#around a month she asked me to do an exercise where i had to visualize the sea n shi and i started laughing so hard because i kept thinking

[bullmotif]

how it feels to not be able to spend 400 hours a day researching history events that are consuming your brain

[holdnarrytight]

A little encanto one shot:

The kids take Bruno out shopping

Please be warned this isn't really going anywhere it's just a (very long) writing exercise I did like two years ago and never meant to post anywhere. With that said, pleeeeease let me know what you think! I often write stuff on my phone's notes and never actually post them cause I'm sooo insecure of my writing. Please don't be afraid to give me very specific feedback on what I could improve, it'd make my day. I enjoy writing but I don't do it much cause I feel so embarrassed and like I'm no good

Part 1:

The dining room was filled with the sounds of the scraping of chairs, clinking of plates and chatter as the family settled down to have breakfast. Pepa had cooked today. She had been cooking more often in the past few weeks, insisting her sister should get some rest. Julieta eventually learned to accept the much needed help.

"Recemos, familia" Alma said after taking a seat at the head of the table. She offered her hands to Pepa and Julieta, who were sitting next to her. The chatter died down as the rest of the family took each other's hands and closed their eyes. Alma said a prayer of gratitude for the food on the table and the family's constant blessings. After saying their amens, they dug into the meal.

Antonio looked around the table at his family eating and talking unbothered, confusion etched in his features. He glanced at the balcony where Bruno's door stood now level with the others, but it was closed.

He got onto his knees on the chair and leaned against his brother's side, putting his hand up to hide his message. Camilo paused and leaned closer curiously to listen. "Otra vez no viene tío Bruno?" Antonio whispered into his ear. Camilo quickly looked around to check if his tío was anywhere to be seen, then shook his head.

"Nah, I don't think so" He continued to eat.

Antonio sat back, not touching his food but looking down at his feet distractedly and fidgeting as thoughts raced through his mind. Hours after receiving his gift all those months ago, he had been told by the rats everything he needed to know about his estranged uncle who he'd heard so little about. A fascinating and heart-wrenching tale that made sure from then on Antonio would do anything in his reach to make sure his tío Bruno felt included in the family.

The day Casita was officially finished had been the happiest day of Antonio's life. Even happier than the day of his ceremony, when he was so nervous. It was happier because that day was all about joy. The family was reunited, the entire village came over and surprised the family with a great party to celebrate the occasion, giving them the opportunity to relax and be on the other side for once, without doing all the planning and cooking.

They laughed, danced, played music, ate and chatted with friends and family.

That evening, each family member touched the doorknobs on their brand new doors, bringing the visual representation of their gifts back in an awe-inspiring spectacle of light as the rooms were once again brought into reality. Some of them looked different as a result of the self-reflection they had done. Mirabel even got her own room that day, and Antonio couldn't have been happier for her.

That evening his tío Bruno took his hand and sat with him on the floor in a quiet area with their respective plates in hand. Antonio told his tío all about his life, his friends in the village, his school, his favourite games and toys, his gift and his animals. Bruno listened attentively, asking questions and encouraging him.

Bruno, in turn, told him stories about his childhood in the village and his pet rats. He made silly voices, funny jokes and took interest in everything Antonio had to say; eager to get to know his youngest sobrino whom he'd never had a chance to interact with. When they were done eating, Bruno gave his nephew a piggyback to the heart of the party where his parents were dancing and joined the fun with the rest of the family.

It went like this all night long, until Antonio got tired and his papá tucked him into bed and went right back to partying.

After such special hours spent together, Antonio grew to admire and love his tío even more. He was looking forward to every interaction with him ever since. He thought they had become friends.

Unfortunately, since then Bruno had not been present for many family meals; still preferring to keep to himself. Antonio hadn't had many opportunities to interact with Bruno. Maybe life hadn't changed that much after all.

Camilo took a glance at his little brother to check on him. When he saw the look on Antonio's face, he put down his fork.

Camilo turned to Antonio and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. The child looked up at him with big, teary eyes.

"Hey, I know what you're thinking. Don't you go worrying about your tío. He's a grown-up, he's gonna be okay" He pointed a finger, keeping his voice down so the conversation would stay between them.

"But- but why does tío Bruno not wanna eat with us?" Antonio questioned, feeling hurt.

Camilo thought for a second, searching for the right words.

"Do you remember Scary Bruno?"

Antonio nodded sadly, picturing the silly impression of their tío that Camilo used to make. Seven foot frame, rats along his back. Mean expression and mischievous grin.

"That's how people used to see him. So they gave him a hard time because of it. But when tío came back, people learned to live with him, right? But he's still learning to live with people again" Camilo concluded.

"Do you get it?"

Antonio nodded slowly, processing the information as he started to understand and feel calmer.

"He just needs a little more...time and patience from us. Can you be patient for your tío?"

Antonio nodded again, determined this time.

Camilo patted him on the back and gave him a soft affectionate squeeze on the shoulder, as they both turned to their plates. Suddenly Camilo felt someone staring at him and looked up to see Mirabel, who he just now realized had been listening the whole time, smiling softly at him from across the table. He grinned back at her.

Just as he did, the chatter died down once again. The family seemed to have run out of things to say for now, and ate in silence for a couple of minutes until Agustin chimed in. "So, it looks like Bruno's not coming for breakfast this morning"

The first month Bruno was back, the family would always wait politely for him before starting to eat; sometimes going as far as sending someone upstairs to knock on his door and ask if he was going to come down to eat with the family. That is, until he thanked them for the gesture but insisted it's not necessary they wait for him. Since then, they lowered their expectations and allowed him the freedom to come down when he feels like it.

Alma glanced up at Bruno's door on the second floor "No, but it's okay. We need to give him time, he'll come to us when he's ready" She nodded, partially trying to reassure herself too. It was always hard for her to see Bruno so isolated. Him returning home and going straight back to his old habits brought back her old concerns for her son.

Another minute of silence.

"Mamá, speaking of Bruno" Pepa spoke up suddenly, making everyone's heads turn towards her. "Julieta and I washed his red chair yesterday. It was a lot of work." She sighed

"He kept saying 'no, no, that's okay Pepa' but we couldn't just leave it like that!" Pepa imitated her brother's tone and expression. "The thing was falling apart. You should've seen it!"

"Might as well have sent it off to the dump and bought a new one. Saved you the trouble" Felix cackled and Dolores and Camilo chuckled.

"Ay Felix no digas eso!" Pepa shoved his arm playfully and spoke in a warning tone. "You know what he told us?" She pointed with her fork, looking around at the other relatives to engage them in the conversation.

"He said that chair was the first piece of furniture he managed to get for the hideout" Felix choked on his juice and started coughing, and all of the kids burst out laughing at his apologetic expression.

"Right, Julieta? Didn't he?" Pepa nodded at Julieta, asking her to back her up.

Julieta nodded. "We tried to tell him we could get a new one, but he just wasn't having it" Julieta explained to the family. "Said it had sentimental value" She sighed.

Something clicked for Mirabel and she spoke up "I know what we should do! We should take him out in the village and help him pick out new furniture for his room, new clothes. It will be fun!"

Julieta tensed up and exchanged a knowing look with an equally tense Pepa "Uy, mija... You know what your tio is like. It's hard enough to get him to come downstairs; let alone convince him to leave the house" Agustín placed a supportive hand on her shoulder.

"But maybe if we try to-" Mirabel started.

"It's not like we didn't try. Mamá woud knock on his door every day, beg him to come outside but he wouldn't listen!" Pepa interrupted. "It was no use" Felix nodded knowingly, while abuela just sat in silence staring off into the distance, not wishing to discuss the subject.

"But what if it's different this time?" Mirabel argued.

"The point is, Mira... I don't think he's ready yet. It's too soon." Julieta finished with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry"

Mirabel, now frustrated, dropped the subject and picked up her fork. Her distracted gaze rested on the plate as, in her mind, she stubbornly gave the final word: "We'll never know if we don't try"

---

The family finished their breakfast mostly in silence and slowly started leaving the table to go about their day. Pepa, Julieta and Abuela picked up the dishes and took them to the kitchen. Camilo was the next to leave, presumably to lazily lounge in one of the hammocks like he usually does after having a big meal. Felix took Antonio upstairs. Agustín headed towards the living room.

As Luisa and Isabela, each on one side of Mirabel, were getting up; Mira knocked her leg against theirs under the table to get their attention. When they looked at her quizzically she cocked her head towards the table, signalling they should sit back down.

Dolores, ever vigilant with her curious eyes and her sharp ears, was now onto them. She dragged her chair closer and leaned forward as if by doing so she could hear them better. As if she needed it. Nevertheless, Isabela and Luisa did the same so now the four girls were all sat very close around the table.

"Do we agree that just because they said no, it doesn't mean we shouldn't try?" Mirabel whispered injusticed.

"What are you talking about?" Luisa said, confused.

"The Bruno thing!" Dolores hissed, evidently wanting to get to the point.

[it cuts off cause I never finished this dialogue]

Part 2:

Bruno Madrigal sat relaxed in his hammock. His legs crossed, a book in his lap. One hand flipping the pages every minute, the other dangling lazily from the hammock to caress his rat companions, occasionally scraping the sandy floor.

His pets had been much more well-fed and groomed these days. The same could be said about him. In fact, a lot had changed in the weeks that had passed since la Casita was finally finished.

Reading was always one of Bruno's favourite pastimes, especially fiction stories that fueled his already vivid imagination; transporting him to happier worlds and serving as inspiration whenever he came up with his own narratives. This time around though, he wasn't reading in his little hideout in the walls like he had done every day for the last 10 years. He was doing it in his room.

The space has transformed considerably from before the house crumbled and continues to change every day, following its owner's feelings like every room in la Casita. The steps of the massive stone stairs seemed to be decreasing exponentially, and the mounds of sand parted to reveal green tiles with elaborate patterns underneath. The walls are no longer cold and grey but specked with pieces of emerald stones, decorated with areas of intricate carvings depicting Bruno's rituals and powers... And a few pencil portraits of his beloved pet rats here and there. He even had all his furniture moved from his hideout to the room, where the family managed to create a cozy little area for him. Overall, it looks more inviting and lived in.

Increasingly similar to what it looked like before everything started changing all those years ago. Still, it felt a little strange to him, being here. Sure, being back was a dream come true. Everything had worked out in the end: Mirabel is okay. The family is more connected than ever. The house was rebuilt. The miracle is still going strong. But his issues wouldn't be solved so easily.

He sometimes felt like crawling back into his hideout, where he's been living for so long. He was sure casita could conjure it up for him again if he asked, and the thought tempted him whenever he faced a challenge. Hiding is good. It's familiar. He knew every nook and cranny of the spaces between the walls that had been his home, and he was protected there. But he was vulnerable here, where anyone could reach him. He often thought it felt better to be invisible than rejected.

The room changed so much every week, and though it might be for better; it still takes some getting used to. It wasn't his home yet. But he knew it would feel like it again one day. Seeing the room's pleasant changes gave him hope, knowing it mirrors his deeper thoughts and feelings.

Just as he noticed he had zoned out and not registered a word of the last three pages, a knock came from the glowing door, startling him and making him jump up, still not used to visitors. His rat friends scurried away.

"Knock knock knock! Tío? Soy yo, Mirabel" Mira called enthusiastically.

A couple of muffled voices retorted from behind the door.

"...And sisters" She added.

Another muffled voice complained.

"...And prima! Ay!" Mirabel sighed, exasperated. "Can we come in? We brought you breakfast"

"Sí, Mira. Come in" he answered, getting up and putting his book away. The sandfall parted to let him through as he straightened his ruana, dusting off any rogue particles of sand.

He walked to the door, holding it open as Mirabel, Luisa, Isabela and Dolores came in, each greeting their uncle as they passed him.

Once they were all in the room, Isabela held out a small cactus in an argyle pot, smiling shyly. "Tío, this is for you"

His gaze shifted between the plant and his niece, absorbing the information. He reached for it and gently took it, surprised. A gift for him?!

"I planted it!" She exclaimed loudly, all giddy. A small crooked smile grew on his face upon her barely contained excitement.

Isabela had been one of the members of the family who had changed the most in the last few months. She experimented with her gift in a way she'd never felt free to, and the authenticity empowered her. She grew herbs for her mother. She grew vegetables and fruit trees around the village - although those were quite taxing on her. But Isa had also learned to appreciate growing plants the regular way, making gardening into a hobby. She brought botanical books home and took the time to learn about the plants she had been growing all her life. It was a way to feel more grounded and connected to herself. She now often wore her hair out of the way, up in a messy bun, an apron tied around her waist, and didn't mind getting a little dirt under her fingernails; much to her abuela's discomfort.

He turned the pot around in his hands, checking the details of the plant. As he did so, he noticed a pink flower growing on top on the other side.

The vision of the prickly plant growing the delicate flower reminded him of the duality in his and Isabela's gift. His, branded inherently negative for decades, eventually became the family and the miracle's saving grace. Hers, labeled only ever perfectly pleasant, now unleashed and used to explore her full potential, thorns and all. This represented them quite well.

"Isa... Gracias. I love it" he looked her in the eyes, feeling touched at her thoughtfulness. She smiled wider. "Plus this room could use a little decor too, ya know?" he gestured around the empty entrance, rolling his eyes and pulling a bored face. The girls chuckled, and he did too. Making them laugh felt nice. His sobrinos were his favourite people in the world. Talking to them felt easy.

If only the same could be said about the adults...

"Why don't you come in? I was just doing some reading but having my sobrinas around for a visit is much better, I think!" he chatted enthusiastically as he lead them through the parted sandfall towards his living area. The girls followed him, dusting themselves off and looking all around the ample space. Each family member had come to visit a few times since Casita was rebuilt, but the room's changes were always a surprise.

He pulled out a few cushions, fluffing them and laying them on the floor for them. "Sorry girls, these are all I've got for now" he laughed nervously, crossing his arms. "No couch, you see?" Bruno shrugged.

"This is perfect" Mirabel reassured kindly.

"Yeah. Thanks, tío" Luisa said, taking a seat along with Isabela.

Dolores, distracted by the amplification and echoing of their voices in the vast cave, was the last one of the girls to sit down, next to Mirabel; looking up at the high stone ceiling with such marvel she nearly missed the cushion.

Bruno sat in his old - now properly washed and cleaned by his sisters - red armchair. He set the cactus Isabella have him on a rickety table next to his chair.

A few of Bruno's rats came out of hiding to sit under his ruana. Some went to Mirabel instead, who chuckled and promptly started to pet and caress them. She had grown rather fond of them, having visited so often. She even knew their names by now. The other girls didn't quite share the same feeling for the little critters yet and preferred to keep their distance, as evidenced by Dolores slowly inching her cushion away from Mirabel.

A comfortable silence took over as Mirabel and Bruno played with the animals and the other girls took in the... interesting decor, for lack of a better word.

"Nice drawings" Dolores quietly pointed out the art around the hammock depicting the rodents in a variety of styles of clothing, some even enacting dramatic scenes. Everyone's heads turned to where she was pointing.

"Oh, those?" Bruno put down his animal friend, following Dolores' gaze to the pictures behind him. "Yeah, I've always liked drawing, and for the last few years these little guys were pretty much the only models I had" He gestured to his art, his eyes traveling over the mural of portraits before shifting back to Dolores

"Gotta work with what you got, you know?" He shrugged.

Mirabel, who had been working with what she'd gotten for a long time, especially agreed.

She saw a lot of her uncle in her personality. For one, they both loved their families so deeply they would put themselves last to help them, without batting an eye. Secondly, they were both artists. It was no secret Mirabel loved to cover all of her garments in colorful embroidery. But she could also sew, play the accordion fairly well and even tried her hand at writing every now and again.

After the reconciliation, Julieta fondly told her daughters all about how Bruno used to play the guitar and sing to the family when he was younger. She told funny stories about the times when he would make the village children laugh with his silly voices and imitations, and his mischievous, quick-witted sense of humour.

Sadly, Mirabel didn't have any memories of her tío being cheerful and joyous. The one memory she has of him is from the worst, most chaotic day of her life: when she didn't get her gift. From just before he vanished to protect her.

"Wow those are like, really good!" Luisa exclaimed, pointing out a few particularly realistic drawings to an equally impressed Isabela.

All this sudden attention was making Bruno feel a little flustered. "Well, I had a lot of time to practice, so..." He played with a loose thread of the fabric on one of the armrests, averting their gaze.

The girls sensed his discomfort with where the conversation was headed, albeit they couldn't help but wonder what it was like to live in isolation all those years.

The family had had several questions about what Bruno's daily routine and habits had been like in that period, but usually filed those away in respect for his desire to forget (which didn't mean they couldn't theorise amongst themselves).

They sat in an uncomfortable silence.

Luisa suddenly reached out and gently took his hand. "What... What was the hardest part?' She broke the silence. Her genuine tone and gentle expression as she looked him in the eyes conveyed that she wasn't just asking out of mere curiosity, but wish to connect.

Bruno blinked and stared off into the distance, searching for the right words.

"Definitely being away from you, my sobrinos..." He squeezed Luisa's hand with a little apologetic smile and she let go, encouraging him to go on.

"Don't get me wrong, I missed everyone; of course! But I had an entire life with mis hermanas, mamá... I had so little time with you all." He looked at each of them now, bearing a defeated expression. They listened closely to his every word, as it was rare for him to open up like this.

"I only had five years with you, Mira and even less with Camilo. And I wasn't even around that much then. All I could think about was how I should've spent more time with you. With all of you. And how foolish I was to let meaningless things get in the way of what we could've had. And then Antonio came along and I couldn't even meet him or hold him... It killed me."

He shook his head and hung his head low, as if rejecting all of those painful memories.

The girls sat in complete silence waiting for him to go on. Sensing their expectation, he finished with a warm smile:

"Maybe that's why it's so much easier for me to be around you than everyone else."

The girls looked at him in wonder, touched by what they had heard.

Mirabel was struck by the realization that, although she could barely remember Bruno's presence during her childhood as he was so isolated, he'd loved her so much he had sacrificed everything to make sure nobody would find the vision and she'd never have to feel the way he did.

"Tío, listen..." Mirabel started "the reason we came here, other than to bring your breakfast, was because... Because..." She stuttered. Her mother's warnings playing in her mind, making her unsure of whether she should go on.

He leaned forward in expectation.

Sensing Mirabel's struggle and barely containing her excitement, Isabela finished her sentence.

"We wanted to take you out into the village today!" She nearly squealed.

Bruno tensed up. He opened and closed his mouth several times, as if searching for something to say. Just as he was about to speak, Mirabel interrupted urgently with her hands up "I know what you're about to say! You're gonna say you're not ready, maybe some other day and all that; but tío, it's gonna be great, trust me!" She spoke very fast, and a little too loudly.

"We're all gonna be there with you and we can do lots of fun things in the village and have the best day ever and I know you're worried about the neighbors staring or being rude to you but we'll escort you everywhere and make sure that doesn't happen; plus what better bodyguard is there than Luisa?" She finished her frantic monologue by gesturing to her sister, evidently believing she'd finished with the best point.

"Can't argue with that!" Luisa shrugged, smiling proudly.

"Mamá and tía Pepa were talking over breakfast about the day you moved back into your room and we realised you still haven't done any shopping since then. We thought we could go out together and get you everything you need" Isabela explained rationally. "We could get stuff for your room, new clothes for you, and anything else you might like. And don't worry, we'll do the talking!"

"Plus... We have so much catching up to do, like you said" Dolores pointed out softly.

"Right?! We'll have the whole day to ourselves!" Mirabel finished excitedly.

They all grinned at him expectantly.

He thought it all over. Talking to his family still wasn't easy, but even the mere thought of going out in the village frankly made his stomach turn with anxiety and his hands go cold. In a second, he thought of all the ways in which this could possibly go wrong. They all involved neighbors cussing him out over negative visions he'd had decades ago, angry mobs chasing after him with pitchforks and torches, the works - his active imagination was perhaps being a tad overdramatic.

But as he imagined his sobrinas by his side and all of their loving encouragement, his heart swelled with joy and some of the fear melted away. His nieces are such good people that he knows even if the neighbors hated him, they would never do anything against him if it meant they could upset the girls. He'd have their good name to fall back on. With them, he was free.

The image became clearer and clearer: they would spend all day together. The girls would show him around the Encanto and tell him what's changed in the last ten years. He would, in turn, open up more and share stories about his childhood and the family. He'd learn more about his nieces. They could eat out for dinner at the end of the evening. They'd laugh together and have a memorable day. He'd be able to make up for some of their lost time!

As the anxiety turned into excitement, the picture in his imagination became so clear that it started to take on a powerful green glow and solidify in his mind's eye; and as he felt the familiar warm sensation behind his eyelids, he quickly shielded his face with his hand and turned away burying his face into the armchair's back rest so his nieces wouldn't see. Mirabel had seen him like this, but he wasn't ready to show the other girls yet. He was afraid of what they might think.

"Tío! Are you okay?!" Luisa lept from her cushion with her hands out, ready to help him. Isabela jumped and Dolores squeaked, spooked by his unexpected reaction.

Mirabel, now on her feet, softly pulled Luisa back by the arm. "It's okay, it's just a vision!" She reassured.

As Luisa stepped back and relaxed, Mirabel kneeled in front of Bruno as he blinked back into his normal state and faced her.

"What did you see?"

"You were right. It's a great day" he smiled.

Part 3:

As they opened the door of his room and stepped onto the landing, Bruno pulled the hood of his ruana over his head in order to avert the neighbors' stared. Isabela and Dolores slinked their arms around his, each on one side as they made their way down the stairs. Mirabel and Luisa followed behind.

"Oh, this is great! You're in such good hands with us, Dolores and I are always shopping and we know the best places in town with the cutest clothes" Isabela gushed and clapped excitedly.

"Hey, hey, hey, hold on!" Camilo, who'd been walking toward the kitchen, suddenly placed himself between the group and the door, hands up signaling them to stop. "Where do y'all think you're going without telling me?" He put his hands on his hips defensively

"We're just taking tío out shopping. Wanna come?" Luisa offered politely.

Camilo's expression changed from defensive to incredulous as his jaw dropped. "I just can't believe you guys were going on a family outing without me. I thought we had something special!" He pouted theatrically.

Bruno chuckled quietly, entertained by his sobrino's act.

Isabela crossed her arms, rolling her eyes. "Oh, okay! So why don't you tell us where *you* were sneaking off to, then?" She pushed his chest with an inquisitive finger, slightly throwing him off balance. She knew from the look on his face he was about to sneak food from the kitchen again.

"Ow! Excuse me, but that's my business" He massaged the spot where she had poked him.

"Oh, so let me see if I understand. Where you go is your business, but where we go is public information?" She put her hands on her hips.

"I have my own life, you know?" Camilo crossed his arms, shrugging matter-of-factly. Isabela scoffed at his nerve.

...Aaaand bickering ensued, as usual.

Luisa blinked confused at how the conversation had escalated in seconds. Beside her, Bruno was standing there awkwardly shifting on his feet watching it unfold, not sure whether to intervene as the adult figure in the group (he felt he didn't have the authority to); while Dolores was covering her ears, her eyes shifting between Isa and her brother as they argued, not wanting to lose any of the free entertainment.

Isa let Camilo's teasing get to her so often, at this point Mirabel was starting to believe she just enjoyed bickering with him. It was just their way of socialising with each other, she supposed. They'd always been like this, after all.

Mira sighed and rolled her eyes. "Ay, Isa! Por favor, cálmate!" She pulled her sister back by the arm, breaking the conflict. "He's just teasing you, you know what he's like."

Camilo's smirk only grew as he counted himself the winner. Isa scoffed, pouted and narrowed her eyes dangerously at him as she stepped back, standing behind her sisters and taking a few deep breaths to steady herself.

"Okay, that's better I guess!" Mira said optimistically trying to lift the mood, pretending she couldn't feel Isabela glaring at Camilo from behind her.

"Guys c'mon, we've got something a little more important to be doing now than this!" Luisa tried to shift the group's focus back into the task. "Camilo, are you coming or not?" Her tone demanded a proper answer.

Camilo pretended to carefully ponder the question, then shrugged "Yeah, okay." He walked over to the group. Luisa, Isabela and Mirabel now lead the way, just wanting to get the pointless discussion over with quickly.

As they all stepped outside, Bruno patted Camilo on the back and offered him a warm smile, pleased he was coming along. The more sobrinos, the merrier.

He felt like he was being escorted by the toughest bodyguards, having his sobrinos' excellent reputations to fall back on for the day. Nobody could give him a hard time or make him feel alienated today. He knew they wouldn't allow it.

"Oh, hola tío." Camilo lifted a hand in acknowledgement just as he felt Dolores nudge him.

When he turned to her she was glancing at him from the corner of her eyes, with a subtle smile to let him know she thought the whole ordeal had been quite funny. He grinned back but noticed Dolores was now biting her lip hard to hold back from laughing.

Seeing her trying so bad was hilarious, and he covered his mouth with his hand to stifle the snorts threatening to let loose. Camilo started going red in the face, which in turn made his sister's body start shaking with barely controlled humor. Dolores' eyes started watering from containing herself, and Camilo squeezed his eyes shut to try and gain some self-control.

Isabela rolled her eyes, but the siblings didn't see it.

They sniggered and snorted back and forth like this until Bruno caught the pair by surprise by slinking his arm over Camilo's shoulder and pulling him closer, abruptly pulling the siblings apart in an attempt to diffuse the situation.

For some reason this was what made them finally burst out laughing and gasping for air, earning a glare from Isabela and confused looks from Mirabel and Luisa.

Even Bruno couldn't help but chuckle a bit too, albeit feeling a little guilty. Their loud, high-pitched roars were simply too contageous to resist; and the more the villagers stared bewildered and bemused at the racket, the harder it was to fight back. Eventually even Luisa, Mirabel and Isabela lightened up a little, too.

[tinyidle]

Can you do scenario for Yeosang and Miyeon? Home Gym! Miyeon been distrusting Yeosang by touching him anywhere and he can't risk it so he immediately bring her into their bedroom and dominated her!

making this into a drabble (that might turn into a full blown fic as i write this because who knows really) let's goooo nsfw, based-ish on irl (not too much tho now since they're no longer mcs :( ), groping, overstimulation, pussy slapping, slight degradation, fellatio, insatiable!miyeon, teasing!miyeon, switch!sub!miyeon, brattamer-ish!yeosang, switch!dom!yeosang, all fiction ofc; 1.27k wc

having exchanged numbers from their once-in-a-blue-moon merging of schedules, miyeon was surprised with how easy it was to find interest and similarity with yeosang, and so was yeosang with miyeon. both were current mcs for music shows, both were visuals in their group, were very much dotted on constantly, and had an awfully quiet side to them. the only two extremely stark differences were age, heights and genders, but even looking past that they could very easily get along.

both of them were also workout gurus, so they've been going to the gym as partners for the past three months. miyeon recently got a new apartment and, knowing how much yeosang likes to exercise, offered him to work out with her at her house whenever they couldn't necessarily go to their companies' gym. he would always accept because it was a place to workout with a partner who was 100% willing, and miyeon was 1000% willing to work out.

it was a pretty chill day for both them, so yeosang got to miyeon's house. when miyeon opened the door, yeosang was met with a tempting sight: a tight athletic crop top with loose athletic shorts, showing off her toned abs and legs. he always giggled at the thought, considering miyeon's only worked out for a couple of weeks.

refocusing on why he came, yeosang greeted the older. "good morning, noona," he said.

miyeon made a small grimace before smiling brightly. "good morning to you, too. but you don't have to call me noona, yeosang. just call me, myeon, okay? come in," she invited him.

as the two walked to the small gym area, the man looked around before putting his workout jacket on the nearby coat hanger. "so, myeon, what do you think h we should work on together before doing our own thing?" he asked.

"how about arm workouts?" she suggested. miyeon had an ulterior motive, which yeosang obviously didn't know about, but hopefully through this workout he would cave in to his desires like she's been wanting him to for the past month.

"okay," he unknowingly agreed. "we'll start with bicep curls. my goal is for my guns to pop," he joked before flexing his arms, showing his already hard muscles. miyeon but her lip from the sight before nodding in agreement.

they started working out, miyeon following the directions of the alluring man beside her. after ten minutes, yeosang felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around.

miyeon's eyes shone mischievously, while her lips pursed outward form a slight pout. "im trying to lift my dumbbell to get my bicep to protrude, but i don't see any results like you."

yeosang snorted before moving behind miyeon, holding the dumbbell near her hand, inadvertently causing his own arm to slightly flex. as the man was trying to teach miyeon how to properly use the weight, he caught miyeon staring at his arm. "myeon! eyes down here," he instructed. "you can't see what im doing to your arm if you keep looking at mine."

miyeon looked up innocently, though her fingers started tapping where yeosang's fingers connected with the weighted metal. "why not? i can see everything you're doing to help me get it right."

yeosang let out a sigh of annoyance before shaking his head. "let's focus on our own exercises instead. we have plenty of time left today for me to show you how to properly bicep curl," he said before resting the dumbbell on the bench behind him.

this, however, did not stop miyeon from teasing the man. she would do squats in front of him doing chest curls, planks near his line of vision as he did donkey kicks, mountain climbs with her ass beside his head when he simply wanted to do weighted pushups.

he simply had enough.

dropping the weighted jump rope, yeosang turned miyeon around from her neck stretching session to confront her. "noona-- miyeon! what are you doing? are you trying to get me upset?"

his brows furrowed as his dark brown eyes bore into hers, but all he could see was... want in her eyes?

in normal circumstances, miyeon would profusely apologize, but she had a plan that was sure to work. looking deep into the man before confessing, "sangi, i want you to make the first move. "

his eyes widened. she wanted-- what? "you want me to-"

"fuck me," she answered seductively nonchalant as her hand rested on his thumping chest.

yeosang immediately pulled away from miyeon, eyes wide. "what?!"

"yeosang, this has been bothering me since we first met," she started. "and every time you look at me, i feel it again. the feeling of passion inside of you that i know you have. ive always liked you, loved you even, but now i want to know how it feels to be fucked by you."

the confused man had to process everything happening all at once. a once-in-a-lifetime woman. asking him. a one-in-a-million man. to please her. all the guys in the world, and she chooses him. he has to take the plunge. "okay ill do it. one thing, though."

miyeon nods.

"i get to dominate you for teasing me throughout our work out. deal?"

the woman's face lit up and yeosang noticed, making him smile as well. "of course, sir."

--

it had to be miyeon's third orgasm and she hasn't even seen yeosang's cock yet. he made her cum from his fingers and his tongue. now he's trying to make her cum by spanking her abused cunt.

"go on," yeosang coaxes before landing another sound-cracking smack to miyeon's cunt, bent over his lap. "apologize for earlier. "

she couldn't take it anymore. miyeon's hands gripped the man from under her's pants. "im sorry for being a slutty tease."

"good girl," he praised her. "now, look at me. i want to see your pretty face as i fuck your mouth."

the girl slowly opened her eyes and did as told. he smiled before taking out his hardening dick from his bottoms and standing up straight as she got off his lap and on her knees.

miyeon gasped at the sight. he was huge, red at the meaty tip, and slightly curved. just like she likes them. she licked her lips before closing her eyes and opening her mouth.

but before she could have him, she felt the tip swat against her cheek. "look in my eyes and have some respect, miyeon," yeosang teased. miyeon was considering the man being mean, but she realized she was getting what she deserved.

looking into the man's sadistic eyes, miyeon asked, "can i suck your cock, sir?"

without any words, the satisfied yeosang gently held the back of the older's head and guided it to his awaiting length.

miyeon took his girth into her wet and warm mouth without any hesitation, swallowing every inch and sucking for all she's worth. a few moments later, she felt the tip begin to hit her throat, causing her to gag.

he was careful not to go too far, giving the older woman the time she needed to adjust herself. when she finally go used to the thickness, he pushed deeper and began pounding her throat. he had a light hold around the back of her hair while miyeon whined and teared at the pace and width of his length.

yeosang pulling himself from her mouth placed her on her back after several minutes. "id love to finish in your slutty mouth," he panted, pushing miyeon's legs to her chest. they both groaned loudly as the younger sunk deep in her cunt. "but i think id rather finish in this slutty pussy."

[witflitmanict]

Trauma in the Living Place

As stated in the rules, if I miss one day I need to make it up the next day. Whether I missed 1 day or 2 days is a little up for debate because technically I did not think of this idea until I was in bed late on Oct. 1. It may have even been Oct. 2 by the time it truly occurred to me…but also I said for the month and well…it is the 3rd. 

Who cares? Here is a short essay based on a discussion my brother and I had last week.

….

When I was growing up I kinda knew that the world I was growing up in was off. Mostly I felt this because the TV was very good at showing me this. But I was also painfully aware of how cliche it was to compare your life to the people on TV because TV was fiction and life was real. I have always been far too painfully aware of my own existence. 

The thing is I look back on baby me and I think “Damn I was right.” 

The environment I grew up in was kinda fucked up. Not in a horrendously violent way, although it did have these peaks of violence, but more in just the way that every day felt like a battle and it felt like that for me from a very, very young age. And worse, as far as I could tell it felt like that for everyone around me. And I was pretty sure that couldn’t be right.

