#as a fallen Catholic I loved this movie

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | November 11th-17th 2024

Just an FYI, I have an account over at BlueSky at epicficrecs!

Also!! I just passed 300 different fic writers and podficcers recced since the beginning of this blog! 🥳 thank you all for your hard work and your invaluable contributions to this fandom!

Complete

indulgence by coldbam/ @coldbam (Post-S8E6: Confessions, Getting Together, PWP | 1K | Explicit): “Okay. I’ll be right back.” Eddie gets off the couch, leaning down to collect their empties from the table, putting himself right into Buck’s line of sight, eyes catching on— “Oh,” Buck says, as his finger connects to the back of Eddie’s right thigh. He didn’t even register moving, but he sees it right in front of him. He forces his hand back to his own body. “I’ve never seen that before,” he continues, referring to the small dark splotch on Eddie’s skin that’s transfixed him. It’s just—there’s not a lot that Buck doesn’t know about Eddie by now. Not a lot he hasn’t seen.

Clarity by xylodemon/ @xylodemon (Post-S8E6: Confessions, Getting Together | 1,7K | Explicit): As soon as they kissed, a thousand things had fallen into place—jokes and shoulder bumps and wordless exchanges, movies and zoo trips and engine rides spend thigh to thigh. In that moment, Buck had realized with absolute clarity what Tommy meant when he said he wouldn't be Buck's last. Because Buck's last is Eddie. It was always going to be Eddie.

never seen a bluer sky by Chash/ @ponyregrets (S8E6: Confessions Coda, Pre-Buddie | 2K | Teen): "Hey, what brings you joy?" Eddie is expecting some waffling in Buck's response. Maybe some suspicion. It's a weird thing to ask, obviously. Joy isn't a word he uses much, isn't a go-to. But even if what makes you happy is a more normal question, it's not right. He needs something deeper. And of course there's the Tommy of it all. Buck hasn't exactly been mourning or anything, but he's obviously down. It wouldn't be unreasonable for him to say that nothing is bringing him joy at the moment. It's not a particularly joyful time. But Buck doesn't hesitate, doesn't question. He just says, "The ocean," and doesn't even ask why Eddie wants to know.

all eyes on me, your illusionist by thelonggoodbye (Different First Meeting AU | 2K | Teen): Eddie doesn't like magic. He's just fond of this one magician, is all.

The Billy Boils Breakup Anthem by sibylsleaves/ @sibylsleaves (S8E5: Masks Fix-It | 2K | General): Buck gets dumped. Then he gets cursed.

just soothes the soul by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (S8E6: Confessions Coda, Pre-Buddie | 2K | Mature): It’s quiet, apart from the music still playing over the speakers, Old Time Rock and Roll fading out, another equally upbeat song starting right after. The contrast of it is what gets to Buck. Whatever Eddie had been doing when Buck showed up, he’d seemed… different, than he’s been lately. Buck turns his head to look at Eddie properly. "You shaved."

safe haven by my_hopeless_opus (Established Buddie, Fluff | 3K | Teen): People pleaser Evan Buckley learns how to be the little spoon.

The Thanksgiving Trap by scarmaddiewrites (Post-S8E6: Confessions, Chris POV | 3K | Teen): Chris has got to get out of Texas. He has a plan!

Clouds Ain’t Leakin No Rain by vampirebuckley (Post-S8E6: Confessions, PWP | 3K | Explicit): “Tommy dumped me.” “Oh. Uhm. I’m sorry, Buck.” “Yeah, me too.” “Do you want to talk about it?” Eddie grimaces as the words leave his mouth. Buck sighs, again. Slumps back on the couch. “Not particularly.” “Okay then. No talking. Do you want to drink about it?”

these hands had to let it go free (and this love came back to me) by bibuckdiaz (Post-S8E6: Confessions, Getting Together | 3K | Mature): Buck comes to Eddie's house after Tommy breaks up with him. They have a lot to discuss and to confess to each other. Eddie finally lets himself feel joy, in more ways than one. or: Catholic guilt, repressed memories, and the joyful ordeal of being in love with your best friend.

i could take you (to have and to hold) by withmeornotatall/ @chronicowboy (S8E6: Confessions | 3K | General): Eddie goes to the cemetery, and he lets Shannon go. He lets her rest. And he shaves his moustache off. And he sits on his couch in his empty house and looks at a picture of Christopher and thinks I'm going to get him back And then Buck texts him. Broke up with Tommy. Beer (OR: eddie goes to church, buck breaks up with tommy, and things finally start to make sense)

ditch the clown, get the crown by sparkagrace/ @ohhsodebonair (Post-S8E6: Confession, Lakers Game Date | 3K | Teen): Eddie and Buck go to the Lakers game. They don't expect the kiss cam.

Happiness is a Bottle of Juice by scarmaddiewrites (Post-S8E7: Hotshots, Pre-Buddie | 4K | Mature): Eddie decides it’s time for him to go and get Christopher from Texas, sees something he shouldn’t, and has a conversation about juice.

🔥like sugar in my soul (how sweet it is to be loved by you) by granadas (Post-S8E6: Confessions, Getting Together | 4K | Mature): “I kind of have a sweet tooth,” Eddie admits. “It was easier when we were a little broke. I took my coffee black because I was always in a rush to my next shift, and we were scraping by, so any juice and sweets I bought were for Chris.” “So what changed?” Eddie’s finally looking at him, and he flushes. “I’m just trying this new thing,” he says, “where I stop punishing myself. I’m trying to be… nice to myself, I guess. For once. Like, showing myself that the world isn’t going to end if I do something just for me.” Or: Eddie is making changes to his life. Buck panics, until he doesn't.

The Five Deaths of Dorothy Diaz by thelonggoodbye (Established Buddie, Future Fic | 4K | Teen): Eddie buys a plant. Buck and Christopher are determined to keep him from finding out he keeps killing it.

Last and Forever by Kwills91/ @kwills91 (S8E6: Confessions Coda, Pre-Buddie | 5K | Teen): “I thought I needed to be punished. For what happened with Kim. I thought that’s what I deserved.” Buck wants to protest—say that’s not true—but Eddie knows him well enough to level him with a look that tells him not to before he even opens his mouth. “It didn’t feel like enough, what he asked me to do. So I left. And then I ran into him at this juice place. He noticed that I swapped the juice for water. Told me I was denying myself joy. Called me on being scared of being a failure, and about the mustache being a disguise.” “He got all that from juice?” Buck asks. Eddie laughs. “Yeah, he got all that from juice. Kind of.”

and I cannot, cannot go by Maira/ @mairaiscarrierofthepaperclips (Post-S8E6: Confessions, Hanahaki Disease, Getting Together | 5K | Teen): Did Buck really not know? Did he not realise that he was the reason Eddie was even alive today? That knowing Buck was there, having Buck in his life, was sometimes the only thing that made Eddie get out of bed in the morning? Did Eddie- was this Eddie’s fault?

bad idea, right? by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Social Media Fic, Sexting | 6K | Explicit): Buck stumbles across Eddie's grindr profile.

we all assume the worst the best we can by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Established Buddie, Near Death Experience | 6K | Teen): When a rescue goes wrong, Buck and Bobby are trapped, while Eddie and Chim scramble to save them.

watch out (you might get what you’re after) by sparkagrace / @ohhsodebonair (Canon Divergent, Fratboy Eddie | 6K | Teen): The 118 keep getting called to a fraternity house and Buck can't stop thinking about the frat president Eddie Diaz (who is definitely not responsible for the fires).

you're my sun, my moon, my guiding star by wafflesofdoom/ @capseycartwright (Post-S8E6: Confessions, Getting Together | 8K | Teen): “Fine, let’s have it your way then,” Eddie slammed his phone down on the kitchen table. “You set me up a dating profile then – Hinge, Grindr, whatever you fucking want, Buck. Set me up a dating profile, and you pick which random man I need to sleep with to make it so you feel okay about wanting me.” in which evan buckley gets dumped, gets drunk with his best friend, realises he's in love with said best friend, and lets his abandonment issues get the best of him. because your first is never your last, right? so buck can't be eddie's first: he needs to be his last.

🔥 wanna be your endgame by literalmetaphor (Post-S8E6: Confessions, Getting Together, Pining | 10K | Mature): Maddie has her forehead against her hands, which are clasped in what looks to be prayer. “Okay, so – hang on, so Eddie’s gay?” “Yeah.” Buck can’t believe they’re doing this again. “And he told you he was in love with you.” “Right,” Buck says. “And you…” Maddie peeks up at him. “You’re in love with him?” “Absolutely.” Maddie draws in a long breath, and she splits her hands to pillow her face. “But you turned him down and told him you wanted to wingman for him instead?”

