#as long as i keep thinking about it in my $12 photo order chunks instead of doing the math to add everything up over fime

[miniatureliterature]

I highly recommend returning to classic photo albums for anyone needing a systematic hobby. I’ve gone through and printed all of my favorite memory photos since 2009, filled an entire album with 600 wedding photos, and started an album solely for my daughter. Bonus fun is that you then get to spend time reminiscing and looking back on your memories with friends!

What? Oh, yeah, no, it’s definitely not an obsession. No, it’s easily manageable and not all-consuming at all. Catching up on photo printing on a Saturday and having 40 more you want to get printed by Wednesday is totally normal, healthy even. I’m FINE.

[punkpoemprose]

December 5th- Secret Santa

Universe: Modern AU

Rating: G (General Audiences, fluff to the max)

Length: 5627 Words

A/N: It’s worth noting that I would probably get more pieces done if I kept my word count lower, but here we are. This lovely bit about volunteerism and falling in love proves, I think, that I have fully mastered the Hallmark Christmas movie formula. Thanks for being patient with me as I play catch up! Hopefully I’ll finish the rest of the fics I’ve started that were already supposed to be posted. Whoops!

The Bjorgman family was a large one, and it was no secret to anyone that their matriarch was always looking for “just one baby more” to join their ranks. It was how Kristoff had been adopted into the fold many years before, how his younger sisters and brothers, all adopted themselves, had come to be called as such. It was why every holiday was spent split between their family home and the small orphanage from which they all had been “found” by Bulda and Cliff.

The aged couple couldn’t really bring themselves to bring any new kids into the fold, but that didn’t stop them from finding ways to bring children into their family, and why Kristoff found himself lifting crates of apples off the back of his pickup truck, in the snow, to bring to the orphanage’s kitchens. Since his parents first realized they couldn’t have children themselves, since the day they found him eight years old with no family to call his own, they’d become the unofficial, official sunshine club for the children's home. They were forever coordinating donations, finding ways to organize events and trips for the kids, and Kristoff had grown up with the work being a part of him and a part of his life. Despite having been out from under his parent’s roof for three years, he never hesitated to find a way to help his family in their work to help the kids who weren’t so lucky as him and his younger siblings.

“Kristoff honey!” his mother yelled from one of the adjoining rooms as he dropped the final apple crate on the kitchen counter with the others. There were three more there, plenty enough for the amount of apple pies his mother planned to bake for their annual “desserts and dreams” program.

It was really just a party where the kids at the orphanage filled out their Christmas letters. It was a simple enough process, there was sugar and kids nervously writing usually very small requests on a piece of paper that they’d then hang on trees in local businesses and churches. Even people who couldn’t adopt a child could adopt their wishes for the holidays, and it was, generally something that they’d had great success with in the past.

Before his mother had stepped up, when he was still in the orphanage himself, there had been little celebration for the holidays. He still remembered the disappointment of no tree, no decorations but what he and the other children made themselves, and certainly the fact that there were no presents. But he remembered his first Christmas after being adopted clearer than that, he remembered how the whole house had seemed to glow with lights and tinsel and how he cried into his parent’s arms when he was given a present. It had been a lot to handle, and over the years he’d watched his younger siblings go through similar Christmas 180’s.

His parents hadn’t allowed another holiday without celebrating since for the kids in the orphanage. As they’d quickly learned their first year organizing the party, the year he’d turned 12, the community really did want to help give kids Christmas, they just didn’t know how. It had taken his mother and her fighting spirit to show them the way, and they hadn’t stopped since.

“Yeah Ma?” he shouted back, walking to the kitchen door to close it. It was flurrying out, and the last thing he needed was to hear about the puddles he’d caused by leaving the door open for a moment more than necessary.

“There’s a few new volunteers that need instruction. They just walked in, the rest of us are busy. Once you get the apples handled would you mind getting them on decorating?”

He huffed out a sigh, walking back through the kitchen, down the hallway and towards the room he assumed his mother was in. He wouldn’t tell her no. He couldn’t. Both because he really was unable to deny his mother any of her wishes, and because Bulda was not the type of woman who ever took “no” for an answer. Once she got something into her head, she was a woman on a mission until it got done. His father, Cliff, said that it was the whole reason they’d gotten married in the first place.

“She walked up to me in the middle of a football game and said ‘you’re gonna be my man’ and the rest is history”, was what he used to say. It was, truthfully, almost identical to the story of how he came to be their son. He still recalled her walking up to him, touching his cheek and saying “cutie, I’m gonna keep you”.  

He was decidedly not his mother’s son. He knew the irony of that well enough, but it was true. Bulda was outgoing as the day was long, and he was not. Working with people was not necessarily his strong suit, but he would admit to it, and he considered that something. Kids he was alright with, but other adults he preferred to avoid. It was also why when he wasn’t helping his mother, he did carpentry work. Of course he had to talk to people in order to determine what they needed done, but they rarely wanted to hold much of a conversation and that was good enough for him.

“Ah Ma,” he said as he walked into to room, seeing his mother toiling rather heroically over a desk piled high with envelopes and legers, “why don’t you let me handle the math for a little while, you know I’m not good with…”

“Pish posh!” his mother said, waving him off with a smile, “You know I have to run the numbers six times myself before I’m willing to let anyone else double check me, and that’s your father’s job. Go on, it’s just a couple regulars and a new girl, you’ll be fine.”

He gave serious thought to telling his mother that her definition of “fine” and his must be very different, but when he heard one of his younger sister’s calling out for help he thought better of it. They, as they always did, had their hands plenty full without his hemming and hawing about a simple task.

“Yeah, but tell me if you need more heavy lifting done, if I hear you and Dad lifted anything over three pounds I’m going to skip Christmas dinner.”

Bulda, for her part, feigned shock as he walked away. They both knew he wouldn’t dare.

***

“I’m umm…” the girl before him, Anna, was already the most difficult volunteer he’d ever worked with. Not that he thought that she was trying to be difficult, but it was clear to him that whatever she did, it was not usually volunteering at an orphanage’s pre-Christmas party. He had to admit though, that besides his family and the handful of recurring volunteers they’d trusted over the years, there probably weren’t many people that could say they volunteered at an orphanage’s pre-Christmas party.

“I’m pretty good at making paper snowflakes?” she offered.

It had been a simple enough question, he thought. He’d just told her that she was supposed to help make or hang decorations for the party, and had asked what she was good at. He hadn’t thought it was a difficult question, or an involved one. He’d really just meant to ask her whether she wanted to decorate or whether she wanted to make the decorations, but it hadn’t come out that way, and so he had a rather nervous, but very pretty redhead looking at him like she was on foreign soil.

“Okay,” he said, deciding that even if he wasn’t good with people, he could be polite at least for his mother’s sake. “There’s… uh, paper and scissors over at the table, I’m sure you can figure something out. Thanks.”

He did his best to kind of gesture to the table in question and back out of the room slowly to go find somewhere else to be, but she caught onto his sweater sleeve.

“You’re not going to…”

He wasn’t sure whether she meant “stay” or “help” or both. Under any normal circumstance he would say no and walk away, to go do something else helpful that wasn’t arts and crafts with a stranger, but this situation was far from normal to begin with, and she looked panicked. He really wasn’t certain as to why she was even there. She looked a little too old to be the usual college or high school kids they got for community service hours, and she looked too young to be one of the rich types from the nearby city who came for the photo-op. There was something in her eyes though, a determination mixed with her nervousness, and that’s why he sighed and, without giving her an answer, walked over to the table.

***

She was good at making snowflakes. Or at least she was much better at it than he was. Hers were delicate things that looked like they had fallen straight from the sky themselves, he had made sort of squarish abominations with chunks missing that looked more chewed out than cut. She was giving him an A for effort, but had a feeling that not even his mother could truthfully come up with a compliment for what he'd created. But Anna did.

"You're getting better everytime!" She said holding up his latest attempt, "It looks a lot more circular than the last couple!"

Despite the fact that she'd shown him three times how to cut the paper to end up with a snowflake instead of a snow brick, he was still managing to come up with a mess. He appreciated her patience though and despite his earlier reservations, he was finding her easy and even enjoyable to talk to.

"So what do you do for a living Anna?"

It seemed, again, a simple enough question, but when he saw her face go flush he thought that maybe he'd managed to offend her. 

"I uh... I'm unemployed at the moment. I just finished my degree in early childhood education though, so the goal is to teach."

He watched as she nervously ran her fingers over her braid, and tried to give her a reassuring smile. He had no idea how to talk to women, and while it seemed as if things had been going fine before he asked, he wasn't sure what he could do to make her more comfortable.

"That's great!" He said, trying to really show her that he meant it, "Volunteering with kids while you apply seems like a smart plan. My parents could write you a reference letter if you want."

She smiled shyly, "That would be nice, thank you. I'm just happy to help. I just really needed to do something that felt..."

She shrugged and looked to him for the word she was lacking.

"Meaningful?" He offered. It was the word he'd use to describe what he and his family did there. Rewarding and positive also came to mind, but at the end of the day, making something out of nothing for kids who barely had anything was one of the most important things he could think to do with his time.

She nodded and gave him a look of appreciation that he hadn't expected. She picked her scissors back up and went to work cutting another perfectly folded page.

"So do you work here?"

Kristoff shook his head. It felt like it most days really, especially during the holiday season when his mother and father seemingly had daily plans for the children housed there. Whether it was parties, organizing donations, crunching the budget to swing presents for children who hadn't received donations or taking nice photos of the children for various agencies to show perspective parents he almost always spent his evenings there. Oftentimes he showed up just to do a couple things and force his mother to go home. Some days she'd try to stay late into the night to get things done, and while he respected her greatly for it, she sometimes needed someone else to step in and make her rest. She often needed to be reminded that she couldn't save the world singlehandedly. 

"No, I'm a carpenter. I used to live here though, before..." he didn't know why he was telling her. Normally most of the volunteers knew him. He was "Cliff and Bukda's boy" to everyone in the community and they all knew that he was adopted. He certainly didn't look at all like his parents. But Anna wasn't from the area as far as he could surmise and she was perhaps one of the first people he'd ever needed to tell.

"Oh... I'm so..."

He waved her off before she could continue.

"Oh don't be, please. It's not a sore subject or anything. I was adopted when I was eight, and we've been coming back ever since to volunteer and help out the other kids. It's also how I acquired several siblings."

Her concern was sweet, but entirely unnecessary. As he glanced over to the opposite side of the room where his younger siblings were working with other volunteers to cover tables, put up decorations, and prepare papers and pens for letter writing Kristoff knew for a fact that he was one of the luckiest men alive. That he was talking to Anna and that they both seemed to be enjoying the he conversation despite it's awkward "getting to know you" was an unexpected addition to his luck.

She smiled at that and pulled apart her folding to reveal another perfectly cut snowflake. "That's really sweet you know. My family doesn't really..." She shook her head and he decided not to pry, "I'm glad you do this, and that I have the opportunity to help. It means a lot."

Kristoff grinned, "Well for the kids it means even more than you know. Thank you for coming to help out."

The soft way she reached over to touch his hand after setting down the snowflake was wholly unexpected, and it caused his heart to race in an unfamiliar way. He could feel his face warming.

“No, I mean… I’m sure it does, but I was trying to say, being able to do this means a lot for me. If that makes sense? Does that sound selfish? I’m not really…”

She trailed off and lifted her hand from his. He wasn’t really sure why he flipped his palm and caught her hand in his as she was drawing away. It was instinct, he just didn’t want her to think he thought she was selfish for feeling good about what they were doing. He thought that she was the type of person who should feel good about doing good things, he wanted her to feel good, and that was foreign.

“It does make sense,” he said looking her in the eye, secretly glad to see that he wasn’t the only one blushing. “I mean… this feels good, right?”

He was confused when he saw her eyes go wide and when she gave him a shy grin.

“It really does.”

***

Kristoff still wasn’t sure how he’d ended up catching an early dinner with her. They’d been talking, and then his mom had pulled him aside with the good news that someone had sponsored all the kids, plus some. An anonymous contribution marked “from Santa” which meant that every child would receive not just one gift, but a few. It was generous to say the least, and they hadn’t expected it.