It was the therapist I started seeing after my most significant manic moment who pointed it out to me. This therapist, a kindly, sweatered, not that old man who had an office in an old apartment building in Japan that smelled like cedar and had sliding windows that opened up towards the railway, was the first one I had ever seen with any amount of seriousness. I had seen others before, but it’s hard to go to therapy when some of the things you struggle with most came at the hands of a therapist. Kinda puts a real damper on the whole trust bit. 

But this therapist, he was different. He didn’t just want to talk, he didn’t want to tell me what I could do to ‘improve my condition’ (shortcut to me - don’t tell me what to do). Instead he had a focused approach he wanted to do - EMDR.

EMDR, for those who don’t know, is a type of therapy that uses what to me, a lay person, comes across as almost a hypnotic approach. EMDR stands for ���Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing”. And that is what the therapy is. Some therapists use a sound, some use a motion, others use light…but basically, they give you an external stimulus to focus on. Then, they ask you to share a traumatic memory. They guide you to go deeper and deeper into the memory, asking about details, asking you to locate where in your body you are feeling the memory (ie is your stomach tight, your neck flushed, etc) and then they try to help you relieve that emotion through breathing exercises, visual exercises, whatever. 

Here is a nifty little youtube video that tries to visualize it for you. 

How EMDR works? Look at this animation (English)

The point of this therapy is to try and deal with your trauma. It originated from a woman, Francine Shapiro, who said she noticed while working in the woods one day that moving her eyes side-to-side like this reduced her anxiety (or something like that, you’re on the internet you’ve got Google). She then took this movement and used it when working with trauma victims, and found that there was demonstrable improvement in their flashbacks and the way they reacted to the trauma. Thus, EMDR was born. It is, in fact a bit controversial as some people say it is just another type of exposure therapy but it is also recommended by a lot of health agencies to deal with trauma. And, as a personal aside, I found it incredibly helpful.

So, it was in one of these sessions, that my therapist asked me, essentially, what was the first time I remembered recognizing that the adults around me could not in fact take care of me. He was likely working off the theory that I had to “grow up” at too young an age, and it had left me quite affected. 

And so, I started in on the first strong memory I have of recognizing that adults are useless. I said I was about 9, maybe 8. I was at a friend’s house with my siblings. It was the sort of house that seemed to always have people about, but the mother was a wonderful woman who cared a lot about us, and her kids were about our age. This particular day there was a group of adults and some kids I was less familiar with. I remember this even now, some 20+ years later, that I was particularly curious about a bleach blond lady who seemed off to me. She just seemed like she was trying too hard, and I didn’t really like her…But it didn’t matter, the kids were in kid world and the adults were doing whatever adults do, so I just ignored her.

At least it didn’t matter until suddenly it really, really did. We were playing outside when an adult came rushing out and told us we all needed to get inside right this minute. It was clear this adult was panicked, and we were mostly all old enough to understand that an upset adult meant something dangerous, and obliged. We made our way inside and into my friend's room, the one farthest down the hall on the opposite side of the house. We sat on her bed and were wondering what was going on when we heard a lot of noise and looked out to see a man walking past her window to the back of the house.

The guy, I registered him only as “adult” at the time, had shaggy brownish blond hair, a white T-shirt and jeans. And a look on his face that sent me into a panic. It was intense. He didn’t look our way, instead he seemed really focused on something else. Something none of the rest of us could see. He walked with such purpose towards the back of the house and everything about him screamed danger. 

And in the panic that followed as we all realized that this must be why we had to come inside, I realized that my younger sister was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t in the room with us, and as far as I knew she wasn’t with my brother. So I went out and tried to get an adult’s attention. But they were in hysterics. That blonde lady was crying and the other women were trying to reassure her. My friend’s mom had her new baby in one hand and her phone in the other and was calling…her boyfriend. Not the cops. 

This is the moment where I first had the thought that adults really can’t do anything. I understood that we were in danger. That the man I had seen outside was a bad guy and he would hurt people. And rather than call the cops these grownass adults were calling the boyfriend of my friend’s mom who was all the way in Plymouth, a solid 20 minute drive at least. And more importantly, none of these adults seemed to have noticed that my baby sister was standing in the glassed in backroom, directly where that guy had been headed, playing pool by herself.

The guy came around the bushes and headed towards the sliding door of the pool room. And I yelled at my sister to get over here, so scared to go down and get her but desperate to get her out of there. The image of her looking up from chalking the pool stick and seeing me, and then the guy, as he began to kick the sliding door, is still pretty fresh in my head. 

For me, that’s where the memory ends. My brother remembers the next bit. We were all taken into the mom’s bedroom, and told to stay there until the adults came to get us. There was a lot of commotion going on, but my brother and his friend, they were old enough to recognize that they needed to do something to hide it, and put on some dumb 90s comedy. He doesn’t remember what it was, just that we all sat and watched it until the adults came and got us, and we went back home shortly after.

I guess my trauma figures that I don’t need to worry about the part where someone, another child really, took over the situation. But I do need to remember the moment I stood in the kitchen, looking at the adults, and recognized that they were not taking the right steps to protect us. That their flimsy plan of calling a boyfriend who would take at least 20 minutes to get there would not protect us from whatever was happening in that moment. And I remember that after this I began to view other adults with increasing distrust and a distinct impression that they would, in fact, not be able to take care of me or my siblings. 

I relayed this story to my therapist and he was stunned. Normally we would move into talk about how this felt and what I saw when I relayed it, but instead he asked me, eyes a little wide and voice full of concern, if I thought this was typical of my childhood. Did things like this happen often? 

Not really, I’m sure I told him. At least, things didn’t usually explode to this level. I mean sure I can remember other instances of being places where I knew there were dangerous adults. Dads who showed up to softball games they weren’t supposed to be at. Uncles or brothers or whatever of friends of mine that I just instinctively knew to stay away from. I knew that there were parts of the woods you could go to, and parts where the cops had been run over and shot at. But these things didn’t really have to do with my family directly. They were just around us. 

And that’s when he laid down a truth that struck so true that to this day I consider it one of the greatest revelations to have been revealed to me…”That is not a typical environment. It sounds like that whole town and a lot of the people you knew were dealing with a lot of trauma of their own. I think you have a really skewed perspective of what ‘normal’ is.”

Reader let me tell you that in the 27 or so years of my life that I had been grappling with the fact that my life was not like that on TV, never once had it occurred to me that I might actually be correct in thinking that my life was the odd one out. I had simply lived it knowing that TV was not real, and that my life wasn’t as bad as others. After all I wasn’t the kid of the guy who kicked in the back door and shattered that sliding door while a 7 year old ran up the stairs. I wasn’t related to the men who then grabbed him and held him down as they smashed the car door onto his head until he collapsed. Sure, I was friends with the girl whose dad would hit her and her brother with a switch, and I was close with the one whose dad disappeared and reappeared at softball games unexpectedly…but that wasn’t my trauma. My trauma was tame in comparison to that.

Except that, just by being around all that trauma, I had convinced myself that anything bad that happened to me or my family wasn’t that bad because I mean damn look at what the people around us dealt with. And of course my parents both worked in social service-like jobs, so we knew full well the reality of the world around us from a very young age. There were no starving children in Africa who would happily finish the food on our plates, there were starving kids in our town or the homeless shelter down the street. 

But it took seeing this therapist in his safe dusty office 9000 miles away from where I had been born for me to realize that all of this was really, really wrong. And to be clear here, there is nothing abnormal about towns like this. Places full of disenfranchised people whose only outlets, or only chance of survival, are drugs, drinking, and illicit activities exist everywhere, in all countries. But just because they are normal doesn’t mean they are ok. 

Places like the town I grew up in breed generational trauma that no one can get out of. And they distort what is “normal” for the people who grow up in them. And that distortion means that they are more likely to put up with things that are in fact traumatic for the entirety of their lives because, well, it could be worse couldn’t it? 

Except that just because something is normal doesn’t mean it’s the standard to base our lives on. And that then became a through line for so much more in my life. Yeah sure, I only got migraines once or twice a month, and that was a great decrease from growing up where I would get them weekly…but it’s probably not normal to be in that much pain, is it? Or for that matter, it isn’t normal that my stomach hurts and I want to throw up almost every day, or that my joints seem to ache so badly that I can’t move them sometimes…or for that matter, that soy seems to make my mouth feel like it is full of tiny little cuts. 

And once I realized that I needed to stop basing my idea of “normalcy” on what I grew up around and instead see what people outside of it all had to say, I gotta say, my life got a lot better. 

Word Count: 2397

[buckyownsmylife]

I’ve Told You Now - Bucky Barnes smut

The one where alpha!Bucky fucks you in front of the other avengers

Warnings: smut, a/b/o dynamics, public sex, oral (f), p in v, possessiveness

Word count: 2.3k

A/N: Thank you to my lovely @wakingbeauty​ for giving this a read for me! This is strictly the product of mine and @navybrat817​‘s belief that public sex should be more common in A/B/O dynamics, so there you have it 😊 Also, I used a prompt the sweet @jbreenr​ gave me ages ago for a headcanon and I asked to save it for this story since it made such perfect sense! Hope you guys like it! I might write more public sex A/B/O smut in the very near future!

Bucky’s P.O.V.

Everyday was the same. I’d wake up and join the rest of the team for breakfast to find out that despite the fact that someone had saved me a seat, that same someone had thought of a new joke to make at my expense.

If I thought Tony’s nicknames were bad, this was a whole new level. It’s like she wanted to find all the little ways to annoy me, while still remaining mindful of my recovery process and triggers.

I’d never met an omega like that before. Back in my time, omegas were mostly prim and proper, almost shy around alphas, even if they were starting to show a little more skin and entertain the possibility of staying closer to us for longer periods of time.

I wasn’t used to someone who felt so comfortable with my intimidating aura, and the alpha in me definitely couldn’t grow used to seeing so much of her skin all the time. By now, I was sure she was doing it on purpose.

She knew how it affected me, she could smell it - every omega was able to identify when a nearby alpha was aroused. And I knew it turned her on in return. I was also biologically wired to sense that.

It was basically a game of who would break first. And I knew she thought she would win, but my resolve still wasn’t broken.

“Ah… What a lovely day. So full of possibilities… if you’re not a hundred years old,” she quickly added, throwing me a glance that had me rolling my eyes. “What do you say, grandpa? Feel like going out for a run?”

Who knows what I would have answered if she hadn’t decided to pull her hair up right at the second Wanda opened the window to look out into the field? The smile that had been on my face quickly dropped when I was hit with a heavy wave of her scent and my knees buckled as I tried to hold myself back from just jumping on top of her.

Unfortunately, because awareness was not something she seemed capable of having, she did not realize my struggle. “What’s wrong, old man? Can’t even keep up anymore?” The growl that escaped my chest at her joke was all the warning she needed to finally understand what was going on.

“I’ll show you what I can keep up.” I was on her in a second, my consciousness of our surroundings reduced to absolutely nothing. It was only her and me, and the way our lips moved as I guided her back to the couch, until we both fell on top of it.

“Is this what you wanted, huh?” I asked as I tore her shirt with a simple flick of my wrist. “Is this how you wanted it to happen? For me to lose all control and just take you right here?” All that left her was a garbled sound, her hands clawing at my back as I easily got rid of her jeans until they were nothing but scraps on the floor and then exposed her pussy to the tower’s living room.

“Fuck yes,” I growled, immediately leaning down to get a taste of her. Sweet and wet and mine, all mine. I had no idea where that possessive instinct had come from, but I would be crazy to ignore it - especially since it felt like I’d kill and die for her at that very second.

Her hips jerked up, instinctively searching for my tongue, but a breeze of clarity seemed to brush over her and make her sit up on her elbows, looking down at me. I knew what was running through her mind before she said it, and I wasn’t having any of it.

“You better lay back down and let me savor my meal,” I warned, knowing the rest of the team had gathered around to watch the show. I didn’t have to take my eyes off her debauched state to know it, but her gaze was on them, even if the rest of her body was still spread open for anyone to see, uncaring of the fact that we were being watched.

“You poked the beast, now you’ll entertain it,” Steve warned, shaking his head as if to scold us, but when I met his eyes, I could see the glint of desire in them. He wanted to be in my position, he wanted to have his own tongue shoved deep inside my girl’s pussy, and it only made me eat her more hungrily.

“Eyes on me, ‘mega,” I called out to her once I saw her eyes linger on Steve. “Let them watch, that’ll keep them away from you.” She groaned at the possessiveness in my words, but it was the sounds of someone who was relishing in it. And I was relishing in her juices.

“Fuck!” She cursed when I buried my tongue as far as it could go in her, something deep inside of me desperate to be drowning in her scent. “Should have gotten you mad before.”

The thought was amusing to me. Did she really think this was only the result of pent-up anger, and not months of desire and lust that had finally spilled from my weakened resolve?

“Well…” I started, pushing two fingers inside of her to scissor her open for me, although my scent had already made her body as prepared for an Alpha an Omega could get.

I was a bit larger than usual Alphas, though - courtesy of the serum - so I wanted to make sure she wouldn’t go through any pain whatsoever. “You keep me mad all the fucking time, kitten.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“With desire or anger, it doesn’t really care,” he continued, like it was any ordinary day and we were chatting in the living room, our usual teasing banter taking over the conversation, instead of him eating me out on the couch in front of all of our teammates while I was spread out for their eyes to take in.

“You’re always a tease to me, in one way or another.” His huge hands massaged the inside of my thighs as he finally lowered himself to suck on my nub again, making me instinctively buck my hips up in search of his tongue.

“Stay…” he ordered in his Alpha tone, and the whine that broke free from my chest was more animal than human now. The way he used his mouth was nothing short of sinful, licking me from ass to clit with an eagerness I had never expected the former Winter Soldier to have.

But I guess today I was discovering all of my fantasies about Bucky had been a bit misplaced. For one, I never thought he’d be the type of Alpha to take me in such a public environment.

In every dirty dream I’d had, Bucky was far too possessive to allow anyone to explore what was his - even if it was only visually - but what I’d come to learn was that while he was definitely dominating, there was a hint of exhibitionism in his craving.

He liked to have people see him break me into a million pieces only to glue me back together with a lick of his tongue. He liked that they were seeing his talent - and I had to admit, by what I saw in his friend’s stare, that they were also admiring me too.

And he got off on that. I didn’t expect it would make me get off too.

“Delicious,” he hummed when he finally pulled away from my cunt, having brought me to my release and licked it off of me. Still, an overwhelming amount of wetness covered the lower part of his face, prompting me to raise myself to my elbows and lick my own juices off of his lips, the omega in me begging to scent him as mine.

“You’re a nasty little bitch, aren’t you?” He chuckled once the surprise faded away, easily manhandling me onto my stomach, the sound of a zipper being opened denouncing that he had undressed.

“Keep fucking me and you’ll find out.” I heard him spitting behind me, a shiver running up my spine as I realized he was playing with himself while looking at me presenting for him.

“Oh, I’ll do much better than that.” That was all the warning I got before I felt the head of his member poking my entrance, slowly but surely sliding in until he had bottomed out.

My whines became intensified when he pulled me up by my hair, his free hand covering my breast to rub my nipple as he whispered, “I’m gonna claim you, sweetheart. You think you’re ready for that? Think you’ll be able to take it?”

I was quickly realizing I had severely underestimated the man inside of me, even if not to the extent he thought I had. I was not ready for that. I don’t think I ever would be, but fuck if I wasn’t gonna take it anyway.

Because it was so much better than I ever imagined it to be.

“No more playing hard-to-get,” Bucky continued, finally starting to move and immediately settling on a punishing pace. “No more teasing me with your short skirts and tempting scent. You’ll be mine now, ‘mega. Forever. How does that sound?”

God, I wanted him to do it. I wanted him to keep exercising this complete control over my body that he had so easily managed to take. His cock was stretching me in ways I’d never been stretched before, his inflated knot slamming against my opening with each thrust.

“Always mocking me… Am I too old for you now?” I shivered as he licked a stripe up my neck. I knew he wouldn’t actually bite me in front of everyone - a claiming ritual was a sacred ritual, even the most feral of Alphas respected the intimacy of that. But the way he was taunting me was all too arousing, I couldn’t deny it. “Tell me.”

His hand squeezed my hip, looking for an answer. I tried to open my mouth, but nothing came out. His palm slipped further down, finding my clit, and as two fingers rubbed my own juices, around it, I screamed.

“N-No!” Bucky chuckled against my neck, body continuing his onslaught against mine as he nuzzled my scent gland. “Y-you’re not too old for me. Take me, take me please.” His coos were too provoking, making me cry out loud at the mocking sound.

“Aw, kitten…” His warm mouth breathed the next words against my ear, “I already did.” He turned my face towards his with his fingers tangled in my hair, engulfing my mouth with his.

“Alright.” A familiar voice spoke from not too far, startling me for a second as I once again was reminded that we were still very much surrounded by our team. “You two might just be the sexiest mates I’ve ever seen fuck.”

A growl escaped Bucky’s chest at hearing someone refer to us as mates for the first time, and I panted in need, desperate to cum, desperate for him. “Seen a lot of mates fuck, Romanoff?” He nibbled at my ear, hands roaming over my body as if to make it very clear to every person watching that they could look all they wanted, I was still his.

“You have no idea.” Looking over a bit to the side from where she was seated, there rested Sam’s almost limp body, a hand curled over his boner as his eyes never wavered from the place I was connected to the man behind me.

“Well, I know what I’m gonna think about tonight.” Something between a laugh and a moan escaped me, making Bucky growl again, hands pushing me back down onto the couch as his hips picked up the pace with which they’d ruin me.

To say I was soaked was the understatement of the century. I could feel it, running down my thighs, drenching the couch underneath me. I don’t know how we’d be able to use it again, but that was the least of my concerns in the moment.

“I am begging you to let me lick her pussy after you guys are done,” came Tony’s voice, and I knew Bucky would growl in his direction just from the way his fingers pressed tightly on the flesh of my hips. “Not that type of Alpha, sorry, I got it.”

I heard his footsteps retreating quickly, probably scared of what Bucky would do to him once we were done, but in the Alpha’s defense, Tony seemed to disappear from his mind the second he left the room, all of his senses directed to me and his goal of making me cum around his cock.

“C’mon, kitten,” he whispered, fingers easily locating my clit to play with me as he pulled me up to rest against his chest one more. “Come for me, milk me dry.” That was all I needed to give him what he wanted, and although I was anticipating to moan loudly as I creamed his knot, his mouth covered mine to swallow all of my sounds in a deep kiss, hands protectively covering me while pawing at my breasts at the same time.

“Steve,” Bucky called after he managed to catch his breath, having fallen on top of me on the couch once his knot popped open. “I won’t be able to work out with you today.”

I looked up as best as I could to find Steve already staring at us, although red from head to toe. “That’s understandable,” he spoke in a thick, rough voice that I barely recognized as his. “You seem to have worked out enough already.”

Bucky stopped running his nose against my cheek at his friend’s attempt at teasing, a slow smirk taking over his face as he joined me and stared at his friend. “Oh, I’m not nearly done,” he warned. “You’re more than welcome to join us for some cardio, if you want to.”

The soft smile Steve sent our way told us everything we needed to know about his plans for the evening.

[readyplayerhobi]

Little Wolf, Pretty Wolf, Your Wolf

; Omega!Jungkook x Alpha!Reader

; Genre: Fluff, smut, angst

; Word Count: 22.3k

; Warnings: Stereotyping, blowjob, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, knotting, sub!Jungkook, dom!reader, impregnation kink

; Synopsis: An Alpha wolf is supposed to be strong, powerful and bold. A commandeering presence that can rule a pack efficiently. An Omega is supposed to be submissive, quiet and meek. A calming influence and a lucky charm for a pack. But you’re not like a normal Alpha wolf. Just like Jungkook is not a normal Omega wolf.

; A/N: I’m very unsure over this story. We’ve been having troubles but I finally got it finished and out! It’s half proof read...I hope you enjoy. If you do, please reblog and leave me comments, feedback or reviews! Or send in an ask, I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions :)

-

“Now, what you need to remember is that the Ancient Greek’s weren’t one nation like how we think of them today. They were a collection of city states which were called polis back then. In their times, this was considered a nation on it’s own like the Vatican City or Singapore is today. You might realise that polis is actually still used today in words such as metropolis, which basically means ‘mother city’ as it comes from the Greek word for mother, necropolis which translates to city of the dead basically and so forth.

“The notion of ‘nation’ as we understand it is actually a relatively new concept that has only emerged in the last few centuries so trying to discuss things like a ‘nation’ or a ‘nationality’ is hard. Particularly when we’re talking about ancient civilisations.” You carry on talking, hands gesturing to the interactive whiteboard behind you that currently shows a map of Ancient Greece.

Your students are watching intently, some nodding slightly while a few of them jot down notes in their exercise books or read from their textbook. History was one of those topics that many people found boring but it had always inspired a fire inside you. The desire to learn from the past and incorporate it into the future was strong. Over the course of your own education, you’d also felt it was important to teach and mould the minds of the young with the lessons of the past.

It was why you’d gone into the teaching career, despite the concerns of your parents and everyone around you. Alpha’s like you simply didn’t go into teaching, the aura of power and dominance around them normally too strong for youngsters to cope with.

But you’ve always been a little different to the other Alpha’s you’d known throughout your life. Your wolf was always present and willing to protect when necessary but mostly she was content to lay back and watch the world. While most Alpha wolves were tall and extremely well muscled, a genetic quirk that gave them a visual representation of strength along with the metaphysical one that all wolves could understand, you were of average height and just looked in shape.

Your scent was sweet and pleasant to be around, according to your friends growing up you smelled like the tastiest candy with the slightest hint of rose. That on it’s own was unusual because Alpha’s were supposed to smell like...well an Alpha, power with that hint of earth that reminded everyone of the forest. Instead, you just smelled like a candy shop.

While great for the Delta’s, the general population that made up most packs, or Omega’s, the rarest and most treasured of all wolves, it wasn’t really great for an Alpha. You were the equivalent of a teddy bear instead of a grizzly, which didn’t really mix well with people's expectations.

On the plus side though, it meant that you were excellent at getting through to people because they listened to you first and only if you needed to would you show the aggressive and dominant side of yourself. You may not look or smell like an Alpha, but you were still an Alpha and you liked to make sure some people remembered that.

A sudden movement out of the window in the door to the corridor catches your attention and you continue to speak, only looking in that direction for a moment. The mop of silver hair on the lithe wolf standing outside tells you immediately who it is and you stifle a smile, glancing over at the clock and noting the bell is about to go.

“Okay class, it’s time to end. I want you all to read this chapter and then write a one page essay on any Ancient Greek city state. I want you to try and be creative though, don’t all do Athens and Sparta. There’s plenty out there.” Smiling at them, you watch as they begin to put their stuff away into their bags when the shrill ring of the bell causes you to wince slightly.

You always hated how loud they put it, but you guessed that was the whole point. 

Once everyone has left the classroom, a few of them running to catch the bus that was waiting for them outside, you lean back against the table and let out a deep sigh. That silver mop of hair darts through the door just before it closes and grins at you broadly, his eyes almost disappearing as the roundness of his cheeks takes over.

“Ahh Ancient Greece...your favourite topic.” Jimin says cheerfully, moving over to give you a quick side hug before standing back and looking around. Your big brother was taller than you, though not as tall as any Alpha got. He was a Beta though, so just below you in the pack social hierarchy. He used his height to his advantage in any arguments you had though.

Smiling at him, you nod as you begin to clean up the classroom that teenagers have made messy throughout the day. There’s a whole stack of papers on your desk that need to be taken home and marked, plus a whole new lesson plan to come up with for next week. For now though, you’d just focus on this and be thankful it was the weekend.

Jimin begins to help you, moving through the desks and placing the chairs on top of the tables carefully. He’d come straight from one of his jobs and so is still wearing the oh so stylish black work trousers that have a billion different pockets sewn into them, some of them still filled with items from wherever he’d been. A plain black polo, covered in a few stains from whatever he’d been doing has the logo of his company on the left side.

Your big brother had always been good with his hands and he’d developed a love of manual work when you were younger. Everyone in your family had thought that he’d become a mechanic or something, but he’d surprised you all by becoming a plumber of all things. But he seemed to enjoy it and he’d founded his own company last year, enabling him to take on jobs at his own pace while also taking on another plumber along with an apprentice.

“Have they called about your car?” He asks absentmindedly, throwing the trash that he’d found on the floor into the bin before moving over to wipe your whiteboard clean. You’re putting away some of the books that you’d used earlier in the day before storing the printouts you’d made but you give him a quick nod.

“Yeah, it’s all done. Are you okay to drop me at the garage so I can grab it?” Jimin smiles and nods, giving you a thumbs up as well before hopping up onto your desk. His hands drop between his legs while his feet dangle happily as he watches you.

“That’s fine. I can take you there and then go get some pizza if you want? The job today will pay well and they’ve already signed up to be a repeat customer. Which is exactly what I want as it’s a chain of businesses!” He says excitedly, wiggling in place and you grin at him.

“Awww, that’s so good. Congrats. Told you that you’d do well.” Turning back to the little bookcase you keep in your classroom, you place the final book into its place before standing back and moving over to him. Jimin has that look on his face now and you sigh, knowing where he’s going to go with this already.

“Yeah, I’m doing well. And I think you’re going to do well in the elections too. You just need to actually...get out there and talk to people in the pack. They know of you, but most of them don’t really know you, know you? I mean...you work out here in the city so there’s not really any reason for anyone to get to know you well.” Jimin points out, leaning back on one arm and raising a brow at you.

Sighing again, you look over at him before chewing your lip. “I grew up there and I live there again. How is it that people don’t know me? They’ve known me my whole life. I’m only really doing this because you’re adamant on it and think I’ll have a chance, which I think is stupid by the way.”

The pack leadership elections were going to be in less than a year and the candidates had already put their name forward for consideration a month ago. You’d been one of those to enter your name and had been confirmed as a potential candidate only a week ago.

Unsurprisingly, only Alpha’s could enter the pack leadership contests because Alpha’s had the required inherent characteristics that allowed them to lead. They needed to be strong enough to cope with everyone’s demands, empathetic enough to listen to people, diplomatic enough to make decisions about people’s problems and tough enough to defend the pack if necessary.

You didn’t think you really had the required skills given your unusual nature, but Jimin thought you’d make a good leader. Family and friends had thrown their weight behind you too and so you’d found yourself submitting your name, wondering what on earth you were doing.

The idea of you being the Pack Alpha was ridiculous, but you knew that you were going to receive a lot of stigma and hate because of your differences to a regular Alpha. On top of that, there had also been the creeping misogyny that had been spreading throughout the wolf world in recent decades, in direct contrast to the humans, which meant that many of the old schoolers in the pack were beginning to look down on a female Alpha.

It was all bullshit and everyone knew it. That was actually one of the reasons you’d gone along with it, because if you somehow did win then you’d love to be able to rub it into all of their sexist noses that you’d beaten their little boys. Petty? Yes. But you had to do what you had to do.

“Yeah, you grew up there. And we both live there. But you also went to the other side of the country for five years to go to college. They remember the baby Y/N, the teenage Y/N. Most of the folk in town don’t even recognise you. It’s only when they scent you that they realise it’s you. You went away and became all cultured with the university elites, became friends with other wolf packs and even other shifters. Most of the people in our pack have never seen another shifter breed or even left the state. They don’t know you anymore and you need to show them.” The look on your brother’s face is incredibly serious and you let out a groan that ends in a whine.

It’s very unbecoming for an Alpha but you don’t care. The idea of having to ingratiate yourself with a lot of people who would likely laugh at you for the very idea of thinking you could be Pack Alpha makes you want to throw something. But you know he’s right.

Jimin’s always right, unfortunately.

“Fine. Fine. What do I do? Go and knock on everyone’s doors? Hold a party? A meet and greet? Come, meet the pack’s weird Alpha and vote for her to your leader!” You make an overly exaggerated gesture as you talk, walking towards him and he rolls his eyes in response.

“Just...become a bigger part of society. Join some of the groups, come with us on pack hunts or runs. It’s easy. I don’t get hugely involved but everyone still knows who I am. I swear, you’ll be able to do it. And if you get to be our Pack Alpha, then you can start to make all those changes that you rant to me about regularly.” He shifts off the table at that, stretching his arms back until you can see the toned muscles of his abdomen.

Reaching out, you poke at them hard and he lets out a soft whine as he recoils forwards, arm covering himself before pouting at you. You grin and ruffle his hair, leading to even more complaints before he escapes your grasp.

“Those aren’t rants! They’re issues that need to get sorted out! I mean...you know that I thought this place was a little backwards when we were growing up here but moving away and coming back? God, you wouldn’t believe it.” Jimin grabs your bag from beneath your desk, placing it onto your desk before carefully putting your stuff into it.

You don’t go to stop him or anything, you trust Jimin with your personal belongings. The two of you live together in an apartment in the town you’d both grown up in, the ancestral homeland of your pack. It was partly to save on money for rent and utilities and partly just because you both liked being around each other.

Unlike other families in your pack where having four or more kids was normal, your parents had only been able to have you and Jimin. And it had taken six years for you to come into the world after Jimin. So despite the age difference, you were both close and adored each other.

“I do believe it. Because you tell me it’s true and I know you wouldn’t lie to me. Plus, you know I think there’s a lot of people in our pack that need to come into the 21st century. Some of them make me think they don’t even know what electricity is. And this is all why I think you’d make the best leader for us. Someone to modernise us finally and stop making us just look like the little backwater pack still stuck in the 18th century. I know we can do it, we have good wolves in our pack and there’s probably a lot who think like us but just don’t want to rock the boat.” Handing you your bag, he waits out in the corridor as you do a final sweep before turning off the lights and leaving.

“Yeah...you’re right. God yeah, you’re right about it. I’m trying to teach my kids here about the mistakes that were made in the past so that they know not to repeat them but I should try more with our pack too. And then...then I can make sure that our kids learn better and how to be better right?” Jimin grins broadly and hugs you to him, kissing your forehead sweetly tickling your sides until you growl gently.

“Yep. So...Operation Leader is a go.”

-

Humming lightly, you looked over the basket of potatoes that was on display in your local supermarket. It was your turn to do the grocery shopping, which was why you were stocking up on all the vegetables that Jimin turned his nose up at half the time. Sometimes you felt like you were living with a child but he always ate them eventually.

Tonight you were going to make lasagne and garlic bread, one of Jimin’s favourite meals. It was incredibly easy to make and you’d found yourself craving it as well, realising it had been a month or so since you’d last had it. And given Jimin was going to be home tonight, you’d decided it was time to make the cheesiest lasagne possible.

You might even indulge and make the garlic bread cheesy too. It was more than an indulgence really, because you would happily cover it all in cheese until it made you sick. Jimin wasn’t a huge fan of it though, so you knew that you’d have to limit it.

Picking up a tomato, you squeeze it experimentally to see how fresh it is before nodding and placing it inside the little net bag you’d brought for the vegetables. Fresh herbs go in as well and you get enough vegetables to make a hearty stew tomorrow, figuring that if you make a big enough pot then you can freeze some for the future and let both Jimin and you take some for lunch at work.

It’s only when you walk towards the dairy aisle, intent on grabbing a bottle of milk and deciding upon which cheese to liberally accentuate your lasagne and garlic bread with, that you accidentally knock into someone. A small ‘oof’ leaves your mouth as you wobble slightly, dropping the bag of prunes that you’d grabbed as you’d passed the end of the fruit aisle.

“I’m so sor-” You paused, brow creasing as a delicious scent fills your nose. Inhaling deeply, you take it in with wide eyes as your inner wolf growls lowly, her instincts immediately roused to life by the smell. Omega, she rumbles to you and you immediately get the biggest urge to press yourself to this newcomer.

The reaction from you isn’t surprising, given what you know of Omega’s. You’d never encountered one before, not until now, but everyone grows up learning of Omega’s. They were the rarest kind of wolf and a pack with an Omega present was considered to be exceptionally lucky.

Due to their rareness, an Omega was often treasured and deeply adored by the rest of the pack. They were to be protected at all costs, with the entire pack often banding together to ensure that they were okay. The reason for this was that Omega’s were considered to be the most submissive in a pack, naturally weak and timid along with being passive. It was a pack’s duty therefore to protect their Omega.

So you were beyond surprised that you’d encountered one in the supermarket of all places.

Shifting backwards slightly, you turn and pick up the packet of prunes before grabbing the tin of tomato soup that’s rolling your way. Standing back up, you hold out the tin to the Omega before pausing, your eyes going even wider as you look up.

He’s taller than you, a lot taller when combining what must be his natural height with the thick sole of what look like combat style boots. And he’s broad, his shoulders wide and accentuated by the black leather jacket he’s wearing, the silver embellishments of the buttons shining in the light.

Skinny jeans in black adorn his thighs and you can’t help the way your eyes drag over them, in awe of how...tight his jeans are. Especially when combined with the fact that this Omega evidently does some serious workouts given how thick and muscular his thighs are. In fact, how muscular everything looks.

His white shirt doesn’t give much away to you, but you have no doubt that if his legs look like that then the rest of him must look quite similar. Long, wavy hair is messed around his face, the strands wild and dark as they cover part of his eyes.

And it’s here that you discover the only part of him that looks like what you’d imagined an Omega would look like. Because right now, they’re wide open with shock and you freeze at the sight of them, the inner instincts that have been bred into you over centuries roaring to the fore and telling you to protect.

His eyes are filled with innocence and a tiny hint of fear, almost as if he’s afraid of what you might do. To any onlooker, that might look comical given how tiny you look in comparison to him. But his scent gives away the difference, because despite how...non-Omega he looks...he is still an Omega.