🔥 death wish love by Underhung_Aura/ @eddiebabygirldiaz (Post-S8E6: Confessions, Getting Together, PWP | 15K | Explicit): after getting dumped by tommy and going to eddie's, buck wakes up the next morning only to be pummeled by his hangover and his attraction to eddie

WIP

🔥 wicked dreams by hispolestar (Post-S7, BT Break-Up, Eddie Sexuality Crisis, Getting Together | 4/9 | 18K | Explicit): Eddie’s trouble starts with a dream. Well, it actually starts much earlier, when he runs into a woman who is the literal carbon copy of his dead wife. Or, alternatively it starts with a lightning bolt. Or a sniper. Or a firetruck. Or a car crash. Or, realistically, a grenade embedded in a seventh-grade teacher’s leg. It starts with blue eyes, broad shoulders and a tenacity that shocks Eddie to his very core. But right now, Eddie’s trouble starts with a dream. ~ Eddie, alone and confused, is navigating Christopher's extended stay in Texas, while also grappling with feelings he's been repressing for seven years. Buck, who misses Chris dearly, is struggling under Gerrard and his boyfriend's dismissive attitude. In the wreckage of their lives, they find each other.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, Divergent Post-S6 | 139/? | 446K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

🔥 how come everybody's dancing but you? by showedupatyourparty (Post-S7 Spec, Eddie Sexuality Crisis | 3/4 | 31K | Mature): Buck feels guilty. Everyone he loves is going through something painful, difficult, or unexpected right now. And Buck is just…bisexual. It’s great that he’s figured it out, and it’s great that everyone has been so supportive, and Tommy is—Tommy is fine. The sex is good, at least. Consistent. When Buck gets a call from Eddie’s phone late on a Tuesday night in June, it’s cause for concern. * Buck unpacks his own feelings about his recently-discovered bisexuality. Eddie gets adopted by drag queens. They're both just trying their best to be happy.

[louisaland]

SVU Season 16-17 rewatch

Season 16 is really good as a way to get to know the characters if, like me, you stopped watching after Season 12 ended and weren’t sure if it was worth continuing with.

I am very glad I did!

Amaro is just Stabler 2.0, as far as I can tell, but with a little more self-awareness as he realises he needs anger management classes and realises he needs to get out of the force for his physical and mental well-being and that of his kids. 

Olivia was obviously very attached to him, so I felt bad for her as she just keeps losing people. Working with Amaro evidently helped her get over Elliot leaving, and it seems like her relationship with Amaro was healthier than the one she had with Elliot. 

Amaro’s been linked romantically to Amanda, I believe? They are very similar from their upbringing and the way they internalise everything, so I c1n see why they would be drawn to each other.

When the two of them are talking/working  together and Carisi comes to give them some info/an update and they simultaneously answer that he’s not interrupting was funny. 

There’s a courtroom scene where Amanda is being questioned/cross-examined and she is asked about doing the right thing/having enough emotional support/what it means to be a good person and she’s looking in Carisi’s general direction. Very subtle, but made me squee!

I love that he hangs out with her and Fin outside of work, at the video games convention. Fin is still calling him noob/newbie at this point, so perhaps Rollins invited him? Those two always know all the celebrity gossip and who the famous people they need to talk to are. It ties in nicely to their later hang outs where they watch trashy reality TV together. Carisi I can see reading all his sister’s magazines and going to the movies with them to watch rom-coms growing up, as he seems to know a lot about them/says he loves them in the ep with the former teen actress and the producer.

Do we ever get the story about how Sonny was saved by the priests at his Catholic church? He mentions it in the big vlogging/TV religious family episode. I always saw him as a good student. For example  he’d be top of the class but would always ask questions so the other shyer kids who might not have understood and didn’t dare to ask would understand. Or he would tutor them. He seems to work very hard and be very focused, so I think he would be a favourite of the teachers. 

We know he was bullied physically and probably verbally too ( by Bobby Bianchi, at the very least), maybe because he was a bit of a goody-two-shoes. I really can’t see him ever getting into trouble at school or at home. We know he wanted to be a priest, so maybe he just spent a lot of time at church events to escape the bullying/find some real friends.

I was so prepared to hate Mike Dodds but he is very humble, is a bit annoyed to be there because of his dad’s nepotism and he refuses to be a tattle-tale. He apologises when he oversteps his boundaries, listens to feedback and generally gets on with everyone on the team. If he hadn’t had a fiancée, I’m sure he would also have fallen in love with Olivia too! 

Olivia is a very good Lieutenant. I see a lot of Cragen in her, as he would often give the team one-on-one pep talks and always tried to do the right thing when it came to members not doing things by the book. 

Maybe it got lost in translation, or I just struggle to pay attention to and understand the courtroom scenes, but Barba apparently says “Booyah, Fordham Law!” as a comeback/closing argument in a Season 16 episode, but I have never seen it though this is my second time watching. 

He was funny too when Carisi gives his personal and legal opinion on something and Barba says “That’s just your opinion, but yes, it’s correct”. 

Barba also wears fun, brightly coloured socks which are visible when he puts his feet up on the desk. I thought that was a fun way to show that he’s got a soft/emotional/fun side. Maybe because I know how he behaves in later eps towards Olivia, but I definitely find him less cold/unlikeable than I did during my first viewing. 

Something I read about was that potentially the show was going to have Barba and Carisi become romantically involved. Apparently the actors and writers were on board, but the network head said no. 

This would have deprived us of Rollins and Carisi though, and that would have been a big loss. Maybe someone like Dodds could have been gay and had a fiancé, thus having an openly gay member of the team and maybe some tension with Dodds Sr there. However,  Fin’s son Ken gets a storyline in that vein, when he and his husband have a child. 

On the tu/vous ( informal and formal you form) thing, Carisi uses tu with Amanda when she is at the hospital. This may be because they are of the same rank, but it definitely shows a level of friendship/closeness. 

Olivia, on the other hand, uses vous with everyone! Even Dr Huang, who she runs into with Barba, and she’s not in the office. She uses vous with Dodds Jr, even though she outranks him! 

[chamberofthespirit]

I'm a Catholic, lets yap about Satan ✧

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹

Let's face it, movies lie.

They lie about a lot of things, like that the pentagram is the symbol of demons and that witchcraft immediately means Satanic.

Movies lie that all nuns are abusive and cruel, they lie that Jesus was a white man, etc. They lie that Satanist sacrifice children and animals, they lie that all Satanists belong to a cult, they lie that all Satanists are up for assault.

Sadly, it's rare to see a Christian have a real conversation with a Satanist that doesn't involve fighting, ridicule, and attempts to convert the individual. How many of these Christians go off of the movies and assume the information is straight out of the history books? Sadly, a lot. Christians will also see a video of a girl spitting up into a bowl, crying, and screaming and immediately jump into the conclusion that she must be possessed by an evil force rather than considering the person has a disability or doing it for attention.

Satan doesn't want to kill you nor does he want to possess you

Does Satan like God? No. Does he want to psychically harm you just because you like God? Also no. In all real exorcisms, it's usually always a angry demon, never Satan. Satan converted the fallen angels to follow in his path but not to literally follow his every move, they were all just sent to hell together, that doesn't make Satan their ruler pursue.

Forgot who made Satan?

Christians say they know God created Satan but have they truly acknowledged it? What is "pure evil" exactly? Someone could commit threaten someone with a gun one night and then help an old lady across the street the very next day, get where I'm going?

Satan was God's favorite. God built him to be his favorite. Satan was built on grace but also with his own free will to think whatever he wants, which is why he was capable of choosing not to follow his Father. Have you ever heard a Satanist say that Satan told them to hurt a Christian? Probably not. Satan looks more towards basic trying to persuade people into converting to his side but he never has had assaulted them over it because he is still built on grace. His grace that still lingers inside him, is the exact reason why most Satanists follow Satanic rules that somewhat match the rules of Christianity.

I have talked to Satan in the past. He's not a threat or terrifying.

In the past, when I was still lost on how I wanted my beliefs to be, I tried talking to Satan through tarot. Not once did he ever treat me like I was scum all because I also liked his brother, Gabriel. Satan did have a slight additude but also humor and just regular conversation. All that happened was a fued between Michael and Satan in the conversation, which Gabriel dipped cause he was tired of dealing with them, it felt nothing like just a sibling fued. Nothing too crazy, basically seemed like a roasting battle.

STOP HATING ON SATANISTS BECAUSE THEY AREN'T ACTUALLY BAD PEOPLE. LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AND STOP ACTING LIKE SATAN IS GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO YOU!!

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹

[polariscroquis]

The last study I did on my Arthurian Legend character concepts: the woman herself, Guinevere.

As I stated before, I'm following more the 5th century, fighting saxons on the bloody fields of Britain praying to pagan gods, rather than the very Catholic version of the later medieval retellings.

Therefore, my Guinevere is very much pagan and tough hahahaha for a guy like Arthur to fall madly in love with her - and a guy like Lancelot too, of all the men in that island - she had to be one hell of a woman.

I always imagined her with fiery hair, very tall and athletic even, with killer eyes - so here she is.

More on her design and how her character fits in my personal take of the Arthurian Legend, under the cut!

Regarding the colors I chose for her, I went with a darker blue and gold to give her that regal look she would certainly have - also this tone of blue contrasts with her coppery hair, so I thought it would look good!

She has two versions, because one would be Court Guinevere while the other would be War Guinevere - both of them keep the cape, because I wanted something to be "constant" on her design. Also, the cape sort of gives her this imposing look, again something regal.

