#apex battle pass

[kaiserouo]

Yeah. So now what thing hasn't got a skin yet? The bullet cases that got ejected during firing? Customizable explosion / thermite flame color? Tridents? Ammo boxes? Healing items but with actual different models? Loot boxes (not death boxes)? All kinds of scopes? Houndy's scanner? Sheila? Pathfinder's rope? Basically just any other ability related model? That mobile device thing they use when they plug in their ult accelerator? Literally the item menu UI? Or game icons like discord nitro?

Yeah definitely gonna spice up the gameplay. Definitely.

[blee-bleep]

i will never buy anything from apex store, esp in a collection event.

.BUT.

.

.

.

.

.

i need that wattson skin.

[joplays]

Hello, im new to apex (been playing since season 5), and i do not for the the life of me know how to get this god damn flat line skin. #Help

[jidashia]

I randomly got 8 Apex Packs today and i don't know why?? Anyone else experiencing this? I'm too scared to open them lol

[spursthatjinglejanglejingle]

Genuinely I do not get the appeal of fortnite style whatever battle royales they are so fucking boring. You spend a half hour fucking around in a giant ass empty map running from place to place and then die and lose everything. How is that fun.

[shvdowsdrowned]

WAS KALEB CROSS AN ARTIST OR IS REVENANT JUST TRYING TO BE POETIC HELLO????

[felagi-fighter]

last night i had a dream i was flipping through my quip wheel for bloodhound and noticed I had unlocked a new one of them saying "let's get fries" 💀

[wattscn]

apex mobile is gone

[lucifer-kane]

I HAVE ACQUIRED. HIM

[roseinshadows]

Mild dev story: Battlepass Tiers

This is from the latest Jimquisition.

It kind of reminded me of a thing.

This was in late 2000s when I was doing a university "project" course interning at a company. (The company seemed to exist at least at some level a couple of years ago, but now appears to have been bought by a bigger internet-of-things company. I haven't seen the "product" they made in a while, so whatever code I wrote back then is so deep in the vault that nobody is ever going to see it again. I take honour in knowing my code is deeply appreciated by the top men.)

"programming is rather thankless. u see your works become replaced by superior ones in a year. unable to run at all in a few more." - _why

Anyway. I was tasked to write a shop interface for a future "access tier" functionality. Mainly, at the time, it was about integrating the third party electronic payment library, and to add ability to initiate and accept/reject purchases through electronic banks and payment providers. Simple stuff. At this time the shop frontend was supposed to just be nonsense that wasn't actually visible to production users, so I could come up with nonsense access tier "products".

So I came up with some access tiers!

"Bronze!"

"Silver!"

"Gold!"

...Okay so far!

"Platinum!" Why not! ...

Then my ideas started running dry. "Titanium!" ... uh, why not...? "Neutronium!"...

I tried to stretch my creative writing skills so that the first tier levels would look sensible based on the boss's instructions.

I don't know what ungodly riches I promised to the buyers of the higher tiers. "Oh if you buy the Neutronium package you get all of the stuff from the previous tiers plus a private 24H lounge and spa". (You know. For a subscription to a boring web service.) Stuff along those lines.

It was a joke anyway. Nothing of the sort was supposed to make it to the production.

Anyway, my boss was like "good job, nicely done."

I expected literally no acknowledgement, and I got literally no acknowledgment. ...Fair is fair.

The product may have actually had some use for some years after the course was finished... maybe? I rightly can't tell. This product was basically known by a codename and I have no idea if it actually got to production stage. (It was also supposed to be offered to the university students enventually, and I literally heard nothing about it during the rest of my studies.)

So why am I talking about this after a random Jimquisition screenshot?

Well.

Thanks to this little internship, I can legitimately say I have professional experience about TIER NAMING.

(Point the first: I literally have no marketing experience except that. Point the second: I'm not going to put this in my LinkedIn, don't worry.)

So, a professional opinion:

If you name your tier "Ultimate", you fucking don't do "Ultimate+".

You can only go beyond "Ultimate" if you do "Ultimate Motherfucking Super Badass Double Diamond Motherfucker!"¹. Which doesn't fly well in a dry corporate setting.

Stick with a series of more and more implausible elements.

Even if you are stretching it.

¹ (...I was inspired by a video lampooning crypto scams, unfortunately it has no English subs)

Oh yeah! EDIT: BONUS RESEARCH SHENANIGANS

I tried to look for the battle pass details on official EA site. It only showed me "Free", "Premium" and "Premium+" tiers.

I noticed the URL had ?isLocalized=true in the URL.

Ha HA! Being a web software develper, I have [level 0] at hax0r skills. What happens if I change that shit to true?

