#as a dumb teenager i was fucking this older guy & i'd be over at his apartment all the time.

[foursaints]

I was watching Nana which idk if you know but is an anime/manga about two girls with the same name that are roommates. And I thought, how fucking funny would it be if someone wrote an au of this with sappic Evan/lily with bary being Evan's annoying toxic bf with a smoking problem and lily going through bfs like water cause she can't find it in herself to commit to a guy

Just a thought

this is sooo cute writers get on this!! 😭 but this phrasing is making me scream. support group for those who us who have been someone's "annoying toxic partner with a smoking problem" who is inexplicably in their apartment all the time. barty is like a sister to me

[parvuls]

omgcp characters + siblings headcanons

bitty - canonically an only child.

jack - canonically an only child.

shitty - I have this very specific headcanon about shitty's mom remarrying and shitty having a teenaged half-sister, who he fucking adores but who unfortunately thinks he's embarrassing as fuck. the only times she willingly has a conversation with him is when he brings lardo over (because lardo is cool).

lardo - has older brothers energy. you can't fight this. I'd say she has at least one older brother, and they get along pretty well. they don't talk much when she's at school, but they have an ongoing facebook chat exchange where they send each other dumb memes and funny cat videos.

ransom - according to the wiki, has two sisters. is most likely the eldest sibling and likes to lie to himself that he's their protective older brother, but honestly they could take him in a fight no problem. talks to his sisters the most out of the guys (his pregame routine includes facetiming them). EDITED: oops, it's actually canon he has one older sister and one younger one. I maintain that he still thinks he's their protective brother, and is still incredibly wrong about it.

holster - according to the wiki, has three sisters. gives off major middle child vibes, and no I will not take criticism on this. I would actually say he's a middle child and has a twin sister, if I didn't think he'd make having a twin sister his whole personality and mention her constantly.

chowder - canonically has a sister. I think he's the younger sibling and can most definitely be the annoying younger sibling when he's in the mood. does things like boast to his friends about how cool and accomplished his sister is and then go home and pull third-grade pranks on her all summer vacation. he's that "I can call her names because she's my sister but nobody else is allowed!!" brother.

nursey - has a much younger brother, like almost ten years younger. isn't and never was chill about this fact. when he goes home for breaks he's all like yeah whatever we'll probably have to do kid shit because of my baby bro but is then on the verge of tears when his brother tackle-hugs him as soon as he gets home. has one (1) picture in a full on elf costume from when he took his brother to the mall to see santa, and dex and chowder make sure everyone and their dog has seen that pic.

dex - canonically has a brother. probably has a whole bunch of brothers and sisters, like, at least four - so is the fourth out of five siblings, two of which are sisters and two are brothers. they all demand more attention than him, either because they're the perfect child or because they're the demon child, so he has that forgotten middle child syndrome. shared a bedroom with a sibling until he left for college and most definitely has hilarious life-long issues because of it.

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

OKAYYY THATS GREAT :D

sooo this is coming straight from my daydreaming lmao, but like imagine daryl and reader have a father-daughter relationship EXCEPT they got separated a bit before Negan arrives (maybe she left at the same time as Carol and Morgan or idk) and when he goes to the Hilltop, not only does he find Carol, but he finds the reader too and it’s just like a cute family reunion????

༉‧₊˚. 𝐛𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬 || 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐲𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐱𝐨𝐧

― pairing: daryl dixon & teenage!reader (platonic)

― era: Season 7

― summary: after finding a new family, it was ripped away from you as fast as it came.

― warnings: mentions of the saviors, negan is his own warning, season 7 spoiler warning, guns, emotional reunions, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort.

― wc: 1490

⋆ a/n: it feels like i haven't written anything in so long omg, but i had this in my drafts and already halfway written, so i figured i'd just finish it and post it so you guys don't hungry LMFAO, even though this is another platonic!daryl fanfic.

masterlist | AO3

You were back to square one. You don’t remember the last time that you had seen your found family, or your caretaker, Daryl, not ever since the prison fell. You weren’t as lucky as the others that may have broken off into groups. You were all alone, forced to fend for yourself once again.