I remember watching George Lucas talking about how Anakin always wore a larger and darker cape/coat than other Jedis on the prequels so he would have that signature Darth Vader silhouette and imposing presence - given Hayden Christensen is taller than almost everyone in the movie xD I took that to heart and gave it to Guinevere 🖤

Now, from what I know, 5th century dresses weren't TOO filled with details as later medieval fashion, so I couldn't go crazy on her design here. I ended up using that wonderful painting, Accolade, as a reference for clothes.

With her war clothes, a little more complicated. Ended up searching for Jeanne D'arc references because I didn't want to have her look like King Arthur 2005's war Guinevere even though I LOVE those clothes.

Since she's a woman, it would make sense back then people would want her to stay as far away from slaughter as possible, so she has a bow. Everything is moon shaped with her, though, as a nod to the Great Goddesses, as well as the Goddess of the Hunt herself, Artemis.

Now on my take on how her character fits in my Arthurian world hahahaha

Guinevere loves Arthur a LOT. With Lancelot, though, both have their pagan upbringings and she doesn't have much of the moral compass Arthur has - she leans more on the Lancelot morality spectrum. She is a fighter, a queen, a woman with fire on her soul and enough intelligence to run entire kingdoms and destroy empires: and that's why both have fallen for her, even if she has eyes for only one of them.

While Lancelot has the charms, Arthur has the soul. Arthur can give her a safe place to fall and he can command a whole country like no one else - Guinevere admires that. And she is too great to be with a man she doesn't admire; she's never going to put herself down for a man. She needs to be with someone who meets her in equality.

Not that Lancelot doesn't, but all that ability to run kingdoms and such is not in him - even if he is prince of Benoic. Lancelot rather fight for someone like Arthur than command his own battles himself. He is a very good friend - probably the best friend Guinevere will ever have, given how everything she is also attracts envy from both men and women alike - but she wouldn't take him as a lover.

She will command kingdoms and fight in armies by Arthur's side, even if he doesn't want it - although Arthur is too proud and in love to ask Guinevere to be anything else than she is. They are indeed a power couple, and that, my friends, attracts all kinds of enemies - outside and inside the court.

That is MY personal take on Guinevere: a woman with too many abilities, too much willpower and intelligence, a fierce fighter and a cunning queen; the only one who could sweep the legendary Arthur off his feet - and that attracts the same amount of envy as admiration.

[notmorbid]

margo's got money troubles.

dialogue prompts from margo's got money troubles by rufi thorpe.

all things that are genuinely interesting aren't quite real.

i believed in santa until i was twelve. i'm cheesy.

the way you look at something changes what you see.

just say what you mean. don't pussyfoot around.

you just wander around in your underwear?

why are you going through my desk?

does your wife know you do this?

i've never told anyone this.

you shouldn't be telling me you love me.

what are you, catholic?

'want' and 'should' are two very separate things.

since when do you care about being a good person?

there's things you won't understand until you're older.

i'm really glad i met you.

do you think things happen for a reason?

i think you're just scared to admit you want to wreck your life.

sometimes ruining your life is the only thing you want.

what if i'm making a big mistake?

don't make the same mistake that i made.

nothing cheers up aging alcoholics like a baby.

if ___ proposed, would you say yes?

if you don't want the same result over and over, you have to do something different.

this meal is my treat. order whatever you'd like.

feel free to disagree. i'd like to get your opinion.

we are all fallen creatures. the real test is what we do when those chickens come home to roost.

i always want to see you.

i'm not exactly a kid anymore.

have you heard of onlyfans?

in some circles, i am sorta famous.

i don't believe in getting sick.

where are elmo's parents?

come cuddle me.

we're just pretending words have meaning, at this point.

are you a heel, or a face? the bad guy, or the good guy?

i want ____ so much that it frightens me.

you are such a puzzling mix of traits.

i'll require you to answer one question for every question i answer from you.

is ____ your actual name?

where does the character end and the self begin?

the line between 'real' and 'not real' gets a little fractal.

you're an icon. you are literally iconic.

what's the best sandwich you've ever had?

you look like a movie star.

it feels like we're in a dream.

i'm afraid that being loved is the only way to be safe.

you know a lot more about ____ than i realized.

this is so bad. i'm so scared.

everything is going to be alright. i promise you.

you don't even love me anymore.

i am rich in all the things that count.

do bad people ever know that they are bad?

what if inside, i'm secretly rotten?

are you okay? how did you get out here?

there's no such thing as 'too weird'.

tell me. you don't have to tell ____. just tell me.

you're gonna be so famous.

i think i'm getting confused about what's real and what's not.

i don't want to step back. i want to keep going.

you smell the same.

i don't know why i'm crying. i'm not sad.

i feel so far away from who i was.

ice cream is in order. large quantities.

i will never forgive you. i never will.

you want a donut?

you can make sense without making meaning.

i'm not even mad. i just feel like an idiot.

don't try to make me feel better. it makes it worse.

no human being is trash. even jesus said that.

the important thing is to control the narrative.

everyone loves to put a bitch back in her place.

you delight me.

every single dollar is power.

aren't we all always putting on an act?

i feel like i know you better than i know anyone in the world.

i thought if i did the right thing and was a good person, it would all turn out okay.

my landlord doesn't care if i'm a good person, just if i can pay.

when you're lost in a deep, dark forest, the thing to do isn't to get scared of the trees. you have to find your way out again.

i want to get really into making bread. like, aggressively into it.

you should get to be young. i remember that feeling.

i feel like you're picking me up for a school dance.

we can't start making out before dinner.

what the fuck is 'goodreads'?

nothing's wrong. i'm just, like, plotting how i'm gonna put the moves on you.

everyone needs a break, sooner or later.

this is going to be one of those things i regret.

good. get angry at me. hate me.

where would you go?

i'm going to try to be someone you can be proud of.

why doesn't ___ love me?

what did i do that this is all the love i get?

sometimes understanding isn't enough.

feelings change. don't i have the right to my own emotional journey?

the things we make up in our heads, the assumptions we make, wind up being much worse than what's going on.

it's amazing what you don't find, if you aren't looking for it.

when you're going to do something stupidly brave, it helps to have less time to think about it.

you must think i'm so weird.

you probably think of yourself as one of the good guys.

you're still such a mystery to me.

it's so good to see your face.

so you don't want to date me?

i just kept thinking we weren't done.

[whoiwanttoday]

I got around to watching Immaculate last night and I didn't love it and I didn't hate it. It's sort of a middle of the road affair with a… notable ending. Either way I appreciate that they are making both original movies and ones for adults, it's something horror seems to do more than anything else. It's not that this is high brow or sophisticated but once upon a time, when I was a kid, there was a type of movie that wasn't adult because it was high art but because it wasn't trying to attract children. We used to get a lot of them, they were middle budget movies staring big stars doing serious acting and they usually were thriller or about relationships. They have fallen away because they don't do well overseas and also everyone wants to swing for the fences with a tent pole franchise. There is now so much talk about why is it no one goes to movies and I would say there are lots of reasons but they certainly did everything the could to turn movies from an activity people could do to events to be attended and content to be consumed. It means when no one cared about the event no one thought of going to the movies and you had trained a whole subset of people to not go at all because they never went to the huge blockbuster, they went tot he Meg Ryan movie or the Russell Crowe movie (or the one they were in together). Sydney Sweeney produced this movie and was also in another huge hit a few months earlier, both of which are a type of movie that used to get made a lot but now very rarely is and shockingly they did well. Good for her and good on her. The thing is, I appreciate trying to give something different even if I don't love it. I liked the Russell Crowe Catholic horror movie better but let's be honest, that's a perfect piece of nonsense that can't be matched. I am glad Sydney Sweeney made this movie, I am glad she is making stuff she has a hand in and not just make the same old same old. Today I want to fuck Sydney Sweeney.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s1 episode 18 thoughts

i have been busy and my nightly watch sessions have fallen to the wayside, so i was really excited to watch this one! a great end to a busy day <3

so we open with a child reciting the bible to bring a dead burn victim back to life. i'm american so this was like an ordinary day for me ngl. like yeah yeah the child who believes he can resurrect, we've all seen it. nothing a good southern hallelujah can't fix in some people's minds.

the preacher says he found the boy on the banks of the mississippi which was SO funny to me. moses who?!

there was another scene of the ministry being cultishly devout and i wrote in my notes "like this isn't even really funny this is just the south i know people like this" and i stand by that assessment

scully wants to go investigate even though it's not an x file because they need someone with medical experience. she seems to think he won't want to come but mulder is soooo happy to join :D "when are we leaving for tennessee?"