Which means if you wanted to, you could make him bow at your feet in submission as you forced a wave of dominance towards him. It wasn’t something you liked doing as it often felt like an assault on the receiver and you felt gross doing it. Some Alpha’s abused their ability, finding it amusing to lord their status over others.

But you only used it how it was meant to be used. When you were faced with someone who was refusing to follow the rules and putting others at risk. It was the only time you felt was acceptable to use that power, in order to save others.

So the fact he was looking at you like that made you pause, confusion making you hesitate as you wondered if maybe he thought you were going to force him to do something. And you realised that he’d probably be right if he’d met anyone else. There were plenty of asshole Alpha’s that you knew that would be pleased to play with an Omega, despite the reverence that a pack held for them.

Gesturing towards him with the tin, you give him a sweet smile as he takes it from you carefully, the way his fingers carefully avoid yours almost comical. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you or I would’ve moved out of the way.”

He doesn’t answer, his brow creasing in confusion as his eyes scan over you. You can’t help but watch those eyes in complete fascination, they’re so naturally big and you feel a strong urge to protect him. Not because he’s an Omega, but purely because he looks like someone with an innate curiosity that you don’t want to see die.

His nose twitches ever so slightly as he inhales deeply before speaking. “Why do you smell like that?”

You know what he means. An Alpha is supposed to smell earthy and musky, to remind a wolf of their forest homelands from centuries ago. It inspires confidence and trust, yet you smell sweet and gentle. Jimin said that you often smelled like he’d walked into a candy store.

This Omega though, he smells like an Alpha should. His strong scent is so reminiscent of the pine trees that grow in the forests around the town you’d grown up in, the only reason you know he’s an Omega is that genetic knowledge that distinguishes that part of his scent that’s different. It amuses you that you’ve found someone as contradictory in their nature as you.

“Why do you smell like that?” You counter, lips quirked up on one side in amusement as you tilt your head to look him over once more. A true contradiction of everything. Now you can understand why people find it hard to understand you.

He doesn’t respond, just stares at you with that same confusion that everyone always gives you. Only it seems a little stronger now, causing you to laugh slightly as you shake your head. “Well, it was nice to meet you, but I really have to finish my shopping and go. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.”

Turning away from him, you continue onto the dairy aisle as you ponder what you’ve just said. You’re naturally nice as an Alpha, always polite and helpful to anyone who asks it. As someone running for the pack leadership, you’d resolved to be even more helpful from now on in order to try and help. Jimin had said it was a good idea, and you’d long ago discovered that it was easier to just go along with whatever he says instead of questioning it.

Questioning it would just lead to him whining.

But you’d felt the need to be extra nice to the Omega, almost as if to prove that you were not like other Alpha’s. Which was ridiculous, because why on earth would you care to prove that? You’d never even seen the Omega before, and you doubted that you’d see him again. They were so rare that you doubted it would be long before some Alpha snapped him up as a mate.

Pursing your lips, you hum to yourself in thought before shrugging and carrying on. You’d discuss this more with Jimin later. No doubt your brother would be fascinated to find out what you’d discovered today.

-

Jimin turns up in the kitchen within two minutes of you getting home, his curious expression ever so familiar as he tries to peer into all the bags. You don’t know why he’s so interested as he knows that you always buy the healthier food compared to him. Whether or not his card has ever seen a vegetable remains a mystery known only to him and the universe.

“Oooh, lasagne?” He says excitedly as you pull out the familiar items that make up his favourite meal. Grinning at him as you place the perishable items into the fridge and begin organising everything else, you nod.

“Yeah, I thought it’d be nice to have since you’re home tonight. I’m gonna try and make it so that I make one side be overloaded with cheese while the other side is more normal for you.” Your stomach gurgles at the thought and Jimin snorts in amusement, taking one of the apples that you’d bought and biting into it eagerly.

He may not be fond of vegetables, but you knew that he loved fruit.

“I fully expect you to make a mac n cheese lasagne one day. No meat or anything.” Jimin says, sitting down at the table as he watches you finish putting everything away before you turn on the oven to preheat.

Your nose wrinkles at his words and you shake your head in response, taking the minced beef out of its packet and into a saucepan before turning on the hob. Waiting for it to heat up so you can brown the minced meat, you turn to making the sauce for the lasagne.

“No way. I may love cheese but that’s because it can make the lasagne go all lovely and crispy. Mmm. I do enjoy the meat too.” Lips pursing, you take the juicy tomatoes that you’d bought to make the sauce and look at it for a moment, memory suddenly sparking.

“Hey Jimin...when I was at the supermarket...I bumped into an Omega there? It was really weird, I didn’t even think the pack had an Omega or anything. But like...he didn’t smell like one properly, nor did he look like what I imagined an Omega would.” The tone of your voice is wondering and Jimin can tell that you’re going through scenarios in your head.

He lets out a long noise as he considers for a moment before making a small ‘ahh’ sound. “That was probably Jeon Jungkook. You remember him? Or...remember of him?”

Nodding slowly, you frown as you try to think back to when you’d been younger and you’d heard of the stories of him.

“Yeah but I thought he, like, never left his house. Weren’t his parents super overprotective of him? He got homeschooled and everything right?” Jimin shrugs in response, biting into his apple once more and chewing carefully.

“He did. I think they did it so he wouldn’t get bugged by any Alpha’s or anything. I mean...your reaction right now is telling me that was probably a good reason and you’re one of the best Alpha’s I know. But he’s spent the last year living on his own, away from his parents. I think he’s trying to gain more independence and experience the world in a safer way or something. I see him occasionally around town. Not really what you expect of an Omega, huh?” That makes you laugh as you nod.

“The man is built like a truck. Honestly, I think he could probably take on most Alpha’s and win. He didn’t say much to me. He bumped into me and I gave him back his soup. In fact, all he said to me was ‘why do you smell like that?’ to which I asked him the same thing. He smells like an Alpha should smell, only with the overlay of Omega. He was very brusque, almost confrontational.” You ponder that as you turn the meat over, evenly browning it all before setting a second saucepan on the hob.

“Well, that’s understandable. I mean...he gets accosted by a lot of the Alpha’s and Beta’s who see him around town. The whole stereotype of Omega’s means that they think they can basically bully him into hanging out with them or...doing stuff with him. I think he’s probably been given a ridiculous number of mating requests and he’s turned them all down. Despite what many wolves think, apparently Omega’s are not as submissive as they’re stereotyped to be.” His voice gets light at that and you can practically hear the irony in it, knowing that Jimin probably severely disapproves of how Jungkook is treated.

It makes sense though, he’s grown up seeing how people have mistreated you because of how you don't adhere to the stereotypes of a traditional Alpha. Hearing that about Jungkook makes you feel angry though, almost resentful of everyone else in the pack who make Jungkook’s very existence a likely chore to him.

“Well that’s just rude. He’s still a person, a wolf with his own mind and abilities. Why are they so mean to him? I mean...I’m the least Alpha you’ve ever seen but it doesn’t mean I’m not an Alpha, you know? This is what I mean I say the pack is so ridiculous and outdated! It’s just gross. Why are they so bigoted and small minded? There’s no one way to be an Alpha and there’s no one way to be an Omega. Jungkook and I both show that. There’s nothing wrong either of us.” You say vehemently, grip tightening on the large plastic spoon in your hand.

Your argument makes Jimin laugh lightly, causing you to glare at him until he holds his hands up in defence, one hand holding an apple core. “Hey, hey. I agree. I fully support Jungkook being an ass to everyone if they’re being an ass to him in turn. See, this is why you need to win the leadership! So that then everyone can see how stupid they’re all being and backwards!”

That makes you groan loudly, eyes rolling to the ceiling as your head tilts back. You don’t even look over at Jimin as he deposits the core into the bin and makes his way over to the door frame. Your defeated expression makes him chuckle though.

“Jimin, I swear, every conversation with you better not end with you bugging me about this stupid fucking leadership competition. If it does, I promise that I stick this spoon up your damn ass.” You threaten, lifting the spoon threateningly as he laughs even louder.

-

Licking the ice cream that remains on top of the cone you’d bought, you let out a little happy noise before grinning over at Sana. She’s eating her own ice cream, only she’s already onto the cone now and you snort in amusement. Salted caramel was her downfall and you’d known immediately which flavour she was going to pick when you’d both headed into the small, family owned ice cream parlour in town.

It had been years since you’d been in there, long before you’d headed off to college and part of you had been surprised that it was still going. Mainly because it seemed that in this day and age, a lot of smaller stores like this seemed to die off as bigger conglomerates took over.

There was a Baskin Robbins just on the outskirts of town so it was impressive to see just how busy and popular the old ‘50s themed parlour still was. And also kind of nice, to see people still doing well in the pack while the pack supported them in turn.

They’d upped their game since you’d left though and now offered a ridiculously large range of flavours to match the national chain that had opened up while also expanding their range of milkshakes and smoothies in turn. And that was to say nothing of the cakes, cookies and other baked delights they’d invented.

Sana swore that it was the best place in town when you’d agreed to meet up with her today, praising it to the heavens. You were both just going to chill out and do a little shopping in the smaller, more boutique stores that your town had to offer while catching up on everything.

She was your best friend from childhood and when you’d gone off to college, she’d chosen to stay behind to attend the college in the closest city. It had allowed her to attain her degree in law and she was now working towards the bar, while interning at the only law firm in town. Quite obviously, it specialised in wolf law and inter-species relations and Sana had been determined to be a part of the law network around here.

Understandable, given her mother was a human and her father a Beta wolf. Their relationship hadn’t been entirely well received by the pack, yet another reason you felt spurred on to enter the leadership contest as it was another example of the pack being outdated. Human-wolf relations were completely normal when you’d been in college, the city you’d been living in cosmopolitan and liberal.

Perhaps it was too much of you to expect your small town to be more open, but you were determined to try. For wolves like you, Sana and Jungkook.

Bumping into her gently, you smile softly before taking the final lick of what remained of the ice cream in your cone. You’d picked your old favourite, chocolate chip mint, and had enjoyed every bit of it.

“Mmm, this was a good choice. It tastes even better than when I last went there.” Sana grins brightly, her face lighting up with happiness at the combination of the ice cream and just being with you again. It felt good to hang out with her and you were determined to spend more time with her now that you were living here once more.

“I know right? I mean, it was good five years ago but that Baskin Robbins has really made them up their game. Along with the general like for more flavours now. And thank goodness they decided to invest in learning how to make a salted caramel flavour because I swear, I go here once a week for this stuff.” She sighs dreamily before eating the last bit of her cone, licking her fingers in an attempt to make sure she got all the flavour before pouting dramatically.

Chuckling, you carefully bite your own cone before licking at the remnants of mint ice cream that cling to the inside. “Do they sell tubs? They should, it’d be a good business venture. They could even stock them in the stores here. People would buy it.”

Immediately, Sana’s eyes go wide with excitement as her jaw drops.

“Oh my god, yes they should! Why have they never thought of that? That's the best idea ever. We need to suggest it to them, they have a suggestion box and I would like to have my entire freezer filled with delicious salted caramel ice cream. Oooh, and the cookies and cream. And the pecan ice cream! Oh, and the pistachio!” Snorting, you shake your head as you finish your own cone and push her arm lightly in amusement.

“It’s a good thing you’re a wolf with a wolf’s metabolism because I don’t know how you’d keep that figure otherwise. Honestly. Does your fridge or pantry even have any food that doesn’t contain sugar?” You tease her gently, smiling as she scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“Of course. There’s water. That’s the perfect remedy for when I’ve indulged in too much wine.” Amused, you look away from her to the window of the store you’re both passing. Sana hadn’t changed much since you were both eighteen and you were thankful for it. She was still the happy, bubbly girl you’d been friends with for years, only now she has a veneer of adulthood about her.

Hopefully you were the same.

“You know, I can see why Jimin started dating you. You both have the eating habits of a five-year-old. If it wasn’t for me, I’m not sure Jimin would even know what a vegetable looks like. And I mean any vegetable.” That gets Sana smiling as you mention your big brother, and her boyfriend of two years.

The two of them had started dating in your final year of college. It hadn’t been too surprising as you’d known that Sana always had a little crush on Jimin but you’d been surprised that Jimin had reciprocated it. He’d always been steadfastly avoidant of anything that could potentially encourage a crush with your friends when growing up, which you’d definitely appreciated.

But apparently they’d come across each other a few times in your small town and one thing had led to another. They weren’t mated yet or anything, but you had a sneaking suspicion that it was only a matter of time. Jimin never did anything quickly, always taking his time to be as sure as possible before doing anything. It’s what made him a good plumber with a 100% success rate.

You had no doubt that Sana probably appreciated it as well, as being mated would mean they would have a higher chance of creating pups. And you knew damn well that Sana had big dreams for her career before starting a family. Not that she wouldn’t welcome them into her life, but you were pleased that they were both taking things slowly still.

“I don’t know, I’ve seen him with a cucumber before.” Frowning, you look away from the display of the latest book releases and over at her. You were about to ask her a question when you recognised the sly look of mischief on her face and you gagged loudly, turning away and back to the display.

In the window, you could see your expression of pure disgust. “Sana. That is my brother! I do not want to...oh god, ew. Ewwww.”

Sana’s high pitched giggle takes over as she enters the bookstore, her pure amusement at your horror causing you to smile despite the gross image you’d just had ingrained in your mind. That was the last time you were ever buying cucumber for the apartment.

The scent of fresh books welcomes as you enter the store and you instantly relax, closing your eyes to take a deep inhale. You’d always loved books and reading, it had been a strong passion of yours which was why you’d taken a dual subject degree; English literature and history. Your master’s degree had been in teaching, meaning that you were qualified to teach both English and history in the school you worked at.

Books were one of the most important things in the world to you as they not only informed and passed on the knowledge that people had gained over the centuries, even millennia, but they also opened up entirely new worlds to positively millions of people around the world. There was no world too big when it came to books and you felt passionately about encouraging everyone to read and indulge, whether they loved a bodice ripping romance or the autobiography of a popular sports star.

Sana tugged at your arm as she directed you towards the shelves of the popular novels, both of you scanning over them quietly. Reading had been a passion of you both and your parents had always been amused to sometimes come into your room when you were younger to find you both reading separately, the only thing making any noise was the stereo that played your favourite songs.

“You heard of anything good coming out?” You ask idly, crouching down to examine the history section and pursing your lips when you see an interesting book on the history of Ancient Mesopotamia. Flipping it over, you read the blurb intently before standing with it firmly in your hand.

“Not really, I think I’m just in the mood for something really light though. Easy to pick up and read for ten minutes or so at night.” She says, pulling out a copy of Neil Gaiman’s American Gods. You take in the cover before laughing and taking it from her, putting it back in its place. 

“That is not the book you want then. Trust me, you have to read that book like, twice, to even understand what happened. Hmm...I’d recommend this, I have read it and it’s got a few sequels so you’ll be able to sink your teeth into it.” You hand her a copy of The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski. “It’s a series called The Witcher, they made some games from it and there’s a Netflix show out too. You’ll enjoy it.”

Sana makes an interested noise and reads over the back before nodding in approval, giving you a smile of thanks before wandering off to her favourite genre section of the store. She’d always been a sucker for the fiction books with a particular love of crime and thriller. No surprise really, given her career choice.

Smiling, you make your own way over to the non-fiction section. You would read anything but you really enjoyed your history, autobiographies or memoirs. Tilting your head, you scan over the titles carefully before pulling out a book called Educated by Tara Westover. It only takes a quick scan over the blurb to see that it’s something that interests you and you add it to your small pile before continuing to look.

“Are you stalking me or something?” Comes a deep voice to your right, the sound so low and unexpected that you jolt in surprise, a hand coming to rest on your chest as a noise leaves you. It’s probably not a very Alpha-like response but honestly, what did he expect when jumping up on you like that? He was lucky you hadn’t responded the other way and tried to rip his throat out.

Turning quickly, you go to snap at the intruder and pause, eyes having to scan upwards to meet him. You’re so surprised at who it is that you take a step backwards, any irritance you might have had vanishing as you take in the sight of Jeon Jungkook standing before you.

Today, he’s got an oversized black hoodie covering his entire torso while black cargo pants adorn his legs, the numerous pockets looking empty and meeting the same boots he’d been wearing the other week. You take all of that in within seconds, brows narrowing inwards as you try to understand how you’ve come across him again.

“I’m not stalking you. I’m buying books. What does it look like I’m doing?” The words fall from your lips before you even run through them mentally, causing them to come out simultaneously belligerent and confused. 

Jungkook’s beautiful eyes narrow slightly at you and his free hand pushes his hair out of his face, his surprisingly soft looking lips going particularly pouty. You take the moment to admire how clear his skin looks, the crappy lighting of the store making him probably look worse than he actually does. Which is impressive, because he already looks monumentally handsome.

“Well I don’t know. Wouldn’t be the first time an Alpha stalked me.” He grumbles, glaring at you before turning to face the bookcase. It’s almost with amusement that you note he doesn’t even look at the spine of the book he grabs, instead just pulling it out immediately.

Brow rising, you bit your lip to try and stop your smile. “So...got an interest in the history of sex hmm? Not really something I’d try and teach my students but it’s always good to have more information.”

You can’t help it, not when you see the obscenely large pink text that clearly states ‘A Curious History of Sex’ on the front cover. Of all the books he could’ve picked out, he managed to grab that one. And you think he’s probably mentally thinking that too by the way his cheeks flush the prettiest pink, even his ears going red with heat as he lets out a sigh and quickly shoves it back into place.

“Shut up,” The growl he gives is actually kind of impressive. “Of all the fucking books. Of course you picked out a sex book with an Alpha next to you.” He mutters quietly to himself, rolling his eyes and actually taking the time to read the spines this time. You’re kind of impressed that he gave you an order, particularly given the unfortunate stereotype of Omega’s. Evidently, there were a lot of things that were exaggerated.

Silence falls between you both and you sigh this time, eyeing him out of the corner of your eye. His raised shoulders indicate that he clearly wants nothing to do with you, but you feel a deep and innate need to say something to him.

“Hey...Jungkook. I know you probably don’t want to talk to me and I swear I’ll leave after this. Or at least...go to another part of the store. First of all, I know your name because my brother told me about you. I’ve not been in town for a few years. And second of all...I know it’s probably not much but...I’m really sorry about how you’ve probably been treated over the years. As you can probably tell, I’m not really like other Alpha’s so I’ve been on the receiving end of some negative treatment too and I know how cruel wolves can be. I just...I’m sorry for anyone who has stereotyped you and felt they had some right to you as a result. It’s probably not a lot but I hate that you felt the need to say that to me.” 

Taking a deep breath, you give him a hesitant smile before carefully stepping away from him. It was probably pointless that you’d done that, and he would probably laugh at your idiotic behaviour lately. You knew Jimin sure would. Why the hell would Jungkook care if one Alpha apologised for the bad treatment he’s received for years? Particularly given you’re the least Alpha-like wolf out there.

But Jungkook is staring at you intently, his eyes narrow not in anger or suspicion but careful thought. His lips purse slightly before he licks them, his body posture loosening up slightly as he relaxes a little.

“You’re not like other Alpha’s are you? I mean, besides from the whole being tiny and smelling sweet thing,” He gestures to all of you at that, causing you to give a smile of amusement to let him know you’ve taken no offence. “You’re the first Alpha that’s ever apologised to me. For anything really, and you haven’t even done anything to warrant the apology.”

Chewing on your lip, you play the books in your hands before shrugging at him.

“Yeah well, no one ever apologised to me for all the comments they’ve made over the years. Not sure if I’d like to accept one either but I at least like the thought of someone trying to apologise. Won’t help everything that’s happened but it’s a start, you know?” You offer the words to him gently, hoping that he’ll understand why you felt the need to apologise to him.

He was right, in that you hadn’t done anything to offend him so far. You hadn’t said anything rude or negative to him, you hadn’t stalked or pursued him. In fact, the very idea of it was absolutely abhorrent. Sure, he smelled delicious and you had the biggest urge to press yourself to him and preen but you wouldn’t do it. You were an Alpha, and Alpha’s were supposed to have the best control.

Jungkook pauses slightly before nodding, running his hand through his hair once more. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Does feel a little nice to get some form of apology I guess. But you didn’t need to. You’re the first Alpha to not try to bully me into submitting to them or obeying them. I’ve even had a few try to force me into sex. In fact, I think the only time I’ve ever smelled your dominance was when I just scared you. And that was my fault, so I’m sorry.”

Grinning, you nod your head at him in acceptance and casually reach to the bookcase, grabbing a book about the history of the British SAS and adding it to your pile. You don’t even need to read the blurb, already knowing that you’d enjoy it and Jungkook eyes your books curiously.

“I don’t like making people submit to me if they don’t want to. It’s cruel and demeaning. We only have that power so that it’s used in dire circumstances. Anyone doing it to you is an asshole and you should tell them that. Or...well...think it at them, don’t do anything that might get you hurt,” Pausing, you frown over at him as you feel your heart expand in sympathy while a fire of anger burns in your stomach. “And I certainly don’t force people into sex with me. There’s a legal definition for that, and the act is most definitely illegal. Anyone does that, or tries it, I hope you report them because that’s disgusting.”

The vehemence in your voice is strong and firm, causing Jungkook to back away ever so slightly, his eyes widening as you accidentally let slip of your control. But you see no fear in his eyes, because it was quite clear that your anger was not directed towards him. In fact, it was more of a protective anger, an anger that he’d possibly been hurt or scared.

Still though, you don’t like the fact that you’d slipped and you bow your head, apologising quickly to him. He doesn’t say anything and you take a deep breath, calming yourself down before giving him a very neutral smile.

“I think it’s probably time for me to go now, I’ve got enough for my bookcase and my friend is waiting for me. It was nice to meet you Jungkook and I hope that whenever we meet next, you can feel a little more comfortable with me. And that you don’t terrify me at the start.” That gets a laugh from him, the sound high and lou. You end up laughing in turn, your own laugh quieter and more gentle.

Turning from him, you go to head over to the cashier before you feel a slight pressure on your arm. Pausing, you realise that it’s Jungkook before you even turn around, his delightful scent surrounding you so much that you can’t help but close your eyes and take a deep breath. Combined with the heavenly scent of books, you’re not sure you’ve ever smelled anything better.

Shifting until you’re facing him, you see Jungkook’s face looking a little nervous. His eyes glance about, almost as if he was checking to see if there was anyone around and you wonder what he wanted from you.

Finally though, he gestures down to the phone in his hand that he points towards you, the screen open to a new contact page. Glancing back up with a raised eyebrow, you have to seriously fight to stop the smile that wants to spread when you realise that his cheeks are pink once more.

“I’m sorry if this is...a little forward or anything but, is there any chance you might be okay with giving me your number?” He smiles at that, his white teeth perfect and straight in his mouth as his eyes positively light up with the same mischief you see in Jimin sometimes. “I think I’d like to get to know you a bit more...if you’re okay with that?”

You’re positive that your jaw has dropped and you desperately want to shove it back into place, feeling that you were probably being a little rude. Okay, a lot rude. But seriously, Jungkook had just asked for your number. An Omega, who had a clear dislike of Alpha’s for a good reason, had asked for your number.

Carefully, you eye him and realise he’s being completely serious. There’s a small delay between you realising this and your hand moving forward to take the smartphone from him, your fingers carefully typing in your name and number.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” Handing back the phone, he glances down at the screen and smiles softly.

“I think so. It was nice meeting you Y/N. I’ll talk to you soon.”

-

It had been over two months since that day at the bookstore, when you’d experienced how...non-Omega like Jeon Jungkook was. And he’d continued to surprise you ever since. He was bold when you expected submissive, arrogant where you’d been told to expect meekness and so much more. 

You were thoroughly delighted by how contradictory he was and enjoyed testing the limits with him. He seemed to enjoy it too, given how he let you push at his boundaries while he in turn pushed at your own experimentally. It was an odd give-and-take with him, something you’d never experienced before and you were finding yourself increasingly enamoured with him.

Not that you were going to tell him that of course. The last you wanted was for him to feel like there was yet another Alpha pressuring him for anything. But it was just hard to not develop any feelings for him when he was so sweet and kind.

The two of you had texted frequently for the first two weeks before you’d met up at a local café, learning how to translate that easy going conversation via text into face-to-face conversation. You’d learnt how to though, carefully navigating the intricacies of a friendship with an Omega.

Jungkook could often be abrasive and sometimes took things to heart. A simple sentence from you that had no negative implications would be misunderstood by him to the extent that you were sometimes left wondering if you’d said something bad. And then he’d apologise, his cheeks red as he’d admit that it had been him who has misinterpreted you.

It was the strangest friendship you’d ever had, yet also one that you’d grown to love. Jungkook had a big heart beneath all his overly large, black clothing and his blunt personality. You had certainly enjoyed discovering that, finding out all the ways that made him smile in that soft and shy way, how to make him laugh in the overly sweet giggle that made your heart race a little.

Tonight he had come over to your apartment with the promise of freshly made Greek food and a night of watching Locke and Key on Netflix. You’d both watched the first episode independently before deciding that you’d watch it together when Jimin and Sana had shown no interest. Which meant that tonight, you would hopefully both blitz through the rest of the series in one go.

Of course, Jungkook wasn’t going to turn down food. Especially free food. So he’d happily said yes and had been a surprisingly good help in the kitchen as you’d shown him how to help prepare the food. Right now, your stomach was pretty content and happy; full of pork souvlaki, dolmades made of hollowed out and stuffed tomatoes with a whole array of delicious sides including homemade tzatziki and fresh olives. 

The dessert had been a store made baklava, because you weren’t quite willing to put your talents as far as making that. But it had been just as delightful and you knew that Jungkook had enjoyed every mouthful. In fact, he’d probably wanted more when he’d realised there was no more souvlaki left. He’d even eaten all the salad.

And now you were both sitting on the couch, your feet curled under you as your belly protested ever so slightly from being filled with so much food and a glass of red wine in your hand. Jungkook had a bottle of beer and you were surprised by how...domestic it all felt really.

Jimin wasn’t home tonight, he was spending the night with Sana and had given you a very peculiar look when you’d told him that you wouldn’t go with him because Jungkook was coming over. Normally, you’d spend a few hours at Sana’s before heading back home and leaving them both alone to enjoy each other.

Your brother had met Jungkook over the last few weeks. Even become quite friendly with him. Jungkook’s own friends, Kim Taehyung and Kim Namjoon had slowly become friends with both you and your brother as well. They were both Delta’s, the general population of a pack, and so were completely harmless to Jungkook thankfully.

It had been particularly amusing when you’d met them to see how protective they were over the Omega. Especially given the fact that as an Alpha, you were the top rank out of them all. But their hackles had slowly gone down as they’d gotten to know you better and realised that you had no intention of pushing your will on any of them, particularly Jungkook.

All of you had gone out to the city one day, checking out the giant shopping mall there and even playing around in the old school arcade that they had. Jungkook and you had engaged in more than one round of the classic Time Crisis, both of you yelling whenever you died and had to feed more money into the machine. The others had stood around watching for a while before moving off to play the basketball game. 

After that, you’d both devoured fully stacked cheeseburgers and a portion of large fries before drowning them in a large cookie dough milkshake. It had been fun and had almost felt like a date, if there hadn’t also been Jungkook’s two friends with you along with Jimin and Sana.

Thankfully, the presence of an Alpha and two Beta’s had prevented anyone from trying anything funny with Jungkook, leaving him to simply enjoy the day out. And you were beyond happy that had been his experience so far with you every time you’d both gone out together. Your mere presence as an Alpha kept others at bay.

Despite how easy everything was being tonight, you felt a little funny and strange. Jimin had made a casual comment the other day about how your scent seemed to change when Jungkook was around, taking on an almost earthy scent while Jungkook’s in turn became sweeter. You thought it was just because you were near someone who was awakening the primal instincts in you, and vice versa with Jungkook.

That had got you a droll stare.

But you would have to admit that being like this, sitting with him and his warmth being so close to your own while his scent overwhelmed you so delightfully, made you feel happy and content. A small voice in the back of your mind was telling you what it was, what it all meant. But you didn’t want to acknowledge that voice, didn’t want to let it gain ground in your mind.

What you had with Jungkook was good right now. It was solid, surprisingly stable given the short amount of time you’d known him and how drastically different both of your backgrounds were. Though you couldn’t help but think.

Okay, if you were being entirely honest with yourself then you wanted Jungkook. You wanted to date him, to hold his hand and make him smile. Kiss his cheek and his nose, feel all of that strong body beneath his clothes, feel his hands on you while you run your hands along him, learn the taste of his mouth and…

Shaking your head, you try to push those thoughts out of your mind before your scent changes in a way that even Jungkook is going to notice. Taking a deep swallow of wine, you point at the screen while scoffing loudly.

“Is it just me, or are these kids taking all this weirdness in their stride way too easily? Like, oh look! A key opens a mirror world where you can get lost and die! Nothing weird there. Casual day in their lives.” Jungkook snorts, grinning as he takes a drink. 

“They do seem to be quite calm about this whole thing. I mean, I’d be freaking the fuck out if that was me. Taking the first train to Nopeville and stopping at Hell the Fuck No City on the way.” Laughing, you press your face into his shoulder. He had the strangest humour sometimes.

Jungkook particularly liked those old school ‘90s comedy films or early 2000s. He’d already made you watch Dumb and Dumber along with Clerks, Happy Gilmore and Dodgeball. You’d admit to enjoy Dodgeball, okay so maybe you’d laughed particularly hard at the ‘if you can avoid a wrench!’ scene, but the others had questionable humour to you.

To him though, it had been the funniest thing he’d ever seen. His laugh was particularly loud when he was enjoying something so freely, the sound infectious until you were giggling along with him. So even though you weren’t exactly enamoured with the films he liked to watch, you went along with them because he liked them. And you liked it when he got the happy look in his eyes.

“I guess it wouldn’t really make it exciting though if they just noped the fuck outta there, huh?” You muse, casually eating a fruit gummy from the pack of Haribo you’d bought at the grocery store too. Jimin would kill you if he found out that you’d bought them when he wasn’t here, but whatever.

Offering the packet to Jungkook, he gives you a sweet smile before carefully reaching inside and picking out a tangy cherry gummy. He pops into his mouth quickly, a hum of happiness leaving him as he wiggles slightly, rosy pink lips pouting slightly as he chews. Snorting, you smile brightly and poke his cheek affectionately.

Looking at you, his eyes widen in that innocent way of his that makes your heart strings tug. Despite his bold and aggressive exterior, the tattoos that line his arms in what you’re convinced is a way to express his creativity while also protecting himself from anyone looking, he was still an Omega. He growled at you and grumbled frequently, ignoring your requests and straight up argued with Jimin frequently.

Jungkook defied every stereotype of an Omega and almost took great delight at doing so. Yet at his heart, just like you were still an Alpha when you stripped everything away, he was still an Omega. The way he would watch with boundless curiosity when you cooked or helped to build the new bookcase you’d bought last week. His sweet nature was always so giving, how he would happily share his food with you and how much he loved affection despite his initial belligerence. 

You knew that the only reason you were seeing this Jungkook was because he felt comfortable with you. That you gave him the stability and protection that made him feel like he could be open with you and honest about himself.

“Jungkook...how...okay, don’t answer this question if you don’t want to or anything. But...when we first met, and the second time, you were surprisingly aggressive. For an Omega. And I know, I know, stereotypes and all that. But...having got to know you, I’m a little surprised by how unlike you that was. You’re so sweet and kind and funny, genuine and honest. I was half convinced that you were gonna bite my head off the second time we met.” Jungkook’s cheeks flush bright red at that, one hand coming up to rub at them before he lets out a quiet laugh.

“Yeah...I know. It's an, erm, survival mechanism. My parents taught me to be...bolder than I actually am. Inside, I’m quaking with fear when I act like that because all it takes is one genuine command and I’d be on my knees. Usually an Alpha is so surprised by my aggression that they don’t do anything further. No one wants to fight an Omega, right? And then I make my getaway.” He takes another gummy from the pack, chewing on it carefully.

“That makes sense. Your parents were smart. I know I confused my parents when I was younger because of how...non-Alpha I was. By all of the stereotypes, I should’ve been hammering and pushing around Jimin when I was old enough to walk and shift. But instead, I would let him push me around. It was almost amusing how confused it made them.” You laugh, grinning at him brightly with an aura of smug amusement. “I have the instincts in me, but I don’t feel like-”

“Like you’re being run by them. I get it. Same here. I get the urge to be submissive and quiet and meek, all those lovely instincts that Omega’s have for some godforsaken reason. I just don’t feel the need to let them come to the fore. Instead, I can almost push-”

“Push them away. They’re there, in your head and your body, your wolf knows them, but you don’t need to use them.” Jungkook looks at you for a moment with a serious expression, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly and you wonder what he’s thinking. He looks like he’s considering something.

“I’ve never met anyone who understands what it’s like. And it’s even weirder given how different we are in the pack hierarchy.” Reaching for his drink, he takes a long swallow and you watch the way the muscles in his throat work as he does so, your own mouth suddenly bone dry. His words permeate your mind and you purse your lips, shrugging slightly.

