#as i said the rant wasn't that necessary but i needed to talk about it and i want to know other people's opinion on the matter

[ko-existing]

Hello Ko! I'm so glad you joined Tumblr, I think out of everyone I know and follow, you are the most trustworthy person to get information from. You truly know what you're talking about and you're very very helpful to us with questions. ❤️ I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible because I don't want to make you read a long, rant-ish question. Basically, I really really need some guidance/advice. Like I need some serioussss help..

For about 6 years, I've been "trying" to manifest, reality shift etc. I was focused on desires and getting. I was focused on doing methods to get things and "trying" things. would look all the time for information and "how to's" because I just wanted to shift realities so badly so I could experience all of the crazy things I would imagine. Nothing ever worked for me, not once in those 6 years. I eventually started to panic and think I was wasting years of my life on stuff that wasn't real (yet I'd still hope and try anyway) however I found non-dualism. Like I said, I was VERY focused on desires and getting, so as much as I told myself that I understand non-dualism, deep down I was still attached to ego and understood nothing. I viewed nondualism as a method. I still wanted desires deep down, even if I tried to say "No I want to be free!". I've now come to accept that if I truly want to be free, I need to genuinely STOP seeking desires and things of the ego. I need to accept that if I'm gonna be stuck on desiring, then ND isn't for me. So with that said, I told myself I'd follow non dualism properly and I wouldn't use it as a manifestation or shifting method.

This is the part where I ask for advice. When you're someone who has been stuck up on wanting to shift realities and get things so badly, for SO long, it's hard to let it all go suddenly. I don't know how to drop these thoughts that I get. I feel delusional and depressed because I hate this "life". I remind myself that it isn't real but then I feel insane and I tell myself I need to accept reality and stop hoping for miracles. I no longer wish to fulfill desires or use methods, I want to be free from feeling like this, I want to genuinely not live as if I'm ego anymore but it feels like my thoughts never stop. In the back of my mind, I always think "but I just wanna shift" "I'm delusional" "I am this body/mind"

Ko, I need any kind of guidance. Is there some materials I should read? I'll honestly read whatever books necessary. I don't know what to do 😅 I want to have the same understanding you do. I go to sleep every night thinking "maybe I can wake up in a new reality" and it completely defeats the purpose of me having no duality. I'm always hoping and trying, even when I don't want to "hope" or "try". I get so confused so easily and I think about going back to manifestation, but it never worked and I got depressed because of it. I want to free myself from these ego emotions, free from thinking I need this or that, free from having duality. I want to TRULY understand nondualism and live that way. Forgive me if this is long! I didn't intend to trauma dump or vent in your ask box, like I said before you're just one of the people I trust most. You're very knowledgeable on nondualism and I appreciate your posts very very much 🤍

First step, understand that Non dualism is ONLY(!!!!!!!!!!) a POINTER to what 'you' are. Being fixiated on 'trying to understand ND' is a trap you shouldn't fall into. I used it as a pointer(!) i do not "practise" any concepts.

I cannot stress enough how it is ONLY A POINTER, NOT THE "SOLUTION" NOR "ABSOLUTE TRUTH". "THAT" which you fundamentally are, IS Absolute.

Who has been "trying" all this time? -> The 'person' you THINK you are.

Who "wants" to understand? -> The 'person' you THINK you are

Use it as a pointer and then drop it.

I'm so serious, NEVER see it as the solution, it is a trap to do so. It will help as a start but go BEYOND that. It is nothing but another concept TO HELP.

A lot of you speak about the "ego" like it is some separate entity causing confusion and suffering but it is not. It is ONLY(!!!!!) who you THINK(!!!!) you are. If you stopped thinking about it, could you tell me who you seemingly are?

There are no books needed to """understand""" the basics of this concept, even if you read it, to drop it and be beyond such illusory concepts, is something that is done with or without books.

What you are can NEVER be defined. "THAT" has no name, no label, no characteristics. Nothingness. Yet it seems(!!!!!!) to contain "everything".. but "everything" = "nothingness".

By repeatedly returning to "Nothingness", it becomes clear that you never actually left that "Nothingness" and that it is everywhere.

Drop every label and concept. Everything you SEEM to know. What are you left with?

-> " "

If 'you' want to, you can listen to "YourHigherSelf" on YouTube or the shorter videos of Swami Sarvapriyananda on YouTube.

But again, seeking continously for the Absolute, is a funny game and an even funnier trap. Have enough discipline to not do that and simply BE.

[kandyzee]

No hate to this creator in particular but I'm gonna explain why I think they're wrong cause I've seen this kinda thinking get pretty popular recently (especially on tiktok.)

Mickey can't "treat her however he pleases," and you know that straight away cause if he could, I doubt he would have had any kind of relationship with her past their first interaction. Mickeys life very nearly depends on how Terry treats him. He truly thinks he will be killed if Terry finds out he's gay. Given that Svetlana was used to "fuck him straight" she has a lot of control on if it seems to work or not. If Svetlana had said anything, mickey very realistically could have been killed. Implying that he has sole control over Lana also implies that Terry was never a real threat, that mickey isnt scared of what he could do to him or Ian, that mickey whiling brought her into his home and so many smaller things that likely are not the case.

Mickey and svet are both dependent on Terry (the REAL abusive man) for survival. Obviously, Svetlana I a different way. Her situation is harder to talk about cause we really don't know much about how her and mickey came to be in the situation they are in. I imagine it was her boss (pimp? Idk what the right word would be) Who found out she was pregnant and told Terry. Svetlana probably didn't know who the father was. If she was the one to reach out, there were probably better people she could assume the dad is. Terry taking her wasn't a plan she had, but instead, an opportunity for escape she reluctantly needed to take. If she wants to survive, she needs to get Terry to like her and let her stay. She isn't bothered with getting mickeys approval at this point. She isn't stupid. She understands that mickeys voice wouldn't be listened to either way.

I think viewing mickey as the one who's abusing her ignores how Svetlana was greatly mistreated by Terry. We don't see that because Terry isn't as important of a character. It's referenced multiple times that Terry sleeps with Svetlana. It would be stupid to assume that was completely consensual. Sex has always been the key to her survival. This is why I think this factor of the whole family dynamic is so important. She's using the only thing she's knows to win Terry over, to gain his trust and keep her place at home. We see her doing this again when Terry is locked up, and she still talks to him. Sure, mickey is the one actually living with her, but it's Terry she's dependent on.

AND SHE KNOWS THAT.

Something else that this viewpoint does is make svetlana seem helpless. Her situation is horrific, but she is smart and is very capable of taking care of herself. She knows mickey isn't the one in charge. She knows mickey has no choice. She knows how to make the best out of a bad situation.

"How do yk she understands all that??" Cause of the way she talks to mickey. If she was truly dependent on Mick, if he really was the one abusing her, why does she threaten him? Why does she talk back? She never does that with Terry. She will shout and insult mickey, but she doesn't speak around Terry.

OKAY NEXT THING I WANNA TALK ABOUT.

No one is saying mutual abuse. The person they are replying to wasn't even saying that. Two victims of the same person taking their trauma out on each other because they have no other outlets isn't mutual abuse. The clear power imbalance that op is talking about isn't between mickey and svet it's between the two and Terry. Neither can risk being angry at Terry, so even though they probably both know the other isn't really to blame, they are angry at each other instead.

Even during the show, u see how their relationship changes after mickey comes out. So much stress is taken off their shoulders, and they get along much better. Mickey gets more involved with parenting, and svetlana is a lot more soft and affectionate. Ians involvement is important to this change, but I don't feel it's necessary to get into that.

Anyway end of rant might talk more about this again later who knows

[caitchercatlady]

Not Having a Good Time

-Heartslabyul Version

Note: Hey, everyone. So I've had these stories on the back burner for quite a bit, and I do have intentions to work on more than just this one imagines series. I hope you guys like this one nonetheless first <3

Riddle Rosehearts

As much of a stickler Riddle is for keeping the peace, unless it's necessary not to, he can tell when someone is not in the mood for nonsense in the exhausted sense of the word. He will ask to speak with you in private, away from any snickering and gossip.

"Queen's Rule #568: Grievances must be shared over a cup of lavender tea and the griever's favorite treat."

You and Riddle will enjoy this occasion in the quiet side of the garden, where Riddle allows you to rant about your issues as he listens with open ears. Riddle always had Trey and Chen'ya who would listen to his problems, so it was only right as a Housewarden to act upon his position with you, even if you aren't his house student.

He knows it's not the permanent solution, but, while also warning not to tell anyone that this happened, he gives you a hug of comfort, lifting your spirits just a little.

Trey Clover

You have your head to the floor, so you don't notice Trey approaching when you accidentally bump into him and step on the tip of his shoe. Already distressed enough as it is, you apologize profusely. Trey smirks as he replies:

"It is just a shoe, not my mother's flower garden. Why don't you walk with me?"

As Vice Housewarden, the solver of the majority of the dorm's problems and the mediator of all squabbles, it is Trey's natural instinct to approach you the moment he sees the frown on your face. He allows you to express your grievances as you walk through the campus garden.

Trey believes the best way to release stress is a nice baking session. He even lets you do the kneading and taste testing steps.

Cater Diamond

Even though you just want to be alone in Ramshackle Dorm, prior to your return to your dorm, Cater couldn't help but notice how stressful you've felt all week if your account is proof of anything. He couldn't help but send you a DM on MagiCam.

Your latest pic is looking pretty gloomy. If you wanna talk, spam me as much as you like. -CayCay <3

You gladly take the offer since you felt comfortable ranting not face-to-face. You can tell that Cater is reading them by reacting to each message you send with an alternate sad or a heart emoji.

As a peacemaking offering, Cater tells you that if you are ever interested in doing a "Cay Cay pampering session," he'd be at your dorm in half a finger snap to help clear the stress from your mind.

Ace Trappola

When you're not feeling your best, the last you need is someone or something to make it worse. Ace didn't get on your best side as he pulled off the "dunk your face into your lunch" prank today. He didn't react so nicely when you told him off, but after realizing what had gone on prior to that prank, he finds you during flying class to try to make things up for what he did.

"Yuu...what happened at lunch today, I'm sorry. I should've just said, "Hi," and asked how you were doing. I didn't know you were already mad. Please forgive me. If you can't, let me make it up to you somehow."

If Ace wasn't sincere, you supposed he would've waited until after class was over to apologize. Now that he was listening, you let out everything that had been going on before Ace pulled off the prank. You also express the "I message," which Ace is more than willing to accept.

With Vargas busy with...whatever Vargas is doing, Ace offers you to go on a flying ride with him. A little entertainment screaming would do you some good to make you forget about your problems...even just a little.

Deuce Spade

Deuce finds it odd that you've been less chatty as of late. You barely even spoke when the professors pointed to you for answers to their questions. He catches you after class and asks what's happening. He's all ears to hearing you out. That's when you finally respond, and he feels the pain with every word that comes out of you.

"Ah geez, Yuu. I'm really sorry. I think I've been feeling it, too, and when I'm feeling that way, I need a Blastcycle ride. Wanna go on one right now?"

You don't find that to be a bad idea, so you guys head out and take a campus ride to let the issues out of your hair. The island is lovely enough for its wind to brush it right out.

[deadkraker]

ok had a reblog that awoke the cTommy demons in me so let me just rant for a second about my very specific flavour of cTommy I've made up ok? ok.

you know how like there's stories of kids surviving in the woods by themselves and living among animals? well my ctom is that but with a twist basically.

he spent about his all his early childhood (1 to a 8 year old) in the woods, alone, and like, he was living his best life honestly, I think that he'd sometimes spy on some village kids on the edges of the village but otherwise he was totally content to just frolic in the woods and eat bugs n shit.

but then cwil found him and was like 'oh no whats this child doing running around covered in mud living in a forest' and just kinda picked him by his scruff and carried him home, not really understanding that the kid he just picked up might not be a human child that needed that sort of assistance, all children bite right? like it's totally normal for them to claw at the walls of the home, begging to be released back to the wild for the first week they're inside a home? yeah. and the shiny eyes and claws are just quirks he's sure. this child is perfectly normal and meant to live among humans.

after a while tommy kinda warmed up to wil even when he didn't really understand why he had to do a lot of things, why on earth were shoes necessary anyways? the shirts and trousers he got, they were soft and made him warm in chilly night but god, shoes were his worst enemy. and wil would also develop a fondness for him, and after that they kinda began traveling together.

wil mostly saw tommy's habits as just little odd quirks, and unless it intervened with thing he deemed important he let the boy be.

but then the wars happened and wil became very strict on how tommy should act, how he made the state look bad by climbing trees and walking around barefoot getting his uniform all dirty and untidy, and tommy you have to wear the tie, don't you care what they will think of us if my right hand man won't even dress properly?

and despite all the efforts he made to understand why the things that his brother- no, his general said were important and should matter, the uniforms made his skin itch and the long depatings and peace negotiations made him miss the vague memories of the days where all he had to be was himself in the forest. at least he had tubbo, he'd never leave him.

woops, wil dies, other shit happens, tubbo becomes the president and then exiles him, leaving him, cdream's abuse makes him both regress and progress with his masking, he's never been so much of a starved animal and a obedient follower as he was now, a wild thing kicked and tortured until any form of affection got his complete trust. only for it to be blown up like everything else.

he escapes, finds a safe place, get betrayed, flees again, holes up away from everyone else, because apparently this people thing that everyone seemed to be so in on just wasn't his thing.

some people offer to try and help him, and he accepts. once again.

they say he needs closure, which sure, he'll get closure, dream's in prison now right? it'll be safe right?

one cracked skull and revival and he's proven wrong.

but is it just me or is he kinda..odd now? a boy that once couldn't stand still to save his life, now just watched in the background, with those creepy dead eyes that were nowadays covered by those bangs of his. he seemed more like a ghost than ghostbur ever was.

he just wanders around in the woods, and the claws that had been clipped short by wil now were untrimmed, I swear I saw him hunt a bunny and kill it with his hands alone one time!

he doesn't really talk to people like he used to, mostly he sticks to chatting with tubbo and cranboo, cphil's tried to talk to him, tried to apologize for how things turned out..but he doesn't really get anything back from tommy. he seems more busy with collecting bugs and skinning small rodents for their skulls to try and unpack years worth of complicated feelings towards everyone in his life, maybe things would've been better if he'd stayed in that forest of his, at least he sometimes wishes so.

