#apparently women like depressed anime business men? i mean i get it but you want to do WHAT with him? wooooooaaaaaaahhhhoooaaahhh

[supersoftly]

You never realize who fandoms are majorly horny for until you accidentally stumble on a very dedicated blog that excessively and explicitly describe what they want to do to them alongside a thread of 1000+ fans agreeing with them.

[medea10]

My Review of Rent-A-Girlfriend

How did I get into this anime? Let’s just say due to a few websites I frequent around decided to be little whore-ish, I became curious by this particular title. Let’s just say they were mentioning this one at least every other day prior to the premier. So out of natural curiosity and knowing nothing of what I’m getting into, I decided to add another Friday anime to my watch list. I guess Fridays are my busy day for watching anime!

Kazuya Kinoshita is a 20 year old college student. Life seems to be going well for him until his girlfriend decides to dump him.

Not even 30 seconds into this anime and this sad-sack gets dumped!

SERIOUSLY! 18 SECONDS! NEW FRIGGIN’ RECORD!!!

So after Kazuya gets dumped, he ends up on a website and before you know it, he’s made arrangements to go on a date with a rented girlfriend! Yes, these are very much a thing. You can go to a website and pay a woman to go on a date with you. Apparently, Japan has a lot of these services and it does get a little ewwie with it so I’m gonna move on with the synopsis.

The girl he ends up going out with is named Chizuru Ichinose. The first date seemed to be going well, but Kazuya felt off by this girl. He just thought Chizuru was just playing with her clients hearts, plus he’s still a little heart-broken from his previous girlfriend, so he gives her a bad review. So when they go on their second date, Chizuru’s cutesy, sweet act is replaced with someone who is tempermental and sassy.

Just then, Kazuya gets word his grandmother collapsed!

I know it’s weird in the synopsis, but just go with it!

With word of his grandmother in the hospital, Kazuya ends up taking Chizuru to the hospital with him. Turns out Kazuya’s family jumped to the obvious conclusion that this girl is his girlfriend and they went nuts. Mostly at the fact that their son actually got a cute girlfriend! Add another layer of WTF to this cake, Chizuru’s grandmother is in this exact, same hospital as Kazuya’s grandmother. And both ladies are over the moon that these two are dating (even though that’s far from the truth). Chizuru hasn’t even told her family that she’s working at Rent-a-Waifu! Well, let’s just break things off and let the family down easy.

Oh, look! They both go to the same university. Oh look! They’re also next door neighbors. I smell shenanigans!

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: At this moment, the only one streaming this series is Crunchyroll. A few weeks into the premier, Crunchyroll started airing a dub. As for the sub, this is my first time really listening to the main lead’s seiyuu, Shun Horie. But the rest of the cast has a nice mixture of memorable voices like Aoi Yuuki, Rie Takahashi, Sora Amamiya, Gakuto Kajiwara…oh fuck!

DAMMIT ASTA, STOP HAUNTING MY EAR-DRUMS!

As for the dub, Crunchyroll is currently publishing an episode once a week. The dub is just okay in my opinion, really nothing to write home about. The only thing I can say is that Aleks Le did a fairly-decent job voicing Kazuya. After voicing Zenitsu last year, he’s got a knack for voicing wimpy twats. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Kazuya is played by Shun Horie

*Chizuru is played by Sora Amamiya (known for Toka on Tokyo Ghoul, Aqua on Konosuba, Miia on Monster Musume, Akame on Akame ga Kill, Elizabeth on Seven Deadly Sins, and Yachiyo on Magia Record)

*Mami is played by Aoi Yuuki (known for Iris on Pokemon BW, Madoka on Madoka Magica, Kayo on ERASED, Yuuki on SAO II, Tatsumaki on One Punch Man, Tamaki on Fire Force, and Kinako on Inazuma Eleven GO)

*Ruka is played by Nao Touyama (known for Chitoge on Nisekoi, Koga on Bunny Girl Senpai, Nii on Blue Exorcist, Akira on Kono Oto Tomare, Momo onAi Tenchi Muyo

ENGLISH CAST: *Kazuya is played by Aleks Le (known for Zenitsu on Demon Slayer and Ake on Shield Hero)

*Chizuru is played by Lizzie Freeman (known for Cardinal on SAO: Alicization, Iwanaga on In/Spectre, Trish on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Pt. 5, and Felicia on Magia Record)

*Mami is played by Laura Stahl (known for Ray on The Promised Neverland)

*Ruka is played by Sarah Williams (known for Sayaka on Madoka Magica, Felix on Re:Zero, Nonon on Kill la Kill, Mirai on Boruto, Lisbeth on SAO, and Puck on Berserk 2016)

DISLIKED CHARACTER: And now, a poem…

Roses are red Mami’s a cunt…

That’s the poem.

SHIPPING: I can honestly say I didn’t expect the Rent-a-Girlfriend and the Ex-Bitch to meet each other in the second episode. Even after going on a few dates with Chizuru, Kazuya still finds himself “beating his meat” to the thought of his ex, Mami. Only for the girls to beat your meat to change places just a few episodes later!

Oh yes, it’s that kind of series! Kazuya jacks off quite a bit.

Kazuya x Chizuru: At times it feels like Kazuya is really falling for Chizuru for who she really is and not the façade she puts up as a rental girlfriend. But I guess the number of awkward setups and situations these two have been thrown in throughout the series can do that to Kazuya. I mean, how else do you expect Kazuya jacking it off to Chizuru when he’s trying to think of his ex?! Yeah, he’s lied to his family, Chizuru’s grandmother, and all of his friends about this relationship and this relationship is as fake as a three-dollar bill. But there are a few genuine moments that show these two care for each other. Kazuya was ballsy enough to jump off a moving boat to save Chizuru when she fell overboard. And Kazuya felt concerned when Chizuru was thinking about leaving the rental girlfriend profession. Though that could be Kazuya being a pathetic sack of shit and wanting to continue this farce relationship and paying a girl for some attention! It’s so hard to say something kind about Kazuya wanting this relationship to work. But for what it’s worth, I like the farce ship better than the next thing I’m going to speak about.

Kazuya x Mami: I don’t like this bitch and I hate this ship. From the get-go you go in hating this succubus. And when we see her again in episode 2, bitches be bitches! Getting drunk in a public setting and making fun of Kazuya not being man enough for her (in the sexual sense). Then, we get Mami trying to go home with Kazuya when Chizuru is gone. But we don’t stop there, she’s trying at every opportunity to make Kazuya drop everything and fall in love with her again. She’s the one that dumped him, but can’t stand seeing Kazuya with anyone else (no matter the awkward circumstances). It’s clear that Mami has severe jealousy issues. I mean, Chizuru is prettier and nicer than Mami. Meanwhile, Mami is a manipulative scum-wad with the charm of a poisonous snake.

Kazuya x Ruka: Ruka was a rental girlfriend from a different agency and was on a double date with Kazuya, Chizuru, and Kazuya’s idiot friend that sounds like Asta. But due to several misunderstandings between Kazuya and Ruka, turns out Kazuya is the only man to get her heart rate up. So Ruka cuts ties with the idiot friend who hired her and has set sights on Kazuya. And she will fight for her man no matter what. She’s even ballsy enough to interrupt Kazuya’s family celebration of New Years by coming in like an asteroid to fuck things up. At this point in the series, Kazuya’s grandmother is dead-set on him marrying Chizuru. Any other girl is shit compared to her! But Ruka will continue to do her thing. Even applying to the same job that Kazuya works at!

Kazuya x Sumi! You expect me to say something about this? They had one bleeping date! And she’s barely seen outside of the opening and ending themes. If there’s more interactions in season two, holla back at me because this ain’t happening. Although, I’ll support the fuck out of this ship over Kazuya x Mami!

BIG SIMPIN’: So being an older millennial (or X-ennial as I’m currently classified under), I am not hip to the lingo of these youngins. Because of Kazuya, the internet uproared by calling him a phrase known as a “simp”. Well, I don’t want to seem like some out-of-touch boomer. So I’m just going to look up this “simp” term and see if this is legitimate. Let’s see what the Slang-tionary says.

“Simp is a slang insult for men who are seen as too attentive and submissive to women, especially out of a failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention or activity from them.”

Okay. I think it’s time for the rap interlude of this review.

I don't know what you heard about him But a bitch will get every dollar out of him No cherry-poppin’ as you can see That he’s a motherfucking S-I-M-P

ENDING: Being a rental girlfriend isn’t something Chizuru wants to do, but this gives her practice in what she really wants to do, which is become an actor. And as of recently, Chizuru has been thinking about quitting the rental girlfriend agency. So what would happen if Chizuru quit being a rental girlfriend? That’s a question for another day and another season!

So only a few people have learned about Kazuya and Chizuru’s relationship being the most complicated farce in anime history. Halfway into the series with Ruka’s introduction, she caught on about Chizuru being a rental girlfriend. And because of that incident, Kazuya decided to come clean to his idiot friend, Shun. When Shun hired Ruka to be his rental girlfriend, dude was on top of the world. But when Ruka exposed what he did in front of Kazuya, Shun got severely depressed. Kazuya decides to pay for Chizuru to take Shun out on a date. That’s when Shun finds out that Kazuya hired Chizuru after Mami dumped him.

