#anywho... if i seem distant or... off it's not you it's me lmao

[mxgyver]

.

[sparrowofthedawnsworld]

Middle Of The Night -

Sam Kiszka

A/N: Not me using my current life situation for a fanfic lmao- jk. I’m not gonna say this is fully based off of what’s going on in my life right now, but it kind of is lol. This is nothing crazy like my other fics, this is just my way of letting off some steam. Anywho… I hope y’all enjoy this little Sam fic!

Warnings: 18+!! Minors DNI! Fingering, oral (m&f receiving), choking, teasing, praise kink, hair pulling, unprotected sex (wrap it up, y’all)!! Light fluff.

••••

You were tired of him. So, so tired of him… But you couldn’t let go.

No matter what you did, he was always on your mind. You had met Sam years ago, the universe bringing you together at the worst possible moments, every single time. No matter what you and Sam did, it was always the worst timing for one or the other. It was eating you up inside. He was all you wanted and no matter what you did, he was always seemingly so distant from you.

But how did he feel so far, but so close all at once?

Thought after thought, daydream after daydream… Sam practically consumed you.

Sure, you had your days where he never even crossed your mind. but it seemed like those days were few and far between.

However, even with his claims of not wanting a relationship, he didn’t exactly do his part in letting you

be. He always knew just when to reach out, reeling you back in… right where he wanted you. He could never let you get too far. Neither of you could stray too far from each other for that matter and you begged to know what was keeping you both so drawn to the other.

After countless nights sleeping on Facetime, texting almost all the time, calling just to see what the other was doing at random times of the day, it all stopped. It was sudden and shocking to you, but even though it made you upset, you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at him. A part of you pleaded to let go of Sam, but your heart and soul overruled in that decision.

You craved him…

‘Please bring him back to me,’ you would beg in your mind, not so patiently waiting for the next time he would each out.

<>

And that’s exactly where you were right now. Lost in deep thought of the beautiful boy, begging the universe to bring him back to you again. For good this time…

You couldn’t keep letting him come back, just to ghost you again.

Despite the urges to reach out, most of your past efforts to do so ended up useless… The line ringing and ringing until either you just hung it up, or you finally reached the dreaded automated voice, taunting you that the man on the other end, couldn’t be bothered to answer.

You were more than aware, that the whole situation was teetering the line of toxic and unhealthy at this point, but you just couldn’t let Sam go.

You laid in your bed, staring up at the ceiling and humming the song he had played one time. You had never stopped listening to it… Often times the closest thing you had to him, when you didn’t hear from him for weeks or months at a time.

You didn’t want to do it… You were fed up with almost always being the one to reach out first. It made you feel desperate- And while you kind of were, You couldn’t have Sam knowing that.

You had successfully manifest him once before, but couldn’t understand what had been blocking your recent attempts.

But, you picked up your phone anyway, opening it and going straight to his pinned contact in your text messages. You clicked it, fingers hovering over the keyboard.

‘Should I even bother..?’ You asked yourself.

Suddenly, an incoming call taking over your screen, practically scared you senseless. Your breath hitched, eyes going wide in pure disbelief, at the specific ringtone that was sounding through your phone and the name that displayed. With hands shaking violently, you hit the little green button.

“Hello?” You answered cooly. You didn’t want to sound nervous or show any sort of major emotion towards him. You lifted the phone in view of your face when you felt ready, revealing the man you’d been dying to talk to, grinning on the screen.

“Still picking up after just two rings, huh?” He teased at your eagerness.

“I already had my phone in my hand,” you lied straight through your teeth. “I should have just declined it, like I started to.” You shot at him. It came out dripping with annoyance, but still managed to sound too playful for your liking.

“Please, you couldn’t ignore my calls if you wanted to.” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

His constant teasing and borderline cockiness always made you weak. You couldn’t figure out why you loved it so much, but you did.

“You’re right, I guess.” You giggled, giving into him as you always did. You always melted away at his voice.

“So what made you call me, stranger?” You broke the short silence that had fallen over.

“I wanted to talk to you and… see you.” Sam said hesitantly. Your jaw dropping slightly at his words.

“You want to what??” You questioned, at an utter disbelief of his words.

“You want to what?!” He mocked you, with a little laugh.

“I want to see you, Y/N.” He repeated, his tone was warm and honest this time.

“Sammy… You know I can’t leave here. I have a show tomorrow..” You pointed out.

“I didn’t say YOU had to leave,” He chuckled. “I’ll come see you. If I leave right now, I’ll be there at 11.” He seemed to have everything figured out already.

“Sam…?” You couldn’t keep doing this with him. It almost felt like you were just a convenience for him and you couldn’t take it.

“What?” He answered curious to what you had to say.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea. I’ve tried to see you so many times and you always blow me off…” You began to ramble. “And on top of that, you only talk to me when you feel like it. I feel too deeply for you to keep doing this, Sam.” You release an unsteady breath into the silence that fell over both of you.

He let out a heavy sigh. You knew he was preparing to give you another empty apology.

“I know, Y/N. I’m sorry, I really am..” you rolled your eyes. “I know i’ve said that so many times now, but I mean It this time. I can’t keep letting you go. I want to be with you… I really do.” He confessed. As much as you wanted to believe him, you couldn’t keep letting him off so easily.