[the-secret-keeper]

Part 2 to the Obey me X Twisted Wonderland / Barbatos X Reader

This was requested by @babyxwolfiex glad you liked the original!

TW: Talk of malnutrition, talk of extortion, though not described in detail the readers leg is messed up in the beginning, and angry demons attempting to maul a crow.

Enjoy!

"Very wisely put." Diavolo complimented, as Mammon moved to help me stand, while Barbatos bent down to properly heal my leg.

"You'll show us, darling?"

"Of course." I nodded to Barbatos. "Plus," I glanced at Satan, "I think he'll be the most interesting to watch react. I can guess how the rest of you will react." Satan raised an eyebrow to me, but said nothing, as they all stood to follow me.

"If you would like a tour of the school, I would be more than happy to-" Belphegor glared at him, causing Crowley to shut up.

"You are all more than welcome to come along as well." I extended an offer to the other Dorm Leaders as I walked towards the door. "But, when we get there, you may want to remain a few paces back." I paused, looking around the room. "You are all, unbelievable." I sighed.

"What?" Leona asked in an annoyed voice.

"For someone with such a presence, you all seem to forget him easily." I shook my head. "We will pick up Malleus before we head to my dorm."

"What?"

"For the heir to the throne of a kingdom, you sure do seem unconcerned that you completely forgot about him, Dire Crowley." I scolded him, causing him to sheepishly back off. "Besides, I want him and Dia to meet. I think they'd be good friends." I brushed off everyone looking at me, before taking the hand of my boyfriend and leading all the demons, dorm leaders, and the headmaster out of the conference room and to the mirror room.

Once we retrieved Tsunotarou, we made our way to the Ramshackle mirror, but I stopped everyone short.

"Look, I need to set some ground rules, because knowing my friends, they're still there." I sighed, glancing at the ground. I looked back up. "They have permission to be there, no you may not act as though they do not own the place, they practically live there with me when I'm not at their dorms. Grim, will be Grim, just appease him, it makes things easier. No he is not named after the money." I pointed at Mammon who had raised his hand. He put it down. "No fire magic, critique the house and you will be given to one of the dorm leaders and they will decide what to do with you. Despite everything, he does have his name on everything, so no you may not kill Crowley." I stated before muttering, "at least not before I can put everything in Crewel or Trein's name."

"Can I violently maim him?" Satan asked, sensing where this was going. I narrowed my eyes for a moment.

"I'll think about it. Oh, and Satan." He nodded. "Don't, run anyone over. Yes, you may take pictures, no, you may not keep him unless Lucifer says yes, anything else you may want to do with him you will need to ask him. Yes he can talk, he can also fly and use fire magic."

"What?" Asmo asked.

"Trust me, it's necessary." I promised before taking a deep breath, and walking through the mirror. "Welcome to Ramshackle dorm." I said, gesturing to my dorm. There was no noise, so I turned, only to see them all in varying forms of shock.

Asmodeus, he seemed to be gripping Satan's arm with all his strength, or at least a lot of it. I couldn't figure out whether or not it was because of the looks, or the condition.

Satan wasn't faring much better, but he was more angry than shocked, fists clenched so hard his knuckles were white and I was worried he'd begin drawing blood soon. His pupils were so dilated, I wondered how he could see.

Mammon was seemingly experiencing a mix of emotions. His eyes read as sad and worried, but his body language read as anger. Either way, he had grabbed my hand and wasn't letting go, though he wasn't hurting me.

Lucifer, once out of his trance, immediately began tearing Crowley a new one. Despite his anger, he was being at least somewhat diplomatic about it. Ranting off about health and safety codes, about endangering lives, and about how irresponsible he was being.

Leviathan passed out. Legitimately. Though I shouldn't be too surprised, I guess, since he's so similar to Idia and that's how he reacted the first time he saw my dorm. He probably put together very quickly that, when I have WiFi, it's shitty and isn't very often.

Beel, looked like he wanted to cry out of worry, but he was doing something much more important. Holding back Belphie, who had immediately lunged for Crowley upon seeing my living conditions. Beel has quick reflexes, and is very good at knowing what his twin is about to do, so it makes sense.

Barbatos, is hard to read as always, but judging by the fact that he's clenching his fists and glaring daggers at Crowley, he's furious. He's likely only holding back because Diavolo hasn't let him go loose yet. I squeezed his hand reassuringly, to which he latched onto my shoulders, quietly apologizing for not coming sooner.

Speaking of Diavolo, he was much closer to Beel in reaction, but was handling it more like Lucifer. He wasn't yelling, in fact he was trying to calm Lucifer down, but he was still berating Crowley for how he's been treating me.

"There you are!" I looked at my door.

"Boys!" I smiled. "Guys, these are my friends here. Meet Ace and Deuce, they live in Riddles dorm known as Heartslabyul. Jack is in Leona's dorm, Savanaclaw. Epel is in Pomefiore, which is run by Vil. And Sebek,"

"Is in the same dorm as my Young Master, Diasomnia!"

"I was getting there, Sebek." I sighed. "Boy, these are my friends and boyfriend from where I used to live. Barbatos, Diavolo, Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub and Belphegor." I finished introductions.

"Don't forget the Great Grim!"

"I could never, I was just saving the best for last." I assured Grim as he flew to in front of me. Satan, upon seeing Grim, calmed down immensely, and almost grabbed him out of the air. I figured that would happen. "Isn't that right, Satan? Only the best for the Great Grim." He nodded enthusiastically, causing Grim to laugh in a high and mighty tone and fly over to him.

"Good job." Barbatos whispered.

"I knew that would happen, it's why I gave him those extra rules." I whispered back.

"It's like there's 9 more Malleus'." Ace whispered fearfully.

"You are an idiot, Trappola." I scolded. "All of my friends, Tsunotarou included, are amazing. I mean, these nine are probably even more than what you're used to handling."

"They can't be more scary than Overblots." Epel agreed with me.

"Well," I said in a high-pitched tone, remembering the time Lucifer tried to kill me, Satan tried to kill me, Leviathan hurt me, Asmo hurt me, and Belphie did kill me, "I wouldn't, say, that." I laughed awkwardly.

"What are Overblots?" I froze at Diavolo's stern tone. He doesn't usually take that tone with me. I slowly turned, seeing all the demons staring at me. "Mc, what are Overblots?"

"It's, not,"

"It's a monster that forms when a person overuses their magic, becomes overwhelmed by negative emotions, and loses control of their entire being." Riddle surmised. "The Dorm Leaders, aside from Kalim, but including his Vice Dorm Leader Jamil, have all Overblotted. Mc is the one who saved us." The air grew very tense.

"You really are a therapist, huh?" Mammon tried to joke.

"I suppose. If only I got paid like one. Then I wouldn't have to rely on Crowley for food. Though, admittedly, I do often attend dinners and parties at other dorms, so it's not as though I'm completely deprived of food."

"You haven't eaten in three days."

"True, but there weren't any Unbirthday Parties during that time, and I didn't want to intrude on anyones dinner, seeing as I wasn't invited. I spend all of the little money that I do earn fixing this place up and making sure Grim is taken care of." I explained. "He's a very pampered kitty."

I felt Mammon let go of my hand. Mammon picked up his younger brother, still passed out on the floor, and handed him to Asmo, who complained but complied. Now the only demon without something holding him back, he lunged for Crowley.

"Mammon sit!" I commanded, causing him to fall immediately to the ground. I managed to get out of Barbatos's grip and approached Mammon.

"C'mon!"

"Mammon. You and I both know you would've killed him."

"Only a little."

"For most people, death is irreversible, dummy." I flicked his forehead. "I'm fine, really. Besides, knowing you lot, I'll be out of here before morning."

"You're exactly right." Lucifer grabbed my arm.

"Off." I commanded, and he let go.

"You're going to come back with us."

"This will not be an argument." I blinked at Barbatos, before nodding.

"But I will be able to come back, right?"

"Of course!" Diavolo guaranteed. "Now that we know where you went and how to get here, you can come and go as you please."

"Thank you."

"Can we keep him?" I laughed at Satan's question.

"No."

"Can we keep him?" I asked Barbatos, who looked at Diavolo.

"I see no reason why we can't have a marvelous animal such as this at the palace."

"Palace?!" I flinched at the outburst of the dorm leaders and first years.

"Did Crowley not tell you?" I asked the dorm leaders, not surprised by the first years confusion.

"It seems to have slipped my mind."

"Lucifer, please slap him." He smirked, moving towards Crowley, who began running away. "These men are demons, and Dia is Lord Diavolo, the next King of the Devildom. Barbatos is his butler. The other seven are the Seven Deadly Sins and the other seven rulers of hell." Malleus nodded sagely, as though he knew the entire time, though I had never actually introduced him to anyone.

"How did you meet these people?" Deuce asked, his voice going up in pitch as he frantically looked between all of them and me.

"Oh, they kidnapped me and I spent a year in the Devildom as an exchange student! I came back though. Could never really go back to normal life after that, and, of course, I couldn't really be separated from Barbatos for too long." A very loud resounding slap, followed by a thud rang out during the bout of stunned silence that covered the group.

"At this point, nothing about you shocks me. You could tell me you're an angel, and I'd believe it." Jack sighed.

"I'm not an angel, though I am descended from the reincarnated soul of one, and I know three."

"I believe it." He nodded.

"We should have a celebration once we return to the Devildom."

"Ooh! A party!" Asmo dropped Levi, who had begun to regain consciousness. "I'm down! Always ready for some fun!"

"What kind of celebration?" Lucifer asked, adjusting his glove as he returned victorious in his quest to slap Crowley.

"A festival!"

"Sounds fun, can my friends from here come?"

"Of course! The more the merrier!" Diavolo insisted. I beamed.

"You're all going to love hell!"

[alex-rambles]

Could you please do some Bill X reader headcannons with a reader who helps Bill at no cost, which Bill likes at first, but he slowly grows attached to the reader as they'll listen to him vent and help him feel better and are there to listen to him, making him close to the reader. However, Bill grows concerned for the reader with how far they'll go, and when he sees that the reader has nothing to lose and wants to see the world burn, Bill puts his plans on hold asking the reader if everything was ok, to which the reader cries

Reader is gender neutral

-Honestly his "HMMMMM" detectors were going off from the start. He just wasn't sure why.

-Were you gonna pop up later and try to trip him with "I helped you sooo much for free, now it's your turn?"

-Weeks go by. Nope nothing.

-Months. Zilch.

-One year, and you're still just helping for no reason.

-Around the two month mark is when he starts enjoying your company and starts actively seeking you out when he didn't need help

-But Bill is a prideful being and doesn't admit he wants to see a mErE hUmAn

-"No, no, I was just looking for another idiot to swindle. This is YOUR mindscape? Oopsies well since I'm here let's chat! "

-His excuses fool no one

-At first venting might be around trivial matters, such as humans being pricks when he's trying to use them

-Eventually he opens up more, and you might hear small rants about the people of the Second Dimension, and maybe, just maybe, you'll catch a few glimpses into the life he had before Bill Cipher was Bill Cipher

-And you listen. You feel sympathy

-So, he grows to care for you, which actually pisses him off a bit

-You're human, you don't deserve him and all his glory

-Attempts to talk himself out of emotions

-Truth be told, Bill is just upset because you're human. You will be dead long, long before him (...unfortunately an incorrect assumption due to his death after Weirdmaggedon)

-And eventually, when the tasks he assigns begin to get more and more absurd and impossible to complete, he watches you accept and try your best again and again

-And then,

-"The brown-haired boy? With the hat? He's figuring things out he shouldn't, and it's messing up my plans. He somehow managed to... never mind. I couldn't get rid of him. Are you comfortable-"

-"Sure, why not?"

-You said it with a smile

-This disturbs Bill on a level he didn't think possible, and he attempts to backtrack.

-"Hey, hey, I was just kidding there, kiddo... Can't have you going to the bighouse, can we?"

-After that, Bill doesn't return for a few days

-When he does come back, he seems off

-"What do you have against your world? What is wrong with you?"

-Probably came off more accusatory than necessary, but he doesn't really care until you burst into tears

-Obviously, he knows what crying is, and why it happens, but he's still incredibly uncomfortable now and has zero clue how to comfort someone in a genuine way

-"Uh... I think your eyes are leaking."

-Which only makes you cry harder.

-Honestly, whatever the reason for your grudge against the world, Bill does his best to sympathize, just as you did for him

-Were you abused or bullied? He probably was once as well

-Are you a sadistic freak? Okay, so is he

-Passion for death, chaos, and destruction? Yas, twinsies

-Either way, he'll be quiet and listen to your story

-Maybe holding your hand

-You best believe you get front row seats to Weirdmaggedon

[aleksanderscult]

Today I will rant about Malina

Because this ship tried to be passed on as an ideal relationship to have.

*spoiler: it wasn't*

Malina is a ship that was shoved down our throats throughout the trilogy. Whether you shipped it or not you were bound to read about it in literally every other page.

And what are the negative aspects of this ship?

Literally EVERYTHING.

Let's start with Mal. The number 1 asshole in this trilogy.

