#as a trans person i regret to inform you that it's still going to stop sucking in four years. i know it fucking burns believe me i do

[infiniteglitterfall]

Not to, you know, point out yet again that you Hamas stans don't give a fuck about Palestinians, but....

The chasm between what Gazan activists say about Hamas and October 7, and what Western leftists and Hamas say, is absolutely fucking horrifying.

All of this below is from just one Gazan activist who's been repeatedly tortured, by Hamas, for fighting for his own human rights.

As expected, Hamas began executing Gazans the moment the ceasefire deal was reached, accusing them of "working with the occupation." Just today, they executed 10 Gazans, and they promised to do more in the coming days.

This isn’t a novel tactic; it’s an age-old strategy employed by Hamas to silence critics and instil fear among citizens who oppose their rule. I would greatly welcome a position from the pro-Palestinian movement advocating for pressure on Hamas to end its ongoing oppression of the people in Gaza.

For those who support Hamas and express admiration for the organization in light of the recent ceasefire announcement, it is vital to recognize that in Gaza, tens of thousands of innocent civilians are experiencing profound suffering, while Hamas seems largely unconcerned with their plight. They chose to prioritize sending their terrorists abroad for treatment, insisting that each fighter be accompanied by three family members.

What about the numerous Gazans who were shot and tortured by Hamas throughout the war? Shouldn't they be given the opportunity to receive medical treatment abroad?

You know what would help the Palestinians in Gaza? Condemning Hamas' atrocities. Instead, the protesters routinely chant their desire to "Globalize the Intifada." Apparently they do not realize that the Intifadas were disastrous for both Palestinians and Israelis, just as October 7 has been devastating for the people of Gaza.

They should be speaking up for the innocent victims of Hamas—both Palestinian and Israeli. Instead, they endorse Hamas's ideology with posters announcing resistance "by any means necessary" and chants of "from the river to the sea," effectively glorifying the Al-Qassam brigades, Hamas' military wing, whose ideology is entirely based on the elimination of more than 6 million Israelis from the land.

I really, really try to be polite and explain things most of the time.

But after watching "pro-Palestinians" spend the entire war actively helping silence Gazans and making things worse for them, through pure Hamas-worshipping violent tankie revenge fantasies...

I'm just going to indulge myself in one do better, shithead.

“elon musk did the nazi salute, remember to check on your jewish friends uwu” you all celebrated when jihadi terrorists live-streamed the torture, kidnapping and murdering of israelis on 10/7/2023 but ok

[two-wizards-in-a-trench-coat]

saw the post abt top surgery so i wanted to ask : in your personal experience, what would you say is the right age/amount of time to deliberate on getting top surgery?

im still really young so im paranoid that ill rush things and make the wrong choice or something (i know this just sounds like im buying into terf propaganda.. i just dont have any actual older trans folk to ask abt this irl)

I don't think asking yourself whether you really want top surgery or not is buying into terf rhetoric tbh. It is a fairly big change to want and thinking about it seriously is just that.

Personally I'm 23, and have known I wanted top surgery since I was around 16. I've known people that did it as soon as they were of legal age/had the money for it and I've known others that waited a lot more than that. Personally I'd say the right time is however long you need to gather info about top surgery, all its up and down sides, and to get yourself into a situation where you are safe to go through with it (aka people to take care of you in the aftermath, not living with people that might be hostile to it...)

I don't know how the procedures work in your country, but here in Belgium I first had to meet with a social worker (specialized in medical transition) that gave me the rundown, a lot of helpful advice, and gave me a letter of "informed consent" and the surgeon's email. If you have the equivalent wherever you live, these are the kind of people you can go to in real life to share your doubts and fears.

ALSO, no matter the medical procedure you want to do for your transition, you can stop whenever YOU want. You can set up appointments with doctors and surgeons, and suddenly you realize you don't actually want it? Put a stop to it, cancel the appointment.

Currently we live in a world that spams the news with claims that all transgender individuals are "ruining their bodies". With this kind of climate it makes sense that we sometimes feel like that's something we might be doing.

I didn't get on testosterone for years despite being of age because I was scared I would regret it. And now 1.5 years on it, it's definitely one of the best decisions I've made in my life. I don't regret the time I spent weighing the pros and cons, it was the time that I needed to be fully comfortable with the reality of medical transition.

tldr, there is no ''right'' timeline for any transition of any kind. The only thing you need is to be comfortable with the rhythm you're setting. While we can't speed things up most of the time, we can certainly slow them down if we want.

[osamu-dazais-husband]

Hello, I was wondering if you could do ciel x ftm! Reader, in wich Reader is very dysphoric about their big chest but also likes it a lot.

They get nervous and pick on their chest a lot and when Ciel asks if they want top surgery, reader breaks down because they don't know yet.

Like, they really want to but are also very scared.

Have a good day/night

This sounds so sweet, i struggle with this a lot too so i enjoyed writing about this so much!

Ciel Phantomhive with a big chested ftm reader!

Being transgender is hard enough, being transgender in the 1800's where you're held to a certain standard is even harder, it's almost impossible for you to feel comfortable in your body especially since you're forced to wear a damn big dress all the time.

Everywhere you went it felt like you were just hiding your true self from everyone, everywhere except for Ciel's manor, you had told your boyfriend that you were trans after you started to trust him with that information and he surprisingly reacted really well! He tried to make you as comfortable as possible and when you are at his manor you don't have to wear those damn dresses, you get to raid his closet and he even orders Sebastian to specially design and make clothes to your liking. Although, being in 1800's, binders or other methods of hiding your chest were not invented yet, part of you didn’t mind, a bigger part of you hated it, you didn’t fully feel comfortable with yourself.

One day you were hanging out in ciel’s manor, he thought you were both having a great conversation but that was then he saw you picking at your chest, again. He always hated it when you did that on the off chance you could hurt yourself and stops you immediately. He had enough of it though and asked if you wanted to have a surgery eventually to get your chest removed.

That made you snap, you never told ciel you actually liked your breasts and did not know if you wanted them off, you started crying, hard and in that moment ciel rushed over to your seat, kneeling to your level so he’s not hovering above you and wipes your tears, asking what’s wrong and ordering Sebastian to get water for you.

You broke down telling ciel how conflicted you were, you liked your breasts, you hated having to be called a girl in public and those breasts being one of the main reasons why. You didn’t know what you wanted to do! Were you going to regret it after it’s done? What if something happens!?

You started mumbling all possibilities that could happen in result of a surgery until ciel cut you off.

“You don’t have to get the surgery if you don’t want to, it’s your body and if you’re not comfortable with taking the risk then you shouldn’t, you are who you are and no matter what body parts you have the only person who can define you is you. If you want to go through with it, I’ll be with you every step of the way. If not, you’re still my boy”

Those words made you feel just a little safer

You didn’t need to know yet, you can just go at your own speed, if you don’t know about surgery, you know one thing, ciel cares about you enough to love you either way.

[somethingmissingthiswaycomes]

I keep reading about other trans guys' experiences and feeling like... Oh man... I need to get back on testosterone.

More and more I'm realizing that, while I wasn't ready to go further on HRT when I started it, I do ultimately need to transition more. I need the puberty I never got.

I'm realizing more and more that I have a lot of internalized... androphobia, I suppose, would be the word. My mother understandably taught me to be more wary of men than women, and my emotionally distant father has been the only man in my life since forever. (It's been nice to get to know him for real over the last year or so.) I've internalized the particularly transandrophobic fear that, if I went "too far" with HRT, I would become something I've been taught to fear. If I go "too far," I'll have betrayed something.

Learning that I was trans has also brought me into online spaces with more transfemmes than transmascs, and learning about feminism through these spaces also brought up a lot of anti-man rhetoric that I'm trying to unlearn in a feminist way—rhetoric that came from understandable places, largely either from radfem ideas separated from transphobia or from externalized dysphoria in discussions by trans women in largely feminine spaces. All very understandable, most of it not even hateful so much as vaguely resentful toward the idea of "being a man", but ultimately a harmful environment for me to explore my gender in.

When I got top surgery, I was filled with anxiety because I had little to no positive examples of what my body should or could look like after the fact. Not with my body type, anyway, and largely not without the effects of testosterone beforehand. I knew I wanted to be rid of my breasts, so I went through with it with... probably less information about what to expect at the end than I should have. (Though it was thoroughly necessary, and I don't regret it.)

I think my hesitancy to transition also comes from having managed to internalize transmisogyny—the idea that I could never properly express my womanhood as a genderfluid person if I went "too far" with testosterone. I don't believe this about anyone else, but I suppose the harmful bias is in there. Even as I've wished before that I'd been through an AMAB puberty, as I've wanted to be feminine in ways that celebrate the effects of testosterone, I've still thought... "What if, by the end of it, I feel like those trans women who say they were 'ruined' by it?"

Which I think leads me into the next realization I've had, which is that I've also internalized the (false) idea that trans people who were AFAB are privileged. That, if I made myself appear AMAB to onlookers, maybe I would lose that "privilege." I'm realizing here that I'm scared of losing the "privilege" that being uncomfortable in my own skin has supposedly lent me. But I know that I would never put that on others; of course I'd never say that a trans woman shouldn't risk the "privilege" she'd lose by rejecting the manhood society places on her. But that's how internalizing things works, I suppose. It can make you very hypocritical.

All this, and then sometimes I'll watch a short film about a transmasculine experience, or I'll read an article about a trans man's life, or I'll actually seek out the thoughts and words of guys like me, and... It's triggering, honestly. It makes me yearn. It makes me want but it doesn't eliminate these feelings of fear and self-disgust.

I stopped taking HRT because my arms started looking like my grandfather's arms. The grandfather who brazenly, proudly supports Trump, who went out more often during the peak of COVID, who knows that my sister and I are both trans and sent an envelope with $20 checks "for the girls" for Christmas that included me and excluded her. (I gave her my check out of spite for him.) I stopped taking testosterone because my body started to remind me of the man who had encouraged my sister to join the military, which traumatized her, and who disaproved of my mother's second marriage because she fell in love with a black man.

It is... very hard to accept yourself as a trans man who needs testosterone to be comfortable in your own body when the people your body starts to resemble are hateful and horrible, and when some of the people at the forefront of the movement for your rights project that onto you too, even unintentionally.

But with every story I hear about a trans guy sharing my struggles and doing what they need to, what they want to, and being supported by those they choose to surround themselves with... I feel more emboldened. Sure of myself and what I need.

Keep sharing stories of love and success, and of struggles and fights, and pride.

[geniuscomediae]

GUESS WHAT: A FOLLOW-UP FIC FOR MY LAST ONE :)

AO3

(beware: bit angsty, whole lot gay, Michael the Distortion is less of an entity and more of a human because Michael Shelley was already too trans to be transed by the Spiral had someone to live for, I won't take any criticism on my wish to fix-it Michael's fate)

Why would Gerry object anything Gertrude proposed?

Well, not actually "proposed". Gertrude just informed him that she will take off for some time with Michael – she still didn't call him that, even though he managed to build up courage and ask her – and proceeded to disappear for almost a month, returning alone. Any questions about her assistant went unanswered regardless of the name Gerry used, and he was starting to feel sick, wondering what happened to the only person he let himself to care for in a long, long time. A streak of one night stands, wich stopped after their first date (awkward jokes, vanilla ice cream, park bench and first brief lesson of Dread Powers 101) and resumed approximately a month after Gertrude's comeback and Michael's absence, didn't bring him even remotely enough human interaction to fill the void Michael left. Well, not him. He wasn't to blame, but who was, really? As much as Gerry hated himself for this, before he on multiple occasions agreed with Gertrude that a death of one person is a good price to pay to save the world, he just didn't expect this one person to be Michael – his Michael. Michael he decided to protect and failed miserably.