“I need actions, Sam. You’re always giving me empty apologies and broken promises…” You said weakly, pain taking over you.

You looked at him intently through the phone, watching him get up and walk somewhere in his room. Without a word from him, he jerked a suitcase from his closet, tossing it to the bed.

“Sammy, what are you doing?” You questioned.

“Coming to see you.” He stated simply. He propped his phone against something, leaving you to watch him pull clothes out and throw them into the suitcase.

“I’m not blowing you off this time.” He assured, looking directly at you through the phone.

“You’re really gonna leave tonight?” You asked, shocked at his spontaneous decision.

“I’m packing this bag and i’m leaving, yes.” He answered in a duh tone. You laughed at him and you could see a small smile break over his lips.

You’d never even kissed Sam, but you wondered often how incredible it would feel to have his lips and hands all over you. Sure you both had talked about it, but for one reason or another, you had never actually done anything.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about over there?” He laughed at you.

“You’re actually coming here? Right now?” You continued on in denial, much to his amusement.

“Yess, I am, Y/N.” He groaned in fake annoyance. He placed a few other things in his suitcase, zipping it up and placing it down on the floor.

Coming over and picking up his phone, he carried you along with him to find his keys.

“I’m just surprised, okay!” You defended. You felt your stomach flutter at the sound of his keys.

“I won’t believe it, until you’re standing at my door.” You told him honestly.

Your trust in him really was low…

“Well, be waiting by it. I’ll see you in a few hours.” He continued to laugh at your disbelief. “I’ll text you when I get to the bridge, okay?” He asked, bring the phone back up so you could see each other.

“Okay..” You spoke softly, watching him get in the car. You weren’t sure what emotions you were feeling, or how you would feel when he got to your apartment. All you cared about was that he was actually coming to see you. For real this time.

“I’ll see you in a few hours.” He said, starting up the car.

“See you in a few hours.” You repeated his words back to him.

He hung up, leaving you to stare off in complete shock. The feelings were so overwhelming, making you too antsy to sit still any longer.

You got up immediately, cleaning your entire apartment and pacing around like a mad man every so often. You were thankful that it killed most of your time, but you were wishing that it had helped to calm you more.

After finishing your bedroom, all you had left to clean was the living room.

Your heart skipped at the sound of your phone notifying you of a text.

You walked over to where it laid on your dresser, seeing a text from Sam.

Sammy-boy: ‘Be there in 30 minutes, maybe less’

You were certain you were going to throw up, but part of you still didn’t believe him.

As if he read your mind, he sent another text

Sammy-boy: *started sharing his location with you*

Your hand flew over your mouth once his location loaded, seeing that he was really coming across the bridge to where you lived.

The short 30 minutes you had left to wait, you swore felt like another 3 hours. You couldn’t sit, trying to find any and everything to contain your nerves for the remainder of the time.

You jumped at the knock on the door, all but running down the hall into the the living room.

You stood shakily, hand over the doorknob, trying to gather yourself as best you could.

You opened it, revealing a smirking Sam. You smiled at him widely, both of you just staring in shock. You stepped to the side to let him in. He wasted no time putting his suitcase down and extended his arms out to you. The moment you surely thought would have you running to the closest bathroom, actually had you doing the opposite. You stepped into his arms right away, letting him wrap you in the tightest, warmest, most comfortable hug you’ve ever been given.

You relaxed into him within seconds, all your nerves and worries washing away. You knew this was it… After all this time, you just knew he was finally yours.

“I told you I was coming to see you.” He nudged you, laughing at your previous state of shock.

“Shut up and just keep hugging me for a second.” You nudged back.

You pulled back slightly, searching to meet his eyes. You swallowed hard, thinking of the best way to ask for what you wanted.

“Please, kiss me, Sam… I- I’ve thought about it so many times. I just want to finally know how it feels to kiss you.” You pleaded with him.

He nodded just barely, leaning in to connect his lips with yours.

You hated when people compared their kisses to those of movies, but now you understood why.

The kiss was gentle and sweet, your lips moving in perfect timing with Sam’s.

You deepened the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. You wanted him as close to you as possible, scared that he was disappear if you let him go.

He pulled away for air, resting his forehead on yours.

“I’m not ignoring you anymore. I’m not going anywhere.” He promised You.

“Please, don’t.” You begged him, with a smile breaking over your face. “I missed you a lot.” You pulled him down for another kiss.

“Come on, I want to take care of you. Will you let me do that?” He asked, lips still ghosting over yours.

“Please. I’ve wanted you to take me for so long.” You told him. You knew you sounded so needy, but you didn’t even care.

Sam pulled away, taking your hand and guiding you to what he vaguely knew to be your room from past facetime calls.

You let go of his hand as the two of you entered your bedroom, closing the door behind you.

You barely had time to turn around to face Sam again, before he had you pushed against the door.

He crashed your his lips to yours in an intense kiss, snatching the air from your lungs.

“I’m an idiot for ignoring you so much.” He mumbled more to himself. You shook your head at him.

“Maybe just a little..” You grinned, rather smugly, but part of you meant it. He knew that, too.