And yes he is the number 1 and not Aleksander since Aleksander was a character with a goal. He had a grand plan that exceeded selfishness and pure evil and he used any means necessary to fulfill it. But Mal? Remind me, what was his plan?

Well, at the start of the trilogy to fuck around girls and then, when Alina began to feel something for someone else, to undermine her, latch on her and chastise her. There you have his role.

The minute Alina started having a life of her own outside his influence, the little jerk felt overlooked and his pride got hurt.

It's evident that Alina felt quite unseen from Mal in the beginning. He flirted and fucked girls right in front of her face (since she very clearly knew) and he even stopped hanging around with her as much as he did in the past.

Quite a start.

And then when Alina found her strength, happiness and place in the Little Palace he got offended. Why isn't she tortured as the rumors had said? What are these clothes that she's wearing? Why is she happy? And, most importantly, WHY IS SHE HAPPY WITH ANOTHER MAN??

Alina at that moment felt like she was walking on eggshells around him. She didn't know what to say without provoking him further. And when she found her voice, the little prick got all puffed up and left without even apologizing for ruining her nice evening.

Then we have Mal not talking to her as if it wasn't his own decision to abandon the army and follow her and again made her feel bad for even mentioning the Darkling.

It appears that Mal had no problem when his best friend bullied Alina but went actual feral when a (powerful) guy showed interest in her. Insecure, aren't we Mal?

In the following books we have Mal being okay that Alina doesn't use her powers and therefore being weak.

We have Mal being more concerned if Alina fucked the Darkling than being tortured by him. Apparently he wanted her virginity for him, I don't know.

We have Mal acting like crazy because Alina decided to return to Ravka to lead the remaining Grisha. But what about him?? What about his needs?? And what if he decides not to follow her? What will she do then?

(people call the Darkling manipulative but let me show you another person that you overlook as manipulative, my friends)

He gets angry when she hesitates to kiss him and again makes her feel bad about it. And how does he respond with that?

Revenge!!✨✨

Kisses Zoya, a woman he fucked before, and then threw the blame to Alina ("at least she doesn't flinch when I kiss her" "why do you care? You don't care about me anyway") Gaslighting at its finest form, my friends! 👌 Knew that she would be hurt, knew that she had feelings for him and still did it.

Oh and let's forget how he wanted the good, old Alina back! The sickly one that always depended on him for company and strength. He basically asked her to tear out a piece of her soul! 🥰🥰

And then, of course, jeopardized both her image and her safety by getting drunk and getting into fights (*whispering* we, the readers, are supposed to find this very romantic, okay? A man that drinks, sulks and makes the heroine feel bad. Just so you know).

Then the author made a 360° and presented Mal in R&R as changed and a very good person. Willing to die heroically for his love. How did she do that?

💕💕With zero development!!💕💕

One minute he's up there in the chapel being a jerk and the next minute he's underground and changed. I think it must have been the change of air, what do you think?

I have a huge problem with Leigh Bardugo about this. She presents Darklina as toxic. And it is. She presents Nikolina as little to zero toxic. And it is. But when she presents Malina, it's a really good, cute ship!! Not toxic at all with lots of possibilities! Leigh has constantly defended it saying "Oh but Mal was a teenager".

Ma'am? I was a teenager once and I never made my best friends feel like shit.

And as have everyone said before, Mal hits veeery close at home. He's every jerk that you have met in your life and you will meet again.

With Darklina you have nothing to fear. Because no one will put the collar of a magical stag around your throat, no one will have a nichevo'ya bite your shoulder, no one will ask you to abandon your friends so you can save some Grisha from the persecution. But plenty of men will slut-shame you for what you're wearing, plenty will feel insecure for being stronger and more famous than them, plenty will make you feel like shit for finding happiness and plenty will sabotage you by taking revenge kissing someone else.

Malina is a ship that is REAL.

While Darklina is your typical, fantastical ship.

Her hard efforts to pass it on to the readers as something healthy and inspiring is disgusting and makes me hate it even more.

Now from Alina's perspective things are even more tragic, since Alina never grows as a character because of him.

She always thinks "What about Mal? Will Mal follow me? What if he doesn't? It's my fault. It's all my fault. Where is Mal?".

This is it. This is the trilogy in a summary.

A heroine that seems more concerned about Mal than the country and people that expect from her to save them.

"Alina doesn't want a crown. That's why she left"

Girl, I don't want to go to work every day either.

Kids don't want to wake up to go to school.

People don't want to pay taxes every year.

But we do them because we MUST.

Just like Alina should stay, lead and rule because that's what she should do as the protagonist. Not pass on her own duties to others and say "gotta go lolz". Malina could be used as a plotline for Alina to gain strength from by casting aside Mal's influence and finding her own power inside herself. Instead Leigh did the opposite: stripped her powers (her own self) to fit in Mal's world.

And this excuse that the author had given ("some women don't want to wear crowns") is pathetic and idiotic.

Frodo didn't want to carry the Ring but chose to do the right thing. Harry didn't want to fight a war with a psychopath but did because it was the right thing. The Pevensie siblings didn't want to fight the White Witch and rule a country but did both because it was the right thing. Every hero in a proper story does the right thing. He or she becomes selfless and sacrifices his own happiness and well being to stand up against the evil and corruption.

In the trilogy instead we have Alina who had a responsibility and duty but unfortunately for Ravka and the Grisha she was not a responsible person but a girl that wanted to depend on a man. She didn't want to use her influence to protect her people but hide.

Apparently the "evil villain" understood the assignment better than the author ever did.

Alina never grew as a person or as a character. It was only Mal and Mal. If only he had stayed dead in R&R then the world would shine brighter. But no! The author brought him back and gave us an explanation with how that happened that I still don't understand because it doesn't make a goddamn sense.

I guess the easy explanation is: "I brought Mal back because Alina had to end up with him somehow. Deal with it."

And we just have to accept this (just as Alina did) whether we like it or not.

Well I don't.

Because I've met people like Mal and they're assholes. They want to be the strongest one in the relationship, they want their girl to look up to them and depend on them and when they make mistakes it's none of their fault.

Because I've met people like Alina that try hard to please their man while in the meantime they "crumble down" emotionally and feel insecure. They never shine with their own light but seek only the one that their toxic partner can give to them. Without it they're lost.

Because I've met couples like Malina. And it's never a happy relationship or has a happy ending.

And when you try to pass on this relationship in fiction as something healthy, then you really need to reconsider.

[nofomogirl]

One of many roots of ineffable husbands' misunderstandings

There are many reasons why the S2 finale took us by surprise so much, and one of them is that we gaslighted ourselves into believing that Aziraphale and Crowley understand each other on the deepest possible level.

They don't.

Because they never talk. Not openly. Not about things that really matter.

I'm sure they've made a plethora of accurate observations about each other over the millennia, yes, but at the same time missed just as many things and formed just as many wrong assumptions.

We know that now.

For the last five months, we've been collectively shattering the illusion (most of us, anyway), and today I wanted to add to that noble effort. Something occurred to me while I was working on another post and I think it deserves to be its own thing rather than a sidenote in another lengthy meta.

It's probably going to be an unpopular opinion, but here I go.

Crowley doesn't actually understand how Aziraphale makes decisions.

I was rewatching season 1 to confirm some things for my next analysis, as one normally does, and I had a minor epiphany about the scene where Aziraphale agrees to get involved in stopping Armageddon.

Let's recall how it went.

Crowley started listing things Aziraphale would lose along with Earth, and things he would have to endure in Heaven.

Aziraphale rejected his idea and tried to leave.

Crowley hooked Aziraphale back in by inviting him for lunch.

Crowley let Aziraphale enjoy his meal and relax.

Crowley bought himself more time by inviting himself over for drinks.

Crowley started giving more examples of things Aziraphale could enjoy on Earth that he wouldn't have in Heaven.

Crowley went on a rant on how nasty Armageddon would be.

Once more Crowley described just how miserable Aziraphale's life would be after Armageddon, for eternity.

Aziraphale cracked and admitted he didn't want Armageddon to happen. However, he insisted he could not disobey God's will.

Crowley pointed out that it might be God's plan for Armageddon to be prevented, that Aziraphale's duty as an angel was to stop whatever the demons were planning to do, and since right now they were planning to bring about Armageddon, he should stop that.

Aziraphale finally agreed and shook on it.

Until now I never questioned that it was a masterful temptation by temptation master Crowley and every stage was purposeful and absolutely necessary to achieve the final goal.

First Crowley made Aziraphale really want to prevent Armageddon and then helped him reframe the situation in a way that would allow the angel to do what he wanted. He gave him an excuse. A plausible deniability.

But what if that wasn't it?

What if what Crowley was actually doing was taking one approach after another until something finally worked? What if Aziraphale didn't really need any softening or priming, and Crowley had just wasted a whole day on ineffective tactics because he didn't know what would do the trick until he finally chanced upon it?

The more I thought about it the more convinced I was that that was the case, and right now I can't believe I was clinging so tightly to the idea that Crowley knew what he was doing with Aziraphale.

Because if he really did understand his angel as well as I used to believe, why would he be so unsuccessful at reaching him when it mattered the most?

A popular interpretation is that in those crucial moments, Crowley simply lacked time, and convincing Aziraphale always required time. When time was lacking Crowley's finesse was useless against the angel's stubbornness, so he failed.

I can see how that makes sense, but as I've said, personally, I changed my mind.

The interpretation I'm suggesting is that Aziraphale never needed all that much time to be convinced of something. It only took Crowley so much time because he was pushing his buttons blindly until something worked. Because he didn't know what the right one was, and when he had only one chance he would always push the wrong one.

So, how does Aziraphale make decisions?

He chooses what he thinks is right.

Yes, it can get rather complicated. On the one hand, he is heavily indoctrinated, and it impacts his judgment. He can just embrace the most ridiculous piece of celestial propaganda on occasion and stick to it stubbornly. On the other hand, we know that his sense of right and wrong isn't really tied to Heaven or even God. We know because we've seen choices he'd made in the Job minisode.

But while it may not be easy to predict what Aziraphale will deem right in any given situation, the fact remains that this is what it comes down to. This is what ultimately informs his choices, especially the big ones, and the most effective way to persuade Aziraphale to do something is by proving to him that it would be the right thing to do. Or that the other option wouldn't.

I don't think Crowley realizes it. And there's a good reason why.

A great many choices aren't about right and wrong. They're just choices between two equally neutral options. Sometimes two equally ambivalent options. Either way, not really moral choices.

The problem with Aziraphale is that while he's managing perfectly fine small morally neutral choices, he's not very good with big ones. I believe that he expects all big choices to be moral choices and he has trouble making them when they're not. I've seen quite a few posts here arguing that Aziraphale is incapable of choosing his own happiness for its own sake, and I wholeheartedly agree.

And Crowley doesn't understand it.

He's not that far off the mark when the choice really is a moral one. When he was trying to convince Aziraphale to the Arrangement his arguments were about how the end result would be the same, ie. how it wouldn't be wrong. When he was trying to convince Aziraphale to kill Adam, he was pointing out how it would save everybody.

But when the choice isn't inherently a moral one, he doesn't understand why it's difficult for Aziraphale.

And in the most dire situations, he doesn't understand he could maybe try and go this route.

[sailingfireshipz]

Because @stellariders & @chicagofires are fueling this fire & I have very minimal self-control, here we fucking go.

First, let me preface this rant with the following context. This situation triggers me so much because I am a WOC in a predominantly male industry so I see myself in the struggles that Stella has been exposed to & it's simply not fucking fair. So this take will be framed from my POV...Perspective & Perception. The fact that I have to preface this rant with the above statement instead of just saying how I feel is exactly the fucking point I'm about to make 🙃

(Grab a snacky snack)

"You have to be what?"... you have to be 2x as good, work 3x as hard, to receive HALF of the recognition, praise, grace, & chances. They can fail upwards or even have a promotion fall into their hands "cough cough" whereas you have to drive yourself up the wall just to prove that you're worthy of the opportunity. Because ONE mistake can & will follow you throughout your entire career. & that constantly plays in the background, like static when it comes to Stella Kidd. & I feel like Stella knows that, which is why she came in, did her job, did it damn good, & proved that she can hang with the best of the best at 51 but it was never quite enough for some people & i wonder why. There's never been a moment where she has been above reproach or criticism. How can she be out of fear of being labeled difficult, aggressive, or hard to work with as the only "broad on truck" & let me be clear I'm using that term & phrase because thats exactly what Hermann said when she joined truck 81.... yuck! Anyway, how can she make a mistake when the few mistakes she has made have followed her. She fucked up in 7x02 why is it S10 & Casey if implying she can't come with him when Severide & squad 3 were under water because she might be to emotionally charged. (LOL excuse me but didnt you jump out of a moving firetruck when your poor Sylvie was hurt, hypocrite much?) Didn't see Brett or Violet volunteering to hop on the boat & Stella is a trained paramedic or EMT so she would have been an asset. She messed up in S8 so why did they just take away her teaching at the academy versus addressing burnout & how to prioritize her time to be able to do both, because she was & is fully capable of doing both she just needed direction & support...She made a mistake in S10 by going mia & she apologized profusely for it but it still felt like Kelly held back & almost iced her out a bit longer than necessary. But in S9 when he royally messed up she immediately took him back & told him she wasn't going to let him get away again even though it wasn't her fault, he iced her out to begin with. Oh not even touching on the fact that him icing her out in S9 absolutely fucked with her confidence in her abilities to the point she almost skipped out on the LT exam.....🙂

When her CAPTAIN no less saw her burning it on all fronts in S8.. what did he do? How did he act? Was it with compassion or care, or did he get snappy & reprimand? Did Stella argue, talk back, or provide excuses? No, instead, she took accountability for her actions & tried to do better even though she KNEW she was drowning & overwhelmed. Instead of creating a safe space for her to be like hey captain, I'm struggling prioritizing how you manage she went internal & pushed herself to the brink of self exhaustion that she could have killed herself or someone else.