“Same. But...it’s nice not to feel so alone, you know? Part of the reason why I’m running for leadership. I mean, a big part is to shut Jimin up but...I genuinely want to change the way this pack thinks and how it runs. Wolves like us are just as normal as any other and I don’t see why a stereotype should be the way we have to run our lives. You’re an Omega, yes, but you’re so much more than that. I know we have our wolves in us, and there’s part of us and instincts we can never change, but the human side of us needs to learn and grow. Move with the times.” That gets a laugh from Jungkook as he places his bottle back down, grinning at you.

“You sound like you’re giving some great speech. But you’re right. I’ll vote for you.” Looking at him sharply, you scan over his face closely to see if he’s joking or anything. You’d had plenty of people who were being honest when they said they would vote for you, but you’d also had plenty of people who had been joking.

It would be nice if you could say the high school nastiness had stayed in high school. Instead, it had just become an unfortunate personality trait of some wolves.

But his face was serious, his expression earnest and his eyes wide with his sincerity. Your hackles slowly relaxed as you chewed your inner lip before giving him a small nod and an even smaller smile.

“Thanks. I mean...I’m not gonna win but you know.” 

“Well, not with that attitude. Come on, you’re an Alpha. Embrace your stereotype for once and be braggadocios. It’s the one time I won’t hold it against you.” Dancing his finger around your nose, he practically sings the words and you laugh while also noting he has a nice voice.

“Okay, okay. I guess. Even though I’m all about dismantling the stereotypes of the pack, I will embrace my own this once. For Jimin and you, because I think between you both, you’re going to drive me crazy until it’s all over.” The Omega laughs loudly, the sound so pure that you can’t help but laugh along as your heart soars and you feel almost light headed. You’re not sure if that’s basically of his basic nature, or if it’s just because it’s Jungkook.

“Good. And while you’re embracing your stereotype, I’m going to take your advice and go against mine and be bold right now,” He pauses for dramatic effect. Or at least, you think it's a dramatic effect, until you see the nervous way his eyes look away from you constantly. “I like being your friend. It’s really good, and I really like it. I do. But...I was wondering if maybe...you wanted to be...more?” 

Jungkook’s boldness dies away by the end of his sentence until his words are so soft and gentle, you can barely hear them. His cheeks are a flaming red now and you get the impression he’s trying to hide behind his luscious locks of hair. But you heard the words all the same, and you let go of the breath you’d been holding.

Part of you wants to interrogate him, to ask if he was being serious. If this is what he really wanted. If he was really okay with being with an Alpha. You wanted to make sure this was all comfortable for him.

But the bigger part of you, the part that was jumping for joy and your wolf who was howling in excitement along with you, wanted to just say yes. Jungkook was a grown man. An adult who just happened to be an Omega. If you were serious about ignoring the stereotypes that had been placed on you both, then this would be a prime start.

By letting him have true agency over his decisions and acknowledging that he had evidently thought them through until he had come to this request. Jungkook was naturally shy beneath his veneer of boldness, and you knew he thought things through a lot. So to know he’d been thinking of this...in the same way you had.

You only have one word to say to him, a word you both evidently want to hear and you can’t stop the giant smile that paints across your face as you give it to him.

“Yes.”

-

Standing in front of the mirror in your bedroom, you contemplate whether to wear the olive green shirt or the buttercup yellow one. It was traditional for the candidates for pack leadership to wear the colours of nature on the election day and you were keen to uphold this one tradition at least. If there was one thing you did agree with the pack on, it was the need to appreciate and love nature.

But still, you were unsure of what to wear. You had to make a good impression after all and you were the only woman going forward for the Pack Leadership. That thought immediately makes you scowl though and you want to pinch yourself. There was no need for you to put more effort in than the other two candidates just because of who you are. That was the kind of thinking you were rallying against.

“You should wear the yellow. It looks pretty on you.” Jungkook’s voice pipes up from where he’s laid on the bed. He sounds a little tired and you know that he’d been up late last night trying to finish the project he’d been assigned by the digital marketing company he worked for. Their deadline had been moved up drastically which meant he’d had to work harder to get everything finished, being one of their few website and graphic designers.

“Really?” You hum, shifting to assess yourself as you hold the yellow shirt in front of you instead. It does look pretty good on you but you were going to be wearing sand coloured jeans. That would be too pale overall and you didn’t want to stand out too much, plus there wasn’t any green in your wardrobe. But then again, the olive would make you look like some kind of army dropout.

“Don’t you have some dark green pants in there? I’m sure I saw them.” With that, he heaves himself out of bed and stretches, looking mighty fine as you’re gifted with the view of his muscled body and tan skin, the abundance of tattoos he loves so much scrawled across his arms. His hair is just as long and ruffled as the day you first met, only it’s looking even more like a mess right now and you snort.

You don’t remember the pants he’s talking about so you wait for him to finish scratching his belly, nails scraping against the fine hair that leads above the band of his boxers. Finally though, he walks over and rummages through your closest while humming lightly to himself. Smiling, you run your fingers along his back and enjoy the way he shivers against you.

It’s been a good few months since the two of you had started dating. The rest of the Pack had been surprised to find out that the impossibly grumpy Omega had finally agreed to date an Alpha and you’d gotten plenty of suspicious words from people over time. There were a lot who didn’t understand why Jungkook was with you of all Alpha’s, given how...unlike the one you were.

But it had also bizarrely had a strange effect on your popularity in the rankings. Given the almost mythical status afforded Omega’s, it was almost like the Pack viewed you as someone more worthy of the very idea of leadership because he’d chosen to be with you. Jimin had told you it was because of yet more antiquated ideas surrounding Omega’s and the fact that a lot of wolves believed that they would only mate with superior Alpha’s.

While you weren’t going to push away the idea of mating with Jungkook, if anything you were pretty positive that your wolf had long ago picked him, you didn’t like the pressure it placed on him. Nor did you like how you felt like you were manipulating the people who were coming to know and appreciate.

You’d tried not to let it bother you too much and had instead focused on getting to know the people of your town and Pack once more while exploring the budding relationship between Jungkook and you. He was perhaps the sweetest wolf you’d ever met with a pure heart of gold and you adored the gruff exterior he presented to keep away others. 

“Here it is.” He says proudly, bringing out a pair of olive green pants that you’d forgotten you even had. How he’d found those, you had no idea but you were pleased to see that you’d had the forethought to at least hang them up, meaning there were currently no wrinkles.

Ideally, you’d obviously have washed them but whatever. As long as it looked good and not like a last minute decision. Smiling brightly at him, you take them and pair them up with the shirt, liking the neutral tones that look like sunshine and earth combining.

“Good decision ‘kook. I like it.” You’d already showered, hence why you were currently wrapped in a towel, and carefully chose some underwear as well. This wasn’t as important obviously and you preferred to be comfortable instead of sexy. Though there were certainly occasions when the latter worked...particularly with a certain wolf.

“I’m gonna go shower quickly and then get dressed. We’re meeting up at the parking lot right?” Jungkook asks, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek to avoid morning breath before heading over to the bathroom. You gave him a nod before he slipped inside and began to get ready, taking a deep breath to steel yourself.

Jimin had moved out two months ago and Jungkook had moved straight in, your relationship deepening even further. You’d say it was fast, but you were probably just used to Jimin and Sana’s snail pace relationship. They’d finally mated though and you’d been informed only last week that you would be able to play with a nephew or niece sooner rather than later.

But logically, you knew that a true mate pairing just knew with each other. And you suspected that had happened with Jungkook. You were taking things slow not only for him, but for yourself to make sure that you weren’t just rushing into something. Which was silly, because your wolf wasn’t going to change her mind anytime soon.

Pulling on your clothes, you accessorise with a few pretty rose gold bracelets and a beautiful necklace with a small, bejewelled hummingbird pendant. Jungkook had bought you it for your six month anniversary, which made you laugh because you didn’t realise he’d been counting, but it was a sweet gesture and worked perfectly with your colour scheme today.

A few touches of make up to your face are finished by the time Jungkook comes out and he snorts at the sight of you nearly finished already. Apparently he was constantly surprised by how quickly you got ready, more used to his mom’s time consuming efforts. 

He pulls on a white, button up shirt along with some dark grey skinny jeans. Witnesses aren’t required to dress to a code like the candidates were, but you couldn’t deny that he looked almost outrageously attractive. You didn’t even realise you were growling at a subvocal level until Jungkook looked at you with a grin, drying his hair and styling it to make sure he looked good.

He always looked good though.

Before you even realise what you’re doing, you’ve placed the lipstick down you were about to put on and are standing in front of him, arms wrapping around his slim waist to hug him. Jungkook hadn’t buttoned his shirt fully yet so none of your makeup got on his pristine shirt but you didn’t particularly care right then.

Humming lightly, you inhaled deeply and took in his scent, body relaxing as your nerves washed away with his presence. This was why you weren’t protesting your wolf’s choice of mate too much, or the fact that she’d become more insistent over the last few weeks. Because he made you feel happy and stress free.

Honestly, you weren’t entirely sure what you’d been doing before him.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, instead wrapping his arms around you in turn and simply hugging you back. The two of you sway slightly as he moves you both and his chest vibrates as he hums a song in his usual habit, the sensation gentle against your ear.

“I love you.” The words fall from your mouth before you even realise what you’re doing and you go to freeze, uncertain if he’d accept the words. Declarations like that were not taken lightly in your world given how mate bonds were permanent. You simply didn’t ‘fall in love’ with someone who your wolf didn’t want and trust implicitly.

Which meant you’d just given the game away to Jungkook. And on this very important day that you had been anxiously waiting for, you now had to comprehend with the fact that you needed to hear whether he would reciprocate or deny. Because it was entirely up to him now.

He could respond, meaning all you would need to do was consummate the bond together later, or he could deny you which would mean your relationship probably wouldn’t last much longer. Swallowing thickly, you wait to see what he’d say.

“I love you too.” They’re so soft and gentle that you almost don’t hear them, even with your superior senses. And you get the impression that he’s a little choked up himself, a little shy and beyond all that, happy with the way his arms tighten around you. It makes you want to cry too but you’ve just put your damn makeup on and you are not going to ruin it when you don’t have time.

Pulling away, you look up at him and bite your lip in excitement, taking in the way his eyes practically glitter with reciprocal emotion. You’ve never seen a more beautiful sight in your life. The two of you move like magnets attracted to one another, lips connecting as if there’s not a force on Earth that could stop you both and you sigh into his mouth happily.

It doesn’t take him long though to gently push you away, his hands firm on your shoulders as you whine at the loss of him. He doesn’t give in though, very carefully directing you back over to the make up he’d distracted you from before kissing your forehead quickly.

“There’s no time for that right now. We can discuss this further after the election, okay?” Jungkook’s voice is soft as he crouches next to you, resting a hand on your thigh and giving you the sweetest smile that makes his eyes positively glow. Resting your hand on his cheek, you stroke the skin there softly before sighing and nodding.

“Well...at least one good thing has happened today.” He laughs at that, standing up to finish dressing while you finish up as well. The two of you chat about the show you’ve both been watching, carefully avoiding any discussion of what had just happened or what was about to happen.

It stays like that until you’re meeting up with your friends and family in the parking lot outside the entrance to the forest. Well, there’s lots of entrances but this was the entrance. The one that led to the ancestral clearing that had been used to determine the leader of the Pack for centuries now. Long ago, the election had actually been a competition in which Alpha’s would fight to claim the leadership.

Those who didn’t submit, or die, won the right to lead. Thankfully, that had been outlawed long ago or you wouldn’t have even considered the possibility of entering the election. The very idea was simply barbaric and despite the fact you turned into a wolf, and had a wolf with her own mind inside you, you were still also human.

“You ready?” Jimin asks, smiling at you reassuringly as he moves over and hugs you tightly. Smiling, you press yourself into your brother and inhale the smell of him, the familial connection helping you to relax. Sana soon joins in the hug and you laugh softly, enveloping her too and taking in the difference of her own scent now that she is pregnant. There were subtle hints of Jimin in there, indicating he was the father and you wanted to squeal with excitement.

You’d been beyond happy that they’d finally bonded together after what seemed an absurd amount of time but you were even happier than they were pregnant. The two of them were going to make fantastic parents and you were beyond excited to be an aunt as well. 

Looking back at Jungkook, you reach out for his hand and tug him into the hug too, making him whine before laughing. He was still pretty shy with affection in public, almost like he was afraid that people might make comments about him or something but you weren’t going to let him get away with that right now.

That baby was going to be his nephew or niece too now. Though obviously Jimin and Sana didn’t know that just yet. Still though, they welcomed into the hug with open warmth and you sighed happily as some of the most important people surrounded you with their love and support.

“Thank you all for coming.” You mumble before separating yourself from them and giving your parents a hug as well. They give you their own well wishes and support as well and you chat with them for a few minutes about everything that’s been going on, promising to visit them more often.

“Come on, we’ve got to go.” Sana says suddenly, interrupting you with an apologetic smile before looping her arm through your own. The two of you start doing the dirt trail, quiet for a moment as you take the time to inhale the clean scent of the trees that surround you. Reaching out, you run your hand along the rough bark of the trunk of the nearest one and feel yourself centre with the help of the nature surrounding you.

Generations of wolves had been born, lived and died under the watchful gaze of these trees and you wondered what stories they could tell. The love stories they’d seen or the battles they’d been witness to. What would be the story they were going to see today? Would it be you, taking leadership or someone else?

“You’ll be fine,” Sana whispers to you, giving you a big smile before squeezing your arm reassuringly and you give you a tight smile in response. “Seriously, I think you’re going to do great. You underestimate how popular you are with people.”

“That’s just because I’m with Jungkook.” You mutter, pouting slightly as you contemplate just how much of people's warmth towards you was because of what you had done yourself or because you were dating the pretty and mysterious Omega. Glancing back at him, you watch as he chats with Jimin contentedly, laughing softly at the sight of him so big and broad next to your slight brother.

“You’d never think he was the Omega.” Your best friend muses, her tone light as she looks back too and you nod with a snort. Out of the two of them, Jimin looks like he would be the Omega instead of Jungkook. People would get a shock if they tried to treat Jimin like a submissive though. He’d probably bite their head off first.

Your brother could occasionally have a bit of a temper.

“He puts effort into looking that badass. Works though.” Chuckling, you turn back and take in a deep breath as you spot the opening just ahead. There’s sunlight streaming through, giving everything an almost ethereal look and you bite your lip as trepidation burns in your stomach.

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t win anyway. It’s all fine. I took part and hopefully changed some people’s minds too.” Nodding in confidence, you eye Sana for a moment before pushing at her lightly with affection. She raises her eyebrows at you before grinning and you both burst into nervous giggles.

“Okay, okay. Let’s be serious now. Game faces on. This is important.” You say, holding out your hand in front of your face before bringing it down in a gesture to simulate you getting serious. It makes Sana snort but she doesn’t say anything to contradict you. She knows you’re not entirely confident about this but you don’t want her to say anything about it.

Letting go of her arm, you turn and take a deep breath as you take in the faces of support from everyone you love. Sana’s parents along with Jungkook’s have joined now, having already reached the clearing and moving over to be with your supporters on the outskirts. You give them a nod of acknowledgement and thanks before heading into the centre of the circle of trees.

It’s bigger than you’d expect when you heard the word ‘clearing’. The tall sentinels that stand guard in an almost perfect circle have wide, foreboding trunks that indicate they’re old while the centre is wide enough to have wild grass growing freely. The strands sway slightly in the gentle breeze that filters through the trees and you note that there are a few wildflowers beginning to pop up as well, their colours bright and vibrant against the lush green.

Quiet murmuring and soft discussions mean that you can’t hear any of the natural sounds of the forest, the Pack members who were eligible and able to vote clustered around the outer edges. It always surprised you just how many wolves there were in your Pack, particularly considering it was considered to be small compared to Packs elsewhere.

There were a good few hundred people in the clearing though, making it seem even smaller. Even then, a lot of them were actually in the trees, waiting for their moment to come forward and vote. One day, the Pack wouldn’t be able to fit in this clearing. They were already spilling over the edges and you frowned, wondering when it had all gotten so big.

That was a thought for another day though and instead you simply go round, greeting as many people as you can and giving them your most gracious and humble smile. You would be leading these people if you won, but you would also be serving them too. It’s something a lot of people didn’t seem to realise about leadership positions, that they were designed to serve the very people who put them there.

Most were happy to greet you, giving you equally polite smiles and making small talk while there were a few others a little more frosty. You weren’t surprised that the families of the other candidates, Kim Seokjin and Oh Taewon, weren’t exactly the happiest to see you but there wasn’t exactly a lot you could do about that except be civil.

Soon enough thankfully, the current Pack Alpha is calling for quiet. His strong voice has a deep timbre and is still strong, despite his age. Though that might be because he was using the dominance he’d been born with to reinforce his words and ensure that everyone was listening to him.

A few of the Alphas in the crowd bristled to be ordered about, not exactly an unusual occurrence given the clashes of dominance that could happen. It wasn’t usually a problem but with this many wolves around, the election would have to take place quickly to ensure it didn’t cause any issues such as fights.

The quietest whine from behind you causes you to turn, catching Jungkook’s eyes and taking in the slightly distressed look in them. Almost immediately you feel protective, a need to rush over to him and comfort him. You’d been worried about him coming here, with so many dominant personalities present and how he’d handle it all but he’d been determined to come for you.

When he realises you’re watching him, he gives you a tremulous smile that’s a little weaker than he probably anticipated. It makes your heart clench and you catch Jimin and Sana’s attention subtly, indicating towards your boyfriend who was now fidgeting with his hands. They take approximately a second to realise what’s wrong before nodding at you with a smile, Sana’s arm wrapping around his waist in a hug.

It’s not you, but the comfort of someone he knows and trusts makes him relax and you sigh in relief. The last you needed during this moment was to be constantly fretting over him. As much as you love him, you need to get through this.

Turning back, you stand in between the other two candidates and listen to the current Alpha talks. He explains the history of your Pack along with how important the role of leader is. You zone out for a little bit, the nerves causing you to ignore what he’s saying until you realise people are moving forward slowly.

The way your ancestors had devised the more democratic, and less brutal, method of choosing the new Pack leader was for each member to place a stone in a wooden bowl that was set in front of you. Once everyone had voted, the stones were counted by the current Alpha and the leader declared. In case of a tie, the vote was decided by the Pack Alpha, who didn’t vote normally.

As people came forward and voted, you decided that while you appreciated the concept of voting, you didn’t particularly appreciate having to actively watch as people you had come to know voted for others. It was beyond awkward as you tried to avoid eye contact while also making sure you didn’t appear too upset or offended.

But what surprised you more than anything was the fact that...you seemed to be winning? The stones in your bowl were growing more and more plentiful while your opponents had only handfuls each. Frowning ever so slightly, you realised with a start that at this rate, they wouldn’t even need to count the stones. It was that obvious.

Instead of fretting over that, you focused instead on who was giving you their trust and loyalty. The people who were telling you that they thought you were the best Alpha to lead them forward, despite how you’d always been considered a lesser Alpha in the past. Part of you, the part that didn’t think you were ready, wondered how much of their choice had been impacted by Jungkook.

Shaking your head slightly, you pushed the thought away. It didn’t matter at the end of the day. If the final votes kept up like they did, then Kim Seokjin and Oh Taewon were going to be congratulating you on your win and acknowledging your leadership. You, the Alpha who defied all stereotypes.

Smiling slightly to yourself, you looked down at the ground as the final votes slowly trickled in. The win was to such an extent that your bowl looked like it was in serious danger of overflowing and you felt almost embarrassed at it. Glancing over to the other two candidates, you saw them give you a warm smile before they both walked over to give you a congratulatory handshake.

Given how temperamental Alpha’s could be, you were thankful that both Seokjin and Taewon were magnanimous and kind in defeat. Though you supposed that only level-headed Alpha’s would even be allowed to contest the election. No point allowing a candidate who was a hothead and would start a fight just because they lost.

Still, you made sure to be warm and welcoming to them both to avoid any future awkwardness. He current Pack leader, or rather the previous now, didn’t even bother counting the stones and instead moved over to you with a wide grin. Once you’d finished talking with Seokjin and Taewon, he grasped your hand and lifted it high above your head.

“I think this is probably the easiest victory in a while. Which is a testament to the popularity of Y/N and the strong belief that she will lead this pack in a positive way for the future. With this, I officially relinquish my role as leader and bestow it to you. May you experience good health, a fortuitous life and no troubles.” He smiles at you as you have the bizarre knowledge that you’re now higher ranking than he is. This is the wolf who has led the Pack since before you were even born, the wolf you had acquiesced to every time when he made a decree. And yet now, he bowed to you.

Well, he didn’t actually bow. But the metaphor was the same. Eyes widening at the thought, you accept his words before turning to look at the Pack. Your Pack. Catching the sight of your family, you see the tears of joy and pride your mom and dad cry while Jimin beams so brightly at the knowledge his little sister had actually done it.

And then you see Jungkook, who’s smiling so brightly at you that his nose is all wrinkled and his eyes have disappeared into the sweetest crescent moons. His cheeks are flushed with a combination of happiness and what you presume to be stress from the presence of so many dominant personalities but he pushes through it for you, focusing firmly on you as he cheers and howls alongside the rest of the Pack as they celebrate.

Getting them to calm down with a gesture, you laugh as the howls continue for a moment before stopping and simply look over the wolves who are now yours. Yours to rule and nourish, protect and discipline if necessary. It’s a big ask for someone who’s simply a teacher, but if you can handle a day full of moody teenagers then really, the Pack would almost be a vacation.

“Thank you, for putting your trust into me to lead you. I will try my best to be fair and kind, an Alpha who you can come to with your worries and stresses. I know that many of you may question me given...how I don’t appear like other Alpha’s but I promise you that I am just as ready to protect and fight for you if necessary. I am here for you and I will respect each of you. In turn, I expect equal amounts of respect back. I may be your leader, but I am not your ruler. Please, if you have any concerns then bring them to me sooner rather than later. And with that, I think that’s enough of discussing politics for the day. I’m sure you’re all waiting to go back to your homes and have your parties so...please enjoy.” Grinning, you stifle the laugh that wants to erupt at the enthusiastic howls and yells from many in the crowd as they begin to disperse.

Election day in your Pack had long been a day that everyone would take off from their normal work, turning it into a day of voting in the morning and partying in the evening to celebrate the election of their new leader. You would spend a few hours visiting random parties tonight throughout the town, making an appearance to them and showing that you were there before settling in at the party your parents would be hosting.

Glancing over at Jungkook, you bit your lip as anticipation roiled in your stomach. Under normal circumstances, the next few hours would be a breeze as you socialised and got to know people. You may not particularly enjoy it, but you were well versed in how to do it thanks to your job. But today?

Today you just wanted to rush home and into the arms of Jungkook. Because tonight you had more important things to do than having a party. Tonight, you were going to join together as mates for the very first time.

-

You wish that you could say that you enjoyed the parties that you went to that night, but it would be a complete lie to be honest. What you really want to do is get home, spend some time with your family and friends while you were still in a content and happy mood before spending the night with one Jeon Jungkook.

But you were, after all, the leader now. So you didn’t get to be selfish when it came to things like this. Though you kind of wished that you could because as much as you’d ended up wanting this role despite only doing it because Jimin had bugged you enough to sign up, some of the people in the Pack weren’t very accommodating to you. Or even nice really.

You were generalising really, because the vast majority of wolves who you had met and spoken to tonight had been very sweet and congratulatory towards you. Many of them had openly told you that they’d voted for you, leading to you awkwardly thanking them for their support. A lot of them had laughed at your uncertainty regarding their words but they seemed to appreciate how genuine you were being.

Perhaps they thought you might have ended up being like another Alpha who was brusque and almost rude, as if their support was never in question. There were plenty like that in the Pack and you were glad to give them someone who defied their expectations.

But after three hours of driving around town and greeting people, you were just ready to leave. So you give a polite smile to the young couple whose barbecue you’d crashed along with all of their friends and family, including their grandparents who had haughtily told you that they’d voted for Kim Seokjin, a real Alpha. 

That had just amused you and you’d shrugged apologetically when they’d told you, telling them that you’d do the best you could for them to meet their expectations. Of course, they’d just sniffed at that but you didn’t see any point in trying to change their mind. 

After finally saying goodbye to everyone there, you hop into your car and drive to your parents house with a relieved sensation in your stomach. Pulling up into their drive, you smile brightly at the sight of the cars of all your beloved friends and family, realising that they’d all congregated here for what must have been hours now.

“Ah, here she is. Our noble Alpha.” Greeted you when you walk through the door, Jimin’s bright smile accompanies his sugary sweet words and you snort in amusement, punching his stomach lightly as he goes to hug you. The whine he lets out is overly exaggerated but he embraces you tightly, his emotions genuine.

“Seriously, congrats. Told you that you could do it.” Rolling your eyes at him, you acknowledge his words with a nod before hugging Sana just as tight. She’s already babbling on about the election and how she’d thought it was going to be tense but that you’d made history with the landslide. Of course, she then starts to suggest laws that she’d like to have in place and you take her hands gently, squeezing them.

“Hey, hey. Sana...I love you, but can I please at least have tonight? We can talk about laws tomorrow, I promise you. Okay?” She pouts slightly, her pretty pink lips giving away her eagerness and you just chuckle.

“Sweetheart, what did we say about talking law tonight?” Jimin asks his mate, brows rising slightly with an expectant look and you watch in fascination as your best friend pouted even further, her shoulders dropping.

“To leave it alone for the night. But it’s important we get started on the right foot!” She protests, looking from him to you and you just smile at her. Jimin sighs deeply before wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her cheek affectionately.

“Peanut, I love you, I really do. But I’m sure that Y/N has had a really tiring day and probably just wants to go round and say hi to everyone before dragging Jungkook off.” He’s looking firmly at Sana when he says that but you feel yourself go warm with embarrassment at his words. Not that he’d said anything crude out loud, but because he was perfectly right.

You did want to drag Jungkook off, because you had something very important to do with him. So you take Jimin’s words as permission and give them both a warm smile of happiness before hugging them both tightly together.

“Thank you both for all your support these last few months. I really mean it. I couldn’t have done any of this without you both. Especially you, you weasel. It’s because of you that I probably am going to have a massive headache and a short temper 24/7 with the Pack. I’ve already met some grouchy folk so I’m sure it’s going to be fun.” Jimin laughs loudly at that, his eyes almost disappearing with the intensity of his emotion and he squeezes you even tighter round the neck, causing you to yell as he drags you down.

“That’ll be nothing for my little sister. She’ll put them straight, won’t she?” He teases and you growl, the sound rumbling from your chest without even meaning it. But the wolf inside you is displeased at being caught like this, being restrained, and so before Jimin realises what’s happening, you’ve grabbed his arm and twisted with an enormous amount of force and strength. 

A cry leaves him as he gets flung over your body, his ass thumping the ground hard as he lays there with a stunned expression. Not that he should be too surprised really. You’ve done this with him plenty of times over the years so he really should be used to being thrown around by his smaller, younger sister.

Still, it makes Sana laugh with wild abandon at the sight of seeing her mate so thoroughly put in his place. Grinning at her, you give her a high five before heading further into the house and saying hello to the people closest to you.

Your parents give you the tightest hug possible and you can practically feel the pride dripping of them, that their little girl is now the leader of their Pack. It was something they’d told you that you could do as a child but you doubted they’d have ever considered you were actually going to go for it.

“Are you going to quit teaching now? Being the leader is basically a full time job.” Your dad asks, a frown on his face as concern fills his expression. Humming, you shake your head with a smile before squeezing the hand of Jungkook. He’d been talking to them when you’d arrived and had slipped his hand into yours as soon as he’d been able to, the pride in his face possibly equal to the one in theirs.

“No. But I will transfer to the high school here instead. And maybe teach some classes at the local community college for anyone who wants them. I still love teaching and I don’t want to give it up. If anything, I think I want to encourage more people in the Pack to learn. I’m considering offering some cultural lessons to try and broaden the minds of some of our more...reticent members. Maybe offer cultural exchanges by inviting other Pack’s to send a representative and tell us how they operate and live. You know...every little helps right?” Your mom is nodding thoughtfully, her arm looped through your dad's arm and you feel pride at knowing she approved of your thoughts.

“Sounds like a good idea. There’s plenty of people that need to be dragged into the 20th century in our Pack, never mind the 21st century. So if you can succeed in that, then I’ll be a very proud dad.” He grins before hugging you, and you contemplate the fact that you’ve probably never had this much physical contact in years.

“Anyway, as much as I love you all and this is a great party, I’ve already been fed about six times by now so I’m ridiculously full and I’m tired. Are you okay if Jungkook and I head off? I know I’ve barely been-” You barely even get the words out before your mom is pushing Jungkook and you with a tut, rolling her eyes.

“Honestly, you don’t need to apologise. It’s been a big day. For both of you. I’m proud of you too Jungkook, for doing so well with everyone there. So I want you both to go home and just relax! You’ve done enough for today.” Snorting, you let her practically push you out of the door while you manage to wave your goodbyes to everyone, noting the amused expressions on their faces as well.

Getting into the car once more, you turn and look at Jungkook with raised brows. “Ironic that I’ve spent more time with other people at their parties today than with my own parents at my own party.”

“Hey, they understand. Don’t be too worried about it. They’d already told me that they planned on sending you home as soon as you got here to be honest. We all knew you’d be a bit tired and stressed after it all and I don’t think anyone wanted to cause you anymore anxiety than needed after what’s happened.” He says thoughtfully, running his fingers over his lower lip and you hum quietly.

“Are you okay? I’ve been worried about you since I left. It was a lot to take in and you did so well Kook. I’m really proud of you. I can only imagine how hard it was to be there with almost the whole Pack, all those different personalities and dominance battles going on.” Your voice goes soft with worry and you see him smile out of the corner of your eye, reaching out for your hand and intertwining your fingers once more.

“It was hard, yeah. I wanted to run away for most of it but I’ve got a reputation to uphold you know? I’m an Omega, yeah, but I'm also a badass,” He puffs his chest out at that and you snort, gently pushing at him without taking your eyes away from the road too much. “Seriously though, I’m really proud of you too. You were so convinced that no one was going to vote for you because of who you are and how you don’t meet the stereotypes others have for you but...you were wrong. And now you’re our lovely leader.”

“Yeah...you’re right.” Silence falls between you both but it’s not uncomfortable, instead it’s familiar and comforting. Sighing softly, you run your thumb along the back of his hand before smiling once more. You’d managed to do it, despite a year ago being convinced that you wouldn’t even be considered. And along the way, you’d found your mate.

“This morning...what you said...do you still think that?” Jungkook’s voice is soft now and you pause at his words, thinking back and remembering the intimate moment you’d both had in your bedroom. It felt so long ago now, but those emotions came swarming back with a vengeance as you pulled into the parking lot of your apartment building.

“Every word.” Turning the engine off, you look at him with a serious expression and he swallows thickly. His eyes are wide, reflecting the light from the nearby buildings and you feel your heart positively clench at how beautiful he looks. It’s not that he’s innocent, because he’s not, but it’s like he has an innate curiosity and wonder about the world that his eyes can’t seem to hide. As if he wants to learn and see everything before his time ends and you want so desperately to give that to him.

“Me too.” He whispers and you don’t stop yourself from leaning forward in your seat, pressing your lips to his in a kiss that is gentle and yet needy at the same time. The underlying ‘I love you’ is so prominent between you both and you feel the need to mark him. To make him yours and show the whole world that he chose you.

Pulling back, you look at him at him intently and see the way he swallows at whatever he sees in your own eyes. Nipping at his lip playfully, you nose along his cheek before biting softly at his jawline and enjoying the way he gasps.

Sex with Jungkook is more than satisfying and you’ve been pleased to discover that he’s not as submissive as he looks in that department either. There’s days when he takes control and you love it almost as much as the days that he lets you wreak havoc with him. But today is a day when your base instincts will take over, the wolf inside you demanding you dominate your mate to show him that you were capable of protecting him, of loving him and keeping him safe.

Unsurprisingly, Jungkook’s own wolf was obviously telling him to go along with his own instincts as well as he leans his head to one side, revealing the wonderful expanse of golden tan skin stretched over the strong tendons and muscles of his neck. The beautiful skin that is currently unmarked.

“We need to go inside. Now.” You growl and he nods immediately, hands grasping at the door handle before you even finish and you almost want to laugh at his eagerness. But you don’t, because you’re following him every step of the way, almost stalking his steps like the predator you truly were.

The idea of doing this to him normally would be horrifying because it would immediately set off his Omega instincts. And no matter how much he’s managed to suppress them over the years, no matter how much he can pass for something other than what he is, he is still an Omega at the end of the day.

But tonight, the tension in his shoulders wasn’t from fear. It was from anticipation. And from the way he looked back at you with eagerness in those pretty eyes, you got the sense that he was turning this into a little game. The rumble of appreciation rolls from your chest before you even realise and you bite your lip at the sight of him shuddering when you reach the apartment door.

Getting your keys into the door is a bit of a challenge when your mind is solely focused on him. You finally do it though and as soon as the door latches shut behind you, you turn and pull him down for another kiss.

This one is deeper than before and more frantic, the need to join stronger than ever. The two of you leave a trail of clothes through the apartment as you move to the bedroom, his shirt torn from the force of your pull. Humming happily at the feel of smooth, warm skin beneath your palms, you nip at his collarbones playfully and delight in the way he squirms and whines for you.

Running your hands down his toned and muscular stomach, you reach the waistband of his boxers and eagerly pull them down. They slip past his slim hips with complete ease and you resist the urge to salivate at the sight of his cock, bouncing gently as it strains against gravity.