You know what? I have to spring this up! How long did you think Kazuya was going to hide the rental girlfriend thing to his friends? He’s friends with a bunch of stinkin’ virgins. Lonely, stinkin’ virgins! Plus, if Chizuru is rated #1 on a Google search for top rental girlfriends (as it was established in episode 10), I’m surprised no one else caught on, including the grandmothers. Kazuya’s grandmother is constantly playing on her smart phone. Shun is on the internet all the time. I’m surprised there isn’t an annoying pop-up ad in Japanese Google that would flash at them at any point saying, “Meet legal Japanese chicks in your area” redirecting them to the rental girlfriend website. Followed by giving you a gnarly computer virus!

Well, we’re 10 episodes in a 12 episode series. Why not finally introduce the fourth girl that we’ve been seeing in the opening and ending themes all season?! Chizuru asked Kazuya for a favor to go out with the new rental girlfriend at the agency to help boost her confidence. Enter, Sumi! The best way to describe this silent, moe-blob is a less busty version of Mikuru Asahina. Kazuya and Sumi’s date went over somewhat okay. Kazuya saved Sumi from a bunch of thugs. And while Sumi was silent throughout the entire date, she managed to squeak out a thank you at the end. So not a bad date, right?

Unfortunately, during the date, Mami saw them and trailed them. And it went down just as you would imagine! Mami confronts Kazuya, Kazuya comes up with some bullshit lie to Mami, Sumi is still silent, and Mami is up to no good after she leaves.

Because Mami learned Sumi’s full name, she went to the internet to find a profile or something on a social network. That’s when Mami learned that not only Sumi was a rental girlfriend, but Chizuru as well. It’s not so bad that Shun knows about Chizuru, but if Mami finds out, game over. Game over, Kazuya! So what happens next?

Mami catfished Chizuru by calling her out for a date using the rental girlfriend website! Then they go to the karaoke bar Kazuya works at for their “date”.

GAME OVER KAZUYA! GAME OVER! You lost all 5 lives. Please return to world 1 and may God have mercy on your simpin’ ass!

Kazuya watched their date from a distance (and this time he didn’t get caught eavesdropping like the last time he followed Chizuru). And after a cute mention of the singers to the opening and ending theme to the series, Mami and Chizuru end their date with an exchanging of words. All this proved is that Mami is still a jealous bitch with a dead look in her eyes and Chizuru likes Kazuya. We think! Either Chizuru meant what she said to Mami or she’s a really good actress. When Chizuru came back to the apartment complex, Kazuya met her outside and thanked her for what she said to Mami followed by a confession.

Ah yes, a confession of love! As the credits roll, we see flashbacks of the past 12 episodes and end the series on a cute note and a possible opening to an OVA and we can end from…

Oh wait, there’s more!

Kazuya says he wants Chizuru to continue being his rental girlfriend. Because he knows she’s planning on quitting the rental girlfriend business! So he smooths that over! Both played this off with a wary poker face, but behind closed doors, they are sweating bullets.

OH, and season two has been green-lit. Fabulous!

This anime was addicting to watch. I don’t know if it was as addicting as Uzaki-chan. Then again, I picked to watch Rent-a-Girlfriend over Uzaki-chan. But this was an addicting train-wreck! Watching this dumbass try to fool his family and friends that he really was able to get a cute girlfriend for a full year! How the hell could anyone fall for that mess? People still watched this dumpster fire of a relationship right, so why bitch about the stupidity of Simpy McSimperson over here? I am glad we’re getting a second season because we really didn’t get a chance to see much of Sumi. I know she’s no contender when you put her next to the great Chizuru, but good golly, give this girl some screentime aside from the one episode she got. They made her seem like she was going to be a big player in this anime, but only getting a bit role. I also want to see if Mami is going to redeem herself from the cunt we saw since 18 seconds into the series. I seriously doubt it, but it just gives me more reason to cuss at the computer, calling her every horrible name in the book. And as for Ruka…there’s nothing to say. She’s just gonna be second best no matter what the fuck happens.

As addicting as this anime was, I can’t ignore how many times I had to facepalm at every, stupid action done by Kazuya. I mean, several times per episode, butt-for-brains does something stupid that makes us say, “Dude, WTF” or “Bruh”. Lying to your family, lying to your friends, giving a bad review to your rental girlfriend for giving you great service, jacking it to your ex when you’re clearly hot for Chizuru, following a guy around because he spends the day with Chizuru, and it just goes on and on! You want to root for this twerp in hopes he gets the girl of his dreams in the end, but at the same time, you’re like, “This guy is a total dink.”

Oh, let’s see what season two has to offer…whenever that comes.

In the meantime, if you’d like to check out Rent-A-Girlfriend, Crunchyroll has all 12 episodes available in both sub and dub.

[cornwaiidesu]

a boohoo-y deep dive into my ~psyche~ cuz I had A Moment at work yesterday :P

I care too much about what people think of me. plain and simple. I have been this way since I was a little girl. my cousins would pick on me because I was the special baby girl out of the three of us and they were the two older boys. they would pick on me for being shy and soft spoken and liking girl things, and I wanted them to like me because I thought the two of them were the coolest boys in the world, so I grew to be a little tomboy. I wanted to like fighting games, and anime, and comics because those were "boy things".

but then when puberty started to set in, being a tomboy wasn't cute anymore. at least according to the bullies I had in middle school. usually boys who would call me a d*ke and make fun of me for wearing baggy t-shirts and loose pants and my dad's army jacket every single day of my life. "girls are supposed to be feminine" so obviously something had to be *wrong* with me and they would speculate shit about me directly in front of me. try to engage me in the conversation just to rub it in and of course that made me feel like shit.

so then in high school I try to flip the switch again. I start wearing tighter fitting clothes. I grow my hair out because I was constantly being dogged on my hairstyle even tho that shit was kind of REVOLUTIONARY FOR A 12 YEAR OLD LIVING IN IOWA. PROPS TO TEENAGE MRH. even back then I was a little punk. :3c I digress tho.

the beginning of high school was when I started my curse that lives on in me. I wear earrings every day of my life and I do because I convinced myself back then that I would be mistaken for a boy otherwise. and I still hold that fear because it was upheld! I started wearing dresses and skirts to school, but it didn't matter because dudes would still flip me shit and say that I was a predatory lesbian and strip me of my femininity. adults would still call me young man and sir despite being a 16 year old wearing make up, denim skirts, earrings, and covered in beaded necklaces. I would wear SO much jewelry to try to get it through people's minds that I was a girl.

but then through that came another weird thing where, like, though I was dressing ~feminine~ I was still "one of the guys" because I had a crude sense of humor and still liked comics and anime and wasn't as, for lack of a better word, "delicate" as my other (white) female friends. but then AGAIN I *couldnt* be one of the guys because it was a secret special task force essentially and I was just a stupid girl.

a lot of that fucked up my sense of self with my sexuality growing up too. I knew at a fairly early age that I was bisexual even though I didn't know there was a word for it, but I didn't want to admit to liking girls because that would mean my bullies were right about me, and if they were right about that then what if they were right about all the other horrible stuff they said about me being hideous, and gross, and weird?

because! if that was right too! a boy would never fall in love with me and have dance sex with me like Johnny and Baby do in Dirty Dancing! or would never save me from being sacrificed like Rick saves Evie in The Mummy! I'd be alone forever because boys would think I was big ugly butch with no value to them, and girls would think I was a predator and would always have to be on their guard to make sure I wasn't gawking and fawning over them. (and let's not even GET into how my religion fucked up my sense of morality about this. I have since grown out of it at least.)

every person I ever confessed to having a crush on has turned me down (mostly politely though, thank god) in my life except for one and a half. (one said they also liked someone else as much as they liked me, and since I had no self-esteem at 18 I was like "oh that's cool. let's date anyway." because I just wanted to have a boyfriend. that's the half.)

the other we kind of connected right away, whirlwind romance for me, but I don't think they ever quite felt the same way and that ended in an actual divorce anyway.

I've had three "relationships" my whole entire life and no more than that, and in my head i told myself thag was because I am fat, and ugly, and MASCULINE, no matter how hard I tried to be sweet and charming and pretty.

as I've aged I've learned about the systematic de-feminization of black women since all the way back to slavery times and shit and I won't claim to be an expert about that shit but it makes me cry that it's just ingrained into people's minds. it doesn't give us a single fighting chance from birth. it makes me feel like I'm going to be a lonely freak for the rest of my life because iowa is like one of the whitest places in the world, and my own internalized racism has convinced me all my life that I don't belong in black spaces because I'm not "authentic", I'm watered down. I've been called a half-breed and an oreo so many times.