Gerry was starting to regret not going off with Gertrude himself.

Days passed, then weeks, then six months since Gertrude returned, and Gerry didn't stop to feel pain thinking about Michael, but he did – and he shivered in horror every time he noticed it – make peace with him being dead. He couldn't afford such luxury as spending all his time mourning a lost loved one, he had books to burn and monsters to hunt, and besides, his migraines were getting really violent lately. He was meaning to schedule an appointment for some time but never had enough time to do it.

This morning wasn't any different from all the prior ones. Wake up, look at the sticky note with a little heart Michael left on his bedroom mirror, take a shower, get to the kitchen, stare at Michael's favorite mug for five to fifteen minutes, make some coffee, remember he left a (normal) book he was reading in the bedroom, open a door...

Remember, that his bedroom doesn't have a door.

Gerry instinctively jumped back in his flat, falling on the floor and feeling around himself for something to use for a weapon – stupid, really, what would any weapon do against... whatever he encountered here? – but nothing happened next. Well, the door slowly creaked wider open and kinda stayed like that.

Gerry wiggled further away from it, hastily getting up and grabbing a knife from the kitchen table. The butter one, with a rounded tip of the blade, but better that nothing. Nothing seemed to continue happening, until it suddenly didn't. The matter of the seemingly endless hallway on the other side of the door started to melt like a wax candle, forming first a sphere, then a humanoid figure, and finally something that resembled a human was barely standing in the doorway. Gerry cautiously approached it, fighting the urge to just trust his eyes and let himself believe in what he was seeing, and then Michael lifted his head, looking fair parts terrified and amused.

– Hi, Gerry, – he smiled, showing off more teeth than there should've been. – Did you miss me?

***

After this, supposedly still part Michael, creature fell on his floor senseless and slightly glitching instead of breathing, Gerry decided not to go to the Institute today. He wasn't needed there regardless and just preferred to spend time not used to hunt down Leitners in the archive, one on one with the mass of information stored on dusty old shelves. Finding anything of use without Michael was a slow and ungrateful process, but it kept him busy and didn't allow to think too much.

Body on his floor continued blurring on the edges and shifting ever so slightly, still looking like Michael. Gerry carefully approached it, ready to run as fast as he can ot the first sign of danger, and reached out to touch it, the closest to him part of the body being the head with familiar curls of blond hair.

"Michael" made a noise of pain, shivering and blurring even more, and tried to get back up, but failed, falling back on the floor.

– Gerry... – it managed to mutter again, reaching out with a hand too long to be human and trying to touch him. Gerry made an awful, no good, very bad decision and took its hand in his, petting its palm and trying to bite back a cry.

– Michael? – he asked, getting down on his knees and gazing into shifting mass of spiraling colors until his eyes started to feel like they were about to pop. – What..? What happened, Michael?

– That's definitely a real name, – Michael-esque creature giggled weakly, still unmoving. – And probably mine, isn't it?.. Ask your Archivist, she knows exactly what happened, what she did to me... did to me, to him, to it, to us...

– You're not making sense, Curls, – Gerry petted its – his? their? – head, feeling the previously silky-soft hair resemble glass-wool, and cotton candy, and a stream of water, all at once.

– Get used to it, I won't anymore, – it giggled again, turning on its back and looking at Gerry from under trembling lashes. – You really don't know what happened to poor Michael, do you?

– I don't, – admitted Gerry, moving its head in his lap. – Tell me, what happened to you. And wether or not you are Michael I know.

– Well, – it started, making itself comfortable, – first of all yes and no. I'm Michael. I don't like being Michael, and I don't like being whatever I am now – the Spiral, if I'm not mistaken. But also I'm not... completely Michael. Like, a little more than a half is definitely Michael, but the other less than a half is the Spiral, but also I'm both and neither... It's hard, I'm not used to talking about myself, and even less used to analysing myself... And regarding what the Archivist, Gertrude, did to us: that's quite simple actually. She has given Michael a map and sent him through the door, and told him to find the heart of this particular segment of the Spiral, and he found, and here I am... To be honest, there's been a lot of time between Michael and this Spiral part becoming me and me arriving at your doorstep, but it was mostly spent trying to figure out how I am supposed to exist now. But... yeah, that's it.

Gerry continued stroking its hair, trying to fight the anger slowly rising in his chest and the tears that started to blur his vision. Michael shifted a little closer to him, closing its eyes and smiling weakly.

– You know, – it started quietly, – when Michael Shelley was in the hallways, he was thinking about you. And while we were merging he continued to think about you, about how he loves you and misses you, and how you will take the news. And even now, when he is me and I am not human at all and shouldn't be capable of emotions, or feelings, or love at all – even now I regret I haven't told you I love you before. And I think I'm sorry for not being what you wanted me to be.

– You were everything I could ask for. You still are, if I'm being honest. I won't just give up on you because of this.

– You should still mourn Michael Shelley though, – it sighed. – Poor little boy was too soft and trusting for this world. And he's gone. And I am not him. And simultaneously I am him, I am just as much Michael Shelley as the Archivist is Gertrude Robinson and the Boneturner is Jared Hopeworth. But less than you, Bookburner, are Gerard Keay.

Gerry sighed and bowed down, pressing his forehead against Michael's and squinting.

– I missed him, – he breathed out.

– I'm sorry, – it murmured gently. – I'm sorry I'm not him.

– You're not entirely, – Gerry agreed, – but I'll still love you.

[ackackh]

well this maybe a little excessive but 🍊 🍋 🍈 🫐 🍇, if you will!

Thank you for the ask, anon! This is too long and I don’t regret it! 💕

🍊 Who’s a character you don’t write for that often, but keep meaning to write for more? (They’re so interesting! But maybe you have trouble pinning them down, or keep getting distracted by another blorbo…)

There. Are. So. Many. The first character who came to mind tho is Doc Bryan. I wrote 5k words of a fic forever ago from his POV and I loved working in that space but I also find his voice really hard to pin down. One day I will finish it and you’ll get to read all about how when you’re sad it helps to fuck a friend. (Ray)

🍋 What’s your favorite spicier trope to write?

MMMM this is a hard one because I feel like I’m still finding my voice in this area. Uh I do love writing a first-time scene tho. And first time bottoming? Yes pls. Literally it’s in both the aforementioned Doc fic (Ray) and in DOGSTAR. (Andy) I feel like the general consensus in the fandom is that Eddie bottoms, which I also like, but I’m really into the idea of Andy specifically needing to let someone take care of him. Eddie is happy to help.

🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.

Ray, my truest blorbo, I have put him in Blender as a 3D model and am rotating him as we speak. Of course I love the motor-mouthing, but my favorite thing about him is that he’s so fucking intelligent underneath that. Like the most perceptive motherfucker. In God Is a Bluegill, he is constantly noticing EVERYTHING, especially how other people are feeling, and that 100% informs his behavior. Boy is a sponge. And his mania is either a medication for himself or for others and either way, I do think it’s genuine, I just think he also uses it as a social tool.

Also, if I’m writing BradRay, I love to make him quietly suffer. Little queer guy from Missouri, he’s internalized the idea that he doesn’t get to have what he wants, so he doesn’t even try to attain it. So while Brad is either pining after someone else, or hung up on his ex, Ray is like, ‘I’m gonna be the best friend, I’ll be whatever you need.’ And it’s BAD FOR HIM. There are similar things going on in the Doc fic as well, Ray wanting to do whatever he can to hold his friends together, likely at his own personal risk.

Damn, I need to finish that Brad-gets-dumped-during-OIF fic.

🫐 What’s your favorite underrated thing in your fandom? (A ship that only you seem to write for, a character there’s almost no fics about, a trope that criminally hasn’t been written yet, etc.)

I’m pretty pleased with what the HBOWar fandom has to offer, we have so many talented writers who have lots of different ideas, so it’s hard to think of what I’m missing. I’d love to see more Doc Bryan POV, obviously I’m currently thinking on him a lot.

Here’s something I’ve wanted to write about because I love projecting and you can’t stop me: gimme transmasc Ray. I need a fic where his mania, his bravado, his insight into others are all things he’s developed to protect himself throughout his life. Like, I get we’d have to write around a lot of stuff with the Marines, but trans soldiers, at the very least, did/do exist in Middle East deployments, so I feel like we could suspend our disbelief a lil bit. Also foaming at the mouth for an E rated fic featuring this. For reasons. Ahem 😅

🍇 Is there a particular scene/episode/book/etc that you want to just write a million fics about, over and over? Which one?

Not to be on my AndyEddie bullshit again, but I could write over and over again about Andy and the day Eddie died. I’m visiting it way too much in DOGSTAR. But in my defense, I’m focusing a lot more on trauma in this version and in a world in which either survived, I think Eddie getting hit on the ridge would have fundamentally changed Andy. Especially, as is the case in this fic, if Andy believed Eddie was dead and not just wounded.

[iscratchdoors]

blah blah trans healthcare rant dont mind me

i know people get pissy about regrets being given voice but holy fucking shit i should have not taken my time trying to get on hrt. i already knew i would eventually have to get top surgery to live my life normally at like 14 years old but for like 2-4 years after i was going back and forth on wanting to go on t, partially bc i wasn't sure i wanted all its effects and to look like a Manly Macho Man (wow a 15 year old struggling with the idea of looking like a 40 year old man? no way) and other gender stuff but mostly because everything i'd heard about trying to get hrt was a fucking horror story and i was already dealing with a ton of shit so i took my time to really make 100% sure i wanted to be on t (coincidentally happened when i became an adult and youthful androgyny stopped being an option, who woulda thought?) before ever contacting a doctor about it and holy FUCK was that a bad idea

it's always "take your time" and "don't rush into things" but holy fuck the waiting game is fucking insufferable. i did exactly that and took my time but turns out, so will my doctor! it does not matter how much Taking My Time(tm) i have done before seeking medical intervention this dipshit needs to take half a fucking year to even start talking to me about treatment. 6 appointments since last year and i've so far done nearly all the talking and gotten 0 information back and for about half of those ive been hearing that "next time we might talk about the next step" and guess what! we fucking haven't! because i need to wait, wait, wait, and make sure, and wait

for fucking what? ive already done all the making sure, giving me more time isn't going to change shit except delay my ability to live a normal goddamn life. he's not a psychologist and clearly doesn't know shit about autism, so i have no clue why he thinks he's qualified to decide if that has somehow tricked me into thinking im trans, a thing that famously happens. he's not telling me shit about fuck about how my treatment might even go and im not allowed to even fucking ask because that immediately gets shot down with "well we cant just give you hormones right away" BITCH FIRST OF ALL its been MONTHS ive had all my psychiatric work done for YEARS before i ever had to deal with your donkey-headed ass and im literally just ASKING. FOR INFORMATION. NOT A PRESCRIPTION.

but noooo we have to wait wait wait, wait before we even talk about the one goddamn thing i came for. like we arent sitting here having talks about my truest inner self and how to best achieve it or whatever the fuck i didnt come here for counseling and it certainly isnt what im fucking getting. like what the fuck does he think is going to happen during an arbitrarily decided waiting period? i suddenly change my mind? without him giving me ANY information about what im getting myself into? hes going to discover some secret psychosis i have that my ACTUAL PSYCHIATRIST didn't for years??? it doesn't make any sense. it's always "oh you can't get hormones on the first appointment" WELL CAN I AT LEAST BE FUCKING SENT TO ENDO BY THE GODDAMN SIXTH???? im not taking shit at my own pace im entirely reliant on someone else's that they decided for me with frankly no justification

and i can't even vent my frustrations about this to acquaintances and relatives because for some goddamn fucking reason, they almost ALWAYS take the doctor's side. i complain about the shit i had to go with my joints, nobody assumes the doctor was in the right when i tell a story of how they fucked something up or were a prick. i say one bad word about THIS motherfucker and suddenly well the doctor has his reasons surely :((( you cant just expect to be given what you want immediately :(((((( what if someone gets on hormones and changes their mind :(((((( not you just Someone :((((((( still your problem tho :(((((((( by the way i need you to listen to this story about how a trans person you've never met annoyed me once :) i dont have anything against trans people btw did i mention that? i really dont. if you want medical treatment die tho.

