#as a fun fact i was grocery shopping when i saw the notif so i just stayed there in the middle of the yogurt aisle staring at my phone like

[i-am-not-a-super-hero]

Gale for @i-am-not-a-super-hero 💙

[vad-hander]

I’M YOURS

Pairing: Y/N, Johnny, Jaehyun

Genre: Series | Smut | Angst | Fluff | College AU

Warnings: language, angsty, smutty scenario, love triangle

Words: 6k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13

***

When Jaehyun said he needed space he truly meant it. He didn’t text you, he didn’t call you, when you would see each other on breaks the maximum he’d give you is a nod, letting you know he noticed you’re here. This felt wrong, because even though he didn’t tell you anything specific, it felt as if you two have broken up. Eating out with your group of friends now didn’t feel good, you felt as if you didn’t belong there, so you just stopped doing it at all.

You were confused as hell. When you would ask Jaehyun anything, he’d reply as if you’re a stranger he never met before, but then you would feel him just staring, and you wouldn’t know how to react. He would stare if Johnny asked you anything, even if it was just him asking to pass the tissue, you would feel the burn on your skin from Jaehyun’s eyes. If Mark would say something funny, making you chuckle, you’d feel him staring again, and you felt judged, judged by Jaehyun that you had it in you to laugh and smile when you two were in a crisis. But you didn’t understand it, you didn’t understand why he did that, because you would see him laugh more often than ever.

So after two weeks of suffering, you decided to disappear from everyone, trying no to cross paths with people that could lead you to Jaehyun. Escaping the building quickly you walked to the cafeteria. You haven’t been there since your first week in college, getting startled by all those students running around. You stood in line for food, getting your phone out of the pocket. Noticing notifications from your group chat you just swiped them away, seeing two more direct messages.

from: D to the Y

“where are you?”

from: Johnny Suh

“we’re at the cafe, where are you?”

Not risking it, you decided to ignore Johnny, texting Doyoung.

to: D to the Y

“I’m not coming”

from: D to the Y

“Jaehyun is looking for you”

to: D to the Y

”don’t lie”

from: D to the Y

“Seriously, he just asked me if I’m texting you”

“should I tell him?”

to: D to the Y

“no don’t.”

“he’s been acting like he don’t know me”

“I’m just disappearing to make his wish come true”

from: D to the Y

“I’ll come tell me where you are”

to: D to the Y

“I’m not sure I can trust you”

“What if you’ll pull some kind-hearted shit sending Jaehyun over here.”

from: D to the Y

“I wasn’t even thinking about it...”

“But I guess you really want it”

“You always say things you low-key hope would happen”

to: D to the Y

“okay bye”

from: D to the Y

“don’t get too surprised when I’ll find you”

to: D to the Y

“what?”

You hit sent right when it was your turn to order, putting your phone away. With the tray full of food you ran your eyes over the hall trying to find an empty table. There weren’t many options, so you sat yourself at the chair in the furthest corner of the room. To not pay attention to people around you, you put your headphones in, sitting facing the wall. Eating the food you bought, you were watching Netflix on your phone to not feel lonely. Getting a full spoon of soup into your mouth, you felt a hand on your shoulder, making you choke on your food.

“What the..?” you began, coughing, trying to face this someone with his hand on you. “How did you find me?” you were coughing non-stop, so he grabbed your cup giving it to you. “Thank you.”

“I told you I’ll find you.” he wiggled his eyebrows sitting down.

“You saw me?” you still were trying not to die from that spoon of soup in your throat.

“I just know your little brain way too well so I immediately knew you’re here.”

“You’re brain is not much bigger.” you wrinkled your face in annoyance.

“Facts, but much smarter.” he laughed making you smile a little.

“Why’d you come?” you bit on your cheek.

“If you’re so worried about Jaehyun, yes, he did ask me about you, I swear. And yes, I told him I don’t know where you are and said I’ll go look for you. That’s it. If you want to, we can go there now to see Jaehyun.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Okay.” he moved your tray closer to him. “then I’ll eat.”

“That’s mine!”

“You’ve been eating a lot these past weeks.”

“And?”

“Doyoung’s to the rescue.” he lifted one of his arms, making a superhero position, beginning to eat afterwards.

You were just sitting there, facing Doyoung and watching him eat. He made all of your thoughts go away just by the way he was chewing, and you felt better.

“What?” he mumbled with his mouth full when he caught you staring.

“Let’s leave.”

“We still have time before class.” he checked time on his phone.

“No, I mean maybe leave this city? Or if not being dramatic to that extent, just leave for today and hang out somewhere.” you made him giggle and he nodded.

“Only because my love for you is immense, I’ll skip an important class.”

“This makes me feel truly special.” you put your hand to the heart, trying to sound as dramatic as possible. “What?” Doyoung mumbled something in reply, but you couldn’t hear him because you were standing up.

“Nothing, I said let’s go.” he stood up as well.

Getting outside you were met by the cold wind, so you immediately held onto Doyoung’s elbow, trying to warm yourself from his body heat.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m cold, can we hang out at your place?”

“Yours is closer.”

“I don’t want to go home...” ‘...it reminds me of Jaehyun’ but you didn’t say the last part out loud.

“Do you want to order food or...?”

“I know!” you exclaimed making people around you turn their heads. “We can go grocery shopping and then we can cook and then we can play PS and then do something fun.”

“Okay.” he smiled at you and continued walking, but you held onto his elbow, making him stop and turn again to you.

“And while we cook, no ballad singing. No sad songs and no you hitting all the notes in this world.” you pointed your finger to his chest with a serious face making Doyoung laugh.

“Deal, then you don’t bring up Johnny or Jaehyun. One word equals one ballad song.”

“It’s not fair though.”

“Then you go wherever you want to and I’ll go to my class.” he walked towards you to go back, but you stopped him with your hands on his shoulders.

“No, I’ll do anything, I need you.” you tried to make a cute sad face and you didn’t know how it worked, but he gave in, dragging you behind him away from the classes.

***

Walking through the store you genuinely regretted not having a car. Pulling the cart through the store, the both of you were taking anything that attracted your eyes, filling the cart even before you went through half of the shop.

“What do you want to drink?” you turned your head to Doyoung, who was scrolling through his phone holding onto the cart.

“I don’t know, alcohol maybe?”

“Beers won’t do... we’re cooking fancy food.”

“I see chips in our cart how is that fancy?”

“It’s a snack, we’re cooking pasta and salad, we need wine or something.”

“You don’t like wine though...” he pointed staring back into his phone.

“I can do that for the sake of our fancy dining.”

“Okay, and if you can’t, grab cola, I have whiskey at home.” he moved the cart forward, but you stopped him, giving his cheek a kiss. “What was this for?”

“For you being thoughtful and caring.”

You went different ways, getting the last bits for your private hang out. You went to dessert area, picking something sweet for you two to finish the feast.

“Okay... let’s see...” you faced a cart fully packed with food “how are we going to carry all of this...” you sighed “okay, anyway...” you ran with your eyes through it “I think we can go check out.”

“Good, I’ll pay”

“No, I’ll pay, place is on you, so food is on me.”

“We can half it then.” he suggested.

“No, I told you I’m paying.”

“I’d rather you be this enthusiastic to carry those bags, I’m not bothered with spending money on our food.” Doyoung pointed while laying everything you picked out on the check out. “Go put everything in bags.” he pushed you, noticing how almost everything from the cart was out. You put most of the stuff into your bag and shopper you thankfully had with you today. The rest was put into plastic bags, when you heard the cashier saying “thank you for your purchase, sir”. Instantly you realised what Doyoung did, willing to fight with him.

“I told you I’ll pay.” you frowned grabbing the bag and going outside.

“But I did.” you turned around trying to face him and stop from walking. “I’d appreciate you move, these bags actually weigh a lot.”

“Oh...” you just sighed continuing to walk with Doyoung. You two walked in silence staring at the building you were passing by “I’m going to transfer you the money. How much was it?”

“I won’t tell you.”

“Then I’ll send you 200$.”

“Are you crazy? We didn’t spend that much.”

“Just tell me.”

“3$”

“Doyoung!”

“Pay for Jaehyun.”

“What?” you laughed at him and he frowned not getting it why you’re so smiley.

“I said pay for Jaehyun.”

“OMG! Now you said it twice. Should I sing you a song? I mean, two, since one word is one song. Wow, amazing.” you could see on his face that he understood it now, biting his cheek to prevent himself from laughing.

“Seriously? Amazing?”

“You should be more bothered with me singing.” you pointed out when you finally reached his home.

“It’s the last thing that bothers me right now.” he laughed, letting you enter elevator first.

You got to his place, that was as neat and clean as ever, it almost looked like an Airbnb. Dropping the bags on the floor, you startled him by grabbing his face into your hands right after he locked the door. You pushed his face closer, making him lean, and moved your mouth closer to his ear, beginning to sing.

“When I can’t sleep at night without holding you tight, each time I try I just break down and cry; pain in my head oh I’d rather be dead.” you were screaming into his ear not trying to hit any notes but to annoy him. He squeezed his eyes in pain and wrinkled his nose saying something you couldn’t understand. His hands that were trying to push you off by your shoulders moved to your waist and you chocked on air losing the rhythm of the song. You tried to continue but his hands were making you feel weird so you just let him push you back, letting go of his face.

“Let me go I want to drawn in the sink.” he let go of you laughing, taking his shoes off and walking straight to the bathroom.

You just continued standing at the entrance, feeling phantom of his every finger on your waist.

‘What is up with you AGAIN?’ you shouted at your own self in your head ‘Don’t even try to pull ANYTHING. I can’t believe you’re ready to jump on anyone even if it’s your best friend.’

‘You do realise the ‘you’ here is YOU?’ the voice replied and you felt the urge to leave Doyoung’s house immediately.

“Why are you still standing with your shoes on, come on.” Doyoung talked to you like you were a child, pulling you out of your thoughts into reality.

You walked into the kitchen, helping Doyoung put everything away. When you two finished, you fished your phone out of your jeans pocket, looking for a recipe.

“Improvise” he roughly grabbed your phone from your hands, making you moan in protest. “No recipes, let’s cook with our hearts.” He said looking into the distance and you laughed.

“I’m not the master chef, I follow recipes.”

“You follow recipes but don’t follow anything else...interesting.” he mumbled filling the pan with water.

“What?” you barely heard what he said, but you guessed by his tone it wasn’t something sweet.

“You heard me.”

“Barely.”

“Not my problem.” he raised his eyebrows playfully smiling at you.

“Repe-e-e-a-a-t” you moaned in frustration getting meat out of its package.

“I said you don’t follow anything, I’m surprised you follow recipes.”

“What do you mean by that?” you raised you brows at him, chopping garlic.

“You know exactly what I mean...” he sighed looking around the kitchen for something.

“It would be better if you’d elaborate.”

“I won’t, because you’ll be shouting in my ear again if I’ll begin.”

“I know you don’t like what I’ve been doing lately, but I’m doing my best to go back to normal, and I was hoping we’ll have today to hang out freely and have fun.”

“Right, let’s chill out and not care for anyone outside my place.” Doyoung smiled at you softly, and you caught his stare, smiling back at him.

The two of you spent around 2 hours in the kitchen cooking. You didn’t obstruct each other, but worked in unison. The atmosphere was calming but at the same time exciting because the two of you were singing to your favourite songs while working. It felt undeniably warm and right, Doyoung was the piece of the puzzle that fit perfectly into the missing spot, and you couldn’t think about anything else except how he was your definite soulmate, and you were hoping that he felt towards you the same way.

Finishing off your cooking hours by placing everything at the coffee table in front of his TV, you sat down on the floor leaning onto the couch, crossing your legs. Doyoung sat next to you, making your knees touch. You locked your eyes on the spot your bodies were connected, wondering if he noticed anything. His hand, unexpectedly landed onto your knee that was touching him, and you were scared of what he would do next, did he want to do something...? He gripped onto your knee tightly, and you lifted your eyes, trying to see his face expression. You quickly got disappointed and embarrassed of your own self when you noticed he was just unknowingly using your knee as something to lean on while reaching for the bottle of wine that was standing on the far corner of the table. You frowned and got mad at your own self for making things up.

“Ouch.” he shifted half of his weight onto your knee making you whine.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.” he laughed and squeezed your knee gently to say sorry.

‘Of course he didn’t notice. What a surprise, you just need to shove your hormones up your ass and calm down. He doesn’t try to hit on you, he was the one judging you for wanting Johnny while you’re with Jaehyun, he won’t make you do something he judged you for. Honestly, you’re so pathetic’ the war in your head was going strong.

“Let’s try this wine, what if I’ll like it.” you brought your glass closer to Doyoung.

“I’ll honestly be surprised, I’ll definitely have to memorise the brand.” he smiled to himself while working on the wine bottle cork. Pulling it, he wrinkled his face cutely and you felt weird again, trying to make your eyes leave his face, but you couldn’t.

Finally, he poured red drink into the glasses, placing the bottle back on the table. You both lifted your drinks, holding it up slightly. Doyoung looked into your eyes with a hope and smiled at you, and you took this as his hope for you to say something, so you did.

“To us being like this forever. I hope we’ll have each other even when we’ll be old and with 10 grandchildren by our sides. You’re my dearest friend and I trust you more than I trust myself. I hope you’re always happy and never way too bothered because of me because I know I’m your pain the ass. Cheers to us being soulmates.” you stretched your arm trying to clink with his glass “I love you to the moon and back, Doyoungie.” you smiled at him and he finally stretched his arm.

“Cheers to us being together forever.” he smiled and stared at you even when he drank. You assumed he did that to see your reaction to the drink.

“Actually it’s not that bad.” you said, taking one more sip and wrinkling your face and sticking your tongue out because of the taste.

“Yeah, I see.” he laughed.

“No, I’m serious, it’s much better.” you took one more sip handling it better than before.

“Okay, I’m glad then.” he smiled shifting his gaze to the table. “I really want to try what we cooked.” he said hungrily, grabbing the plate you had pasta on, and placing food on your plate first, and then on his. You stared at him taking the first bite and closing eyes in pleasure. He nodded multiple times making weird noises. “Wow, it’s actually so good. Wow, like, I’m seriously impressed with us right now.” you tried the pasta too, finding it surprisingly delicious.

“God, Doyoung, this is actually freaking good. I think we’re the greatest team. We’re probably like meant to be partners or something.” you laughed but felt cringe with the way you said it.

“You’re not wrong though. We’ve been together forever, I can’t imagine you disappear. Maybe we are soulmates?” Doyoung questioned you stuffing his mouth with food.

“You’re still doubting?!?” you resented while smiling.

“With you I can never be sure.” he continued eating.

You cooked too much, but not eating everything would have been a crime, so you were trying to fit everything in your stomachs including the cake you bought for dessert.

“I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to move for a whole week if I’ll eat any more.” you sighed breathlessly, dropping the fork on the table and leaning onto the couch.

“I’m about to explode.” Doyoung leaned too, placing his hands onto his stomach.

“I can’t even move and we were supposed to have fun...” you were barely able to speak.

“We still can have fun...” he grabbed the remote. “Let’s watch Netflix...and chill.” he added after a long pause making you burst in laughter. “Not in that way, you know.” he added shyly and you wanted to add that you don’t actually mind but you were glad you found it in you to stop yourself from saying it out loud. The alcohol and hormones were doing things to you tonight, and you couldn’t stop blaming them.

“Okay, let’s watch Sweet Home, I’m too scared to watch it alone.”

”Okay.” Doyoung quickly found the series on Netflix, turning it on. You leaned your head onto his shoulder, but it wasn’t really comfortable, so you slid down a little, leaning to his side more. Now you were more comfortable and laid your head on his chest, laying your elbow on his stomach, but your wrist on your leg. Doyoung moved a little, hugging your shoulders. The episode finally began, and you were getting soaked into it, not being able to even talk. Doyoungs arm soon fell of your shoulder onto your waist, and you moved closer to him, feeling that crazy sensation inside of your stomach. “It’s not even that scary.” he laughed at you when you tucked yourself closer to him.

“It is a bit.” you said trying to make it look as if you really moved closer because you were scared. Doyoung rolled his eyes at you, but moved his other hand to yours that still was laying on his stomach and your leg. He stroked your forearm with his long fingers and you closed your eyes smiling in pleasure. Hearing screeching and screaming on the TV, you opened your eyes back up, focusing on the series again. When the first episode was over, Doyoungs fingers left your arm to skip intro of the next episode and when he did, he just placed his hand on the floor, making you whine in tiny. You stretched your arm to him and Doyoung eyed you annoyed.

“Please.”

“You’re using me for your own pleasure.” he sighed making a bitchy face and you smiled at him again, not willing to skip anything from the episode.

You’ve watched around four episodes, before you felt like dozing off on his shoulder. He probably felt your body chill under his touch, trying to move his hand from under you.

“No, I’m not sleeping.” you opened your eyes a little, getting blinded by the tv light.

“You were literally sleeping.” Doyoungs voice was caring. “You don’t have to go home you can stay in my bed.”

“First of all, I was not planning to go home anyway, second of all, I wasn’t sleeping, I was enjoying you stroking my forearm, and I would appreciate you continue.” you smiled to him pretending you’re annoyed, turning your arm to your palm to face up, and his fingers landed onto your untouched skin, making you shiver from the slow and light touches of his long fingers. You closed your eyes again, focusing on his arms, one of which was holding you by the waist, and the other one was stroking your arm, moving closer to your palm, making you shiver every time he was reaching new areas. You felt too warm from both of your body heats, but you didn’t want to move because you would lose this exact moment.

After 10 minutes of running around, his fingers moved to your palm, making a few strokes. Doyoungs fingers let go of your arm and you wanted to tell him to continue once again, but you felt how he moved your other arm onto his lap, stroking it too. He didn’t do it for long, quickly getting to your palm. Doyoung placed his 5 fingers at the base of yours, making lines with his nails. You felt the tingling sensation sending strokes straight to your heart. When he was half way up to the tips of your fingers, you straightened your palm out of pleasure, making Doyoung’s fingers land between yours, locking your hands. Your heart went crazy, you felt like it was beating 10 million times per second, but then at the same time, you felt like it stopped beating at all. You relaxed your palm back without realisation making your fingers lock for real, and you swore you felt and heard Doyoungs heart beat with the same speed as yours, but you couldn’t fully understand what really happened in that moment. Both of you couldn’t, Doyoung probably was more shocked than you, and you knew he didn’t move his hand away only because he didn’t really think of this much. You felt him flex his fingers aswell, that’s when you felt like food that was in your stomach could possibly come out out of your throat due to your nervousness. You kept your eyes closed being too scared to face Doyoung. A few minutes later you felt how he began stroking your hand with his thumb, and this time it wasn’t food you felt in your stomach.

***

You fell asleep holding Doyoungs hand sitting on the floor of his living room and you were surprised when you woke up in his bed. Opening your eyes in slight fear, you’ve noticed him laying with his back to you. He was breathing peacefully, making you sure he’s still asleep. You’re heart was worrying about so many things you didn’t know with which one to start. Firstly, you was scared to face Doyoung. You could say you two holding hands yesterday was an accident, but why did not you nor him not moved your hand away when this happened. Why did you not laugh everything off like you usually do when something like this happen? Did Doyoung feel what you felt? Did he feel his heart beating faster? Did he feel anything at all? Or did he just leave his hand as it is only because it felt to him as another way of expressing friendly tenderness and kindness? Maybe he just didn’t think of it at all. At the end of the day, the both of you were comfortable with each other to the extent where you could basically do or say anything, not needing to explain anything. Your mind was racing from one thought to another until the second you stopped yourself. What were you even thinking? Why first thing in the morning you were concerned if he took it as something more? It was for a fact an accident, you weren’t secretly planning anything. But you were confused with your own self because you felt your heart doing weird things. Yesterday you could’ve blamed it on the alcohol you consumed, but why did you feel the urge to feel his fingers between yours even now? Why did your heart ache with all the feelings that were running inside of you. Hormones, which you were still trying to plead guilty, would make you want him sexually, but more than that, you wanted to hold his hand and you felt like your heart might burst if you don’t do it immediately.

So before you could even think you turned to your side, facing Doyoung’s back. Your hand slipped onto his waist, and you moved closer, holding on to his body. You put your free hand under your cheek, not wanting to get way too close, laying your head on him, in case he won’t like what you did or don’t like you in any other way than being friends. Putting a hand on his waist was okay, you slept hugging each other a lot and assuming he didn’t even think of you holding each other’s hands as something else, he wouldn’t mind you back-hug him. You made your hand go lower, making it lay on the mattress on the side of his stomach. You felt now that one of his hands was laying near. You rubbed your face on his back lightly, trying to put away your hair that was on your face. Doyoungs hand, that was close to yours moved a little, and he moved his body, making you fall more onto him, but you were pretty sure he still was asleep doing it unconsciously. The second you felt his warm boney fingers touch your hand, you didn’t feel so sure now about his unconsciousness, he slowly pulled your arm making you get even closer to him, doing the one thing you wanted the most. You genuinely felt ecstatic when he intertwined his fingers with yours. You wanted to not make it so obvious that you were awake, but even with trying your best you couldn’t stop yourself from bending your fingers to hold him tighter. Both of you didn’t say anything, still not being sure if neither of you is even awake. Doyoung moved your hands closer to his chest, and you probably imagined that you could hear his heart beat. Closing your eyes, you fell asleep once again, feeling excited.

You woke up some time later. You weren’t sure exactly how long has it been since you woke up for the first time, or even what time it was, because you didn’t want to move from the bed and you didn’t know where your phone was. You weren’t touching bodies with Doyoung now, you later on completely different sides of the bed, and it made you doubt if you holding hands with Doyoung was just one of your dreams.

You felt shuffling on the other side of the bed, and you braved yourself enough to turn immediately to face him. Doyoung was rubbing his eyes, wearing one of his casual night-wear big ass t-shirts. He looked genuinely cute and you couldn’t fight this fact with your inner self. You saw Doyoung wake up hundredths and thousands of times, but this one you wanted to remember for life. He noticed you staring,

“Hi.” his raspy morning voice sent shivers down your spine.

“Morning.” you smiled slightly.

“Did you sleep good?” he closed his eyes, falling back onto the pillow.

“Yeah, your bed is always comfy.” you chuckled “did you?”

