#art supplies drawing process how to write comedy

[acaseforpencils]

Sam Gross.

© Copyright, 1970, S. Gross. Buy this print here! 

A couple of years ago, I was eating lunch with Sam and a bunch of the usual Pergola crowd, and we were talking about interviews. I hadn’t started A Case for Pencils at that time, but I had been thinking about how to go about it. Sam told me that the thing about interviews is that they are basically finished before they start, because the interviewer already knows how they are going to portray you, even before they talk to you. With that in mind, when I finally got around to creating this blog, I decided to go with a survey format. I wanted to do right by cartoonists, and allow them to be the funny, kind, and articulate people that they are, without my bungling things up! Ironically, this interview was done over the phone, so I hope I did right by Sam!

I recommend listening to the below audio clip of our phone call, wherein Sam talks about the difference between drawing funny and funny drawing, before you read this interview, because he is an inimitable storyteller, and I want you to be able to read it in his voice. —Jane Mattimoe 

From L to R: Sam Gross, Jane Mattimoe (me/A Case for Pencils), Mort Gerberg, Sidney Harris. The original photo (on the photographed ipad) was taken by Sam’s daughter, Michelle, at Pergola des Artistes in 2016. 

Sam: I always wanted to be a cartoonist, and at age six I drew what was possibly a cartoon, on my desk. My first grade teacher was Mrs Levy, and I guess she was my first editor, because she had my mother come in with Kirkman industrial soap, and we had to erase my cartoon from the desk. So, I knew what I wanted to do at a very early age.

Jane: You're lucky.

Sam: Yes, I am. I am very lucky. My wife was a vocational guidance counselor —she's retired now. She didn't have to do too much with me.

Jane: I read somewhere that you started cartooning in 1962. Was it actually earlier than that?

Sam: I was drawing before that, and I had one cartoon that was published in Saturday Review in 1953 when I was still in college. I was doing stuff for the school newspaper— actually very little because Morty Gerberg had a lot on that, and I finally got two weeks in when he was off on something or the other... Morty and I went to the same school, CCNY Baruch... I would say professionally, it was a little bit earlier [than 1962]. I was drawing and getting published in Europe, in France and in Germany, prior to that. We were there in ‘60-61. I began in earnest back here in 1962. That's when I started earning an income on it. 

Actually, the first year I earned $985 in change, and my big client was actually— and I wasn't doing any drawing... I was coming up ideas— but a greeting card company in Brooklyn called Charmcraft. So, then of course, after the first year I did better.

Jane: You were in the military, right? I know George [Booth] got his start in Leatherneck. Did you do anything like that?

Sam: Oh yeah, as a matter of fact, in the military I was doing cartoons for the HAC Post—Headquarters Area Command — which, I was stationed in Heidelberg, but the newspaper was in Mannheim... and from that I did a book, Cartoons for the GI, which sold very, very well. I was getting statements every month, and I was making more than my Commanding Officer, which pissed him off tremendously. Yeah, I forgot about that book.

Jane: I remember you told me that someone in the military told you that you'd never be able to get a job.

Sam: Yeah, that was my Commanding Officer. He didn't recommend me for the Good Conduct Medal. He said to me— I was leaving the army by that time—and he said, “Nobody's ever going to hire you. You'll never have a job.” And he was right.

Actually, I did work in a legitimate job for six months... and I also...I guess I got a legitimate paycheck at work, you know, like I would have to file a W2 for... When I was first with that job, which actually was as an accountant, and then the other one was—which you can’t call full employed— which was when I was teaching at Pratt three semesters. I would get a paycheck there, but other than that, it’s been freelancing.

Jane: Wow! So let's see, you’ve been published everywhere of note, written a lot of books, and you were also the cartoon editor of The National Lampoon...

Sam: I was, yeah.

Jane: Did your time as a cartoon editor affect your process as a cartoonist? I mean, did it change how you viewed cartooning?

Sam: No. When you’re a cartoon editor, the only way it affects it is the audience and the direction the magazine is going. I also was cartoon editor at Smoke magazine, and for a very brief time, Parents magazine. Now I’m not gonna go to Parents magazine and try to get a National Lampoon cartoon in there. The only way it’s affected me is by basically the market of the magazine—not the quality of drawing or the writing—but basically I had in mind the readership of these particular magazines.

My well-worn copy of one of Sam’s classic cartoon collections.

Jane: What tools do you use to make your cartoons?

Sam: I use two old Rapidograph pens, a two and a half and a one. They’re color coded— blue and brown. I actually don't think it’s very important what your tools are as long as you’re doing this thing. I know a number of young cartoonists think that there’s something magical in a particular tool, whatever it is. You work with what you’re comfortable in.

On one occasion, and this was at Saturday Evening Post, a young kid wanted the secret for how to do this thing. He thought the secret was embedded in your tools, so he asked around, “What paper do you use? What pens do you use?” So he asked this guy, John Elcik, who was a cartoonist at the AP, Associated Press, and he asked him, “What kind of ink do you use?” And John answered with a very straight face, “Higgens Gag Ink,” and nobody corrected him because this kid was a real noodge. So it’s a running gag now, with “Higgens Gag Ink,” because it’s so ridiculous to get involved in the tools of this thing. You do what works. And you let go what doesn’t work. Brian Savage, who was living across the street from me on 3rd avenue was drawing with brush and lamp black, and he said “Oh you have to try it!” I tried it, and I was miserable. After a day and a half I figured, this ain’t for me. There are people who instead of working with a pen, they work with a brush. I can’t work with a brush.

I’m working with these busted Rapidographs because they are drafting pens, basically. I’ve learned how to put pressure... alleviate pressure...so I can vary the line with this thing. What I have done since Rapidograph has discontinued this line of pens, and they now have cartridge pens, is... there’s this guy in Pennsylvania... Connecticut rather, who deals in antique pens, and I got enough points and enough pens... cartridges that hold the points... I guess to last me for the rest of my life. I did it just in case they decided to change the pens, which they did.

Jane: I’ve talked to so many cartoonists who are mourning the loss of this Rapidograph pen, Like Marisa [Acocella] goes on Ebay to search for them.

Sam: I’m going to see Marisa tomorrow, and I’ll let her know about this guy.

© Copyright, 1998, S. Gross. Buy this print here!

Sam: I was in Paris, and I wasn’t taking my Rapidographs, because I don’t know where and how I have to clean these things, so I went into this art supply store, and they had a sale on Staedtler pens, and I asked the lady there—because France, and pretty much Europe, is not known for fantastic sales on art supplies— so I asked, “Why is Staedtler  being so good to me?” and she said, of course, “Because they’re discontinuing these pens.” I use these pens...they’re waterproof, and they’ve got various points. They’re not as comfortable, but basically if I’m in Europe, I’m not doing any finishes, so I can use them for sketches. If I sell something over there, and they want something immediately finished, I would have to sit down and do it with a Staedtler pen.

Art supplies are diminishing because of the computer. Pretty much every art supplies store in New York is gone. There are plenty of places with art supplies departments, like Staples. The place I go now, on Madison Avenue, it used to be an art supplies and stationary store, and the guy moved over to Lexington Avenue, and he basically had the same thing...and also a printing business...he’s sort of limping along, and I make sure I go in and buy stuff there just to keep him in business, for godsakes!

Jane: You know, running this blog has really driven home that, like you said earlier, there isn’t a magic tool. I’ve interviewed dozens and dozens of people, and everyone has different tools that they prefer. So I agree, it’s just whatever you’re comfortable with...

Sam: You know, I’m not very good with color...Doctor Seuss was not very good with color...among other people— same with Shel Silverstein— they had it added mechanically, and you can see that in the Dr. Seuss books and The Giving Tree. Occasionally, I have to conquer my disabilities— because I'm doing greeting cards or whatever —to work with color. So with that, I guess I use the cheapest watercolors for working this stuff. I also know my limitations on this stuff... and my brushes are for wash and half tones... probably kinda beat up, but they do the job. 

© Copyright, 2016, S. Gross. Buy this print here!

Jane: You take a while to do each cartoon, right? You do a lot of cartoons per week, and your cartoons look deceptively simple, but I know you really think about where each line goes. I remember that you gave me some of the best advice I've ever gotten for cartooning, which was was that you told me to draw funny, and I think what you meant was to make sure every line help propel the joke, rather than wasting space with superfluous details. Did I interpret that right?

Sam: Well, there's a difference between drawing funny and funny drawing. Usually a lot of people who can draw very well— really good artists— when they go into cartooning they’re doing funny drawing rather than drawing funny. Because they—I don’t know—in other words they exaggerate the nose...which possibly is not pertinent to this particular cartoon. They’re making funny drawing. Drawing funny is...George Booth draws funny, Bill Woodman draws funny… people say that I draw funny. I guess I do, in a way, but not as funny as their drawing. Sergio Aragonés draws funny... and I take— sometimes, which I'm doing now— I take two three weeks to do a drawing...just looking at it, and deciding… I don't consider myself a great artist, or even that much of a good artist, but what I consider myself is a really good gag man, a really good person that can tell a joke, that's what I do. You know, I'm weak in perspective, I can't draw a horse to save myself...but a lot of other people can't also— I’m in good company with horses, or lack of ability to draw horses. But I can tell a joke... and it takes a lot of work to do that.

Jane: Some people say either you’re funny or you’re not, but do you think people can improve their ability to tell a  good joke?