every single fucking time. what the hell is it about transgender healthcare specifically that always makes people play defense for a medical professional they dont know anything about. i know im kind of unhinged with anger and hyperbolic from rant frenzy but i mean no exaggeration when i say that i genuinely believe that half of these people would rather see 100 trans dudes kill themselves than let 1 confused cis girl end up with a deep voice and extra body hair. it's fucking ridiculous. even my goddamn social worker gave me the "can't expect hormones at first appointment" speech. a fucking WEEK ago. first appointment was LAST YEAR girl. no matter how directly i describe exactly what's wrong with my doctor's approach and why (it's not only the waiting period he's just a general cunt) somehow the narrative of the entitled impatient trans person who is attacking this poor poor medical professional on an unhinged whim when really they could just accept themself and be cis and happy :( is the first thing that springs to their mind. there's not an ounce of trust in me, or anyone else in my position.

and this is all just the first step. i'm already looking into paying out of pocket for surgery because the fucking rate this is going at doing it the standard way seems a last resort more than anything. but to even get into talks about getting surgery done, in ANOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY most likely, at that, because fuck me for being born here, i of course need to be diagnosed and on hrt! haha! amazing! i can't do shit to progress any further until ONE OLD FART decides that i'm allowed! wanna permanently ruin your health with booze and smoking? sure! you're an adult! wanna get a cosmetic surgery in line with your agab? aye if you can pay for it! oh you want to get a different cosmetic surgery to improve your mental health at well over 18? now hold on there bucko we're going to need 2 doctors to sign off on that, what if youre just being an insane wackadoodle and you'll regret the horrible, horrible fate of not having titties while living as a dude. that's not a decision you can just make. have you considered spending the rest of your life unable to comfortably go outside or even move around much inside your own home instead? seems like a much safer option.

and all the waiting and frustration is one thing but the absolute lack of support is what really finishes the job. i go to my dumbass dipshit appointments and do my dumbass dipshit jester dance of how good of a trans i am and may i please please please have a crumb of medical care sir? spare a doing your fucking job sir? and after that goddamn exhausting ordeal of justifying my right to existence and well being i go home and instead of winding down i fucking do it again. no reprieve. and then i go to my room and i wait, wait, wait, wait, and wait, and it never fucking ends, and all i do is wait, wait wait, wait, wait, and i barely even get to talk to people who aren't paid to do it anymore, and i wait, wait, wait, and im slowly going more and more insane, and wait, wait, wait, and life is a fucking nightmare, and i wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and there's no one left to ask for help, and i wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and think about putting a hole in my skull, and wait, and wait, and wait

[bi-sapphics]

hi I’m the same anon and I read your response. I hope I didn’t misinterpret anything you said.

I agree that it’s unhelpful to harass people for past things if they’ve genuinely changed, but I guess there are some disclaimers. like you I also had a small blog with maybe 20 followers at most, and my most popular post (out of. 3?) got 120 notes if I remember correctly. I never talked about my beliefs irl. but I did harass one person online with two gross anon messages who was starting to consider themself non-binary (albeit I swiftly stopped after talking to them when I learned they were psychotic. I didn’t want to make them feel any worse than they probably already were).

needles to say I regret that immensely. but as for the other things I mentioned, they’re still terrible. being in that headspace is really fucking unhealthy because it’s so disconnected from reality. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you have to actively want to change, and most importantly do something about it. change is gradual, even if you know you’ve been wrong. saying you had a rf blog out of “curiosity” makes something terrible seem innocuous. if you’re going around saying you being a rf was out of curiosity I don’t think people are going to believe you really see that era of your life as so bad. my philosophy is that if you’re talking about something harmful you did or believed in, you shouldn’t bring it up out of nowhere and when you do talk about it, talk about it with regret. if you truly believe what you did was bad, the emotion should come forth naturally.

I think people who’ve got their priorities straight will be content that you’ve gotten out of that hateful headspace and (hopefully) are now helping spread awareness and support for trans rights. nonetheless you should be aware of your past actions and try to learn from them.

oh, i agree completely!

and i'm glad you added the part about how even innocent intentions, or just pure curiosity, doesn't absolve you of having gone there ─ because i honestly forgot to do so myself, and i guess subconsciously assumed that was somewhat implied. my point was that it shouldn't be a defining reputation of any sort going forward into the future like like all these obsessive people want it to be. if someone comes upfront to talk about working on themselves and how they learned from their decisions without even being pressured to, then they should at least be given a chance! especially when the outcome of their time was at such a low degree of change, if any at all.

i do think it's worth mentioning that it's always a good thing to learn about what your opponent truly believes or says when not being confronted within their own spaces. even if you're not looking for a debate, it's generally the most sincere thing you can do if you're going to be talking about them, or at least actively advocating for the other side.

of course, that's different from the type of interest that encourages you to treat them as a reliable source. it's something we have to be careful about, because it's easy to fall into those sort of hiveminds when you're not keeping what you're reading in check. we have to walk a line between avoiding that and also avoiding spreading blatantly false information. that's not to say anyone like radfems deserve the upmost respect and care, because they don't, but it is to say that managing not to straight-up slander someone is usually a good look that makes you more credible. it's... what anyone is supposed to do, really.

but besides that, it's all you can do. if people don't see sense in that then all they have to do is block ─ also a miniscule action ─ and beyond that it just comes across as unhelpful harassment to me.

just my extra two cents.

[bibbleboo]

anyways if ur complaining about ‘losing rep’ or writing ‘real’ identity analysis about elliot page who is an autonomous person who just publicly came out as trans, ur a selfish whiny entitled brat with a broken twitter stan type brain and you need to shut the actual fuck up you full on weirdo <3 oh my god like dude how could some ppl even be thinking with such lack of awareness. i cannot fathom this behavior at all. how are yall not Embarrassed or smth that is a whole ass STRANGER you’re gossiping about and you dont own them and are not entitled to literally any personal info just bc they were your ‘’’role model’’’? like osjkdfsdf ok and??? thats a you thing ?? they arent yours just bc you like them??? and you actually had the wrong idea abt their identity and now theyre correcting you and you need to accept that and let it go??? and you’re a shitty fucking transphobe if you wanna respond with disappointment to this actually i??? oh my goddd dude celeb culture is making people so BATSHIT possessive about representation i mean they act like these ppl are fucking CARTOON CHARACTERS with headcanons and aus and shit and they think they get to exploit w/e info they want out of them like theyre researching for a fandom wiki page or smth! they just wanna use real human people for self validation and projection like it is straight up DISTURBING how these ppls brains work. . . yall listen to me. you have a name and you have pronouns. that is literally all you need and all you deserve. mind your damn business and get over it <3

[daughter-of-sapph0]

the guy on twitter who says he hates that he's bald after starting testosterone and is blaming trans people:

started balding before he started t

says he will not be detransitioning or stopping t

heard from at least a dozen of his doctors "hey taking t will accelerate your balding" and either just didn't listen and didn't do any research on it, or knew that taking t would make him unhappy and did it (and is still doing it) to have a reason to be mad at trans people.

following that last point, how fucking stupid is that? it's like going to a restaurant and ordering a poop burger with extra mayo, and then giving the restaurant a bad review when you don't like the food you ordered that you knew you would hate. but instead of one meal it's your entire life.

he also follows only terfs and fascists and far right figures and Matt Walsh and Ben Shapiro on twitter.

he apparently didn't realise that getting your breasts removed would mean you can't breast feed? which... yes, that obviously to literally everyone with more than one braincell

he's not some "detrans" cis woman who went by they/them in middle school and decided they didn't like it and became a violent transphobes. he literally went through years of therapy, doctors visits, informed consent, spend years on waiting lists, waited years to get t, and then waited even longer to get top surgery.