I can't be black, I can't be white, I can't be a boy, I can't be a girl. I'm a copper penny in a jar full of nickels and dimes. I don't look the same, I'm not the same shape, and im not as shiny.

though I am attracted to women I have this OBSESSION with men, and to have a relationship with a man as PROOF. SOLID PROOF. that I am a valid woman, because there seems to be no other way for me to get the point across. and it's important for me to get the point across because I grew up with my business being the punchline, and curiosity of my peers, and the concern of my family. I couldn't exist without speculation from someone.

and then came a moment last year while I was at work, where a co-worker told me something that a person in another department who I did not get along with had told them. that I was a mean, jealous bitch who wanted them "out of the way" because they were getting too close to my friend that also worked at our store, and I was obsessed and in love with her and trying to stop a relationship from forming between the two of them. and it made me sick to my stomach. it was the thing I had been trying to steer clear from, from the moment I knew I was bisexual, but I hadn't tried hard enough. my anxiety shot through the roof. I had a panic attack. I broke down sobbing in the bathroom. this person was vengeful, I had nothing to do with them or that friend anymore, and I hadn't for months but they wanted to spread this rumor about me. and even if I truthfully denied it like I did, it didn't matter, because a person could take one look at me an think "you know, I can see that." because that's what people thought my entire fucking existence.

I cried off and on the rest of the day. I was too sick to eat dinner. I barely slept. and then I ended up puking what little food I had to eat that night anyway. I still barely ate the following few days I stayed home from work because I still felt so sick to my stomach with anxiety and at one point I got faint-ish when I had finally returned to work, and had to have help to get to the breakroom and force myself to eat. I bawled to my step-mother about it all, that I didn't feel comfortable at work anymore because it was just my words against theirs, and my bosses never held the person accountable for any of the other bullshit that they caused anyway.

it took me a VERY. long time to move past this incident. I think the only thing that ever ended up fully distracting me from it was covid and my uncle and my father's health both taking a turn for the worst last June. and even then, in between, I had such loooow moments. I self harmed and wrote mean notes to myself, stayed in bed for days. I wrote my own suicide note just to feel better, even though I knew I'd never do it. I was too chicken, but I just wanted to write it and pretend, just to release the depression pressure in my brain.

I've since been better for the most part. I know my parents love me and that I'm important to them, when just a few years ago I used to claim that I was an orphan because I was convinced that my father and my step-mother never cared to see me again because I was an ungrateful brat. I still get very lonely and long for a significant other but I'm kind of just coming to terms with the fact that unless I put myself out there, it won't happen, and im just too insecure to take the steps.

yesterday though, just for a second, out of nowhere, I thought about the claim that person had made about me even though the atmosphere at work has since changed, and things are patched up between me and my friend.

that gossiper is irrelevant now, but I couldn't help but have a little meltdown about it anyway because. like. apparently that's the vibe that I give off. because that's what everyone has said about me from day one of my life. and. I just. have to keep dealing with it. I'm stuck like this. and it sucks. and that little thought about it reminded me again.

[minaminokyoko]

I am (black) woman. Hear me SMASH!

So here’s the thing.

 Can you see my icon? Well, there’s a chance I might change it after I (*knocks on wood*) meet a certain Captain Mal Reynolds in September 2017, but at the time of this post, it’s a picture of me, Kyo, hugging Chris Evans. Now, since that’s been posted, I can tell you right off the bat that it’s gotten a 99.8% positive reception by everyone who has seen it. I mean, come on. It’s Captain America. And he’s snuggling me. And also that’s the biggest, happiest smile that has ever crawled across my face and it’s very easy to tell that I’m enjoying myself quite a lot. But we’re not here to talk about how insanely satisfying that hug was.

 We’re here to talk about that .2% negative reception.

 So earlier today, someone I recently friended made a post that came to the size of “I hate it when white women jump onto a conversation in social media held between black people to give their unwanted opinion.” Thinking this was a fun conversation, I jump in with a facetious response that basic bitches have a dying need to do so.

 Well, the response I got was not what I expected.

 The person comes back at me with the fact that I can’t talk since I’m hugging white men in my photos and continues on in a highly, highly disrespectful, condescending tone about my joke.

 Because that’s a totally reasonable reaction to a sarcastic comment from a person who has had you friended for a short period of time.

 I was at lunch when the nasty comment was received. At the time, I was mostly confused, so I kept eating, responded with, “…okay, so that was a joke, but sure. Be mad. Adios.” I then blocked the person and finished eating.

 And as the day progressed, I got angrier and angrier about it.

 See, here’s the thing: fine, maybe my joke wasn’t funny and maybe somehow I offended the person by chocking it up to basic bitches. I’m socially awkward. All the time. I misjudge shit like you would not believe online. People have bashed me before and they will again until I’m dead. I hate it. I have low self-esteem, so every time someone insults me, I take it personally and usually spiral into an episode of depression as a result, even if the insult is ungrounded or delivered by a person who is basically just a walking assbucket. Maybe I’m a bad person who isn’t trying hard enough to be a good person. Maybe I should shut my mouth and keep on scrolling instead of contributing or trying to fit in with other people. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

 But I still have a fucking problem with this guy.

 I don’t like people who make broad generalizations based on limited evidence. If you looked at my photos, yeah, I’m hugging a BUNCH of famous white actors.

 But why does that make it okay for you to insult me for it and assume that white men are the only men I care about at all?

 Furthermore, why is it any of your fucking business to begin with?

 I think the reason I just spent my entire day quietly fuming over this is because it did in fact come from a black man, and this is the second time I’ve gotten grief from a black guy about dating white men. I know it’s nowhere near as prominent as black men getting shit for dating white women, but it really pisses me off that he went there when he doesn’t know the first goddamn thing about me.

 First of all, it would be different if all my pictures were just me with random white guys I had dated. It’s fucking Captain America. I know grown ass men of every color who would kill to wrap their arms around that walking Dorito made of sunshine and happy times. So coming to the conclusion that I’m a white chocolate chaser (actually, I have no idea if there is an insulting term for a black woman who prefers white men. Is that a thing? Wow, I need to Urban Dictionary this shit…) based on me hugging famous white dudes is pretty dumb and inaccurate. I’m into comic books, science fiction, fantasy, anime/manga, and other nerdy shit, and guess what? Right now, in our current nerd culture, most of the people who are prominent in those types of interests are white men. And that doesn’t mean I don’t love famous nerdy black people. For fuck’s sake, I would chop my arm off to meet Gina Torres or Phil Lamarr or Carl Lumbly or Cree Summer or Donald Glover. I have a shitload of nerdy black people on my bucket list that I can’t wait to take photo ops with as soon as the moment arises. Hell, I was going to meet Cree Summer in 2016 until my stupid former boss screwed me out of my vacation to see her at Momocon.

 And even if it was just me and a bunch of white dudes who are not famous, who cares? Why does my taste in men at all affect how you didn’t like my fucking joke? What gives you the right to pass judgment on me as a person based on a shitty joke? Why would you insult me instead of just saying you disagree with the joke? Oh, right, because you are an assbucket.

 Second of all, what the fuck is it with me getting not one but two complete strangers’ ire for dating outside of my race, as if this is the fucking 1950’s? Are you kidding me? Really? You don’t run my goddamn life. I can date whomever the fuck I want. I’ve been attracted to all kinds of guys. Hell, the last guy I found attractive was Muslim and Lebanese. A man is a man is a man. I don’t give a damn what color your skin is—if you’re a bomb ass motherfucker and physically attractive to me personally, I’m going to date you and I don’t care what anyone says, but it just makes me furious to get this from black men in particular. I hate it when interracial dating gets treated like betrayal. I don’t owe you shit. My skin color does not define my entire personality, although apparently it defines other people’s way more than I was aware of. I am a black woman. I love black men. I have loved black men my whole life.

 But let me explain something real quick.

 I don’t know jackshit about psychology, but I have pieced together that almost all of the positive relationships excluding family members that I have had since childhood to adulthood have been with heterosexual white males. From elementary school to high school, all I knew and was attracted to were black men because I went to a majority black school. I continued dating black men on through college, and by the time I graduated, I had a crush on a white guy and I had been friends with lots of them as I went to the University of Georgia. Post-college, I started to realize that in the South, a lot of the male friends that gravitated towards me were white men, and black men started to fall back. I didn’t seek them out, mind you, it just happened as my nerdiness started to flourish and I began to settle into who I was as a person. Add in the fact that nearly all the positive relationships with black men in my life were family members and the Freudian logic seems to follow through. Plus, I’ve only blind-dated one guy. Every guy I’ve ever liked has been a longtime friend, and as I said before, white men tended to gravitate towards me since I like comic books and manga and other nerdy shit.

 So yes, I can safely say that I have a type, but that by no circumstances means that I only date white men or that I only seek them out.

 Third of all, it makes me angriest of all that it seems like this is the reaction I’m going to keep getting from certain black male nerds. That shit is not okay. It is bad enough that black people often get shit from either white people or ignorant black people for being nerdy because even though it’s fucking 2017, certain people still think that being nerdy means you want to be white. Sorry. No. I love my skin. I love how perfectly brown I am. I have not once in my entire life wanted to be white. I love the experiences that have come from my race and I am perfectly happy with it as I continue along this ridiculous path I have chosen for my life. I shouldn’t have to put up with this bullshit from black men. You can’t just stare down your brain and tell it who to be attracted to. It’s chemistry. It’s biology. It’s psychology. You like what you like and you don’t like what you don’t like. The only way the assbucket’s argument would be valid is if I said that black men ain’t shit, and I don’t believe that for one second. Black men are awesome. They are some of the most attractive, intelligent, supportive, strong people on the planet, and guys like the assbucket are doing them a disservice with bullshit like what I heard today.