So let's talk about how Gallo on the other hand came in & had his own share of potential life or death mistakes with Casey & how he was down right disrespectful to Pelham & how he was inappropriate in the attitude & tone he took with Stella when questioning her about Carver. I never saw fucking reddit think pieces on how disrespectful, cocky, arrogant or annoying he was. Nope! He got a pass & a slap on the wrist time & time again. Casey even sat down with him, bought him a beer & they talked it out. So why couldnt Stella get that same grace? Yet when Stella very respectfully told Pelham "hey hesrd you are a great ff but I'll have to see for myself" parts of this fandom erupted, calling her all types of jealousy , entitled, etc. Never once saw Stella defy Pelhams commands or undermined his leadership. I dis however see her lay her busding career down on the line for a man she barely knew but did it because it was the right thing to do.

Casey was ready to cut Gallo loose on HIS FIRST fuck up after Boden told Casey he didn't want him at 51 because he was reckless. Had it not been for Boden providing Casey with Gallos' backstory, he would have cut him loose, i believe. Funny how Boden had to tell Casey about Gallos family history but Stella took it upon herself to try & work with & get to know Carvers backstory AFTER Boden, her mentor, her father figure & CHIEF told her who her next replacement on 51 was going to be.... Funny how the most turnover truck saw in 10 years was Jimmy, Gabby (chose not to return to truck) & Otis yet Stella is 2.5-3 years in & she's had to navigate through Mason, Gallo, Gibson, while dealing with shit from Carver & Damon.... you see the picture I'm painting here!?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but outside of Carver... who else has Boden forced his officers to take on their rig when they were explicitly against it..... I'll wait. Oh, but because "he's 51 material," you have to find a way to manage his bullshit & if you rewatch S11, Carver had a lot of BS. And I know we like Carver now because they abandoned the I have a crush on my married LT storyline, but I had actually forgotten how bad he was as an EMPLOYEE!

He is hot tempered & showcased high levels of aggression & anger in the workplace. Imagine Stella getting upset & punching or throwing things. Yelling at her LT or engaging in behavior that would have landed her in jail. Did we forget that this incident in S12 is Carvers' second physical altercation with a civilian... Never thought I'd be referencing Emma Jacobs, but one incident in the file is a hiccup.. two looks like a pattern of him not being able to control his temperament. We've seen Stella drunk ONE time because she'd been transferred out & they acted like she was being biligerant (go back & watch the scene & just look at how they're looking at her). Carver, however, is allowed to get drunk thrown in jail, call his LT to bail him out & Stella's supposed to what? Take it, leave her damn job in the middle of the night just for him to not be apologetic at ALL & then tell her oh this needs to stay been us. LMAO EXCUSE ME WHAT!!!!? & it would be one thing if this was a one off but AGAIN nope later in the SAME season he didn't just get himself into a physical altercation but dragged Gallo, Mouch, & Ritter into it also because he refused to REGULATE & walk away.

But wait, there's more. Remember how he went off on his LT in the locker room because he was upset & then proceeded to get drunk & call out on one shift & NCNS on another leaving her with no time to find a decent floater... & even after Kelly explicitly told her that she would lose no respect if she cut him loose, what did she do... she went to his apartment to check on him, make sure he was alright & gave him ANOTHER chance. Matt Casey, Kelly Severide & Hermann would absolutely never & I'm not saying it's a bad thing that Stella gave him so many chances what I'm saying is i don't feel like her reasoning behind all the chances were actually her own but more so rooted in not wanting it to be a failure on her part in the eyes of Boden. & that for me is problematic as hell.

Even in S12... for Carver to get into that restaurant brawl & immediately take furlough afterwards was just such a cowardly move because here you are AGAIN leaving your LT high & fucking dry on truck during a crirical time no less with Boden being up for that promotion!

Now, moving into this Damon storyline, I'm going to reserve a majority of my thoughts until we actually get to see it play out. However, one thing in the finale that was alarming to me was Stella's conversation with Violet. I interpreted it as Stella had all intentions of cutting Damon loose. He was a floater, she owed that man no loyalty & she specifically said she was in no rush to lock anyone down permanently after the Gibson issue. However, again, it felt like Stella decided to keep him on longer because of other external factors. ie: Carver leaving her high & dry again & Kelly seemed to like him. Those to me aren't good enough reasons because she's not making decisions that honor her experience with this man rather than those around her.

The reality is that Stella could have lost her command or even worse because of that brawl. That man could have reported them to the CFD brass, called the cops, blasted them in the media & SUED the CFD. & the first thing they would have asked Stella was why she did not have control of the scene or her direct reports. They would have hung this on her & the old hags at CFD would have been like see this is why women shouldn't be officers." Blah blah blah. The repeecussions would have been so much greater for Stella & could have derailed what shes worked so hard for & the fact that Carver & Damon don't get that irks me because they should have NEVER put her in that position to begin with. You don't bring reproach on your leader especially when your leader has run through walls to protect you, bailed you out of jail, hell thrown herself on top of you to shield you from a blast, etc.

& so in conclusion my next gripe is with the writers & showrunners because I wonder if they know. I wonder if they know & they're choosing to reinforce these stereotypical experiences without effectively addressing them. I wonder if they know that they're not romanticizing it all & that its not cute or funny but infuriating that it feeds a part of this fanbase that's actually disgusting & rooted in misogyny. Or maybe they don't know & it's a mixture of unconscious bias/ ignorance.

Regardless, it's 2024 & I'm tired of it! 😫 I'm all for showing the reality & challenges that women or woc in the CFD face on a day to day but I feel like why not use it as a platform to show that just because it's embedded in the systems doesn't make it right nor does it make a requirement for Stella or any other female officer to have to endure the shit. She should be able to fucking fire or discipline Carver, Damon or whoever on HER rig without being questioned on whether or not her emotions or personal experiences are clouding her judgment because she's earned that right. She studied, she worked her ass off, she took the test, she passed & she's the LT. She shouldn't have to explain why she gave Carver or anyone certain assignments because guess what? No assignment is too big or small when lives are on the line, right? She shouldn't have to feel obligated to keep Damon on her rig just because now he's her long lost BOL that withheld the truth from her his LT & even when he decided to come clean it wasn't to her his LT. I am praying that is not the narrative they push in S13 but tbh I wouldn't be surprised because they've already set the groundwork for it. She shouldn't have to explain her reasoning or endure another year of unprofessionalism on her rig all because the patriarchy will get upset that a woman is leading/ discipling men. Reading the comments on how Stella disciplined them in the finale really bothered me because yall can't be serious! Stella had ever right to be upset, to express that frustration & disappointment with them because at the end of the day, that was her scene, her fire fighters & her responsibility as the officer in charge.

It feels like the men on the show are allowed to have their emotions, their traumas, their demons & it be brushed over or romanticized with little to no consequence. However, that same grace is not extended to the strong female leads that have just as much trauma, pain, or demons. They vilified Gabby for hers & they try to do the same to Stella. it's not fair because if they were males, we wouldn't have the conversations of "Stella leading Grant on" "Stella putting people lives in danger" or "Stella's on a power trip & has let her rank go to her head"

I know that was a lot & if you made it to the end of this rage rant, thank you. This has been something I've been sitting on since S11 & tbh it feels good to get it out! 🥹

[pretty-weird-ideas]

Okay... so earlier I posted a few things without the proper tags because I felt like it wasn't necessary to say publicly, but right now antiblackness seems to keep escalating and people keep getting away with shit like this.

The next time you see antiblack posts especially vagues, check the comments and likes. I'm not being funny about this, I've been trying to be nice and quiet about antiblackness and blogs actively proposing alt-right talking points in this fandom by not saying things about it. But this is a pattern of larger blogs agreeing in secret with smaller racist ranters.

Whenever you see a virulently hateful response to a small black blog or what seems to be an antiblack rant, please I BEG of you all to check the comments and likes of said commentary. You will be surprised to see how many large blogs not only agree with the antiblack sentiment they're spreading but also are encouraging them to continue this sort of behavior.

We have blogs that are far larger than the blogs they're attacking, in the comments calling these black blogs "antiwhite" and "reverse racists", but nobody checks the comments. They know to hide their more controversial rhetoric in comments and likes. These smaller blogs who wanted approval from them then walk away from these large blogs and call these smaller blogs SLURS.

Post 499 of "The reason I don't follow black people, is because they block me" has blogs agreeing with them but never have been taken to task because they're hoping you genuinely don't check the comments or likes.

If you really truly care, I need you to start remembering names. It isn't even a difficult equation, no more than 1+1. It's blatant and clear once you start reading and using critical thought to find context and start questioning the motives behind vague posts against black blogs. These antiblack blogs aren't even smart enough to use alts, they're brazen with this sort of thing.

Antiblack users are begging and praying every night that you don't check for context or read comments when they drag smaller black blogs. They know better not to say this on their own blogs or reblog, they wait until they can comment and agree in silence, it's what they do.

They think you don't read, please prove them wrong.

These larger blogs that are creating hit lists of black blogs are literally testing your intelligence and ability to check their rhetoric, please.

[orangeypopsicle]

Writing this because I'm scanning through fics right now like a sad cat in a wet cardboard box. Like, I'm so desperate for a story that shows the complexity of Velvet and Veneer's relationship, but also, I've been in such a depressive funk the past few weeks that I can't write it. I feel like I can dedicate another post to them here, though.

Velvet wasn't an angel, nor was Veneer heartless, but there is something to note how they both had a mix of qualities. This may be a controversial statement, but Veneer seems to have this issue where he leans on his more domineering sister due to low self-esteem, which results in him enabling Velvet. He loved his sister and was partially convinced to go through with harmful actions, but to what extent does loving someone also explain hyping up that person while they hurt people? Also, I don't particularly enjoy the difference in how he phrased the reasoning for his actions to Floyd versus the public. Veneer mentions the attachment to his sister when talking to Floyd, but his own personal gains in the situation are emphasized. When Veneer apologizes to the public for being a fraud, he mentions his want for fame but also retracts this statement by saying that only Velvet wanted fame, and he followed her due to not standing up for himself. It was an admission of guilt, but the shift to his sister being malicious instead of them both wasn't fully taking accountability either. It's a point of emphasis for me due to the softening of Veneer's personality by the fandom. He's a person with a reserved personality and more likely to feel remorse, but also is materialistic and a bit two-faced.

Since I don't want this to be a rant about Veneer because I very much love both characters, I want to get to Velvet. She's a person with a history of emotional regulation issues: explosive, self-serving, and self-centered. Velvet is a person who is desperate for attention and approval by any means necessary. She puts on a show (with talent she stole), gives it her all, gets very close to seriously injuring herself multiple times in the process, and offers to entertain them more when the audience cheers her on. Similar to her brother, I like to think that she's a person with horrendously low self-esteem but tends to deal with it by putting people down so that she can feel better. However, I want to give the benefit of the doubt that she may not be aware of the extent to which she uses people. When Veneer directly states his issues with their relationship in his confession of their crimes, Velvet responds by saying that she thought that he was on the same page with her ideas. Velvet implies multiple times in the story that she believes that they both wanted fame. Did that make Velvet's lack of concern over Veneer voicing his worries okay? No! I want to bring some attention to Velvet not seeming to fully understand how people feel when they are hurt or when they may have different needs. (Writer's note: Mind you, I have a disability and other mental illnesses that impair my ability to understand other people, so I'm more willing to humanize traits like that.) I also want to mention that Veneer did reap the benefits of exploiting the trolls and said that he enjoyed his luxurious lifestyle more than his remorse about hurting people. So it also may be a mix of Velvet struggling to understand people on an emotional level and a genuine misunderstanding.

Despite the two being a bundle of issues, it's very sweet how well they mesh and how they like to be in-sync. Veneer catches Velvet before she falls, Velvet pats Veneer on the head when he's nervous, Veneer instinctively goes behind Velvet to feel safe, they go shopping together and wear matching clothes, and they naturally lean into and are generally physically close to each other. They both aren't great as people, but care for each other.

On a semi-related topic and not wanting to make another post dedicated to it, I wish the movie expanded on the drug metaphor? It's a children's film, but I do feel that talking to young children at home who may be experiencing family members struggling with addiction has a place in media. It makes you do things you wouldn't normally do, it can make you hurt people in a variety of ways, it's an unfortunate lifestyle choice in a number of young people who were chewed up and spat out by the entertainment industry, it frequently starts with the idea that it's casual use/emotionally or psychologically beneficial and quickly snowballs horribly, and it alienates you from your loved ones. This could have been a unique opportunity to not only be about how drug use is harmful but also what it's like to be unequipped to help a person who doesn't want help. We tell children that drugs are bad but also don't prepare them for when the person doesn't want to stop despite all evidence showing that it's harmful. It can be very confusing because it's not emphasized how hard of a process it is to get sober or even want to get sober.

But yeah, those were some of my thoughts! Thanks for reading, if you got this far. 😅

[yanderes-galore]

Fandom : Homestuck

Character : Dave Strider

Pairing : Romantic

Description : Just some regular Headcanons with the coolest Boy

Love your writings! :D

- Eridan Anon

Sure! This focuses on my take of him in Homestuck, if something is off I'm so sorry :( I wasn't sure if I wrote him right so I researched what I could.

Happy late Birthday to Dave, I share the same extended zodiac sign as him and I love his character :)

Not fully edited, may have spelling mistakes.

Yandere! Dave Strider Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Delusional behavior, Overprotective behavior, Trauma (Dave's backstory primarily), Manipulation, Kidnapping, Violence/Death, Stalking, Secret picture taking, Forced relationship.