60% sure that he's actually just a cis man who's blaming his below average appearance on any marginalized groups he can. he's just spreading hatred on twitter just because. dude's probably a fed

~~~

I hope people realize that when detransitioners say and do stuff like this, they aren't actually making it any better for people who regret transitioning. that's not their intention. they only want to make life a living nightmare for every single trans person. and they will not stop until we're all dead.

for every one detransitioner who regrets the choices they made themselves, there are five hundred trans people who are suffering because they aren't seen as human.

detransitioners are a very very small community. only about less than one percent of all trans people "detransition", and about 95% of those people are just putting a pause on their transition because they don't have a safe environment or the support system they require. but once those people actually have the support and care they need, they complete their transition.

so it's less than 0.05% of an already very small marginalized community who want to have that entire community dead or ruined, and they pretend that their excuse is that they don't want anyone who may regret transitioning to start their transition. but that's a lie. they don't actually give two shits about detrans people. they just put them on a pedestal and use them as an excuse to say they wanna kill trans people.

[party-gilmore]

Aaannnd with the influx of Twitter users also comes the beginning of Twitter bullshit.

Just got a suggested post in my dash of Obvious Plant Attempts To Garner Sympathy Via "Everyone Dogpiled On Me Because I Spoke Openly About Wishing I Hadnt Started HRT So Young, Here's Some Obvious TERF Dogwhstles About The Irreversible Effects Of HRT I Wish I'd Known And Why We Need To Advocate For Stricter Regulations On Allowing Youths Hormone Therapy."

NOW. Some people do genuinely detransition. Or retransition to something else. And they deserve our support no matter the reasons. It's all about Finding The Truest Them. So how do you recognize and the Obvious Plant while not accidentally turning your back on someone looking for real support? I'm not the best at explaining to others feel FREE to chime in here especially if you've more experience and/or eloquence please, but here are some things to help you weed out the garden:

ANY post with an end goal of "-NOT what i expected at all! And this is why we should have stronger restrictions on providing HRT/Surgical treatments." I GUARANTEE you, any person seeking gender affirming health care has been told REPEATEDLY what the possible side effects are. Over and over and over. It is HARD to get treatment. It's not some crazy hypothetical"they gave this to me so easily before i could make an informed choice and i regret it so much T.T" fentanyl in the Halloween candy kind of situation. On top of that, the MOST a minor is gonna get is puberty blockers. The post in question was a "21 yr old man on T for 5 years and now he looks like a 40 yr old dad 😥" Point me to a 16 yr old that got access to complete HRT and i will BEG you for their health care providers contact info i can't even get an appointment at PP to start TALKING about starting T at thirty.

ANY post who's main regret is "-and I'm ugly now." Re: the example above, the Plant Post was bemoaning their lack of youth and attractiveness and how their life was "ruined" now because of the "irreversible effects." 1) The effects of second puberty are about as irreversible and first puberty. Which is to say. The whole reason HRT works... is because... most of it *is* changeable. Your doctor will spell out which is which for you. The one this post was complaining about??? Balding. Male pattern balding. That's it. Beautifully clear skin, lovely face, but because of male pattern balding now their "ruined." They are actively playing on stereotypes of what is and isn't attractive to cishet women. That is terfy as fuck. No one actually detransitioning is doing it because they werent "as attractive as a _____ they thought they'd be." It's because something just intrinsically does not (or it did once but no longer) feel right in who they are. The idea anyone would go through that for something as shallow as being/not being "hot..." Wtf. 2) do you KNNNOOWWW??? how many of my 20's and early 30's transman friends and kinda me ??? Would KILLLLLLL TO LOOK LIKE A 40 YEAR OLD DAD????

ANY MENTION AT ALL OF "HOW TERRIBLE" IT IS THAT "QUEER SOCIETY" FORCING PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY KIDS, TO TRANSITION. NO ONE IS PUSHING TRANSITION ON KIDS. IT IS THE OPPOSITE PROBLEM. PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO STOP EVEN SOCIAL TRANSITION. PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO FORCE KIDS TO DE-TRANSITION. THIS IS YOUR BIGGEST CLUE.

Of course we want to support other queer folk who, for whatever reason in their gender gender journey, destransition. Even if it's the right decision, it's a hard one, and will always be a struggle. And they'll need support. (And they are still queer! They lived and explored as a gender other than the one assigned to them at birth! They have been both now! Welcome to Cis Plus! Cis With Benefits! Their Journeys In Gender will always be queer ones and no one can take that away from them!!!)

Unfortunately, this is going to CONSTANTLY be co-opted by TERFs and other trans exclusionists trying to twist it into some kind of GOTCHA! to further restrict access to gender affirming care. And you NEED to keep eyes open for it, particularly now during the Twitter exodus.

[the-hellsing-organisation]

Ordinarily I do not indulge in callout posts, unless a person's mental health might be in serious danger - and it's not a petty lie somebody made up, providing no screenshots, or simple ones taken out of context.

I have received multiple messages now, proving to me that the Hellsing Discord server 'The Hellsing Fanserver' lead by 'Artillery' is unfortunately a place people need to be warned about.

While everyone could assure me they do offer good scans of the Hellsing manga, the members of the server indulged in:

- Purposefully misgendering people

- Making fun of triggers, trans people and people with severe mental illnesses

- Purposefully using triggers against other server members

- Manipulating other people to use the triggers against the person they concern and shifting the blame on them afterwards

- Bringing explicit sexual themes to a server with minors

Afterwards they would celebrate their 'success', making fun of the people they hurt.

The so called 'trolling' (though I wouldn't dare to call such a hurtful behaviour this) was encouraged on the server, so I would deem it an unsafe environment for everyone whose mental health might be affected by such things.

Please be careful if these things concern you and please do not encourage such behaviour.

It's not only hurtful, it is downright cruel.

The invitations, though the links are expired.

Here you see some of the accounts that were directly involved.

Please be careful.

Tumblr Accounts

Discord Accounts

I can only assume alts mean something like alternative accounts he and his friends created in order to do these things, engaging others on the server to do the same.

He then proceeds to share the success of the hurtful behaviour on before mentioned Discord server, commenting such:

^ The “he” they are referring to is a demi girl. And yes, on the other server the pronouns are clearly stated and everyone is asked to respect them.

He is downright admitting openly to have his friends manipulated other people to use the triggers against another person.

(For context: A server members triggers were ‘Borderlands” and ‘Kingdom Hearts’.

He stated this trigger a few hours before and unfortunately the mod, after a sleepless night, was unable to memorise it during that time so ‘Abd’ took advantage of it.

Another mod quickly drew attention to her mistake and of course she apologised to the person she triggered and was forgiven.)

Unfortunately many screenshots - involving the sexual advances and the 'making fun of transgenders' are missing due to the default ban option of the server, but several eye witnesses were able to confirm them.

There was a person pretending to be a transwoman to make fun of transpeople (The person was introducing themselves like: ‘Hello, I am a man, my pronouns are he/him, but I wish to be a woman’ It didn’t sound very genuine to the trans people on the server), people making up all sorts of triggers to make fun of people who have triggers, a person pretending to be a kin, and people, who were trying to spread paedophilic messages with spreading the news that ‘age is just a number’.

And in case people still believe it was an accident:

They deliberately threaten people and plan to hurt them, while making fun of their triggers.

I’m truly lost for words…

For everyone who didn’t know: It is not your place to judge triggers and for the love of God, please don’t make fun of them.

You don’t know the history behind them. It’s good if you have none yourself, it really is, but it shouldn’t make you blind to another person’s suffering.

And you certainly shouldn’t encourage other people to “hunt” people with triggers “down” and “go to war” against them.

Also the owner of server is openly hostility against lgbtq + people - especially trans people - , PoC and antisemitic jokes are the norm there.

They too use nationalist-socialist symbols as emojis in their servers, so people who are triggered by such symbols should be careful.

“Jew Alert”

Blaming one group for the action of singular people should us remind too much of darker parts in history.

I know people with the same experience, that doesnt mean they should actively seek out ot destroy the mental health of all trans people, because one of them hurt them.

Let the submitted texts speak for themselves.

And just in case if anybody believes those are fake:

As soon as Satan saw them, he pmed another person:

Those screenshots are real. They are not fake, like he claims they are and he admits that making fun of trigger and trans people was part of his “troll introductions”.

And just in case anybody is wondering if there are truly toxic trolls on this server? This is a submission I got:

When the original is:

Im sorry.

What they did should speak for itself, but don't try to add lies here. Lies that are obviously having their origin in the server itself.

If you still believe the attacks on this blog didn't come from the server:

This is what Artillery posted as soon as he found this post.

After this the attacks started [as you can see here], so don't tell me your server is not responsible and keep your NSFW implications out of a server with minors and away from this blog!

Also you being an immigrant has nothing to do with the fact, that your server is not safe for minors, lgtbq+ people - especially transpeople - people with trauma and poc.

Even if you claims are real - your and your friends prejudices against the other groups remain.

Satan apologised openly and promised to take better care of people mental health.

The emojis however will remain, though we have been told they have specific channels for offensive jokes.

“In our discussions with the tumblr group, we realized that the situation was far more complicated than we realized. There is a a third party, not associated with us or the tumblr group, who is deliberately spreading false information with the presumed agenda of causing drama and conflict between us. With this in mind, we've agreed the best course of action is to mutually end the escalation of conflict and apologize for what occured. Following that, I want to again make clear that nobody should be going after the tumblr group, their discord server, or anywhere other online spaces. We don't know where the tumblr trolls came from, but we do not support them. Their statements were racist, antisemitic, and violent. What we did in their server was wrong and a mistake. 

I want to personally apologize to a few specific people for what happened. Their server got raided, and during all of it we did not take their mental health into account, causing a lot of people to have panic attacks. Their triggers were invalidated, and people were manipulated. There were also a lot of innapropriate and offensive statements involved. While many things happened without my knowledge, it spiraled out of control because of the initial server raid, and I want to offer my sincerest apologies for that, and for everything else.”

Update:

He lied. He doesn’t regret anything.

Do you remember how he claimed he never ordered an attack on anybody?

Yes.... that was a lie.

He did plan to attack, though one member - the one they would later throw out of the admin team stopped him from attacking more people.

It should have given us red flags they would ban the only member from the team who was actively against the bullying.

And as we see here they did attack the second time as soon as the opportunity arouse when Artillery were sending people after us after saying we should suck his d*.

So he didnt learn a thing. Please survivors stay save.

[aizawabby]

LILY (m)

Pairing: Yakuza!Tamaki Amajiki x florist! Reader

Plot: your flowers were the one thing you loved the most in your life... well it’s in the top ten so you bet your ass that you would scream at anyone who would dare to ruin and it didn’t matter if the person was the biggest mobster around.

Genre: mafia au, florist au , NSFW 18+

word count: 6k

Warnings: slight sub/dom play, soft dom Tamaki, explicit smut, oral(f), vaginal penetration, creampies, mirror sex, choking, no protection (wrap it before you tap it), light spanking, mentions of sucking dick, multiple orgasms, praising ish, fat cock Tamaki, dirty talk, slight mention of blood (I was listening to auralescent while writing the smut)

Disclaimer: this is my first time writing explicit smut so pls if I didn’t any mistakes or need to improve any where pls let me know! Also the art work above is not mine nor do I own any of the bnha/mha characters.

A/n: hello~ this is my first fic in this blog, I really hope you guys like!! I’ve been planning it since a month and got way to lazy to complete it :(

ko-fi

The hot rays of sun burn your skin as you walk out of your flower shop for the 10th time today to display your flowers letting them get sunlight. Regretting not putting on sunscreen before leaving home, you whipped the sweat off your face and smiled at the aesthetic you created in front of your flower shop.

It truly was beautiful.

Satisfied with your work you were ready to go back into the air conditioned store. As you neared the glass door, a loud thud noise that came from the background making you flinch. Praying as you turned around you hoped that whatever caused that thud had nothing to do with your flowers and it was just the neighbors cat, Ginger, who had once again jumped over the garbage bin and toppled it over.

You sighed in relief when you saw that your flowers were still intact. Just when you were about to go back a man with a white cloak tripped over your vases not paying attention while running ruining all your hard work.

