#approximately 1 listenable track on the whole thing

[butcharondir]

i just found a mix CD i made for my dad when I was 16 years old and oh. my god. can u believe that it’s even worse than i expected

[canmom]

Music Theory Notes (for science bitches) 1: chords & such

This is one of these series where I use my blog as a kind of study blog type thing. If you're knowledgeable about music theory, it will be very basic. But that's kind of the problem, I've really struggled to absorb those basics!

When I was a teenager I learned to play violin and played in orchestras. I could read music, and play decently enough, but I didn't really understand music. I just read what was on the page, and played the scales I had to play for exams.

Lately I've been trying to learn music again. This time my instruments are zhonghu, voice, and DAWs. At some point I might get my violin back too. But really, I'm a total beginner again, and this time I want to do it properly.

For a long time when I tried to learn about music I would get overwhelmed with terminology and jargon and conventions. I might watch videos on composition and they'd be interesting but a lot of it would just fly over my head, I'd just have to nod along because I had no idea what all the different types of chord and such were. I tried to learn from sites like musictheory.net, but I found it hard to figure out the logical structure to fit it all into.

I feel like I'm finally making a bit of headway, so it's time to take some notes. The idea here is not just to answer the what, but also to give some sense of why, a motivation. So in a sense this is a first attempt at writing the introduction to music theory I wish I'd had. This is going to assume you know a little bit about physics, but basically nothing about music.

What is music? From first principles.

This is impossible to answer in full generality, especially since as certain people would be quick to remind me, there's a whole corner of avant-garde composers who will cook up counterexamples to whatever claim you make. So let's narrow our focus: I'm talking about the 'most common' type of music in the society I inhabit, which is called 'tonal music'. (However some observations may be relevant to other types of music such as noise or purely rhythmic music.)

Music is generally an art form involving arranging sound waves in time into patterns (in the sense that illustration is about creating patterns on a 2D surface with light, animation is arranging illustrations in time, etc.).

Physically, sound is a pressure wave propagating through a medium, primarily air. As sound waves propagate, they will reflect off surfaces and go into superposition, and depending on the materials around, certain frequencies might be attenuated or amplified. So the way sound waves propagate in a space is very complicated!

But in general we've found we can pretty decently approximate the experience of listening to something using one or two 'audio tracks', which are played back at just one or two points. So for the sake of making headway, we will make an approximation: rather than worry about the entire sound field, we're going to talk about a one-dimensional function of time, namely the pressure at the idealised audio source. This is what gets displayed inside an audio editor. For example, here's me playing the zhonghu, recorded on a mic, as seen inside Audacity.

A wrinkle that is not relevant for this discussion: The idealised 'pressure wave' is a continuous real function of the reals (time to pressure). By contrast, computer audio is quantised in both the pressure level and time, and this is used to reconstruct a continuous pressure wave by convolution at playback time. (Just like a pixel is not a little square, an audio sample is not a constant pressure!) But I'm going to talk about real numbers until quantisation becomes relevant.

When the human eye receives light, the cone cells in the eye respond to the frequencies of EM radiation, creating just three different neural signals, but with incredibly high sensitivity to direction. By contrast, when the human ear receives sound, it is directed into an organ called the cochlea which is kind of like a cone rolled up into a spiral...

Inside this organ, the sound wave moves around the spiral, which has a fascinatingly complex structure that means different frequencies of wave will excite tiny hairs at different points along the tube. In effect, the cochlea performs a short-time Fourier transform of the incoming sound wave. Information about the direction of the incoming wave is given by the way it reflects off the shape of the ear, the difference between ears, and the movement of our head.

So! In contrast to light, where the brain receives a huge amount of information about directions of incoming light but only limited information of the frequency spectrum, with sound we receive a huge amount of information about the frequency spectrum but only quite limited information about its direction.

Music thus generally involves creating patterns with vibration frequencies in the sound wave. More than this, it's also generally about creating repeating patterns on a longer timescale, which is known as rhythm. This has something to do with the way neurons respond to signals but that's something I'm not well-versed in, and in any case it is heavily culturally mediated.

All right, so, this is the medium we have to play with. When we analyse an audio signal that represents music, we chop it up into small windows, and use a Fourier transform to find out the 'frequencies that are present in the signal'.

Most musical instruments are designed to make sounds that are combinations of certain frequencies at integer ratios. For example here is a plot of the [discrete] Fourier transform of a note played on the zhonghu:

The intensity of the signal is written in decibels, so it's actually a logarithmic scale despite looking linear. The frequency of the wave is written in Hertz, and plotted logarithmically as well. A pure sine wave would look like a thin vertical line; a slightly wider spike means it's a combination of a bunch of sine waves of very close frequencies.

The signal consists of one strong peak at 397Hz and nearby frequencies, and a series of peaks at (roughly) integer multiples of this frequency. In this case the second and third peaks are measured at 786Hz, and 1176Hz. Exact integer ratios would give us 794Hz and 1191Hz, but because the first peak is quite wide we'd expect there to be some error.

Some terminology: The first peak is called the fundamental, and the remaining peaks are known as overtones. The frequency of the fundamental is what defines this signal as a particular musical note, and the intensities of the overtone and widths of the peaks define the quality of the note - the thing that makes a flute and a violin playing the same fundamental frequency sound different when we listen to them. If you played two different notes at the same time, you'd get the spectrums of both notes added together - each note has its own fundamental and overtones.

OK, so far that's just basic audio analysis, nothing is specific to music. To go further we need to start imposing some kind of logical structure on the sound, defining relationships between the different notes.

The twelve-tone music system

There are many ways to do this, but in the West, one specific system has evolved as a kind of 'common language' that the vast majority of music is written in. As a language, it gives names to the notes, and defines a space of emotional connotations. We unconsciously learn this language as we go through the process of socialisation, just as we learn to interpret pictures, watch films, etc.

The system I'm about to outline is known as 12-tone equal temperament or "12TET". It was first cooked up in the 16th century almost simultaneously in China and Europe, but it truly became the standard tuning in the West around the 18th century, distilled from a hodgepodge of musical systems in use previously. In the 20th century, classical composers became rather bored of it and started experimenting with other systems of tonality. Nevertheless, it's the system used for the vast majority of popular music, film and game soundtracks, etc.

Other systems exist, just as complex. Western music tends to create scales of seven notes in an octave, but there are variants that use other amounts, like 6. And for example classical Indian music uses its own variant of a seven-note scale; there are also nuances within Western music such as 'just intonation' which we'll discuss in a bit; really, everything in music is really fucking complicated!

I'll be primarily discussing 12TET because 1. it's hard enough to understand just one system and this one is the most accessible; 2. this has a very nice mathematical structure which tickles my autismbrain. However, along the way we'll visit some variants, such as 'Pythagorean intervals'.

The goal is to try and not just say 'this is what the notation means' but explain why we might construct music this way. Since a lot of musical stuff is kept around for historical reasons, that will require some detours into history.

Octaves

So, what's the big idea here? Well, let's start with the idea of an octave. If you have two notes, let's call then M and N, and the frequency of N is twice the frequency of M... well, to the human ear, they sound very very closely related. In fact N is the first overtone of M - if you play M on almost any instrument, you're also hearing N.

Harmony, which we'll talk about in a minute, is the idea that two notes sound especially pleasant together - but this goes even further. So in many many music systems around the world, these two notes with frequency ratio of 2 are actually identified - they are in some sense 'the same note', and they're given the same name. This also means that further powers of 2, of e.g. 4, 8, 16, and so on, are also 'the same note'. We call the relationship between M and N an octave - we say if two notes are 'an octave apart', one has twice the frequency of the other.

For example, a note whose fundamental frequency is 261.626Hz is known as 'C' in the convention of 'concert pitch'. This implies an infinite series of other Cs, but since the human ear has a limited range of frequencies, in practice you have Cs from 8.176Hz up through 16744.036. These are given a series of numbers by convention, so 261.626Hz is called C4, often 'middle C'. 523.251Hz is C5, 1046.502Hz is C6, and so on. However, a lot of the time it doesn't matter which C you're talking about, so you just say 'C'.

But the identification of "C" with 261.626Hz * 2^N is just a convention (known as 'concert pitch'). Nothing is stopping you tuning to any other frequency: to build up the rest of the structure you just need some note to start with, and the rest unfolds using ratios.

Harmony and intervals

Music is less about individual notes, and more about the relationship between notes - either notes played at the same time, or in succession.

Between any two notes we have something called an interval determined by the ratio of their fundamental frequencies. We've already seen one interval: the octave, which has ratio 2.

The next interval to bring up is the 'fifth'. There are a few different variants of this idea, but generally speaking if two notes have a ratio of 1.5, they sound really really nice together. Why is this called a 'fifth'? Historical reasons, there is no way to shake this terminology, we're stuck with it. Just bear with me here, it will become semi-clear in a minute.

In the same vein, other ratios of small integers tend to sound 'harmonious'. They're satisfying to hear together. Ratios of larger integers, by contrast, feel unsatisfying. But this creates an idea of 'tension' and 'resolution'. If you play two notes together that don't harmonise as nicely, you create a feeling of expectation and tension; when you you play some notes that harmonise really well, that 'resolves' the tension and creates a sense of relief.

Building a scale - just intonation

The exact 3:2 integer ratio used in two tuning systems called 'Pythagorean tuning' and 'just intonation'. Using these kinds of integer ratios, you can unfold out a whole series of other notes, and that's how the Europeans generally did things before 12TET came along. For example, in 'just intonation', you might start with some frequency, and then procede in the ratios 9/8, 5/4, 4/3, 3/2, 5/3, 15/8, and at last 2 (the octave). These would be given a series of letters, creating a 'scale'.

What is a scale? A scale is something like the 'colour palette' for a piece of music. It's a set of notes you use. You might use notes from outside the scale but only very occasionally. Different scales are associated with different feelings - for example, the 'major scale' generally feels happy and triumphant, while a 'minor scale' tends to feel sad and forlorn. We'll talk a lot more about scales soon.

In the European musical tradition, a 'scale' consists of seven notes in each octave, so the notes are named by the first seven notes of the alphabet, i.e. A B C D E F G. A scale has a 'base note', and then you'd unfold the other frequencies using the ratios. An instrument such as a piano would be tuned to play a particular scale. The ratios above are one definition of a 'major scale', and starting with C as the base note, the resulting set of notes is called 'C Major'.

All these nice small-number ratios tend to sound really good together. But it becomes rather tricky if you want to play multiple scales on the same instrument. For example, say your piano is tuned in just intonation to C Major. This means, assuming you have a starting frequency we'll call C, you have the following notes available in a given octave:

C, D=(9/8)C, E=(5/4)C, F=(4/3)C, G=(3/2)C [the fifth!], A=(5/3)C, B=(15/8)C, and 2C [the start of the next octave].

Note: the interval we named the 'fifth' is the fifth note in this scale. It's actually the fifth note in the various minor scales too.

But now suppose you want to play with some different notes - let's say a scale we'll call 'A major', which has the same frequency ratios starting on the note we previously called A. Does our piano have the right keys to play this scale?

Well, the next note up from A would be (9/8)A, which would be (9/8)(5/3)C=(15/8)C - that's our B key, so far so good. Then (5/4)A=(5/4)(5/3)C=(25/12)C and... uh oh! We don't have a (25/12)C key, we have 2C, so if we start at A and go up two keys, we have a note that is slightly lower frequency than the one we're looking for.

What this means is that, depending on your tuning, you could only approximate the pretty integer ratios for any scale besides C major. (25/12) is pretty close to 2, so that might not seem so bad, but sometimes we'd land right in between two notes. We can approximate these notes by adding some more 'in between' piano keys. How should we work out what 'extra' keys to include? Well, there were multiple conventions, but we'll see there is some logic to it...

[You might ask, why are you spending so long on this historical system that is now considered obsolete? Well, intervals and their harmonious qualities are still really important in modern music, and it makes most sense to introduce them with the idea of 'small-integer ratios'.]

The semitone

We've seen if we build the 'major scale' using a bunch of 'nice' ratios, we have trouble playing other scales. The gap above may look rather haphazard and arbitrary, but hold on, we're working in exponential space here - shouldn't we be using a logarithmic scale? If I switch to a logarithmic x-axis, we suddenly get a rather appealing pattern...

All the gaps between successive notes are about the same size, except for the gap between E and F, and B and C, which are about half that size. If you try to work that out exactly, you run into the problems we saw above, where C to D is 9/8 or 1.125, but D to E is 10/9 or 1.11111... Even so, you can imagine how people who were playing around with sounds might notice, damn, these are nice even steps we have here. Though you might also notice places where, in this scheme, it's not completely even - for example G to A (ratio 10/9) is noticeably smaller than A to B (ratio 9/8).

We've obliquely approached the idea of dividing the octave up into 12 steps, where each step is about the size of the gap between E and F or B and C. We call each of these steps a 'semitone'. Two semitones make a 'whole tone'. We might fill in all the missing semitones in our scale here using whole-number ratios, which gives you the black keys on the piano. There are multiple schemes for doing this, and the ratios tend to get a bit uglier. In the system we've outlined so far, a 'semitone' is not a fixed ratio, even though it's always somewhere around 1.06.

The set of 12 semitones is called the 'chromatic scale'. It is something like the 'colour space' for Western music. When you compose a piece, you select some subset of the 12 semitones as your 'palette' - the 'scale of' a piece of music.

But we still have a problem here, which is the unevenness of the gaps we discussed above. This could be considered a feature, not a bug, since each scale would have its own 'character' - it's defined by a slightly different set of ratios. But it does add a lot of complication when moving between scales.

So let's say we take all this irregularity as a bug, and try to fix it. The solution is 'equal temperament', which is the idea that the semitone should always be the exact same ratio, allowing the instrument to play any scale you please without difficulty.

Posed like this, it's easy to work out what that ratio should be: if you want 12 equal steps to be an octave, each step must be the 12th root of 2. Which is an irrational number that is about 1.05946...

At this point you say, wait, Bryn, didn't you just start this all off by saying that the human ear likes to hear nice simple integer ratios of frequencies? And now you're telling me that we should actually use an irrational number, which can't be represented by any integer ratio? What gives? But it turns out the human ear isn't quite that picky. If you have a ratio of 7 semitones, or a ratio of 2^(7/12)=1.4983..., that's close enough to 1.5 to feel almost as good. And this brings a lot of huge advantages: you can easily move ('transpose') between different scales of the same type, and trust that all the relevant ratios will be the same.

Equal temperament was the eventual standard, but there was a gradual process of approaching it called stuff like 'well-tempered' or 'good temperament'. One of the major steps along the way was Bach's collection 'the well-tempered klavier', showing how a keyboard instrument with a suitable tuning could play music in every single established scale. Here's one of those pieces:

Although we're using these irrational numbers, inside the scale are certain intervals that are considered to have certain meanings - some that are 'consonant' and some that are 'dissonant'. We've already mentioned the 'fifth', which is the 'most consonant' ratio. The fifth consists of 7 semitones and it's roughly a 1.5 ratio in equal temperament. Its close cousin is the 'fourth', which consists of 5 semitones. Because it's so nice, the fifth is kind of 'neutral' - it's just there but it doesn't mean a lot on its own.

For the other important intervals we've got to introduce different types of scale.

