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breakyourrxles · 1 month ago

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❥between two breaths (m) | 𝟙𝟛

𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲

↳ After two steps forward in the ways of healing conversations, a massive step backwards abruptly finds you in the form of a new, breaking story that you never could have seen coming.

kim sunwoo x fem!reader (side lee juyeon x reader) — idol!sunwoo, fan/trainee!reader. forced proximity, forbidden love, friends to lovers, angst, slow burn, idolverse-typical themes regarding; dating, image, public perception, etc. happy ending, plot-heavy!! reader thinks she's nonchalant about it but she rly isn't. smut. [6,4k wc ongoing] cws: heavy themes of wanting-but-can't-having, mild jealousy, explicit sexual content, a little alcohol consumption, dancing on the edge of career suicide, poor decision making because of The Wanting.

❥ masterlist | ao3

Swallowing hard, you glance at Miyoung again—only briefly—and in your best effort to remain composed you say, "You think they're right? What they're saying online?"

In the week following your blowout with Sunwoo, communication with him has grinded to a complete halt.

Normally, you might chalk this up to the fact that both of you are too busy to properly keep up with one another. There is a comeback looming in the not so distant future for you and a huge amount of prep that is meant to be done for it before that day comes. You're tired, your body is sore, meals and sleep get skipped on account of all of the extra time you opt to carve out in favor of making sure you can give this everything you're capable of. More than that, however, is that staying busy keeps your mind clear; no thoughts of him, less worries about the scene that your bandmates had the misfortune of being audience to.

Sunwoo is in and out of the country now even more than before and, for once, you're thankful for that fact. Running into him in the halls presents nothing that you're interested in engaging with right now, be it having to pretend that no contention exists, or even worse than that; having to face the truth of the matter all over again.

A conversation with the girls is not something that you have the same luxury of avoiding forever.

Nothing has been said to you in regards to it, and you suppose that you are thankful for the firm hand that Sunwoo had had that day. Still, the air is thick with tension and curious, wandering eyes every time you find yourself in the same room as the girls who had the misfortune of stumbling upon an inkling of your dirty little secret. Worst of all: you share a dorm with Miyoung and Kaia, and the efforts made to not encounter one another in the common areas outside of work-related coming and going has quickly begun to drive you mad.

This is not the kind of relationship you wish to cultivate with your members. These girls are your friends, your colleagues, and at some point throughout all of this; you want them to be your family.

The evenings have begun to run late whether it is on account of work, or not. Even when you find yourself at the dorm before the early hours of the morning, that time is considered precious and you are unwilling to lose any more of it through sleep. Social media scrolling, long showers and a simple sandwich in the kitchen are things that you are not often afforded with a poorly timed comeback looming so harrowingly in the distance. Tonight is no different, and though the discomfort your body carries is difficult to ignore, it's better than resigning yourself to a bed and the fast coming of the next day.

Much of the food inside of the refrigerator has expired now. Annoying, you think to yourself, and it's the most you can muster up given the state of everything else happening around you. There's bread that only expires today—probably still good—and some left over meat that is creeping up on much of the same fate, so you pull them both and begin fashioning yourself a late night snack.

Perhaps it's how muddled your brain is, that it takes you so long to realize that you are no longer left alone to this task.

Your attention darts upwards from the counter, and though the overhead light for the kitchen has remained off, the stove lamp is lit and gives ample illumination to see who it is that stands before you. Miyoung lingers just outside of the kitchen opening with her messy black bob and a t-shirt that looks like it's been with her for a lifetime, but more than that is the look of gentle concern that sits upon her features as her eyes settle on you.

Snapping back to your task, you can't ignore the feeling of her eyes on your skin and the way that it makes you feel. She knows far too much now, has seen much more than she was ever meant to, and though you admit that you do not feel as though there is judgment there, what will not leave you is the feeling of transparency. A privacy has been lost—something you have fought so hard to maintain despite all odds being against it—and in the end, they won.

"I'll be out of here soon," you say. The words are mumbled and so nearly inaudible that you can't be sure she has even heard them, but in the end, she does reply.

"Don't. We should talk."

Being an idol, as you have learned, is spending your days navigating situations and conversations that you do not wish to; and with a smile on your face, at that. People endlessly prying and looking and picking apart the bits of you that they are able to see in an effort to find the things that they are not granted access to, all for the luxury of being able to perform on a stage and living a life that you have always dreamed of. Having been thrust into this has been a quick lesson on the trials and tribulations of what it takes to make it, and the sacrifices one must make in order to have a shot at doing so.

