#as I am typing this he is asleep in my lap exactly like the 3rd pic and keeps twitching his lil paws dreaming OUUUGGGHHHh

[ruebenblues]

*FORCES YOU TO LOOK AT HIM FORCES YOU TO LOOK AT HIM FORCES YOU TO LOOK AT HIM FORCES YO-*

[ficbitxc]

Trapped With You

Chapter 3  I  Chapter 2   I  Chapter 4   I  masterlist 

this is a criminal minds series I’m making about falling love with Spencer Reid

summary: Their date :)

word count: 1550

warnings: none :)

authors note: I feel like this one kind of sucks sorry 

     The next  morning I woke up a nervous mess. Tomorrow was my coffee date with Spencer. I was furious at him! How could he make me so nervous by just asking me for coffee! I turned on my phone and was surprised to see a text from him. I thought he didn’t like technology?      “Hey, it's Spencer. I'm sorry I'm gonna have to cancel our lunch date tomorrow.  Something came up. How about dinner instead?” I read it slowly. A smile spread across my face. I threw my phone on my bed and flailed my hands around. I just couldn’t keep holding all my emotions inside. They had to come out somehow.      I picked my phone back up. Even though I had a weird combination of emotions (including nervousness, excitement, happiness, and maybe a little embarrassment over the flailing hands thing), I still had to act cool over the phone. I didn’t want to seem too crazy yet.      “You better make it up to me in more ways than one ;) Just give me a time and a place, I’ll show” I typed back. I read it a few times before sending it. I hoped it wasn’t too much, but being bold felt like the right option for Spencer. I set my phone down and went to make coffee. I couldn’t just keep staring at it waiting for a response. Keeping myself busy helped with my nerves. I couldn’t believe I sent that. My stomach pinged with an ounce of regret.      As I grabbed my mug, now filled with black coffee, I went back to my room and picked up my phone. A text notification chimed as soon as I looked on the screen. Like I suspected, it was Spencer.      “Be careful what you wish for Mae, in some instances, it might just come true. Lolita's at 8 tonight?” I read it one more time to make sure I had read it right. I smiled, glad I wasn’t the only one who thought being bold was the right way to go.      “Lolita's it is” I typed back. Excitement filled me. Our date just became a day sooner. Only 12 hours away! I wasn’t sure how i was going to focus on my work at all today with this information.      I grabbed my laptop and started working, only stopping for snacks and bathroom breaks. Once 6 rolled around I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to start getting ready, or I was sure something was going to explode! I shaved and washed every part of my body. I wasn’t expecting to get to 3rd, but hell if I wasn’t going to be ready for it. I got out of the shower and defused my dark brown hair, making sure my curls framed my face in the most flattering way possible.      I started with my makeup soon after. Spencer really didn’t seem like the type to like big makeup looks, so I kept it casual. Mascara, concealer, blush, highlighter, and bronzer were the only products I used. I looked in the mirror. I looked pretty, not beautiful or striking, but pretty.      Finally I had to pick out an outfit. Lolita's was a casual place. I didn’t want to go over the top dressing up. I searched through my closet until finally I found what I was looking for. A brown corduroy skirt, with an over sized yellow turtleneck sweater, tucked in. The outfit looked a little too plain, so I put on a belt that made me look like I had an hourglass figure.      I looked at the time and it was already 7:30. I must’ve spent more time in the shower than I thought I did. Lolita's was about 25 minutes away from my house and I wanted to be a little early, so I wouldn’t give the impression of always being late, even if it was true. I rushed to put on my socks and shoes, deciding my old skool vans would do, and ran to my car.      By the time I got to the restaurant it was already 8:02. I decided to act like I was trying to be ‘fashionably late’ rather than actually late. I opened the door to the restaurant and saw Spencer sitting on a bench inside. He was wearing brown pants with white button up shirt and a red tie, similar to what he was wearing when I saw him last. It must be his work clothes.     He looked like he had fallen asleep , not even noticing when I took the seat next to him. I guess it didn’t matter what kind of late I was. I put my hand on his shoulder, and he jerked away like I scared him, his hand finding the side of his leg, but there wasn’t anything there.      “Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to scare you!” I was slightly embarrassed. Scaring him on our first date. Good one Mae.      “Oh no no,” Spencer rubbed his eyes, “I must've fallen asleep or something, I haven’t slept that well the past few days.”      “Oh. We can always reschedule if you want? You do seem a little tired.”      “Noo, I’m fine. Missing a date with you would be worse than getting no sleep. Let’s get a table?” He replied. I tried to hide the pink starting to form on my cheeks and nodded. I walked with him up to the front of Lolita's where we followed a waiter to a booth next to a big window. I could see my car from where we were sitting.      “Have you ever been here before?” He asked as I flipped through the menu.      “Yes I have. I usually order this sandwich,” I said pointing to it’s spot on the menu, “I'm guessing you have too, since you picked the place.”      “Yes. I come here all the time during my lunch break at work with my coworkers. My office is only five minutes away.” He explained.      “Oh, really? Where do you work at?” I questioned.       “I’m actually an FBI agent. A profiler.” My eyes widened. Now I really believed this guy was too good to be true. He was a certified genius and in the FBI! My mouth opened to say something, but I was interrupted by the waiter. I ordered water as a drink and Spencer copied my order. We both already knew what we wanted, so we ordered our food too. Once the waiter disappeared into the kitchen, my attention fell back onto Spencer.      “Ever since I was little I always wanted to work for the FBI. It always seemed like such a cool job.” I admitted. Spencer’s eyes looked at his lap while he started talking.      “That's what I used to think. It’s a lot more darkness than I anticipated. I’ve almost quit several times, but I’m not sure what I would do with myself if I quit.”      “Is it that bad? What exactly do you do?” I questioned.      “Can we talk about it later? Maybe at our next date?” A smile spread across my face. There was going to be a next date, “what do you do, then? You seem to know so much about me but I know nothing about you.”      “I actually work for myself, in my own apartment. I design websites and stuff. Your everyday programming needs are left for me,” I chuckled, “ That was actually my plan to get into the FBI. I’ve heard so many times that if you can hack into them, then they’d offer you a job. I always chickened out with that plan though.”      “That's funny. A member of my team, Penelope Garcia, got into the FBI that exact way. I bet you guys would make good friends, she always talks about how annoying it is that none of us ever understand her computer talk. I may be a genius but I never found it helpful to learn about computer languages.”      “Maybe you can introduce us one day. I am in need for some new friend,” I joked. With that, our food came out and we started eating. The rest of the night was filled with jokes and getting to know each other questions. It was probably the best date I’ve ever been on, like I’ve known Spencer my whole life. We stayed long after we finished our food, both dreading the night ending.      “Are you ready to get out of here?” I asked, “If you want you can come to my apartment. I just don’t want this night to be over.”      “I’d love to. Text me your address and we can both drive our cars, so one of our vehicles doesn’t get stuck here overnight.”      “You got it.” I said as I did what he asked. Even though he mentioned taking both cars, he still followed me to mine. I was about to ask why, until he opened the drivers door for me. For the hundredth time tonight, a smile crept onto my face. I thanked him as I sat down.      “I’ll see you in a few minutes,” He smiled as he gently shut the door. Before starting my car, I watched him walk to his. Spencer really was the man of my dreams. This time, I didn't have to hope. I knew the feeling was mutual. 