The man laying on the ground looked at your angry face and seemed like he was about to cry, but you didn’t care right now. You were furious, all your hard work has gone to waste just because one person didn’t pay attention to where he was going.

Getting off the ground he noticed how you were about to start to scream at him, quickly got up and started apologizing.

“Look here sir, apologizing isn't going to do shit for my flowers nor is it going to clean up this mess so I suggest you t-” just as you were about to finish your sentence you felt him grip your wrist and pull you into your store.

‘What the hell’ you thought as you looked up at your captive, he pushed you on to a corner wall where no one could see you, his one hand on your mouth keeping you from making any noise while the other was near your head trapping you from the outside world.

If you weren’t being kidnapped in your own store you would’ve been very much aroused by the situation.

Having let your only staff member go on their lunch break, leaing you alone with your captor was not helping your situation either. Even if you scream for help no one would come to your rescue.

Your captor must have felt your gaze as he looked your way and then looked away once again a blush creeping on his cheeks.

What the hell? Why is he blushing

You continued to study his features so that you will be able to memories them in case he decides to do something, only if you were left alive.

damn he’s cute

You watched him as he kept shifting his gaze from you and the window, curious to what he was eyeing, you peered your eyes out the window to see some pro-hero, whose name you couldn't remember, along with some police officers gathered together holding a piece of paper which seemed like a sketch, showing it to civilians that walked past them.

Since your hearing quirk wasn't going to help you get free you thought it might be useful to hear what the heroes were saying.

“Have you seen this man?” one of them asked “please if you do call the police station right away”. The hero held out a picture. It was your capture.

Holy shit

You let out a quiet gasp at the information discovered, your capture hearing the sudden noise turned towards you once again, his gaze unreadable.

He masked his emotions so you wouldn't be able to tell how nervous he was staying within such close proximity with you. Something he learned pretty early, since in his line of work showing any type of emotions was a weakness.

The sweet smell of your perfume that was helping calm his nerves, was making him lose focus on the tasks at hand. Finding an opening to escape without the pros seeing him.

God how did he want to bury his head is the crook of your neck a- his train of thoughts broke as he felt you try to wiggle out of his grasp.

He glared at you, eyes dark and menacing seeding chills to your spine, he was about to lean closer when the pro-hero left their post and started walking towards their new location.

‘That was close’, he thought

He freed your mouth and placed it on the hand on the other side of your head trapping you. “W-who are you?” you managed to say, he looked you in the eye “Suneater,”.

Thank god for the wall that was supporting you because you were sure that you would've fell on the floor because how much your knees had been wobbling out of fear and being so close with this very handsome man who happens to be the biggest mafia leader of Tokyo.

You blankly stared at him as the headlines from several news articles popped in your head about the man holding you captive, opening your mouth to say-no to beg for your life, this is definitely not the way you imagined yourself dying.

“I” you breathe out watching as the man leaves from his spot, freeing you.

‘is he getting some torture weapon? Is this because i screamed at him omg me and my stupid big mouth’ as your mind filled with gruesome thoughts when all of a  sudden cough broke your trans, you whipped your head to the noise almost getting whiplash from the sudden movement.

It was him.

He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, his head hung low looking at his shoes as if they were much more interesting than you. He rubbed his palms together and was saying something under his breath. It almost seemed like he was...shy

What the hell is up with this guy?

“I… um… i am sorry for that” wide eyed and mouth agape you watched the man who once looked so frightening you nearly passed out from fear was now stumbling on his words as he apologized to you.

‘God i need to talk to my therapist after this, if i get out of this’

He lifted his head, his eyes barely noticeable as they stayed hidden due to the length of his hair. “I… I am s-s-sorry for putting you through this mess. I-it's just because, you see I didn't mean to, it's just that” he paused, he looked as if he were about to cry. What does one do in this situation? Do you go and console him for kidnapping you in your own store?

Confused, you stayed still, scanning him to look for some weapons he can use on you, eyes stopped at his trembling hands.

He’s bleeding

Once again mumbling something under his breath he continued “ you see, some people are looking for me, a-and because of some… things, that's why i ended up bumping into you, i-i didn't mean to knock down your flowers, you see i was just in such a hurry and needed a place to hide that i brought you here” he explained his situation.

He looked back at you waiting for you to respond,

“Are you gonna kill me?” he looked at you even more panicked than before almost like he was disgusted at the sheer thought “oh no no no no” he frantically moved his arms telling you no.

“Good, because i know how to fight” you lied, but seeing how scared he is you began to question whether this man actually was the notorious yakuza you heard about on the news.

Maybe he was the weak twin no one knew about

Your legs finally regained their strength and you leaned off the wall, and walked past Suneater as you disappeared in one of the rooms in the back of your shop.

“Are you coming?” your head peered from the room as you waved your hand at him to come.

‘What are you doing?!? Inviting a yakuza in your safe place’ you thought, while one part of your mind told you to run, the other told you to stay you were conflicted.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard Suneater enter the room, without turning around, you pointed at the chair, “sit” said a little more sternly than you wanted to. Confused at the sudden change in your demeanor, he raised an eyebrow at you, why did you want him here with you when you knew his truth. Anyone with the slightest of common sense would call the police right now, yet you stayed calm.

“Look” you turned around, tiered “ if your not gonna kill me then let me help you with your injury”

‘injury? What injury?’

He looked down at his hand feeling a sting. There was a deep cut, most likely from when he knocked over your flowers ‘oh’ his palm was covered in blood.

He sat down at the designated seat waiting for you, closing his eyes letting the sweet and earthy smell of the flowers fill his nostrils, calming his senses.

                                *     *      *

“Hey did you even listen to a word I said?” Tamaki lifted his head from his palm, “hmm?”. The spiky red head grunted, rubbing his hands on his face tired of his boss being so distracted.

“What’s gotten into you, man?” he questioned, Tamaki innocently looked at him as if he did nothing.

Truth was he was bored, he knew the plan they had went over it a millions of times heck he was the one who made it in the first place.

“Nothing Kirishima, I heard you, ” he said, moving his gaze to where he was looking before, Kirishima followed the direction in which he was looking and spotted you.

You were out in the scorching sun, moving huge pots of flowers around the front of your store.

Grinning he looked back at his superior “why are you looking at me like that” Tamaki said, not liking the way Kirishima smiled at him, he knew something.

“You got a crush don’t ya boss?” Kirishima proceeded to repeatedly poke his bosses arm, annoying him.

“fuck of” Tamaki flustered, turned around avoiding Krishima’s graze, maybe he did have a small crush.

“hey boss” Kirishima scooted his chair closer to Tamaki “after our mission why don’t ya go get her number hmm? Who knows you might even get a date” he said grabbing his bosses shoulder and shaking it as he told him to man up.

                                 *     *      *

He broke out of thoughts feeling the pads of your fingers linger over his palm.

“Is this okay?” you kneeled in front of him, placing the safety kit on your lap concentrating on the task at hand.

“Y-yeah” you looked up, worrying that you might have hurt him accidentally, instead of seeing him wince in pain you were faced with a blushing yakuza.

Not knowing how to react you quickly lower your gaze and continue working on the task at hand.

“You're good at this,” he was the first to speak, breaking the silence.

“Huh, oh yeah i guess,” you let out a nervous laugh, “I used to volunteer as a nurse in hospitals back when I was in college, at one point in my life i wanted to become a doctor or nurse, to help people like pro-heroes did but then i lost interest in the subject and started to like other things so i opened up a flower shop,” you bit your lip realizing you might have over shared, “sorry that was to much wasn't it?” he smiled.

Shaking his head no, he looked at you warmly making you feel weird inside. As the two of you continued to talk, you learned more about him, nothing too personal but enough to make you feel like maybe just maybe you were starting to become friends.

“Alright all done, Tamaki” giving him a bright smile as you got up. He looked at his bandaged hand, smiling “Thank you, Y/n”. He got up from his seat, bidding you goodbye after apologizing for the inconvenience he caused, and walked towards the front door.

“Wait Tamaki!!!” you ran towards the front door hoping he hadn't left already, opening the door you called out for him once again, he stops and turns to look at you, confused as to why you called him.

“Y/n? What happened, are you okay?” he waited for you to catch your breath “yeah i'm fine i just,, i wanted to give you something” the tips of your ear started to burn as you felt a blush creep in, you handed him a purple lily.

Dumbstruck at the present he stayed quiet, smiling shyly as he reached for the purple flower, his fingers grazing you for a second, blushing he thanked you for the gift “ but why?” he asked, finally gaining the confidence to look at you.

You were smiling softly, a light blush spread on your cheeks “it reminded me of you,” you looked at him “and it's pretty like you” you said mentally cursing at yourself for voicing your inner thoughts, and for blushing harder.

Before the tomato looking man could say anything else, you ran back into your shop waving him goodbye.

                                  *     *      *  

Six months ago today, you were ‘kidnapped’ by the notorious Suneater. Your life hasn’t changed much since, you still wake up everyday at 8 am, you still drink the same type of coffee, and you still come back home at 8 pm.

But there was one thing that was significantly different, everyday at noon Tamaki would present himself in front of your store.

At first, it started with him coming to your shop, waiting outside debating whether he was coming in or not.

You would stay in the back of your cash register, listening to him mumbling to himself “common just go say hi that’s all you can do! Common just like you did with kirishima” you giggled.

But without a word he would leave. Disappointed you waited for the next day, maybe then he’ll talk to you.

The next week, he finally came in the store, (with the push of a spiky redhead) he wandered around before picking up a single rose, and came to the cash.

Ever since that day, he started to come more often and stayed longer talking to you about everything and nothing.

Slowly, his visits at the store became more constant just like his presence in your life.

“Are you here to buy something or to see me?” you winked at him going in the store, leaving a flustered indigo haired man behind.

He followed you inside, taking a deep breath calming his racing heart.

“Do you like me?” you asked casually as you picked up boxes from the front desk. Eyes wide Tamaki looked at you and gulps nervously before speaking “I-um I...w-well actually”

‘Fuck was I that obvious?’ He mentally screams at himself.

You laugh at his panicked expression “I’m just kiddin Tama, you don’t need to worry, come on help me with these boxes” you say grabbing his hand drawing circles trying to calm him, but it didn’t. It made him even more red and made his heart beat so fast he thought it was going to come out of his chest.

And sometime along the way, you had begun to fall for him too.

                                 *     *      *

Breaking you out of your day dream you felt a strong grip on your shoulder, you grabbed the intruders hand and twisting your body as fast you could ready to attack.

You lowered your hard after seeing your crush.

“Not bad, Y/n” he showed you the bag of food he was holding “you’ve improved I’m impressed” Tamaki said pressing his hand on your lower back pushing you towards the front door of your apartment complex.

Oh yeah you had also started to take self defense lessons from Tamaki once he found out about your bluff about knowing how to fight. From that day he took it upon himself to teach you how to defend yourself in case you were abducted by another Yakuza.

“Didn’t you have a meeting today with the Kyoto group?” you opened the door to your small apartment where you guys would often hang out “how did it go” you asked taking off your shoes.

“It was alright i guess, they wanted to make a deal” he spoke calmly and went to set the table for the two of you. You hummed at his answer without further questioning him because nothing good ever comes with dealing with the Mafia.

The two of you silently enjoyed the Takoyaki brought by Tamaki.

“Can you pass me a napkin?” you observed as he manifested a tentacle thanks to his quirk and handed you a napkin.

“Hey Tama” you rested your chopstsicks on your place, resting your head on your palm looking at him as he was midway of putting an octopus ball into his mouth, he hummed in response telling you to continue.

“With your quirk you can manifest everything you eat right?” nodding he put another ball into his mouth “so can you…” you wiggled in your seat regretting what you were about to ask, but you needed an answer it was a question that kept you up during many sleepless nights.

Confused at your sudden shyness he lifted an eyebrow at you, this was very out of character for you since you were usually pretty blunt “c-can you make your semen taste like chocolate?”

Tamaki choked on his food, spitting it out looking at you with a horrified face, you scoot closer to him waiting for his answer. Unable to look at you in the eyes he raised his head looking at the ceiling rubbing his hands on his face trying to calm the rush of heat he was feeling. “Taaaammmakii” you whined, tugging on his arm like a child begging him to answer you, he looked at you opening his mouth but then closing it going beet red.

“Ohhh did you do it” you giggled as he blushed even harder and hid his face in his hands and you laughed harder.