“Yeah, but you were on the way all the time.” he said annoyed, turning to face you. You were making up a joke in your head, when he suddenly moved closer, laying his hand on your waist , his leg over your legs and his head on your shoulder. “I should’ve left you on the floor.”

‘Yeah, it would’ve been better for both of you’ your inner voice replied.

“Mean.” you sighed trying to make your heart stop with that crazy pace.

“I need one more second and then I’ll get up to cook breakfast.” he sighed into you, squeezing you tightly, and then letting go immediately, falling onto his pillow for probably 2 seconds and sitting up.

“I’ll help.” you said happily, dying inside at the same time.

Oh, how you hated that Doyoung was the only person you could discuss everything with and you couldn’t go to him now, asking him how to act in the situation when you feel butterflies in your stomach every time your best friend just look your way even for a tiny second. You had no one to tell you anything, and all you could do is just show Doyoung you like him in whatever way you did, and let him decide.

When you entered the kitchen, Doyoung was frying eggs facing you with his back. You walked towards coffee machine, wanting to help him with you food. When his cup was done, you placed the one for you, waiting for coffee to be done. You expanded your neck, trying to see from behind Doyoung’s wide shoulders what was going on on the pan. He noticed you trying to peek, turning his head and smiling at you softly.

“Wait for two minutes, I’m almost done.” you nodded to him, getting closer and hugging his waist tightly. “Why are you so affectionate today?” he chuckled.

“What do you mean?”

“You look at me with those puppy eyes as if I’m Johnny on our second year.”

“I wish I wasn’t so lazy right now to sing you a song.”

“You want to sing for me?” Doyoung genuinely sounded startled.

“Our deal yesterday, how could you forget?”

“Oh, right. It only was for our evening. Today the deal is expired, you can talk about whoever.” he told you getting food on plates. You still were glued to his back, and he gently rubbed your forearms signaling for you to let go.

“Can we expand the deal?” you asked sitting on the chair in front of Doyoung. He raised his eyebrows at you.

“Why?”

“You’re not busy today? Can we spend today together?”

“Hm, I’m not sure...” he was running his eyes over the room thinking, finally setting them on you “...maybe I’m busy.”

“With what?” you narrowed your eyes.

“With secrets I have from you.” he played with his eyebrows.

“Your girlfriend?” you were trying to make it look as if you were bantering as usual, but you felt dabs of jealousy all over you.

“Yes, her, you were actually right about it.”

“Right about what?” you furrowed your brows. It pissed you how chilled Doyoung sounded.

“Right about me being all by my self for too long. Even if she’s not my one and only, I need someone to chill with besides you, you know.” he smiled at you with the ‘you know what I mean’ smile and you gripped tighter onto the cup you were holding to prevent yourself from slapping his smile away.

“Yup.” you said trying to sound carelessly. “I actually just remembered I need to see my someone for you know, chilling.” you made weird motions with your hands, getting up from the chair. You placed the chair back to the table, making loud noises, though you didn’t want to show you were pissed off, you were pissed off and didn’t know how to stop yourself from showing it. You felt him walking behind you. Entering the room you didn’t close the door behind you, and while you were getting your stuff from there, you saw with your peripheral vision that he was leaning on the door catching your every move. You didn’t have much stuff to grab, so you were quick to get of the bedroom, accidentally hitting his shoulder with yours.

“What’s wrong?” Doyoung walked behind you, much closer than before.

“I’m running late.”

“To where?”

“To do my secrets.”

“Oh come on, stop for a second and look at me.” you looked at him slightly, making him pissed off.

“Cut it.” Doyoungs hand grabbed you by the elbow, trying to turn you to face him.

“What the hell?” you exclaimed trying to get out of his grip.

“Exactly, what the hell. You jumped up being all aggressive and now won’t even look at me.” he let go of you and now you turned around to look at him.

“I can’t believe you.” you said madly.

“What, why?” he tried to hold onto your palm, but you pushed him back, making all of the stuff in your hands fall. He tried to grip his hands on your elbows once again, but you were so mad and pissed at him telling you about his girlfriend only now, after you imagined all type of things in your head, you didn’t want him to lay a single finger on you. You fought with him, trying to stop him trying to reach you. Doyoung was taller and stronger, and no matter how hard you were trying, you felt how you lost the battle.

“Stop, don’t fucking touch me!” you exclaimed when his palms landed on your face, trying to make you look at him. Your hair were in the way, so he moved them back with one of his hands. His thumb gently rubbed your cheek.

“Tell me.” his eyes were pleading you.

“Tell you what?”

“I made up the girlfriend thing to see your reaction.” you felt your heart sink “And I think I wasn’t wrong. Tell me.” you stared into his eyes trying to find at least a word or two to tell him. Tell him literally anything, but you couldn’t make them come out, so you didn’t find anything better then try to kiss him.

Your hands landed on Doyoungs waist, and you stepped a tiny bit closer, and he relaxed his hands on your cheeks. You stared into his eyes for what felt like eternity, before you moved your eyes onto his lips, that were driving you crazy. You moved your head even more closer, opening your mouth slightly to plant a kiss.

Doyoungs hands suddenly got their strength back, making your head go further from him. You whined in displeasure, licking your lips.

“No.” he said it to you as if you were a child “I won’t kiss you, until you do what you should if you really want me.” he let go of your head, leading his hands from your shoulders to your palms, intertwining them all of a sudden. Now you were sure, the feeling you had yesterday were the butterflies in your stomach because they were back again. You held onto both of his hands tightly staring. Doyoung leaned his head slowly, not breaking your eye contact, leaving a quick wet peck on your neck, almost making you lose balance.

You knew exactly what he meant saying you should do something, this something was to choose between him and Jaehyun.

____

I’m sorry, I only prove read half of it, but I hope you’ll enjoy this part anyway

It’s a long one, so please let me know what you think!!

I love reading your feedback <3

[kin-n-n]

I'm probably going to delete this later or maybe even never post it but...

I've always been a very private person on the internet, I don't see the point of sharing pictures of myself or particularity like to talk about real life. I think that's mainly because I am a mostly passive enjoyer of the interwebs, not counting the few and far in-between attempts at art I post, and the fact that I come here, tumblr but also online in general, to have fun, and sometimes to distracted myself from....me.

That's why I'm so baffled as to why I feel the need to share this. Maybe because I'm mostly screaming into the void (I don't have many followers that interact regularly aside from two or three friends I know in real life as well and so they'd probably only stumble across this if they have my notifications on, which I don't think they do, but in case I'm wrong hi). I just have the urge to get this somehow on paper or....well in this case screen.

This is just a lot of incomprehensible rambling, because I'm just writing what comes to mind at the moment.

Anyways, things are slowly normalising again. I just had muesli as breakfast and thought 'Right, I had wanted to tell mom to get milk on the way home for the weekend.' Since we usually do our grocery shopping on Fridays, but she'd told me last friday that there's nothing we need, but I took a peek in the fridge and saw we only had one liter of milk and wanted to text her, but then I thought it's not that important we still have a liter and if we should need more tomorrow is still Saturday and so we can get more. I just now remembered that. Such a mundane thing to be remembered of suddenly. This is literally the, life goes on no matter what happens, I never thought I'd experience it.

There was this one tumblr post about how, especially writers, kind of detach themselves from the bad things that might happen to them and go 'huh, so that's what this feels like, good to know, now I can write it into my story' or something along those lines. And that's kind of what happened with me as well.

There are some things that stand out to me among all the bad stuff that happened, little moments I noticed and filed away. Like the slight irony, or maybe cinematic parallel, that both times that something happened at home it was in the hallway by my door. The first was a friend of my sister having a panic attack and this time my sister herself having to be hospitalised.

Then the fact that I am really vulnerable and uncomfortable with hearing my sister not doing well and not just in this context of being in pain and throwing up because of it either. I remember years and years ago one time she had a fight with mom I think and at the time we were sleeping in the same room, so I heard her coming inside, just sobbing and crying really badly, and all of a sudden I felt shaky and not well. Partly because I didn't know what to do about it or how to react and calm her down. And weirdly it's only my sister that this happens with. I'm completely fine if my dad or mom cry (not that it happens often).

Another thing is...I was sat in the living room on a sofa with my sisters boyfriend, who also happened to be there that night, and we were talking to each other to not just sit there and do nothing, when my sisterlaying kn the other side of the wall in the corridor got worse again while the paramedics tried to get a read on her situation. And I got really really jittery listening to her being in pain so I asked for a hug which he happily returned, but...it wasn't comfortable, like I thought it'd be like how I imagine hugs to be?

Don't get me wrong it was helpful, like I did need that human contact to calm down, but it was a awkward hug and not really comfortable. Probably because we were sat next to each other and so it was just our twisted torsos and the arms thrown over each other’s shoulders.

There are some other stuff but I'm tired...I'm just glad the surgery went well and she's doing better now. Just furious I can't go and see her in person, because of the stupid fucking mom of the patient that was sharing a room with my sister, who thought it'd be a good idea to go visit her daughter without wearing a mask and so now they're both in quarantine. UGH. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE INCOMPETENT PIECE OF SHIT OF A GYNAECOLOGIST WHO DIDN'T DEEM IT IMPORTANT TO GET A ULTRASONOGRAPHY(or whatever it's called in english)EVEN THOUGH MY SISTER EXPLICITLY REQUESTED IT! SHE NEVER WOULD'VE HAD TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT HORROR LAST FRIDAY IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR THAT LITTLE BITCH. goddammit

I've been all over the place emotionally, but it's getting better now. I have to get shit done but I'm not feeling up to doing it ugh I hate this

I'll try and motivate myself to start working on my uni project tomorrow. wish me luck

[mxchellesworld]

𝟑 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟓

𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐂𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐫𝐮𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐞𝐧𝐯𝐲.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: mentions of sex and masturbation 

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

***

It had been a few days since you’d seen Cat and Spencer. After lunch you decided it was time to make your way back home. A quick exchange of numbers and the promise of seeing each other soon and you were back to your mundane routine of getting adjusted to the city. The short uber ride to your apartment, which they insisted they paid for, was spent answering texts from your friends and confirming you were still alive after they left you. 

You spent the rest of the day doing laundry for the week and cleaning bits of your apartment. It was still pretty bleak, with empty walls which you longed to fill with pictures and art. Your room was a bit more lively with knitted blankets your aunt made long ago and the light of the warm lamp in the corner filling the space. 

Sunday was bland with the task of getting groceries. You decided to walk since the store was a block away. You made your way down the streets in a simple sweater and leggings, foregoing any makeup. Walking into the store the older lady at the register greeted you with a kind smile. 

Picking up a basket you made your way down the isles trying to get your things quickly to get back home and sleep the day away. While searching the snack section you stood in front of the popcorn deciding between buttered or kettle. You heard footsteps and saw a worker make his way down to restock the shelf. 

He was tall and you noticed the way his shirt rose as he reached the top shelf. Spencer could probably reach that no problem, you thought to yourself. He caught you staring and turned to you with a smile. 

“Having a movie night?” he asked walking closer. You could smell the scent of his cologne, strong but not overpowering.  

“Not really haha, but don’t get me wrong a catch up day of my favorite show is definitely on the list,” you replied returning with a small smile. 

He leaned in reaching for one of the boxes, subtly boxing you into the space. 

“Well this is my favorite kind,” he said handing you the box, “Ya know perfect to amount to eat alone.. or share.” 

“Oh,” you said surprised with a chuckle trying to play off the heat rushing to your cheeks. 

You were about to respond when you heard a voice from the end of the aisle, “Y/n.” 

Think of the devil and he shall appear.

Spencer was walking over to you holding his own basket filled with essentials like milk and bread. He looked like he did on Saturday, wearing those grey sweatpants which made you thank the stars above. On top he had on a simple tshirt and cardigan combo making him look extra cozy. 

“Hey Spence,” you said looking past the employee. 

“Did you get the popcorn baby?” he said looking the worker up and down. 

You furrowed your brow seeing what he was playing at, “Yeah yeah, he was just giving me a recommendation,” you turned back to the worker, “thanks again.” 

The worker nodded, red in the cheeks from facing Spencers death glare, before he walked away and rounded the corner. 

“What the fuck was that,” you both said at the same time. 

“He was just trying to help,” you said waving around the box of popcorn. 

“Come on princess you’re smarter than that. He was obviously trying to flirt with you.”

You scoffed before answering, “What don’t tell me you’re jealous.” 

“Oh I’m not,” he said with a smirk, “I’m confident in the fact we’ve proved who you belong to.”

You rolled your eyes before he spoke again, “Plus I know a boy like him could never satisfy a greedy little whore like you. Tell me, are the handprints still there?”

You opened and closed your mouth not being able to answer him. The laugh he let out told you he new he had won. 

“I think I’m done shopping,” you said walking past him. 

“Alright princess have a good rest of your day. But don’t think Cats not hearing about this, and she won’t be very happy.”

You felt your insides heat up at the thought of Cat knowing. What she would do to you. 

“Uh huh bye Sir,” you said stressing the title. 

You made your way to the older lady who you saw when you walked in, “Find everything alright?” she asked kindly. You nodded and pulled out your wallet to pay. 

God she had no idea. 

_

That interaction replayed in your mind from that night into your days at work. Neither of them had texted. Maybe Spencer forgot and never told Cat. The wait for something to happen was torturous. 

Your friend had noticed you were spaced out. Looking longingly at your phone during your breaks or lunch. It wasn’t like your feelings were hurt much for being ignored but more so the ache between your thighs was having a reaction. As you predicted trying to use your fingers or that sad vibrator in your bedside drawer was doing nothing to aid your release. 

You were out at the cafe around the corner from the office you worked at having lunch with one of your coworkers. She was going on about the night she had with the guy from the bar over the weekend. 

“Then he bent me over the couch! God it was so good,” she all but moaned. 

“Uh huh.” 

“I swear we were up until like 4 am going round after round,” she continued. 

“Right.”

“After that we sacrificed a goat on Saturn.”

“Oh wow,” you said looking down at the unlit rectangle next to your sandwich. 

“Y/n,” she said snapping her fingers in front of you. 

“What,” you said raising an eyebrow. 

“You’re being really shitty right now. I’m trying to tell you about how I literally got my back blown out and you’re staring at your phone like it’s gonna unlock the key to your future,” she said exasperatedly. 

Welp she wasn’t entirely wrong. 

“Abbie I’m sorry. I’m just waiting on a text. But please tell me more,” you said nodding for her to continue. 

“No, I wanna know fucked you stupid this weekend to make you act like a lovesick puppy,” she said putting her elbows on the table to rest her face in her palm. 

You internally debated telling her. I mean so far she has been the nicest and most welcoming to you, definitely bff material. But on the other hand you didn’t know if you were allowed to bring them up to other people. Technically it wasn’t a rule and what they didn’t know didn’t hurt them. 

You took in a deep breath before spilling your guts,” So basically after I noticed you guys were gone I accidentally walked into a sex club then later that night I fucked the owners and now we’re in a throuple type situation.” You ended with an awkward smile and waited for her reaction. 

“Oh the bdsm club? Isn’t it like the Library something?” she said casually. 

You sat there blinking for a while, “Out of everything I said thats the part that caught your attention.”

“So you had a threesome, very nice, we’ll get to that part. Tell me about the club.”

“Uh ok. We’ll it’s called the Underground Library and it’s what you’d imagine any bdsm lounge would be like. Red lights and sexy music playing in the back. There’s a bar and uh playrooms where you can watch others.”

She hummed taking in the information and sipping on her latte, “So the sex?”

“God it was so fucking good.” You both laughed and you spent the last few minutes of your lunch break telling her about what they did to you. Safe to say you knew your panties would be a mess by the end of the day just replaying those memories in your head. 

_

It was finally Thursday, you were so close to the work week ending and having a night with Abbie. The plan was for her to help you do a little shopping for your home then redecorate and spend the rest of the night sipping on wine with a pizza. Absolutely perfect. 

The day went by yet again without a notification from the people you wanted. At this point you came to the conclusion the incident was forgotten and left in the past. 

Friday you woke up around 10 and let yourself lay in bed, answering emails and lounging around until noon for you to get ready for your day with Abbie. After a while you got up to make a quick breakfast and make a list of items you planned on buying. 

You thought about getting a throw for the couch and some nice curtains. Maybe some wall decor. You were so excited to finally have a place to yourself and style it to your liking. 

Having roommates in college was fun but the solidarity of being able to walk around your own place basically naked and sing as loud as you wanted was liberating. 

Noon rolled around and you made your way to the bathroom to take a shower. The water pressure on your shoulders was breaking through to all the stress of the week and you instantly felt it melting away. 

You hopped out, wrapping yourself in a fluffy towel and looking in your closet for what to wear. You settled for jeans and an oversized flannel, putting some comfy booties on your feet. You looked at your phone to see Abbie had texted and she would be on her way in 45 minutes. Using the remaining time you did your hair and makeup, just the basics for your day out. 

Your phone dinged with a simple text that read “here”, you grabbed your purse and the list on your kitchen counter and made your way to the elevator. 

You saw her little red car right in front of your building. The sound of music playing through the speakers could be heard from a few feet away. 

You pulled the door open and she greeted you with a big smile, “Hey! You ready to spend away that paycheck,” 

You laughed before answering, “You know it.”

The trip was made with nothing but laughs and a horrible mix of you guys singing to the radio. 

_

After a few hours and trips to multiple stores you guys stopped at one of the vendors in the mall to get some soft pretzels. Looking around you saw a fancy lingerie store and an idea popped into your head. 

You tapped Abbie on the shoulder to get her attention, “Hey I know you’re dead on your feet but theres one store I wanna go to. Do you wanna just grab a table? I’ll be like 20 minutes tops.”

“Yeah no prob Y/n/n,” she said holding her hand out for the bags you had in your hand, “this cinnamon twist is calling my name.” You both shared a giggle before you turned and skipped over to the store.

A woman wearing a dark purple sweater greeted you, “Hello darling, are you looking for anything in particular?”

“Nope I’m just taking a look around, thanks,’ you said with a smile. 

Walking around you saw a display of a matching set. It was baby pink and lacy and it left little to the imagination of the mannequin. Perfect. 

You looked over the table finding the set in your size and walking to the dressing rooms. Quickly you basically ripped your clothes off, speeding to get the fabric on your curves. It was stunning, complimenting your skin and hugging your curves. 

You pulled your phone out and hit the messaging icon. If they weren’t gonna text then you had to bite the bullet and put on your big girl panties to do it first. 

Typing in each of their contact names you made a groupchat and hit the camera option. You lifted your hand to get a flattering angle and gave the mirror your best pout. 

“Do you think it’s a good color?” Sent. 

One last glance in the mirror and you knew this was going home with you. Changing back into your clothes you slipped your phone in your pocket and made your way to the register. 

“Just this for you today honey,” the woman asked. 

“Yup,” you said pulling out your wallet. You heard the chime of a text and a smirk came across your face. Finishing the transaction you were excited to see what their reaction was. 

Walking back to Abbie you saw her on the phone and raised your brow in question. She started to get up and you took some of the bags from her hands. Once she was done with the call she put her phone in her purse and looked over to you. 

“Change of plans. Sam, the guy from the club, called and he’s coming over to mine tonight. So raincheck on the wine and pizza?”

You waved a hand dismissing what she said, “You’re all good, go catch that dick.” She laughed and pulled out her keys as you guys made your way out of the mall. 

In the car you pulled your phone out to check the message. It was from Cat. 

“I’m not sure. Maybe your little friend from the grocery store can help you pick.” 

So Spencer did tell her. 

You quickly replied, “You know green isn’t a good look on either of you.”

Another chime. “Why would I be envious? Last time I checked you came on my fingers, in my bed.”

You felt your cheeks heat up at her words. You tried to think of a response but this time Spencer responded. 

“Come to the lounge at 7. And wear that underneath your clothes.” 

“Yes Sir.” was all you said and the conversation ended. 

Looks like you and Abbie both had other plans for the night anyways. 

𝐚/𝐧; 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 ��𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐢'𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐢𝐭. 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐫!!

[rune-writes]

Unbreakable Bond

Fandom: Persona 5

Ann Takamaki Week 2020 » Day 5: Birthday

Word Count: 4704

Rating: G

Summary: Six months after Shiho's accident, Ann still could not forget the sight of her friend’s crippled form on the ground. All she wanted was for Shiho to be healthy again so they could have fun like they used to. On Ann's 17th birthday, Ren prepared a surprise for her.

Note: A belated happy birthday to Ann!!

Read on AO3.

~*~*~*~*~

Ann was reading a fashion magazine on her bed when her phone vibrated, beeping once. She reached for it, patting her bed and the sides of her pillow. Where was it? Her phone was nowhere to be found, so she looked up, and saw light shining from the top of the stackable cube shelves next to her bed. She grabbed her phone and checked the notification. One message. From Ren. The smile came unbidden as Ann unlocked her phone and clicked the message.

‘Happy birthday!’ it said, followed by party-face emojis and birthday stickers. The time stamp beside it read 12:02 AM. Her grin only grew as she struggled to keep her composure, rolling over to her back and holding her phone over her head.  

‘Why aren’t you asleep?’ she asked. 

‘Why aren’t you?’ 

Ann snorted a quiet laughter. Would it kill Ren to be honest sometimes and say he wanted to be the first to wish her a happy birthday? Not that she would admit she’d been waiting for his message either. 

‘What are you doing?’ he asked then.

Ann grinned. ‘Texting you.’

‘On your bed?’

‘Yep.’

There was a momentary pause before he said, ‘Do you have plans after school? Wanna go somewhere?’

There it was—the question she’d been waiting for. Ann had kept her afternoon open for this very reason. Her grin threatened to swallow her face whole as she typed, ‘Are you asking me on a date, Ren?’

Another pause. ‘Maybe.’ 

Cheeky. Ann laughed under her breath. ‘Alright.’

***

Ren’s invitation was the only thing occupying her mind the entire morning. She wondered where they would go. Sharing a parfait at a cute cafe would be nice. Or maybe they’d go to the movies? They could eat a fluffy cake at a pastry shop. What if, at the end of their date, Ren surprised her with a present? Not something huge, but something unexpected. And then he’d walk her home, his hand holding hers, and once they reached her porch, his eyes would bore into hers in that way that made her stomach twist and knot before he’d lean into the gentlest kiss he had ever given her. The thought already made her heart race and cheeks burn.