[our-smooty]

It’s Easy; You Please Me

Fandom: Gorillaz

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: 2doc

Tags: Touch-Starved, Trans Male Character, Begging, Reunions

Summary: Murdoc is home. Where does he stand with his family and, most importantly, his singer?

The night he got back after they’d all met up and made up, the band threw him a welcome home party. Not the type of party he would have thrown, but a good party, with booze and food and his choice of movie. It was, he thought, one of the best parties he’d ever been to.

It was later now, and the majority of the band was asleep. Russel snored like a log from the floor, while Ace and Noodle took up the other sofa. Beside Murdoc, 2D was still awake, but only just, his eyelids heavy with sleep.

“Hey D,” Murdoc whispered. The other startled a tiny bit but recovered quickly, turning his hazy gave to the bassist.

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you just go to bed, instead of droolin’ all over the sofa?” His voice came out a little gruffer than he’d intended and he winced. Not home for even a day and he was back to being an asshole.

2D didn’t look offended though. Instead, he stood and stretched. “I guess I will if you don’t mind.” He nodded to the two on the couch and Russel on the floor. “Should we try’an wake them up?”

Murdoc shook his head. “Nah, leave them be. Noodle’s big to carry up to bed anyway.”

2D shrugged and turned to the staircase. Murdoc stood as well, his beer empty and his eyes drooping. Satan, it’d been months since he’d slept in his own bed, in his own room. The promise of a soft mattress and sheets almost made him moan.

He followed 2D up the stairs and headed straight for his own door. Just as he grabbed the knob he heard the singer clear his throat behind him. Murdoc straightened and turned to face the other man.

“D’you maybe wanna share a splif with me, before bed, Muds?” he asked, producing a joint from the pocket of his jeans. Murdoc eyed it.

“Eh, I guess. Come’on in then.” He turned back to the door and walked into his bedroom for the first time in months. Surprisingly, everything looked exactly as he’d left it, meaning it was still a complete tip.

2D followed him in and sat on the bed, comfortable as anything. He began patting his pockets for a lighter, frowning when he didn't find one.

“You gotta light?”

Murdoc produced his lighter and tossed it to the singer before turning to face his closet. He was wearing a spare set of clothes Noodle brought for him, but he was really craving the pure pleasure of picking out his own clothing again. He settled on a comfortable black long sleeve shirt and grey sweatpants. A quick trip to the bathroom and he was comfortable and ready to help Stu smoke that joint.

The singer was laying back on his bed, already puffing away. Murdoc stomped up and grabbed the joint from his lips, taking an angry drag.

“Don’t smoke it all without me you prick,” he growled, smoke pouring from his mouth. Stuart just grinned and snatched the splif back.

“Whatever, Muds. Don’t be such a grouch.”

“How about you stop being such a cocky arse,” Murdoc snapped back. Nudging Stu over with a hard wave he clambered up beside the other, sighing in relief at the feeling of his bed.

“Good to be home, eh?” 2D said with a head tilt. Murdoc nodded, more concerned with the softness of his pillows than what the dullard was saying.

“It was… weird without you here.” Murdoc didn’t know what 2D was fishing for. They’d already hugged and made up when he’d arrived. He’d even cried a little when they’d all stopped being angry with each other and given him a great big family hug. What more could the singer want?