An idol's best chance at making it through is to minimize problems that may disrupt that journey, and conversations such as this one are a direct result of having failed in doing so.

Miyoung steps inside of the enclosed space and though you aren't giving her your full attention, you do notice her glance back towards the other bedroom doors to ensure that what is about to take place is only for the two of you. Your heart swells at the observation, at the fact that she is still taking that much into account when navigating the throes of this tiring mess you have created amongst them.

She takes her place beside you and bends to press her elbows into the countertop—face cradled within her palms—and does not look at you when speaking as if already having anticipated your wish to not be perceived.

"Is it about the rumors?" she asks, voice quiet and light. "Figure it must be, to some degree."

It is in this moment that you realize that you cannot tell the truth, but also, you can no longer lie.

Hands once busy with something come to a halt, and staring at the wall of pots and pans that hang in front of you, you take into your lungs a slow, deep breath in preparation for what is about to become of this interaction.

"It's kind of funny that no matter how in control of a situation you try to be, there's always something that slips through the cracks, huh?" You turn to look at her with a small smile, and Miyoung's eyes meet yours. "I thought that with joining this company and being in such close proximity to him all the time that nothing would really change, because we were already friends before, we had already been spending time together before, and nothing was ever different then. I figured it would always just be more of the same, that I would always look at him the same way no matter what. I guess I was wrong."

"You caught feelings?"

Huffing out a laugh, you can't help but dwell in the absurdity of the fact. You say, "It's so stupid. Maybe there's a part of me that was always going to be the fawning fangirl, never really able to see our relationship for what it really was."

"It's not really that unusual," Miyoung says, a light hand finding your arm in a comforting gesture. "If I had to guess, there's a whole lot of girls who deep down want to have that fairytale, idol-story romance, and it sounds so exciting, right? Secret meetings and hushed words, stealing glances and touches even when you shouldn't. Everybody likes the idea of it, but it's probably not all that great when you're actually wrapped up in it, so, try to think of it like that. It's for the best, really. You can have hurt feelings about what could have been and what he might be doing elsewhere but it's a load of stress off your back, that's for sure."

Shifting uncomfortably where you stand, the fact that Miyoung seems especially convinced of there being legitimacy to the online rumor mill gives you pause, and quickly you begin to draft up a convincing enough response that allows you to interrogate her assumption without coming off as someone fishing much too hard for implicating information.

"So…" The word trails off, you don't really know how you want to engage in this, if you're being completely truthful with yourself. Swallowing hard, you glance at Miyoung again—only briefly—and in your best effort to remain composed you say, "You think they're right? What they're saying online?"

Shrugging abruptly and without so much as a second thought about it, Miyoung says, "Oh, I don't know. I figure if anyone between the two of us knows that, it'd be you, especially given the scene on the elevator." As if realizing her potential misstep, Miyoung's face twists into something awkward and unbecoming and she stammers out the following, "Or I guess you two were just talking about the other thing… The thing just between you�� Not someone else…" She rolls her eyes—at and because of herself—and then says, "Sorry, I didn't mean to assume. I really gotta stop trying to have serious, heart-felt talks with people, I'm not good at this at all."

"It's fine," you say, leaning over to nudge into her gently with your shoulder, "It's not a big deal, seriously. I know how it looked in there but that was just a single, bad snapshot of a bigger conversation, and at the end of the day, we're going to be fine."

"Even if he's dating someone else?"

The words spark something inside of you that truthfully, you hadn't ever really considered. Sunwoo has always been unabashedly and completely enthralled by you, and so the consideration that there may ever be another woman in the picture—now, or in the future—isn't one that has ever truly crossed your mind. You give it space in your mind to grow and fester just for a moment, before quickly shutting it down and swiftly working to rid yourself of the nasty growth bubbling up beneath your skin.

An asinine thought, you remind yourself, because the woman in reference is me.

"Yeah," you finally manage out with a smile, "even if it's someone else."

The whole idea of it is fairly ill-advised, and though you have the foresight to acknowledge that fact, it does not stop you from your attempt to act upon it.

Perhaps the easiest route would be to carve out the minimal amount of free time afforded to you amongst comeback preparations and simply disappear elsewhere without so much as a word to anyone. You are no stranger to such acts, but maybe the slight feeling of having all eyes on you brings you to a different point of action.

Best to err on the side of caution for now. To follow the rules and make it seem as though you have nothing to hide and are doing your best to play by the book. It isn't completely untrue, though it is far from wholly true, as well.