Her phone vibrated again inside her bag while she queued in front of the subway escalator. She had put it on silent after the incessant beeping on the train ride to school. Her friends had flooded their group chat with birthday wishes and promises to hang out. A birthday party at Leblanc after school, Ryuji had said. But Ann already had plans, and when she’d said so, Ryuji and Futaba had bombarded her with questions: what plans? With whom?

Ren was conveniently not on. Ann wondered if he was doing it on purpose. It wouldn’t be a stretch to think he was waiting for her somewhere at the station, smirking to himself as he watched their group chat notifications come in. 

When her phone vibrated again, Ann exhaled a quiet sigh and fished her phone from inside her bag. If Ryuji still spouted nonsense about how no one in their right mind would date a girl like Ann, she would give him a piece of her mind once she cornered him at school. However, it wasn’t Ryuji’s name that greeted her eyes. Ann’s eyes widened when she beheld the name displayed across her phone.

‘Happy birthday, Ann!’ Shiho said in her message. ‘Wish you all the best. Sorry we can’t celebrate together like we used to, but I’m sure Ren-kun has prepared something amazing for you. I’m still doing well on my rehab. The doctor said I’ve improved a lot. Not enough to do any sports yet, but I hope we’ll get to see each other soon.’

Her fingers twitched, and she clutched her phone tight. Shiho always wished her a happy birthday before school. Then Ann would find a cute little present hiding in her shoe locker or desk drawer. Shiho would throw her arms around her from behind with a beam spreading from ear to ear as she asked her where Ann wanted to go or what she wanted to eat. A part of her expected that to happen now, grinning with glee as she read the message, before she remembered that Shiho was no longer at her school.

‘Thanks, Shiho,’ she typed her reply, then her fingers wavered over the keys, her lips quirking up in quiet delight. If Shiho’s health had improved, the time they’d be able to hang out might be closer than she thought. She’d set to type something, anything—that’s amazing news, Shiho—when the image of Shiho’s crippled body on the ground flashed across her mind. 

It’s your fault.

She froze in her tracks, her hands on her phone becoming still.

“Hey.” The sudden hand on her shoulder made her jump. A figure stood beside her—a figure in her school uniform. Sunlight reflected off a pair of glasses as Ren peered into her eyes. But then his smile faltered at her lack of response. “You okay?”

“Huh?”

“You kind of spaced out.”

Ann blinked—once, twice. “Sorry, I was—” The rush of traffic on the other side of the sidewalk startled her. She looked back behind her shoulder and found the subway exit standing some thirty feet away. She glanced at her phone, then quickly typed her reply. She’d already sent it and stashed the phone back inside her bag before Ren could take a peek at it.

“Were you waiting for me?” Ann asked instead, adjusting her bag straps around her shoulder.

Ren’s gaze was searching, but when Ann said nothing, he didn’t press the subject. He nodded down the pavement toward their school. “Let’s go,” he said, his lips breaking into a small smile.

***

“It’s from Shiho,” Ann said later that day. On lunch break, she sat on her desk, leaning against the window while she ate the melonpan she’d bought at the cafeteria. The sweetness exploded in her mouth. Ren’s dark gray eyes flitted upward, meeting hers for only a moment. “The text message I received this morning. She wished me a happy birthday.”

“That’s nice.” Ren responded with a nod, taking a bit bite of his tuna-flavored rice ball.

Ann waited for more, but no other answer came. “That’s it?” she asked.

“What else?”

She didn’t know. Some kind of surprised reaction, maybe? Or asked how Shiho was doing?

“She’s your best friend,” Ren went on. “You try not to show it, but I know how much you miss her.” 

Ann pursed her lips into a thin line. She averted her gaze to her bread now held on her lap.

“How is she, though?” he added.

“Good, it seems, at least from her texts.” Amazing, in fact. Now she just needed to wait until the doctors let Shiho travel. Or, wait, she had a better idea. Ann turned around in her seat and fully faced Ren. “Do you think we should go see her?”

“What?”

“She’s been pestering me to visit, saying there’s a confectionery store with all manner of sweets near her school. She said they’re really good.” 

Ren chuckled. “Do you wanna meet her or do you wanna eat some sweets?” he said. Ann responded with one of her own, leaning back against the window.

“Do you remember when I told you about Shiho?” she asked. 

Her voice was quiet under the cacophony of her classmates’ gossips and talks. She hoped her voice reached no one but Ren. From the corner of her eyes, she could see she had his full attention. 

“We only met in middle school, but it always felt like I knew her my entire life. She was this weird girl, quiet. While everyone avoided me, she just... randomly struck a conversation with me, saying my painting sucked.” The memory prompted a wry grin spreading across her face. “My parents were always away, so my house was always empty. When Shiho learned about this, she started taking me to all sorts of places. Pastry shops. Bakeries. These cute accessory stores or just shopping for clothes. Sometimes, I go with her to visit some sports stores or help her practice before big games. I never missed her games...”

Ann trailed off. It seemed like it was just yesterday when they were perusing the stores in Shibuya’s underground mall. Shiho had never tasted the buffet’s chocolate fountain either. When Ann went to visit her, maybe she could bring Shiho a crepe from that stand in Central Street Shiho loved so much. The small pang in her heart returned, clenching a little tighter. 

After school, Ann refrained herself from pestering Ren to tell her where they were going. It was going to be a surprise, and she was content to let it stay that way. They rode the train to Shibuya and hopped off at the station. She half-expected Ren to lead her out and into Central Street, but they headed for the Keio Inokashira Line, where they boarded another train heading for Inokashira Park.

“We’re going to Inokashira Park?” Ann asked once they boarded the train and found an empty spot between a man in a suit and a woman carrying groceries.

“Yep,” he replied, but didn’t elaborate.

That was unexpected, though Ann wouldn’t say she minded going there. It had been a while, and strolling through the vast park under beautiful autumn leaves might be a great way to spend her birthday. 

The ride took 20 minutes, give or take. They descended from the train, then exited the station to a quiet residential area. The park lay only a short walk away. Over a stone bridge crossing the river, trees with gold and brown leaves lined the path on both sides. Ann breathed in the crisp afternoon air, cool against her lungs. She always loved it here. 

“So,” Ann said, turning around on her side and peering into his eyes. “What’s the plan?”

“Want me to tell you, or would you prefer it be a surprise?” He’d kept walking with hands in his pockets, his lips curving into the beginning of a smile.

Ann grinned. “Surprise me.”

Ren grinned back.

The first agenda of the day was a swan boat—one of the top tourist attractions of the park. Ren had apparently accompanied Yusuke on a ride once, where several people had thought them a couple. He had wanted to ride it with Ann after that. But when the rental place came into view, standing in the distance over the bank of the large pond, Ann ground her feet to a halt. Legend had it that the Goddess Benzaiten would curse any couple who rode the swan boat together. They would break up shortly thereafter. 

“You really want to ride the boat?” Ann asked.

Noticing she had stayed back, Ren paused on his steps, tilting his head in genuine inquiry. “Why?” he asked. Ann refused to say why, partly because it was a ludicrous legend, partly because she feared the legend might come true. Understanding dawned on his face when she said nothing, and Ren pulled his lips into a teasing grin. “What, you’re afraid of some superstition?”

There were valid reasons one should be afraid of it. What if something bad truly happened to them and they broke up? 

“If something bad truly happens and we break up,” Ren went on, “you can just blame the curse and forget all about me.”

Ann scoffed, feeling his reply was ridiculous enough to lighten her mood. “I could never forget you,” she said. Her answer brought a smile to his face, and Ren reached out to take her hand.

“That’s why I’m saying we should get on the boat and prove the legend wrong. Besides, would you really let some curse get between us?”

The answer was obvious as Ann felt her lips pulled into a quiet grin. He tugged her hand, then led her to the boat rental place.

It was her first time riding the boat too. It seemed fun, but she never had the chance to ride it. “Next time” had been her reason. If she thought about it now, there were no particular reasons behind it. Why? She could’ve ridden on it with Shiho if she wanted. Had Ann ingrained the curse so deep in her mind that she became incapacitated because of it? Because even without the bad luck, her life had already been a hell of its own. 

People had shunned her. Some had even bullied her. She’d tried not to let it get to her, but for a twelve- or thirteen-year-old, peer pressure had been enough to corner her and make her think of the worst. Should I dye my hair black and wear contact lenses? If I look like everyone else, people may start to like me. These thoughts had spiraled down in her mind with no signs of stopping. She was always alone; her parents were never home. She had no one to depend on—until Shiho, but even that light only lasted three years before she was taken away from her. 

Paddling the swan boat was harder than it looked. And with a difference in strength, it was hard to coordinate their movements. Ann would think their time in the metaverse had strengthened her muscles, but that did not seem like the case. 

“You don’t look like it, but you’re pretty strong, aren’t you?” Ann said, huffing and puffing her breath. 

Ren wasn’t entirely active in gym class either. He wasn’t the strongest nor the fastest. When the boys played soccer or basketball, he would always sit back. “I hate breaking a sweat,” he’d said once. Yet every time they were in the metaverse, he always looked like he was ready to show off. 

Ren chuckled under his breath. “I’ve been going to the gym. Morgana nagged me to strengthen my muscles.”

Figures. The cat was behind everything. She should follow his example and visit the gym more often. 

Wait—

“Where is Morgana?” Ann hadn’t seen him since morning. 

Ren’s smile was wry. “When I told him I’ll be going on a date with you, he turned around and flicked his tail at me.”

“Poor guy. You should buy him something. What about sushi?”

“I should buy you something.”

Ann clicked her tongue in irritation then stared him down, her eyes hard. “You never gave him those tuna sushi, right?” He never did, from all the way back in August—Ann knew. Ren quickly relented, averting his gaze and finding some interesting spot to observe on the water. “It won’t be the high-end sushi bar like in Ginza, but I’m sure there are some delicious ones around here.”

“Then,” he said, “we’re having sushi for dinner.”

***

Massive trees lined the pond on either side. In the spring, pink and white sakura petals decorated the trees in its transient beauty. Ann often sat on the benches, under the awning of the low-hanging branches and overlooking the pond. She imagined that rowing a boat in the middle of it would feel like traversing through a forest. The thick foliage obscured the view of passers-by and park-goers, making it seem like she was in a dreamscape or fantasy, where there was only herself and nature. 

That was what Ann felt now that she was sitting on a boat in the middle of the pond. But instead of sakura, the trees were now lined with gold and red and yellow with a dash of green here and there. They had stopped paddling, resting their legs. They’d gone quite far, their boat rocking between the gentle waves. Late sunlight dappled across the water surface. When a cool, crisp wind that brushed past her skin like a soft caress against her face, Ann watched the water rippling along with it. By the bank, leaves danced in the wind, swirling and dipping and soaring high until they flew out of sight. 

“Having fun?” Ren asked. Ann nodded, drawing a quiet, contented breath. She felt his smile more than she saw it, before he shifted his gaze away and said, “I heard you’ve been wanting to ride the boat.”

That caught her attention. She turned to him.

“Who did you hear it from?”

“Shiho.” The answer rolled easily off his tongue, as though it was apparent. If Ren were any other person, Ann would have thought he might have heard it in passing or from Shiho herself. But he barely knew Shiho—barely talked to her before the incident in April—so how could he have known? He didn’t give her a chance to ask before he glanced behind his shoulder and said, “The sun almost set.”

The far eastern sky had grown a deep blazing orange while the sun made its slow descent behind them, sending out the last of its rays before dipping under the horizon. Ann swallowed her question as she moved to paddle alongside Ren to turn the boat around. They’d gotten the hang of it, finding the perfect rhythm between his paddling and hers. They reached the rental space by the time the sun completely disappeared. 

Hand in hand, they headed for the gate leading toward Kichijoji. Various kinds of stores stood on both sides. From second-hand boutiques to chic cafes, furniture stores and handmade accessory stores. Ren’s focus had been on his phone for a while, typing one-handed as text message after text message came with each vibration and incoming beep. 

“Who’re you talking with?” Ann asked.

“Hm? Oh, Sojiro.” The slight pause had tugged her curiosity, but when he met her inquiring gaze, Ren only said, “He’s making sure I don’t go home too late.”

That was nice, Ann thought, to have someone to worry about when he would get home. She didn’t have anyone like that.

Ren messed with his phone for a while longer. When Ann peeked, she noticed the map open on his screen. ‘Sushi bar’ was the search item and several red dots had appeared. Ren clicked and unclicked each dot, reading the descriptions and the reviews left on it, until he finally decided on a place and led her to it. 

His phone beeped again. Another incoming message. Ann glanced at him right as Ren sent his reply. 

“Boss again?”

Sojiro didn’t seem like the type to worry so much. Hadn’t he let Ren out on nights? Ren’s ambiguous nod only fed her suspicion that he was hiding something. She opened her mouth then, about to say something, when they rounded a corner and a voice she hadn’t expected to hear reach her ear. 

“Ann.”

Ann froze. 

Soft and meek, it was a voice she hadn’t heard in person for months. The last time Ann heard it was when they brought her to the school rooftop before she moved away. Ann slowly turned around in search of the source, and there, some twenty feet ahead, was a person she hadn’t expected to see. Dressed in a navy-blue jacket and white cropped trousers, her black hair tied in its usual ponytail, Shiho’s features lit up by the smile blossoming across her face. She held her hand high above her head, waving at her excitedly.

“Aren’t you going to say hi?” Ren asked when Ann failed to react.

He was beaming, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Did he know? Did he plan this? Nonsense. Didn’t he know how far Shiho’s home now was? How had she even gotten to this place? On a school day, no less. Then there was her message that morning. Sorry we can’t celebrate together like we used to. Shiho wouldn’t have said that if she’d planned to come. She wasn’t the type to surprise Ann like this. But—

I’m sure Ren-kun has prepared something amazing for you.

Ann slowly shifted her attention to her still-beaming boyfriend, who was nodding his head toward Shiho as if trying to say, go on. Go to her. 

“Did you plan this?” Her voice was only above a whisper. 

He replied with a shrug and a knowing smile. Maybe he thought this was what she wanted, and maybe it was—she’d said so herself; she wanted to meet Shiho. But as Ann loosened her hold on Ren’s hand and all she wanted was to cross the distance and hug Shiho with all her might—because Shiho was here! She’d travelled all the way here!—Ann found herself hitting Ren’s arm instead. Again and again and again—hitting him with a fist as, one by one, tears rolled down her cheeks. 

Why did he bring Shiho here? Didn’t Ren know her friend was still in recovery? Didn’t he know she was still going to rehab every week? Ann knew, because Ann had been in touch with Shiho every other day. They’d texted each other and called each other. Ann knew everything that was going on in Shiho’s life as though she lived it herself. And Ann knew that every day was still a struggle, even though Shiho had said she could almost do everything by herself now. But almost was still not one hundred percent everything. Her physician praised her for improving so much in so little time, but they’d told her to not push her limit. And travelling was clearly pushing the limit. 

What if something bad happened to Shiho on the way? What if Shiho could never return to how she once was?

Arms wrapped around her. Shiho rested her cheek on Ann’s shoulder, warm tears seeping into her school blazer.

“I’m alright, Ann,” Shiho whispered to her ear, over and over like a mantra. “I’m safe.”

***

“I’ll leave you two to catch up,” Ren said before he disappeared from the bar. Ann watched him leave from their seat by the corner. They’d ordered several sushi sets, Ren promising to pay for everything. From his part-time jobs, he’d explained to Shiho. Though there was probably some truth to his words, Ann knew most of it came from their Palace pilfering. 

Silence descended, broken only when Shiho said, “Don’t blame him too much, Ann.”

Ann glanced at her friend before shifting her gaze to her hands. “I’m happy you’re here with me now, Shiho, but…” She shook her head. “Once we return, I’m going to give him a piece of my mind. How could he have thought of bringing you all the way back to Tokyo?” If their sushi had arrived, Ann imagined she would have taken out her irritation on them. It’s not that she disliked Shiho’s presence. Just that…

“I wanted to.” Shiho’s quiet reply drew Ann’s attention to her. “I want to celebrate your birthday with you. And more than anything, I wanted to show you how well I’ve gotten.” Her lips quirked into a small smile, brightening her features. “And it’s not like I went alone. Mom’s here somewhere.”

“Your mom?”

Shiho gave a self-deprecating chuckle. “I got an earful, though.”

“Serves you right! If you wanted us to meet, I could’ve gone to your place instead. In fact, we were just talking about that this afternoon.” 

“But that wouldn’t have been a surprise.”

A muscle twitched along Ann’s jaw as Shiho let out another light laugh. Ann clenched both of her hands on the table, gritting her teeth at her friend’s nonchalant attitude.

“Don’t overestimate your body, Shiho, please. Didn’t the doctor say you shouldn’t push yourself? You’re not your one hundred percent yet. What if something irreversibly bad happens? Yes, it’s great to hear your health has gotten better and I can’t wait to hang out with you again, but—”

Shiho’s crippled form flashed across her mind. Her throat closed up; tears sprang in her eyes as Ann furiously blinked them away. When she spoke next, she couldn’t hide the tremble in her voice: 

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” If Shiho’s rush to return to her full potential backfired, Ann didn’t know if she could forgive herself.

The server brought their sushi with three glasses of cold green tea. Ann averted her gaze, brushing at a stray tear as she took out her phone and mumbled something about telling Ren the food had arrived. However, before she could, Shiho’s hand encompassed hers. 

“Do you still blame yourself?” her friend asked.

Ann went still. “I don’t,” she said, even as her heart clenched tight and her breath caught in her throat. 

“It’s not your fault, Ann.”

She knew that. She thought she did. That was why Carmen woke up from inside her. But then there were moments when she lay in the dark, when thoughts she never knew she ever had kept her awake the entire night.

Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. You should’ve noticed the signs. You should’ve known she was suffering. Even if there had been nothing you could’ve done, you should’ve been there for her at the least. You’re her friend! Why had you let her feel so alone, so cornered, that the only consolation she could find was on the other side of the rooftop ledge?

Shiho pulled her into her arms, whispering soothing words to her ear. “It’s alright. It’s okay. I’m fine. It’s not your fault, Ann. It never was.”

The dam broke. Ann clutched onto Shiho’s back as tears she never realized she had held streamed down her face. 

***

Maybe it was an excuse—checking up on Shiho, or going to the sweets store near her school. All Ann ever wanted was to see her friend healthy again so they could have fun like they used to.

When Ren returned to his seat, Ann ended up giving him a piece of her mind. A little more nagging and scolding and refusing to speak with him for the rest of the day. Shiho joked that it must have been Benzaiten’s curse, at which Ren laughed and Ann frowned. 

“We’re not breaking up,” Ann said with certainty. 

Shiho and Ren looked at her in surprise, after which Shiho said to Ren, “You heard her, Ren-kun.” They snickered at Ann’s expanse. 

Shiho’s mother had gone to Kichijoji’s shopping arcade before she went to pick her daughter up at the sushi bar. Ann drew an internal sigh of relief when she saw no signs of vexations on her face as she greeted Ann with a smile. When the girls introduced Ren, however, there was a frozen stillness to her features that even made the unflappable Ren break out in sweats.

They waved her goodbye, but before they turned around the corner to wherever her mother parked her car, Shiho turned around once and shouted, “Come over sometimes, okay?” Shiho beamed, waving her hand high, then disappeared from view. 

“You heard her,” Ren said. She did.

Ren offered his hand, but Ann only spared it a glance before turning her back on him and heading down the opposite direction from Shiho. Ren fell into step beside her. 

“I’ll walk you home,” he said.

“No need.”

“Even so.”

Night had fallen. Lights flickered along the storefronts and windows. Conversations floated around as they walked in silence between passers-by in the shopping district. 

As they turned the corner and headed back toward the park, Ann murmured, “Thanks.” 

She’d acted strong—acted like she had accepted everything. That was never the case. A part of her—an insecure part of her—always came in the middle of the night to whisper despicable things about herself. Fake. Impostor. She only joined the Phantom Thieves because she felt guilty about Shiho. She’d sought to change the hearts of vile adults so no one would have to suffer like her again. It was true, but that was only half of the truth. In all honesty, Ann wanted to seek forgiveness. A redemption. If she accomplished many good deeds, maybe the Gods would hear her prayer and give Shiho her health back. 

As the park came into view, Ann felt Ren’s gaze on her. She still refused to meet it, but let her face break into a tiny crack of a smile. The twinge of pain in her heart gradually subsided, leaving her feeling liberated, as though a heavy weight had been lifted off her mind.

~ END ~

[lotusss-flowerbomb]

Insecure

Steve x reader

Summary: Steve is upset you’ve been spending so much time away from home and becomes very jealous of your coworker.

Warnings: Smut eventually, cursing, 18+

*********

PART 1

You walked into your house to see your fiancé sitting on the couch watching TV. 

“Hey, love,” you leaned down to kiss cheek and continued to the kitchen. 

You heard his footsteps following behind you as you walked over to open the fridge. You looked around the nearly empty box suddenly remembering you hadn’t had time to go grocery shopping this week. You closed it and turned on your heels towards him. The look on his face stopped you in your tracks as he leaned over the island.

“This is the third time this week you’ve come home late,” his jaw clenched.

“Wait, what?” You laughed, “are you serious right now?” The unwavering look in his eyes told you that he was absolutely serious. “Steve, you know I’ve been working on this project. My team has to nail this if I’m going to get that promotion.”

“I don’t understand why you keep this job. It’s not like you have to work.”

“You quit your job and I’ll quit mine,” you challenged him. A moment passed of absolute silence before you bit out, “I didn’t think so,” and walked away. 

You stomped up the stairs as he looked after you. Something more was going on, but he couldn’t exactly put his finger on it. Your phone buzzed on the counter and lit up with a text. He tapped his fingers and looked around for you before walking over to grab it. He’d hear you coming long before you reached the kitchen anyway. He unlocked your phone and opened the text.

Alex: Hey, just wanted to say thanks again. Looking forward to the next round even though I’m not sure if you could get any better. Lol 

Steve felt his blood start to boil. Who the fuck was Alex and what the fuck was he looking forward to? Another message came through interrupting his thoughts. He saw the dots at the bottom. A reply was being typed. You must’ve been on your iPad when the notification came through.

You: Haha! Thanks, but I can’t take all of the credit. You were more than amazing! These things always work best when partners have true chemistry. 