Jungkook is not a stereotypical Omega. He is tall, broad, muscular, tattooed, has a black belt in taekwondo and will snap at anyone if pushed. And his cock is just as beautifully magnificent as the rest of him, not too long to be painful but beautifully girthy and with the most delightful veins that make him whine when you trace over them. In a simple word, Jungkook is physically perfect.

"You're so damn beautiful," The words slip from your mouth reverently and you press your lips to the dip in his hips to a kiss that turns into a nip. "You're perfect and all for me, aren't you?"

As you whisper words of affection, praise and dominance into his skin, you wrap your fingers around his shaft and stroke slowly. The whine he gives it like music to your ears and you growl in appreciation, licking along his stomach before rewarding him with one, slow glide of your tongue along the underside of his cock.

He sighs in contentment at that, his hands clenching and opening repeatedly as he struggles to find something to do with them and you laugh. Pulling back, you stand once more and point to the bed.

"Lay down for me, pretty boy." You almost don't manage to get the words out before he's practically throwing himself on the bed and you have to stop yourself from snorting and ruining the mood. His eagerness to please suddenly is endearing and this is the one Omega stereotype you're glad he embodies.

The sight of him laid out on the bed, his skin almost glowing with health from the soft lighting of the bedside lamp he’d turned on, has you almost turning into a cat as you practically purr in contentment at the sight of him. His big, sweet eyes are focused firmly on you while his cock strains against his stomach, desperate for your touch.

“Good boy.” You praise him sweetly, running your hand along the muscle of his calf and biting your lip at the way he shivers in response. Slowly, you remove the final pieces of your own clothing and delight at the way Jungkook lets out the softest keen at the sight of the damp spot in your panties, a visible sign of just how unbelievably wet you were for him.

It didn’t take much for him to get you going, you’d discovered this in the past, but there’s something particularly delightful about him today. You may not be a typical Alpha but you’d be damned if Jungkook’s willingness to submit right now wasn’t hitting every dominant bone in your body.

Kneeling on the bed next to him, you continue to let your fingers dance along his body in a slow, steady exploration that only heightens his arousal. Everywhere you touch tenses beneath your fingertips and you don’t miss the way his hips subtly move, trying to catch your attention and give him the blessed relief he wants.

But you don’t want to yet. You want to make him desperate for you, to make him whine and pout and cry out for your touch before you finally mark him. The wolf in you demands it, demands his full submission as your mate and you want it as well. From the look of pure need in Jungkook’s eyes, he wants it just as much.

Pressing a kiss to his lips, you dart away from him quickly when he goes to follow and smile at the whine he gives you. Tutting quietly, you begin to kiss down his body in hot, open mouthed kisses that leave a slick mess to follow, a few spots darkening from where your kiss had been particularly forceful.

“What do you want, baby boy? Tell me.” You whisper, biting gently at his hip and enjoying the way he writhes beneath you. There’s almost zero resistance before he’s speaking to you, the subtle whine in his voice telling you he’s trying to hold back.

“I want you. Please. Please. I love you, please.” Pursing your lips, you move down till you’re kissing along his inner thigh, enjoying the way his muscles twitch with need. There’s no missing the way his cock jerks occasionally, his balls tight and firm in your eyesight and you resist the urge to play with them. Not yet.

“Tell me what you want.” The words are repeated back to him and now Jungkook does let out a whine, the sound strained in his throat with frustration and need. But he responds to you perfectly, causing you to grin.

“Please touch my dick. Jerk me off. Lick it. Put your mouth on it. Anything. Please.” He mutters a few more times, almost praying to you with how much he wants your touch on his cock and you pause for a moment to watch him. His face is ever so slightly flushed while his hair isn’t as put together anymore, his hands having ruined what he’d carefully arranged this morning.

“Since you asked so nicely.” You purr to him, voice going low. It’s not really because he asked, but more because you can’t handle not touching him anymore. Not when you want him this badly.

Grasping his cock at the base once more, you give him a slow stroke while squeezing tightly, enjoying how he gasps. A second stroke has his hips jerking, but not nearly as much as when you lick him from bottom to tip, flattening your tongue to try and reach as much of him as you can. The noises he makes are nothing though compared to when you wrap your lips around his head, engulfing him in your mouth and sucking tightly.

It’s pure enjoyment from your part as you take in how he reacts, moving your hand to meet your lips in a rhythm that’s perfect for you both. Head lowering, you press your tongue to him as hard as you can on the way down before hollowing out your cheeks as you rise back up, trying to increase the amount of pressure he’s feeling. The gasps tell you he likes it and you hum, adding vibration to the mix while your free hand moves to cup his balls, running your fingers along him until you find what really makes his hips jerk.

For a few minutes, you continue on like this. Changing up the speed with which you tug on him, the pressure you apply to his cock and how you play with his balls to make sure he doesn’t get too complacent or too near completion. It would ruin the fun if he came too early.

Pulling off him, you begin to lick at his tip almost like you’re enjoying an ice cream, eyes closing as you let your tongue slide around the head of him and find all the places that make him quiver with need. Your hand slows on him as well, squeezing the base of him tightly to stop him from reaching his end if he is near and the reduction in pleasure has him whining your name.

“Please, please. Oh god, please fuck me. Please. I want to be inside you.” He begs desperately, his hands moving to grasp at the covers of the bed as you press kisses to his cock, letting go of it and enjoying the way it stands for a moment for falling back to his stomach with a wet slap from the weight of it. Smirking, you sit up and wipe at your mouth before looking down at him.

His pupils have blown out from lust while his cheeks are a beautiful, rosy pink and his chest is breathing a little heavier than before. Moving over him, you carefully avoid his cock as you lean down to kiss along his neck, biting gently and sucking in other places before moving up to his mouth. It’s already swollen from your previous kiss and the way he keeps biting at them, but it doesn’t stop you from nibbling on his lower lip.

“You want to be inside of me? Do you think you deserve to be in me, baby boy?” You ask the question lightly, whispering the words into his ear and he shivers in response. Jungkook is nodding before you’ve even finished speaking and you hide your smile.

“Yes, yes please. I’ve been good. I was good today, right? Please. Please let me.” Sitting back up, you lift yourself and grasp his cock, straightening it till the tip is brushing against your wet folds. The slight sensation has him making the strangest noises, his throat tight while his hips try to push up and you tut at him.

“Stop pushing. We go at my pace, okay?” He settles down, forcing himself to be still at the thread of dominance you weave through your words before nodding. Feeling a little bad that you’d done that, you lean forward and kiss him gently.

“I’ve got you baby boy, don’t worry. I love you.” You try not to grin at how he almost preens at that, his chest pushing out while happiness and pride fills his eyes. Despite the lust rushing through your body and the incessant desire that makes your pussy ache to have him inside you, your chest feels full of love for him.

Slowly, you lower yourself onto his cock. There’s no foreplay for you, but then you don’t need it given how wet you already are for him. Slowly, he penetrates you inch by inch and you let you the deepest sigh of relief once you’re finally seated on him, clit rubbing against his pelvis as you lean forward ever so slightly. 

You feel full and an experimental squeeze of your muscles has slight pleasure rolling through you while Jungkook moans at being so deep inside your warm depths. Biting your lip, you rock your hips slowly and feel the perfect friction as his cock slides out of you before pushing back in just as deep. The slickness of your excitement allows him to glide with each and you hum at how good he feels.

“Fuck baby, you feel so good in me,” Panting slightly, you slowly speed up your movements until the room is filled with the lewd sound of him slipping in and out of your soaked pussy. “Mmmm, Jungkook. Fuck, you’re perfect.”

Half of you isn’t even actually sure what you’re saying anymore to be honest, the sensation of him inside you as you fuck him is all you can really focus on and you’re just saying whatever comes to you. But it’s all praise for the man beneath you, the man who is grasping the sheets so hard to avoid touching you yet because you haven’t given him permission to.

Who is holding himself so steady to avoid pushing up into you, letting you use his body however you want. You love it and opening your eyes, you tell him so while shifting, leaning forwards ever so slightly to lightly scrape your nails along his chest. It makes him writhe and whimper, the sound deep from his throat and you automatically squeeze around his cock when you hear it.

“Good boy.” You whisper absentmindedly, your fingers reaching down to rub at the swollen flesh of your clit. It’s almost hard beneath your touch from how turned on you are and you slick your fingers in the sticky mess before rubbing in a rhythmic circle that has you gasping and tightening.

Rocking your hips on top of him, you take all the pleasure that you can get and slowly, your movements begin to match so every circle of your fingers is complemented by a rock of your hips. You mix it up occasionally, circling your hips and sighing in relief at how Jungkook’s cock presses against every part inside of you that sparks fires of pleasure.

“Touch me Jungkook. I want your hands here,” You take one of them and press it to one of your breasts, making his fingers twist and pull at your nipple in exactly the way you love. “And here.”

His other hand goes to your clit and you press his fingers in exactly the manner that you enjoy the most. It feels even better with the extra stimulation and you whine loudly, the sound mixing with your gasps as you feel almost overwhelmed.

“Are you close?” You whisper to him, opening your eyes after a few minutes of enjoying some of the best sex you’ve ever had with him and he nods quickly. His eyes are scrunched close, jaw tight as he clenches his teeth together in a desperate effort to control himself. Your wolf growls at the sight of it and you feel your chest rumble too, the sound causing Jungkook’s hip to push up automatically.

“I want you to knot me,” Moving to almost lay on him, you kiss and nip at his jaw insistently as his eyes widen suddenly at your words. “I want you to fill me up with your cum until you’re spilling out of me.”

“Seriously?” He pants and his hands still on yours. Looking into his eyes, those beautiful eyes that you love so much, you nod and kiss him deeply. Tangling your tongue with his, your hands move to cup his cheeks almost tenderly as the kiss takes over your thought process. Your hips slow down until you’re simply rolling them, your clit getting the pleasure of rubbing against him and it suddenly changes from sexy to intimate.

Parting from his lips, you pant softly, chest heaving from the effort of riding him for so long before nodding. “I want you to cum in me, and I want your knot. I want you to breed me while I bond with you, fill me up with your pups. Do you understand me?”

His eyes are bigger than ever and you wonder if he’s about to say no or something. Knotting is only done when you’re trying to impregnate and you want that desperately, want to feel him swell inside you until you can’t even move while he fills you up with rope after rope of thick cum. The thought of almost intoxicating and you tighten around him.

“Give me your knot baby, give it to me. I know you can. Don’t you want to give me pups? Watch me grow with them, all with the knowledge that they’re yours? See your Alpha, your leader, all swollen with your pups while I deal with everyone, knowing that they can see I’m yours?” The dirty, dark words whispered into his ear work and he lets out a deep growl of his own, the first time you’ve ever heard him growl.

His hands grasp at your hips, holding you steady as he begins to thrust up into you and you moan in delight at the increased sensations. You encourage him along, nipping at his jaw and continuing to coax him to knot you as you squeeze on his cock tightly, trying to encourage him and you finally begin to feel it.

It starts almost slowly and you’re not sure it’s happening at first, but then you’re certain his cock is beginning to swell in you. Reaching between you both, you rub at your clit exactly how you like as he continues to expand slowly, his jaw clenched so tightly. Any sign of the sweet, innocent Omega you’d fallen for is gone at the moment and you could easily mistake him for an Alpha with how strong he looks.

His hair is matted to his forehead, the strands ink black while his skin shines with the sweat he’s worked up and you’re not sure you’ve ever seen a hotter sight. Though looking between you both and taking in the sight of his cock thrusting into your pussy, there may be one thing hotter. 

“Cum for Jungkook. Knot your mate.” Panting into his ear, they must be the magic words because he pushes into you harder than ever, pressing down on your hips to keep you in place while he swells inside you. A deep moan that sounds like it’s been pulled from his chest comes from him and you shudder as your own release takes over, pussy tightening around him as your orgasm washes through you.

Before it finishes, you snarl softly and bare your teeth, the fangs that have grown suddenly biting into the soft skin of Jungkook’s neck as you mark him. He stiffens momentarily before letting out a ridiculously loud groan, his knot growing even bigger and you hum contentedly as you practically feel him orgasming inside you. 

The remnants of your own orgasm continue to rush through you and are intensified when Jungkook bites back at your own neck. Almost immediately, you feel the mate bond snap into place between the two of you as you mark each other at the point of orgasm. There’s no ceremony, no special words, just pure instinct that drives you both to fulfil this need.

Pulling your fangs from him, you slowly lick at his neck to help the wounds to heal while he does the same to you. Warmth fills you with the knowledge he’s your mate now while you can feel the oddest sensation of the knowledge that someone else occupies space within you now. You can’t talk to him telepathically or anything like the books, but it’s more just an awareness that he’s there.

A bottomless pit of love and protection for him along with an oath to love only him for as long as you live. 

Resting against him, you take a moment to simply enjoy the feeling of being on him while his knot continues to keep you held in place. The knowledge that he could even now be impregnating you is hot and you sluggishly lift your head up to gaze into his own tired eyes. Jungkook gives you a slow smile and you kiss him lazily, realising the sensation feels a little different now that you’re bonded.

“I love you.” You whisper, your dominant flair vanishing in the comfort of his embrace as he wraps his arms to simultaneously hug you and keep you in place to avoid you hurting yourself. A gentle kiss is pressed to your nose before he kisses you once more, a quiet hum of contentment leaving him.

“I love you too.” Neither of you say anything after that, simply enjoying each other as you wait for his knot to go down. When it finally does, there’s an almost uncomfortable feeling as a rush of his cum begins to seep out of you and onto him. You’re used to him orgasming inside you, knotting was the only way to get pregnant and wolves didn’t get STI’s like humans after all, but this was entirely different.

“God, how much did you cum?” Laughing, you shift until you can see between you both. His cock has slipped out of you now, resting against his thigh and shiny with your own excitement. But your thighs and his groin are beginning to become covered in white cum as it drips out of you.

“Well...you did tell me to get you pregnant.” Is all he says, his face innocent and you laugh loudly at that. Nodding slowly, you kiss him once more and enjoy how comfortable he is with you. There’s not much you wouldn’t do for him, you decide to yourself.

“I guess I did. You did a good job...baby boy.” Teasing him for how much he likes his submissive nickname, you watch as his face screws up into a scowl and he goes to reach for you. But you dance out of the way, moving off the bed and heading to the bathroom while he whines quietly.

“Please don’t call me that in public. I’d never live it down.” He begs and you pause at the door frame, looking back at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“Well...I guess the only solution to that is that you give me a reason to make sure I only use it in private...right?”

[tangledstarlight]

oh all of this silence and patience (oh im pining in anticipation)

listen it’s still august in some timezones so this totally counts as posting something in august okay? okay! i hope people like this, it took me far too long to finish, but also special shoutout to the wonderful @ourstarscollided​ who really helped me with the whole first section of this fic, without her i truly would still be working on it, so thank you eunice, you’re the best!💜 okay enjoy! 

the first firefighter!luke fic for anyone who wants to read that first, though it can be read alone: ao3 / tumblr

also on ao3!

lil disclaimer: i’m still not a firefighter and i also know that they dont use fire poles anymore but lets just ✨pretend✨ for the visual okay. this takes place between part 4 and 5 in the original fic!

trigger warnings! lots of swearing, implied sexual content.

RATED T –– there’s no graphic scenes but there’s a lot of kissing and fading to black, so rating might change if anyone needs me to 😬

Word count: 6,072

“Look who it is!”

Julie feels a grin pull up on the corners of her mouth as she spots Luke’s station captain coming around the end of one of the fire trucks Julie is walking between, sending her a wave of the clipboard she’s holding. “You’re here early.”

“Yeah, class ended early and I thought I'd pop over to see if I could get some extra time with Luke,” Julie shrugs, holding up the pale grey burlap bag that Alex had packed their food into.

And there’s a sympathetic look that crosses over Harrison’s face, because she knows that the younger woman knows she’s in charge of Luke’s shifts and the reason why Julie comes over every Tuesday to have lunch with her boyfriend.

Because that’s why she was here. To have lunch with him like she did every Tuesday between her classes and when the fires of LA would allow. Sometimes Alex would text her to stop by to pick up a packed lunch for them, sometimes she made something herself, sometimes they just ordered in. The food wasn’t really the point, it was just getting to spend some time together. Julie had never really thought about it before, but there was always something, someone, somewhere, trapped or hurt or on fire. Luke was a very busy person, and it meant sometimes their lunches got interrupted by blaring alarms and him pressing a quick kiss to her lips before rushing off.

Tuesdays were apparently very busy days for a firefighter.

“What’s the master chef prepared for you this week then?” Harrison asks, crossing her arms and clipboard across her chest and lifting one brow, “Y’know Alex used to cook for us, he’d send Luke in every Saturday he was on shift with all sorts of goodies.”

Julie bites her lip to try not to laugh at the exaggerated sigh that leaves the older woman's lips as she shakes her head sadly. There was something about Vivian Harrison that just— put people at ease. The first time Julie had officially met her there had been a warm hug and teasing remarks and there was just something that had viscerally reminding Julie of her aunt Victoria that it was kind of impossible not to like the station captain after that.

“He was pretty busy so it’s just some sandwiches,” she wrinkles her nose a little before smiling, “I’ll tell him how much you’re missing his cooking though, I’m sure the blame will fall completely on Luke.”

Harrison laughs, and tilts her head slightly as she shrugs, “That boy of yours is just very easy to blame.”

She feels a sudden flush to her cheeks at ‘that boy of yours’ that she hopes can be played off by how warm it always is in the station. She can see Harrison’s lips twitching, like she’s about to say something teasing, but Julie is saved from it by two people walking past them and a change of mind.

“Morales, can you tell Patterson his lunch is here.”

“Sure thing Cap,” one of the guys says, shooting her a wide smile that Julie feels compelled to return quickly before he’s rushing off, past the fire engines and up some stairs. And Julie’s about to ask Harrison if they’ve been busy today and if she’d found time to visit the farmers market they’d talked about last time, but another voice interrupts, and Julie hadn’t even realised the other guy hadn’t followed his friend.

“So you’re Patterson’s girl, right?” The blonde asks, eyes scanning her up and down in a way that makes her want to hide behind someone. There’s something vaguely familiar about him, probably because she’s seen him in passing for the last couple of months but never talked to him. Which wouldn’t have been weird if most of the other people in the station hadn’t introduced themselves the first time Luke had invited her to one of their station parties, and made an effort to talk to her whenever she'd stopped by since.

“Yeah, I’m Julie,” she smiles politely, trying to put emphasis on her name. She doesn't mind being known as Luke's girl by people at the station who have actually made an effort to get to know her. 

“Right, right, nice to meet you Julie. I’m Nick, I’m sure Luke’s mentioned me,” he grins, teeth showing and shoulders pulling back like he’s expecting her to — what? Clap? A small furrow works its way between her brows as Nick starts up a conversation without even waiting for her response and she suddenly understands what Luke means about him. Because he has mentioned the condescending, stereotypical blonde frat boy before, and never in a good way. It was mostly followed by some very creative swear words and a mumbled ‘he’s going to get either himself or one of us really hurt one day’.

She tries to follow along with the conversation, nodding politely and laughing whenever Harrison forces one out, but Nick only seems interested in talking about himself, and normally she can feign interest, but right now all she wants is to talk to one person in particular.

There’s the sound of too many voices heading in their direction and Julie turns around, eyes searching for one person, but all she’s met with is a collection of firefighters she vaguely knows and tries not to let her disappointment show too clearly on her face.

“Wow Molina, don’t look so excited to see us!” An elbow nudges her side and Julie glances up to see Carrie Wilson has appeared in the place that Nick had just stood, eyebrows raised and a blinding smile as the other blonde frowns from behind her, still trying to carry on his conversation.

“No! I am glad to see you all it’s just—” Julie starts, eyes a little wide as she looks at the other girl because Carrie had only ever been nice to her, but Luke had a lot of stories about the blonde being ruthless and rude to people she was mildly inconvenienced by.

(One of Luke’s favourite stories was about Carrie loudly telling some girl that Nick was flirting with how he had used the same lines on her two months before. Luke told it every chance he could get, sparing no details on the look of horror that has taken over Nick’s face.)

“You’re here for Patterson,” Carrie cuts her off with a wink, elbow nudging her lightly again, “Don’t worry, we all know. He should be down soon.” There’s something about how she says it that raises more questions than answers for Julie, furrow between her brows and mouth opening to comment when Carrie just nods her head behind her, and Julie turns around to spot Luke.

It’s impossible, Julie knows it’s impossible, but she could swear time slows down. Like she’s in some rom-com movie where the main character sees their love interest for the first time.

Only she’s not in a film, she’s stood next to a fire engine and trying to care about what the people around her are talking about and it’s far from the first time she’s seen the love interest. But the world still feels like it’s in slow motion all the same as she looks up as Luke calls her name from the second floor, grinning at her from over the banister and holding up one hand in that universal signal for ‘wait’.

And Julie waits, not that she could really do anything else with the firehouse blurring at the edges and Nick's voice fading into the background. Focus entirely on Luke.

She’s never seen someone slide down the pole before, didn’t even know that they still used them in firehouses, but Julie’s pretty sure it shouldn’t be as hot as it is. Though, she supposes, it could just be Luke. His hand wraps around the metal and Julie swallows as her eyes are drawn to his arms, to where his top pulls tight and his forearms are on show. If this was a film, there’d be some stereotypical song about sex playing in the background right about now. All her slightly hazy brain can supply is the chorus to Lady Marmalade on repeat. His legs wrapped around the pole, ankles crossed and thighs pressed together, comes into view as he slides down the metal, all cool and in control, and Julie's throat goes dry.

She knows how much strength it takes to slide down a pole. Her and Flynn had taken a few pole dancing classes a few years ago in an attempt to add some sort of exercise into their day. Julie can still remember how much her arms ached and the bruises that littered the insides of her thighs after even the simplest of moves.

It was hard, and Luke was making it look so easy.

His feet hit the ground, and even though she’s too far away to actually hear it, she’s pretty sure they must make some sort of thudding sound. Because that’s what happens, right? You slide down the pole and your feet hit the floor with a thud that shows you’re ready for action. Only Luke isn’t going off to put on his uniform and fight a fire or save a life.

He’s walking towards her, suspenders swaying and smile widening and eyes never leaving her face.

And look, she knows that she’s seen Luke fully naked, fresh out of a shower or panting on his back. But seeing him slide down that fucking pole in his white t-shirt, suspenders by his knees and hair a mess? Hottest thing she has ever seen. And he knows it if the way his teeth sink into his bottom lip as he gets closer is anything to go by.

“How long did it take you to practice all that, Patterson?” Carrie asks, and Julie can hear the teasing tone in her voice and would normally enjoy seeing Luke stammer and blush, but right now she’s the one feeling too warm and is pretty sure if she started speaking right now all that would come out would be a high pitched noise.

“About the same amount of time it takes you to do your hair,” is his easy reply and Julie watches as Carrie rolls her eyes, hair flipping over her shoulder, and because he’s momentarily not looking at her, Julie tries to pull her thoughts together. To get a hold of herself. This is not the first time she has seen him in his uniform, she has seen in him in far less, and she will not turn into a blushing mess right now!

“Alright you lot, back to work!” Harrison interrupts before anyone can say anything else, and everyone starts walking away, some nudging Luke as they go, some giving her a wave, and she thinks she must smile back, at least she hopes she does. Her brain is still very much focused on Luke and how his thighs probably looked coming down that pole without the heavy duty trousers. “You tell Alex I’m still a fan of the flapjack he makes,” Harrison says as she walks past, dropping an eye into a wink and giving Luke a look she doesn’t understand.

A tense smile pulls at Julie’s lips that she hopes comes across as genuine and not just her unable to speak because of her incredibly hot and infuriatingly knows it boyfriend.

“You alright, Jules? Looking a little flushed, need me to get one of the EMT’s?” Luke asks, all innocence and anything but subtle as he rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet, teeth still chewing on his damn lip.

“Just—” she clears her throat, trying to glare up at him, but already knowing it’s ruined by the heat in her cheeks and how she can’t stop staring at his arms. God, she hasn’t been this distracted by his arms since their first date. Blowing out a breath, Julie drags her eyes away from where his arms are crossed across his chest — which, she’s like, 80% sure he’s doing on purpose right now, the little shit — and up to his face just as he raises an eyebrow at her.

“It’s just a little warm,” she finally manages to get out, raising her hand that’s clutching the reusable grocery bag too tight, “Alex sent me with lunch.”

Luke’s eyes light up at the mention of Alex and food, hands dropping from his chest to eagerly reach for the bag and Julie can’t help but giggle at how quickly he can switch from cocky to cute.

“Swee-et! Alex is best,” he grins down at her, drawing out the first syllable of the word and bobbing his head at her. “You wanna eat outside?”

Julie doesn’t respond, just nods her head and links her fingers through his empty hand, letting Luke lead her out of the fire station and to the little grassy area outside. There’s already a blanket on the ground, two bottles of water and a warmth spreads through her for a different reason as Luke pulls her down to the ground and spreads out the food Alex has given them.

They get an hour.

An hour to eat lunch and curl up together to talk and giggle and try to keep their hands visible at all times. It’s both her favourite and the most tortuous hour of her week so far. And Luke’s just leaning in to whisper something in her ear, his breath against her cheek sending shivers down her spine when the alarm starts blaring from inside and his head drops to her shoulder with a sigh that mingles with her own groan.

“I gotta go,” he mutters into the fabric of her t-shirt, and she can imagine how his lips would feel brushing against her skin if they were somewhere else right now.

“I know,” she sighs and carefully moves her shoulder so he has to lift his head up, eyes apologetic as they meet hers. “Be careful?”

“Always am,” Luke smiles gently at her and then he’s getting up and leaving her on the blanket and feeling the loss. Julie watches him go, knees pulled up to her chest and blowing him a kiss when he turns around to wave one last time like he always does when the alarm inevitably ends their lunch date early.

Which normally Julie was fine with.

He was at work. He had a job. He had an important job.

Running out in the middle of lunch was fine. And it would have been fine today, if he hadn’t slid down that damn pole and filled her head with all sorts of ideas and left her fidgeting in her seat. It doesn’t help that Luke clearly knows, if the way he presses a kiss to her forehead and mutters a sorry, eyes a little wide and promises to see her later.

Which is all well and good, but Julie can’t help but feel like he did it on purpose and wonders if there’s a way for her to make him feel just as flustered as she had an hour earlier.

//

It takes her a while to form a plan of revenge, and then it takes a while longer for her to gather all the things she needs. And okay, maybe at some point she forgets why she’s doing all this, and then Luke mentions the pole at the station and how it makes his muscles ache sometimes as he says he’s going for a shower and Julie remembers the sight of him coming down and redoubles her planning.

The hard part comes when she has to pick a day. Because she can’t lure him to her house, not while her dad is working odd hours and her brother is home and Victoria still has a tendency to show up unannounced. Which leaves finding a time when his apartment is empty.

Not an easy feat when Reggie works from home part time, and can’t actually be trusted to stick to his word when he says he’ll be out and Alex has a weekend routine he’s hard pressed to change and likes to get home from work and relax. Plus she has to check when Luke isn’t working on a weekend, which turns out to be the easiest part, because it turns out Harrison really likes her and was happy to schedule Luke a weekend off when she asked.

Sure, she could have enacted her plan while one or both of them were home too but, well Julie knows the boys are all very close, and she knows that they’ve accepted her into the closeness with welcome arms. But she’s not sure she wants to have sex while they’re eating leftover lasagna down the hall. Feels a little too close for her liking. Plus, she has a plan that might end up involving their bath and she’s not sure they’d want to be there for that.

So Julie bides her time. Changes her mind on what clothes she wants and practices different poses on her bed at night and drops little hints about a weekend alone together.

Alex makes plans first, announces that he’s going with Willie to an out of state kids skateboarding competition to help cheer on Willie’s little proteges. He makes a big deal out telling them all the dates and how they had plans to go to some couples spa on their way back and how his restaurant would be ‘more than happy to supply any meals for two that you two might want’.

It had gone over Luke’s head, just nodding and asking about the competition. But Julie had gotten the hint.

And then a few days later Reggie said he had ‘big plans’ with her dad and brother of all people. He’d said it one afternoon when she’d stopped by to see Luke before his week of night shifts, how they were going to go camping so her dad could take some photos for a project and Reggie could teach Carlos to fish, and then he’d dropped his eye in a dramatic wink when she’d asked if that was the same weekend Alex was also away.

(Julie knew that she probably should have found it a little weird how often Reggie seemed to talk and hang out with her family, but the first time she’d gotten home to find him sitting at the dining room table, helping her dad edit photos and offering to order pizza, had felt strangely right.

Like he had always been a part of their family.

Luke had asked her once, a few weeks after they first started dating if it was okay. If she didn’t mind that Reggie had seemed to attach himself to her family. He never explicitly said anything, but she’d known him long enough by then to see the hints, the secrets she wasn’t aware of yet. Of lonely childhoods and something lacking. The hints that he’d found that with her family. And even if she hadn’t been fine with it already, she wasn’t about to stop Reggie. The Molina’s had never been shy about taking in lost souls.)

So apparently she hadn’t been quite as subtle as she thought she’d been with her hints. Both boys clearly conspiring to get her a weekend alone with their best friend. Julie’s just glad that Luke clearly hasn’t noticed. Or if he hadn’t, hadn’t teased her about it.

And that their apartment is empty when she uses her key to let herself in on Friday evening, Hotdog already waiting by the shoes for Luke, head tilted as she looks up mewling softly in disappointment.

“Sorry sweetie, he’ll be home soon though,” Julie mummers, bending down to scratch behind the cat's ears before stepping out of her shoes, which Hotdog happily moves to sit on top of instead. “Be sure to make a big fuss when he gets in so I know, alright?”

Hotdog doesn’t respond, just fixes her eyes back on the front door to wait for Luke, and Julie moves further into the apartment, laughing quietly at the plate of brownies Alex or Willie have clearly left out for them on the counter, blushing slight as she reads the short message scrawled on a post-it note,

‘Don’t mess up my kitchen ;)’

She tries not to let herself think too hard or long about how clearly they all knew about her grand plans for the night. And the next day, and hopefully the whole weekend if things went according to plan.

Picking up the plate on her way through the kitchen, Julie shrugs out of her coat to leave on the back of one of the kitchen stools, because if Luke missed her shoes in the hall, he won't miss this, and she’s really hoping he’ll get the hint to head towards his bedroom. By the time she’s made it to Luke’s room she’s lifted the cellophane off the plate and taken a bite from one of the brownies. Definitely Willie who’d baked them, he was always doubling up the chocolate content. Where Alex was experimental in the kitchen, Willie was a traditionalist who believed chocolate was the best way to set a mood. Julie couldn’t really fault his logic as she moves into Luke’s room.

His room looks the same as it had the first time she’d seen it. Only now there’s a bottle of her perfume on his dresser, and some of her clothes on his ‘laundry’ chair, and polaroids of the two of them stuck in the corners of the photo frames of him and the boys. And Julie knows if she thinks about it, that her room at her dad's house is also littered with pieces of him as well, and she knows it’s only been a few months, but it feels like years. Like her life had been full of all these little gaps she’d never noticed until they were filled with Luke.

Putting the plate down, she starts moving around his room. Pulling out the firefighting coat he’d brought home a few weeks ago because he’d found a rip in the shoulder, rooting through his wardrobe for the plain blue cut off she’d seen the last time she was over and laying them out on his bed. Tilting her head, Julie mentally puts together her outfit one more time. Shorts, suspenders, Luke’s cut-off, coat, maybe the shoes? She bites her lip and decides to come back to it, to see how everything looks on.

It’s strange, Julie thinks as she clips one side of her suspenders to her shorts, how nervous she is about this. It’s not like this is the first time they’ll have slept together, but it is the first time she’s done anything like this. Dressed up in something other than a pretty dress for dinner that he’d taken great care of taking off her.

What if he didn’t like it? What if he thought it was weird? What if he got home and was too tired to do anything? He’d been at work all day, after a long week of working, maybe she should change her plans and do it tomorrow night? What if—

She cuts her own thoughts off with a groan, sitting down on the end of Luke’s bed to take a breath and fiddle with knee high sheer socks dotted with little stars that she’d ordered online. Logically, Julie knows that Luke will like this, that he’ll look at her with those eyes of his that can’t hide a single emotion and smile at her slowly and call her beautiful.

Because he’d been complimenting her since their first date, and every day since. Little things and big changes and all the between. He really did seem to like her just as much dressed up and with make-up on as he did when she’d just woken up on a morning with her hair a mess and pillow creases still on her cheeks.

And that in itself was scary.

Because he liked her for her and didn’t need her to change. She’d never really dated anyone before who didn’t want her to be less invested in music or spend less time with her family or who didn’t like Flynn or even one guy who thought she should try a different scent of shampoo. They’d all been relationships littered with red flags, big and small.

But not even Flynn could find a real warning sign about Luke. Maybe he was a little co-dependant on his friends, but neither of them could say anything because they were a little co-dependant too. And maybe he could be a little over enthusiastic, but he also knew when to give her space. He had a stable job and good friends and was cute and lived in a nice area and he had a cat.

And, once upon a time, he had had a similar dream to her.