Thus, when your old friend from your fandom days messages you and asks you to make a visit, the first person you send off a text to about it is your manager.

He is far from pleased by the prospect of it all, as you had anticipated, but you can tell by the response he gives that he isn't completely unwilling to facilitate this. You wonder if he takes some amount of pity on you and the minute ways in which you have struggled to acclimate to your new life, considers that in spite of the fact that you being seen meeting with someone like this will do little to make permanent your new, squeaky-clean brand, yet makes the wrong choice for the company in favor of you.

During the first week of October and early on a Wednesday morning, you receive a message to your phone while you are preparing yourself for the slog of the intended day. With a toothbrush shoved into your mouth and your hair tied back sloppily, you glance at the screen without much anticipation towards anything. However, your heart nearly leaps out of your chest once you read the words that are left there waiting for you.

Manager [07:12]: If you still wish to go to Pyeongchang-dong then it must be today. This is the only time I can fit it into the schedule without many questions. I will drive you there myself and we will leave at 8. Let me know soon.

The drive is about two hours long, and though it is far from short, you enjoy the serenity that looking out of the vehicle window gives you.

Music gently plays from the stereo but you do not pay it much mind. Instead, your attention is glued to the cars on the road beside you, as well as the trees and buildings that swiftly pass you by. It's been such a long time since you have been able to enjoy the simplicity of something as leisurely as a road trip, and if you had been asked prior to debut if it would be something that you might come to miss, you assuredly would have said no.

You are faced with that fact now. Faced with the fact that so many things have changed and with such rapid succession that you've barely had the ability to catalogue them and fit them into the proper crevices of your memory that they belong. Road trips, visiting friends, seeing your family… All things once taken for granted that now, barely exist as a part of your life in any facet, at all.

The acknowledgement of this fact has you breathing out a heavy sigh, and you are thus reminded of the fact that despite your privacy amongst the road, no chances can be taken: You are still fitted in a mask covering half of your face, a sweatshirt with the hood pulled up in an effort to obscure the rest, and otherwise unimpressive clothing as to not draw attention to yourself.

Sometimes it all feels so stupid.

When the current song on the radio comes to an end, you feel something in the atmosphere of the vehicle shift. Your attention draws to your manager who then slowly inhales a breath and with eyes still glued to the road he says, "I won't hang around, but you won't be afforded much time, either. A couple of hours, at most. I'll message you when it's time to go back." He glances towards you for just a second, as if to drive the point of his saying this home and then continues with, "Don't make me regret having done this."

With your head slowly falling to the side and against the car door window, you say, "I won't, I just… need to get away from it all. Even for a second."

"I know. The first few years are the hardest part, I've been told."

Just hearing that makes your throat feel dry, and you can't help but contemplate if you have gotten in way over your head.

The thought of being an idol always felt so luxurious and hopeful to you, though you had never been the sort of dreamy-eyed optimistic that sat blind to the realities that would come along with it. You followed the idol scene from the outside but your proximity to it—even before a friendship with Sunwoo had developed—allowed you to easily see it for precisely what it can be; brutal, devastating, and utterly cannibalistic.

Yet the materiality of it is crushing you with every passing day.

"Anyway," he eventually says, clearly sensing the mounting discomfort between you, "Who is your friend?"

You turn slightly to look at him. "I already told you that. You're no slack at your job, you wouldn't be shipping me off two hours away for me to meet someone without having already checked them out."

A chuckle slips through his lips after the evidence of having been caught.

"Of course I've done my due diligence, but I don't know everything." He glances at you again then says, "I'm not the police force, you know."

But it sure feels that way sometimes, you think.

Turning to face towards the disappearing blur of trees again, you say, "Rimi is an old friend from my days as a fan. She's Japanese, but has lived in South Korea for a long time now. Her parents are exceptionally wealthy tech industry folks, this is only one of many homes they own, to my understanding."

"In South Korea?"

You shrug. "In the world." Sighing, you continue staring as if hoping to find a different life. The one you wish you had. "She runs a popular fansite—as they often are wealthy—pretty girl who was always a treat to be around. I'm really glad I get to see her again."

"Fansite?" he says with a quizzical upturn to his tone, "Anyone I've heard of?"

Unable to fight the smile that begins to tug at your lips, you turn to look towards him once again and say, "Yeah, Hyunjae."

Any hint of amusement immediately drops from his face, as you anticipated.

"I don't know if I would have been so willing to make this trip if I had known you knew her from the very same circumstances that have landed you in such a precarious situation," he says. "But I suppose we're already well on the road by now, and not much can be done about that."