The scale zoo

So, up above we introduced the 'major' scale. In semitones, the major scale is intervals of 2, 2, 1, 2, 2, 2, 1. This is also called a 'mode', specifically the 'Ionian mode'. There are seven different 'modes', representing different permutations of these intervals, which all have funky Greek names.

The major scale generally connotes "upbeat, happy, triumphant". There are 12 different major scales, taking the 12 different notes of the chromatic scale as the starting point for each one.

Next is the minor scale, which tends to feel more sad or mysterious. Actually there are a few different minor scales. The 'natural minor' goes 2, 1, 2, 2, 1, 2, 2. You might notice this is a cyclic permutation of the major scale! So in fact a natural minor scale is the same set of notes as a major scale. What makes it different?

Well, remember when we talked about tension and resolution? It's about how the notes are organised. Our starting note is the 'root' note of the scale, usually established early on in the piece of music - quite often the very first note of the piece. The way you move around that root note determines whether the piece 'feels' major or minor. So every major scale has a companion natural minor scale, and vice versa. The set of notes in a piece is enough to narrow it down to one minor and one major, but you have to look closer to figure out which one is most relevant.

The 'harmonic minor' is almost the same, but it raises the second-last note (the 7th) a semitone. So its semitone intervals are 2, 1, 2, 2, 1, 3, 1.

The 'melodic minor' raises both the 6th and 7th by one semitone, (edit: but usually only on the way up). So its semitone intervals are 2, 1, 2, 2, 2, 2, 1. (edit: When you come back down you tend to use the natural minor.)

If you talk about a 'minor scale' unqualified, you mean the natural minor. It's also the 'Aeolian mode' in that system of funky Greek names I mentioned earlier.

So that leads to a set of 24 scales, a major and minor scale for every semitone. These are the most common scale types that almost all Western tonal music is written in.

But we ain't done. Because remember I said there were all those other "modes"? These are actually just cyclic permutations of the major scale. There's a really nerdy Youtube channel called '8-bit music theory' that has a bunch of videos analysing them in the context of videogame music which I'm going to watch at some point now I finally have enough background to understand wtf he's talking about.

And of top of that you have all sorts of other variants that come from shifting a note up or down a semitone.

The cast of intervals

OK, so we've established the idea of scales. Now let's talk intervals. As you might guess from the 'fifth', the intervals are named after their position in the scale.

Let me repeat the two most common scale modes, in terms of number of semitones relative to the root note:

position: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 major: 0, 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 12 minor: 0, 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 10, 12

So you can see the fourth and fifth are the same in both. But there's a difference in three places: the third, the sixth, and the seventh. In each case, the minor is down a semitone from the major.

The interval names are... not quite as simple as 'place in the scale', but that's mostly how it works. e.g. the 'major third' is four semitones and the 'minor third' is three.

The fourth and fifth, which are dual to each other (meaning going up a fifth takes you to the same note as going down a fourth, and vice versa) are called 'perfect'. The note right in between them, an interval of 6 semitones, is called the 'tritone'.

(You can also refer to these intervals as 'augmented' or 'diminished' versions of adjacent intervals. Just in case there wasn't enough terminology in the air. See the table for the names of every interval.)

So, with these names, what's the significance of each one? The thirds, sixths and sevenths are important, because they tell us whether we're in minor or major land when we're building chords. (More on that soon.)

The fifth and the octave are super consonant, as we've said. But the notes that are close to them, like the seventh, the second and even more so the tritone, are quite dissonant - they're near to a nice thing and ironically that leads to awkward ratios which feel uncomfy to our ears. So generally speaking, you use them to build tension and anticipation and set up for a resolution later. (Or don't, and deliberately leave them hanging.)

Of course all of these positions in the scale also have funky Latin names that describe their function.

There's a lot more complicated nuances that make the meaning of a particular interval very contextual, and I certainly couldn't claim to really understand in much depth, but that's basically what I understand about intervals so far.

Our goofy-ass musical notation system

So if semitones are the building block of everything, naturally the musical notation system we use in the modern 12TET era spaces everything out neatly in terms of semitones, right?

Right...?

Lmao no. Actually sheet music is written so that each row of the stave (or staff, the five lines you write notes on) represents a note of the C major scale. All the notes that aren't on the C major scale are represented with special symbols, namely ♯ (read 'sharp') which means 'go up a semitone', and ♭ (read 'flat') which means 'go down a semitone'. That means the same note can be notated in two different ways: A♯ and B♭ are the same note.

The above image shows the chromatic scale, notated in two different ways. Every step is exactly one semitone.

Since a given scale might end up using one of these 'in between' notes that has to be marked sharp or flat, and you don't want to do that for every single time that note appears. Luckily, it turns out that each major/minor scale pair ends up defining a unique set of notes to be adjusted up or down a semitone, called the 'key signature'. So you can write the key signature at the beginning of the piece, and it lasts until you change key signature. For example, the key of 'A♭ major' ends up having four sharps:

There is a formula you can use to work out the set of sharps or flats to write for a given key. (That's about the point I checked out on musictheory.net.)

There is some advantage to this system, which is that it very clearly tells you when the composer intends to shift into a different scale, and it saves space since with the usual scales there are no wasted lines. But it's also annoyingly arbitrary. You just have to remember that B to C is only a semitone, and the same for E to F.

What are those weird squiggly symbols? Those are 'clefs'. Each one assigns notes to specific lines. The first one 𝄞 is the 'treble clef', the second one 𝄢 is the 'bass clef'. Well, actually these are the 'G-clef' and the 'F-clef', and where they go on the stave determines note assignment, but thankfully this has been standardised and you will only ever see them in one place. The treble clef declares the lines to be E G B D F and the bass clef G B D F A.

There is also a rarer 'C-clef' which looks like 𝄡. This is usually used as the 'Alto clef' which means F A C E G.

This notation system seems needlessly convoluted, but we're rather stuck with it, because most of the music has been written in it already. It's not uncommon for people to come up with alternative notations, though, such as 'tabs' for a stringed instrument which indicate which position should be played on each string. Nowadays on computers, a lot of DAWs will instead use a 'piano roll' presentation which is organised by semitone.

And then there's chords.

Chords! And arpeggios!

A chord is when you play 3 or more notes at the same time.

Simple enough right? But if you wanna talk about it, you gotta have a way to give them names. And that's where things get fucking nuts.

But the basic chord type is a 'triad', consisting of three notes, separated by certain intervals. There are two standard types, which you basically assemble by taking every other note of a scale. In terms of semitones, these are:

Major triad: 0 - 4 - 7 Minor triad: 0 - 3 - 7

Then there's a bunch of variations, for example:

Augmented: 0 - 4 - 8 Diminished: 0 - 3 - 6 Suspended: 0 - 2 - 7 (sus2) or 0 - 5 - 7 (sus4) Dominant seventh: 0 - 4 - 7 - 10 Power: 0 - 7

There is a notation scheme for chords in pop, jazz, rock, etc., which starts with a root note and then adds a bunch of superscripts to tell you about any special features of a chord. So 'C' means the C Major triad (namely C,E,G) and 'Cm' or 'c' means the C Minor triad (namely C,E♭,G).

In musical composition, you usually tend to surround the melody (single voice) with a 'chord progression' that both harmonises and creates a sense of 'movement' from one chord to another. Some instruments like guitar and piano are really good at playing chords. On instruments that can't play chords, they can still play 'arpeggios', which is what happens if you take a chord and unroll it into a sequence of notes. Or you play in an ensemble and harmonise with the other players to create a chord together. Awww.

Given a scale, you can construct a series of seven triad chords, starting from each note of the scale. These are generally given scale-specific Roman numerals corresponding to the position in the scale, and they're used to analyse the progression of chords in a song. I pretty much learned about this today while writing this post, so I can't tell you much more than that.

Right now, that's about as far as I've gotten with chords. On a violin, you can play just two strings at the same time after all - I never had much need to learn about them so it remains a huge hole in my understanding of music. I can't recognise chords by ear at all. So I gotta learn more about them.

As much as I wrote this for my own benefit... if you found this post interesting, let me know. I might write more if people find this style of presentation appealing. ^^'

[quotessharry]

Calvin Klein (Dr3 x f! F1 driver smut)

Based on this post I wrote the CK photoshoot one and I really like it so you shall receive and enjoy!

Synopsis: An underwear ad photoshoot with three of the hottest drivers in F1 sounds fun right?

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x f! F1 driver, fIf1 driver x Lewis Hamilton (platonic)

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: smut, choking

When she got the call about Calvin Klein offer, it was a no brainer, of course she would do it. Later on she was told two other drivers would join her cause it was a Formula 1 campaign but she never cared to ask who, she’d find out when she get there.

It was a week before Texas, she was in New York making her way inside the studio for photoshoot, still in the dark about who the other drivers could be. She hummed a song under her breath and pushed the door “oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” she said to herself, face palming. The two drivers were Daniel Ricciardo and Lewis Hamilton, of course it was thinking of it, she couldn’t think of any other drivers who would willingly wear underwear in front of camera and show off their balls. She was glad Lewis was there, they were close both on and off track, her main issue was Daniel. Not that they were enemies or on bad terms or even had a beef, she just liked him a bit too much and they had banters back and forth. Lando would try and convince her that it was way passed from just a crush and she was in love with him but she never listened. Before she could man up to face Daniel, Lewis turned his head and waved at her, blowing her cover. She tried to give herself the mental pep talk that it’s fine and it all will go smoothly.

The sound of Daniel’s laugh filled the room as she walked to the small group, Lewis was the first to embrace her “heyy, it’s good to a familiar face around”

She returned the hug and pointed to Daniel “what about him?”

“Oh nice of you to appreciate my existence, hello” Daniel said, finally getting her attention.

“Don’t talk to me Ricciardo I’m still mad about the collusion” she really wasn’t, the collusion was deemed race accident, she just wanted to talk more to him.

“Cmon already sour? I said sorry, and you are going to see me half naked soon so I’d say it’s all even” he winked

“Yeah I bet she would love that, wouldn’t you?” Lewis said with a laugh, elbowing her side. He was aware of her little crush and he’d be damned if he wouldn’t spend the whole day teasing her. She gave him a warning look that Daniel hopefully missed due to how hard he was laughing.

“Guys please pay attention” a woman spoke to them “we have prepared a dressing room for each of you, you can find your stuffs there and when you’re ready please take a sit for makeup”

Before she goes, Lewis grabbed her arm and spoke in hushed tone “this is your golden chance”

“Golden chance for what?” She was confused

“To finally make a move on Daniel you idiot” he said as if it’s a very obvious thing

“But-“ she didn’t have more to add

“No buts, this is your best chance I’ll help you” Lewis offered, determined to make something happen between them.

“Ok fine, Im counting on your pretty ass”

The first round was jean, shirt and sneakers, each went ahead for their solo shots, then they paired up Daniel with her for another round. She changed into a denim coat and he was still in shirt.

“Get closer” the photographer instructed, they awkwardly reduced the space between them.

“A little bit more, Daniel throw your hands over her shoulders, head held high, yes fantastic”

She was sure her heart was beating rapidly at the close approximate, Daniel turned his head to her face with a smile “well hello there, don’t you look good?” His eyes scanned her face before grabbing too much attention.

“If you think this is good wait till you see me in underwear” she flirted back, that’s how she started liking him, he always kept the flirt going on.

“That’s the sole reason I accepted this” he joked, shooting her a wink that the photographer didn’t miss to take the picture of.

“Honestly Daniel, why you keep trying to get me naked?” She teased him, liking the little game.

“Thanks you two the shoots looks fantastic” the photographer interrupted the moment, when they separated she took a long breath to keep herself in check.

“Hey, hey wait” Daniel called her before they go for a change.

“Yeah? What is it?” He stepped closer and leaned down “I just wanted to make sure you aren’t actually mad about what happened on track” he seemed like he genuinely cared about it and he did, he always tried to be the first one who would take the first step and speak to the driver he had a collusion with, even though he had already done that, her earlier comment had him thinking maybe it wasn’t enough.

She put her hand on his arm, immediately feeling how firm it was, almost wanting to squeeze the muscles but stopped herself “Daniel no, of course I’m not, I’m just teasing you dummy”

He smiled in relief, using the close distance to kiss her cheek “ok that’s a relief, can’t wait to see you naked” he was gone and she was blinking rapidly.

Lewis passed her and couldn’t keep the laugh to himself at her face expression, he seemed like he was enjoying watching her suffer.

She was told to be topless for her shoots with Lewis.

She changed the jean and kept it low enough to show off the waistband of her white CK panty, Lewis was waiting, wearing only white underwear and looking hot, she knew the girls around them were drooling over the scene.

“Nice tits” Lewis called out, causing both her and Daniel laugh.

“Does that mean I can say nice balls?” She raised her eyebrows questionably.

“Wait till you see mine” Daniel regretted making the comment as soon as it left his mouth.

“Awesome, balls competition is exactly what I need now” she hated how her hands wasn’t available to hide the blush on her cheeks.

They stood in front of the camera and she realized she should take her hands off her boobs “ok are you ready?” She asked Lewis

“Ready for what-oh!” He was pretty shocked when she wrapped her legs around his waist “put your hands on my ass” she spoke between her teeth and soon his hands were on her ass, his face pressed against her chest to cover the full view of her boobs “I’m completely pressed against your tits” he commented teasingly.

“What you don’t like it?” She asked, faking that she is offended.

“No no I do, I mean what can I ask for more?” He jokingly massaged her ass and both giggled.

Daniel was watching it all, he hated to admit but they seemed to have genuine chemistry and the way Lewis was holding her close had him gritting his teeth and the muscle of his jaw, how could they get close like that in front of him?

As if that wasn’t enough, now he had his hand on her waist and his head in her neck، he felt like he could explode. He knew her for so long but he never thought seeing her with another man could make him lose it considering she is basically surrounded with 19 other men every race week including himself. He turned so he doesn’t have to see and occupied himself with his phone but the giggles still reached his ear and boiled his blood.

“I’m sorry but are you ok? Your neck seems so red” one of the assistant spoke to him, offering him a bottle of water.

Daniel knew he was angry, but he didn’t know it’s actually obvious to those around him. He lifted his head and caught a glance of her, on Lewis’ shoulders and his hands on her thighs to keep her up. He immediately looked at the woman in front of him to distract himself “yes I’m good thank you”

She kept asking Lewis if Daniel was watching and was so disappointed to find out he was on his phone the entire time.

She loved the way she looked in those grey bralette and underwear, the size was perfect and she was impatient to see the look on Daniel’s face.

Things changed when she saw Daniel in nothing but black underwear, his thigh tattoo looking glorious and his abs begging her to run her hand on his body, hell she’d lie if she say she wouldn’t do more to him.

Daniel was mesmerized by her, the color looked ravishing on her and he was grateful to sneak a peek of her body, long legs that Daniel would do anything to throw them over his shoulders while his head is buried deep between her soft thighs and she isn’t able to do anything but to moan his name and beg. Even though he was busy checking her out he didn’t miss her eyes on himself. “sweetheart, my eyes are up here” everything about the sentence leaving Daniel’s mouth left her a mess, the way he said it, the teasing edge, the way he was practically eye fucking her. In that moment she knew she needed more from him, and by the look of it he could tear her apart.

