#are you trying to say our delulu is not so lulu-lulu? am I talking to the universe?

[loveisnotfinite]

Should I make a permanent reservation? Table for 1k souls? No? 2k? How many are we around the globe?

[katbluecheese]

I have a dilemma.

I had my first therapy session yesterday with a new professional. Technically I think she's a social worker. But I don't know why I was assigned to a social worker because I specifically signed up for this service because I am already diagnosed bipolar and ADHD, and I'm seeking diagnosis for possible BPD and autism.

This is the second professional I have been assigned. I did not feel comfortable talking with the first one, just from setting up our appointment over the phone. This is a service that actually sends the professional to you. However, my home is not a place I feel comfortable speaking freely. With the first professional I couldn't even communicate to her that I needed to meet her somewhere like a park or something. She was more worried about having to pay a toll on a bridge to come see me, which wasn't even relevant because I don't live on the other side of that bridge.

Anyway, I contacted the service that set me up with the original therapist and requested someone else. It took them a second to find a new person for me. I had my first session with her yesterday. We met in a park, sat on a bench, and I cried my eyes out telling her how hopeless I've been feeling because of the narcissistic abuse I'm experiencing at home, at the hands of my mother. Because I'm also currently pregnant, I am unmedicated for my bipolar disorder, resulting in me being extremely depressed. I'm also concerned about subjecting my child to my mother's narcissistic abuse and potential physical abuse (because she did physically abuse me as a child) once he is born.

This professional responds by telling me to just block out what my mom is saying, to remember many people have it worse than I do, and to listen to music or go on walks (I have been having increasingly difficult mobility issues since becoming pregnant). She also wants me to make to-do lists in order to make my days more productive, to combat my bipolar depression. I explained that my ADHD doesn't executive function like that but I'd try.

This is where my dilemma lies. I don't feel like this was a productive therapy session at all. To tell me to invalidate my own feelings while being verbally and mentally abused, just doesn't sit right with me.

If I were to ask for a different professional, it would take weeks for a new person to be assigned to me. I have a tricky scheduled to work around because I have two jobs, and I'm responsible for getting my boyfriend to and from his full time job. He's epileptic and cannot drive. This lady was able to work around my schedule. She was even willing to meet me on Sundays. I don't know that anyone else would be able to do so.

Something just doesn't feel right with the whole, "other people have it worse," phrase being thrown around. On the other hand, maybe what she told me was sound advice and I'm just too lulu delulu to see it? Idk.

I need some help. I don't trust myself from a lifetime of being harassed for every decision that I make. Any and all advise would be helpful. I don't really have people in my life I can talk to about this sort of thing.