Sam: Yeah I could see it over the years. Stuff that I did In 1969, when I began with The New Yorker, and getting in jokes...and drawing... to now, you know if I just go back in my files to 1969, I guess the initial reaction would be to hold my head and go, “Oh my God!”, but I've developed from there, and I realize that's where I was in 1969. And there are people, without my saying any names, that have been drawing the same way for 20-30 years, and to me it's amazing that they can do whatever they did 20 years ago, not that I would want that. You know, I’m very happy that I’ve advanced to the point where my drawings are totally different than I did in 1969, and before that between ‘63 and ‘69... and actually, up until ‘73 or so, when I was doing a lot of gags... writing for Charles Addams...he worked with gag men. I realized—George Price was actually walking around with my wife at a gallery of his stuff, and he was showing [her] various drawings there. And at that particular time, I was somewhat appalled that my idols were using gag men— one of them of course being Charles Addams—and [Price] turned to my wife and said, “you know, I’m not really involved with gags—I’m involved with furniture,” and it really gelled, and then I realized with Charles Addams, he was involved with mood and architecture, and some of these other guys that were buying gags, they weren’t very involved in germinating the idea, but once they had the idea, they could then work with it, and then come out with something really, really good. So some cartoonists are just different. You know there’s one cartoonist that can draw anything, but for the most part he uses set gags

© Copyright, 1991, S. Gross. Buy this print here!

Jane: So I was looking at your Wikipedia, and it says in 2012 you had a total of 27,592 cartoons. What’s the tally now?

Sam: 31,577.

Jane: Wow!

Sam: Well what I do is I throw out a lot of gags. I’ve probably thrown out over 5000 gags. You throw out gags cause they’re obsolete. Let’s say the gag —the idea— involves a rotary telephone, which there aren’t any rotary telephones anymore! Or a phone booth, of which there are very few. I think there were two left in New York City on West End Avenue. There was an article in The Times on that. So you throw this stuff out, you throw out stuff that’s obsolete. Including, let’s say five years from now, if I had a gag on Trump, or if I had a gag on McCain… you throw out a gag or idea if it’s lousy, “Oh my god, what was I thinking about?!” Out of 31,500 gags  or so, I have duplicates, “Oh my God I did that one, there it is again,” so I throw that out. This keeps me sharp, otherwise I would probably need a larger studio… Yeah, 5000 gags takes up a lot of space.

Jane: Wait so you throw away cartoons? Actual physical drawings that you’ve done?

Sam: Yeah! And there are other drawings, by the way, in my books...and I look at this thing, and it’s my gag, it’s my idea, and I don’t get it. I don’t know where my head was when this thing was germinating in my mind.  I have no idea, and I look at this thing and go “huh?!” I just get rid of it.

Jane: So you’re not like Mort who has a storage facility with thousands of cartoons…

Sam: No, no—I’m not gonna have a storage facility. I have a studio down the block from where I am. And actually, since I own it, and I’m paying maintenance on it, I’m probably not paying much more than he’s paying on his storage facility, wherever the heck that is.

© Copyright, 2011, S. Gross. Buy this print here!

Jane: I used to store my cartoons in a stack under my bed in my old apartment, and the mice let me know what they thought of my work by sh-tting all over it.

Sam: That’s another thing by the way, with piles—there’s one cartoonist I know, his system, as far as cartoons are concerned, one pile is horizontals, the other pile is verticals. That’s his system. And what I tell some of these young people at The New Yorker, which you’re aware of, because you were one of them, is to control the volume of this. And one way is to number them on the back, and then every one of them is an inventory number. Otherwise, when stuff goes out to Whoopie magazine or something, you know that you’ve sent this stuff out. Now you push scan and send it out, but you sent out 2831, 3743, with 16000… and you know which cartoons were sent out without having to describe them. 

Now what I don’t do, which people think I should do, and I’m possibly gonna have to, is scan these things and put them on a disc or whatever. I really don’t want to do that now, because I don’t want to get into the nitty gritty, and of course I’m gonna have to hire somebody. I’d rather just sit down, draw, and create. And I’ve got this system well enough that if you need something—let’s say it’s a men’s magazine—I go to my “Men’s Magazine” folder, and I pull something out. If you need something for natural history—let’s say turtles — I can pull out something on turtles. As a matter of fact, I had a request a while back for dental cartoons, and I thought I never had that many, and I went into “medical,” and I had enough there to open a full file on dental. 

I keep it loose, but not very loose. There is a control. I can go into something, and pull it out,or get it... at worst I think it can take twenty minutes. But there’s a method to this madness.

© Copyright, 1999, S. Gross. Buy this print here!

Jane: So this blog is supposed to be an educational resource for aspiring cartoonists and artists, and I was wondering if you had any advice that you wish you’d been told when you were first starting out, or that you think they should know...

Sam: Yeah, which is something you probably have experienced. There’s no love in this. I tell people, especially these young kids up at The New Yorker... sooner or later, The New Yorker is going to break your heart if you’re going to put all of your effort there. There’s no love there— I don’t love The New Yorker, and The New Yorker doesn’t love me. I’ve had, on many, many occasions... what usually has happened,or actually, what has happened, is that the market that I’m dealing with changes editors, and all of a sudden I’m out, and somebody else is in. I had this happen at Harvard Business Review, and the art director was a guy named John O’Connor, and I was selling to him for... I guess seventeen years, and the magazine was faculty run, which meant that it was run by crazies, because there were faculty wars involved, and those people were thrown in, people were thrown out, and people were in limbo, and John was able to survive for seventeen years, until he finally he became a casualty of the faculty wars there, and somebody else took over, and then I was selling sporadically, rather than the way I was selling before. Then later, I got a letter in the mail, hard copy, and they were informing me that they were buying all rights now. So I wrote them a letter back, or posted it by email, I don’t remember, “Please be advised that all the cartoons that you bought prior to this are my property. And if you get any reprint requests, please forward them to me.”

That’s the other thing by the way. And that’s rights. If you own the stuff, it’ll work for you. And I’m not saying every one of them will, but we call these cartoons that grow us money, we call them evergreens. The champion evergreen for me  is the frog legs cartoons. I don’t have to say anything more. Everyone knows that one. The other one is the snail cartoon. “I know she’s a tape dispenser, but I love her.” The reason that these cartoons are paying me money— the frog legs cartoon is 47 years old, much older than you— the reason that these cartoons are generating money is because I own them. 

I had a friend of mine who was selling to Mad magazine, and he got very involved, and he was selling there for years and years and years… and one day he walked in there, and they told him he was too derivative, whatever the hell that means, and that they were no longer buying from him.

Jane: That’s terrible!

Sam: Well, this happens. He was lamenting to me, “Thirty-five years! Thirty-five years, and I’ve got nothing.” You gotta be very careful with where you’re selling. I was stuffing an envelope in 1977 for Playboy, and all of a sudden this light bulb went off, and I said, “Hey wait a minute! They’re paying three hundred and fifty dollars, but buying all rights,” and I said, “I can’t make any money on them. I’m gonna get the three hundred and fifty dollars, and that’s it.”

If I had sold all rights on that frog legs cartoon, which came out in December 1970, they bought it for one hundred dollars, and that’s what I would have made on it. One hundred dollars—that’s it. Now, this thing has made thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars. I had a lithograph, which I think I made fifteen thousand on—just on the lithograph.

That’s the other thing— all my cartoons are inventoried and posted in an index, and when a cartoon makes money, for whatever reason, I post it, to the nearest dollar, how much money this cartoon has made. And for the frogs leg cartoon, and the tape dispenser cartoon, I had to add a page with all the action that went on with it. 

It’s very very important for you to retain your rights, cause otherwise you’re not gonna last. There are just so many variables going. I just sold the frog legs cartoon to a movie company, and they just came out with a movie about The National Lampoon on Netflix. It’s a prop. I think it’s hanging on a wall that somebody walks by. And I billed them $150 for it.

© Copyright, 1998, S. Gross. Buy this print here!

Sam: Hello?

Jane: Oh, sorry, I was just listening!

Sam: So again, rights are very important. Ownership is very important. If you feel like, “Well, I’ll do it just once or twice,..I need the money... I’m desperate,” they feed on you. Basically, their attitude towards you is that you’re the shmuckartist—that’s one word-—shmuckartist, and they take advantage of you. Usually, I just had it recently again, when this woman said to me— and I won’t say what the market was—“We only have the best interest at heart.” When somebody tells you that, they’re trying to screw you. The same thing when they begin the conversation with “You gotta understand,” that’s another rotten deal they want you to go into, okay? I did this cartoon, actually it almost happened to me that way, where you walk into an office, and there’s this guy behind the desk, and every chair in the office is occupied, so you can’t sit down, so you’re standing in front, and there are guys there ( and in this particular case it was all guys)… and I got a cartoon out of it that was in The New Yorker. Basically, you’re supposed to stand at the desk and pull on your forelock and hunch over. I did this gag, with this big corner office,with the big desk, and there’s four- five guys sitting in chairs, and the guy behind the desk… and this poor shlump is standing in front of the desk, and the guy behind the desk is saying, “Work with us, we’re trying to screw you!” I got a gag out of it, finally after these many years, because this happened when I was selling to girly magazines, back in the ‘60s, and sometimes something germinates after 50 years.

Jane: So you’re saying if someone has to tell you that they’re being nice to you, they probably aren’t?

Sam: Well, probably not. Look at it this way, this is a person at Condé Nast— not at the magazine, but dealing with another department —my feeling is, if she’s telling me, “We only have the best interest at heart,” this is not true, because being employed by Condé Nast, she’s gotta have Condé Nast’s interest at heart ahead of mine, because if she doesn’t, she’s gonna get fired. So of course, it’s bullshit.

© Copyright,  2009, S. Gross. Buy this print here!

Jane: I remember you would tell me and other cartoonists to be like a street rat. Could you explain that a little?