All three made their way for a group shoot, Lewis stood in front of her and Daniel was behind “now this is the orgy I’d accept” she said, licking her lips at the two half naked men.

“Please, can we agree to never bring this up on track?” Lewis begged, but she didn’t seem to care.

“Get closer, why do you all stand like you got a beef with each other?” The photographer commented, laughing at how awkward they were.

She put her hand on Lewis’ abs and threw the other around Daniel’s neck, closed her eyes and threw her head backwards. Daniel prayed to God that he could keep his cock under control cause a boner would be embarrassing.

“That was nice guys, improvise a little bit come on”

Next thing she knew, Daniel’s hand curled around her waist and pulled her back until her ass was pressed against him and his hand landed on her ass to move her, Lewis’ hand was on her thighs. Her skin was soft, and for a moment he got ballsy, hands grabbing a handful of her flesh and he had to swallow a sound in his throat cause it felt so damn good to touch her like that, in that moment they heard the click of camera, must be a good damn shot.

If she knew self control would be tested during shoots like this she probably would have rejected, Daniel’s big hand rubbing her ass as if bunches of people aren’t present and as if Lewis isn’t giving her eyes at Daniel’s gesture. She wanted to melt in the warmth of his hand, she needed more, wanted to feel his hands all over her desperately.

What she didn’t see coming after the little stunt was Daniel pulling away her hair and keeping his head next to her neck, his hot breath hitting her skin. She didn’t dare to breath and she was hot, she just needed it to end so she could finally do something.

After few more poses, her and Daniel was dismissed.

She basically fled to her dressing room and breathed out of relief, until a knock interrupted, “come in” she shouted, still trying to catch her breath.

A very frustrated and slightly angry Daniel went inside.

“God, the things you did to me today” he rumbled angrily at her, his hair ruffling his curls. Her stomach twitched at his tone knowing damn well what was coming, the idea already staining her underwear “oh yeah? Why don’t you man up and show me?” She prayed to God the comment gonna do something and it did, he walked up closer slowly and stood in front of her to enjoy the scene before leaning down and kissing her with such a force that she was pushed backwards, his hand held her waist to prevent her from falling and he did not shy away from biting her plump lips, completely sucking her lips between his. His lips was much better than whatever she had fantasized with, so soft and fluffy. Her fingers tugging on his curls had his self control slipping through his fingers, He pushed her back and guided her carefully until she was pressed against the cold wall, pussy so wet that she was dripping in that fresh underwear.

Daniel’s hand wrapped around her throat and he felt like he got harder at the feeling, he was barely resisting not to put more pressure on her precious skin. The previous photoshoot was playing vividly in his brain as he showed his frustration “you have no idea how hard it was to watch you being too close with him” his voice was angry and firm that sends shivers down her spine, he made sure to leave his fingertips’ mark on her soft skinned throat, already impatient to catch the sight of her bruised skin around the paddock, knowing he is the one who did this.

She was gone too far to hold back anything, her eyes shut but she managed to talk “oh yeah? Are we gonna talk about what happened there? You would have fucked me right then and there” she didn’t know where the sudden braveness came from but she couldn’t hold back when it was happening, she wanted to make him tick, to make him give her the worst.

He wanted to fuck her right now, without hesitation and waiting, he needed to be inside her and fuck her rough and hard until she was a mess in his arms but now that he got the chance, he wanted to savior it. He slowed down and traced her skin until he reached her chest, her hard nipples were obvious from the thing cotton of her bralette, his thumb circled the hardened bud slowly, his eyes not missing any reaction on her face. She put her hand on his hard cock, feeling how packed he was and enjoying that it was all for her.

He pulled down the bralette until her tits fell out, his hands cupping them “you’re so cruel for hiding yourself from me”

Her voice barely came out, it was hard to focus when his fingers were fondling her so damn good “if I knew all it took for you to put your freaking hands on my body is to see me with Lewis, I would’ve done this long time ago”

The fact that she wanted this more than him, gave Daniel ecstasy.

He grabbed the back of her neck and forced her on her knees, she had been waiting for this “then show how much you want it”

She pulled down the black underwear and let her eyes to memorize the sight in front of her, he was massive, veins popping out and pre cum leaking, without wasting any time she put her lips around the tip, leaking off the sour cream, his hand massaged her neck and snipped his hips forward, forcing himself into her warm mouth and she took all of it, already drooling over her chin, his fingers grabbed her jaw firmly and force him to look at him loving the sight of her on her knees with his cock buried deep in her mouth “that’s my girl, take it so well” his hand moving to put her hair in a ponytail to control her better.

The praise hits her pussy wetter and she dragged her tongue on his length moaning . “fuck, that’s enough, I wanna be inside you now” he closed his eyes to keep his composure and dragged her up by her chin.

Once again she was pressed against the wall but this time a little more firmly and she didn’t mind it at all, his hands taking off her underwear, long fingers dragging over her stomach feeling the muscles tense under his touch, he moved lower reveling in sight of how wet she was, callused fingers finally making contact with her wet cunt “if you wanted me to fuck you this bad, you could’ve just ask” he said, putting his knees next to her legs opening them wider for easier access.

“That’s not gonna fit inside me Danny” she whined, moving her hips on his fingers not to lose the friction.

“I will make it fit” he positioned himself and nudged her open, she looked at him with those eyes and he melted ,going inside slowly to avoid causing any discomfort. She hid her moans behind her hand, not being able to take her eyes off his cock going inside her, the stretch and the pain brought tears to her eyes but she needed more, when he pushed again she felt like she was being ripped in half “you’re so tight, damn it feels too good” he growled in her ears and started moving. “Don’t you dare to stop” she whined, grabbing his neck to bring him closer and kissing him, she already felt addicted to the way he kissed and the way his lips moved against hers, his tongue entering her mouth not giving her a chance to do it first. Fingertips digging hard enough to leave a mark and the other wrapped around her throat.

No words in the world could express the way they were feeling, she has never felt so full before, as if they were made for each other. He thrusted slowly few times enjoying the feeling “fuck, do it harder” when the words left her mouth, who he was to deny her, he sped up, inside and out smoothly, coaxing sounds she didn’t know she could make causing her to drip on her thighs. Her small whimpers like a music to his ears and he didn’t want it to end.

Daniel craved to nip her skin and mark her,already planning to give her enough until he could see how dark her neck was when she would take off her helmet in Texas. His lips sucked the skin hard enough until a dark circle appeared and he moved on to another spot, repeating the process, he trailed his wet lips until he got to her boobs, bouncing with each thrust. Her hand grabbed his curls, encouraging him to go forward with his act.

The tip of his tongue touched her hardened nipple, sending jolts of joy across her body, he rounded his tongue and her grip on his hair tightened “Danny, for fuck’s sake” she didn’t know what she was saying, she needed to moan his name like her life depended on it, no one has ever fucked her as good as this.

“Danny please” his hand pressed against her belly felt her muscles tightened under his touch and he knew she was close. He pulled out completely and slammed into her hard enough that her eyes rolled back and her tears were running on her cheeks, the soft kiss he left on her cheek was in contrast with the way he was fucking her roughly.

“Im-I’m so close” she barely got the words out between his hard and deep thrusts.

“I know love I know, me too” he said, their forehead touching as he slowed down, feeling her cum on his cock as he fucked her through her orgasm, loving to put it back in only to watch it drip and repeated the process until she was shaking, lips touching so she could moan into his mouth. He pulled out and spilled the rest on her stomach, both breathing heavily. If it wasn’t for Daniel’s grip around her, she would’ve fallen.

“Wow, I had no idea you were that mad Daniel” she giggled into his neck.

“You didn’t seem to dislike it” he pointed out, admiring his artworks on her body.

“No no no, actually we should go back to hotel and continue it cause I really want that pretty face of yours between my thighs” she said, not shying away from asking for more

Daniel made a chef’s kiss gesture with his hand “I would love nothing else, but before that you should sneak me out”

“Ohhh righttt, ok I’ll see if someone is close by” she said, grabbing some clothes to sneaking her head to check around, Lewis was still busy with different colors of boxers and briefs but he suddenly caught her eyes and raised his eyebrows, she smiled awkwardly and gave him two thumbs up as a sign that it went better than expected.

“Alright they’re pretty busy with Lewis so if you go fast enough no one will see you” she concluded to a fully naked Daniel and he shook his head. Pulling up his underwear he went ahead and looked both ways before sneaking out but Lewis’s eyes caught him and he giggled, it wasn’t hard to figure out that he definitely knew what happened and Daniel was already thinking how awkward their encounter gonna get.

The next stage was easy, get ready, leave, reunite in hotel room and fuck until they both pass out.

[roo-bastmoon]

Checklist for Face Day

While you wait around today, please use a QUEUE on YouTube instead of a playlist, as this is the last day of tracking for Set Me Free Pt. 2 and it takes too long for playlists to count. Here's a good one.

Around 8pm EST, you need to start playing Jimin-discography playlists on Spotify to set him up with a high position on their Daily Global Artists chart.

Later tonight, Jimin's interview will appear on Jimmy Fallon, on NBC at 11:35pm EST--approximately 25 minutes before the Like Crazy Music Video Premiere. If you cannot watch it in your region, Our Magic Shop on Discord will be hosting a stream of it under the magic-shop-media thread.

Jimin may also go live on WeVerse before the premiere drops. You're gonna wanna have a few screens around you tonight so you don't miss out.

It is crucial you use another device while all this is going on so you can tune in for a clean stream of the Music Video Premier because those views will be added for the charts and it is extremely unlikely a premiere video will be frozen or deleted.

Cometh the hour, you watch the crap out of the music video--you like, you share, you send it to all your friends and social media accounts and encourage folks to watch it.

Next you're going to want to go to all your pre-sale emails and actually go in and download your purchases. If you do not download your sale, it does not count for the chart.

Then you're going to go into every iTunes and Amazon account you have and you're going to order a digital copy of the FACE album if you haven't already.

One credit card or gift card = 1 account = 1 album purchase. Buy as many as you can afford. There is no faster, cleaner way to chart an artist than to buy their digital album.

Then it's time to actively stream on your premium accounts.

TURN OFF YOUR VPN!

FACE will feature five original songs in this order:

“Face-off”

“Interlude: Dive”

“Like Crazy”

“Alone”

“Set Me Free Pt.2”

In addition, the tracklist will be bolstered by an English-language version of “Like Crazy.”

Stream the whole album but our main job is to prioritize Like Crazy Korean and English versions.

You know the drill. Search manually on YouTube for the first 24 hours. Play it all the way through at 51% volume. Click around on other Jimin or BTS music videos for about a minute. Search again. Play again.

Prioritize both versions of Like Crazy but build in diversity, pause, adjust things, act like a human. You can listen to it 50 times, then you need to switch to another premium account.

Because YouTube is being a little bitch and fucking up the stream count for Jimin right now (don't stop using it--every stream is critical right now, but you can be grump about it while you do), I also signed up for a free trial of Apple Music today and have liked Jimin's profile there.

DO NOT ADD HIS SONGS TO YOUR LIBRARY. If you bought FACE songs from iTunes, go into your Apple Music account and delete them from your library for now. If they are in your library, Apple Music will automatically play from there and it won't count for charts.

Just go under Jimin's profile and play them that way. You can keep playing them from your main account without having to switch Apple Music accounts. No limits on number of plays, just click around on other songs for 30-60 seconds from time to time and don't loop. This is gonna be critical for supplementing YouTube handicaps.

While you're working on that, you gotta fire up your premium Spotify accounts. Make sure all your accounts are following the artist as a monthly listener.

You know you can play something 20 times on Spotify and then you're done with that account for that song for the day. So keep an eye out for how many times the songs of FACE play in your list and set an alarm so you can switch to the next premium Spotify account and keep working.

There are two ways of charting FACE on Spotify. You can play the album all the way through, with the songs all in order, or you can prioritize the title track and use the rest of the album and other BTS songs as filler.

I'm gonna be following JRJ-OT7's lead on this because Jennifer has more than earned my trust when it comes to chart goals, but if you want to tailor your own experience, here are examples of how to flesh things out (album order vs. title track priority):

If you're making your own lists and queues and whatnot, please remember to include fillers like On the Street, Smoke Sprite, and Vibe as new releases and the Astronaut, Wildflower, More, Fake Love, and Sweet Night for milestones. Please also add in Left and Right, Dreamers, and Stay Alive as we only have four days left to help Jungkook break the 1 Billion Record.

So to recap:

*Watch and share the hell out of the premiere video.

*Prioritize the title track Like Crazy (English and Korean versions) but it's a short album so hit all songs in your playlists.

*Download your pre-sale purchases.

*Prioritize making digital purchases today. Make new accounts and use gift cards if you need to.

*Premium streaming accounts count three times as much in the charts. Use free trials for YouTube, Spotify, Apple Music, and Amazon Music. Stream the album like crazy on all of those. (If you have premium accounts, you can open all of those in their own browsers and hit 'em all at once on one device if you have to--headphone recommended so you don't go nuts.)

*Delete Face songs from your library in Apple Music first.

*Search manually the first 24 hours on YouTube, then switch to playlists.

*Shazam the songs as you play them.

*Never loop. Never shuffle. Never use VPN.

*Ignore the bullshit from antis and drama queens. Today and tomorrow belong entirely to our artist. We focus on Jimin and only Jimin, and we encourage each other with a positive attitude, good humor, and sheer grit.

I intend to be awake and stream actively for 24 straight hours starting at midnight EST tonight, so I'm going to hop offline now and get some rest.

If you have questions, you might want to take a look at the BTS Tutorial masterlist.

Good luck and God's speed, puppykitties! Let's lift our boy up!

[themuffinman-taylorsversion]

debut tracks 11-15 + highway don't care review

(even tdomg pop version)

OUR SONG

this song actually won over one of the football boys at my school. I'm not even joking. he sat next to me in english for a little while this last year and told me he loved our song. Taylor swift 1, football 0

but anyways, this song is so good. football boy is right. its so catchy, and the country twang in this song is so prominent. the music video is also so pretty! I think this would've made a good lead single. no offense tim mcgraw.

but that's all I really have to say about this song

score: 5/10

points for style, personal bias, chorus, instrumentals, pretty privilege

favorite line: when we're on the phone and he talks REAL. SLOW.