 What’s my point in all this?

 If you think that it’s totally fine to say some shit like this to someone, even if they made an ill-received joke, you’re a fucking walking garbage fire.

 You don’t get to decide what is acceptable for someone else to date. You don’t get to pass judgment based on a passing glance of someone’s social life. And you especially don’t get to talk down to someone on an assumption that you have inadequate evidence to support.

 Stay in your goddamn fucking lane.

 I don’t get a lot of wins in my life. It’s very likely I’m going to never have kids and die an old cat lady because I’m so internally fucked up from various things in my past.

 But you know what makes me happy?

 Hugging as many fucking celebrities as I can before I shuffle off this mortal coil.

 And I shouldn’t have to hear shit from anyone for that.

 I am (black) woman. Hear me smash.

If anyone gets the reference in the title, you win a cookie.

[nitelotus]

When doves cry (Complete)

Author warning: This was whatI do best. Angst. Read at your own risk. Muse likes my depression. The only benefit I have.

Tagging: @suzunesays and @smile-smile-ichthys because you both like angst.

“Please, Mamo. If this is the last thing that you can do for me,” Selina pleaded. There were no large bags with her. Only a small handbag slung over one shoulder. The only thing left that she brought with her from the old into the new.

Kishi looked at his previous lover. A long time ago when they were both young and foolish, he got involved with her. Crush her heart after a year of innocent love’s bliss. But reality had such cruel plans. Even with that behind them, she still came to him for help.  Asked him to help someone else’s heart and hers, all over again. “Are you sure about this, Selina? Have you talked to him?”

She shook her head and smiled at him. “What is left to talk about? This is my life. This is how I want to live. We are not on the same path anymore.” Her tone broke his heart. “It’s all for the best.”

He’d never seen any kind of pain show through from her. He even thought that she was a robot on the inside. She was always so kind and supportive when he told her that he needed to leave for the academy. That being in a relationship was a distraction he did not need. One time he returned to check up on her. She lost weight, her smile a bit dim but she survived. She lived on without him. She loved again.

Now, she’s breaking her own heart all over again.

Because Kishi had seen them both together. The deep love that they had for each other. He was relieved that she found some happiness. Whatever reason it was, it didn’t last too long.

With a sigh, he handed her one folded note. “Ya know, ya can change your mind at any point?” That was his own guilt talking.

She nodded, reached out to squeeze his arm gently and was gone.

Gone but not forgotten.

The women. The never ending parade of women. All for him. Two of them tonight for the world’s most charming and loveable thief.

Mitsunari Baba.

Well, loveable might be a point for discussion. He thought she loved him but wasn’t so.

“Baba-kins, why are you so distracted tonight?” the blonde on his right asked. What was her name again?

The brunette on his left laughed. “He needs more alcohol. And you know, a lil’ something-something.” She laughed again.

Baba was getting annoyed but didn’t want to spend another night alone. Ever since Selina left, he had one cardinal rule: the bed must NEVER be empty. That night when he got back from the job, the house appeared exactly the same. Except, she was gone. No note. No money. No cellphone. She took nothing except for the one bag that she always had with her. He waited. Day after day. Night after night. He first thought she was kidnapped for ransom. But the ransom never came and she never returned. After that, he got rid of all the things that reminded him of her. Sheets, colognes, soaps, perfumes, clothing, tea. There was one thing that he did keep. That keychain of a lion that she first bought for him. The one that had the key to her old apartment. He even went there just in case. That night, he gave up. That cardinal rule was born.

He gave both their waists a squeeze. “I’m sorry for neglecting you, my princesses! Don’t worry! The party’s just getting started!” he replied in assurance.

The cold wind blew in as the group emerged from the main entrance of Tres Spades. Winter was going to be harsh this year. He could have just gone up the penthouse and partied there but he grew weary of the same old. Maybe tonight, they could find a new place to party. Anywhere but here.

The ladies were busy chatting while they waited for a cab to take to the club. Shouts of a commotion drew Baba’s attention. A group of male employees formed a circle around something or someone. Did they have a pest infestation? Eisuke would surely raise hell for this. This can’t happen in Tres Spades. Always the curious cat, he walked silently towards the group. The men shouted warnings at the center of their attention. Some backed away while the others lunged at something. What was it? As he inched closer, Baba finally got some visual on what caught the men’s attention.

It was a human being.

Or that looked like a human being. It might be a vagrant to be more precise. It was clothed in black tattered dress that was gathered at the waist with some red rope. The hair was more like a black nest for all sorts of things to live in. They wore no gloves or shoes. They leaned heavily on their right leg as the left one limped a bit. On the person’s hand was something wrapped in aluminum foil that they held close to their person. Judging from where they were, it must have been left over food that they have scavenged from the hotel’s garbage bin. Baba couldn’t see the person’s face as they tried to thwart the men that tried to capture it.

“Men, please.” Their attention went towards Baba. They all knew who he was and made way for him.

“No need to concern yourself, Mr. Baba,” one of the reacted. “It’s just one of those scummies that goes dumpster diving. Mr. Ichinomiya warned us that having them hover around the trash bins was bad for business.”

Baba’s eyes went flat. The man who just addressed him gave the impression that he was a diligent employee of Tres Spades. Probably eager to please the boss. But these ‘scummies’ as he just labeled them, were once people too. Just down on their luck. This did not mean they lose the dignity to be treated as people.

A hiss was heard from the person as one of the men came close to it.

Baba really could have been spending a lovely evening being sandwiched by two ladies but for some reason, this one caught his attention. As he stepped closer, the person in the middle grew agitated. They drew back their lips to present teeth, a warning to anyone that might get too close to them. This person would fight. He really didn’t want to hurt this person. He might want them fed, clothed properly for this harsh weather and then maybe a job somewhere. But they needed to restrain this person first. With a signal to two men behind, he took another step. As expected, the focus was on him. He encroached on their space. He held up his hands.

“Easy now. We just want to help,” he explained in a soothing manner.

At the exact same time, the two men grabbed each arm of the person. The aluminum foil went down on the ground. The person emitted a howl like a wounded animal. It thrashed between the two men, almost overpowering them but they held firm. Baba took another step closer.

“Sir...be careful,” someone warned behind him. They should have said that a bit earlier.

He only wanted a look. With a hand, he reached out to move the knotted hair from the person’s face. Turbulent and frightened blue eyes stared back at him. Half of the person’s face was marked with scars.

No! It can’t be!

The person in front of him whimpered and struggled against the men that held her. In this constant movement, the ripped collar revealed a gold chain with an amber pendant.

Baba clearly remembered the day he gave that to her, put it around her neck, kissed her beautiful nape before he continued on to making love to the only woman that mattered in his life. Amber to ward off the negative things and people from her. Promised to love, protect and cherish her. The same woman that disappeared from his life three years ago with no explanation. That same woman now stood before him. No, not the same. The woman before him acted like a strange animal. She made sounds and gnashed her teeth. She smelled horrible and wore dirty, torn clothing. She ate from the garbage!

“Selina…” Baba whispered her name in pain. My god! What happened to you?

Before he could ask that question, her body shook, went rigid and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. She slumped unconscious between the men that held her.  

“WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE!”

Instinct took over Baba as he punched the guy who tasered Selina. The men backed away including the ones that currently held her.

“Release her,” he ordered in a more controlled manner. He should have been more specific as they both let go. If he wasn’t there, she would have met the cold pavement. As Baba gathered her in his arms, the sensations of holding her close came back. It was familiar and yet foreign. She was so much lighter now. Her fingers were bony. Upon closer inspection, her face was taught. The scars troubled him the most. Finally, one realization shook him to the core.

He knew she saw him and yet, Selina gave no recognition that she knew him. At all.

“Why does the penthouse smell like garbage lived here?” Eisuke complained. “Don’t I pay that maid enough to clean after you pigs?”

Ota held his nose as well. The smell traveled from the elevator all the way into the lounge. It was a mix of some sort of body odor and something that died. Even the stoic Soryu had trouble keeping a straight face.

“Call Kenzaki! I’m going to fire that maid!” Eisuke shouted once more.

“Everybody! Hush!”  Baba came from his room. Once that door opened, the smell intensified a hundredfold. Apparently, his room was the source of the offending odor. Ota started to make retching sounds.

“Ota, if you puke now, you’ll never stop,” Soryu warned. That could also trigger his own vomiting episode. Then maybe at least the place would smell of regurgitated food.

“No one’s going to vomit but I need to contact Luke,” Baba said urgently. The smell clung to his clothes. They probably need to be burned along anyways. Along with hers. That gave him pause. Was it coincidence that she wandered over here? Back to this hotel for food? That eventually their paths would cross? But even then, why hadn’t she called out for him. Their eyes met. He knew her. She didn’t know him. So many questions that only she had the answers. But first, her safety was his main priority.

Before Baba could contact Luke, the door to his suite opened. A black mass suddenly came out even with the limp in its gait. It kept low to the ground and sniffed.