It felt like back in the beginning, when Daryl had found your makeshift camp, you had set up in an abandoned store, which led to him getting held at gunpoint by a child no older than thirteen.

“Aye kid, there ain’t no need for trouble.” The redneck said with his hands raised.

“You’re right, there doesn’t need to be,” You turned off the safety of the gun, keeping it steadily pointed up at his head. “So, get the fuck out of here.” Well, your foul mouth had certainly caught him off guard. He allowed his eyes to sweep along the empty shelves in front of him, taking in the decrepit conditions that he could only assume wasn’t a pleasant place to live in.

He had slowly begun to turn around and his gut was twisted at the sight of you. You had dirt and blood spattered all over your raggedy clothes that were tattered, littered throughout with sizeable holes. It didn’t matter that you had a gun pointed at him, there was something inside him – something fatherly – that wouldn’t allow him to leave a child behind, let alone someone as young as you.

“You alone?” He dared to ask. “What does it matter?” You bit back coldly. “I jus’ have a hard time believin’ you been alive this long without someone takin’ care of ya.” You scoffed, his seemingly demeaning question caused your finger to twitch against the gun, the trigger to be more precise. “Where are your parents?” There was something that passed in your eyes, equivalent to sadness, grief, and irritation.

“They’re dead.” You had forced yourself to say, even though deep inside of you, you were still coping with the fact that you had lost your parents just two months before now. There were so many things that you had to do on your own, like live alone and grow accustomed to being the one that used the gun, which was more your mother and father’s department.

“M'sorry to hear that.” He said sincerely, his voice softening. The random act of empathy caused the tension in your shoulders to release, but you still eyed him cautiously. “It doesn’t matter anymore, just get whatever you’re going to get and go.” You weren’t going to lie; your arms were starting to hurt. “I know this is going’ta sound strange, but I got a group; men, women, children, a pregnant woman.” Your eyebrows furrowed, “Who would be dumb enough to get pregnant during an apocalypse?” You couldn’t help but snort, “To me, that sounds like dead weight.”

“Ain’t all that bad. ‘Beats stayin’ in a place that smells like shit.” You laughed a bit at his words, which caused a grin to tug at the corner of his lips. “It does smell like shit.” You agreed.

There were a lot of things that you had grown to regret at such a young age but giving Daryl the benefit of the doubt was never one of them. You should’ve thanked him, you supposed, to have allowed you to have a second chance at life. It wasn’t about survival anymore, even after you found the prison, after Lori died, after you had to fight the Governor for it. It seemed like life was going well… a little too well.

You knew that the Governor was out there somewhere, just waiting to enact his revenge, but even as that fear constantly breathed down your neck, you couldn’t find it within yourself to dwell on it. Maybe you should’ve, maybe if you had, you would still have your family… your dad.

Yes, you knew Daryl wasn’t your dad, but he was damn near the closest thing you’ve had to one in a long time. He would always make sure you had a chance to be a kid, that he supplied you with whatever you wanted, either that be; comic books, actual books, board games, even going as far as to give you a fancy journal that you could “write all your teenager thoughts in or whatever.” You laughed at it then, but as you walked life alone once again, it became the only company you had, just you and your thoughts.

He would make sure that you had eaten, gotten enough sleep, helping you hunt and identify mushrooms and shit that you had laughed at then, which grew to be beneficial now. In a way, you felt like Daryl knew the Governor would strike once again, too.

Neither of you had never said you loved one another, but there was no need to verbalize it, not when his and your actions spoke louder than words.

You had lost count of the days sense then, but it may have been a year? Maybe a year and half since you had lost everything. Your body had shown signs of change, that your hair had grown longer, and you were taller, much more mature looking.

It wasn’t until you had met a man by the name of Morgan, who happened to stumble across you walking amongst the streets, not a clue of where you were going. That’s what your days had dwindled down too recently, just walking, not sure of where you were going as you fought off the deep sadness in your heart. He had told you of a settlement he knew of that he could take you, one that was practically a utopia, ruled by a man named King Ezekiel. You couldn’t believe it, but you didn’t have it in you to reject his request, just desperate to find a place to rest.

