#as for dinah idk if she lives. my head says no but my HEART says yes. for garrus's sake 😞

[vancalox]

its over.

[ufonaut]

I asked you to rank the shittest dads of the JSA a while ago (which I loved so much thank you!!) so could you also do a ranking for who are the worst husbands or boyfriends in the JSA? I don’t know how to word it since some of the JSA are just not the marrying types (like Ted) so maybe who has just the worst relationship skills/disasters idk. Don’t make fun of me for my wording I can’t think of a word to put for this, but I just love everything to do with the JSA and the problems or disasters of their lives including the others making fun of said disasters lol. Thanks!

NO I GET WHAT YOURE SAYING. I LOVE IT. LETS DO THIS.

A Comprehensive Ranking of JSA (And JSA-Related) Members As Romantic Partners, From Best To Worst:

jay garrick - the model husband. it’s literally physically impossible to do better than jay. he’s completely devoted to joan and adores her, he pulls his weight around the house in terms of chores, he’s never forgotten a single important date or anniversary. women want him, men want to kill him for making them look bad

al pratt - complete sweetheart. he & mary james spend their entire time in college absolutely head over heels for each other but only manage to get it together after they graduate. ideal married life until mary’s death while al is trapped in limbo with the rest of the gang

pat dugan - only married his first wife because she was pregnant with mike and it did NOT work out but look at him with barbara! he’s fast approaching jay levels!

ted grant - ted is not the marrying kind and he’s severely slept with approx every woman he’s ever met BUT he’s a real gentleman about it and genuinely good company. 10/10 as long as nothing above vaguely amicable feelings is involved

johnny thunder - in the all star comics 1940 run, johnny tells the jsa he can’t join up until he asks his girlfriend’s permission. malewife

carter hall - for all the ways he should be banned around children and specifically around kendra, it’s undeniable carter did/does love shiera with his whole entire heart and her death is the leading cause for his occasional insanity. good husband, terrible person

johnny quick chambers - the jsa’s most famous divorcee. johnny isn’t a bad husband per se & he and libby were ridiculously in love once upon a time but the spark went out and they divorced because libby was embarrassed of his get rich quick schemes/infomercials. libby’s loss is the world’s gain

charles mcnider - in love with his nurse/assistant, myra mason, so there’s definitely something to be said about power dynamics (especially in the 1940s) and he does eventually get myra killed during a midnite adventure but. for a moment in time. They Were Very In Love. and i’m counting it as something considering who’s to follow

wes dodds - he & dian have that classic noir detective/girl friday dynamic and it’s fun to see someone as endlessly devoted to each other as they are & extra interesting that they’re one of the few couples from Back Then to never marry but rather opt to be life partners (not to mention the starman arc ‘sand and stars’ regrettably informs us their sex life is better than ever). there is, however, the matter of wes locking dian’s nephew in his basement and the insane insane age difference between them (spectre 92 tells us wes was attending socialite parties when dian was just a little girl)

rex tyler - well-meaning and deeply loving but there’s a chance wendi tyler did not, in fact, see her husband even once for the duration of their marriage. chronically absent. award-winning ability to miss birthdays and anniversaries

ted knight - great husband as far as doris knight & the rest of the world were concerned! now, yknow, if it weren’t for those pesky nights spent in sleazy motels with dinah drake after just about every mission for a year or so

alan scott - this is admittedly a little bit of a dilemma considering alan is gay & closeted and traumatised & angry about it but there’s no way of knowing What Might Have Been and how alan would act with a male partner (as i don’t think he’s ever had any experiences in the matter that’ve lasted longer than a night) so the fact of the matter is that his marriage to molly is a disaster and she’s unhappy enough about it to sell her soul to the literal devil TWICE. between his World Famous Anger Issues and the fact that alan smashes glasses in casual conversation with his best friend if his temper gets the best of him, this is a well deserved spot

[breanime]

Hogwarts Headcannons

Requested by anon:  Headcannon: Billy is a Slytherin, Caspian is a Hufflepuff and they have an unlikely best friend trope (idk if I used trope right lmao)-❣️

Hm... This was an interesting one... Let me know what you guys think of this.

*gifs not mine*

*Pre-Hogwarts*

Billy is a half-blood Slytherin; his father was a Muggle and his Mom a pureblood witch

Caspian is a pureblood Hufflepuff

Billy was raised in an Orphanage right outside of Diagon Alley when his mother abanonded him

Caspian lived in a manor his entire life

Caspian first showed signs of magic when he was having a pillow fight with his cousins

One of the pillow exploded, and he made the feathers dance in the air

His cousins were astonished, clapping and congratulating him as the feathers flew around the air

But he wasn’t done

Caspian made his little cousins, the youngest three, float in the air as well, feathers flying around them

His older cousins were so impressed--they’d never seen such levels of magic at such a young age

Caspian only smiled in the face of their charmed bewilderment

Billy’s first sign of magic also involved levitation

An older kid had been picking on one of the new, smaller kids

Pushing him to the ground and tripping him in the halls

Billy had watched this display for too long

He was over it

It was one thing to show one’s dominance when it was deserved

But this idiot’s only strength was his size

So when he tripped the kid, instead of just watching and rolling his eyes like usual

Billy narrowed his eyes

Stared over at the cackling buffoon

And thought

“You want to feel like a big man? Want to stand tall over everyone else? Then do it.”

And just like that--the bully started floating in mid-air, screaming and crying in alarm

Billy flung him about with his mind, giving the bully a small case of whiplash

Finally, his concentration was broken when he heard someone calling for an adult

And the bully fell to the ground, tears and snot running down his cheeks

Billy grinned

*At Hogwarts*

Billy knew without a shadow of a doubt which house he’d be placed in

He went to the train station by himself, ahead of the other kids in the Orphanage

It was there he saw a kid about his height and build, but with much longer hair, surrounding by what Billy assumed was adoring family

(He was right)

Caspian was almost late getting on the train

His parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins took what felt like a hundred pictures of him and gave him a thousand hugs and kisses

He had to jog to make sure he didn’t miss the train

When he got on, he realized most of the cars were full

Except for one

A thin boy with cool dark eyes was sitting in a car all his own, a small frown on his face

When Caspian asked if he could sit there, the boy only shrugged one shoulder and said

“Don’t matter to me”

So Caspian sat

They didn’t talk for a while

Caspian got the (correct) feeling that the kid wasn’t a big talker, but he had to ask

“What’s your name?”

Which then led to “What House do you want to be in?”

Which ended up leading to a pretty lengthy conversation about the Houses and the stereotypes that went with them

The boys kept up a steady stream of conversation all the way to Hogwarts

Billy was surprised by how comfortable he felt with this Caspian kid

It was clear that Caspian was from money, but he didn’t have that jerkish quality that a lot of rich kids in Billy’s experience seemed to have

They sat with each other during Dumbledore’s welcome speech, quietly pointing out kids who were sure to be sorted by stereotype

“See the girl with the big eyes and serious face? Ravenclaw,” Billy whispered

“The kid with the smug look on his face? Gonna be Gryffindor,” Caspian said back

“The dude with the raised eyebrows and ‘I’m better than you’ smirk is gonna be in my House,” Billy corrected, “I’m gonna outdo him in every class.”

Caspian was called to the Sorting Hat first

His smile was so wide when it called out “HUFFLEPUFF!”

Billy was happy for him, but he kind of wished he’d been put into the same House as Billy

Billy didn’t have much of a reaction when the Sorting Hat got put on his head

It said: “Ah... I haven’t seen a Russo in these halls in some time. You are most certainly in SLYTHERIN!”

As the first year went on, Billy found himself spending most of his time with Caspian, and vice versa

Caspian’s friends would always ask him--never in front of Billy, of course--why he was friends with him

And Caspian would give a one-shouldered shrug (he’d gotten into the habit after hanging out with Billy) and just say “he’s my friend”

Billy wasn’t necessarily friends with any other Slytherins

Though there were a couple of Gryffindors named Curtis and Frank he liked to study with

But mostly he hung out with Caspian

They competed for top spot in all of their classes

Caspian was incredibly gifted in Transfiguration

But Billy was a pro in Charms (go figure)

Both of them did well in Defense Against the Dark Arts, though their combat styles were different

Caspian was a naturally defensive fighter, and Billy liked to be on the offense

They sparred together regularly

Sometimes Frank and Curtis would practice with them

By 3rd year it was clear that Billy and Caspian were inseperable

They went on self-imposed quests through the Forbidden Forest together

(Where Caspian was almost taken by a group of Centaurs once)

Caspian spent Christmas break at the castle with Billy

That was the first and last year they did that

After third year, Billy just came to Caspian’s home with him for the holidays

Caspian and Billy went through their time at Hogwarts side by side

Billy was there when Caspian’s heart was broken by the studious Hufflepuff Susan Pevensie

And Caspian was there when Billy almost got into a fist fight with Susan’s Gryffindor brother Peter

Billy lost his virginity to a Ravenclaw girl named Dinah, who was way more into him than he was her

And Caspian and (a reluctant) Billy played matchmaker for Frank and a fellow Gryffindor named Karen

Caspian was very sympathetic when they broke up

Billy was...pretty pleased, in all honesty

Caspian found himself serving his share of detentions with Billy as they got older

Until he became the Hufflepuff Boy Prefect

(A thing that Billy was very proud of him for--even if he did make fun of Caspian for it at the same time)

The boys graduated at the top of their class

*Post-Hogwarts*

Caspian gets a job at the Ministry of Magic and inherits his family’s manor

Billy is hired as a Magical Bounty Hunter along with Frank and Curtis

He gets mauled by an Animagus mark, and his face gets scarred up pretty bad

But Caspian assures his friend that it looks badass

And Billy can’t help but agree

Billy ends up starting his own Bounty Hunter/security detail business called “Anvil” and hires Frank and Curtis on full time

He ends up making a lot of money

He buys a place down the block from Caspian

And Caspian hires Anvil to work security for big events at the Ministry

Billy is the Best Man at Caspian’s wedding

Caspian cries when he sees his bride walk down the aisle

Billy makes fun of him for that later

And even though the two of them are very different

They remain the best of friends for the rest of their lives. 

*******************************************************************************************

I think this headcannon was the most fanfic-y thing I’ve ever written lol! I consulted @teacuplotus on this one, and she insisted that she thought Karen was a Gryffindor, but I thought she’s more of a Ravenclaw. Thoughts?

Thanks for reading!

Taglist: @lexxierave @loveintheroyalfamily@suchatinyinfinity@fanfictionrecommendations-com  @maxslime-blog @elanor-of-imladris@songforhema @lucielandss @fandomlifeandeverythingelse@themadhatter92@realduckvader @the-blind-assassin-12 @christinawxxx @anabella-baby @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @luminex3 @littlemermaidprobz@ashkuuuu@luckysstrikes @carlaangel86 @floralpeaceofmind@dylanobrusso@teacuplotus @iaintnofurry @thesumofmychoices @ymariejp @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @mrsjaxtellerfan @whovianayesha @holamor @drinix @rhabakoli @stories-you-wont-hear @king4thesirens @bellamys@marauderskeeper @charlylama @thesandbeneathmytoes @gollyderek@leahnicole1219 @evanlys19 @something-tofightfor @banditthewriter  @binbons-is-theloml

Billy Russo Taglist:  @honeyydippaa  @thebabblingbookworm @khuangpu13@ladyblablabla @woodlandreads

Caspian Taglist: @miss-nerd95 @a-jem-found-in-a-papaya @ladyblablabla

[deadlyflan]

In my TMNT fanfic WIP - CHAIN REACTION, TCRI has been experimenting with the ooze and on animals since the original ninja-turtle-making canister went missing. These large-scale mutant experiments are how I introduce the female turtles* that form the North American Indigenous Reptile Cluster 3 Control Group.

Let me introduce you to one of them.

Meet Dinah.

Dinah and her female cohorts were Trachemys scripta scripta, yellow-bellied slider turtles, before their exposure to the ooze in 1976. In the (picrew-generated) concept art above, Dinah has been bundled up against the winter weather during her first stay at the farmhouse. Splinter covered her head initially for warmth, but as she settled in, she added a scarf over her knit cap. She feels safest and most comfortable when covered. This is no religious or modesty-based habit. Rather, blankets, covers, and towels were the best way to guarantee a small amount of privacy when growing up under surveillance. In the winter cold, her tendency to loop quilts, comforters, afghans, and scarves over herself seems rational. As the seasons change, the nervous habit will stand out more starkly.

So much of what makes Dinah act like Dinah has roots in the lab. Limited close-contact with humans, strictly regimented living, and an unyielding authority structure have molded a young woman whose goal in life is to BE A GOOD GIRL. She listens. She does what she's told. She follows the rules, and she's overly eager to please. Being GOOD keeps you and your sisters safe. Being GOOD means any punishments are mild. Being REALLY GOOD means special treats! Maybe half a banana. Maybe an extra hour in the enrichment room. Maybe even being allowed to file some paperwork.

Dinah's the best at filing. She's very proud of how fast she can be. She remembers everything very well. Everything. Ab-so-lute-ly. Ever-y-thing. Sometimes that's bad. There's so many things Dinah doesn't want to remember. But! Sometimes it's good. Her test scores are excellent and her filing is brilliant. Dr. Perry said so. She remembers that. Remembering when he said she was brilliant is definitely a good thing. Dr. Weston never said she was brilliant, but she did say Dinah did very good work many times. Dr. Nomikos? Well, no point in thinking about him. He rarely spoke to Dinah. Dr. Weston said that was a good thing...

The lab turtles' world is small and their isolation will distort their expectations and reactions to life outside. The girls in Cluster 3 Control will have relied upon each other for much of their socialization. It built a unique 'turtle culture' in the group; everything from a human-excluding hidden language to a quasi-spiritual belief about turtle afterlife. To say there will be culture-shock between the two groups of turtles is an understatement.