Sam: Yeah, well, you should figure out where else you’re gonna survive with this thing. For instance, I guess this was the 1980’s, when William Shawn was under tremendous pressure to resign, which it took a while... For some reason, he didn’t take a shine to me, and I couldn’t sell him for a period of 14 months, but I was up there every week, running cartoons through, and then selling to Good Housekeeping, Cosmopolitan, National Lampoon... Basically, I was running this stuff through The New Yorker, and knowing, knowing, that this thing is not going anywhere at The New Yorker. However, I have this stuff, I’m setting it up through The New Yorker… having this stuff now salable for other magazines. It looks pretty good— “Hey let’s go to Cosmo. Let’s go to… I guess at that time, True magazine.” So yeah, you gotta be a street rat. People come up to The New Yorker— “What are you gonna do with this next?” and they go, “I dunno!” Well if you don’t know, you’re not gonna survive.

Jane: Can I tell you a story about the first time I went into The New Yorker?

Sam: Sure!

Jane: It was when they were still at 4 Times Square, and I was scared to death, but I remember specifically that you were extremely welcoming, and made me feel like it was okay that I was there...and you invited me to Pergola [des Artistes] with all of the other guys, and you even drew a map for how to get there, which I later hung up on my wall... I just wanted to say, thank you for making me feel like it was alright for me to be there.

Sam: Of course it was alright for you to be there!

Jane: A lot of times as a young woman, especially in comedy, you don’t get welcomed at all, so it really meant a lot—from you, especially.

Sam: It’s such a tough business, that to be a hard-on in this business is disgusting, for want of a worse word. You try to make it easier for anybody and everybody, because I didn’t know what your work was like—you were there, which was important to you.

Jane: Yeah, and you were just nice regardless, and that says a lot about you as a person.

Sam: Well, thank you. I went through my first first showing, it was at Saturday Evening Post, and I still remember Henry Boltinoff, a cartoonist there, had a sign-in list, so you signed in, and I was behind George Wolfe, and I sat down, and I was so scared. I didn’t ask “Who is George Wolfe?” I just sat there, and Henry Boltinoff walked up to me and said, “Hi I’m Henry Boltinoff,” and I said, “Hi I’m Sam Gross,” and he said, “You’re after that elderly gentleman there—ugly old gentleman there” (they were good friends), “that’s George Wolfe.” So you know, after that, I showed up again—street rat—I showed up every week. I never was a really big seller at Saturday Evening Post. And I got in my studio… I think it was Sidney Harris, no it wasn’t Sidney, it was Art Pottier…. he had taken two signup lists,  he kept them, and he sent me two photocopies. Very interesting who was on there, including a couple New Yorker cartoonists. One of them was Alan Dunn, which was a big surprise, because he was a big star at the New Yorker. He at one point had sold more cartoons than anybody else, like 1200 cartoons. But, you know, there’s never a reason for being a putz.

The map Sam drew for me, in case the other cartoonists left for lunch while I was showing my cartoons.

Jane: Is there anything else you wanna say to aspiring cartoonists?

Sam: Again, I guess one thing is the business is changing. The whole publishing business is changing. You’re going up to publishers now, like The New Yorker, and there’s a desert of cubicles. There’s new technology going— for instance, now, I’m involved with cartoon festivals… in the old days, being two weeks ago [laughs] no, more than that... you would have had to send in an original. You would have to pack it, you would have to insure it, you’d have to worry about it coming back. Now you scan and send, and you don’t have to worry about any of this stuff, and this stuff is hangable, and people wanna buy it—they can buy the original. If people wanna buy prints, which is what I prefer, they’ll buy prints...and even submitting to magazines now, The New Yorker, which I”ll do tomorrow, is scan and send. I basically don’t have to go in. Usually I do go in, because one, it breaks up the week... and I have lunch with cohorts. It’s changing, and what it’s changing into I don’t know, but I am aware of it. Listen, there are very few magazines that I’m dealing with now. A lot of people I’m dealing with, in a way, are kinda desperate with what’s going on. It’s going on for them also— it’s going on for us and it’s going on for them, these monumental changes. My only advice on this is to be aware of it. I can’t give you advice for how to act upon it. I guess that’s it! 

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[astrolabe-blade]

Fuck it, here. Have a list of some hobby headcanons.

Blue: (he/she)

Loves dancing. Tends to do more theatrical or ballet styles.

Likes to birdwatch

Good at engineering and mechanics as well as forging.

I'd imagine he makes a lot of cool trinkets and machines by hand. DEFINITELY looks up to clock makers.

Also a fan of biology and other natural sciences!

An Artist(tm) that tends to do more environment or technical drawings. Lots of patience when it comes to her craft!

Loves to cook! Excellent presentation.

Sings, but is very shy about it.

Writes, despite what some may think. The short stories and poetry she writes are very real and raw.

Her passion comes through loud and clear no matter what she works on.

Red: (he/she/they)

Crafts all sorts of things!

Loves knitting and crochet. Sometimes helps Vio with sewing.

Their room is FULL of origami, papercraft, art supplies, and yarn.

Big fan of painting! Paints whatever their heart desires. Focuses on how things feel rather than how they look.

Enjoyer of trinkets and miniatures.

Bakes! Excellent at decorating cakes and other baked goods!

Singer and songwriter. Plays kalimba, ocarina, and pan flute.

Gets into Yoga and Gymnastics. Is incredibly flexible. Definitely creeps people out on purpose with this fact.

Loves horses and animals. Frequently helps out at the castle stables.

Dances to her own beat. No true "style", just having fun with the rhythm.

Learns fire magic and healing magic. Will put on little magic shows for kids (both using actual magic and stage magic).

Green: (he/they)

Avid hiker

Knows a LOT about physical geography. It's a special interest for him. (Did you know that when a tree falls it creates pits and mounds that usually persist even after it decomposes? You can tell how big the root structure was based on the depth.)

Woodcarving, whittling, etc are some things he really enjoys. Started getting training in carpentry in his free time!

Climbs trees, forgetting he is afraid of heights. Keeps a Roc's Cape on hand in case he ever falls.

Pretty dang good at guitar. Definitely the sort to play around a campfire on a camping trip.

Loudest whistler. Sometimes goes bird watching with Blue and does imitations of birds they find.

LOVES bugs.

Tends to draw more comical or abstract drawings. Very stylized and feels fluid and light. Learns a lot about anatomy from Vio.

Excellent at horseback riding, will frequently go on rides with Red.

Vio: (they/them)

Sews a lot of their own clothes. Trained under Ilyana, the local eccentric tailor.

Embroidery! Enjoys embroidering flowers and various insects.

Loves bugs, but still gets freaked out or startled by them from time to time. Typically lets Green do the handling.

Writer! Enjoys poetry and prose. Rarely dialogue heavy. Loves reading romance, but shys away from writing it.

Favorite genres to read are adventure and romance. Yes, even the cheesy kind.

Big astronomy fan. They commission Blue to make them a astrolabe and they cherish it.

While Blue gives them cooking lessons, they aren't that great at it.

Damn good at rock climbing.

Interested in anatomy. Does figure drawing and studies of the human form.

Learns about medicine, herbology, and alchemy, with the objective of healing ailments or wounds.

What might make some people squeemish has no affect on them. The body is a fascinating mechanism in all aspects.

Studies magic with Red and gets help from Shadow. Earth based and darkness based are their specialties.

Shadow: (they/it)

When writing, it's more chaotic and less structured. Damn good at horror. Frequently does short dark comedies. Their vent works rip your heart out.

When painting, it tends to be more abstract and a way to release and process their emotions. They do from time to time make satirical work that's dark but can't help but make you laugh.

Loves space. Doesn't know much about the scientific aspect, but will always go stargazing with Vio. The dark world doesn't have stars, and to think that these little balls of light are thousands of miles away is awe-inspiring.

Definitely loves sci-fi. Would love to explore other worlds.

Can't stay in one place for too long. Frequently goes to explore.

Amused by things people might consider gross. Toads, milipedes, snakes, spiders. One time it snuck a toad into Blue's bedroll. It didn't go so well for them.

Once they get used to the light, they find sunrises awe-inspiring. Will frequently sit up on the roof of Hyrule Castle and watch it come up above the mountains.

Finds psychology fascinating. Actually gives really good personal advice. (Therapy helped them a lot and it became an interest after.)

They actually really like helping people. They'd never admit it though.

They ALSO really like pulling pranks, though that's a given.

Enjoys making cookies of various sorts. Famous for its peanut butter banana cookies, with slices of banana baked on top.

Frequently will trade baked goods with Red.

Will help Blue with welding (They need a magically enhanced welding mask, though!) as well as forging.

Also very much enjoys dance. Does more energetic and gravity defying styles.

Zelda/Sheik: (she/they and he/they)

Chemist and alchemist. Very much looks like a mad scientist at work. Goggles on and a fierce grin as the potion she's making releases a big poof of purple gas.

Astronomy and astrology, shares her observations with Vio.

Damn good at fortune telling, even without tapping into Hylia's powers. She reads cards, tea leaves, bones, as well as runes.

Also a damn good climber. He excels at parkour and frequently pulls outrageous stunts. He's quite a thrill seeker.

Even does stunts on horseback.

Absolutely insane.

Like. Just picture it. Wow.

Really good at gambling games. Whether or not they cheat is up for debate. They don't gamble for money, however. Just for fun with friends. When they do earn money, they give it away to those who need it.

Fantastic dancer, both at more energetic styles and ballroom. Can both lead and follow.

Goes out exploring with the Links every chance they get.

Too daring for their own good at times.

I heard that Princess Zelda has an eight pack. That Princess Zelda is shreaded.

She looks and acts so fucking regal that you would never expect she's as much of a gremlin as the others.

She even pulls pranks with Shadow from time to time.

LOVES acting and being dramatic. She and Shadow get along SO well in this aspect.

[trying-my-best]

Scp 035 x reader part 10

You let out a depressed sigh, it's been about 27 hours since you last slept. You expected this to happen eventually. Back when you worked as a thief for hire you'd have 38 to 52 hour days.

You guessed the reason that you could sleep at the facility before was that they'd give you more to do. Although it wasn't at tiring as breaking and entering, it was as the only guess you had.