                                 *     *      *

“what are we watching tonight?” Tamaki walked into your living dressed in gray sweatpants and a black shirt sitting on your sofa, poking you with his left foot.

It wasn’t often that you got to see Tamaki dress so casually due to his job most of the time he would wear expensive suits (which made him look very hot) but there was something about him dressing down that made your heart flutter.

It was nights like these you loved the most, nights when you do nothing but stay up all night watching movies still you passed out cuddling against Tamaki.

“hmm I don’t know” pouting as you looked through your nail polish wondering which color you should paint them next. Tamaki smiled and pointed towards the purple bottle.

“Then how about” he scanned through the list of shows and movies “this” he said finally stopping at Avatar the last air bender.

While one would expect Tamaki’s attention to be at the screen in front of him watching the show he picked out it wasn’t. He was much more interested watching you paint your nails. He watched as you stuck your tongue out while concentrating on not to make a mess.

She’s so cute

“didn’t you go for lunch with your friends today?” He asked his eyes glued to the tv, mouth slightly agape.

“oh yeah I did, it was fun” he hummed and laughed at something Soka said. “My friends kept asking me if we’re together yet” you laughed at the memory of your friends teasing to finally confess your feelings for the man.

“then why don’t we” not paying attention to what he was saying he continued to watch tv.

Wide eyed he looked at you when it finally hit him you looked back at him in shock from the sudden confession“i ..i mean if you want you haha” he panicked.

Grinning as you got up from your spot on the floor you climbed onto his lap. Tamaki’s face burned a deep shade of red as he tried his hardest to sink his head into the couch wanting it to swallow him whole.

“Hey tama look at me” you brought a hand to his cheeks caressing it softly, making him look at you as you leaned onto him giving him a kiss.

“I like you” he breathes out as you pull away from the kiss smiling at each other “will you go out with me?”.

You rest your forehead on his, catching your breath you nod “yes I will” he holds you tighter holding your body next to his never wanting to let you go.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispers, his lips brushing up against yours, you nod “i'll be mad if you didn't”

He captured your lips in a delicate kiss. The kiss slowly escalated, becoming more rough as he pushed his tongue in your mouth. His wet muscle exploring every nook of your mouth as you submit to him, soft moans erupt from your throat as he grabs your boob giving it a squeeze.

“Oh fuck” he moans grabbing your hips pressing it harder on his crotch as you continued to grind against him.

“Someone’s excited” you smirk against his neck making it, as you grab his clothed dick gasping at size. He was big.

Stopping your movements, he stared into your eyes softly, his hand coming to caresses your face “ are you okay with this if not we don’t need to go further” he reassured. Smiling, you took his hand and kissed it, “I want it Tamaki, I want you.”

He pulled your shirt over your head throwing somewhere in the room, eyes lingering on the lace white bra. His hand was quick to go back on your breast, squeezing it with such an eagerness that just made you wetter by seconds. Taking off the bra, he grabbed your left tit. Soon, your nipple was engulfed by his mouth, he eagerly sucked it letting the tip of his tongue roll around, making you release another moan as you grab his hair pulling him up attaching his lips with yours.

Tamaki’s tongue was back in you, eyes closed as he enjoyed the warm and sweetness of your mouth. He held your hips, lifting you up heading towards your bedroom.

Amajiki hovered over you, smiling softly, he leaned in sealing lips with yours; peppering your skin with his soft kisses and marking you all the way to your breast. His hand finally finding the soft flesh, he gave it a squeeze as his lips came in contact with your areola, you let a breathy moan as his tongue worked on teasing your erect nipples while his other hand massaged the other in pleasurable manner.

He lifted his head from your chest, leaving a trail of kisses all the way to your aching core. Spreading your thighs open, kissing the soft flesh slowly, he teasingly nips at your inner thigh marking you, ignoring the place you wanted him the most.

You grind your hips in the air, hoping it will get his attention, you whimper as he rubs circles on your clit over your underwear finally feeling some relief, you feel the cold air hit your wet core as he slides it off your legs.

“You’re so wet, bunny” he hummed in approval as he twirled his finger in your wetness, content that he was able to make you feel this good. “I bet you taste good too ” he murmures, his eyes darkening with lust, he props your legs into his wide shoulder.

Unable to wait any longer to taste you, he lowered his face to your folds, the feeling of his mouth on your lips, moaning as you pulled his hair telling him to continue. He moaned into you sending vibration to your core, he squeezed your thighs to signal that he understood, he ran his tongue along your dripping slit and plunged his tongue past you lips and shallowly thrusting it inside until he was lapping up your juices with fervor while you arched your back as you moaned his name “you taste so fucking good, bunny” he moaned as he grinned his hips on the mattrest revealing his arousal.

Addicted to the slight bitter but sweet taste that he continued to eat you with more force.

“Ohhhh fuck fuck fuck” your legs trembled.

He knew you were close, slowly he slipped the first finger in, your walls warm and welcoming clenched his finger as he pumped it in, adding another right after. His mouth finding your clit, sucking the sensitive bud, sending pleasure coursing through your body.

“A-amajiki don’t stop” your toes curl at the sensation of his fingers curling inside you, you breathlessly moan your mind going blank as pleasure takes over. Pulling on his hair as his mouth works on your clit while his fingers work their magic, overwhelmed by the pleasure you felt from your lower stomach tightening, “Amajiki… i'm gonna-” before you can finish your sentence you feel the third finger slid in, you roll your eyes back feeling your walls stretch “Oh god, Tamaki”

Tamaki grinds his hips harder at the sounds coming out of your lips, his rock hard cock twitch in sweatpants “fuck” he groaned into your heat fingers slicked with your juices as he worked them in and out of you and lapped your sweet juices with his tongue “I love when you say my name,”.

“T-tama” you moaned bucking your hips on his face in search of release. Only a few moments later you came hard, with his face between your thighs and into his mouth. Your vision blurred as felt Tamaki continue to eat out even after cuming so hard. “Amajiki” you tried to get out of his grasp telling him that you’re too sensitive, he didn't move. He stayed there till you felt another wave of pleaser hit and you came into his mouth.

You were panting hard, your chest rising and falling as you felt euphoria, you watched Amajiki get up from his position between your thighs, get up to kiss you, you tasted yourself on his lips moaning as you felt his boner poking your inner thigh.

He pulls away from the kiss, whining at the loss of contact eyes following him as he gets off the bed. You watch him as he takes off his sweatpants revealing his black boxers which had a wet patch at the tip of his dick, drooling at the outline of his fat cock you imagined having it in your mouth fucking your troat till you became sore.

You get on your knees and start to crawl to where Tamaki was standing, pulling his briefs down until you were met with his painfully erect cock. Licking your lips you looked at him “can i suck your dick” he grabs your chin giving you a peck on the lips “sure, but not now” he says as he backs you up on the bed, laying you down as he starts to nip at your jaw “i wanna be inside you first” he whispers in your ear.

Tamaki separates your legs with his knee, placing himself between your thighs, stroking his dick as he brushes the head of his cock your wet centre. “Amaji-ah” you feel his tip rub against your entrance, but then backing away with flushed cheeks “baby… do you have any condoms” he rubs the back of his neck. It was moments like these where you would question how this man was a mafia leader.

Wrapping your arms around his neck you pull him on top of you kissing him, “its okay im on the pill” you say kissing his face. He aligned himself with your dripping core, his length sliding against your folds and getting coated by your arousal. You shudder, hearing him grunt as he inserts his tip in, stretching you out. He then thrust his length in you, grunting as he felt your wall squeeze around him, once completely in he stayed still letting you adjust to his size, since he was on the bigger side.

You moaned, biting his shoulder as you felt him stretch out your walls, you felt full. “ oh no baby are you okay?” Tamaki cooed still inside of you as he whipped tears from your face “should we stop? Does it hurt?” It wasn't the first time that he had to pull out because he was too big during sex, as he got ready to pull out, you wrapped your legs around his waist kepping him in place “Tama i-its okay, it doesnt hurt, you’re just big” you kiss his cheeks giving him a okay to move as you grip his shoulders” as he slowly began to move.

“Fuck youre so tight baby, you feel so f-fucking good” he let out a groan thrusting even deeper in you.

“Holy shit, your pussy feels so good” he moans in your mouth, picking up the pace. Your mouth drops open and you watch his brow furrow as he slips deeper into you, and fills you up. He continues to push until he finally bottoms out, he pants out a heavy breath that he's been holding out. Your eyes flutter but you fight to keep them open, and your arms wrap around his torso to grip his back.

“oh god Amajik” you moan, hips moving to match his thrust “feels so good”

“Yeah?” he pants out, moving at a steady pace, and you nod in response.

Admiring how he looks on top you, lips pink and swollen from your kisses parted as soft moans and grunts pass them. His eyes dark, looking at you with insatiable hunger that told you that he was holding back.

“Amajiki harder” you whimper, “fuck me harder.”

He pauses for a second, studying your face to make sure he was hearing this well. His breath stuttered before he let out a shaky breath.Then his hands gripped your hips in a bruising hold and he started snapping his hips as hard as he could into yours.

Your eyes roll back at the force of his hips slapping against yours. His nails dug into your supple skin and it stung but you didn’t bother to care because the feeling of him stroking along your sensitive walls was too overwhelming.

“Fuck baby” he gruffly let’s put “you’re making me feel so good”

Clenching around his words, you feel more of your juices coating him as he fucks you harder into the mattress.

“You like it?” he pants “ is my cock making you feel good, baby”

You nod. You couldn’t speak properly, not with the way his hips seemed to increase their speed and hit you deeper with each thrust.

“Use your words, bunny” he grunts into your ear. He releases your hips in favor of gripping your thighs, pausing to shift onto his knees and have a better handle of you and angle his hips just right. “You love it don’t you? You love it when I fuck you with my cock?”

“Yes” you moan “i love it, i love your cock”

“Your close aren’t you? I can feel the way you keep clenching around my cock,”

“Oh god I’m close tama, don’t stop” you say when the thrust abruptly stops when he pulls out of you, and you whimper in shock and desperation. But he doesn’t allow you a second to question him before he’s gripping your hips and flipping you onto your stomach lifting your ass up. He spanks your ass and you squeal in surprise but it morphs into a moan when he shifts your hips to position himself behind you properly. He’s slipping inside you with ease, and you’re back where you left off.

Trailing a hand from your back, all the way to your head he gripped your hair, pulling your head back to capture lips with his.

His mouth on your neck kissing his way to your ear, nibbling on it before he continued spewing filthy phrases in your ear that had you whining in blinding pleasure.

“You're taking it so well, baby. Now be a good girl and cum on my cock” he pants in your ear.

His hand finds your engorged clit, rubbing vigorously as he snapped his hips faster. Your mouth dropped open but no sounds came out, your voice was gone as you felt the pleasure rapidly increasing and the heat in your tummy growing larger and larger until it finally exploded.

“oh tamaki” you moaned “ fuck, I’m cumming.” You called out his name breathlessly as if it was a mantra as you felt yourself come undone all over him.

Amajiki groaned, fucking you through your orgasm, chasing after his own. After a few deep thrusts he stops and gripping your hips as he feels himself shooting his release in you.

He stays inside for a while and you feel him kiss on your along your spine, whispering soft nothings. He pulls out leaving you feeling empty.

Unable to move your body, you let yourself fall into the mattress resting your head on your pillow.

“Tired” you hear tamaki leaning against the headboard of your bed. He pulls your limp body making you hover over his lap, your back against his chest “but i'm not done with you baby” he bites your shoulder, rubbing the head of his cock on your entrance lubricating it with both of your juices.

“Yeah that’s right watch yourself as I fuck you” he says starring right at you through the mirror. You watched him as he slipped himself inside you with ease.

He held your hips keeping you in place as you watched his length disappear in you with each hard thrust.

“Oh my god” your moan feeling the tip of his cock hitting your g-spot. “Are you gonna cum baby?” Amajiki grunts going faster, you nod grabbing his thighs to help you steady as you start to move your hips to match his pace as you feel your 4th orgasm approach.

“Look at you bouncing on my dick like a good little slut” he growled in your ear, his hands wrapped around your throat choking you “come for me slut” with a couple more thrust both of you came undone.

Breathing heavily as you calmed from your high, you got off his lap and sat beside him leaning on the headboard.

You looked ahead seeing both of your reflections in the mirror; cheeks flushed and swollen lips.

Tamaki turned towards you smiling as he caressed your face leaning for a kiss.

“You're amazing, you know that?” you smiled at him, finding him adorable in his fucked out state.

“So are you,” you said, returning the kiss.

Tamaki gets off the bed and goes to the bathroom to get something to clean both of you up. You manage to keep your eyes open, smiling as you see Tamaki’s naked butt as he leaves the room. Reaching out your hand imagining to squish it.

You close your eyes letting the sleep take you over when you something cold on your inner thighs opening your eyes only to see Tamaki cleaning you off.