That’s when you found Carol, the woman living in a home a little while away. You had seen her walking out of what seemed to be an auditorium, even though it was referred to as Ezekiel’s throne room. You had practically thrown yourself onto the woman when you saw her, crumbling in her arms as she still tried to get over the shock of you being alive. She ran her fingers through your hair with tears in her eyes as she studied you; you looked so much older, she wasn’t going to lie and say that it hadn’t freaked her out a little bit.

She had given you a rundown about the things that were happening as she allowed you to hunker down in her home, saying that she didn’t quite trust the Kingdom just yet to have you staying in one of the houses there. You were told that the others were fine despite being under the new rule of a man named Negan who had killed Glenn and a man named Abraham. You were devastated to hear about Glenn, and what added icing on the shit cake you were being served, Daryl had been taken and no one knew if he was dead or alive. It was safe to say you tried to silence your cries as you rested on her couch, knowing that the woman was trying to sleep in the next room over.

Earlier the next day, Ezekiel had visited the both of you, much to the older woman’s irritation, so when another knock was delivered to the door, Carol sent you a look, one that told you that it was your turn to open the door.

Your breath stopped, your heart dropping as you felt your knees grow weak. There Daryl stood, looking absolutely broken and worn down, the bags under his eyes a lot more apparent than usual as his own eyes widened.

“_______?” He called out your name in disbelief. “Daryl!” You threw your arms around him, burying your face in his shoulder as you cried. “Where- how- why?” He stuttered through his words. “I- I’ve been on my own… but- how are you here? I thought Negan had taken you.” He shuddered at the reminder. “He did but I got out.”

You had all but dragged him inside where Carol shared a tearful embrace with him as well. Carol left for the kitchen to make the three of you dinner, knowing that Daryl was undoubtedly hungry after living in the conditions that he was in for the past few days.

You and Daryl were sitting on the couch, with your legs pulled up to your chest, your caregiver’s eyes locked on the fire that burned brightly.

“Can’t believe how grown ya are.” Daryl remarked next to you. “Remember when you were yea’high pointin’ a gun at my face.” You just snorted, “I’m not even going to lie, you look like shit.” You teased him back. He just scoffed and elbowed you light-heartedly.

“Thanks kid.” He said fondly, ruffling your hair.

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[yeet-me-into-oblivion-please]

Well, Supernatural is actually ending and I don't know what I'll do

[ Brevity is not a strong suit of mine since I've included personal details but there's stuff I feel everyone in the SPN family needs to read]

You might be expecting another post about how Supernatural saved someone's life and how devastated they will be when it ends because they've watched it for so long as well as how the actors have impacted their lives. This is probably one of those but please hear me out.

Supernatural premiered in 2005 and I was in preparatory class (aged 5 years and was before I began 1st grade). I heard of it because my aunt would watch it time to time so I'd also tried to get some peeks myself but I wasn't allowed to because it was "too scary".

Then our local cable began to show seasons 1-5 and that was when everyone in class started watching and quoting it. This was in 6th grade and I was frustrated because I knew about it before most of them yet they acted like it was a new show. I had a fair idea about the story but once I began watching it, I fell in love with it and loved it like a part of my soul.

Yes, Jensen Ackles was my first crush but I still thought (and do think) that both he and Jared are super hot. So I was sucked into this vortex, this Neverland which I never thought I would end.

I joined Tumblr for this show in 2013 because I saw the jokes about there being a Supernatural gif everywhere and wanted to be a part of the fandom/community. This was also the year I actually became interested what other fans felt though I never used this site properly until 2016 I would read the IMDb discussion boards because I hated scurrying through Destiel-infested posts.