*((SIDE NOTE - MY INSECURITY RAMBLE:: I feel foolish for how embarrassed I get talking about these characters. Perhaps it is a hold over from being too ashamed as a kid to admit to my daydreamer's habit of conjuring up 4 matching turtle gals and giving them shorthand personalities that match the TMNT. I have doodles from approximately a million years ago of the OCs I made in middle school: the smart one, the funny one, the angry one, the leader. (I feel like we all do/did this? IDK, springtime of a youngster's heart: give the TMNT matching significant others. now kiss!) Anyways, as much as I enjoyed it at the time, I think I knew even then that my earliest OCs were halfbaked. So, if I have any motivating factor for writing these original characters well, it's the desperate need to present OCs that I'm proud of, with an origin story and characterization that makes readers love them as much as I do. I know I'm going out on a limb to say, "I've got girl turtles from a lab. Trust me! It'll be good!," but there is an anxious need in me for this fic to be incredible. I have a beta reader who's never steered me wrong and I promise I won't post on AO3 until my narrative and my characters pass muster! /END MY INSECURITY RAMBLE))

[gothammite]

babs & dinah

god everyone buckle in im sorry 

(babs)

favorite thing about them

i have always really liked barbara and i grew up watching the late 90s, early 2000s dc cartoons so i grew up basically just like :0 whenever she was on screen. the trio of #1 characters for tiny lee was babs, kim possible and sam from totally spies (catch the pattern). so i guess to give it a name you can just call it nostalgia and fondness more than anything. but as far as the character itself, her resilience and persistence in the face of adversity is amazing and the fact that she thrives under pressure? god. i love

least favorite thing about them

dude she can be ice fucking cold. i dont think she can help it. it’s helpful in a lot of cases when everyone is dicking around and she can just be like ‘stop that’ but sometimes i’m reading and i’m like BARBARA…

favorite line

i mean. c’mon. ‘you took nothing from me’? what is going to top that. 

brOTP

i know a lot of people disagree but i really see her relationship with cass as more of an older sister type thing than a motherly type thing so i would say her and cass and her and steph. plus like…….. i really like her friendship with alysia and frankie even though the comics those come from are not. THE best….

OTP

dinahbabs and dickbabs. you can hate me but dickbabs has just as many flaws as the next ship and im not afraid to admit that i like it ALRIGHT

nOTP

jayb*bs. i dont like it and i dont want it ever. oh yeah adn this goes without saying but id like to kill bruce timm with my bare hands for creating brub*bs. that shit is horrible 

random headcanon

id like to think that she tries to have at least one meal with her dad a week (mostly breakfast, sometimes dinners), when she’s living in burnside, anyway. also i think she has like TONS of scars, not only on her arms but on her face too

unpopular opinion

i feel like i already mentioned one lmao but another………. idk. is it unpopular to know that oracle is better than batgirl anymore? i feel like most people have their heads on straight now but

song i associate with them

SO many but like…… daniel in the den by bastille and knocking at the door by arkells……………. hit me in the heart bro

favorite picture of them

look at her. she looks like an actual person!!!!!!!

im putting dinah under a read more (sorry dinah) 

favorite thing about them

dude you dont come across many characters especially female ones like dinah because she’s allowed to be sensual and the ‘femme fatale’ type but she’s also allowed to be feisty and capable and one of the most hightly respected members of the hero community and most importantly, the justice league. plus her sense of humor is always like. super welcomed when things are mega serious

least favorite thing about them

SOMETIMES………. her shoot from the hip temperment can be a bit of a challenge………….. but also i love that about her too. :,-) this was cheating im sorry

favorite line

she has SO MANY good ones……. i really like the one from god knows what book but she’s like ‘she’s my best friend in the world… but I don’t know who she is’….. beautiful

brOTP

honestly any of the birds of prey but something about her relationship with relationship with harley in the injustice universe too is like. damn my heart

OTP

obvs dinahbabs…… but i also like dinahollie and dinahhelena is pretty……… amazing. ALSO DINAHZATANNA!!! so underrated

nOTP

people ship dinah and bruce. did you know that. people ship them. i hate that. i dont want it

random headcanon

id like to think that, somewhere down the road, once she decides to retire from the hero business, she settles down and makes her own boxing club and it becomes super successful…….. and she works with kids from inner city gotham and trains them and just. imagine dinah as the new and improved richard dragon thats all im saying here basically!

unpopular opinion

dinahbabs is great but the age gap is not. love them tho

song i associate with them

HAVE you heard the everybody wants to rule the world cover by lorde. have you. have you. it’s dinah central i love it

favorite picture of them

i love her injustice 2 model SO much it is not a joke she looks so good here’s a specific pose done by an artist (i added the link for credit purposes) 

[lodestarslagoon]

AHS Apocalypse 8x03 Live Stream

SPOILERS UNDER CUT

Oh I thought the opening scene looked like the Dinah, Coco, Mallory descencum. Damn Michael...

Night Vision of the soul? Tell me about your powers!

Lol, spoiler, entitled, helpless. 

OMG COCO! Fire Mallory lol

“Something Dark”

DAMN CALL HER SHALLOW!

Og again? He knows Dinah?

SHE’S NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH?!

DINAH IS A WITCH!

MICHAEL CONFIRMED IT!

Ish

Dinah is in the sanctuary!

Evil soul?

Oh nvm, it’s Andre.

Unless Dinah is Andre’s son...?

God this is one opening scene of mind fuckery.

I want Dinah to use some powers

Mallory’s made for that world?

Mallory should want to leave.

Ew what an ugly close up to Michael.

Oh Mallory has a darkness..... Unfun.

MALLORY PUSHED HIM BACK

MALLORY IS A WITCH!

OMG MALLORY PYROKINESISED MICHAEL!

That’s right Mallory! Call his ass right back out!!!!

OMG MY THEORY THAT DINAH MALLORY AND COCO R WITCHES ARE RIGHT!!!

THEY DID DESCECUM WHEN THE OTHER 3 WALK IN!

BEST OPENING SCENE IN AHS HISTORY!!!

I swear the opening theme has been changing scenes every week.

ITS COMMERCIALS AND I AM SCREAMING IN EXCITMENT STILL THAT MALLORY, BILLIE LOURD, AND DINAH, SAME NAME AS BLACK CANARY, ARE WITCHES!!!

I still wonder if Coco’s a witch based on set pics Ryan Murphy released.

I am so excited to find out how Dinah knows Michael.

Adina Porter came out and said the scripts made her mind twist and turn, and well I hope it’s true cause it’ll be interesting to see a strong black witch since Angela Basset is too busy with 911 to come back as Marie.

Omg Michael’s doing a spell, ritual.

I wonder if it’s Tate father of devil father.

OHHHH It’s a scrying!!!

He thought he destroyed them all?

Michael did the witches?!

HE DESTROYED WHO? THE WITCHES?!

I cant with this fucking shit. Omg Witches need to ocme and take hsi ass back.

Boiling blood is actually kind of a cool effect.

Am I the only one whos still scare dof Michael’s demon face that happened earlier?

Oh yay the snakes are still around.

Ave Satanis... “Awaken Satan” right?

Kathy Bate’s voice is so distinct.

Her own self made costume is adorable.

The tricker treatgiver is a famous actress I remember her from places.

Wasn’t Kathy Bates in Rosemary’s baby?

Go Young Kathy Bates! Slap him.

Oh shit, she’s a good fighter!

Oh she’s an agent. This makes sense.

Can we have Kathy Bates in Spy 2? 

Can someone inform Melissa McCarthy and 50 Cent Piece to get Kathy in on this?

Oh everything happened on Halloween in Kathy Bates’ life. Nice.

Okay as nice as robot Kathy Bates’ life story is, can we get back to the witches?

I still swear Mallory and Coco are connected because they’re witchy powers keep them together.

I am so validated by this knowledge they were witches.

Awww Venable showing support for Kathy Bates is actually touching.

Omg Venable being so adamant on Michael is very interesting.

“That’s Outrageous”

“If you die here, Justice dies here” Really? you’re the sadists here!

“Kill everyone!” Jeez Kathy, these methods are nice.

“ You’re mean and self invovled enough to survive anything, and I’m a robot”

Oh is this guy the Coco husband who screams “You bitch?”

Someone saw a leaked pic that he appears again I think.

I was a finalist on top chef omg hahahhaa

Omg, he is very good “tracking” her for a year.

No one sees the figure approaching behind him?

I wonder where this guy got the gun.

Wait I guess we know officially that the apocalypse did actually happen.

How come these people can breath fine without pain like the people Michael claims he saw.

mother with kids^

OMG ANOTHER WITCH BREACH?!

STEP FORTH WITCHES PLEASE!!!!!

MADISON I INVOKE THEE!!!

They teleported in already I bet.

Ugh.... Why can’t we just reveal the witches already.

Anyone have any guesses where Michael did the ritual? I am very curious? How do people not notice things that happen in this place?

Apples... cause they’re fucking for Adam and Eve aka UCLA and Jail Girl

lol a nurtition blog!

Oh Venable happy enough to try the red delicious.

Vine providence? Wtf Kathy Bates....

Before they die? Don’t you just kill them anyways?

“Not a bad apple in the bunch?” Is that symbolism for they all deserve to go to the sancutary?

WHERE ARE THE WITCHES?

I could honestly care less about Coco’s husbando bf guy.

How can he breath the air and not the guy in the mask?

This Nuclear fallout is making less and less sense to me.

Less sense than where are the witches of all things.

I ownder how Coco will react ot seeing him.

MALLORY STARE AT THE FIRE AND INVOKE THINGS PLEASE!

Oh another Gray got a speaking line.

God I have a lot of thoughts tonight.

Celebration and Comradery?

Wait the only saved Asian is a Gray....

Victorian Masquerade Ball.... @holypancakes is about to blow it!

What are they going to be able to make in this bunker.

Omg Coco, and Gay Evan Peters destroying Mallory is so relatable and sad.

Omg Stew!!! I love how they love Stew.

“I don’t wanna rub it in for the ones who don’t get picked” lol

“No offense Mallory” BAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAJA

These 1v1′s is hilarious.

OMG WHY THE FACE AGAIN :’(

Oh Mallory’s coming out of the broom closet!

Oh they’re laughing at him.

NO MALLORY ITS NOT THE BLAST!

OMG DARK PHEONIX! Shit thats so meta, with Quicksilver right there lol.

Coco commanding shit. 

I know she probably won’t but pleas Mallory do something.

This is such a Cinderella point.

Shit Coco is kind of getting a little far right now.

She totally had a point with Evie’s room.

OH IS THIS WHEN MADISON APPEARS IN THE BEAK MASK TO DINAH OR WHOEVER IN THE TRAILER?!

I know it’s not confirmed but we all know that mask was the same Madison wore for to scare Zoe in Bitchcraft.

LOL “Sweet horses”

Lol Mallory has to introduce her.

LOL THAT BOO

FX WTF DON’T U FUCK UP THE PICTURE AUDIO NOW!

Oh shit Venable knows the Ghosts situation.

I mean if it’s been 18 months, this has happened before.

I wonder how many monologes Sarah Paulson has this season.

WHAT MUSIC WILL PLAY I WONDER?!

No idea what this symbolizes honestly.

Oh UCLA’s wire crown is actually creative.

OMG THE FOG IS ROLLING IN WHICH MEANS THE WITCHES CAN COME!

Madison is not that tall, so idk who that could be.

Mr. Langdon doesn’t seem that tall either.

Is Coco dying? Damn....

I still pray it’s Madison, but still.

Wait Coco got into Harvard?

I hope it’s like by real merit. Not money.

BITCH YOU WERE TRYING TO BE AN INFLUENCER U NEVER MADE IT!

Analingus omg Coco.

Coco’s about to die sigh.

Coco can you not....

Short tongue and sensitive gag reflex. sigh this show.

Oh shit Brock I forgot he was around lol.

HOW DARE SHE INVOKE SUSHI!

Brock doesn’t look happy.

NOOOOOO COCO!!!!!!!!

SOMEONE VITAL VITALUS HER!

WHERE IS MISTY?!

BRING COCO BACK!!!!

COCO WAS SEEN IN OTHER SET PARTS AND SHIT!

Lol festivities and your gun. Bitch, has no clue who Michael is.

So many snakes.

I wonder how bored they must be that this si so thirlling for them.

I wonder how many times these peopl have bobbed for apples. I think it’s harder than this I think.

I also think it’s weird UCLA and Jail Girl are so calm right now about all this. They were about to be murdered last week. I don’t knwo how I could deal with these people.

I wonder how bad this mass suicide will end up.

Oh Gay Evan Peters sis howing signs.

Mallory might be immune?

Oh nvm she threw up.

Oh UVLA had blood on Jail Girl ew.

Gay Evan Peters looked so fake.

I wonder what it’s like to act this scene.

Okay so where is Misty to bring everyone back?

Literally we know Misty is in the first 5 episodes since the trailer promos only filmed the first 5 episodes at time they made it. I thought she’d be in later.

Misty being team Michael would make so much sense based on what we just saw. 

“Oh Venable you think you killed everyone? HA! Watch this,” Michael shows Misty who dances around and brings everyone back.

“And here’s the trick” hahahaha

I’m still waiting for Michael to bring Misty in.

I wonder when they’re going to realize Coco’s like head stabbed.

Oh shit he’s just open about the laptop being there lol.

I think this is funny, let alone Michael.

Oh shit, she passed the test!

I wouldn’t do that either.

NO SCARY FACT IS COMING BACK :’(

Oh wait she’s on his side duh #HailSatan

OH SHIT!!! CONCILUM!!!!

BE THAT WARLOCK MICHAEL!

I know why she did it.

Michael’s monologe right now is so confusing.

Not what he’s saying, but how interested I am.

Where is the witches?

Someone from his childhood?!

The Beautiful Boy? I’m still confused by this.

Okay so this song is so calming over these corpses and bile.

Brock is around doing what right now?

OH SONG CHANGE?!

THERE IS A HOUSE IN NEW ORLEANS?!

Oh no, it might not be?

OMG THEY’RE COMING!

THEY’RE HERE!

OMG I BET THEY ARE!!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

THEY’RE IN MY EYE SIGHT!

I SEE THEM!!!

I’M DYING!!!!

I AM CANARY CRYING ALL OVER THE PLACE RIGHT NOW!!!!

OMG MY EYES MY HEART MY LIFE!

I CAN’T HANDLE THIS OMG YASSS BRING THEM BACK!

BRING BACK MALLORY AND CO!

FIND OUR SISTERS YES!!!!!!

I KNEW IT COCO IS A SISTER!

YASSSS RESURGENCE! 

Madison looked happy to see them back.

OMG YES MADISON KNEW! SHE GOT THE LAST LINE!

AHHHHH SHE GOT THE LAST LINE!!!!

i am so happy!!!!!

[pascalove]

Me the entire time I was reading this:

These notes are a little different because you got to watch my LIVE REACTION lmao but also this was a lovely chapter and I was just yelling the whole time anyways 😌 Here we gooo—

“Din stared at your figure as you guided your daughter away. He studied the little girl, and it finally clicked in his head that it was Dinah.” AHHH!! FINALLY!

“Now, he knew that the universe was perverse and cruel...” again, it’s just RINA lmaooo

“I have a daughter.” YRSSSSSS!!! 🙌🏻 YESYOUFUCKINDO.

“Yes, I will wait for the right moment.”