“What the hell is that?” Eisuke exclaimed in disgust.

Crap! Baba didn’t expect for her to wake up early.

Selina’s gaze turned to the sound of Eisuke’s voice. She growled to ward off the predator while still sniffing the floor. Probably for food. Food that was in a form of mini sandwiches that was left earlier. Having found the source of food, it hurriedly scampered towards the table. It tried to avoid Eisuke and Ota. She hadn’t seen Baba. She has been in the penthouse numerous times before. But there was no greeting for either one of them as her only focus was to get the food. The food that looked cleaned and tasty.

“No!” Baba stepped in front of Soryu that already had his gun out.

Sensing danger that brewed, she hurried her steps and grabbed whatever food she could. Some of them got squished between her hands but the children wouldn’t care. It was food. That was all that mattered. Now to get out of here. 4 men blocked her way. A massive door across must be the exit. Haste was what she needed. So she tried. Hobbled, hopped, scurried towards freedom.

Until the door opened and another man blocked her path. No!

“What the hell is…” The man before her was scraggly, in a suit and smoke a cigarette.

That small nub of light was the only trigger she needed to move once more. She tried to dodge and make her way in the small space by his side.

“Catch her, Kishi!” Baba called out.

He caught her by the collar. She tried to bite him. He released her. Too disoriented at this point, she headed back towards where she came from. She snarled like a cornered dog.

“Selina,” Baba tried a step towards her. He was rewarded with more hostility.

Ota sighed. His friend would surely either kill or thank him later. But this was getting ridiculous. Prolonging this any further might just hurt her more or make him puke for real. There was only one way to treat a rabid animal. He whistled loudly. That got everyone’s attention including hers.

“Heal!” Ota directed in a clear voice. He felt Baba stiffen behind him but he held a hand to ward him off. She was now entirely focused on Ota. He took a step towards her while she still cowered in her corner. He needed to gain her trust. Reward. Food.

“Hand me that apple, Baba. Hurry!” Ota asked. Soon enough, the apple was at hand. Next, he showed that to her. Each time that his hand with the apple moved, her attention followed. As he sensed her trust, he urged her to come closer. He actually kneeled before her to be on the same level with her. Everyone in the room was quiet, almost mesmerized the silent communication between Ota and the figure before them.

“Do you want this?” Ota asked gently.

A nod from her.

“Then would you promise to behave? No more biting?” She could, of course, go a different route once she had the apple. She was unpredictable at this point.  “Come on now. You have to take it from me. I mean no harm.”

Selina looked at the apple and then back to the blonde person. Was the apple poisoned? Why did he offer it freely? He asked not to bitten. But what did he want? One hesitant step. Then another. Until she was before him. Her hand reached out slowly and then pulled back.

“If you’re good, Koro, you can have the apple. Are you good?” the man asked her.

Was that her name? But then she’d been called lots of names. She nodded once.

“Good. Take it then,” he urged gently.

Her hand reached out. Slowly. One more inch. Then, success! The apple disappeared within her grimy hands but she took no bite. She did the unthinkable.

She smiled.

Ota patted her head. She was calm. For now. He had her trust. “She’ll be ok for now. Until she’s hungry once more. Or threatened. ”

Baba gasped. This can’t be happening! Selina hated Ota for what he did to her the first time they met. And now, she acted like his pet! His willing pet. However much he hated that fact, it was the only way she cooperated. She almost curled against Ota’s leg as they waited for Luke to come and examine her. She started to get agitated once more when the doctor appeared. Ota had to reinforce his trust and eventually, Luke had to sedate her so she wouldn’t hurt herself or him during the examination. Baba had to bribe Luke extra due to the smell hazard. As Luke examined Selina, Baba’s thoughts churned inside his head.

Luke sighed as he finished the examination. Baba waited anxiously.

“She needs a bath. Desperately,” he started.

“That’s obvious,” Baba harshly stated.

Luke washed his hands thoroughly. “The marks on her face were burn marks. From something small. Looked like someone used her as an ashtray.” He paused then continued. “She’s malnourished. Have lice. I’ll give you a prescription for that. As for her right leg, it’s nothing too serious as the marks. A muscle strain. She needs rest. Plenty of vitamins and good food.”

Baba made a mental note. Never again would she be out of his sight. “How about her actions? It also appears that...she doesn’t recognize her surroundings.” Or us. Or me.

Luke shrugged. “It could be a number of factors. Trauma perhaps, is my guess. But I’m no psychologist. You’d have better luck finding answers there.” Satisfied that his hands were as clean as they could get, he took out a pen and paper, scribbled instructions and maybe a prescription too. “Bath first. We all need oxygen.”

“Yeah. I’ll wire you the money. Thanks,” Baba distractedly replied as he tried to make sense of his handwriting. Soon enough, it was quiet. The smell didn’t bother him too much anymore. His gaze fell on her sleeping figure. Did she get used to this? Not being able to take a shower? Wear clean clothes? Be warm and have a full belly? Sleep knowing that she was safe from danger? His finger traced her face from her forehead to her lips. Her body might be malnourished and her heart battered. But they were together. They can start over. Anything can start if they are together.

With the help of the penthouse maid, they were able to bathe her while she was groggy from being sedated. There were, even more, marks on her back that was unexplained and worried him. The maid, being paid as so, knew to keep everything she saw in utmost secrecy. Her heart broke for Selina and for Baba.

After hours of washing, finally, she looked human again. They braided her hair to keep it tidy. They have found a long gown for her to wear. Selina looked like herself once more, even with the marks and scars. His instinct was to make her his once more. Remind her who she belonged to. She was someone attractive, inside and out. As a thief, Baba only knew treasure. She was one to him.

The next few weeks were a real challenge. As soon as Selina was coherent, she reverted back to that person he witnessed by the alley. She was distrustful of him, often times clawing at the air with her hands or showing teeth. It was hard to see his love like that.

Yes, love.

He still loved her. Even all these three years that he tried to forget, the love never faded. Baba promised that she will get better. This didn’t guarantee she will love him back. There was a reason why she left him. This, at least, gave him a chance to rekindle that love. He needed to earn her trust back. But how can he do that when she apparently had lost all reason to use words? She never answered anyone with any words. Gestures sufficed. Her voice was still there. She used one syllable as she relied heavily on Ota to be rewarded with treats and food. At first, Ota was delighted to have the sole monopoly of her attention. It made Baba jealous from the start. He kept patient and only thought of her well-being even if the progress was slow. Days passed. Weeks. Months. When Ota realized that she wouldn’t leave him alone anymore, he got annoyed. He eventually shared that spotlight with Baba. Little steps to earn her trust. When Ota believed Selina was ready, he didn’t show up for days.

Selina cried and howled and was lost without Ota. Had she done something bad?

It was during these days that Baba slowly unveiled what happened to his love. It all started when Mamoru approached him one afternoon while Selina napped. Like a cat, she slept on the couch nearest to the wide windows in the lounge. She trusted Baba enough to put her head on his lap while she basked in the sunlight. This was the only time in the day that she was at peace.

“Had she told you anything?” Kishi probed lightly.

Baba sighed and shook his head. He was afraid to interrupt her sleep.

Kishi took this chance to come clean with Baba.

“I...I didn’t know it would turn out like this. I should have…” He took out a stick of cigarette, tried to light it, hesitated, removed it from his mouth and scratched the back of his neck.

Baba, big on observing people, just let Kishi reveal things at his own pace. The man didn’t need to be interrogated. Kishi needed to be heard. He will speak when the timing was right.

Kishi sighed and continued on. “She begged me. There were tears in her eyes. I...We might not be together but I still care for her.”

With utmost care, Baba slipped her head away and unto a pillow. He needed to hear what Kishi had to say but won’t sacrifice her sleep. He tilted his head to the left, an indication that he wanted to hear this somewhere else. Both men went to Baba’s suite. The door was closed and Baba waited.

It was Kishi’s turn to be angry. “You broke her heart! Damn you, Baba!” The detective swung a fist that connected with Baba’s jaw.

He staggered back.

Kishi grabbed his shirt and pushed him hard against a wall. “You swore you'd never break her heart. So why did she cry that day? What the fuck happened, Baba?”

“I’ve been wondering the same thing!” Baba almost spat the words back. “I have no idea wha..”

Kishi shook him once more. “Think, you thief! What happened on that day that made her cry! What did you do?”

This was the first chance ever since she’d been back that Baba permitted himself to reflect on that day.

It was their anniversary. He’d forgotten. They’ve been tense around each other. There were her health concerns and Eisuke’s demands for new items for the auction. Selina had always been super patient and understanding but something must have happened that day. Because of their often conflicting schedules, they rarely saw each other but made time when they can. So what did happen?

Baba continued to think from the moment he woke up to a hearty breakfast but a missing Selina. Must have been off to work. There were love notes about a special surprise for tonight. He made sure there were no jobs so he could be there for her. He looked forward to that night until an old fuck buddy of his resurfaced. She drunk dialed him even though it was only afternoon. What’s worse was that she could not take care of herself. So the gentleman that he was, he went to her with the only intent of getting her safely back home. At the front of her high-rise apartment, she rewarded him with a kiss. A kiss that should have never happened. He wasn’t there to rekindle anything. She offered an apology. That was that.