(Fun fact:I wasn't using any social media of my own but on my mother's Facebook I liked a Supernatural fan page asking people's opinions on Destiel. This is was around the time season 8 was just finishing or had already finished so I read the comments--- people talked about Dean and Castiel being gay and didn't approve of it as there was this one girl who was conservative and didn't believe in homosexuality while others went on how Dean was always a ladies man which I agreed with. Not that I commented but I thought there was something I missed and I thought Castiel used Dean as a vessel, thus Destiel.)

But I digress. I was in deep by the time season 9 premiered and majority of the people I knew stopped watching the show except for this girl who bullied me throughout preschool who put up this update that Dean had become a demon. I doubt she watches the show now but it was hard seeing her put pictures of "I heart Dean Winchester" and pictures of Jensen when my mom asked me why I don't do the same.

Supernatural, I feel, has become that embarrassing thing you are into in middle school but suddenly drop when you're older, looking back and thinking, "Yeesh, I can't believe I used to watch this show."

I'll be a grown woman at 30 or 40 and probably eventually in my 70s and 80s but I will still look back fondly, the good, the bad and the ugly because I have like many teenagers have undergone many changes (friends, family, emotions, hobbies etc) but Supernatural has always been this constant in my life.

Because let me tell you, I'm seeing these posts saying stuff like how people are glad that it's finally over with its "bullshit" and that's it's dying. That is extremely disrespectful and insensitive to those people who literally live for it, who have invested time and money into it: gif makers, artists, meta writers (I may not agree with you guys but even you count). They don't know what to do once the show ends because it has helped them in ways others will never ever be able to fathom.

I saw the video put up by the guys. I saw and I could tell that Jared, Jensen and Misha had probably cried their guts out before the announcement because their eyes were red and puffy. Jared was controlling himself by talking less as Jensen was clearly on the verge as well but yes they said that they should save the angst for next year.

I love the guys; I love Jared being a goofball and Jensen being equally goofy as well and I'll say this too, I used to enjoy some of Misha's crass jokes (not the highlight ) as well which was why I looked forward to the gag reel every summer (because of J2) because it was cathartic after a traumatic season finale. I love the witty banter and the pranks the cast would do and I will miss it tremendously.

I have some issues with my aunt but everything would be okay when we would fawn over the guys and bingewatch the entire season the summer after it finished airing. We'd quote quotes back and forth and even spiritually killed ourselves watching short clips of "Sammy, close your eyes", "I'm proud of us" etc. Hell, she even promised me that when we go visit my uncle in the States we'd attend a con together.

If, and whenever we do go, it'll be different because the show won't be on air anymore and I know for a fact that I won't feel the anticipation of an episode.

So don't say disrespectful and callous things like "fucking finally". You can dislike the cast/plotline/show but don't ridicule and mock those who invested in the show,some of you are most probably speculating and have barely seen it.

I'm not some dumb, blind fan. I can see some stupid mistakes and don't always eat up what the writers show. For example, everyone must have figured that I dislike Destiel because it's based on groundless assumptions. I thought the Bloodlines was a crap idea that had nothing to do with the main plot and knew it was destined to fail.

As for Wayward Daughters/Sisters or whatever the fuck it was supposed to be called, I was not looking forward to it at all because it was one of those "forced diversity" shows, y'know gender bent stuff.

I felt that they were bastardising everything that Supernatural has and will (always) stand for because some people had a hair up their backsides. Yeah, I loathed Claire and that Kaia mourning thing was bullshit. Thank goodness I was sick that day and couldn't keep my eyes open for that episode.

If we were told that there would be a Men of Letters(with Henry Winchester) or even a Bobby-Rufus spinoff I would be okay with that but for now since the show will finish next year let's the wounds heal first, shall we?

I hope that Jared and Jensen get some offers once the show is done and I will pay good money to see movies, TV shows of them etc but for now I will keep quiet since I hope we get an ending we (and the boys) deserve.

Yes, the writer situation scares me and I think they should call Eric Kripke for a last hurrah. I mean, it is his baby and he should get to have a say in the series finale as well as J2.