(he needs to be out of his office for stimulation)

the preacher was dripping in expensive jewelry, had 4 cadillacs, again, many such cases here in the US of A.

when they meet the miracle healer boy (who has been accidentally killing people lately) he says to scully "do you deny the power of God?" and she says "no". i am storing that information for future use.

scully got deeply uncomfortable and tried to shut it DOWN when the miracle guy brought up mulder's sister, but he wanted to hear more. she even called the sheriff over. she said you are NOT going to mess with that man's head in front of me absolutely NOT.

then we had a plague moment in the courtroom. GRASSHOPPER ATTACK BE UPON YE!

mulder was reading from the old testament... this is so ethel cain coded

then he starts seeing his sister as a little girl and running toward her!!! he runs out during a chat with the preacher and scully is confused

she asks hey man. what did you see. he says "a girl". she says "who, jessica hahn?" (now i had to google who that is but she was a model.)

scully you are quick-witted and good at teasing this man. but he's sad and says "a LITTLE girl". making fun of mulder for having a crush has been temporarily POSTPONED due to his childhood trauma resurfacing.

i actually felt really bad for the healer guy who started killing people by touching them because i find it very believable that religious trauma will have you thinking that your evil hands made people choke to death because you are Sinful. again, seen similar things. in a less dramatic sort of way.

they return to the ministry event and mulder points out a seat in the crowd to scully then guides her with his hand on the small of her back. god, when is my turn? i have seen what you make the fictional men do.

the religious people are blocking an autopsy for religious purposes. which is something i will be googling later because tbh i'm curious if that is still a thing.

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she was raised catholic! she is familiar with scripture and says "God never lets the devil steal the show!" mulder laughs and says "you must have loved the Exorcist" and she says its one of her favorite movies! (DANA SCULLY HORROR FAN?!?!)

we see a person in scrubs sharpening a knife for an autopsy and i did NOT like that so imagine my SHOCK AND HORROR to learn it was none other than scully herself getting to business!!!

mulder is also there and he is very squeamish so he's being a great friend by sitting on the counter while she cuts a body up. thank u for ur service king.

(she makes him look at some lungs and he does NOT want to do this. think of the poor man's stomach, scully!)

when he runs out to go see the healer turned killer kid in jail, i was like yeah he was looking for an excuse to get tf out of there

also scully... in scrubs... <3 yes the sharpening of a knife was impersonal and scary but it's still Her... she's in her Doctor Mode and i love to see it

the healer boy tormented mulder about his sister and had him in the jail cell yelling "IS SHE ALIVE" ohhh i was seated. i was on the edge of that seat i was sat upon. needed to know if he was going to crack some skulls to get answers about his sister.

well no skulls were cracked in THAT scene but in the very next one, the sheriff hires some henchmen to kill the healer guy in jail which is like. not really analyzed a lot throughout the rest of the episode. and i feel like we moved past this a bit too quickly. but okay.

i was worried they were going to make the shady pastor the hero of the episode and thankful they did not do that. we don't need that energy to be encouraged. don't we deal with enough as is? another megachurch pastor might break me.

(our duo breaks into the court room where earlier a plague of locusts had begun) "what exactly are we looking for?" "clues" okay cryptic scooby doo mulder. acting like the guy from blue's clues. dumbass. i love him. (blue skadoo, you can too!)

then he yells "SCULLY! it's potato" in a deadly serious tone. this obviously has Implications for the investigation but "SCULLY! it's potato" is a phrase that had me laughing until my sides hurt. the deadpan delivery. scully. it's potato. new phrase entering my mental roster. rotating it in my mind over and over again.

they realize it's the burn victim the boy healed as a child who killed all those people! and when they get to his house, scully takes a deep sniff of whatever he was drinking and announces it's poison. which again, important to the plot. but it looked like she was just:

(scully takes a deep inhale of some liquid that looks like water) cyanide...

like girl why are you sniffing that! they always tell you not to sniff unknown chemicals when you get to high school chemistry class!!! her med school training flew Out the window. she needs to sniff the poison.

we see them getting packed up to head home and MULDER BROUGHT A PHOTO OF HIS SISTER AND KEPT IT BY HIS BED. does he do this for every single roadtrip? holy fuck i was gonna cry. the impermanence of the hotel room but the permanence of his grief, trying to hold on to what he can remember, her photo as a symbol of what he works for, what he spends his life working toward, why he devotes so many late hours and sleepless nights to the job... because its about getting her back above all else. no i'm Fine it's totally okay.

i enjoyed that for once, this was just a good ol' fashioned murder. a guy was poisoning people and letting someone else take the fall. a totally rational situation! a win for the disbelievers from all backgrounds!

(okay, so we don't know exactly why the guy could heal people in the first place or cause mulder to see his sister. but don't think about that too hard! enjoy the w for skeptics and scully nation!)

[monstraduplicia]

tag game!!

tagged by @saltbind tysm <3333

Do you make your bed? not unless I'm changing the sheets or having company over. I don't really see the point in it for me

What's your favorite number? 25 and 23. don't ask me why they've just stuck

What is your job? I am a housemom at a strip club. Basically I keep the dressing room clean, take care of the dancers, count money, and do paperwork. it's a fun job that really works for me, but the pay isn't like. the best ever.

If you could go back to school, would you? literally if I had the time and money I would love to finish my degree so I could get an actual adult job (or be a teacher like I've always wanted) but alas.

Can you parallel park? I've never tried and I think I would be too scared to try if the situation arose

A job you had that would surprise people? I've only ever had the one job but it surprises people all the time bc they don't know it even exists

Do you think aliens are real? probably but that has nothing to do with me so I don't have much of an opinion. I feel the same way about God

Can you drive a manual car? nope

What's your guilty pleasure? i am not catholic so i do not feel guilt about things that bring me pleasure but I do get embarrassed sometimes. reading fanfiction when I'm hyperfixating on something is high on the embarrassing list. not bc it's fanfiction but specifically the subject matter

Tattoos? none. ideally I would like some but i have zero pain tolerance and also zero money so never gonna happen

Favorite color? black, red, all shades of brown, burnt orange, and mustard yellow

Favorite type of music? most genres of rock, especially 90s alt

Do you like puzzles? i love puzzles!!!!!! it's why I love putting furniture together bc it's just a big puzzle

Any phobias? no. I've never been like. needlessly scared of things. I do really fucking hate spiders though

Favorite childhood sport? I've never liked sports like. at all? dodgeball was kind of fun if I had to pick one. does that even count?

Do you talk to yourself? constantly just not out loud. I have a never ending stream of consciousness at all times that shifts from narrating to conversing with myself to first person analysis of what I'm doing/seeing

What movies do you adore? dangerous question for me but some of my favorites are: velvet Goldmine, mysterious skin, dazed and Confused, empire records, chained, shame, cruel intentions, deadgirl, Detroit rock city, the dreamers, the cell, interview with the vampire, magnolia, labyrinth, hard candy, sex lies and videotape, mirrormask, amelie, fallen angels, almost famous, before sunrise, one hour photo, possum, the devils candy, all that jazz, the boat that rocked, slc punk, the fifth element, st elmos fire, the company of wolves, the passenger, like minds, a reflection of fear, the holdovers, and dinner in america

Coffee or tea? tea bc I hate coffee with a passion but I'm not even that big a fan of tea

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? when I was a kid I wanted to be an actress or singer, but I've wanted to be a teacher since I was like 14

tagging: @emiliosandozsequence @vampireassistant @mrcrepsley @planswithinplans @maythyknife @jamesheathridge

[sparklejumpropequeen8888]

My random ass essey about our queen<3

PRISCILLA PRESLEY

It has been a really rough time after the second word war but as we all know...after cloudy weather follows the downpour of the rain but after a while we can be all expecting the feeling of warm sunshine.

So as people continued to face their loses and missereble problems that came  afterwords they still needed live their lives. And one of the most important thing about life is that they needed to find a sort of happiness to have their souls fullfilled. And here is when things start to get messy because some people has felt happy after they´ve gone on a walk around the nature.

 In other situations they´ve gotten happy by just baking a sugary sweet.  There are so many sientific reasons why and why not and I��could talk like this ´til forever but one thing that has also been here since forever is music. Many people like to mention this and so do I because that is and has always been something that has brought us together and the humanity has been blessed by so many amazing voices and faces that belonged toghether that now we´ve have so many options like crazy.

Later on as we dive into the history of the lovely music industry let´s just appreciate icons that we refer as kings and queen like Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, Madonna and Elvis Presley.

And I am saying this because they have a huge following of people and lack of privacy which can lead to feeling lonely sometimes.

YES, just ´cause you are well-known it doesn´t mean all the people watching you actually like you. And that is exactly what happened to mentioned Priscilla when she started dating also already mentioned Elvis Presley. But first let me tell you more things about her so her full name is Priscilla Ann Wagner. She was born on 24. 5. 1945 in Brooklyn. Her biological father was a U.S. Navy pilot and died in a plane crash when she was just a few months old. Later on (1948) her mother Anna married an Air force officer which she married. He also adopted Priscilla and eventually had 5 more children with Anna.

As the years flew by she found herself at a party in west Germany (1959) with her brother and that was the place where the „King of rock ´n roll“ has laid his eyes on her.

Thereafter as they´ve gotten to know each one and other they´ve fallen in love. Which has led to them starting to date. This was a huge tragedy for society because she was just a 14 years old girl and he was a full grown man. In fact he was 10 years older than her. But there was a reason to his desicion and apparently he´s told a friend of his that „she was young enough that he could train her the way he wants“. He also found a resemblance between Priscilla and his mother Gladys , which died in 1959.

On the other hand Priscilla´s claimed that he would pour his heart out and that he was very very lonely which can be the cause of lack of privacy he had.