I feel Dave is one that both tries too hard around you yet also puts up facades.

More than anything he feels he should protect you and that he knows best.

The above trait is something he shares eerily with Dirk due to the trauma he suffered with Bro.

He greatly cares about you but at the same time appears distant at times.

Dave tends to make music for fun and for his friends, playing a cool persona despite being quite vulnerable due to his past.

He tends to go on long rants and talks to himself and is quite mature.

He jokes but can take things seriously when he needs to, he also tries to not abuse his time powers.

Yet it's shown he'd go back in time to prevent the demise of any of his friends since he cares a lot.

Dave originally appears like he doesn't care about you or your interests.

Although, in reality, Dave really enjoys you and listening to you talk.

He remembers every interest you have to bring up later, just to hear you speak about it.

Dave is easily influenced by you too.

He really does think you're cool and if you bring up the fact you like something... Dave does his best to find a gift that goes along with it.

He'd talk to you over Pesterchum and send gifts to you at times.

He often wants to ramble at you about various things, like he's venting.

He'd love it if you listened, honestly.

In a way Dave displays delusional behavior as he thinks he knows how to care for you.

Part of him is certainly projecting trauma.

Similar to how he wanted to protect Jade because he liked her, he feels he has to do the same with you.

You can tell Dave has care towards you through the music and gifts he sends.

It's all tuned to your likes and interests, showing he does listen to you despite the front he puts up.

Honestly, due to his past I can see Dave wanting your praise.

He would want to feel validated through you.

Being there for him is enough to make him attached.

As I said before, he is eerily like Dirk Strider in terms of yandere behavior.

Dave may manipulate you without really meaning it.

This is due to the delusional thought that he knows best.

He knows kidnapping you, isolating you, and being the only one around you is wrong.

But to him is seems like the right thing to do.

Seeing the mortality of his friends and himself certainly doesn't help such thoughts.

If you were in his session he would use his powers to protect you.

Still tries not to abuse them, yet he can't see himself going on without you.

If you were both Derse Dreamers, Dave would want to find you to just talk.

Dave seems like he'd get unintentionally clingy.

Subconsciously he wants to get closer up until he eventually gives in and isolates you.

He just feels comfortable with you, you're so much more welcoming than Bro was to him.

He hates to upset you but finds it necessary at times.

How else is he supposed to keep you safe with him?

Dave is skilled in photography.

Which obviously means he tries to take as many pictures as he can of you.

Everything from shared selfies to more... candid and secretive pictures.

He keeps them in either an album or a folder on his PC to look at.

They bring him comfort.

Dave often suppresses his emotions.

While he does feel bad when he makes you upset, he can't be so easily driven by emotion to let you go.

Which is ironic... as he allowed emotion to drive him to the point of isolating and kidnapping you.

Dave doesn't mind you speaking to the others for the most part.

But he isn't afraid to restrict it eventually.

Dave doesn't mean to be so possessive and protective at times.

He unfortunately can't help it.

You're just about the only one he can cling to.

This leads him to trying to form a romantic attraction towards you.

He just wants you all to himself... for the protection and comfort of both of you in his eyes.

Dave would try his best to be affectionate.

It's difficult for him as he doesn't understand at first.

However, if you showed him affection before things went downhill, then he'll do that.

Tight hugs, attempted kisses, stuff like that.

For the most part he feels comfortable with the fact you're safe.

He tells you that in his rambles.

Dave no doubt would make songs that represent the two of you in his mind.

He'd then play them while sitting beside you, just enjoying the moment while you plot ways to leave.

Overall... I feel yandere Dave means well... but that does not make what he's doing right.

Due to his background and experiences... he's so obsessed with protecting and impressing you he loses himself.

Leading to Dave often neglecting your own feelings in favor his own.

[skwigelfskwisgaar]

Cold.

Skwisgaar always hated the cold. But it wasn't like he wasn't used to it - he had grown up swaddled in the biting cold winds, reminders that his mother had forgotten to buy food, to purchase new coats, socks, boots for her growing boy. He was an afterthought, to be left outside like the rest of her worries.

It was why he hated the cold.

He said it was because he was always stuck outside and exposed to it - which wasn't a total lie - but in reality it was because it was a reminder that he was unwanted by the one person he ever wanted to be noticed by when he was young. He wasn't meant for love, he wasn't deserving of it. He was unworthy of it.

He loathed everything about the cold and the snow.

It's why he was probably the only one opposed to the idea of the concert in Danzig - the cold affected sound quality, and it was cold.

Right now, he was trapped in the icy wilds of who knew where and stuck with Toki, without a guitar, and no cell reception. In the cold. But to the more pressing matter at hand, he had to tell Toki about something that was absolutely necessary before he forgot.

"I coulds hear your feedback in mine monitors!"

Skwisgaar hated the snow, but maybe because they were stranded together and he felt some kinship with a fellow Scandinavian that instead of complaining about the fact that they were needing rescue, the blonde felt maybe he should try to dig into Toki's subpar playing at their concert. Especially given that Toki had grown up playing in the harsh Norwegian landscapes and should know to tune his guitar for colder temps -

"How dares you - !" Toki cuts him off, offended that Skwisgaar had told him his playing sucked. Maybe if he practiced or actually paid attention to Skwisgaar when they practiced, maybe he wouldn't have feedback during the concert. Sometimes, it felt like Toki wanted Skwisgaar to be disappointed. It didn't make sense that such a talented guitarist would make such careless mistakes otherwise.

Regardless, he tried to hear Toki's rebuttal about how he was 'killings it', but he was too worried about the cold.

There was a pit growing in his stomach with each step they both took and it was taking every fiber in his body to stop himself from cutting Toki off on his rant - it felt like he was that young little boy again running home excited to show his mom that he got a passing grade in his home ec and music class only to see --

A tree exploded next to them. Halted to a stop, Skwisgaar's thoughts froze, and he stood still, much like Toki before he decided to comment.

"That was weirds."

A large brutish man emerged from the tree line, letting loose a battle cry. Already on edge from the botched concert and a failed escape attempt, Skwisgaar joined Toki in screaming out in fright.

"Time to die!" Both turn in a frenzy and run, long hair wildly whipping behind them. Neither make it far enough and get shoved down as their chaser pulls out a weapon.

In a panic, Skwisgaar thought of how much he hated that after all this time, he was going to die in the snow. Surrounded by the cold. The very thing reminding him the he was unworthy of love. He looked over to see Toki, who was much more confused than panicked, maybe because he had a fighting chance at kicking this guy's ass than Skwisgaar. He took a moment to let his mind calm down from the frantic thoughts speeding through it before he spoke.

He thought of the way the snow crunched under the boots of the man as he took his time to pick between him and his friend. He thought of how he often wanted to play music forever with Toki, and so, quickly formulated that into words before anything else happened.

He thought of all the times he felt the happiest.

The image of Toki and his audition, and how he impressed the band and blew Skwisgaar's mind.

The first recording of them in the studio together as a band.

The privilege of having a fellow Scandinavian who understood basic Swedish and knowing enough Norsk to talk to Toki when he could.

The times when Toki told him how safe he felt, or the times he opened up about why guitars had saved him much like how Skwisgaar felt they had saved him too.

So he said the only thing he could.

The only thing he felt was appropriate.

"I's ... will sees you in Valhallska, Toki."

Toki looked over, a hesitation lasting half a second.

"I always ... hateds you, Skwisgaar." There was a half second in his response but Skwisgaar's heart was singing at the very idea that anyone admitted to feeling anything for him. Toki admitting that he felt this passionate anger, this brutal fury for Skwisgaar made the blonde's heart soar. Toki had this black fury, brutal anger, raw talent that he had trusted Skwisgaar with to pour into their music. To hear Toki aim at him when it was probably more of Toki trusting Skwisgaar with it was neither here nor there, but nonetheless it cemented what Skwisgaar had thought of their musical dynamic for a long time now.

To hear him say it out loud was euphoric.

He knew there were days that Toki wanted to rip Skwisgaar apart, or who knew what else with that wild primal look he had in his eyes after practice sessions - but for him to admit this on what might be their metaphorical deathbeds?

It was the highest form of flattery Skwisgaar had ever been granted and he had no way of of knowing how to respond. So he smiled.

He cracked a small, albeit genuine, smile.

And he answered honestly.

"...I knows Toki, I knows."

- - - - -

It was cold in his room, no matter how often he fiddled with the thermostat. Ever since he had the scare with Toki and his new guitar teacher, Skwisgaar's room became colder. He was sure Toki was playing tricks on him at this point, or the others were messing around with him when he wasn't looking. They all knew he hated the cold. It was probably more mind tricks.

Right now he had a hard time even playing classic Dethklok songs because his hands were so cold. He muttered a few curses under his breath and started again from the top, gluing his eyes back on to the metronome and internalizing the beat.

Closing his eyes, Skwisgaar tried to playing the Duncan Hills jingle again from memory, trying to forget the recital and the events that led up to it. Toki's tutor had died last week, which should have meant Toki and the other guys would find a way to stop fucking around with Skwisgaar - they moved on to the next thing which was Murderface and a line of Planet Piss watches he was planning on launching. Yet Skwisgaar hadn't been able to find a way to regulate the room to a stable temperature he could tolerate.

He was in the middle of playing the stupid coffee jingle when he heard a knock on the door. Skwisgaar mumbled something about coming in before rolling his eyes at the hulking mass that was Nathan - probably there to tease him about Toki still. He made his peace that he wasn't the best tutor for Toki, as much as that hurt to admit, but they weren't going to stop him from being better.

"Hey, I heard Toki was - holy shit Skwisgaar - !"

In a flash Nathan had torn Skwisgaar's hands away from his Explorer, with Pickles and Murderface in tow as they now poked and prodded at his bloodied hands with very poorly veiled concerns.

It took over an hour of some careful wording and promises to Charles to get everyone to leave him alone after all was said and done. Even Toki had stopped by to see what happened, to which he put his foot down and shooed everyone out with promises of care and rest if they left him alone

Everyone except Nathan.

"Nat'an, you amnst needs to dotes on mes like Fatty Ding Dongs."

Nathan had taken a seat on the bed next to him, looking at him like he did when Toki or Murderface screwed up their parts.

With pity.

"Uh. Just. Take it easy, need you in peak shape."

"Can'ts stays in peak shapes if I can'ts praktises." Skwisgaar pulled his signature white fur cover on himself, his room unbearably cold still. He forgot to mention to Charles about the fact that his room needed servicing.

"Well. Maybe. Hrm. Maybe ease up. On the whole... uh. On the whole practicing thing."

"Nat'an, I has to be betters than Tokis - !"

"Skwisgaar. We were messing with you. We - I didn't think - this was a joke."

Skwisgaar looked down at his hands. He knew guitarists who had done bloody messes of themselves trying to meet deadlines. Hell, Skwisgaar had done that to himself several times trying to complete songs with Toki and Murderface, all 3 of them sporting some gnarly blisters; bloody bandaids the days after recordings were finished worn as badges of honor. Why was this a concern all of a sudden?

"I's had bloody blisters before meeting deadlines. Williams, Toki, mes toos. Amns dis about somet'ings else, Nat'ans?" Skwisgaar could see Nathan struggling to spin this in a way where nobody broke that stupid rule but it wasn't like they had particularly tried to hide it this time. Maybe it was habit at this point - Pickles talking about the insurance policies Charles took out on each of his fingers and Murderface talking about how devastated Toki would be and how he would be burdened with the younger man. As if either one of them actually played their instrument outside of concerts or the recording room.

"Look, I'm only saying this because no one else is here to hear this but Skwisgaar, this is ... uh. Concerning."

"Ands?"

"And? Is Toki getting better than you really that big a deal to you?"

"Woulds it be that bigs a deal to admit that I has not'ing else?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I only has de guitar. If I amnst de best at de guitar, what do I has to mine name?"

"You have Dethklok. You have us."

Nathan got up, giving Skwisgaar a squeeze on the shoulder, before leaving the room. His room, oddly enough, was no longer cold after that night. At least now he knew he had his band. He had his friends.

- - - - -

The Dethcopter was cold. Maybe it was because Toki and Pickles beat the living shit out of Murderface and he insisted they stay an extra hour to get some ice for his aching bruises, or maybe because he had just broken up with Tori, the first time he felt like he was at home outside of Mordhaus. Regardless of which, Skwisgaar was over it. The cold was exactly as it was from his memories - sharp, biting, numbing.

Sitting across from him, Murderface gave him an accusatory look - something Murderface had mastered over the years as their profit chasing bassist. Despite both seats facing the same direction, they both managed to face each other while they made small talk.

"Looks like Pickle and Tokis really puts de boots to you."

"I wish those fuckers put the boots to me..."

Skwisgaar, out of pity, or out of duty to the band, took his freezing hands and placed them on Murderface's knuckles, red and bruised from covering himself from Toki's and Pickles' beating. Couldn't have a bassist with useless hands. Murderface flinched at first, then took Skwisgaar's cold fingers and placed them on his other knuckles, alternating them every few seconds.

"Amns wantings to knows whats you dids to get beaten by Pickle and Toki." Murderface grumbled, or mumbled, Skwisgaar could never tell with that terrible lisp of his, before he responded.

"You know, that chick you were with looked an awful lot like schomeone we know, Skwischgaar."

Skwisgaar arched an eyebrow. He thought about all the women they knew, which wasn't many to begin with, and tried very hard to think of who his ex-girlfriend could even remotely look like.

"I's... not sure who she amns looking like." Murderface made a smug face, as a Klokateer came by to give him an ice pack for his leg.

"Whats?" Murderface took the ice pack from his knee and placed it on his hands when Skwisgaar retreated his hands, trying to question Murderface now.