Will one of the brothers die and the other will live (I'm worried we'll get a reverse Swan Song)? Will they both die leaving Cas behind and Jack as some sort legacy who trains future hunters? That would be a possibility since the sheriff in 14.16 asked the Winchesters why they don't tell people about monsters. What happens to Baby?

I seriously doubt the ending will be happy(maybe not 100%) but the best thing would be if they go driving with Baby into the sunset...

Dean at the steering wheel with Sam riding shotgun, where they should be ---- where they will always be, home. Dean plays his "mullet rock" as Sam would playfully mock his brother's musical choices. No chick flick moments. Just the Winchesters.

The boys need to lay their weary heads to rest, so they can cry no more. Because they are the legendary Winchesters, the hunters who saved the world countless times unbeknownst to many. I don't think their work will ever be done but there will be peace when they are done and how they will reach that point we'll never know till 2020.

Everyone will hear "Carry on wayward son" for the last time ever in Supernatural over a painful montage of "Dad's gone on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days" and "Saving people, hunting things, the family business". Now who in this fandom wouldn't be wracked with pain?

This is the show we all joked about that made a deal with the devil to never go off air but I did expect this a long time ago. Only thing was that I didn't know how I'd treat the news. I was that person who would go, "pfft, of course Supernatural would get renewed". Then again, this was the show that an ending was imminent and the whole season 4 debacle about Misha and the angel storyline saving the show blah blah blah.

So next year, everyone will flock to see the finale and epic conclusion to the Winchester saga whether they stopped at season 5,6,7 or 10,12. Diss it all you want for the shit show it may have become but wherever you left off, you may still want to know what happens to Sam and Dean Winchester in the end.

Once Supernatural ends, I'll turn 20 next summer and I would like to think of it being poetic that I end my adolescence with a show I have loved when I brave the cold, ruthless world of adulthood. I'm a picky person and can't say what's my favorite xyz is but you know what I'll say about my favorite TV show.

We will have completed 327 episodes which is the highest for a scifi TV show so I do hope the boys get some sort of recognition. It was us crazy bitches and jerks that gave the show the mileage and it was us that gave Jared and Jensen faith that they could carry on so for the remainder of season 14 and for 15,support these guys. Support these annoyingly sexy and ridiculously hilarious dudes for this show. I'm sure Jared and Jensen love the show like it's their kid practically but I wish everyone would just shut up, tinhatters, bronlies, stans, destihellers because we are all fans of the one show so let's ease the time we have left.

But seriously imagine Sam and Dean on a desert highway, the orange and yellow rays of the setting sun make Baby shine in all her splendor which makes Dean swell with pride. He starts the engine with a low rumble and they're off. They might to California to feel the sand beneath their feet or to Disneyland. They're living the "apple pie life" and this is their personal heaven : with each other.

I wouldn't mind this playing in the background if the ending is the inevitable and unspeakable you know what :

It's wishful thinking, since I wish they'd actually play some Zeppelin instead of song titles being used as episode titles but I wish they could use some Queen or Guns n Roses and stuff before 1979 because everything sucked ass afterwards according to Dean.

I want the classic rock resurgence in the show as well but I know they'll end up using the cash elsewhere. I wouldn't mind a body swap episode but if wishes were horses, right?

[pooraurora]

for Liddle: ♥ ▼ ☼ but also I'd love for Jopson: ☆ ☯ ✿

OH BOY YOU KNOW I GOT EM’

eddie liddle

 ♥ - family headcanon(s)

his family is Big & Warm & Very Affectionate

mum is CUTE and tiny and very innocent and clumsy and must be protected AT ALL COSTS. her heart is the most tender.