Flash-forward to 1963 when she was 17 she moved in with Elvis. While he was shooting movies she was in a „good catholic school“ so she´d get her high-school diploma. Their house was located in Elvis Presley blvd. 3764, Memphis, Tennessee. The mansion was owned by Elvis´family and it has also gotten a name „Graceland“. Priscilla would spend her afternoons and evenings in the huge house.

As first of may rolled (1.5.1967) around and Priscilla and Elvis tied the knot with a small cermony in the “City of sins“ – Las Vegas.

Elvis truly loved priscilla but that doesn´t mean he actually wanted to marry her. Elvis´ talent manager Colonel Tom Parker encouraged him to marry her as soon as it´s humanly possible and so did Priscillas father so he was presurred to put a ring on her finger.

Doesn´t it feel so nice reading someone´s love story and just think to youself like this is life but sadly as Nelly Furtado has sung „All the good things come to an end“ and so does this story but before the story ends  there are always some interesting  plots and twists and so does this one so on 1.2.1968 the only daughter of Elvis and his wife Priscilla was born. They named her Lisa Marie Presley. As she got older she decided to start making music by singing which she was quite sucsessesful at. It could have been caused by her parents´fame and status but also by the amazing DNA and genetics she got.

Besides their daughter getting older we could talk about maturing because one of many factors of getting mature it´s really thinking about what is best for you and Priscilla  felt like the marrige between Elvis and her was getting out of hand and she wanted to have control over her life and that was inpossible with Elvis´ lifestyle. So The point is Elvis Presley celebreted his 38th birthday (1.8.1973.) – by filing for divorce of their 6 year marrige. Early in their relationship, Priscilla found intimate correspondence between him and an actress named Anita Wood only for it to turn out to be Viva-Las Vegas´ Ann-Margret. He cheated on Preiscilla summer 1963 with Ann-Margret who was his co-star in the movie. If Priscilla brought up his infidelity in the court there would be arguments ensued. But that wasn´t the only reason they got divorced. Elvis also had erratic temper which caused him to throw a chair at Priscilla when he was asking her thoughts on his new record.

Half a year after Priscilla has left with her daughter Lisa-Marie and he started dating Linda Tompson(22) which lasted for lovely 4 years and she´s broken up with him for pretty much the same reason as Priscilla. She wanted to live „normal life“. Linda had a good relationship with his daughter and she was actually the first person to tell her Elvis has been found dead. But the 1. person who saw his unresponsive body was his most recent fiancé Ginger Alden. Nobody has expected his death. It has  suddenly happened in his mansion – Graceland on 16.8.1977.

His funeral has taken its place just 2 days later in Graceland. There was 80,000 attendance and one of them was Priscilla. She has been in shock and said quote to quote that „You´d see glimpses, you´d see crying, hysterical, fainting and that is how imapctfull it was still to this day.“

After that things have changed and people moved on like for instance Priscilla has become a succssesful bussines woman and an actress. Lisa Marie has gotten married and given birth to her daughter who now owns the Graceland and her son who died at the age of 28 on 12.7.2020. His death was caused by suicide.

The most recent loss was Lisa Marie whos death was caused by cardiac arrest which has happened early in 2023.

And Priscilla decided to relive her life and she has made a movie about it that you can watch on HBO MAX. The movie was produced by sofia Coppola.

[fellthemarvelous]

Why I love the movie Dogma.

Alan Rickman's Metatron

Alanis Morrisette was God. And God was a big fan of Skee-Ball (it's relevant to the movie).

George Carlin

Matt Damon (Loki) and Ben Affleck (Bartleby) playing fallen angels

(Bartleby kills Loki in an act of betrayal)

A shit demon 😂

I grew up in the Catholic Church and then abandoned religion after I graduated from high school, so Dogma was an absolute blast for me. Some of my ultra-religious, ultra-conservative friends were NOT amused.

Give me all the irreverent treatment of the Catholic Church. It soothes a bit of the religious trauma I'm still trying to heal from more than 20 years later.

[emotionalsupportbastardmen]

Round one of the Bastard Man (affectionate) championshionships is complete!

Let's take a moment to appreciate everyone who got knocked out in round one, and everything I like about them.

Mammon (Obey Me)

Mammon the love of my life Mammon. </3 Yes he's a demon, yes he's the avatar of greed, yes he's "the scummy brother", but with a heart of gold, deep down inside. Very deep down. Plus he's funny and secretly sensitive and he likes to cuddle. <3 I'm honestly shocked he got knocked out in round one, I always thought he was quite a tumblr darling.

Hercule Flambeau (Father Brown)

Everyone loves a gentleman thief, don't they? Especially one with a homoerotic relationship with his narrative foil? A master of disguise? A secret sadboy with a tragic backstory? A man who broke out of prison? World's sluttiest absent father? When will your man ever.

Inspector Mallory (Father Brown)

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA. He's such a funny character. Little angry northern bastard man. He's awful, and should be easy to hate, but he just suffers so often and suffers so beautifully, you can't help but root for him to win, just once. And he loves his kids! A short king and a DILF.

James E. Negatus (Yonderland)

Listen. Listen. I could never love anyone like I love Negatus. He occupies a special and unique part of my heart just for him. He's babygirl. He's daddy. He's cringefail. He's badass. He's gender. He's really really kinky. I cannot understate this, this is the fetish fuel show and it's like 70% his fault. He's on a mission to kill the hero but he's also sort of in love with her. I'm never not going to go feral for that. He has a tragic backstory and a softness for small children and small animals. He's canonically committed multiple warcrimes, several murders, and also demon-genocide. He's done nothing wrong ever in his life <3

Louis Fairhead (Casualty)

My sweet prince when will he return from war? It's been so long since the show ever even so much as acknowledged him. He wasn't even at his own father's wedding to a woman Louis was practically part-raised by. I think he's fallen into a crack in space and time. Anyway I love Louis. I don't even think he's a bad guy. He's had the most traumatic life imaginable. His mother died in a car accident while he was in the car. He got kidnapped once. One time he nearly got blown up. This was all before he was ten. Then as a teenager he became a drug addict. And as a young adult he had a heroin overdose. I think he's within his rights to be an angry and emotionally distant man. I would defend him to the death. I just want him to be safe and happy and healthy. Feel like pure shit just want him back.

Aristide Valentin (the Father Brown books)

First of all Aristide Valentin did nothing wrong so jot that down. YES he committed murder. But he murdered a Catholic pro-guillotine billionaire so it barely counts. He also stole human remains but this is tumblr, we're used to that. He's a skilled swordsman with a vast sword collection which is just the sexiest thing imaginable. YES he's rude to everyone but you don't UNDERSTAND, he's a genius surrounded by idiots, he gets frustrated. Also he's Parisian, they're just like that I think, he can't help it. Honestly his only real crime is smoking while on the underground platform at Liverpool Street station. That's unforgivable.

Barclay Beg-Chetwynde (BBC Ghosts)

Honestly one of the funniest characters in the show, I don't even care. Every episode he's in is a delight. Every single line delivery is so deliciously bastardly. And he makes a brilliant foil to my two favourite characters, Julian and Alison. He's great.

B.Z. (Santa Claus The Movie)

I love this movie. I love this movie a lot. I've watched it at least twice a year every year since I was a toddler. Often more. I could quote the whole film by heart. And my guy B.Z. is by far the most quotable character. Highlight of the whole film. Every single line of his lives rent free in my head. He has beef with Santa Claus for literally no good reason. He chained up a child for even less good reason. He invented Christmas 2. He exited the movie by eating too many magic flying lollypops and floating away into the stratosphere. Utterly unhinged from first scene to last. Literally no-one could ever compare.

Kerr Avon (Blakes 7)

Ah, Avon. I was obsessed with him as an edgy teen. I think in many ways he is the edgy teen appeal character of his genre. He's like the Shadow the Hedgehog of dystopian sci-fi. I mean this as a sincere complement. And he's once again by far the most quotable character in the show. I feel like that's a very important factor for a good bastard man. Quotability.

I won't say I could fix him, because I don't think anyone could. But I wish someone could.

Cat (Red Dwarf)

My sweet underappreciated boy. In many shows he would be the beloved bastard man. It's not his fault he shares a show with Arnold Rimmer, and you simply can't outdo the do-er.

But everything he does, he does it in ~ style ~

Randal Graves (Clerks)

This character means such a lot to me. He's the worst, of course. He sucks. You wouldn't want to know someone like that in real life. But that's part of what's so tragic about him. He's already resigned himself to the fact he's an unlikeable asshole loser, and has long since given up even trying to make new friends, and now he's a deeply lonely weirdo trapped in a toxic co-dependant relationship with the only real friend he has, who he's simultaneously obsessed with and sort of in love with (no homo) (maybe homo) and would die for, but also treats terribly. He's just such a sad odd man. I think about him often.

Ray Carling (Life on Mars/Ashes to Ashes)

Ray my best friend Ray. Yes okay so he's wildly homophobic and misogynistic, but like. Underneath that he's a very sweet and compassionate man, I promise. He's just trapped under the crushing weight of insecurity and self-loathing and societal expectations of masculinity. His backstory is heartbreaking. Absolutely devastating. I won't go into details because spoilers but Jesus Christ. He's the world's number one most single man, being the only one left not paired up out of the seven main characters across both shows, which hardly seems fair. He deserves a nice love interest I think. Give him a nice girlfriend, or lean into the "Ray is suffering from internalised homophobia" implications that Ashes to Ashes leant into occasionally and give him a nice boyfriend if you want, I don't care which, just give him someone.