When he’d returned to her, smiling, and feeling very good about the world, she’d mentioned needing to grab dinner before the party started and he’d said that they could go together. He had to ask himself whether it was a date. He hadn’t been on a date since high school, and that really didn’t count because it had just been once and then he’d never really seen the girl again other than in lunch. That had been all he needed to know that he was abysmally bad at dating, but now sitting across from Anna as she mowed through a burger, he really considered the idea that trying again might be worth it.

“So you’re not from around here?” he asked, knowing the answer. It was a small town, everyone knew everyone. She was new and other than the fact that he’d heard through the grapevine, AKA his mother, that she had moved into the old Arendelle place, a large empty manor house that had been in town for years, but uninhabited since before he’d been adopted.

“Well not really,” she said before poking a fry in her mouth and chewing thoughtfully, “My parents grew up here, and my sister and I lived here when I was a baby, but I don’t remember it. I was raised in the city.”

He nodded, “Must be a lot different there, I’ve only ever just driven through.”

She sighed, “Too different. Everything is so fast there…” she took another bite of her burger and with her mouth only slightly full, continued, “My sister likes it, but there’s things about the lifestyle there I’d rather… move away from? If that makes sense.”

It didn’t really make sense. He didn’t know enough about what she could be talking about for it to be making sense, but it didn’t really matter. He’d never been so interested in hearing someone speak, save for his family, and sometimes he didn’t even have an interest so much as he had a love for them that made it worthwhile.

“I can’t say I get it,” he said with a shrug, “but it is a lot slower out here, if you want to get away from something, this is the place to do it.”

She smiled, “I’m just excited to get a fresh start, you know? It’s nice to meet someone who’s so different from…” she trailed off, “Well my ex, I hope you don’t mind my brining it up, it’s just a big part of why I’m here now. I want to be a better person than who I was.”

He didn’t mind. He didn’t think there was anything she could say to him that he would mind hearing.

“I don’t think you can do that,” he said and nearly choked on his coke when he realized what he’d said versus what he’d meant.

“I mean!” he sputtered, “I don’t think you can be better because you already seem really great.”

She laughed. It was a beautiful sound, even when she snorted and covered her face with her hand.

“Well,” she said still laughing, “That’s sweet of you, but I’m afraid you don’t know me very well.”

“I’d like to.”

She grinned broadly, “I’d like that too.”

***

His sister, ten years younger than him and not even a quarter of his size, was pulling him down the hallway of the orphanage their parents had adopted them both from.

“Kris!” she said once they were far enough away from the main room where the kids were eating apple pie and writing their Christmas lists with the help of the volunteers, Anna included, and had his sister not stolen him away, the pair of them as well.

“What is it Jemma, we’re supposed to be helping the kids,” he gave what he hoped was a disapproving look, not that it ever affected any of his younger siblings. He might be the eldest, but he had no power over them. He tried to play tough, but at the end of the day they walked all over him like a doormat and he loved them too much to fight it.

“That girl you’ve been with all day, I know who she is.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, we all do. Her name is Anna, she just moved here, she’s going to start teaching preschool in town once Mrs. Hollis goes off on maternity leave.”

His sister looked at him like he was stupid, throwing in an eyeroll for good measure.

“No Kris, I mean I’ve seen her before, in a magazine.”

He snorted. “That gossip rag you like that Mom keeps threatening to toss out?”

She treated him with another eyeroll, and he wondered if he was half the sass she was when he was thirteen. Somehow, he seriously doubted it, but in his experience, all teens were difficult until they hit sixteen or seventeen and realized just how much they didn’t know yet. With a few exceptions, amongst which he liked to consider himself at that age, even if his mother and father might disagree.

“It’s not a…”

He shot her a look and she trailed off. Even she couldn’t deny that it was, in fact, a gossip rag.

“Fine. But shut up for a minute and listen to me. She’s an heiress. Her name is Anna Arendelle, her parents owned Arendelle industries and when they died it all went to her and her sister. No one knew much about them, but then she started dating this guy Hans Westergaard who comes from like a massive family of Hollywood agents and it became kind of a big deal because he was spotted out at parties and stuff cheating on her with other women but they were engaged and...”

He stopped her with a shake of his head, “Look Jem, I don’t know if you’ve got the right girl or not here, and even if you do, I don’t need to know her backstory, she’s just nice and she’s…”

She jumped in then, “No, you do need to know because she’s not ‘just nice’, she’s volunteers at an orphanage in the middle of nowhere and pay $100 per kid for Christmas presents nice. Also, she’s single.”

Kristoff did not like the thing that his sister was doing with her eyebrows, he also didn’t like that she was implying that he should have an interest in her that was financially motivated, but he supposed that at thirteen thinking that way was more normal.

He did his best to emulate her eyeroll and wrapped an arm around her, dragging her back down the hallway and into the fantastically decorated dining space where the party was in full swing. “Go help some kids write their letters Jem you little troublemaker and I won’t tell Mom that you snuck and found out the identity of an anonymous donor.” There was no malice in his tone, and they both knew he would do no such thing.

From across the room, Anna’s eyes met his and he couldn’t help but hold her gaze and smile.

He didn’t care that she was an heiress. He didn’t care that she had just gone through some kind of highly publicized breakup. It didn’t matter to him.

What mattered was that she was one of the only people he’d ever enjoyed talking to. What mattered was the smile she gave him from across the room and how much she’d enjoyed dinner with him, though his newfound knowledge did explain why after fighting over the check they’d gone Dutch. He didn’t care about what she had in a bank account. He cared about how the little boy sitting with her was giggling, and how when she looked at the boy and he told her something in return, he could hear her laughing too.

He crossed the room and was not particularly subtle about moving to help a child who was just a few seats from where Anna sat.

***

A couple weeks had passed, and another party was well on the horizon. This time, his mother had insisted that he and Anna finish wrapping the massive pile of toys and gifts that they’d been able to purchase with the “anonymous” donation they’d been grateful for.

Kristoff was fairly certain that only he and Jemma were really aware of who Santa was, but at the same time, he knew for a fact that his mother had set up her party plans to keep him and Anna together through the process.

So he’d helped her move some boxes into her house. So they’d gone out to dinner a couple more times since they met. He didn’t see what the big deal was given that he was just trying to be friendly. That he’d helped her fix a squeaky cupboard and thought he’d felt her eyes on his rear, and that he’d blushed furiously because he’d thought he’d felt her eyes on his rear meant nothing.

He suspected Jemma had said something to their mother about how good they looked together or something because his younger sister and mother had shoved them in a room, together, alone, for what was going to be a couple hours of work.

Anna, smiling as she wrapped, seemed to be unaware of their scheming at least.

“So I was thinking, one of the other volunteers told me that there’s a Christmas craft market in the next town over tomorrow, and you know there’s only a week until the big day and I have to find something unique for my sister and trust me, she’s the woman who has everything…”

Something he’d learned about Anna was that she was an over-explainer. When she had something to say, but was worried about how it would be received, she ran on about it for a while, trying to justify what she was saying, even if she only needed to justify it to herself.

“I’d like to go with you if that’s what you’re asking,” he replied, trying desperately to try to fix some of his crumpled wrapping to make it look even slightly attractive next to her flawless work. He thought that maybe he should only be tasked with things that could go in bags and perfect squares. Any other shapes and types of gifts were his holiday kryptonite.

She clapped her hands together and cheered, making him smile.

She plucked the gift from his hands, and he relinquished it gladly, relaxing as she masterfully straightened and primped the paper until the object resembled a gift instead of a wad of paper and tape.

“Good because I was hoping to get some things for the other volunteers and for your family and you know everyone better than I do.”

He laughed, “I think you give my social skills too much credit.”

It was sweet of her to think about getting everyone gifts. He was happy that she was starting, through their little menagerie of family and church ladies and local likeminded folk, to build some friendships in town. She was a nice girl, she deserved to have nice people around her. He still wasn’t sure if that really included him or not, but even if as she met people she was interested in him less and less, he was happy to have been one of the first people to welcome her into town.

“No, I don’t think I do,” she said with a grin, “People like you. Even if you don’t talk to them much, they really like you. The other volunteers have so many nice things to say.”

He shrugged. Most people had good things to say about his whole family. Cliff and Bulda were good people and they did their best to raise their children well. He supposed it made sense that he’d be included amongst someone’s praises of his family.

“But yeah, thank you for agreeing to come. I’ve been really enjoying spending time with you.”

He laughed at that, “That’s a new one.”

She rolled her eyes and scoffed, “I’m serious, you’re fun to be around. You’re no strings attached and that’s nice. It’s…”

She waved her hand in the air as she searched for a word, finally landing on “refreshing.”

“Not so many blunt people in the city then?”

“No,” she said thoughtfully as she handed him a football, something neither of them were going to attempt to put in anything other than a bag. “They were blunt, but everyone always wanted something from you. They’d be blunt and rude and whatever else they thought they could get away with, but there was always an ulterior motive. They always just talked to me to get to my sister or I was a walking net worth. I wasn’t a person they wanted to get to know. I was a means to an end.”

He frowned when he heard the emotion in her voice. He was not good with crying girls, not even his sisters, so when he looked up at her and saw tears in her eyes he set the football down and scooted across the space on the floor between them and did his best to give her a comforting pat.

It just made her tears fall faster.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as she leaned into him. They’d only known each other a short while, but already he was desperately connected to her. He’d thought that if she left his life as quickly as she’d come that he would be fine, but it was a lie, and he knew it. He was already falling for her, and that in and of itself was completely new territory.

He wrapped his arm around her as she leaned, his hand tentatively falling on her back in a comforting gesture. They were surrounded on all sides by gifts and wrapping paper and sundry and it struck him as a strange place to cry, but he didn’t think that telling her as much would help, so he just held on to her tightly.

“You shouldn’t be sorry,” she said, “You should be proud. You’re so nice to me and you don’t even get anything out of it.”

He smiled then, “I think you’re selling yourself short now. I get plenty out of being nice to you. Like you being nice to me. I don’t really have people lining up to be my friend you know, just Sven, and he’s a dog so he has to like me.”

She laughed at that, a little snort that accompanied her tears.

“But still,” she said, “I’m used to people wanting money from me… do you even know that I’m…”

“Rich?” he asked, then quickly added, “Jemma’s into gossip rags, but I don’t really care what they have to say about you. I don’t want money from you or anything like that, I just think you’re a good person Anna. Though, I will admit when we figured out you were Santa it did make me smile. What you did was very generous.”

She grinned then, still with some tears on her cheeks. “Ho, ho, ho?”

He laughed at that and pulled her in to his side a little tighter.

When she leaned up, looking determined, and asked him a question, he was surprised.

“What if I want something from you?”

He gave her a curious look. Her eyes were still a little wet, she was flushed and looked a bit nervous.

He responded quickly, because he knew the answer, “If it was something, I could give you, I would. Honestly I’ve been trying to figure out what to get you for the holidays since y—”

He didn’t get to finish what he was saying because she was shifting around and pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. A quick one, but one that made it obvious enough what she was getting at.

He came to the sudden and sweeping realization that all the times he had asked himself whether going out with her and doing something was a date, she must have been asking herself the same.

“I don’t want to be that girl who leaves a relationship and hops right into another, but I really like you a lot Kristoff,” she said, nervously overexplaining herself again in a way he thought was beginning to find endearing, “I just think that maybe this is worth giving a shot? I think that you like me too, and if not that’s okay I think we’re good friends, and I know we’re still getting to know each other and everything but I just really want to take a chance because—”

He took a chance then too, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her lips. When her arms wrapped around him and she leaned into the kiss, he knew he had made the right choice.

Her lips were soft against his and when their noses bumped together the soft laugh she treated him to, caused him to melt. She was perfect, and he counted himself the luckiest man on Earth that his Ma had forced him to be social a couple weeks before.

When the kiss broke, his forehead rested gently against hers and one of her hands moved from his back to card through his hair gently.

“Did you do that because you wanted to? Or because of the mistletoe?”