You feel the bed dip from Tamaki’s weight, you turn around laying on your back facing your lover. Smiling at him you wrap your arms around him and bury your head in the crook of his neck inhaling his sent mixed with sweat and sex.

“You're gonna be sore tomorrow” he places a kiss on the crown of your head “don't blame me for it though it was you who wanted it” he tries to mimic your moans from earlier. “Shut up” you say playfully slapping his chest he let out a low chuckles holding you tighter ready to let sleep take over.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

So I looked through a detransition blog just out of curiosity, since it was one you reblogged, but now I’m super... freaked out? I have a top surgery consultation in April but now I have this weird fear that I’m faking it or that I’ll regret it afterwards. I’ve identified as somewhere along non-binary and trans (he/they!) for over a year, and I’ve known I’m not a girl for even longer, but now I’m just so afraid that maybe I don’t know myself at all. Do you have any advice on what this is?

Lee says:

Discussing your feelings with a therapist can sometimes help you untangle the anxiety from everything else. It’s reasonable to have some apprehension about a major surgery that can have a big impact on your life because it is a big change- and like any other surgery, it also has medical risk and can result in complications. 

And reading about other people’s feelings about their surgeries can be helpful! I do recommend reading things from people who were happy with the outcome and reading things from people who weren't to get a better perspective on the range of experiences that can exist. Only reading the negative or the positive doesn’t provide a balanced view!

But even if you read other people’s stories, and talk to them about why they feel the way they do about their choices and bodies, nobody else can tell you what you should do for yourself. Even a therapist can’t know for sure if you will regret surgery (or anything else that you choose to do) because nobody can see into the future, see into your heart, and see into mind simultaneously to and determine for certain what it is that you need. 

As soon as I came out as non-binary when I was 15, I started saving money for top surgery. I was someone who ran towards top surgery at full tilt and I didn’t give myself any space for doubt about whether it was the right choice for me because I felt it was the only choice I had-- forwards or nothing. I was pretty severely depressed at the time and had a brief hospitalization the month before I turned 18, and I was sort of pinning all my hopes on top surgery reducing my dysphoria and booting out my depression. So I scheduled my consultation as soon as I turned 18 and was legally an adult and could do so without parental permission. I immediately scheduled my surgery for the soonest available date, and had inverted-T incision top surgery about 3 months after I turned 18.

Now I’m 21 years old, and I’m 3 years and 5 months post-op from my top surgery. 

In retrospect, top surgery was 110% the right choice for me. If I could do it all over again, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Top surgery really did reduce my dysphoria by a significant amount, and that made it easier for me to cope with my depression and other mental health issues. I was proudly parading around the house shirtless as soon as I was able to stop using post-op compression, before my incisions had even healed into scars.

I don’t have any dysphoria about my chest anymore, especially now that I’ve gotten tattoos to cover my scars. I finally feel like I look like how I always knew I was meant to look.

I don’t post pictures of my chest anymore because I have distinguishing tattoos but I’ve posted a few before/after pictures when I was 3 years post-op and I think things have only gotten better now.

I was lucky to not have any complications; I don’t have any nerve pain, and hypertrophic or keloid scarring, and I didn’t need any revisions. But there are some things that are non-ideal compared to if I had just been born with a typical cis-guy flat chest. My nips are a little wonky in color and shape, and I plan on getting medical tattoos at some point to even the edges out. I also have slightly muted sensation in my chest now, so everything is like slightly number than it was before.

When I was pre-op, I did enjoy having nipple sensation that was pleasurable; even though I had inverted t-incision top surgery which preserved the nipple stalk, I still only have tactile, temperature, and pain sensations in my chest. If you put an ice cube on my nipple and my eyes were closed, I’d know it was cold. If you poked me while I was looking away, I’d still feel it. And if you squeezed me, it would hurt. But somehow it doesn’t feel good anymore like it used to. 

I don’t know how much of that loss in erotic sensation is a mental thing and how much is a physical change caused by scar tissue build up around the nerve. But regardless, it is a real loss. 

For me, that loss is well worth it. While I might have been physically capable of experiencing erotic nipple/chest sensation before, I rarely actually did have that experience because it made me too dysphoric and I didn’t like to take my shirt off during sex. Now I feel more fully present and comfortable in my own body and it makes me more engaged so I can focus on my partner and on the other feelings I’m having and how I look isn’t something that is detracting from the experience. 

In general, top surgery has made my life better in a million ways. I love running shirtless with my college cross country team, I like going swimming at the beach with no shirt, and I like the way I look now when I see myself in a mirror after stepping out of the shower. 

When I get dressed in the morning, my day starts off on a neutral note because it’s just me putting on clothes. Sometimes I pause to think about how I can just put on a shirt and feel good about it and move on. Before, I used to be upset every morning because the first thing I’d be reminded of when I woke up was that my chest was there and I didn’t want it to be. I’m Autistic, and binding was Not comfortable for me sensory-wise, so not having to bind was also nice.

I would choose to get top surgery again, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the right choice for each and every person. I am sure it was the right choice for me, and I have no regrets at all, I never want to have breasts again. But someone else might think that not having erotic nipple sensation is a dealbreaker, or they might not be comfortable with scars if they tend to heal with more visible raised scars that are harder to cover with a tattoo like I did mine.

So I can tell you that top surgery has made my life better and I’m glad I got it and I don’t think that there would have been any way for me to be as happy as I am now if I had not gotten it. Top surgery is life saving and life-changing for some people, and I am one of those people. I might be more inclined to tell people that if you think you need surgery you should get it because my surgery went so well and because I’m still identifying as genderqueer, transmasculine, and non-binary, just like I was when I was 15, so my identity is pretty static there.

Some other post-op people may tell you that they regret their surgery, that they wish they hadn’t done it, and they would make a different decision if they could go back in time. They might want to help warn other people to not make the same mistake that they did.  Detransitioned folks often (but not always) have a different perspective than folks who persisted in being transgender and that’s okay- it isn’t a better perspective or a worse one, just a different one. But both trans and reidentified people can feel this way, even though it’s usually more common for de-trans folks to regret surgical procedures that it is for trans folks.

I semi-rushed into surgery for both emotional and logistical reasons but I knew it was right for me. But that isn’t the best choice for everyone and if you aren’t 100% sure that it is what you want and need then there’s nothing wrong with having the consultation with the surgeon to learn more and then thinking things over before you schedule a surgery date (or don’t), you don’t need to immediately schedule a surgery date after the consult. Think of it as an interview and as an information gathering session.

Neither of us can tell you what you should do because neither of us are “right” or “wrong” about top surgery. It’s just a different experience and a different perspective. We all have biases based on our own way of seeing things, and that can inform our advice.

If you know what the risks are, and you’ve given it careful thought and can provide an informed consent, then whether you should get surgery is your decision. I won’t tell you “go get it!” or “don’t go get it!” and I don’t think that any blogger should be telling anons what medical procedures to get or not get. 

Worrying that you’re faking it, that you don’t know who you are, and worrying about regret is something that can be pretty scary and frustrating, but you don’t need to figure it out on your own, and it’s okay to take a little longer to come to a decision and talk it over with a therapist if you think it’s necessary to help you cope with that anxiety.

But yeah, I believe that ultimately you have to trust your gut feelings on what you know to be right for you.

Top surgery 101 links

Finding a therapist

Side note: While we do our best to avoid reblogs from obvious TERFs/truscum/transphobes/racists/sexists/ableists/etc to avoid exposing people to triggering content by boosting the blog’s visibility, and we do appreciate getting heads up asks about reblogs from a problematic OP, if we reblog a post from someone we do not necessarily endorse all of the content in every post they’ve made, and we don’t necessarily agree with all of the blogger’s opinions either. We reblog a specific post if we think seeing that post might be helpful for some of our followers.

[pan-fangirl-345]

I'm Coming For All His Monsters

Summary: Shinso Hitoshi is determined not to make friends, but you and your friends have different plans, though Mineta seems hellbent on being the worst person in the world.

TW: panic attacks, abuse, homophobia, transphobia, discrimination, Mineta being involved in the last three, Mineta is a general trigger warning because I think the fandom collectively hates him, and I think that's it, but if I missed anything please contact me! I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable or regret clicking on one of my posts by accident!

A/N: Please for the love of all things holy, read the trigger warnings! Sorry I've been so inactive lately, I've been busier than I thought I was going to be! I'll start posting more in the following weeks hopefully!

Mineta was despised by everyone on the U.A. campus. It was a simple fact that was known by anyone who met the short perverted grape rat.

He made the girls feel like objects, and like they had to look over their shoulders every time he walked into a room.

The guys hated him for his disgusting personality and- for most of the boys in 1-A- his homophobic comments.

Mineta was the embodiment of what everyone hated in the world.

"Mineta," you warned, feeling his eyes on you as you strolled into the common room, "if you touch me, I will break your arms, do you understand me?"

Nobody was spared, whether they were female or not.

If it had boobs, Mineta was groping them, even if they were already in a relationship with someone.

Sero and Iida, along with Tokoyami and Shoji, took the brunt of the homophobic slurs (since Mineta had said something to Katsuki, who put him into the hands of Recovery Girl when he said something during training and Shouto had left him frozen for four hours in the woods after Mineta made Izuku cry).

Kaminari was spared some comments, because he played along with Mineta sometimes, and had yet to come out to that one student about being trans (everyone in 1-A had assured Denki that he didn't owe the grape rat anything, and he only had to tell the people he felt comfortable telling).

The newest victim of Mineta, was Shinso Hitoshi, the newest addition to class 1-B (and hopeful Mineta replacement).

Not only was Mineta a perv, homophobic, and transphobic, he was also a huge quirkest.

Hitoshi, after making friends with Denki and Izuku, had been spending a lot of time in the dorms.

You had been fast friends with him also, being an honorary member of the Bakusquad on account of being Eijirou's twin sister and Denki's best female friend.

For the first week or two that you had known Hitoshi, you had been worried that you made him uncomfortable.

Every time you walked into a room, he disappeared, and every time you tried to talk to him, he had avoided eye contact and bolted as soon as he could.

Until one night, when you had gone down to the common room after a nightmare, you had found him on the couch, staring a hole in the wall like it had personally offended him.

"Hey Shinso-san," you murmured, trying to announce your presence to him, but also trying not to wake anyone else up.

You saw no reaction, and called his name again, moving into his line of vision.

He tensed, and winced, at your arrival, and it made you frown.

"Why are you up?" you asked softly.

"Haven't you heard?" he replied playfully. "I'm an insomniac."

"Not after the training we had today you shouldn't be," you told him. "Everyone was so exhausted, short of the building collapsing, I don't think anyone's waking up for a while."

"You're up," he pointed out.

"I guess I'm just built different," you mused, and he chuckled, which made you smile.

"You spend too much time with Kaminari," he said.

You shrugged, sipping your water before you said, "I'm sorry. If I've made you uncomfortable, that was never my intention. I just wanted to be your friend."

Shinso tensed, glancing away from you before he pulled his legs up onto the couch, burying his face in them for a few moments before he reappeared.

"I'm sorry for making you think that you made me uncomfortable. You aren't doing that," he informed you. "I'm just . . . not used to a girl that gives me physical affection so easily. You aren't afraid of me, it's just taking some getting used to."

"Huh?" you asked, sitting on the far end of the couch, just to make sure that he had enough space. You had started to notice that he flinched when you got too close. You had an inkling about why, but you didn't want to assume anything and be wrong about it.

"I . . . I don't know how much Kaminari has told you about how I grew up-"

"Nothing," you interrupted. "Denki doesn't talk about stuff like that, especially if you've asked him not to. He might be dumb sometimes, but he's loyal."

Shinso nodded, stewing for a few quiet minutes before he said, "I wasn't raised in the most . . . stable household ever."

So you were right about your hunch then.

"Did they . . . you don't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable, but did they hurt you?" you asked softly.

"I don't remember much about my life before my quirk appeared- just flashes here and there- but they weren't the best parents in the world."