Baba returned home but it was dark. There was no Selina after that.

“Had she...Did Selina see….Oh god...no…Why didn’t she...”

Knowing that Baba realized where it went wrong, Kishi finally released him. He finally lit the cigarette. He inhaled deeply and let the nicotine fill his lungs.

“She never blamed you when she came to me. All she said was that you were on different paths now. She took nothing except a small bag,” Kishi explained. “My regret was not making sure she got to the place. She might have thought I would take pity and tell on her eventually. She was always a clever girl.” His eyes hardened. “She didn’t deserve this.” Those were his last words as he left the thief in his pain. Kishi needed his own redemption which he will not find here.

That night was when Selina started to tell her side of the story. Not directly to him of course. It was through the stuttered ramblings that he heard when she dreamed. Or had nightmares. She never shouted, never cried out for help. As if she had reached the point where asking for help was a useless effort. Saying them was almost like a mantra for her. That they lost the power to hurt or be real if they were said.

“Please….hurts….not...a person anymore….only...pet….thing….name..forgotten...save...children…”

Baba’s heart could not break any further. Selina continued on.

“Be...useful...dark room….hungry...bad girl….punish the bad...BAD...SO BAD...BAD….thing….please...hurts...not a person..any...more...forget….name…..save….children…”

Baba reached out to her, unable to stop himself.

She smiled when his fingers caressed her cheek.

“Thank….master….kind...master….not...worthy….of scraps...thank…you…”

His damp cheeks went unnoticed.

There were good days and there were bad days. A psychologist was brought in to examine her. Severe trauma he said. Unable to determine if Selina would come back to her old self. Positive reinforcements helped. Maybe they could re-introduce little things, good things from her past. Baba was willing to try anything, ANYTHING to bring her back.

She rarely used words. Mostly smiles, odd stares, blank looks or snapping jaws when she was agitated or in fear. Baba introduced photo albums, little tokens that he bought for her, took her to places where they met and date. Even took her to the ocean. She enjoyed most of them except she acted as she never had these experiences before. There was no recognition. It did seem to get better at night. There were still muttered words at night. Some very graphic and violent. Others, pleas for forgiveness and mercy.

Baba did not know how much more he could take.

But he couldn’t give up now. Not now. He rather have this Selina than none at all.

A miracle happened one day.

Baba jolted to consciousness as he realized that the weight of her head was gone from his lap. He must have fallen asleep with her during their daily afternoon naps. He stood up and hurriedly went in search of her. She wasn’t in the lounge. He checked his suite. Not there either. She wasn’t in the penthouse. Where could she be?

The same maid who help clean Selina up and the penthouse came rushing in. She gasped and recounted in between gasps for air where she had seen Selina last.

Alarmed, Baba rushed past her and headed towards the roof top. The first place where they exchanged kisses in Tres Spades. The small garden has been their haven.

“Selina!” he shouted.

Selina balanced herself on the metal railing that prevented people from falling into their demise. There was a wide smile on her face as she bravely put one front of the other.

Right now, there was no breeze but Baba wouldn’t wait for that. He took slow steps to her.

“Love. Princess, it’s me, Baba,” he softly introduced himself.

She finally heard him and turned her head around. In doing so, she lost her balance momentarily. Her arms flailed at her sides as she tried to regain her center.

Baba’s heart stopped.

Both of her feet landed on the railing again.

“Please, love. Please, Selina. Come down. Please.” Baba never pleaded and begged so hard in his life before.

She gave out a soft giggle.

A memory from their past flashed before him. Their first meeting. Like a wiry cat, Selina was hunched and perfectly balanced on the ledge of the window sill. Her smile was wide and boastful. She did just steal the jewelry from him. And maybe his heart. Instead of being upset, Baba was intrigued.

“Catch me if you can!”

How different it was from back then. But the giggle was genuine. It was her. Selina was having fun.

But this was a situation that Baba did not like anymore. Especially when the woman was unaware of the deadly risk she took. One blow of the wind and she could topple to her death. Was that what she finally wanted? To die?

“Please,” he asked once more.

A gust of wind graced the roof top.

Like a cat coming home to its owner, Selina leaped gracefully to his outstretched arms. Her arms wound around his neck while both legs wrapped around his torso. With another giggle, she finally spoke.

“Ba….ba….”

Baba closed his eyes and hugged her tight.

Everything was going to be alright.

[isaacscrawford]

Matthew Holt’s EOY 2017 letter (charities/issues/gossip)

Right at the end of every year I write a letter summarizing my issues and charities. And as I own the joint here, I post it on THCB! Please take a look–Matthew Holt

Well 2017 has been quite a year, and last year 2016 I failed to get my end-of-year letter out at all. This I would like to think was due to extreme business but it probably came down to me being totally lazy. On the other hand like many of you I may have just been depressed about the election–2016 was summed up by our cat vomiting on our bed at 11.55 on New Years Eve.

Having said that even though most of you will never comment on this letter and I mostly write it to myself, I have had a few people ask me whether it is coming out this year–so here it goes.

2017 was a big year especially for my business Health 2.0. After 10 years my partner Indu Subaiya and I sold it to HIMSS–the biggest Health IT trade association and conference. And although I used to make fun of HIMSS for being a little bit staid and mainstream, when it came to finding the right partner to take over Health 2.0’s mantel for driving innovation in health technology, they were the ones who stepped up most seriously. From now on the Health 2.0 conferences are part of the HIMSS organization, and Indu is now an Executive Vice President at HIMSS. I’ll still be very involved as chair of the conferences and going to all of them but will (hooray!) be doing a lot less back office & operational work. (Those of you in the weeds might want to know that we are keeping the Health 2.0 Catalyst division for now at least)

That does mean that next year I will have a bit more time to do some new things. I haven’t quite figured out what they are yet but they will include a reboot of (my role at least) on The Health Care Blog and possibly finally getting that book out of the archives into print. But if you have any ideas for me (and I do mean constructive ideas, not just the usual insults!) then please get in touch. You can of course follow me on Twitter (@boltyboy) to see what I’m thinking with only modest filtering!

On the home front we are now firmly established in San Anselmo, which is a nice little suburban town about 40 minutes north of San Francisco. I have been trying to ride my bike into the city via the ferry a few days a week but unfortunately I’ve had two stolen in SF this year, so I’m ending the year being a couch potato. We do have big plans for the winter, and from early January will have a place in Tahoe City. If you and yours are looking go skiing, we probably have a bed for you, so get in touch.

Amanda continues to amaze me in that she manages to get Coco (6) and Aero (3) organized and active, into their respective first grade and preschool classes, all the while doing great things to the house. She’s also taking part in a really serious exercise class called the Daley Method more or less every day (I make it to yoga about once a month on average!). She tells me it’s essentially a religious cult and I’m waiting to see when she will bring home the orange juice for me to drink. Meanwhile she is in fantastic shape and making me look feel extremely flabby. Okay, so that’s enough about me and the family. There tends to be lots more with pictures on my Facebook page

For those of you who don’t know I started writing this letter way back in 2000 when I didn’t have a wife or family and presumably had a lot of spare time on my hands–not that I can remember exactly what I did with it. The main point of this letter is to tell you about the issues that I think are important and and which charities I support. In fact back in 2000 I used to find that my friends and acquaintances was so ill-informed about the world and politics that I was on a little bit of a crusade to tell them more. The good news is that in 2017, everybody seems to know everything, and everyone has an opinion. And yes it’s not too hard to figure out what mine is. The bad news is that many of us seem to have arrived in that state of greater awareness by living in countries that have either elected the worst populist buffoon of all time as president, or seem to be voluntarily committing economic suicide. And yes I am referring to the country I moved to and the country I moved from in 1989.

My views will become apparent in the way I divide this letter up. Please feel free to poke around and look at the links, and  maybe even donate to one or two. Let me know any comments or insults!

Health care & (poor) women’s & kids care & safety, and supporting patient activism

In the US this past summer there was a very serious attempt to destroy the Affordable Care Act. It failed–only just–but the rug is being pulled from under it by a bunch of mean spirited administrators put in charge over at HHS by the asses in the White House. Not to mention that the Congress (and we know who is in charge) has NOT RENEWED funding for the health insurance plan passed in the 90s for poor kids called CHIP. If you want to stay informed on all this I urge you to follow ex-CMS administrator @ASlavitt & blogger @charles_gaba on Twitter. @charles_gaba in particular is a one man band doing remarkable work classifying the actual on the ground impact of all of this on everyday Americans, and he gets no support for it. So you might join me and toss him a few bucks. The US health care system is still extremely screwed up, and if you want to know more you could do a lot worse than reading former NYT reporter Elizabeth Rosenthal’s An American Sickness. Other than hoping we get a Democratic sweep in 2018 & 2020 (and working and contributing $$ for that) I’m not sure what we can do to improve the system–other than to keep exposing the idiocy of current policies and the bad behavior of many actors.