“Was weird, not bein’ here,” he answered, taking another hit. He relaxed, just like he’d done when they all hugged him. Murdoc hadn’t had a lot of chances for pleasant physical contact in prison, and now that he was back at home he found himself craving it just a little. He’d noticed himself putting a hand on Noodle’s shoulder, or an arm around Ace much more than he normally would have during their movie marathon, and rubbing shoulders with Russel as they fought over the last slice of pizza. The only exception had been 2D; after the first hug, the singer had kept his distance the entire night, almost like he as avoiding Murdoc.

They were close now though, with their thighs and shoulders nearly touching. Murdoc could feel the heat of 2D’s body through both of their clothing. He inched closer little by little to the warmth with each pass of the joint. Eventually, he relaxed back right up against 2D. The singer eyed him from the side.

“Gettin’ comfy there?” He joked, making no move to shuffle away from the bassist. Murdoc huffed and moved closer to the edge of the bed, a slight blush on his cheek.

“Fuck off,” he grumbled, feeling embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to get so close to 2D. Their relationship had always been rocky, and the things 2D had said to the press were still fresh in his mind; though they’d made up, he wasn’t sure where he sat with the singer.

“You don’t have to squish yourself all the way over there Muds. I didn’t mind.” Murdoc stared at him for a moment, waiting for the other shoe to drop. When 2D went back to smoking, he decided the singer must be telling the truth, so he moved back to his previous spot. The feeling of another living human was more comforting than anything he’d felt since being locked up.

“So,” Murdoc began hesitantly, “how was my replacement then?”

2D looked up and shrugged. “Ace? He’s a good bassist and a cool guy.”

“Hmph,” Murdoc grunted. A slow smirk spread across Stu’s face.

“You’re jealous,” he sing-songed, nudging Murdoc’s shoulder with his own. Murdoc growled and shoved back harder.

“I am not! What do I have to be jealous of, his receding hairline?”

2D snickered. “Don’t be mean, Muds. Ace is a good guy.”

“Then why don’t you go smoke with him?” 2D’s smile faded a little, and he sighed. Murdoc scowled to himself, worried he’d wrecked the tentative ceasefire between the two of them.

“Cause I wanna smoke with you. And I missed you…” Murdoc snorted.

“Bloody good job you did of showing it.” 2D frowned and held his hands up placatingly.

“Not like you did much better, took you nearly drowning in shite for you to admit you’ve been a right cunt.”

He was right, Murdoc knew that. Nearly dying again had put a lot of things into perspective for him and he really was going to try and do better. It was just hard when Stuart could be such an annoying prick all the time.

2D lowered his hands, staring at them in his lap. “I thought maybe we could start over and be mates again.”

“We were mates before,” he replied testily. At least, he’d thought they were still mates.

“Yeah but, not like good mates.” 2D passed him the joint and Murdoc inhaled the last of it, ashing it on his bedside table.

“Oh you want to be good mates with me, do you Dents?” he teased, just to watch the other blush. Surprisingly 2D stayed calm, turning a little so they were face to face.

“Well, I was hopin’...” the singer trailed off, his glossy black eyes studying Murdoc’s face. The bassist began to sweat as 2D leaned in, his chest and face inches from his own.

“Hopin’ what?” he hummed, trying to keep his cool. In this position, it was easy to let his mind wander to times before when it’d been just him, the singer, and his Winne. Messy sheets and panting voices filled his senses, ghosts of the past back to haunt him over what he’d lost.

2D was even closer now, the heat of him radiating through Murdoc’s entire being. “I was hopin’ it’d be better this time.” He leaned in, one of his hands steadying him over the bassist, the other hand coming up to rest on Murdoc’s shoulder. Murdoc physically shuddered from the touch. He hoped 2D hadn’t noticed, but he knew he had. The singer smiled smugly as he leaned in further, their lips millimetres apart.

“Stu…” Murdoc murmured, waiting for the singer to close the gap. This felt unreal, like a dream or a particularly cruel bad trip. He’d given up on ever having this again with the singer after their 3rd album.

“S’gonna be different this time Muds, I'm gonna make it different.” With that his frontman closed the distance between them, chapped lips meeting soft ones. The light kiss sent fire through Murdoc’s entire being.

The singer must have taken this as permission to continue because suddenly Murdoc found himself with a lap full of lanky limbs. It was more contact than he’d had in months, and it was overwhelming. He let out a small gasp, which again 2D took as a good sign, using Murdoc’s distraction as a chance to deepen the kiss. 2D was grinding down against Murdoc as well, the bulge in his pants causing enough sweet, sweet friction to make the bassist shake.

Murdoc was dangerously close to coming already and they hadn’t even touched skin to skin. Each swirl of the singer's hips, each twirl of his tongue was setting Murdoc’s nerves alight in an overwhelming rush. He realized that his hands were still hanging limply at his sides and immediately changed that, taking fistfuls of the signer’s shirt in his hands. 2D made a happy noise in the back of his throat. When he pulled back from their kiss Murdoc tightened his grip, not letting Sto get too far.

“Murdoc…” the singer moaned, running his hands up under the Satanist’s shirt. He quickly found the other’s nipples and rolled them in his fingers roughly. Murdoc let out a wrecked moan, the stimulation too much to take.