Bach was probably coming to wake you up soon. Giving up on sleep you got dressed and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. You remembered how Bach liked his black with a little sugar.

You heard the cell door slide open and heavy footsteps enter the cell. Bach walks past the kitchen and towards the bedroom. You follow behind him as he opens the bedroom door.

"Alright woman, time to get up." Bach shakes the bed, fully expecting you to rise up and yell at him for shaking the bed. You lean against the door frame casually and waited for him to notice you.

Five minutes pass and he's still yelling at the bed where he thinks you are. Getting bored, you sneak up behind him and give his shoulder a little tap. He jumps and turns around fast, gets startled, and falls down.

"(Y/N)! What are you doing awake?" Bach yells as you help him to his feet.

"I couldn't sleep, I'm still kinda used to 38 to 52 hour days. You remember me telling you about my old job." You turn to leave the room. "Come on, I made us coffee. "

Bach's eyes lit up at the mention of coffee. "You made me coffee? Black with sugar?" You nodded as you entered the kitchen. When you picked up the coffee to hand it to Bach, he swiped it out of your hands, almost spilling it.

You laughed at his excitement for coffee, you were pretty sure that this has to be his fifth cup today. Bach took a sip of his coffee and sighed happily.

"Oh yeah, Dr. Yapp wanted me to tell you to go to his office later and to give you this." Bach reached into his pocket and pulled out a key card. "This will get you around the facility, it'll only open up scp 035's and 049's cells, and it'll get you from light containment to heavy containment. "

"Why 049?"

Bach shrugged. "Well, you got along with him so well the duringone of the breaches. We thought you might want to visit him every now and then"

You took the card from his hand and inspected it. "So now I can leave my room at will?"

"Yep! Also, if you use this card to help any scp escape you will be demoted back to D-class and have all your current privileges revoked. So don't be dumb." Bach used an exaggerated tone for the last sentence.

You thanked Bach before heading towards the cell door to test it out. Approaching the cell door, you held the card to the door panel. It made a loud beep and the door opened. "Nice" you said to no one in particular. "Alright Bach, go start your rounds. I'm going to get ready for the day, then I'll head down to Yapp's office. "

Bach left and closed the door behind him as you walked back to your room. You noticed the plush cat 035 gave you sitting on the bed. You need to give it a name or something, you'll think of one eventually.

You picked out a nice, cute outfit before you went to the bathroom to shower.

*035's cell*

035 had their hands folded under their head as usual. Instead of the usual comedy mask, 035's face was tragedy. Their clearly bored with the normal interview the foundation was putting them through.

They had been promised a visit with (Y/N) and as far as they could tell, they didn't know when or if that was ever going to happen. So far the foundation seemed to only be interested in pestering 035 about their plans with (Y/N) instead of seeing how things unfold.

035 themselves didn't know what they wanted with (Y/N), still stuck between wanting to have them as a companion or having the experience of possessing (Y/N).

The interview had just ended and 035 couldn't be more disinterested. The foolish scientists talking amongst themselves in the observation room.

035 was becoming more impatient and angry. They didn't like not getting what that want. 035 stood up from their chair and walked up to the glass, startling the scientis. "When am I seeing (Y/N)?" 035 demanded with an authority to their voice.

"T-today, here in a c-couple hours. Dr. Yapp just needs to talk to h-her for a bit then she'll be here." One of the scientis squeaked out.

035 glared suspiciously at the scientis, not 100% believing them. 035 walked back to the table and sat down, still glaring daggers at the scientis.

*back to your cell*

Feeling refreshed and ready for the day, you gave the plush cat a pat and headed out the cell door. You waved to some scientis as you headed towards Dr. Yapp's office.

Dr. Yapp's office was located in light containment so it took you about 15 minutes to walk there, every now and then asking people for directions.

Eventually you made it to his office. You knocked gently on the door, you could hear shuffling inside the room as Dr. Yapp rushed to the door. The door swung open revealing the Doctor covered in paint and clutching a few paint tubes in his arms. You giggled at the sight.

"Don't laugh at me! Paint is surprisingly easy to spill everywhere." The doctor yelled.

You and Dr. Yapp spent the next hour and a half cleaning up paint. When it was properly cleaned up, Dr Yapp explained that he was planning on letting you and 035 paint today but the 05 council wanted full documentation of the experiment.

He explained that the 05 had never given scp 035 this much freedom and were sceptical about giving 035 what they want so easily. You wondered if you were still going to see 035 today or if you would be held from them longer.

"But! We made a compromise. You see, today we have more than usual staff so we would have more people to watch the two of you paint. Now 035 won't try to breach again. " Dr. Yapp exclaimed with a sigh of relief.

You smiled, happy that you'd be able to paint and see 035. Did 035 miss you? Or did 035 miss trying to figure out what you were and why they couldn't possess you. You had evidence that it could be ether or, and you were the type to take chances.

You and a couple other scientis helped Dr. Yapp carry the paint supplies to 035's containment cell. The supplies consisted of two easels, normal paint colors, pencils, and some paint brushes of different sizes.

When you all got to 035's cell, the guards standing outside the cell ordered 035 to stand away from everyone so we could set up.

"Why can't we let 035 help us?" You expressed your thoughts as you sat down one of the easels. The guard on your right grabbed you by the shoulder and aggressively threw you at 035, harming your shoulder in the process.

"If you like the damn thing so much why don't you marry it." The rude guard held his gun tightly, slightly pointing it at you and 035.

035 catches you and holds you up so you could steady yourself. You rubbed the bruising area trying to sooth the ache. 035 took notice of the pain painted on your face and your hand rubbing your shoulder.

You looked up at 035, their eyes were glowing a dark and glowing purple. You whispered to them that it wasn't worth their time and that it would only get themselves in more trouble than it's worth. 035 sighed in defeat and made sure that you were properly steadied before letting you go.

"So what's all this?" 035 moved to separate you from the others in the room. 035 switched to comedy once they were sure that the guards couldn't get to you easily.

"Oh! I convinced Dr. Yapp to let us paint and he convinced the O5 to get us the materials!" The scientis had finished setting everything up and had left the room, guards following behind them.

You moved in front of one of the easels, picked up a pencil, and began sketching your design on the canvas. 035 lingered in their spot, glaring at the scientis through the glass before walking up to the other easel.

As time went on, you had a pretty good sketch down. You noticed 035 glancing at you from time to time. Were they drawing you? You desided not to ask and just let it all unfold on it's own time.

After a few more minutes you were satisfied with the sketch and started picking out paint to use. Looking back over to 035, they were still hard at work sketching whatever they were going to paint.

You thought of earlier when 035 was about to confront the guard who threw you. Did 035 really care about you and your safety? Or were they mad that someone harmed someone that 035 thought belonged to them. Maybe even both.

After you had your paint set up, the pain in your shoulder came back. 035 noticed your sudden wince. You moved your arm around a bit to try and determine the damage, only making the pain a bit sharp for a few seconds.

"Is your shoulder hurt? I new I shouldn't have let that damn guard go." 035 mumbled the last part, making it hardly audible for you.

"Yeah, I can't tell how bad tho. Let's just keep painting, I'm still having fun!" You tried to reassure 035 so they wouldn't get an interview ban for attacking a guard.

035 let out a defeated sigh and picked their pencil back up. When you were almost halfway done painting your art, one of the scientis knocked on the glass. You looked at the scientist curiously, wondering what she wanted. Then you remembered Dr. Yapp telling you that a knock meant that you were out of time.

"Awww, you have to leave me alone already? We were having so much fun in each other's company." 035 wined at you and the scientis.

"Sorry 035, I don't make the rules. I'm sure they'll let us finish soon. Besides, your host is about to start falling apart. I dont think you can paint while you're falling apart."

You would admit that you were sad to leave 035, especially since you both weren't done with your paintings. You hugged 035 goodbye, while being careful as to not touch the black ooze, and left 035's cell. You waved to them through the glass as two guards escorted you out.

-------------------------------------------------------

1860 words, I did not expect myself to ever write that much

[bbclesmis]

Director Tom Shankland: From Punisher to Period Drama

The BAFTA and Emmy-nominated director talks about keeping Zen whilst battling a storm on Les Misérables and his chameleonic approach to genres

This month saw director Tom Shankland’s epic six-part BBC adaptation of Les Misérables draw to a close. Featuring an all-star cast including Olivia Colman, Lily Collins, Dominic West, and David Oyelowo, the songless adaptation breathes fresh contemporary relevance into the 19th century tale. No stranger to painting vivid worlds and bringing timeless stories and characters to life, Tom is responsible for directing high-profile feature films and series such as The Punisher, House of Cards, Luke Cage, The Missing, and WΔZ.

In this interview, the director, who is represented by Great Guns for branded content, reveals how he and his committed cast conquered a myriad of challenges to bring the colossal project to life, and how he changes gears from sledgehammer gore to period masterpiece. 

Q> Your most recent work - the BBC adaptation of Les Misérables - stars an impressive British cast including Olivia Colman, David Oyelowo, Lily Collins and Dominic West. What was it like working with them?

Tom> Victor Hugo’s story features some of the most iconic characters in literary history. I always wanted our version to dig deep into what made these characters tick, whilst also making their world feel as viscerally real as possible. I didn’t want anything too stately or ‘chocolate-box’-y, it absolutely had to have grit and soul - something only possible with a cast who were prepared to go to some extreme places.

I vividly remember filming the sewer scenes on a freezing night in Belgium; Dominic West [playing Jean Valjean] hurling himself into the mud, rain and river, whilst carrying Josh O'Connor [playing Marius Pontmercy] on his back. They were a tough couple of days but Dominic looked so epic in those shots.