Mentally I am holding his hand and buying him a pint right now.

Julian Cantley (literally one single episode of Heartbeat)

Choo choo, all aboard the brainrot express. Get in loser we're forming deep emotional attachments to characters with like 20 minutes total screentime. Anyway I'm obsessed with him right now. It's disrupting my drive to create content for characters with actual fanbases because I just keep thinking about Brooding Spy Man Whomst Only I Care About instead. He's just so quiet and angry and brooding. I have so many headcanons for him. I've even headcanoned what his entire flat back in London looks like. Send help.

Ryan Reeves (The Dumping Ground)

Ah he's just a baby. Just a little guy. Who could stay mad at him. Yes the way he'd learn his lesson only to go back to being evil again 2 episodes later got frustrating, but like. He loves his sister and he rescued Harry and Finn. He's not all bad. Apart from when he's being a teenage supervillain lurking in the shadows for no reason. But it's all because he's SAD, you don't UNDERSTAND,

Michael Doyle (Grange Hill)

Look. He stopped being racist after he turned like 13, okay? He just became a petty criminal and politically corrupt instead. And his dad sucks, his dad says worse stuff than Mickey ever did, he was clearly just parroting his dad when he was wee. And there's something so sad and lonely about him. The way he always tries to join in with the group only get pushed out because everyone finds him unbelievably awful. The way he so wants to be Alan's friend. The way he only has the two friends he's got because he pays them to be his friend. Poor little guy. I have to believe he got it together eventually. I have to believe him and Justin were pals by the time they went to sixth form together. I have to.

Ralph Passmore (Tucker's Luck)

It's Mr Passmore! He means such a lot to me. I'm so happy they started portraying him sympathetically in series 2 because honestly? His rage is so justified. He's unemployed and he's already been cast aside as unemployable. His family have already given him up as a lost cause. His only friend and ally in his family is his younger sister, who ends up leaving home to get away from how verbally abusive their parents are. He drinks to cope and joins a gang for the companionship. He finally gets a job after years of unemployment but finds out it's exploiting vulnerable fellow working class people in his community so he angrily and aggressively quits, after befriending and supporting an old lady. What a king.

[alesolcno]

❝ no story i could weave would have ended like this, no way ❞

Age: 31

Gender & Pronouns: cis female & she/her

Neighborhood: downtown

Occupation: professional photographer

Two positive traits: Innovative & resilient

Two negative traits: Faithless & guarded

Length of time in Providence Peak: 1 year

Faceclaim: Melissa Barrera

string pinning connections to a wall in her apartment, jeans and boots, empty coke zero cans scattered about, the tenacity of a noveled hero detective, a calendar full of booked weekends, camera equipment covering the dinning room table

trigger warnings: drug use mentions, homophobia, disappearance/missing person

Growing up in Scottsdale, Arizona should have and would have been a peaceful life if it hadn't been for Alejandra and Mariana’s parents' chaotic and sometimes toxic relationship. The Solano’s had emigrated from Monterrey, Mexico in their early twenties with the hopes of making it big in The Land of Opportunities but had subsequently fallen short in every possible way. They’d gotten in their own way with their mutual obsession for one another leading to too many squabbles and jealousies that had stolen them from progression. Stuck in their ways, then having not one but eventually two daughters left them little time for education and programs that would give them the leg up that they’d needed. Instead they were each stuck working multiple jobs to support a small family.

Although Scottsdale was a relatively large city it had always felt stuffy, perhaps even a little close minded for the youngest Solano. Alejandra was adventurous and took the freedoms being born first generation American had offered her. The first time she looked at other girls in a way the Catholic upbringing and most of Scottsdale wouldn’t really approve of, Ale learned a hard lesson about being herself and staying true to that. But also that ideals didn’t often equate to how society operated. So, as a teenager her struggles with who she was and how she was expected to be had put drugs in her system as a means to cope. She’d take off with her older sister, Mariana, and friends to Las Vegas where they’d party and get up to no good. Like plenty of teenagers just trying to figure life out.

It was the love affair with another girl that eventually sent Alejandra running from her hometown and to the much more liberal Southern California. Nothing hurt more than finding love for the first time but also being forced to keep it a secret and act as though the one you love was only just a friend in the gaze of others. The move and rush away from Arizona was also in pursuit of a dream. Since Ale was little she’d been drawn to photography and took every class she could that public schools offered and even entered competitions, sometimes even winning a few local ones. At 18, the nighttime gig of working as a stripper afforded Ale to attend film school so that she was able to learn filmography on top of the work she’d done to become a professional photographer. The dream was to do both, to be behind the camera in movies and television while also featuring on the glossy pages of important print. If she could have her photos framed on walls of galleries or people’s homes then she would believe she’d made it.

Life as a young adult in Los Angeles was wild. It was thrilling and heartbreaking. Mostly, it was everything Ale needed because not only did she get to soar and find her dream in a career but the mistakes along the way taught her a lot. No matter how many times she got burned by love it only seemed to free the young woman further. After film school Ale was able to pick up work on a few shows meant for the silver screen or streaming. Her career as a professional photographer filled out a beautiful portfolio and both were abled her to step away from her nighttime dancing gig. One of her favorite things to shoot were weddings, not only because of the money she was able to make but being a part of them even as a background piece gave Ale hope that she’d one day be that happy in-love.

As it normally went, when life was going too good and the high was at its biggest peak, that was when the most dramatic drop took place. Just over eighteen months ago, Mariana seemed to disappear. Texts and calls went unanswered and unreturned, not just for hours or days, which was unusual for the sisters, but for weeks. When it continued on for months, Ale really began to dive into the whereabouts of her sister and became determined to find her and figure out what went wrong. The last location that Ale had been aware of Mari being was Providence Peak, Colorado, so she packed up her life and made the move after dropping everything in Southern California. Most of her initial search and poking around town led to nothing, no answers, but something eerie was in its place. The realization that she would be in town for some time, at least until she was pointed in another direction, Ale found herself an apartment downtown. She found a wedding planner with a brilliant booming business and took on a job as a wedding photographer. In the year that followed, she’d grown closer to her boss and made some connections through town but hadn’t gotten anywhere near a resolution when it came to Mariana Solano.

[lasbrumas]

WTW GHOST GALA ; days 1-8

a review of all this week's prompts!

day 1; pumpkin carving ↳ You have to kill off a character; who do you choose?

Without getting into spoilers, certain characters die within Burning of the Apiary. Seems unfair to use them to answer this prompt, and not just because they’re spoilers, but because it just feels too easy. I already accounted for the impact of their deaths in the plot so…

That being said, if I had to make another character die or swap one death out for the other, it would be Camila. Out of all the side characters, she represents life the most. She is fun-loving, and generally optimistic, which would make her death all that more bleak. That and, out of all the characters, she is least invested in the actual plot and mystery, happy enough to keep out of the whole issue. It certainly would affect Dolores a lot, since she is doing her best throughout Burning of the Apiary to keep the rest of the convent school safe from whatever is slowly poisoning their minds and relationships.

day 2; raven ↳ Create a tagline for your WIP.

Love the sinner.

I couldn’t think of a tagline at first, but then I remembered the whole Christian saying of “love the sinner, hate the sin” or whatever it is. I grew up Catholic, though this was never explicitly said; just implied. And it made me reflect on some personal things where that sort of ideology was present and the disastrous effects it had years down the line, especially when it comes to love in all forms. I thought it would be fitting for Burning of the Apiary because, ultimately, it’s about love and its destructive nature when tied to ideologies like that. In world, the religion might not be Catholicism, but it’s still highly dogmatic and devotion based.

day 3; crystal ball ↳ Outline a scene, act, or your entire WIP.

Set up my new outline document and started filling it in. Enjoy this preview of what I’m calling the sections so I know what goes where. Will I actually have a 5-act structure? Probably not. But it helps get my thoughts in order before I fix it up.

Act 1: The Arrival Act 2: The Meeting Act 3: The Initiation Act 4: The Kiss Act 5: The Sacrifice

day 4; fallen leaves ↳ Create a playlist for your WIP.

A few select songs from the Burning of the Apiary playlist:

in the beginning, fahrenhaidt & alice merton ; bee dance, agnes obel ; the disappearance of the girl, phildel ; if the world falls to pieces, young summer ; destroyer, of monsters and men

day 5; jack o' lantern ↳ Share an interesting fact you found while doing research for your WIP.

While researching bees, I found out that there is a type of moth that acts as a predator/invasive species to bees. The wax moth, both lesser and greater, eats beeswax, pollen, remains of larval bees, and more. However, the most interesting fact is that they often only target hives that are already diseased or declining. They’re a great indicator of underlying problems in a bee colony.

I thought this was cool and they may or may not make an appearance in Burning of the Apiary.

day 6; vampire ↳ Tell us where you find your motivation and inspiration.