What. Let's try again.

"I have not the strength, nor the wisdom to master such power… …But one day I shall!" (Ultima VIII: Pagan)

[kaiserouo]

Why is my favorite character in this game

edit: so here's the full announcement

im not gonna ramble anymore i think it's to the point that everyone sees how the tradeoff they thought we'd buy is unrealistic and ridiculous

[ouniee]

LMAO

The Apex battle pass update with zero context:

[joplays]

I'm free!

5 days left and im so ready for the new season.

[kirsctein]

had good time in team death match today hehe ^^ 4k with triple take, wingman, and kraber

[kalviberry]

Stream time!

Doing some Apex Legends with the gang, almost done with the battlepass.

Twitch -> Kalviberry

[quarterlifekitty]

Something, something, König picking up gaming in his free time, not uncommon for an older guy especially with a cute little thing who has a nice set up for gaming and he absolutely takes to it with flying colours. Kinda pissing you off how he’s gotten leagues better than you at one of your favourites in such a short amount of time. So when that skin you absolutely NEED drops you’re going insane grinding for it. It’s frustrating too because all the sweats have come out of the woodwork to grind for it too, leading to a lot of swearing and groaning on your end, coincidentally, König’s free time aligns and he’s more than happy to help you grind the tougher parts if you sit pretty on his lap and drain his pent cock.

What’s better than two stress relievers when he comes home from a high tension workplace environment?

(Bonus points if he’s your weird online long distance boyfriend who definitely told you an age younger than what’s on his ID and the place he comes home to is just your apartment that he decided was his too.)

Brother. The way this ask is in my mind. I would like to preface this by saying if you or a loved one is playing a video game with microtransactions and limited edition skin drops it’s not too late to get help. We can beat this together.

cw: he’s kind of a creep in this. Red flags abound. Somno/dubcon type stuff

Gonna make a couple of amendments to this one if that’s ok. 1) König is never going to be a god gamer because his hands are too fucking big and also I WANNA BE THE DOMINANT GAMER IN THE RELATIONSHIP. My ass is carrying HIM in apex. I don’t care that he knows how to shoot real guns. Don’t take this away from me

2) while he didn’t outright lie about his age, he did not say shit that would lead you to believe this man was over 40. He shared very few details about his personal life. Just that he was in the military, Austrian, and now? A gamer. Those are all the hallmarks of being a man in his 20s! Except the Austrian thing— that can happen to anyone.

I like to imagine he treats you like his discord kitten tho. You ask how old he is and he’s like “I’m an adult, if that’s what you’re worried about” or “old enough” or “don’t worry about it” and you say “okay 💖 yay 💖”

And he’s 100% your sugar daddy. Constantly buying you games just so you can co-op with him, gifting you in-game currency to spend on battle passes, absolutely ravaging your wishlist— steam, amazon, or otherwise.

He finds himself in your area for work and you tell him your address so he can meet up with you.

And you’re kind of a stupid femcel so when this dude shows up at your door, almost seven feet tall and wearing a surgical mask, scarred face with a healthy grey streak in his hair, it’s not setting off any alarm bells. There’s like at least 5 red flags here but you’re colorblind and inviting him in.

You didn’t realize that he was planning on staying with you while he was in the area. You also didn’t realize that the moment he found out he’d be stationed near you, he decided it was time to take your relationship to the next level.

Which is how you end up stretched out on his cock on the same day that you met in person for the first time, with him grunting in your ear about how he dreamed of this— thought of it every time he jerked off when you fell asleep during a discord call. He could tell just from your voice that you’d be pretty and soft and tight and perfect for him— and he was ready to settle down.

Good thing you didn’t really have any plans for the rest of your life, or you might find how fast he moves a little scary.

So it makes sense that you’re still a little shy. Too nervous to initiate things usually. So he just has to motivate you a little.

This skin’s an exclusive, can’t be earned with currency, and available as a drop for just 7 days. You can’t put in the hours to get it on your own, not to mention how tedious it is, and it can’t be bought. But it’s so cute.

So he makes the offer. He’ll spend his precious leave time helping you earn it if you keep his cock warm while he does it. He’d initially planned on using that time to rearrange your guts, so you’re gonna have to make it worth his while.

And maybe you exaggerate a little. You’re used to saying these things over calls— where nothing has any repercussions in the real world. Where you can promise anything from the safety of being on a screen a world away.

You tell him you’ll let him do whatever he wants to you if he can get that skin for you. After a moment you realize the implications of saying that to someone who can and will hold you down and make out with your cervix using the tip of his cock.

He borrows one of your elastics to tie back his hair.

He’s gonna get you that skin. And then he’s gonna get you pregnant.

You did say anything.