#apapermask

[dirtanddustt]

yesterday morning i stumbled upon this account on instagram run by this sister who i had completely forgotten about. i dont know why i forgot about her. back when i was active on my reminders account, her posts would regularly show up on my feed and i would admire her so much. something about her writing made me feel like my soul was spilling over. i dont’ know how else to explain it but like that.

social media is swarming with writers, but rarely do i find writing that has such a profoundly lasting impact on me. her thoughts on religion, the photos that she took, the pictures that she drew, everything was so carefully crafted, like it had a greater purpose and came from the deepest place. 

so, when i discover her account once more after so long, i find that she has passed away a year ago. subahanallah, it has been over a year since she has departed from this world and i only find out now. but its the suddenness of her death that i cant seem to shake off. according to the comments on her last and final post, she was in a kite festival when the strings of a kite got caught around her throat and slit in open. 

i’ve been thinking about this for so long trying to make sense of it but i cant. death is so close and unexpected and its a promise that no one in this world can deny not even those who reject God. every breath we take is taking us closer to our end. the time we spend in this world is short, the time we are held in our graves is so long. we forget. 

something she posted a few weeks, or maybe even days before her death was this poem, with the caption ‘and i plan to stay for a long time.’  the irony of this sentence. she was 21 years old when she died. im 21 years old right now, and i seem to have it in my head that i have a whole life of living ahead of me. i think we all suffer from the same delusion. we are reminded of death all the time, but rarely does it phase us. how many reminders will it take for us to finally get in into our heads? we cant take this world as our home. we don’t belong here. we will never belong here.

the reason why i mention this is because its the blessed month of ramadan, the doors of mercy are open, prayers of the fasting person is always answered, and i am begging you who reads this to keep her in your duas and ask Allah to forgive her and accept her. her name was rahla. please dont forget to mention her name in your prayers today.