Mr. Little cuts an imposing silhouette but don’t be fooled he’s an enormous nerd and very patient and gentle with his children (to the point that run all over him). he has “resting stern face” and the only thing that gets him fired up is “coarse talk” and “rough behavior” around his wife.  

his parents are DUMB in love.

neddie is 7th of 12 (9 survived to adulthood) and 3rd of 5 sons 

they’re all knotted up in each other’s business/drama All The Time

his sister harriot (hattie) is closest to him in age and is his favorite (not JUST because she can play the pianoforte) 

his youngest sister lucy and his older brother tim are tied for being the biggest fucking drama queens.

they’ve been in the horse business as long as anyone can remember and have two farms. they’re known for cold bloods, but as time goes on his elder brothers and father have gotten more and more interested in hot blood stock from the americas and have a side venture breeding british spotted ponies.

every year edward would go to barnett fair to see the auctions with his father and brothers  and uncles and it was like a HALMARK when you were old enough to go along and it’s very special to them. 

there’s an enormous portrait of them all in the front hall of the main house in herefordshire that shows all the children and his parents and the joke is that their father had him paint his collie dog toby sitting closer to him than his wife. 

the other joke is that every collie they’ve had since has also been named toby in honor of that dog

his two younger brothers dick & fred are his absolute best mates :’) they convince him into all sorts of nonsense (with a lot of hemming and hawing on his end)

his sister annie is acquainted with the brownings of whimpole street.

his grandfather rode under colonel hale in the colonies and his eldest brother is named after him (hale). his grandfather was the one who started his family in the horse business and everyone thought edward would become a cavalryman but he surprised them all by joining the navy. 

▼ - childhood headcanon(s)

neddie has the benefit of being a middle child, which meant he could slip in and out rather undetected if he wanted (even if that was just daydreaming at the table)

he’s always been extremely earnest and easy going which made it IMPOSSIBLE to bully him 

always eats whatever is in front of him and could fall asleep anywhere.

his elder sisters carried him around like a doll for like the first 3 years of his life.

HE WAS INCREDIBLY EASY TO SCARE/PRANK. 

any extra attention always made him very embarrassed as he got older which was constantly exploited

his main job was keeping dick and fred from literally killing themselves with mad stunts 

he got his first horse when he wasn’t even a teenager and he was a huge brute who was super hard to tack but to this day he says lancelot was his #1 favorite and the best horse he’s ever had and they had many adventures together. 

L O V E D hero stories, even if he’s grown up and serious now and has drier tastes.

girls probably fancied him but he had Literally No Clue and wasn’t paying enough attention to company to even remember correctly

as a little boy he always looked concerned and his mother and sisters were always asking him what was the matter and he’d say “only thinking” 

GOOD BOY. SWEET BOY. MAMA’S BOY. 

only pitched fits about getting his hair cut (he was scared of scissors)

struggled with elocution lessons 

he and dick and fred all had mumps together and it was A TRUE FUCKIN’ MISERY. 

☼ - appearance headcanon

i think edward spends less time thinking about what he looks than just about anyone else he knows. he likes to be Neat and Orderly but otherwise he’s a function above fashion kinda guy and as long as the parts are all in good upkeep he’s fine. he lets his looks speak for themselves and thankfully he’s FUCKIN’ HANDSOME!! but otherwise he doesn’t like. think about it. he knows he’s in shape. his hair can be wavy when he gets lazy with it. he doesn’t mind doing his own ironing.tommy jopson

☆ - happy headcanon(s) 

he found an issue of lady’s cabinet when he was like 12 and read ALL the articles and tutorials and ads and basically kept it as a bible on how to be more gentile and it used to please him so much when people treated him differently for it. it also improved his sewing.

when they are all rescued he struggles with his memory so he’s always writing things down and jotting lists to himself and his handwriting is frankly HORRIBLE and the notes are inscrutable to anyone but tom. 

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

tom L O V E S gingerbread. it’s his favorite thing and reminds him of the corner outside his old rooms because he could smell the cart from the second story window. he always eats the corners and then the middle and picks up the icing off the paper with his finger.

honestly has a pretty big sweet tooth that he hates to admit. 

custard, italian ices, you name it.

i don’t think tom is very picky about food but he strikes me as someone who wouldn’t love shellfish because they remind him of bugs and he’d be like *wrinkles nose* at lobster.

likes edward’s cologne :) A Lot

✿ - Sex headcanon

let him get that good dick he DESERVES IT.

me$$y bottom 

look, i project because //i// want to get fucked by a beefcake like ed little but that’s beside the point. IT’S FOR ME.

