#as for jamie and jackie....WHO KNOWS 🙃

[youngbloodbuzz]

Chapter 5! Basically halfway there! Also it's about to get a bit hot in here 😬

“'Pancakes,' Eddie mumbled. 'Want pancakes.'" Eddie is a pregnant woman.

Bless your heart Ed, your heart is in the right place. Someday, when you learn to listen, you will make a wonderful husband.

"Her hair was tied back with a bandana, and she wore a black tank top and sweatpants rolled up to her knees, a bright sheen to her skin as if she had just run a marathon." 😳🥴🥵

"-Mikey sliding into view on his socks, shredding an air guitar solo with those bright neon green glasses perched on his nose." I love Mickey. Poor kid. I'd die.

"Eventually, they pulled apart, clearing their throats." God they are exhausting

Carson's crush on Owen. Can't say I blame him. He's a fine looking man with a fine mustache. Seriously though Rahul Kohli is hot af. Excuse me while I go into a bisexual spiral.

You guys are gonna make Hannah and Owen get together, right? RIGHT!?

I love the influence that Jamie had on Carson.

Tchotchkes is such a good Yiddish word. Makes my little Jewish heart happy.

I like this scene when Mikey skips and she goes to Jamie's that Sunday. Some of Jamie's mask slips. She lets Dani in just a bit more than she has since she came back, and let herself lean on Dani and her advice.

". Not when she had her own secrets. Not when a single whisper and a pair of loose lips could play havoc so easily with her own life." // "Because Hannah wasn’t the only one in the room, and Hannah wasn’t the only one watching." God I feel that. I came from a very small village. Less than 1000 people. I kept my sexuality so close to me, it felt like it was a matter of life or death.

"Smiling, Dani pulled out a few slices. It was terrifyingly easy, falling back into a routine with Jamie. They moved around one another in the kitchen as though with a sixth sense for the other’s whereabouts at all times. Dani was hyper aware of Jamie’s location in a way she never was with anyone else. Around her mother it was a keen-eared alertness and walking on eggshells. Around Eddie it was shrinking, making herself smaller to accommodate the space he filled. Even around Judy, it was smiles and softness, forced eagerness and a desire to please engrained so deep she could feel the grooves in her face at the end of a day. Here and now, in Jamie’s warm and worn kitchen, Dani could reach for a pat of butter without airs. Surreal, somehow, that even so simple an act would normally require a measure of her due diligence. Waiting for the toaster to pop and fiddling with a blunt knife, secure in the knowledge — the absolute certainty — that she could simply exist." Just this whole thing. I couldn't shorten it down because I love it all so much

How old was Jamie when she went to prison? In this version of the story.

"'Gird your loins?' Dani offered." Dying

The flowers. Like: "Oh no big deal just from my totally platonic best friend." 🙄🙄 Dani girl. Dig deeper. It's right there.

"A friendly gesture like all their other friendly gestures. Sitting close enough on the couch so that their thighs pressed together. Grazing their fingertips while passing an item across the dining table. Hugging one another with every goodbye. Dani could do the same with anyone, and it would be no different." WANTING TO FUCK YOUR FRIEND TRULY IS SUCH A FRIENDLY GESTURE.

I love the Hill House references when talking about the houses in sentient ways.

"Sometimes I wish you’d choose me.” She always is Eddie, that's part of the problem. It's slowly killing her.

"'But you - you don’t have siblings.'

'I have you.'" Oooooop... there it is.

"'First year they put me down.'" // "'And the last'"

Jamie helping with the Birthday surprise // Jamie helping to book the gardens for the wedding // Jamie helping with the kids under the mistletoe. Jamie is always trying to make Dani happy, no matter the cost to herself.

"Dani couldn’t bear even the idea of it, of letting Jamie linger in its shadows, not when she was the antithesis to all of what it represented." Brilliant writing, bravo.

"Dani was silent for a moment, and then said, 'They really are an interesting shade of purple.'" Cheeky girl

Jamie kicking Mikey out of his spot so she can sit by Dani. Wish I knew Jamie in real life. I would tease her so hard. Also I wonder what's going on in Mikey's head. What he thinks about it all.

"She would have been just as happy sitting in silence with them, and she wondered how she might best memorize this moment, press it between two pages and preserve it for safe-keeping for when the inevitable end came." Fuck me up man. Both the imagery and the pessimism. It's amazing. It's so clear she's expecting Jamie to leave again or for this all have just been a painful dream. So sure it's all going to burst.

"Jamie paused, but it was such a minute thing that Dani might have imagined it." No bitch she just full on pictured you in her bed doing dirty things

"Jamie made a gesture with the pen. 'So, should I sign it?'" Jamie was definitely hyping herself up for this conversation all morning.

"-as if Dani had complete say over everything and anything." You do Dani

Jamie giving Dani the desk 😭

"'And here I thought you were a fan of delayed gratification,' Jamie said, chuckling softly." DIRTYY

"When he had only ever complained about how her work took up space. And now, here Jamie had done the opposite."

This chapter has really great Hill House references.

"Jamie’s hand drifted over and covered hers. 'I see you,' she murmured." Honestly this feels even more intimate than an "I love you" like the people around her love her, they do, but they don't see her, and that's what she needs. To be seen.

I also think this is the first time Jamie is seeing that Dani is actually unhappy. No just little looks about her that makes Jamie pause and think maybe something isn't right, but an actual conformation.

"'Teasing,' Hannah finished for her, gaze darting towards Dani. 'Yes, I could see that.'" Oh she knows

Jamie and Jackie fucked didn't they? Or Jackie had gay feels for Jamie. Something obviously happened... will we find out?

"For a single mad moment Dani imagined closing the distance between them and kissing her, and the image sent a jolt of heat down her spine that was so startling she lurched back, breathless." And there it is folks. It clicked.

"She couldn’t want this. She couldn’t want Jamie." Oh but darling.. you do.

My commentary is a bit blah this time, not because of the chapter, but because of, sigh, depression. But this is giving me great joy, and it helps that it's so wonderfully written that I can just lose myself in the story. So! Onward we plough.

“'Pancakes,' Eddie mumbled. 'Want pancakes.'" Eddie is a pregnant woman.

kjbaskdjbgaskdfs the way this TOOK ME OUT ONE SHOT ONE KILL lmfaoooo

love that you noticed jamie's influence on carson, she really was like his gay hero big sister lmao

iirc jamie was about 19/20 when she went to prison. spent just less than a year there and was released early for good behaviour.

god everything happens so much, so glad you enjoyed the chapter but also don't even worry about your commentary being so blah, depression is a real asskicker but i hope the stay at the hospital gets easier! happy to see that bhah is keeping good company too

@romanimp