I'M ONLY ME WHEN I'M WITH YOU

this song can do no wrong. I love love love love love love love it. best song on the album, easily.

i feel very nostalgic about it, and I would defend it with my life. I really love how it can be interpreted in a romantic or platonic way (at least to me)

her adult voice will definitely push this up to a 9/10 on the rerecording, but it just sounds kind of shaky now (and she was 16, it's not unexpected. and she doesn't sound bad, but compared to ttpd or fearless tv, it's just obvious that she's really young) and the bridge isn't the best (again, she was 16. it's fine) this song is a 10 in my heart though

to me, this song is just pure love. that's it. i need it tattooed on my soul

score: 8/10

points for lyrics, style, personal bias, chorus, verses, instrumentals, pretty privilege, loopability

favorite line: you know everything about me, you say that you can't live without me

INVISIBLE

this song really lives up to its name. taylor even forgot to put it on the cd! or just mine, at least. what's funny is that I'm not even joking, it's on the disk and stuff but not in the lyric book

this on isn't her best work. I don't think it's unlistenable, but it's definitely not my first choice ever. that being said, I couldn't write it if I tried, so I really can't be talking.

i think this song is also kind of pick me girl energy, but so is ybwm so I don't really think it's that big of an issue.

i don't know where else to fit this in, but I have a VERY vivid image in my head from when I listened to this song as a small child. there's Taylor at a punch table at a school dance with the muse of this song, and the lights are out and there's a whole bunch of purple-y light everywhere. don't know where it came from, but it stuck with me

all things considered, this song isn't bad, it's just kind of forgettable. invisible, you could say (that was an awful, repeated joke. I'm so sorry)

score: 1/10 (oof)

points for style, uhhh

favorite line: let me love you, let me want you

A PERFECTLY GOOD HEART

her voice sounds a little bit whiny to me in this song.

this is another one that doesn't really leave an impression on me. I don't really have a strong opinion about it. it kind of reminds me of teenage angst. this is a song someone listens to after their first breakup (a relationship of approximately 2 weeks) and is just a little bit dramatic.

i don't hate the song, but I do probably skip it pretty consistently. this song and invisible are probably my only real skips on debut, which is not bad considering taylor was about 16 at the oldest when this was being made.

score: 1/10

points for style

favorite line: and realized by the distance in your eyes that I would be the one to fall

TDOMG POP VERSION

it's fine. taylor's always been one for remixes, apparently.

i'm not going to rate it or anything, but I do prefer the original version

HIGHWAY DON'T CARE

if you know this song, I love you.

i love this one so so much but I was heavily debating including this one because it's just a feature but whatever. it's my list.

some honorable mention for fav lyric are:

"the highway don't care if you're all alone, but I do"

"the highway don't need you here"

"i bet you're bending god's ear talking about me"

i just love this song. i'm going to implode

score: 6/10

points for personal bias, chorus, verses, instrumental, pretty privilege, loopability

favorite line: the highway don't care if you're coming home, but I do

[duran-duran-less-official]

Actually, ever since that anonymous mutual (whose identity I still don't know) asked me to recommend them some Duran Duran, I've been mulling over the answer in my head. I think, broadly, there are

Six Tiers of Duran Duran Song Appreciation

and I kind of want to explain my previous answer in this context, because there's a LOT of hidden gems over Duran Duran's career, and some are more hidden than others. If you actually want to go on a deep dive into Duran Duran's music, this is a guide to how deep you're going.

Note: these songs exist on a spectrum of awareness vs. subjective quality, so the tiers are approximate, and the whole thing is iceberg-shaped.

Tier 1: Signature songs.

These are the ones everyone knows. All of these are on the Greatest album released in 1999. This is where you find Hungry Like The Wolf, Rio, Girls on Film, The Reflex, A View To A Kill, Ordinary World, Notorious, basically any song that people are likely to have already heard without knowing it was a Duran Duran song.

Tier 2: Singles that got overshadowed by bigger singles or were on unsuccessful albums.

A lot of these are still on the Greatest album, but aren't quite as familiar to the general public. Again, this all exists on a spectrum, but you'd find things like Careless Memories or Come Undone at the top end of this tier and Electric Barbarella at the bottom end. All singles post-1993 are on this list, and singles post-2000 aren't even on the Greatest album. Ever heard Falling Down ft. Justin Timberlake? Ever heard someone recommend it?

Other standouts in this tier include I Don't Want Your Love, Skin Trade, and inexplicably, White Lines (Don't Do It) featuring Grandmaster Flash, The Furious Five, and Melle Mel.

Tier 3: Songs that Duran Duran fans will always recommend as hidden gems.

This is a large tier, and taste is subjective, so the waters get even muddier here. Most of these don't have their own pages on Wikipedia, so you have to scratch beneath the surface to find them. The Chauffeur is the undisputed king of this tier, being both a universally beloved song in the fandom, and having its own music video, but not being a single. If there's a song on an album that slaps, but was never released as a single, Duran Duran fans will say "You HAVE to listen to this!" right after you've finished listening to Greatest. When I answered the anonymous ask, I was mostly operating in Tiers 1 and 3. Definitive songs, and definitive underappreciated songs.

There's a fair few songs that occupy this tier, depending on taste, and some of the standout ones include My Antarctica, Beautiful Colours, Finest Hour, Night Boat, and Paper Gods.

Tier 4: Regular rotation songs.

These are the songs you need to dig fairly deep to listen to, like in most contexts you're listening to a whole album and stumbling on these in between the songs you know. You aren't, like, avoiding them or anything, they come around every so often, but one time you sit up and say "damn, this is good actually, how did I sleep on this one for so long?" This is where I'd put songs like Friends of Mine, Vertigo, I Take The Dice, and anything major that Duran Duran side-projects Arcadia and Power Station made back in the mid-80s.

Tier 5: Songs you have to dig deep for.

Duran Duran have been around for 40 years now, and it's understandable that you skip over songs from time to time, or just forget they exist. Discovering those is like discovering all-new material, but you've got to turn over every leaf to find them. This is where I'd put Cry Baby Cry (Red Carpet Massacre Japanese Bonus Track, 2007), and anything else from Arcadia/Power Station.

Tier 6: Songs even Duran Duran fans don't like.

Hey.

Do you like the song Bedroom Toys (Astronaut, 2004)? ... Yeah, okay, I kind of like it too.

Do you like the song Dirty Great Monster (Red Carpet Massacre, 2007)? I ... can't help you there.

Do you like Duran Duran's cover of 911 Is A Joke by Public Enemy (Thank You, 1995)? You are lying.

[bleachbleachbleach]

1/1/23-1/7/23

I finished another chapter! Chapter 6, which is the chapter around which the entire fanfic was formed--and the first one I started writing, approximately 1 million years ago. It’s 7000 words, which is still 25% longer than I imagined these being, and I want to jump to revision mode, but I don’t think that really makes sense until I’ve completed more of the chapters and I can revise in an actual direction. 

I think the chapter works at the macro level, in the way that it speaks to he overall story/themes; and at the micro level, in the sense that I enjoy individual scenes. But at the actual, like, “this is a coherent and interesting chapter-length reading experience” level… I’m not sure. I think I know that I should probably cut things liberally, but I also want to convince myself that everything should stay. Does the chapter need to open with 1000+ words of Akon and Rose discussing one (1) kekkai and their opinions on… American Modernism…? Does the answer change if the next 400 words are Akon, the narrating POV, listening to Hitsugaya and Kensei completely ignore him while they argue about mushrooms? If the 2000 after that are "3 Public Health Violations the Gotei Committed and 1 They Didn’t"? The answer is both "clearly no" and "obviously yes."

In any case, here is the scene for which the whole rest of this fic will have been written just to give this scene a home:

Using his machete and Hisagi’s, Muguruma transfers one of his rocks from the flames to pool, steam spitting violently as he transfers another, and another.

Within minutes, the water boils, and in another ten Hitsugaya’s nettles are giving off a pleasantly piquant aroma, mushrooms bobbling like jellyfish between the rocks. At home, Akon is a grazer, taking most of his meals cold and scattered both throughout his lab and his day, but he finds himself staring wolfishly at the soup.

"We don’t have to wait for Kuchiki, do we?" Akon asks. "There’s plenty of nettles for a second pot. She doesn’t need to know there were mushrooms."

"Where the hell is she, anyway?" Muguruma mutters.

"I can guess," says Abarai. "It could be a while. She gets stubborn about it."

"We’d feel it if anything happened to her," Matsumoto reasons. "She can’t have gone too far."

"Wait. Not in here," Hisagi realizes. "We wouldn’t feel it in here. Outoribashi-taichou’s kekkai—"

"No one said anything about any kekkai!" someone shouts out of the darkness.

Like the others, Kuchiki emerges in sound before sight, snapping branches as she muddles through the woods. "Tell people if you’re planning to put something like that up!" she pants.

"Didn’t stop any of you!" Muguruma shouts in Kuchiki’s direction. "Though I don’t know if that’s a compliment to your tracking skills or a burn on Rose’s kekkai."

"My tracking skills are excellent," Kuchiki declares as she stumbles into the firelight. She has more forest on her head than hair and looks substantially wetter than she had several hours ago. "I am a hunting genius."

She holds up two hares by their broken necks, one in each hand.

There’s a palpable tremor as everyone’s attention rushes Kuchiki and this new development. Hisagi gasps audibly. Matsumoto claps. Kuchiki beams, still breathless.

"Good work. Hope you’re a cooking genius, too. Get over here, Kuchiki. Quickly!" Muguruma barks at her.

"They’re still warm. I ran back as fast as I could," she assures him.

Kuchiki flings one of the hares at Abarai’s head as she makes her way toward the fire. Before it’s even found its mark she drops to one knee and drapes the remaining hare over her thigh. One quick motion and the guts push out its rear into the dirt. There’s another wet plop—Abarai’s hare following suit. It’s not much longer before the heads are severed and Kuchiki is peeling the skin from her hare center-out, like a coat. Eight satisfying pops as the feet come off.

Akon can’t remember the last time he ate meat. Not since the war began, surely, but it’s not served in the Gotei messes, either. It would have had to have been at some Event, and Akon does not make a habit of attending those. The Men’s Association had had a barbecue some years back, but it had ended up being mostly sweet potatoes.

Nevertheless, Akon can imagine the crisp black edges, glazed hard and shiny by flame, locking in the juices within. He can taste the soft jelly of the liver as it slides over his tongue, gamey and rich.

"Aw, shit."

Akon peers through the flames. Muguruma is poking at the long slab of liver that had come from Kuchiki’s hare, its color mottled with white.

Kuchiki bites her lip.

The rest of the group stays silent. The campfire pops and hisses.

"This one’s clean," Abarai says quietly, holding up the liver. The rest of his hare is in five neat pieces. "Heart and liver, throw in a kidney if anyone’s real hungry. It’ll be enough."

The look in Kuchiki’s eyes suggests it is not, in fact, enough. She looks like she could eat several rabbits on her own.

"That’s new-dead, isn’t it?" Akon asks. "I wouldn’t worry about it. The heat will kill—"

"No!" It’s Abarai, forceful, almost a snarl. The same tremor that awoke when Kuchiki first displayed the hares rushes through the group again, this time in reverse. An outgoing tide, leeching warmth from eyes and color from cheeks.

"It’s not worth the risk," Muguruma agrees. "This mission is get in, get out. We don’t have time for anyone to be getting sick."

Akon holds his hands up defeat. As usual, opinion trumps data. It’s how these things usually go. Akon has watched a lot of things die from a lot of different bugs, painstakingly recording symptoms and physiological responses T + x days, sometimes weeks later. It can take a lot of work to kill a shinigami like that, even controlling for prime conditions, where the bacteria are able to repopulate themselves unencumbered, and don’t get burned out by reiatsu punching out of the body. But Akon gathers that at least one in this group has watched at least one friend die like this, and one is always enough. They don’t have the comfort of the thousand test subjects this bug couldn’t kill. They only see the death.

So, quietly, Rukia disposes of her hare—its mottled liver, its still heart, the promise of its meat—somewhere in the shadows beyond the campfire, to be dealt with later.

As the skewered pieces of hare cook, kidneys bobbing in the soup as Muguruma replaces the now-cool rocks with fresh ones from the fire and the water boils anew, they pass a shallow drinking bowl around, taking hot soup into cold bodies. They try to drown the pangs of hunger in their stomachs. They pass liquor in the other direction. And when the meat is ready, they enjoy it while it lasts.

[ryttu3k]

The 2022 playlist, favourite albums, and thoughts on Pink Floyd!

Emerson, Lake & Palmer - Fanfare for the Common Man

Hot Chocolate - Every 1's a Winner

The Whitlams - Cambridge Three

The Whitlams - Man About A Dog

The Whitlams - Sancho In Love

Florence + the Machine - King

Florence + the Machine - My Love

Florence + the Machine - Daffodil

Zdob și Zdub and Frații Advahov - Trenulețul

Sweet - Ballroom Blitz

Pink Floyd - Echoes

Electric Light Orchestra - Eldorado Overture & Can't Get It Out Of My Head

Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond

Pink Floyd - Sheep

Queen - Face It Alone

Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

Måneskin - La Fine

Favourite album releases: The Whitlams - Sancho; Florence + the Machine - Dance Fever

Favourite old albums: Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here; Animals

...Godspeed You! Black Emperor did have a 'new' album release when their very first album came out. It, um, was not good, haha. Another new release, single this time, Face It Alone by Queen, which was recorded for The Miracle but never released at the time. Gives me definite emotions. For Måneskin, three singles, Supermodel, The Loneliest, and La Fine. Supermodel is a bop, The Loneliest is absolute angst, but none hit me like La Fine did. New album out in a month!

But really, this year has belonged to Pink Floyd, much how last year belonged to Måneskin (as a new favourite), and GY!BE and Queen (listening to their whole discography). More similar to GY!BE, in that I heard both Lift Your Skinny Fists and Dark Side Of The Moon at roughly the same time and they both instantly rocketed to the top of my 'favourite albums of all time' list.

Here are some thoughts!

Rating all the albums, and notable favourites/now in my regular rotation:

The Dark Side of the Moon: 9.5/10 (all of it it's flawless. But if I have to pick, Brain Damage/Eclipse, Us & Them, Time, The Great Gig in the Sky, and Breathe (In The Air). Yes I realise that’s more than half the album)

Wish You Were Here: 9/10 (Shine On You Crazy Diamond, Welcome To The Machine)

Animals: 9/10 (Sheep, Dogs)

Meddle: 8.5/10 (Echoes, One Of These Days)

The Wall: 8.5/10 (Comfortably Numb, Hey You)

The Endless River: 8.5/10 (all of it as a unit tbh)

A Momentary Lapse of Reason: 8.5/10 (Signs of Life, Sorrow, Yet Another Movie)

The Division Bell: 8.5/10 (Cluster One, High Hopes)

Ummagumma (live section): 8.5/10

A Saucerful of Secrets: 8/10 (Let There Be More Light)

Obscured By Clouds: 7.5/10 (Obscured By Clouds)

The Final Cut: 7.5/10

The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn: 7/10

More: 7/10 (Cymbaline)

Atom Heart Mother: 6.5/10

Ummagumma (studio section): 5.5/10

Top five tracks in approximate order: Shine On You Crazy Diamond, all of Dark Side of the Moon, Comfortably Numb, Echoes, Sheep.

(Also watched the Pulse concert, no thoughts only brain keyboardsmash, and listened to the orchestrated Us & Them tribute thing. Next on the list is Delicate Sound of Thunder, Waters’ The Wall, and the Echoes album.)

So like. As a general rule, not quite as high ratings as something like GY!BE, which I all rated super high (although in fairness, Pink Floyd has a lot more albums). It also feels kind of odd rating, say, The Wall 9/10, but I only regularly listen to Comfortably Numb (and The Wall part 2, which is the only track I had heard prior to listening). I guess because the whole thing works as a singular unit? I'm not sure, honestly.

Definitely most attached to the 70s era, almost straight through (starting from Meddle in 1971, Atom Heart Mother didn't super grab me). Which makes sense! The first album, the one that got me into them, was Dark Side of the Moon, so it was that classic 70s prog rock sound I was most drawn to. The earlier stuff is still... I guess developing towards that? I was listening chronologically, and Echoes, from Meddle, was the first time I really went, "...oh yeah, that is absolutely the Pink Floyd of DSotM."