"So that's why you flinch whenever I touch you," you murmured. "I'm so sorry. I should've stopped sooner. I figured that might be the case, but I wasn't sure."

"You don't have to apologize," he said, glancing at you. "I don't mind- when you touch me I mean- it just jumps me when it happens unexpectedly. Especially when people come up behind me."

You nodded, scooting a little closer, turning to face him completely.

"Still, I'm sorry. I know Denki and I are tactile people, and sometimes we do it without thinking, since most of our friends and classmates respond well to it. I should have noticed when you didn't."

"I don't mind when you or Kaminari touch me," he said. "I flinch because it's a natural reaction for me. I really don't mind you or Kaminari touching me. It's pretty much everyone else that's the problem."

"And yet you still kick ass in combat training," you praised, trying to lighten the mood.

Shinso had given you a small smile and a breathy laugh, and you had smiled back at him.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to make you feel like you made me uncomfortable, it's just that girls aren't really my forte. Not like Kaminari anyway."

"Kaminari can dish it out, but he can't take it. And besides, this might be just me, but that kind of flirting doesn't work. Too overused. And the way he says it, well-" you made a face and Shinso laughed. "Thank you for telling me, by the way, about your family. It means a lot to me that you trust me enough to tell me."

Shinso nodded, glancing at you.

You couldn't tell in the dark, but you were pretty sure he was blushing.

"So, Shinso-san, what do you say?" you asked, slowly reaching out a hand to him in what you hoped was a non-threatening way. "Wanna be friends?"

He nodded, taking the hand that you held out to him.

That had been the start of your friendship with Hitoshi, but as the months passed, you had realized that you feelings for the insomniac weren't entirely platonic.

But you weren't sure how Shinso felt about dating, and you sure as hell weren't sure how he felt about dating you, so you ignored them as best you could for the time being.

But then Mineta made a dumb move.

It was an unspoken rule that when one of the squads, either the Bakusquad or the Izucrew, was having movie night or a hangout in the common room, Mineta stayed in his room.

But he had come down to the kitchen to get something just in time to see you hug Shinso in welcome.

"Ugh, it's bad enough that he's interacting with us," Mineta groused, drawing attention. "But you guys have to make it worse by letting him into our dorms?"

"Shut up Mineta," you growled. "I would choose Hitoshi to hang out with 100 times out of 10 instead of you. Go be an ass in your room or better yet, throw yourself out the window."

"At least put this on him," Mineta said, tossing something to Shinso.

He frowned as he tried to figure out what the item is.

You saw him tense as he realized that it was a gag.

You saw red, zeroing in on Mineta as Shinso tensed behind you.

"You slimy son of a bitch," you whispered, hands clenching so hard your fingernails bit into your skin.

Mineta tensed, clearly sensing your rage, and he tensed even further as you slowly raised your hand and pointed it at him.

He goes pale as your quirk takes affect.

Sweat beads on his forehead, and then he started to scream.

Everyone had agreed, silently of course so that Katsuki didn't get offended, that your quirk was the most terrifying.

Being able to dig through someone's mind and implant something close to their greatest fear was something the others had been wary of before they had met you.

You usually hated using your quirk on people, but Mineta was an exception.

Ignoring the sounds of Mineta screaming, you turned your attention back to Hitoshi, who is still staring down at the gag, his hands shaking slightly.

"Hitoshi," you murmured, moving so that he can see you.

You take the gag from his hands, careful not to touch him, handing it to Katsuki, who lights it up like a dry piece of paper.

"Hitoshi," you murmured again. "I need you to blink if you can hear me."

He blinked hard, and he turned his gaze onto you, though it was glassy and terrified.

"Hitoshi, blink if you can talk," you suggested, keeping your voice level, ignoring how Mineta goes quiet in the background.

Hitoshi blinks again.

"What do you need from me?" you asked softly.

The others were clearing out, giving you space, though Denki lingered, ready to jump in too.

"Talk to me," he gasped.

"What do you want me to talk about?" you asked. "I can tell you about my day, or I can tell you about the plot of the last book I read."

"Just talk to me," he gasped.

"Alright Hitoshi," you murmured, releasing your hold on Mineta.

Denki picked the grape rat up by the color of his shirt, leaving the room once he was certain that you had the situation under control.

"Can I touch you?"

Hitoshi thought for a moment before nodding, and you slowly reached out to take his hands, linking your fingers together.

"Okay, you know how I get when I read, so you can imagine how pissed I was when my favorite character was killed off. I mean, I cried, obviously, but I was so pissed! I wanted him to live! So far he's the only good male character! He actually reminds me of you. He's got that 'too cool for you' attitude, but he really is such a sweetheart. I love him, he's such a good character too. Seriously, if he managed to fall into our world and asked me out, I would totally say yes."

Hitoshi laughed tensely, and you ran your thumbs over his knuckles in soothing circles, settling him down on the couch, turning to face him, your hands still holding his.

You attempt to pull them away once, but he tightens his grip and you adjust your grip on his hands.

"Anyway," you continued, spewing about your latest reading spree, holding Hitoshi's hands in yours, sometimes pausing to make sure that he was still okay.

Eventually his shoulders relax and he tips forward into your lap.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, turning his face away from you.

"It's okay Hitoshi," you told him, laying a hand on his shoulder, taking your hand back. "The only person who should be apologizing is Mineta. I can't believe he did that. I knew he was a bastard, but this is a whole new level."

"I never wanted you to see that side of me," he whispered.

"Hitoshi," you said, you tone making him turn to look up at you. "I don't think any less of you because of this. I don't understand everything that you went through, and I don't know your exact experience, but I do understand the feeling. If something ever triggers you like that again I need you to tell me or one of our friends, maybe find a way to remove yourself, alright?"

He nodded, looking a little relieved.

"Hitoshi, do you need to talk about it? You don't have to," you assured him, "but . . . I just want to make sure that you're okay. I have a hunch, but I'm really hoping I'm wrong."

"You probably aren't," he murmured. "My father used to gag me whenever I tried to use my quirk to stop him from hitting me."

"Oh Hitoshi," you whispered, reaching out to touch his face before you remembered and pulled back.

He sat up again, took your hands, and placed them on his face, leaning into them, a small smile spreading across his lips as your thumb caressed across his cheeks.

"You don't have to pity me," he whispered.

"Hitoshi, this isn't pity," you told him, feeling your throat close at the torrent of horrors that flashed through your mind when you thought about what he had gone through. "Yes, I'm sorry that you went through that, and I'm sorry that you didn't have the family that you deserved until later in life, but I know that it helped shape who you are. And I love who you are, okay? If I could go back in time, I would become friends with you sooner so that I could give you all the hugs and safety you needed and deserved, but unfortunately, that's not my quirk. For now, I can try to make up for all the affection that you missed out on as a younger child, and be one of the people that you can count on, even when it's three A.M. and we should both be sleeping."

You leaned your forehead against his, content to just exist in the same space as he was, breathing the same air, hoping that he understood what you were trying to say.

He shuddered under your hands as your words sunk in, but you could tell that this wasn't a bad shudder, and you pressed your hands into his cheeks a little harder so that he knew you weren't going anywhere, but not enough to hurt.

"Are you okay?" you asked softly, opening your eyes to see him already looking at you with those beautiful eyes of his that were too old for the age of his body.

"I think so," he murmured. "Thank you, for sticking up for me."

"Always," you told him fiercely. "No one does something like that to my family. Ever. Especially not him. Do you want me to do anything else? I will break his arms."

Hitoshi shook his head, holding your hands against his face, leaning into their warmth, making your heart melt.

"Will you stay with me?" he asked softly, like he was scared of making you uncomfortable.

"Always, for as long as you need me to," you promised vehemently, kissing the tip of his nose.

As Hitoshi slept on your chest that night, your hands threaded through his hair as you ran your hands through it, you made a promise to yourself.

I'm coming for all the monsters that ever touched him. I'm coming for all the ones who twisted his stars and light into shadows. They tried to turn him into a nightmare, so I am going to be theirs.

[bondsmagii]

Miceál, my brother has become an incel... He used to be such a smart and, deep down, sweet boy, but now all he does is play lol. He almost never leaves is room, he doesn't shower, doesn't wash his clothes, doesn't ventilate his room, all of that makes him smell like a death animal. He survives off coca cola, fries and burgers and vent his anger by harassing women and minorities. I suspect the reason he is the way he is now is because of some traumatizing events during our childhood, I guess the way he coped was playing online game to forget about everything. My parents no longer give a crap about what is he gonna do once he becomes a legal adult, but I'm personally deeply worried about him. After all, I kind of understand that after all, he's just a 16 year old who didn't get the emotional support he needed. Do you have any advice on how can I help him realize that his lifestyle is not healthy at all? He won't listen to me (nor anyone else, really), whenever I try talking to him he just tells me to fuck off and leave him the fuck alone. Sorry for bothering with such things, but when it comes to this type of stuff you seem to give good advice.

honestly, this is the worst situation I can imagine when it comes to ideology and people you care about. unfortunately the only tips I have are time consuming and often unsuccessful -- with this kind of thing, the person has to consent to helping themselves, too. if they refuse, there's not really anything that can be done.

unfortunately I'm speaking from experience. a short while ago I had a friend I was close to and who I'd known for two years. one day, totally out of the blue, she told me she felt we were close enough that I would "understand", and that she didn't think I would judge her because I was so "open-minded", and a bunch of other compliments that she laid on thick before telling me she was a TERF. her own words. she was a straight-up TERF, ran a discourse blog full of TERF shit, had an entire group of friends who were TERFs... it was a mess. at first I talked to her about it, and similarly to your brother she had been through a lot of trauma when she was younger, relating to her sexuality and gender presentation. it had forced her into making changes to her body that she regretted and was in the process of reversing. she was angry and bitter, and rightly so, but again like your brother she was misdirecting her anger towards those who didn't deserve it rather than the system that allowed it all to happen in the first place. at first it was promising, and she really did seem to realise what she was doing wasn't the right way to go and made some real progress in moving away from the circles... but then a few months later she was back into it again, sending me link upon link to "proof" and trying to persuade me that she was right. at that point I broke off the friendship and stopped contact with her.

I'm sorry this doesn't have a happy ending, but unfortunately these groups -- TERFS, incels, Nazis, etc -- are very good at targeting the vulnerable and telling them exactly what they want to hear: it's not their fault, all the shit that's happened to them and the pain and resentment they feel. it's the fault of whatever minority or group they want to target, be it women, trans people, immigrants, Jewish people, whatever. it's an attractive concept for these people because it means it's not their fault and there's a cause they can rally behind to make things Right. these groups are also very good at indoctrination, building up slowly and exposing people to the really nasty stuff when they're ready to accept it. it is a form of grooming, and it's so slow-burning and insidious that we often don't notice until it's too late. the left is also catastrophically bad at recruiting and maintaining activism because of the purity culture and the constant infighting; a lot of the jokes the alt-right make about the left are completely true. to somebody like your brother, the incel community is organised, saying what he wants to hear, and the political altnerative is a bunch of weirdos shouting at one another about children's cartoons. it's a no-brainer. he feels powerful and enlightened, which is a very attractive thing for someone who is, at root, a traumatised child.

the best thing you can do at this point, I think, is try to separate him from as much of this input as possible. you'll have to work slow, and subtle, but the more time he's away from this indoctrinating information the more likely it'll be that phase two is successful: beginning to essentially reeducate him. to do this, you need to find common ground and validate it, and then slowly turn his annoyance and opinions around to the real cause of it. it takes time and has little chance of succeeding, but unless he decides to throw it in on his own, it's his only chance.

he's still young, and while he's living at home his potential to cause harm is thankfully at least somewhat contained. be patient, work subtly, give him other options. try to keep him away from his incel friends, distract him with things that keep him busy and give him a sense of real accomplishment and satisfaction. build up his confidence, compliment him when he does something worth admiring, and try to avoid outright conflict. remember: common ground, and then gradual education. at the end of the day only he can make the final call, but these communities rely on total isolation so that even if somebody wants to get out, they've burned all their bridges and realise they can't -- they'll have nobody left. for as long as you're able, emotionally and morally, keep that bridge open for him. even having just one person to fall back on might be enough for somebody to find the courage to leave one of these cults.