#as a fellow insecure person i'd be happier if they were openly insecure and honest.

[wild-at-mind]

Oooof so spent last night at a friend’s for her bday and this guy was there and at first his relentlessness was ok but oh my god it wore me down, I think I need too severely cut down on seeing him. The only problem is everyone I know in the LGBTQ community here knows him also and if I’m not careful I could fuck up yet another burgening friendship group.

He’s not doing anything wrong. It’s just alongside the massive insecurities I have about the way my life has gone and how long it took me to be in the relatively good place I am today, he is hard to listen to. He has no end of stories to tell about things he’s done, all the great experiences he has had. My life seems so boring and small in comparison, so much so that I went home and cried. (I was in a bad place anyway but god I’d love to do social events where there wasn’t a risk of me crying in front of everyone at some point, which luckily did not happen this time.)

Yes I do think some of his stories are very exaggerated, especially the ones he tells where he did something a little mischievous! and doesn’t appear to realise that what he’s actually saying is ‘I put other kids in danger at my school’ and apparently the teachers were just cool with it, or ‘I committed fraud at my old job’ while not apparently realising it was fraud, and when I said bullshit that would be fraud he said ‘but the bosses told me to!’ (Like, ok....I’ve not done bar work and it was different in the 90s I get that, but I’m still not super buying it.) I don’t care about exaggerated stories most of them time but I hate the ones where the point of the story is how awesome the teller is and how much you should admire them, so to react correctly you have to nod along to the bullshit and praise them after.

Anyway I’m really done with this and I’m going to another meetup later which I WILL go to so I can hang out with trans people but I’m going to try and avoid conversation with him at all costs. :( It sucks because a while back when I was thinking about inviting a few people for drinks for my bday, which is coming up end of August, I suddenly thought ‘oh god I don’t want him to monopolise everything but if I don’t invite him and invite other people we know people will think it’s weird and it might cause drama between us and I’ll lose another group of friends’ and I lost enthusiasm for getting people together at all. :( I just can’t face another thing becoming all about him especially not my birthday.

I know there are reasons why people are like this but I just find people who never ask me about myself during conversations and who don't listen very hard to be around.