Though she asked the question, her voice was so full of mirth that he knew she was teasing. However, when he looked up and saw that there was, indeed, mistletoe hanging above them, he knew he had his mother and sister to thank.

When Anna started laughing though, he knew he couldn’t be mad about their interference.

“I noticed it when we walked in. I picked the spot on purpose,” she said, continuing to giggle as she spoke, her fingers leaving his hair to press against her lips as she blushed, “I was hoping you’d do that.”

He grinned in return. “I’d happily do so again… if you want me to, that is.”

She didn’t waste anytime closing the gap between them, presents at their sides forgotten for later. He’d never been so glad for a new volunteer in his entire life.

[viosoul]

Where Are You

(The rest of the story under the cut due to length.)

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Elliot stared at his phone, waiting for a response from Harper. His hand shook as he typed out his latest text to her, and pressed send, the message joining about 8 messages that had gone unanswered. He looked at the clock and sighed. It's already 12:30 AM, there's no way Harper would be gone this long for an errand or a prank… His phone suddenly beeped with a message alert. He pounced on it as fast as he could, but to his dismay, it was only from Imogen.

Imogen: I haven't heard from her

Imogen: haven't seen her around Downtown. Did she reply to you yet?

Elliot groaned in disappointment. Nevertheless, he typed out a reply.

Elliot: not yet

He looked up and saw three mugs on the table. Two other people were sitting there, one mug each in front of them. His grandfather motioned for him to sit down, which he refused to until Robbie spoke.

"It's hot chocolate." He said as calmly as he could, trying not to show his worry to keep his boyfriend as calm as possible. Despite this, he added: "Harper's not the type to go down that easily." He moved the chair for Elliot, and the worried brother sat down.

"Your boyfriend's right. Your sister isn't one to be underestimated." His grandfather said. "She's proven that firsthand two months ago." He nudged the hot drink towards his grandson, who slowly moved to take it. "She'll be fine."

Elliot didn't think that his grandfather fully believed his own words, but he decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and drank his cocoa carefully.

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Meanwhile, while Imogen had no luck searching downtown, Tom hadn't had any luck himself looking in the wooded area of Pine Springs. He shone his flashlight around the area yet again, worry and fear gripping at him. There was no way Harper would just up and vanish like this. There was no way his girlfriend would do that. She wouldn't leave them high and dry. Especially Elliot. If there was one thing their time together taught him about her, it was that her brother, despite being half-siblings, was very important to her. In fact, he and Elliot had struck up a friendship of their own already because of her. She was their common ground. He opened his phone and typed out a text to her.

Tom: where are you?

Tom: Why aren't you answering your phone?

Tom: Everyone's getting worried

Tom: Hope you're getting these

Tom: When you see these please respond

He tucked his phone back in his pocket, and suddenly saw a rustle in the bushes. He stopped in his tracks for a brief second before rushing towards it, hoping it was Harper. To his disappointment, it was only a raccoon. He watched it scamper away before rubbing his eyes and sighing.

Harper, where are you?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sigh came out of the mouth of the new police chief of Pine Springs as he checked his phone again to find one new text, with the same content as the previous ones: their friend still hadn't been found. He was currently in the residential area of the town, hoping to find someone who had even seen where Harper had gone. So far, he had no luck. It was like she vanished into thin air. But in the short time he knew her, she had never been one to just up and go.

The entire thing had definitely put a bad taste in Parker Shaw's mouth.

He raised his radio and spoke into it. "Any sign of her?"

The radio crackled with static before a voice on the other end replied. "No one's seen her. You sure she didn't skip town? I mean, it's a possibility, what with the trauma and all-"

"Save it." Parker said, agitated. He caught himself and took a deep breath. "Sorry, sorry. It's just that… If she was traumatized and that was her reason to leave, wouldn't she have left earlier than now? Wouldn't she have left already?" He voiced out loud. "Update me if you find anything."

"Yes chief."

With that affirmation, Parker put down his radio and sighed again, checking his watch. It was 1:30 in the morning, and they had been searching since 9:00 that evening.

We're not giving up on you, Harper. So don't give up on us.

He returned to searching.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Danni was down by the docks with her trusty camera, looking for any sign of Harper. She figured that since it was her last day in town for a while, she would go somewhere to reminisce on everything that had happened. Harper didn't seem like the kind of person to go reflecting about paranormal troubles at 1:45 in the morning, but Danni figured hey, you never know.

She fought back a yawn, refusing to admit she was tired. She didn't want to believe this was turning into a wild goose chase, but they would have found their friend by now.

Stop it, Asturias. She should be nearby. She reasoned with herself. It's not like she just decided "hey, I'll just go and leave without saying goodbye, leaving my friends, boyfriend, grandfather, and especially my brother who I worried so much over two months ago when he was kidnapped by my vengeful ghost grandma behind." She wouldn't, even if this town's done a number on her psyche-

Suddenly, she stopped. Was it her, or did she see movement just now?

She rushed towards the movement, camera at the ready in case it wasn't Harper. She hoped it was though. That way everyone would know she was fine.

No such luck.

Instead, she witnessed a tall robed figure running away from the docks, wet with water. Without thinking, she snapped a photo of her target, which only inspired them to run faster.

Danni gave chase, her glare focused on the person in front of her. He ran through the marina, diving in and out of view, never looking back all the while. Suddenly, just when Danni thought she had her suspect cornered, the robed figure knocked some barrels over, blocking her path and escaping as they fell.

Damn it! Danni angrily chided herself as she recovered from the sudden surprise. As if remembering, she took her new photo in hand, and went to a more lit area to wait for it to develop. As it came into view, she squinted at the person.

Was it just her, or was the figure wearing a blue robe? And didn't that symbol look familiar?

She had a bad feeling about this.

She quickly shot a text to the group chat, telling them to get to the docks ASAP, as in "this-is-extremely-urgent, get-your-asses-over-here-NOW." In the meantime, she retraced their steps, looking at the ground. The closer she got to the water, the more visible the footsteps leading away from it were. Taking photos, she followed them to the water, where she found a boat that, judging by the water inside it, was recently used.

Before she could get into the boat to look inside it further, the red and blue siren lights appeared, and along with them the other three members of their Scooby Doo gang.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arthur groaned. He finally managed to convince Elliot to at least take a nap, and even then, it took Robbie saying he would stay with him in order to convince him. The old man made a mental note to thank him properly later. He took a look at the clock, which now read 2:15 AM. If this had been two months ago, he would have grounded Harper for life by now, if her grandmother hadn't gotten to her first. Now, he was more frightened. After all, Josie- Josephine, was gone. His granddaughter banished her herself. He didn't know whether he preferred having one clear theory to not having any ideas as to where his grandkid was at all.

He sat down yet again at the dining table, tired but refusing to sleep until he had news about Harper. In the meantime, he thought about the past two months.

He hadn't expected to become the legal guardian of his grandkids, especially after the murder of his daughter and her husband. He hadn't expected his granddaughter to go around Pine Springs, snooping around and poking her nose where it was extremely dangerous. He didn't expect her, his employee, and a ground of other people to form a gang all working towards uncovering the truth of the town. He didn't expect to be found out, controlled, and jailed. And there was no way he had ever expected that Josephine would meet Harper the way she did, and what happened afterwards was included in that entire last chunk.

Just as he stood up to grab blankets for Elliot and Robbie, the phone rang, waking the two boys. Arthur made it to the phone first.

"Arthur here."

Elliot and Robbie watched him, the latter holding onto his boyfriend protectively. They watched the old man's face fall into shock before he dropped the phone.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So you saw a guy in the cult's robes running away from the water? Didn't Josephine kill the entire cult except for Arthur?"

Parker was asking Danni questions as the two of them, along with Imogen and Tom, rode in a boat together while the rest of Pine Springs' police force followed them in separate boats. Imogen was looking out, while Tom was calling out Harper's name over and over. Tom's voice was sounding scratchy already, which told Imogen that he had been out the whole time looking for Harper, just like the rest of them. She looked out, hoping to spot something, anything…

And that's when she saw it.

Her jaw dropped as she pointed to a coffin barely floating on the surface of the water. It looked like it had some of its seams burst, allowing water to get in, which would explain how come part of it was underwater. But that wasn't what bothered her. It was the fact that there was a coffin in the water in the first place. As far as everything she knew went, none of the victims were buried in the lake. Their bodies were all brought ashore and were given proper funerals.

She couldn't gather the ability to say anything, but Tom had noticed her pointing, so he did the talking.

"Guys! Look!"

The next few minutes went by quickly for the group. They were the closest to it, and they had the police chief on their boat, so while Parker and Tom swam out to the coffin to get it, Imogen flashed a light to guide them back. Danni held her breath unconsciously, hoping that this was just an overlooked coffin, that the theory forming in her head wasn't true, that Parker and Tom bringing the coffin aboard wasn't signaling the end of the search despite her mentally begging it to be over earlier…

With the help of a crowbar Parker had brought on board, "just in case", he had said, he pried the lid off.

Parker blinked multiple times, trying to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. Imogen was beginning to hyperventilate. Danni began to wish more than ever in her life that she was wrong. And Tom, having helped Parker move the lid off, was the last person to see inside the coffin, and was now numbly staring at the body inside.

Harper's eyes were shut, her mouth slightly open and her head tilted back. Her wrists were bound behind her back, and there seemed to be blood at the bottom of the coffin. Her hair stuck to her forehead, and what was worse, she wasn't breathing or moving at all.

Silence reigned within the group on the boat for what seemed like forever, though it was only a minute. That silence of shock, horror, and heartbreak was broken first by Imogen's agonized scream. Then came Danni's sobs, followed by Parker shakily speaking on his radio to the rest of the force. Finally, Tom silently and numbly fell on his knees, unable to take his eyes off his dead girlfriend.

Harper… no… you can't be…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His grandfather suddenly dropping the phone with an expression of horror and shock on his face did not mean anything good.

It didn't help that he was deliberately not looking at them at all. Within seconds, Elliot saw his grandfather fall to the floor, looking clearly like he was holding back tears.

While he went to help his grandfather, Robbie rushed to the phone, where he heard the voice of Parker Shaw. Robbie quickly asked what had happened, what did he say that got his Elliot and Harper's grandfather so shaken up. The moment he finished his question, Parker could be heard trying to breathe over the receiver.

After a long minute of this, Robbie was beginning to panic himself. "I'm so sorry to sound like this officer, but what the hell happened?! What did you tell Elliot and Harper's grandfather?!" His now raised and worried voice was sharpened, and Parker finally got the strength to repeat the words. Immediately, Robbie's eyes went wide with disbelief. It couldn't be true. There was no way. And yet, it was too late for practical jokes. And no one would joke about a friend's death to their elderly grandparent. At least, he didn't think Parker would.

"What is it?!" Elliot asked, getting terrified. "What happened?!"

"… I'm so sorry, Elliot… I'm so sorry… You have no idea, I am so sorry-"

"Robbie you're scaring me!" Elliot practically screamed. Both people around him were suddenly acting weird, to say the absolute least. "Who's on the phone, what did they say?!"

"… Elliot, I-"

"I can take it, Robbie, just give me the phone!"

As Elliot switched places with Robbie and spoke into the phone, he heard Parker take a sharp, deep breath, as though he would be the hardest person to explain to. At last, Parker told Elliot the news. And the words Elliot never wanted to hear finally came out of Parker's mouth.

"We- The four of us… I'm so sorry, Elliot… Harper's not coming home. She- She can't… She drowned. It was most likely murder."

Unlike his grandfather, Elliot managed to keep hold of the phone as everything just froze and muted around him. He felt like he was having a nightmare that felt all too real, his vision hazy as though he was in a dream. He wanted to scream to Parker over the phone that he must be joking, that he could cut the prank out and put his sister on the line, but hearing Imogen and Danni crying over the phone made it all horrifically real. He could hear absolutely nothing from Tom, which only cemented the news.

He shakily thanked Parker and hung up, then felt his body go on autopilot as his grandfather managed to move to him and hug him tightly, accompanied by Robbie, all three with tears streaming down their faces. Elliot couldn't feel anything though. It was too much. He couldn't bear to repeat the thought to himself, but he somehow did.