"Should have done a little more research then, huh?"

"I'm being nice to you, don't torture me for it."

"You're right, but if there's one thing I've learned during my limited time in the idol system," you say, "It's that if you're going to survive it, you better learn which information to lead with, and which information to omit." A beat of silence follows the statement, and regardless of whether or not he intends to reply, you finish off the thought with: "It's the only way to make it out alive."

After navigating the winding roads that make up the luxurious neighborhoods of Pyeongchang-dong, the car pulls up upon an enormous, modern home that you cannot think to describe as anything less than breathtaking.

The yard is vast and immaculately maintained; beautiful trees, expertly manicured shrubs and carefully crafted stones work as a pathway towards the front door itself, and though the residence is shielded off from its surroundings by a vast cement fence, the gate at the driveway gives a glimpse to what you are soon to experience.

"I'll drop you here," your manager says, "No need for me to head inside. I'll message you when it's time, enjoy it while you can."

That insistence rests heavy on your heart, knowing full well the depth of implication that sits behind it.

Standing at the gate, Rimi is fast to buzz you inside, though you make it a point to take in the sights that surround you and linger in the leisure that has presented itself toward you.

The front door is already ajar by the time you reach the stone footsteps, and with a careful shout to announce your arrival, you usher yourself inside.

Your voice carries through the high ceilings and empty hallways, and for a moment you consider if you have entered the correct home, at all. Of course, this worry is immediately quelled by the memory of your friend already having granted you access inside, but with how pristine your surroundings appear and unlived in the home seems, you wonder if anyone else is truly inside.

"Kitchen!"

The familiar voice calls out, echoing similarly as your own. So, you follow it without any knowledge of where the kitchen may actually be.

After rounding a few corners that ultimately lead nowhere, you eventually stumble upon not only the grandiose kitchen, but Rimi, herself.

"Baby!" she coos, rushing towards you and immediately throwing her loving arms around your body. "I'm so happy you came! I can't believe it! I've missed you so much, I could cry right now!"

Rimi does, in fact, carry on with the faux-tears that she has only just threatened for a dramatic display that you only now realize you have desperately missed. You kiss the side of her head, gently push her body away from your own and once the two of your eyes meet, you realize that there are tears welling for the both of you; but only one of them is fake.

"Why are you crying?" she asks, immediately concerned for the way the mood has shifted unexpectedly. "Don't cry, oh no! Let me make you a drink! Wait… Are you allowed to drink?"

Wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, a laugh catches in your throat and you say, "Yes, I can drink. Idols are allowed to drink, you know this."

"Right, of course." Rimi busies herself with trying to collect all of the necessities required for crafting up a cocktail, though it becomes evident rather quickly that she is not especially familiar with the layout of this place, either. "It's strange knowing someone in the industry now, sometimes it feels like I don't know anything about it anymore, despite being involved for so long. Is it the same as you thought it was? How much has changed from your initial perception."

You stare at her blankly, an absolute whirlpool of thoughts and considerations spinning through your mind simultaneously and it feels nearly impossible to answer the question with one, single thing. Your lack of reply must jar her from her task, because Rimi pauses as she's bent into the massive refrigerator and looks back towards you.

"What? What's wrong?" Her eyebrows furrow like she's trying to read the thoughts in your mind, and then she says, "Are you going to cry again?"

"No," you say through an airy chuckle, "But we certainly do have a lot to talk about."

Rimi is pretty and dainty in ways that idols typically are, and as you look at her from the opposite side of the couch, you can't help but wonder why she never bothered to pursue a career such as yours with the incredible amount of opportunities and wealth afforded to her already.

The candle on the table pops and crackles as the fire eats away at the wick, and the room fills with the light, ambient scents of vanilla and berry. It's comforting and reminds you of home even though this place is nothing like where you have come from; rather, it is the opportunity to sit and talk to someone without a camera and a set crew listening in on and picking apart each and every word.

Her bartending skills leave much to be desired, but it's better than nothing, and you're happy to have a drink in hand regardless of that fact.

"I've watched everything you've done since debut, I can't believe it's already almost a year," Rimi muses, looking longingly at the ceiling as if speaking to no one but herself. "MVNE is amazing, but of course, you're my favorite." She pauses for a second, hums to herself, then looks at you and says, "Well, you and Woori, of course."

"That's fair, Woori has a sort of magnetic pull to her. She's really lovely, we've become quite close over the year, and it happened quickly."

"Are the moods good amongst the members? Of course, I'd like to keep up more with you but these are the sorts of conversations that are best kept off of devices where they may get into the wrong hands."