-dIIINN!! 🙄

This one just says: LITERAL SCREAAMIINNGGGGGG!!!!!! (And idk what I’m screaming about lmao)

“He would still be a Mandalorian, and his soul would remain intact, even if he took off the helmet and revealed his face.” (I remembered what I was screaming about AAAHHHH!!) 🥰🥰🥰

“She named her after me. She named her after me. Oh, Maker, what have I done? I should never have left her.” yES EXACTLY WHYYY???

“My mommy never talks about him because she always gets sad. She misses him and says that it hurts when she thinks about my daddy.” If his heart could break more than it already had, it would. It felt like the shattered pieces were splintering into smaller bits, and he was not sure how much more his guilty conscience could take. — 😭😭😭😭😭

“Get home safely, okay?” He turned to leave and took a step before he felt a tug on his sleeve and turned back to her. In her hand sat another apple.

“Take this,” she spoke. “It’s good for you. And you said that they were your favorite.” Din smiled as he took the fruit. — I don’t have a comment in my notes for this?? so I think I just really enjoyed this part 😌🥰 I love themmmmm together, they’re so precious 😭

“After all, he did have a gift for her.” A giiift?! 🥺

“Hi, Din!” she exclaimed, throwing herself against his legs, circling her arms around them. The movement nearly knocked him off balance, but he managed to stay upright and patted her head with his free hand in greeting. — so cuuutteeeee!!! 😭😍😭

“A loth cat! They’re my favorite! How did you know?!” She clutched the plushie to her chest, swaying happily. — a LOTH CAT 😭😭😭 oF COURSE ITS A KRIFFING LOTH CAT.

“Dinah’s excitement made his heart soar, and he was glad to bring her a little bit of happiness as a father, even though she was unaware of that fact.” I hate u 😭

SHE MADE HIM A FECKIN FLOWER CROOWWNNN!!

“Yes, please!” she shouted before embracing him with her tiny arms. He was brought back to the first time she hugged him, but this time he was not weighed down by the Beskar. — sO PRECCIOUSS I CANNOT

“Shiny?” Okay, that was not what I was expecting at all. — lmaoo what were you expecting, Din?

“Do you know my daddy?” His heart stopped, breath catching in his throat, and his eyes grew wide. — sCREAMING

“He held out his hand to her as they began to walk toward home. Toward you.” AGH.

“I’m here. I’m finally home.” SHUUUTT UPP INHATE U

The Scientist

Chapter Nine of Blast From The Past

Series Masterlist  •  Main Masterlist  •  Join My Taglist 

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 3k+

Summary:  Din finally catches up to Reader, and his suspicions about Dinah are confirmed.

Warnings: ANGST, some language, fluff (like tooth-rotting fluff), VERY slow burn

Song: The Scientist by Coldplay

Author’s Note: Picks up from Chapter One when Din finally sees Reader and Dinah. We’re finally in present day!

← Previous Chapter  •  Next Chapter →

Din’s POV

Din stared at your figure as you guided your daughter away. He studied the little girl, and it finally clicked in his head that it was Dinah. Her hair was longer, and she was taller, but it was her. Din’s mind went back to the day he had met her and how she had reminded him so much of you but had brushed those thoughts aside because it would have been too convenient. Does she know about me meeting Dinah? Surely the little girl would have told her about meeting a stranger clad in armor.

Keep reading

[problematic-camren]

Thoughts on Down

This is a long-ass shit, and I’m not forcing you to read. Also, please be reminded that this is just MY opinion. We all have different opinions, and I’m here to simply share my thoughts, and not to convince you to change yours. So please don’t go to my ask pushing your opinion. I already heard yours. I woke up to a bunch of “asks” and I already know that some don’t like it, while some do.

My initial reaction:

• why is this so auto-tuned? Okay, Dinah’s voice sounds like smooth warm caramel on top of a sundae. Why is this so basic? Lauren’s adlibs tho! Why are the lyrics so generic? Oooh WFH melody… It’s gonna be a bop! Wait why is the chorus so blandly repetitive? But it’s not that bad. Why do they sound so alike?

• and picture me with my earphones on listening to the first verse, pre-hook, chorus and shit with a pensive look on my face, and disappointment running through my head like damn I wanted more…

But then Gucci Mane came in, (and I know I’m the minority in this one), but for me, the first authentic reaction the song elicited from me was his part.

Why? Because his part was so off and out of nowhere that it took me out of the rut I was in. Like imagine a flat line where the song was just monotonous, like a car cruising on a smooth freeway (not bad, but also kind of boring) but then you run into a pothole and you get jerked off your stupor…

That’s what gucci’s part was for me. A tiny spike on that flat line. A deviation that held my attention. I’m not saying it’s amazing. I’m saying that the grating sound of the bass and the randomness of it was what made me smile while listening to it. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that I was smiling the whole time I was listening to that weird bass with a tiny bit of goosebumps on my skin because I knew then that I COULD like Down without lying to myself. It was the only thing that caught my attention, aside from Lauren’s adlibs (which, girl, I wish she did more. I live for Lauren going offffff)

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m so done with these collabs with rappers, like I wanted to hear them alone, like they did with Boss (idc if you say that one is trash lmao, Boss is a bop for me. I fucking love that shit 😂), but if they really have to collab with rappers, I wish it wasn’t Gucci. Maybe Chance, or Migos damn…

But if it were up to me, I wish they would have collabed with female rappers. I still am salty that NTKG wasn’t utilized much. A missed opportunity with Missy Elliott like bitch you had to release TMG over NTKG? NTKG was at least more authentic with the sound it’s trying to project. It was old school and it owned it. Like Voicemail was reminiscent of 90’s bops and not lacing it with today’s trendy dancehall or tropical vibe. It has its own sound, and not a mix of everything generic we hear today where we hear a song and we automatically hear the edm producers more than the artist.

But OMG I digress, sorry.

So yeah, DOWN…

So after my initial reaction, I gave it a couple more listen, and then I watched the live performance, then I slept, then I woke up the next day and I listened to the audio a couple more times, watched the live several more, and here’s my conclusion:

• Down is that kind of a summer bop which grows on you. It’s not a bad song. It’s simplistic but also season-friendly. It’s probably what the label insisted on as their first release.

The reason why it probably feels lacking for me, aside from its repetitiveness, is that maybe it lacks another verse. It’s shorter than WI and WFH so it feels incomplete. There must be a reason for it. It could really be just a teaser.

• at this point in my 5h-stanning life, I’m not even expecting anything mind-blowing. All I want is for 5H to slay the charts, because this should be their era. They seem genuinely happy now and my god after everything they’ve been through (label shit and all), ALL FIVE OF THEM deserve our unwavering support.

• Sure, Down isn’t what I expected. Yes, I wanted more. I wanted more lyrics. I wanted a kickass sound. But, idk man, after several repeats, I think it’s a good enough bop.

• with regards to the vocals, I still hate the auto-tuned shit. I get that maybe they’re finally utilizing Lauren’s range, but I prefer that they don’t auto tune much because I could barely hear her rasp (which was still obvious in her live performance, despite the higher tone she’s using).

Maybe they’re doing it on purpose, making them sound the same as a symbol of their new sound’s “cohesiveness”, but I prefer old 5h where their voices are uniquely different.

• and I’m not even complaining that it sounds like WFH. I don’t have a problem with an artist using a tried and tested formula for ONE of their album’s single. It’s meant to hook the audience. It gives them that familiar sound which could make a NON-FAN recognize their older hits and draw them to the new one. Just because they said “NEW ERA” doesn’t mean that they should change their ENTIRE sound. There’s always that one or two singles that are meant to hook the general public. It’s a constant compromise a mainstream artist makes with their label.

(I mean, The Chainsmokers basically generate the same sound over and over and they’re charting as if they created music. And no, I’m not a big fan of the chainsmokers.

Point is, re-using WFH is not something unheard of. It’s a business move.)

You really can’t please everybody. Because when Lady Gaga released an album that felt authentic for her, some people criticized it and kept saying they wanted the old “Bad Romance” Gaga. When Lorde released her new single, Green Light, her hipster fanbase called her a sell-out and didn’t like that she’s deviated from her “sound” to be more mainstream and I was like bitch can’t an artist explore a different side of her artistry?

And on the flip side, can’t an artist use their old sound? My point is, Down was produced by the same people who made WFH for a reason. They are playing safe. They wanted a single that would generate enough attention like their previous ones did. Then maybe, just maybe, their next singles which probably showcase their authentic sound and lyrics will have as much impact since now people are paying attention. Because no matter how much we want them to be authentic, they’re still a girl group under a greedy ass label who needs them to maintain what their idea of a girl group music and image should be..

And while Down is not something I’m particularly excited about, it’s starting to get stuck in my head, and I don’t hate it. It’s a light summery chill song that’s good to play with your friends while sipping on your drinks by the pool. It is what it was supposed to be.

I get it, I was disappointed too. Down is a downer. But I’m not gonna judge the whole album with one single yet. I’m gonna wait.

This is why I wrote this one before Down was released:

https://problematic-camren.tumblr.com/post/161338803713/5h3

Because I knew that I wasn’t expecting much from their music. I sure hope for more, definitely, BUT stanning 5H isn’t always about their music.

And just because I don’t like a few of their songs, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve my support.

I’m supporting 5h because they represent girls who are not a standard definition of what society thinks a girl should look like or how they should act like. They symbolize us. They showed us that one can achieve their dreams through hard work, and while they have been mistreated before (by their label and by fans alike) they still kept their heads up high, with grace and maturity, and kept on spreading love and inspiration, and they kept on smiling even if their hearts were breaking. They kept striving to be the best they could be, and it’s inspiring. And to see genuine warmth from these pop stars, their love and appreciation for their fans, is something that makes me wanna stan them forever. That’s why even if i really don’t like their music, I’d still keep on stanning them, because what they shared to us, the representation they gave us, the beauty and poise they all showed us, man, even if they fucking screeched for an entire album, I’ll be fuucking putting that on loop and still support their asses.

And I know it’s blind support, but I knew what I was getting into when I started supporting 5h. I wasn’t a pop person before this, I knew I won’t love their music so much. I stan them because I like them, plain and simple.

And I know it’s different for everybody. It’s all just a matter of preferences. Some could unstan just coz they don’t like the song, and that’s totally okay. We’re free to stan or unstan whoever we want. But like I said, it’s just one song. Let’s wait for the other singles and the album.

Ideally, I would love for them to show us everything they have as artists. This is their chance to go big. They have so much potential and I would have liked to see it shine while they’re still in the group. I want the brand Fifth Harmony to leave a lasting mark in this industry. I want them to be on the same spot as TLC or SG or DC. I want them to legit deserve their title.

And Down is not it. But guess what? Down is just one single. I’m gonna wait patiently for the rest of their stuff. I ONLY NEED THAT ONE CLASSIC HIT I’VE BEEN CRAVING FOR SINCE I STARTED LISTENING TO THEM. ONE CLASSIC SONG THAT WOULD STILL BE PLAYED GENERATIONS LATER BECAUSE IT’S JUST SO DAMN RELATABLE AND HEARTFELT.

That’s all I want. And I hope I’ll find that in 5H3.

Yes, Down is empty.

But I won’t unstan just because of one song. We can be disappointed (as I sure was), but I think that 5H is worth more than a few musical disappointments.

💁🏻

[lovewavesxx]

Love Waves – EP 8 – Cloud 9

“I once wanted to give you My Universe, but hun, I've got to let you go. Let me live on Cloud 9 alone now. xx. 2-12-17 11:32AM –E xx.”

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/ericajones10/playlist/3jIaMGyFfzttSg208LZtOT

Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/love-waves-ep-8-cloud-9/idpl.u-pMylyNRU085rdz

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwEZgDEorNRSSsZ6dMn6RhHBNSbLHIySc

1. Nat King Cole – L-O-V-E

2. Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong – You Won’t Be Satisfied (Until You Break My Heart)

3. Dion & The Belmonts – Tonight, Tonight

4. Frank Sinatra – That’s Life

5. Dinah Washington & Hal Mooney and His Orchestra – Let’s Go Around Together

6. Louis Armstrong – La Vie En Rose

7.  The Belmonts – P.S. I Love You

8. Ella Fitzgerald & Nelson Riddle and His Orchestra – All The Things You Are

9. Frank Sinatra – The Way You Look Tonight

10. Dean Martin – Mambo Italiano

11. Peggy Lee – Call Me

12. Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong – They Can’t Take That Away From Me

13. The Pied Pipers – I’ll Never Smile Again

14. Nat King Cole – Where or When

15. Dinah Washington & Hal Mooney and His Orchestra – That’s All I Want from You

16. George Shearing, Nat King Cole, & George Shearing Quintet – Let There Be Love

17. Peggy Lee – Big Spender

18. Dean Martin – Love Me, Love Me

19. The Nat King Cole Trio – Red Sails In The Sunset

20. Frank Sinatra – Fly Me to the Moon

Please listen to this playlist with the shuffle off.

Click here for my twitter @ericajones1010

Click here to leave a comment or say something idk :) (it’s anonymous)

cloud nine

/kloud/ /nīn/

1. a state of perfect happiness (usually in the phrase on cloud nine).

2. a state of total euphoria

I can probably guarantee no one will listen to this week’s playlist. You may be asking why I would make a playlist knowing in advance it does not appeal to most people, and you best believe I have an answer.

I started listening to jazz in February of 2017 when I needed music that was unlike anything else I was currently listening to. At that time, I really hated music. If you know me, then you know that is a monumental problem to have because music has been a very important part of my life since I was little and my Grandma Melba would let me play on her piano while she watched us during the day.

Everything I was listening to, prior to or around February, was my absolute favorite, and I knew he was listening to a lot of that same stuff as well. The thought of that was hard for me to accept. Everything reminded me of him, and I probably never crossed his mind. You see, we weren’t talking anymore at that time. He faded again, so I faded, I found an old distraction, and I quickly let that die again too. That was the last distraction I had in my life. I have no clue what the fuck he was doing during that time. I never really know what he’s doing or thinking. It doesn’t matter anymore though.

I know it sounds crazy, but bonding with someone over music is a huge deal for me. It can be a problem for me. When they decide to leave guess who’s stuck with memories and a soundtrack to relive every emotion? Me. Guess who has a history of having complications managing those occasionally overwhelming emotions? Me.

In my head, it doesn’t matter who you are, if I attach you to a song or artist, you’re most likely there for life. The only way it’s tolerable is if the thought of you when the song comes on doesn’t make me upset. Some of my favorite music accidentally gets tainted when I let other people know about it. So, if I don’t play music around you or share music with you, it’s because I can’t. I just can’t.

At that time in February I needed music with a clean history. That’s what Frank Sinatra did for me. That’s what jazz did for me. It took me mentally away from where I was when I needed a break. It took me to Cloud 9.

The description, “I once wanted to give you My Universe, but hun, I've got to let you go. Let me live on Cloud 9 alone now xx.,” stems from two playlists that have the ability to emotionally destroy me or put me in the best mood.