For my next health care issue I’m just going to repeat what I wrote in 2016 and multiply it by a hell of a lot —What sadly has come into focus this year is the desperate attempts to attack women’s access to health care. If you’re a woman– especially a young or poor one who needs access to contraceptives, mammograms, cervical cancer screening, sexually transmitted disease testing, and all kinds of health procedures including safe abortions, it’s become the mission of mainstream Republicans to stop you getting them–using disgusting, deceitful, and downright illegal methods. And that’s as polite as I can say it. So my biggest bump in funding this year went to the one organization that consistently not only campaigns for but actually provides reproductive health services (including contraception, STD testing, counseling, pregnancy support and, yes, safe abortions), Planned Parenthood. I cannot believe that men want to live in a world where women cannot get these services, although I guess the evidence shows enough do….especially in Texas, Louisiana, Indiana and many more.

Given the #MeToo movement we can no longer ignore sexual assault as both a health and a social issue. A brilliant young entrepreneur called Jessica Ladd runs a non-profit called Callisto which enables victims of assault to report it without going through the harrowing ordeal of reporting it to the police or college authorities. Of course if several people report the same perpetrator then that helps bring them to justice. Now imagine this more widely used, say in Hollywood about Harvey Weinstein. Something like that is Jess’ aim. You can see her on Seth Myers’ show and also donate here.

Also worth noting is another great female CEO (Emily May’s story is here) who founded a non profit called Hollaback which helps report and prevent street harassment. There’s an app you can download to report harassment and of course they could use a donation too.

Finally in this section are two related entities supporting patients in dealing with the health care system. I’m a corporate supporter and personal member of the Society for Participatory Medicine which is moving from being a small core of activists to a major organization creating partnerships between patients and the health care system. They had their first conference back in October and it was excellent. The other is The Waking Gallery of which I’m also a proud member. Artist and activist Regina Holliday literally paints patients’ stories on the back of jackets and over 400 people (including me) now wear them at health care conferences. You can support her work here.

Other long time health care issues I like to think about/support:

Engage with Grace founded by my friend Alex Drane. No donation needed–use the 5 questions you can download to start that hardest of conversations about what you want for your care at the end of life.

Jeremy Nobel’s Foundation for Arts & Healing is engaging patients in arts, aggressively tackling loneliness support here.

YTH, a really cool organization that helps use technology to educate young people about sex and other health issues. The YTH Live conference is in San Francisco in May & it’s great and cheap (and somehow despite desperate efforts to quit I’m still on the board).

Poverty in developing countries

The good news is that in the long run things are getting better. The bad news is that there are plenty of trouble spots from Myanmar to Syria to Africa and lots of forces and people trying to repress the long arc towards equality, peace and freedom.

I’ve supported Mercy Corps for over a decade now–at least that’s according to the card they just sent me. They do a remarkable job all over the world focusing on educating girls, supplying clean water and directly intervening in crises. It’s worth noting that this year those crisis spots included Puerto Rico because of the appalling ongoing incompetence of the US government in failing to get help to that stricken part of its own country!

Heifer International gives animals directly to the very poor in order to get them out of the cycle of poverty. Every year I hand out goats and chickens! Hey, my father has a farm on which he feeds the chickens and that’s about as close as I get any more. (OK, this year it was a pig)

I’ve always supported a few smaller charities. They are all teeny in the grand scheme but a lot of little things add up, and for each one of these any donation or support means a lot.

Saigon Children’s Charity is a small charity (approx $1m a year in donations) focusing on providing rice, bikes and books and pens to the families of very poor children in Southern Vietnam so they stay in school. I support a few individual pupils.

Sadly the rapids where I went rafting on my honeymoon in 2008 at the source of the Nile in Uganda are gone, but kayaking doctor Jesse Stone’s clinic and charity Softpower Health is still there. It sells cheap mosquito nets, and provides a health center and family planning outreach. Here’s an article about their first ten years and a really great case study from Jesse about how they saved a girl’s leg.

Also supporting direct medical care, We Care Solar makes a suitcase-sized portable solar powered generator and supplies it to health workers in off-grid clinics across the world–one frequent user is my friend Dr Enoch Choi who’s on the scene of basically every disaster. and right now is on his way to Cambodia. You could alternatively give to Power the World which provides Nokero solar lights, the WE CARE Solar Suitcase, SOCCKET (all of which I’ve featured in previous years) and clean cook stoves–of which I bought a few for people in Nepal.

In the same vein, Health eVillages is a charity launched at Health 2.0 by Donato Tramuto which delivers iPads & smartphones with preloaded medical information to clinicians in remote parts of Haiti, Kenya, South Sudan and elsewhere.

One of the worst trouble spots in the world is the genocide going on in Myanmar. 600,000 Rohingya people have been systematically driven from their homes–with thousands raped and killed by the Myanmar military. A small Muslim lead charity (very highly rated by Charity Navigator) called the Zakat Foundation of America is in the camps in Bangladesh working with the refugees–they are also working in Syria.. For the price of a bottle of good champagne I feel my donation made a bit of a difference and you might too.

Poverty in the US

Income inequality in the US is increasing, leading to systematic pressures on those at the bottom end of society’s ladder. This year the UN actually sent an investigator to report on extreme poverty in the US. The Guardian article about it was harrowing.

These organizations try to help in my locale. You of course may have your local favorites–Here’s the list I support:

San Francisco & Marin food bank. Put your zip code in here to find out your local equivalent

Hamilton Family Center, is a small shelter offering emergency and transitional care, as well as getting families into permanent housing. If you live in San Francisco you know that the housing situation is dire at any income level and is getting worse. Think about those at the bottom. You can help by clicking this link.

Homeless Children’s Network supports care services for homeless children. No one should have to start life that way. You can help here

Disasters

This year has of course been terrible for disasters in the US–hurricanes in Puerto Rico and Texas and fires in California. I gave to the Hispanic Foundation for Puerto Rico, the greater Houston Community Relief Fund, the Redwood Credit Union Community Fund (for N. Cal fires) & the United Way of Ventura County fund for S. California. (Yeah, I know it has a bad rap but the United Way pledged that 100% of the funds will go to victims).  

I also met a bright young social entrepreneur called Jason Friesen from TrekMedics which is building a 911 system where there are none. I was thrilled that we could feature him at Health 2.0 this year. You can donate to their work in Puerto Rico here.

Torture and human rights

Imprisonment without fair trials and torture doesn’t work to improve safety and it increases the amount of future terrorism. My own grandfather was tortured as a British POW in WW2 in the far east. And yet we now have “strong” men in charge increasing the use of torture, unwarranted imprisonment, and in some cases selected or mass vigilante executions in Russia, Turkey, Hungary, Poland, the Philippines, and (if he gets his way) in the US.

These organizations help those being tortured (or who have been) and protest those governments who should act better.–which basically means all of them

Amnesty International campaigns on behalf of prisoners of conscience everywhere

The UK-based Freedom from Torture (used to be called Medical Foundation for the Care of Victims of Torture) helps people from many countries who have been tortured. I’ve been supporting it for many years

The American Civil Liberties Union. If you’re not a card carrying member, you should be–this year of all years.

The environment.

While the clock ticks, the planet and the sea warms and we can but hope that technology in the form of renewable energy and replacements for animals being used as food get here in time. Our grandchildren will be ashamed of us. And of course we now have an actively anti-science administration in the US that is making the problem much worse. While I’ve been the biggest meat eater I know for many years, I’m cutting way down on beef which is responsible for 50%+ of global warming from agriculture worldwide & hoping that Impossible Foods and Memphis Meats come good on their promise to replace meat entirely. BTW the Impossible Burger is pretty damn good.

Other bad news is that the Japanese continue illegal whaling to a great extent and have essentially seen off the attempts by Sea Shepherd to stop them.

I give to both the Sierra Club (respectable) and Greenpeace (more radical) and locally to the Marine Mammal Center–a wonderful facility that helps seals recover, including most years one or two that get shot!

Drug prohibition—a terrible idea that is closer to being toppled

I’ve been protesting drug prohibition forever. It’s a terrible policy. You only have to witness Portugal’s experience decriminalizing all drugs and supporting those who want to get away from addiction to realize that there are much better policies actually working in real life. Probably lunatic US attorney general Jeff Sessions will be too busy trying (and hopefully failing) to avoid jail on perjury charges to try to block legalization of marijuana in California (and Washington, Oregon & Colorado). But we certainly don’t have anything like a rational approach coming from the Federal government even though the argument is basically won in the court of public opinion and science.  A system of taxed and regulated drug distribution is the only solution to removing the criminality associated with drug taking, much of which is relatively harmless anyway. I support:

DRCNet home of the best blog and email newsletter, the Drug War Chronicle. They also look at the stuff others miss, like the massacres currently going on in the Philippines. Their review of the last 20 years of the drug war is well worth reading.

The Drug Policy Alliance — the main lobbying organization promoting “harm reduction”

A Dog’s Life

Charley is 14 now and finally gets to hang out in a big back yard and doesn’t go into the office any more. Funnily enough as soon as he left, Health 2.0’s landlord rewrote the building’s rental agreement to make it a lot less dog friendly. Coincidence? Maybe not! For dogs that aren’t as lucky, Amanda and I support Rocket Dog Rescue $50 pays for an adoption.

