#as much as i judge people who built their audience on being reactionary at least- | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

katyspersonal · 1 year ago

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AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

Recently I just can't stop having a bad mood! I just don't know what it is :/ I am trying to focus on the things that make me happy and combat my wish to vent and turn irritating things into positive ones but every single good thing improves my mood for maybe like 3 minutes, and then I think about things that make me angry ANYWAY! I want to be around people but I can't because if I keep talking about things that make me angry - minor or big - I'll just exhaust them. But I've been trying to focus on good things for a while now and now it feels like it is a daily hard battle.

I really need to either finally have a mental breakdown (but I can't control when it happens, you know?) so I can cry, or have a justified reason to get angry that won't feel like petty over-reacting on my half. Hhhhrg

#/vent #look i am TRYING to stay funny or chill or simply based #but you dont understand - *everything* online makes me angry or bitter!#i dont even know what happened.. nothing about internet changed yet it feels like it did???#like a sound you cannot hear but the waves still shake you biologically..#as much as i judge people who built their audience on being reactionary at least-#-they have privilege of being negative as much as they want and only get 'yass queen kick ass' for it #meanwhile i should watch myself to not extend venting limit gfhhjhv when i vented too much i should-#-stay cool for a while before i can feel bad again #am i overestimating the importance of my negative emotions though?#like.. am i being vain thinking my vents will 'poison the world around me' when my anger is-#-as threatening as barking of an alerted pomeranean?#yeah maybe.......#maybe i just have microtrauma from people that treated me like a dangerous monster for having-#-emotion of anger to begin with. this summer this issue was dialed up to 11 #right i am probably being too focused on self at this time!#i should watch some youtube trash-reviews or petty dramas to feel angry on behalf of someone ELSE.#gotta.. get out of my own head. now.

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