I did really enjoy Division Bell, although there were definite 'this was made in the 90s' moments, and The Endless River tends to get panned but I actually super enjoyed it. Kind of gave me a Songs of Distant Earth-era Mike Oldfield vibe (that's not an insult, I love Mike Oldfield). Actually, yeah, the later Gilmour-led stuff did hit the spot, more than the earlier content and Final Cut did.

Been a rad experience, and they're absolutely getting added to 'favourite band' status (along with GY!BE, Florence + the Machine, Queen, Måneskin, and the Whitlams. What is my music taste? We just don't know).

And now to listen to Wish You Were Here for the zillionth time because Shine On You Crazy Diamond owns my entire soul <3

[everybodyknows-everybodydies]

tagged by @jiubilant - thank you! :’D putting under the cut bc it got a touch long haha

1. describe one wip you’re planning to work on over the summer: (but she’s ever so convincing), as my current longfic and passion project since 2017... I stalled out a bit after my surgery bc the hospital setting was difficult to deal with and bc I’ve convinced myself the current chapter (the culmination of the Amanda Lee debacle) needs to be absolutely flawless as I’ve built it up so much in my head lol.

2. recommend a book: slams my hands on the table. obviously I would not be me if I did not recommend TLU. in effort to be less predictable some other favorites include Absent in the Spring, a deeply contemplative character study by Agatha Christie under her pseudonym Mary Westmacott; The Brief History of the Dead, a fairly short read that hits hard and does some really neat surreal bits by Kevin Brockmeier; and Nevada Barr’s Anna Pigeon series, starting with Track of the Cat, which is an utterly perfect introduction to the character (who is like catnip to me. middle-aged Woman With Problems? I’m there. set in the national parks?? I’M THERE). to circle back to TLU though because I am me and must be me at all times, anything by Beagle honestly has my recommendation. he is hash tag goals, as they say!

3. recommend a fic: obligatory fic rec tag drop for things that I happen across on here, but pulling from my AO3 bookmarks for some things I maybe have not mentioned before I also recommend:

       - To Be Found (clenches fist. I went looking for Lyris/Sai and found it ALONGSIDE Lyris & Abnur Tharn frenemies-who-look-out-for-each-other?? AND some really excellent character work?? this characterization of Lyris is so good I literally couldn’t shut up about it to Knight the whole day I spent reading it, I still need to gather my thoughts into coherence to leave a proper comment but. it’s so good)

       - Start the Count Anywhere (just a really nice moment between Schmendrick and Molly. the summary describes it as the two of them “mutilat[ing] some vegetables and discuss[ing] sawing oneself in half,” which never fails to make me smile. love a good concise summary!!)

       - Eggsnog (THE Eggsnog!!!!! I didn’t realize Rocketlover was on AO3 until they commented on my fic and I was like. a legend has taken notice of me??? this is my absolute favorite of their work and I’m so glad it’s now on AO3 and not just FFN!)

4. recommend music: listen to Autoheart. pls. explosions in my head and in my heart. love is as love was. I don’t have the strength to pose as a saint. wailing.

5. share a piece of advice: if you work in a position where you have to talk to customers a lot and there’s a rush, say “thank you for your patience!” instead of “sorry for your wait!” this has, for me, visibly defused customers who were getting frustrated with an approximately 9/10 success rate. I started it a few years back bc I’ve been practicing apologizing less for things that are out of my control/not actually my fault and it had a noticeable effect!

and last line of a current wip:

Where has her eternal wry humor gone?

tagging anyone who wants to do it! ^^

[tombeane-blog]

Moon Merde Memorial Instead

January, 2024

The Peregrine One Space Craft was launched January 8.

Phase one of it's mission was to put a lunar lander on the Moon - creating a memorial with the DNA of George Washington and John F. Kennedy, among others.

After, it was to continue traveling forever into the blackness of space carrying DNA from a bunch of famous people along with more DNA stuff from some narcissistic A$%&les with too much money.

Shortly after launch it began to fail.

Pittsburgh-based Astrobotic decided to dispose of the craft by letting it burn up while re-entering Earth's atmosphere somewhere over the South Pacific Ocean.

They made that decision to keep it from wandering aimlessly through space, posing a collision hazard.

Excuse me! Wandering aimlessly through space posing a collision hazard!. Wasn't that part of the goal of the mission to begin with?

As my grandson would S.M.S me, LL&OLO.(1)

"What's your problem Tom? It seems like the common sense thing to do. Why leave that junk to clog up our galaxy - maybe even spoiling our late night view of the Milky Way from the Kitt Peak Observatory?" "Listen up Vern. It is estimated that there may be as many as 170 million pieces of space junk orbiting the Earth. Of the approximate 55,000 pieces that are large enough to track, the Department of Defense’s global Space Surveillance Network is constantly monitoring about 27,000 of them."

Talk about collision hazards - it's a global cloud of junk.

Let's face it, this whole thing was a secret conspiracy at the highest levels of the government/hollywoke cabal. That craft and it's mission was purposefully sabotaged!!!

"I gotta' stop you right there Tom. Take a breath. Enough with the hypervenistrating. What in the Wide World of Suzie Wong makes you think it was sabotage?" "Wake up Vern. Nobody believes that an object slightly larger than Lizzo wandering through a void slightly smaller than infinity is gonna be a collision hazard."

Nope, it has everything to do with the first part of it's mission - depositing a small hair from George Washington and a few tonenail clippings from John F. Kennedy's left foot smack dab on Moon where everybody can see it."

And here is why:

"Navajo Nation President Buu Nygren issued a statement to express his objection to the NASA planned Jan. 8 launch of the United Launch Alliance's Vulcan Centaur rocket to the moon."

"The sacredness of the moon is deeply embedded in the spirituality and heritage of many Indigenous cultures, including our own," Nygren said in a statement. “The placement of human remains on the moon is a profound desecration of this celestial body revered by our people.”

"Vern, do you seriously think our current weakwoke government was gonna stand up to an angry minority?"

Nope. Goodby space craft. Hello indigenous votes.

But as for me. No Mas!

From where the sun now stands, I stand athwart history, yelling stop! Chief Joseph / William F. Buckley.

"Stick with me on this Vern. Climb into the WayBack Machine and set the dial to 300,000 B.C. (which was a sunny day as it happens)."

And what do we see? Mankind originated in Africa, not New Mexico.

And in the before-time, our forefathers migrated north until they found themselves in the Middle East.

Most of them had no desire to get involved in that frigging Middle East mess, so they split up. Half went left and half went right, settling in Europe and Asia.

Long after the before time - due mainly to Climate Change 12.4.1 - the Asia guys stumbled onto a land bridge which allowed them to cross over into North America.

You and I and my dog knows that somewhere in that chain of tree dwellers, snake eaters, hut owners and semi-advanced civilizations a few of those people felt that the big glowing celestial thing in the sky was sacred.

Hundreds of thousands of years before anyone in North America was even around.

So I'm not gonna let these johnny-come-lately Indigenous Moon-Worshipers take ownership of our Moon. It belongs to all of us.

But all that aside, I do agree with Buu Nygren that none of wants to have to stare at toenail clippings every night.

So next time, maybe they should save us all a lot of trouble and figure out a better way. Something that is not a profound desecration of anything.

Here's my plan.

Let's use the DNA of the earliest ancestors of everyone on the planet. We can find this DNA in Cretaceous Crocodile Coprolites.

Place a couple of Sacred Coprolites in an urn and create a Mooner Memorial by crashing it on the Dark Side Of The Moon(2) where no one has to look at it.

All Hail Royal And Ancient Moon Merde!

(1) Laugh Long and Out Loud Obnoxiously (2) Discovered by Pink Floyd in 1973

[fmhiphop]

Hitting The Jackpot: The Albums Of 2023 Raking In Spotify Millions

Come geek out as we unveil the estimated revenue streaming in from Spotify for this year's hottest albums! The masterminds over at Music Industry How To have dipped their toes into the ocean of Spotify streaming data. The reason? To give us the scoop on 2023's top albums when it comes to revenue.  These albums might not have dropped this year, but they're making bank in 2023 faster than you can blink. Music stars are dancing their way to your eardrums and your pockets! And the revenue scorecard wasn't scribbled in crayon. Nope, it's a serious business involving song streams, payment per stream (approximately $0.004), and a whole lot of mathematical jazz. Every time you hit play, it's like dropping some change into the artist's digital piggy bank! 1. The Weeknd's "The Highlights" Claims Number One Spot Right now, we've got an album that's topping the national charts and holding the number one position on this list of total streams. We're talking about the 2021 release, "The Highlights" by The Weeknd! This album brings 23 billion Spotify streams and counting! How many earbuds does that translate to? And if that's not enough to make your teeth clench, it's pulling in over $9.2 million ($9,228,499 possibly) in the process!  The pinnacle of this album – "Blinding Lights," is the catchy track we can't get out of our heads. However, it's not just the most streamed song from the album, it's a total hit in its own right. Originally unleashed as a 2019 single, it's pulled in $1,468,012, all thanks to those 3.6 billion Spotify streams. Could we please take a moment to appreciate how many times that play button has been pressed? Listen to" The Highlights" here! 2. Ed Sheeran's Streaming And Revenue Triumph Second place goes to...? Ed Sheeran's 2017 smash-hit release "÷ (Divide)." “ ÷ (Divide),” the album we've been loving has managed to clock over 13 billion Spotify streams. It's been on a never-ending world tour in the digital universe, am I right?  In addition, those Spotify streams are potential revenue sources. We're talking about almost $5 million ($5,389,556 maybe). So, while you're jamming to Ed's tunes, his album is busy turning streams into dollars.  The chart-topping cherry on this musical cake is the world-famous "Shape of You." This song has demolished the Spotify charts with over 3.5 billion streams, and wait for it... a potential earning of $1,416,179!  Ed must be living the life of a king if he can turn streams into dollars like that! He's practically a modern-day Scrooge McDuck. Listen to÷ (Divide) here. 3. Eminem's Return To The Limelight With "Curtain Call 2" Eminem is back in the spotlight with his 2022 album "Curtain Call 2."  This awesome record makes its grand entrance, landing the third spot on the list of all lists. And just in case you're wondering, we're talking about total streams – yes, those eargasmic plays that make you lose yourself in your groove! "Curtain Call 2" earned $4.5 million (or maybe a few cents more, precisely $4,503,696 potentially) from 11 billion Spotify streams. Those zeros are rolling in like a parade! It's time to flashback to 2010 when things were a bit more "Love The Way You Lie." Eminem's killer collab with Rihanna has been streamed over 1.2 billion times on Spotify, and this earworm is raking in as much as $488,554! Listen to Curtain Call 2 here! 4. "Lose Yourself" Keeps Winning: Eminem's 2002 Hit Still Strikes Gold As a testament to Eminem's exceptional talent, he also took home fourth place with his 2005 album, "Curtain Call – The Hits." Despite being almost two decades old, this piece is like the fine wine of music, only getting better with time!  Furthermore, this old-school gem is showing the young guns how it's done, sitting pretty at the seventh spot on the national charts. It's like it said, "Age is just a number, I'm here to rock those charts!"  And now, for the big reveal! "Curtain Call - The Hits" has danced its way to 10 billion Spotify streams! The whole world is plugging in their earphones just to vibe with Eminem. But who wouldn’t? Those streams add up to $4.1 million! That's not pocket change, that's a music empire! But we're not done yet! The superstar of this album, "Lose Yourself," released in 2002, is still bringing in the cash. With over 1.8 billion Spotify streams, the "Not Afraid" rapper is turning every stream into gold coins.  Before we move on to the next artist, would you like to know the amount of cheddar that equals? $724,233! Now that we know that, it’s safe to say that his lyrics are becoming true – "His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy" – but this time, it's with the weight of Spotify streams and revenue! Listen to "Curtain Call - The Hits" here. Queen's "Greatest Hits" Album Dominates Decades Later The rock legends, Queen, are making a comeback like no other with their release "Greatest Hits"! This album, released way back in 1981, has resurfaced with a bang, taking fifth place on the charts! This decades-old compilation made its presence known among the top 20. Amazing! Queen's music has received over 10 billion Spotify streams to date. It’s raking in $4.1 million (that's a lot of zeros, and we're not just talking about the stream count!). However, the ultimate jam that's driving the Spotify frenzy is "Bohemian Rhapsody."  With this iconic masterpiece, originally released in their 1975 album "A Night at the Opera," they are sweeping the streaming world by storm. Think about the genius behind this song earning roughly $871,854 from 2.1 billion Spotify streams. Such riches can be reaped by a rhapsody, who would have thought? Listen to "Greatest Hits" here. Olivia Rodrigo's Album "Sour" Hits Big Money Notes Zooming in at sixth place is Olivia Rodrigo's chart-busting album of 2021 – "Sour"!  But have you checked out the digits on this thing? 10 billion Spotify streams, people! Her music travels through the intergalactic jukebox, giving every alien a taste of Rodrigo's musical magic.  Nonetheless, this album's not just a treat for the ears; it's also making a serious dent in the wallet department. There's nearly $4 million($3,954,628 potentially) hoofing its way into Rodrigo's bank account. As we speak, those Spotify streams are having a field day, and this album's money-making journey is far from done. Because our girl Rodrigo is dropping hints about a sophomore album! Listen to "Sour" here.  "Diamonds" Album's Revenue Through Spotify Streams The top ten are about to be explored like never before! The countdown continues with a sparkling entry that's got us on our toes – it's Elton John's 2017 work of art, "Diamonds," landing like a shining comet in seventh place.  This greatest hits compilation album is practically showering with a potential earning of $3,632,250, all thanks to those Spotify streams.  But, here's the real question that's tickling our musical curiosity: Have you rocked out to "Diamonds" on repeat? And who wouldn't want to earn the title of "Official Elton John's Diamonds Dance Champion" by shaking a leg or two?  As we journey through this musical galaxy, who else is pumped to discover what gems await in the top spots? I know I am! Listen to "Diamonds" here. Arctic Monkeys' "AM" Album And Its Digital Wealth In a smashing eighth place, we've got the 2013 album release, "AM" by the Arctic Monkeys. This brilliant piece has Spotify streams pouring in, perhaps making $2,816,270.  In 2013, the Arctic Monkeys dropped "AM," and suddenly, the music universe was in for a treat. Fast forward to today, and those Spotify streams are like a digital cash register, cha-chinging to a possible fortune. Isn't that the kind of jackpot every band dreams of hitting? And not a couple of pennies here and there. No, siree! I'm talking serious dough, the kind that could make even a pirate blush with envy. So, who's streaming "AM" on repeat? Is your playlist filled with those Arctic Monkeys' beats? And most importantly, have you contributed to that potential $2,816,270 fortune with your own streaming addiction? Listen to "AM" here. "Harry's House" Album And Its Continuous Revenue Dance Harry Styles and his 2022 album, "Harry's House" is the talk of the town, holding down that ninth place with style and pizzazz. But how much revenue is this musical marvel bringing in from the valley of Spotify?  The music is playing, fans are cheering, and Harry Styles owns the stage on his "Love on Tour." But that tour ain't just about music – it's about bucks raining down too!  So, while Harry's been busy making hearts swoon on tour, his album's been pulling in those sweet Spotify streams, likely adding up to $2,342,310.  You see, as Harry Styles wraps up his spellbinding tour, his album is still rocking the virtual stage, pulling in those digital dimes with every Spotify play. A musical encore that never ends!  Now, let's toss in a sprinkle of humor, shall we?  What can $2,342,310 could buy? Maybe a yacht made entirely of glitter or a private island shaped like a guitar? But until then, raise a virtual toast to Harry Styles and his chart-topping groove – may the music keep playing and the revenue keeps rolling in! Listen to "Harry's House" here.  The Power Of Charting: Lewis Capaldi's Album Hauling In Millions The numbers game is on, and Lewis Capaldi and his rockin' 2019 album, “Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent,” is taking part in it! Right on the tenth spot of our chart, this record lugs in $2,243,310 from those groove-inducing Spotify streams.  If any artist can get their album into the top ten, they're not just breaking records, they're making millions. Imagine an album that walks into that top-tier club and, voilà, they're potentially scoring an average of $4.2 million from around 10.5 billion Spotify streams. They're basically turning those streams into a gold rush! Listen to "Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent" here. A Spokesperson's View On Albums' International Popularity A spokesperson for Music Industry How To commented on the findings, saying: “The findings highlight the remarkable success achieved by several albums, showcasing the immense popularity and appeal they have garnered among listeners worldwide.” “This study shows the power of music to captivate audiences and the ability of certain albums to resonate deeply with a diverse range of listeners. The results emphasize the continued importance of streaming platforms in shaping the success of modern-day music and the significant impact these albums have made within the industry.” Written by Nikiya Biggs | LinkedIn | Facebook | Twitter Follow and like FMHipHop on Twitter, Spotify, Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram! Read the full article

[fuckingthefictional]

Hi! I would like a request about Derek from teen wolf, please. The reader is trying to approach him, taking care of him "because Derek is too busy taking care of the others", BUT IT'S BEING SO HARD because of all of his past. Derek and the reader argue one night because of the overprotective nature of the reader about him, and when she tries to leave the loft, completely upset with Derek, he tries to fix things between them. Could you do this with a lot of angst and, then, tons of fluff? Thanks!