He couldn’t believe what he was reading, but he couldn’t peel his eyes away from the phone as another message was being typed.

Alex: Oh, and don’t forget about dinner at Morton’s tomorrow. Bring soldier boy along if you’d like. I’m sure he’s just dying to meet the person who has been stealing all of your time ;-).

You: I bet, but nah!!! Lol

Soldier boy? So this guy knew about him and the two of you made a game out of making fun of him behind his back? And your snarky reply just added fuel to his fire. Steve was fuming. He heard the soft patter of your feet coming back down the stairs. You’d changed into shorts and a t-shirt and had on your glasses. He’d think you looked so adorable if he wasn’t so angry.

“I ordered a pizza,” you said as you entered the kitchen. You noticed that Steve was practically still in the same spot you’d left him minutes ago. He was now even more upset than he was before you walked away. You walked over to the cabinet to get plates down. He was still staring at you. “What?” You quizzed. 

He tossed your phone on the counter, “Who is Alex?” You looked surprised. You hadn’t even noticed he was holding the phone. You angrily snatched it up.

“Did you go through my messages?” You scoffed in disbelief.

“Who is Alex?” He asked again. 

“I can’t believe you would violate my privacy!”

“You’ve been coming home later and later for the past few weeks. Always tired and claiming its work. Now you’re spending all of your time with this guy and going on dinner dates? Is this who you’ve been ‘working’ on your project with? Is the project even real or are you lying about that and using it as an excuse to whore around?”

“Wow, Steven, you’d better choose your next words very carefully. You don’t want me spending time with my coworker? You spend time with yours. As a matter of fact, there are times you’re gone for days at a time, alone, with a very attractive woman. Have I ever questioned you? NO! Because I trust you, so why can’t you trust me? Besides, Alex isn’t even a –"

He got closer and wrapped his hand around your arm yanking you into his chest. It stopped you mid sentence as your eyes sparked with shock. “You’d better not go to dinner with this guy tomorrow or I will rip his fucking head off of his shoulders,” he spoke through clenched teeth. You snatched away and slapped him hard across the face.

“Get. Out.” You demanded. 

Your heart slammed into your chest so hard you could barely breathe. You walked away and ascended the stairs slamming your bedroom door behind you once you reached the destination. 

Steve winced at the sound. He knew he’d messed up when he said you were whoring around, but he just had to take it a step further by grabbing you. The slap literally knocked the sense back into him. He heard the bedroom door open and seconds later something was tumbling down the stairs. It hit the wall with a hard thud and then came bouncing around the railing. It was his suitcase. Not long after his clothes came flying down with it. 

“Get your shit and LEAVE!” You screamed.

“This is my house,” he retorted.

“I don’t give a FUCK!” You snatched your ring off and threw it down with everything else and slammed the door behind you again. The shining stone and rose gold band stuck out among his belongings. He scooped it and looked at it. What had he done? He had to fix this. The doorbell sounded and Steve paid for the pizza, sat it in the kitchen and headed back to the front door. He didn’t bother getting his clothes. He just stepped over the suitcase and left. 

*********

You applied a coat of lipstick before heading inside of the restaurant. Steve watched you from the building across the street. He couldn’t believe you actually showed up to have dinner with this guy. You looked so perfect in the black knit dress you were wearing. The black sky high pumps he could never figure out how you could walk in looked good enough to fuck you in. He watched as you disappeared into a private room with the host.

He felt his anger begin to arise. He stayed put for a while, so he could calm down. No matter how much he wanted to gut the guy, he knew that he couldn’t. At least not with so many witnesses around. The anger quickly turned to hurt. He loved you and didn’t know what he’d done to make you cheat on him. Of course you complained about the dangers of missions and you worried about him, but he thought you understood his work and why he did it. He moved from his spot in the shadows. He’d asked you to be his wife and he was not about to let some punk just take you away. Not without a fight. 

Your phone started vibrating from your purse. You reached in and looked at the called ID. A picture of you and Steve shone bright on the screen. You hit ignore. He called again. After the third call you powered it off and dropped it back in your purse.

“Everything alright?” Alex asked.

“Mmm hmm,” you hummed and picked up your glass to sip. “So anyway, as I was saying –”

The door to the room opened and in walked Steve. He was dressed in a white t-shirt that showed every muscle in his chest, jeans and a leather jacket. He looked absolutely delicious, but way under dressed to be in a place with such a strict dress code. Of course they let him, he’s Captain fucking America. You rolled your eyes. 

“Steve, what are you doing here?” He looked down at your ringless left hand. You noticed his gaze and quickly moved your hand to your lap. 

“I called you,” he said.

“Yeah, and as you can see, I’m in the middle of something,” your eyes darted across the table.

“Oh, I’m sorry, where are my manners? I’m Steve,” he stuck his hand out for a shake.

“Hello, nice to finally meet you, I’m Alexandra. My friends call me Alex.” She smiled up at him.

Steve’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He looked back at you, your head was tilted to the side and your arms were folded across your chest. If his face was glass, it would be shattered into billions of pieces. He really was a jerk. 

“Captain Rogers –” Alex began.

“Oh, no please, call me Steve,” he insisted.

“Okay, well, Steve, would you like to join us?” She asked.

“No, I’m sure he has something else to do. We’re working. I’ll call you later,” you said to him.

“Okay,” he nodded. He leaned down to kiss you, but you turned your head a little and he caught your cheek instead of your lips. He told you he loved you and turned to Alex to say goodbye before making his exit.

“Wanna tell me what that was about?” She lifted a brow.

“He thought you were a man.”

“What?” She laughed.

“Yeah, he assumed because your name was Alex in my contacts, that you were a man.”

“Wow, even Captain America, a man who looks like that and can do what he does, can be insecure. Who knew?” She lifted her glass again.

You finished your dinner meeting with Alex. She told you to put your ring back on and not to throw away everything the two of you have built over this. After having a little bit of a heart to heart with your friend, you made your way home. You were half expecting Steve to be at the house when you arrived, but you didn’t see his car. You were relieved. You stepped inside and headed up to your room to undress. You cleaned up for the night feeling much more relaxed and headed to bed. Flipping on the bedside lamp you saw your ring box and a single rose. He’d come in while you were in the bathroom. You went to the stairs to see if he’d gotten his clothes. They were still there. You pushed the box and the flower to the other side of the bed and climbed in. Eventually drifting off into a restless sleep.

[oforamuse]

unexpected thanks

'you've got a ring.'

or, the one where ian bumps into kash and gets to break the news that he and mickey are married.

read & comment on ao3

Ian walks slowly down the fresh vegetable aisle, crossing off the mental list in his head of things  he needs to get for the recipe Mickey’s insisting on making. He’s gotten really into cooking cooking recently, not just throwing something in the microwave and hitting 30 seconds kind of cooking. 

It’s pretty hot, actually. 

Often Ian will come home from work and the kitchen will be filled with all sorts of smells, some good and some terrible - Mickey’s still learning. There’s been a few burnt dinners and a couple of small pan fires, but nothing too overly drastic. Whenever a recipe fails, or Mickey doesn’t seem completely satisfied in his success, he gets up and tries the same one again. Point blank, in his stubborn way, refusing to be beaten by a page and a half of instructions. Ian can help but find it incredibly endearing. He didn’t think he’d ever see the day Mickey made him something that wasn’t pizza pockets or mac and cheese from a box, so he’s relishing in it. 

Perhaps marriage really does change people. 

It’s been just over three months since they got married and though Ian sometimes still struggles with the girth of it all, he doesn’t regret it one bit. He’s stopped looking up divorce statistics and searching for a reason for everything to all fall to shit, so that’s a definite step up. He’s taking it day by day but it’s good. He’s happier these days too, everyone’s noticed it, he’s noticed it. He feels lighter, things roll off of his back more - the same goes for Mickey too. They’ve barely even bickered in the last few weeks, which is so incredibly unlike them, they can’t quite believe it. 

Is this what it feels like to finally have time? Time to be a couple, time to be codependent and independent all in the same moment, time to actually exist as a them and not be broken apart by homophobic dads, or mental illness, or incarceration? 

Having the space and the freedom to actually co-exist with one another without something hanging over their heads is a foreign concept to both of them, but Ian thinks they’re kind of nailing the whole marital bliss thing. They wake up together, often wrapped around one another, safe and warm. They go to their separate (parole approved) jobs, Ian often driving and dropping Mickey off - sometimes the other way round depending on their afternoon plans. There’s kisses on the cheek in greetings and goodbyes, ass grabs in passing and arms locked around shoulders. They’ve been holding hands more a lot, unable to pull themselves apart when they literally don’t have to be, craving each other’s touch and comfort almost every second of the day. 

It’s everything 16 year old Ian could’ve dreamed of and more. 

Ian’s fingers brush over the sweet peppers, wondering whether Mickey wanted red or green - or was it yellow? He doesn’t know what Mickey's making for them later, only that he needed to get the ingredients right now as Mickey didn’t have time between work and the quickie they managed to squeeze in before they had to run out of the door. It’s Ian’s day off, he figured he’d treat his husband to a little domestic run to the supermarket. He’s about to pull out his phone to text Mickey to check, God forbid he buys the wrong type of peppers, when he hears his name being called. 

‘Ian?’ 

His head shoots up towards the voice, it’s familiar. 

‘Ian is that you? Ian Gallagher?’ 

Well, count that on the list of things that Ian didn’t expect to happen today. 

Kash is standing in the same aisle, just a few feet over from him. He looks older, much older than Ian can remember him. His hair has a minor smattering of grey, but nothing hugely noticeable. His eyes are tired, and there’s a couple more wrinkles than there was before, but other that, he looks mostly the same. 

Their obvious difference in age makes Ian’s skin crawl, like tiny little ants making their way up his bones and into his veins. He shudders, unable to believe he let 16 year old him be used by this absolute tool. 

‘Kash...Hi.’ Ian says, caught completely off guard. It comes out awkwardly, his discomfort horribly evident in his voice. Kash’s face shifts slightly, making Ian cringe. 

‘How are you- what’s it been like, 6 or 7 years?’ Kash continues, his hands adjusting his grip the shopping basket he’s carrying. 

‘Probably more like 8.’ Ian replies and it feels forced. There’s an awful beat of silence where neither man knows where to approach next. Ian just wants to get his peppers and move onto the beans aisle, what the fuck is Kash going to want to talk about next, the weather? His phone buzzes, he pulls it out of his pocket to check the notification, happily taking a moment for a distraction. Kash makes a noise of surprise at the movement and Ian looks up questioningly. He can feel the light scowl on his face - it’s nothing too seriously pissed off, but there’s definitely an air of bother about it. 

‘You’ve got a ring.’ Kash says, gripping his basket with one hand so he can bring one up to point the other at Ian’s left side. ‘You’re married?’ 

The wedding band suddenly feels incredibly heavy on his finger - it’s a good weight though, it’s grounding. He can feel the corners of his mouth twist up into a soft smile, it’s comforting, knowing that he has that little piece of Mickey with him wherever he goes. 

He still hasn’t gotten the hang of remembering to put it back on every time he does the dishes or something, much to Mickey’s chagrin, but he’s working on it. 

More importantly though, he’s wearing it right now. 

‘Yeah I am.’ Ian replies, it’s proud and firm. His thumb rubs lightly over the band. 

‘Wow.’ Kash says with both the tone of somewhat surprise and disbelief. He steps forward ever so slightly, and Ian moves back an inch automatically, keeping the distance. ‘The last time I saw you, you were hooking up with...was it Mickey Milkovich?- God knows where that kid ended up.’ There’s a beat, ‘Prison, hopefully.’ He adds. 

It’s biting and dismissive - Ian knows it’s supposed to be a light joke, but it makes his fists curl protectively. He knows he can’t entirely blame Kash for thinking Mickey wouldn’t amount to much, given the fact the kid spent most of his juvenile years robbing him openly (and completely unapologetically), but it makes his jaw clench tightly. Mickey, is and always was, so much more than a neighbourhood thug. 

So much more. 

Keep it together, he tells himself. He breathes, allowing the tension to roll off his shoulders and down into the floor. 

‘Who’s the lucky guy?’ Kash asks, it’s weird and kind of gross. Being around him, so many years later and being much more clear headed, makes him feel slightly sick in his stomach. ‘Someone I know?’ 

This makes Ian smirk slightly, ‘You could say that.’ 

This is going to be fun. 

‘Who?’ Kash says, his eyes narrowing suspiciously, it’s a stark contrast to the friendly attitude he’s been trying to throw off. 

‘I guess I, well we, should say thank you.’ Ian says, shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to come off as cool and casual as possible, ‘we would’ve never met without your...er, help.’ 

Was that the right word to use? He doesn’t really care, it’s hilarious to watch Kash squirm. He watches the gears working in his head as the older man puts two and two together. He’s surprised at how easily Kash clocks on, only taking a moment before his eyes widen in shock. 

‘You’re kidding me.’ Kash says, his jaw practically falling out of it’s socket with how dramatically it drops. It hangs there for a second, and Ian just grins. Kash adjusts himself, gulping. ‘You’re married... to Mickey Milkovich?’ He says Mickey’s name with a whisper, ducking his head slightly, as if to avoid being heard. 

‘The very same.’ Ian states smoothly, holding Kash’s gaze firmly, daring the older man to make a judgement. 

You’re not allowed to say shit, he thinks, you are literally the last person on earth who is allowed to judge anyone over who they marry. 

He hopes to fucking God there’s hasn’t been anymore 16 year olds, he hopes he got himself some therapy. What is he even doing back in Chicago? 

‘I don’t know what to say.’ Kash adds after a moment, the air between them stilted and awkward. Ian wants to leave, groceries be damned, but he knows Mickey would probably kill him to let his opportunity slip. He always did love to gloat right in Kash’s face, whether it be over a tube of pringles he stole, a snickers bar or Ian himself. 

‘Don’t say anything then.’ Ian says curtly, it comes off ruder than he intended but he doesn’t really care. 

‘Really? Mickey?’ Kash asks unpleasantly, and Ian doesn’t like the way Mickey’s name sounds in his voice. Like it’s dirty, and imperfect. 

‘Yeah.’ Ian says firmly, the tension palpable, ‘We’re really fuckin’ happy. Big wedding and everything.’ He waves his hand out in an exaggerated gesture, hoping to help hammer the point home. He’s happy, he’s so happy, he’s happier than he’s ever been for literal years. Fuck this guy, fuck his judgement. 

‘Didn’t expect that.’ Kash says, it’s quiet but comes out clear. His brows furrow together, the aged wrinkles on his forehead deepen. ‘Honestly, I’m just surprised he didn’t end up locked up-’ He stops himself, ‘And you…’

There it is again - there’s that age old judgement glinting in his eye. Or is it discomfort? Longing?

It’s an echo of something familiar, it’s a look he was thrown back in the day when he restocked the shelves incorrectly or when he would brush Kash’s prying hands off nearer the end of Their Thing when Mickey fell into the picture.

‘Thanks for letting Mickey steal your gun.’ Ian says cooly, hoping it lands as the jab he intended it to be, which it does, if he can tell anything by the way Kash flinches.

He grabs the closest pepper, Mickey’s pedantic need to follow a recipe perfectly be damned, and shoves it in his basket. Kash stands there awkwardly, dumbfounded. 

‘Would you mind? I need an onion.’ He says, holding his voice steady. Kash doesn’t reply, just standing and staring at him somewhat blankly. Ian points to the shelf full of onions Kash is blocking easy access to. He doesn’t move, his mouth gaping slightly as he, Ian assumes, searches for something to say. Ian shrugs, and leaning around him, grabbing a yellow onion and shoving it in his basket. 

‘Hope you figured your shit out.’ He adds and that’s it, that’s all he’s going to give him. He’s not going to wish him well or say he hopes he found true love or some shit. He might’ve done when he was a kid, but not anymore, not when he could never even dream of touching a kid the way Kash did. He turns and walks confidently down the aisle, away from Kash, away from the mistakes he made as a dumb 16 year old, away from the weird and fucked up in so many ways life he used to lead. It’s weird, when he was a kid he truly believed it was him against the world - especially growing up in such a volatile lifestyle like the South Side. He wishes someone had told him properly that there’s always support if he knew where to look for it...or well, in Ian’s case, if you go to steal back a stolen gun and come back with a boyfriend, husband, instead. 

Not that it happened that easily, he’s not kidding himself. 

As he scans the beans a few moments later, he makes a silent vow to never let his and Mickey’s future kid - because it’s happening, no matter how many times Mickey scoffs at the suggestion - ever feel like they have to go to a strange middle aged man for comfort.

Or anyone else for that matter. They’re gonna be such fucking good parents. 

The thought about their future is warm and sits happily in his stomach, bubbling away lightly. He doesn’t feel too thrown off from seeing Kash, the pent up tension slowly ebbing away as he allows himself to relish for a moment on his and Mickey’s future. A future they finally get to have, think about and plan. It’s finally in arms reach and they are going to achieve absolutely everything that they want to from now on. Jobs, kids, money? A house of their own? Cats, dogs, and maybe even a goddamn Hamster. 

It doesn’t matter, they’re gonna do it all. 

So yeah, Kash, thanks for that.

[creednight]

No Place Like Home

I’ve finally figured out the plot for the rest of this, so hopefully it won’t be as dead. Cheap ending, but I think y’all deserve the fluff. As usual, I appreciate everyone’s patience, I am determined to finish this. This is Chapter 12. Chapter 11 is here.

The sound of thunder jerks (Y/N) out of her sleep the next morning. You lean up to peek out from your curtains to find some dark clouds circling overhead and fall back on your pillow with a sigh. 

    “How was yesterday so nice, but today so shitty?” you groan to yourself.

    Your body feels like Jell-o from the fun of yesterday at the beach, you love the warm feeling of being out in the sun all day. Especially the next day. 

    The house is oddly quiet, you glance at your clock to see it’s ten in the morning, a time when Arno and Ezio are stumbling from their rooms to get some breakfast. Evie is usually up early, dragging Jacob with her, to do whatever it is they do in the morning while Connor eats his breakfast and stays in his room to do whatever it is he does. 

    Did you make breakfast already? You text Connor, already knowing the answer. 

    Yes, want me to make you some? His reply comes through a minute later. 

    You smile at his kindness. Nah, I bet you’re busy. I’ve got a plan B. You send that to him and then open up a new text for Jacob. I’m not feeling too well :( Do you mind bringing up some water and breakfast for me?

    If anything, he and Evie are in the kitchen talking as they do in the morning, and since he hides food in the weirdest places (a fact you found out by accident) it’ll be worth the flirting. 

    “Oh, (Y/N)!” 

    Sure enough, after some rustling downstairs, you laugh to yourself at the sing song in his voice. His loud steps stop outside your door where he knocks generously and pops it open with ceremony. He crosses the room in a few steps, marveling at you as you sit up and stretch. 

    “I brought you a glass of water,” he sets it on the bedside table before showing you the plate of food he brought. “Evie made breakfast, so if it’s shite it’s her fault. It’s a veggie omelette, toast, and some fruit. From me,” he winks and pulls out a bag of snacks from his coat, “Some chips and chocolate.”

    “Thank you,” you smile at him, accepting the plate and bag from his hands. “You’re the best.”

    “Of course I am,” he smirks, his chest puffing out a bit. “If you need anything else, I’m afraid you’ll have to ask Connor. Evie and I have business elsewhere and the other two oafs are running errands.”

    You pout. “I don’t get to see my twins today?”

    “Chin up, love,” he rubs his finger under your chin. “You still have five days of break left, you’ll get your Frye time.”

    The twins head out, leaving you to finish eating on your own until Connor comes lumbering down the stairs. You check your watch and frown. “Hungover?”

    He pauses in opening the fridge to regard you with a confused frown. When you gesture to the time, he snickers. “I am allowed to sleep in, (Y/N).”

    “Well, yes, but still,” you muse watching as he prepares his own breakfast. “So. It’s you and I today.”

    “So it is,” he nods, whipping eggs together. “I have nothing planned for your break aside from yesterday.”

    “I remember you said that,” you finish off your breakfast and set the dishes in the sink. “Wanna go to the farmer’s market? There’s good food there.”

    “Yeah, I have an errand to run still, so I’ll text you when I’m coming back,” he grins.

    “What kind of errand?” you round the counter to watch him. You watch as his body tenses up and he averts his gaze. 

    “Gotta drop off some woodwork for a friend,” he shrugs. “Shouldn’t take more than two hours.”

    “Oh, okay.”

    You leave him be then, heading up the steps to take a shower and possibly text Stella to see how her vacation’s going. You make a mental note about Connor’s reaction to think about as break goes on. Weird things have happened since you moved in and you would be a fool to ignore it or claim otherwise. 

    When Connor leaves, you get a head start on assignments given to you at the last minute and get your study guides together in prep for the quizzes when break is over. You find yourself wanting time to move faster so you can see Connor again and try to convince yourself it’s because he’s your best friend. 

After all, you feel the same when the others in the house are going to spend time with you. So you ignore that bubbly feeling and focus on your work until you hear a horn beep outside. 

“Shit,” you realize you missed the notification on your phone from Connor and hurry to get dressed in something comfy to wear in the spring heat. 

In minutes, you’re ready and bounding down the steps with your bag in tow and sandals fastened. Connor’s playing chill music as you get in, he greets you with a grin and a smoothie from the place you like in town. It warms your heart to see him pass it to you, a shy smile on his face when yours lights up like the sky midday when you see it. 

“Thank you,” you hum in appreciation, taking a sip. “My favorite.”

“Good,” he smiles, backing out of the driveway. “What’s on our shopping list?”

“Mmm. I just brought the bag in case we saw something we wanted,” you shrug, watching as houses go by. “How was errands?”

“It went well,” he replies easily. “The afternoon market is different than the morning crew, right?”

You make an affirmative sound while sipping your smoothie. 

Not as busy as the morning market, you and Connor find yourselves lost in the booths, trying on the handmade jewelry and clothing, taste testing some jams, jellies, and fruits in season. It’s a grand time for the both of you. No pressure from outside forces or forced intimate encounters as you peruse the items on sale. 

While you’re looking, though, you can’t help but feel as though Connor is more of a bodyguard as time goes on. He glances this way and that, as if someone is going to pop out of nowhere and do something. Given your past encounters with Blighters, you half expect it to. 

