#arguably it would be good to do a reset of it all to clean stuff out

[mezzmerizd]

Oh my fucking god i just realised that if i switch to a new phone literally ALL of my writing will be gone,,,

^^^ uses samsung notes like a goddamn lunatic

[beyondthetemples]

Horror Headcanons

✘ Have they ever committed a murder? Believe it or not, the answer to this is yes. On purpose. Because she wanted to. (Or, the part of her that was in control at the time wanted to.) This was during the period she considers to be the absolute worst time of her entire life, and she regrets it to no end. Granted, this was during DDD, and sometimes when RPing, I reset Dove's "timeline" in certain 'verses, to long before she meets the Titans, or after she's JUST met them, or before she chooses to become an active hero.

But in any default setting, in the canonical stories, and in basically any setting that has Dove beyond Azarath and outside the Tower: it's actually DEPENDENT on DDD having happened, because that remorse is what drives her to become a hero at all.

▼ What is their greatest fear? Well, giving into her demonic side, losing control, and hurting people are all among her worst fears. But, you know. DDD happened. (She's also afraid of thunder, very loud/sudden percussive noises, large dogs, and vomiting, but if she had to choose between any of those and hurting someone, she'd gladly subject herself to these terrors.)

✿ Would they ever trust dark or wicked magic? Here's the thing about having great psychic power that comes from a heritage of evil and darkness inside your own soul: Your idea of 'dark" is quite different from everyone else's. Dove trusts "dark" magic when it's being wielded by Raven, or anyone else she learns to trust. The energies and power don't bother her. (Though it might be an unnervingly intense experience the first time she's around them, she isn't afraid of the dark power itself.)

"Wicked" magic is hard to answer, because, believe me: there is no "magic" that is inherently "wicked". Even the most harmful of deeds are sometimes done with the best intentions. Morality is subjective. If something was "Wicked" in Dove's morality? She'd wonder at its impact. (If it was, say, a painful binding spell to stop somebody from terribly hurting another, she'd consider it.) But, this might be a moot point anyways, because Dove flouders terribly with magic, and would much rather have someone more qualified to perform it.

△ Name one thing from their past that they regret. Leaving her mother to die alone... but, that's only half a regret, because the alternative (being found, and possibly used, by Trigon) was much more terrible. And for the other half a regret, we can fill in DDD. (Dove's Dark Discovery, the title of the story. It can't be said that she regrets discovering how terrible the darkness in side her can really be... It was a terrible lesson, and the revelation alone was traumatizing. It's never easy, discovering the worst you're capable of... But she knows the discovery itself was necessary. She just regrets that people, animals, and children had to die, and almost herself, before she understood exactly what was happening.)

✂ If they had to choose one weapon to carry forever, what would it be? Confidence. (She's a pacifist, you can't ask a pacifist to carry a weapon. But confidence and certainty make her powers work a LOT more smoothly, strongly, and makes her a lot more capable of UTILIZING her power.)

☣ Would they kill someone close to them if they had to? That would depend on many, many, many things. (WHY would she have to kill them? Would she have time to prepare beforehand? Would it be able to be done from a distance? Would they KNOW it's through a method SHE can pull off skillfully? Does she have to watch them die? Is she able to be psychically numbed so she doesn't sense their pain, fear, anger, and death? Is it a mercy killing, euthanasia, or murder?)

Physically, she is capable of killing someone, definitely. Motivation, it could be found. But emotionally, it would destroy her.

☢ Would they survive an apocalyptic situation? Been there, done that. (She fled the destruction of Azarath, but she was on Earth when Trigon took over. Ever wonder why there were two rings form Azar in the comics, and only one in the show? The other had been a family heirloom of sorts, in Dove's possession. Protected by Azar's power and her mother's spells, Dove was able to survive the apocalypse on Earth... if, only just barely.)

❣ If someone had the power to bring them back after death, would they want them to? Most likely, no. Canonically, Dove after Leyla, after Srentha, after her mother of course, and she has no living family left. She outlives all of her lifelong friends, and spends her last 50, 60 years or so feeling isolated, lonely, and desperately trying to keep busy with travelling and training to keep herself sane. Only Raven outlives her, and, well, arguably she does have that power. But Dove wouldn't want her to, no. But that's canonical.

Now, in a situation where Leyla would be orphaned, Kary would be detained, Raven would be in danger, or anyone she has bonded with can only be saved by her: She would want them to bring her back, of COURSE she'd feel a keening, desperate NEED to be there with them! It would be a terrible and unpleasant process, but if she is needed: She would endure the entire thing. (Also, both Trigonic and Azarathean souls aren't very good at staying down after they're body's death, but she would feel potently useless and borderline FURIOUS if she wasn't able to help due to an incorporeal form.)

☠ Do they fear death? Not really, no. Not her own, anyways. But after the vision, and especially after DDD, which forces her to psychically experience more than six deaths, empathically, like it's her own, and every single one of them was a panicked and unpleasant experience: She fears "death" AROUND her.

