#as long as you say no homo it aint gay | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moanbyul-yi · 6 years ago

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k so @byulyi dared me to do all the flowers from this and my dumbass thought it was a great idea to accept the dare but my dumbass also fucked up and basically deleted the ask so here it is in a post lmao buckle up bitch!! (u really dont have to read it if u dont want its sm longer than i thought it would be)

amaryllis - name an attribute of yourself that you are proud of. proud of my ability to find the shittiest and worst tv shows/movies and watch them religiously lmao

anemone - describe a time when you felt abandoned or betrayed by someone you loved. back in yr 8??9?? i had a super close friend (that i was also in love with but i didnt realise bc of compulsive heterosexuality) that randomly cut off ties with me and yike it sucked

azalea - would you describe yourself as a patient person? in terms of simple things like waiting on a package no lmao but if its waiting for a person or smthn like ykno that deep shit then yeah

begonia - describe anything you see as a “red flag” (something that makes you cautious about a new friend or love interest) straight up if theyre an asshole,, if they say something homophobic/racist/sexist etc just if theyre not accepting and nice to all people

bird of paradise - do you like hosting parties, or do you prefer to just attend? i love hosting!!!!!!! i love making sure everyones havin a lit time and organising all the stuff

bluebell - what keeps you humble? tbh idk how to answer this question just bc ig im not really in a position where i have stuff to flex so like i dont have a lot to be humble about ?? in terms of like achievements n shit

chysanthemum - describe your idea of a perfect day. this is kinda gay but honestly just a day i get to spend chilling with my girl whether we go out or just stay home and binge movies all day whatever it is,, just to have a chill day with her with no ‘you have to be doing this!!!!!!’ feeling

spring crocus - describe your favourite childhood memory. the first one that comes to mind is me and my cousin when we were like 5yo running around the house with a cape on pretending we were superheroes

daffodil - how do you confess your feelings to someone you’re interested in? ive only done it twice, the first time was a complete Mess and the second time they initiated it so idk lol i wing it ig

daisy - describe something that gives you hope when things seem bleak. honestly idk bc im the kinda person that just wallows in their sadboi but i guess something that helps is just talking to people esp my gf about whatever it is thats sucky

foxglove - when was the last time you told a lie? i told my parents i was going to the city for lunch with a friend today but i went to a dance class for love shot by exo lmao

gardenia - have you ever had to keep a romance a secret? if so, why and for how long? yeah bc we were both not out - had to keep it a secret from p much everyone other than a few friends the entire time we were tgt

purple hyacinth - describe a time when you had to apologize to someone last year,, i had a fight(??) with my friend and yeah

hydrangea - how much time do you spend on your appearance each day? not a lot i always look like a Mess

white jasmine - what is something that never fails to make you laugh? !!!!!!!mamamoo !!!!!!

lavender - describe your oldest friendship, and why you think it has lasted so long. i have a primary sch friend and we’ve been friends sort of since kindy but properly for like 8 years???? its the kinda friendship where we dont have to talk often but we can hit each other up whenever and it isnt weird its just chill and gucci ( @akicchisano luv u binch no homo)

lilac - describe your first relationship or first love. yeet ok my first pROper rs?? lasted like a year and a half and it was a friend in high school,, uhh it was good while it lasted but im glad its over and i wouldnt go back lmao but it was definitely a learning experience

calla lily - what traits do you find beautiful in others? in yourself? i guess imma be really typical and say kindness like the kindness in which u dont expect anything in return?? like the way people aim to make people happy and laugh and shit ykno (i just woke up soz this is terrible)

tiger lily - if you had to choose between doing what you love and making very little money, or doing a job you hate and making a lot of money, what would you choose and why? im assuming the very little money is still enough to get by?? but i would choose that just bc if i hated my job idk how long i would last in it but i dont think it would be very long at all. if i had people to provide for or something tho then definitely the second bc gotta get that dough for them

lotus flower - would you say that you are a spiritual person? if so, what elements of spirituality are important to you? nah im not really

magnolia - describe your favourite thing to do outdoors. probably just walking around ykno with nothing to do or maybe hiking?? sightseeing?? shit like that

morning glory - are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection? very lmao if i like you romantically or platonically ill be v touchy and cuddly if u reciprocate it,, i also will give random gifts like stuff ive made or stuff that reminds me of that person just random small things

pansy - what is the most thoughtful thing that anyone has done for you? idk if this is the mOSt thoughtful bc i have bad memory but that one time the mvp @akicchisano bought me a smol christmas tree bc i kept talking about how i wanted one but couldnt find one that shit got me busting the phattest uwus

peony - describe the top three things necessary for a happy life. a sugar daddy,, good food,, girls

petunia - what never fails to make you angry? when people borrow shit and dont put it back how they found it >:(

red poppy - what tips or tricks do you use to cheer yourself up when you’re down? i go for a drive (i cant drive so i make my brother lmao) or i watch smthn funny just get my mind off it somehow

red rose - describe your ideal date or romantic evening. shit idk about ideal but itd be really nice to maybe get dinner and go star gazing like somewhere far where theres less light pollution and hella stars and then after that just coming home to binge movies and cuddle

yellow rose - do you get jealous easily? sO easily its terrible but most of the time i dont do anything about it

snowdrop - have you ever had a falling out with a friend or family member? not in such a way thats resulted in us not ever talking again

sunflower - do you consider yourself a loyal person? ye,, ya girl aint no hoe

sweet pea - describe a difficult goodbye you had to make to a friend or other loved one. probably saying bye to all my family bc they came to visit and having to send them off opened up some real emo hours :((((

violet - how important is loyalty in friendships and/or relationships? v important bc u gotta have someone to rely on but it should be loyalty and not blindly following

wisteria - do you like poetry? if so, describe your favorite poem(s). yeah i kinda just like random poetry theres a lot from an insta acc called poeticpoison that i really like

zinnia - do you have any loved ones in your life that you miss and wish you could see? yeahh my gorlfriend and all my family since they all live in different countries

#mama aint raise no lil bitch #gOd i cant believe i actually did all that #jfc #it did not look that long #and my answers are so shit #i have so many regrets #only took me like an hour to answer it all lmao #never again #asks #byulyi

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thelifetimechannel · 6 years ago

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The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

#bonus content

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maxhoemo · 6 years ago

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🎭 maxian?

characters working at a haunted house

“Four ninety nine!” Max smiled, handing tickets over to a group of tweens. He was doing a year of University in America just for fun and had taken a weekend job at the local amusement park. Being the Halloween season, everything was decked out in the appropriate theming. Adventure Park was known for their elaborate Haunted House. Max was lucky he didn’t work in that end of things, like his friend Ian. The costumes were so dorky…

Course, Max’s uniform wasn’t much cooler. A baggy ringer t-shirt with the words Adventure Park printed on it. The worst part though, the matching red athletic shorts. Like something from summer camp. Real spazzy and lame. One of the bosses actually mistook him for a girl from behind once, and he was sure it had something to do with these unisex shorts they were issued. But hey, it was the 70′s. The decade of androgyny, so the magazines claimed. Who was he to argue with American trends?

“Hey, Max,” his friend George greeted. One thing about George Max had noticed pretty quickly, was that he always looked and sounded stoned. Most likely because he was. “When’s your shift end?”

“‘Bout five minutes,” he replied, ripping off another bunch of tickets and handing them to customers.

“Got a ride?”

“Yeah, Ian’s taking me home. Why?”

“Mr. Brighton wanted me to make sure. You know, cause of last time.”