Similarly, Lily Collins [Fantine] told me that she was really up for being pushed - words every director loves to hear! With that instruction, as soon as she arrived from sunny California to our -10℃ set, I had the location staff switch off every heater in Fantine’s set so Lily would really feel the cold and the camera could pick up her breath.

Olivia Colman [Madame Thenardier], one of the loveliest people in the world, was virtually in tears every time she had to do a scene where she beat Cosette. Whereas Lia Giovanelli, who played little Cosette, loved every minute!

Every actor dug incredibly deep every day and I marvelled at the way they shed all ego and completely disappeared into their characters and the world we were creating. They were the best bunch of people to have alongside you; I really could not have hoped for more from everyone who came on this adventure.

Q> This was a huge production with so many different variables. Did you encounter any interesting challenges during the process?

Tom> There were many, many challenges of shooting Les Misérables: the battles to protect the resources for the epic revolutionary scenes; coping with a monsoon storm in the middle of the day when shooting the Waterloo sequence; figuring out a way to write into the narrative a reason why our Enjolras had a hand injury when the actor, Joseph Quinn, arrived on set having nearly lost his finger the week before, to name a few.

Generally, I like to think that we found ways to overcome and even make virtue of some of the challenges. I love the shots of the rain at Waterloo that the editor worked into the sequence and how we gave Enjolras a heroic side story to explain his injured hand. There was one day I remember though (with a slight shudder), where we couldn’t find a way around it. The little girl playing child Éponine just could not be persuaded to come to the green room to be filmed running around a tree, no matter what we tried. A brilliant little actress and truly such a sweet girl - it was just one of the days you can have as a six-year-old. We lost half a day’s filming and a massively important scene lay unfinished. Thankfully, two days later she was far jollier and the scene was completed - happy days! That was definitely the day I heard the First AD muttering 'Happy place! Happy place!' under his breath. All you can do in moments like that is be Zen.

Q> You’ve directed shows such as Marvel’s The Punisher, chilling-murder mystery The Missing and now Franco-period drama Les Misérables. How do you transition between such vastly different genres?

Tom> I love directing different types of material; partly to push myself as a director and also because I love being a perpetual film student. Fundamentally I ask the same questions of the material: how do I make this moment convincing; how can I make the audience care about the hero; what’s the most cinematic way to build this character’s world; where is the tension in this scene; and what am I trying to say? In that sense, it feels easy to move from one genre to another because the most important questions are always the same.

In some ways, the differences between The Punisher and Les Miserables are only superficial. The audience who love The Punisher want Frank Castle to explode into brutal action at some point but when Valjean unleashes hell in Les Misérables, I would be less likely to go in for big close-ups - whereas The Punisher fans would be furious if they didn’t see the gory results of a sledgehammer attack!

Q> You’re represented by Great Guns for branded content. What are the benefits of production company representation as an established industry figure?

Tom> I love being represented by Great Guns because, for me, it’s important to be somewhere where the people know much more about short-form filmmaking than me! I can bring my point of view and filmmaking experience but I love working with people who can help me be very forensic about every detail in a frame - something that is absolutely crucial for short-form. I love this medium, and like all filmmaking adventures, you need the right gang around you. I do wish the auteur theory was entirely true, but, alas, it’s only partially true.

Q> What has changed most in the industry since your debut?

Tom> At film school, me and most of my fellow film school brats wanted to go out and make indie films; TV didn’t seem like a very exciting place for a filmmaker to express themselves. High-end commercials seemed exciting and exotic with their vast budgets and such opportunity to express cinematic flair. They also had a great track record of supplying visually interesting directors to Hollywood, of course.

Cut to the present and these days a ‘commercial’ could be a ten-minute slice of somebody’s life shot on a smart-phone; bingeing a great TV series could be much more artistically and narratively fulfilling than 10 trips to the cinema; and maybe the best film of the year, Roma, was made for Netflix!

All of these changes are revolutionary and a massive tectonic shift for all three industries. I’m sure there are downsides too but I’m a glass half-full kind of person; I tend to think all these changes open up lots of new possibilities for different kinds of storytelling.

Q> Between genres, periods, and styles, you’ve built up a versatile portfolio... Where do you draw inspiration from?

Tom> I’ve been very lucky to have had the chance to work across very different genres; a conscious quest I’ve been on since film school. I arrived at National Film and Television School obsessed with Ingmar Bergman and convinced that I was going to be a writer-director of angst ridden art films. Yet somehow, I ended up leaving film school having made a super-violent five-minute horror film and a ‘true crime’ murder story as my graduation film - both of which got me lots of attention and interest. I did get to do my ‘personal’ film in the second year and it was absolutely one of the least successful things I’ve ever done; whereas the filmmaking in the two-genre shorts was much better (and confusingly, felt more personal).

This got me thinking about my childhood love of Westerns, musicals, thrillers, comedies, and classic Golden Age Hollywood entertainment made by directors like Howard Hawks and Billy Wilder, who jumped between genres all the time. You can see and feel the personalities of these directors in each of those different styles, even though their agenda was just to entertain the audience. I really think there is something liberating and joyous about not trying too hard to be self-consciously personal.

To be frank, I love losing myself in whatever story I am telling. Wherever you go, there you are...

https://lbbonline.com/news/director-tom-shankland-from-punisher-to-period-drama/

[dollarstoremorticia]

Writing Advice by Some Guy

Even though I’ve written a very small amount of fics, I feel like I have some advice I can provide. 

Also since my previous advice posts continue to get overlooked because of my less than fantastic mouth I’m supplying a PG-13 list in somewhat good English of the previously mentioned advice under the read more for you to use as you please.

Enjoy.

Advice time:

1. Keeping your writing style natural. 

- Write like you talk or think. If you do this, you’re almost guaranteed to have the writing flow nicely for a good amount of people reading it. Like instead of using giant words in a big vocabulary, stick to what you’d say when you talk to a person. If it helps, think of it as you’re actually telling the fic to someone as you talk. 

Most of the time when you’re talking, you’re trying to convey the story as easily as possible with a tiny vocabulary, and that’s a very good way to tell a fic. If you find yourself constantly looking up definitions for words, or think “am I using this word right?” the people reading the thing will probably think the same thing.

- Keep in mind this isn’t for dialogue, since characters all have a different way of speaking. If a character uses big words, then by all means use those big words in their dialogue, but try to keep them to a minimum in the actual narrative.

Ex: 

“He gazed about the corridor for a sign of the other man’s presence” v.s “He looked around the room, waiting for a sign that someone was there with him”

2. Characterization 

- Continuing with characterization, try to relate to the character in at least one way. Usually, you can convey emotions easier when you relate at least a little bit. Like say you’re writing for a character who’s generally a funny person, and you like to think that you’re at least a bit funny. 

That’s something you have in common, and while you probably shouldn’t just make that character funny, because that would ironically be no fun for anyone involved, you at least have a base to go on now. Like when you see that character think “Funny” and then branch out from there.

- Remember, just because a character acts one way, doesn’t mean that they can’t feel other emotions.This is where you risk the possibility of being OOC, but in the long run at least you’re trying. Eventually after working with a character long enough you’ll probably end up getting really familiar with the way they act. 

- If you can, during every day situations, to get better at writing for certain characters, ask yourself “How would [character] react to this” and try to think of it. It may sound dumb, but it really does help. 

- Keep in mind that some characters will just be easier for you to write, and that’s fine! Just keep practicing with them, or don’t. If you can plan your story to avoid writing a certain character’s POV as much as possible that always works too.

3. Comedic timing

(I’m probably not a certified Funny Man, but since I write mainly comedy anymore I thought I’d include this)

- Use. Reference.

That’s right. You can use reference for comedy. Who knew, am I right? 

Now it might not be the same as using reference for a drawing, but it works in practically the same way. 

Listen around to different comedians or youtubers to find a style of comedy you like, and use that as your reference for comedic timing. Now I’m not saying completely take their jokes, just try to replicate their style of comedy in your writing while also making it your own. (Personally, my comedic style comes from people like Dane Cook, Brian Regan, Bo Burnham, John Mulaney, Drew Lynch, Game Grumps, and Jenna Marbles)

- Accept that people have a different sense of humor than you. Sometimes you’ll mean for something to be funny and somebody won’t think so, and that’s fine. And sometimes people will think something’s funny that you never thought was. Either way, accepting different senses of humor is definitely a step to writing comedy. 

- Don’t just write a meme in to be funny. Like sure, sometimes a meme or two is funny, but when you do it constantly it becomes predictable and not fun to read.

Instead, try relying on the dialogue or narrative. Memes are funny, yes, and I’m guilty of using them to get a laugh, but don’t use them too frequently. There’s other ways of telling a joke, but only you can figure out how to do that.  

- Keep the character in mind when making a situation funny. Sometimes a joke just won’t fit the character, and while you think it’d be funny, it just does not fit. If you’re stuck in that situation, make the joke a shitpost on tumblr or tell a group of friends instead so you can be funny, but also not take away from the story. 

- Sometimes its the little things that are funny. Not all jokes have to be long thought out things. Sometimes just writing a character in a funny shirt or writing a single word can be funnier than a long thought out joke. Like ‘pumpernickel’. The word ‘pumpernickel’ is hysterical.

4. Other bits of advice for the general writing process itself

- It’s okay to take inspiration from other writers. You can look at a writing style and be like “Yeah, I want to write more like that” but do not, under any circumstances, just copy a writing style. The fun thing about art in general is that you have the power to express yourself in any way you want, which is ruined by just copying someone else’s work. 

- PRACTICE. You might get tired of hearing people say this, but the only way you get better is through practice. You don’t have to post everything you write, but don’t stop doing it. It’s how you develop your writing style.

- Use said. For gods sake, don’t listen to those people who say ‘Don’t use said.’ Most of the time when you talk you’re simply saying things. Actually, if you’re good at writing dialogue you can convey the emotion through the dialogue itself. OR. Or, you can write an action instead of the ‘said’ or ‘exclaimed’ that portrays the emotion the character is feeling. Actually this makes your writing flow nicer in my opinion.