I find most of my inspiration from other types of media I consume, including movies, tv shows, and, of course, books. Even photos and the rare hike I take give me inspiration. I think part of being a creative person is finding inspiration anywhere and everywhere, and that’s very true with me.

Burning of the Apiary is one of those WIPs I’ve had on the backburner for a while, and I’ve tried writing it several times. The original inspiration was a mix of a few dreams I had written down and Coraline. Since then, it’s evolved to pull more inspiration from the classic gothic novels I read (and loved) in high school college, most notably Villette and Jane Eyre, along with Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth and Crimson Peak, mixed with whatever I find cool and want to throw in there.

day 7; skeleton ↳ Have a favorite plot structure? If not, share how you plot!

My way of plotting is sort of throwing things and seeing what sticks. I tend to get ideas very piecemeal and random –– a scene or piece of dialogue or character. This can make it difficult to plot sometimes, which is why my outlines tend to be written, rewritten, and then usually tweaked even during the writing process.

I’ve tried several plot structures, like the 3-Act, 7-Act, and Save the Cat method. None of them quite worked out for me, but I took pieces here and there to figure out a general plot, or at least plan major beats and fill in everything in between. Knowing the genre is always the most important for me, though, since certain plot points are “standard” for genres (and for good reason). Plus, the better I know the genre, the easier it is to choose what rules actually apply to my WIPs. For Burning of the Apiary, I definitely researched and read a lot of horror and mystery novels to familiarize myself with genre-plot conventions and beats (and also found some new favorites). It’s been fun and I’ll be using that to figure things out!

day 8; trick or treat ↳ Set some writing goals and milestones for your WIP.

the overall goal for Burning of the Apiary is about 80-90k, so I am trying to get at least half of that done during NaNoWriMo. we'll see.

[stcredzero]

The Book of Revelation Kimchee Margarine Complex

Back in my grade school days, I was sometimes filled with such frustration, I had these fantasies while looking out those cheap-ass factory-grade windows of my one story brick and cinder block elementary school. I fervently wished I would just explode, leaving my gore covering those windows and my classmates. Seriously, if I could die in that fashion, if some genie would’ve offered me that wish, I would have taken it in a heartbeat.

Those were back around the days when the Omen movies were coming out. There were some truly harrowing ideas in those. (Hold that thought for a bit.) It was also in those days when that margarine commercial was all over TV, with that woman in the white dress who said, "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature!” (Followed with a thunderclap.) It was the combination of those, my very sincere belief in the Catholic teachings (I was an altar boy), plus the typical over the top nature of Korean culture combined with Mom's endless and "a bit much" way about her -- these all combined in such a way to convince me, that I was some kind of failed attempt at producing an Anti-Christ.

You see, the ideology around the house, was that Mom could be explained as some kind of nigh-supernatural force of nature, wherein the gargantuan magnitude of her love granted Mom a kind of practical infallibility and absolute moral license in most cases. And where she was apparently wrong, the sheer motherly goodness of her practically infinite love somehow warped the laws of common sense to where she was right anyhow. Sometimes Dad would even refer to her and the phenomena surrounding her as "Mother Nature."

I sometimes had considerable difficulties squaring this with what the Sunday school taught about Jesus being the Infallible one with the ultimate love: like it even came across as a bit blasphemous. Recently, I had the thought, that it would have all held together a bit better if Mom and Dad had positioned "Mother Nature" just maybe a tad bit below the level of God, not about the same or seemingly a bit above.

Part and parcel with this ideology was the idea that if you weren't in complete agreement with 100% of the edicts of such a tremendous, pure, and goodly love, there was something truly diabolically wrong with you. I completely took this message to heart. It was around this time, I encountered that bit in the Omen movies, where they where digging up this grave in the dark, and there was the badly decomposed skeleton of this hound of hell, the narrative around which, was that the satanic cult that wanted to end the world had convinced a fallen priest to try and produce a child with it. Somehow this combined in my head in such a way that resulted in this thought: I must've been the result of another nefarious failed scheme to produce the Anti-Christ, but instead of being produced from such a horrible circumstance, the supreme evil was that he should be produced in ironic spite from the ultimate in good and loving parents -- which my Mom and Dad had been letting me know all along, were them.

I was at an Irish music camp recently, and about 2:00 in the morning, I had started telling a version of this story that led with the harrowing bits from the Omen movies, to this angelic sweetheart of a dancer/singer/musician, but I was interrupted partway through. Luckily, I was able to catch her at breakfast and tell her the rest. Her comment, "Yeah, that was quite the cliff-hanger you were leaving me with."

About a decade and a half ago, I asked Dad, "Dad, why didn't you just tell us that Mom was a bit nuts? Things would have made much more sense!” But a few years ago, in the months before he died, watching and helping my Mom and sister take care of him, watching Mom and Dad sing old Korean songs to each other, I realized, he couldn't possibly see her like that. He loved her too much.

[hiddengems16]

Small but MIGHTY

By now, we all know these reviews have spoilers....DUH! But also, they're my own thoughts - so please watch the films and come to your own conclusions. Go to the cinema! Support indie films! I love big box office hits just like the rest of them, but boy - the indie filmmakers need our support. Movies will slowly be regurgitated nonsense with AI and Marvel/Disney hits if we don't show up to support.

I say all this, but this film is produced by big names like Cillian Murphy, Matt Damon, and Ben Affleck, so what a hypocrite am I? I guess this story is what really moved me to stand on that hill. It's truly beautiful. Before we get into it here's the COLD hard facts: Title: Small Things Like These Director: Tim Mielants Writer: Enda Walsh (Screenplay), Claire Keegan (Book Author) Rating: 7/10

Set in 1985 in Ireland, we follow the story of a devoted father Bill Furlong. He seems to be a kind, caring, and compassionate man, but we discover that these traits have plagued him his whole life. As Bill is working the start of winter delivering coal to the local convent he stumbles upon disturbing secrets - the young ladies brought there to bare their bastard children are in fact being abused and their children ripped away from them. Does he do something about it or turn a side eye just like the rest of the town?

As Bill wrestles with this decision, it's bringing up stories from this past that you don't really understand until the end of the movie. His mother was just like one of those young women but instead of a convent, a woman with a large estate took them in and kept her on as staff. We follow his story as a child with the use of flashbacks, but instead of the audience being apart his life like most filmmakers would have us be, Tim Mielants kept us as mere observers. We see that Bill's mother was young and just providing for her son in the best way she possibly could. For example, all he wanted for Christmas was a jigsaw puzzle, but instead got a heating pad. We feel disappointed for not only Billy, but his mother. When it flashes back to current day Bill we realize that he's given everything up to be the good caring father and husband. If it weren't for the kind woman that took them in, he would have been just like the babies in the convent.

One evening, Bill is kept up by the abuse he thinks he saw at the convent, so he decides to make an early delivery. As he drops the coal off to the convent, he discovers that they've locked one of the pregnant girls in the coal room outside to freeze. Later the "Mother" Nun very discreetly buys his silence with money for Christmas. Bill is torn! He even goes to his local bar, and the bartender tells him to turn the other cheek, but he just can't. As he remembers his mother, and the kindness of the people who've raised him, he can't just sit idly by. He walks all the way to the convent and saves the same girl from literally almost freezing to death - regardless of the outcome it may have on the future of his family.

Unfortunately, these stories are all too true of the "women and children who suffered time in Ireland's Magdalen laundries" — horrific asylums run by Roman Catholic institutions for most of the 20th century, ostensibly to reform 'fallen young women'" "https://www.npr.org/2021/12/22/1065780684/claire-keegan-book-small-things-like-these-magdalene-laundries"

Technically, the use of colors, costuming, shots truly made you feel like you were there. It was freezing in the film, and by the time you leave the movie you may end up being cold as well. As far as the acting, something beautiful I'm just realizing is that we see Bill (Cillian) so distraught by this decision to go against the grain, that is physically weighing him down, his neck and face never seem to sit up straight (I wanted to lift his head up for him and rub is neck. Shit, my neck even started hurting). That is...until he follows what he knows to be true. The moment he decides to stand up for the weak, the strength in his body comes and he stands straight with a spark in his eye and smile on his face. I'm not sure if it's due to editing or a conscience choice from Mr. Murphy, but it was truly beautiful to feel that peace settle upon him. Wow just wow.

The only ding I might give this movie is that it was slow, and so riddled with tensions, that you desperately wanted a big crescendo and none came. Even with the lack of excitement, you leave the theater feeling like you've watched something of worth. To leave a theater thinking about it long after means it was art. You feel like your mind and soul just went through a carwash and was given the sustenance you need to keep going. (IMDB)

Please, if you've taken the time to read through this, go watch the movie! Stories like this are so important to be told.

Anyyyywhooo, that's all she wrote! Definitely recommend this film!

Cheers!

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #178

What was the last big change through which you went? Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? The very obvious answer is how much my legs have improved. Walking is usually more uncomfortable than fucking agony nowadays, and after being so used to the extreme weakness in my legs, I've come leaps and bounds. Change can still stress me out, but I've definitely gotten friendlier towards it.

