#arguably mizuki and mafuyu are there too but like. theyre not main ones so eh

[projecthellkai]

This ended up being 3k300 words and I’m already sorry for that

I did, a few days ago, submit Pinnochio-P's Non Breath Oblige to the @proseka-wishlist​ blog and, ever since then, can you guess what happened. Yep, can't take it out of my head and on the same day I submitted I ended up writing a messy rant on why it fits Kanade and Ena so well (alongside their connection to Mafuyu and Mizuki)... Except, instead of posting the ramble here, I decided to rewrite it and arrange word by word so it could actually make sense, alongside making my own line division (which became the 5th line division I ever made for a song) for it so I could get a better idea on how to write this.

So, here we go. Not line by line (because I'd never be able to make a line by line analysis on a song), but taking out the main and most important lines and points, their meaning and also me using the MV to explain some of my ideas for it. I will be using the official Pinnochio translation for it to make my job easier, too. Under the cut because this ended up LONG

Before anything, I think it’s interesting to point out the breath taken right before the song starts and right after it ends, I will explain what i interpret the breathing as in the middle of this essay, but do keep this in mind: This is not only a breath, but also Kanade and Ena being honest with themselves and each other.

It's creepy to be liked by everyone in the world

Right off the bat, Kanade. Take into account how, when she was small, Kanade helped her father *once* with a song for a contest and *her part of the song* was used for a commercial, not his. Right after that, clients started going after her father looking for songs like the one in that exact same commercial, not her dad's songs, but *hers.* Put such a thing through the eyes of a small child, who saw her father overwork and stress himself to the point of being hospitalized because of *her own* creation, not his. Kanade's talent being enjoyed by others, in her own view, caused her father hospitalization, Kanade's talent being *liked* by others is what brought him there. Maybe, if others didn't like her melody that much, all of that wouldn't have happened.

Maybe, it's just too scary to have a lot of people suddenly liking your work when you're a child.

But I want to hold hands with you, in a classroom where we can’t connect

And then Ena. I'll bring up the My Footprints, Your Destination event story up, but most specifically the final moments of it. During the end, Ena runs after Mizuki because she *knew* something was wrong, and knowing that, Mizuki panics, because if Ena found her... Then, she *had* to have asked their classmates, right? Mizuki will keep blocking Ena from actually getting close to them until they're comfortable with revealing their secret to her, *even* if Ena wants so badly for Mizuki to trust her. Ena may want to hold Mizuki's hand, she *wishes* for Mizuki's trust... But, in this classroom, they'll never be able to connect until Ena is aware of their secret. They'll never be able to connect until the two of them want to hold hands, until the two of them trust each other.

I'll raise the white flag to the tyranny of the majority,

suppress my ill feelings and say cheese

White is most commonly a color associated with calmness, patience but most importantly: Peace. Amongst all other project sekai characters, most in complete denial that there's anything wrong with them (See: Tsukasa and his anxiety, Akito refusing to acknowledge his anger issues, Touya and his dad, MMJ girls just going right back to being idols even if they had bad experiences in their old groups, and while I do love Leo/Need a lot, I do think they became friends again quite quickly. Hell, even the other niigo members themselves do this and I am looking right at you two Mizuki and Mafuyu), Kanade's entire goal with making music is to *save* others. With her music, Kanade wants to bring peace to others, which is exactly what she's able to do with Mafuyu, who keeps on living because of her songs. To all the other characters, lying to others and themselves they're fine, Kanade will raise her own white flag, in an attempt to bring them peace.

Second line, while not as strong of a degree as Mafuyu and Mizuki... During the beginning of Niigo, Ena did suppress her honest feelings a fair amount, to keep with the whole cute facade, *especially* online. Now, though, that mainly happens when Ena is in fact posting pictures of herself online, the "say cheese" right after. Recently, Ena is able to be more sincere about how she feels and about her real self, too: She is able to be her sarcastic and "mean" self without holding back, while still being caring and worrying about others. Ena may still suppress her feelings online... But with the other's help, she is getting better, even if slowly.

A game of musical chairs that created division

Ena and Mizuki line. Let's go by parts, starting with the one that would be singing this.

Ena's part is probably more obvious: It's basically a metaphor to her relationship with Akito. At this point, we *do know* that they used to have a good relationship, but we still don't have a straight out confirmation as to *why* their relationship soured, which hurts even more when you consider that not only did Ena encourage Akito to become a street performer when they were younger... But also, the two still care about each other, deep down. Akito still gets worried when he sees Ena having a breakdown over her art in her bedroom, saying she will throw all of her supplies out and he doesn't have to worry, just as Ena buys him entire outfits and genuinely *cares* about him, and even if she does say that she wants to follow him to the cafe he performs with VBS as a joke... Knowing Ena, and *knowing* she encouraged him to become a street artist, deep down she wants to see how far he came ever since they were younger.