“2D!” he hissed, bucking up into the other. Stu smiled sweetly and leaned back in close, his lips coming to rest against Murdoc’s ear.

“You’re so sensitive…” The singer licked the shell of his ear, then bit the lobe. Murdoc howled. “I guess that’s what happens when you’re all alone in jail.”

2D latched onto his neck now, sucking and biting with enthusiasm. As Murdoc tried to cope with the sensations bombarding him, the singer was trailing one of his hands down and into the bassist's trackies. Murdoc didn’t realize his hand was there until it was delving deeper into his core.

“F-fuck!” Murdoc cried. He could practically feel the smirk on 2D’s face against his skin.

“No pants, eh? Were you thinkin’ of comin’ on to me?” he teased, one finger circling Murdoc’s clit, the other still pinching a nipple. “You must have been desperate these last few months.”

If only you knew, Murdoc thought, teeth clenched, body tight. Sure, the pleasure he was feeling right now was off the charts, but what was really doing him in was the attention. It’d been such a long time since he’d been held, or had anyone to hold. The sheer overwhelming feeling of another person giving him attention and pleasure was doing more to push him to the edge than anything Stu’s fingers were doing.

“Ngh... ah... fuckin’ s-shit!” Murdoc grunted, jerking violently. 2D, somehow sensing Murdoc’s need, connected their lips in a deep kiss. The bassist whined into his mouth, letting himself be utterly devoured. When 2D’s fingers travelled down, then inside him he nearly screamed, desperate to be full.

Fingers weren’t enough. He needed more, more of everything and he tried to get a grip on the other’s trousers to speed things up, but 2D batted his hands away. Slowly, the singer unbuttoned them himself and reached a hand inside. Within a few seconds, he had his cock in his hand, pumping it slowly, his other hand still touching the bassist.

“D’you need this?” he asked, waggling his prick. Normally Murdoc would have laughed in his face, 2D’s dirty talk having never been quite up to his standards, but right now all he could feel was the need to be closer.

“I-I--” Murdoc stuttered, biting his own tongue to stop from begging.

2D leaned down, close enough to speak right into Murdoc’s ear. “I need you too, Muds. It’s been so long.”

With that, he pulled back both his hands--much to Murdoc’s displeasure--and reached for his shirt. Sensing that they were finally getting somewhere, Murdoc did the same, shucking off his track pants as well. He raked his eyes over 2D’s thin frame; the singer was just as hot as he’d been in the beginning, at least to Murdoc.

“Beautiful…” 2D murmured, running both his hands up the Satanist’s calves and thighs. His grip came to rest at Murdoc’s hips, pulling him toward the edge of the bed in an arousing show of strength. As he leaned into Murdoc’s sex the bassist had the fleeting thought that maybe 2D had been working out while he’d been away.

That was the final coherent thought to enter his mind, however, as the singer immediately began parting Murdoc’s folds with his tongue. The hot, slickness of the muscle against his clit felt wonderful and it was all he could do to grab the bedsheets in an iron grip. He whimpered as 2D moaned against his core.

“You taste good,” he panted, one hand still on Murdoc’s thigh, the other obviously working his own cock. “I thought about this when you were gone.”

Murdoc moaned again in response. It was like his body was a sponge, soaking up the affection and pleasure endlessly. Eventually, it’d all spill out, but for the moment he was riding the wave as it crested and fell, waiting. “S-shit! Stu!”

The hand on his thigh travelled down until the singer had 2 fingers pressed deep into Murdoc’s cunt. The bassist grunted, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. Shakily, he brought his hands up to 2D’s head, threading those lovely blue locks through his fingers before fisting them in deep. He needed to get control back. Tentatively he began thrusting against Stu’s mouth, taking the pace into his own hands. When he received no objections, only encouraging moans, he smiled weakly.

“S-so d-d--oh fuck!--did I, D,” he admitted. He shuddered as 2D slowed down to match his grinding. “Satan I d-dreamed about you doin’ this.”

2D raised his eyebrow but otherwise didn’t move from his position eating Murdoc out. He looked good down there, almost too good and again Murdoc felt the rising need for more. He wanted 2D under him, filling him, and he wanted it now.

“Lemme ride you, D. C-come’on,” he groaned, letting up his grip on the other's hair. 2D seemed to consider his request for a moment, his movements slowing down to a tortuous pace. Murdoc almost regretted asking when the singer smiled up at him, face slick.

“Sure thing, Muds. Gimmie room.”

With a bit of shuffling around, they were back in position. 2D, now completely naked, was sprawled out on the bed under Murdoc, leaning up on his elbows. Murdoc was hovering over the singer’s lap, resisting the urge to grind his pussy on the other’s leg.

“OK, love. Go on then, “ the singer drawled. Murdoc shot him a withering glare, but proceeded, reaching down to line up with Stu’s cock. He sank down gradually, revelling in the stretch and feeling of fullness. It wasn’t long before he was fully seated in the singer’s lap, his hands braced on the other’s hips.

“Go on then, Muds,” 2D repeated, urging him to move with a light thrust. Now, who was being desperate, Murdoc wanted to snap, but he didn’t want to piss the singer off and make him leave. He felt like he’d die is Stu left. With shaky movements he began to grind against the younger, lifting his hips just a little before dropping back down.