“My Universe” was a playlist I made as a response to the playlist he made for me titled “xx.” I came up with the name for my playlist because of a conversation he and I had. I think it was after he’d already sent me his playlist and I was telling him he needed to do one radio show because his selection and flow was ridiculously amazing. (I was the radio station manager at that time.) I think I asked what would it take for me to get him to do it and he said something like the “the universe.” In my dumb brain I decided I could never give him the universe, but I would willingly give him every ounce of My Universe. Too deep? Yuh, welcome to my life.

In all honesty, his playlist is still much better than mine haha, but mine also has a lot of complexity and meaning that has never been discussed with really anyone including him—especially the last track.

Those two playlists were created in January of 2017, and they really fucked me up. To give a brief example, the title “xx.” comes from something very personal in my life. Whether he was aware of it or not, or you’re aware of it or not, when I was seventeen years old I was suicidal for the first time. I used to write letters to get the shit in my brain out. Writing was my salvation. Writing is still very much my salvation. I used to sign each letter with an xx. That xx. was me signing my heart on that paper. It has a bunch of other meaning to me as well, but these days when I sign something xx., in short, it means this is from my heart.

So when he made me a playlist that took him four hours to make, seven hours to listen to, and I let that playlist be the soundtrack to my vacation abroad, I got even more attached to those songs, artists, and flow. More than I already was prior to the playlist’s conception. I took that effort of his as a gesture. Time has proved it was very much not a gesture. It was just something for him to do.

When I got back, things felt different, and by February things were different. By March, we actually had a couple good weeks and album releases together. April was bad. April was real bad…May had a brief beam of light. June got better. July felt like sunshine. August felt like a rainbow. September felt like a shooting star. Now, October feels like a foggy morning in The Bay. I’m okay though. I won’t let myself get April 2017 bad again.

If you’d like to listen to the full Cloud 9 playlist you can find the links below. Just listen to them on shuffle.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/ericajones10/playlist/70ltGwFZ9CGXqnnXhYvTPQ

Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/cloud-9/idpl.u-yZyV9YZIWgZkbE

Wow, I did not purposefully mean to say all of that stuff. Imma end that intense lil chat now. :)

Song Explanations:

I am convinced Ella and Louis are one of the greatest duet partners to have ever existed.

Frank’s Fly Me to the Moon fills my entire body with joy. To fully get the proper experience for this song you must ride windows down, sunroof open, music loud, and the night sky has to be on full display. Also, you have to sing at the top of your lungs. Issa must bb. Haha

In general, the sounds from the piano and trumpet players during that period really calm me down. I am eternally grateful for jazz music. Also, my life feels like some type of fancy movie whenever I listen to jazz. *insert shoulder shrugging emoji*

Love,

-E xx.

p.s. If you do listen to this playlist, I hope it makes you feel out of this world, like it does for me. xx.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Jack: everyone on the internet calls it a miracle that,we're alive

Me: really?

Jack: babe. Remember how I said earlier that sometimes you just look really stupid?

Me: it didn't seem like a miracle to me...

FBI: Well you should ask one of the cops then. Cause I ain't ever seen anyone deader or a room more filled with natural gas to the point where ee could not see for over two hours. We had to feel along the walls with a hope and a prayer we were doing it right to get them off the wall, using night vision goggles on our gas masks.

Me: well I don't have access to the tv channels... That's how I do it every day... Blind..

FBI: what did you do that day any way besides listen to their hearts to see if they would live?

Me: that was all... Well i burped at one of them... Sometimes they don't like to just be living they like something funny. I only did 2 tho... Brian was already awoke.

FBI: yeah he did that on his own. But Sabrina they didn't need any medical treatment. They just came back to life but how?

Me: some dead hang around their body until it's safer to get back in. Some that have had training.

Jack: IDK what I did baby but I was just there

Me: you remember where you were before?

Jack: the wall. Then just watching you but out of body like I sometimes do when I'm sleep but that was all. I seen you go to the store and I tried handing you your purse but you didn't seem to notice

Me: well I didn't know you were dead in the car

Jack: well you didn't even say thank you but you seemed to notice i was there when you got down. You said "well that was weird but not so much. It will be better when you get done being an ass hole and actually get the nerve to come see me. But let's go jn the store." I think. Did you?

Me: probably when I shut the door. I say it so much.. I don't really notice.

FBI: So what about the other 4?

Dinah Julie. My dead mom: i did. This momma. I said "well let's get back in now. Your girls are waiting." She knows how i do it. just gently glide over and shove them in at the light of speed.

My dad: so you just shove them in huh?

My mom: well they don't go. She just listens to their hearts. Oddly they took D down first and she just happened to go down and she knew he was on the floor and that was that.

Me: its weird that i didn't know it was him.

My mom: well shit you should had you seen his whole torso and all

Me: i just wasn't expecting him. I think i would wanted to know why he was there and

My mom: wanted to control

Me: cause a scene more... Get in the way. I Just shut up and work around things that I dont realize... That aren't that important... At that moment... Like i would had mommed out and been all why the Hell did this happen this way and WTF. Not control but know and then people will have to stop and deal with my drama and it causes more of a mess.. Because had i realized i would been upset. I knew there was a certain set of people up to 6... But the extra 2 i was not aware of

Jack: so excuse me ma'am

Me: i was mad at yoh.

Jack: haha.

Me: apparently for getting kidnapped!.

FBI: i don't wanna laugh but..

Me: but so the fact that there was more people didn't really matter because they were being taken care of.

Mom: well you didn't even take care of any of the Germans! It was the old guy you burped at!

Me: the people I'm closest to. I know them and i know their soulmates. And i can't watch their soulmates suffer any more because I've watched it a lot and iy hurts me a lot to see it. Not that the other people aren't important or significant but those two impact my life greatly and most often.

Jack: every single time i get kidnapped all you do is get pissed off at me. Time before last you fucking yelled at me "fuck you and your fucking Dali lllama that you rode in on!!" And you were so fucking pissed and your eyes were red, your brown part. And I was all... "Fuck idc what you say. I'm gonna live" and I felt really stupid because I was sure i was gonna die... Because I was shot in my lung and i thought it got ky heart. And you said that. Fuck you and your fucking Dali Llama you rode in on. I never heard that shit in my life. And i just saw a llama all clean and fresh snd i knew i was dead and you said "the whole fucking world seen that! Shut the fuck up! Go to sleep you're on my fucking nerve" next thing i knew I was in an American Chopper... And i said "thank you" and you said "yeah fuck off" and i said "fuck you bitch!!" And i started to cry and you smiled this slick sick smile all sly... Tilting your head so no one around could see it. And i knew. You said "you're welcome" and i started laughing and i said "i hate this bitch. I'm gonna fuck her hard" then about 6 weeks later after i got out of the hospital in Germany I was at Circle K in Belen and I was just got into town the day before and i smelled this girl in line and i was explaining to you "babe this girl ... I haven't smelled you in so long but she smells just like you where did you say you were?" And this girl did like you and reached back and scratched her head and when all uggghbbhh and i thought no way is that you. So i said it again and you flashed your left arm up your back to scratch it. And you said "oh my fucking God I'm going to kill something" and the cashier said "bad day?" And you said "no. Some stinky boy who is about to --" and i had grabbed your hand you had behind Your back and you didn't move or try to kill me or scream or even pull away. And so i stuck my head up next to you and said "she means me"

Me: and you smelt fucking good although your little beard was ragged... And i was all Fuck this goddamed ass hole sniffing chicks and shit like he's a school boy in love so I kissed your fucking face. But i didn't know it was you.

My mom: his point is that she actually saved his life then, too. I gave her his coordinates and she emailed every person she could think of and even posted it public so someone could find him ASAP. And they found him within 15 minutes. Not next to alive. But completely dead. And i told her. "Uh Your soulmate is dead you know" and she said "oh" "reached over metaphysically and shook his foot and said "dead people don't have sex, don't you know?!" And the first thing to come to life was his dick! I swear to you! I even asked him "did you miss your legs jumping into your feet and put both feet into your penis?" And he's still got no blood pumping in his other head and he says "i think she'll like" sick little bastards. Ive seen her walk into a McDonald's and find a shot gun victim shot in the chest and lean down and whisper "hey im gonna get some food. I think they got hot fries" and shoowm they come right back to life! Talk about enticing a fellow! She does that a lot. Just give Some one the thought they left off on is the best way she always says but if you can't figure that out, bribe.

Me: McDonald's is always easy. Food. If that don't work. Shopping. Sometimes its back to work or home but that yoh can usually tell. Most the time in reality it's the hospital... But I remember that one dude. He was all bleeding and all sat down and ate some food he had ordered. A quarter pounder big Mac they had them back then and some fresh medium fries. And a large soft drink. Coke with a small ice. He wanted the ice for a small cup not the large. He had just got off work. See he just got up off the floor all "where my food. Get. Out the way miss" and sat down and ate. Man he needed a transfusion... I wasn't sure what all went down. I just sat down near him whistling and all.. And he wolfed his food down and he said "man i don't feel so good" and fainted. Man i felt bad. He fell in slow motion just halfway... I went to help him sit up and slipped on this puddle of blood... He must had bled out half his blood. Most of the time i didn't go to the hospital with them. But him i did. He died. A lot. He didn't have enough blood. So i stopped the dude cause he kept zapping him. I said "you can't do enough electricity if he don't have enough of the joints -- the jolts are too much you're gonna fry his self and he already ate those fresh. He ain't got no juice in his wires.... I see you're not an electrician.he ain't got no blood!!! See You're gonna need 3 bags of saline for there to be enough liquid in his veins for his heart to even pump. Hes empty. How you gonna run a car without no gas?!" Finally the EMT eyes lit up said "you meant zapping him won't do no good. You called me froggy and i been lost since then Cause you know that ain't my name" "its because your voice. Like you got a frog in your throat. Well juice him up, Vince!" "Man you act like you aint from the Bronx, i swear. You didn't think you would get shot in there?" "You can't shoot an angel my buddy" "well what did he do that was so wrong then?" "That's not what I meant" "but you did get shot and it bounced off" "oh that's just my mom. She's my bullet proof vest"

Jack: how come I didn't get your mom?

My mom: cause you got your own and she saved your. Cranium! That's why you got shot in the lung. But tree said not to save you from it and we got upset! Until you got a boner and we thought it was funny

Jack: you know how i got kidnapped and shot?

Me: checking on a "homeless shelter" and they thought you were an actual kidnapper and they kidnapped you and held you hostage until your time was up and no one saved you so they killed you?

Jack: what the fuck babe

Me: i told you I'd kill your dam horse, too. Did you know that's what happened?

Jack: not until this fucking second "DAD"

Me: I told you all that shit about what he did in Iraq with that barbaric guy. And how he was in on 911 And how he used drones to shoot Iraqis for no fucking reason. I wrote it. I told everyone.

My mom: that's not Jack's fault so why.

Me: he was supposed to know. I wasn't supposed to leave him at Circle k. But who else was there? Alex Laughlin And I couldn't stand the sight of him. I got sick and i had to leave

Jack: well you told me to get the fuck out the car

Me: because I thought you were him! And you got out and every one went over and including Matt Hagan and i was all fuck this shit. I'm not doing this, I'll get myself killed.

Jack: well thanks a lot "dad" for getting me fucking killed and pretending to care

Me: i fucking told you. I hated you Jesse and I meant it. You fuck with me one more fucking time you're gonna eat fucking dirt. Do you understand?

Jesse: no

FBI: Sabrina so you're telling me that Jesse You're always emailing is a terrorist?

Me: yeah why didn't you know that?

FBI: because hes a dam liar. Mother fuckers of God. He calls them homeless shelters. That you run. But you don't do that shit you build them their own houses

Me: exactly. I don't fuck with home less people. They dont want homes. I bought some and then the homeless rented out the houses and moved back oj the streets. They explained to me they prefer to live outside. So i don't fuck with homeless. Take them food. Make sure they got umbrella and plastic sheeting for rain storms and blankets and so on and feed them but don't touch them. Leave them where they be. I teach my daughter that "they are homeless because they want to be" granted that isn't all. Some have other circumstances. But I dont fuck with homeless. They live under the stars. No rules, the truest most free people in the world. I dont fuck with them and it PISSES ME OFF YOUD USE MY NAME on a HOMELESS SHELTER, how fucking dare you. When its KIDNAPPING.

Jesse: well what do you want me to do? I'm here to please you!

Me: choke to death and die. Choke on your lies. And die. What the fuck do yiu think.j

Jesse: no

[5hfanfiction]

I Have Questions

Since their encounter, both girls decided they would be good friends.

Little did they know that they’d become a lot more than friends, in such a small amount of time.

Neither of them expected what was to come.

-  A few days after the party -

Lucy💕 : Hey u up? Wanna come over ;)?

Deciding to ignore the text, Lauren scoffed. “It’s 11 o’clock at night for fucks sake. Maybe she actually misses me…No that’s ridiculous. All she’s missing is my body.” Unlike she usually would, Lauren didn’t mistake the text for anything other than a booty call. She didn’t see this as one of Lucy’s odd ways of expressing her interest. She often took any type of text, call, or hang out with Lucy as a sign of affection, which is why she was disappointed so so many times. She normally gave into the hook ups and saw them as a sign of love. Not this time though.

She wasn’t sure what changed. Maybe it was Normani’s words finally getting through the “thick skull” that her best friend always said she had.

Lauren walked around her house, unsure what to do. She settled for watching tv, but groaned as she scrolled through the channels and didn’t find anything interesting. She was never one to be able to spend long amounts of time doing nothing. She always had to be doing something -anything that she deemed productive. Once again, her mother had left her to be alone. She had no siblings and her father was barely apart of her life. So more often than not, her house was empty. Lauren didn’t mind as she would normally call up Normani or Lucy. Unfortunately for her, Normani had a date with some guy she met at the party and Lucy…Well. Lucy was Lucy.

Suddenly, Lauren got an idea and was surprised that she hadn’t already done so. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts until she found who she was looking for. She laughed, seeing how the girl spelt her name phonetically. Instead of “Camila” it was “Cameela” with a banana emoji next to it. She didn’t understand why “Cameela” put her name like that since she had not once said “Camilla” as most do. She had to thank her Cuban background for that one. She was also confused about the significance of the banana emoji. Lauren opened up the messages and thought about what she should say. She didn’t want to be awkward or weird, but she didn’t really know how to start off the conversation. Lauren didn’t have much experience in the dating world. Lucy was the one who first approached her and she’s only had few other innocent interactions. Although she tended to prefer women over men, she still liked men. Because of this she didn’t know how to start a conversation off over text.  She sent a short and simple “Hey” just to be safe. She put her phone back on the couch, not expecting a response for a little bit. Then she decided to look for something better to do. She turned off the tv and opted to go get one of her books.