Then, Mizuki. Theirs is less direct... But can you imagine being born as a boy, and then you discover that *oh, I don't actually feel like one* and instead of others supporting you most of them start saying you're weird or gross? This would be even more hurtful when we *know* Mizuki found out they aren't cis quite young, around the time they met Rui. Mizuki, even if they tend to isolate themselves when things start going wrong, is an extrovert, you can *bet* that having their friends, at least until then, start calling them weird because they didn't feel like a boy would affect them, creating a division in their lives and starting their whole thing with pushing people away.

A baby that is given birth by epidural labor

Not a direct connection this time, but more of a metaphor.

Epidurals are usually given during birth to make the whole process easier, and then you have two girls who, during their whole childhood, were pretty much influenced by adult's words that ''they had a gift''. A gift that, arguably, could make their lives easier.

Kanade grew up hearing from her dad that she was blessed by music, being praised by her works ever since she was a child. Kanade didn't have a say as to whether she wanted to pursue this path or not... She was blessed after all, wasn't she? And after her dad ended hospitalized, Kanade just stood in their house, producing songs, and along that came her savior complex. Now, she wants to use her songs to help others, to keep others alive. Something that was supposed to be a talent is now seen as a curse by herself.

Meanwhile, Mafuyu grew to be the perfect child, always getting good scores and excelling in sports and *anything* she did, while getting more and more empty as days went on. Now, here she is, lacking emotion and *anything*, really, but having to keep this mask in front of others so she's still a good girl.

Even if the two had their lives pretty much settled for them, it ended with the two hurt. It ended with the two of them having their own problems, even if it supposedly should help them grow in their future.

Is it wrong to boast of my happiness?

Is it wrong to grieve over my unhappiness?

First line to Ena, second to Kanade.

Ena grew up in a house where, most of the time, her art was trashed and her father told her she could never become a professional artist, even if that was her dream. With this, Ena grew extremely perfectionist over her own art, seeing herself as someone without a talent... Until, with Niigo's help, she's able to see value in her own work. With Niigo's help, she was finally able to look at her creation and feel happy with it. Except, outside the sekai or nightcode, we can't really be sure if Ena shows that happiness. Wouldn't her family bring her down, anyways? So instead, maybe it's better to keep this happiness on this chat, on this sekai. It may not be wrong to feel happy with it... But also, she doesn't want to lose this happiness, again.

Meanwhile, Kanade keeps working on music, even if she sees her talent on it more as a curse. At this point, she is the *only* Niigo girl that didn't have an event fully exploring her issues (aka WHEN will i get an event focusing on Kanade's savior complex and how it affects her negatively...), and instead of venting to the other three, Kanade just listens to them. She just keeps producing their music, hoping that it can save more people, that it can *help* others besides just the three of them, because for Kanade, her unhappiness is unimportant as long as her curse is helping others, as long as she's *saving* others with it. Her unhappiness is unimportant, it feels wrong to bring it up to any of the other three when her songs are able to help them... There is no reason to grieve over it, if the others feel comfort with what she's able to produce.

I’m avoiding impudent words for our glorious future

A fairly straightforward one. It's pretty much obvious Ena is impulsive and sometimes can’t hold back her words, still, recently it’s noticeable she’s being more empathetic with Mafuyu (even if she can still be a little blunt sometimes). Niigo is the only place Ena can boast off her happiness, after all, so why would she want to lose it? Ena wants Niigo to succeed, and on the other side of the coin, we have Kanade. Just like I mentioned on the one before this one, Kanade keeps her mouth *shut* about any of her own issues, Kanade doesn’t want to say anything impudent about how she sees making music more as a curse than a talent… She wants Niigo to stay together, she wants to *see* the other three getting to their glorious future, even if that means she won’t be there with them.

One, two “There are many people in this world who can't even breathe”

I think this would be a good part for me to explain what the ‘’not being able to breathe’’ part means in my interpretation of the song. For me, it refers specifically to not being able to be honest with yourself, to repress or ignore all of your issues and not being able to come to terms with them: Exactly what Mafuyu and Mizuki do.

This part in particular should be sung by Kanade. She is the one who wants to help others, and she is the one who would recognize how others aren’t able to breathe: Not only the two, but also others she met, Kanade wants to bring a chance of breathing to *everyone*, she wants people to connect to their songs, to hear what they (Niigo) have to say and feel comfort in knowing that, whatever it is they’re feeling, it happens to others too. Kanade wants to *help* others to breathe.

If I’m true to one side, I’m false to the other; we give, we take, we protect, we misunderstand I stop in the minefield, and obediently become a dog

This may be a little surprising to some, but I think the dog part in specific should go to Kanade instead of the white bird. Dogs are usually associated with loyalty, trust and companionship, which is *exactly* what Kanade represents to the rest of Niigo: Kanade wants to be the one all of the others trust, the one all of them can give a little piece of themselves to: Mafuyu with literally all of her issues, Mizuki with Kanade accepting them for who they are and Ena with her art. In the middle of whatever problems Niigo may have, Kanade will be in the middle of this minefield, in hopes of the other three reaching out to her. Still, even if she is in fact true to the other three, Kanade keeps lying to herself about her issues: She refuses to acknowledge her savior complex, and she will keep faking it until the end.