“Does that fee g-good?” the bassist asked, trying to contain his own noises. Below him 2D moaned out an affirmative and thrust up, making Murdoc jolt.

“Yes, M-Murdoc! Feels so good.”

The bassist picked up speed, a warmth blooming over his middle at the sight of 2D writhing under him when just a few moments ago their positions had been switched. But still, he felt that pull, that need for physical contact. “Touch, m-me. Satan Stu t-touch me!”

Despite his moaning and carrying on the singer obeyed, pushing himself up into a sitting position and immediately grabbing on to Murdoc for dear life. His hands were everywhere, and anywhere they couldn’t get, the singer’s mouth was making up for it. He sucked and licked at Murdoc’s nipples, forcing Murdoc to cry out and arch his back. They were moving fast and messy now, any sense of rhythm forgotten in the frantic desire to be as close as possible.

“G-gonna come, I-I can’t--” 2D whined, his hips jerking erratically. Murdoc thought about the singer, coming deep inside him and he felt his end approaching fast.

“Come in-inside me, Stu, ah--!” Murdoc’s orgasm washed over him like a tsunami. He felt himself get sucked along and through it, waves of pleasure rolling over him in the most intense sensation he’d ever felt. Below him, 2D was coming as well, and Murdoc could feel him pulsing inside his cunt. Oh, he’d missed this.

As they both came down each man wound to a stop, eventually freezing in an embrace with Stuart’s arms around Murdoc, and Murdoc’s head leaning against the other’s shoulder. They were both out of breath, chests heaving, bodies worn out. Murdoc shifted a tiny bit and he felt 2D’s cock slip out of him. The feeling of come flooding out and over his thighs made him shiver.

“Missed you, Muds. For real,” 2D said, nuzzling his head against the bassist’s hair. Murdoc sighed and allowed him to, tightening his hold around the singer just a little.

“Missed you too, Faceache.”

[suga-jusshi]

BTS Reaction to Them Being Stressed

Kim Namjoon:

Namjoon had a very stressful day at practice. He just couldn't seem to get the moves down for their new choreography. He felt as if he was holding the group back or as if he wasn't enough. Usually it wouldn't take him this long to get a dance down. It didn’t help that the boys were pushing at him to get it right because they had a performance soon. He was beyond stressed and just wanted to go home and lie down. When he walked through the door, he took his shoes off and dropped his bag. He plopped down on the couch and rested his head on your lap. You could tell by his quietness that he had a stressful day. “Bad Day?” you asked him, running your hands through his hair to calm him. “I can’t get the dance right and I feel like I’m slowing down the group. I’ve never had this much trouble learning a dance Jagi...” he paused for a second then said, “...what’s wrong with me?” he asked. Your heart tinged with sadness at his words. It hurt you to see him so stressed and worried. “Nothing is wrong with you Joon. You had a bad day that's all.” you paused for a moment. “How about this. Why don't you go take a shower and when you’re done we can cuddle and watch your favorite movies. Sound good?” He lifted himself from your lap and a small smile spread across his face. “That sounds amazing Jagi. How did I get so lucky to have someone like you in my life? I love you Y/N.” You smiled back at him and pulled him into a short yet passionate kiss. “I love you too Joonie.” He got up and went to take his shower and like you promised, you two ended the night with cuddles and movies.

Kim Seokjin:

Jin was beyond upset today. He had been working on a solo song for the new album and he had put his all into this song. When he presented it to the managers they continuously shot it down and told him to redo it and make the lyrics “ more relatable”. He couldn't help but think to himself that the song wasn't supposed to be relatable it was supposed to tell a story, his story. He worked endlessly to try and perfect the song but it just kept getting shot down. He decided to go home and see if he could work on it there. He packed up his stuff and went home. Meanwhile you were in the middle of straightening up your guys’ apartment when you heard him walk through the door with a loud sigh. “Are you okay Jinnie?” you asked as you hugged him. He let out another long sigh and hugged you back. “They want me to redo my solo song to make it more “relatable”.” he said moving to the table and setting his stuff up. You could tell he was stressed so you decided to leave him be for a little bit so he could get his work done with no distractions. About 20 minutes later you heard a loud bang and a groan. You got up and walked into the kitchen to see what happened. The sight in front of you broke your heart. Jin had his head in his hands, papers strewn all across the table, some crumpled. You walked over to him and gently pulled his arm to stand him up. Once he was standing, you pulled him into a hug. As soon as he hugged you back, you felt him tighten his grip around your waist. “I can’t do it Y/N. Why are my songs never good enough? Why am I never good enough? Everyone else’s songs got approved but mine didn’t. Am I that bad of a song writer?” You could feel the sorrow and hurt in his words. It hurt you to see him like this. “No baby. Your songs are great. You are great. And who cares about everyone else. Stop comparing yourself to them. You are wonderful. I don't ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth ever again. Okay?” He nodded at your words. “Now sit down. We are going to finish this song and make them regret ever shooting it down in the first place.” He looked at you in surprise. “Jagi you don't have to help me. I can do-” you cut him off. “Ah no no no. I'm helping you whether you like it or not.” He smiled at you and pulled you in for a kiss. ‘I love this girl. How did I get so lucky?’ You guys ended up finishing the song within an hour and the next day he called you to tell you it was approved.