Lauren smiled as she scanned all the rows of books that she’s collected through the years. She loved reading and could never put a good book down. She picked one of her favorites, Sound and Fury; Lauren had already read it three times. She couldn’t help but love the familiarity she felt when re-reading books. She had to have re-read each book at least once, especially if it was on her shelf. If a book was saved, then it had a special meaning to her. It wasn’t just another pastime for her. Each story carried its own significance.

Lauren first began reading when she was younger, as it was an escape from the world around her. Reading gave her an exit route when she was stuck in her room trying to drown out her parents yelling. To her, books were everything that she didn’t have: everywhere she hadn’t been, the revelations she hadn’t yet realized, the types of people she had yet to meet, and the type of love she longed for. Books were her everything. Lauren never understood how some people purposely chose to not read books. Didn’t get how they went out of their way to avoid reading. She never would. Lauren had always hoped that her future soul mate (if those were even real. She’s still not sure if she believes in soulmates) would love books just as much as she does. All so that they would strike up discussions about diction, tone, symbolism and so on. Basically everything your English teacher makes you think about, except they’d do it just for fun. Yes, Lauren is extremely nerdy and she never fails to show it.

She grabbed the book and went back to the living room. She plopped onto the couch and was surprisingly happy to see her phone lit up by a text from Camila.

Cameela🍌: Hey! What’s up?

Lauren: Nothin much… Just bored at home lol

Cameela🍌: Wow, can’t say the same for myself. I’m being turned into a princess. The whole shabang: Hair, makeup, everything!

Lauren: Is this a normal occurrence for you? Or is it only during the nighttime do you get so dolled up? I don’t remember you being a princess the night we met…

Cameela🍌: Oh, of course not every night. That would ruin the specialness of it! I have a special guest doing my hair and makeup. She happens to be only 10 years old and also my little sis btw

Lauren: How cute! What’s her name? I’ve always wanted siblings to do stuff like that with

Cameela🍌: Aw but isn’t it nice not having to share anything? Her name is Sofi and she says hi :)

Lauren: Yeah it’s nice but lonesome.

Lauren felt herself growing sad when she began to think about the empty places she had in her heart. She often felt lonely, especially at times like now where she was doing anything to occupy her time. A lot of times that’s where Lucy fell into place. Lauren grasped at anything to fill that hole. More than not, Lucy filled that hole temporarily with sexual interactions rather than affection. She always left Lauren to dig through those interactions for any resemblance of love and attention. Lauren shook her head, realizing she didn’t want to show Camila this side of her. Attempting to evade her previous statement, Lauren sent another text.

Lauren: Anyway, how is it that Dinah and I know each other, but you and I haven’t met before last saturday?

Cameela🍌: Hmm… I’m not really sure. Dinah and I often go out together, but maybe because I have all AP classes. Idk if you have any and we just have them at different times orr…?

Seeing as Camila’s text had no relevance to Lauren’s first text, Lauren sighed. Just as she had hoped. But some part of Lauren, deep down, wanted Camila to acknowledge the sad part of her. Hell, she wanted anyone to acknowledge it, but didn’t want to out right admit it. She didn’t want to crave for pity or attention, but rather wanted a way to stop herself from feeling the way she did. She thought Lucy was the answer, as she did for many things. But, most of the time, Lucy only made her feel even worse.

Lauren constantly felt helpless, trapped in this never ending heartache. Not just from the lack of love from Lucy, but the lack of family. Her mom was an only child so she didn’t have any uncles, aunts or cousins – which was rather odd for a cuban family. As for her dad’s side, all she knew is that she had a grandma and a few aunts, but not any further details. They all took his side. They all believed he was at no fault for their estranged relationship. She hated them for that. They blamed Lauren for it. They would say that her sexuality was the reason her father didn’t take part in her life. Even though it began long before Lauren even knew what the world “sexuality” meant. She let them have her beliefs. She would never try to convince them otherwise and wasn’t even bitter about it. If they thought her sexuality was a valid reason for her father to stop visiting or calling, then she figured she didn’t need those kind of people in her life.

Her mom’s mom, her abuela, one of the people she loved the most, passed away a few years ago.  That’s when Lauren first began to feel this way. And, don’t get her wrong, Normani and her family had always embraced Lauren and had her over whenever she pleased. However, it was always different. She didn’t want to feel like a burden upon them or intrude on their family time. They weren’t her family and she couldn’t forget that she no longer had one. Yes, she had her mom, but she wasn’t much. Her mother always struggled with admitting how bad of a mother she really was. As a result of Lauren living a privileged life-she had the nicest things, and never had to worry about food, money, or any material items-, her mother felt that Lauren had no reason to complain about her absence. This idea was constantly engraved into her mind. Therefore the brunette always felt guilt for feeling anything but satisfaction with her life and these “oh so wonderful” possessions her mother was able to provide her.  Yet this materialistic way of thinking was not for her. These items weren’t able to fill the hole in her heart, let alone love her as a family could. 

Lauren finally got out of her headspace and wiped the lone tear falling down her cheek. She saw that Camila texted her back 7 minutes ago and quickly sent a reply.

Lauren: So that’s probably the reason we’ve never crossed paths before. I have a couple AP classes but not all… I could never handle that along with being in softball. Do you play any sports?

Cameela🍌: Wow, I didn’t know you were apart of the team. You guys are really good. I haven’t been to a game for like a year, but I’ve heard you always put on a good show.

Cameela🍌: And omg me and sports? That would be some type of miracle…Unless you count eating as a sport?

Lauren: Haha! No, unfortunately I don’t believe eating falls into that category… Nice try tho ;) And yea, I’ve been on the varsity team since sophomore year.  

Cameela🍌: Damn I was finally going to be considered an athlete, maybe next year. Since sophomore year? Jeeze.. You must be pretty good. I guess I have a reason to go to the game on Friday, huh?

Lauren: Yes you should def come see how amazing i am ;)

Lauren then remembered to ask about the banana emoji.

Lauren: Why the banana emoji btw??

Cameela🍌: bc theyre amazing!! The best fruit! I can’t believe you would even ask why. I’m appalled…

Lauren laughed to herself, loving how goofy Camila was. She hoped this conversation was as fun for Camila as it was for her. She texted back, playing along with the banter.

Lauren: Oh shit. You’re right! How dare I!?! Sorry your highness, I won’t do it again. Promise!

Cameela🍌: Yea you better or else!

Lauren: Oooo I’m so scared

Cameela🍌: Mhm you should be. I’m quite terrifying.

Lauren: I find that hard to believe…

Cameela🍌: Yea yea whatever Lolo ;)

Lauren: new nickname?

Cameela🍌: Yes! New contact too

Lauren looked over to the clock, noticing it was about to be midnight, she cursed at herself. She had gotten lost in the conversation.

Lauren: It’s getting late btw i’m gonna head to bed. It was fun texting, maybe we’ll see each other in the halls tomorrow… gn :)

Camila: Aw okay, it was fun! And I hope so… Goodnight :)

Lauren was a little confused if Camila was flirting with her or not.. There were only a couple handfuls of girls out at their school. Maybe she should ask Dinah or Normani just incase… Then again she wasn’t sure if she liked Camila or if she just liked how someone was taking her mind off of Lucy. And yet she still hoped that Camila was flirting with her, because Lauren was most definitely flirting with her. Lauren couldn’t help it, it just came with the banter but she couldn’t help but feel that something else hidden amongst it. She smiled, rethinking about it all. Lauren felt happy to have a new friend, to learn more about a person. She was excited to know even more about the banana loving girl. She even blushed at the thought of Camila only going to the softball game for her. Thinking about all the times she tried to get Lucy to go to her games, she found that Lucy always had an excuse. Always had an excuse that Lauren accepted rather than facing the truth. The truth that Lucy didn’t find the game interesting or worth her time, even if Lauren was one of the star players. She was surprised that Camila, someone she had only met a few days ago, was already interested in going already. She smiled thinking about seeing Camila’s face in the stands as she was going up to bat. She could get used to seeing that girl with pretty brown eyes cheering her on. As Lauren thought more about it, she began to get butterflies in her stomach.

Author’s Note:

Hey it’s Aly! To all of you who are reading this, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I definitely tried to make it longer than the last. I’ll keep making them longer as time goes on, or at least try to. Sorry this took a bit, but it seems that my mind only goes into writing mode between 1 and 4 a.m. Anyway, I’m really looking forward for you all to see the build in Lauren and Camila’s relationship. Hopefully you’ll follow the story through and be able to see how it ends! Also big thanks to those of you who have come forward and offered to help me with this story. I really appreciate you guys and hope that we’ll be able to make the story great! Let me know what you think and spread the word :)

P.S: If any of you ever feel like talking about anything and everything just hmu on my tumblr!

[5hfanfiction]

FROM AFAR - CHAPTER 22

She was still a mess, I’d never seen somebody in that state after drinking. She told me about the meeting and something about Ally not even wearing a bra after being woken up suddenly to the fucking meeting.

Camila (07:59 pm): can i come by?

Camila (07:59 pm): or you want to come here?

Lauren (07:59 pm): come over babe

Lauren (08:00 pm): whichever you prefer

Lauren (08:00 pm): Julia is not coming back any time soon

Lauren (08:00 pm): she was dressing up and i think she’s going out

Camila (08:00 pm): coming

-

On the next day, when I took too long to reply to her texts because I was practicing a song, Lauren came to my room and watched me play the guitar, and the best part is that she went there on her own because she missed my company, I guess. I’ve played to my friends countless times before, but in this particular situation Lauren’s eyes were boring into the side of my face as I played, coincidentally, Green Eyes by Coldplay. It felt strange since nobody ever stopped and payed attention before. I dare to say that it felt like one of those romantic movies where someone keeps admiring the other one for something they did but that could just be me deluding myself as always. I liked that, the attention, the feeling that that action mattered enough for someone to stop and listen. I didn’t sing, it was just the melody and Lauren didn’t even like Coldplay, she didn’t know the song. I had learned it a few days back and if you play an instrument you should know that when you learn something new you get addicted to playing it until you can’t stand it anymore, and the fact that Green Eyes was the song at the time was one that I had to secretly enjoy, given that it only made sense to me.

Lauren (10:04 pm): Fuuuuuckk

Camila (10:06 pm): did you find it?

Lauren (10:07 pm): i diiiid

Camila (10:12 pm): I’m making my bed and will be there in a minute

Lauren (10:16 pm): hurry up

Lauren (10:18 pm): do you have any food there?

Lauren (10:18 pm): forget it

Lauren (10:18 pm): i’ll make popcorn

On the other hand, that night wasn’t good for me. I was feeling a little bit odd, like some type of agony was constantly haunting me for some reason and I hated that. Oddly enough, I used to feel like that a lot. Lauren was my only refuge at the time and even she couldn’t take that away from me. On that day her roommate was home and it wouldn’t be nice of me to sleep there, so I just sucked it up and went back to my room to ‘suffer’ alone.

Lauren (1:24 am): do you want me to stay with you?

Lauren (1:24 am): so you won’t have to be alone?

Camila (1:28 am): you don’t need to

Camila (1:28 am): only if you really want to

Camila (1:28 am): i’m heading to bed

Lauren (1:28 am): i worry about you

Lauren (1:28 am): i don’t like to see you like that

Lauren (1:28 am): :(

Camila (1:28 am): neither do i

Camila (1:28 am): but it’ll pass when i sleep

Lauren (1:30 am): if you have your mind full of stuff, idk, try not to think about anything, don’t think about things that will make you feel down, think about good thing, think about how at this time next week we’ll be in orlando haha

Lauren (1:31 am): cheer up, the more you think about how it’s bad the more you’ll be down, you have to change that energy

Lauren (1:31 am): pretty pleeease

Camila (1:32 am): lol

Camila (1:32 am): i told you, it’ll passa when i sleep

Camila (1:32 am): i’m trying not to think of anything

Lauren (1:33 am): okay then

Lauren (1:33 am): i just wanted to cheer you up

Lauren (1:33 am): haha but sometimes i’m not really good at it

Lauren (1:33 am): you know i’m here if you need me, if you’re heading to bed i’m gonna go too, but if you can’t sleep text me and will stay there with you, okay?

Camila (1:34 am): you’re amazing

Camila (1:34 am): i’ll text you, don’t worry

Camila (1:34 am): i have to sleep bc i have to finish the paper tomorrow

Camila (1:35 am): and i’m worried bc i can’t do anything

Lauren (1:35 am): tell me something i don’t know

Camila (1:37 am): i’ll try to sleep

Camila (1:37 am): i’m really worried about tomorrow, bye

Lauren (1:38 am): stop worrying about things

Lauren (1:38 am): you just suffer in anticipation

Lauren (1:38 am): seriously camz, stop that, i’m not kidding now

Lauren (1:38 am): don’t suffer in anticipation, everything will be fine, you’ll manage to do everything in time and you know you can do that

Lauren (1:38 am): rest and stop filling your head with stuff

Lauren (1:38 am): I’m gonna go too

Lauren (1:38 am): PRAY BEFORE YOU SLEEP

Camila (1:39 am): :( :(

Camila (1:40 am): so, i hope tomorrow this feeling will be gone and i manage to do my things

Lauren (1:40 am): it will be gone

Lauren (1:40 am): now don’t talk about that no more

Lauren (1:40 am): have a nice rest

Camila (1:43 am): sleep well

Lauren (1:43 am): you too, miss

Lauren (1:43 am): you know, anything you need just call me

Camila (1:44 am): ok ok

On that eventful night, Pam brought a guy to sleep there. I woke up in the middle of the night just in time to witness their wild sex from my bed. Of course she didn’t know I was awake and I surely tried not to look and not to move the entire time, but I have to say I’ve never felt so disrespected. Not just because she was having sex with me in there, which is just as wrong, but because they were loud and honestly didn’t even care about having another person there. I was aware of these experiences when you live in a dorm, and I wouldn’t say that this could never be me in her place one day, but the way she did it was just disrespectful in so many ways. Let me tell you that one should not be forced to witness a sexual encounter of any kind against their will. She didn’t try to be discrete to not wake me up or just for self respect, for the matter. I woke up so confused and lost until I managed to understand what was happening and staying there until it was all over. They even did it standing right next to my bed. Not to say that I told her before that she could ask for the room if she wanted to bring someone and I would just disappear in a heartbeat. Should’ve known better by then that she would never. Not to mention that after they were done and fell asleep, the guy’s friends were banging at my door and I almost had a heart attack in my sleep and until this day I can’t understand how Ally whose room was just in front of mine or anybody in that hallway for that matter, didn’t wake up with the noise because I can assure you that it seemed like the building was going down. I still can’t figure out what those people in that dorm had in excuse for a brain because it seemed like they were raised in the jungle with wild animals and did not know how to live in society whatsoever. It was the perfect end to a perfect night. If only I had stayed with Lauren…

On the next day I was eager to tell everything to the girls, in detail. I even noticed the stain on the floor right where they were fucking next to my bed. They, of course, told me to tell my mentor about the situation and demand to change rooms. It wasn’t the first time that she messed up and this time was the last drop of water. I wouldn’t say anything to her face though, I would simply move out and not even bother with her presence ever again.