Max rolled his eyes. It was no big deal. Max had hitchhiked home. The amusement park was outside of the city, and teenagers hitched rides to the park all day. But his boss had really freaked out when he heard. Telling Max how dangerous it was and how America was more violent than he was probably used to. Like, Max was some kid or what? He was a grown man. He could fight off some trucker or dude in a chevy if he really needed to. “Whatever…”

“Hitchhikers get murdered all the time, dude.”

“Like, George, man. Ian and I could crash our car on the way home.”

“Dude! Don’t put that in my head…”

“Just saying. Anything can happen. No matter what.”

“So… You shouldn’t be safe…? Okay, I won’t strap the kids into the rollercoaster next time.”

“Fuck up, George. That aint the same… It’s 6:58, I’m out. See ya’ next week.”

—

Max lingered around the back of the haunted house, waiting for Ian.

“Excuse me? Where’s the bathroom?”

Max, only slightly startled by the voice, turned to see a little girl. Parents never watched their kids around here. “It’s just up there, at the end of the midway by the ring toss,” Max smiled, pointing her in the right direction. He watched her run off, wondering if he shouldn’t take her there himself. Then again, her parents were God knows where so it wouldn’t make much difference…

“Max!” Someone shouted, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him towards them.

Max screeched, turning his head to see it was Ian. Still in his cheap vampire costume. “Ian! You cunt…”

“Een, you cont..” he imitated with a laugh.

“I don’t sound like that…”

“Max…” He teased with a grin. “I want to suck your blood…”

“Enough!” Max decided, breaking free of Ian’s grip and turning to face him.

“You didn’t mind me sucking on your neck in your dorm room…”

“Shh! Ian! Not here, faggot!”

Ian just laughed. “Let’s get out of here then.”

“A-fucking-men!”

“So I can keep saying gay shit to you.”

“Perv.”

—-

Max clicked his seatbelt in Ian’s Mercury Bobcat. Ian was puffing on a joint, waiting for the heat to kick in. He passed it to Max, who took a long inhale. Smiling, he handed it back to Ian who took one more drag before extinguishing it in the ash tray and saving the rest for later.

“Hey, Max…” Ian said as he pulled out of the parks lot, “Ever notice how much those shorts ride up your ass?”

“Ian!”

“What?” he laughed. “I like it….”

“Of course you do. Homo.”

“If I’m a homo, than what does that make you?”

Max paused, pretending to think about it for a moment. “Mmm…Homo.”

“Can I stay at your dorm tonight?”

“Sure. I guess. Don’t wanna go home?”

“Nah.”

“You gonna get your own place soon?”

“Not at this job…”

“What do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know. Fuck?”

“I meant as a career…”

“Oh. Uhh. I don’t know. Nothing. I just wanna make a lot of money. What are you studying again?”

“Polysci. Minor in music.”

“Kay. Become like, mayor or a folk singer or some shit. I’ll live off of you.”

“Wow. What a dream come true,” Max replied flatly.

“Can we fuck, though?”

“I don’t know…”

“Why not?”

“I’m not ready yet.”

“When…? When will you be?”

“I don’t know… It’s scary.”

“No it’s not. It’s easy.”

“For you…. Let’s just make out and touch each other.”

“Okay. I still love you. Even if you don’t put out….I’m stopping at Esso.”

“For?”

“Cigs.”

“Get beer too.”

“Okay. What kind?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. American beer sucks.”

“I’ll get Canadian.”

“Never had it.”

“It’s stronger.”

“Ah, probably not as strong as I’m used to back home.”

“If you hate America so much, why are you here?” Ian joked.

“I don’t! I like things about it!”

Ian turned into the gas station, not far from Adventure Park (probably strategically). He parked and turned off the gas. “Anything else I should grab?”

“Nachos.”

“Fuck no. We’ll order pizza.”

“I like them though.”

“Of all the things in America you like, it’s the gas station nachos…”

Max laughed. “It’s that cheese.”

“Kay, I’ll be back in a sec,” Ian gave Max a peck on the lips before slamming his door and heading inside.

Max wrapped his hands around his arms. Cold now that the heat was off. He would have brought a jacket, but he lost the key to his locker his first day and Mr. Lightfoot had a one strike policy for them. So, he never brought anything to work but his uniform. Not even his wallet.

BANG!

Max turned, jumping at the sound. Something hitting the car window. An older man, covered in blood, was banging on the car window. Max screamed. Backing away from the car door, as blood was smeared all over the window. He un-clicked the seatbelt, crawling backwards towards the driver seat. The man kept banging, and screaming something Max couldn’t understand. It could be another language. Max covered his eyes with his hands, not knowing what to do. Until, without warning, the banging stopped.

Max opened his eyes, looking around and not seeing anything. Then, he cautiously peered down out of his passengers seat window. The man was lying on the ground, and Max could know see that there was a knife in his stomach.

“Oh, fuck!”

to be continued

#writing #maxian #requests

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punkscowardschampions · 2 years ago

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Joe & Ronnie Pt.1

Joe: [Reaching out on whatever social media we have found of yours]

Joe: longshot you’re still about on here but fuck it

Joe: remember your logins and see this

Ronnie: didnt say please or nothing

Joe: good thing god came through when my manners didn’t

Joe: your gay mate too, taking some pics of you this decade

Ronnie: & they reckon he hates fags that god of yours

Joe: dunno if we’d call him mine but I was owed some luck from whatever the fuck in the universe and I got it

Joe: not gonna complain now or look it in the mouth, like

Ronnie: your mouths full of my mate 💘 be calling him yours owing to your boner for his pics with no complaints

Joe: ‘course, hitting him up was standard protocol

Ronnie: glory hole cuts me out with some luck youll go that old school next time

Joe: 💔 you’re lacking in imagination ‘cos you’re gonna have to stay with us for this would you believe it story

Ronnie: take it up with your god mckenna if youre that devoed by what I lack

Joe: make a change from the same old song he’s been hearing off us forever but nah

Joe: if I told you another name that’s in my blood you’d recognise that one for what this is

Joe: Tess Vickers, must be on your paperwork somewhere

Ronnie: same old 💔 another soft lad crying my dick aint actual

Ronnie: born with a cunt out of hers

Joe: worse ways to cover the rent in this town, glory holes tour being one of

Joe: yeah, same

Joe: didn’t change your name

Ronnie: no call for it

Ronnie: you offering to cover my rent on the otherhand like is dead sweet

Joe: your mate doing it, really, hard work’ll be mine though even if the cash is out his backpocket

Joe: how long you been in London

Ronnie: whats with the interrogation you here undercover

Joe: I wanna know where you go

Joe: and if you’re green, I’ll have to swing by [the touristy traps that y’all are simply too edgy for, of course]

Ronnie: turning green off how keen you are to be bezzies

Joe: s’been said

Joe: you met any others before, from your sperm donor

Ronnie: little kids dont carry enough spends to make it worth my while

Joe: ‘course he managed to keep it out of slags after the bennies x2 after her

Joe: you’re owed for that ammunition if nowt else, tah

Ronnie: yeah a heartwarming 180

Joe: lucky him

Ronnie: can go find him at church as part your reunion tour

Joe: can’t see if he fancies being my old man, guttingly

Joe: unless he’s that sort of bible basher

Joe: you do as alright out of the genetics as it looks or what then

Ronnie: gotta make do baby

Joe: you’re the baby, look like the sort still gotta skip sunday school to keep unmolested

Ronnie: homos in dresses find us wherever I spend my sundays

Joe: I’ve only gotta get lucky twice

Ronnie: if youd seen a photo that werent nearly as old as you are might have more of it