"Brown hair, blue eyes. Blue sweater, really Skwischgaar?"

"She amns sweet and kinds, and likes animals. She hads a small collection of sea creature plushies. Wants to be a doctor." He smiled a little, remembering the fun dates he had with Tori, and the fun outing to the aquarium in Stockholm. He didn't even know about Skansen-Akvariet and now it became a new favorite spot in his home country to visit.

"Holy schit, plushies?" Murderface clamped a less bruised hand over his mouth, looking more like he was trying to contain his laughter instead of trying to have a conversation. Skwisgaar scowled at him.

"Ja, Williams. She amns havings a sweet side. Classy lady nameds Tori Skarsgard. She hads me whats call binge watch Moomintroll wit her, even if I alreadies seen it with Toki when he amns join - !"

"Why the fuck am I the only one here to hear this?!"

"You amns just jealous dat I founds a wonderful lady even ifs I's not famous." Skwisgaar crossed his arms in indignance, a bit upset that Murderface was finding humor in any of this. Maybe Skwisgaar was sore about letting Tori go. Maybe he was upset about the cold. Or maybe it was a mixture of both.

"Skwischgaar." Murderface stopped smiling and more or less kept a serious face. At this point Skwisgaar saw that maybe Murderface was seeing something he wasn't - maybe that Tori resembled someone he already knew.

" ... whatevers. It amns over wit her." Murderface sighed, a placed a hand on Skwisgaar's shoulder. Was that pity he picked up on in the bassist's voice?

"What, Williams? Are you goings to tells me to stops de moping over Tori? Tori amns amazings but evens Tori amnst a worthy of a gods?"

"What the fuck - no, I wasch going to say that she was Toki with tits, you fucking egotistical prick!"

Skwisgaar's brain short circuited at the words that came spilling out of Murderface's mouth. He blinked, and he registered that Murderface had begun to to snap his fingers in front of his face and had said - asked actually, about something. But nothing was registering.

Brunette with a large plushie collection. The blue sweater he gifted her for their aquarium date. A shared love for animals. The fact that both of them made him sit down and watch Moomintroll nonstop --

Snap!

Skwisgaar shot his hands up and slapped it over Murderface's mouth, as he scanned the Dethcopter for prying ears. Once he saw not even Klokateers were nearby, he leaned in to whisper. Murderface, who was caught mid finger snap, stopped as if frozen in ice. He locked eyes with Skwisgaar once the hands came off his mouth.

"So, what gives Skwischgaar?! Your first ever girlfriend and it's literally a female Toki - !"

"I misseds Mordhaus."

"Excuses." He and Murderface glare at each other before Murderface sighs and lets out a laugh.

"What amns funny, Williams?!" Skwisgaar crosses his arms again, furious that he didn't have his Explorer on hand and sits facing the right direction, forward to avoid looking at Murderface and his ridicule.

"You literally just realized that?!"

"Whatevers, you dildo. At least I amnst denyings dat I misses mine band."

"Nah, you missed him." Skiwsgaar spun around so fast Murderface almost got a mouth full of blonde hair.

"Never mention dis agains. Got its?"

"...I got it. If it makes you feel better - well, you didn't hear it from me personally- but I- we saw more blonde groupies too. Not even to like fuck them or anything, but just like, to have them around. The other guys, I mean. I- we all missed you." Murderface looked away, trying to put on a cool bravado and not look like he was outing himself but instead more like he was ratting out the rest of the band for blatantly caring as much as they did. With both now facing forward, Skwisgaar could swallow the humiliation of being told by Murderface of all people that Tori had been 'Toki with tits'.

Skwisgaar nodded, then replied, "What a weird ways to says the bands misses me."

"Whatever." Murderface leaned away again, before he spoke again.

"What a weird way to admit you dated a Toki with tits."

"Dat amnst true, Moidaface - !"

When Pickles and Nathan came back on the Dethcopter they found Skwisgaar and Murderface rolling around like idiots, fighting about who knew what - probably about who slept with more groupies. Again.

- - - - -

Skwisgaar felt a bone-deep cold that he couldn't shake off. It was Sweden 1984 all over again. In the distance, he could see the dying fires of riots from fans still upset about Dethklok breaking up. Rumbling in the sky signaled that the weatherman was correct as always, and rain should be coming in later. Despite this, Skwisgaar doesn't care.

His band is no more.

He takes a swig of the ipen bottle of vodka he has with him and looks from his high balcony as he leans forward on his arms. Everyone is trying to put out fires, it feels like.

With Murderface still dealing with the fallout in the political sphere after his nudes leaked, and Pickles and Nathan still fighting over a woman that Skwisgaar was positive wanted nothing to do with either of them, it left little for Skwisgaar to do except drink and think. He wandered Mordhaus like a ghost, except he was riddled with dread and stress. Maybe less a ghost, and more a haunted soul left to carry the burdens of mistakes made. To drink and think on decisions made.

And he's had plenty of time to drink and think since Pickles announced he was quitting the band.

To think about how awful he's been to Toki. To drink to the good times he took for granted. To blame himself on how he turned Toki's admiration, that righteous brutality he wanted to draw out and funnel into his playing - how he twisted it into an acidic poison that's corrupted into a desperate plea for validation. While Toki could have attempted to pour that angry energy into his guitar playing, Skwisgaar definitely didn't encourage Toki in positive ways.

He twisted Toki into the monstrosity that backstabbed him all for a stupid solo - which Toki bombed and was also still trying to make up for with those fans too.

" Oh hey, Skwisgahr! Mind if I join ya?"

Seeing that this was the balcony overlooking what was the Mordhaus equivalent of a backyard, Skwisgaar looked at Pickles and nodded. It's not like he and Pickles didn't hang out often, but nowadays, it felt like Skwisgaar had been left out to dry just like everyone else, while Pickles and Nathan feuded over Abigail.

"I see you're hitting the liquor early tonight."

"Heughs, I ackshualies am starting lates tonights."

"...is that so?"

"Yeahs. But amns enoughs about mes. Wants some?"

"Sure!" Pickles took the vodka from Skwisgaar and really took in the sight of the man. He felt those emerald green eyes look over him as he approached. Blonde locks looked dull, skin had a grey pallor, and unless his eyes betrayed him, the guitarist looked sleep deprived. Or at least Skwisgaar would assume Pickles could tell that from a glance - Pickles was always so good at seeing and telling right away what was wrong with someone.

"You okey, dood?"

"I wills be. Not my foirst times having a band break ups."

"Right. Look, I was actually lookin for ya, I wanted to say sorry fer -!"

"For whats? Tellings Nat'an dat he amnst right for breakings de master records?"

"No - !"

"For goings back to your moms after you tolds me you amnst let hers do whats she dids last time we dids mom talk?"

"Dood, unrelated and no!" Pickles downs almost the entire bottle of vodka like a true champ before Skwisgaar takes it back and drinks the remainder. He doesn't look at him when he produces the other bottle he had brought out with him, and he just knows Pickles is going to judge him for it - which is rich coming from the guy who was in rehab for drinking.

"I came to say sorry for being a shit friend. I was so bent outta shape about my shit wit' Nathan thet I forgot to check in with ya, especially after the whole thin' with Toki."

Skwisgaar spins around and smacks Pickles with his hair. Pickles sputters, trying to wipe his face.

"What amns you knows about me and Tokis?" he asks, popping the cork on the new bottle, before leaning to look at the dying riots in the distance, "Amns as much mine faults anyways, amns a punishments for mine hubris." He takes the bottle to his lips and takes a sip, and not wanting to not wake up hungover for Cornickelson's funeral offers the bottle to Pickles.

Pickles stands there gobsmacked before he takes the bottle away from Skwisgaar again. Skwisgaar rolls his eyes.

"Looks, Pickle. I cames here to be miserables before de funeral. I amnst in de mood - !"

"I'm not gonna stand here and see you kill your liver over fuckin' Toki!"

"It amnst over just hims! It amns de band, mine friends, mine music careers! I pours mine entire hearts and souls into dis!" Pickles takes a step back as Skwisgaar, drunk on both vodka and misery, looms over him as each syllable spills out of him.

"Seems likes I amns de only ones who amns not wanting Dethklok to breaks up, because it amns de foirst time I likes people - de fans and de label and mine friends - !"

Pickles tries to tackle Skwisgaar but becomes a hug when the guitarist wraps his arms around him; Skwisgaar pets his head and while the humiliation of the failed tackle stabs at his pride for a split second, there remains a longer burning shame for neglecting a friend who has been suffering in the shadows of the much more prominent fighting between himself and Nathan. He feel Skwisgaar's arms shudder, no doubt because the man was always somehow cold.

"... fuck, Skwisgahr - I'm so fuckin' sorry."

"I don'ts want de pity. I wants mine band backs."

"It's not pity, you fuckin' douchebag."

"What amns dis huh, Pickle?"

"Fuckin' ... shut up and just let me keep yer beanpole ass warm for a sec."

"You amns such a moms."

"So... do you accept my apology?"

"Ja, apolejacks accepteds."

"Geez, we have got to get you an' Toki to some classes - wait, I got an idea."

Tearing himself off of Skwisgaar, Pickles produces his phone out of his pocket and taps away, while clouds overhead blot out the stars. Skwisgaar decides his legs need too much coordination to keep him upright and slumps down next to the railing.

"You invites goirls?"

"No, I invited Toki."

Pickles had never seen someone try to sober up as quickly as Skwisgaar did. The man knew he was an emotional drunk, as evidenced by the hug earlier, and the half-confession, half-admission of him caring about the break up. And for some reason unknown to the band, Skwisgaar always refused to get drunk around Toki alone, or would get drunk with everyone. Pickles squinted at Skwisgaar as a suspicion began setting in; the guitarist is busy trying to make himself puke over the balcony, before looking back to the entryway to their home.

"Skwisgahr."

"Nej, dis amns terribles time, I's drunk as shits - !"

"Skwisgahr."

"Calls Williams, or get some groupies - !"

"Skwisgahr."

"Waits, maybes I gets sloppies and just pass out - !"

"Dood, why are you so against having Toki here?"

Skwisgaar freezes like a deer in headlights, before slumping back down against the balcony and pulling his legs up and laying his head against his knees. Realizing he wasn't going to get an answer, Pickles joins him, pulling out a joint and asking again.

"Skwisgahr, I'm askin' as a friend 'ere."

"You guys knows I amnst likings to be drunk with Toki around. Amns bad influence."

"... never stopped you from drinking and partying with 'im on ... tours..." Skwisgaar looks up to Pickles as if confused for the drifting off at the end.

Pickles looks back at him, confusion in his face.

"Now that I say it, it's like - it's with the rest of the band. Is there something else I'm not seein' here, beanpole?"

"Nothings you dildo! I don't wants him to sees de poirson whats invites him to de band to acts like... wells like drunk idiot!" Skwisgaar and Pickles both look to the entryway for a short second because they saw movement; when they see a few Klokateers come and go and one come out with ice, some drinks and glasses, Pickles continues. He thought Toki said he was close by, and he could swear on his drum set that he saw those pale blue eyes for a split second.

"What's wrong with thet?"

"Toki ands I went drinking alones once. We don't drives anymore. It were a careless act." Pickles gives him a face of realization, recalling the incident. They thought it was really awesome to see them on the news, drunk driving on live TV on a police chase. Toki shooting a gun at the news helicopter and then the crash into the barricade was the highlight. The band was excited to pick them up, even if it meant that Skwisgaar and Toki had lost their licenses to drive.

"I remember! Thet was fuckin' great."

"I crash de car. We hads de buckles on, which amns goods but..."

"Oh yeah, so... you really care thet much?"

"Toki ... he amns like music... soul twin. He amns differents. I's be a dildo to not says dat. I has been dildo to hims. Amns why I amnst mads about de book, I's mad it took a book to sees it. I deserves it for not appreskiatings Toki's skill. "

"... this is the first time I've ever heard ya talk about the kid in a nice way. But I've seen ya, Skwisgahr! You care, like, a lot."

" You amnst foirst to tells me dat." Pickles lit a joint up and passed it to Skwisgaar, who took a good puff out of it.

"Pickle? Ams Toki, I's here!"

Skwisgaar promptly started choking on the puff he took. Pickles let out a hearty chuckle. Toki waved, looking at Pickles before his eyes landed on Skwisgaar. The kid seemed nervous. Apprehensive about approaching them, and for a second it felt like he was watching a rabbit approach a wolf in its den. Maybe his eyes hadn't played tricks on him earlier.

"Amns you been arounds a long time?!"

"Nei? I's uhm, I's justs gots here." After composing himself from what looked like a potential heart attack, Skwisgaar passed the joint back to Pickles, who made a huge wave of his arm to make Toki sit down. He took a small puff then passed it to Toki once he finally sat across from them.

"So, Toki. Heard ya leaked the nudes that killed Murderface's political cahreer."

Skwisgaar leaned in, and so did the others. "If you dids, Toki, I says you dids de woirld a favors. No ones in politics amns taking bads nudes like dat."

Pickes let out a loud howl of laughter as Toki giggled.

"...amns you been drinking, Skwisgaar?"

"Ja, amns been rough wit ... Nat'an and de new music he amns doings. It's dildos." Pickles gave him a disapproving look, but Skwisgaar would rather go back to Sweden than talk about why he was on the verge of a breakdown.

"Nat'en ams needs to apologise to Pickle. It ams wrong what he did." Pickles raised the vodka bottle he had managed to get without much moving and then drank. Toki took it next after passing the joint to Skwisgaar, who snatched it from him.

"Nej, amns bads for yous."

"Pickle!?" Pickles smacked him on the arm.

"Fines."

"Play nice, both of ya."

"Skwisgaar started it."