Min Yoongi:

Yoongi had had a very long day at the studio and to say that he was stressed was an understatement. He was beyond stressed over this new beat for the boys newest song that was coming out soon. He just couldn't seem to get it to sound right. He’d been trying all day and he was tired. He looked at his phone and saw a text from you saying “Don't over work yourself, I love you.” He smiled and realized he should probably be heading home seeing as it was close to 11pm. He packed up all his stuff and went home. When he walked through the door, he noticed you watching tv. Instead of saying hi like he usually does he just walked straight to the your shared bedroom. He was tired and stressed and didn't feel like talking about it. He laid on the bed and closed his eyes. You had noticed all of this and thought of it to be a bit weird. You could feel the atmosphere in the apartment was a bit off. You had come to the conclusion that he had had a bad day and didn't want to talk about it. So when you walked in the room and laid on the bed with him, that's exactly what you did, was not talk about it. In fact you guys didn't talk at all. You had snuggled up to him and he noticed this. He pulled you in closer and let his hand rest on your waist. You drew shapes and patterns on his chest because you knew it calmed him down. He felt bad for not saying hello to you when he came home and felt you were probably wondering what was wrong with him even though you didn't ask. “Sorry for not saying hi when I came in.” He looked down at you. “It’s okay babe. You don't need to apologize.” You said snuggling up closer to him. “I know, I just had a stressful day. I couldn't get a beat right for a song and I have to have it by the end of the week and-” you put your finger on his mouth to shush him. “Yoongi you don't need to explain. I know you had a stressed day. I appreciate you telling me but I don't want you stressing yourself out even more by worrying about it. I know you’re tired so why don't we go watch a movie and I’ll make us something to eat while you relax.” You said getting up and pulling him off the bed and into the kitchen with you. He sat at the table and watched you as you began cooking. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. He got up and walked behind you and hugged you. He nuzzled his face into the space between your shoulder and neck. “I love you Y/N. I'm so glad you are in my life. I don't know where I’d be without you.” He said and kissed your neck. You turned around and kissed his lips passionately. “I love you too Yoongi. And I'm glad you’re in my life too.” You two finished cooking and sat in the living room and watched all your favorite movies, eventually falling asleep in each others arms.

Jung Hoseok:

You had decided to visit Hoseok at the studio today. You had prepared a nice lunch for the two of you and brought it with you. When you walked into the Big Hit building you heard music coming from down the hall. You immediately started walking in the direction of the music. You ended up in front of the boys’ dance room. You saw Hoseok teaching some of the boys a dance he had worked on for a long time. You opened the door and walked in managing to go unnoticed by him. You walked over to Tae, Yoongi, and Jimin who were watching your boyfriend teach. “Oh hey Y/N. I didn't know you were coming by today.” Tae said and got up to hug you along with Yoongi and Jimin. “It was supposed to be a surprise visit.” you laughed and took the seat next to Tae. “So why aren't you guys dancing with the rest of them?” you asked watching the others dance. “Because we learned this when he first made it.” Yoongi said eyeing the bag of food in your hand. You noticed this and handed him the bag. “Just save some for Hobi and me.” As soon as you said that you heard a loud no and turned to see your boyfriend scolding Jungkook about messing up. You felt bad for the poor kid and decided to intervene. You walked over to where they were and saw that Jungkook had noticed you and you could see him relax a bit knowing you had come to the rescue. You stood behind Hoseok. “ Jagiya.” You whined and caused him to turn around. He smiled when he saw you. “Hi baby.” He pulled you into a hug and tried to go in for a kiss but you pulled away. He looked at you confused, wondering why you pulled away. You walked over to Jungkook and gave him a quick hug. You turned to Hobi again and pouted. “Why are you yelling at my sweet Kookie.” He laughed and pulled you towards him again. “Because he messed up and it was clear to me he hasn't  been practicing.” He glared over to Kookie. You guided his face to look at you. “Hobi I know you’re stressed baby, but don't take it out on the poor kid. Why don't you all take a 30 minute break and calm down then try it again.” Hoseok nodded and the boys sighed in relief and walked over to where the food was. “Can I have my kiss now Jagi?” He asked with a smile. “Of course.” You leaned up and gave him a quick peck on the lips and started walking away. “Uh uh you’re not getting away that easily.” Hoseok pulled you back towards him and gave you a long and passionate kiss. “Oh god. Get a room.” You turned and saw the boys looking at you with mock disgust. “Yah! Didn’t I tell you to save us some?!” you yelled at Yoongi. He started laughing but quickly stopped when you started chasing him. Hoseok just watched you two and laughed.