Joe: doubt you’re gonna make it that easy for me though

Ronnie: threatening you with a good times the least likely threat to hear off us

Joe: thank fuck

Joe: with these manners shit at being polite when it’s the opposite to me

Ronnie: me who got em all to still be here hearing you

Joe: oh yeah, you wanna hear more about her

Joe: I guess I can do that

Ronnie: guess again I could give a fuck about her

Joe: stop making my year

Joe: you wanna go to a party with us

Ronnie: i do owe you all the missed bdays if I’m gonna be sis of the year

Joe: only got one other, fitting she’s a dick factory but real pisstake for us

Ronnie: sounds like her I wanna go to a party with

Ronnie: no word on how much dick you can take

Joe: s’a lie, was fantasizing about glory holes for ages, you

Ronnie: liar goes hand in hand with god botherer

Joe: amongst other things but can’t fake the DNA and you look like my dead sister

Joe: how many times you heard that and it ain’t just been a line

Ronnie: fantasy if I look like any living or dead white girl

Joe: nah, you’re white to everyone but racists looking like that

Ronnie: everyones a racist

Joe: i’ll take race fetishist if we’re handing out titles

Joe: sister of the year is better but i’ll make do as ever 💔

Ronnie: you would with a last name like that don’t ever see no cunt who ain’t ginger I bet

Joe: cleaned up the famine fanny, big time

Joe: moved to Dublin when I was a kid but he’s Northern Irish so not even proper

Ronnie: not the only one who can stalk socials like

Joe: you stalking me, I’m touched

Ronnie: said I had fuck all questions about her you were left out of it

Joe: go on

Ronnie: know it all now

Joe: what’s safe enough for the internet

Joe: even the gigs I book have some idea how to do a quick stalk too

Ronnie: junkies are the new blacks dogs & irish & like i said every cunts a racist

Joe: between us we’d have the full set though

Joe: you can claim my plastic paddy blood for your own, makes a good album title

Ronnie: youre booking gigs baby Im only making noise

Joe: i intend to hear it

Ronnie: nobody gives a fuck about your intentions

Joe: your mate’ll tell us where you are, when i ask him nice

Ronnie: dorothyd have to know it to snitch big maybe youre banking on there

Joe: still my best option

Joe: less you like begging when its directed at you

Ronnie: its an option when ive no fixed address dont have another opinion with my lacking imagination

Joe: busking is easier, i’m an annoying twat, tourists like it

Joe: but my imagination ain’t shutting up so let us see your face in more than a couple pixels and I might fuck off forever

Ronnie: wont win you no annoying little brother of the year

Joe: you wanna give it me, never been younger

Ronnie: another big maybe soft lad

Joe: come, you won’t need no spends at this party for all the favours there’ll be about

Ronnie: where

Joe: [give her the sketchy address because it ain’t your party]

Ronnie: ok tourist

Joe: come supervise, big sis

Joe: any luck you’ll see me turning blue from green

Ronnie: party starts then

Joe: i’ve wanted to meet you for ages, found your profile years ago

Ronnie: werent very irish catholic of you to wait & keep it legal

Joe: i know, why’s a longer story and you’ve already stalked me super sleuth

Joe: know it all

Ronnie: you wanna keep it for lights out past your little boy bedtime

Joe: you tucking us in on the cards

Ronnie: save the tucking for your new boyfriend

Joe: never tried it but looks like it hurts

Joe: you can do that for us, actually

Joe: double act party trick

Ronnie: the queens cry about it but what dont they

Ronnie: all part of their act

Joe: if i could get booked to self-harm like that i’d be first with the blush and wigs

Joe: not cute like you

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: i’m calling you cute for having a massive cock, not quite shirley temple even with the curls

Ronnie: dunno her wheres she doing her tricks

Joe: grown men will simulate her abuse any borough of this fair town, not missing owt good

Joe: you ain’t invited your mate, have you

Ronnie: invite him yourself i cant get work as a secretary with this many face tats

Joe: he ain’t invited and i’m already gonna be ignoring the cunt that asked me to be there

Joe: i’ve not got one where the ink stayed yet

Ronnie: wont if you pull it out mckenna

Joe: irish catholic, pull outs all i know remember

Ronnie: what a relief infertility found us before you

Joe: if you stab me, i promise i’ll leave it long enough to heal

Ronnie: real loves an open wound its on all the posters

Joe: you don’t love us yet

Joe: have to take the ink and let it take for the memory

Ronnie: but you do us & youd let bleed what i told you to

Joe: you reckon it’s fake but I love you more than I do our mother and that’s a given

Ronnie: you love your new boyfriend more than you do your mammy it aint a compliment

Joe: you got me

Joe: but I ain’t thought about him or her every day since I was 12

Ronnie: 1 for puberty not us

Ronnie: been plenty of cunts wet dream since before i was 12 what else have you got

Joe: you wanna know why i didnt reach out then

Joe: my dead but not yet sister wouldn’t let me

Ronnie: 💔

Joe: she was already jealous of you ‘cos mam loved you more in her own telling of the bullshit story she told herself

Ronnie: shouldve told her different what sort of shit big brother was you

Joe: the worst like

Ronnie: youre proper selling yourself here

Joe: not your big brother

Joe: wont make you cry so i can wipe your tears, bit late for that shit

Ronnie: not a crier its in the file

Joe: fish mine out next time and we can compare notes

Ronnie: you wish you werent too late to try & trauma bond

Joe: options have been limited on that front since the last psych hospital holiday

Ronnie: if youd kept your sister alive you wouldnt have to go this far down the list

Joe: sound just like my last therapist too

Joe: she’s happier, may as well have engraved that on the tombstone

Ronnie: your paddy catholic da would insist on that shit when you couldve just kept costs down & the ashes on top of your telly

Joe: weren’t no open casket affair, honestly, state of her

Joe: dunno what happened actually, weren’t about after

Ronnie: makes 2 of us

Ronnie: invite got well lost

Joe: missed out on the chance of being haunted, another iou

Joe: come to mine when i go, i’ll give you a show

Ronnie: come for the buffet but stay for your holy show yeah

Joe: exactly, you get it

Ronnie: nobodys laying it on for the dead i know

Joe: mine’ll wanna see me into the ground so they can put on their own show of being gutted

Ronnie: & I can meet your other sister who you reckons a full on gaping hole

Joe: she’ll be there, she might actually care though, poor kid

Ronnie: give her time & she ll stop

Joe: time slang for the good shit i ain’t found yet

Ronnie: cant stay a kid

Joe: she never was, one of those freaky smart people who scare cunts like me who just act it

Ronnie: fuck meeting her then

Joe: i won’t doublebook

Joe: the other brothers are all morons, see any of them whenever

Ronnie: set a date to compare brain damage & how we got it

Joe: i can’t be that secretary either but if you’ve stalked you’ve seen them

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: proper take your role serious, bit gutting actually

Ronnie: as the nosey scouser next door

Joe: big sister

Joe: you ain’t heard I have to be special or I throw a right strop

Ronnie: wanted to see where your face fits as youve not shut yours about mine but it dont

Joe: she lying, you reckon

Ronnie: your da should reckon

Joe: I’ll have to get to church and beg for you to be onto something there

Ronnie: first & last freebie

Joe: 💘

Joe: yours is waiting

Ronnie: im waiting for you to throw your strop

Joe: you admitted I ain’t a clone, what better compliment to how special a lad I am