Ignored

Pairing: Derek Hale x Reader

Warnings: Angst bbyyyy, and some fluffy goodness at the end, not checked over (so probably a crap ton of spelling errors)

A/N: hello hope you enjoy, sorry it took forever! I’m so busy with work, college and personal issues that writing has been put on the back-burner.

When the name Derek Hale was mentioned- one immediately thought of the broody, salty, sarcastic young man who lived by himself after the tragic Hale house fire.

Nobody would ever associate the name Derek Hale and caring. It just wasn’t in his nature. Because under no circumstances could Derek be remotely kind, caring or soft in any way possible.

That’s what people thought of Derek. But not you- or the majority of the pack for that matter.

Yes, you saw where others came from with their ideas and judgement (Derek’s lack of colour in his wardrobe obviously didn’t help either).

But to you when you heard the name Derek Hale, you immediately thought of the kind hearted man who would give up anything for the safety of his friends and family (as much as he claimed otherwise).

You knew him differently, you knew him like the back of your hand. You knew that his favourite food was Spagetti Carbonara without the mushrooms, that he didn’t like Coca Cola, that he secretly loved watching trashy tv shows like keeping up with the kardashians, and most importantly that he was running himself ragged.

He had bitten off more than he could chew when it came to helping everyone out. He was the one giving lifts and helping with homework and hosting pack nights, and handling Isaac’s nightmares, all of this happening at the same time as some supposed lizard creature being on the loose.

You had been ignored by Derek Hale for approximately 72 hours. Now this wouldn’t be bad if it weren’t for two things.

1. He wasn’t aware that he was actively ignoring you.

2. The idiot wasn’t your husband of 2 years.

Over 68 hours ago you hadn’t minded, you had even brushed the silence and distance off- knowing that Derek liked to have a little time to himself.

But when it hit the 5 hour mark of the 4th day, frustration and disappointment had begun to set in.

There was one more thing that made the whole situation worse. He was blatantly ignoring you- and only you.

It hurt. You could admit that to yourself easily without any qualms at all. It hurt.

Whether that was to do with the whole ‘mate’ side of things you didn’t know- all that you did know was that Derek Hale was drowning and he wasn’t going to swim until everyone else was okay.

-

Thud, thud, thud, creaak

“Der please sit down”

“I can’t. I gotta figure this shit out before the school finishes for the day.” Derek grunted from his spot in the middle of the room. His head firmly stuck in the thick, dusty book that he had been pouring through for the majority of the afternoon.

“Der please, take a break.” You pleaded with him, begging him to just stop for a second and relax.

“I can’t,” Derek murmured again, before he pivoted in his heel and walked away up the staircase.

His heavy footfalls retreated upstairs, the musty book still clutched in his grasp.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you willed the tears in your eyes to stay put and to not roll down your cheeks in fat drops.

Why couldn’t you be enough for him?

-

The next plea came around 2 hours later, when you brought a bowl of homemade pasta and garlic bread up to Derek. Hoping that just maybe it would strike up a conversation, that maybe he would utter more than two short sentences to you.

“Babe- I made you lunch.” You elbowed your way into the room, balancing the bowl and plate in your hands.

“Just leave it on the desk.” He motioned to an empty slot on the overcrowded surface.

“I just thought that maybe we could have lunch together, have some time with each-other.”

“Y/N/N’s I would- but I have so much to do. Stiles and Scott are already on my ass about the damn lizard freak in town.”

“Der, you need to take a break.” You placed your hands on his shoulders. Instead of feeling them relax you could feel his muscles tense up.

Shrugging your hands off, he pushed the fresh plate of food away, “I can’t.” He spoke simply.

“But-“ you tried to object in protest, trying to plead with the broad shouldered man in front of you- hoping that maybe, just maybe he would come to his senses.

He did not.

“I said no Y/N.” Derek ground out, “I’m busy. Please for the love of God stop bothering me.”

The words stung you, causing you to stumble back in shock. Derek had a hard exterior, everybody knew that. But he had never spoken like that to you.

He had promised on your wedding day that he would always be kind, that he would be your biggest supporter and largest source of love.

But all those words felt like lies now. You felt alone, like an empty shell of yourself. Why couldn’t you just be enough?

-

Hours flew by, the watch on Derek’s wrist occasionally beeping to signify the new hour. If he were being honest- he had lost track of what the time was.

The only signifier was that Stiles, Scott and the others were in his presence- meaning it was at least 4pm

And judging by the sky outside of his office window, it was late evening, as the sky itself had melted from cool blues into a fantastic array of oranges and purples.

But besides the low chatters and bickering coming from Isaac and Stiles, the house felt almost too quiet.

There was no tv hum coming from the living room, no occasional flush or running of water from the restroom, no sizzle from food coming on the oventop, no sound of a page in a book turning. Nothing. Just silence.

“Hey Derek,” He looked up to see Scott staring at him, “Where’s Y/N?”

“Well-“

“Yeah, I haven’t seen her yet today.” Isaac chimed in.

“I’m not actually too sure.”

Derek was met with a sea of blank stares.

“I’m sorry- there’s a kanima out there roaming Beacon Hills, the very same kanima that is killing more people by the day. And you don’t know where your wife is?” Stiles asked incredulously, “Are you kidding me.”

“Well I’ve been so caught up on this research that I haven’t been spending as much time with her.” Derek attempted to defend himself.

“Derek, please tell me that you haven’t been ignoring your wife.”

Everybody had there eyes on him again.

“Well-“

There was an uproar of protests, all of which were yelling at Derek for ignoring and deserting his wife.

“You better find her Derek, before something happens and you regret it for the rest of your life.”

-

You really didn’t know how long you had been out here for. All you knew was that the night was closing in and the chill was setting in your bones.

But you didn’t want to go back to the loft, you honestly didn’t think you could handle seeing Derek after his outburst earlier.

The cold, damp ground soaked into your body- sucking all the warmth out of your body at a creeping pace.

The spot you sat in, hadn’t changed much since your first date with Derek. It was still isolated and it gave off the best views in Beacon Hills. Nobody knew about it but you and Derek.

Sighing deeply, you looked out over the viewing point- watching the tiny specks of light flicker in the distance. Every single light showed a different life that was being lived, each one with their own struggles. Beacon Hills was something else to say the least.

“I knew I could find you here.” A familiar voice broke your train of thought.

You kept silent, staring straight ahead, willing that your bottom lip wouldn’t start trembling and the flood gate wouldn’t open in your eyes.

“Look I’m sorry.”

You sniffed, still unable to look your husband in the eyes, “Are you though?” You briefly shut your eyes to stop any tears from breaking through, “or are you just saying that to get on my good side.”

You could feel Derek’s presence settle down besides your own. His breath creating little puffs of mist under the dark sky.

“I didn’t realise you were trying to help me, until it was too late and you’d left the apartment” He muttered, “It’s my fault, I should’ve taken your advice, I should’ve listened to you.”

You listened intently, knowing his words were sincere and heartfelt, “Why didn’t you listen to me then Der?” You responded bitterly.

“Because accepting help means showing weakness, and showing weakness is something I haven’t done since before the fire.” Derek’s voice was small now, “Before I met you, accepting help was off the table- I was a lone wolf, with no pack or family. And now I’ve found you and I’m desperate to not lose that again, I can’t lose you to this new threat in town- I can’t be alone again.”

Silence hung heavy in the air as your husband’s words set in. It made sense to you; why he was studying non-stop, why he had barely slept or ate.

It was apparent that while he was trying to protect his loved ones, he was also pushing them away in the process. That needed to change.

“You won’t be alone Der,” You lay your head down on his shoulder, “I promise that much- it’s you and me forever.”

“Through every supernatural event that happens in this town?”

You giggled softly, “Yes, and every single thing in between.”

[violettelueur]

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE ELEVEN || NARROW-MINDED

↳ featuring : fushiguro megumi + nanami kento + ieiri shoko (mention of itadori yuji + kugisaki nobara + gojo satoru + roymen sukuna + zenin maki + inumaki toge + panda + mahito) from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 12 march

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 2.0k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : idle transfiguration

↳ next episode : to you, someday

↳ barista’s notes : welcome nanamin kento to the series everyone ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ he’s finally in the series and i am so excited to write about him again since it has been a while ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ i hope you enjoy today’s episode and for the fushiguro x y/n shippers, enjoy this little interaction between them...

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’ - but none is mentioned in this chapter.

2.5 for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique

no cursed spells used this episode..

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

“No reason, just worried about you,” Fushiguro mentioned, hiding his real intention of why he questioned your wellbeing, as continued to look at what was in front of him to avoid making eye contact with you since he could feel your eyes peering at him with curiosity filling them.

Sighing once again, you slap the back of his head causing him to groan since you put more strength than you intended to. “You shouldn’t worry about me Fushiguro, be selfish,” you commented before walking faster to be ahead of him, leaving him confused about what you had just mentioned to him.

“Be selfish?” Fushiguro muttered in confusion leading you to turn back to look over your shoulder before smiling at him.

“You were going to take me there right?” you asked, as you halted your movement causing the shikigami user to finally catch up to you while you had a lingering question in the back of your mind.

‘What was that dream?’

                                              ꕥ

“Didn’t I say you can head back to the track field, we’re literally a few steps away?” you asked, as you stood in front of the metal door leading inside to the infirmary while looking at your classmate with a fed-up look since he wasn’t listening to you once again.

“I said, I was going to take you here and now I’m going to wait for you here,” Fushiguro mentioned as he processed to lean against the wall, causing you to let out a sigh of frustration since you didn’t have the slightest clue on his sudden behaviour of him keeping an eye on you.

“If you’re still worried about my wellbeing, I’m okay Fushiguro,” you voice out trying to ease his worries, before turning your head to look at the door in front of you as you then entered the infirmary room the second the metal door slid open. “Thank you for waiting for me,” you quietly muttered to the shikigami sorcerer as the entrance that was going to block you both, slowly began to close leaving him on the other side, no knowing what was going on inside of where you were now.

Once you had entered the room, you quickly noticed that Ieiri was there twirling a strand of her brown lock with her ibex finger as she greeted you with a small smile, while another person - who you assumed was another sorcerer - who was beside her sitting on the metal bench while holding the side of his hip to lessen the blood loss from his wound.

From what you could observe, the male that was currently injured right now had bright blonde locks, which was strange since it was rare or uncommon for a Japanese person to have naturally light hair (since it didn’t seem dyed) causing you to assume the man had some European heritage. He also seemed to be on the older side compared to Gojo since he had somewhat of a more mature look to the strongest sorcerer that you had come to know but his outfit consisted of a blue dress-shirt with beige suit trousers as well as the professional dress shoes - what seemed to be missing was a blazer to complete the outfit.

“So you're the daughter that Gojo has been talking about lately,” the man mentioned, causing you to tilt your head in confusion since you had no idea who the man was, but he seemed to know who you were.

“Pardon?” you questioned politely since you were still in a state of perplexion, causing your mentor to giggle slightly before informing you that your teacher has been running around announcing his daughter after “keeping it a secret for 5 years” leading you to turn your head to the side and sigh once again in annoyance since you weren’t surprised that the playful sorcerer was parading your name around the facility but still it seemed a little creepy to you - just imagine him skipping around while telling everyone about you just seemed off...weirdly off.

‘What a drag…’

“Ah! I’ll heal you now since we don’t want to leave the wound open any longer,” you mentioned, as you made your way towards the sorcerer before placing your hands just above his wound while concentrating to allow your negative cursed energy to become positive which became easier over time as you kept practising leading Ieiri to be surprised on how much you had improved for the past few weeks.

“Gojo Y/N correct? I’m Nanami Kento, I would bow to be polite but that’s a bit difficult to do right now,” Nanami introduced himself, causing you to smile slightly before greeting him back.

‘So this is Nanami Kento? Shoko-san wasn’t kidding when she said he was a grade one, he does seem to be extremely skilled’

“Y/N, your theory was right about the technique used on those bodies, Kento mentioned that the technique reshapes the soul rather than the body of what we first thought,” Ieiri revealed to you, leading you to look up at the doctor with widen eyes as you hands managed to continue the healing process of Nanami’s wounds.

“Is there any way to stop the transfiguration of any sorts? Is there some kind of weakness to it?” you questioned, as you turned to the grade one sorcerer, leading him to nod as he turned to look at you.

“The use of cursed energy to protect your body is one way, but it will still cause some damage, besides that’s just a temporary solution since if we get hit more by this special grade curse, then that’s when our soul gets hit no matter how much cursed energy you put to protect yourself,” Nanami explained which lead you to look at him with a deadpan expression before you looked down to think of a solution to avoid any more casualties from this curse.

‘The only thing I can think of is Ryomen Sukuna...but Itadori is dead and there is no way that Sukuna can be inhibiting his body now anyways…my cursed spell could be a way to protect myself if it comes to the day I have to face him’

“Do you have a description of what the curse looked like?” you asked curiously since you didn’t know if you were even allowed to have any information on his mission - but you knew you had a chance since you and Ieiri examined the transfigured bodies from Kinema Cinema.