“I’ve told you many times that you deserve the best… You’re such a great girl. You’re too good for me…” He leaned his forehead against yours, looking so deep into your eyes, you were sure he could see inside you.

“I’ll do whatever I have to do, to be good enough for you.” He promised you, connecting your lips in a tender kiss.

You pulled him as close as you could, deepening the kiss. He slid his hands down your body to the back of your legs, squeezing them, beckoning you to jump. You did as he wanted, letting him lift you up and carry you to your bed.

He laid you down gently, waiting for you to move into a comfortable position, before crawling over top of you.

“You’re so beautiful…” He whispered to you. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby. Is that what you want? You want me to finally make you feel good?” He was working you up more and more by the second, and he knew it. He loved it.

“Yes, please. Sammy, I want you so bad.” You gave into him, hoping he would take it easy on the teasing.

“I bet you do. You gotta beg for it.” He smirked, voice dropping to the low tone he knew drove you absolutely crazy.

“Come on, Sammy, please. I’ve waited too long for you to tease me.” You scolded in a whine.

“What did I tell you that one night?” He hummed, raising his eyebrows in question. “Because I think I told you I was gonna break you. Make you come so hard, you see stars..” He growled into your ear, answering for you.

You were speechless. His confidence and dominance over you, was already making wetness pool between your legs.

“I’m gonna take care of you, like no one ever has.” He confirmed cockily.

He trailed his lips across your jaw, sucking on a spot just below it.

He continued his slow trail down your neck, stopping over the spot where your neck met with your collarbone.

He looked up at you with a smirk.

“I guessed that this is your weak spot. Remember that?” He asked you, his eyes were dark, but still playful and smug.

“Yeah, I do…” You answered breathlessly. He dipped his head back down to your neck, placing his lips on the spot he somehow knew would send you reeling.

You whimpered as he pulled the sensitive skin between his teeth harshly, flicking his tongue over the area to soothe it.

“Sam, please. How much do I have to beg?” You pried, grabbing his face to pull him up to meet your eyes.

“I’m not caving that easily, pretty girl. You better just be patient.” He spoke, almost in a warning tone. “I promise i’m gonna take care of you. Take this off.” He commanded, tugging at the hem of your t-shirt.

“Take yours off.” You shot back, grabbing his t-shirt in a fist.

You both made quick work of pulling away your shirts, taking it upon yourself to remove your bra right after. You stared at each other for a moment, taking in the others newly exposed skin.

Sam’s eyes grew darker at the sight of your bare upper body, taking you in with a soft groan. He pulled himself together, taking both of your breasts in his hands carefully.

“God, you’re so gorgeous.” He complimented lowly. He lowered his mouth to one of your nipples, biting and sucking on it, sending a rush of pleasure straight to your core. You knew your panties would surely soak through your shorts soon.

He moved to the other, repeating the actions on the other nipple, finally pulling a sweet noise of pleasure from your throat.

“That’s it, that’s what I want. Keep making those pretty noises for me.” He encouraged, leaving your chest and trailing his lips down your belly.

He looked up at you, his signature smirk returning.

He sucked at the sensitive skin just above your bellybutton, making you arch into his mouth.

“You like when I kiss you here?” He asked, ghosting his lips down to another spot, just below your bellybutton this time.

“Yes-“ You choked out through a strangled breath. “Sammy, please. I need you to do something.” You pleaded with him, for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Tell me what you want, then.” He pushed, pulling the tie of your shorts loose.

“I need your mouth… your fingers, please. I just need you here.” You placed his hand over your throbbing core through your shorts.

He hooked his fingers into them, pulling them down along with your soaked panties. Once he got them off, he settled between your legs again.

“Look at you… so wet.” He all but groaned. “Is this where you want me?” He said in a taunting tone.

“Yes, Sammy.” You whimpered pathetically.

He trailed light kisses up the inside of each thigh, running a finger through your folds unexpectedly. You jolted your hips away at the sudden action, a gasp slipping past your lips.

“Stay still.” He demanded lowly, glaring up at you. He slipped two fingers in with ease, curling them immediately to find your spot. He pushed his fingers in a little deeper, curling them up again once more, ripping a loud moan from deep within you.

“There you go, baby. Let me hear you.”

He continued on with his fingers working skillfully within you, bringing his lips down to your clit finally and sucking gently.

“Fuck, Sam- that feels so good.” You praised, more moans and whimpers falling from your swollen lips.

A certain flick of his tongue over your clit, sent a new wave of pleasure through you. Your hips bucked instinctively, making Sam bring his arm across your stomach to hold you still. He repeated the action, making your breath hitch, your moans hitting a new octave. He chuckled lowly against you, at the reactions he was getting from you.

“Oh, god Sam.. i-“ He kept up the same motion with his tongue, speeding it up slightly.

He matched the speed of his fingers with his tongue, settling into a rhythm that had the knot in your stomach ready to burst within minutes.

“Sammy. Shit, Sammy I’m gonna cum-“ You rushed out. He only hummed against your core, the vibration of it throwing you over the edge. He kept up the same speed through your orgasm, slowing down his movements as your body came down, but not stopping.