Joe: buzz off that for at least a hour or more

Ronnie: fucks sake

Ronnie: shouldnt have said it

Joe: 😏 cockblocked yourself

Joe: your favourite already

Ronnie: cackhanded but I can still 🖕

Joe: you know what you are

Ronnie: i do

Joe: good, girl like you should know she’s adorable

Joe: hope you hear it every day

Ronnie: dont hear the same voices in our heads

Joe: only faked a gender crisis once

Joe: they don’t let you change roomates that easy

Ronnie: only been given one with this name no cunt felt like changing for us

Joe: would you believe she did that 3 times too

Joe: right woman hater vibes

Ronnie: late in life dyke if there ever was

Joe: long as she’s always living her best life

Ronnie: the sperm donors contribution to what I’m called sounds like a fucking cough so he ll be laughing with his new set of legit kids

Joe: you never could be bothered change that either

Ronnie: costs nearly 50 what I got told

Ronnie: likely a fucking lie but spends are spends

Joe: fuck that

Joe: stage names free

Ronnie: fucked loads of lads with worse hasnt held em back from their best lives

Joe: s’the party spirit

Joe: loads of twats with blatant fake names like they’ll be remembered if its cool enough

Ronnie: all soft lad & doss cunt to us 💘

Joe: proper old school romantic

Joe: kill me

Ronnie: accents too heavy for here can say what the fuck I like

Joe: *we

Ronnie: you ll have lost yours, wee dublin boy

Joe: i wish, every cunt loves the irish these days

Ronnie: devo you don’t wanna sound like me

Joe: i will

Joe: like looking in a mirror if you got fucked by the genetics she’s throwing around instead

Ronnie: sit in bleach when I know you better baby

Joe: promises promises

Ronnie: ironing my hairs only class for the burns though

Joe: you look class

Joe: third degrees only taking the piss out of how good one girl can look

Ronnie: youre taking the piss

Joe: nah

Joe: does everyone stare at you everywhere you go

Ronnie: nah tourist all my mates look like this

Ronnie: other than mary but to each their own

Joe: no one looks like you

Joe: not enough

Ronnie: gotta get you out more

Joe: girls that look close to you are in institutions

Joe: even then, it’s never about the real shit, superficial wounds aren’t real love, pop that on the poster

Ronnie: gonna make me 😳 all this bullshit sweet talk

Joe: you bleed, not blush

Joe: it’s different

Ronnie: nobody wants not like other girls on their grave

Ronnie: unless quirky pick mes are killing themselves in droves

Joe: too old for that, shirl, i get it

Ronnie: dont lock away the autistics how they used to

Joe: keep letting us out

Ronnie: how long you been out?

Joe: reckon its been a month, coming up 2

Joe: bad at keeping track of days now but I know I’ve been behaving so well so you can be dead proud of me

Ronnie: proud of ruining it

Joe: i can pretend not to enjoy it if that’s what you need

Ronnie: not how i do it you couldnt or what I need

Joe: wait and see

Ronnie: waitings for scoring & youve already promised i dont have to

Joe: they’ve got whatevers your fix, posers with cash who wanna treat the fuckups for kudos

Ronnie: how you know youre in london now

Joe: god save, girl

Ronnie: patriotic tat it is

Joe: yeah?

Joe: so thoughtful of you to get me hate crimed if i ever go back to dublin

Joe: am in love

Ronnie: you gonna do us a ☘️ or some shit to get your own back?

Joe: my names so shit you’ll already have it, even if I branded it in

Joe: have to get inspired on this walk to the tube or you’ll end up with a cliche 💘 with ma in the middle

Ronnie: I’d carve it out

Joe: alright flirt

Ronnie: it’s only 2 letters dont cum over yourself for it

Joe: 😏

Ronnie: quicker than trying to think of another ma word

Joe: maybe’d work

Joe: but obviously I’d rather cum watching you so you didn’t hear it from me

Ronnie: you & everybody else at the party mckenna

Joe: yep, all scummy cunts, everybody I meet who’s got good gear and houses to do it in

Ronnie: could turn the a into a c & put your da’s name in the 💘 instead as he never gave it to your ma but mckenna is loads of letters you d never last that long

Joe: you want it to last, so romantic

Joe: not enough letters you’re bleeding out

Joe: done whole essays when i was a quirky pick me girl, trust me

Ronnie: I want it to hurt

Ronnie: bleeding outs for your dead sister

Joe: I know how to do it, not the one that died

Joe: can make it last ‘til someone forces me to stop

Ronnie: stick with me kid nobodys ever forced me to stop

Joe: not registered here, takes them ages to find you when you don’t

Joe: I ain’t planning on stopping stalking you, if that weren’t apparent

Ronnie: have to update my socials

Joe: I don’t mind taking it real life, try and get rid after the party and see

Ronnie: cunt who reckons hes my boyfriend will mind more than us

Joe: good

Joe: sounds fun

Joe: i’m your brother, i win

Ronnie: you win some more pixels he ll be made up to take pics of me to end up in a facebook group about how sketchy london is nowadays

Joe: if he’s that buzzing i’ll send my reaction back

Ronnie: [actually posting a new facebook pic for the absolute lols because we can all imagine the state of it, about to get banned]

Ronnie: id hurry before the site throws its strop like

Joe: fucking hell

Joe: alright

Joe: [your last self-harm sesh ‘cos you obsessively document it all for yourself]

Ronnie: irish goodbye off it cant say i never gave you nothing

Joe: you’re pretty, tell your boyfriend he did a great job

Ronnie: will i fuck

Ronnie: tell him you said he was pretty & see if he s all mouth

Joe: can beat the shit out of me, still tell him you love me more

Ronnie: youre my brother I’ll beat the shit out of you

Ronnie: he can watch if hes even invited

Joe: whole party can if you’re scared of being alone with us

Ronnie: youre the cunt who loves an audience

Joe: not always

Ronnie: he aint always my boyfriend

Joe: just reckons

Joe: bloods real, boyfriends made up word for semi regular dick and whatever else you need off him

Ronnie: semi regular fix

Joe: scummy cunt then

Joe: he let you shoot me up

Ronnie: I’m nobodys bitch i bite when I want

Joe: but i want it so bite me

Ronnie: who told you you’re that special

Joe: three guesses

Ronnie: youve got the wrong idea of me

Joe: have i

Ronnie: you think I get scared or need permission for anything from any cunt

Joe: i think i want proof otherwise

Joe: and you wanna give it me

Ronnie: nah thatd mean I had something to prove

Joe: that’d mean you wanted to impress me

Ronnie: & I don’t

Joe: ‘course not

Joe: disappointments nothing new

Ronnie: fuck you being this bute about it

Ronnie: I can see your 😏 without need of proof in pixels

Joe: bastard status been confirmed when you took my da’s name off me

Joe: can proper go for it now

Joe: [a smug selfie like as you clearly want one]

Ronnie: I wanna wipe that look off your face

Joe: yeah, go for it girl

Ronnie: youre included in the permission I don’t have no need of if I feel like kicking your teeth in

Joe: betting on it

Ronnie: [send him whatever self harm sesh you’re currently doing because wound up by this interaction in all the ways and this is how y’all flirt, definitely doing a 💘 in the most grim way possible]

Joe: [when you’re in public so all you can do is piss about on the tracks like you couldn’t get hit at any moment, ‘scuse you boy, don’t get security called on your mentally ill ass, good thing people in cities mind their business unless forced to otherwise]

Ronnie: [lord knows where she is, who is this bf and where does he live lol, I like to think he’s lurking in the content somewhere just so she can annoy Joseph with the fact he exists and is there rn whereas y’all are not yet together and feral, just biting this random man who may or may not consent]

Joe: yeah, don’t lie to him, he ain’t pretty

Ronnie: doing what I can for him

Joe: such a good girlfriend, obvs

Ronnie: cant all be genetically blessed as you & your unknown da

Joe: can’t be that potent, not part of the life story she’s forced down my throat