So when a hand grabs and pulls you away from the path, you are ready. Grabbing Connor and clinging to him for life until the voice coming from behind you lets out a familiar laugh.

“Damn, can’t surprise this one, yeah?” Edward scoffs when Connor wraps an arm around your waist, his hand ready to break the other man’s arm. “No worries, son. I was just having a laugh.”

Connor lets out a disgruntled sound. “You couldn’t think of anything less dramatic?”

“Mmm, no,” Edward releases you and grins. You hate how handsome it looks. “How are ya, lass?”

“I’m better knowing it was you grabbing me,” you straight your clothes, holding onto Connor’s arm for a moment longer before letting go and patting it. He takes a step away, his eyes no longer scanning the crowd. “Did you know he was following us?”

“I could tell someone was, but he was far away enough I couldn’t see who,” Connor crosses his arms. “Where’s Ade?”

“Getting some ice cream,” the blonde jerks a thumb back towards a booth selling homemade ice cream. “Join us?”

Connor looks to you for an answer, when you nod, he smiles and gestures for you to go ahead and lead the way. 

“Uptight, isn’t he?” Edward nudges you with his arm, offering it for you to take. “Like having a guard dog.”

“He’s been like this all day,” you giggle, accepting his arm. 

Edward laughs. “Gets it from his parents. Both so serious, blink and you’ll miss the jokes they have.”

“Interesting,” you sneak a look back to see Connor gazing in a different direction, but with the slightest smile on his face. “So, you’ve known him a long time?”

“Yes, lass. It’s why he calls me Grandpa,” Edward grins. “Though, I don’t look like one much.”

I’ll say, you think to yourself. Edward’s a handsome man, and you would be a fool to not admit the attraction you felt when his blue eyes roamed your face. But it was something you would never pursue...

You don’t get long to dwell on it when Ade comes up, enjoying some ice cream and looking like a kid in a candy shop. Edward and Connor go off to get some bowls for you and themselves. Leaving you to listen to stories of the old days with Edward on the sea. They work as fishermen with their own crew and boat and the sights they’ve seen, well, you are glued to your seat. 

“Don’t bore her with that now,” Edward interrupts a little while later, two bowls in hand. He slides one to you as he takes a seat next to his old friend. “We have to tell her baby stories of Ratonhnhaketon.”

“No, you don’t,” Connor replies as if turning away an extra topping. 

“Yes, please,” you laugh and watch as Connor grumbles and pouts next to you. “Was he a chubby baby?”

“Like a cannoli,” Edward laughs. 

You nearly choke on your ice cream, coughing to get some air and laughing at the thought of a baby Connor being as chubby as a cannoli. The young man groans, dropping his head in his hands as Edward goes to describe Connor’s early life. 

It’s a fun time and it flies by just as quick. The park clears up of booths and people until it’s just them at their table, ice cream bowls set aside, and the two older men in the midst of a harrowing story from the sea. You’re watching with all your attention, your eyes big and mouth agape just a bit. Connor eyes you, a smile growing on his face at how cute you are.

“But we lived,” Edward shrugs as though they shouldn’t have. 

“I’m shocked,” you snort. “How do you guys still have jobs?”

Edward gathers the garbage and winks at her. “Gotta take risks nowadays.”     “It’s because I get us out of trouble with people,” Adewale snickers. “This man may get us into shit, but I get us out.”

“Now that’s not true,” Edward argues with a grin. 

“True enough,” Ade laughs. He claps his hands and stands. “But, that’s enough listening to old men. You two should get going, it’s getting late.”

“We will,” Connor yawns, standing up to stretch. “Thanks for the ice cream, Grandpa.”

“Anytime, lad,” Edward grins at them. 

You and Connor take your leave, he opens the door for you and shuts it once you’re settled in. When you guys get home, Connor helps you put the groceries you bought away and sets up the TV for a movie night. You grab some snacks and cuddle into his side, grateful to have a relaxing day as opposed to the hectic one yesterday. Your head lolls onto his shoulder as the movie goes on, his scent and warmth lulling you into a sweet sleep. 

Connor relishes the feel of you next to him, he even adjusts so you fall in the crook of his arm. It’s no surprise you fell asleep, being at home relaxes you so much and he knows being close to him makes you feel safe. It makes his chest swell with pride to see you comfortable around him. But his mission today is a reminder he has been getting too close for comfort. 

The thought sours his mood. He pauses the movie, a Disney movie, and picks you up in his arms with ease. His steps remain quiet as he brings you to your room and sets you down on your bed, just like he did the day before, and leans over to kiss your cheek again. It makes a smile form on his face and he feels like... hmm. He thinks about it at the top of the stairs. What do you make him feel like? A fool. A child.

As he cleans up the living room he smiles to himself knowing that it’s not that bad to be attached to you. For now.

[rvwchck]

tweet at first sight

It was one tweet. Not even all 280 characters. Just the simple phrase “I feel like @jamiethebee would be down to egg a house for his fans. just saying”.

I didn’t have more than 500 followers on Twitter, and those included only people from my school. It wasn’t even a fan account, nor was it even remotely related with Jamie Lee Oliver. 

So naturally, when I saw his username in my DMs, my stomach almost fell out of my ass. Keyword being almost.

I screamed, and I did it loud. Thankfully, I was alone in my apartment, because having my roommate witness my prepubescent stunt would have been enough for me to move out. Which sounds serious when it comes from a college graduate living in Southern California.

8:06 AM

@jamiethebee: pick your poison.

tap to download attachment.

He had sent me a picture from the egg section in what appeared to be Walmart. I decided it was better not to answer, considering I was late for what seemed to be the millionth job interview of the week. Nobody said life after graduation would be so hard. Especially after enduring the hell that is living in a dorm the size of a shoebox. 

Looking at my appearance in the mirror confirmed that I would not, in fact, get hired today. It may have to do with the fact that between my now coffee-stained shirt and red pants along with my rusty red hair made me look like a war zone. Or a used tampon. Or both. 

Clearly L’Oreal Colorista was not the best hair dye in the market. 

I glanced down at my phone, partly wondering if I had any new texts from Leo—or as I liked to call him after that cheating incident, Satan—and partly to see if any other celebrities had graced my inbox. None of those scenarios had happened, and I was now 10 minutes late. 

Just when I was rushing out of the door, my roommate opened the door with a slam and proceeded to face plant onto the couch. 

Well, I thought, at least I’m not in med school. 

***

I somehow managed to miss the train and the bus. All in a 15 minute span. Which meant I was 25 minutes late for the interview. It would be a miracle if I even got to announce my name, or hand in my resume.

My hair was completely disheveled and one of my shoes had come off in the middle of the street, meaning my pizza socks were on full display once I arrived to the building of Pyramid Publishing. The receptionist directed me to the 16th floor, where everything was white, or really pale beige. 

I sat on one of the couches ,well, rested my back for half a second before I was interrupted. 

“Lisa Martin? Sorry for the long wait, we had some issues with the air conditioning” A tall secretary poked her head from one of the offices in the waiting area.

I was not a true believer, but God had just done me a solid.

11:30 AM

@jamiethebee: so you discover a 

dark truth about me and then you 

leave me on read?

@jamiethebee: wow, RUDE. 

I hid my phone in my purse, my heart beating at an alarming rate against my chest. I was still having a hard time believing the Jamie Lee Oliver had slid into my DMs and went to the produce section of the grocery store for me. The fact that he had the audacity to call me out was also making my brain go haywire trying to come up with a decent answer.

All while struggling to pay attention to the code of ethics of the company. Because yes, I had just gotten hired to be an editor for Pyramid Publishing. 

“The idea Miss Martin, is for you to have a week to get to know the office and the way things work around here before you fully immerse in what is a typical schedule of an editor in Pyramid Publishing” The man, Gregory Truman, had a smooth voice and gave off an aura of authority, partly because of the way he was seated, and partly because his secretary seemed to be in awe every time he opened his mouth to speak.  

I nodded along completely distracted, smiling every once in a while to show that I was happy for the opportunity I had just been given. After four years of majoring in English and getting tired of hearing that it would be impossible to find any job, I had just landed the job of my dreams.  Which sounds amazing, but it really consists of earning enough to cover my part of the rent and to afford one or two nights out every once in a while. 

After agreeing to come back tomorrow morning to start my briefings, I left the building and headed for the bus station. I was about to acknowledge my Twitter notifications, which seemed to be glaring at me, when my roommate called.

To any person this would come across as normal behaviour, however when you live with a med school student who lives and breathes for their career, you get used to not hearing from them for days at a time. No news, good news right?.

“What’s up buttercup?” I answered cheerfully nonetheless. Amanda tends to be overly dramatic and extremely analytic of phone and text conversations. She has flipped out on me for answering the phone with a simple ‘hey’, claiming that she thought I was mad at her and didn’t want to live with her anymore because she forgets to hang her towels. Her words, not mine.

“Yeah, yeah, no time for greetings. Listen the curry exploded all over the kitchen” I was once again, rendered speechless. 

Amanda comes from an Indian family that loves to travel and above all, loves to eat. Her recipe book is overflowing and constantly getting thicker. However, her skills are not getting any better. Last week she managed to turn the butter on fire while attempting to melt it in the microwave. Who knows how she managed to do that.

“Okay so there’s no need for me to buy more oils for the diffuser, is that what you’re saying?” I would have worried if it was another person, but Amanda tends to worry a little too much over everything and I don’t want her to beat herself up anymore over this.

“No Lisa I’m serious like I don’t even know where to start cleaning and I’ve probably ruined the kitchen and we won’t be able to repare it and I just know that you’ll want to move out because of this and—“

“Okay this is what you’ll do. You’re going to go to the wine cabinet and open a bottle of rose, you know the one you like, and you’re going to calm down and then start cleaning. First the floor so you don’t keep making a bigger mess, then the counters and so on. Mandy, seriously its not the end of the world, did you at least get to have lunch?” I heard a grunt, then a sigh. Not good.

“Obviously not Lisa, I’m on call tonight apparently. I don’t even understand what they want me there for since I just worked the morning shift two days in a row and I’m not even a real doctor yet. Like what the fuck? This is abuse” 

“Okay babe, see you at home!” I hung up with a smile on my face, determined to make something out of today other than cleaning curry with Amanda. So I opened Twitter. 

12:21 PM

@misalartin: pity, i only shop organic. 

@misalartin: excessive hormones,

you know?

Not even thirty minutes had passed when he replied.

12:43 PM

@jamiethebee: so tell me when 

and where.

tap to download attachment.

It was then I realized I had not stopped internally screaming since 8 am, because it was the only way to explain how I had not fainted yet. 

Jamie Lee Oliver had been my celebrity crush ever since I knew how to turn the tv on. He had started out as a child star in my favorite tv show Morgan’s Backyard, and then had gotten into more serious stuff like action movies, playing superheroes and whatnot. Once I grew out of children’s tv, I stopped following him as an actor although his Instagram and Twitter were a true gift for my feed. He was beautiful, with dark brown hair and equally dark skin that made his pearly smile stand out beyond anything else. His chocolate eyes blended perfectly well with the rest of his complexion, which made him seem really inviting in the way his eyes disappeared almost completely when he smiled, almost like he wanted everyone to have fun along with him.

Doubt started to creep in and was slowly consuming me. I knew exactly what I had tweeted, but it was exactly that, just a tweet. I never imagined he would even see it, much less acknowledge it. Besides, I didn’t know if it was the smartest idea. I mean Leo had cheated on me, and in my old apartment when I was supposed to be in one of my classes. So I got home early because I was in the mood to skip and that’s when I found him. On my bed, on top of a freshman rushing for the sorority I belonged to. Even in that moment, I was not a confrontational person and I absolutely hated violence. But he had also shattered my trust completely and disregarded our relationship. 

In hopes of being more proactive and doing the right thing, I replied.

12:48 PM

@misalartin: alright, BJ’s

in Forest ave 

@misalartin: say 6?

12:49 PM

@jamiethebee: it’s a date then. 

***

My hair was resembling a mood stone. In weak attempts of making my hair even, it had turned a beautiful brick orange. Adding the smell that undoubtedly clung to my clothes, I was now the personification of a plate of curry. 

All of that didn’t matter once I got to BJ’s and saw a tall figure leaning on one of the walls outside. He had disguised himself extremely well, with a black hat that cast a big enough shadow to hide his face. Which I was thankful for, because the clothes he was wearing would not help him blend into the crowd. With a pair of checkered pants and a teal coloured shirt which made it clear he had missed the class on “How to dress up for a spy mission™”. 

Taking a deep breath to calm myself down, I forced my feet to move towards him. 

“Well one of us clearly misunderstood the mission” I said jokingly when I reached him. 

He looked up from his phone and I managed to keep my cool. Not because I could, but because the sun was glaring right on my face, which made it impossible for me to see practically anything. My knees almost gave away when I covered the sun with my hand. It took every ounce of willpower for me not to jump and squeal like a crazy 12 year old girl, he was really here in front of me looking all perfect and ready for a fashion show. Contrary to myself, which looked ready to sleep in a homeless shelter. My black sweatpants and hoodie clashed completely with him and you could immediately tell we were opposites when it came to the lives we had. 

“Lisa, right?” Jamie’s voice was deep and almost a whisper, which made a chill run through my body like electricity. It made me want to hear him speak forever, not caring about the topic he chose.

“Yeah. Um, do you really want to do the egg thing?” I couldn’t stop the words from escaping my mouth once I saw he had not one, but two boxes of 12 eggs. 

His laugh was like a song that I wanted to listen to in replay non stop until I couldn’t stand it. And then he did the unimaginable, he pouted.

“What, chickening out already?” I smiled in embarrassment and looked down at my feet to hide my blush. 

“Weren’t you taught that violence is not the answer?” I questioned him and his smile only seemed to grow bigger. Which was nice, but also worrying since it meant I was losing my moral battle.

“It’s not like we’re throwing eggs at someone, right? It’s just a house. Nothing a good cleaning can’t fix” He took off his hat to ruffle his hair before leaning down to whisper in my ear “Besides, who knows what else can happen” Jamie leaned against the wall again with a smirk, knowing perfectly well the effect he was having on me.

“Alright, you had me at eggs” I smiled sheepishly and then dragged him along to the bus stop. We kept talking, asking each other questions and trying to disguise our flirting behind lame excuses to get to know each other better. 

He lowered his hat even more once we got on the bus and kept his hand on the small of my back in order not to lose me in the mess of people. It felt natural, like it wasn’t the first time we met and his hand was used to touching me all the time. 

“So how come you talked to me?” I asked curiously, turning my body towards him. The bus lurched into a sudden stop, which caused me to stumble forward. Jamie caught me quickly, securing both arms around my waist and crushing me against him, since he was leaning on one of the walls. Thankfully, the eggs stayed safe beside him. 

“Well the offer was more tempting than the usual ‘Jamie I love you please marry me’ kind of thing” He rubbed my arms and held eye contact with me the whole time and I was in heaven.

“Naturally, who doesn’t want to egg houses instead?” I quipped with an eyebrow raised and he laughed under his breath, like he didn’t want people in on our conversation. 

“If egging houses is what I have to do to spend time with a pretty girl, then I’ll choose it over marriage any day” I was not one to fall for the usual lines, yet here I was struggling to reply without him finding out that I was very close to calling the whole thing off and take him to my apartment instead. 

Snapping out of my thoughts, I glanced outside and pressed the buzzer to get off. Jamie followed me walking along the sidewalk but this time, in silence. I walked these streets like I never stopped, being grateful I chose to move out of my apartment after everything that happened. 

I stopped when I recognized the familiar stones that led to his porch. It felt like I was living my worse nightmare. The maroon mailbox contrasting with the blue porch but clashing with the shiny Audi parked in the outer garage. 

Suddenly, it didn’t seem like the best idea. I had to leave. Best case scenario: Leo found out but didn’t press charges. Worst case scenario: Jamie and me end up in a jail cell. Neither situation seemed appealing to me. Especially since they both involved talking to him. I wasn’t the best at concealing my anger. And I had a lot to conceal.

I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt Jamie’s warm hands wiping my cheeks. He crushed me to his chest as if we’d done this a million times, and I took a deep breath to calm myself down. The tears had stopped, yet he kept running his hand through my hair and rocking us softly.

He stepped back only to lean down and open the first dozen eggs. He placed one in my hand and then looked at the Audi in front of him.

“Do you think it has an alarm system?” He voiced my question out loud. 

“I really hope not” And then I threw the first egg. 

***

Either Leo didn’t care about his Audi becoming an omelet, or he simply didn’t find out about it. I was over the top we were not stuck in a jail cell, and even more happy I had avoided confrontation. 

We were walking in silence again, the weight of reality on our shoulders. Now that we had pelted an entire car with eggs, there was nothing left to do with each other. It was no secret that he had to go back to Los Angeles and I had a curry explosion to take care of, yet I was finding it hard to see how our paths could cross again.

“I smell curry. Can we extend our date to more than just damaging private property?” Jamie stopped to look at me properly for the millionth time and once again, my knees threatened to give away. God his eye contact was going to kill me. 

I didn’t have the heart to tell him how I was the source of the smell, so I nodded and let him lead the way this time. 

One thing I had found out about Jamie Lee Oliver, he was not the best with directions. We walked around the same block four times before I got tired and yanked his phone from his hands.

“Just tell me where you want to go” I sighed exasperatedly and he chuckled, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Take me to the best burger place you know” And with that, he wrapped his arm around my waist and kept walking naturally, like he hadn’t just caused my heart to perform a drum solo in my chest. 

It was a long walk, especially since I was hell-bent on getting away from my exs’ neighbourhood as quickly as possible. Jamie didn’t seem to mind the distance, so I kept my mouth shut. 

“So Lisa” He spoke my name like it was foreign on his mouth, yet he treated me like I was anything but “Tell me something about yourself, something you haven’t told anyone” The words he spoke made me want to cringe, yet his tone was so inviting, it was impossible to refuse. 

“Well” I hesitated, there could have been a million things to say that would have made me look better or more attractive. Instead, I chose “I’m the reason you smelled curry” Jamie tried to mask his surprise as best as he could, yet it was clear this was not what he had imagined I would say. 

So naturally, I continued “My roommate managed to cause a curry explosion in our kitchen and when I came home from my interview I had barely any time to get ready before I met you and I clearly didn’t think things through because if I did, then I wouldn’t have showered. Which sounds disgusting but it would’ve made the smell less apparent and my hair a little less similar to a burning building. Also I tried to dress for the occasion but actually made an effort to look presentable, but clearly I didn’t do—

His lips were what interrupted me. One second I was boring his ears off with my rambling, the next Jamie Lee Oliver was kissing me. It was like no other kiss I’d had, he towered over me but not in an awkward way and his hands seemed to touch me in the right places at the perfect time. He was rumoured to date many girls and I understood why, he felt as comfortable kissing me as he looked when he was acting on camera. Reality caught up with me and made me lose focus, so Jamie pulled me closer to him by the waist. 

After what seemed like ages, he pressed his forehead against mine and pecked me a few times on the lips then closed his eyes and stayed silent for a few seconds, just holding me close to him. My eyes darted all over his face, trying to find something appropriate to say, yet words failed me. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have done that, but I’ve been meaning to since I saw you crossing the street to meet me” 

Looking back, if I had to pinpoint the moment things changed for the both of us, I would say it was this one. Because this, was when I threw caution to the wind. It was like I couldn’t get enough of him. So I kissed him this time.

Laughing against my lips he pecked me once, twice. Then held my hand and continued walking in the direction of the restaurant. 

***

I was a blushing mess the remaining walk to the restaurant. Even when we asked for a table for two, I couldn’t keep it together. In fact, I felt my face grow even hotter, if it was even possible. 

“That blush is fucking adorable” Jamie whispered in my ear and his hand crept lower, which did not help at all with my blushing. 

The waitress raised her eyebrows at Jamie’s blunt movement but led us to a table in the far corner of the room.

“I don’t do this often, not with many girls” He blurted suddenly, still looking down at the menu. I’d decided to order the french burger and was waiting expectantly for him to decide, yet this had caught me completely by surprise. His warm eyes met mine in a piercing gaze “I don’t want anything serious either”

“I just egged my exe’s Audi, I can barely stomach a burger let alone a serious relationship” I blurted honestly and he grinned. I had just found my way into Jamie’s heart. 

He grabbed my hand while he ordered for the both of us and when he ordered a taxi to take us back to my place. He continued to hold it while we kissed in the elevator, and when we continued to do so everywhere in my apartment. 

Jamie Lee Oliver held my hand the way he held my heart, and I don’t remember him ever letting go. 

[al-damnvers-spam]

For your prompts how about an agentreign or agentcorp fic where its like a silly romcom and they just keeping running into each other at random places like coffeeshops and supermarkets and stuff like that and thats how they start dating

This one was so adorable and fun! Thank you for the prompt!

“Yes, I’m on my way to the grocery store. Yes, I’ll get ice cream. And cookies. And– Okay, Kara, that’s way too much. Just… I’ll see you at your place tonight.” Alex said before hanging up the phone. She loved Sister Night, but she hated being the one to get all the snacks. Her phone buzzed with several texts and she quickly looked turned the notifications, only to walk right into someone’s shopping cart. 

“Oh, I’m sorry– Lena?” She had to admit she was a little surprised. Lena looked up from the food she was holding and smiled. 

“Alex! What a nice surprise to see you here.” Lena smiled in greeting. 

“It’s a surprise to see me? I think you’re the more surprising one. Don’t you have people to go shopping for you?” Alex teased. 

“Oh, I do. But I thought I’d be a little spontaneous today.”

“And go to the grocery store?”

“Hey, you have no right to tease. Don’t you get takeout every night? I didn’t realize you actually know how to cook.” 

Alex blushed slightly. Not at Lena’s remark, but more at the fact that the other woman knew her so well.

“I’m just getting snacks for Sister Night.” She explained with a chuckle. 

“Ah, got it.” Lena nodded, glancing over to see what was in the basket Alex was holding. “Sour cream and onion potato chips?”

“It’s a good snack. I still have to get the ice cream and Oreos.”

“How you manage to stay in shape, I’ll never know.” Lena chuckled. 

“Killer workouts at the DEO.” Alex replied with a shrug.

“Still impressive.” Lena smiled, making Alex blush slightly. “Now, as much as I love this conversation, I should get going and get some of this food into the freezer before it thaws.” 