“The curse was human looking like, had patchwork around his face like it he was sewed together, he can transfigure is own body to how he likes to give him an advantage in battle,” Nanami explained leading a shiver to go up to your spine as you didn’t expect the curse’s description to be so human-like after Sukuna since you were completely used to other curses you had faced in the past, looking like what people feared - like the ocean animals, mountains, volcanos or even nature itself.

Steadily, you moved your hands away before asking Nanami to lift his shirt so you could examine his wound leading Ieiri to observe as well since she needed to make sure that your technique had been perfected as well as to make sure his wound was healed properly.

“Good job, I think you have nearly perfected it,” the doctor stated with a smile, leading you to turn to her with a bright smile on your face as you were delighted to have her approval leading her to mention that she will report your progress to Gojo since he wanted to know how you were doing with your training.

“You don’t call Gojo your father?” Nanami questioned since he had come to know from his senior that you have been his daughter for approximately five years now leading him to question why you didn’t call him as his parental figure position.

“I refuse,” you looked at him with a straight face as a slight hint of a ‘fed-up’ tone could be heard in your speech, leading Nanami to internally find the comment funny.

“Thank you for the treatment, but I must quickly head off to resume work,” Nanami declared as he slowly got up from his seat causing him to be surprised at how much your technique had actually repaired not only his wound by somewhat his whole body as well leaning him to peer at you for a second before walking out to head whatever he needed to be.

“Y/N, you can go now, if I need you, I’ll call you next time okay?” Ieiri stated to you, leading you to nod your head before announcing your departure as you processed to stand in front of the metal door, waiting for it to open as you then walked across the gap once it revealed the other side to you.

“You’re done?” someone asked, causing you to look to the side to notice that Fushiguro was still leading against the wall that he was waiting before you had entered into the infirmary to which you were surprised about since you thought he didn’t have the patience to even wait for you.

“You’re still here? Did you wait long?” you questioned, as you both began to walk back to the track field where Kugisaki and the second-years were waiting for you.

“Not really, it was actually quicker than I thought it was going to be,” Fushiguro mentioned causing you to nod along and you both became silent as you both didn’t know what else to say to each other.

However, that didn’t really bother you right now, what was bothering you was what happened before you even came here.

‘Why? Why was I dreaming that in the first place?’ you thought, as you looked down to the ground as if the answer was there for you to collect. However, you knew you would never get the answer if you didn’t make the effort to find it yourself, yet you didn’t want to.

You didn’t want to know the meaning behind it. You just wanted to forget everything that happened in that dream. 

‘There’s no point in holding on to it, it would never happen’

“You okay?” Fushiguro asked, causing you to snap out of your thoughts before realising the shikigami user was no longer beside you but rather in front of you with a stern look on his face as if he was confronting you for somewhat giving him a white-lie.

‘He’s not going to let that question go huh?’

“I’m okay Fushiguro, how many times I got to answer,” you commented before moving to the side to continue walking, only for the erratic-haired sorcerer to block your pathway once again leading a flame of annoyance to be lit up in your stomach. “What’s wrong?” you asked, as you looked up to meet him eye to eye, only to discover a worried look on his face.

“There’s something bothering you,” Fushiguro muttered causing you to scoff internally before moving to the other side again, only for him to block you once again. 

“Fushiguro, I’m fine, it was just something silly that happened with Gojo-sensei that annoyed me, I’m genuinely fine,” you answered before suddenly grabbing his wrist - catching him by surprise - to pull him towards the direction needed to go back to the track field for training, as you didn’t want a full-blown argument happening between you and him. Also, you weren’t bothered to shout at him since you were still trying to comprehend what you had just experienced.

However, before you could pull Fushiguro further to where you both needed to be, you felt him halt his movement causing you to stagger back slightly since it was really unexpected. Turning your head, you looked at the sorcerer with slight confusion displayed on your face before noticing a hand coming towards you as a small flick made a light impact on your forehead leaving you frozen in shock.

“You can rely on me anytime L/N,” Fushiguro mentioned to you nonchalantly as he retreated his hand back.

“Dear, rely on me a bit more, I’ll always be here with you and sorry for flicking your forehead, does it hurt?” 

“You drag, don’t copy me!” you argued, before slapping his forehead causing him to groan in pain while you continued to pull him along to get back to training.

‘I want to, but I don’t want to be lied to again Fushiguro…’

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[robininthelabyrinth]

Tedious Joys 

 - Chapter 1/8 - Ao3 link -

By the time Lao Nie wrote to Lan Qiren under personal cover to ask for his assistance, they hadn’t spoken in nearly seven years.

Oh, they’d spoken – it was rather impossible to avoid speaking, acting sect leader to sect leader. They attended the same discussion conferences, and of course the Lan and Nie sects were close allies, insofar as the Great Sects were anything to each other; their alliance, martial and moral, tended to balance out the riches and clever tricks brought to bear by the Jin and Jiang sects, and of course the Wen sect was large and powerful enough that it didn’t need or want any allies that it couldn’t subject to its dominion. An alliance meant constant contact, checking in, and ideally would call for a good relationship between the leaders of the two sects, which they had once had.

They had once been very close, even.

Lan Qiren had idolized Lao Nie from a young age, admiring his fierceness and his passion for life, his ruthless logic and his practicality and his thoughtful sense of judgment, all the more admirable given that he was from a sect known for being a bunch of hotheads. When Lan Qiren’s older brother – older by nearly ten years, with a middle brother that had died before Lan Qiren’s birth and several miscarriages in between as his parents struggled to provide the sect with the requisite spare – had continuously tried to leave his irritating younger sibling at home when going on night-hunts, Lao Nie had cheerfully interjected himself more than once, volunteering that he would be happy to take him along, and at that point Lan Qiren’s brother, who admired the older man nearly as much as Lan Qiren did, would generally yield, even if he grumbled about it.

Unlike Qingheng-jun, who ought to have been more considerate for his own family, Lao Nie had never minded having to slow down the pace of his hunts in order to accommodate a sickly child, a pedantic one that needed to understand things thoroughly before he was comfortable trying something new. He had often allowed Qingheng-jun to rush ahead and win glory that ought in all fairness to have been his, something Lan Qiren only discovered when he reviewed his history in retrospect.

Lao Nie hadn’t minded how clumsy Lan Qiren was, or how picky he was, refusing to eat even common foods if the texture didn’t appeal to him; he had only laughed at his excessive formality, the harshness of his tone, his tendency to repeat himself or to become caught on little details. He’d indulged him, wasting copious amounts of his time listening to Lan Qiren talk enthusiastically about the Lan sect rules, which he’d fallen in love with at an early age and, when young, rarely missed the chance to bring into any given conversation no matter how irrelevant.

He’d always been very kind to him.

If you had asked Lan Qiren ten years ago, he would have confidently asserted that Lao Nie was one of his dearest friends.

And yet – it had been Lan Qiren, who was short on friends, and not Lao Nie, who had many, that had cut off their relationship. Lan Qiren hadn’t truly spoken to Lao Nie in seven years, limiting their conversations to the subject of sect business and keeping their meetings as short as could be allowed by etiquette, ignoring the way Lao Nie looked at him with sadness and regret in his eyes. Even when Lan Qiren’s anger had finally died down from a raging flame to a simmering anger he suspected would never leave him entirely, he had thought to himself that it was too late, that the fire had burnt everything out, that there were only ashes left behind.

And yet – on the seventh year, apparently apropos of nothing, Lao Nie wrote to him, requesting his presence.

As a friend, he wrote. Come as a friend, or not at all. I have no use for a sect leader.

Lan Qiren struggled with the request, which did not obey any of the unwritten rules he had forced himself to learn on top of the many that were written. He did not know if he was still enough of a friend to Lao Nie to answer such a request.

He did not know himself whether he would go until the moment that he went.

Lao Nie met him at the gateway to the Unclean Realm, relief written in every line of him.

“Thank you,” he said, and Lan Qiren shifted uncomfortably from side to side.

“I didn’t even do anything yet,” he said stiffly, instinctively reaching up to stroke his beard. It was a more acceptable social tic than others that he had been discouraged from employing; losing access to it, however temporarily, had been one of the reasons he had been so upset with Cangse Sanren when she’d shaved it off while he was asleep. She’d tracked him down later to apologize when she’d realized how badly he’d taken it, serious for perhaps the only time he’d known her, and they’d ended up as something almost like friends out of the whole debacle. He hadn’t heard from her in years, either, but that was no breach; it was only that she was busy with her husband and the little child she had once shoved into his arms with that deep, echoing laugh of hers. “Don’t thank me until I’ve determined if I can do anything for you, or will.”

Lao Nie nodded and showed him inside, leading him to his private chambers rather than the sect leader’s study. This suggested that the issue was private, although Lan Qiren supposed he’d already known that, based on the letter.

They sat in silence while Lao Nie personally served the tea, his brow still creased in concern, and Lan Qiren stared at him – too intently, as always – and wondered what private issue could have caused such an upset, and moreover what he could possibly need Lan Qiren for. Lao Nie was a private man, in the custom of his clan and sect; Lan Qiren didn’t know his birthdate or even his age, only the approximates, and many of the details of his life escaped him. It made it difficult to guess what the matter might be, if it were personal and not political.

Although…

“My condolences regarding your second wife,” he said, watching, and Lao Nie jerked his head in a tight nod, acknowledging the loss. Lao Nie’s first wife had been a mysterious figure, appearing and disappearing as suddenly as an unexpected burst of rain on a sunny day – the stories in Qinghe enthusiastically claimed she was a goddess that descended from the heavens to dally with moral race, who’d ended up marrying Lao Nie to legitimize the child he’d unexpectedly planted in her belly, only to be summoned back to the heavens on important duties, although of course it was commonly understood that she was more than likely just some powerful rogue cultivator who had decided after a short interval that being married was not for her. Lan Qiren had never met her, although he had had the fortune to meet Lao Nie’s second wife, who had been much more down-to-earth, an innkeeper’s daughter.

(Lan Qiren had rather liked her the few times they’d met. She was a little self-absorbed, in a harmless sort of way. She liked beautiful things and good food and talking about them, and was happy to carry on entire conversations while he responded only with nods and grunts; to his relief, she had never expected anything more from him. She was very beautiful herself, both delicate and seductive with her fox’s face and long and narrow eyes; some cruel people spread rumors that she was a demon or a yao in disguise, sent to wreak havoc through the seduction of men. She had never tried anything like that on Lan Qiren, unless her attempt at seduction consistent of sharing a plate of snacks and occupying him enough to prevent him from having to listen to the more boring parts of the social parts of certain discussion conference meetings. At any rate, he’d been truly saddened to hear that she had died.)

Still, Lao Nie had not yet begun to speak.

That meant that the problem was not in relation to that aspect of his life, which in all honesty was a relief. Lan Qiren could not imagine a world in which Lao Nie confided his marital problems in a prematurely old bachelor like him.

Perhaps…

“Your sons?” he asked, and this time Lao Nie flinched, so he’d guessed right. “Ah. The younger one?”

The younger one would be about A-Zhan’s age, surely, or even younger. Little more than a toddler, not yet quite old enough to be taken away from the mother – or nurse, in the case of Lao Nie’s second son – and they were so terribly fragile at that age…

“No,” Lao Nie said, and sighed, a long exhale. “Forgive me, it’s a difficult subject. A-Sang is fine. The issue is with A-Jue.”

Nie Mingjue would now be around eight or nine years old, Lan Qiren thought, or perhaps even older – it was so hard to tell with these secretive Nie, and he only knew enough to make the guess at all because of their former friendship. Most sects were only vaguely aware that there were heirs to the Nie sect, and had certainly never seen hide nor hair of Nie Mingjue, during discussion conferences or otherwise.

He’d been a toddler the last time Lan Qiren had seen him, young and energetic, running around anywhere, but he had something of his father’s kindness – he’d actually listened to Lan Qiren telling him about rules that didn’t apply to him, and even proudly repeated some of them back to his father, much to Lan Qiren’s embarrassment – without having yet grown into his father’s occasional callous ruthlessness.

Perhaps it made a certain amount of sense that Lao Nie would ask for help with his children. Since his life plans had been irrevocably altered, Lan Qiren had taken over teaching at the Cloud Recesses, and to his surprise, was apparently making something of a name for himself.

It hadn’t been intentional: he’d been desperate for something to do with himself that wasn’t just for the sect, so much of his time consumed by the business of sect leadership, and he’d always planned to become a teacher eventually, although he’d always assumed it would be much later in life. He’d volunteered to teach, only to look at the small handful of obedient, well-trained Lan sect disciples that he would be in charge of instructing and quickly realized that such ‘teaching’ wouldn’t occupy his time at all.

Accordingly, he had demanded that the sect elders allow him to accept disciples from other sects as well. The request was highly irregular, but strictly abided by all Lan sect rules on the subject – it was Lan Qiren putting together the proposal, after all – and the elders had granted it with surprisingly little debate. To this day, Lan Qiren wasn’t sure if it was pity for his circumstances or simply an assumption that no outside students would bother attending, but he would not let the approval, once granted, be so easily retracted: he had sent out letters asking for students at once, and to everyone’s surprise but his own they actually came.

(He’d been clever about it, at the start. He’d reached out first to those smaller sects that would not have access to resources even a quarter as good as the Cloud Recesses, asking specifically for those children that seemed troublesome – the ones it took time and attention to teach, the ones who didn’t seem to be getting what they were supposed to learn. The slow, the stupid, the angry, the ones who disappointed their parents most of all. Lan Qiren might not have answers for those children, but at least he could give them his time and attention and he found, for most of them, that was all they wanted.)

Recently, though, they’d started getting more requests to join from the slightly larger subsidiary sects, more people, even murmurs about sending him their sect heirs rather than their burdens – people were saying that his teaching could make a gentleman even out of a waste, which Lan Qiren didn’t really understand. After all, putting aside a few students that were too arrogant to be willing to learn anything, he hadn’t encountered a single one he’d characterize as a waste.

“How can I help A-Jue?” he asked, expecting Lao Nie to finally give in and explain.

But Lao Nie shook his head.

“There’s some background I need to tell you first,” he said. “Without which the problem won’t make much sense. You have one of the finest analytical minds I’ve ever met, Qiren, and a way of thinking that doesn’t match up to conventional wisdom – I’m hoping you can help me where expertise has failed.”

Lan Qiren frowned, embarrassed. “I can try,” he said, already mentally rearranging his plans to account for a longer stay. He disliked sudden changes and had planned out three possible lengths of time for his visit – one short, one medium, one long – so that he would be able to select whichever one would be most appropriate. He hoped that the issue would not require any more time than the longest period he had allotted. “What is the subject?”

“Saber,” Lao Nie said, and smiled at Lan Qiren’s confusion. “My sect’s cultivation style. Let me explain…”

Lao Nie’s explanation was fascinating.

The cultivation style of the Nie sect – and the Nie clan in particular, especially the main branch – was unlike anything Lan Qiren had ever heard before, completely different in both substance and philosophy. It was a rough trade, a difficult road, heartbreaking in its sacrifice, impressive in its results…

It wasn’t the road for everybody, but one couldn’t help but admire those that walked it.

“Doesn’t it get close to demonic cultivation, using resentful energy like that?” he asked at one point, and Lao Nie had explained to him how they had drawn the distinction – using beasts, never humans, and channeling the worst of the effects into their sabers rather than themselves. How much they strived to cultivate morality into their sabers as well as power.