Park Jimin:

“Chim Chim.” You called for the 3rd time that night. Jimin had been typing away at his computer for hours and you just wanted him to relax a little and pay attention to you. It seems like nowadays you guys spend less and less time together because of his hectic schedule. He sighed and shut his computer. He got up and walked towards the kitchen to get something to drink. You followed him and called his name again. “Jagi.” He set his glass of water down and turned around. “What Y/n?” You knew he was stressed, hence as to why he was using your name instead of his usual pet names for you. You walked over to him and took his hands in yours. “I know you’re stressed baby and I know you’ve been busy lately, but tonight is the one night that we are both home early and you know we don't get those often. I just want to spend a little time with you without you being on your computer or phone.” Your face turned into a sad expression as you were talking. Jimin noticed and came up with a plan to make you fell better. He let go of your hands and walked away towards the living room. You sat in the chair beside you and felt as if he didn't hear a word you said. Around 20-25 minutes later Jimin walked back in the kitchen and grabbed your hand, pulling you up and walking you into the living room. You were surprised by what was in front of you. Jimin made a bed by pushing the two couches together and had all types of snacks and drinks on the table in from of the “bed”. You noticed they were from his secret stash of snacks that he hid from the boys when they came over. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately. I never meant to neglect you princess. I was just so caught up in work and I know that's no excuse but I never want you to feel like I'm not paying attention to you. I will definitely make more time for the two of us. I'm sorry and I love you Jagi.” You teared up a bit and pulled him close to you and gave him the most passionate kiss you two have had. “ I love you too Park Jimin and I always will. Now, lets watch some movies.” You laughed as you pulled him onto the “bed” with you. You two spent the remainder of the night goofing around and watching movies.

Kim Taehyung:

Tae had been playing Overwatch all morning and you were tired of hearing his groans and complaints. you had been trying to study for this upcoming test and he was distracting you. Granted you knew you would do good on the test but a little extra studying couldn't hurt. He groaned and yelled at the tv for the 20th time in the last 10 minutes and that's when you decided to get up and go check on him. You see him sitting on the couch, controller on the floor, headset around his neck, and his face in his hands. “Did you die again babe?” He looked up and nodded his head. “This game is stressing me out but I really wanna beat this level.” You went and sat on his lap. “Tae give it a rest. You’ve been playing all morning. Why don't we go do something?” He looked at you and thought about his choices. “But babe I really wanna beat this level.” He pleaded with you. “TaeTae please...for me?” You gave him the puppy dog eyes and the signature pout that he could never say no to. “Okay okay, you win Y/N.” He said with a laugh. “What do you wanna go do Jagi?” He asked as he rested his arms on your waist. “Hmmm... How about we go get ice cream?” His face perked up at the mention of ice cream. You figured you both needed a break so why not. You two got your ice cream and went on a nice walk around the park. Somehow you ended up coming home with a new puppy. You weren’ t surprised seeing as a bunch of crazy things happen when you’re with Tae. But you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend. He was the love of your life and you were his and he made sure you knew that everyday.

Jeon Jungkook:

“Babe I was there I saw the performance, you did amazing.” Currently you and Jungkook were at the boys’ hotel room. they had just got done performing and in your mind him and the boys couldn't have looked better. But to Kookie he though he didn't put as much energy in it as he thought he could've. He though that he made the performance looked bad because of him and now he was stressing over something that he shouldn’t be. ‘He already has enough to stress about with the tour he doesn't need all this extra stress on his plate.’ you thought. “No Y/N. I didn't do as good as I could've. I should've done more but I didn't and the performance looked bad because of me.” He was walking around the room while you sat on the bed and just watched him. You had watched him pace for about five minutes before you finally got up and stepped in front of him. You grabbed his face to make him look at you. He avoided eye contact. “Kookie look at me.” His eyes slowly made their way towards yours. “You did amazing. I was there I saw it all. You guys did better than ever. I cant explain how proud I was of you guys. Especially you. My amazing, wonderful, handsome, sweet, caring boyfriend. You shined up on that stage and I’m pretty sure the fans would agree with me too. So stop doubting yourself.” He looked at you and smiled. he pulled you in for a kiss but you stopped him midway. “Just let me say this one thing then you can kiss me. You always tell me and the ARMYs to love ourselves and believe in ourselves but how can we if the ones that we love don't do it themselves? You always doubt yourself when you shouldn’t. You are amazing at what you do. So promise me you’ll start believing in yourself more.” He looks at you with a tear in his eye. He quickly wiped it and smiled at you. “I promise I will baby. I love you so much. I don't know what I would do without you. You are my rock. My bestfriend. My soulmate. My everything. And I will always do my best to please you and make you happy.” Now it was your turn to cry. He always had a way with his words to make your heart flutter. But you knew he meant everything he said. Jungkook leaned in and right before he was going to kiss you he stopped. “Can I kiss you now Jagi?” You laughed and leaned up to press your guys’ lips together in a passionate kiss. you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry for Tae’s being so short I couldn’t think of anything else to write.

But I hope you guy’s enjoy this. I spent a lot of time writing it.

Gifs are not mine. Credits to the owners

~Cierra

[sincerelysashaa]

6/14/20

LAWD. I somehow managed to already not stay on track with blogging every night. So consider this my entire weekend’s story bunched up in one. Another weekend in the books of single parenting. Another weekend of countless questions from my kids about why daddy isn’t spending weekends with them and why he goes out of town every weekend. I guess tonight’s post will elaborate more that..