“See you around, Lena.” Alex chuckled, shaking her head at the strangeness of seeing Lena out in public like this. Oddly enough, it wasn’t the last time. A week later, Alex stumbled into a coffee shop near the DEO after a long day, barely registering that Lena was sitting at a table by the door. She got her coffee and was about to head out when she heard a voice call out to her.

“Alex! Come sit for a moment.” 

Alex smiled when she saw it was Lena. Somehow, this was the only person who could make her happy after a day like this one had been. She wandered over and sat down across from her.

“It’s a little late in the day for coffee, isn’t it?” Lena remarked. Alex gestured to the cup in Lena’s hand.

“You’re one to talk.”

“Oh, this is hot chocolate.”

“Really? You didn’t strike me as a hot chocolate person.”

“I’m just full of surprises, Danvers. I can’t tell you all of my secrets, now, can I?” Lena said in a tone that was flirty enough to make Alex nearly choke on her drink.

“No, I suppose not. But I look forward to learning as much about you as I can in the meantime.” Alex replied smoothly. It was now Lena’s turn to blush.

The two sat and talked for a little while, each venting about what a terrible day they’d had. By the time they’d gone their separate ways, Alex was left feeling surprisingly peaceful. How did Lena make her so calm? How was she so damn understanding? And why was Alex blushing at every compliment Lena threw her way?

A few weeks went by without either of them having time to see each other, whether on purpose or by accident. In that time, Alex had gone through all the phases of realizing she had a crush on someone: infatuation, denial, fear, acceptance, denial again, puppy love, and then the distinct fear that Lena couldn’t possibly like her back. With such a lack of communication between them, she wondered if she’d just imagined Lena flirting with her. She discovered a few days later at the DEO that she certainly had not imagined it.

Alex was sitting at her desk, staring blankly at agent reports, when she heard a knock at the door. 

“Don’t tell me you just happened to be here.” Alex chuckled when she saw it was Lena, referring to their previous accidental meetings.

“Would believe me if I said that I did? I came by to use some equipment in your labs, ended up chatting with Kara for a bit. She told me you were having a long day, so I thought I’d bring you some fresh coffee.” 

“You’re an angel. An absolute angel.” Alex smiled, standing up and gratefully taking the coffee cup from her. “How about, as a thank you, I take you out to dinner after I get done with this?” 

“Oh, Alex, you don’t have to do that.”

“I know. But I want to. I really want to take you out, possibly on a date, and this seemed like the perfect excuse.”

“Are you asking me out, Alex?” Lena’s look of surprise made Alex start to panic.

“Well, um, yeah– if you’re okay with that, I mean! I just, I thought you’d been flirting the last few times I saw you and I kinda liked it, so–”

“Woah, Alex, slow down. Take a deep breath.” Lena said, stepping forwards and putting her hands on Alex’s shoulders. “I was flirting with you. You were right. And I’d absolutely love to go on a date with you. I’ll come back around seven? How’s that sound?” 

“That sounds perfect.” Alex smiled, glad that one of them was able to stay calm.

When Lena left a few minutes later, Alex couldn’t help but grin to herself. Sure, she had to get back to her work, but at least she had far more motivation to get it done.

[buckisthatyou]

Pretend - 5

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (modern au)

Word Count: 1222

Warning: language

Summary: Prompt from  @nerds-are-cool  (x) :  There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

Part 4

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Bucky walks from his house to Natasha’s. He hasn’t seen that lady since last Monday. He hasn’t get the chance to talk to her about the date with Diane and most importantly about the stranger, the woman that fate has brought to him. It shocked him to see her yesterday at the grocery store but somehow he was glad. It means she lives around this area isn’t she?

Taking up the lift, he pushes the button to the third floor. His eyes are glued to his phone, playing a stupid game. The sounds ‘ding’ signalling that he is already at the third floor, with his eyes maintain on the phone, he makes his way to Natasha’s door. He has been here for too many times, he doesn’t need to look up from his phone to see which way he is going. He fully depends on his  muscle memory.

But the sound of a door being open makes him looking up. There is no sign of a person. Weird. He turns his head to the door of Natasha’s neighbour. He is positively sure that no one lives here for almost two years. So, it can’t be. Shrugging his shoulders, he walks to Natasha’s and knocks on her door.

Three loud bang on the door is what it takes to make the door finally wide opens.

A very annoyed Natasha standing before him. Greeting him with a venom in her voice.

“I thought when you said you will see me today means around dinner time or something but not early in the morning, Bucky!”

He grins, “Well it is nice to see you too, Nat.”

Without being invited, he makes his way into her house making her groans loudly.

“If you want to come this early at least bring me coffee, you shit” she is mad.

She wakes up from her peaceful sleep to the loud noise that Bucky made. She doesn’t even have her morning coffee yet. Too early to deal with Bucky bullshit right now.

“I’m sorry. I forgot.”

He says it so casually making her more annoyed. Plus, the fact that he walks up to her kitchen and takes the jar of cookies off the counter and eats them makes her boils inside. Annoying prick.

“Go make me some coffee. Imma go to the bathroom. If there’s no coffee, I’ll kick you out of the house.” She orders.

Bucky just nods as he munching the chocolate chip cookies, enjoying every bit of them.

Natasha walks out from her room and she breathes in the smell of coffee in her house. It creates a smile on her face.

“Here. Your coffee.” Bucky hands her her favourite mug filled with a hot black coffee. She takes in the aroma before she takes her first sip of her morning coffee.

“So? What brings you here?” she asks him, placing down the mug on her coffee table.

She turns to face Bucky who sits next to her on the sofa. She can see his face drops. This usually indicates nothing good at all.

“Well, me and Diane didn’t work out.” Bucky begins to say.

She nods, doesn’t really care about it because deep down she hates that woman. Bucky and her are together for two years but they have break up more than she could count. Their relationship just toxic and she wants nothing but to see the relationship between the two humans to end for good.

“because there is this girl.” He continues the story but stops as soon as Natasha opens her mouth.

“You cheated on Diane?” she asks him, jokes aside but she does look scary to him right now.

“N-no. No. No.” he instantly denies her assumption. He knows if lets her mind takes over and makes her believes that he cheats, he will never see the sun again.

“Then?”

“Well, it is kind of a weird story. But when we, me and Diane went shopping at the mall, there was this girl, she ran to me and hugged me because a creepy dude has been following her around. She wanted me to pretend to be her boyfriend just so that the asshole left her alone. But Diane saw us and she got mad and told me to fuck off and to never call her again.”

“I’m glad” Natasha says before she sips her coffee.

“What?” Bucky eyes go wide.

“I’m glad that you two are finally break it off. In case, you haven’t notice Bucky, Diane is not good for you. I’m sorry.”

Bucky slowly nods, silently agrees with Natasha. Two years spending time with Diane, they used the time with stupid pointless arguments. Sure there are sweet moments of them together but most of the time they are fighting against each other. He realizes how bad they are as a couple.

“Well, Nat. You are right. I’m kinda glad too.”

Natasha reaches for Bucky’s hand and rubs it slowly, comforting him. Though she dislikes Diane and the relationship between her and Bucky, Natasha still knows how much Diane means to him. If he doesn’t like her, he wouldn’t come back to her every time she opens the door for him. Right?

The day is spent with Natasha and Bucky watching some Chinese action movies together while eating the cookies you have brought to her. There are quite a lot of them that you have packed for her and she is grateful for that. She and Bucky enjoy the cookies so much. They are perfectly made. She hopes you would sell the cookies at your café. So, she can have them every day.

Stretching his arms, Bucky lets out a moan.

“That was fun. I think I want to learn Kung Fu” he says to her while he imitates a move from the previous movie.

She only shakes her head at his spontaneous remark.

“By the way, where did you get these cookies from? They are so delicious!” Bucky reaches for the last cookie on the plate. He has a sweet tooth and this kind of delicious cookies makes his love for sweet things to grow.

“They are, aren’t they? My neighbour made it.”

“What? You mean the house next door is being occupied? So no more karaoke night at your place?” He pouts.

“Well we can have it if we invite her over to join us.” Natasha suggests to Bucky. Every Tuesday night, Bucky, Sam, Steve and Wanda will come to her place and have a karaoke night. Natasha has a karaoke set in her house and ever since that the group of friends never go to a karaoke bars.

“Well, up to you. It is your house after all.” Bucky shrugs, drinking his beer.

His phone rings, a notification for a text coming. He looks it up and immediately shoving it inside his pocket after reading through it. 

“Well, I gotta go. Rebecca needs me.” He gives her a quick hug before leaving her house.

Bucky rushes to go down and go to his sister’s house but he stops in front of your door. Looking from left to right, making sure no one is out there with him, he knocks on your door.

“Your cookies are so goddamn good! You are amazing!”

He shouts before gets into the lift and leaves the apartment. Hopefully you can hear him.

Part 6

tagging:  @mizz-kraziii @queenoftrash97 @fran-writes@amindfulloffanfictions @grosskyjaja @v-2bucky@jaysaku  @cravingmarvel @itlookslikeyouneedadoctor@fuckthatfeeling @thejemersoninferno @kiramotherofsnails @i-am-anthem-made @farfromjustordinary @sebastiansboobear @of-sebstan-and-chrisevans @wisestydia-15 @multireality @youreahandsomedevil @mrstheorossix3 @padackles2010

[namjoonchronicles]

away | jk

↳ description Jungkook’s way of displaying affection is safe to say, non-existent, and going on a trip without him would probably ignite something he never knew he had. 

Jungkook is well-known for his agility, the ability to acquire new knowledge in an impressive amount of time, and excel in everything he puts his minds to. He is an oddly satisfying rare mixture of talents, intelligence and good looks, paired with his whimsical jokes and well-rounded personality, Jungkook is a force to be reckon with. The unapproachable, perfectionist sheds his fort-like walls when it comes to you and to this day,

You still haven’t figured out why.

He took out the trash in white Tees, not even caring about the cold. Then he made the bed, lining the duvet straight and neat like no one had slept on it. He moved to the side table where alarm clocks were and fixed them to be tilted exactly 45 degree from the edge, before gathering his dirty clothes from the floor and into the laundry basket where it should be. He proceeds to turns the stereo on, in the living room, with the playlist he made specifically for working out. The white racks above the television cabinet was decorated with little figurines and Bluetooth speakers he got when he was younger. It became a small collection for him. He placed his feet on the edge of the sofa and proceeded to do 300 reps of push ups.

Sweat drips down his forehead, down the middle of his brows to the bridge of nose before making a droplet on the wooden floor of the apartment. The music surrounding the room hypes him up, motivates him and accelerate his workout session. Jungkook is also gifted with a good sense of hearing because he could hear his phone vibrating from the kitchen counter, across the living room. Commanding Siri to turn the volume down, Jungkook had 3 push-ups left to do but he hoisted himself up, glistening in glorious sweat resulting from the labour he put himself in—and it’s not even 9.30AM. He reached the back of his dampened t-shirt, took it off over his head and balled-up in one hand, his chest heaving up and down from the strenuous exertion while his eyes furrowed at the sight of his blinking screen.

“Has she reached there already?” Jungkook spoke to himself in thick Busan accent as he marched to it and fishing it into his palm to take a good look. He threw it back on the counter when he saw that it was a notification from the group chat with the rest of the Hyungs. Jungkook, his sweaty back, in only knee-length shorts returns to the bedroom, threw the used T-shirt in the laundry basket and carried the basket to the laundry room, down the hallway next to G.C.O.—Golden Closet Office; his personal creative-practice area where he is free to do whatever he wants, his personal space. Which reminded him that he left his grey hoodie there after you spend a night when he work, so he fetches that before he made his way to the washing machine. His head went back and forth to the thought of his phone ringing and how disappointed he was, when it wasn’t you. “…How dare you have fun without me…” He grumbled, shirtless and spent.

Jungkook went back to his phone and started a melancholic playlist he set aside for down days, for example, today. You added a few of your favourite tunes and that’s why he named it: She; to commemorate that love and pain could come from the same person. It’s for days where he felt somehow unequipped with your affections, where he felt jealous for the stupidest things and the moments where words aren’t enough to express his anger so all that’s left in is what ‘She’ meant to him. Songs like, Chelsea Cutler’s Your Shirt, Jaymes Young’s What Is Love and Maroon 5’s Cold, just to name a few—makes their way into the list effortlessly. It’s those tunes that comforts him when things aren’t going well. Relationship is tough, and to Jungkook’s tender heart, your actions can sometimes hurt him without you intending to do so. Jungkook never knew love before you so it inevitable. That was what he meant by ‘love and pain coming from the same person’. Because let’s be honest here, there is very thin line between pain and pleasure.

And you were the only person that he allowed his heart to be broken by.

It’s not a lie that you do take his feelings to consideration in everything you do. It’s just that, when you’ve been single long enough, you tend to forget how to love and how to make others feel loved. Jungkook’s clinginess was new to you and sometimes he feels that you don’t show enough affection when you thought you did. Jungkook can be difficult to read sometimes, provided that he is the kind to hide his emotions and not let his true feelings show, it makes you feel that, probably he needed space on his own. But you gave him too much space that he felt you weren’t invested enough in this relationship, and it was hardly the case. Jungkook’s affection comes in various ways, and more often, through his texts and brief calls. He rarely hold your hand in public, nor take you to hang out with his friends for dinner. Because he doesn’t like other men’s’ eyes on you. But you know that he yearns for you when he decided to call, when his friends says he rarely even text them back.

Those were the little signs that Jungkook was head over heels for you. You were gone from homeland for about seven hours now, and you were wondering if he was doing okay. But your friends decided to go grocery shopping in Bergen, Norway as soon as the squad touched down and you couldn’t even text him because your battery ran out. Upon returning to the hostel you accommodate with the rest of the squad, you plugged your phone in and helped them to cook lunch. The in-flight food was less than satisfying to your stomach because you craved a little spiciness to your food. You couldn’t decide if all of the food actually tastes a little bland or the fact that you’re missing Jungkook is making all your taste buds a little numb. Perhaps both. While chopping the carrots into long strips, your friends from college asked about Jungkook, and it was probably obvious that the thought of him made your face lit up because they started teasing you about it.

“…Look at her all smiling at the mention of his name.” “That’s probably the first time I saw her toothy smile since we got here! She didn’t smile as bright during our graduations.” “Wow, you really love this kid, don’t you?”

What else can you reply? Isn’t the grin enough to answer all the questions they have. “…He is really quiet, isn’t he? The last time we saw him, during the wedding. All he did is smile.” She’s not wrong there, you clicked your tongue, “…Jungkook is actually very chatty. He’s shy around new people. But once you know him, he just doesn’t stop talking. He makes weird noises too.” And then everyone perked their ears up, giving you a smug smile as if they’ve just the dirtiest thoughts, “…What kind of noises?” They sang, in sync. “God, I hate you guys.” You shook your head and tried to press your smile while you wash your hands. There’s only four of you, but the hostel was filled with inaudible roar of girls and two out of four, you and the tallest one in the squad were newlyweds, leaving your husbands behind. This trip was long overdue. Everyone promised to have this trip before anyone gets married, but work had been merciless. All four of you were in medical line, so it was inevitable.

The tallest one walked in with two extra bags of groceries and asked for her passport that she kept in your bag. You went to get them as she unbag the fruits. As you were kneeling by the plug, the phone rang. You were quick to unplug them from the charger and answered the call while walking out the room with your friends’ passport. “…Yes, honey?” You said upon putting the phone to your ear and return to the kitchen where the rest of the squad were. Jungkook is kneeling, with his eyes wide open, zooming in and out. “I am in front of the washing machine, what do I do?” He sighed, he let out a long hum as he spoke and you heard his fingers punching some buttons. “Are you doing laundries? Why are you doing laundries?” You blinked rapidly to the chopping boards, sandwiching the phone between your ear and shoulder while you resumed to cut the peeled potato passed by your roommate. “…I ran out of clothes to wear,” he breathed through his teeth and tutted his tongue. “Jungkook, I have one whole wardrobe full of washed clothes for you to wear while I’m away, I even put weekday and weekend tags on them, and you’re telling me you’ve worn all of them in the span of 7, no—8 hours?” Jungkook dug his tongue to his cheek, still trying to figure out the washing machine.

“You did?” Jungkook asked. “Yes, baby, I did.” You sang softly.

Jungkook sat cross-legged on the floor and leaned his back to the wall next to washing machine and dryer, shirtless still and pushed his hair back to show his forehead. “…Are you in Bergen, safe?” He asked. Now it finally felt like the intention of the unprecedented call is finally taking place. He wanted to know if you’re okay since you never called. “I did, my phone died so I had to wait to get to the hostel before finally charging it… Is everything okay? Did you make breakfast?” Your friends are gleefully laughing while they cook and the considerate one came to feed you some sausages she fried. Munching slowly, you heard Jungkook replied, “…I did some exercising and I think I’m going to go continue the editing while you’re not here, because. Less distractions.” You could imagine him running his hot tongue along the extent of his lower lip before biting them suggestively because you could hear him smile.

“…If I tell you this was on loud speaker, what will you do.” You teased him. Hearing nothing from his side, you quickly snickered, “Scared you there, didn’t I? It’s broad day light here, can you have some controls? We have a week more to go. I need you calm it down a little.” Jungkook gave a side-eye to the innocent laundry basket before hoisting himself up from the floor and into his personal office. “…We shouldn’t have done it here. It’s all I think about, when I walk in this room.” He eyed his working desks, the L-shaped couch, the walls next to the keyboard and even the floor where the round-shaped rugs were. “…Told you to have restraints. You were the one who wanted it there and then…I was good for a few more minutes. We could have made it to the bedroom.” You bite your lips and your college best friends started to uproariously oust you so you had to excuse yourself before Jungkook gets further embarrassed.

“What are you even talking about?! There’s two virgins here!” “I never expected you to be this nasty, you were such an angel back in the days.” “Jungkook, what have you done to her?!” “I have to get a therapy now, are you happy?”

You snickered and shut the door behind you before flopping on the bed. “Lies, you couldn’t even made it to the living room back then. All whining and grabbing… Fuck.” He leans towards the kitchen counter as he spoke to you. “…Are you even going to make it for a week without me, Kookie?” You turned to your side, extremely worried because you know how upset he gets if he couldn’t see you or talk to you when he wanted to. “I got tissues, and your perfume, I’ll be fine. But I’ll be better if you answer all my calls on time…However, if that is too much to ask for,” He pauses, drawing meaningless circles on the marble table and pressed his lips together before straightening up, “…Just some pictures of your trips there would be okay.” He gazes up to the ceiling and pouted. “…I got you. Don’t worry, baby. I’ll be home before you know it, a week will just breeze through.” You smacked your lips together.

“I think they’re calling me… these bitches.” You sat up on the bed and Jungkook giggled short, so you added hastily, “…Kiss me through the phone, and I miss you very much okay. Don’t cheat on me.” Jungkook smiled and made kissing sounds before ending the call. He set the phone on his lap as he sat on the couch, the sweat on his back had finally dried and he eyed his wallpaper, a smile toying on his lips as he darted, “You, don’t cheat on me.” He falls to his side and curled up in a ball like a love-sick teenager on the sofa.

Day-7. Six days to go until your return.

“…How far is Bergen from here, again…? I shouldn’t have suggested her to go to Bergen.” He lulled his head back and then he felt his phone vibrated. What was that? Is it a photo worth 7 days alone? Is she wearing sexy things? Cute things? Jungkook was grinning ear to ear. Jungkook’s focus went to the new message sent by you all the way from Bergen and swiped right to see. Jungkook threw his phone immediately, and the smile that was on his lips a few seconds ago is now gone, completely. He marched to the bedroom and slammed the bathroom door, loud, leaving his phone abandoned on the coffee table in the living room. “I fucking hate her.” He grumbled low as he turned the hot shower on. “I can’t believe she did that. I can’t. Who in the world allowed her?? How the hell did she even get that picture printed on the shirt like that?” Jungkook talked to himself in the shower cubicle, pissed off. His voice echoed through the tiles as he groans, annoyed.

The unapproachable, perfectionist sheds his fort-like walls when it comes to you and today, Jungkook is certain that you married him so you could bully him forever. Why else would you bring--in his opinion, that hideous shirt to Europe?

“Brought grubby with me. Isn’t he the cutest?” 

- My Headache/Wife

[praydastles]

Title: Redamancy Group: Monsta X Member: Changkyun Genre/Warning: Fluff, mild foul language, dorky flirty suggestiveish Changkyun Summary/Request: can you write a fluff changkyun scenario where you have a sleepover at his dorm for the first time? . A/N: This was requested ages ago and I had the flow when I first started it then I got stuck and now I have finished it like this, so I really hope you all enjoy it! Sorry for taking so long  also!! please enter my Christmas writing event here  🎅 (Click santa for the link)  Word Count: 4838

03/06/17

The thumb softly and slowly stroking against your knuckles stirred the butterflies till they were fluttering around inside of you. He lightly swung your arms between you two, his voice animated while he spoke to you.

“I literally think that is the best chicken I’ve ever had!”

You laugh, eyes watching him in amusement when you say, “You said that about the last chicken restaurant we went to.”

He grinned then, his dimpled smile melting you just a little to say, “I think everything just tastes good to me when you’re around.” And then he stopped, face suddenly contorted into one of disgust. “Ugh, God, I need to stop hanging around Hoseok.” You laugh loudly, making Changkyun smile as you both continued the short walk to your home.

“How are the boy’s anyway?” Changkyun made a noise, shrugging his shoulders to say, “You know, the usual. Hoseok is cheesy as fuck, Minhyuk is hyperactive, Hyungwon is not, Jooheon is well all over the place, Kihyun is making sure we eat something edible and Hyunwoo is still our lovable father.” You smile, noticing the affection in his voice. “But to be honest, everyone is a bit stressed preparing for the tour, like don’t get me wrong, we’re so excited, but it’s our first one and we just wanna make sure it's perfect and Hyunwoo spoke about a world tour before we even debuted, like before I even came into the picture and that is making me worried too, cos I don’t wanna mess it up for them and-”

“Hey, hey, hey. Stop.” You told him softly, making him still so you could hold his squishy cheeks. He blinked, closing his eyes briefly before opening to stare into yours softly. You could see the insecurity in his brown orbs, the anxiety hidden away as his thoughts ate at him. “I’m sure, 100% certain in fact, that you won’t mess up, okay?” You drag his face closer to yours to brush your noses together before leaning your forehead to his. “There will always be hiccups, but you are not going to mess up or ruin anything or whatever other negative thought you’re thinking for anyone okay? You’re going to be your usual charming self and everyone will love you and I will be waiting here for you to tell you how proud I am when you come back. Understood?”