He pulled his mouth away, keeping his fingers inside you, working you down the rest of the way.

“You taste so good, pretty girl.” He said sweetly.

“Please let me make you feel good, Sammy.” You begged him, pushing yourself up on your elbows.

Sam pushed himself off the bed to begin pulling the rest of his clothes off.

You eyed him closely, almost drooling at the sight of his body. He was perfect.

You pulled yourself up, getting off the bed and sinking to your knees in front of Sam.

He watched you with hooded eyes, swallowing hard at the sight of you on your knees.

You placed a kiss to the swollen pink tip and Sam hissed through his teeth above you.

You went down on him further, taking whatever couldn’t fit in your mouth, in your hand.

You sucked harder, swirling your tongue around him, earning a stream of guttural moans and curses.

“Fuck- shit, Y/N-“ His hips jerked against your mouth a few times.

“As much as I would love for you to keep going, I want to be inside you.” he voice came out raspy and strained.

He pushed you back to the bed,

getting on top of you quickly.

“ Are you ready?” He searched your face for any signs of worry or uncertainty.

“Yes, I’m ready. I want you.”

Pleased with your confident answer, he lined himself up with your entrance, pushing himself in slowly. He stopped halfway in, a breathy groan escaping him.

“You feel so good around me. Holy shit, Y/N.” He rasped out. He pushed in the rest of the way, swears falling out of both of you as he bottomed out.

“You’re so big, Sam…” Your hands wrapped around his shoulders, pulling yourself up as much as you could, placing kisses to his neck.

“Please move.” You choked out.

He drew his hips back, pushing back into you with a deep thrust. He continued, slow and deep for a minute, making your hold body feel as if it was on fire with each hit to your G-spot.

Sam took your hands in his, pinning them above your head and holding himself up above you.

He stared down at you with dark, lust filled eyes, but full of another emotion you couldn’t quite read.

He picked up the speed of his hips, causing an ungodly cry to escape your lips.

“I know, baby. You take me so well.” He praised.

“So perfect, just for me.”

“Fuck, Sammy..” You moaned out his name, making him twitch inside of you.

“Say it again.” He demanded lowly, letting go of one of your hands and bringing his hand down to your throat, squeezing just the right amount.

“You’re so good, Sammy,” you repeated his name for him. It felt so perfect coming from your lips and Sam thought the same.

Sam pulled out of you and flipped you over roughly, pulling your ass up to meet his hips. He pushed it into you roughly again, causing you to let out a pornographic moan.

He set a devilish pace, grabbing your hair and pulling you back into his chest.

“Do you like it when I take you like this? When I talk to you soft, but fuck you all rough?” He cooed into your ear. The contrast in his words versus his actions, had the tingling feeling in the pit of your stomach returning quickly.

“Yes, Sam, I love it-“ You gasped as he changed his angle slightly.

“Fuck! Sammy, I’m so close.” You cried out through breathless moans and cries of pleasure.

“I’m right there, baby. Wait for me.” He pleaded, kissing your shoulder repeatedly.

He gripped your hair tighter in his fist, bringing his other hand around to circle your clit.

“Christ- Sammy, I- I can’t it’s so much-“ You shook in pleasure. It took everything in you not to push Sam’s hand away and collapse. “I’ve got you, baby. You’re right there, you got it,” he encouraged through his own gasps of pleasure.

You let go, body tensing in Sam’s arms. Your orgasm sent your vision into a blur, you were noiseless beneath him.

Sam moaned loudly, you clenching around him, sent him spiraling into his own high, filling you up to the brim.

You both gasped for air together, your body giving out and falling against the bed. Sam pulled out of you, laying down beside you.

“Come here.” He whispered, jusy loud enough for you to hear.

You moved gently into his arms, letting him hold you against his warm body tightly.

“Can I tell you something?” He asked you genuinely. You swore he almost sounded a little scared. You looked over your shoulder at him, seeing a nervous expression over his features.

“Anything,” You gave him a reassuring smile.

“I think I love you.” His eyes locked with yours as the words left his mouth. Your eyes grew wide, brain faltering momentarily at his confession.

“I… I think I love you, too.”

[kuraiandroger]

Diasomnia Relationship Headcanons

Basically what the title says, they’re my favorite dorm and I’ve projected on them a lot so I hope I’m not alone in how I see these dynamics </3 Enjoy!

 Lilia and Malleus

I see them as parent and child, even though Malleus seems to want to hide that sometimes. It’s probably because of his title and his age gap with the other children in the “family”  that maybe he feels embarrassed about Lilia doting on him, but oh well. I still see him as a child compared to Lilia (despite the fact that he literally is lol) because he seems to be a lot less present in the kids’ lives, and we’ve gotten several glimpses of his apparent emotional immaturity (Avoiding his problems, throwing “lightning tantrums”, sulking, etc). Paired with the fact that Lilia covers for him a LOT while still acknowledging these issues he has... I just can’t see them as equals lol. I only see a father and his very mildly unruly lol son. U_U It’s okay Malmal I know you’re trying your best.