Harper's dead, and she's never coming home.

[vivanalove15]

101 Self-Care Suggestions for When It All Feels Like Too Much

1. Have a good, long, body-shaking cry.

2. Call a trusted friend or family member and talk it out.

3. Call in sick. Take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.

4. Say no to extra obligations, chores, or anything that pulls on your precious self-care time.

5. Book a session (or more!) with your therapist.

6. Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time. When you’re going through life’s tough times, I invite you to soften your expectations of yourself and others.

7. Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book and clean sheets.

8. Watch a comforting/silly/funny/lighthearted TV show or movie. (“Parks and Recreation,” anyone?)

9. Reread your favorite picture and chapter books from childhood.

10. Ask for some love and tenderness from your friends on social media. Let them comment on your post and remind you that you’re loved.

11. Look at some some really gorgeous pieces of art.

12. Watch Youtube videos of Ellen DeGeneres and the adorable kids she has on her show.

13. Look at faith-in-humanity-restoring lists from Buzzfeed.

14. Ask for help. From whoever you need it – your boss, your doctor, your partner, your therapist, your mom. Let people know you need some help.

15. Wrap yourself up in a cozy fleece blanket and sip a cup of hot tea.

16. Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.

17. Hydrate. Have you had enough water today?

18. Eat. Have you eaten something healthy and nourishing today?

19. Sleep. Have you slept 7-9 hours? Is it time for some rest?

20. Shower. Then dry your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good.

21. Go outside and be in the sunshine.

22. Move your body gently in ways that feel good. Maybe aim for 30 minutes. Or 10 if 30 feels like too much.

23. Read a story (or stories) of people who overcame adversity or maybe dealt with mental illness, too. (I personally admire JK Rowling’s story.)

24. Go to a 12-Step meeting. Or any group meeting where support is offered. Check out church listings, hospital listings, school listings for examples.

25. If you suspect something may be physiologically off with you, go see your doctor and/or psychiatrist and talk to them. Medication might help you at this time and they can assist you in assessing this.

26. Take a long, hot bath, light a candle and pamper yourself.

27. Read inspirational quotes.

28. Cuddle someone or something. Your partner. A pillow. Your friend’s dog.

29. Read past emails/postcards/letters etc. from friends and family reminding you of happier times.

30. Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Engage your hands.

31. Exhaust yourself physically – running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.

32. Write it out. Free form in a journal or a Google doc. Get it all out and vent.

33. Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Chunk it down into manageable and understandable pieces.

34. Remember: You only have to get through the next five minutes. Then the next five. And so on.

35. Take five minutes to meditate.

36. Write out a list of 25 Reasons Why You’ll Be OK.

37. Write out a list of 25 Examples of Things You’ve Overcome or Accomplished.

38. Write out a list of 25 Reasons Why You’re a Good, Lovable Person.

39. Write out a list of 25 Things That Make Your Life Beautiful.

40. Sniff some scents that bring you joy or remind you of happier times.

41. Ask for support from friends and family via text if voice-to-voice contact feels like too much. Ask them to check in with you via text daily/weekly. Whatever you need.

42. Lay down on the ground. Let the earth/floor hold you. You don’t have to hold it all on your own.

43. Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.

44. Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that. Then ask the question again.

45. Read some poetry.

46. Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too triggering right now.

47. Or maybe get on tech. If you’ve been isolating maybe even interacting with friends and family online might feel good.

48. Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage. But maybe go sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you.

49. Or if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.

50. Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be OK and that what you’re feeling is temporary.

51. Put up some Christmas lights in your bedroom. They often make things more magical.

52. Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort. Maybe take a taxi versus the bus. Buy your lunch instead of forcing yourself to pack it. Buy some flowers that delight you.

53. Make art. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.

54. Go wander around outside in your neighborhood and take a look at all the lovely houses and the way people decorate their gardens. Delight in the diversity of design.

55. Go visit or volunteer at your local animal rescue. Pet some animals.

56. Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.

57. Create and listen to a playlist of songs that remind you of happier times.

58. Read some spiritual literature.

59. Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, shake your body to move the energy out.

60. Eat your favorite, most comforting foods.

61. Watch old Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood videos online.

62. Turn off the lights, sit down, stare into space and do absolutely nothing.

63. Pick one or two things that feel like progress and do them. Make your bed. Put away the dishes. Return an email.

64. Go to a church or spiritual community service. Sit among others and absorb any guidance or grace that feels good to you.

65. Allow yourself to fantasize about what you’re hoping or longing for. There are clues and energy in your reveries and daydreams that are worth paying attention to.

66. Watch Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response videos to help you calm down and fall asleep at night.

67. Listen to monks chanting, singing Tibetan bowls or nature sounds to help soothe you.

68. Color in some adult coloring books.

69. Revisit an old hobby. Even if it feels a little forced, try your hand at things you used to enjoy and see what comes up for you.

70. Go to the ocean. Soak up the negative ions.

71. Go to the mountains. Absorb the strength and security of them.

72. Go to the forest. Drink in the shelter, life and sacredness of the trees.

73. Put down the personal help books and pick up some good old fashioned fiction.

74. Remember: Your only job right now is to put one foot in front of the other.

75. Allow and feel and express your feelings – all of them! – safely and appropriately. Seek out help if you need support in this.

76. Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies if you need a good cry. (“Steel Magnolias“, anyone?)

77. Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years.

78. Put your hands in dirt. If you have a garden, go garden. If you have some indoor plants, tend to them. If you don’t have plants or a garden, go outside. Go to a local nursery and touch and smell all the gorgeous plants.

79. If you want to stay in bed all day watching Netflix, do it. Indulge.

80. Watch or listen to some comedy shows or goofy podcasts.

81. Look for and Google up examples of people who have gone through and made it through what you’re currently facing. Seek out models of inspiration.

82. Get expert help with whatever you need. Whether that’s through therapy, psychiatry, a lawyer, clergy, let those trained to support you do it.

83. Educate yourself about what you’re going through. Learn about what you’re facing, what you can expect to feel, and how you can support yourself in this place.

84. Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic or out of control.

85. Do some hardcore nesting and make your home or bedroom as  cozy and beautiful and comforting as possible.

86. Get up early and watch a sunrise.

87. Go outside and set up a chair and watch the sunset.

88. Make your own list of self-soothing activities that engage all five of your senses.

89. Develop a supportive morning ritual for yourself.

90. Develop a relaxing evening ritual for yourself.

91. Join a support group for people who are going through what you’re going through. Check out the listings at local hospitals, libraries, churches, and universities to see what’s out there.

92. Volunteer at a local shelter or hospital or nursing home. Practice being of service to others who may also be going through a tough time.

93. Accompany a friend or family member to something. Even if it’s just keeping them company while they run errands, sometimes this kind of contact can feel like good self-care.

94. Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.

95. Challenge your negative thinking.

96. Practice grounding, relaxation techniques.

97. Do something spontaneous. Walk or drive a different way to work. Order something new off the menu.Listen to a Spotify playlist of new songs.

98. Work with your doctor, naturopath or nutritionist to develop a physical exercise plan and food plan that will be supportive to whatever you’re facing right now.

99. Pray. Meditate. Write a letter to God/The Universe/Source/Your Higher Self, whatever you believe in.

100. As much as you can, please try and trust the process.

101. Finally, please remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you.

[baudelaire-library-blog]

Atypical

This is a short little trans!Klaus fic I’ve written for @autisticnoahfoster, because Josh and I are just tiny transkids getting by on headcanons, and Klaus is 100% a gentle transboy.

This isn’t accurate to canon, I’ve made it so the siblings end up living happily with Monty forever with no Olaf intervention.

Klaus Baudelaire first became aware of the concept of gender at the age of six as he was working through his parent’s large library shelf by shelf. He was, at that point, on the third shelf from the bottom (and rapidly running out of options, since he had always been short for his age and couldn’t reach shelf number 4), which is where he encountered a book titled “A Stranger In My Own Body: Atypical Gender Identity Development and Mental Health”. The book was hardcover, slightly heavy, and it weighed Klaus down as he slid it off the shelf. He carried it over to the large armchair, where he remained for more than 12 hours, taking detailed notes.

A habit of Klaus’s had always been to take notes whilst reading- he was a fan of lists, and his notebook full of records made it possible to organise his thoughts, and revisit his new knowledge if he ever found himself forgetting something important. He often found it soothing to sit in his room with the lights dimmed and read back through his folders.

The notes he made while reading this book were incredibly detailed and specific, more so than usual. Gender was never really a concept that had occurred to him before- his parents were relaxed in how their children chose to dress and behave, so when their younger daughter had asked to cut off all of her shoulder length hair and give away her dresses and skirts, they hadn’t seen it as anything worth mentioning. To them, she was just a girl that didn’t like to be feminine (which, in their opinion, was a societal construct that nobody should be required to adhere to in any case). However, as Klaus made his way through a book filled with facts and research that told him that it was possible not to be what you’re expected to be, he became increasingly convinced that ‘Laila Baudelaire’ didn’t exist.

By the time Beatrice Baudelaire walked into the library at 9 o’clock to take her child to bed, she found Klaus fast asleep with a book closed in his lap and a page of his notebook filled with neatly printed facts about gender divergence and the disconnect between sex and gender. The page ended with “Conclusion: I think I might be a boy”.

She carried the sleeping child upstairs to his room and switched the light off, promising herself that she’d speak to him soon about everything.

---

The next morning, the Baudelaire parents were woken before dawn broke by their youngest child sitting at the end of the bed with a clip board and a series of flashcards. His hair was messy and falling in his eyes, and his glasses weren’t yet on, causing him to squint a little in order to make out the features of his parents faces. Beatrice noted that his pyjamas were getting slightly small on him, the ends of the sleeves only coming partway down his wrists. She smiled fondly at him, and marvelled at how old he seemed to have gotten all of a sudden.

“Mother, Father. I couldn’t sleep so I’ve put together a presentation.” “Laila, it’s not even six yet.” mumbled Bertram, scrambling sluggishly to sit upright in his bed. “This is important. Do you know what Gender Identity Disorder is?”

He continued to walk them through his notes, complete with diagrams and references, for a further hour until he felt they understood where he was coming from. When both parents nodded and agreed that Klaus was almost certainly correct in his feelings that he should have been born male, the young boy felt a breath of relief leave him that it felt like he’d been holding for 12 hours. They sat and discussed for a while longer how they could accommodate his feelings and validate his identity. They eventually came to the conclusion that, for now at least, the boy was content with a simple change of language- for him to be referred to as their son, with masculine aligned pronouns, and the name he would have been given had he been assigned male at birth.

—

From that day onwards, he lived as Klaus, and memories of Laila were all buried.

Violet, of course, was onboard immediately even without Klaus’ detailed explanation (however, when she noticed quite how much her little brother seemed itching to educate her, she sat down and diligently listened to the presentation, accepting note cards and information packets she was expected to keep for future reference. She even smiled and nodded when Klaus ran away with himself and his words tumbled together into an unintelligible string of sounds that she couldn’t quite make out).

When Sunny was born, she was brought up as neutrally as possible- Bertram and Beatrice refused to give in to pink babygrows and a pastel pink nursery, instead opting to raise her in soft yellows and whites until she was old enough to choose for herself what she liked. She spent time with Violet every day, watching her sister build and invent, with her eyes filled with wonder and her tiny hands grabbing for the tools (though, in hindsight, that could solely have been a desire to use Violet’s favourite screwdriver as a chew toy). She was closest, however, to Klaus, who was her best friend from the first day she came home. There was never any clear reason why, but the two were thick as thieves almost immediately. Klaus was a fiercely protective older brother, always filled with the softest love for his little sister. His only wish on his twelfth birthday was for his baby sister to grow up happy, safe, and herself.

Klaus knew he was lucky to be in such an environment, one where gender roles were the subject of jokes and disagreement, instead of being rule of law for raising children. Looking back, he couldn’t picture himself and Violet growing up with waist length pigtails and frilly frocks, pushed to cooking and dressing up rather than reading and creating. There was something about his parents’ attitude that kids have a right to discover and decide for themselves that filled Klaus’ heart with warmth. He knew, from the moment they accepted him, that he wanted to model his future self after them.