Air fanned your face when he let out a breathless laugh, eye’s closing as he let himself lean into you, enjoying the quiet and the warmth of you for a moment before he grinned. “How are you so perfect?” You lifted your head from his to shove it playfully with your finger. “Oh shush.”

He pecked your lips, a soft light touch that made you feel warm and fuzzy, like having hot chocolate on a cold winter day. Changkyun was just that to you; he was the taste of ice cream when the heat was unbearable, sweet and much needed, he was the breathe of fresh air you needed during autumn when your work just began piling up and you could rarely leave the house, he was the first of the blossoms in spring, making you smile and feel light and let you know the beauties of the world. He had become so addictive, something you felt you needed to the point it scared you. “Thank you, my lovely.” He smiled. Then ruined it with, “My precious.” You shoved his chest, turning and walking away as you frowned, trying to keep the laugh out of your voice. “Ugh, you’re so creepy.” You smiled hearing him laugh out loud, the sound giving you warmth. “Wait up precious.” You nudged him lightly when he came up beside you, “I swear to God Lim Changkyun.”

The rest of the journey was the two of you bantering back and forth. You loved his sarcastic humour and he never failed to have you nearly doubling over clenching your stomach as you laughed at whatever silliness he was spouting.

You both slowed when the short path leading up to your house came into view. Changkyun tucked his hands in his pocket, looking down and kicking at the gravel beneath his feet. You tilted your head at him. “What?” He paused, looking up at you with a little smile. “I don’t want to say goodbye yet…” You had to smile, stepping closer till you could loop your arms around his neck, playing with the overgrown strands of hair at his nape. “Me too.” His arms looped around your waist and for the second time that day he kissed you, lips moving over yours softly, tilting his head to get more of you. The blood rushed to your ears till the world was drowned out and the sound was the thumping of your heart. When he let go your eyes were slow to open, fluttering slowly as your brain tried to piece together your surroundings in your dazed state.

“I have a request.” He whispered. Scared he would burst the comfortable little bubble the two of you were in if he was any louder. “What?” You whispered back. “Well, I um, was thinking that the two of us could have our first sleepover. At my dorm.” Your eyes widen in surprise, breath picking up slightly when your nerves began to get the better of you. “O-oh, um, would there be time, I mean with the tour also would the boys be okay with it? I mean uh-” The low rumble of his laugh stop’s your nervous babbling and he runs his nose against your cheek and into your hair, his hand running up your back to your head to push you into his chest. “Hmm well, I already asked them and they’re fine with it. Manager has said that we can rest next weekend, so all that’s left really is for you to agree.”

You smile into his chest, feeling the excitement well up inside you. Your relationship was progressing well and really, there was no reason not to go. “I’m there.” You tell him, shifting your head to look at him and at your words he gives you your favourite dimpled smile and once again that warm and fuzzy hot chocolate feeling was back.

“Don’t try to seduce me though.”

“CHANGKYUN!” You yell, lifting a foot to kick his butt when he ran away, yelling a "GOODBYE MY LOVELY!” into his palms. He stumbled backwards, watching with a grin as you shook your head at him.

09/06/2017

The weather was surprisingly cooler than normal and so you decided that your jogger bottoms and a loose hoodie over your tee was sufficient enough for the supermarket.

You grabbed a trolley along your way inside, pulling the messy list scrunched up inside of your pocket. You briefly looked over the list before moving forward toward the relevant aisles. Just as you were scanning the shelves your phone went off.

“Hello.”

“What ya doin~”

“Snack run for tomorrow.” You answer distractedly looking for the brand of dip you always have with your tortilla crisps.

“Ooo yay! Are you getting-”

“I’m looking for it now. I might have to buy it from the corner shop.”

“Okay, don’t forget popcorn.”

“It’s on my list.”

“And chocolate, preferably M&Ms.”

“On the list.”

“And-”

“Really Changkyun? You’re going to list every snack possible? I got it covered, okay?” Changkyun’s laugh rings out over the speaker. “Just wanna be prepared babe.” You roll your eyes, smiling a little as you continue to browse.  “I should have just come with you. ohmygosh it would have been our first grocery shopping trip together. ohmygosh we should totally just move in together already.”

You laugh, despite the pink tinge on your cheeks. The thought of living with Changkyun made you feel a number of things, the possibilities running through your mind.

“Steady on Kyun, we’re only having our first sleep over now!” And then before he can get a word out, “You’re distracting me. Byeeeee!” “hey wa-” you hang up, a giggle escaping your lips when you imagine the irritated expression he must be making at his phone. You slip your phone back into your pocket and continue shopping for more snacks, a smile on your face.

10/06/2017

Today was the day. You were already rather sleepy, having spent the previous night repacking over and over and feeling too nervous and excited to fall asleep straight away.

You rolled over onto your side, reaching for your phone on the bedside table and squinted your eyes enough to check the time and to also see that you had a message from no other than Changkyun. A smile immediately formed when you read his message.

‘Can’t wait to see you baby! We’re going to have so much fun. See you later x’

You weren’t meant to go around until later that evening, around 6ish. But, that didn’t stop the silly snaps Changkyun sent your way. While you were double checking that you had packed what you needed, Changkyun spammed you with shot’s that showed a very tasteful view of his nostrils.

‘Look babe, it’s a cave explorer.’ He captioned one with a very badly doodled stickman hanging from his nostril. You laughed, taking your own unflattering picture, nostrils and all, tapping the pen icon to doodle. You captioned it, laughing as you sent it.

You shortly received a notification that read ‘screen shot’ prompting you to instantly message him.

You: Why did you screen shot asdfghj :/

CK: BABE!

CK: COS IT’S A MASTERPIECE

CK: ‘THEY FOUND THE BAT CAVE’ AND THE BAT DOODLE! LIKE THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT THAT NEEDS TO BE SAVED YOU KNOW!

You: but it'S MY NOSTRILS

CK: Like the most beautiful nostrils in the world

You: That’s weird, but as it’s you, I’m not surprised.

You: I didn’t even screenshot yours!

After that message, you received a snap, smiling when you saw it was the same picture and quickly screenshot it.

CK: Since I went to an awful lot of trouble to send that to you make it your screensaver so that we can have a matching one!

You: You’re cheesy af.

CK: Only for you babe.

You smile at your phone, thumb navigating on the screen till you had done what he wanted. Taking a screenshot you sent it to Changkyun.

You: The things I do for you.

CK: That’s why I like you so much

He replied with a screenshot of his phone, showing you that he had changed his screensaver too. You laughed, feeling a strange sense of happiness from the mere act of having each other as your screensaver.

It was finally time. As you waited for the lift you felt your stomach tighten, a range of emotions washing over you. Changkyun had been spamming you most of the day with cute messages of how he couldn’t wait and pictures of him scowling at the clock, telling it to hurry up so that his baby could arrive.

The short ride in the lift up to Changkyun’s floor felt like an eternity and your hands had started to get clammy. By the time you had left the lift, you were in a daze taking small steps towards his door. A few small deep breathes and then you were lifting your finger to the doorbell.

Almost instantly you heard movement behind the door but when you heard the “ooaf!” you brows knitted together in confusion. It sounded as if someone had fallen and then you heard his voice. “Hyung, don’t be an arse!” The door was pulled open and your eye’s drifted up to see a raven haired beauty with his thick arm against the doorframe, smiling wide at you. “Hey sweetheart! How are you?”

Just as you were about to reply you heard a war cry and looked around Hoseok to see Changkyun kneeling on the floor, pushing himself up. “Excuse me, boyfriend coming through.” And you felt a warmth settle within you and materialize into a bright smile as Changkyun tickled Hoseok’s sides, causing him to jerk from the door so he could finally stand in front of you. You were already on your toes, head craning closer to him as his hands lightly settled on your hips and his lips met yours for a short, loving peck. “Hey there.” He whispered. “Hey there yourself.”

“That was playing dirty Kyun, you know I’m ticklish!”

“And you know I have about as much strength as a noodle, yet you thought it was nice to get Jooheon to hold me on the floor.”

“Where did he go?”

Changkyun grinned as he shuffled you both backwards into the apartment. “I told him I saw a bug.”

You giggled and Hoseok stared at Changkyun before concluding: “You’re a demon. Anyway, I’m sorry I can’t stick around sweetheart, I’m going on a date! But, I’ll see you later?” He asked with a cute grin.

“Of course! I’ll wait for you.” You shot him heart fingers and Hoseok put a hand on his chest, jolting back dramatically as if he’d been shot. Suddenly a hand clasped over your fingers and a pouting Changkyun whined at Hoseok. “Go get your own girlfriend, this one’s mine. Also, going for coffee with Kihyun is not a date.”

Hoseok looked offended. He decided to ignore Changkyun, blowing a kiss at you with a little wink before he was leaving you giggling when he shut the door behind him. “Thought he’d never leave.” Changkyun grumbled to which you rolled your eyes, shoving him toward the living room. “Oh hush you big baby.” And then reaching up to pinch his cheek. “My big baby.” And you were right to say so, Changkyun had a shit-eating grin on his face.

You unzipped your coat and was in the process of pulling it off when you heard a dramatic gasp. You look over at Changkyun whom was staring at you with his mouth agape. “What?” He clenched his eyes shut and threw his head back, “I thought I said not to seduce me.”

You looked down at yourself. Jeans and one of Changkyun’s hoodies. Then you looked back at him with an expression that was summed up to one thing: “Huh?”

He sighed, rolling his eyes at you as if it were obvious why you were a little seductress. He held his pointer finger up, “One, you’re totally wearing your make-my-butt-look-big jeans,”

“They’re my favourite jeans!”

He ignored you. “Two, you’re in my home, wearing my hoodie. Do you know what a sucker guys are when their girl wears their hoodie?”

You pull your neck back till you have a triple chin. Grinning like a creep you say, “Really?” Changkyun laughed. “You’re still sexy with that face babe.” “Don’t tell me what I already know.”

You put your bag in Changkyun’s room and notice someone on their bed with their headphones in. You sneak up and attack. “OH MY GOD!” He’s sweating already and your laughter causes you to drop to the floor, tears nearly escaping your eyes when you saw the startled expression on Jooheon’s face. “YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND ARE EVIL!” You can’t stop laughing, face aching from the permanent smile and stomach tight as your laughter doesn’t cease.

“Sorry Heonie, you’re just so easy to scare.” He shoves your head. “Sleep with an eye open tonight girl.” You hold your hands up “Ooo so scared.” He grumbled, putting his headphones back in to ignore you and you laugh as you left to go back to the living room.

“Kyuuuuun.” He made a noise of acknowledgement as he searched for the right disk. “Would it be mean to do a camera prank on Jooheon?” He stopped what he was doing and looked up at you with a smirk, “Yes it would be.”

You told him your plans, Changkyun shaking his head in disbelief at you, but giving you a proud pat on the back nonetheless. “I have taught you well young one.” “I’m a year older than you.” You deadpanned. He waved his hand, “technicalities.”

He turned toward the TV and you follow him to the sofa. “Right, what do you want to eat? Kihyun won’t be back till later, so not much edible food to eat now.”

“Pizza?

“Cool.”

The pizza should be arriving in around 20 minutes and so you both spend time chatting on the sofa with the music channel on in the background. All of a sudden Changkyun has shot out of his seat, cutting himself off as he stands in front of you. When you hear the opening beat you’re already on the verge of laughing.

Changkyun gets into position and when you see his entire expression switch you’re gone. His hand is up and shaking.

Every day it rings, the bell bell bell

Now care for me

I don’t wanna waste my battery

It keeps coming, It keeps coming

Like my phone’s gonna explode

He’s singing the words in his rough voice, hips shaking and turning as he sings along to none other than Twice’ cheer up. He keeps eye contact with you the whole time and you’re in fits.

I don’t know, I don’t know, he says he can’t even breathe

He says he’s struggling because of me

He says his heart is dropping, why?

He says that I’m so pretty

I’m not showing off or anything

His big smile is infectious and you find yourself singing along with him as he does the routine. He blinks his eyes cutely and shakes his head at all the right moments.

Sorry I couldn’t pick up earlier

I was meeting my friends, shy shy shy

I can’t really meet you right now, sorry

I’ll call you a little later

His pointer fingers came together and he had the cutest expression that made you melt and nearly say ‘aw’ out loud. But you really lost it when he shouted ‘shy shy shy’ his fists perfectly doing the movements and you swear you had heart eyes when you whined, “Kyun~” cos your heart was definitely about to burst.

He winked at you as he continued and he was anticipating the best moment as he bounced and then, just as the chorus came on:

CHEER UP BABY CHEER UP BABY

Cheer up a little more

A girl can’t give her heart too easily

That’s how you’ll get to like me even more

I’ll act calm, as if it’s nothing

So you won’t know that I like you

just get it together

and then baby CHEER UP

You jumped up and facing him began to belt the words back at him. “CHEER UP BABY CHEER UP BABY” The room was filled with your loud singing and over exaggerated dancing. Head rocking back as your hands came up and shot out as the dance did.

As the chorus came to an end, “AND THEN BABY CHEER UP~” Changkyun belted the line, out of key as he lifted you and spun you around, your singing cutting off in place of your wild laughter. “KYUN!” You yell and feel the air whip around you as he clumsily drops you onto the sofa, head on your stomach as he laughs and you stop at the sound, heart clenching almost painfully hearing something so pure.

It makes you take his head in your hands and Changkyun stops as he stares up at your soft eyes. “Idiot… what if you hurt yourself.” And then you lean forward to leave a peck at his lips. You pull back, feeling the blush start to heat on your cheeks and then Changkyun leans upwards, chasing for lips that melt against his when they finally connect.

When you part he whispers, “I can take the pain if it's for you.” Your eyes widen and you shove his head away. “Stop hanging around Hoseok!”

A few more songs play and then the doorbell goes off. Changkyun raises from the sofa, scrunching his face as he raises his fists in the air, deepening his voice like a warrior, “PI-ZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” You shake your head watching him rush to the door, money in hand.

Changkyun takes the pizza and bags while handing the money over with a thank you. He settles on the floor, spreading the bags and boxes of pizza out on the empty space.

“Here ya go love.” Changkyun says taking your wedges out of the bag and handing you the garlic sauce. “Oh God, thank you!”

You both barely speak between stuffing wedges, garlic bread and cheesy pizza into your mouth. “Oh babe, c’mere.” You beck Changkyun toward you and your thumb swipes at the tomato sauce messily smeared on the corner of his lips. You lick the sauce off your thumb and Changkyun grins at you before he’s leaning forward, lips on yours and you feel the little swipe of his tongue against your lips before he’s sitting back. “That was my sauce love.” You roll your eyes, any excuse, but still, Changkyun doesn’t fail to make your heart race.

You’re barely paying any attention to the low budget sci-fi movie playing on the TV and when you go to reach for the coke you remember your plan from earlier.

“Kyunnie… Shall we go buy a drink?” Changyun looks up at you, pizza wedged in his mouth as he smiles evilly back at you.

Changkyun went into his room where Jooheon was and found him lying on his bed scrolling on his phone with his earphones in.

He poked him till Jooheon took his earphones out. “Heon, we’re going to the shops want anything?” Jooheon pondered for a moment before giving a gentle smile as he said, “No, thanks.” And Changkyun really felt evil seeing his cute angelic smile, before turning and walking out the room.

He gave you the thumbs up and you picked up both of your shoes and hid them behind a pot plant. You walked to a cupboard where the power was and before turning it off urged Changkyun to start filming.

Your heart sped up in anticipation as you both got into position. Waiting behind the sofa you took Changkyun’s phone and texted Jooheon.

My Bro: Hey can you check if there’s any dip, thanks.

It took a few minutes before he replied with a simple ‘sure’. You both heard the bedroom door open and as Jooheon walks to the kitchen you can see his silhouette; his hand comes up and switches on the light. Or at least he tries to.

Jooheon grumbles under his breath and you notice the shine of his phone. He tried switching other lights but found they wouldn’t turn on. He whined and swore into the darkness, continuing to shuffle around to the kitchen.

Jooheon navigated his way toward the fridge with his hands, expecting the glow of the fridge to illuminate but found even that wouldn’t work. As he was crouched down you slowly crept from your spot, quietly trying to sneak toward him all the while barely able to muffle your laughs threatening to escape.

“WHERE’S THE DIP?”

“FUCK AKNFD- ARGH OSKNVD MY GOD!” Jooheon hit his head on the fridge in shock, babbling out nonsense words as he screamed. You made out him clutching his chest and eyes squeezed shut and laughed loudly while the lights began to turn on - Changkyun turning the electricity back on.

The camera was in Jooheon’s face. He was the perfect mess of sweat and heavy breaths and the expression on his face nearly made you feel bad, except you were a little shit so not really.

“You guys are evil!” Jooheon blubbered, still clutching his chest.

You can’t stop laughing and Changkyun smiles, taking in the way your eyes curl and your cheeks raise high in a smile, the laugh that sounds from your lips captivating him. He closes in on you with the camera, your attention turning to him with a big smile. “You are tuning in live to the dorm of one scared Lee Jooheon!”

“I really hate you both.”

“Love you too Jooheon.” Both you and Changkyun said simultaneously before he ended the film.

Jooheon scowled and you felt the tiniest bit bad when you laughed and looped your arm through his and your other through Changkyun’s. “C’mon Heon, we got pizza!” He grumbled something along the lines of “scaring a man and then giving him pizza.”

“Um, Jooheon’s scared of it!”

“Spiders, clowns, the dark, his shadow-

“-HEY!”

“-oh OH GHOSTS”

“Surprised you didn’t guess that sooner babe.” You make a noise of cheer, removing the card on your head.

“You guys are dicks. And FYI I’m only scared of creepy little kid ghosts.”

“You mean the one next to you?”

“WILL YOU STOP YOU DEMONS” Changkyun clapped happily, falling back into the sofa with loud laughter as Jooheon flinched where he sat and nervously looked behind him as if the ghost was really there. “I’m gonna have to sleep with you in your bed now Changkyun.” His laughter ceased then, expression crestfallen as he quickly sat up, quick to say “No! Absolutely not. My baby is sleeping with me.” It was silly but you felt warm tingles spread over your skin, heart clenching as a feeling of adoration for Changkyun washed over you.

“It’s your karma, bastard.”

 Jooheon was forced to bed, Changkyun having to give him cuddles till he fell asleep. The night had passed by quicker than you’d thought it would, but the feelings you felt throughout the night lingered; the fresh memories that took place made you feel warm and you couldn’t help the small smile lift on your face thinking back to the events. It’s late and as you both lie in the silence Changkyun breaks it.

“What do you think happens if a mosquito bites down there?” Your eyes shoot open. “It will hurt rig- ow!” Your teeth detach from his shoulder and you settle yourself again, closing your eyes. “That hurt right?  Probably something like that, but a billion times worse.” You can practically hear the pout in his voice.

“I didn’t realise you were into biting babe.”

“Changkyun I swear…” His muffled laugh broke the silence, before dying down in a content sigh as he melded his body against yours, arms holding your head to his chest, complete warmth washing over the both of you. There was a shyness you felt, the blush rising on your skin, yet you couldn’t help to think that it felt so right. You suddenly felt overwhelmed, a concoction of emotions washing over you till they were conjuring into words that blocked your throat tightly. You took several breaths, trying to swallow the dryness from your throat and this didn’t go unnoticed by Changkyun.

“Is something wrong? Are you uncomfortable like this? We don’t have to sleep like this-”

“-NO! I-i-i um, I mean no, it's just.” your fingers clutched to the material of his shirt almost desperately, your eyes focused on the creases you made, knowing that Changkyun was looking down at you, despite the lights being out. “Don’t,” you took a deep breath, clearing your throat and willing your body to relax, fingers unclenching around his shirt so you could draw random patterns against his chest as a distraction. “Don’t freak out okay, but I think,” you took a larger intake of breath and exhaled as if they were all your tensions and let your eyes fall shut,”but I think I love you.”

It was quiet for a moment, then a moment longer before you were suddenly on your back instead of your side and were being crushed, Changkyun’s arms vice like as they coiled around you and his head nestled into the crook of your neck. “God, I love you too, I’ve loved you for so long my chest hurt, I love you I love you.” he said, raising his head to meet your lips, hard, yet slow, heavy huffs if breath mingled as he made a fire rage inside your chest and ignite every inch of you, hands finding their way into his hair and gripping as he kissed you a moment longer before slowing, sweet caresses of lips passing against lips and then he stopped with a soft lingering peck, head falling back into your neck before he rolled you both onto your sides again. “I definitely love you.” you smiled, feeling tears pool but just shut your eyes and shoved your head into his chest.

And that’s how you fell asleep. Wrapped up in thin arms that lock around you, almost as if you would disappear and warmth then curls around you and sinks into you till you find yourself drifting to sleep counting the beats of his heart. In that moment you wonder how you will ever fall asleep the same way again, how were you ever able to fall asleep without Changkyun wrapping you in his arms. The missing link, who made you feel like home was wherever he was.

[wineanddinosaur]

Bar Tab Venmo May Ease the Sting of Media Layoffs, But It’s Far From a Safety Net

Push alerts are the scourge of our #mobilefirst existence, so it makes sense that Megan Greenwell had turned them off for all her most used apps. It also makes sense that Venmo, the ubiquitous platform that allows strangers to seamlessly transfer one another funds by phone, was not one of those apps.

After all, who walks the earth expecting strangers to simultaneously begin sending them funds with little to no warning? In this economy?! And yet, one fateful late-October afternoon last year, that’s exactly what happened to the editor of Wired, who had helmed the sports blog Deadspin for 18 months before resigning in protest of what she saw as improper editorial meddling by the executives running the site’s parent company.

“All of a sudden like my phone was like too hot to touch because of all the Venmos coming in,” Greenwell told me in a recent phone interview. The money wasn’t for her, not all of it at least. In fall 2019, 20 of the editor’s former Deadspin colleagues began walking off the job in a principled stand against the firing of one of their own, and the site’s fans (who included millions of regular readers per month and many NYC media insiders) wanted to show their support. Greenwell had stepped up as a digital bagwoman on Twitter, posting her Venmo handle and offering to run point on disbursement of any funds collected.