Lilia and Silver

A rather similar relationship to Lilia and Malleus, to be honest. It’s just a lot more open, and I suspect that’s because Silver is sort of young and he doesn’t really have anyone else he’d rather run off with. His temperament is different than Malleus to an extent; Silver doesn’t strike me as a child with a single rebellious bone in his body, so he has no problems hanging out with and admiring his old man. I like to think Lilia had a very tender bond with both of his sons when they were infants, and some of that shows still in his relationship with Silver. They are just good ol dad and son (but really, dad, I’m fine with doing the cooking for tonight).

Lilia and Sebek

Sebek himself has called Lilia his mentor, and I really think that’s the basis of what they are, but I also think Lilia takes some of the liberty of acting like a dad to Sebek too sometimes. I believe Sebek was very present in Silver’s childhood so he is comfortable with Lilia’s authority. A good example of this was when Lilia told Sebek to use a quieter voice in Sam’s shop, much like the way a parent would scold their child lol. Sebek, too, while admittedly gullible, seems to heed Lilia’s advice with great respect, such as when he showed the other first years his secret natto ingredient that he’d heard was good from Lilia.

Malleus and Silver

Contrary to what most people think (due to Malleus’ status as Silver’s guardian), I don’t entirely see him as “Silver’s other dad.” Here’s where I start projecting lmao because I had a sibling who was many years older than me myself, so I sort of get the “older sibling who I respect because they are that much older than me but I also barely know them” vibe from these two. I am sure that Malleus took responsibility for Silver when needed, but it’s just really obvious to me that Lilia is the primary parent and Mal almost certainly looked to him for advice. I dunno, I could be completely wrong about this one, but I am just rather hung up on Lilia still viewing Malleus as his child despite the fact that he is long grown and therefore Malleus doesn’t seem to place the same priority on parenting Silver that Lilia does (which, yeah, I realize could very well be because of Malleus’ title and all). 

Some people have said it could’ve been out of respect, but I’ve also taken into account how little Silver seems to acknowledge Malleus as anything more than his liege (he didn’t even know very much about Malleus’ interest in gargoyles which....blows my mind a little lol) and really calls Lilia his father instead. There is a peculiar blend of comfort and distance between Malleus and Silver that I personally don’t entirely see as a parent-child dynamic </3. For the most part, I just see these two as distant age-gap siblings wherein the older one might’ve helped raise the younger one but was too much older than the younger sibling to really connect with them  (This could change during the Diasomnia chapter, but yeah). TL;DR: Distant older sibling Mal, as evidenced by Lilia’s much higher influence as the true “father” figure.

Malleus and Sebek

A pretty obvious lord-and-knight dynamic here lol. Malleus seems pretty indifferent to Sebek’s devotion, but Sebek still wants to impress him anyways. I’m sure Malleus just lets him do whatever because Sebek’s a little kid to him lmao

Silver and Sebek

This one! My favorite one! Their sibling-like dynamic really stands out to me because again, I have lived it lmao. I like to see them as a sibling rivalry because it’s very refreshing to see within a piece of media that also focuses on sibling characters that do get along (the Leeches, etc). These two tend to bicker, and they only hang out when they have to (such as when the whole family is together, or when they’re at their school club), and seem to have their own separate social lives despite knowing a lot about each other. I’ve noticed they also pick on each other for things the other cannot control (such as Sebek’s “annoying” voice, or Silver’s sleep disorder). As someone who has a sibling I really don’t get along with sometimes, it just hits home lol.

I’ve noticed that something else us bratty siblings will do, is tend to ignore any traits we have in common in favor of shaming the things we don’t share... Which is very much something that Sebek and Silver do to one another. In reality, I really do think they have rather similar personalities, but the fact that each one expresses it so differently causes them to fight (for example, Silver and Sebek are both very blunt but careful individuals, yet their level of enthusiasm for what they do is a source of conflict). Despite this, sibling rivalry-dynamic characters will still have moments where they get along, such as when they share an activity, like swordfighting.

I like to think that while Sebek is quite literally just Silver’s childhood friend, they have reached a level of comfort (and annoyance) with one another after years of growing up together that their dynamic manifests the way argumentative siblings do, and I love that for them.

---

SOOO uh, thank you for reading if you did! This is my first text post in a really long time, please be nice to me if you happen to disagree with any of this, it’s just headcanons! Sorry if it’s a bit wordy at times too, I like to shove as much in as I can. </3 Anywho, we’ll get a better scope when Diasomnia’s chapter releases someday, haha. 

[svpernatvralis]

NERISSA MONTEVERDE is a 537 year old cis female fae. people say they have a striking resemblance to fahriye evcen. they work as the owner of royal jelly flowers and are part of the syndicate ( fae right hand ). people say they’re really coquettish, imaginative, & meticulous, but unfortunately also fickle, manipulative, & reticent. why are they in invictus? well, they simply wish to protect their kind. 

hey, hello, hi, bonjour! s’up buttercups? ‘tis i, your friendly neighbourhood loser chrissie and i’m super duper excited to be here among you fab human beings! this is my precious bby nerissa who is honestly quite curt sometimes tbh lmao still, she’s got a good heart deep down and is pretty much what you might say away with the fairies 99.9% of the time hsjakgkjf no pun intended tehe. plot-wise i’m open to literally anything and everything so come at me with any ideas ya got! i’m always diggity down to spit ball ideas and form some dope connections so pls feel free to invade my ims or hmu on le cord and we can brainstorm until our heart’s content! if ya wanna, go ahead and light that lil grey heart up red and i’ll shimmy my butt your way for all of the good stuff. anywho, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we?

