#appease a system that wants to push people like me out so so soooo bad down to its very design

[moe-broey]

Also thank you various tumblr users for un-synonymizing femme = Girl and masc = Man. Finally drilling that into my skull and I think I'm so fuckinh cool for being a femme transguy and actually feeling comfortable SAYING femme transguy now. Cause like. Yeaheyahyeah I've described myself as gender non-conforming.

But like....

Idk it's like my punk jacket where I bought this black varsity style jacket at the very beginning of me making changes and the black varsity was So Masculine to me. Surely it will make me More Masculine and pass better and I can hide in its masculinity (never worked btw).

Somewhere along the way I put patches on it. Patch of my name with the trans flag. Patch of my pronouns. Patch of bisexuality. Added more patches and pins.

Added zippers to the pockets so I could actually Use Them. The zippers are pink, taken from an old backpack that I don't use anymore but I liked too much to get rid of. That bag had these adorable little holographic wings on it. I took the wings too. I fashioned them with soda tabs and hex nuts. The tabs were to accent the piece, but the bolts were to ensure the wings would be able to endure a lot of jostling around.

It really is just all about keeping what you like and leaving what you don't. And transforming what you do like into something new. Something that actually feels like You.

And it's just this constant work in progress like. Taking these glow in the dark stars from another old backpack that I couldn't get rid of bc I liked it so much. Upsizing the jacket to better fit me when I button it up. Extra pockets. Heart garter belt on the arm. Spikes, more nuts and bolts, more soda tabs.

It's also like. Just. Having a mullet. Preferring to have long hair As A Man. Short, more "masculine" leaning hairstyles have never done as much for me as the mullet has. It feels like me. I also love pulling the long ends into twin ponytails. Like babygirl I'm inventing brand new fucked up genders.

Idk idk something about being inherently masculine because I am truly Just Some Guy but also being femme and purposely doing it wrong. Because I AM Some Guy. Considering myself masc only because it aligns with my gender identity but beyond that I'm not actually masc at all. There are butch women who are way more masc than me and I love them. Conventional masculinity actually not fitting me, honestly being just as stifling as the other side of things. But if you try to correlate that and my feminity into "being a girl" I'm gonna look at you like you're fucking stupid. Like I Know I don't pass even when I've tried to but it is SO baffling to me to this day. Like. I am just some guy. A femme guy. What's not clicking