Ronnie: mines deffo not

Joe: young loves dream they weren’t

Ronnie: & aged like hes had night terrors since he met her

Joe: she’ll do that

Ronnie: this where you tell us youre a rough looking 13

Joe: you ain’t sent nothing they’d consider porn

Joe: so safe

Ronnie: not yet

Ronnie: answer the question first like

Joe: 19 soon, good for everything

Ronnie: do it like im on the door at a club

Joe: you wanna know what year I was born

Joe: or my star sign

Ronnie: I know from facebook only wanting a pic of your id so my boyfriend can chief your identity

Joe: chief my face so you fancy him

Joe: [but do it anyway ‘cos we don’t care]

Ronnie: he don’t fancy us enough to cut off your face in a wearable piece, did ask

Joe: now I’m devo for you

Ronnie: life’s a little bitch & so is he

Joe: good thing you’re knocking me out not him

Joe: hate a tease

Ronnie: who likes a tease? your god again maybe

Joe: probably

Joe: plenty people can’t hack much more, seems to me

Ronnie: little girls you know

Joe: something like that

Ronnie: 👧🏼

Joe: speaking of, if you need a place to stay when you’re bored of that ugly cunt, there’s a sofa going where I am

Ronnie: how bored do i gotta be

Joe: got 2 roomates 👧🏼👧🏼

Joe: depends how far off your type that is

Ronnie: that you asking if I go both ways

Joe: 🤣 fuck no but it’s your warning

Ronnie: every lad likes that porn come ed

Joe: yeah and all lasses will do it, no need to ask

Ronnie: theres a need to ask if youre only asking

Ronnie: I’ll do it for whats in it for us

Joe: you don’t need to fuck ‘em, rents covered

Ronnie: where do you sleep giving me the sofa mean cunt

Joe: who likes their sister that much they’re giving up their bed

Ronnie: you

Joe: you’re right

Joe: and when I tell them you’ve got a knackered back from being old, they’ll think I’m even sweeter

Ronnie: ill tell em you knackered it being a fucking deviant

Joe: wishful thinking

Joe: gone from can’t last ‘til the count of 7 to back breaking so fast, must have an imagination after-all

Ronnie: dont need to wish when there are real solutions open a spam email once & a while

Joe: the shit I take means I’m basically a sex toy already

Joe: even with fertile girls, no need to worry

Ronnie: [correctly guess what he’s on purely from him saying that because of your junkie knowledge]

Joe: so you are a secretary

Joe: proper nosy doctors one an’ all

Joe: impressive, girl

Ronnie: we’ll get you on [something idk I’m not an expert] if you badly wanna roleplay

Joe: no surprise you’ve had to sort him out with the little blue pills

Ronnie: old enough to be my da has its ups & its downs

Joe: all lasses love that too, really are just like the rest, eh

Ronnie: told you i weren’t on the spectrum

Joe: drugs being a special interest is unrelated, just sensible stuff to know

Ronnie: hes had a habit since mine was a baby & knows how to properly feed it

Joe: providing more than most middle-aged men who wanna fuck young enough to be their daughters

Ronnie: not as rem as most would reckon when they hear us talk

Joe: you gonna believe that sweet talk if I say you don’t sound it

Ronnie: you haven’t heard me fitzs facebook vids have all been taken down

Joe: you got an embarrassing lisp you warning us about ‘fore hand

Ronnie: thats the other one

Joe: big cunt?

Joe: bless him

Ronnie: is he

Joe: bigger than you don’t look hard but yeah

Ronnie: awh is he bigger than you baby

Ronnie: dont shit yourself the dogs got no bark or bite

Joe: you telling on yourself for having expectations of how big I ain’t or am

Ronnie: my expectations couldnt be lower after your cant get it up sob story

Joe: can’t cum, you mean

Joe: fun for those who like edging, put that on the leaflet

Ronnie: distinction was dead important to you

Joe: was to my last girlfriend, big fan

Joe: probably only go out with other headcases now

Ronnie: sex only does it for people who ain’t on nothing else

Joe: depends

Joe: how normal people do it though, definitely

Ronnie: ive not cum thanks to a dick in about a decade

Ronnie: since I was a kid on glue or some bullshit

Joe: you don’t miss it with what you’re on though?

Ronnie: fuck no

Joe: lucky

Joe: gonna go ahead and get chemically castrated one of these times, get rid of that shit for good

Ronnie: ken & barbie dream house shit

Joe: how she had all them jobs

Joe: boyfriend got no dick to bother her with

Ronnie: & if he did hed be putting in the little sister who looked like a gremlin

Joe: just not after midnight if he knows whats good for him

Ronnie: i was made up when i watched that film as a kid

Ronnie: the sequel though where there were more of em and they ran about being evil cunts

Joe: inspirational, like

Ronnie: but remember in the 1st how his girlfriend hates christmas since her da got in the chimney doing his santa shite & broke his neck

Ronnie: took days to find him dressed up thats really inspirational like

Joe: now I would go home to ruin their xmas dinner with the smell of my rotting corpse, deffo

Ronnie: ptsd the gift that keeps on giving

Joe: dead sound living with that bomb inside you, any minute can be a total wreck with no need for no sharp edges or nowt

Ronnie: ok flirt you can trigger it in us then

Joe: what works on you

Ronnie: fuck around & find out mckenna thats the fun

Joe: this lass I lived with before, had to change her name

Ronnie: how many times did you detonate her with that?

Joe: not enough, she wouldn’t have given us what I wanted any road

Joe: brother would’ve had to kick the shit out of me on her behalf though

Ronnie: 💔

Joe: he got there first but I had my own victim so that’s fair, well done to ma and da

Ronnie: its gonna be you telling us bedtime stories fucks with my dead serious big sister role

Joe: boys look after girls, everyone knows that

Ronnie: not my boys bigger bunch of girls than I could be if i tried

Ronnie: queen & a mime couldnt make it up

Joe: sounds like a fairytale already

Joe: you’re no wendy though, got that role fucked up

Ronnie: hes wendy im peter with his baby face

Joe: and baby teeth

Joe: can see him washing your clothes and playing mother well easy

Ronnie: is right except you saying i cant bite again i see you you fucking dick

Joe: do it but i’m keeping a couple as a souvenir

Ronnie: the 18 years of bday gifts couldve left a bigger dent go ed

Joe: spoiling me gets you back into big sister territory

Ronnie: rattle out the sec i stop getting spoiled be there to pick em up & theyre yours baby

Joe: worked out who your fella looks like

Ronnie: [a hilarious suggestion of her own that I won’t commit us to haha]

Joe: was gonna say smee, captain hook’s bumboy but yours is better fairplay 😏

Ronnie: [another one like oh and this person also that’s as funny] I couldve said if you wasnt distracting us

Joe: I can tell how distracted you are when he’s looming over you working away like you ain’t numb

Joe: dead on, that

Ronnie: ive not bothered faking it since before the playground plastic bag days & hes still about dead eyed challenge must do it for him

Joe: sad bastard likes the only thing you like about him is the habit he’s feeding

Ronnie: all i like about anyone

Joe: ‘cept your mates

Ronnie: wendy and michael feed it too

Joe: yes men make better friends

Ronnie: all men are yes men if you know what youre playing at

Joe: truer words

Joe: wouldn’t know if you’d have been about when I was younger and slightly more innocent 💔

Ronnie: i dunno if you were ever innocent like that

Ronnie: you know how to do it yourself

Joe: not many was ‘round our way

Joe: but see what you’re saying, the serial killer doc will go proper in on my lil deviant days, everyone likes the juiciest goss

Ronnie: get a white girl to play us can see it now that or the blackest they can find & looking like shes straight off the boat