fundamentals.

name. nerissa angelique monteverde.

age. 537, but appears around 29.

d.o.b. december 17th.

gender. cisgender female.

pronouns. she / her.

orientation. pansexual.

affiliation. the syndicate.

rank. fae right hand.

job. owner of royal jelly flowers.

connections.

birth mother. enya. †

birth father. caliban. †

step-mother. nyx. †

siblings. unknown.

significant other. n/a.

child/ren. n/a.

pet/s. n/a.

proficiencies.

spoken languages. english, turkish, german, italian, french, spanish, & latin.

negative traits. brusque, calculating, distant, deceptive, & promiscuous.

positive traits. elegant, headstrong, observant, independent, & confident.

strengths. dedicated, strong-willed, direct, honest, loyal, patient, reliable, enjoys creating order, & excellent organiser.

weaknesses. inflexible, stubborn, judgemental, uncomfortable with unconventional situations, too focused on social status, finds it difficult to relax, & has difficulty expressing emotion.

appearance.

eye colour. hazel.

hair colour. brown / auburn.

height. five feet, eight inches.

weight. 59 kg.

miscellaneous.

zodiac. sagittarius.

element. fire.

house. slytherin.

meyers briggs type. estj-a.

alignment. true neutral.

enneagram. type one.

temperament. choleric.

intelligence type. interpersonal.

background.

NERISSA ANGELIQUE MONTEVERDE     —     five hundred and thirty-seven, fae, owner of royal jelly flowers, + fae right hand for the syndicate !

possible triggers   :   adultery, infertility, execution, beheading, murder, death.

tl;dr.     alrighty, where do we start with this lil spitfire? she uhhh ... has a lot of issues and is quite distant bc of it. nerissa was the product of an affair between an esteemed fae ( caliban ) and a fire faerie ( enya ). though nerissa never had the chance to meet her birth mother as her step-mother ( nyx ) banished enya shortly after she gave birth. enya’s banishment was a result of the rage nyx held toward her. in part, due to her inability to conceive a child of her own and also due to her anger for her husband’s affair. thus, nerissa grew up under the impression that her biological mother was nyx; neither of her parents divulging the truth behind her parentage. although nerissa was not biologically nyx’s daughter, nyx adored the young fae as if she were her own blood. in truth, nerissa spent more time with her ‘mother’ than with her father. in part, caliban felt the loss of his mistress even though he refused to acknowledge her part in his daughter’s birth. basically, he never had any time for nerissa and excluded her from everything. still, she remained upbeat about it, thinking that one day she'd win his love. she did not. shocker. growing up, life was mostly positive for nerissa. her father’s guards protected her, and his warlock friends aided her with her abilities and taught her the fae ways as well as those of the human beliefs. as the years passed by, nerissa grew stronger and smarter; becoming an adored figure among her fellow fae, yet, in the background, tensions rose between nyx and caliban when their family dynamic became endangered by nyx’s threat of revealing the truth behind nerissa’s heritage. in fear of their secret becoming common knowledge ( and most importantly, ariela finding out ), caliban ordered for his wife to be executed for ‘treason.’ of course, nerissa tried to protest this due to her love for the woman she believed to be her mother but her attempts to prevent her father’s ruling were futile. days later, nyx was publicly beheaded by one of caliban’s most loyal guards. this act served to place a wedge further between nerissa and her father and as the years ticked by, until his untimely demise which was when nerissa left her home behind. soon after, she joined the syndicate where she now sits as the right hand for the fae. to this day, she remains unaware of her true parentage and continues to struggle with the haunting nightmares of her childhood. so yah, nerissa had a pretty rough childhood but she's bounced back. well, about as much as you'd expect from someone who grew up feeling unwanted and unloved. really, she just always tries her best and is a perfectionist and wants to protect her kind.

random extras.

her signature scent is chanel N°5.

she’s fearless af. throwback to her upbringing, most likely.

she’s all sweet smiles and charming words until her expression turns sharp and deadly. it’s her tactic to entice then pounce, if you will.

she loves to surprise people. most assume she’s a pretty girl but oh, she loves the look of shock on their faces when she unleashes her inner bish.

in a way, her words are like her weaponry.

an angel of vengeance in a pair of designer sunglasses tbh.

owns waaay too many pairs of heels.

her signature look is her blood-red lips.

often wears suits and totally rocks them.

when it comes to whether or not she is morally decent or an extremely bad person, she is somewhere in the middle of that spectrum—she isn’t heartless but she isn’t compassionate either.

she’s v ambitious, v morally ambiguous, v self-serving and v self-involved.

she can be pretty deadly if you piss her off enough.

is truly an independent woman who don’t need no man.

loyalty means a lot to her. if you betray her trust, then she’ll freeze you out.

while she’s a major ice queen on the outside, she has the potential to melt with the right people.

may seem like she has a superiority complex and acts as if she’s better than you, but it’s just because she knows her worth and her value.

she knows her strengths and isn’t afraid to assert them.

she’s v confident. not in a cocky way, but she is definitely self-assured in her looks and abilities.

avoids violence when possible.

prefers blackmail and taking advantage of people’s pressure points.

she’s her own biggest fan tbh.

