#apprentice fox (aesop/victor)

[the-graveyard-sys]

god i am so fucked.

sometimes i still want to wear woman’s clothes. sometimes i do feel a bit womanly. but to do that would tear away any shreds of masculinity i’ve worked so hard to build up

[the-graveyard-sys]

Dear Miss Himekaidou: I think I'm getting there!

dear miss himekaidou,

i unfortunately have not been employed. so, i’ve been working on a few journalist articles, mostly as practice for my skills in case i ever decide to go into the practice and im worried that the articles i’ve been making aren’t of high quality.

how do you manage? i know such insecurities might be common in a profession such as yours, so…. any advice?

yours, eientei’s favorite kon-consultant

"Trust me, to start off- a great journalist is one that already is thinking about the quality of their work and doesn't shut their brain off for ideas. So I think you're off to a good start! It's hard, because while it's a job- you aren't gonna like, be able to push for the great caste system revolution-  I mean hard-hitting journalism all of the time. Sometimes you're gonna get stuck with 'Pick your favourite wagashi and we'll tell you your personality!'" "Buuut, I think there's something to learn from each article you write- even if you scrap them, you need only look. For example, I- loathe as I am to say it- did do such pitiful writing as that article- but the person that requested it also offered a coupon for a senbei stand… 'Dorayaki lovers are hot headed and there's more to them that meets the eye- but they can get caught up in their own world, so they should try some senbei!' 'Senbei lovers go with the flow, but don't pursue their own wants, so they should buy some more senbei!' I'm kinda curious, if I ran that article a week later, would I get a different result? There's a buncha conclusions and thoughts you could ask about the journalism even in such a 'low-quality' article."  

"I've been talking with that outside world human, and everything down to 'memes' and 'tagging systems' can show different sides of a story and the intentions of an article. Liiiike, there was this one time this crazy village man, Yoshimoto- he started raving about 'how there was some chemical the yamawaro were putting to turn the frogs into youkai'- and some newbie that wanted a week off just handed him a typewriter for him to start his rantings. But then when I actually used my thoughtography to check that river…well, he wasn't wrong? Sorta. The frogs were having extra legs- but when I wanted to write about it, up top said 'It's already been covered'. But it hadn't been. Not properly." "So how could I word it? I mean, 'Yamawaro machinery production found to have linkage in extra limbage of amphibian population'- bo~ring! What about '3 ramblings of Yoshimoto- Number 3 is suprisingly true!' and I slap a couple memes on it? Would that draw eyes? Is Yoshimoto actually concerned, or was this coverage intentionally from a crazy old geezer to discredit a potential problem?"  

"These are like, the hard stuff that comes with our industry- especially if you don't get the freedom to go independent. But I know that by asking, you're off to a great start. You have to be asking questions, every time- how can I see this differently? How can I write this differently? How are -other- people writing stuff differently? What's language that's 'hip', what language is alienating? Seriously, can Aya stop using red circles and arrows in her articles like [Mii]Tube thumbnails?!"

"Not everything is gonna be a magnum opus, and not every wagashi listicle is gonna be the lynchpin into your socialist uprising theory deprogramming toolkit- and that's okay. As long as you put questioning and engagement- actual encouragement of media literacy- at the forefront of your own work and viewership, I think that's more work than a lot of other grifter sheeple are doing. There's more than meets a camera's eye, and as long as you keep collecting, I know you'll become someone that will paint a better landscape for Gensokyou- so get your brush, and crow all you want, mmkay?"

[the-graveyard-sys]

i don't know what to do with myself now

[the-graveyard-sys]

some day i'll walk my friends home under my umbrella. some day i will get myself out of here. but. for now i just have to wait.

and its like yeah, i want to be one of “the boys”, the guy who walks someone home under their umbrella and gets called a gentleman, wear nice clothes and get called “handsome” and “dashing” instead of just ladylike.

and i think about it a lot and it just feels like it’s so far out of reach. but i WILL get there some day. its the promise i make to myself. so i just gotta Keep Going. my resolve will keep me going. i WILL get through.

[the-graveyard-sys]

“please describe the dao” i cannot explain to you more why i cannot do this. i JUST explained to you why i cannot do this. i did not snap at them though so W

[the-graveyard-sys]

tyler i AM gay shut your damn mouth /lh

you cant die on company time from being too gay, we'd get sued. save your heart palpitations from getting lost in dr stiles' eyes for another time ~ victor

You are SO HOMOPHOBIC Victor I can't believe you'd do this to me /j

[the-graveyard-sys]

me when i absolutely understand romance (i don't.)

[the-graveyard-sys]

i dont think id be suited for this job

[the-graveyard-sys]

[the-graveyard-sys]

late you walk through the halls

roiling thoughts in your head

so you walk to his room

and his table then bed

then you tap on his shoulder

and you say “i can’t sleep”

so he rolls himself over

you lie down not a peep

“oh i can’t be alone”

“i’ll make sure you’re not harmed”

so you crawl under blankets

and fall asleep in his arms

[the-graveyard-sys]

happy new years from this apprentice. if hurley was here he’d probably light off a smoke grenade. you could feel your ears ring

[the-graveyard-sys]

and your college room is quiet and safe no longer is there threat of death but it is also lonely now there is no gentle draw of breath

this dorm they made a house for you but it is not a home it is nothing but a nameless place you simply need to roam

it is not the office where you lived or the cobbled streets you walked or the rooms where you sat in silence listening to your friends long talks

not the attic where your partner lives where you sit still on his bed and you talk of things oh so long ago then you rest your empty head

not the quiet streets you use to walk when you need to hear your thoughts though your memories they say will soon return at this moment they have not

not the manor where you simply live with its small and furnished room a nameless man in a quiet house that feels quite like a tomb

not the office where your mentor works with its trinkets tools and parts though they may be strewn you know for sure that they're maintained well with heart

and now this dorm will be your house but it is not your home for the places that are lost to time are where you used to roam

[the-graveyard-sys]

no

Thinking about how cularium-based heme would flat out either give you horrible blood poisoning, just plain not work due to the way oxygen is transferred, or essentially set on fire inside you and cook you from the inside.

[the-graveyard-sys]

average aesop late night

[the-graveyard-sys]

my brain is a psychological minefield (thinking of the multiple battles going on in there)

[the-graveyard-sys]

i hate it here