But that aside, using ‘said’ is much easier to read, and much more natural then not using it.

- Avoid onomatopoeia. Now I’m talking like ‘tch’ and stuff like that. Mouth sounds. Avoid writing out mouth sounds. It just looks weird.

- Don’t write a stutter in that weird way that most people write stutters. T-this i-isn’t h-how p-people s-stutter.

Instead of writing a stutter like that, take the time to listen to somebody with a stutter. It’s not like that, and actually if you take the time to read that way out loud it just sounds weird. Instead, people with stutters, or people who stutter sometimes when they talk sound more like this: 

“Some-sometimes I ge-get ner-ervous on air-airplanes”

You don’t just say one letter. You’re saying part of the word when you stutter, and your writing should reflect that.

- Please don’t write giant ungodly paragraphs that take up the whole page. These are okay sometimes, but as a person with dyslexia and some sort of attention disorder, it’s hard to focus the entire time. Seriously I complain about this all the time, but I get that sometimes its hard not to use big paragraphs. I’m not saying every paragraph has to be like 2 sentences long. I’m just saying, if you think “I could split this up into 2 paragraphs” its probably best to do that.

- Sometimes you need a break from writing, and ultimately, unless writing is your actual job (in which case why are you getting advice from a 17 year old loser on the internet), only you dictate when the next chapter comes out. If you need a break, literally nobody is stopping you from doing so. 

5. Dealing with comments and other things

- You get to say whether you take constructive criticism or not. I, personally, do not. I say that I’ll get better in my own time. 

Taking or not taking constructive criticism doesn’t make you a better or worse person. You just have a different way of dealing with things.

- Don’t be a fucking asshole. It’s that simple. Whether you’re commenting on something you didn’t really like, or are receiving a negative comment, don’t be a dick. Sometimes people won’t like what you do, and sometimes you won’t like something that somebody else did. Either way, don’t be rude. You’re a human. Act like it.

- You don’t have to reply to every comment. I’m guilty of thinking this, but I soon realized that you sometimes just have nothing to say in reply to someone. Don’t worry about it. 

___

Alright! End of advice. I hope you got something from it. Literally, this shit is all based off of my writing style, so in the end it might not help at all. I’m not even really qualified to give advice,, but I thought I would anyway. Especially with comedy.

I am in no way a comedian of any sort, and therefore don’t really get to say what is or isn’t funny. 

I am also not really a writer either. I write fics from time to time that people seem to like.

Either way I hope this advice was helpful in some way. Also remember, just because you aren’t as good as you’d like at something right now doesn’t mean you wont’ get better with practice.

[vermillionworks]

Applying Horror To Webcomics

Hello, I'm SarahN, author/artist of the vampire webcomic, DANIEL.

I also wrote the post on Writing Vampires quite a while ago. Honestly, I'm not sure if this one will be as good as that one for a couple of reasons... One is because I tend to have a hard time putting my thoughts on writing horror into words for some reason. That and I think because horror is such a broad genre, it's hard to suggest guidelines for it.

A few of my suggestions are based on opinion. So if you don't agree with me on some things, that's fine, I expect that, so there's no reason to message me with a rant about why I'm wrong about so and so. XD If you REALLY don't agree with something, then just ignore it and continue with your own plans.

Secondly, I also feel like I had a lot more "trial and error" experience with writing vampires than I have with horror in general. So yeah, I believe I have a BIT of knowledge on the subject but by no means consider myself an expert.

Nonetheless, trying this out anyway since people showed an interest in me doing this.

Sooo, click "Keep Reading" to see my rambles on the subject! (There’s some horror gifs in here and please excuse any typos.)

First, A Word About Jump Scares

For the most part, forget about trying to make your readers jump out of their seats and run away with a webcomic, that's near impossible to do unless your reader is VERY sensitive (and if they are that sensitive, they probably won't be sticking around anyway). Besides, there is more than one way to 'scare' people.

Your aim instead is to plant an idea in the readers' heads that leaves them unnerved and maybe, just maybe, make them lose a little sleep (not a guarantee, but nothing wrong with a momentary creep-out either XD).

If you're REALLY looking to use jump scares in a comic, then you might want to consider making a comic VIDEO instead, or going the Bongcheon-Dong Ghost route (IF YOU LOOK UP THIS COMIC, YOU WILL BE JUMP-SCARED) and learn to make some clever coding to 'possess' the reader's mouse to shoot downwards (thus 'animating' the comic) and have sound effects play in the background at the same time.

Otherwise most webcomic pages are static images that people see right when the page loads, so throwing people off with an unexpected sight is hard to do. However, if you don't have a need to publish your comic and you want to catch readers off guard with imagery a little, consider the vertical "webtoon" look that's big these days. It works well for horror, I think, though even that is not essential to apply good horror to webcomics.

Frankly, I find jump scares overrated in general anyway. Anyone can catch someone off guard; startle them. They're sometimes a good, momentary thrill, but don't usually have a long lasting impact like good atmosphere, slow building tension, and terrifying ideas can, and I find that is really what horror is about.

The Power Of Disturbing Imagery & Actions

These are kind of no-brainer suggestions, but here it is anyway.

There are LOTS of options with disturbing imagery and there is no better medium for it than webcomics. A person's body twisting unnaturally, monsters, possession, a walking sin against nature, mind fuckery, world distortion and any other horrible concepts your mind can come up with. The sky's the limit, especially if you go the supernatural route.

And then there’s the disturbing behavior and actions of characters, which can be scary enough at times and feel closer to home. Remember that this DOESN'T just mean a knife-happy psycho jumping right into the comic and causing havoc. It can mean behavior just off-kilter enough to leave the reader tense and uncomfortable that slowly gets worse and worse until the inevitable conclusion. Play on the fact that something is very obviously...off.

The same thing can work for dialogue; people really underestimate the power of words in horror. Dialogue can leave a knot in your gut, leave you nervous of a character's intent, or force you to use your imagination of what they're describing, which can often be even worse than seeing it.

Which brings me to the next subject....

Subtlety and Ambiguity Can Be Your Best Buds

To me, horror is often what you CAN'T see. Horror is not knowing exactly what's happening. Horror is not having a clear solution.

Giving the gist of it and dropping lots of hints is fine for the most part, but sometimes if you give a clear explanation that leaves no doubt in the reader's mind about what's happening, why it's happening, and what the protagonists need to do to escape/win/whatever, there is a lot less tension and uncertainty to be felt by the reader. These things are ideal for horror comics since that mystery can keep the reader invested and continually disturbed.

Horror doesn’t have to “explode in your face” either, consider more subtle creepiness to amp up the dread. Someone twitching and staring in the background might leave more impact than a brutal murder scene.

Even In Webcomics, Silence Is Golden

Consider more 'silent' moments with little or no dialogue or sound effects. Your comic may naturally have no sound, but you may be surprised how unnerving it can be to a reader when there's only images and nothing to read.

A silent monster can often be more scary than a gabby one, too.

Psychological Horror

....is IDEAL for webcomics. XD

Use Violence & Gore Wisely

First off, if all you want to do is a make a comic with an endless supply of blood & guts, that's fine, nothing wrong with that. It can work well in a more campy story or just for those who are entertained by constant, mindless violence...just don't expect it to REALLY scare people. Oh, they might get a kick out of it or at least be plenty grossed out, but that's it.

You see, gore fest comics/movies/whatever really are just for a certain audience. Some love it, others are repulsed by it and won't touch it with a ten foot pole, and some are only fine with it at select times.

If you want your violence to actually leave more impact and not make portion of your audience decide they're no longer interested because pointless, brutal violence is all that's happening, then you're going to have to think about how you use violence a little more deeply.

I do truly believe violence CAN be scary, but it must be used at the right time, and in the right way. You must really consider at what point would be the most disturbing for graphic violence to suddenly occur, and then sure, make that crap as brutal as possible. XD

Violence that shows everything in detail at a relatively slow pace can be particularly cringe-worthy at the right moment, or at least I personally find that more unnerving than just seeing someone fly apart in pieces out of nowhere or something, that can actually come off as unintentionally funny, or at least too abrupt to leave the reader traumatized.

Though even though I suggest not holding back with violence, also consider that way over the top, silly ways to kill people may be too unrealistic to cause fright (think being killed by over-elaborate traps, ridiculous weapons, or...death by hairdryer). This...MIGHT work on some people and definitely works for more campy horror, but if you're really trying to scare people, you might instead get, "Seriously?"

And as for anything in horror, use the imagery and angles to your advantage. Make the viewer feel what the poor victim is feeling - terror, pain and all. ;) I'll be going into this more with the next subject...

Unnerving 'Camera' Angles

Obviously there's no cameras involved in the process of a webcomic, but there should be an imaginary one in your mind's eye as you consider the scenes you make.

Dramatic shots and angles are just as important in comics as they are in film. In fact, to push the impact of a horrific scene, they're almost essential. Panels full of talking heads won't cut it if you're trying to give people goosebumps. If this is something you're not used to doing, then it's time to start experimenting!

Good use of perspective can really push your horror comic's atmosphere over the edge. Look at movies by Stanley Kubrick, Alfred Hitchcock, Stephen King-based movies, or any of your own personal favorite horror flicks (I could make more obscure suggestions but I won't here XP), comics, ect. Really consider the shots and angles and what moods they establish. You CAN use the same methods that are in film in webcomics while also taking advantage of the medium you're using by doing clever things with the panels and art.

Atmosphere

I think scary atmosphere can go beyond "very shadowy places". Sometimes the above mentioned use of perspective, and creepy characters that chew up the scenery, can create a disturbing atmosphere even in a bland or brightly colored world.