—

The Baudelaire fire arguably hit Klaus harder than either of his sisters. Violet, at fourteen, was ferociously mature and independent, emotionally able to get through anything. And Sunny, despite being less than a year old, had already developed a level of stability that Klaus didn’t expect to ever reach in his life.

When he lost his parents, he lost his security. Although they weren’t 100% capable, Violet and Sunny could easily cope on their own, but Klaus was too sensitive. Through the jumble of anger, sadness, and sheer terror that seemed to cloud his brain from the moment Mr Poe’s ominous figure descended onto Briny Beach and delivered the dreadful news that grey morning, Klaus was internally kicking himself for expressing any form of emotion whatsoever. “I’m a boy. Boys don’t do this. Crying is weakness, weakness is feminine.” Although the conscious part of him was aware that sensitivity wasn’t rooted in gender, and that women were far from weak, too much of him was filled with darkness and hurt to listen to that part of him. In his world, everything had come crashing down- two of the only people that truly understood him had gone, forever, taken away like a wisp of smoke.

The first night at the Poe household, he managed to wake Edgar and Albert by sobbing gently into his pillowcase. Apparently, to real men like the Poe boys, losing both of your parents in a sudden and tragic accident wasn’t a valid excuse for a boy to be in tears, so they threw pillows at Klaus until he learnt to cry silently. Then, life at Count Olaf’s house, where he was faced with psychological abuse and constant misgendering every opportunity, had sucked so much out of the siblings that even crying felt too much for Klaus. He dragged himself through everyday, so caught up in trying to solve everything, save everyone, protect his sisters with his every waking breath, and burned himself out. He found himself drifting away like ash in wind, and the only chunk left of him that felt capable of feeling anything at all, felt strongly that he wished he had perished alongside his parents that dreadful day.

—

When the Baudelaires arrived at their Uncle Monty’s home, it took a long while for Klaus to come back to his old self. He had become used to nothing going right, and refused to become comfortable with a new guardian until he was certain they were safe. Safety felt a long way off for him, though, even if his sister’s felt secure in their new home.

Klaus settled into a rigid caricature of his old self for the first few weeks. Everyday he would rise, silently eat breakfast at the table until he was excused, and resign himself to the library for the remainder of the day. He would sit stiffly in an uncomfortable desk chair, refusing to allow himself access to the heavenly-looking beanbag, because comfort isn’t possible in a world of uncertainty. For people like him, comfort is a myth. He read and read until he ran out of books on the shelves, and then started from the beginning, this time with a pencil and paper to take notes, just as he did when he was a child. Reality hit when he realised that the past couple months had completely ripped out every core part of who he once was, as he struggled to even comprehend what he was reading about the Virginian Wolfsnake, let alone write it up.

All the heartbreak culminated when he came across another shelf in the library, filled with fiction and photo albums. One album was titled Baudelaires in the loopy script that was so unmistakably his mother’s. A tear was already trickling down his left cheek, which he aggressively wiped away because manly, manly, manly.

He couldn’t internalise the pain once he reached the second page and saw LAILA ROSE BAUDELAIRE, 22.03.2000 accompanied by that one hideous baby photo in which he’s wearing a puffy knee white length dress and pink ribbons in his hair. He allowed himself to cave, to give into all the demons that had been tearing him apart since the day he stepped foot in the charred ruins of his childhood sanctuary. He sank to the floor with the photo album clutched to his chest, his hands shaking. He cried out desperately for his mother, begged for his father, wished for some way that he could see them again. He needed his mother’s soothing voice telling him that he was such an intelligent boy, the brightest young man she’s ever met, the son anyone who be lucky to have. He wanted his father to marvel at his work and look down with a tear in his eye as he wonders at how someone like him ended up with such a perfect son. Realistically, Klaus knew that could never happen. Logic told him that his parents were dead, gone, buried. But his heart, the heart he’d tried to switch off so desperately, was crying out for a miracle.

Instead of a miracle, he received a Monty. Which, looking back, he realised was an incredibly close second.

His uncle found him on the floor of the library and pulled him straight into a hug. He held the shaking boy close and sobbed with him; the man let out loud, ugly cries that couldn’t possibly be seen as manly. Klaus’s damp eyes widened as he looked at the scene in front of him.

Monty, a tall, cisgender scientist with an incredible moustache and not a hint of femininity surrounding him, was in tears. Actual, messy tears. The kind of tears that so many people had told Klaus he couldn’t shed because they would stop him being seen as the boy he was. Something there clicked in the 12 year old- somewhere in his brain, his emotions felt like they’d been switched back on. Sadness didn’t feel like breaking anymore, it felt like a normal human feeling.

He started to pick up the pieces of the old Klaus from that point onwards. As Monty helped him cover up the page of the photo album and replace it with a current photo and the words KLAUS CASSIAN BAUDELAIRE, 22.03.2000, he recovered his sense of pride. As he went shopping with Violet for new gears for her newest invention (a shower head that acted as a three-in-one soap dispenser, shower, and hairdryer to save water, money, and time) he recovered the feeling of childlike wonder. As he babysat Sunny and watched her open cans of pasta sauce and chocolate pudding with her large teeth, he remembered how to feel love without pain. The first time Uncle Monty took all three children to the cinema together, Klaus remembered how to be happy. And he never let that go, in all the rest of the years he lived with Monty.

—

On Klaus’s 17th birthday, he received a small gift wrapped vial from Monty. He knew what it was as soon as he saw the size and shape of the package and tried his best to still his shaking hands as he unwrapped the present. As expected, it was a shot of testosterone, and Klaus flung himself into his uncle’s arms for a hug, sobbing with gratitude. After five years in a safe home with a loving parental figure, the boy had learnt to show emotions again. Nowadays, he took pride in being called a crybaby. He realised, somewhere along the line, that his parents would be so proud of him for being able to be sensitive and smart when so much of the world has told him that those traits were strictly for girls. They would be proud of the man he’s grown up to be, and that fact alone is enough for him.

Violet’s gift was also small, but meant just as much. It was a little bottle of blue nail polish, silver glitter swirling in with it.

“You remembered." “Of course I did, Klaus. You always stole mine when we were little. One of your first notecards to me was ‘one day i will take over the world with a huge beard and some really sparkly nails’. Monty’s present gets you one step closer to the beard, so I’m really just filling in the blanks."

Klaus grinned, a genuine smile taking over him. It hit him in that very moment that this was exactly where he needed to be. Although it would, of course, be preferable for his mother and father to be stood by his side as well, he realised that the family that he had built for himself through everything was strong, and sensitive, and perfect.

[wfitvacations]

12 Health Retreat Hacks (That You Can Do At Home This Weekend)

Nurture, reboot and deep clean your fitness habits

Health retreat programs overhaul our workout habits and get us moving in the right direction towards change.

When people practice action, they develop associations in memory between the action and aspects of the context in which it typically occurs. – American Psychological Association

Hi, I’m Cat Smiley: the owner of West Coast Fitness Vacations. We’re a wellness retreat and weight loss camp company on Vancouver Island in B.C., Canada. In my experience, weight loss boot camp programs like ours have a lot to offer both during the fitness retreat and after.

But there are some things you can do today without being on a health retreat, to receive similar rejuvenation benefits. In this article, I’ll share my top 11 ideas.

CHECK OUT OUR WEIGHT LOSS CAMPS IN B.C., CANADA

1. Change your home environment and routine

Breaking up is hard to do, whether it’s quitting the habit of being perpetually 5 minutes late, or smoking.

Health retreat programs such as West Coast Fitness Vacations works as a catalyst towards new behaviour – partly because participants change their environment and routine.

Changing your routine could be as simple as waking up earlier, driving a different way to work, or joining a new gym.

More drastic environment changes could include redecorating your dining room – new pictures or perhaps paint!

Try a new drink at Starbucks! Meet a friendly person from yoga class for a tea – be open to new friends.

Reorganize your wardrobe, donating, selling or gifting everything you no longer wear.

Treat yourself to an afternoon makeover at your local mall – makeup, new outfit and trip to the hairdresser.

Challenge yourself to change the little things that you do daily, to make way for creating healthier habits.

20 small tips from our best wellness retreats – to make today more meaningful

2: Pick a date for your fresh start – and stick to it

As soon as you know that you’re going to a weight loss resort, you’ll probably get a push of motivation. Whether that’s cleaning up your habits, or starting to exercise more, booking a trip gives you a future landmark. Behavioural scientists call it ‘The Fresh Start Effect” – an important time on the calendar that helps get started on goals. The study researched 3 key patterns following landmarks: google searches for diet, gym visits and commitments to pursue goals.

Commit to an upcoming landmark like New Year, birthdays, Mondays or semesters to shift your routine.

Clear your schedule in advance to allow sufficient time to get started on your goals, on those dates

Go to the bookstore and browse journals – I personally love productivity planners!

Get yourself ready; organize your food, groceries, workout clothes and gym classes to start that day.

Leverage big picture thinking by using landmark dates to start a new chapter. Create clear action plans on the time and effort required to achieve it! The first 3 months of your new routine are the most vulnerable. This is the best time to hire a professional to support your aspirations and help with clarity.

Vancouver Island residential weight loss camp (biggest loser style) – 1-4 months

3: Spend the afternoon planning, organizing and envisioning

Women’s weight loss retreats are BIG on making lists and action plans. Lists are such a rewarding and proactive way to plan a fresh start in the things that you do daily. In our group coaching sessions, I work with guests to guide them towards realistic checklists – that align with their lifestyle.

Write down everything you do for your health for one week. Include meditation, exercise, food, beverages, sleep.

After a week, take a good hard look at what you wrote. Note down all the changes that you think you should make.

List these changes in priority order. Don’t try to quit everything on the same day!

Create columns, today, next week, next month. You can also look at quitting one negative thing per month.

Making an action plan and visualizing yourself following through with it is the best way to improve your food choices. Similar to how athletes use visualization techniques to prepare for optimal performance, mentally rehearsing healthy habits has the same effect. When you can first ‘see’ something, whether that’s through imagination or reflecting upon a memory it plants the seed to take action.

WEST COAST FITNESS VACATIONS – OUR SAFETY PLAN FOR REOPENING

4: Spend the day outside doing something in nature

There are some health vacations that are mostly indoors, focusing on consulting, personal training and fitness classes. Yet the best weight loss retreat for adults (in my opinion) will get outside as much as possible. There’s so much activity that gets the heart rate up; hiking, power walking, biking, kayaking and outside fitness classes. Being in nature is truly refreshing and inspiring, important to me anywhere I travel.

Next time you’re in a new city unsure whether there’s a safe park around, take a cab. The driver will know!

Take time to walk, relax, stretch and let your mind wander in the forest – at least once a week.

Not sure where the safest forest is near you? Google ‘provincial park in [your town]’ or ‘[your town] hiking tours

Get outside every day, at least two sessions of 10 minutes. Even in the middle of winter. Let the sun hit that beautiful face!

NO GYM REQUIRED! CAT SMILEY’S WEIGHT LOSS BOOT CAMP IS 100% OUTSIDE (EVEN IN WINTER)

5: Focus on your sleep

Enhanced sleep is one of the most glorious things about participating in a luxury wellness retreat. Ongoing sleep disturbance and insomnia can result in drastically reduced wellbeing that can effect your long term health. One of the powerful benefits of participating in a residential weight loss program is that all elements of your health can be addressed, including sleep.

Develop an evening ritual with winding down at least an hour before bed. Try tea, skin care, hot shower and taking the dogs out!

Try to follow the same time each night, so that your body finds a routine of waking up and falling asleep.

Exert yourself physically in the day by getting enough exercise and outdoor time.

Invest in an amazing mattress and sleep set! This will truly make the world of difference.

Our blissful daily schedule provides just the right balance of outdoor activity, nourishing food and stress-relieving therapies to promote improved sleeping patterns. These sleep benefits continue even after you return home.