One of the things Flynn had managed to dig up on him during her ‘background’ check was an old low quality video on youtube of three boys in a garage playing instruments that looked too big for them but taking the whole thing seriously. Voices cracking on the cover of Summer of ‘69 they were playing, but Julie had seen the way they grinned at each other, at the way a younger Luke had bounced around the small space and Reggie had rocked on his feet and Alex had thrown a drumstick in the air and caught it again. They were kids, but they were talented and it's at that moment that Julie realises Luke was right. They could have made it.

She wonders what would have happened if fate hadn’t intervened in the form of a fire. She’s pretty sure Luke has wondered the same thing too. He doesn’t talk about it much and Julie’s never sure how much to push because he seems happy in his life and choices. And plus, if it hadn’t been for a fire in a record store, there’s a chance they wouldn’t have met.

Julie frowns a little at that thought as she rolls on her second sock over her knee and stands up, straightening out her shorts and twisting the side of Luke’s cut off up and tying it into a knot. She’s never been the biggest believer in fate since her mom died but she thinks there’s something a little like fate that’s pulled them together. And she thinks they’d have met with a fire or without a fire, with music or without.

She wrinkles her nose at herself in the mirror at that thought, rolling her eyes at how cheesy it sounds even to herself. Fate and destiny, who did she think she was? They were just two people lucky enough to find each other.

An alarm goes off on her phone to tell her she’s got half an hour before Luke is due home and this is her last chance if she wants to change her mind.

Tilting her head a slightly to the side, Julie takes in her high waisted shorts, red suspenders dangling by her thighs, the way her t-shirt cinches at her waist and reveals just a strip of skin above her shorts where she knows Luke likes to rest his hands when he pulls her close. She’d taken extra care with her curls and all she had to do was apply some lipstick and touch up her eyeliner and she’d be ready.

It’s Flynn’s voice in the back of her head as she tucks curls behind her ears to lean a little closer to her reflection and, as she pulls back, smacking her lips once before letting them rest in a pout, she can’t help but reiterate it, “I do look hot.”

The front door shuts and Julie can hear Hotdog meowing and Luke’s muffled voice down the corridor as she’s pulling his coat over her shoulders. It’s far too big for her, hanging below her knees and she has to roll the sleeves up three times to free her hands, but the collar smells like smoke and metal and Luke and his last name is written across the right hand side and his station across her back.

That was the part that Flynn had said would really get him — his name on her. Luke wasn’t exactly possessive, but she and Flynn had agreed there was just something about it that was A Lot, in a good way. (Unlike buying a pole and installing it in Luke’s room for a weekend, that was A Lot, in a bad way. Her plan had gone through many different phases before settling on this one. Luckily, it was also the cheapest.)

“Jules?” Luke calls and Julie bites her lip as she carefully climbs on to his bed, and kneels in the middle before changing her mind and crawling off the other side to stand next to it instead.

“I’m in here,” she calls back and she hears something dropping to the floor, probably his bag she guesses, and then his footsteps sounding down the hall.

Julie’s glad she opted for the shoes, just simple black heels, but they give her an extra lift and something more for Luke to look at as he opens his bedroom door. She has one knee slightly bent and resting on her toes, coat sleeves hiding the way her hands are balled up at her sides and one shoulder raised a little higher than the other as she tilts her head at him, biting her lip.

He freezes in the doorway, mouth partly open like he’d been about to say something only to get lost somewhere between his brain and vocal chords as his eyes seem to lock on to the coat she’s wearing before traveling down to her bare legs and Julie watches him swallow, adam's apple bobbing. Just as his eyes get back up to her face she moves one hand to tuck her coat behind her hip and hook her thumb under her suspenders in a way she’s seen him do countless times.

And it gets the reaction she wants, his eyes zeroing in on her hand and tracing up the line of red that covers her chest. Luke’s tongue darts out to swipe across his bottom lip as he blinks and finally drags his eyes back up to her face, pupils blown wide and she watches as he lets out a heavy breath.

“Hi,” she breathes out, and almost immediately regrets it. She's trying for sexy but thinks it just comes across as gasping. Which she hopes she’ll be eventually at some point tonight, but would at least like to be touched a little first.

“You—” Luke starts, and his voice is rough like he’s not used it in hours so he swallows again and Julie’s momentarily distracted by the way his throat moves before his speaking again, “Is that my coat?”

“Maybe,” Julie shrugs, turning slightly so she can pull at the collar of the coat to peer down at the name stitched in the fabric, “Oh look, it does say your name. Would you like me to take it off?” She blinks up at him with a soft smile.

Julie doesn’t know if it’s the smile or her words or just everything about the moment, but Luke lets out a low groan and before she can even blink he’s stood in front of her, hands on her hips and fingers brushing against her strip of visible skin, just like she knew he would. And she’s thankful for the heels all over again when it gives her the little extra height that means Luke doesn’t have to bend down quite so far to brush his lips across her cheek.

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” he mutters, lips ghosting along her jaw and Julie has to rest her hands against his chest to steady herself as her legs already feel wobbly. If she didn’t love him, she’d almost hate him for how easily he can affect her.

“Luke,” she whines as he continues to avoid her lips and trails one hand up his chest to wrap around his neck, fingers winding into his hair to tug lightly which only results in making him huff a laugh against the skin below her ear before giving in and pulling back.

“So,” he starts, press a light kiss to her cheek again again, “fucking,” he kisses the corner of her lips, “beautiful.” And he finally presses his lips to hers, soft at first and then she nips lightly at his top lip and he flexes his fingers against her hip, tugging her a closer with her suspenders to deepen the kiss.

Julie walks them backwards until the backs of her knees hit the edge of his bed and Luke takes the lead from there, lowering her down without breaking the kiss. He pulls away just enough to gasp for a breath, and she looks up at him, chest heaving and takes her chance to start her own teasing trail of kisses up his neck and across his jaw.

“Fuck,” he mutters and Julie smiles as she sucks lightly at his neck and sees the red mark her lipstick has left behind. She just hopes it lasts long enough for her full plan.

//

“This was because of the pole thing a few weeks ago, right?” Luke asks a few hours later as they lie in the middle of his bed, blankets half pushed to the floor and Julie’s spent the last five minutes kicking her legs back and forth to try and dislodge the reminder from covering her legs without having to turn around or sit up. She’s perfectly comfortably lying on her front, licking chocolate off her fingers from one of the brownies that Alex and Willie had been correct in leaving for them.

“Maybe,” she tries to shrug, but it’s awkward in this position and she quickly gives up to just look at him from under her lashes with a smile.

Luke laughs, his fingers trailing up and down her arm and over her shoulder a few times before he sits up slightly and leans over to press a kiss to her shoulder, “If I’d known it would cause such a reaction I would have slid down that pole in front of you months ago.”

“It might have still taken us months to get to this. Your roommates have very annoying schedules,” she shakes her head sadly and she thinks her hair has to be hitting him in the face, but he doesn’t say anything, just carefully gathers it in one hand to drape over her other shoulder, his lips still brushing soft kisses across her skin.

“Yeah. I’d get rid of them if Alex didn’t feed me for free and Reggie didn’t get us so many free tickets to stuff,” he sighs, breath blowing against her skin as his nose nudges over her shoulder blade until his lips follow and his rest his chin on her shoulder, and all she has to do is turn her head a little to find his eyes on her lips. “Though it would be so worth it for weekends like this.”

“Guess we should just make the most of this one first, huh?”

It’s a little awkward, and Luke must be uncomfortable with his torso twisted like it is, but it’s easy to kiss Luke, and to roll over until she can push him back down until his back hits the mattress and she can hover over him instead.

“You sound like you have a plan,” Luke comments, and his hands rest on her hips, fingers tapping against her as he looks up at her with those damn eyes of his. The ones that can’t hide a single thought or emotion. And all she can see is love, and okay yeah, probably a lot of lust.

“There might have been some bullet point list involved,” she shrugs one shoulder, her hair slipping over as she moves and Luke’s fingers flex against her, squeezing one hip as he lets out something that sounds halfway between a laugh and a groan.

“That shouldn’t be this hot,” he shakes his head, but his eyes are still shining and Julie loves him.

So she tells him. And kisses him. And wonders if it’s too soon to suggest they spend all their weekends together forever.

[whentherewerebicycles]

okay lol went to bed feeling lightly panicked about what on earth we were going to do in class today but then I woke up at 7:30 and spent 8-10 lesson planning and I’m feeling pretty confident in the lesson now. I’ve asked one of my kids to give a little “practitioner talk” on the community implementation piece of her project, ie I’ll be treating her like a guest researcher visiting the class to share her work, and we’ll have a loosely structured conversation about the process through which she’s identified, reached out to, and built relationships with the community partners who are helping her test and implement her project. this is going to be a series we do over the next couple months (brief little talks where the students themselves act as guest speakers) and it’s part of my sneaky plan to help them make that mental/emotional transition from seeing themselves as students to seeing themselves as early career researchers and professionals.

as part of that talk we’re going to physically map her network on the board to help them visualize each stage of her process (I’ll be asking informal little questions throughout to draw out advice from her + reflections on what’s worked vs what’s been less successful). when we’re done with the talk + mapping exercise, we’ll do a structured series of reflective freewriting questions to help them self-assess where they are right now, to generate some ideas for the next activity, and to identify what they’re finding most difficult or anxiety-inducing about the process of building those community partnerships or securing sites to implement their projects. then we’ll do a whole group debrief to share their answers to the last part and to see if we can collectively give each other some advice or ideas (and I’ll be sneakily writing stuff down that I can use to tailor future lessons or individual advising sessions).

THEN I think the ‘applied’ activity will be having them work with a partner to construct their own community implementation map/plan on a big piece of paper. I’ll ask them to use different colors of markers or different signs to distinguish between the pieces that are set (ie they have an established relationship or are confident they can implement their project there) vs. the pieces that are speculative or in progress. for the speculative pieces of the map I’ll have them try to problem solve and brainstorm with their partner to think about the types of people or organizations or groups they might want to connect with and why. I’ll be moving around the room during this part asking questions and offering targeted feedback. I will probably ask my ‘practitioner talk’ student if she’ll act as another teacher/facilitator here—ie moving around the groups listening, answering questions, and offering feedback (which I think will be fun for her because she is developing a strong interest in pedagogy this year and has been researching active learning strategies with me for her project).

LASTLY we will look at some sample email exchanges my ‘practitioner talk’ student has had with her community partners, to give the other students a model for what that kind of outreach looks like. and then, time permitting, I’ll have them close by actually drafting an email and workshopping it with a partner (if we don’t have time I’ll make this the homework piece we work on in their individual meetings this week).

okay!! I feel good about this and I’ve sent the rough outline to my student, who seems really excited about getting to share. here’s what I have left to do before class:

create google slides with the structured freewrite questions (I have them drafted just need to polish them and move them over)

get those email screenshots from my student and add them to the slides for the last part

skim through my meeting notes with the student and jot down any specific things I want to reference or be sure to ask her about

loosely write out and test the instructions for the mapping activity—I think it’ll be pretty easy to explain but I just want to try it out quickly to make sure it makes sense

buy snacks, tape, new markers

god I love it when a lesson comes together fairly easily and actually seems to make sense!!

[aphrodicted]

My method to manifest things I wish in my life I: Manifesting a desired person

For a time I had a need to meet new people. I was going to enter the university, I lost contact with my old friends and, in the end, I felt that I was alone and I wouldn’t be able to meet anyone who could accompany me in my new stage. For this reason, and after meditating on what was the most practical and comfortable method for me, I decided to write a letter to the Universe and thank it for the experiences that it had made me live and, also, explain about the new people who had appeared in my life. And that's how, in two months, the boy I had described in my letter appeared.

Before I begin to explain how I made the letter, I need to clarify certain points that seem very important to me. Using this method isn’t negative or qualifies us as losers for not being able to make new friends quickly. There are people who are shy or cannot find the right situation to meet people. Making this letter will help you know what kind of people you want in your life and what kind of relationships you want to live in the future. Also, this exercise can be used to find out if the relationships in your present life make you happy or not, if they are based on attachment or other negative feelings. On the other hand, it can also help you discover how much you idealize the people around you. You can add the characteristics you want in the letter, but it’s essential you use logic and don’t ask to have, for example, a famous singer as your friend.

Another important idea is to know the letter will not manifest itself if you don’t contribute to making everything you have written happen. For example, being at home with your arms crossed and waiting for them to knock on your door isn’t a good decision. As far as you can, and you feel comfortable (don't force yourself if you don't feel prepared, please), get out of your comfort zone and seek to participate in activities where you can meet new people, visit places where you can interact with people... Everything will depend on the type of person you want to express: if you want a friend who loves sports, you can join a gym, go to the park for a run, etc.

What do I need to create my letter?

Paper to write your letter,

red or blue pen,

envelopes to store the letter,

flowers you relate with the person you are asking for (for example, I used dried red roses when I manifested my old boyfriend),

white sugar

and cinnamon powder.

So, I already have all the materials that you have asked me, how do I start?

Take your time to think about the person you want to manifest in your life. Depending on the type of person (lover or friend), I recommend taking into account some points.

If you want to manifest a boyfriend or girlfriend, you should take into account the following: physical appearance (his/her body, how he/she dresses...), personality, hobbies, how will your relationship with him or her be (how will you treat each other, your day to day together, etc.) and your sex life (if you are comfortable talking about it).

If you want to manifest a friend: your desired friend's personality, his/her hobbies, how your relationship will be (what you will do together, how your free time will be shared, etc.). I don't think physical appearance is important when it comes to friendship, but if it's important to you, you can add it.

This will take time and, perhaps, it’s advisable to make several drafts before writing your letter. Don’t be angry for taking too long to decide, since you have all the time to write and correct the aspects you consider unimportant. In the end, the draft is a tool to get rid of those aspects that you thought were important and aren’t important now or viceversa. Understand yor draft as a way to know yourself more and who you want to have by your side.

Decide where and when you will write your letter. I recommend you do it in a place and time where you can be alone and without distractions. When you have decided where and when: be sure to clean the area where you will work and place the materials near you. Some people enjoy putting incense, lighting a candle, or listening to music, but you should do what helps you to focus the most. Don't forget your final draft, if you've made one!

Before writing, I advise you to use a red pen if you want to manifest a lover and the blue pen if it’s about friends. Why? There is no special reason, I simply associate these colors with love (red) and blue (friendship), and when I have done this exercise I have used them in this way and it has worked for me. If you associate green with friendship, you can write your letter in green. However, I do recommend not using black pens for this.

Start writing "Dear Universe/God/Aphrodite (to the entity you want to address, it is important that you have faith and trust in that entity), I write this letter to thank you for the arrival of all the people who are part of my life, but I especially want to thank you for the existence of the person who has become my boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/friends...". Below you can start by talking about his/her/their physical appearance ("he/she/they have a beautiful smile that makes me smile next to them/her/him"), how he/she dresses ("his way of dressing I love, since he wears clothes of black and red like me") or talk about a part of their body that is important to you. For example, I like men with big hands and I always try to specify it in my letter. However, remember the more specific the person you ask for, the longer it may take to reach your life. In this section, if you think it’s important, you can talk about his/her/their birth chart. I asked to meet a man with Pisces as his sun sign, and so it was.

I recommend you to continue with his/her/their personality and his/her/their hobbies. Both this section and the physical appearance can be done using a list and not redacted, since the intention is that you visualize that person while you write, so the way of writing it is indifferent. After specifying his/her/their personality (“likeable, generous, humorous...”) and his/her/their hobbies (“painting, singing, dancing, cinema, cooking...”), you should talk about your relationship with him/her/them.

This point I recommend it to be written, since your feelings and your sensations will be fundamental. You must write it in first person and in present tense (never in past or future), as if you were living it at that very moment. Your paths and feelings should be reflected in the letter: "I feel happy whenever he/she/they takes my hand, I feel butterflies in my stomach every time we look at each other." What you feel next to that person is very important, and all your feelings must be reflected. On the other hand, it’s advisable to visualize as you write about your dream relationship, so the visualization should be in first person: as if you had him/her/them in front of your eyes.

The same for your sex life: what you feel, what practices you do with he or she... write everything you think is important.

The end of your letter is also very important. You should finish your writing by thanking the entity you referred to at the beginning of your letter. "For all this, dear Universe/God/Aphrodite, I am grateful that you have brought this person and all these sensations, emotions and blessings to his side. I wish to continue to be with this person for a long time. Thank you, Universe/God/Aphrodite, thank you, thank you. Let your will be done.” If you don't want to say "Let your will be done", you can always say: "That's right. That's how it will be". It doesn't matter how many pages you have used. There will be people who end up writing four pages and others will only use two pages.

When you finish your letter, I recommend you to read it in case you have forgotten something, if everything is correct: take your envelope and add a little cinnamon powder, sugar and the flowers you have chosen inside it. Spread the cinnamon and sugar inside the envelope and try to get it stained with the cinnamon. Do the same with your letter: spread the cinnamon powder on the pages until they are stained. You don't have to add a lot of cinnamon, just enough to stain the pages. Fold the pages so you can put them in the envelope and, if you still have some flowers, spread them out inside the folded pages. When the folded pages are inside your envelope, close it and hide it somewhere where you won't go looking for it. In my case, I kept it in a folder full of old documents that I didn't use. Don’t hide your letter in a dirty or humid place, since it will not help to manifest itself.

And you're done!

The following steps are the most complicated: forget about the existence of your letter and the person you have asked to manifest. The less you obsess, the faster it will appear in your life. I managed to forget and comply with the corresponding detachment and in less than two months the person I asked for appeared through a friend from my university.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me!

Happy manifestation, angel! Good luck!

[thetomorrowshow]

Slower Than Words Ch. 20

First  -  Previous  -  Next

Been a busy week! I’ll let you know if I need to slow down updates! So how about we visit Virgil, see what’s up with him?

cw: a n g s t, panic attack

~

Virgil couldn't move. Roman had helped him into bed, then sat in the room for a while, trying to talk to him. When Virgil didn't respond, he eventually left, stating that he would be back later.

His world was crashing down around him.

Could he believe that just yesterday, he'd smiled? He'd laughed? Now it was all background noise, mindless buzzing that felt totally inconsequential. There was only one thing that mattered now. Patton.

Therapy had been rough, and Virgil had expected it to be. What he hadn't expected was to go over every meaningful interaction he had with Patton. The doctor had said she was “doing some tests”, so Virgil struggled to keep himself together as he talked about the one person he missed most in the world.

Then, she'd had the audacity—she'd dared to—

Virgil took a deep breath, blood boiling as he remembered that it was she who encouraged these breathing exercises. What if he didn't want to calm down? He deserved to feel, remember, Patton needed him to—

Virgil's legs started quaking, but he paid it no mind. He could not be wrong, admitting he was wrong would be abandoning Patton, he couldn't do that, he wasn't dead, he wasn't gone, he'd always been there and always would.

His breathing quickened, coming in short, shallow breaths. His entire body was shaking, and Virgil nearly puked when he realized he could smell rubbing alcohol. He hadn't had a flashback all week, he'd been doing so well!

As if summoned, there were gentle fingers on his wrist. Calm, the fingers traced. It's okay. I'm here.

“Patton,” Virgil croaked. “I—I knew it, you're here, you're here, I knew it—”

V breathe slow. Safe.

Virgil got his breathing under control after a dozen rounds of exercises. His legs were still quivering, but he knew where he was. He was in his room, in Roman's house, and he was going to be okay, and Patton—

Virgil choked.

His own hand gripped his wrist. His own hand was tracing soothing words.

“She was right,” Virgil whispered. His mind frantically grasped at straws, trying to explain what had just happened, as Virgil felt an overwhelming amount of despair.

“Virgil, you talk a lot about Patton. In every instance you told me about, however, you never hear him. You can't see him. Based on your time alone at the beginning of your imprisonment, it seems unlikely that they would suddenly decide to move you into a room with another person.”

Virgil's body had been completely out of energy, lax and unable to move, but now he was stiff as a board, locked in place. It couldn't be. It couldn't.

“We haven't been able to find out what that book was, based on your description of it.”

No. No no no no no.

“And I've seen you trace words onto yourself, in times when you need comfort. An interesting coping habit, one that might appear when a person is locked in a room with no outside stimulation.”

Virgil sobbed, full on weeping as his body couldn't move. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be real.

And that was exactly the problem, wasn't it?

“Virgil, I think Patton may have been a hallucination that your brain fabricated in order to keep you comfort during the year that you were alone. I may be wrong, but everything you've told me about Patton points to it. Virgil, can you be absolutely certain that Patton was real?”

He'd said yes, he'd said that there was no other option. He'd stormed out of the office five minutes later. He'd refused to talk to Roman in the car. He'd gone straight to his room and curled up on top of his blankets.

Patton had to be real, didn't he? He couldn't have made up a person so complex, so loving, so wonderful. And, more realistically, he couldn't have created something so solid it had washed his clothes on days he felt too ill. Unless he'd imagined it. Anything was possible if it came from his head, wasn't it?

One part of him was screaming, begging him to not abandon his best friend. The other part of him was mourning the loss of Patton. Virgil wasn't sure what to do, torn this way. He had to be real. He was real—but was he? Where was the evidence?

The world was crumbling. Virgil choked on his tears, crying for Patton, crying for himself, crying for the loss he'd just suffered. Patton wasn't real, Patton had to be real, Patton couldn't be real.

Roman knocked on the door, asking cautiously if Virgil wanted to come down for dinner. Virgil pretended to not hear him, feigned sleep when Roman opened the door to look in. He buried his eyes in his pillow as he heard the door quietly shut, then Roman's footsteps retreating. He was alone, isolated, and the one person he'd truly loved had probably never even existed.

What was Virgil supposed to do?

-

“Dude, what does it say?”

A long silence. Virgil groaned. Apparently he'd gotten an email as well as a letter, but Roman had insisted on reading it to him. Screen-readers were 'too impersonal' now. It wasn't like he was going to get his information any other way.

“Virgil, I . . . I'm sorry.”

Virgil's heart dropped. Roman sounded lost for words, his voice cracking in the middle of the sentence. There was no way whatever the letter said was good news.

“You . . . you got in!”

In a shot of adrenaline, Virgil smacked him. Probably on the arm.

“Ow! That was my face, you heathen!”

Oops.

“Roman! Don't—why—” Virgil could barely speak. He'd gotten in? He was certain he wouldn't get in the first time, let alone twice . He got in!

“It's my job, as your adopted older brother!” Roman said, the false hurt completely gone from his tone. “I have to bully you a bit! You should've seen the look on your face, it was priceless!”

Virgil frowned, his heart still racing. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it a bit. “I'm . . . older than you?”

“Doesn't matter! I am, by proxy, older!”

Virgil snorted. “That makes no sense, dude.”

“Doesn't have to!” Roman proclaimed. Virgil could practically see him doing some dramatic arm thing. “I'm the older brother, and therefore, I don't have to make sense!”

Virgil tilted his head back in an approximation of rolling his eyes. According to Roman, it looked pretty creepy when he actually rolled his eyes, and it stung a little. Still, he would probably roll his eyes once he was around people who weren't Roman's parents.

He was really going back.

He sniffed, his nose burning. It had been so, so long. Had the campus changed? Would he be in a different dorm? Would he and Roman still share, since they were in different grades now?

He knew everything about their accessibility and whatever, about how they would accommodate disabled people. The school had actually reached out to him, informing him that he could finish his degree no problem, they had four or five visually impaired students already and could easily make it possible for him to continue his education. Virgil had been in contact with various foundations in order to work things out with his university, and he'd gotten a few scholarships—not to mention, the handful of scholarships he'd already had had gladly reinstated themselves. In fact, Virgil had pretty much already known that he'd be going back. There'd been very little room to doubt, as his therapist had told him several times.

This was real, though. Right there, in Roman's hands, was proof. He was allowed back, and would see teachers and classmates he hadn't seen in over a year. He was starting spring semester, which was still a few months away—Roman, despite his protests, had also put off starting his junior year until spring semester.

“Virge? Are . . . you okay?”

Virgil sniffed again, wiping his cheek to find a few tears there. “Yeah, I'm fine,” he said, with an attempt at a laugh. “I just . . . didn't think this would ever happen, y'know?”

Roman also laughed, albeit much more nervously. “With the way admissions was basically begging you to come back? Of course it happened!”

Neither of them acknowledged what Virgil really meant.

“So, packing?” Roman said, after several seconds of silence. “I know it's a while away, but is there anything specific you want to bring?”

With a pang, Virgil thought back to his hand-stitched hoodie. Hopefully it was bringing Patton as much comfort as it had always brought him. He'd had it for years, made it in Home Ec in high school. Until recently, he'd never been without it. It was bittersweet, in a way. Sure, it was gone, but it was with Patton. Like . . . like a piece of his heart would always be with Patton.

Virgil shook himself. That's stupid. And cheesy, he told himself. Grow up. Move on. He doesn't exist.

There was an ASL club on campus, one that Virgil planned on becoming a part of. Roman wanted to as well, making up something about having always wanted to learn sign, but Virgil knew it was just protectiveness. Virgil was pretty sure Roman had been about to rearrange his entire schedule so that they could have the same classes, despite the fact that Roman was a year ahead and in a different program of study. After a long evening of Virgil sitting in his room anxiously while Roman talked to his parents in the living room downstairs, Roman had come to the conclusion that it was best for him to continue with his intended major. Virgil was relieved—he was a grown adult, after all. He didn't really want someone trailing after him everywhere, insisting on helping him with every little thing.

Did he?

“Am I ready for this?” he wondered aloud. Roman gripped his shoulder tightly.

“I think so.” The words were soft, but no less powerful than Roman's usual loud tone. “You're so strong, Virgil. You're the strongest person I know.”

Virgil couldn't help but cringe. He knew someone much stronger. Whether that person was real or not was up for debate.

His most recent therapy sessions had involved a lot of tears, but Virgil had agreed to acknowledge that Patton might not exist. In turn, the doctor agreed to not make a formal assessment on Patton for the time being. It was still devastating, of course. It was still as if his entire world was falling apart. But Virgil was finding it easier to smile, more natural to joke with Roman.

He was healing.

Did he want to heal?

Yes, of course Virgil wanted to heal. He wanted to move on. He wanted to lead a normal life, without hurt and flashbacks and hallucinations.

But not without Patton.

There was a fork in the road approaching, Virgil was sure of it. He was going to have to choose between waiting for, hoping for Patton, and moving on. He wasn't sure what would happen when he reached that point.

But it scared him that he would have to make that decision alone.

~

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @enragedbees @gotta-love-alejandra @bunny222 @basiic-emo @patt0n-sanders @rosiepupper @fangirlgeekandfreak @dn-fan21 @that2000skid @remy-the-lemon-berry @itsadastraperaspera @xionbean @sanderssides-angst @hell-yea-we-gay-tonight @maybedefinitely404 @broken-pencils @thewhimsicallibrarytech @doomllily @hereissananxiousmess @judyismydog  @arodynamic-enby @at-that-one-nerd @therapysides

[lizacstuff]

SCK/Edser Asks Episode 36 (+37 spec)

(asks under the cut)

Anonymous said: I really liked parts of SCK this week, but other parts made me want to scream. What did you think?

Same, same. This episode taken as an exercise in just watching Hande and Kerem doing their thing...  AMAZING. But... even they can’t save the writing. 

I’ll get into detail as I answer asks, but I felt this episode was a bit disjointed and I’m wondering if that is due to some of the alleged rewrites that happened. We know  for sure there were rewrites for Bige, for instance I’m guessing that the Serkan/Selin conversation was supposed to be in person and not on the phone and that it might have been watered down due to that. But even prior to that, we know that they delayed shooting for a day and a half and it was said to be because there were rewrites. I’m honestly wondering if they got the scripts and there wasn’t enough Eda and Serkan, and so maybe the producers had the writers go back and try and fix that and maybe that’s why there seemed to be some emotional inconsistencies scene to scene? Who knows, but I got that feeling just like I did with episode 24. Another one with great scenes that didn’t always make sense one after the other. 

That being said, lets jump in:

Anonymous said: Just me or did anyone else feel uneasy at how quickly everyone in SCK decided to just forget the last 6 weeks? Eda & Serkan were just so happy to be back together and we got lots of sweet moments but it just felt like something bad was going to happen. Plus did the characters (and the viewers) really go through all this pain just to gloss over it and pretend things were normal again? While I think the Selin pregnancy story will be wrapped up quickly mostly due to Bige’s current situation, I think (and hope) it has brought to light that Eda & Serkan have some work to do before getting married. They love each other but something feels off. The super quick proposal with a random ring just felt so wrong to me. I am still struggling with Serkan’s character and Eda needs some time to process everything that has happened.

Uneasy is a great word to describe how I was feeling. I think that was a huge problem with this episode.  It’s almost like as the audience we’re being gaslit. Like they write this huge traumatic, dramatic storyline, they have Serkan go through hell, break Eda’s heart over and over again, they have Selin and Deniz as awful, manipulative people terrorizing the protagonists, but then at the end the narrative is like *handwave* “Nah, you’re crazy, it wasn’t that bad. These people don’t need to talk about anything or heal, no apologizes, no emotional showdowns and the villains don’t need to be punished, we’ll all just move on.”

IT’S UNSETTLING AS A VIEWER. I feel cheated. I invested in this story, watched in week after week, and then they’re not even going to give us a remorseful, devastated Serkan? Everything was glossed over. They gave us some wonderful, sweet Edser scenes (especially visually) but on my first viewing it felt like this weird cloud was hanging over everything and I couldn’t really enjoy them because I kept expecting the narrative to make some sort of meaning out of everything they’d been through, and that did not happen. (notes on my second viewing down below) 

The problem is these writers. They seem fine at coming up with melodramatic plots and shocking cliffhangers, but they have no idea how to give the emotional pay off for what they’ve set in motion.  When you put your audience through hell, you owe them to really deliver the emotional climax and these writers dropped the ball pretty much in every way they could throughout this story.

The random ring felt very wrong, but I’m sure they didn’t want to go back to the flower for a proposal that wasn’t going to be successful. No need to make it even more cursed than it is. Serkan’s decision to propose while sweet, was way too soon. I think what the writers were going for was having him propose in front of all of their family and friends, because deep down he knows how much he hurt her when he proposed to Selin in front of all of them. There was a hint of that at the wedding when he wanted to make sure everyone knew how he felt. Especially with the imagery of him getting down on one knee. Getting down on one knee signifies loyalty, obedience and respect so I think there was a lot of significant to him laying himself open to her, and symbolically declaring himself subservient to her in front of everyone. 

It’s actually very sweet and does a bit of work in the righting of wrongs, but it’s misguided, and I’m glad it failed. Maybe if we hold out, there were be new writers before she next proposes! 

Anonymous said: The real crux of SCK is that these writers cannot write for Serkan. They do not understand his character and probably never watched previous episodes. Since episode 29, there almost seems to be an internal battle with the character because he jumps back & forth between almost being old Serkan & then a straight up cold jerk usually directed at Eda. Still felt it in this recent episode, honestly the only thing that seemed to change was having his memory back & being 100% sure that Eda loved him. Maybe Eda turning down the proposal and him confronting Selin about the pregnancy will finally bring him?

You know maybe that will bring him back. I agree with you, I very much doubt these writers have seen all the episodes, it almost seems like they’re writing him from a character description or something. 

On the other hand, I could see after being through a plane crash and having a brain injury, amnesia, PTSD and then weeks of brainwashing and manipulation, that Serkan might be different, especially at first as he adjusts to getting his memories back. I don’t know how retrograde amnesia usually works, if it’s just bits and pieces as he learns to access them or a flood, but I’m sure it’s a lot to handle.  And I would be FINE with that, if that was the story they were telling. That he’s overwhelmed and hasn’t processed everything yet, that he’s not exactly the same as he was. However... I have zero faith the writers are doing that on purpose or telling this story. They just ain’t that nuanced. 

Anonymous said: I am wracking my brain trying to come up with something to justify Serkan asking Selin to stay at the company & not sell her shares. Like how is that acceptable? And he wanted Eda to be happy with just getting an apology from Selin.....nope, still do not get it. We all know that Serkan does not love Selin but he is never willing to make her feel bad about awful decisions & never goes out of his way to humiliate or hurt her. Nope, he tends to save all of that for Eda.

As I was watching, that scene made my blood boil. BOIL. 

However, afterwards, I calmed down, and I can think of a few reasons to justify where Serkan’s head was at.  First, we don’t know what Serkan exactly remembers, or if he’s just been hyper focused on Eda. He might not have thought a ton about what Selin had done and how they parted when she left the country the first time around.  

Second, remember that Serkan does not know what we know. He doesn’t know that Selin has been actively conspiring with Deniz to keep him and Eda apart and working against them every step of the way. He doesn’t know that she sabotaged Eda’s presentation and Art Life, he doesn’t know that the car accident was fake, that her injuries were fake, that she has been stalking him or that she goaded Deniz in to running from signing the marriage thing. 

He doesn’t even know all the things she did in the past. He doesn’t know that she leaked that story to the press which caused Eda to faint. And he can’t even be sure she switched the addresses that caused them to miss each other at dinner, though we assume he suspected her. 