Not to say using darkness doesn't work VERY well, too. Definitely experiment with lighting and coloring for cool, spooky effects.

Beware Of Using 'Cartoony' Art Styles

OKAY, just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. If your greatest desire is to make a brutal comic with kawaii anime characters, then do it, but if you're aiming to make things really scary, I STRONGLY believe that by combining an adorable or extra cartoony style with graphic horror, the contrast makes them more hilarious than horrific, like unintentional dark comedy. Or even if it isn't funny it may still "soften the blow" considerably.

That's not to say manga-inspired or more unrealistic art can't work with horror (my art style certainly isn't realistic, I draw VERY over-exaggerated expressions), but I believe there needs to be at least a certain level of realism so the style doesn't clash with the feel you're trying to go for.

Is This Scaring YOU?

An important thing to remember is that if you're not creeping yourself with your story, then chances are your readers won't be creeped out either, don't assume your readers are more sensitive than you are. Plus it's just more boring to work on something that doesn't really bother you. XD Take those common horror formulas out of your mind for a minute and think about what truly disturbs you. Then again...

Don't Be Afraid of Cliches

As I also kind of said in my "Writing Vampires" article, tropes can be a good thing. Take the ones you love and brainstorm different ways to approach them.

Webcomics Burn Slowly

Remember that you're working with a webcomic that usually update a page at a time. Don't let readers make you feel pressured to jump to the point sooner, it could ruin the tension and destroy your original plans.

Take Inspiration But Don't Try To Be Another Horror Creator

It seems like, with horror in particular, people think they have to take one creator and do things exactly their way rather than taking inspiration from several sources and using what works for them.

You know who's great and is brought up a lot? Junji Ito. He's a manga artist who has made some very surreal, very creepy horror comics with great visuals...and tons of body horror. I have checked out a couple of his comics, but I have never attempted to create as he does. It's just not me. Oh, I've learned a couple of things from him, certainly, but trying to do things exactly as he does would bore me, and I wouldn't be able to match his style anyway.

Find many inspirations and work the way that’s best for you.

I will end on that note. GO GIVE THE HEEBIE-JEEBIES, WEBCOMICKERS!

[cthulu-calls]

Suicide is a force of unthinkable strength and volume at this point in history. It is almost banal. Kids younger than ten carry out this act with a frightening level of success, and many more fail in their attempts. The demography of suicide is presently a very interesting subject - mostly, it represents the general feeling that there is No Alternative. It is the ultimate act of isolated revolt, in its most desperate and atomized form. It is capital's preferred option for those who are discontent, as it leaves the dominant social order intact quietly, while drumming up sympathy for "those poor people" who took their own lives. It does not demand any discussion on why.

The intelligent revolutionary harnesses dominant social trends for their ends. Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was one of the first to figure this out, in tandem with Hafez Al-Assad, Bashar's father. They figured it out in a vulgar way - by inducing those who followed them to commit suicidal acts of military and terrorist strategy. Of course neither Khomeini nor Assad was the first to sign up to blow themselves up - Allah had willed a different path for them, surely. Peasants were used as pawns, and to this day, are induced to blow themselves up for the sake of the hierarchies that exploit them and their survivors.

It is obvious that this represents some of the most extreme cases of hierarchies preserving themselves and exploiting their subjects. The anarchist is quite likely, if not practically duty-bound, to reject this. Does this mean that suicide is of no use to us? In my mind, it does not. It simply means that we would do well to approach the matter from the other end.

Presently, resources are not scarce in the postindustrial west. There are homes, there is food, the means exist to produce a brilliant standard of living for nearly all people, were those means in our hands. What is in absolutely short supply, however, is meaning. Our peers who are currently chest-beating and flag-waving their way around the likes of Trump, Brexit, Le Pen, and all variants of the anti-neoliberal, ultra-nationalist ideologies are given a prepackaged set of parameters within which meaning can be produced. If they can't find themselves a job, or a spot in the army, they can at least find themselves a sense of belonging in a hyped-up mob of hyper-emotions like hatred and fear. They can find their views and existences affirmed by the society that already exists - family, labor, positions of power, moral authority, it all stands strong and in such a fashion that the project of continuing to exist seems to be a good idea (for them).

Those who imagine another way of living see no obvious road to it, and as such, there is unbelievable inertia, apathy, depression, and suicidal urges springing up on the left and among anarchists. They do not see the world they imagine - if they are even able to imagine it at all - affirmed anywhere. We have some ideas here on this board, some theories, even some quite reasonable historical analyses pointing us in the direction that seems sound and decent. But these ideas mean very little if they do not appear to be readily practicable or of much consequence.

This puts us on the downward end of a war of meaning and individual self-preservation. Our "post-truth" world is so flaccid, and so without content, that the individual frequently sees the voluntary ending of their own existence to be a more reasonable alternative to resistance, because all forms of resistance heretofore imagined are not, apparently, of much consequence. This is more true of the so-called "liberal left" than of anarchists, but is still generally relevant for most anarchists who are not naive enough to be hopped up on ideology 24/7.

Opposition to violent means is at a low among radicals, yet violent means are notoriously good ways to get killed or imprisoned. Draw a gun at a protest and you will be ended. Organize a militia and you will be kept under the watch and quite possibly framed into imprisonment. Yet do we not see the reality that is in front of us? The nature of violence has changed. Classical combat, even updated to include the likes of guerrilla warfare, is not particularly relevant. Yet force is still the blood of history and power. Now, combat consists of the presence or absence of meaning, and the subsequent affirmation or negation of existence. Does the world around us, in how it is altered by our adversaries strategically, drive us to a place of desperation? (It does). Conversely, could we not begin altering the worlds of our opponents to be just as desperation-inducing? Could we not, on the level of the collective and the individual alike, compose targeted means of driving our enemies to suicide?

This is the realpolitik of conversion. Radicalizing people does not consist of convincing them through reasoned argument. It instead is a matter of examining the nature of a person's desperations, and addressing them by offering meaning. Luckily, unlike material resources, meaning can be created by nothing. This is why Nietzsche, Stirner, and Novatore offer some of the most relevant tendencies within anarchism today. It is also the realpolitik of destabilization. As surely as we create and distribute the means of producing meaning to those we align with, we poetically expose the baseless and empty nature of the meaning our enemies derive from the systems they interact with. If this means the tables turn and they off themselves, this is our enemies killing our enemies for us - far superior to direct violence. If it means they reach a point of desperation, where their resolve is weakened, it may also mean they are radicalized and brought into the anarchist fold, because their old ideas gave way and fell apart (I know more former nazis who became anarchists in this way than you'd imagine).

My last point: What does this look like in practical terms? I think to a certain extent we could brainstorm this in the comments, but my first thoughts are:

We gain a reputation of being the ones who get the most out of life. This means learning to Live Well. We must be seen universally as being the top assemblage of humanity that is eating the best food, having the best sex, creating the best art, and most importantly: having the most fun. Somehow, radicals have gained the opposite reputation, as being joyless guilt-mongers who lead austere and bitter lives, and infighting constantly, living in squalor, and generally having a bad time. We need to ask: What makes us happy? And begin doing that as a group, loudly and in the streets. This might be more important than nearly anything else. If we are seen as an order of existentially brilliant clowns, vagabonds, and intellectual hedonists, we will draw a great deal of interest for that fact alone - while implying that our enemies are boring and sad. Their steady diets of hatred and fear make this easy to imply - because it is true.

The point about fun makes sense only when it is situated in a larger imaginative vision of a better society. Without this element, it becomes little more than a self-righteous iteration of party culture. When we posit a clear vision of how things could be, and we do so in a manner that is accessible and viewed as being potentially close at hand, we succeed in a critical way that we have continuously failed in since 1968 (generally). This means offering visions of how life could be that are not highfalutin', distantly utopian, or explicated in dry academic terms. For all the uses of our theory, it cannot ever exist in a vacuum, nor can it exist without its proponents acting out this theory prefiguratively. This is why fiction, cinema, poetry, and comedy are immensely important. They create culture that has a vision, and that vision is participatory here and now, in a manner that gathers people together, often physically.

Clowning is a great tactic that embodies what I am saying here, I think. The clown, in her foolish attire, fashions herself to be someone who is bound to be rejected and loathed - but this is used to her advantage, to make a mockery of the processes by which individuals are rejected or thought to be fools. She empties herself out publicly in order to attain a strategic position where she can completely cut down and make fun of the world around her without firing a single shot. The suicidal person may at times feel like a sad clown, a misfit who lacks the energy required to laugh at the world that has fashioned him into this sad character. Anarchists can offer a meaning-making culture that converts the wallowing of the misfit, and all its desperation, into a weapon of high enjoyment and utter decimation of our enemies. I am envisioning roving gangs of redneck clowns on freak-bicycles, dressed like sad Rebranded White Nationalism kids, blaring country music, perhaps with pepe masks, riding near conservatives, white supremacists, and Trump supporters on the street, heckling them and mimicking the sad behavior of these people. All of this would be perceived as a joke, with no violent intentions, and inevitably, a violent reaction would be provoked, offering the perfect opportunity to both kick fascist ass (in a pepe mask) and to highlight the weak desperation of our adversaries. Entire societies of dropout clowns could be formed, with the daily intention and sole goal of embarrassing the enemy comedically - and having as much fun as possible while doing it. These clowns could also act as a buffer between police and serious protestors (we've seen some of this before in Occupy and with the Guerrilla Clown Army from Scotland).

There is a lot more to say here on these points and maybe I'll write more about it, but I figured I'd post this here for the sake of maybe provoking some interesting discussion. Not sure what y'all will think. if you read all this, thanks!

- Taken from r/Anarchism, called Suicide, Desperation, and Clowns

[viralhottopics]

Exclusive: Bestselling author E. Lockhart to publish a new YA novel

Image: delacorte press

Bestselling author E. Lockhart has a new YA novel hitting shelves this fall.