"Toki, we all need apologize. I came to say sorry to Beanpole here." Skwisgaar felt himself shrivel up, as Toki looked at Pickles with curiosity.

"Whats about?"

"Eh, another time, kid. But I think, before we get crazy here - ya both need to clear up some shit. I'm gonna get Murderface, he just texted thet he got lost."

Toki asked why not text him again, like he did with him as Skwisgaar flopped on either trying to pull Pickles back down or freezing up.

As Pickles vanished, Skwisgaar felt too drunk and too aware and in his skin all at once. His eyes locked with Toki, and he immediately slumped back on the balcony railing, opting to grab the abandoned bottle.

"... yous not just drinking because of Nat'ens, ams you."

"Amazings brain usings, Toki. De skies amns blue too, you knows dat?"

"Okei fucker, whys Pickle says dat and leaves me wit your sour pusses?"

Skwisgaar didn't respond. He took the bottle to his lips, dipped his head back and drank. And drank. And drank. And drank --

"Stops! You amns gonna kills your liver!"

'I's not drunk or highs enoughs for dis."

"For whats?!"

He looks at Toki, who looks lost and afraid. He's not seen Skwisgaar hit a low like this, not even when he lost the endorsements after the book published, or his career was pulverized into pieces. Last time he saw Skwisgaar this drunk was the night they got arrested for drunk driving. He thought about how things were different then, how simpler their dynamic was, how easier it was to trust his band, to trust Toki.

How he took it all for granted.

"I's sorries, Tokis. You amnst deserves dis."

"What ams you talking abouts?!" Toki pulled himself closer; Skwisgaar's eyes drifted away from those pale blue hues and to Toki's hands. Those hands that he had been trusted to write for. To care for. To cherish and to play music with.

He sighed.

"You needs to talk to mes when I amnst fuckeds up. Meets me at de bar after de funerals?"

Toki, looking at him with concern and apprehension and some suspicion, nodded in agreement. Pickles came back and told them it would be a few more minutes, and Toki volunteered to go with him.

Skwisgaar cracked a small smile. Toki did too. Pickles looked at Skwisgaar, and he gave him a sloppy thumbs up. Pickles gave him one back.

- - - - -

The first thing he felt was cold. It was a common thing to feel when he didn't remember the events leading him there. Stiff and sore, he took an attempt to slip back under because being sober was awful.

Was that puke on his face?

"...eurgh.....hrmph..."

He pulled himself out of the tangle of hair, limbs and liquor spilled on and around him before he grabbed a bottle. Surprisingly, it still had alcohol in it, so he took it and a semi-clean robe and wandered out of the room. Alcohol was better for avoiding sobriety this early, for now.

It felt like it was a lifetime ago that he spent his night under that cloudy night getting drunk and high with Murderface and Pickles and Toki. With the promise of meeting Toki under better circumstances after the funeral to talk.

That night he sat at the bar by himself until he couldn't sit straight anymore.

And since then, he refused to stay sober.

It was easier that way.

And when alcohol wasn't doing it, he began to raid Pickles' stash. When Pickles cornered him, he lashed out and finally went out and found himself back on the streets of 1999, chasing a high that he promised to leave behind.

Pickles finally came to him in hysterics when he threw out his Explorer, a book he wrote some music ideas on, and a few CD cases he had stashed Toki's old guitar riffs on. Pickles only knew Skwisgaar was doing it because a CD hit one of the groupie sluts he was talking to in the backyard.

Skiwsgaar was so high on meth that Pickles had to get Murderface and Nathan to help him bring the blonde inside. It didn't take long to see that the guitarist was not drunk but high and less time for Pickles to see what it was when he saw track marks.

"I's not gonnas get lectures from you Pickle. You wents to rehabs for dis." Stunned at the remark, Murderface and Nathan watched as they both had a shouting match until both stormed off. At least Skwisgaar stopped taking meth.

That was last month.

Or last week.

Or was it last year?

He lost track of time.

It didn't matter anymore. Not without Toki.

Skwisgaar picked up a pastry in the kitchen and listened as they talked about using a new recording as part of the concert coming up. Skwisgaar nearly gagged.

"Amnst de sames."

"It'll have to do. We have recordings - !"

"Nei, Nat'an. I won'ts do its."

"Skwischgaar - !"

He threw his glass of juice at the first wall he saw.

"Fines! Dos whatever, fucking dildos."

He shoved the pastry into his mouth before they said anything and walked off. Stumbling, like a toddler just learning to walk. He makes it to the entry of the kitchen as he hears Pickles finally pipe up.

"What the fuck is Skwisgahr's problem now?"

"He, uh. He doesn't want recordings."

"... did I ever tell you guysch about the girlfriend he had in Sweden?"

Immediately, Skwisgaar turns on his heel and comes back into the kitchen and makes a dive at Murderface, until Nathan tackles him and tosses him against a counter. Pickles makes a dash to get out of the way as Murderface slowly lowers the arms he instinctively raised in his defense.

"Yous amns fuckings dildo lickers! You fuckings-- you amnst GETS ITS!"

And while his silent cries and tears didn't make sense that day, a week later when he quietly held Toki in the Dethcopter and whispered all the things he didn't get to tell him at the bar the day of the funeral, they understood.

- - - - -

Cold.

Something about the Arctic cold that made bones creak. It made joints crack like glass. Fingers ache. Skwisgaar hated it. Maybe it was his age. Maybe it was the cold, still.

How long had it been since they had first stepped onto Danzig? How much had changed since then?

His head throbbed, the ground wobbled -

A warm arm wrapped around his middle before his knees gave out.

"Shit - Toki, come help with yer brother!"

If Skwisgaar wasn't on the verge of puking his guts out he'd chew out Pickles for calling on Toki to help him. With Murderface on his right side Toki came up on the other, clutching Deaddy Bear as Pickles ran his hand over Skwisgaar's head. Wait, when did Skwisgaar get shorter?

"Of course Skwischgaar is a mess, he's light as fuck! Feels like a lady!"

"Yous a lady, Williams!"

"Dood, how many fingers am I holdin'?"

"Amnst blind, Pickle - !"

"No, but uh. You have a concussion. Got those in high school. Erm. A lot. I know one when I see one."

As Pickles and Nathan both talked about how Skwisgaar was going to recover, and Murderface grumbled about how no one cared about how he felt after having been possessed - all Skwisgaar wanted to do was make sure he at least made it back to Mordhaus -

"Skwisgaar?"

Toki pressed Deaddy Bear to Skwisgaar's arms, and then held Skwisgaar in a tight hug. The cold he felt began to seep out of him as Toki slowly looked up and finally locked eyes with him. He had taken a seat next to him, under Skwisgaar's arm still.

"I know it was you who carried me," he said in Swedish, "Let Toki carry you now."

"... this is a hug, Toki." Toki just hugged him tighter.

"What have I said about not speakin' English? No Snow-Speak!"

"Picklesch, its called Swedish." Toki gave Murderface a look, as Skwisgaar finally manages to hold down the Doritos they gave them in their cells the night before. He says what he assumed Toki was also thinking.

"...what de fucks amns Snows ... Speaks?"

"A schtupid term he picked up from reading ..."

Skwisgaar saw Pickles panic for a split second as Murderface stopped. Toki loosens his arms, but doesn't let go of Skwisgaar, to lean closer to Murderface, who also looks like he's panicking.

"Readings what?"

"Wowies, Mordaface, how ams you knows wes speaking Svenska?"

"I made an educated guessch."

"Yeah! Ya only speak in Swedish when - !"

"Readings what, Pickle?!"

"Uh... fans! Social media stuff! The fans think you an' Tokes have some secret language! They call it thet." Based on Nathan's own face, Skwisgaar felt like maybe Pickles was lying through his teeth. He was not going to pry further now, however - his stomach was threatening to empty itself again. Skwisgaar pried his right arm away from Murderface to clamp his mouth and then rub his stomach as he took a deep breath.

"Shit, uh. We gotta get you, mhrm, Murderface, and Charles looked at. Like, now." Pickles made a quick turn and immediately pointed at something Skwisgaar couldn't see from his angle. Sitting on the snow aside, the view out here wasn't bad. Nathan patted Pickles on the shoulder before walking in the direction he pointed. Maybe it was Charles? Pickles began walking away and talking with Nathan, before he stopped and made a motion to Murderface.

"Murderface, come help Nathan grab Charles! Looks like there's someone helpin' already."

Murderface grumbled something about suffering from success, which made absolutely no sense to Skwisgaar, but he was using the time of quiet to gather his thoughts. Toki finally, slowly pulled himself away from him and smiled sweetly.

"...Skwisgaar, I know you and I have had our problems, and I haven't made a great friend. But I mean it. Let Toki carry the weight for now. If that includes you when things get tough, then I will." Skwisgaar grabs Toki's fretting hand and rubs his thumb over the callouses there. Even now Toki is clingy, needy, affectionate, caring. And it's not just with Skwisgaar, even if it is who he does it the most with - he went to Pickles or Nathan if he needed help with anything or to Murderface for fun and laughter.

With Skwisgaar he often just sat and listened to what the Swede said, chords and strings and arpeggios the backdrop for the lessons and practice sessions in Deus Keep.

He wondered what happened in the time they forgot.

He wondered what made this Toki so clingy.

He wondered if he did something to him.

He wondered why Toki and not --

"You are thinking too loud."

"Sorry, my head is a mess."

"Speak your mind, Skwisgaar."

He lets go of Toki's hand, and holds himself in the biting cold as he formulates his thoughts. Danzig is where they both 'confessed' to their intentions going forward in their music, and Skwisgaar wanted to keep that same spirit. Here was Toki wanting to mend things - either because he felt guilty about the book or because he felt he wasn't pulling enough weight in the dynamic, but here he was ready to help Skwisgaar.

Ready to not just be an equal, but his friend.

"Toki... if you have been a bad friend, then I've been outright shit to you. You trusted me with your talent, and I squandered that. I never gave you reason enough to be excited or passionate for the music if I never let you shine. It's just as much my fault - !"

Toki launches himself on Skwisgaar, a crushing hug and then shaking shoulders. Skwisgaar panics as he realizes Toki's crying, and he slowly and awkwardly begins to rub the younger man's back as he pulls himself tighter on the blonde.

"I promise to put my ego aside from now on. Okay?"

Toki nods his head, and Skwisgaar suddenly realizes something.

"Tokis... amns you using mine shoirts to wipes your face?!"

Toki shakes his head no, but then pulls himself away and gives Skwisgaar an angry look.

"You says nice things and you worry about yous stupid shirt?!"

"It amnst a hankys chef to wipes snot off ... your - !" Almost immediately, Skwisgaar feels it and loses to his stomach, as it empties itself and he only feels Toki rub his back as he goes for a second round, and finally, his stomach gives up fighting him. Thankfully all he did was turn his face to the side and Toki managed to get his face out of the way before he whispered reassurances that it would get better once he had something to eat and some proper food and sleep.

"...the fucker exploded into red mist! Farm equipment is brutal!"

"That uh. That explains why we didn't see a corpse."

"Skwisgahr ain't doing so great too, Charles, we're gonna get ya'll checked out."

"Thanks, boys."

Skwisgaar wipes part of his mouth as Toki keeps a hand on him and the other cradling Deaddy Bear. It sounds like they did find Charles. Good.

His ears ring for half a second, before he sees Charles carried by Nathan and Murderface. Behind them is what looks like a nurse and a paramedic, and a Klokateer with a duffel bag slung on over a shoulder - if he recalled correctly, many of the non-combat Gears had been left in chapters scattered throughout cities to help in the days of the prophecy but to still see them around was --

"Wowies, a Klokateers?!"

"Lord Wartooth, Lord Skwigelf, an honor. I have some emergency first aid kits and these two medical professionals volunteered to assist with what they could. Mr. Offdensen has been stabilized and can be treated for minor injuries while we look at Lord Murderface and Lord Skwigelf."

Pickles approached Toki with a diabetes monitor and insulin kit, while the paramedic looked at Skwisgaar, and the nurse looked over Murderface. Murderface was cleared physically of anomalies, and Toki was given a sticker and insulin to make sure his levels were stable. With that, Pickles and Nathan helped clean up Charles with the nurse ans Toki and Murderface kept Skwisgaar company.

With both sitting next to him, he only has to whisper as the paramedic does some final checks and gives him some medications.

"Sos, Williams, Toki. When amns you thinkings dat Nat'en and Pickle finallies realizes de truth?"

"Truth about what, Skwischgaar?"

"... you amnst sees it!?"

Toki sticks out his tongue as he squints hard at the pair, busy trying to make sure they help. They're both helping Charles with his mangled hand, cleaning and bandaging what they can.

"...thats they sucks at doctors?"

"You amns dildos at dis. Nat'en and Pickles? De worry abohts eqch other? De way de boths amns so carings wit each other?" Murderface and Toki both let out a sound of realization, before excitement and shock creeps over both of them.

"Wait, you think they are together?!"

"That ams make it reals mom and dad?!"

"Looks, we amns smart and can sees it. We amnst idiots. We can sees what amns plains as light of days!"

At this point, Murderface looks at Skwisgaar and then Toki. Henarrows his eyes at the guitarists, as if he's expecting either of them to say something - Skwisgaar looks at him and gives him a questioning look instead.

"What, Williams?"

He just needed to find the people that wanted him first.

"You know what, Skwischgaar? You aschtound me. You really do." Skwisgaar smiled, as he realized that he hadn't felt cold for a while now. Here he was out in Danzig, in near Arctic temperatures, and he felt warm as if he was standing outside on a sunny day. Maybe he was wanted, after all.

Like Nathan, who reminded him he had more than just his guitar - he was Skwisgaar and he had his friends too.

Like Murderface, who reminded him his band wasn't just another gig, it was his friends who liked him for him.