From what he said to her, he now has processed enough to realize that not all was on the up and up, she was trying to steal their love. Insert herself where she didn’t belong. But as soon as he said that, she started manipulating him again. She instantly turned herself in to the victim and put him on the biggest guilt trip ever. Blah Blah He called her. She was there for him. She loved him. She was trying to build their life together. Blah Blah Blah. All his fault. She’s spent months brainwashing him, that doesn’t wear off in a few hours.   Manipulation. Guilt. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I also think they wanted to show him being more than fair to her, so that he wasn’t the asshole in her story and it would be clear that he doesn’t deserve anything she’d done. We saw him tell her that he wants her to be happy, to show that he is a much better person than she is. She’s still trying to ruin his life, when he’s being more than fair and equitable about things. Plus the guilt is not new. He’s felt guilty about Selin since the beginning, because he knew he used Selin as an excuse to keep Eda near during the entire fake engagement period, and it led to her broken engagement with Ferit, that’s why she got away with a lot in the first 20 eps, Serkan's guilt, and she’s still playing on it. 

Also, lets remember he did give her that epic take down in 20. Which lets face it, does it get any more hurtful or humiliatingly to have your ex yell in your face that he never loved you and your childhood friend say that your friendship is over?  So I don’t entirely agree with you that he’s never done that. He has, it just took him seeing her hurt Eda to get him to act. 

You also say that he saves all his hurt and humiliation for Eda, first for most of that he had amnesia and was being brainwashed, so lets take that into account. Second, he also saves ALL his love, trust and admiration for her.  And I think that’s part of it, its the dynamics of the relationships. I don’t think Selin and Serkan really ever fought, there was no passion, there was no heat. They seemingly treated the relationship as an extension of a business relationship. Very cold and impersonal. Simply stated he rarely gets upset and angry with Selin, because he just doesn’t care. With Eda their relationship was built on passion. They spark. They argue, they like to argue. And for her, he cares more than he ever knew was possible. Falling in love and learning to be in love is part of the character’s journey on this show

It goes back to that scene in 18, where he came down a little hard on Eda. Maybe it’s not right, but from Serkan’s perspective, how he interact with them is very different because how he feels about them is very different. He said it during that conversation when Eda asked how he can be kind to Selin when she sold the shares, but discard her... and Serkan blurted out because he has never loved Selin. At that point she couldn’t inspire him to anger. But with Eda sometimes all the emotions overflows and erupts.  

Anyway, to that scene, yes it pissed me off, but I do think there is a way to justify it. Also I wonder if they watered it down and decided to save some of it since it had to be a phone conversation instead of in-person because of the death of Bige’s father?

That being said, I would have stood up and cheered if Eda said right then and there that it’s her or me. Serkan needed to be shaken out of his stooper and made to realize that they can not have Selin’s toxic presence anywhere near them and he needs to understand how hurt Eda was.  I’m hoping he just hadn’t had time to put all the pieces together yet. 

Anonymous said:Mar 21 · a day ago 1) i've seen the garage scene has been making its round across the fandom as the #1 example of how "this is not our serkan" because of he was "being cold." what are your thoughts on it? because to me.. they were literally just stress bickering and then made up. eda wasn't offended by anything, so why is the fandom tied in knots over it? isn't this what we wanted from them? for them to bicker and fight but at the end of it just BE together? i guess i saw that scene differently than most people.

I think that’s exactly how that scene was supposed to be taken. IMO it was the writer’s attempt to insert an argument (because Serkan and Eda’s relationship is always going to have arguing, and the audience loves it, so they have to find a way to give us that every so often) to get that dynamic going. 

But the problem is the narrative didn’t earn Serkan bickering with her after everything that’s happened. If you take that scene and insert it after they’ve had a heartfelt talk where Serkan has acknowledge how hurt Eda was through everything and we saw real remorse from him, then those scenes are absolutely fine. Well minus the one line where Serkan tried to dismiss her talking about things with, “Didn’t we talk about this yesterday?” That was not great. Serkan has not earned the right to shut down any line of conversation about his amnesiac behavior. 

The writers are just so BAD! They trapped them together with nothing to do but talk, this was the perfect opportunity for them to actually go deep and real and to have Eda tell him how hurt she’d been and for Serkan to really show some emotion and let us see that it hurt him that he hurt her. But they didn’t do that. 

I went back and rewatched these scenes and I enjoyed them. Hande and Kerem were great. Without the angst of expectation hanging over them, they’re good scenes. As two people under stress from a race-against-the-clock situation, stuck in a garage and arguing about that, and then making up they were fun.  It’s just that lack of emotional consistency after everything they’ve been through that is a problem. 

I have no idea why the writers didn’t have the big conversation between them. They gave hints of it. We saw Serkan offer an apology while dancing the night before and Eda shut it down. They had some tender moments in his loft, but it wasn’t enough because we really didn’t see that Serkan was hurt by how he hurt Eda.  He seemed to realize that he needed to apologize and that she was the hero and that he needed to make things up to her, but the thing that was missing was them really talking about it. And that would have been okay, Eda was exhausted, both physically and emotionally after everything, but then they should have addressed it later in the episode. 

Anonymous said: Can we talk about how the side characters actually serviced the main EdSer plot this episode? I loved that Aydan/Ayfer/Seyfi were out there trying to catch Deniz, and they still had time for an Aydan/Kemal conversation. That Alex plot did these women a huge disservice.

Yes! I agree the supporting characters were all doing what they should be doing, supporting the A-story. I enjoyed the Aydan/Ayfer/Seyfi scenes, glad they were useful!  

Plus I was actually touched by how Aydan called Ayfer in her time of need, they’ve actually become real, true friends which is a cool development. I’m looking forward to the Kemal storyline. Dude is way too interested in Serkan... I’m not sure if he’s Serkan’s father or not, but I think he thinks he might be.  Loved that Serkan’s spidey-senses were tingling when it came to him and he was on his guard... if only those spidey-senses worked with Selin. 

Melo remains queen and Ceren earned a few rights back by getting the legal in order. 

However, WTF was that random Piril/Engin storyline with the hospital? For a second there I thought this show was going really DARK. 

Anonymous said: Is it weird that the scene with Serkan apologizing to Eda in his apartment and her kind of brushing it off with the comment “you did not do it on purpose” reminded me a lot of Max trying to apologize to Liz after getting his memory back? Like you just knew that the happiness was not going to last for very long. You cannot gloss over all that pain just because the person you missed is back. Although I will say Max was a lot more apologetic than Serkan and did not act like a jerk during the rest of the episode. Feels like even if this Selin baby situation is resolved quickly that Edser still has a lot of work to do before getting married.

Oh interesting comparison, but right, Max lost his memories for about 30 minutes of screen time (vs Serkan’s almost 900) so Max had a lot less time to do damage! I was always left unsatisfied with that memory-loss storyline I think it should have lasted until the next episode, but everything with the timing in S2 RNM was a little off for me. 

But to you point about Edser having work to do before marriage, I completely agree. Although, I don’t even think it’s like they need to take a ton of time, they just have to spend some real, uninterrupted time together and talk all this through. There is no need to rush it when they haven’t dealt with any of the trauma. Like a nice two-week vacation would do them a world of good. 

Anonymous said: So are we supposed to think that Eda slept by herself on the sofa downstairs after they had sex? Not exactly romantic. Serkan’s character is still coming off very cold to me although it was definitely a lot better than previous episodes.

Not sure what that was, other than maybe (HOPEFULLY) they want to show us Edser’s carnal reunion and that episode wasn’t the place for it? Also, tbh, I assume with shooting schedules they just didn’t want to have yet another location to prep and shoot in, which the bedroom would have been, so Eda on the couch. Though I don’t know why we couldn’t have had both of them waking up on the couch like ep 11. 

Anonymous said: The whole scene at Serkan's house at night felt like such a balm to my soul after the past few episodes. Him telling her that she's the hero in their love story and he owes all the happy moments for the rest of their lives to her... whew it had me welling up. I feel like we'll get more of that guilt out of Serkan after this whole new Selin plot is unraveled, but that scene (with the beautiful music) was honestly what I NEEDED after ep 29 onwards.

Oh I’m so glad it worked for you. I enjoyed those scenes, especially on rewatch. On rewatch I could take them for what they were, but while watching the episode as a whole I was so on edge waiting for some sort of emotional conversation or breakthrough, so that was harder to enjoy.  

Hande and Kerem were terrific in them as always. I like that Eda suggested they start fresh in a place of their own, and that he immediately agreed. I liked him wanting to dance with her and hold her, and he did say some very nice things, apologizing and saying she was the hero of their story, but the scenes just didn’t go deep enough for where they were the next day with Serkan being a bit flippant at times. These scenes didn’t do enough repair work to warrant his behavior, though I do acknowledge he was under a lot of stress. 

Anonymous said: I'm convinced that these writers are here to sabotage the show. There is no other explanation. No offense to Bige but they should've just cut all of her scenes out and have Selin leave the country abruptly. We didn't need Serkan wishing her happiness, wanting her stay at Art life, and arguing with Eda over it. (what the actual fuck?) To have Bige come back to set this week to play out this pregnancy plot is unfortunate - they really could've just ditched it last minute and that makes me so mad.

The writers suck, and I need them to go like I need a giant vat of sangria while watching this show, but they are not here to sabotage the show. 

Anonymous said: I've seen some people say that the serkan now is not "our" serkan and serkan from 28.. do you agree with that? Because of COURSE he won't be the same after everything they've had to go through since then.. I think mainly people seem to think that unless he's like on his knees sobbing for Eda's forgiveness, he's not "back" which I don't agree with. Or maybe I'm just personally over the sadness and don't need a huge breakdown scene and would rather just see them move past it.

I’d take the breakdown scene. This is the man who sobbed when he found out his father was responsible for Eda’s parents death.  How has he not had been devastated by how badly he treated her? He said some very nice things in the last episode, but hasn’t offered any specific apology or explanations. It’s all been very broad and on the surface. 

Seriously, the scene could last only 3-5 minutes and be amazing and not drag down the entire show. The writers insisted on Serkan treating Eda pretty roughly for a LOT of episodes in a row, they owe it to us for him to face that and deal with it. Maybe it will happen when this Selin stuff comes to a head. 

Anonymous said: idk if i'm the only one who feels this way, but after 6 WEEKS of no edser, we get an episode full of happy (except the last 10 mins) and somehow people still nitpick the scenes? and im the first one to admit the writers have sucked all through out the memory plot, but im also not gonna just hate scenes automatically bc i hate them? if you're at the point where you can't even enjoy edser in love and together then what's the point watching? maybe i need to get off twitter after watching the ep.

First I do agree with that. Twitter after the episode is a toxic pit of joyless negativity. Also it always has been that way, even after awesome episodes. For whatever reason on that platform, people knee-jerk react to everything and it’s super unpleasant. 

As to your point about nitpicking, I agree. It’s very prevalent in fandom. Because maybe you watch something and liked it. There were a few things that weren’t great, but over all, enjoyable. Then you go online and you see people spiraling about things that hadn’t even hit you and you start thinking about them and all of a sudden something that didn’t bother you while watching is now looming large as as a huge flaw in the show. 

In a vacuum the Edser scenes were great. Lots of sweet moments, stunning visuals, H/K chemistry on full display, it’s a shame that it was all a bit disjointed while watching the first time through. The writers just can’t seem to do the big moments justice. 

Anonymous said: Thoughts on the ending? She can’t really be pregnant can she? At least not with serkans kid. How the hell are they going to solve this if bige probably isn’t in the next ep or more? :(

Well since you sent this we’ve seen the fragman. At this point, my money is on her being really pregnant with Deniz’s child (By the way, before the fragman I wasn’t sure if she was really pregnant, but if she was I was pretty sure it was Deniz)  and I still have a ton of hope that Serkan will know it’s not his, because they didn’t sleep together.

If she’s really pregnant and there was any possibility that Serkan could have been the father she would have been throwing it in his face and making a play to keep him. There is no doubt about that. The fact that she was fleeing the country and adamant that she didn’t want Serkan to know? I think it’s because it can’t be his because they never had sex and she doesn’t want him to know she was cheating on him while they were engaged. She couldn’t continue to play the victim card if he finds that out. 

Anonymous said: Selin is def not pregnant IMO. But would she have even concocted this plan if there wasn’t a good chance of eda and serkan believing it for a while? So does that mean the writers are going to make it so that Selin and serkan slept together :( would they really go there?

I think if you watch the Eda/Selin scene again you will see that Selin never says that Serkan is the father, she just says she’s leaving and she repeats again and again that she doesn’t want Serkan to know.  

As I said above if she’s really pregnant and there was any way to sell it as Sekan’s, then she would tell him right away and keep on keeping on with the guilt and manipulation.

Even if it’s fake, then she’s doing it just to try and throw one last wrench at the relationship. She told Eda not to tell Serkan over and over again. It it’s fake, maybe a Hail Mary hoping Eda will pull the breaks and potentially leave.  This woman is desperate to ruin their happiness, she would do anything even if all it does it cause upset and turmoil for a day. 

Anonymous said: I keep hoping that they would pull of one of the biggest twists in dizi history and say that these last 7 episodes were a dream. Imagine how epic that would be.

That would be amazing. Let it all be Serkan’s coma dream after the plane crash and he wakes up to Eda at his bedside.

Anonymous said: While I don’t like Eda saying no to the proposal due to believing Selin’s pregnancy story, I was actually happy that the Edser reconciliation was not wrapped up so quickly. I want them back together but had a real problem with Serkan’s attitude for most of the episode. And him allowing Selin to still work at the company and just apologize to Eda like she borrowed her favorite sweater & never returned it....like who is this guy? And being unwilling to take any blame with the Deniz situation? He needs to actually seem remorseful considering everything that Eda went through. I fear the real problem with his character is the writers which means we may never see episode 1-28 Serkan ever again 😭.

I’ve pretty much addressed all this, but, yes, I feel you. I think it’s a good thing that their reconciliation is going to take more work. Let’s hope the writers find some sort of nuance and skill and get it done! 

Anonymous said: I wish bad things on those people who came up with the rumors that we were getting new writers 💀Or the ones who keep saying that Selin will be gone in the next episode and we are coming up on #9 with her. I know it's my own fault for getting my hopes up but still lol - they are purposely extending her stay on this show to spite us, no? This is starting to feel like a personal attack 😂

I KNOW! Those damn spoiler people with their snake oil and false promises! LOL. I have believed them more than once (mostly because I wanted to so badly). That Yasin person (who lies more than he tells the truth) still insists there will be new writers. We shall see. I know more than a few hearts broke when we saw the same names wrote ep 37. 

Anonymous said: Do you ever think we’ll get our serkan (ep 1-28) back? Even though he recovered his memory he’s acting so different. In the moments when he’s not being super sweet with eda, he’s inexplicably cold or apathetic. Like when they were stuck in the garage, it was hard to believe he just dismissed her when she brought up being hurt by the memory thing. And telling her to shut up when she was worried instead of comforting her? ESP bc he knows she’s claustrophobic. And answering the phone in the end, even though that “efendim... sevgilim” was turned into a comedic bit, the way he just didn’t seem excited to talk to eda at all? Compared to their phone convos in 12(?) and 27. Idk I can’t believe he has the audacity to be 1) annoyed with eda’s lingering frustration 2) in general not be more apologetic 3) so civil towards Selin? Asking her to stay and saying he wants her to be happy? What the ABSOLUTE FUCK?

I get it, but I think you’ll enjoy the show more if you take a deep breath, realize these writers SUCK, and then try and enjoy the Edser scenes individually. They’re actually pretty good that way. It’s like what I said last week, in order to enjoy, emotionally detach yourself from the plot, and view this as an excuse to see Hande and Kerem make their magic together. 

Anonymous said: Ugh sheesh of eda doesn’t tell serkan about selins non pregnancy right away and we have to spend a whole episode with both of them hurt and serkan confused idk how I’m going to have patience to watch it through

This came before the fragman, but from the fragman it appears it’s going to take the whole episode, but I thought it looked like it would be watchable.  Seems to me Eda is not going to tell Serkan about the pregnancy. Deniz is going to tip Eda that Selin might be up to something. Cue the girls investigating. At the same time maybe Eda tips off Deniz that Selin is pregnant. Deniz confronts Selin asking if he’s the father.  Separately Serkan is trying to find out what’s going on, he finds out Selin is pregnant and the trailer is him telling Engin. I think his reaction could very well be because he’s super confused because how can Selin be pregnant when she was engaged to him but they weren’t sleeping together?? Or he’s furious because he thinks Selin told Eda that and he knows it can’t be true (at least that he’s the father).  At least we know that Serkan and Eda have a romantic night at some point...  

Anonymous said: I feel like the SCK fandom is on pins & needles waiting to find out in the next episode if Selin & Serkan actually slept together during the 3ish months they were together. Like I want Eda to be honest with him about why she turned down the proposal but then it is either a quick “we never slept together so not possible” that ends that storyline or he admits they did and we spiral into figuring out if she really is pregnant/who is the father. But if she decides not to tell him then he has to spend the episode trying to figure out what happened. Worst case scenario is her not telling him, him spending the whole episode trying to find out and then it ends with a reveal that they did sleep together & pregnancy is possible.

I’m still sticking with that they always purposefully showed us them not sleeping in the same place AND these writers have proved they are aware of the whole “Nobody touches you but me” thing. Why, out of everything, with this storyline looming, is that what he remembered if it wasn’t going to come into play?  

And honestly, I don’t want to even speculate it could go the other way, so everyone can stop asking me about that. If we have to cross that bridge, we’ll do it when the time comes. As long as there’s hope, that’s where I’m camping.

Anonymous said: damn, people were just joking about it, but selin and deniz really DID get freaky in the woods lol. no wonder the next time she visited the cafe after the trip she was all awkward about it.

She was totally awkward! And she was checking herself out in the mirror, primping, before she saw him. That’s totally when they did the ugly. 

I was cracking up today reading all the people on twitter screaming about “HOW?  WHEN?” in regards to Selin and Deniz. UM... they had ample opportunity. They were constantly meeting to discuss their nefarious plans. She was always at his coffee shop. That night at the cabin, Selin and Deniz both went away disappointed and angry leaving Eda and Serkan at the shelter, makes sense they would find cold comfort in each other’s arms. She was acting weird in the last couple of episodes like she’d almost given up and like she was disheartened by how into the sabotage Deniz still was.   Also they are side characters in the Edser show, we’re not always going to see what they’re doing. (THANK GOODNESS, last thing we need is that burned into our brains!)

[sinceileftyoublog]

Georgia Anne Muldrow Interview: Rhythm Is A Form of Gravity

Photo by Antoinette A. Brock

BY JORDAN MAINZER

“The people keep you fresh. They keep you on your toes,” Georgia Anne Muldrow told me over the phone last month. The prolific L.A. musician, whose output ranges from experimental hip-hop to neo soul to jazz and everything in between, is releasing her fifth record in four years on Friday, and the third overall in her beats series. VWETO III (FORESEEN + Epistrophik Peach Sound) follows last year’s Mama, You Can Bet! (released under the name Jyoti), 2019′s collaboration with Dudley Perkins and VWETO II, and 2018′s acclaimed, Grammy-nominated Overload. Unlike any of the previous albums, it was put together with some “calls to action” in mind.

Thought some of the songs were around for longer, VWETO III as an entity was made last year, “over a course of time where things were changing in terms of different recording techniques I was trying,” said Muldrow, harking back to techniques and inspirations from her early years of music making. The record was also, obviously, formed during a global pandemic that caused folks to lock down, and Muldrow is conscious to giving listeners opportunities to reach out on her very active Instagram account. Each of the album’s singles have been paired with those aforementioned calls to action. “Unforgettable”, which combines 80′s-sounding synths with 90′s G-funk, calls for vocalists to submit performances to go along with Muldrow’s vocals on the song. “Mufaro’s Garden”, inspired by an illustrated folktale book called Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters, asks for visual artist submissions. On the day of the album’s release, Muldrow will ask for dance submissions to “Slow Drag”, a throwback Hammond-guitar-piano ditty named after the juke joint dance of the same name. Next month, it’ll be “Action Groove”, with calls for turntable scratch ‘n’ sampling remixes from DJs. And it’s not just the singles that exemplify Muldrow’s desire to connect with listeners on a granular level. Many of the songs on VWETO III refer to or are inspired by specific eras, from the Afrofuturist jazz of “Afro AF” to the genre tribute “Boom Bap Is My Homegirl”. That the titles are clearly referential, too, like “Old Jack Swing” or “Synthmania Rock”, shows that Muldrow’s not winking and nodding or trying to fool us, earnestly inviting us to dive in.

Moreover, VWETO III is coinciding with what Muldrow’s calling the Teacherie, classes she’s trying to develop to spread knowledge of what she’s learned throughout her own career, everything from philosophy to instrumental-specific classes. Right now, from her saved Instagram story called “Teacherie!,” you can take an assessment to fill out what you’re interested in. “It helps me to see what skill levels people have and what they want to learn in the class,” Muldrow said. “I seek to continue to stay open enough to make relevant music and have relevant things to share with people.” Overall, Muldrow is the type of artist that uses online platforms the way they’d be used in an ideal world. Her use of NFTs, too, is noble; the album art by Cape Town-based Breeze Yoko is being auctioned off, with 50% of proceeds going to prison abolitionist organization Critical Resistance. Even when the offline world returns--Muldrow’s slated to play Pitchfork Music Festival on Saturday, September 11th--Muldrow’s created a blueprint for navigating an increasingly isolating digital world, by seeking out real connections.

Below, read my conversation with Muldrow, edited for length and clarity, as she discusses making the record, being inspired by African rhythms, the influence of Digital Underground, and why her work logically extends into prison abolition. You can also catch her tomorrow on Bandcamp Live at 8 PM CST.

Since I Left You: Why did you decide this was a good time to revisit your beats album series?

Georgia Anne Muldrow: The people love it, you know? I always like to post beats on Instagram and share my poetry or state of mind of what’s going on in the world according to my people, and provide a place of joy and uplift. The voice of the people kind of determined what songs were on there. There are some songs that nobody’s ever heard. Different ideas, something a little bit more energized.

Something for the people. It’s really great that I have direct contact with them. Some of the songs are things I like to try based on the vibes I get from their feedback. It’s great; it’s a beautiful thing for me. I’ve gone through phases where critics love me, but the voice of the people that really support your work is really cool to hear. It’s like a little focus group. I just like sharing my music with folks because it’s my way of contributing love energy to the world in a direct, immediate way.

SILY: A lot of folks are still staying home and needing that connection. You’re connecting with them but also providing a platform for them to connect with each other.

GAM: Yes. I’m way into that and seek to be expanding that in an even more literal sense with my classroom project [Teacherie], like a live webinar sort of thing, that enables folks to speak amongst themselves. A more extended form of what I do on social media. An intimate look at what’s really going on in music. They can see where my emotions end and the music begins and try to make things seamless within their own music. Teach what I’ve picked up along the way, because I won’t be here forever. Spreading the love but the knowledge, too, with the music that I share. There’s a certain quality that you can achieve if you have patience.

SILY: Did you always know you wanted to do these calls for action, like for vocalists on “Unforgettable”? And how did you decide which tracks you wanted to do them for?

GAM: It’s definitely my way of trying to promote some sort of hip hop jam in lieu of the isolation that folks are weathering...I’m really inspired by the early age of hip hop where everyone had different dances. They brought their art books to the hip hop jams. The jackets with the art on it, the MCs rapping. The breakdancing, the DJs. All of the different things in place for it to be complete. That’s part of what got me hooked on production. One night years ago, [when I first played] my stuff, and folks started to dance, it got me hooked--to make somebody move. Somebody can rap over this, somebody can dance to this or draw to this. That’s the reason for the calls to action. Opening up a hip hop jam all over the world. I hope it gains some momentum. That would be nice, for more people to put themselves out there. But I do understand we live in different times right now and people are trying to get by. I still have to post some of the artists from “Mufaro’s Garden” and these rap videos from “Unforgettable”.

SILY: You’re giving people an opportunity, even if they’re just trying to get through the day, to take a break or have a beneficial creative exercise.

GAM: Yeah. Being creative together, and togetherness. The thinking that the songs aren’t complete without dance. Lyrics are a certain kind of fulfillment of music. But the movement of the body is another one. [It] goes back to gravity. Drummers harness the power of gravity and manipulate it so things can fall at a certain time. Same thing with dance--[dancers] don’t manipulate gravity, but interact with it and create an interdependence with it. When somebody’s dancing, they come back down to the ground, and you could let that go and let gravity guide what your dance looks like. Rhythm is a form of gravity--a form of gravity engaging with life. I feel like movement is the fulfillment of all the arts. I just seek to do my part.

SILY: You mentioned being inspired by a specific early era in hip hop, and there’s a lot on here inspired by genre or era-specific trends, like the G-funk in “Unforgettable” and “Boom Bap Is My Homegirl”.

GAM: [Boom bap] is one of the things that I specialize in. It’s a home base for me. In my experience, it’s a very African point of access. A lot of the boom bap rhythms are straight from Africa. Most of them are. Off the shores of West Africa. I heard so many of them, from The Gambia, Senegal, Mali. Over there, you hear so much of it. I want to be part of that. At the same time, I might wake up and make a free jazz record. I don’t feel like a traditionalist; I just want to preserve the culture of Black music from this hemisphere. I love traditional ideas, but it’s not like I’m gonna do this one idea for the sake of staying in a lane. There’s no place that Black music hasn’t influenced, molded, shaped, nurtured.

SILY: When was the last time you were able to perform in Africa?

GAM: I believe it might have been 2017. These years have started to run together. I don’t mind it, though. Keeps me young. [laughs]

VWETO III cover art by Breeze Yoko

SILY: How did the songs on here with vocals come together, whether the ones with your singing or the ones with featured artists? Did the words or beats/melodies come first?

GAM: The beats came first except for “Shana’s Back”. Shana Jensen is my sister; she’s the mother of my niece. Every time she’d come over and I had an idea to compose songs around her, they’d end up being huge songs. She’d be like, “Bye!” [laughs] I guess she wanted something a little more understated. I’d always end up doing big Motown sounds. There’s a song on The Blackhouse called “Shana’s Groove”. It’s a like a reoccurring situation and character. It’s kind of funny at this point.

The other ones, like “Unforgettable”, I’m very much matching the vibe, the punk-funk aesthetic. Sometimes a little hook just pushes it over the edge and gets them into the mindset I was in when thinking about it. Other songs like “Love Call” I just wanted to sound like it was in an arena. Arena rock, funk, Digital Underground-inspired, all the way.

SILY: Are you a big Digital Underground fan?

GAM: I think it shows in a lot of the music I make. I don’t think I can hide it. This record has so many examples of that. I love Shock G so much. He was so bad, as a thinker, a philosopher, a community builder, artist, pianist, maestro. The “Love Call” groove, “Unforgettable”, “[Old] Jack Swing”, you can hear it. I was raised with that kind of music in my head as a child. Unashamed to be funky and make a groove have extra grease on it. That’s what distinguished our sound from other region’s sounds. Getting greasy. While still doing the boom bap and all that other stuff. For me, it was always a goal to represent where I’m from in my music in a non-traditional way. Bringing what I love about the West Coast to whatever I was working on.

Shock G lives in all of us. He brought so many different vibes. A rhythmic pocket that breathes. Somewhat right under "Atomic Dog”. It keeps you moving. It has a breath of life in it. I’m so thankful to have lived in an era where I could hear and experience his work.

SILY: How did “Ayun Vegas” come together?

GAM: Ayun is my little brother. I think I’ve known him since 2014 or ‘15. He’s quite a talent. I love his style. He’s from [New] Jersey. I love his sense of rhythmic dynamic. His use of metaphor, double entendre. I feel like he’s really a gifted poet. He can do all types of different things. He’s an amazing MC--he just released a project with Jacob Rochester called Slaps & Hugs. I’m gonna lean towards people who are creative themselves and insert themselves into everything they do. 

Ayun is very secure in being different. He came out to Vegas, and I had this song. Usually, when I play leftfield stuff, MCs want that beat they can crush and not feel challenged by. This song is really old. I feel like it was made in 2016. I feel like that was the first time when somebody was willing to rap on an idea that was out of the ordinary. It’s not just in your face. It’s something different, but I want you to rap for your life on this. Something more like a movie score, where you find your character. He did it! He didn’t leave one beat behind. 

He’s rhythmically gifted and quite the poet. He almost went into pro football but he chose music. He’s a very enterprising brother, doing all types of apparel. He was working in the visual artist community, in the videographer community. Any time I can showcase what it is that he got to share, I’m there. He’s not afraid to speak the truth. This verse is impressionistic. It’s like somebody is taking a really big brush and making a beautiful image, strong-arming it. It’s dope. I love it.

We did another song together on the Overload album, but it didn’t make the cut. The Japanese version of Overload has a song called “What Can We Do Now”, and it has Ambrose Akinmusire, Ayun, and me. I’d love for that to be heard stateside, because it’s definitely about what’s happening over here.

SILY: Why did you choose to have the proceeds for this record go to Critical Resistance?

GAM: I’ve always wanted my music to be a tool for the motion of people. It doesn’t stop with dance and rapping and singing and drawing. It begins with that. Where it ends up, the movement of people coming into their powers, truths that in order to have a more humane society, we are going to have to throw some of this bullshit away. The spoils of enslavement. We’ve got to get rid of those spoils so we can get to a more realistic place of folks being cognizant of the activities that they take a part in. Jails ain’t gonna help people feel like they’re part of the community. They cage people and endanger their lives and run the risk of ruining somebody’s mental, emotional, and spiritual state even if they did commit the crime they’re in there for.

There’s a sense that all crime is committed from a place of fear. Many crimes people are locked up for is just folks trying to find a way. I don’t see how more fear is going to rehabilitate. The idea that punishment leads to enlightenment. People in the public school system are taught about some of the baddest people that ever lived--mass murders. But they’re not the type of people held accountable. They’re who brought over the imprisonment systems from their failed nations.

I don’t believe in reform at all. Critical Resistance seeks to abolish prisons as we know them. I love that their resolve is so sure and bold.

Photo by Antoinette A. Brock

[epochofbelief]

Are you the one who keep leaving their dirty dishes in the common area kitchen for Rowaelin please 😊

A Kitchen Meet-Cute

Rowaelin Oneshot

A Kitchen Meet-Cute

Rowaelin Oneshot

Freshman year was treating Rowan well. Football was tough, but he had amazing tutors and his classes weren’t killing him so far. He was busy, exhausted, and working hard. He wouldn’t want to be any other way, if he was honest with himself.

His roommate, Lorcan, was kind of cranky and messier than Rowan preferred. But since Lorcan had started talking to a girl from the swim team, a slip of a thing named Elide, his mood had lightened considerably and he’d been out of the apartment more often. That had also helped with the mess Lorcan usually left in their shared room, allowing Rowan to keep it utilitarian and neat, just how he liked things.

What was really on his nerves this Friday night in September, though, was that someone on his hall continued to leave their dirty dishes out.

Not an uncommon occurrence over these past few months, the dirty dishes had progressively driven Rowan more and more crazy as the year went on. Unlike his teammates, Rowan preferred to take Friday nights to himself. Saturday was game day, and he liked to use Friday nights before home games to make himself a healthy dinner in the kitchen and relax. Do a few visualization exercises. Get to bed at a good time.

But these damn dishes.

Rowan pushed them all to the side of the counter, sliding his tray bake into the oven. He set the timer and was prepared to go back to his room for the next twenty minutes to wait. Then he caught another glance of the dirty dishes spread all over the counter and sighed.

He grabbed a bowl and started scrubbing it in the sink. He just couldn’t leave the place looking like this for one more night. He slowly cleaned all the dishes on the counter. He was pretty sure it was all the work of one person; it appeared as though said person had made something ridiculously complicated like parmesan chicken, using every dish in the kitchen to do so. He was on the final pan when a girl’s voice piped up from just behind his shoulder.

“I hope you realize I’m not gonna pay you for doing that.”

Rowan jumped about a mile, spraying water and bubbles all over the counter and floor in front of him. He whirled around, dish still in his hand, and ended up splashing soapy water all over his surprise guest.

The girl looked to be around his age. Her blonde hair fell loosely past her shoulders. He didn’t get a good look at her face because she was too busy staring at the huge wet spot covering most of her sweatshirt.

“I guess we can call it even,” she said simply, peeling the sweatshirt off as she spoke. When she’d fully removed it, Rowan saw her eyes. Brightest blue, ringed with gold, and so piercing he felt like she could see right through him.

“Well? Do you speak or only wash dishes?” The girl said, forehead creasing in mock concern.

“Uh,” Rowan stuttered. He turned back to the sink, and with his vision no longer full of the beautiful girl behind him, he was finally able to form a coherent sentence. “Sorry about your sweatshirt. Are you the one who’s been leaving these dishes all over the kitchen?”

The girl hopped up onto the countertop next to the sink, watching his face as he scrubbed that final dish. “If I say yes are you going to kill me? Because something tells me dirty dishes are something like a personal offense for you.”

“I’m not going to kill you.” The edge of Rowan’s mouth quirked up against his will as he added, “I might dump a little bit more of this soapy water on you, though.”

The girl crossed her arms. “Well, that wouldn’t be very nice. And here I was assuming you were a nice guy, cleaning all my dishes for me free of charge and everything.”

Rowan liked this girl already. Her good looks were just an added bonus to her sassy charm.

“What’s your name?” He asked, reaching across her for the only clean towel in sight.

“Aelin.” She pushed his arm away, goosebumps forming on his skin where she touched him, and grabbed the towel before he could get to it. “I’ll help dry. It’s my mess, after all.”

“Thanks,” Rowan said quietly, passing her a plate.

“And your name, oh dishwasher of few words?”

“Rowan. Rowan Whitethorn.”