SEE ALSO: Read an exclusive excerpt of Jeff Zentner’s upcoming ‘Goodbye Days’

Announced today, Lockhart’s Genuine Fraud will be released Sept. 5 by Delacorte Press, and imprint of Random House Children’s Books.

Edgy and inventive, Genuine Fraud is an instantly memorable story of love, betrayal and entangled relationships that are not what they seem. Lockhart introduces readers to the story of Imogen and JuleImogen, a runaway heiress, an orphan, a cook and a cheat; Jule, a fighter, a social chameleon and an athlete. This is a novel about intense friendship, a disappearance, murder, bad romance, a girl who refuses to give people what they want from her and a girl who refuses to be the person she once was. Who is genuine? And who is a fraud? You be the judge.

Lockhart is a staple in the YA world, and she’s perhaps best known for her haunting We Were Liars, a deluxe edition of which will be published this May.

MashReads spoke to Lockhart about Genuine Fraud, her career, and her advice for 2017. Then read on for an exclusive excerpt of her upcoming novel.

When did you first know you wanted to be a writer?

I read Joan Aikens The Wolves of Willoughby Chase in third or fourth grade and immediately began writing novels about Victorian orphanages, windswept landscapes and cool uniforms.

What draws you to writing YA books?

In young adulthood, people separate from the values and embraces of their families of origin and begin to define themselves as individuals. That process of separation and self-reinvention is extremely interesting to me. Genuine Fraud is very much a YA novel, even though it doesnt take place in high school.

Is your writing process different depending on the genre youre writing?

Genuine Fraud is a psychological thriller, and the only other such book I have written is We Were Liars. All my other books are comedies! The thrillers have intricate plots that require more planning.

Genuine Fraud sounds a bit like an oxymoron. Do you have a favorite oxymoron?

Film producer Samuel Goldwyn is often quoted as saying, I never liked you, and I always will. My new novel is in something of the same spirit.

Genuine Fraud is another suspense novel, like your emotional bestseller We Were Liars. Can you give a hint as to the emotions readers are likely to have?

Both books have twisty plots, but with Genuine Fraud youre unlikely to need a tissue. Rather, I recommend Rolaids and seltzeryoull want a strong stomach.

Youre known for writing incredibly strong and complex female characters, particularly Frankie Landau-Banks, who is seen by many as a feminist icon. The women in Genuine Fraud seem to be in a similar vein. Do you feel you have a responsibility as a YA writer?

Thank you. I am a feminist, most certainly, but my responsibility as a novelist is not to provide role models. My responsibility is to try to write something that feels true to me on some emotional and intellectual level. I write to make a piece of narrative art that represents the inside of my head. I hope that if I have done so well enough, people will respond to it.

As its a new year, what is your advice for your readers for 2017, both for life and for aspiring writers?

Raise your voice. Its an everyday practice. As a writer, as an activist, as a friend and colleague, student or teacherraise your voice in protest, in apology, in curiosity, in praise, in self-expression.

What were some of your favorite books of 2016?

I read a lot of travel stories and novels written in the nineteenth century. I read cookbooks and middle-grade fiction and comic essays. But Genuine Fraud is a complicated portrait of an extremely difficult person, and a twisty thriller as welland here are two 2016 books I read while I was revising it that fit that same description and are incredibly juicy: Girls on Fire by Robin Wasserman is an adult novel about young women behaving more than badly, raw and gorgeous. My Sister Rosa by Justine Larbalestier is a YA novel about a boy whose younger sister is a psychopathchilling and thought-provoking.

Image: Delacorte press

It was a bloody great hotel.

The minibar in Jules room stocked potato chips and four different chocolate bars. The bathtub had bubble jets. There was an endless supply of fat towels and liquid gardenia soap. In the lobby, an elderly gentleman played Gershwin on a grand piano at four each afternoon. You could get hot clay skin treatments, if you didnt mind strangers touching you. Jules skin smelled like chlorine all day.

The Playa Grande Resort in Baja had white curtains, white tile, white carpets, and explosions of lush white flowers. The staff members were nurselike in their white cotton garments. Jule had been alone at the hotel for nearly four weeks now. She was eighteen years old.

This morning, she was running in the Playa Grande gym. She wore custom sea-green shoes with navy laces. She ran without music. She had been doing intervals for nearly an hour when a woman stepped onto the treadmill next to her.

This woman was younger than thirty. Her black hair was in a tight ponytail, slicked with hair spray. She had big arms and a solid torso, light brown skin, and a dusting of powdery blush on her cheeks. Her shoes were down at the heels and spattered with old mud.

No one else was in the gym.

Jule slowed to a walk, figuring to leave in a minute. She liked privacy, and she was pretty much done, anyway.

You training? the woman asked. She gestured at Jules digital readout. Like, for a marathon or something? The accent was Mexican American. She was probably a New Yorker raised in a Spanish-speaking neighborhood.

I ran track in secondary school. Thats all. Jules own speech was clipped, what the British call BBC English.

The woman gave her a penetrating look. I like your accent, she said. Where you from?

London. St. Johns Wood.

New York. The woman pointed to herself.

Jule stepped off the treadmill to stretch her quads.

Im here alone, the woman confided after a moment. Got in last night. I booked this hotel at the last minute. You been here long?

Its never long enough, said Jule, at a place like this. So what do you recommend? At the Playa Grande? Jule didnt often talk to other hotel guests, but she saw no harm in answering. Go on the snorkel tour, she said. I saw a bloody huge moray eel.

No kidding. An eel?

The guide tempted it with fish guts he had in a plastic milk jug. The eel swam out from the rocks. She must have been eight feet long. Bright green.

The woman shivered. I dont like eels.

You could skip it. If you scare easy.

The woman laughed. Hows the food? I didnt eat yet.

Get the chocolate cake.

For breakfast?

Oh, yeah. Theyll bring it to you special, if you ask.

Good to know. You traveling alone?

Listen, Im gonna jet, said Jule, feeling the conversation had turned personal. Cheerio. She headed for the door.

My dads crazy sick, the woman said, talking to Jules back. Ive been looking after him for a long time. A stab of sympathy. Jule stopped and turned.

Every morning and every night after work, Im with him, the woman went on. Now hes finally stable, and I wanted to get away so badly I didnt think about the price tag. Im blowing a lot of cash here I shouldnt blow.

Whats your father got?

MS, said the woman. Multiple sclerosis? And dementia. He used to be the head of our family. Very macho. Strong in all his opinions. Now hes a twisted body in a bed. He doesnt even know where he is half the time. Hes, like, asking me if Im the waitress.

Damn.

Im scared Im gonna lose him and I hate being with him, both at the same time. And when hes dead and Im an orphan, I know Im going to be sorry I took this trip away from him, dyou know? The woman stopped running and put her feet on either side of the treadmill. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Sorry. Too much information.

Sokay.

You go on. Go shower or whatever. Maybe Ill see you around later.

The woman pushed up the arms of her long-sleeved shirt and turned to the digital readout of her treadmill. A scar wound down her right forearm, jagged, like from a knife, not clean like from an operation. There was a story there.

Listen, do you like to play trivia? Jule asked, against her better judgment.

A smile. White but crooked teeth. Im excellent at trivia, actually.

They run it every other night in the lounge downstairs, said Jule. Its pretty much rubbish. You wanna go?

What kind of rubbish?

Good rubbish. Silly and loud.

Okay. Yeah, all right.

Good, said Jule. Well kill it. Youll be glad you took a vacation. Im strong on superheroes, spy movies, YouTubers, fitness, money, makeup, and Victorian writers. What about you?

Victorian writers? Like Dickens?

Yeah, whatever. Jule felt her face flush. It suddenly seemed an odd set of things to be interested in.

I love Dickens.

Get out.

I do. The woman smiled again. Im good on Dickens, cooking, current events, politics… lets see, oh, and cats.

All right, then, said Jule. It starts at eight oclock in that lounge off the main lobby. The bar with sofas.

Eight oclock. Youre on. The woman walked over and extended her hand. Whats your name again? Im Noa.

Jule shook it. I didnt tell you my name, she said. But its Imogen.

Jule West Williams was nice-enough-looking. She hardly ever got labeled ugly, nor was she commonly labeled hot. She was short, only five foot one, and carried herself with an up-tilted chin. Her hair was in a gamine cut, streaked blond in a salon and currently showing dark roots. Green eyes, white skin, light freckles. In most of her clothes, you couldnt see the strength of her frame. Jule had muscles that puffed off her bones in powerful arcslike shed been drawn by a comic book artist, especially in the legs. There was a hard panel of abdominal muscle under a layer of fat in her midsection. She liked to eat meat and salt and chocolate and grease.

Jule believed that the more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle.

She believed that the best way to avoid having your heart broken was to pretend you dont have one.

She believed that the way you speak is often more important than anything you have to say.

She also believed in action movies, weight training, the power of makeup, memorization, equal rights, and the idea that YouTube videos can teach you a million things you wont learn in college.

If she trusted you, Jule would tell you she went to Stanford for a year on a track-and-field scholarship. I got recruited, she explained to people she liked. Stanford is Division One. The school gave me money for tuition, books, all that.

What happened?

Jule might shrug. I wanted to study Victorian literature and sociology, but the head coach was a perv, shed say. Touching all the girls. When he got around to me, I kicked him where it counts and told everybody who would listen. Professors, students, the Stanford Daily. I shouted it to the top of the stupid ivory tower, but you know what happens to athletes who tell tales on their coaches.

Excerpt copyright 2017 by E. Lockhart. Published by Delacorte Press, an imprint of Random House Childrens Books, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

Read more: http://on.mash.to/2jOItND

from Exclusive: Bestselling author E. Lockhart to publish a new YA novel