Joe: bollocks, all the fittest models got your skin tone these days

Joe: won’t be able to do the accent for shit though, off brand cilla

Ronnie: phone in my own voiceover just for you

Joe: could’ve gone full gremlins, if you’d been about

Ronnie: wanted to be or fuck Stripe I still dunno which

Joe: real sexual confusion there, never mind being a part-time dyke

Ronnie: the doctor roleplay aint only for your benefit like got shit i need diagnosed

Joe: that i’m good at, can guess anyone’s mental illness by looking at ‘em

Joe: or at least the label they’d get flung at ‘em with the meds to match

Ronnie: do mine

Joe: [do that, we all know the vibes, anti-social, BPD etc etc]

Ronnie: bpd is dead easy & the meds are catch all but youre not wrong the label has stuck

Ronnie: rest’s sound as well 🤓

Joe: bpd is cptsd but for girls ✨

Joe: like you’re traumatized but you’re a girl so you’re just an emotional nightmare about it, babe

Ronnie: they had a point about getting fucked and calming down thats every girl in every temp job ive ever had

Joe: it works on every lass I’ve known before I knew ones like you

Ronnie: 🍆✨

Joe: 💉✨

Joe: easy switch

Ronnie: the easiest

Joe: cost me a bit more but way less effort in the long run

Ronnie: you there yet?

Joe: only reason the twat has a gaff is its halfway out of proper London

Joe: soon

Ronnie: ill leave when youre in the door im over halfway out of proper london if thats what you wanna call it

Joe: guaranteeing I’m there and the order is too

Joe: you’ll like stealing my bed then

Ronnie: postcode perks as the only perks is selling yourself short again baby

Joe: you know why else you’re bothering

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: bedtime stories are class

Ronnie: west middle kid is a fucking cliche too far for us wendy & michael are doing me dirty

Joe: I’ll be a better playmate

Joe: captain hook, always about for you to chop bits off and fly away from

Ronnie: see know all the right answers to give me & get under my skin

Joe: parasite like that

Ronnie: had worms & scabies before

Joe: share and give us them

Ronnie: sharing a bed youre gonna get everything

Joe: proper brother and sister then

Ronnie: 💘

Joe: all we got in that flat is fleas, the useless one can’t get rid

Ronnie: 2 dykes & all their cats is who youre gonna have us living with

Joe: and their money

Joe: if i get in a band that don’t hate me maybe i’ll live that homo dream but girls are nicer and clean up after me

Ronnie: ok ill come stay

Joe: swear down

Ronnie: you saw for yourself how bored i am

Joe: not on

Joe: can annoy you so you ain’t, little brother duties

Ronnie: start then

Joe: how’s starting without you when I get in this gaff

Ronnie: what on?

Joe: if [some dude] is about, he’ll start on me ‘cos I owe him

Joe: or I could crack on railing lines with the bird from that soap who’s fresh out of rehab

Ronnie: [a name drop of who we think that girl is that could either be spot on or hilariously wrong depending how we wanna go]

Joe: her teams gonna have to send her if they want her to go on i’m a celeb

Joe: be rattling whilst tryna swallow crocodile dick or whatever the fuck

Joe: [say another soap actress who it is]

Ronnie: if she was from somewhere up north shed be used to it weve all swallowed west shit when the spends are running out

Joe: can’t beat hometown girls 💘

Joe: start on that bit of fan service songwriting when she’s banging on about her character work like it’s not daytime telly for oldies and us on the dole

Ronnie: when she needs to cry next she can think about your broken dick

Joe: reckon she’ll give me credit

Ronnie: under what fake name you hate yours

Joe: if you’re putting the mckenna bit on you I can stomach it

Joe: can’t call us nowt whilst she’s trying to fix it/me anyway

Ronnie: what am I gonna put on you I dunno keep distracting us from how best of british to be

Joe: you remember the postcode you lived in as a kid

Joe: put it on us and i’ll send myself back to my ma like a postcard, see if she remembers like

Ronnie: I remember yeah

Joe: [whatever yours was because likewise, that bitch]

Ronnie: [talk about however near or far away you were from each other depending what we want the vibe to be]

Joe: I went to the skate park on that estate all the time

Ronnie: why didnt you see us

Joe: I would’ve been too busy protecting my sister, she hated everyone else, had to keep ‘em away

Ronnie: i was probably on too much gear to see fuck all properly

Joe: too old and fit not to tell us to piss off

Ronnie: id have done you in with no warning

Joe: warnings better

Joe: got anticipation now

Ronnie: give the actress one before i come in to you fucking her

Joe: just killing time ‘til you’re here

Ronnie: thats sound til I kill her

Joe: who will play the tart with a heart then

Joe: how’d you do it

Ronnie: & who ll bail us since youve upset my boyfriend by having me move out

Joe: i’ll do your time

Joe: by sounds of, my DNA all over her

Ronnie: cant cum youll be fine

Joe: alright, I’ll make sure I bleed on her but you’re already well jealous

Ronnie: youre just fucking trying to upset me now

Joe: never

Joe: I’m trying to get you here faster

Ronnie: youre not even there im not gonna fuck her while i hang about waiting for you doss cunt

Joe: I wish you was here

Joe: though here’s a full tube carriage and I wanna headbutt my way through

Ronnie: [try and guess which the next tube stop or station is like you’re gonna come and get on it]

Joe: right line [be a few stops off though]

Ronnie: how hard do you wish?

Joe: read my mind

Ronnie: what am i a kids entertainer

Ronnie: tell us

Joe: a bit what you are

Joe: [the covert self-harm you can do because it’s so rammed everyone is like sardines so who’s seeing]

Ronnie: oh fuck

Joe: I miss you though we’ve not met yet, how it feels in my head

Ronnie: wheres my head

Joe: tell us and I’ll go there

Joe: being alones not for me and I got no one else who matters now

Ronnie: [another childhood postcode/place]

Ronnie: did you ever go?

Joe: yeah, could cut through there and avoid the attendance officers, stop at [a corner shop moment]

Joe: what about [another Liverpool place from your childhood memories]

Ronnie: shut the fuck up I went there all the time

Joe: now I’m convinced I did see you but that makes it worse ‘cos I didn’t realise

Joe: I went back but it weren’t the same

Ronnie: this is spinning me out

Joe: would you have really done us in, if you knew who I was, like

Ronnie: depends how old i was

Joe: we left when you would’ve been like

Joe: 15, 16

Joe: I remember talking about it, reckoning you’d be in your own place by then maybe

Ronnie: on the streets by then

Joe: yeah?

Joe: I should’ve had the balls to, not gone there, everything got worse

Ronnie: you wouldnt wanna leave your sister or want her with you doing the shit i did

Joe: she wouldn’t hack it, she was soft, really

Joe: used to tell her i’d buy us a house on [their dream postcode] can’t see her settling for no postcode at all

Ronnie: i broke into a house there [tell him the street and number]

Joe: that’s boss

Ronnie: it was

Ronnie: i didnt wanna bail so when i had to i put petrol to it

Joe: what they get for having nice things

Joe: first joyride i ever went on was up that street

Ronnie: id live there dont reckon your sister was that soft for wanting to

Joe: i promised her too much shit i couldn’t give her was the problem

Ronnie: what kids do

Ronnie: i promised wendy i wouldnt do half the shit I ended up on before youd moved yourself to dublin

Joe: did he believe ya

Ronnie: for longer than I wanted him to yeah

Joe: letdown

Ronnie: he used to stop us cutting i thought hed stop me using

Ronnie: but he didnt work it out til I did it in front of him with any of it 💔

Joe: he should’ve known you better

Ronnie: cunts like me better on it they always have

Ronnie: when im rattling is when they think im using

Joe: dickheads who use to get fucked up don’t get that it’s to function for the rest of us

Ronnie: takes one to know one & I knew you knew

Joe: when I say be out of my head I literally want no part of it, I don’t want the walls to melt or any stupid shit

Ronnie: get out of my head right now honestly you fuck

Joe: stay in mine and my bed and I’ll sort as many brain vacations as the wedge they gave me for studio time can sort

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habaritess · 7 years ago

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You've spoken a lot on Sebastian's relationships and dynamics recently, not just him but he's been the center of a lot of them- I wanted to ask for a bit of insight on Anthonys side of the relationship too cuz he's hard to put a pin on. He somehow manages to charm everyone he meets but you pointed out he always chooses quiet Sebastian in questions of who he sees as the most fun, and seems pretty invested in him for someone who is able to choose from a large group of people. Why?