HE LOVES A BEEFY GUY OK i think this is so funny given the time period and him being so DECIDEDLY unfashionable with his taste but once again, I’M LIVING VICARIOUSLY HERE because //I’M// a slut.

gives God Tier head

Corset ™

mess up his hair :)

[epaily]

dont read this im not 15 anymore i shouldnt be doing this

my fucking god the guy i like makes me want to tear my hair out. we hung out on saturday n the feelings are reciprocated so we cuddled and kissed alot. aloooooooot and i was over the moon with that but i swear every 10 fucking minutes he was asking to touch my boobs. im not exagerating. he kept saying he wouldnt do anything i dont want to do and im sure he wouldnt hurt me anyway but dude still. what part of im not interested in that dont you understand

not even just that but a few times he was on top of me and he pinned my wrists above my head which i didnt really want already and ALSO he put a hand on my throat not squeezing but still there and i REALLY didnt want that this is the least of my concerns here. i didnt think he had it in him honestly hes the dorkiest looking motherfucker. i could snap him in half. anyway.

hes so painfully my type i want to scream. he has it all. why did i give him my number why did i let us be friends im ace why does my type have to include having a dirty mind. i hate it here

we couldnt find the tv remote at one point n he reached between my legs and told me to take it out n ive told him to stop making gross jokes where im the focus ive told him im uncomfortable and hes not funny and he doesnt care I KNOW ITS A RED FLAG I KNOW I KNOWWWWWWWWWWW OKAY but every single other fucking thing about him is so fckng endearing. hes gorgeous. hes a genius. he likes anime and spiderman. his laugh lights up a room. when he talks in hindi i cant stop myself from smiling. he bought me pocky. he sleeps on an air mattress. ive never seen him in anything other then a turtle neck. he likes fruity smelling soaps and candles, its the only luxury he allows himself. he has the coolest fucking glasses.

yesterday he asked if we could put a name to this, i couldnt get the right words out and ask him to be my boyfriend properly, half because im easily flustered because I Dont Do This amd half because i dont want him to be. im a coward and i run from my problems so last night after chewing on it for 2 hours i texted him saying basically that i really wanted to date and be official because i like his dumb ass but i also know we arent compatible and its better we stay as friends. which sucks. im a coward and deleted snap immediately after so i havent seen if he said anything. i missed talking to him today. i got used to texting him all day so fast. i miss good morning and good night texts. last time we didnt talk for a day he tried other methods and asked if i was ok n if it was his fault and like it is but it isnt dude its complicated i hate myself i hate myself soooooooooo bad. did i mention this was the day after he saw me kinda cry out of frustration and sadness and he said it was one of the worst things hes ever seen/felt 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

he already said that if we dated it wouldnt be forever. he wants to fuck eventually and he wants it to mean something and not be with a hooker (i dont know if ive said this but if i dated someone i'd be fine w them getting a lady for the night LMFAO) which is fine! hes a cishet guy thats his right to want. im just so mad because now we've kissed and we've made out and i remember what cuddles are like and im SO MAD. this is the most ive felt towards anyone in the 3+ years and i cant have it because of my stupid sexuality. i wish i had said no to hanging out. i wish i had self restraint. i wish i hadnt hugged him. if he asks to hang out again im gonna say no. i want to show off my books and coins and wrap ourselves in blankets hes so fucking warm-

god damnit. God Fucking Damnit im not a teenager anymore.

im not ashamed of being ace or whatever im proud of it I Am Just Me im just a person but god it makes me mad sometimes because ive missed out on people ive wanted before and i will again and to be entirely fucking honest i dont know if i ever will. i dont think its even worth it. the older i get the harder it will be to say im not interested because people will assume im either waiting til marriage or im a prude and it will be more common place because everything is only ever sex sex sex and im tired of it man.

im like 99% sure he told me to stop texting him because he wasjacking it yesterday. ye gods.

tldr im so mad i like him so much and i cant have him.

im going to fucking bed