Imagine staying here for a month! Previous wellness retreats in Whistler were in partnership with the Westin Resort & Spa, Whistler.

6: Get strict with yourself

Being held accountable for your food and workouts is one of the huge benefits of joining a health retreat, especially one that focuses on weight loss. At West Coast Fitness Vacations I encourage all our guests to journal prior to arrival. We get them to write down everything in detail using the labels on the food, and measuring the food (instead of estimating the portions). Identifying the problem is the first step in identifying the solution.  

Learn how to use your smart watch to full potential.

Download apps to support your goals, such as step counting and calorie counting.

Set yourself a daily step goal of 10,000.

Learn the energy value that you are putting into your body.

Education is an important part of your personal development towards becoming an empowered, knowledgeable eater. Tracking the time that you ate is a valuable way to increase personal awareness and make necessary changes.

WHY WELLNESS RETREATS IN B.C. ARE WORTH STAYING LOCAL FOR

7: Find a way to monitor progress

Wellness is not about watching the number on the scale go down, and weighing yourself can be triggering. If you’re working towards your goals independently (ie not at a health retreat or weight loss camp), then photo and measurements are also helpful.

Track caloric deficit instead. How many calories did you burn today – and how many did you eat?

If taking your own photo, use the timer on the 10 second setting, phone at eye level. Use your better judgement on this but definitely embrace the unflattering light – it’s where you’ll see the most encouraging improvement.

Commit to taking a new pic every month or so. Save it on your phone to refer back to when you want to quit on your healthy intentions. It’ll be a huge motivator to keep going in the positive direction.

To measure yourself, keep the tape firm but not tight. You can buy one at a hardware store, in most supermarkets or at a craft store. Measure your hips, waist, legs and chest.

Tracking is a good task to delegate to a personal trainer. Even if you only buy a few sessions, measurements and photo will take them less than 10 minutes and likely will be more accurate. It’s tempting to not be completely honest (with both starting point and results) when you’re doing it on yourself! 

DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN LIVE AT A WEIGHT LOSS RESORT FOR 2-6 MONTHS?

8: Set up a system of accountability

Goal setting is an important part of our weight loss camp program.

Set daily goals that you want to achieve, and break them down into smaller chunks that are achievable. For example, perhaps today your priority is to drink 3 liters of water. Break this down into drinking 3 cups before lunch.

Focus on micro-goals as well as the big picture ones. The little steps in the right direction really do add up.

Every Sunday, look back on your week. Note your achievements, and where you could improve.

Reward yourself along the way – perhaps hiring a baby-sitter for the afternoon so that you can enjoy a long walk in the forest.

Hire a coach to support your goals, or join our wellness retreat for a month.

Find your people – an encouraging friend, neighbour or community fitness group to be part of your team.

One of the benefits that you get from being on a fitness vacation is the encouragement and support from the other like-minded guests. It can be harder to keep yourself accountable and motivated on your own. Without a doubt, the team environment that comes from women going on an active vacation together is truly inspiring!

9: Modern health retreat programs celebrate everyones starting point

All too often I hear about triggering experiences from the social environment at other weight loss retreats in Canada (or elsewhere). Being empathetic to the clients emotional triggers (surrounding the topic of size and weight loss) is a necessary leadership skill.

If ‘body positive fitness’ doesn’t fit you, use ‘body neutrality’

Focus on benefits that don’t include the number on the scale. Sleeping better? Get 3 walks in this week? That’s a win!

Try to deflect the topic to something that’s more comfortable for you, when others talk about weight loss

Be mindful of your own communication style. Compliment a fellow challengers commitment to their workouts, instead of asking how much weight they lost. Bond in other ways – you’ll find a deeper and more meaningful connection.

Ditch weight loss as a measurement to whether you’re on track

Be mindful when joining weight loss boot camp programs or fitness challenges, especially weight loss focused ones. Unless the instructor has substantial experience in body transformation and weight management, they may not be sensitive to your needs.

DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN LIVE AT A WEIGHT LOSS RESORT FOR 2-6 MONTHS?

10: Become a planning ninja

One of the best things about participating in a fitness retreat is that everything runs on schedule. Well-organized days really make a huge difference as our customers learn how to apply this organization to their lives at home.  Throughout the years of running destination fitness retreats, we’ve learnt a lot about how to make things run smoothly.

Plan your workout time productively – go to the gym with a solid plan.

Consider hiring an Executive Coach to help manage your work priorities better

Insist that the personal trainer that you hire works with your learning style. Are you visual? Then ask for less verbal explanation and more workout demonstration.

Limit waiting time between workouts and activities. All of your workouts should include super sets and multiple tasks. Let your trainer know that you’d prefer not to rest between sets.

Be proactive with meal planning – look ahead at your week and organize what you’re going to eat. Write a shopping list every Sunday. Prepare rice in advance, keep it in the fridge up to 2-3 days. Cook two portions, freeze the second. Consider buying a second freezer so that you can take advantage of bulk buying, and always have healthy food on hand. Busy lives often make it hard to get to the grocery store.

Read: 10 Fitness Hacks For When You Don’t Have Time To Work Out

11: Seek out new friends

Signing up for a health retreat means that you’re also signing up to meet like-minded, active people. It’s great to have the direct connection with potential friends who’ve got similar values.

Figure out how you can meet like-minded women that uplift, encourage and support you. Perhaps you’ll need to be the group leader to coordinate a meetup or social. Yoga memberships are quite good for meeting others, more so than regular gym memberships (in my experience!)

Join a progressive, 4-8 week fitness program. The community centre has programs all the time.

Be friendly, and look friendly – even when nobody is engaging with you. By having open body language and looking approachable, people might approach. Have a few light things to talk about, and to ask others about – know a few ways to encourage others to talk.

Being surrounded by others with like-minded goals and interests will help significantly with motivation. Goals are always easier to meet when you have a support group of people to cheer you on.

VANCOUVER ISLAND RESIDENTIAL WEIGHT LOSS CAMP (BIGGEST LOSER STYLE) – 1-4 MONTHS

12: Take a break from your every day routine

Sometimes it’s hard to make a change in your life without changing your environment. Traveling to a health retreat is a great way to get out of a rut because everything is different.

Get back in touch with yourself – quiet time, meditation, self-reflection, journalling.

Have the courage to re-structure your life, if needed. Hire the relevant professional to support you.

Take the afternoon off. Go to the spa – have a massage. Or, take a nap. It’s okay to rest!

Do a staycation in your own town, google tourist attractions and actually go visit them.

When you return home from a health retreat you establish a new routine, and you’ll have clearer vision about how you want it to be.

Vancouver Island residential weight loss camp (biggest loser style) – 1-2 months

The post 12 Health Retreat Hacks (That You Can Do At Home This Weekend) appeared first on West Coast Fitness Vacations.

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[sailorrrvenus]

I Bought the New iPad Pro So You Don’t Have To

I’m no stranger to the iPad. In fact, it once caused me not to get a job at an Apple store shortly after college. I was asked in an interview, “What do you think of the new iPad,” and I answered honestly (mistake number one in a job interview I would learn).

“I’m not sure how I feel about it, it doesn’t really do what I would want it to do.”

I didn’t get a call back for a second interview. Little did I know this would be the start of my rocky relationships with tablets.

In 2012, I bought refurbished a 32GB “New iPad.” With its retina screen, I told myself it would be the perfect portfolio alternative, and I could make myself look so cool by bringing a digital device to a client meeting, instead of a printed book.

“Who prints photos anymore? Clients will see me as cutting edge!”

That device currently is sitting on the floor next to my bed, unable to be updated past iOS 9, with a dead battery. I rarely use it anymore because of how slow it has become. And it certainly didn’t win me any clients. I think I may have used it professionally once or twice to have someone digitally sign a contract or a model release.

When the first iPad Pro was released I found myself holding it and thinking, “Well…it sure is big,” before using the newly launched apple pencil to crudely draw a penis on it and handing it back to my friend. I still didn’t see a good use for what was essentially a laptop without a keyboard.

Flash forward to 2017, where I found myself standing at the counter at my local Apple store looking at the three size options in front of me for “Pro” level iPads. I was sold (or so I told myself). I just needed to know what size fits me best. After a few hours of going back and forth with the demo models, I eventually decided to walk away. It just didn’t hold up to the experience I was getting from my laptop.

When the 2018 Apple announcement of the new iPad Pro came through, I once again found myself enamored with the idea of getting a laptop replacement. I studied the keynote, watched every review video, and made an appointment with myself to visit the apple store as soon as possible to play with one myself.

The idea that now this tablet was “more powerful than most PC laptops” and (would be) capable of running a “full” version of Photoshop really intrigued me.

The Tech Specs

To be fair, a lot of this section is pulled directly from Apple’s sales literature on the new iPad, and I will try my best to keep things brief here. This isn’t anything you can’t find for yourself with a quick Google search.

Liquid Retina display

11 or 12.9-inch (diagonal) LED-backlit Multi‑Touch display with IPS technology

2732-by-2048-pixel resolution at 264 pixels per inch (ppi)

ProMotion technology

Wide color display (P3)

True Tone display

A12X Bionic chip with 64-bit architecture

Neural Engine

Embedded M12 coprocessor

USB-C

10 hour battery life

New Apple Pencil with magnetic charging

I sent this photo to several people who knew how much I was dreading this purchase.

After another agonizing hour going back and forth with price and specs, I decided to pull the trigger on the 12.9” model with 256GB of storage, with the new Apple Pencil. $1,380.24 retail after estimated Atlanta taxes.

To be fair, I had a friend hook me up with an Apple Friends and Family discount, which brought my price down to a little under $1200 after tax. Even with the discount, this is a pretty large chunk of change to throw down on something that I didn’t even know if it would fit into my workflow properly.

Once the device was delivered to me an hour later, I rushed home and completed the setup process and began playing with my new toy. I was determined to make it work for me.

Pros

Just about everything with the design of the device

The 12.9” screen is gorgeous and, combined with the True Tone Technology and night shift, I found it very easy to use in a variety of lighting conditions. Never did it blow out my eyes when used in the dark.

The new Apple Pencil is very responsive and feels great in hand. The new magnetic charging system makes it a great way to store and charge.

Battery life is pretty good. Apple rates it at 10 hours, and with moderate usage, I was able to only drop down to around 50% before it was time for bed.

The refresh rate still makes me very happy. It feels snappy when I swipe between pages on the home screen, or between pages in a book or magazine. I am impressed at how smooth everything is.

All of this packed into a device that is a great size that fits comfortably in my hands.

And I’ll be the first person to say I have tiny hands.

iOS 12

For the most part, I am very happy with the latest version of iOS. When used on the iPad Pro it does a great job at coming VERY close to a desktop-class OS. For the average user who is looking for a laptop replacement or substitute, it makes for a pretty good argument against competing products.

USB-C (Kinda)

Apple choosing to move to a standardized charging/syncing solution is super smart. No more proprietary cables (for the most part), and if you are ok with dongles of varying sorts you can basically connect this device to just about anything (even if that connection can’t exactly do anything…more on this later). Even though I didn’t get a chance to try it, the ability to mirror to a 5K display was an impressive demo.

Cons

Price

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room straight away. This thing is not cheap. And for a similar price point, you are already into 13” Macbook territory. This makes the decision much harder when comparing side by side. Yes, technically you get more storage with the iPad, and that new processor supposedly is nothing to laugh at. But what you lose is RAM, and a FULL operating system (And at least for me, Capture One).

USB-C

For all the great things that the iPad pro can do with its new port, there is one HUGE thing that it can’t do. At the time of this writing, the USB-C port cannot be used to interface directly with an external hard drive. This is a huge bummer because, in order to be competitive with a traditional laptop, I can’t really get around needing expandable storage.

But, you say, “The cloud! Can’t you use the cloud?” And my response to this is a decided “Yes and No.”

I downloaded the WD MyCloud app onto the iPad. It’s the same app that I use to manage my personal cloud from the go on my phone. And while I was able to eventually download a file into the iPad for editing, it was far from an elegant experience.

Wait…where are my thumbnails?