"You always were a few steps ahead of the rest, weren't you?" Smiling, you take a sip of your drink and your head drifts off to rest against the couch. "It is good, I'm really thankful. I think I got very lucky. You hear a lot about groups where the relations are difficult amongst the members, so I'm just glad it didn't end up like that. There have been small hiccups, but nothing we haven't been able to overcome."

"Hiccups?" That appears to pique Rimi's interest, eyebrows shifting upwards on her face. "Ooh, do tell!"

"Well, as you know, there was the stuff with my past, and then similar with another girl who was not as forthcoming about hers. That caused a bit of a shift between us, some mild animosity. It's been dealt with since then. But also, there was something…"

You trail off, the words dying off on your tongue. Your heart begins to race as you contemplate being forthcoming about this, though you know perfectly well that if anyone can be trusted with it, it is Rimi.

A deep inhale follows as you make an attempt to steady yourself. Rimi's eyes remain glued to your form as you take another long, full sip of the very strong drink that she has not-so-expertly crafted, and then… You begin.

"I think, in order for this to make sense, I have to start elsewhere in the timeline of events." Another sip follows and you're quickly running out of alcohol to take the edge off, but smooth as ever, Rimi shoves her own glass towards you in order to make up for it, and you take it from her hand with an awkward, understanding smile.

"I think… I think Sunwoo and I are… dating."

"What!?"

Rimi just about flies out of her seat as the words leave your mouth, and you shut your eyes tight with the strong unwillingness to face her reaction.

"What do you mean you think?" she questions, voice high and shrill, "I feel like that's something you should definitely know if you're doing it! What does that mean!? You and Sunwoo? Sunwoo!? Kim Sunwoo!? The same one that you used to…"

"Yes! And can you keep your voice down before the whole neighborhood hears you!" Swatting at the air between the two of you, Rimi recoils and settles herself down, though you can tell she is still brimming with excitement at the alleged news.

"No one's going to hear anything here, all these homes are fortresses. Anyway, don't change the subject! Tell me everything!"

You roll your eyes and say, "I mean, there isn't a whole lot to say about it, really. It started as nothing, then it started very small, and then it sort of… rather quickly spiraled out of control. I don't know, we haven't really had a proper discussion to label anything, though he has made his stance on the matter quite clear."

"He wants to date? You don't?"

"It's complicated," you say. "We're idols, we're in the same company, I was his fan and we were friends prior to my becoming a trainee. It wouldn't exactly look great for either of us if it ever got out."

"Then don't let it get out!" Rimi reasons, like it's the most obvious and easy thing in the world. "Idols date all the time, what's the problem?"

"It can't be a secret forever. At least, we shouldn't move forward thinking that it will be."

"So, what? If you think you're dating—or whatever you call it—then it's pretty obvious that enough is already going on for you to say that. What difference does it make what label you put on it?"

Your next stiff sip is drawn from Rimi's volunteered glass.

"I don't know." You pause, look at her and then say, "I'm terrified? I have more people than just myself to think about." Another sip follows. "Plus, Sunwoo is always gone lately and I've been busy with comeback preparations, there just hasn't been any time to really hash it out. There was a moment not so long ago, and it got a little out of hand and wasn't nearly as private as it should have been. I think we're both reaching the end of our ropes as far as a situationship is concerned."

"Then make a decision!" Rimi says, arms spread wide like she is the one as tired of being involved with this debacle as you and Sunwoo are. "Just take a leap! Just… Jump!"

She makes it sound so simple, so carefree and without need for further thought. Swept up in the fleeting confidence of the moment, you have half a mind to dig out your phone and send a message to Sunwoo right now: To confess, to be honest and forthcoming, to once and for all put an end to these haphazard games.

"Yeah, maybe I should."

Rimi smiles at that, and without much time put between the topics her face lights up, she urges herself towards you across the length of the couch and devilishly says, "Enough about you. So, how's Hyunjae?"

Your abrupt reaction is once again to roll your eyes. "I honestly haven't spent much time with him, but from our very limited interactions he seems perfectly nice."

"Too busy with Sunwoo," Rimi says knowingly and with an accompanying nod, "I understand."

"I've also become quite close with Juyeon, if that's of any interest to you."

"Ooh! Love triangle! How exciting!"

"Please shut up and make me another awful drink."

The sun has not begun to set, but your heart feels the weight of it as if it is the soon to be sinking sun itself.