Back in February (I think), Chris had another woman in my house. Let me preface this conversation with this- Chris assumed that I was cheating on him. Not sure if it was a guilty conscious or him seeing me finally losing weight and being happy, but he felt the need to pull my call records. Instead of reasonably asking for names and reasons why I was speaking to someone at 1am for literally less than 5 minutes, he came to his own conclusion that if a man answered when he called that number, that I was 100% sleeping with this person. The truth of the short calls were to get shirt sizes ASAP for an order I had to finish that night for a fight coming up at our boxing gym. It just so happened that this guy worked overnight and slept during the days so he called when he was free at work to finish his order, talk about the event and that was all. Anyway, Chris called him and asked if he was involved with me. The guy (being the meatheaded asshole that he is) must of thought it would be funny to tell Chris “I know she’s married and if anyone was pressing up on anyone, it was her coming onto me”. To this day I still don't know if Chris made this up because when I confronted the guy and asked why he would say that to my husband, he said he would never say something like that. Weird..right? So fast-forward to a few weeks after that. I go out of town with my 2 daughters and my son stays home. Kind of a boy’s weekend/girl’s weekend. When I came home, my bedroom was SPOTLESS. I mean SO clean while the rest of my house was messy. Automatically knew someone was in my house but Chris denied it, called me psycho and crazy and said I’m saying that because I’m ‘guilty’ of messing with someone at my gym. Long story short, I found out a girl was here, she text me all of the screenshots showing where Chris said he was divorced, and ready to have something serious and be ‘completely honest’ with someone. DAMN SHAME. We had a lot of talks after that. Silly me, once again forgave him. Now let’s have a moment of honesty.. Chris has broken me emotionally, many times. I cannot lie and say I was the perfect wife after this. I started texting another man. I am not proud of it. He gave me attention, checked up on me daily, sent inspirational quotes, bible verses and all kinds of things to help me get through the hard days of my life. I have no excuses for entertaining these conversations, but I did it. Maybe I craved that attention or that feeling that someone gave a shit about me, so I continued the texting and a few phone calls here and there. Did I love the guy? 100% as a human being, I did. Was he someone I’d pursue a relationship with or get involved physically with? Absolutely not. But Chris set up a recorder in my house and listened to an entire evening of my conversations with everyone from my sister, to brother, to best friend, to this guy. He heard me say I love him. Accused me of having a ‘sexy voice’ on. Guys.. I cannot express how angry I was when he told me he put a recorder in my house! When he played it back for me, I was LIVID. I told him I know exactly what I said on those calls. That I do not care what he has to say about any of it. I handled that situation poorly. Not just because I was mad, but because I was embarrassed. Well Chris took that incident and ran with it. This exact incident is what he uses against me and as his excuse for every poor choice he has made since February. Including seeing his “girlfriend” that he now he has.

This brings us to current day and the reason I've been single parenting and fielding questions from my children about daddy not being here to spend time with our family. Chris has a girlfriend in Miami. For all I know, he’s had her for a long time but claims I’m the one “in love with someone else” and that is why he is with her. Makes total sense right? (insert eye roll). He claims I broke his heart. Yeah, okay. Apparently my heart is made of steel because nothing he’s done over these last 10 years would've broken mine, huh? I’ve looked this girl up. Good ol’ Amanda Jarrett. That name will forever be in my brain as scum, trash, shit, any other synonym for DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING. I’ve looked her up of course. Her ex-husband, in prison. 3 kids, multiple fathers. Evictions every year since 2017. Committed a 3rd degree felony. Cannot get a real job (obviously) so she “cooks” meal prep foods in her house and sells it. It’s quite pathetic actually. Chris spends every single weekend with her. 5 hour drive down on a Friday morning, doesn’t come back until Sunday night. In that time he makes sure to treat her like a queen. Something he NEVER did with me and let me tell you how fucking ANGRY and hurt that makes me. Sacrificing my entire life, carrying his 3 children, taking care of my home and children while working full-time, being the main bread winner for YEARS. NONE OF THAT WAS ENOUGH. I have to watch him spoil this sorry excuse of a woman and I could not even get a 99cent card for Mother’s Day this year. What hurts me the most though is seeing how much this hurts my kids. They are such emotional little humans who really FEEL their feelings. Brianna seems to just want to keep to herself and not be bothered. She’s always sad and quiet. Jordan has been acting out, talking back, not being his old, sweet self. He also cries a lot and asks why daddy can’t spend time with him any more. Ava has been attached to my hip 24/7. She refuses to leave my side. She’s actually sitting on my lap in my bed as I’m typing this. I just hate that Chris can’t grow up and see how badly his choices will affect them. I cannot say anything to him though because he automatically gets defensive and it ALWAYS turns into an argument. Queue the tears- because they’re flowing as I type this. My heart is tired.

Our weekends are now super busy. Purposely. I cannot keep my mind calm while sitting around and this has been a huge struggle for me. So while I’m planning our weekends so the kids can have fun, I’m planning them for my own sanity as well. Last weekend we took a trip to the Saint Augustine Aquarium and fed sharks and sting rays. This weekend, we went to lunch with my best friend Becca and had a coloring/painting night at our house. We also watched 2 movies and read books. Today, Sunday, the kids and I had a nice dinner at Texas Roadhouse. It’s the small things.

This post wasn’t supposed to be so reflective on the past but I guess the back story was needed to see where I’m at today. It was a rough weekend. They usually always are. I do not get a break and it’s become so overwhelming. I found myself just wishing the day would hurry and be over so I could come lay in bed and close out the world. I never have luck with falling asleep though so I've been reading some fiction to keep my mind occupied. I’m actually in middle of a hilarious book called Big Gray. I’m rushing through this post just so I can get back to reading it (lol). So I guess this is all for now.. 

Reminding myself - one day at a time.

Sincerely, Sasha