And lo, did the funds roll in. To buy the erstwhile Deadspinners drinks, strangers on the internet ultimately pooled together a “healthy five figures,” says Greenwell. (This went to more than drinks; we’ll get to that in a moment.) “I was like, ‘Holy fuck, I have to figure out how to turn off my notifications!’”

‘In lieu of a better safety net’

Such is the power and majesty of the “bar tab Venmo,” a digital-age rite borne of journalistic tribalism, smartphone connectivity, and the excruciating death shudders of an ever-collapsing American media ecosystem. It’s a fairly simple exercise: When journalists find themselves out of work, other journalists — plus rank-and-file subscribers, fans of a free press, and so forth — toss a few bucks into a digital bucket as consolation beer money for the newly unemployed.

Unfortunately, layoffs have been a nearly omnipresent specter in the media business for the entire decade I’ve been in it. (This story, in fact, is expanding on an essay I wrote for my drinking culture newsletter after being laid off, for the first time, from a media gig of my own. Fun!) In that time, as shop after shop has shed writers and editors, hard-nosed reporters and soft-handed listicle jockeys, the bar tab Venmo routine has become a bit of a funeral rite.

(Apparently this is a thing that people also did with former staffers of failed Democratic presidential campaigns, which is different and honestly a little weird to me in ways that I can’t quite put my finger on right now. Anyway!)

Given how often journalists get laid off, it’s impossible to say how many of these booze-focused fundraisers have hit the timeline since Venmo was created in 2009. But in the past few years, as the digital-media balloon has deflated in an atmosphere of impossible growth goals, video pivots, and impatient, inept venture-capitalism and private-equity opportunism, they’ve gotten bigger. Due to the site’s stature and its writers’ popularity, the drive for former Deadspinners was arguably the highest-profile of the bunch. The last year and a half alone seen has similar ad-hoc efforts for journalists at BuzzFeed News, Sports Illustrated, The New York Times en Espanol, Outside Magazine … and on and on.

“I’ve spent a lot of time over the past four years or so specifically … donating to bar tab Venmos,” says Maya Kosoff, a freelance writer and editor who, back in the Before Times, wrote movingly for GEN on “the human toll of the 2019 media apocalypse” that put 3,000 journalists out of work. (Smash cut to 2020 and that number looks downright adorable next to the toll taken by pandemic-related media layoffs, which The New York Times ballparked at 36,000 back in April. And uh, folks, things have not gotten better since April!)

“It feels like you’re trying to help your fellow peers get back on their feet at a time when there’s complete instability in the industry, and no guarantee that you’re gonna find another staff job in journalism,” she added. Bar tab Venmo “is kind of in lieu of there being like a better safety net — for reporters, writers, editors, and freelancers.”

“I don’t know where I first saw people doing this,” says Amanda Mull, a staff writer for The Atlantic whose tweet about the Deadspin walkout was among those that prompted Greenwell to offer up her Venmo handle last fall. “Maybe it was an early round of BuzzFeed layoffs? I saw people doing it, so I sent some money. It seemed like just a nice thing to do, people who are losing their jobs or who are in an unstable employment situation.”

Mutual Aid in the Modern Era

Speaking of which: As the coronavirus pandemic continues its literal and figurative death march through the American economy, rolling layoffs and gobsmacking unemployment numbers have become a de rigeur part of the national discourse. There are a lot more workers (both in the media and beyond) in unstable employment situations than ever before.

As such, new conversation has sprung forth about the shortcomings of America’s dismal system of meat-grinder capitalism and what average folks — buried in student loan, perpetually renting, and/or clinging to garbage jobs they hate because the bad health benefits they get are still better than the obscenely expensive alternatives in our cartoonishly corrupt privatized healthcare industry — can do to help each other survive. Like, beyond buying each other drinks, I mean.

Workers, neighbors, marginalized groups, and more have been passing the hat to help their own cover the costs of sickness, death, and bad luck for centuries. That’s neither new (it was a staple of 19th-century fraternal lodges), nor particularly mainstream, in the United States at least. But things are shifting, according to Max Haiven, an author and professor at Lakehead University in Ontario, Canada. Rank-and-file attitudes toward mutual aid were “changing already very quickly before the pandemic, [and they’re] changing even faster right now. … What we’ve actually begun to see is that since Covid, a lot of workers who previously were not unionized are now taking forms of collective action.”

At the very least, people seem more aware of the idea. Google Trends indicates that interest in the phrase “mutual aid” has been higher than normal for virtually the entire duration of the coronavirus pandemic. That tool also suggests searches spiked directly after a police officer killed George Floyd in the street this past spring, which makes sense because American capitalism and American racism are “different” in the sense that Bud Light and Miller Lite are “different,” which is to say sort of but also not really.

What’s the connection between neighborhood grocery deliveries and strangers paying each other’s medical bills, and random Twitter avatars throwing beer money at unemployed bloggers? Ah, so glad you asked, my dear rhetorical device!

Drinks Do Not a Union Organize

To Haiven, journalism’s money-for-booze routine isn’t quite a pure expression of solidarity — it’s long on symbol, but short on substance, and is probably predicated a bit too much on journalism’s romanticized “brand” and the popularity of individual outlets and writers to constitute real movement-building action.

On that, all the journalists I spoke with for this story agreed emphatically. “Part of me is a little unsettled by the popularity aspect of it,” says Greenwell. The success or failure of a bar tab Venmo is “not determined by who needs it the most, and it’s not determined by whose circumstances were the worst in terms of their layoff or firing or whatever, it’s determined by popularity on Twitter.”

Kosoff, who received some Venmo dough herself after leaving “new Gawker” over ethical concerns regarding the site’s leadership, echoed that reservation, warning that the practice is potentially exclusionary and even “clique-y” — words more or less incompatible with true solidarity.

Another aspect of bar tab Venmo that makes it more a “solidaristic” behavior than a true form of solidarity is that the stakes are relatively low. With the exception of alcoholics who’d be wracked with delirium tremens in the absence of drink, buying rounds for writers online is not really in the same category as, say, passing the hat to help the family of a union brother slain on the job to cover funeral costs.

And contrary to what you’ve heard, not every journalist unwinds at the end of the day with several glasses of Scotch. “Sending money for booze is a heartwarming gesture and a good expression of love and solidarity for people who have been laid off,” says Hamilton Nolan, a labor reporter for In These Times and a former staffer of the various companies that have owned Deadspin. “But speaking as someone who doesn’t drink, I would suggest that an even better practice would be just donating cash to laid off workers. They can buy their own drinks, or pay the rent.”

Still, Haiven says, if labor activism occurs on a spectrum, with strikes and solidarity actions between different unions or workers organizations on one end, “on the other end of the spectrum are these like small almost seemingly insignificant acts of mutual aid, where people say ‘actually, our fates are connected.’”

“It’s kind of a culture of solidarity that could then turn into the structures of solidarity,” he adds.

Beyond the Bar Tab

Those structures, it should be noted, are already being built both outside media — and within it. After five decades of declining union density in the United States, the digital-media industry was a bright spot in the second half of the 2010s, with a wave of successful union drives, with workers at publications like Vox, New York Magazine, Deadspin, Vice, HuffPost, Salon, and many more organizing themselves to bargain for better conditions and more stability. (Disclosure: I organized at Thrillist, another digital shop that went union in that wave. We won, but it took awhile.)

So while bar tab Venmo is an imperfect vessel for building coalition across the industry, it might act as sort of a gateway drug to more substantive acts of solidarity. For one thing, it’s more for newly activated workers to send fallen coworkers beer money with a few taps on an iPhone, than to, say, write them a check for a portion of their rent, or baby formula, or whatever.

“It’s a perfect way to say like, ‘Hey, I’m thinking about you, when we’re not close enough to say “I’m thinking about you,” so here’s 20 bucks,’” muses Greenwell. Under the guise of sending a round of send-off shots, contributors were able to offer financial support that could cover actual necessities. And it did: The Deadspin fund fueled several outings with Greenwell’s former staff, but also went toward paying months of rent and buying half a dozen laptops for those writers who had previously relied on their company-issue machines. Many of those workers went on to launch Defector, one of several promising new worker-owned media co-ops seeking to reinvent a broken business with good blogs. (Maybe the drinks helped!)

Greenwell imagines mutual aid in an ideal world simply as money doled out to people who need it most, donated by those with common cause who weren’t swayed by individual popularity or, as Kosoff put it, “the stereotype of journalists as miserable sad sacks want to drink together at the bar.” Something less like a bar tab Venmo, and more like the Journalist Furlough Fund.

Launched in late March by Seattle Times reporter Paige Cornwell as a GoFundMe, the JFF is a by-journalists, for-journalists effort to plug the gaping holes in both the media industry’s broken model and the United States’ shredded social safety net. The fundraising target was $60,000, but to date the campaign has raised over $96,000 from journalists, local businesses, public-relations pros … you name it.

Speaking on the phone while coordinating wildfire coverage in Seattle, Cornwell was intent to note two things. First: “I do this independent of my employer,” she says, noting that, though the Seattle Times has been supportive of the effort, it is not a company initiative. (The Times, for what it’s worth, is a partly union newsroom; its digital journalists are currently fighting for their right to join their already-organized colleagues, of which Cornwell is one.)

The second thing Cornwell was adamant about was something every other journalist I interviewed also brought up: The sheer deficiency of crowdfunded mutual aid, even $100,000 of it, when compared to the scope of the problem at hand. Even though the JFF is much more explicitly oriented around aid than a bar tab Venmo, it pales in comparison to the broad, systematic dysfunction of the media industry.

“This isn’t a way to make up for [a laid-off journalist’s] loss,” says Cromwell. “It’s for keeping someone from the edge.” As the administrator of the fund, she’s disbursed cash to journalists across the country for daycare tuition fees, medical bills, equipment, and more. The JFF can help some journalists in a pinch, but still, “it’s not enough,” she says.

That doesn’t mean she plans to wind it down anytime soon, though. After surging in the spring, contributions to the fund have slowed, but considering that things are only getting worse in the American media business, she’s hopeful that people will contribute again if they can — if not to “fix” the media, then at least to keep more writers and editors from the meat grinder. “Someone else can figure out how to save journalism as a whole, [the JFF] will just make sure that someone will be able to buy their daughter school supplies,” she quips.

“It’s just so ridiculous that we even have to have those conversations.”

I’ll drink to that. (Please Venmo me.)

The article Bar Tab Venmo May Ease the Sting of Media Layoffs, But It’s Far From a Safety Net appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/bar-tab-venmo-layoffs/

[johnboothus]

Bar Tab Venmo May Ease the Sting of Media Layoffs But Its Far From a Safety Net

Push alerts are the scourge of our #mobilefirst existence, so it makes sense that Megan Greenwell had turned them off for all her most used apps. It also makes sense that Venmo, the ubiquitous platform that allows strangers to seamlessly transfer one another funds by phone, was not one of those apps.

After all, who walks the earth expecting strangers to simultaneously begin sending them funds with little to no warning? In this economy?! And yet, one fateful late-October afternoon last year, that’s exactly what happened to the editor of Wired, who had helmed the sports blog Deadspin for 18 months before resigning in protest of what she saw as improper editorial meddling by the executives running the site’s parent company.

“All of a sudden like my phone was like too hot to touch because of all the Venmos coming in,” Greenwell told me in a recent phone interview. The money wasn’t for her, not all of it at least. In fall 2019, 20 of the editor’s former Deadspin colleagues began walking off the job in a principled stand against the firing of one of their own, and the site’s fans (who included millions of regular readers per month and many NYC media insiders) wanted to show their support. Greenwell had stepped up as a digital bagwoman on Twitter, posting her Venmo handle and offering to run point on disbursement of any funds collected.

And lo, did the funds roll in. To buy the erstwhile Deadspinners drinks, strangers on the internet ultimately pooled together a “healthy five figures,” says Greenwell. (This went to more than drinks; we’ll get to that in a moment.) “I was like, ‘Holy fuck, I have to figure out how to turn off my notifications!’”

‘In lieu of a better safety net’

Such is the power and majesty of the “bar tab Venmo,” a digital-age rite borne of journalistic tribalism, smartphone connectivity, and the excruciating death shudders of an ever-collapsing American media ecosystem. It’s a fairly simple exercise: When journalists find themselves out of work, other journalists — plus rank-and-file subscribers, fans of a free press, and so forth — toss a few bucks into a digital bucket as consolation beer money for the newly unemployed.

Unfortunately, layoffs have been a nearly omnipresent specter in the media business for the entire decade I’ve been in it. (This story, in fact, is expanding on an essay I wrote for my drinking culture newsletter after being laid off, for the first time, from a media gig of my own. Fun!) In that time, as shop after shop has shed writers and editors, hard-nosed reporters and soft-handed listicle jockeys, the bar tab Venmo routine has become a bit of a funeral rite.

(Apparently this is a thing that people also did with former staffers of failed Democratic presidential campaigns, which is different and honestly a little weird to me in ways that I can’t quite put my finger on right now. Anyway!)

Given how often journalists get laid off, it’s impossible to say how many of these booze-focused fundraisers have hit the timeline since Venmo was created in 2009. But in the past few years, as the digital-media balloon has deflated in an atmosphere of impossible growth goals, video pivots, and impatient, inept venture-capitalism and private-equity opportunism, they’ve gotten bigger. Due to the site’s stature and its writers’ popularity, the drive for former Deadspinners was arguably the highest-profile of the bunch. The last year and a half alone seen has similar ad-hoc efforts for journalists at BuzzFeed News, Sports Illustrated, The New York Times en Espanol, Outside Magazine … and on and on.

“I’ve spent a lot of time over the past four years or so specifically … donating to bar tab Venmos,” says Maya Kosoff, a freelance writer and editor who, back in the Before Times, wrote movingly for GEN on “the human toll of the 2019 media apocalypse” that put 3,000 journalists out of work. (Smash cut to 2020 and that number looks downright adorable next to the toll taken by pandemic-related media layoffs, which The New York Times ballparked at 36,000 back in April. And uh, folks, things have not gotten better since April!)

“It feels like you’re trying to help your fellow peers get back on their feet at a time when there’s complete instability in the industry, and no guarantee that you’re gonna find another staff job in journalism,” she added. Bar tab Venmo “is kind of in lieu of there being like a better safety net — for reporters, writers, editors, and freelancers.”

“I don’t know where I first saw people doing this,” says Amanda Mull, a staff writer for The Atlantic whose tweet about the Deadspin walkout was among those that prompted Greenwell to offer up her Venmo handle last fall. “Maybe it was an early round of BuzzFeed layoffs? I saw people doing it, so I sent some money. It seemed like just a nice thing to do, people who are losing their jobs or who are in an unstable employment situation.”

Mutual Aid in the Modern Era

Speaking of which: As the coronavirus pandemic continues its literal and figurative death march through the American economy, rolling layoffs and gobsmacking unemployment numbers have become a de rigeur part of the national discourse. There are a lot more workers (both in the media and beyond) in unstable employment situations than ever before.

As such, new conversation has sprung forth about the shortcomings of America’s dismal system of meat-grinder capitalism and what average folks — buried in student loan, perpetually renting, and/or clinging to garbage jobs they hate because the bad health benefits they get are still better than the obscenely expensive alternatives in our cartoonishly corrupt privatized healthcare industry — can do to help each other survive. Like, beyond buying each other drinks, I mean.

Workers, neighbors, marginalized groups, and more have been passing the hat to help their own cover the costs of sickness, death, and bad luck for centuries. That’s neither new (it was a staple of 19th-century fraternal lodges), nor particularly mainstream, in the United States at least. But things are shifting, according to Max Haiven, an author and professor at Lakehead University in Ontario, Canada. Rank-and-file attitudes toward mutual aid were “changing already very quickly before the pandemic, [and they’re] changing even faster right now. … What we’ve actually begun to see is that since Covid, a lot of workers who previously were not unionized are now taking forms of collective action.”

At the very least, people seem more aware of the idea. Google Trends indicates that interest in the phrase “mutual aid” has been higher than normal for virtually the entire duration of the coronavirus pandemic. That tool also suggests searches spiked directly after a police officer killed George Floyd in the street this past spring, which makes sense because American capitalism and American racism are “different” in the sense that Bud Light and Miller Lite are “different,” which is to say sort of but also not really.

What’s the connection between neighborhood grocery deliveries and strangers paying each other’s medical bills, and random Twitter avatars throwing beer money at unemployed bloggers? Ah, so glad you asked, my dear rhetorical device!

Drinks Do Not a Union Organize

To Haiven, journalism’s money-for-booze routine isn’t quite a pure expression of solidarity — it’s long on symbol, but short on substance, and is probably predicated a bit too much on journalism’s romanticized “brand” and the popularity of individual outlets and writers to constitute real movement-building action.

On that, all the journalists I spoke with for this story agreed emphatically. “Part of me is a little unsettled by the popularity aspect of it,” says Greenwell. The success or failure of a bar tab Venmo is “not determined by who needs it the most, and it’s not determined by whose circumstances were the worst in terms of their layoff or firing or whatever, it’s determined by popularity on Twitter.”

Kosoff, who received some Venmo dough herself after leaving “new Gawker” over ethical concerns regarding the site’s leadership, echoed that reservation, warning that the practice is potentially exclusionary and even “clique-y” — words more or less incompatible with true solidarity.

Another aspect of bar tab Venmo that makes it more a “solidaristic” behavior than a true form of solidarity is that the stakes are relatively low. With the exception of alcoholics who’d be wracked with delirium tremens in the absence of drink, buying rounds for writers online is not really in the same category as, say, passing the hat to help the family of a union brother slain on the job to cover funeral costs.

And contrary to what you’ve heard, not every journalist unwinds at the end of the day with several glasses of Scotch. “Sending money for booze is a heartwarming gesture and a good expression of love and solidarity for people who have been laid off,” says Hamilton Nolan, a labor reporter for In These Times and a former staffer of the various companies that have owned Deadspin. “But speaking as someone who doesn’t drink, I would suggest that an even better practice would be just donating cash to laid off workers. They can buy their own drinks, or pay the rent.”

Still, Haiven says, if labor activism occurs on a spectrum, with strikes and solidarity actions between different unions or workers organizations on one end, “on the other end of the spectrum are these like small almost seemingly insignificant acts of mutual aid, where people say ‘actually, our fates are connected.’”

“It’s kind of a culture of solidarity that could then turn into the structures of solidarity,” he adds.

Beyond the Bar Tab

Those structures, it should be noted, are already being built both outside media — and within it. After five decades of declining union density in the United States, the digital-media industry was a bright spot in the second half of the 2010s, with a wave of successful union drives, with workers at publications like Vox, New York Magazine, Deadspin, Vice, HuffPost, Salon, and many more organizing themselves to bargain for better conditions and more stability. (Disclosure: I organized at Thrillist, another digital shop that went union in that wave. We won, but it took awhile.)

So while bar tab Venmo is an imperfect vessel for building coalition across the industry, it might act as sort of a gateway drug to more substantive acts of solidarity. For one thing, it’s more for newly activated workers to send fallen coworkers beer money with a few taps on an iPhone, than to, say, write them a check for a portion of their rent, or baby formula, or whatever.

“It’s a perfect way to say like, ‘Hey, I’m thinking about you, when we’re not close enough to say “I’m thinking about you,” so here’s 20 bucks,’” muses Greenwell. Under the guise of sending a round of send-off shots, contributors were able to offer financial support that could cover actual necessities. And it did: The Deadspin fund fueled several outings with Greenwell’s former staff, but also went toward paying months of rent and buying half a dozen laptops for those writers who had previously relied on their company-issue machines. Many of those workers went on to launch Defector, one of several promising new worker-owned media co-ops seeking to reinvent a broken business with good blogs. (Maybe the drinks helped!)

Greenwell imagines mutual aid in an ideal world simply as money doled out to people who need it most, donated by those with common cause who weren’t swayed by individual popularity or, as Kosoff put it, “the stereotype of journalists as miserable sad sacks want to drink together at the bar.” Something less like a bar tab Venmo, and more like the Journalist Furlough Fund.

Launched in late March by Seattle Times reporter Paige Cornwell as a GoFundMe, the JFF is a by-journalists, for-journalists effort to plug the gaping holes in both the media industry’s broken model and the United States’ shredded social safety net. The fundraising target was $60,000, but to date the campaign has raised over $96,000 from journalists, local businesses, public-relations pros … you name it.

Speaking on the phone while coordinating wildfire coverage in Seattle, Cornwell was intent to note two things. First: “I do this independent of my employer,” she says, noting that, though the Seattle Times has been supportive of the effort, it is not a company initiative. (The Times, for what it’s worth, is a partly union newsroom; its digital journalists are currently fighting for their right to join their already-organized colleagues, of which Cornwell is one.)

The second thing Cornwell was adamant about was something every other journalist I interviewed also brought up: The sheer deficiency of crowdfunded mutual aid, even $100,000 of it, when compared to the scope of the problem at hand. Even though the JFF is much more explicitly oriented around aid than a bar tab Venmo, it pales in comparison to the broad, systematic dysfunction of the media industry.

“This isn’t a way to make up for [a laid-off journalist’s] loss,” says Cromwell. “It’s for keeping someone from the edge.” As the administrator of the fund, she’s disbursed cash to journalists across the country for daycare tuition fees, medical bills, equipment, and more. The JFF can help some journalists in a pinch, but still, “it’s not enough,” she says.

That doesn’t mean she plans to wind it down anytime soon, though. After surging in the spring, contributions to the fund have slowed, but considering that things are only getting worse in the American media business, she’s hopeful that people will contribute again if they can — if not to “fix” the media, then at least to keep more writers and editors from the meat grinder. “Someone else can figure out how to save journalism as a whole, [the JFF] will just make sure that someone will be able to buy their daughter school supplies,” she quips.

“It’s just so ridiculous that we even have to have those conversations.”

I’ll drink to that. (Please Venmo me.)

The article Bar Tab Venmo May Ease the Sting of Media Layoffs, But It’s Far From a Safety Net appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/bar-tab-venmo-layoffs/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/bar-tab-venmo-may-ease-the-sting-of-media-layoffs-but-its-far-from-a-safety-net