[mcndozaas-blog]

☾ —— have you met kaden mendoza, the thirty year old male that looks a lot like bob morley? he has been in the syndicate as a robber for fourteen years now and is known around as the cataclysmic, because he is cunning & adventurous, as well as hedonistic & cocky. not just a gang banger, reaper is also a drug dealer.

*uberhaxornova voice* alright helLO ( watch, no one else knows who that is ) its me, ur resident trash qeen & angst n pain lover, caitlyn. i’m 23 and i live in cst so like ?? yeah hi hello how are ya’ll ?? this is my baby kaden that’s actually ?? a hot ass mess lmao ?? under the cut is his long as hECK bio and stats because... im the most extra binch you’ll ever meet and i ramble my ass off so if u make it through that bio ?? bless ur frickin heart? i’m so ridiculously excited to be here as well so that made my rambling worse ?? just like it is right now jfc okay i’ll stop. anywHO i’ve got a basic af list of wanted connections for him right HERE & his bio page right HERE. if you wanna plot w this hot ass mess, just like this or hop into my IMs bc i cannot wait to plot with all ya’ll.

ps: this is totally queued because i am currently at work ( i get off @ 8 my time ) so if i don’t reply to your IMs straight away, that’s why!!  

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of death, murder ( ??? ), gang/cartel related things, alcohol, drugs  & guns.

past.

kaden james mendoza, you were born into a life money, power and crime. your father being the most powerful cartel leader that new york had seen in over thirty years, meaning that anything and everything illegal that happened in and out of your hometown had your dad’s last name and extremely reliable reputation on it. but he wasn’t just that person, the harsh, cruel and brutal person that the people who worked for him were lead to believe. quite the opposite, really. he was kind to you and your mother, gave you both everything you could ever ask for and made sure that both of you were safe. you never knew what it was like to struggle, never had to because everything was handed to you on a silver platter, and you loved every single second of it. you had a thing for being at the top of the social ladder even at that age, meaning that you never understood that there was a life outside of the sliver-lined one you had because you never in your life believed you’d see the day where anything in your life changed. you had that ‘happy family’ people talk about wanting all the time and you thought that no one could touch you or them because your father had everything sorted out.

not until you turned nine, that’s when all hell broke loose.

your father had gotten old, people were constantly claiming he was weak or that he was ‘too soft’ to be the leader anymore, and so he went out and tried to prove that he wasn’t. set up a meeting with someone he’d found to be a rat in his crew, the guy constantly running back and forth from one cartel to the other and your father wanted to put an end to it, while proving that he still had what it took to be the leader. but what he hadn’t expected was for the mutiny to happen, for people to tired of his leadership, for them to someone who wasn’t ‘growing soft’ ways. which meant there was talk of his plan to take the guy out far before the meeting had ever been set up in the first place. meaning that the one person who your father tried to keep in the dark about it ended up finding out.. and needless to say, his ‘fool proof’ plan failed. the meeting was compromised and the other male was able to sneak in his own weapon of choice, a dagger. one that found your father’s heart just before he was about to do the same to the other. but you didn’t know he died, not at all. the people around you, the people that betrayed your father lied to your mother, lied to you. made up this grand story about how he just decided to leave new york, how he decided he wanted to start a new life and leave everything and everyone about the old on behind. a lie that would come back to bite all of them in the ass eventually. a lie that every single one of them would regret for the rest of their lives.

your mother never fully believed the lies, but went along with them to ‘keep you safe’, to shield you from the real truth. in order to do that, she downed bottle after bottle of a liquid you’d been told to avoid because it was only for adults, knowing her behavior would drastically change with each swig she took. sure, she never got mean, never got violent and for that you were grateful. but she did get distant, would lock herself in her room and stay there for days, refusing to come out even for you. kaden, you had no idea why she was doing this, all you knew what that you hated every second of it, wanting to do whatever it took to make sure she was happy again. the only thing you could think of that used to make her happy was your father or the material things he used to buy for her every single day before he came home. sometimes it was flowers, other times it was jewelry, it all depended on just how long he was out doing ‘business’ for. but you didn’t have any money to your name, not really at least. yes, your father made tons of money doing what he did, but all of that went to your mother and she seemed to be blowing all of it on booze and cigarettes which meant you had to figure out a way to get them on your own.

you were at one of your friends’ house when you learned that you had quite the knack for all things technology related, using your laptop to hack into random websites, changing small things here and there that almost went unnoticed most of the time. but you wanted more than that, you’d had a taste of it and you craved more, so you logged into your father’s bank account one day and realized that every single member of the cartel he’d ran for years was tied to that account, that you could hack into any one of their accounts whenever you pleased. so you did, taking small bits of their money and depositing it directly into your own bank account. it wasn’t much at first, a hundred here and there after you’d gotten everyone’s information, but after a while, the bit you started to take wasn’t enough, you wanted more and you knew you could take it, so you upped the total, hitting the hundred thousands by the time you were done. however, your lucky streak ended when one of the cartel members noticed their account had quite the chunk missing out of it, all of them quickly pinning it all on your mother as they figured it was some sort of ‘revenge’ for your father… even though they assumed you both still bought into the lies they told you about him. after hearing multiple people screaming and yelling at your mother to give the money back, you fessed up, told them it was you who’d taken the money and you explained why. but your surprise, you weren’t the one reprimanded for your actions. instead, your mother put you to work, giving you stack after stack of files that had to do with the disappearance of your father, wanting you to uncover the truth behind the lies.. wanting you to find anything that had to do with him.