We use our complexes, complexes, complexes

Complexes as weapons to fight

For the sake of our convenience and freedom

We obligate ourselves to hold our breath

For the sake of Niigos freedom of expressing themselves, they have to use whatever issues or problems they have. There is something I wrote down about Niigo’s songs once, which is “While MMJ songs are supposed to make them connect with others, Niigo song’s are supposed to make others connect with *them*”. Their complexes have to be explored in order for this to happen, they have to expose their complexes in song form so that the connection can happen, even if they aren’t truly honest with themselves: Ena and Kanade may both be making some progress towards getting better, but the same can’t be said about Mizuki and Mafuyu, who they *want* to help… And instead, as the song puts it:

I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe,

Kanade and Ena can’t breathe, not because they aren’t being true to themselves, but because their *friends* aren’t true with the two of them, either. It’s clear both really want to help them… But instead, there’s a wall dividing the four. Kanade and Ena can’t breathe *because* they won’t be able to truly do it until they’re able to stare at Mafuyu and Mizuki and see that they’re *fine*, that the two are able to breathe, too. This will come back on the ending of the song.

I want to live but I'm told to die,

I want to die but I'm told to live,

Again, a metaphor. This part did appear before on the song, but I wanted to talk specifically about it here because of the art. Specifically, Ena should be the one facing the front, symbolizing her desire to keep doing art, recognizing that she *wants* to both live and die, but others keep telling her the opposite (Niigo encourages her while her family discourages her). Kanade, instead, shows her back, symbolizing her desire to make music because yes, while she wants to keep working with it, she herself is the one that discourages herself… Because Kanade has yet to make a song to connect with *herself*. Ena is aware of her desire, meanwhile Kanade is aware of hers, but tries to also ignore it, because she still makes songs *only* to save others, and not herself.

One, two “There are many people in this world who don't even know love”

And as the counterpart to this before was sung by Kanade, this one is sung by Ena. While Kanade only wants to save others, Ena wants *connections*, she wants Mizuki, Kanade and hell, even Mafuyu, to look at Ena and see a *friend* instead of just a girl they work with. Ena wants to bring them love, and perhaps the most obvious example of this is, again the My Footprints Your Destination event, where Ena literally promised Mizuki she’d stay by their side *forever*, until they were ready to tell Ena their secret.

Kanade wants to bring them acknowledgement of *their own* feelings. Meanwhile, Ena wants to bring them acknowledgement of *others* feelings. It’s a perfect equilibrium.

Sympathy, envy, jealousy, resentment, black tears falling down

My ugly emotions burst out and become a snow-white bird

I don’t think there can be an argument made against Ena being the most emotive one out of Niigo. Birds most commonly are used to represent freedom, which is *exactly* what she gets with the unit: Ena gets a place where she can make her art without fear of being judged by it, a place where she is free to say whatever is on her mind and produce what makes her happy, a place where she doesn’t have to repress or hide her ugly emotions, because all the others in here have their own problems, too. Here, Ena can recognize not only “good” emotions like sympathy, but also envy, jealousy and resentment, fully allowing herself to cry without someone knocking on her down to stay quiet.

We don’t directly, directly, directly

Directly do anything in person

Through the liquid crystal that robs our imagination,

we hold our breaths and feel secure

This is the exact part that sold it all to me when I was first watching the mv to write this. Do I have to say anything? The imagery of a phone screen glowing, before it cracks, alongside the lyrics. Of course they aren’t able to do anything directly in person, they’re a *virtual* unit that works mainly through nightcode. Through the “liquid crystal”, through their *phones*, they’re able to hold their emotions and feel secure: the others won’t be able to read what they’re feeling or doing. They may be friends and hang out in person, but they *aren’t* able to actually talk about their issues like they do online. Mafuyu and Mizuki will excuse themselves, Kanade will completely ignore and act like she’s fine and Ena will burst out and try to hide it, through nightcode, though? They feel comfortable here, because they won’t be able to judge each other face to face.

I hold my breath, I hold my breath, I hold my breath, I hold my breath,

… And it’s not like Kanade and Ena don’t *want* to breathe. Maybe, the real reason they’re not able to breathe isn’t because of something, but because they’re *holding* their breath. They are doing the best they can to truly hold it in as to not overwhelm the other two. Because, when the time comes, they want to *show* that they can also help Mafuyu and Mizuki to hold their breath, too. Because the two’s burden shouldn’t be only theirs (even if that is a little bit hypocritical, coming from them).

Non-breath, non-breath, non-breath, non-breath oblige

I love you, to protect what each of us loves

I breathe inside the bomb shelter with you

And then, the last part. To protect what each of them love, they will keep breathing inside of Niigo, with the two. So that Ena can keep protecting her friends, but also her love for drawing, and so that Kanade can keep helping her friends… But also, maybe, find out her own love for composing, and learning she shouldn’t do it just to help others. While they’re still in this bomb shelter - nightcode - they will allow themselves to actually *feel*. They will allow themselves to be real.

(I also think it would be very cool if Mafuyu and Mizuki sang ONLY the final line along Kanade and Ena, but that maybe would be a bit too much to hope for)