While iOS 12 can support plenty of different RAW files, it can only read them while in the Photos app, unless specifically coded into each individual app. Even in the Files app, you can’t see any thumbnails by default.

I sure do hope I remember that SPECIFIC file name for the file I want to edit.

Now, once you download the file to your device, you can see a thumbnail just fine.

Too bad I’d have to import all of these into my camera roll first before I can see them.

Now I suppose this could be solved by a product like a Gnarbox or the Lacie DJI Co-Pilot since they have a computer of sorts built in for processing (RAW previews), and generally can interface with other apps nicely. But by that point, you are spending ANOTHER $299-$499 on top of the storage you already spent which further makes the argument for a traditional laptop.

The one thing I didn’t try was Tethering.

But unless I’m using the Lightroom app I don’t think this will work for me as intended as well. From what I have seen, connecting a camera basically just opens up the photos app and downloads files from the SD card on the camera. Not a direct tethered shooting solution that I am used to from Capture One.

I suppose you could also use the USB-C SD card reader, but then you are once again having to load every file directly onto the internal storage of the iPad itself. And then moving them back off for long-term archiving brings up a whole other conversation.

I think that the lack of USB-C mass storage support is something that Apple could (and hopefully will) fix in an upcoming version of iOS. This two-way data movement and storage would change a LOT of my feelings about the iPad Pro as it stands today.

Lack of “Desktop Strength” photo editing solutions

This is one “con” where I think things are ALMOST there. A “full” version of Adobe Photoshop will be coming next year, but Lightroom CC already has a large user-base and supposedly does a pretty good job. I’m still not sold, I don’t like Adobe’s charge per month model. It’s just not for me. And all of it adds to the overall cost ($120 a year). There are some cheaper (and single purchase) options available, however.

Affinity Photo has long been the Photoshop analog that many photographers have fallen in love with. At the time of this writing, however, Affinity Photo hasn’t been updated in over a month, and likely hasn’t been optimized for these new processors yet. I fully believe that the next version of Affinity will work just fine and will be a very speedy piece of software.

But for me, I found it to be a touch clunky and certainly when I was doing some basic retouching there were several times I had to wait 15 seconds or so while the app crunched the data.

For those who aren’t familiar with the Affinity Photo UI

Affinity isn’t a bad option at all, and I think that part of my problems with it was just in learning a new piece of software. And once I got rolling I feel that things went rather smoothly. With the exception that it took me over an hour to retouch the above file, and even then I’m not 100% happy with the results. But I’ll let you guys judge for yourselves.

Backup and Archiving Workflow

My final gripe comes after you export the files out. By default, most of the apps I have played with wanted to export everything back into the camera roll of the iPad itself. Which then, of course, leads to duplicate files and space being eaten up by final deliverables.

I found a way to move things manually back to my WD Cloud, but it wasn’t elegant and took some experimenting with to move everything over. Then I was still left with having to delete the file manually to free up space on the device itself.

Conclusion

I like the 2018 iPad Pro, I really do. But I’m not IN LOVE with it.

Ok, I’m lying. I do love it. I think it’s designed well, I think the screen and pencil are both great, I think the audio on it is some of the best I have heard across any device. I like the idea of having iOS on a larger screen, that is still light enough to carry around one-handed. I like all of the potential that comes from multitasking.

From an Apple fanboy perspective, I really do love this device.

I even used the Squarespace blog app to type some of this post!

But from a photographer standpoint, it falls short. For me. My workflow just can’t accommodate the iPad Pro as it currently stands. But it’s so close!

With a few simple changes (USB-C Mass Storage, RAW Support in the Files app, and more Pro “Desktop Level” Apps from the likes of Adobe, Capture One, etc) all of which could potentially come at a software level without the need of additional hardware.

For day to day web surfing, email, notes, and other media consumption I love what has come from this latest generation of iPad. This makes me excited for what is to come with lower-spec devices that I would likely use more frequently.

I was at a meeting today and loved using the iPad to take notes on, and I loved being able to quickly surf the Web and find info I needed. I really want to have this device in my life, but unfortunately…I’m probably going to return it.

I’m going to give it through the weekend to grow on me a little more, maybe do some more playing around to see if I can better fit things into my life. But at this moment right now, I just can’t justify paying $1200 for something that I can already do (arguably better) on my already paid for MacBook Pro. Thankfully Apple has a 14-day return period, because I would hate to have to try and re-sell this on the open market.

Maybe I’ll just wait a while and snatch up one of these once they hit the Refurbished section of the Apple store, or maybe grab one of last year’s models at a killer deal.

Or there is always next year’s model…

About the author: Blake Griffin is a photographer based in Atlanta, Georgia. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. Griffin runs UNEXPhotography and has his Bachelors of Arts with a concentration in film and photography, from Montana State University – Bozeman. You can find more of his work on his website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. This article was also published here.

source https://petapixel.com/2018/11/13/i-bought-the-new-ipad-pro-so-you-dont-have-to/

[homesteading-alliance]

30 Great Ways to Upcycle Old Clothes and Still Feel Sassy

I am a crafter through and through. A good chunk of my spending money goes to new culinary tools and fun craft stuff that my daughters and I can do.

My mother, on the other hand, loves clothes. Twice a year, she goes through her closet and pretty much provides me with a new wardrobe.

Naturally, her style is a little different from mine so I want to tweak some of the outfits a little and here are some ways to upcycle outfits for myself, kids, or even the men in our life.

Ways to Upcycle Old Clothes

1. Bleach It

Taking a black pair of leggings and a bleach pen and have a little fun. You can choose to do quite a bit, from the style of these pants to taking a stamp and adding a bleaching effect that makes lines, the pen is your oyster- have fun with it!

I may, or may not, be doing this later this week!

2. Winter Sweater Dress

Ten years ago, my husband bought me a sweater for Christmas and minus this year he has every year since. Several of them were sweater dresses and I love them. Sometimes, though, I am passed down a sweater that I don't really like.

Up until now, it has gone in the Goodwill pile. But no more! The fact that I can take two sweaters and make them into a cute sweater dress that I can wear all winter long- I love it. For the full tutorial, check out the renegade seamstress' post on eHow.

3. Men's T-shirt to Girl's Dress

I love this. I have loved it since my girls were little. Add some tulle to the inside of the bottom part and you have a beautiful, fluffy dress that most little girls would love to wear.

To be honest, I might even be able to make this for my daughter who is ten using a shirt her father wears. To some extent, age may surprise you a bit. If you want to try it for yourself head over to Life is Beautiful and try the project out for yourself.

4. T-shirt with a Bow

If you are not very skilled with a sewing machine, this one is for you. It simply takes the ability to use scissors. Simple enough.

I love the fact that the ribbon allows you to scrunch up one side. Plus the colors are so cute together and the bow makes it extra girly. To see the full tutorial, check out the Wobisobi blogger page.

5. Embroidery Design

Picture from play-patch.com

I told you in advance that I love to spend money on crafty things. Almost five years ago I bought an embroidery machine. This design was one of the first things I made with it. I loved the “Stud Muffin looking for my Cupcake” design and had to have it.

If you know that you are going to upcycle stuff a lot, or live in the south and like to have almost everything monogrammed, then spending the money on an embroidery machine is well worth it. I bought mine used for $400 and don't regret the purchase at all.

6. Mismatch It All Together

Photo from Andy's Summer Designs Etsy.

This is a lot of what I did when I first got into refashioning clothes. I did this more with little girl dresses. I would make a simple circle skirt for the bottom and use a cheaply bought new or possibly older (but now too short) t-shirt and add the bottom.

You can use fabric picked up from the store, which I did a lot and would customize to what the little girl liked, or clothes you already have lying around like Andy Summer did in the picture above.

7. Stretch out the Tank Top

I had to laugh a bit when I saw this one. For one reason, this is a tutorial from a Girl and her Glue Gun that you will probably always want to keep a sweater vest over anyways because the back looks a bit funny in my opinion.

Second, because I had to do this last year for a student of mine.

We had a competition that was a week away and we purchased him an extra large chef coat when he probably needed a two XL. So I did exactly what she shows in her tutorial, only with a chef coat.

It works in a pinch or if you, like her, don't want to throw something away.

8. Sweater with Buttons

This is probably the best tutorial I have found for any post, ever. She makes it so simple for those of us who know how to sew but don't know the proper terminology and stuff like that. I am self-taught, and this makes total sense to me.

Plus it's super cuter, she says it's super soft and she got the original sweater for super cheap. Isn't that super? Sorry, I had to! The amazingly awesome tutorial can be found over at Sew Unique in CO.

9. Everyday Lounge Pants

I love the story behind these pants, her original purchase was for plain black pants that her husband called quitters because the people who wear them, in his opinion, have quit taking care of themselves. So she dawned them up and added the cute pocket and ribbon up top.

The fact that she went as far as to make them cute means that she's the opposite of a quitter- and still gets to be comfortable, right?

To see the full tutorial, check out H is for Handmade.

10. Cricut/Silhouette/Vinyl

I love, love, love my Cricut.

This is not something I purchased, surprisingly. My mother-in-law “upgraded” to a different brand (Brother, I think) and gave me her Cricut. It is not one of the newer ones, but still does a lot of fun stuff though I am looking forward to purchasing my own upgrade to an Air two next month.

Even with the older one, I have made T-shirts for my FCCLA organization last year. Many of the kids didn't purchase a shirt because I told them that we were making our own but they were disappointed and many ordered some after they learned that it looked just as good as professionals' and they got to pick their colors.

I chose the tutorial by Perisalou because it's different and who don't want to deck out their shoes? So cute!

11. Shorts without a Pattern

To this day I don't know how I figured this out on my own but I did. Simply use a pair of pants or shorts that you love and use this as your pattern. I have used this for my girls and myself and it saves so much money.

It's fairly simple and straightforward, but if you need help, Craftaholics Anonymous is here to get you started. Heck, they even show you how to add pockets. That's important!

12. It's in the Details

This is fairly simple to make as well and I love the little details. My favorite thing about the big sweater turned leggings sweater was the buttons. Likewise, I love the glitter on here as well; though, when I make it I plan to add multi-colored sequins.

The fairly simple tutorial can be found at Dream a Little Bigger.

13. Add a Pop of Color

How cute is this dress? The opposite of bleaching, the tulip brand paint has so many great ideas, from outlines of hearts to a black T-shirt with the silver sky to show a city skyline. They are all so creative and fun, if you want a paint idea, definitely visit the I Love to Create page!

14. Galaxy Shirt

You should have known this one was coming. What makes it super cool is that you are combining two of the techniques we've talked about already in this post. One, you are using paint to add color to the black shirt. Two, you are taking color away by adding bleach in the form of spray paint or blotching.

This summer I plan to do this with my daughters and then have a stargazing night!

The full tutorial can be found at eHow.

15. Sharpie and Alcohol

I'm excited about this one because I have done it before and can tell you that yes- this truly works. The idea was shown here, though we took it a step further.

We used toilet paper tubes and colored in our Mickey Mouses, and then dropped the alcohol on the shirts to go down the cardboard tubes. The girls had so much fun and my oldest daughter wore hers until it had holes and I forced her to stop wearing it!

16. Ugly Christmas Sweater

Okay, I get it. Ugly Christmas sweaters are not really supposed to be ugly. I'm not entirely sure how this is made but it was created by Refashion Nation. The snowman and polka dots are super cute and the buttons going down are- you guessed it- my favorite!

No matter what though, refashioning a sweater and turning it into a cute ugly sweater should be a piece of cake!

17. Sweater to Cardigan

Before I begin- I will teach you all something really cool. In the south, there are stores called Dirt Cheap popping up everywhere. That is where this sweater began its life. Or at least somewhere similar. Do you want to know how I know? Because the American Eagle tag has a black line through it.

If you can get to one of these stores- I highly recommend it. The stores purchase the leftovers by the semi-truck full and send the savings back to you. Typically they chose stores worth noticing- Target, American Eagle, Gap, etc… You have to dig a bit but it's worth it!

