#apparently i put this in the drafts 7 may 2021; was probably intended to write an itfs essay out of it HAHAHA

[hua-fei-hua]

i think “grief borne of hope” would be an interesting theme to explore.

“i’m sad because i feel as if i have to watch others suffer, because that choice to help is a false bottom i can’t remove. i’m sad because i’m grieving for my underclassmen, whom i fear will follow my example and continue to suffer themselves for the sake of their peers. i’m afraid of giving them the strength to force themselves through trials and situations i wouldn’t wish any of them to undertake. i grieve for the losses they will suffer because i fought in vain for improvement, but all they saw from me was hope.”

the losing captain’s grief. the problems with inspiring hope. it’s such a sad story to tell, and i don’t know if i can answer the question of, “well, how do you solve those problems?”