Like Pickles, who reminded him that he didn't need to struggle alone, and apologies made people grow.

And like Toki, who showed Skwisgaar that he was someone worth trusting.

Who, despite all their up and downs, still wanted to be his friend. Who still wanted to play music with him.

Toki, who wanted to shine just as much as he wanted Skwisgaar to shine too.

Toki. His friend. His brother. His equal.

[not-goldy]

I'm on a break but I had to jump in real quick on this

Gonna ignore everything you said bout Jungkook- cos it's not necessary. You don't have to go there. He's my bias too so you can understand why I find it offensive when you guys make derogatory comments about him. Like I'm not gonna clap for you or side with you for putting dirt on his name like be fucking for real.

There's a difference between being objective, giving constructive criticism of a person and just plain hating on someone and I'm sorry if you like Jungkook a little bit some of these comments won't fly out of your mouth nor would you entertain them.

And if you wanna get sensible words out of me avoid the triggers is all I be saying. Don't trigger me and then act discombobulated when I act crazy.

But I like what you said about Jimin....

I've been applauding Jimin's supporters since face cos yall pulled your weight and got him where he and the company hadn't contemplated going- let's get that very straight.

I said in my previous post I don't think like crazy was created specifically for a western audience. Nor was it intended to be as huge as it was.

It wasn't even his lead single yet it's his number one single💀

PJMS did too much and got him a number one on BB. BB DID NOT SEE IT COMING. THEY WOULD HAVE MOVED THE GOAL POST I TELL YA.

Yall did too much pushing his tracks to the top of charts. Yall acted as if it was a BTS come back like calm down 🤭

PJMs are soo extra🤭

But don't stop you doing amazing sweetie

They set the bar for Jimin to the high heavens. And we are hungry and wild for his success. It's cool but damn yalls appetite 🤭🤭🤭🤭

I don't think that is a bad thing. It just goes to show people are ready to support Jimin and take him to a level never seen before.

His next come back is gonna be 🔥 🔥

I mean the moment they got friends on a Marvel project I knew the Western industry thought he was on to something with his unique voice and all. Then they got him on Fast and Furious and lemme tell you that's some huge marks on his portfolio.

The portfolio this man is building is crazy!

I get all flustered and tingly thinking about what else he's gonna do and where he's gonna end up next in his career. He might have to move to Los Angeles soon cos he seem to have a place in Hollywood too the movie industry loves him🙂

If you wanna talk about the west then yea without a doubt, he is the one member who has a footing in with producers ready to work with him to make songs for their movies.

Fuck, I have a sense he's gonna cameo in a few Hollywood movies soon and he's gonna get booked to work on more soundtracks and OS for Hollywood. DAMN, IF THAT HAPPENS 😌😌😌😌😌😌

You guys need to relax, be patient and watch him.

Just watch him and don't jinx it up for him I swear to God! Yall be blocking your own blessings with unnecessary rants sometimes🙄

He's on the right track with his career. I genuinely believe that.

And I hope when he's finally ready with a predominantly English Album intended for the western market that hybe will move heaven and earth to give him the extra push and support he needs.

THEY BETTER COS WHEN I TELL YOU IT'S GONNA BE BLOODY UP IN THESE STREETS💀💀💀💀💀

And there's something about Jimin yall not realizing... those who know know.

I mean, Jimin even said it himself. he wanted an MV for every track and they shot him down....

EVERY TRACK....

THAT'S CRAZY.

And I know they shot him down, perhaps because they didn't think it was necessary for something they didn't intend to go all in on????

which is understandable but.....

We Libras are like that.

One time I set out to write a paper for a friends blog and it was supposed to be quick short and easy, but I decided to throw in a few references here and there to make it more academic and well researched- but I had to make sure it was accurate references so I hit the library. Before I knew it, I was calling up professors here and there and going all in I ended up with a 300 page dissertation and my friend couldn't use it for her blog so decided to keep it for her dissertation- so I told her I could work on a proper dissertation for her....

She said she was told she was too ambitious when she submitted it💀😬

When I get asked out for a spontaneous night out, I drive by the store to pick a new outfit and end up getting a pedicure manicure lashes silk press facials, bleach, exfoliate my butt- all for a girls night out.

Don't invite me for a sleep over cos this would be me- literally

We don't do casual so well and always end up going the extra mile and over doing things.

Oh you're sad? Don't worry. A text won't do. I'll call to check on you, email you, make a blog for you, drive by your home in the middle of the night, move into your home, get married to you, have your children, dig my own grave and bury myself next to you cos I never know how much affection is enough 😭💀

I dare you to ask me a simple question- I'll go on and on and try to cover every base and every aspect. One lecturer told me, you are brilliant Goldy but learn to limit yourself and limit the scope when answering questions- yes, I was always the student who never finished a paper on time and always run out of time cos I had so much to say and everything I had to say felt important😭😭😭😭😭

If you listen to Jimin, it wasn't even intended for set me free to be as big as it turned out to be💀💀💀

As amazing of a voice as he has, he had to request for voice training just to make sure he was on track- when I tell yall, sometimes his "shortcomings" are all in his head bless his heart😭🥲

How many times did Jungkook and Yoongi say they had to reassure him he had a great singing voice and yet those were the times he kept insisting he wanted voice training😔

Sometimes we see flaws in ourselves others don't see. Most times those flaws are as imaginary as could be. And yet we obsess over those perceived flaws and even worse, we try to fix them....

If you're someone like that sometimes it may appear all everyone does around you is shoot you down and try to bring you down- but in reality, they'd just be the ones keeping you tethered so the perfectionist or dysmophia in you don't drive you over the edge.

Not saying Jimin struggles with dysmophia of all sorts..... but he lowkey give off vibes if you know what I mean💀

All these comments about him being the triple A guy when it comes to effort, the hyungs using him as inspiration to work hard, the whole Kpop industry making him out to be the "rookie Bible" lowkey stems from over ambitiousness and innate dissatisfaction with the barest minimum- but sometimes that's all that you need to do. The barest minimum.

It took me a while to understand this and feel comfortable with lecturers and people around me telling me I'm enough and don't need to do too much all the time to feel good enough or accomplished.

One time I scored a B+ on a paper, I cut myself for not working hard enough. After bleeding it out of my system I gathered the courage to confront the teacher only to find out she had my grades mixed with someone else's 😭😭😭😭💀

I spent so much time in the study room at boarding school people called me the study room freak and I kid you not I got an award for it😭😭😭😭😭😭

I'm much much better now and can let my grammar errors fly without feeling a need to read through my writings a gazillion times. It's the Marijuana but still. It feels good to not care about anything anymore 😌

He's said he's working on his perfectionism and isn't consumed by it anymore but lowkey lowkey- we love him regardless 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Bottom line, we shouldn't confuse what happened with Face with what's happening with Jungkook.

Jimin's entanglement with the West wasn't intended at all in my opinion. It just happened. He had had Vibe and I think they just rode on the waves of the publicity from that for Set me free and Later like Crazy.

Thus he made more money spending less on advertising and marketing- comparatively speaking.

Then you have the youngest who had to sacrifice and go last after everyone- bare in mind who ever went first with their Solo had the most organic publicity because it was a new phase and all attention was on BTS since they announced a hiatus and going solo.

With little effort, that person was guaranteed to back some coins 🪙

The one to go last is relatively disadvantaged because he loses that organic attention and would require a lot of publicity to sell- but if he happens to be Jungkook then they would need to do just a little lifting because again- Golden Maknae. But imagine if Hobi were to go last- like some of yall wouldn't even care at all lets be honest which is not fair to Hobi but also the sad reality.

If I were Jungkook or Tae I wouldn't agree to go last at all don't give a fuck it's everyone for themselves💀

See this is why I wanted them all to release their albums at once. Hybe would be over stretched but then everyone would shut the fuck up. 😒

It may appear to most that the company didn't put in much effort to promote Jimin and- I understand these sentiments. I do. I just don't think it's a fair objective assessment of the situation💀

It's easy to say this wasn't treated well or that wasn't treated well when all you focused on is your bias. And I think sometimes equity prevails over equality because in as much as some went ahead of others, some already had kicked started their publicity with other collabs, some had been allotted more of the spending budget, some had high productions or low productions, they all can't get equal treatment.

Jungkook's launch is very much deliberate and well strategized too for the last debut. They took the lessons from the others launch and are trying to cover every base. He went last and so Hybe just had to make sure he went out with a bang. It be like that.

Every has to bag their coins somehow and that's all that matters.

Now that phase one is done. I can't wait to find out what they have install for phase two- I hope it's not gonna be crickets cos they all in Jail or military or whatever 😭💀

[lunyxdragon]

Dragons Rising Rant

I WAS NOT READY for season 2 part 1

(I'm spoiling pretty much everything below the cut)

This was everything I wanted and more (not to say it doesn't have its issues, but still)

I know some people were grumbling about Lloyd taking Zane's role of being the vision haver but I honestly like how they handled it. Because it feels an awful lot like a PTSD allegory. Like, Arin is literally like "you've been through a lot, maybe it's catching up to you" or smthn like that, the visions showing up at random and inconvenient times during the day, being unavoidable but they can be lived with, panic attacks, so am I the only one seeing this??? This does some interesting things to my Lloyd PTSD headcanons... another thing is the two people that have had visions are the two most likely people to have PTSD imo, so... there's that...

Lloyd verbally acknowledges having panic attacks which caught me so off guard for a show to sell toys to eight year old boys. It wasn't like puss and boots level of panic attacks, definitely not given that much focus, but it was there. Lloyd canonically has panic attacks!!

I know it's a kid's show, but I feel like they could have handled the sleep deprivation a bit better than "Lloyd is falling asleep all the time," like there's so many other ways you could convey that, at least vary it a bit. They hammer this point into the ground and I feel like kids aren't that dense, and would understand it even with half of the random falling asleep replaced with irritability, zoning out, or other stuff like that idk.

I WAS NOT READY for Kai to get sacrificed. When they were talking about human sacrifices I was like "nah ninjago would never go that far, that pretty much confirms that either the sacrifices aren't actually necessary or the forbidden five don't get brought back," then Kai literally gets sent to the backrooms with no way out.

And Bonzle. BONZLE. Need I say more? Wish she had gotten more focus though. The sorceress felt like a d&d oc shoved in last minute though, and her design was so chaotic it was distracting from the show for me. Probably just me though, I like order. She's fun, I just wish they'd either given her an arc or given that focus to Bonzle.

Internally screaming when Nya says "Jay would never forget me" and when Jay showed up. I really hope they give him enough time to shine.

Ras literally runs and catches up to a moving car and knocks out a dragon in a single hit. Bros insane. I guess the blood moon just makes him physically stronger? They didn't really elaborate what the blood moon does to Ras and why. But he's an actually competent villain, which Ninjago is in short supply of.

Cole literally said "Come at me (bro)" to the Administration.

Speaking of Cole, Geo misses him!! I'm way overhyped for this couple, but this is the closest thing we'll get to a canon gay couple in ninjago. Lego doesn't have the balls to actually show them kissing or being a couple, not with their show that gets aired all over the world to sell legos. I'm gonna go rewatch the land of lost things episode from s1 later.

The timeline is even more messed up now though. If Cole only just returned, when were the Mech Pilot shorts supposed to happen? We'll see what the creators say on Twitter lol.

Ending this off on a positive note, the found family is gonna kill me. Arin literally seeing Lloyd and Nya as his parents was gold. Oh man Ras slammed the poor boy around a lot, physically and mentally. Just let both Arin and Sora realize they're not useless. Nahhh the angst is too good.

Is there more? Probably. But I need to do my calculus coursework...

[therese-lokidottir]

There is annoying things about Peggy Carter in what if season 2 , that when she figloki in battle of new York she look 'it's easy ' , I meant she is smiling a d there's arrogance around her and when you look how he faced with loki yeah, you know what she said, it's annoying

I know in battle you need focus and all but somehow they made leggy look always smiling or smirk everytime in battle look like she not serious or too much enjoying, I am not saying she can't have fun but it's just annoying special she jeep sayi v she is captain Carter. Ugh

Btw if you are PC fans, I am sorry for my rants

Cool, good opportunity to talk about my complete disillusionment of Peggy Carter as a character. The thing is I liked her show, I liked the first Captain Carter episode but by season 2 of What If...? I found her just completely insufferable.

It's not like the idolization of wasn't always there, it was to some extent, but it used to be way more balanced. In her own show she was temperamental and stubborn and those were flaws. in hindsight Jarvis was such a necessary foil as someone who kind of calls out Peggy and isn't a strawman or just someone to talk about how great she is.

I maintain that Daniel Sousa was a better match for Peggy then Steve. If only because they actually spent time together. But also, because they did challenge each other a bit and had work through issues and became stronger for it.

All what if...? can do is talk about great she is, and it's made worse when all Peggy can do is talk about how great she is. It's like watching Ace Rimmer without the cheeky self awareness. It's the worst part of Tony Stark. Characters are interesting because of their flaws and how the persevere and they took those elements away and replaced it with everyone worshiping her. She can just use all the infinity stones because shut up. I think the exact moment it became dead for me is when they had Melina unironically talk about how amazing Peggy is. They took this interesting tragic character and the complicated relationship she had with Natasha and turned her into a low-rent baroness and try to claim this is all about girl power.

Like a said the problems to some extent were always there. They never address the fact she used Hydra agents to build SHIELD and how the various problems she has to be either a complete idiot or willfully blind to miss. I was at some point hoping that would be addressed. That could have been an interesting story. I mean if I can point something out Rumlow doesn't seem to hydra agent in the Captain Carter timeline and there doesn't appear to be the secret Hydra conspiracy. Which suggests it was more Peggy the Howard responsible for that. Whoops, don't think they thought that through.