“You should’ve stood up and yelled to scare the shit out of them, that’s what I would do,” said Dinah, who was probably more pissed than me about the whole situation.

“Dinah, I was so fucking scared, I could never do that. All I thought about was to stay put until it was over.”

I wondered for a moment if I was being a prude or something like that, these things happened to a lot of people in college so maybe I was just being an idiot. But all of the girls, including Lauren who was just as dumbfounded as Dinah and Ally, agreed that this was unacceptable, so it made me feel better about myself. In fact, I was probably the most relaxed about everything. I just didn’t want to see Pam in front of me and didn’t want to sleep there again in fear that she would do that again now that she knows I was ‘sleeping’ the entire time and won’t say a word about it. I was also afraid to see Pamela around or even the guy, which I didn’t know whom he was and spent like a month trying to figure out just by the shape of his shadow I saw on that fateful night, because I felt like they knew I knew what they’ve done.

“I just can’t sleep there tonight, can I stay with one of you guys for a while, until we come back from Disney at least?”

“Sure, you can stay with me Camz, I’ll tell Julia about the situation and I’m sure she’ll be fine with that,” Lauren pronounced like I knew she would. On the following days I managed to talk to my mentor and she said she would set up a meeting with some other woman that was supposed to put me somewhere else. We only had less than a week before our trip to Orlando and those specific days were probably among the best ones I’d had since I got there, my sadness and anxiety decreased in frequency and I always had something to look foward, or better yet, someone.

I slept in Lauren’s room everyday, literally glued to her and of course a few make out sessions here and there. My pillow and backpack found a permanent home in the confines of her room. The conversations we had before we drifted to sleep were the best, we would literally spend an hour or so just talking about the most random things, and she usually put some music on too. I even convinced her to listen to John Mayer one day when I was too agitated to sleep and his music would certainly calm me down. I knew Lauren didn’t know him nor did she like his songs and that she always listened to the same music over and over (which bugged me a lot I may add), so it was another proof that she was doing this for me in some way.I remember this kiss where she finished it by distributing numerous little kisses all over my face that made my knees weak and I would have fallen to the floor if I wasn’t laying on the bed. Oh, and that other time she called me a tick, yes, a tick, because I just couldn’t help but cuddle and kiss her.

“Come here, I just wanna be close to you.”

“Camila, go to sleep babe, you always do that,” Lauren said, giggling at the same time. She had her back turned to me and I was just hypnotized by her exposed nape. It was impossible to stay away with her this close to me and I felt like a horny teenager the entire time, but I was honestly just trying to be closer to her. She knew that nothing more than a kiss would happen yet, or so I like to think.

“Well I can’t help it and I can’t help that you don’t like neck kisses.”

“I do like neck kisses, you’re just too much sometimes. You’re like a little tick that keeps cuddling me all the time!”

“I can’t believe you just called me a tick!” And that was my cue to stop and just go to sleep. She seemed like she honestly didn’t want me to do anything and I knew really well when to leave someone to be if what I’m doing or saying is bothering them. Also, she called me a tick when I was just being loving and caring. I wasn’t mad or anything, you just feel a little odd when someone turns you down. I turned to the wall and closed my eyes in a childish attempt to turn down my hormones and thoughts. Also, who doesn’t like neck kisses? I can’t imagine it, can’t relate.

“Camz, come back here! Come on you know I didn’t mean it like that. Come here my little tick.” Lauren was giggling the entire time because of my pretended annoyance and used her baby voice to lessen the damage she had done, and maybe she didn’t want me to leave her alone for real. She tried to pull me back and I think she couldn’t see me fighting the smile that kept trying to land on my lips, but all we got was me turning back from the wall and a few smiles here and there, she had ruined the mood anyway. Those were the best moments where I was truly happy despite all the shit with my roommate, my family, and my unbalanced mental health. Everything was fine and we’d be at Disney soon enough with me and Lauren in the best place we could be. Little did I know…

A/N: yoo it’s been so long. I was just so busy with college and life and had no motivation at all to write this story for so many reasons that i might explain when i finish it (also this 5H x camila drama just makes me want to stay away from this giant mess they’re creating becuase my ot5 heart can’t take it) and I still don’t have any motivation lol but here i am. BUT, on the other hand, i wrote another camren one shot called ‘at first’ based on strangers, i’m really proud of what i did with that and how my writing improved compared to this story, so if you want to, you can check it out here and here. I promise i’ll try to update faster so i can finish this shit asap. 

She was still a mess, I’d never seen somebody in that state after drinking. She told me about the meeting and something about Ally not even wearing a bra after being woken up suddenly to the fucking meeting.

  Camila (07:59 pm): can i come by?

  Camila (07:59 pm): or you want to come here?

  Lauren (07:59 pm): come over babe

  Lauren (08:00 pm): whichever you prefer

  Lauren (08:00 pm): Julia is not coming back any time soon

  Lauren (08:00 pm): she was dressing up and i think she’s going out

  Camila (08:00 pm): coming

  -

  On the next day, when I took too long to reply to her texts because I was practicing a song, Lauren came to my room and watched me play the guitar, and the best part is that she went there on her own because she missed my company, I guess. I’ve played to my friends countless times before, but in this particular situation Lauren’s eyes were boring into the side of my face as I played, coincidentally, Green Eyes by Coldplay. It felt strange since nobody ever stopped and payed attention before. I dare to say that it felt like one of those romantic movies where someone keeps admiring the other one for something they did but that could just be me deluding myself as always. I liked that, the attention, the feeling that that action mattered enough for someone to stop and listen. I didn’t sing, it was just the melody and Lauren didn’t even like Coldplay, she didn’t know the song. I had learned it a few days back and if you play an instrument you should know that when you learn something new you get addicted to playing it until you can’t stand it anymore, and the fact that Green Eyes was the song at the time was one that I had to secretly enjoy, given that it only made sense to me.

  Lauren (10:04 pm): Fuuuuuckk

  Camila (10:06 pm): did you find it?

  Lauren (10:07 pm): i diiiid

  Camila (10:12 pm): I’m making my bed and will be there in a minute

  Lauren (10:16 pm): hurry up

  Lauren (10:18 pm): do you have any food there?

  Lauren (10:18 pm): forget it

  Lauren (10:18 pm): i’ll make popcorn

  On the other hand, that night wasn’t good for me. I was feeling a little bit odd, like some type of agony was constantly haunting me for some reason and I hated that. Oddly enough, I used to feel like that a lot. Lauren was my only refuge at the time and even she couldn’t take that away from me. On that day her roommate was home and it wouldn’t be nice of me to sleep there, so I just sucked it up and went back to my room to ‘suffer’ alone.

  Lauren (1:24 am): do you want me to stay with you?

  Lauren (1:24 am): so you won’t have to be alone?

  Camila (1:28 am): you don’t need to

  Camila (1:28 am): only if you really want to

  Camila (1:28 am): i’m heading to bed

  Lauren (1:28 am): i worry about you

  Lauren (1:28 am): i don’t like to see you like that

  Lauren (1:28 am): :(

  Camila (1:28 am): neither do i

  Camila (1:28 am): but it’ll pass when i sleep

  Lauren (1:30 am): if you have your mind full of stuff, idk, try not to think about anything, don’t think about things that will make you feel down, think about good thing, think about how at this time next week we’ll be in orlando haha

  Lauren (1:31 am): cheer up, the more you think about how it’s bad the more you’ll be down, you have to change that energy

  Lauren (1:31 am): pretty pleeease

  Camila (1:32 am): lol

  Camila (1:32 am): i told you, it’ll passa when i sleep

  Camila (1:32 am): i’m trying not to think of anything

  Lauren (1:33 am): okay then

Lauren (1:33 am): i just wanted to cheer you up

  Lauren (1:33 am): haha but sometimes i’m not really good at it

  Lauren (1:33 am): you know i’m here if you need me, if you’re heading to bed i’m gonna go too, but if you can’t sleep text me and will stay there with you, okay?

  Camila (1:34 am): you’re amazing

  Camila (1:34 am):  i’ll text you, don’t worry

  Camila (1:34 am): i have to sleep bc i have to finish the paper tomorrow

  Camila (1:35 am): and i’m worried bc i can’t do anything

  Lauren (1:35 am): tell me something i don’t know

  Camila (1:37 am): i’ll try to sleep

  Camila (1:37 am): i’m really worried about tomorrow, bye

  Lauren (1:38 am): stop worrying about things

  Lauren (1:38 am): you just suffer in anticipation

  Lauren (1:38 am): seriously camz, stop that, i’m not kidding now

  Lauren (1:38 am): don’t suffer in anticipation, everything will be fine, you’ll manage to do everything in time and you know you can do that

  Lauren (1:38 am): rest and stop filling your head with stuff

  Lauren (1:38 am): I’m gonna go too

  Lauren (1:38 am): PRAY BEFORE YOU SLEEP

  Camila (1:39 am): :( :(

  Camila (1:40 am): so, i hope tomorrow this feeling will be gone and i manage to do my things

  Lauren (1:40 am): it will be gone

  Lauren (1:40 am): now don’t talk about that no more

  Lauren (1:40 am): have a nice rest

  Camila (1:43 am): sleep well

  Lauren (1:43 am): you too, miss

  Lauren (1:43 am): you know, anything you need just call me

  Camila (1:44 am): ok ok

  On that eventful night, Pam brought a guy to sleep there. I woke up in the middle of the night just in time to witness their wild sex from my bed. Of course she didn’t know I was awake and I surely tried not to look and not to move the entire time, but I have to say I’ve never felt so disrespected. Not just because she was having sex with me in there, which is just as wrong, but because they were loud and honestly didn’t even care about having another person there. I was aware of these experiences when you live in a dorm, and I wouldn’t say that this could never be me in her place one day, but the way she did it was just disrespectful in so many ways. Let me tell you that one should not be forced to witness a sexual encounter of any kind against their will. She didn’t try to be discrete to not wake me up or just for self respect, for the matter. I woke up so confused and lost until I managed to understand what was happening and staying there until it was all over. They even did it standing right next to my bed. Not to say that I told her before that she could ask for the room if she wanted to bring someone and I would just disappear in a heartbeat. Should’ve known better by then that she would never. Not to mention that after they were done and fell asleep, the guy’s friends were banging at my door and I almost had a heart attack in my sleep and until this day I can’t understand how Ally whose room was just in front of mine or anybody in that hallway for that matter, didn’t wake up with the noise because I can assure you that it seemed like the building was going down. I still can’t figure out what those people in that dorm had in excuse for a brain because it seemed like they were raised in the jungle with wild animals and did not know how to live in society whatsoever. It was the perfect end to a perfect night. If only I had stayed with Lauren…

  On the next day I was eager to tell everything to the girls, in detail. I even noticed the stain on the floor right where they were fucking next to my bed. They, of course, told me to tell my mentor about the situation and demand to change rooms. It wasn’t the first time that she messed up and this time was the last drop of water. I wouldn’t say anything to her face though, I would simply move out and not even bother with her presence ever again.

  “You should’ve stood up and yelled to scare the shit out of them, that’s what I would do,” said Dinah, who was probably more pissed than me about the whole situation.

  “Dinah, I was so fucking scared, I could never do that. All I thought about was to stay put until it was over.”

  I wondered for a moment if I was being a prude or something like that, these things happened to a lot of people in college so maybe I was just being an idiot. But all of the girls, including Lauren who was just as dumbfounded as Dinah and Ally, agreed that this was unacceptable, so it made me feel better about myself. In fact, I was probably the most relaxed about everything. I just didn’t want to see Pam in front of me and didn’t want to sleep there again in fear that she would do that again now that she knows I was ‘sleeping’ the entire time and won’t say a word about it. I was also afraid to see Pamela around or even the guy, which I didn’t know whom he was and spent like a month trying to figure out just by the shape of his shadow I saw on that fateful night, because I felt like they knew I knew what they’ve done.

  “I just can’t sleep there tonight, can I stay with one of you guys for a while, until we come back from Disney at least?”

  “Sure, you can stay with me Camz, I’ll tell Julia about the situation and I’m sure she’ll be fine with that,” Lauren pronounced like I knew she would. On the following days I managed to talk to my mentor and she said she would set up a meeting with some other woman that was supposed to put me somewhere else. We only had less than a week before our trip to Orlando and those specific days were probably among the best ones I’d had since I got there, my sadness and anxiety decreased in frequency and I always had something to look foward, or better yet, someone.

  I slept in Lauren’s room everyday, literally glued to her  and of course a few make out sessions here and there. My pillow and backpack found a permanent home in the confines of her room. The conversations we had before we drifted to sleep were the best, we would literally spend an hour or so just talking about the most random things, and she usually put some music on too. I even convinced her to listen to John Mayer one day when I was too agitated to sleep and his music would certainly calm me down. I knew Lauren didn’t know him nor did she like his songs and that she always listened to the same music over and over (which bugged me a lot I may add), so it was another proof that she was doing this for me in some way.I remember this kiss where she finished it by distributing numerous little kisses all over my face that made my knees weak and I would have fallen to the floor if I wasn’t laying on the bed. Oh, and that other time she called me a tick, yes, a tick, because I just couldn’t help but cuddle and kiss her.

  “Come here, I just wanna be close to you.”

  “Camila, go to sleep babe, you always do that,” Lauren said, giggling at the same time. She had her back turned to me and I was just hypnotized by her exposed nape. It was impossible to stay away with her this close to me and I felt like a horny teenager the entire time, but I was honestly just trying to be closer to her. She knew that nothing more than a kiss would happen yet, or so I like to think.

  “Well I can’t help it and I can’t help that you don’t like neck kisses.”

  “I do like neck kisses, you’re just too much sometimes. You’re like a little tick that keeps cuddling me all the time!”

  “I can’t believe you just called me a tick!” And that was my cue to stop and just go to sleep. She seemed like she honestly didn’t want me to do anything and I knew really well when to leave someone to be if what I’m doing or saying is bothering them. Also, she called me a tick when I was just being loving and caring. I wasn’t mad or anything, you just feel a little odd when someone turns you down. I turned to the wall and closed my eyes in a childish attempt to turn down my hormones and thoughts. Also, who doesn’t like neck kisses? I can’t imagine it, can’t relate.