Your manager is a quiet man, something you have come to know about him over the year that the two of you have spent together. His words are few and far between—saved only for times in which they are best served—but his care and interest in you is often shown in other, more meaningful, ways.

In the silence of the car ride, you stare out of the window not unlike your journey there. A small gift bag of items sits in your lap that Rimi sent you off with; Japanese snacks, expensive cosmetics, and a little note that you haven't yet had the strength to read. All of them are hand wrapped with little bows and stickers and her incredible craftsmanship and kindness is easily seen with every tiny detail. If you are honest with yourself, it's difficult for you to look at it, and each time you do you feel the painful pang of longing in your chest that you have spent so much time trying to ignore.

Everyone tells you it gets better with time. That this feeling is expected and temporary, that you will move past this and come out on the other side of it. You have no other option than to believe them.

The radio is on and the man coming through the speaker is reporting on the news. Keeping up with the goings on of everything outside of your small, isolated idol bubble has become so much more arduous than you ever remember it being. You try to pay attention, try to make up for all of the lost time and indifference you have had in the face of anything except this one, singular thing that now encompasses your entire life. Shades of you that once existed—that you could easily see and parse through without thought—now seem to blend together and ultimately culminate into a new, entirely different entity that you don't remember ever giving way to.

Do you even exist outside of idoldom, at all? The idol version of you and the actual, real version of you that is true… Are they separate beings any longer?

Your mind drifts easily without the constant bombardment of activities to attend to, and you quickly realize that you've already lost interest in the man coming through the speaker. The thoughts inside of your head keep you too busy to pay him any mind… Until, that is, you hear the buzzing of a vibrating phone kept inside of your manager's pocket.

Once you hear it, you come to realize you've heard it passively for far longer than this. Whoever is trying to get his attention has been doing so for some time, and when you turn your head to look over at him you see the deep frown that has already formed on his face.

He notices you looking at him, and without more than a second going by he addresses the fact and says, "Must be important, but we're not far off now."

Indeed, twenty minutes or so from the dorm building. Not that you have been counting.

You can't quite explain it, the feeling that begins to rustle beneath your skin. Foreboding and unpleasant. Swallowing hard, you opt out of a verbal response and instead turn away as if accidentally becoming privy to something not at all meant for your eyes. It is uncomfortable and awkward, the silence immediately shifting to feel distressing for reasons you have not yet come to know.

The feeling that has begun to encompass you, is dread.

Slipping out of the car, you thank your manager and linger only long enough to see if he is going to check his phone now, rather than later. When he makes no motion to do so, you resign yourself to the fact that this is a situation that you will have to learn of through other means, at some other time, and you slowly make your way upstairs towards your dorm.

Upon reaching the door, you extend a hand to punch in the code and notice that your hand has a wary tremble.

Then, the door flies open.

"You're home!" Kaia says, but her features carry none of the happiness that one might expect from an anticipatory welcoming party. Her eyebrows are terse, lips flat and thin, and when you look past her to spot Miyoung just a ways further inside, she appears much the same. "I'm so glad you're back. We're so glad you're back. When we saw the news we tried to find you, then we saw you were taking a personal day and didn't want to interrupt but also—"

"What's going on?" you interrupt.

Kaia's mouth falls open as if the answer is already there, waiting to leap off of her tongue, yet still confined by the confusion of your question.

After a few silent moments, Miyoung rushes forward and says, "You should come inside."

"Seriously," you say, still holding the reward of a lovely reunion with Rimi that you are now beginning to believe is soon to be spoiled. Anxiety has long since taken hold of your insides, though with every passing second it becomes that much more unbearable to stomach. "What is this? Has something happened?"

The two girls look at each other, and then Miyoung digs out her phone from the pocket of her jeans.

"You haven't been on socials at all?" Kaia asks, and you do not find comfort in the breathless urgency that her tone carries.

"No, I was visiting an old friend, I didn't even think to. Why?"

Miyoung hands you her phone, and on the display is an article from a fairly reputable news source that often reports on idol-related news.

You read the title, your stomach drops. Then, you continue scrolling further.

"I mean, we don't know what this means to you," Kaia says with a nervous shake, "Maybe it's nothing, but…"

Miyoung does not say anything, because she absolutely does know.

The article details that Sunwoo was spotted in Japan a few months back, on a date with a fairly prolific photographer that he had been reported to have been working with at the time. The details of their goings on are sparse, but they are also unnecessary once you see the pictures that are attached.