Lan Qiren thought that it was a fine line, but after some thought concluded that they fell on the right side of it, if just barely. The primary dangers of demonic cultivation were in the way it increased the amount of evil in the world, whether through the inevitable madness and violent rampages of its wielders or through the simple side effects of using other people’s corpses as your playthings, increasing their own resentment, breaking the hearts of their loved ones, and causing their ancestors to curse you; that sort of vile conduct was an offense to the Heavens. The Nie sect’s cultivation avoided that, and if through their sabers they added a little bit of evil to the world then it could not be denied that they took much, much more of it out.

“I think I understand now,” he said, brushing his fingers along his beard. “But…why tell me? Isn’t it one of your clan secrets?”

“It is,” Lao Nie agreed. “As a general principle, we do not tell outsiders unless we must.”

The Nie sect preferred principles over rules, which Lan Qiren begrudgingly accepted even if he himself preferred having rules, clear and precise and equal even if they sometimes weren’t quite fair. But situation-dependent or not, the Nie held to those principles just as tightly as any Lan did to their sect rules, and that was worthy of respect.

“So you felt that you must,” Lan Qiren observed. “But why? And what does it have to do with A-Jue? Is he not taking to your sect’s teachings…?”

“I would almost prefer that,” Lao Nie said, and rubbed his eyes. “We’ve always had those that didn’t follow our ways – those that refused to train the saber, or refused to cultivate a spirit despite all their training. No. It’s actually…A-Jue’s very good.”

Lan Qiren had been a teacher for seven years. He was accustomed to parents who needed to praise their child before getting to the point, though he wouldn’t have expected it of Lao Nie. He waited.

“He’s too good,” Lao Nie said, and abruptly covered his face with his hands. “He’s already cultivated a spirit in Baxia.”

Lan Qiren’s whole body jerked. “Lao Nie!” he exclaimed. “You’ve already given him a saber? He’s too young!”

Under the age of ten, Nie Mingjue should still be building his strength, shaping the muscles that would serve him in the future; he should be wielding only a practice saber made of wood, heavy and slow as he etched the forms of his sect style into his bones. Even if he was a true prodigy, a once-in-a-generation genius, he should at most bear a weapon of dulled steel, and never an actual spiritual weapon, much less the one that would be the companion of his future life.

“He took it himself,” Lao Nie said. “A little over a year ago – we had a surprise attack, right in the middle of the summer hunts. Supposedly bandits, but actually mercenaries, supported by traitors from the inside; they had a map to lead them straight inside our home, and attacked at the moment when most of us were gone. When everyone else ran for cover, A-Jue went to the armory and picked up a saber, freshly forged, and he took his first blood the same day. What was I supposed to do? Take it away from him?”

Lan Qiren felt a stab of sympathy for Lao Nie’s impossible dilemma.

Taking the saber away just when A-Jue had started bonding with it, right after he’d shed blood with it for the first time – yes, that would have been far worse. It might have crippled his confidence, introduced hesitation that would damage his cultivation forever, hinder his future growth…

“And he already developed a saber spirit?” he said instead. “Within a year?”

That wasn’t genius. That was insane.

“I know,” Lao Nie said. “The faster we cultivate, the sooner we die, but how am I supposed to say that to a child? And there’s how fast he’s picked up our cultivation style, how fast he’s going – what if he introduces some flaw into it and it sinks in before anyone notices? Even a minor disruption to his qi, at this age –”

Lan Qiren scowled. “Stop panicking,” he ordered. “That won’t help anyone at all, least of all him.”

Unexpectedly, Lao Nie smiled at him, although the smile was full of regret.

“It’s easy to say and hard to do,” he said. “Don’t you know I always lose my head when it comes to love?”

Lan Qiren knew.

Lao Nie had always been reckless in matters of the heart, as seen by his decision to marry some stranger for his first wife and a nobody for his second, and to thereafter refuse a third, more sensible arrangement with some sect leader’s daughter or sister that could care for the children as a mother while acting as a useful political tool, even if no other children were forthcoming. Even though his life had been beset with later tragedy, he had been happy with his wives – happy and in love, and unwilling to trade a single moment with them for anything.

Lan Qiren knew this. He even understood it.

He just had trouble excusing it.

Lao Nie had been friend to Lan Qiren’s brother long before he’d been friend to him, and so when Qingheng-jun had fallen in love in that sudden, shocking, irrevocable manner that the Lan sect had, Lao Nie had been the first to support him in it, delighted to think that his friend would find the same happiness he had himself found. He’d encouraged him not to be shy in presenting his courtship, in presenting himself as a possible match; he’d reassured him that some disinterest to begin with was reasonable, given that they were still strangers, and advised him to enjoy the feeling of falling in love, to be reckless and bold and daring with it…and he did it all in writing, from a distance.  

Lao Nie had been occupied at the time with issues in his own sect – probably the scandals relating to his first wife, in retrospect, though of course he said nothing of it back then – and had unwisely trusted in Qingheng-jun’s description of the events, rather than seeing the circumstances for himself.  It was understandable that he would not comprehend how fiercely his friend’s heart had been gripped by love, or how truly disinterested He Kexin was in her ardent suitor, not when Qingheng-jun described her resistance as mere coquetry. It was impossible for Lao Nie to have predicted that his well-meant advice that love was worth anything, even defiance of sect rules and the counsels of the elders, would be interpreted in such a terrible way.

Still less, of course, could he have predicted what happened next, the tragedy of He Kexin and the friend that deceived her, that tried to use her and Qingheng-jun through her through false rumors and twisted stories, and in so doing underestimated how unbridled He Kexin could be when pressed. It was all part and parcel of the same underlying calamity: if Qingheng-jun had not been so persistent in his courtship, He Kexin wouldn’t have had such a bad impression of the Lan sect; if she hadn’t had such a bad impression of the Lan sect, she might not have been so ready to believe her friend’s lies about their teacher’s conduct, to allow herself to be indirectly used to manipulate Qingheng-jun’s love-madness to the advantage of another sect; if He Kexin had been a little less arrogant or a little less blindly trusting or had bothered to ask a single question before taking upon herself the duty of executioner as well as judge, if she’d only held back her sword and not gone so far as to kill a man over baseless rumor – if only – if only – if, if, if –

If Qingheng-jun had not decided that his love mattered more to him than his sect.

There was no way Lao Nie could have known what would happen.

It was understandable.

One might even say that it was forgivable, except Lan Qiren had not yet gotten around to forgiving him.

Lan Qiren had dreamed of travel, not teaching; he’d wanted to play music in all the forgotten places, to learn all the things that could not be simply deduced from inside the safety of the Cloud Recesses. He’d wanted to help people, to use that vast store of knowledge that seemed irrevocably stuck in his brain to solve problems and suggest solutions. But the Lan sect needed a leader, and with Qingheng-jun in permanent seclusion, disinterested in sect matters, choosing instead to obsess endlessly over his broken heart…

The duty had fallen to Lan Qiren instead.

(He Kexin had eventually grown rather fond of her husband, even if love wasn’t the word for it. Lan Qiren didn’t know if she was simply salvaging what she could out of an unsalvageable situation or if she just enjoyed the exercise, but he had two nephews now, to raise as if they were his own. Because that was just what he needed, another chain binding him to his home, another duty that shouldn’t have been his – he loved his nephews more than anything, so he couldn’t be angry at them, couldn’t blame them for being born, and so he had to be angry at everyone else instead.)

Lan Qiren lowered his head and pursed his lips. He knew Lao Nie wanted his forgiveness. He even knew, according to the sect rules he valued so highly, that he should grant it. Seven years was surely long enough to pay for any innocent mistake, wasn’t it?

Come as a friend, or not at all.

That was the invitation Lao Nie had extended, and Lan Qiren had come. That was very nearly a decision, if he wanted it to be.

“Let me see him,” Lan Qiren proposed, and Lao Nie’s smile warmed at once.

[cha-melodius]

Tags: Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, (but everything else is the same), Undercover Missions, Undercover as a Couple, Mission Fic, Fluff, absurdly fluffy for a mission fic, blink and you miss it angst, Misunderstandings, Banter, Revelations, Public Displays of Affection, Developing Relationship, Idiots in Love, Non-Explicit Sex, Concerned Illya, Illya POV, Napoleon pov

Summary: Napoleon and Illya have to go undercover at a couples retreat, and the mission turns out to be both easier and harder than they expected.

Note: But chamel, I hear you saying, aren't there approximately eleventy-hundred undercover-as-a-couple fics in this fandom? Don't you have other things you've promised people you would write? Well, yes and yes, but I stumbled across this concept and inspiration is a bitch who insisted I write it, so here you go. I can promise that there is a twist to this one that I haven't seen in this fandom before (at least for this pairing, and of course I apologize if I missed something), so I hope it entertains. It's a mission fic, so it got longer than I planned of course, but it's not going to get super long *glares at story and tells it to behave*. The whole thing is very lighthearted, which I guess I needed after finishing a novel. I'll be updating on the weekends like I have in the past, because its easier to just keep to my schedule.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 [COMPLETE]

Preview of Chapter 1 below the cut, or read the whole chapter over at AO3. Chapters will be linked above each week.

“You’re late. Both of you,” Gaby hisses, jabbing an accusing finger in their direction. “We were supposed to be in briefing a half an hour ago.”

“It’ll be fine,” Napoleon counters smoothly. “Waverly probably hasn’t even finished making his tea.”

Gaby just glowers at him. There’s an easy grin on his face, but Illya can see the subtle tension in his shoulders, and he doesn’t doubt that she can see it too. She’s highly observant, even for a spy, and she knows them too well after more than a year of working together. Napoleon likes to pretend that he can still hide things from her, which is the whole reason they are late in the first place. Or rather, the argument that they had that morning about keeping secrets is the reason they are late, but Illya is happy to blame Napoleon.

Not that he can actually use that as an excuse out loud.

“What were you two up to before work, anyway?” she asks after she gestures impatiently for them to follow.

Illya looks sharply at her, but there doesn’t seem to be anything particularly knowing behind the question. Still, it’s disconcerting. “What? Why would you say that?”

“You arrived together, duh. Please don’t tell me that Napoleon called you to come get something off a high shelf for him.”

“Hey!” Napoleon protests, affronted, but Gaby ignores him.

“Actually, do tell if that’s the reason,” she muses, a small smile playing on her lips now. “It would serve him right. I don’t know why anyone needs bookshelves that go all the way to the ceiling.”

“It was coincidence,” Illya grumbles. He told Napoleon they should stagger their entrances, but, well, they were running late, and Napoleon insisted everyone would be too busy notice. In a spy agency. Illya doesn’t know why he listens to him, ever.

Napoleon opens his mouth to say something—some excuse for their suspicious arrivals, an insistence that he is in no way short, or a defense of his bookshelves; hard to tell which—but they’ve arrived at Waverly’s office by then. Their boss does not look pleased by the delay, though it is difficult to tell behind the genial British manners as he invites them to take their usual seats. Napoleon settles into the leather armchair, Illya on the couch, and Gaby perches on the edge of the desk, the better to get a glimpse of whatever intel Waverly’s working with. Like the files won’t be in all of their inboxes immediately after the briefing.

“You all know we’ve been tracking the dealings of the Catharus Corporation for the last few months,” Wavery begins, folding his hands lightly on the desk in front of him. “It has been frustratingly difficult to infiltrate their organization by the usual methods, we only find out about their transactions after they’ve been completed. Well, this time Analysis is sure that they’ve identified where their next sale will take place with just enough time to get agents in place.” “What’s the product?” Napoleon asks. Catharus seems to have a greatly diversified portfolio of black-market dealings, from weapons to art to secrets.

“We don’t know that,” Waverly tells him. “All we know is that the sale will happen here, sometime in the next four days.” He taps at his keyboard and the large monitor behind him displays photos of what looks to be a beach resort, somewhere tropical. There are palm trees and pairs of beach chairs in front of a good-sized even center, with quaint little blue-roofed huts dotting the surrounding landscape. 

“Well that looks pleasant,” Napoleon says approvingly. “Always nice when villains have taste.”

Waverly gives him a typically dry look. “It’s a couples retreat.”

“Oh.”

The disappointment is obvious in Napoleon’s voice; couples missions almost always mean Illya and Gaby, and if it’s truly a retreat for couples only he’ll be reduced to taking a service position at the resort, if he even gets to go at all. He is part of the briefing, though, which suggests the former.

“Guess I’ll dig out my bikini,” Gaby chirps, her mood clearly improved.

“Guess again,” Waverly replies, so blithely that Illya almost doesn’t realize what he actually said. “This particular retreat is for same-sex couples.”

“Huh?” Gaby huffs.

“What?” Illya blurts.

“Say that again?” Napoleon queries, all at the same time.

“Same-sex couples, exclusively,” Waverly repeats, leveling his measured gaze at them each in turn. “I know this is an unusual request for you, and I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you were the best for the job.” He says all of this staring directly at Illya, which is understandable. That Napoleon is bisexual is in his file, and has been made use of multiple times in particular types of honeypot missions. Illya, though… Illya is the one who has always been visibly uncomfortable when those missions arise. Illya is the one who had point blank asked Waverly not to send him as backup on those missions unless it was strictly necessary.

It wasn’t for the reason that everyone thinks, though.

[skruffie]

I had a pregnancy scare in 2019. I had just started as a fiduciary with my job in July, but approximately after a month because of switching to a more grueling commute, the stress of learning a whole new job, and being in online school delayed my cycle. I’ve been tracking it using the same tracking app since 2018 and my average cycle length is usually 25 days. That month, I had a 30 day cycle. I’m usually never late by that much so it was an immediately noticeable change from what I was used to.

I remember clearly the exact moment that I thought I was pregnant and I told my boss I needed to go home. I was feeling nauseated with anxiety. I got on the bus, started planning to cancel my dentist appointment that was set for the next day, and made calls to Planned Parenthood. I asked them if they took walk-in appointments because my plan was to take an at-home test and, if it was positive, move to have an abortion.

Up until that exact moment, my stance on abortion has been “I’m pro choice but I’m not sure if I would personally get an abortion”. The second that I thought I was pregnant, I knew immediately I would terminate the pregnancy because there was not a single possibility that with where we are living right now (1 bedroom apartment barely big enough for two adults, let alone throwing a baby in the mix) a baby could be brought into our life. 

I got home, waited til Zack was home, and we went out to get some tests. They turned out negative in the end. My cycle was almost permanently altered to a 27 day average after that from the continued stress of my job. 

I think about this. I think about my mom, who had terminated a pregnancy before I was conceived because of the circumstances of her life at the time and how that was the best decision for her. I think about how here in Washington it’s so easy for me to just drive over to Planned Parenthood for an appointment and, if I needed to, get an abortion. I’m thinking tonight about how Mitch Mother Fucking McConnell blocking Obama every step of the way to secure a more liberal supreme court. I remember the anxiety listening to the Kavanaugh hearings and how it brought back feelings associated with a past sexual assault. I think about these things: Prior welfare cases I was on when I worked as a fiduciary, the teens that had babies, my mom earlier today saying how at the time my own grandmother was not allowed to get birth control. LITERALLY JUST TONIGHT about 20 minutes before the news broke Zack and I were talking about looking ahead politically at the next 4-8 years if we ever need to consider leaving the country.

Everything is too much.