Thank you for asking!

Seb is definitely the more popular of the two so I get tons of Seb questions and not a lot of Anthony.

So here are my observations on Anthony and Sebastian( As always: Disclaimer, this is my personal observations. Please take it with a grain of salt).

As we all observed, Anthony is the personification for the life of the party. The guy is just fun. He has unique confidence that is so rare these days. Meeting Anthony is meeting Anthony. He does not regulate himself like most people. Most of us have our work face, our face we have with our friends, our face we have with strangers, while Anthony just appears as himself. This is also why he can be so polarizing. What he says is what he believes and they aren’t all politically correct( his sexist comments are legendary). Most of us understand that there are certain beliefs that would cause controversy and we either hide it or never fully go into detail on what we really think, and Anthony being so open about his controversial beliefs opens him up to infamy. But being with someone so open, so confident in themselves, can bring a unique energy to the set because it hard not to feel uplifted with someone like that. The dude is a bonafide people person, and I love what Chris said in his Good Morning America interview. “Mackie just loves people” and he does. You can see the joy he gets from simply hanging around and interacting with others. He is a great conversationalist. His interviews tend to be smooth and effortless because even though he obviously enjoys being the center of attention, he is also good on paying attention to who he is talking to and give a good effort to respond to them. What people say to him, he bounces it back to them, rather than leaving them feeling like they had a one sided conversation. That why a lot of his interviews flow so well, with very little pauses because it easier to get in a continuous conversation with someone when there is an easy back-and-forth dialogue going on. Part of the reason why he so great at that is because he loves interacting with different people. I once read a comment by someone who claimed to have meet him at a fancy party, and when Anthony came in, he went around talking and introducing himself to everyone, including the help. It so rare nowadays with the increase in technology and many people preferring to surf the net on their phone than meet people, even in social gatherings. Meeting someone who genuinely wants to interact with you and enjoys doing just that can be very uplifting to your day, even if your not a social butterfly, and that what Anthony does constantly.

Now that brings me to good ol Stackie. With Anthony being this popular, outgoing, life of the party, people person, he has sure to have made a lot of friends and a good many best friends to boot( he has talked very fondly of Sandra Bullock, Ryan Gosling, and Chris Evans, and had great chemistry with many others actors and actresses to boot). So why of all the people, its Seb he says he has the most fun with. I say it has a lot to do with this saying here: a good friend will bail you out, a best friend will be in jail with you. These guys are partners in whatever they do and say. You can see the beginnings of it when they were first partnered in the Winter Soldier interviews. Even when they didn’t know each, when Anthony called Sebastian a diva out of the blue, instead of denying it, countering it, or simply dismissing it, he went with it with “ I told them, I can’t move without a wind machine” and than as Anthony goes on with his snooty imitate of Seb, Seb follows that with “ I use to do Shakespeare!” That whole interaction was gold because they were effectively bouncing off each other ideas and work with one another, causing double the fun rather than it simply Anthony clowning on Seb. They became a duo of mischief as a result. They don’t police each other, but go along with what the other is doing. Instead of saying enough of the Tom Holland jokes, Seb joins in and becomes such an active participant in it that he follows it thoroughly even when Anthony is not around. As long as Anthony finds it a fun topic, he is going to go along with it. There were many times in the Infinity War interviews where Seb brings up Tom. He did so even more than Anthony this time around. Now with Sebastian, he is a lot more self conscious in his words when he is joking, but there were plenty of times where Anthony would back him up. They have a similar immaturity level, and neither would stop the other in their fun. At the con, they both acted incredibly immature. They covered a poor staff member with silly string and had to be separated as result. Even than, they continued on with it with Anthony throwing paper balls at Sebastian, and you can tell he is amused by it, not annoyed. Now how many people would have went along with Anthony( yes I’m assuming Anthony started it). Chris Evans, ever so people concious, wouldn’t have. He would have limited Anthony ( for good reason) and that is what so amazing about Stackie. They work together in their fun and it so hard to find a person who faithfully go along with what you want to do, and vice versa.

Sebastian is quiet and described by those around him as the complete opposite of Anthony, but he wants to be as outgoing and outwardly confident as Anthony. He lets Anthony lead the way, bounce off his jokes, take his beefs( Tom Hollande and Don Cheadle), and assist in his crazy schemes. With Anthony, Seb can truly be himself, not the quiet person who says nothing, but the person who he always wanted to be, but could never bring himself to be. For Anthony, he has found the person who not only tolerate his more eccentric ways, but goes along with what he wants to do no matter how silly. As most of us all know, Anthony is very openly complimentary to men. Despite him being quite no-homo, he has no problem calling another man sexy or beautiful, and for a lot of guys, that is a big no-no.( ETA: Clarification: Not saying that Mackie is a homophobe( he aint) just that he is vocally not gay )Its interesting, but you can look at the dynamic of Winston and Anthony. They get along great, but you can already see the limits Winston is putting out. When Anthony called Hemsworth beautiful, Winston interrupts and turns the conversation backs to the movie. When Anthony says his thighs are as thin as a hot dog, Winston jokingly implied that Anthony might be gay. It one of those things where when you meet someone, as you get to know them, you learn about things you can and can not say to a person, and that limitations. Anthony can be as unlimited as he want in that area with Sebastian, because Sebastian just takes it, smiles and laughs appreciatively. Anthony at his most weirdness( his desire to openly compliment men as a “straight” guy) is accepted by Seb, and Anthony goes out of his way to do it to him till his heart content.

What helps to keep this relationship so close is how quiet Seb is with others. Seb isn’t as buddy buddy with everyone as he is with Anthony, and we can easily imagine that in times when things settled down while filming, it is Anthony he seeks out the most( someone once reported seeing them two at a bar once). Seb has a bit of a crush/intense fascination with Anthony too where he wants to around him all the time. Now we know Anthony has tons of friends, but imagine having a person who enjoys being around just you( or mainly you). Not only is he happy to be around just you, but he also wants to go to places with just you. Chris Evans loves Anthony to bits as well, but he is also pretty well liked by the other cast members and can spread himself around if he wants. I definitely think Anthony is aware of how much Seb adores him ( of course, not the full extent) and it makes the friendship more special for him as result because that is unique, even in the usual best friend dynamic. Anthony can depend more on Sebastian to be up for fun with him, so when the choice comes up with who he rather hang out with or the most fun, it is Seb he chooses.

I can write so much more, but since this essay is long enough as it is, I’m cutting it here. These are my main observations on why Anthony picks Seb out of all the people.

#stackie #anthony mackie #Sebastian Stan

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smoothserg · 4 years ago

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This is Why Trump Almost Won the Election...Checkout the Revelations From Doctors To American Patients...

1. “But it’s sterile and I like the taste.”