  “Camz, come back here! Come on you know I didn’t mean it like that. Come here my little tick.” Lauren was giggling the entire time because of my pretended annoyance and used her baby voice to lessen the damage she had done, and maybe she didn’t want me to leave her alone for real. She tried to pull me back and I think she couldn’t see me fighting the smile that kept trying to land on my lips, but all we got was me turning back from the wall and a few smiles here and there, she had ruined the mood anyway. Those were the best moments where I was truly happy despite all the shit with my roommate, my family, and my unbalanced mental health. Everything was fine and we’d be at Disney soon enough with me and Lauren in the best place we could be. Little did I know…

  A/N: yoo it’s been so long. I was just so busy with college and life and had no motivation at all to write this story for so many reasons that i might explain when i finish it (also this 5H x camila drama just makes me want to stay away from this giant mess they’re creating becuase my ot5 heart can’t take it) and I still don’t have any motivation lol but here i am. BUT, on the other hand, i wrote another camren one shot called ‘at first’ based on strangers, i’m really proud of what i did with that and how my writing improved compared to this story, so if you want to, you can check it out here and here. I promise i’ll try to update faster so i can finish this shit asap.

[5hfanfiction]

our broken white rose (4/?) ⇾ camren

a/n: hey guys, i’m really sorry for not updating as quickly. idk if y'all wanna know about my life story but since some of you guys messaged me today and two days ago, heres whats been going on. i briefly explained to those of you who asked but in case you’re interested in knowing more, keep reading this lil authors note or just skip ahead to the story if you genuinely don’t give a fuck. lmao.

for a few months now, my fiancée and i have been trying to get pregnant. by her and i, i mean her, lol. she’s a bit older than me (over 21) but i’m 20. anyways, we’ve been pushing really hard for a baby because something we’ve been talking about since the early stages of our relationship is starting a family and having kids. but you know, clearly as two females, we can’t reproduce together. so recently we’ve been doing lots of research and looking for a sperm donor from a sperm bank.

she’ll be the one carrying because i am not of age and quite frankly me and pain do not mix therefore child birth and i do not like each other, lmao. but since she’ll be the one carrying, shes been really adamant on finding a donor who looks like me. i don’t really care to be honest, just the thought of someone i love bringing in beautiful new life to be apart of our own warms my heart but you know, she really cares about that. now my fiancée is biracial and i am brazilian.

honestly speaking from what we’ve seen, the closest donor we’ve seen that looks like me is a white man. and theres nothing wrong with that. i mean, its really hard to come across a brazilian man who’s willing to give his sperm away to help make babies who’d have my features. pale ass skin, blue ass eyes and dark ass hair. and honestly we’ve been fighting a lot because of that one thing. all i care about is finally getting to start my family with the woman of my fucking dreams and thats basically being put on hiatus because she wants someone who looks like me and exactly me. and i can get why she really wants that and all, but eh… whatever.

i just thought i’d share my reason for not writing. shes having several exams and back to back doctors appointments, all which i attend, then on top of that looking for donors that she approves of, getting school work done because i’m still a student but she’s not. baby girl is on her way to being a teacher but thats basically all. i’ve literally only had time to read on my phone because i’d be too exhausted to pick up my laptop and start writing.

i really hope things speed up soon because this process is already proving to be extremely tiring but as long as i get to create a family with her and live out our forever lives, i’m all in it. pun intended.

***

***

“We are live here on Express News Daily with former fifth harmony member, singer, dancer and model, Normani Kordei,” Dianna McGee introduced as the audience roared in a fit of cheers. Dianna faced the dark haired girl with a wide grin. “We’ve been trying for ages to get you here on this show. It’s truly an honor.”

Smiling bashfully, Normani shook her head. “No, it’s my pleasure. When my team told me I’d be coming on here today just a few weeks ago, I nearly lost my shit. Excuse my language,” she laughed.

Dianna threw her head back and let out an obnoxiously loud but contagious laugh. “So tell us where you’ve been lately Normani. I’m sure fans are curious to know what’s to come soon.”

Getting giddy, an adorable smile took over Normani’s face as she edged further off her seat. “Well, I’m working on a new album with my literal idol, Beyoncé,” she shared. The audience erupted in cheers and claps as everyone congratulated her. “I have to pinch myself every morning to make sure it’s not some big crazy dream I’ll just wake up from. I’ve looked up to her since way before I came into the industry and to know that I’ll be working on a whole album with her is just… insane. I’m at a loss for words.”

Her cheeks were slightly hurting from how hard she was smiling, but she couldn’t help it. She was so excited to finally share the news with the public. As the interview went on, Dianna somehow brought the topic of gay rights into the mix questioning Normani’s thoughts on it and bringing up former bandmate, Lauren Jauregui.

“So Normani, it’s been pretty evident that you’re extremely active in the LGBT community,” she started, Normani nodding along as the audience clapped. “A while back while you were in the hit girl group - Fifth Harmony - you had one of your band members come out as bisexual then a few years later announce that she’d finally found herself and was simply hiding behind that label to feel less odd toward society, eventually coming on out and saying she was a lesbian.”

Normani nodded, swallowing harshly at the mention of Lauren. Someone she hasn’t spoken to in quite awhile but still found it in her to smile nonetheless. “Yes, Lauren. I think she was really the one to like, you know wake us all up about gay rights and LGBT rights as a whole while in Fifth Harmony. I always grew up knowing that it was nobody’s place but God’s to judge and I always stuck by that. If you love a woman and you’re a woman, that’s amazing. God made you who you are for a reason, you know? If you were a man who loves another man, that’s amazing too. If you were born male but really are female, phenomenal,” Dianna gave Normani her full attention along with the audience as everyone stopped and listened.

“I think it’s not so much as being who you are but embracing it. There are so many people who have a hard time embracing who they are, Lauren having being one of them. We found out as a group of her interest in females the same time the public did and while it wasn’t all that much of a shock,” the audience laughed. “I guess it kind of was actually. There’s always that first initial shock to something you feel that you’ve always known but never knew that’d you’d be spot on. You know what I mean?” Pausing, Normani sighed. “We still knew that she needed our full on support and that’s exactly what most of us gave her right off the bat.

“As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to stand more and more firmly by my belief of gay people are born into and belong to every society in the world. They’re literally all ages, races, faiths, etc. They’re doctors, teachers, farmers and bankers, soldiers and athletes. They’re everywhere. And whether we know it, or whether we acknowledge it, they are our family, friends and neighbors. As much as people choose not to believe it, being gay isn’t some sort of western invention. It’s a human reality.

"I like to believe that our journey isn’t complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law - because if we are truly equal, then we as a nation, as a society, as people, should understand that the love we commit to one another must be equal.

"And I’m sorry for the mouthful here but you guys, it literally takes no compromise to give people their rights… it takes no money to respect the individual. It takes no political deal to give people freedom. It takes no survey to remove repression. I think the best day in society will be when we no longer talk about being gay or straight. It’s not a gay wedding, it’s just a fucking wedding. It’s not a gay marriage, it’s a fucking marriage. Period.

"What people choose to do in their own homes is their business. And they can choose to love whoever they love. That’s their business, don’t make it your own. They aren’t personally affecting your everyday life, so why must you affect their own? What? Someone being different is too much of a threat to you? It’s really like… wow,” she let out a humorless chuckle.

“I mean, if anybody can find someone to love them and to help them through this difficult thing we call life, then I support that in any shape or form and so should you. There are people who’ve said that I’m being brave for being openly supportive of gay marriage, gay adoption, gay rights and LGBT rights as a whole… but with all due respect, I humbly dissent. I’m not being brave. I’m being a decent fucking human being. Love is a human experience, not a political statement and it’s sad so many individuals still don’t get that. At the end of the day, gay rights are human rights. There is no separation.”

Normani took a deep breath as everyone stayed silent for a moment before everyone in the audience stood to their feet, clapping and cheering, Dianna joining. She smiled. Before Dianna could speak she said one last thing, “And I’m glad to be someone apart of something as beautiful as the LGBT community. As my old closest friend once said, she was a bisexual Cuban-American and she was so damn proud of it. Well world, I’m a lesbian African-American and I am so fucking proud of it.”

***

“I did it,” she breathed as she wrapped her arms around the tall blonde. “I can’t believe I actually fucking did it.”

Dinah smiled down at her girlfriend, bringing their lips together in a soft kiss. “I’m really proud of you baby girl…” she trailed off.

Normani backed away with a frown. “What’s wrong?”

Dinah sighed, running a hand through her messy blonde waves. “I think Mila is in trouble… and I need your help finding Ally and Lauren.”

***

“Jauregui, you got some visitors!” Janelle yelled from outside the studio door. I frowned as I stood from my seat.

Walking out towards the main opening doors, I looked around but saw no one. Turning towards Janelle, I held my arms out in confusion. “Where?”

Pointing behind me, she raised both eyebrows. When I turned around, my heart sunk to my feet. What the hell? As I faced the three ladies before me that I haven’t seen in almost four years, a deep frown set itself on my lips.

“Hey Lauren…”

I stood in silence. Shaking my head and blinking a few times, I looked back up expecting to see a different set of people, thinking my eyes were simply fucking with me. When I came face to face with the same three faces, I felt the panic set in.

“What are you guys doing here?” I asked in shock as my heartbeat sped up.

My former closest friend from the three stepped up, her dark eyes giving me a look of uncertainty as she glanced behind me towards Janelle and everyone else who happened to be around. “We have to talk to you privately,” she spoke lowly, reaching for my hand which I instantly moved away.

I shook my head as a disbelieving laugh fell from my lips, “What happened to "Lauren I think it’s best if we all stay away from you and the girls” huh?“ I found my voice raising and could feel the eyes of my co-workers on us.

"Lauren, please can we just talk to you where there isn’t so many people,” the shortest of the three pleaded. My eyes instantly softened when they met her own. She was probably the only one I could never go off on. She looked around before motioning for me to bend down. Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion, I bent down slightly. “It’s about Camila…” she whispered.

***

I shook my head, refusing to believe what I was reading. Fuck no. “Someone is fucking with us and I know exactly who it is,” I mumbled out as tears clouded my vision. How could Tori do such a thing?

Dinah looked at me with wide eyes. “Lauren nobody is messing with us. It’s Mila. She’s alive.”

I glared at her. “No the fuck she isn’t! I just worked with a client from Yakutat, Alaska. She was so fucking adamant about learning everything there is to my personal life. I told her all about the group, the girls and Camila’s death. She’s probably just a crazy old fan trying to fuck with my emotions.”

The room fell quiet before Ally spoke quietly. “Okay if that were true though, why would she contact Dinah? How would she even find Dinah’s number? Wouldn’t she just contact you?”

“Don’t you guys get it? Everyone has been fucking with us since she died. Remember when harmonizers use to send us random fucking letters to our P.O. BOX claiming to be Camila and saying she was in danger. They found her remains you guys… she’s dead. Okay? It’s impossible for a dead person to magically be alive.” I hated this. I hated feeling this way. Why would someone go out of their way to make me relieve my worst nightmare?

Normani spoke, “Lauren I get your hesitation but she gave us an address and everything. How would the fans know about Lola? They only know that she abused Camila and thinks that she got locked up years ago. Remember, her team covered up her death by saying she was in a plane crash.”

“Plus she called me Cheech,” Dinah added.

I shook my head. I wasn’t buying any of this. Why are they so quick to believe everything? Clearly nothing’s changed. “You guys should just go back to wherever you came from. Everyone knew you and Camila called each other Chancho and CheeChee. That’s a known Fifth Harmony fact and anyone who knew of our group would know that. And look at the big ass coincidence that she happens to be in Yakutat, Alaska. Same place that girl I just worked with is from. The city barely has 700 people so you can’t say it’s common. Within those 700 random individuals, are you seriously trying to convince me that Camila is somehow apart of that? Bullshit. I’m telling you, she’s just fucking with us. If Camila was alive, I would know,” I paused shaking my head as I thought back to Tori’s best friend, ‘Karla.’ “God, I’m so fucking stupid. She even made up a fake best friend named Karla.”

Everyone paused as they glanced at me. “The person you met said they had a best friend named Karla?” Ally asked. I nodded slowly, raising an eyebrow at her. Ally, Normani and Dinah all shared a look before Ally walked over to me, her tiny arms wrapping around me. “I know you don’t want to get your hopes up by thinking that Camila just may be out there, in danger, needing our help,” she paused as she sighed. “But, I don’t think whoever that person was played you. Maybe… she knows Camila but doesn’t know that it’s your Camila?”

I scoffed. “I don’t know who’s supplying you guys your drugs, but you may wanna find someone else because you’re all fucking losing it. Camila. Is. Dead. And Tori Kelly is a pathological liar.”

***

After sending my former bandmates on their way, I pulled my phone out as the tears flooded my vision once again. This is why I don’t let people in.

Lauren - 12:42 PM: Are you happy? Proud of yourself? Does it make you feel better? Sleep at night peacefully?

Lauren - 12:43 PM: You know, I’m really not sure what’s more fucked up. The fact that I actually saw you as a possible friend or the fact that you were here for almost two weeks and pretended to not know that my dead wife was Camila Jauregui or mostly known as Camila Cabello.

Lauren - 12:43 PM: You’re a fucked up person. How the fuck do you do shit like that? Do you enjoy causing people pain?

Lauren - 12:44 PM: No wonder you wanted to get close to me. You’re fucking crazy. Just stay out of my life and stop giving my old bandmates hope that Camila may still be alive because she’s not, okay? You know that. I’m sure you’ve had your fun to toy around and fuck with peoples emotions but just fuck off now.

I went to hit the block button when my phone started to buzz, Tori’s name coming up on display. Hitting on ignore, I proceeded to attempt to block again but it started buzzing once again.

Letting out a huff of annoyance, I answered, holding the phone up to my ear. “What the fuck do you want? You already had your fun right? Fuck. Off.”

“Lauren, what are you talking about?” I laughed at her attempt to play dumb.

“Just give it up Tori! You had your fun. You got to me. You somehow got to my former bandmates as well, so please just–”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Lauren, I swear to God. You just randomly started blowing up my phone completely going batshit crazy on me. I haven’t done anything to you.”

I paused at the genuine confusion I heard in her voice before shaking my head. She wanted me to believe she knew nothing. She’s messing with me again. “Just stay out of my life.”

With that, I hung up.

***

Tori stared down at her phone. She was frozen. She didn’t know what to say and or do. She sat in her office chair for a few seconds, her brain not being able to process what had just happened in such a short time span. Snapping out of it, she immediately headed for messages on her phone.

Tori - 11:57 AM - i really don’t know what i did. can you please just explain and i’ll leave you alone, i swear. if you don’t wanna be friends anymore just let me know and i’ll go.