“Well, Rowan Whitethorn, you must allow me to personally thank you for cleaning my dishes.”

He leaned against the counter, washing as she methodically dried every dish he handed her, her blue eyes flicking over to look at him every once in a while. “It wasn’t a favor. All these dishes have been bugging me for months.”

“So cleanly for a. . .” she dragged her gaze over him, from head to toe. Rowan tried not to fidget as she continued. “Football player? Don’t you have a big game tomorrow you should be preparing for?”

Rowan shrugged. “I like things clean. And this is me preparing,” he added, gesturing to the humming oven behind them.

“So he cleans and he cooks. Color me impressed,” Aelin said, drying the final dish. “Tell me, Rowan Whitethorn. Besides playing football, cooking, and cleaning, do you ever have time for other things?”

Rowan had never been asked out before. He’d had one girlfriend in high school, Lyria, but they’d broken up before college because they didn’t want to try distance. But for some reason he had a feeling this girl was about to ask him on a date.

“I don’t know. Depends on what it is.”

Aelin pursed her lips, her head cocked to the side as she looked at him as though he were a mouse and she a cat. “Well. . . Tomorrow night me and my best friend Elide are going out to dance and drink,” her voice dropped several decibels at the word ‘drink,’ and she continued, “and her boyfriend is coming. Just figured I’d see if you may want to tag along. I’m pretty sure Lorcan’s on the football team. Do you know him.”

For the first time, this girl appeared a little unsure of herself. Her hands had clasped together in front of her and she suddenly refused to look at him.

“Guess you’re in luck. Lorcan’s my roommate. And, um, sure. I don’t really dance... but I do drink, so I’ll be there.” Rowan thanked his lucky stars that tomorrow was a morning game and not an evening one. He would have hated to turn this girl down.

Aelin turned to him, beaming now. Her smile gave her the effect as though she was glowing, and Rowan wondered exactly what he was getting into. He wasn’t complaining about it, though. “Perfect! I’ll meet you in the dorm lobby at 9:30 tomorrow night. Nice to meet you Rowan!” She headed for the door and Rowan found himself taking several steps after her.

“Wait.”

She turned, eyebrows raising innocently.

Now it was Rowan’s turn to avoid eye contact. “I’m pretty sure you already ate dinner, but. . .” He gestured toward the oven, which had just started beeping, signaling his meal was ready. “You’re welcome to join me.”

Aelin grinned and seemed to glide back across the room toward him. “I thought you’d never ask.”

[eccentricpony]

Hello dear! I kind of did a spin on this request, and the story starts around the time of their first meeting and shows the progression into a romantic relationship. Mildly inspired by Tenma’s home screen quote to practice a kissing scene.

I think it’s a good blend of angsty, spicy, funny, and fluffy, but you be the judge! I am quite fond of this piece, and I hope you are, too!  <3

Bad First Impressions

Despite your best efforts to suppress it, a dramatic sigh rumbles past your lips. And to think that you had actually looked forward to working with Tenma Sumeragi. You had watched his performances in a few teen dramas and found his ability to be quite impressive, and he was highly lauded among other actors in your professional circle for being the consummate professional and perfectionist. More like pretentious and pompous.

“…and you there-“ the haughty redhead pointed towards a mousy looking boy sitting at a diner table on set.

“Uhh, B- Bill?” the mousy boy responded meekly.

“Yeah, sure – no one just stares at the person across from them without saying anything at all. It’s creepy and weird. That goes for you, too, guy with the glasses.” He moved an accusatory finger towards Bill’s dining companion. “Haven’t you guys ever heard of “peas and carrots”? I mean, this is amateur hour stuff that you don’t even need any skill to execute…”

“Can you just close your mouth and do some work, Sumeragi?”

You could hear a pin drop in the spacious sound studio. The cantankerous teen star whipped his head towards you with a pointed glare. You were an up-and-coming actress in the teen drama scene, and although you were a year older than he was, his acting resume was at least three times the length of yours. Sure, you were pretty, and you seemed passably talented, but you had a long way to go before you could even reach the echelon of his level of expertise. And you had the audacity to criticize his judgment??

“Excuse me?!” His eyes raked up and down your form, sizing you up in an attempt to appear intimidating. The manner in which you nonchalantly rested your hand upon your hip, head-cocked and eyes rolled; it was utterly disrespectful to him, a major authority in the industry, not to mention disrespectful to your fellow actors, to the very sacred space of-

“And to think that I had heard you were a competent leader…” you continued in a jaded tone. There was a visible flare in Tenma’s cheeks, the fury sizzling behind his eyes red hot.

To his credit, he certainly had a high level of talent, but that gave him no authority to degrade his teammates, whether they be fellow actors or the key grip. You weren’t normally this abrasive, but charming teen cutie Tenma was a self-important bully who was surrounded by “yes” men. This suave schoolboy star needed a wakeup call. The scandalized celebrity opened his mouth to commence a tirade when the director stepped in.

“Now, now, please folks. Let’s be civil…” Pinching the bridge of his nose, he glanced between you both with a pleading look.

With a final sour stare in your direction, Tenma transformed back into TV’s favorite high school hottie with a heart of gold.

“Yes, of course,” he replied, and you also nodded in consent. Everyone placated Tenma, endured his toxic attitude because he brought them money. But one thing was for sure, you had no intention to relinquish control to tyrannical Tenma.

Japan’s Newest Sweetheart

Tenma rushed down the street, tipping the brim of his hat further down his forehead, his alarming speed drawing attention from passersby. But he couldn’t slow down now; it was only a matter of time before Igawa caught up to him and asked where he was going, and why he was going by himself, and what was he looking for after all, and a number of other questions whose answers he would very much prefer not to explain.

With the convenience store in sight, he quickened his pace until he reached the threshold, throwing open the door with a tenacity that startled the cashier. Returning upright from where he hunched over his newspaper, the shopkeep threw a cautious eye to the young man at the doorway, wearing a suspicious amount of accessories and panting like he was running from the law.

The ginger on a mission performed a quick visual sweep of the displays until he located the object he desired. Bounding forward, he approached the magazine rack and flipped open the arts & entertainment periodical to the index. …page 31…

Rifling through the flimsy pages of the gossip rag, he at last reached the article which he had sought. There looking up at him was a page-wide spread of you, armed with an impossibly charming smile and a sparkle of mischief in your eyes. The page opposite of your come-hither headshot bore the headline “Japan’s Newest Sweetheart.”

It was infuriating. You were a nobody – barely any experience at all, and certainly not in anything particularly noteworthy – yet you were the one pushed to the forefront of advertising. His eyes flicked back to your picture once, twice… I mean, it was a good photo.

Ignoring the manner in which his throat seized when met with your 2-dimensional gaze, he directed his attention to the article. His eyes tripped along the words, “captivating new series… “ “character growth and development…” – aha! He spotted his name among the text and focused on the containing paragraph.

“blah, blah… he’s a true veteran in the industry…” Tenma puffed up like a rooster at this remark. Damn right, I am. He continued to read your commentary, mouth silently forming the shape of the words, scouring each sentence for more well-deserved praise. You went on to describe the characters, their struggles and how the cast related to their roles… One line in particular raised his brow. Tenacious young man?? Young man, what? She’s like, one year older than I am! He rose his head, appalled that you would speak of him like a child. He turned back to the print, reviewing the sentence a second time. She’s not even a whole year older, we’re practically the same age. He bent his brow in concentration. He counted back from your birthday. Yeah, totally not even a year old. Tch. He chose to ignore the fact that he recalled your birthday so quickly and glowered down at you while you beamed right back up at him.

It was undeniable that he was pissed off due of all the attention you were receiving when he was the lead. Possibly because… well, maybe you did deserve it. He had come to respect your acting ability over the past few months, in particular your impressive ability to become truly immersed in a role.

But maybe also because…. well, you looked good in this spread. Like, really good. Your smile was intoxicating; why didn’t you smile at him like that?  On second thought, maybe it was for the best that you hadn’t. His hardened exterior would likely dissolve, and he’d be a stuttering, fumbling mess. Scanning your features, he noticed that they airbrushed away a tiny birthmark on your face. Or maybe it was a freckle?  And they did something to your eyebrows, they just looked off. Why would they even do that? They were perfectly fine eyebrows…

“Hey, buddy, are you going to buy that or not? This ain’t a library.”

Tenma’s head shot upright, dazed for a few moments before he comprehended the words spoken to him. His tense fists gripped the wrinkled magazine tightly, fragile pages strained and starting to tear. Loosening his hold, he spared a final glimpse at your face before neatly closing the pages and smoothing out the bent cover.

“Uhh, yeah. I am.”  

Sliding his shades further up his nose with his pointer, he coolly ambled to the checkout area and lay the gentleman’s digest upon its surface. The material refused to remain flat after its recent abuse, leaving your shirt and neck visible beneath the dog-eared pages. The employee recognized the article right away.

“That new actress is really something, huh? They say she’s going to be the next big thing.”

Tenma scoffed but offered no discourse, handing over the required yen.

“Pretty cute, too,” the young worker added as he slipped the purchased item into a plastic bag.

“Yeah, whatever,” Tenma huffed heatedly, snatching the illustrated booklet containing your first big media premiere and returning to the sidewalk to await Igawa.

Salty to Sweet

“Don’t they teach you how to stay on task in Middle School? Or are you in High School?  Your lack of common sense is misleading…”

“Funny,” Tenma retorted caustically, though more annoyed at himself than you. He had been finding it challenging to focus as of late since he bought that magazine and he kept screwing up on the same damn lines. His short fuse was growing ever shorter with every butchered word.

You could see that Tenma was downward spiraling; the spark he always carried behind those big, vibrant eyes was fading fast.

“Look, why don’t you try something else…” you started, preparing for opposition.

“What?” the taller boy began, with no small amount of skepticism. Ignoring his sour attitude, you stood opposite him and continued in a calm tone.

“Try talking to me about something you really like while staying in character.”

“Talk about something I like?” Tenma replied incredulously. “What am I, six?”

“Sometimes I wonder, with the way you hide your vegetables under your mashed potatoes during lunch, so no one notices you throwing them away.”  You smirk knowingly, pleased with the look of surprise on your fellow actor’s face.

“You saw me do that?”  Tenma stared at you with a look of both wonder and bewilderment. He was certain no one could see him do that, and you sat at another table entirely! How on earth could you have been paying close enough attention to him to spot that, unless…

“Everyone knows that,” you deflected quickly, the rosy tint on your cheeks belying your innocence in the matter. “So what are you going to talk about?” Your bitter scene partner rolled his eyes. As a veteran in the industry, he felt pretty foolish having you talk him through basic acting exercises. Yet….  There was no question that he was struggling with the script, and no better ideas came to mind. With a sigh of defeat, Tenma offered the one outlet that came to mind.

“Bonsai…” he mumbled in a barely audible tone.

“What was that?” you ask, leaning it. Your close proximity fuels a steadily growing warmth along the back of his neck. He takes a sudden step backward and repeats himself louder.

“Bonsai! Are you deaf?”

“Bonsai, huh?” You smile with amusement. “Well, that’s something you don’t read in all your magazine interviews.”

“Reading my interviews, are you?” he responds dryly, but his stomach does a flip. He thinks back on the magazine he has featuring you, kept privately stashed away in a box under his bed. The thought that maybe you had a magazine featuring him tucked away somewhere in your bedroom causes chills that ran down his broad arms and shoulders.

“Nevermind that,” you grumble, brushing a stray hair out of your face. “Well, bonsai it is, then. Whenever you’re ready.”

You spend the next few minutes listening to Tenma ramble on about bonsai pruning, the proper tools to use, and even the proper light, pH and moisture levels to ensure optimal bonsai health.  Despite the fact that you now know more about bonsai trees than you would have ever cared to know, it seems that engaging, dynamic Tenma has returned. He comes to a full stop after finishing a discourse on bonsai diseases; his head now feeling clear, he’s convinced that he can recite his lines without hesitation.

“That was really good,” you commend him honestly, mirroring the pleased look on his face.

“Naturally,” he boasts in a cocky tone, feeling confident following his flawlessly delivered bonsai monologue. “It’s amazing how pleasant you can be when you’re not yelling at me,” he jibes, looking rather pleased with himself. You raise a brow at his renewed brashness, but you’ve always been quick on the trigger.

“It’s amazing how handsome you can be when you’re not scowling,” you reply with a smug expression, reveling in the crimson darkening his cheeks.

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” he mumbles with an air of mild embarrassment irritation, rubbing the back of his neck which is now damp with sweat.

“Who says I want to go anywhere with you?” you shoot back with a patronizing smirk before turning your attention back to the script. “SO, where were we?” you inquire loudly before he can get a word in edgewise. Thumbing through the marked-up pages, you see in your periphery that he is doing the same.

“Scenes 12 and 14 we did, 17 we did… no need to go over scene 28…”

“Why are we not practicing scene 28?” Tenma inquired in a cheeky tone. He knew exactly which scene 28 was: the kissing scene. You hadn’t gone over it yet, in read-throughs or on set. After you had just bested him in a mini battle of wits, this would be a great opportunity to even the playing field.

He had performed at least a dozen kiss scenes; it was old hat for him by now, and he knew for sure (not that he had googled your TV and film credits or anything) that you had never performed one. He was certain you’d flounder in search of a clever comeback, then, admitting defeat, blush profusely and outright refuse to do it.

“Fine, let’s do it.” You were no fool, and Tenma Sumeragi couldn’t bluff to save his life.

If Tenma wasn’t youthful and in great health, he might fear he were having a heart attack. Words seized up in his throat, and he could only manage a curt nod. He walked in a small circle, shaking his limbs as he often did while getting into character. He could do this, this was nothing. He had kissed, like, at least 12 girls before. 12! That was more girls than most men kissed in their entire lifetime! Wasn’t it? He couldn’t really think straight. With a long breath in, and out, he reformed his strategy.

He would perform a star-worthy kiss, absolutely knock-your-socks-off amazing, and then swagger out of the room while you were still swooning and dazed. His ego swelled a bit at the thought of leaving you desperate for another kiss, but his blood ran fast and furious at the thought of… well, actually having the kiss.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me,” you started in the tone of your character’s persona, the sudden smoldering look in your eye plucking at his every last nerve.

“At lunch, in the hall… even waiting for the bus.” Slowly, you crossed the floor towards Tenma’s frozen form. “You’ve given me flirty smiles, you’ve given me teasing winks, but there’s one thing you have yet to give me...” His pulse pounded in his ears as you leaned in closer, far closer than you had ever been before. His eyes flicker anxiously to your mouth, his breath held tightly in his throat.

“A kiss” you purr, biting your lip with the thrill of anticipation. Your lip bite just about crushes any dignity that remains in Tenma; tracing the lines on your lips with a wanton stare, it takes him a few seconds of feeble gaping before he remembers he has a line.

“Come and get it,” he whimpered, his line in a tone more befitting the token band geek than a smooth high school hunk. And get it, you did.

His script is lost to the floor as you press your lips onto his, his body rendered both limp and tight all at once. He did not expect this kind of kiss from you. Or maybe it was because he was used to a stage kiss, with twenty people watching and instructions from several individuals on how to hold his mouth at just the right angle for the camera. This… this was a kiss kiss. Your soft mouth was moving fluidly against his with such hypnotic, sweet caresses that he was convinced that he had never truly kissed someone before now. It was humbling but delicious; he had no control, and he couldn’t care less.

He couldn’t contain the small whimper of disappointment you drew from his throat when at last you pulled away, slyly wiping your reddened lips with the back of your hand. Tenma watched you with a mixed look of shock and awe, as though you had just miraculously materialized from thin air. Practice was over.

“Don’t lose that script,” you called over your shoulder cheerfully as you exited the practice space. “I think you could use another review of that scene.”

The Premiere

The Interview

You: …and it’s been bittersweet, but we’re both ready to move onto new projects. Isn’t that right, Tenten?

Interviewer: Tenten? That’s adorable, is that your nickname for Tenma?

You: Yeah, I call him Tenten because to me, he’s a ten out of ten. [You place an overly-dramatic kiss on his cheek]

Tenma: [Feigns a gagging sound while seated beside you, but reciprocates the kiss] That is a heinous lie, by the way, on both counts. [Tenma’s ability to poke fun at himself is refreshing, his overall manner humble and gracious, demonstrating his tremendous growth from child star to the consummate professional actor.]

Tenma: Actually, one of my fellow trou- uh, one of my friends at the Mankai Company, Kazunari, gave me that nickname.

Interviewer: The Mankai Company, that’s right! You’re putting on a production soon, aren’t you?

Tenten: We are! I’d love to give you the details of our production if you could publish them alongside this article.

Interviewer:  Absolutely. [Turning to you] And do you usually attend Tenma’s performances? I know both of your schedules are rather hectic these days, with all the job offers you’ve both received following the highly successful final season of your most recent television drama.

You: Yes, absolutely; I attend every one.

Tenma: In the front row, every performance. [He links his arm in yours, speaking with a tangible sense of pride]

Interviewer: I’ve noticed you have at least a half dozen bonsai trees in your apartment. Is that a mutual hobby?

You: Well, it’s our thing. I mean, it’s his thing really, but it’s kind of both our thing now. [You smile at Tenma with affection]

Interviewer: And, I’ve been meaning to ask - that framed script on the wall there, is that a keepsake? Or a valuable script from one of your favorite films perhaps? [The interviewer gestures to the worn script hanging above the mantle, protected and held in place by a thick pane of glass, bearing a large penned “SCENE 28”]

Tenma: Yeah, it has a…  special meaning. [Your boyfriend contributes, glancing into your eyes with a knowing smile that only you two could understand]

[punksarahreese]

I haven't had another episode, except last night was touch and go + Mr Crockett

Episode | Crockett Marcel

Excerpt from a psych!AU I’ll never write; Crockett is an inpatient in the psych ward and he has therapy with his favourite Psychiatrist

Prompt: “I haven’t had another episode, except last night was touch and go.”

Word count: 1797

CW: Psych ward, talks of depressive episodes, brief mention of dermatillomania, schizoaffective disorder, child death

***

“Mr. Marcel?” the voice at his door made Crockett groan, recognizing the voice as the nurse who always disturbed him at ridiculous hours. He wanted to have a talk with whoever decided pill time would be at six in the morning, how was he supposed to “heal” if they never let him get any sleep?

“Maggie, can’t you let me sleep for another hour,” he rolled over and sighed when she shook her head. Medication and vitals were a morning routine, every day before the sun even thought about rising completely. Routine was good, they told him, a routine would help with figuring out what was reality and what was his mind playing tricks. He didn’t think so, nothing would stop the fact that he saw his daughter clear as day despite the 5th anniversary of her death steadily approaching.

“Up and at ‘em, mister,” the nurse mused as she marched over with his tray and the cart carrying the monitors. He obliged because he had no choice but to do so, even though he hated the way the pills made him feel. Antipsychotics were something Crockett hated, ever since his diagnosis back when he was just twenty-one. They made him feel incorrect, as if he was floating through life with blinders on. He knew they were supposed to help, to show him what was really there, but he couldn’t help but think it made him more miserable.

“You have one-on-one therapy today,” she reminded him as she watched Crockett take his pills and then checked under his tongue to ensure he wasn’t hiding them. He had tried that a couple times and sometimes it worked on the younger nurses, but not Maggie. She knew all, especially these kinds of tricks, and Crockett wasn’t about to risk mandatory IV medications for another month just for one day without the drugs.

“Oh lovely,” he muttered, “Not that Charles guy again, right? He’s insufferable.”

Maggie laughed, “Oh please, Daniel is just fine.”

“Insufferable,” he restated with an eye-roll, still complying when she held out the pulse oximeter to clip it to his fingertip. Maggie just hummed, watching the machine for a moment before speaking.

“I’ll pretend you didn’t say that. If it makes it any better, though, you’ll be seeing Doctor Reese today.”

That brought a smile to his face, though it was one that never quite reached his eyes. Maggie wasn’t sure if she had ever seen a genuine smile from Crockett, certainly not since Harper’s death and the worsening of his illness. Still, if one thing made his days more bearable it was sessions with Doctor Reese, who Crockett had started to consider more of a friend than a physician by that point.

“Our Sarah,” he hummed as she took the device off his hand, “She’s lovely.”

“She is,” the nurse agreed, “Now go get ready for the day, Crockett. You’ll be expected in the dining hall by 7:00 and I certainly won't have you slumming around in your pyjamas all day; you know the drill.”

***

By noon, Crockett was ready to go back to bed. Breakfast had been as dull as always, with his friend Ava in solitary for the next two days he didn’t have many people to speak to. Well, Natalie liked to talk to him but, if he was being honest, she could be a little much. She was just excited, Maggie insisted, but she tried to get Crockett to talk about his hallucinations far too often for him to be comfortable.

Jimmy sat with him that day, though. He didn’t talk much, or ever really, but he was decent company. They played cards together sometimes and always partnered for the team-building exercises in group therapy. Crockett didn’t press for verbal communication and Jimmy never judged him for his episodes; it was a friendship built on silent respect and they were both pleased with that arrangement. Still, Crockett often preferred to be alone, and that day was no different, so he retreated to his bedroom the second they allowed him to.

When nurse April arrived at his door with her tablet in hand, Crockett had been staring blankly at the TV. It wasn’t on, never was, but he watched it as if the most riveting program was playing. He wasn’t focusing on a delusion, though, and he promised April that when she asked if he was okay. The meds got rid of most of his visual symptoms, though the auditory ones were still a frequent occurrence with or without the drugs. He just liked to look at the TV, letting his mind wander to a time where he could actually enjoy television. It had been about five years by then, the last movie he remembered watching being the Princess and the Frog. Harper had loved that movie and talked excitedly of visiting New Orleans to see where her papa and Princess Tiana were both from. She never got there, unfortunately; the cancer taking her before her dad had the time to buy plane tickets.

“Come now, Crockett. Sarah is waiting in the conference room for you.”

He let the nurse lead him down the hall, silent because his head was still miles away. He was alert and lucid, that wasn’t the problem. Today it wasn’t delusions that plagued Crockett, instead it was the memories that had started to hurt him the most. Sarah would ask about that, especially once she saw the semi-lunar marks along the inside of his wrists, turning to scratches that curled up towards his biceps. Maggie hadn’t seen them because of his long sleeve shirt that morning but Sarah would check, she always did. It’s not as though Crockett did it on purpose, but when he couldn’t sleep at night and his skin was crawling all he could do was dig his nails in and pray for it to stop. The bugs weren’t there, Sarah always said they weren’t real, but his skin felt wrong and nothing would stop it. He had to scratch, he would tell her; it was the only way to make it stop.

“Crockett,” she greeted him cheerfully the second he stepped into the room, “Have a seat.”

“Hello, Sarah,” he replied as kindly as he could, though he was a bit distracted. His mood had been pretty low all morning, which was probably evident in his posture and demeanour.

“How have you been doing?

Crockett just shrugged, occupying himself with studying Sarah’s name badge. She had gotten a new one, the piece of plastic now boasting “psychiatry fellow”. She had been his secondary therapist since she was just in her second year of residency, so it was nice to see her climbing the ranks. It was well deserved, of course; Sarah had been the one constant in his most recent stay that kept Crockett relatively sane.

“Crockett?”

“Fine, I guess,” he muttered, “I haven’t had another episode… except last night was touch and go.”

“How so?” She was always so patient, not pushing too much, but she did need answers. If he was still having episodes on his antipsychotics, they may need to adjust the dosage again. He hoped she wouldn’t, though, because he hated the constant brain fog that came along with high dosing.

“A low, again.” he was fidgeting with his sleeve, not able to make eye contact at that point. His depression was a topic he never liked to discuss, since it was an aspect of his disorder he hadn’t been aware of until after Harper. Before it was just schizophrenia, a diagnosis that came about after a paranoia episode landed him in handcuffs in the security office at his university. However, when he hit a major low after Harper’s leukaemia was found, his primary psychiatrist noted that his diagnosis may be more than they expected. Schizoaffective disorder with the depression variant, he was told, and that was probably a factor in why he didn’t respond to the medications in the beginning.

“I see,” Sarah typed something onto his chart before looking up at him with gentle eyes, “Do you want to share how you felt?”

“I miss her,” he admitted softly, “It’s hard.”

“I know, I’m genuinely sorry, Crockett. Harper must have been so loved, I’m sure she misses you.”

“The meds…” Crockett huffed, “I can’t see her anymore.”

“Crockett, she’s not there,” Sarah’s words were gentle but still firm, as if he needed a reminder that his only daughter was dead before she even got to live a proper life. That reality was something that never left his mind, a nagging feeling that haunted him every single day. Meds or not, it was hard, but without seeing Harper daily, Crockett began to feel like he would forget her.

“Sarah, I need to see her.”

“I can’t do that, you know how unsafe it can be to take you off such a high dosage. I know you are upset but we can talk through this, okay?”

“No!” he was getting frustrated, even though he hated to yell at Sarah. She didn’t understand how important this was. He didn’t care if she was dead and she claimed the delusions weren’t real, he just wanted his daughter back. Even if it wasn’t the proper reality, maybe Crockett didn’t want to live in one without Harper. He told Sarah that much, upset that she would claim that she isn’t there anymore. She is always there; sitting on his bed and playing with her stuffed bunny, singing songs from those Disney shows she adored so much. Crockett saw her, held her close when the bad feelings returned and he felt like he was drowning. His baby would never leave him, she couldn't; Harper was all he had left.

“Hey,” Sarah spoke quickly when she recognized his agitation, “I’m sorry. Tell Harper I didn’t mean any harm, next time she’s around, okay? Can we start over, please?”

He frowned, knowing what she was doing, but nodded all the same. He didn’t want to fight with Sarah, she was one of the only staff members around here that he properly trusted. She didn’t want to upset him and she didn’t want to take his daughter away, it was just hard to recognize that sometimes. She wanted to help, to understand his mind, and maybe it was time for Crockett to let someone in again. It had been far too long.

“Start from the beginning,” she prompted as he slowly relaxed again, “How long ago did this low start?”

[patroclusonly]

Buck Begins headcanon: why he joined the seals, how he fell into firefighting and bi buck confirmed all in one.  

Some people are actually starting to like this headcanon of Buck’s boo, so I decided to make a post about this to have everything in one place. 

Big thanks to @himbo-buckley​ for coming up with some great ideas and helping me and waiting patiently until I finished this! <333

(Hopefully y’all read it and like it and even come to my inbox with thoughts because I want to hear them)

(tw: cancer and death by cancer are mentioned)

Buck started sleeping around right after he left his parents house. They were distant and also didn’t allow him to do much so he didn’t have a long dating history, was pretty inexperienced and his self-esteem wasn’t so good. (still isn’t but we’re talking about physical image here and we know he loves that now)

Being a 6’2, blond, blue eyed and pretty smile, charismatic hunk did help him a lot there. He got girls’ attention really quick and he was surprised, but after the first two he was like “damn,I got game” and started his journey of countless hook ups.

Not long into that journey, he realized guys were hot too and that college was a place to try new things right? So, boom, he discovered he was bi. 

After college he went to south america and he got that bartending job. Now, I need to add pictures because I’m a visual thinker, so Buck looked kinda like this (but with like, no shirt or something because summer in south america):

And one day while he was working at the bar, this super hot dude walks in and they hit it off but not for a hookup at that first moment(both think the other is straight). 

This dude’s name is Dave, he’s a SEAL, around 26 I guess, and he looks like this (remember, visual thinker):

He’s there with Jimmy, his high school best friend who always tries to plan get togethers when Dave is off duty. (this one get together vacation is special but you’ll find out why a littler later)

The idea of Jimmy started with a SEAL buddy of Dave, then changed to be a high school best friend that is actually a woman named Jemma that goes by Jimmy and that looked like Laura Harrier and that is actually a lesbian. BUT, after discussing it some more, Jimmy is still the high school lesbian bff but now she looks like this: 

Because I saw a picture  of Zazie Beetz and went “damn, she has the vibe to be Jimmy” so, she is now.

That first night when Buck and Dave met, they talked a lot. Even after Buck’s shift was over, they just sat there -way too close for two straight dudes who just met- and talked for hours. 

Buck told him about his life, his sister, how he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life now that he was out of college. 

Dave told him how he met Jimmy, how he was a SEAL because his family was a military family but that his true dream was to be a firefighter. 

They did that almost every day for maybe two weeks? before Jimmy was like “Make a move or I’ll do it for you!”. 

So Dave, looking like that but not being even half as smooth as Buck, tries and fails to make a move. But that gives Buck the push he needed to make a move and he kisses him. 

Things move pretty quickly after that, they start sleeping together, sort of dating but not really talking about it, just feeling it. 

They fall hard. Like, “I’m so in love with you that every time you smile at me my heart melts a little” in love. Like “I see you looking at me with the softest eyes and I can’t help but smile” in love. That hard. But they never admitted it out loud. Until that last day.

Dave was sick. He had been sick all that time but by the end of the fourth month he was getting worse. 

He noticed six months before going to that vacation, when he was working and  couldn’t keep up with his team anymore. He got tired fast, started coughing when he did routine exercises. He went to the doctor and discovered it was regional small cell lung cancer.

The SEALs wouldn’t let him go back so he spent those six months trying everything. Chemo, radiation therapy, different meds, nothing really worked. And he hated how that made him feel, so he just gave that up. 

He started feeling better and that’s when he and Jimmy decided to go on that vacation together. It was probably going to be their last and they wanted to have a good time. 

When the symptoms came back and Dave couldn't hide it anymore, he decided to tell Buck. Not without first convincing Jimmy that they had to leave. Go back home or whatever, but not stay there where Buck would see him just get worse and worse. 

That last day, him and Buck have a perfect day. The three of them spend the whole day on the beach, enjoying the warm sun and calming sound of the waves hitting the shore. 

At night Buck and Dave go to Buck’s room. He lived in an apartment with a roommate but the good thing was that their shifts were usually fixed so that when one was working, the other wasn’t. And he could get the place for himself for a few hours.

After a moment in silence where Dave was mentally preparing himself to tell Buck the truth, he does. He tells him he’s dying and that there’s nothing he can do and that he will not stay there to make Buck watch him slowly lose the life in him. He want Buck to remember him for those perfect months they had together. 

Buck gets angry at first, not like, yelling angry. But just that heavy feeling in his chest that turns into sadness after a second. His eyes fill with tears and he just hugs him as tight as he can and stays there for a few minutes. He asks him to stay but Dave doesn’t answer that.

Instead he tells him that it’s okay, that he knew that was coming and that he’s sorry he didn’t tell him sooner. But he’s so glad that he got to meet Buck before and that if he were to die the next day he’d die happy. Right then he finally says I love you for the first time. 

Neither of them has said it before, and Buck just stares at him for a moment. He doesn’t want to say it, not then when it feels so final. So he kisses him, slow and desperate at the same time. To let him know that he does love him, that he loves him so much the affection and the fondness and the sadness he feels about losing him compares to nothing he’s ever felt before. 

They make love for the first time that day, not sex, but real love making with all the feelings and intimacy and closeness they needed to reassure themselves that everything they lived those past months had happened and that they were lucky enough to find each other. Even if it was for a short period of time.

Buck falls asleep and Dave stays awake, looking at him, smiling to himself, holding him close and kissing him one last time.

He leaves in the middle of the night. He doesn’t say goodbye, doesn’t explain, doesn’t leave a note. And when Buck wakes up and realizes that, he understands and forces himself to move on, but the heartbreak he feels is still the worst pain he’s felt up to that moment.

He stays there another month. Until he gets a call from Jimmy. She tells him Dave died and invites him to the funeral. That is the worst pain he’s ever felt. 

He decides to go. It was on the u.s. so he quits his job and goes back. 

At the funeral he feels out of place. He doesn’t know anyone and nobody knows him other than Jimmy, who hugs him and cries when she sees him. The two of them are probably the only ones to know that Dave ever dated a man. She tells him he loved Buck like he’s never loved anyone else and that those were the best months of his life. 

And Buck can’t cry, he can’t react, he can’t feel anything. He doesn’t want to, because he knew that after the moment he got that call and cried until he ran out of tears, he built a fort around his heart and that if he were to let out everything he really feels, he would just break down and not get back up again. 

After that he decided to join the SEALs, as a way to honour Dave, but after six months he realizes it’s not really for him. 

So he’s between jobs, and maybe he saves someone accidentally and stays there until the firefighters get there. And that reminds him of the first time he met Dave and how he said his real dream was to be a firefighter and he thinks maybe he could try that to honor him, since the SEALs didn’t work.

So he joins the academy and he passes and he gets a few offers from different stations, because he’s damn good at it. 

But one of the offers is in LA, and he can’t say not to that. Not for how they are the best in the whole country or anything like that, but because he remembers how Dave used to love the sun and the ocean, and that seems like the perfect place for him. So, that’s how he starts working at the 118. 

He tries not to think how funny and cruel the universe is.  

By this time, he’s sleeping around again. Anything to get that closeness he craves but without his heart getting broken again. (Here’s where we find him in season one)

He never told anyone about Dave and he didn’t even hooked up with another man again. He just did everything he could to forget about that and move on. 

He can’t do anything but confront his feelings and that triggers a wave of repressed memories and emotions that he can’t control. 

But then, one day he starts getting messages and calls from Jimmy. But he’s worked really hard to let that time of his life go, so he just ignores her. Until he can’t, when Jimmy shows up at the fire station. 

And this is as far as I can go without involving the present characters. Maybe I will do that?