“Nurse here. The number of people I’ve had to tell to not drink or to stop drinking their urine is surprising.” – Dakipa

2. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

“You’re 22 – wash your dick.” – Nickrosis

3. Did you not learn this in 6th grade?

4. Secondhand idiocy.

“Yes, you smoking in your house is likely making your kid’s asthma worse.” – BruteSquad610

5. Where do I even start?

“A couple instances come to mind.

1) Don’t have sex 6 hours after you delivered a baby.

2) Coffee creamer is not the same as infant formula. Please do not feed your day old newborn International Delight.

3) Probiotics are different from antibiotics. Probiotics do not cure syphilis. – Kaclassen

6. Sometimes, listen to the patients.

“I know you are trying to help but you don’t do CPR on someone who is actively telling you to stop between compressions.” – Cl1mb3r

7. Don’t try this at home kids.

“Jumping from a first floor balcony onto an alfresco dining shade umbrella below will not make you bounce up and down like you are on a trampoline. Instead your 100kg body will simply crash through the fabric onto the footpath below and break both your arms. You will not impress the ladies with this, like you originally intended – and besides, what exactly is a semi-obese man in his forties still doing trying to impress women like that?

(What I actually said to him, which encapsulated all of the above, was ”what part of you thought it was a good idea?”, followed by ”and remind me how old you are again?”).” – OkeyDoke47

8. It’s an ultrasound, not a crystal ball.

“No. I cannot tell the race of your baby on ultrasound. You’ll have to wait until birth to have an awkward conversation with one of your boyfriends.” – sutherbb36

9. Not so fast, are you?

“I was waiting to get my colonoscopy done a couple of years ago and they were asking the lady in the next station if she’d fasted. They went through all the questions and double-checked that she had fasted, then after confirming, almost as an aside she throws in that she had oatmeal for breakfast that morning.

Nurse: Ma’am, fasting means you can’t eat anything before the exam.

Lady: I know. But I always have oatmeal for breakfast.

Nurse: I understand. But you can’t eat before this exam. The doctor has to look at your digestive system.

Lady: But oatmeal is good for digestion.

Nurse: You can’t eat anything before this exam. You have to have completely fasted so he can look at your intestines.

Lady: But I always have oatmeal for breakfast.” – PerilousAli

11. Where do I begin?

“Primary Care Doc here, here’s a few of my favorite things I’ve had to tell patients

Please leave your marijuana/pipe/joint/paraphernalia in your vehicle or at home; don’t bring it to your appointment

You don’t need to bring a hunting knife to your appointment.

No I can’t write you a letter saying your rabbit is a service animal so you can fly it around the country with you for free.

Showing up drunk to an 8am appointment and asking me to prescribe you Xanax doesn’t get you Xanax

I am not qualified to tell you how much masturbation is too much masturbation.

It is not my job to teach your adolescent son about how to get a girlfriend.

Your medicine only works when you take it.

I’m not going to give you my cell phone number

Women are doctors too

No I can’t just remove your gallbladder in the office; I’m also not a surgeon.

You shouldn’t be taking your friend’s/mom’s/grandma’s medication.

You can’t just ‘pull your panties to the side’ for a Pap smear

….and the list goes on and on” – AboveAverageAMA

14. Do you not wipe?

“Old friend of mine is a Nurse Practitioner. She told me she once saw a patient, male, complaining of severe rectal itching and general pain.

She is a very smart people-person, she can read people very well. She got right to the point and asked him about his daily hygiene routine. She had a hunch based off his presentation that he was a “man’s man”…”aint go gay stuff happening here!!!”

Long story short, when showering, he NEVER cleaned his ass. Ever. He told her, that it was “homosexual” to touch his anus.

She had to explain to him that the severe rash and itching he had been dealing with for apparently YEARS was a direct result of his perceived “homo acts.”

She instructed him to go home, take a proper shower, and apply witch hazel for a few days.

Amazing that a grown man thinks this way.” – IT_Chef

16. Maybe that’s why they’re, you know, crying.

“Yes, your babies need to be fed through the night. They are not born eating three meals a day and sleeping 10 hours a night. Please, dear God, wake up and feed them.” – kyelmo

17. Eww.

“I am a clinical lab scientist, and I frequently have to tell patients that I cannot accept their stool samples in tupperware, mugs, food to-go boxes, etc. The worst is when they take the shit-filled mug back home with them cause they don’t want to lose a ‘perfectly good mug.'” – lalalashucks

18. Meth, not even once.

“Usually goes along with after a car accident and their kids weren’t in car seats/seatbelts, how their kids… NEED TO BE IN FUCKING CAR SEATS… But it’s summer so a more seasonal example is the following:

Me- “So whats the problem today?”

Them- “I don’t know what’s going on! I can’t breath! I’m having a seizure!”

Me- “Hmmm.. has this ever happened before?

T- “Yea usually when I smoke crystal meth”

Me- “Did you smoke crystal meth today?”

T- “Yea, like 30 min ago. Why?”

Me- “….” – IronicNihilist

19. So much for the food pyramid.

“This conversation happened once.

Me: Also, you need to eat more fiber.

Guy: Okay, sure.

Me: That means more vegetable during meals. And you can have fruits for dessert.

Guy: Urgh… But I don’t like vegetables.

Me: Yeah, but you gotta eat more of them now.

Guy: No, I don’t eat vegetables.

Me: What do you mean?

Guy: I never eat vegetables. Like, since I was a kid. Never.

Me: Why?

Guy: I don’t like how it tastes.

Me: …..

The guy was in his 30s, severely obese with lots of pimples on his face. His cholesterol was through the roof. And he was having problem with his colon health. He was there with his wife and two kids, too.” – SphmrSlmp

20. Stop wasting my time.

“No, belly button lint is not a reason to go to the emergency room via ambulance.” – stayathmdad

21.

Me: “Did you miss a dose of [insert medicine name here]?” Pt: “No, I take it every day”. Me: “How many times did you not take [previously named medicine] in the past week?” Pt: “Three and I skipped this morning too”.

This happens probably once a week.” – RepublicansRInbreds

22.

“Patient had been referred to my pharmacy by his physician for an OTC enema. The guy was not the sharpest tack, and apparently either his physician did not explain it well or the guy didn’t listen, but our conversation went like this:

Pt.: So I drink down this whole bottle and then I’ll hafta shit?

Me: No sir, this is an enema. It is used rectally.

Pt. (confused): So what’s that mean, I don’t hafta drink the whole thing?

Me: No sir, you’ll lie on your side and insert the applicator tip of the bottle into your rectum and squeeze the contents into you bowel. You’ll then remain lying on your side and hold the enema in until you feel the urge to have a bowel movement.

Pt.: You tellin’ me I gotta stick it up my ass!?

Me: Yes sir, this is an enema and it is used rectally. There are detailed instructions and diagrams in the box.

Pt.: FUCK YOU!

And he stormed off. That was the last I saw of him. Not sure if he thought I was messing with him or what, but I hope he eventually got to shit.” – IbuBROfen

26.

No, your teenaged daughters cannot share a single prescription for birth control pills. — MisplacedApostophie

30. “Worked in women’s health……so many things but one that always makes me shake my head is a woman telling me that her doctor said if she pees after sex she won’t get pregnant. I had to explain to a grown ass woman who had already given birth three times that your urethra and your cervix are two different holes and peeing after intercourse can help prevent UTIs but not pregnancy. Learn about your body ladies, no one else is going to teach you.” – reddoesntcare

32. You should not be allowed to have sex.

#21. Me: “Did you miss a dose of [insert medicine name here]?” Pt: “No I take it every day”. Me: “How many times did you not take [previously

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