Staring down at her phone, she bit her bottom lip nervously. She could feel the tears pricking at the corner of her eyes.

Lauren - 11:59 AM: I’m blocking you.

Tori - 11:59 AM: wait no please

Tori - 11:59 AM: please tell me what’s happening

Tori - 12:00 PM: please

The three dots in the bubble that indicated Lauren was typing came and disappeared several times. Tori grew nervous as each minute passed by.

Lauren - 12:23 PM: You are really into this playing dumb shit, huh? In case you’ve forgotten your own actions, you not only fucked with me the entire time you were in California, but you had the fucking nerve to stalk on some Great Dane shit and find my former bandmates phone number telling her Camila was still alive. If you were a fucking fan of Fifth Harmony, you could have said something. For nearly two weeks, you pretended to befriend me, pretended that you knew nothing about my late wife. Did you know that all of my former bandmates that I haven’t seen in almost four years all flew out to Los Angeles because they were convinced there was a chance of Camila being alive. But we both know there’s not.

Lauren - 12:25 PM: Oh wow and you made up a best friend named Karla who coincidentally has the same first name as Camila, huh? Then you text Dinah on some unknown number telling her that you’re in Yakutat, Alaska in “danger” with Lola. You’re a fucking joke.

Lauren - 12:28 PM: I have only one question for you Victoria. Why? Why would you purposely make someone relieve the pain of someone who died? What if I played some fucked up prank on you telling you that your dad was still alive? Honestly just go to hell.

As Tori read the messages over and over, she tried to make sense of what was going on. Lauren’s words hurt her more than she wanted to admit. Her heart was slowly breaking as the harsh words sunk deeper and deeper. Thumbs trembling, she began typing, hoping and praying that she wasn’t blocked yet.

Tori - 12:37 PM: i’m very sorry for whatever’s currently happening lauren but i did not message your old bandmates and lead them to think your wife was still alive. i didn’t even know the name of the band you use to be in until these last messages. you never even told me your wife’s name

Tori - 12:39 PM: i can’t blame you for your suspicions. you’ve met the first person ever from yakutat, alaska and now someone is telling you that your dead wife is in danger there to my understanding of what you’ve said. but i didn’t make anything up. i really like you and i don’t want you to think that i’m messing with you because i swear and cross my heart, hope to die that i am not

Tori - 12:40 PM: karla is a real person. my best friend. i didn’t make her up. i wasn’t a fan of fifth harmony. i really didn’t even know what that was until again, you mentioned it. all you ever told me was that you were in a band with four other chicks and you spilt up in late 2016 and married one of them

Tori - 12:42: i’m really sorry for the misunderstanding and i get if you don’t wanna talk to me anymore. i’m sorry. i won’t bother you anymore

After sending her messages, she waited for a reply. An hour to be exact but it never came. Within the last hour of her awaiting Lauren’s reply, she read the messages over and over, crying softly to herself. She hated feeling like she was hurting someone. Her first time out of the state and she’s already made enemies with someone she really liked as a person.

Putting her phone down on her desk, she decided to call it a day. Packing up her belongings, she made her way over to her boss’s office and knocked on the glass door. She could already tell the light makeup she wore was smeared from her crying but she couldn’t find it in her to care. She just wanted to go home. Dustin Harrison, the on floor boss for the day at Tori’s workplace shut his laptop and smiled up at the curly headed blonde before frowning. “Hey Tor– what’s wrong?” He asked, cutting off his greeting.

Tori sighed to herself, shaking her head. “Nothing Dus. Can I please take the rest of the day off? I’m not feeling too well,” she mumbled.

Dustin nodded immediately, pulling out a slip of paper, signing it and handing it to Tori. “No problem darlin’. Just come in when you’re feeling better, okay?”

Times like these were when she was really thankful for the understanding staff at her workplace. Maybe she could visit Karla later and rant. That is if Lola’s head ass lets her.

***

“Tori, what’s the matter? You haven’t touched your food at all,” Laura asked with a sigh. She had dropped her fork onto her plate and set her glass of wine down as she gazed at her daughter who had been aimlessly staring off into space the last fifteen minutes.

Tori glanced at her mom before resuming her stare into space. “Nothing Ma, just not hungry.”

Tori could barely find any form of energy to engage in small talk with her mother since she got home from work a few hours ago. Lauren had still not replied only this time, read her message. She was pretty sure she was blocked by now. She just lost a friend over something she didn’t even do and to say it was affecting her would be an understatement.

Laura shook her head. “Now Victoria, is lying to me really a good idea?”

Sighing, she looked down as the first tear fell. “I messed up Ma,” she breathed out.

Laura gave her daughter a look of confusion. “How?”

She took a deep breath. “Do you remember when I went to Los Angeles to record that demo for Karla’s birthday?” She started. Laura nodded. “Well, I met this girl there. Her name is Lauren. Everything I ever recorded there, she helped me on. We became friends over the time I was there and we started to talk everyday. So much so that she got really worried when I didn’t text her back after I landed for a few hours because I forgot.

"When I was there, she told me some things about her. Like how she use to be in a group called Fifth Harmony with four other girls. In Fifth Harmony, she dated and ended up marrying and having two kids with one of the members after the group break up in 2016,” she paused, her heartbeat picking up its pace. “She also told me that in 2019, her wife died and she was left to raise a two and a one year old at the time on her own.

"Everything has really been a blur, but long story short, when I came back everything was good up until today. She texted me and she was pissed. She started accusing me of messing with her bandmates and her–”

“What? How?” Laura interrupted. Tori gave her mom a look and the raven haired woman put her hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. Sorry, continue.”

“Anyways like I was saying, she was accusing me of messing with her and her bandmates. Apparently someone texted one of her old bandmates telling them that Camila - her supposedly dead wife - was alive and in danger. This person posing as Camila apparently. She thinks it’s me now because the person said that she was in danger, here, in Yakutat, Alaska and she just met me and I’m from Yakutat, Alaska. She thinks I’m just some weird old fan who got close to her just to prank her like this.

"She said that’s why I was all up in her business. But Ma, I swear I didn’t do anything like that. I didn’t even know of Fifth Harmony until she started going off on me and I didn’t even know what her wife’s name was either up until she texted me those things. How could I just up and do something so elaborate when I just met her a week and a half ago? She barely told me anything about her personal life except for those things.

"Then she told me I faked having a best friend named Karla because her wife - Camila’s - first name is Karla. She just blamed everything on me, told me she was blocking me and to never talk to her again. I explained that it was a misunderstanding and that I haven’t done anything but she never replied and I don’t know what to do Ma. I really like her and she wants nothing to do with me. She probably thinks I’m some crazy bitch.”

When Tori finished, she wiped away the few tears of frustration that had fallen during her explanation. Laura stood up and extended her hand out to her daughter. Tori looked up at her mom in confusion. “What are you doing mom?”

“C'mon, lets go look up Fifth Harmony and see why this girl is so adamant about you messing with her.”

***

“I never met that girl, but by those messages, I doubt she did this Lauren,” Ally spoke as she took the glass of wine I had poured for her into her small hands.

Its been a few hours since my former bandmates decided to involve themselves into my life for the first time in years with their crazy assumptions that Camila may still be alive. I don’t care what they say, Camila’s dead. I saw her body parts. I saw the DNA results from the autopsy. I saw it all. She’s dead. And the sooner we all come to terms with that, the sooner they can move along and continue ignoring my daughters and I’d very existence.

I thought I had sent them on their way and they’d book a flight to return to where they needed to be, but they somehow found where I lived and invited themselves over. I just wanted them to leave before the new sitter arrived with the girls. After what happened with Lucy, I didn’t trust her around them for awhile.

Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. “You guys, please. I cannot stress this enough. I’m tired of this. Camila’s gone. Alright? She’s dead. Please just drop this all. Tori is just a delusional former fan pulling a cruel prank.”

Dinah stood up from her place on my barstool, pacing back and forth. Suddenly stopping, the Polynesian stared at all of us with watery eyes. This was obviously affecting her way more than necessary. Dinah didn’t need to get her hopes up. If Camila was alive, I’m sure I would know. This was not the time to open up a can of emotions. Because once it opened, I wouldn’t be able to care for my daughters. Camila would have wanted me to stay strong for them and not fall into traps set up by sick people.

“What if it’s not a prank? Huh, Jauregui? What if your wife, the love of your life, the mother of your children is truly alive? What if you’re just so blinded by this wall of self protection you have up that you can’t even see that every minute we waste, Camila may be getting hurt and actually killed by the crazy bitch?!

"I know you don’t want to believe something just to get let down. I know that happened so many times after her death and we all believed it time and time again. But I don’t think someone would randomly just up and do this so many years later. Lauren, please. Camila could-”

I suddenly found myself shouting at the top of my lungs as tears filled my eyes. “Enough Dinah!” My hands shook as Ally and Normani stopped what they were doing to stare at me as Dinah shrunk back slowly. This is what I didn’t want. This is what makes me weak. I can’t be weak for my daughters. I can’t be weak for myself. I just couldn’t. “Camila is gone. Alright? She’s gone. Shes not coming back, she’ll never come back. You wanna know why? Because she’s dead. Dead people don’t make a r-reappearance,” my voice cracked as realization hit me for the first time in years. My wife is dead. I’d never get her back. The familiar aching that I haven’t felt in so long soon returned to the center of my chest as the room started to close in around me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Normani was the first to get up and come to my side, followed by Dinah and Ally. “Okay Lo. Okay. We’ll stop, just breathe, alright? Please calm down.”

Moments after catching my breath, I shoved the three women off of me. My knees felt weak, my head throbbing with an upcoming migraine. “Let this go and leave. Luna and Lana won’t be reintroduced to you just for you guys to walk away again. Go back to wherever you came from,” I spat out, my green eyes glaring holes into each of them.

The three of them shared looks of defeat before gathering their things and heading towards the door. Just as Dinah went to open it, Ally turned around and walked back over to me. She wrapped her tiny arms around me, not caring if I didn’t hug back as she whispered in my ear. “I know it’s scary to think of the possibilities, but don’t completely rule them out. Because I believe there is a God. And the God that I worship isn’t so cruel as in to let us all be toyed with like this after so many years. I believe that Mila is alive. And we’re going to find her, with or without your help,” pulling away she looked at me with tear filled eyes. “Even if this is all one big prank, even if this is all one big joke to someone, trying never hurt. Because without effort, there’d be no faith. And with no faith, then what are we as human beings?”

I felt my mouth hang open slightly, at a loss for words. Shaking my head and closing my mouth, I stepped back. By now Dinah and Normani had both come back over as the three of them stared at me expectantly. “So…?” Normani trailed off, the three women awaiting my reply.

***

Bringing her fist up to knock on the door, she shifted from side to side impatiently, glancing around. When the door opened and she came face to face with the familiar hazel eyes, she spoke quickly. “They know that Camila is alive.”

Hazel eyes turned to slits as she dragged the woman inside before shutting the door. “What the hell do you mean by "they know” Janelle?“ She hissed out, anger coursing her body.

Janelle shook like a leaf under the harsh, murderous gaze of Lola.

***

a/n: im so sorry for the late update. because of that i made this chapter extra long and divided it into two parts. the next part is gonna be so… just wow lmao. so double update for y'all. i’ll post that after seeing the feedback on this one.

please make sure to comment and vote. to my tumblr readers, please visit my wattpad @ wthbello to see when i upload the second half of this part. please answer chapter questions below if you’re a wattpad reader.

what do you think about lauren accusing tori?

what do you think tori and her mom will find out?

how do you feel about this chapter overall?

what do you think of janelle?

do you think lauren will try to go along with finding camila?

how do you feel about laurens initial reaction?

thank you so much for reading. i really, really, really, really, reeeeaaaalllllyyyyy, hoped you enjoyed it. please let me know if i should go ahead and post part two of this chapter or have yall just forgotten about this book? lmao.

once again, make sure to comment and vote. answer those end of the chapter questions too. lmao (:

ALSO DONT WORRY NORMANIS COMING OUT IN THE BEGINNING WILL SOON BE UTILIZED A FEW CHAPTERS IN. IT WASNT JUST FOR SHOW.

one last thing, i wanna address the whole laucy situation momentarily. if one of my readers happens to be apart of the group of people who harasses lucy, who comments endless lines of "camren is real” under any of their posts, who deliberately tries to hurt anyone lauren or camila have gotten close to, this is a giant fuck you to you. please hop the fuck off my page.

there’s nothing more disgusting than a group of people who intentionally try to hurt others for - as lauren would put it - their own sick pleasure. people romanticize gay ships these days and its kind of creepy. obsessing over two people who have told you time and time again that something isn’t real is crazy af. sure i write camren and yes i do ship them. but im also respectful of their wishes as human beings. im respectful of the fact that the things i read and write is nothing but fictional and should stay that way. im respect of the fact that they are two grown women trying to get through life as individuals and create their own individual relationships.

please, i am begging you, give it a rest. camren isn’t alive. never has been and never will be. its a fantasy that fans have made up. thats not a problem. everyone has the right to feel a certain way towards something, but forcing it onto someone? hurting people they love? now that’s a whole new level and it’s unacceptable.

as someone around the girls’ age, (im 20) and pretty much had to grow up at a young age like that, if not younger, i kind of understand in a sense. i was put into the foster system from age 6-16. luckily being adopted in my late teens. i had to grow up hella fast and if in that mix, i had a group of people on my back pairing me with my best friend and saying that we’re dating, we’re fucking on the DL, making up scenarios and theories as to how that person and i could secretly be together, i’d hate my life. i mean, what’s fun in having millions of people intentionally ruin aspects of your life for their own wants?

all im saying is respect lauren and whatever relationship she’ll have with lucy. because ive seen it. ive seen how those two stare at each other and THATS love. not whatever we make up in our heads. those two have been through it all with each other and the least we can do as people who love and care for lauren is respect how she feels towards someone and i hope that one day they can mend their broken relationship and come out the way that they had planned to. come out with zero fucks and unconditional love and happiness towards each other.

if you don’t like that, if you don’t wanna read what i have to write anymore because i choose to respect two individuals and keep my fantasies, fake, then please by all means, unadd this story from your library and never read any of my works again.

thats all i have to say on this matter. i have the utmost respect for lauren and lucy and i wish nothing but goodness and happiness to those two. thats love. whether hard headed camren shippers choose to respect that or not. if you are willing to fuck someone else’s happiness up for your own, you’re a horrible person and fuck you. goodbye.

don’t forget to follow me (;

sorry if that rant or this chapter as a whole made no sense. english isnt my first language and i tend to fuck up a lot when it comes to writing it. anyways thanks for reading.

ellianna, xxxxxxx