As is usually the case with these sorts of things, the photos are grainy and taken from a distance. It is some nighttime excursion of sorts; drinks, dinner, candlelight—the works. There is no ease in making out certain intricacies of the outing, but what you absolutely can deduce is that it most certainly is Sunwoo in the photo, and this is all body language that you have seen many times before.

You stare at the photos for far too long, forgetting that you are amongst the company of your fellow bandmates. There is no time to feel your feelings about this despite how absolutely lethal this unexpected wound has been. You blink a few times, try to steady your voice to speak and look up at them to say, "Has the company responded? This could just be—"

"They have," Miyoung gently concludes. "Not exactly a resounding confirmation but… They definitely didn't deny it, either. It's a personal matter, et cetera."

With your throat tight and stinging, you force a smile that you know is far from convincing and make your way past them saying, "So much for being such close friends, if this is how I find out about things! Just like everybody else!"

You hear them call your name, but you have already rounded the corner into your bedroom and shut the door tightly.

One thing you're not going to do in relation to this, is cry.

And so, you swallow the pain down and force back the tears. Rather than wallow in the sadness that desperately wishes to take hold, you instead harness another feeling; one that is vindictive and destructive and threatens to throw all caution to the wind for any semblance of not only fleeting satisfaction, but revenge. You are angry, the only thing flowing through you now being rage.

With your phone in hand you finally see all of the missed calls and notifications that await you, but you rush right past them and instead, navigate elsewhere and initiate a call for yourself.

It rings four times, and just before the thought to reconsider emerges, it connects.

"We should meet. Tonight." There's a waver in your voice that you pray does not put-off the person on the receiving end of the proposition, but you are far from willing to concern yourself with that possibility right now, either. Thus, you urge further, as if to prove your interest in acquiring that which you are seeking. You say, "I'll leave it to you to set something discreet up, give me a time and a location. I'll be there."

Little more of the conversation carries on from there, but regardless of that, Juyeon agrees.

#sunwoo smut #tbz smut #the boyz smut #sunwoo x reader #sunwoo imagines #sunwoo scenarios #tbz x reader #tbz imagines #tbz scenarios #the boyz x reader #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #kpop fanfic #kpop smut

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themagikmirror · 4 months ago

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⬆️💰Popularity ≠ the Need for More📈

Earth signs have a beautiful way of teaching us lessons about value and how we should determine worth in things and people in life, including ourselves, our gifts and talents we offer. At the beginning of the year, I prepared a survival guide/write up about this transit explaining things to watch for, but of course I cannot predict every single lesson and experience that will come with a new transit. Especially one we haven't experienced in 12 years and for those of us a bit younger, ever in life. Jupiter was last in Taurus around the year 2012/2013.

Journal Prompt : find ways to revisit 2012-2013 in your life and connect its importance to where you are now in your journey. If you can successfully make connections between those time periods, you've assessed a Jupiter Return in your life without the help of an astrologer!

One of the biggest issues that Jupiter in Taurus points to is GREED.

If you have major sidereal placements such as Jupiter, Saturn or multiple planets in your birth chart in Taurus, this year may have caused you to face issues with over saturation (aka : putting out too much too soon : overdoing, over-giving, oversharing) or over consumption (taking in too much, too fast, too soon)

Notice this is an issue rooted in BALANCE (Venus ; the heart)

There is content surfacing the internet now called "de-hauling" where the creators demonstrate how much we don't need whatever trendy item has gone viral that influencers, celebs and smaller creators promote. De-hauling content is meant to remind us that most times we already have what we need. It's just not shiny, brand new & trending. It promotes the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" logic around household items, fashion & more. It's meant to help viewers feel comfortable/re-normalize not participating in trends or spending unnecessarily to fit whatever (current) aesthetic they're viewing or rather constantly being force fed by media. Although this type of content goes against the grain, it's necessary and affirming for the times we live in with price gauging, a slippery-slope economy & tough job market. I, personally, find it also inspires originality, authenticity and a well fitted life! When we're not constantly consuming, partaking and buying into whatever is the latest fad, ideology, aesthetic and mood is we can actually do something amazing called : BEING OURSELVES.