Okay, back to the task at hand. This tutorial is great. The post can be found at Cheri's I am Momma, Hear Me Roar site but it is a guest post by Delia from Delia Creates. At the time, Delia was pregnant so she needed some of her sweaters to by cardigans in order to wear them over her baby bump.

No matter if you have a baby bump or not, check this tutorial out- trust me!

18. Add Lace to Lengthen

There are so many of us out there who do not like short t-shirts or sweaters. Lace is one way to lengthen them, and it's super easy to find out what length you want and gets lace in that size, then sew it into the shirt. She doesn't sew the end, instead opts to end it on the side where the seam is so it is not as noticeable.

I like that we get to see the before and after. For the full details, check out Inspiration & Realization.

19. Heart Patches

When looking up ideas for this post, I keep coming across how to make elbow patches. I guess it is a simple, cute way to upcycle your sweater or long sleeve t-shirt and make it just a hint cuter. It also allows you to do as the model did here and change up the color of your pants without people questioning why they don't match.

Listotic has thirty-three different ideas on their site. So if I don't give you enough inspiration, they might be able to help as well!

20. Onesie to T-shirt

My first thought here was an extension of the clothing's life- for whatever reason you chose. Maybe you really like the onesie, maybe you are trying to save money, maybe both. But then I thought about two-year-olds and potty training. When you are potty training, it's important to not have to unbutton those snaps and that is is the perfect reason to make a onesie a T-shirt. Plus I like the addition of the ruffles and extra flowers that ruffles and stuff did. Props!

Conclusion to Ways to Upcycle Old Clothes

No matter your reasoning for refashioning your clothes- I hope you have come up with some great ideas. If you want to expand that a bit further, check out our post on how to recycle old T-shirts specifically, and use the clothes for things like purses and pillows.

Either way, get out the thread and needle and have some fun! I can't wait to see what you create.

This article first appeared on morningchores.com Original Article

The post 30 Great Ways to Upcycle Old Clothes and Still Feel Sassy appeared first on Homesteading Alliance.

[badbackgroundscience]

Man with magic wand threatens Universe; it doesn’t do wood

No time for some fancy intro, today, folks. Barely time to point out the Nu!Who reference in the title for those who don’t get it. We’re hitting the ground running with a large fragment of space potato.

That is one huge meteorite fragment (not a meteor, because it hit the ground*), but nowhere near on par with the largest ever discovered. No one’s claiming that it is, of course. I just like talking about space...

The 2.7 meter-long Hoba meteorite in Namibia is the largest fragment in the world, weighing in at about 60 tons (down from an estimated 66 tons due to a century of erosion, scientific sampling, and evil tourists):

If we can step it down a notch (technically 2 notches) and head over to the American Museum of Natural History, we can look at the 34-ton Ahnighito, the largest on display in any museum:

These (and other) large meteorites all fell a long time ago, not in a farmer’s back yard in the 1960′s. There haven’t been any impacts that grand in thousands of years. There have been - of course - infamous air bursts, like the Tunguska event in 1908 and Chelyabinsk in 2013; however, those large space potatoes (the former much larger than the other**) didn’t hit the ground. They would have done far more damage if they had. 

True impact events - especially ones that manage to not hit the ocean - leaving significantly large fragments are certainly rare. I turn you to an event from 2007 near the Peruvian village of Carancas (not too far from Lake Titicaca). The meteorite left a crater over 13 meters across (44-ish feet), but started out as 0.9 - 1.7 meters in length. Not a fragment that could be lugged back to Reed’s lab - the one that hit the ground in the first place. In order for there to have been a rock measuring 2 or so meters across left, the original must have been significantly larger, and therefore left a much, much larger crater.

The Holsinger meteorite is the largest fragment excavated from Barringer (i.e. Meteor) Crater and isn’t quite 1 meter long (and thus still smaller than what we’re looking for). The crater its parent rock left is 1.2 km (0.74 mi) across and 170 m (560 ft) deep, to say nothing of the shock wave from the sheer energy of the impact those 50,000 years ago.

That poor farmer...

However, we must move on to the main story. The fact that Reed finds “a dehydrated acorn”-like lump inside of it in no way comes up later in the story (Though side note, he says “this proves that some form of life must exist in outer space”, as if he hasn’t traveled to other planets and witnessed them first hand or done battle with the Skrull more than once). Uatu the Watcher (first featured in Fantastic 4 #13) needs their help; some under-appreciated scientist schmuck has gone and gotten himself shot with a mysterious “atomic device” and is now the ultimate threat to everything.

Because he can, quote, “control every molecule in the universe”.

Here’s the immediate next panel:

Let’s ignore the fact that Johnny has failed (or is currently failing) his high school chemistry class because he doesn’t know what a molecule is. Clearly, the writers of this comic are trying to educate their (likely young) readers, which I applaud. However, Reed - a man who keeps showing he doesn’t know as much about science as he thinks he does - defines a molecule as “the smallest groups of atoms which compose any element”.

This is wrong.

An element, by definition, is a species of atoms that all have the same number of protons (and therefore act similarly, chemically***). All the atoms in the Universe that have exactly 1 proton - the element Hydrogen. All the atoms in the Universe that have exactly 42 protons - Molybdenum. If an atom of Carbon-14 has one of its neutrons turn into a proton****, it is no longer Carbon - it’s Nitrogen. Currently, humans have managed to identify or create 118 different elements, though only 90ish have a version of them (aka an “isotope”) that have stable nuclei.

Atoms of the same element can bond together to make a molecule (e.g. Oxygen gas, which is made of two atoms of oxygen); atoms of different elements can bond together to make a molecule (e.g. carbon dioxide - one carbon atom bonded to two oxygen atoms). A “molecule” is roughly defined as an electrically neutral group of atoms bonded together (as in sharing electrons, not by, say, a hot glue gun), but if you get more technical we exclude compounds where you can’t identify the bonds between the ‘molecule’ and bonds between it and other equivalent units. 

[Take sodium chloride (NaCl), for example - the strength of the Na-Cl bond is basically identical to the bond between the Na and a Cl in the NaCl next over. A chunk of sodium chloride is effectively one giant molecule. So, technically, NaCl isn’t a molecule; it’s a “formula unit” - it represents the ratio of sodium to chloride ions in a salt crystal.]

Molecules do not “compose” elements. Atoms compose molecules. Reed could have said the word “compound” instead of element and would have, in general, been correct. A compound, in chemistry, is any substance consisting of 2 (or more) different types of atoms in a fixed proportion (e.g. water is always 2 H to 1 O). This groups together molecules and formula units, but excludes single-atom formula units like graphite/diamond (pure C) and alloys (which are mixtures of substances).

If you come across a lump of matter, you can follow a flow chart to figure out what to call it (Yes, I did just take a photo of my Freshman Chem textbook. I spent way too much money on it so it’s going to get used...):

Elements and Compounds are both considered “pure” substances because you can use a single chemical formula to describe what they’re made of (e.g. diamond: C, and sucrose: C12H22O11).***** 

If a man can control molecules, he can’t “control everything”. Because molecules don’t make up everything. In addition to all the atoms that aren’t involved in molecules (e.g. Molecule Man shouldn’t be able to control any metal), there are other particles out there in the Universe (like photons or cosmic rays) - not to mention really exotic stuff like degenerate matter - that he has no control over, either.

As it turns out, Molecule Man’s powers never actually manifest from himself - everything he does comes out of his magic (I’m sorry, “molecular”) wand. With it, he turns a bunch of bricks into a propeller-bladed fan and pulls a lot of stuff out of thin air.

I mean that literally.

This clearly violates his supposed powerset, as air is very much incapable of becoming a permanent magnet. He’s clearly transmuting elements from one type of atom into another, which is not controlling molecules.

These magnets somehow latch onto the very non-magnetic Reed - one to his feet and the other to his hands - and Molecule Man claims they’ll repel each other because one is positive and the other is negative.

This is wrong.

First, every magnet must have at least 2 poles (i.e. one positive end and one negative end). If you break a magnet in half, you don’t separate the positive and negative ends from one another. You create two new dipole magnets, each with their own N/S. Magnetic monopoles are a theoretical concept; there is no experimental evidence that they actually exist. Even if they do, they certainly don’t look like horseshoes.

Second - opposite poles ATTRACT. This man was a scientist!

This man is, indeed, a terrible scientist. He also thinks “electric molecules” are a thing (He shoots the Thing with some bolts of lightning that come from a lightbulb-filled billboard), and that lead and zinc are molecules.`*

But he’s enough of a nuisance that the F4 have to retreat. Molecule Man commands the city’s population hunt them down, and encases the island of Manhattan in a glass cage (by “[rearranging] the molecules in the air”...*sigh*). Our family of superheroes hide out at Alicia’s place, where Reed has the epiphany that the Molecule Man can only control inorganic matter.

“Organic” is an incredibly arbitrary label that humans have imposed on a particular group of molecules that always have carbon atoms in them and can be produced by or found in living things (but don’t have to be`**), but excludes some molecules that contain carbon and can be produced by living things (like carbon dioxide). There’s no scientific reason Molecule Man’s powers would have such a rule imposed upon them, because we created the concept of organic molecules (Maybe his powers could not affect living things, but that’s not the same as “organic” by a long shot. For example, propane fuel? Organic.)

But Reed’s right - he has Alicia cover all four of them in a thin coat of plaster and call for Molecule Man to come and observe her “tribute” to him. When he tries to manipulate the statues (Why he can’t do anything to the inorganic plaster, no one says...) some sort of painful feedback forces the wand from his hand. Uatu decides he’s not technically interfering by merely picking up a defeated baddie, and collects our physics-violator while inexplicably leaving the wand on Alicia’s apartment floor.

Oh. So I guess the wand’s useless, now. Why did Molecule Man even need it in the first place!?

This man confuses me so much...

* Space potato terminology mini-lesson: Asteroid - A large rocky/metallic body in outer space, not massive enough to gravitationally collapse upon itself to form a sphere. Meteoroid - A small (grain of sand to 1 meter wide) rocky/metallic body in outer space Comet - A small icy (and somewhat rocky) body in outer space Meteor - Any of the above that enters the Earth’s atmosphere, heating up to the point of glowing Meteorite - The portion of the meteor that impacts the Earth’s surface, rather than desintegrating Meteorwrong - “the ones that miss” ~Carlos Ramon, The Magic School Bus Gets Lost in Space

** Chelyabinsk’s rock started at roughly 20-meters in diameter before getting pulverized into tiny pieces by exploding in the atmosphere. Tunguska could have been anywhere between 60 and 190 meters depending upon whether it was mostly iron or stony. There’s a (generally disproved) theory that a 10-meter fragment of the Tunguska meteor survived to hit the ground, creating a lake roughly 8 km across.

*** Isotopes of an element have different numbers of neutrons, like Hydrogen-1, which has no neutrons, Hydrogen-2 (aka Deuterium), which has 1 neutron, and Hydrogen-3 (aka Tritium), which has 2 neutrons. But they all have 1 proton. Chemical reactions concern the electron(s) in an atom, not the nucleus, so unless the number of neutrons makes everything unstable (i.e. radioactive) there’s effectively no difference. There is an exception in heavy water (which has two Hydrogen-2 atoms bonded to the Oxygen instead of Hydrogen-1), which is toxic to lifeforms in large concentrations. A regular glass of tap/seawater contains ~156 H-2 atoms per million H-1 atoms, but if you drank a glass of pure heavy water, the fact that H-2 is twice as massive as H-1 messes with how the water molecules interact with one another, and therefore messes up various biochemical processes. 

**** Plus an electron, plus an anti-electron neutrino.

***** “Pure” is idealistic, of course. No glass of water will be made of 100% water molecules. 

`* Lead and zinc, of course, are elements. They’re right there on the periodic table. Though lead is abbreviated Pb for the Latin plumbum so that might take you a moment.

`** Like, of all things, urea - the main component of urine.

Fantastic 4 #20 - Writer: Stan Lee, Art: Jack Kirby, Ink: Dick Ayers

Photo Credits:

Hoba By Calips (assumed), CC BY 2.5, 

Crater panorama By Tsaiproject, CC BY-SA 3.0