest extent of my capabilities. Sometimes this means asking for help or using mobility aids to get to certain events. It can also mean more planning ahead when travelling.

I really love riding my escooter, as it gives me an adrenaline rush but isn’t too tiring. Think outside the box and be open to new experiences. Brene Brown talks about engaging in laughter, song and dance in her guidelines for wholehearted living, and I think it’s applicable here. Watching hilarious movies and having a laugh with friends can be so uplifting.

Finally, don’t discount celebrating your sexuality. Disabled people are often portrayed as non-sexual, but exploring dating and sex can be a lot of fun and very empowering.

Practical suggestions:

Explore journalling about – what does it mean to live my best and fullest life with my current limitations? What does being empowered and confident look like for me right now? Brainstorm whatever comes to mind.

If you’re feeling rejected or unworthy, put your hand on your heart or your belly, and send love to the parts of you that are holding these emotions. I find self compassion practice can be really powerful.

EFT tapping is a great tool for working through negative core beliefs, like “I’m a burden” or “I’m not enough”.

If people give you a compliment, take a screenshot or write it down and save it into a folder on your computer for whenever you feel down and need a pick me up.

Try writing down your strengths, good qualities and things you like about yourself.

Create a celebration jar where you write down anything you’re proud of or qualities your love about yourself on little bits of paper. Put them in the jar and you can open it whenever you need a reminder. Another option is putting a marble or stone in a jar whenever you do something you’re proud of.

Experiment with visualising yourself as your most confident, empowered self. You could go back to a past memory where you were feeling your best, or imagine yourself in the future. I find doing this while listening to music can be really uplifting.

Use positive affirmations, for example: My worth and value is based on who I am, not on my achievements. I am confident. I am powerful. I deserve to be treated well. If it feels a bit fake or forced, you could try asking yourself, “What if I felt confident?” and see what arises.

Further links and resources:

Chronic Illness and Confidence: How to Rebuild

Facing the World with Confidence and Chronic Illness

How to be Confident While Being Chronically Ill

[broken-hearted-butterfly]

I suppose I'm mortified, in a sense; being so seen puts me in an unwillingly vulnerable position. It also makes me feel as though I haven't done enough of a job to seem as "on top" of everything as everyone else. We've all got our shares of issues, but I also remind myself that most people don't cope with the scale or depth of my personal issues.

What I'd perceived in myself as edgy banter was perceived as a potential cry for help, at the very least as something meant to be brought to attention. I didn't see the scope of my behaviors and, while I had the dim notion of it beginning to get worse, the scale of it wasn't clear until it was actually brought up with me.

I'm reading aggression where there simply isn't any; I fear that if my service relations don't improve, my job may be at risk. It was repeatedly stressed that I wasn't in any trouble, that there was merely concern for me, but that alone left me feeling like I'd made a huge mistake. Masking isn't the right choice, as much as it would be a solution for the immediate issue; it would burn me out very badly.

The customer service persona itself makes me feel like an ass, I can't talk to a grown adult as one would a child; pitching my voice up plays hell with my dysphoria. It's so clearly fake, the enthusiasm fake, the smile fake, and yet people eat it up. I've been overly aggressive on register, playing up the saccharine to an almost frighteningly comedic degree and the actual venom underneath has never been commented on - it's in high favor with everyone I've used it on.

The communication feels like natural autism issues, magnified. Expected to read minds and interpret queries based on singular words or phrases I've never heard in my life, I feel like an anthropologist trying to navigate this job and the clients in it. I don't know if I want technician work, it's a constant flow of customer service and I already know I'm not a good fit for it. No one expresses a need for help, just a mere expectation to be catered to. Incapable, one singular item, needing a person to perform the role of a machine and treated as a machine would be.

After 5 1/2 months, I'm still living paycheck to paycheck. I just learned the days I'd taken off for a medical procedure could have been put in as sick days, meaning I wouldn't be $200 short on my current check. No one had told me. I didn't know, and no one had told me. I have another doctor visit approaching, and still have to schedule with another. I know what I likely need to help my body, I'm just not in a position to fully have access yet.

I could tell it wasn't getting any better when I realized how much I was beginning to detest coming home to roommates. One becomes aggressive when their methodology is questioned or if they're asked to attend to chores, while the other suffers under the weight of her own success - how will she be able to prepare for her 6 month internship when she has to attend a wedding and a cruise in the same month? Everyone is so loud, I just want to be left alone, and that was one of the early signs that something was wrong.

I have been offered three consecutive paid days off. I am considering the offer. I would like to be given at least a week each 3 months, just for my own sake. For my mental health, for my physical health, for my overall wellbeing.

I don't want others to see this and assume that it's the new normal and become unwilling to engage with me because they're expecting friction. They will want to avoid me.

I suppose the fact that it's become visible upsets me in part because I was taught to keep my head down and my mouth shut. I was nearly baker acted in high school once the curtains began to lift on my abuse situation, and it made the abuse escalate. Doctors seeing some conditions and commenting on how they could be due to stress, my father replying sternly that he had no idea what could possibly stress me so badly. I don't feel like I fully know how to cope with my stress - the gentle self care methodology doesn't feel fully in line with the emotions I feel. I didn't even notice my stress, telling myself to try again try again without actually seeing ways to effectively reduce my stress. Being singed out for not being able to manage it is embarrassing, even when it comes with a message of other people being willing to help. I feel as though I don't want the help, I don't want the pity. I want the pity, I want others to see the stress I'm under. I don't want to be pitied, I can manage my own self. Sometimes I wonder about that. I want the recognition until I actually receive it and then it becomes upsetting.