Seriously, look around and you'll notice that some people don't even really know what they like/don't like anymore. Everything becomes cookie cutter after a while as a result of programming and predetermined lifestyles to follow. People don't have much preference, personality, styles or ideas of their own due to being over saturated with (online) trends and the pressure to keep up, compare or even compete. There's no imagination in that. Just copy & paste. both Saturn in Aquarius and Taurus, especially in Jupiter, is actually the solution to this problem. Jupiter is all about becoming conscious/aware of something/someone that maybe you weren't before. So with Jupiter going through Taurus we are becoming more conscious/remembering that trends are just that, trends! We ultimately have a choice to follow or not. We can actually stop to think about the things we buy, use, eat, wear, follow, believe, participate in, etc. to ask questions like is this healthy, good for the environment, cost friendly and more, that challenge the true nature and value of what we consume. We also can reclaim our creativity. This year I've definitely gone shopping a bit. Back in 2022, Mars spent a lot of time in Taurus and we had a domination of all Earth signs occupying the late Summer/early fall sky. I then discovered this same concept of "de-hauling" on my own, before I came across it online. I discovered, for example : I actually had an abundance of (more than enough) lotions, hair products, make up, etc. in my cabinets. I had slowly become a collector of products. COLLECTOR is a key word here because I was not regularly using many of the items I had. So in 2022 I decided to change. I began really using products to completion before investing in new things I needed/wanted to try. This same logic carried over to my grocery shopping. Instead of making a grocery list based on recipes with a bunch of items I didn't have stocked, I started making grocery lists around recipes that used ingredients already in the fridge and pantry. Resourcefulness and conservation actually began inspiring my creativity, self care and beauty!

🗝️ TO ABUNDANCE : Acknowledge what you already have

Just because something is popular, viral, sought after, praised, etc. doesn't mean it's necessary. High Demand ≠ High Value / Necessity. Just because you are asked for more doesn't mean you necessarily have to/need to give, do,be more. Especially if these things rob you of an authentic presence. This year some of us may have experienced a new level or perspective of abundance, but likely all of us had to learn the lesson of CONTENTMENT and “ENOUGH”. Not always will MORE be presented, necessary or available to you or from you. Sometimes this is due to total misalignment, other times it is simply out of season. Full presence allows CLARITY and appreciation for what's around and in front of us.

2024 is the year of reclaiming/expanding/healing our 3rd eye. One of the best things that we can do to reclaim & heal both our literal and figurative vision (aka : imagination) is in learning how to clearly see both face value & beyond simultaneously. Seeing what's plain, but also intuitive allows us to get creative and see improvements, possibilities and the future that we wish to create for ourselves. It also helps us navigate life with discernment. But first, we must SEE with our own eyes/imagination instead of having a vision or expectation handed to us that we readily accept without examination. A funny example of this is me driving down the interstate, seeing a billboard ad for a restaurant's food. My third eye showed me a plate full of shit instead of a plate full of food, not because they were advertising that, but because my intuition showed me that's basically what WAS being advertised : a visit to the bathroom! LMAO

Not being present, living in the past or the future, distorts and depreciates the value of what/who we already have. A crucial part of being present, regulated, balanced & abundant exists in constant gratitude. We always will have enough, even to share with others with an adjusted mindset and POV of thankfulness. When Jupiter went retrograde around October 9th, 2024, I was led to do protection work to deal with energies (people) surrounding me. In the midst of the working, per usual, things were revealed. Often times when doing magik, my ancestors & guides reveal the root of what I'm facing so that it can be dealt with fully. It was brought to my attention that I was surrounded by individuals struggling with spirits of LACK & GREED , 2 sides of the same coin really. During this working, I was also taught the root of these issues were ultimately matters of the heart.

With bibliomancy, Spirit showed me Luke Ch. 12 : Parable of the Rich Fool , Do Not Worry & Watchfulness -- spells/scriptures I now recommend reading to banish spirits of lack and greed in your life, invite the spirit of abundance, shift your mindset toward gratitude, raise your vibration and offer heart healing-- in summary :

all riches are fundamentally manifestations of the heart & the heart is a space of servitude. In order to live in abundance, one must be willing to take action, serve & share with others . . .

not to a detriment, but to promote well being for self and all. This is how we know if we are moving from the heart.

GREED is perversions of what the heart truly desires. Greed turns any and every abundance into LACK. While the Spirit of Lack makes what you actually have disappear. The ways in which we are blessed become invisible to us when our heart isn't right. Abundance is not quantifiable, it’s an experience where we get to decide that we can, do and will have more than enough! Cleanse your heart space ending 2024 so that your third eye can be fully opened to your next level, your wealth, your abundance, your open road. Make sure you're ending 2024 with the right energies in your heart by watching this video for the Libra New Moon from November 1st (via sidereal astro)

#spirituality #astrology #sidereal astrology #divination #healing #spiritual awakening #hoodoo #heart chakra #third eye #ajna #writing #writeblr #taurus #jupiter in taurus #jupiter #libra #new moon

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