***

OK, that’s it. Thanks for reading and please feel free to email me or tweet me or FB me or whatever to give your comments, or see if there’s some other charity I should support. Or just to get in touch anyway

Cheers & have a great 2018!

Matthew

Article source:The Health Care Blog

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Japan is a very beautiful and fascinating country, but it seems a lot of people only know the barest minimum of facts related to this ancient culture. It’s time to remedy that, and teach you that …

#1 Eating Raw Horse Meat Is Perfectly Normal in Japan Many of us would cringe at the thought of eating horse meat, especially if it’s raw and cold. But in Japan, raw horse meat, also called basashi, is considered a delicacy and is served in many restaurants. Eating raw horse meat is not a recent fad popularized by a celebrity or an innovative chef, though — it’s been practiced by the Japanese for many decades now. Before you dismiss the idea of trying basashi, know that it’s much healthier than pork and beef, and is less prone to E. coli contamination. It is very high in protein yet low in calories, and is rich in Linoleic Acid. Aside from that, eating horse meat may possibly prolong your life. A demographic statistics published in 2013 showed that the residents of the Nagano prefecture had the highest life expectancy in Japan: 80.88 years for men and 87.18 for women. Their secret: eating horse meat.

#2 1,500 Earthquakes Hit Japan Every Year Though Japan is a very beautiful country, it is also quite deadly, not because of its crime rate (it’s actually one of the safest countries in the world), but primarily because it’s one of the world’s most earthquake-prone areas. It experiences 1,500 earthquakes every year. Thankfully, most of these quakes are just tremors. Japan is no stranger to devastating earthquakes. It has experienced several catastrophic quakes in the past that has led to the destruction of billions of dollars worth of properties and the death of thousands of people. Japan’s geographical location is the primary factor as to why it’s prone to earthquakes. It is situated on top of four massive tectonic plates. When these plates move, earthquakes are produced. In 2011, these tectonic plates had a massive movement that resulted into a catastrophic event. Considered as the strongest and biggest earthquake in Japan, the Tohoku Earthquake of 2011 had a magnitude of 9.0. Though it was the strongest and the biggest, the Tohoku Earthquake was not the deadliest in Japan’s history. It only killed around 29,000 people. Surprisingly, Japan’s deadliest earthquake, the Great Kanto Earthquake of 1923, only had a magnitude of 7.9, and yet it killed 142,800 Japanese residents.

#3 Japan Is Home to the World’s Craziest Vending Machines The Japanese people love vending machines. In fact, there are around 5.52 million of them scattered throughout the country. Over the years, these machines have greatly evolved from being practically convenient to extremely bizarre. In most countries, vending machines typically sell snacks like chips, gums, candies, sodas, and chocolates. However, the Japanese seemed to have combined the practicality of vending machines with their love for innovation and bizarre everything. In Japan, it’s perfectly normal for vending machines to sell fresh eggs, bags of rice, and even fresh bouquets of flowers. If these aren’t enough to amuse you, they also sell toilet paper, condoms, umbrellas, fish baits, and even porn magazines. Crazy, yet oddly convenient.

#4 Slurping When Eating Soups or Noodles Is Perfectly Normal in Japan In the Western world, people are expected to eat their food without making any unnecessary noises. Creating sounds like slurping when eating soups or noodles is considered inappropriate and rude. However, in Japanese society, it is the complete opposite. Slurping is perfectly normal and acceptable, even when done in public. In fact, slurping is highly encouraged. So, why do the Japanese make pig-like sounds when eating hot soups and noodles? In Japan, slurping is considered as a sign of appreciation and approval. It means that you find the soup or noodles you’re eating so delectable, you want to get it in your mouth as quickly as possible, and by any means necessary. In other words, slurping is a highly accepted way of complimenting the cook for doing a great job.

#5 Baseball Is Very Popular in Japan Sumo might be the national sport of Japan, but baseball is the most loved and most popular. Known as Yakyu in Japanese, baseball was introduced to Japan by an American teacher named Horace Wilson. In 1873, under the supervision of Mr. Wilson, the first baseball game in Japanese history was played at the Tokyo University, back then it was known as Kaisei Gakko. Since then, yakyu has become Japan’s most loved team sport. Japan has two professional baseball leagues: the Pacific League and the Central League. Aside from these two pro leagues, baseball is also played in various high schools and universities throughout the country. Also, baseball tournaments featuring high school teams are quite famous and highly anticipated for. In fact, their games are even broadcast on national television.

#6 Japan Has a Very High Suicide Rate Japan is a wealthy nation with a very interesting history and colorful culture. It’s a visually stunning country that is home to the most innovative, highly disciplined, hard-working, successful people around. However, one dark aspect of Japanese society that many people from the West don’t know is that it has a very high suicide rate. More than 30,000 Japanese men and women off themselves every year. With this rate, it is estimated that 24.4 out of 100,000 Japanese citizens are likely to kill themselves. Suicide has become a major issue in Japan. In fact, it has become one of the primary causes of death in women aged 15 – 34 and men aged 20 – 44. Why does a wealthy, highly advanced nation like Japan have a very high suicide rate? Apparently, Japan also faces unemployment problems. Failure to secure jobs is one of the primary causes of Japan’s high suicide rate. The sad news is that many of those who commit suicide due to job problems are young adults. Many of them are actually fresh graduates. Aside from job issues, other primary factors leading to the high suicide rate in Japan are depression and financial hardship.

#7 Families in Japan Use the Same Water for Bathing For the Japanese, taking a bath is not only about cleansing the body. It’s also an effective way to relax the mind, the body, and the spirit. This is the reason why most Japanese take hot baths during the evening and go to hot springs or onsens regularly. Unlike in the Western world, Japanese families use the same water for bathing, and no they don’t take baths simultaneously. The father goes first, followed by the mother, and then the children. Almost all Japanese homes have bathtubs. However, they only use them for soaking and not for cleansing. In general, the Japanese clean, scrub, and soap their bodies outside the bathtubs with the use of a wash bowl. After they have cleaned and rinsed themselves thoroughly, they’ll then enter the tub, soak their bodies, and enjoy the relaxation that the hot bath water brings. Since the cleansing is done outside the bathtubs, the hot water remains clean and clear, fit to be used by other family members. One interesting aspect of Japan’s unique way of bathing is that house guests are given the honor of using the hot bath water first.

#8 Many Streets in Japan Don’t Have Names Yes, you read that right. Many streets in Japan don’t have names. So how do the Japanese locate certain areas if their streets are nameless? Well, they use a peculiar kind of addressing system that uses block numbers instead of street names. Blocks in Japan are given unique numbers, and these numbers serve as the address. The spaces between these blocks, the streets, are left unnamed. So typically, people in Japan say, “I live in Block 2” or “I work in Block 13” instead of saying “I’m on Crocodile St.” or “My house is at Banana Ave.” Many people from Western countries might find this addressing system quite inefficient and confusing but actually it’s not. In fact, it’s very easy to use and helps people locate certain areas very quickly. For instance, if the restaurant you’re looking for in Tokyo City is located at Block 20, then all you need to do is get a map and look for the area that has the number 20 on it and voila, you just found your destination. Also, block numbers are easier to remember and spot on a map compared to street names.

#9 Male Adult Adoption Is Common in Japan Typically, couples from Western countries adopt babies or young children for a variety of reasons such as infertility and companionship. However, in Japan, it’s quite different. It’s common for many Japanese families, especially the wealthy ones, to adopt fully grown men. Why is this so? There are two reasons why male adult adoption is normal and quite popular in Japan. First, adult men are adopted for the sake of carrying on the family’s name. Japan, like many countries around the world, is a patriarchal society, and family names or surnames are passed through male children. Couples who only have female children are likely to consider adopting adult males just so their family names don’t disappear. Second, adult men are adopted for the sake of a family’s business. This reason is quite common in many wealthy Japanese families who own large companies. Fully grown men are adopted so that they can inherit the family’s business and run it. Even if a certain family has male candidates for inheritance, if the father sees that his inheritors are unsuitable for running his business, then he might consider taking in one of his highly competent executives.

#10 Japan Is the Land of Kinky Sex When it comes to sex, the Japanese are very open-minded. Some behaviors or acts that are considered taboo in the Western world are accepted and practiced by many Japanese people. One perfect example of this is hentai mangas and animes which depict intercourse between humans, monsters, and even tentacles. Hentai can be easily bought in bookstores and convenience stores throughout the country. Aside from hentai, the Japanese also invented other kinky stuff like Nyotaimori, which is basically eating sushi served on top of a woman’s naked body. They also have the tsubashanpu, the bukakke, and the unagi. Japanese men who practice tsubashanpu experience sexual pleasure from getting spit on the face by numerous girls. Bukakke, on the other hand, involves a woman or a man getting a semen facial from several men. Finally, unagi is the act of putting a live eel inside a woman’s vagina. The Japanese also invented bondage play — a sexual practice that is an essential element in BDSM. There are business establishments in Japan that offer sadomasochistic services for people who are into pain, humiliation, and pleasure. Also, extremely life-like sex dolls are sold for $10,000, or rented for $100 per hour. Basically, any twisted aspect of sex you can think of is practiced and found in Japan.

Source: TopTenz