♱ What do they think awaits them after death? This is something Dove tries not to think about. When she was younger, she was sure her soul would be with her mother's, and they'd be spiritually in Azarath again, without having to worry about living, eating, breathing, cleaning, or any of that physical body stuff. But the older she grew: the more she wondered... Does Azar know she exists? Her father's essence resides in her soul; it's evil, and would Azar ever let that essence near the rest of the deceased Azarathean souls? It's a huge paradox for her, and it's not like she could ask. (There's a story upcoming that brings her in Azar's presence, actually, but I've yet to work out the details. For now: Dove doesn't know, at all, what her soul is even worth... especially after DDD. All she knows for sure is that she hopes she sees her mother again.)

¿ Are they easily frightened? Dove and "being frightened" is a very complicated topic. Of course she's easily frightened when confronted with something regarding any of her phobias, nightmares, past trauma, etc. But traditional things, like darkness or death or spiders? She's very rarely afraid of any of that. It's safe to say that when her vulnerabilities are involved, Dove is VERY easily unnerved. But she HAS spent her entire life learning to not let her fear out of control, and she's also very good at denial, so truly frightening her takes some work. It's possible. But not as easy as her timid demeanor implies.

╳ How would they react to seeing a loved one become possessed? Oooooh, boy. Not very well. Not well at all. Immediately on sensing demonic energy, she would be fighting back panic at the sensations alone. Then there's the fact that it would "call" to her own power, and despite all morals and restraining, it's tempting. (Because it means power, and freedom, and putting down the fight she struggles so hard in every day, and so it's relieving as well....) And all she knows of possession is what she relates to "being possessed" by her own inner demon during DDD-- murders, sadism, death. Things she can't abide. And she has no education whatsoever on how exorcisms, demons, or anything involved in them work. Let's ju8st say we'd all be lucky if Dove doesn't lose control in this situation, at least once.

☹ Name one person they would kill for. Nobody, willingly.

☼ If they had the choice to be immortal with one other person, who would they choose? ...I don't think Dove would choose anyone, really... Dove has no desire to be immortal. If it was mandatory immortality, she'd chose Srentha, or Leyla, or Raven. (Probably Raven, if she knew what kind of chaos would come into her life around year 120, 150.)

☎ How would they react to receiving a phone call from a deceased love one? Disbelief... vehement disbelief. And then tears, grieving brought back... and needing-- NEEDING, to know if it's real. Wanting to meet them and make sure.

★ Do they have a favorite scary movie? Book? Show? Dove isn't a huge fan of horror movies. A lot of them involve things that disgust, frighten, or traumatize her-- blood, v*mit, sadism, death... Psychological horror BOTHERS her, because remembering when she was in a mindset phase so sadistic and power-hungry that she actually WANTED to hurt people, feel their pain... It brings up way too much she'd rather forget, and she can't watch it. It hurts too deeply.

♣ Do they believe the world is made up of good and evil? As forces of nature, no. She has a more objective perspective that prioritizes neutrality and existence, patterns, and much, much more than morality in the universe (or, multiverse, as it were).

♥ Have they ever acted out of heartlessness? Only during DDD. She's far too compassionate to do something heartless, at least on purpose.

☾ What is their favorite and least favorite thing about the night? Favorite: It's comforting. Least favorite? It's too quiet, sometimes, and the quiet makes room for nightmares, memories, and flashbacks that she just wants to forget.

ψ Do they think they deserve punishment for their wrongdoings? She does. She really, honestly does. (Especially right after DDD; she actually tries to convince the others to kick her out, send her away, and lock her up in punishment. She basically locks herself in solitary confinement in her own room.) After healing, it's less that she thinks she "Deserves" it, than she thinks others want to inflict it, and if they did, she wouldn't blame them.

ϟ Have they ever gotten pleasure from causing others pain? DDD, but never, besides then.

♚ Do they consider themselves to be evil? That's something she struggled with for MONTHS during the DDD time. She did. She genuinely, honestly did. "If there's evil in me, if it's really a PART of me... How can I ever be GOOD?" And that's where the lesson comes in and changes her life: that "who" you are is more important than "What"; that she didn't have to be efined by being Trigon's daughter, and that all people are good and evil to some degree, but it's what they choose to act on that determines WHO they are. And that difference, that realization, changed her life.

♒ If they could choose how to die, how would they want to go? Peacefully. Quietly, probably in her sleep, knowing everyone around her was safe and wouldn't be hurt or upset by her death.

™ Are they possessive? Not at all.

✔ Are they holding a grudge against anyone? Herself, honestly... but that's about it.

◯ Do they believe in ghosts? Very much so. (Her spirituality very much prioritizes existence and life far BEYOND the physical body. Its death doesn't mean the end of a soul.)

✦ Who is their favorite villain? She doesn't really have one. (Unless Elphaba from the "Wicked" story counts.)

☄ While watching a scary movie, are they the one clinging to a friend or being clung to? Depends on the movie. Usually she withdraws, and either walks away voluntarily or pulls into herself. She doesn't like being touched if she'd that afraid, and if she's not trying to hide herself away, more likely it's just gross and not scary. (And she doesn't like being that afraid.)

웃 Do they believe in aliens? She lives with one. That would be a bright neon YES.