What is something fun you have done within the past week? I watched Girt finish Nier; it's his all-time favorite game so I loved watching him be all enthusiastic about it and share interesting stuff. I'd actually already seen him play it once, MANY years ago, but I completely didn't remember the plot (he finished the game when I was so done and VERY much barely conscious lol), and this time he played the "Replicant" remake, so the quality of everything was improved. I thought it was great, its soundtrack is especially astounding.

Have you ever read any self-help books? Nah, I'm not nearly interested enough in the genre to get past a couple pages.

Do you thank the bus driver? Yes, you should thank any person that serves the public; bus drivers, waiters, everything. That's just common sense to me, like it's so rude to not show appreciation for someone serving YOUR needs. "But it's their job to ____," I don't give a fuck say thank you you ungrateful shit.

Are you scared of needles? Only very long needles that penetrate very deeply.

Do you know anyone who is/was a drug addict? Yes.

Do you tend to cave into peer pressure? No.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yes.

Who was the last person you went to the movies with? Girt. I'm TRYING to talk him into seeing Barbie now lmfao, I don't think it's happening though. It kinda surprised me how unwilling he is, and I do kiiiinda worry he's fallen into the "it shits on men too hard" crowd, but I don't know.

Do you ever fear falling asleep? Well yes, for some reason no doctor has been able to confidently figure out, I have severe nightmares/terrors nearly any time I fall asleep. This has been going on for years though so by THIS point it's not so much fear, but annoyance.

What do you think is the youngest age someone should lose their virginity? I'd personally be very nervous if I knew my kid was having sex before 16, but I'm completely aware that it's not very realistic; teens developing a genuine libido is gonna happen and they're gonna do what teens do. I feel like this would, for the most part, vary with the person and their level of maturity and self-discipline, but what do I know.

Do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage? That's a personal choice that isn't mine to make for anyone but me, HOWEVER I do see how waiting until you're legally bound to see how sexually compatible you are may not be a great idea. That's very important to some people so you should know this before you get married, in my own personal opinion.

What is your sexual orientation? Pansexual.

What is something you have acquired with age? TOLERANCE, open-mindedness, the ability to see what's right and wrong is almost never black and white and those also aren't the same thing for every single person, and that's okay. I've definitely learned to see that the world isn't experienced only through my own eyes and my moral compass.

Do you enjoy history? I really don't, I do believe it's important to know history to be aware of what's been tried and failed + why, but I'm just not interested, man. I also was so bad at dates and names and I just found it all boring.

Have you ever changed religions? Haha three times I guess; OG was Roman Catholic just because I was raised that way from birth, but it quickly turned to Christianity, in my earlier 20s I felt the most connection to Neo-Paganism, now I'm an agnostic/atheist of sorts. Got very high doubts that's ever changing.

Have you ever lied about your gender? Nah.

Have you ever designed your own Facebook timeline cover? I've EDITED pictures for that purpose, but I've never like, made some sort of collage or anything for this purpose.

What is one site that closed down that you wish would come back? Give me back my kabam.com Dragons of Atlantis game please I want it back the app is not the same

Are you a fan of the Saw movies? I've never really watched them, honestly, and I'm not very interested just because of the SHEER level of "you don't want to picture this" the traps are. It's not the gore that gets me, I just don't want to imagine going through that stuff; physically seeing it in movie form is anxiety-inducing.

Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? Only my half-siblings; I have none of their ages memorized. It's not that I care less because they're "just half," instead it's that they're not regulars in my life, like I see them once every good few years for a few days at most.

Who last talked about kissing you? Girt, I'm sure.

Did you speak to your father today? No, I haven't for a while. And I'm sure I won't until my nephew's birthday party on the 19th.

Would you ever get gauged ears? The first holes in my earlobes are; they're only 4mm and I don't plan on going any larger because one ear in particular will almost certainly tear if I push it any further.

Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? That's MY preference, like I definitely think it's wise to see how you exist in the same home before you tie the knot.

Did you ever give a hickey to the last person you kissed or you guys didn’t go that far? Yes.

List five of your favorite YouTubers. Markiplier (I don't really watch his content anymore but he as a person I still adore), GameGrumps, Rhett & Link (I haven't watched their stuff in many years now, but like Mark, I still adore them as individuals), John Wolfe, and Snake Discovery are all up there, but I definitely love more than five.

What pet names do you use with your significant other? All the usual ones I can think of, some far more than others.

Who is your best online friend? Mazzy and Tez aren't just my best online friends, they're my closest friends out of anyone if you're not counting my boyfriend and mother.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? HAHAHAHA ONLINE, I have ALWAYS been WAY more open about myself online, especially in terms of hobbies and interests and artistic stuff I do.

What’s something you find unconventionally romantic? Someone teaching you about something they're passionate about. Like how sweet is it that they wanna share that joy with you. YES you can overdo this and be overbearing about it, but in willing doses, I think this is very cute to share your passions.

List 3-10 things in nature you find amazing. Sentient existence itself (hell, even non-aware organisms are fucking fascinating), outer space, evolution, life and death and how it goes back into life in an everlasting cycle, mountains and volcanoes, canyons where you can see time right in front of your face in the layers of rock, fossils, really clear water, love and affection being exhibited beyond just the human species, and the deep ocean. I could go on for a LONG time, nature is endlessly fascinating.

What is one song that you've been listening to on repeat lately? "Platz Eins" by Lindemann is one.

Do you enjoy creative writing? Yes, very much.

Do you sleep with just a sheet in summer when it's hot? No, I change out blankets. Thicker comforter in the cold months, a thin blanket when it's hot.

Do you get bursts of creative energy or is it more consistent? I feel like I definitely have this baseline creativity going on, like I get especially artistic ideas so regularly (I have ongoing lists of a variety of art-based projects I wanna get to some day), however I absolutely do have bursts of increased creative drive. I fucking love those.

Have you ever been chased by a dog? Not by one that had any intention of hurting me; just pets chasing while playing.

Is your voice high, low, or somewhere in the middle? It's definitely lower than your average woman's.

What's the next friend or family birthday coming up? Will you buy them a present? Mom's is the 5th. And no, I have literally no source of income so I physically can't even buy her a candy bar or some shit, and it's fucking embarrassing and honestly agonizing to be That Person who goes into her bday empty-handed. I could write or draw something, but I haven't been able to think of what yet...

What was the last book you read? I'm currently reading Wings of Fire: Darkness of Dragons by Tui T. Sutherland. I've gotten into the habit of reading before bed and I'm enjoying it.

What are your plans for tomorrow? Nothing.

Is there a gang problem in your area? Not in my very specific area, but this city absolutely does, no one likes this place.

Do you make your Starbucks order more complicated if it isn't busy? I don't even go to Starbucks.

Would you date an already attached person? Hell no. In MY romantic relationships, you're picking me or them, and there's no in-between.

When you marry, will you wear white? I doubt it, I think I'm probably gonna wear black. But white is still possible.

Is there anything significant happening this month? Mom's and Ryder's birthdays, and I know Ryder will have a party. This weekend I'm going to Girt's sister's new place for the first time; I know that's not really "significant," but dude, anything that breaks my daily routine is worthwhile to mention in my world lol.

What are your grandfathers’ names? I only remember my mom's dad's name, which was William.

Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Living to 27 and not seeing a single snake, at least here, would be extremely odd. Yeah, I've seen plenty, I have a pet snake in my own house.

Do you know anyone that has been held hostage before? Oh yikes, not that I know of.

Can you ever hear dogs barking from your house? Does it annoy you? Yes, and admittedly yeah, it does. Our next-door neighbor particularly has a big dog named Kira, and she is CONSTANTLY barking, and she's not an indoor dog (she's behind a proper fence, calm down), so you certainly hear her. It doesn't annoy me to the point I'm gonna go bitch about it, but dogs barking is a noise I just do not like.

What's your main reason for booking taxis? I've never been in a legit taxi; they're not really a thing around here. I've taken an Uber with my mother literally once in my entire life, because of car problems.

When was the last time you saw your partner (or your best friend)? He was here yesterday; we finished Silent Hill 2 finally and that was fun, I was glad he liked it. It was nice, the last visit we played his favorite game of all time, and this time we closed off mine.

How did you sleep last night? Surprisingly very good.

Do you like candy corn? No, it's disgusting to me.

Are you bored right now? Yes; my anhedonia has been VERY severe the past few weeks. We're in the process of adjusting meds because I'm pretty sure I've reached the point of developing an immunity to something. It's happened with my psych meds many times before, so I expected it to happen again.

Do your grandparents speak English as a first language? Yeah, to my knowledge they all only spoke English.

Do you remember to turn lights off in the rooms you're not actively using? Yes, when you live in a family that actually has to worry about their bills you learn this shit quick lmfao.

Do you have many snacks in your house right now? No, Mom and I avoid that because we're very "out of sight, out of mind" with food, and if unhealthy shit is here, we're gonna eat it. It's just healthier for us to not have stuff available to us.

Do you keep alcohol in your house? Not regularly, no. I uh, think. Maybe Mom has alcohol somewhere, but I doubt it; both of us only drink usually for holidays, and never a lot.

Did you have a bunk bed when you were a kid? Yes, for me and my younger sister. I started off in the top bunk, but in my pre-teen years before Ashley moved out and I got her room, I preferred the bottom bunk.