but that wasn’t even enough for you, not even at the age of thirteen. you need more, some gratification other than the praise of your mother and one night you found out just how to get it.. all while being able to expose and exploit some rather nasty individuals. that became your new form of income, finding out people’s dirty laundry only to hold it over their heads. you blackmailed people and you made good money from it. money you kept because you’d always remembered your father talking about how important money was when it came to his line of business. one you found yourself following, even if you couldn’t see that quite yet. you though you were just working for your mother to help you both find the truth about your father and you left it at that, but all the while the members of his cartel whispered about your talents, knew that you’d be more than likely to take the whole operation out from underneath your mother’s feet one day. but you weren’t just good at hacking into things, no. you could pick up new languages like it was as easy at breathing, able to talk to multiple people who would make your family name even bigger than it already was in their native tongues, meaning you quickly overruled your mother when it came to where you wanted the cartel to go. however, that wasn’t for you.. you liked what you were doing when it came to exposing bad people to the world, all while keeping your families dirty laundry buried deep within encrypted codes that only you knew how to unlock.

kaden, you should have known that wouldn’t be the way things worked for long. you liked power, you liked money and you loved the gratification that came from doing illegal things. so you found another way to gain power and respect, all thanks to a group of kids that your mother would have shamed you for hanging out with. but you didn’t care, not anymore, being with them gave you freedom, something you hadn’t had your entire life and they had you wrapped around their manipulative fingers faster than you could blink an eye. you were so naive before you met them, and they called you out on it, bet you wouldn’t show up at one of their parties one night because they knew it’d get under your skin and you’d do anything to prove them wrong. so did, you went, you snuck out of the house and everyone was pleasantly surprised to see you. not long after you got there, they invited you to a basement, showing you that there was another life within the walls. a life that didn’t involve following every order you’re given without question. you also figure out that there’s a perfect way to let out the anger set deep within you and you begin to participate in boxing matches. a “fight club” of sorts, really. most of the people there were in it for the money, but not you. you could just take your father’s card and get whatever you wanted, so you didn’t need or want the money. no, you wanted the power you felt after you won, the praise that filled your ears for the first time in your life was beyond intoxicating and you couldn’t get enough of it. things started going in a circle for you after that night, but you never wanted it to change. you’d get up, go to school, come home and do your homework, pretend that you were sleeping and then you were out the door, dressed in all black as you made your way to the next basement to ultimately win the fight you were signed up for.

the rebellious streak you found yourself on didn’t end with the boxing matches, though. you were intoxicated from the feeling you felt and it started to consume you. you wanted to find more ways to give you that feeling and you weren’t going to stop until you found them. this lead to you meeting more people like you, more people who wanted to find some form of power that didn’t come from their family names. you ended up finding your safe haven in the most unsafe way you could have. you started drinking at a very young age, doing other illegal substances if they were offered. not to mention the fact that the boys in your little ring of friends would always bring girls to your fights. you’d never even really thought about girls until one day one of the ones your best friend brought with him decided to hang all over you after you’d won yet another fight. it sent your confidence soaring and you loved it. but you didn’t like the idea of just being with one specific person, it was to ‘normal’ for you. you felt like if you were to go steady with one person, you’d turn out to be far too normal and well, you didn’t like that thought one bit. so you ended up breaking that girls heart by sleeping with another, and then another after that. yet another horrible cycle you didn’t seem to want to break. a cycle you let rule your world, all while taking money from unsuspecting people’s bank accounts to line your pockets. how’d you end up becoming just like your father in his younger years? a question heard your mother mumble to herself on evening, but chose to ignore because you had it all, money, power, reputation, girls, alcohol.. it was all at your fingertips and you weren’t letting that go.

however, as much as you loved what you were doing, you decided to go back to your roots when it came to hacking. to go back and find people who were doing wrong things and expose them, just because you figured that if the world was paying attention to those people, they’d turn a blind eye to all the illegal things you seemed to be getting yourself into. it sounded good in your head, and you wanted to push yourself past where you’d been before, to go for someone with more power than those you were hacking into, for someone who had more power than you did, and so you did. you couldn’t believe that you found hacking into the secretary of state’s email address to be easy, but you did. it only took you one red bull, a bag of popcorn and three hours to find out that even the 'good’ guys weren’t as good as they let the cameras believe. something that made you smirk to yourself because it just meant that what you were doing wasn’t that bad at all. you now new that the secretary of state was having an affair on his wife, gambling state money and taking money from charity funds for himself. things you figured that new york deserved to know and with few mouse clicks later and all of those emails were sent to cnn. causing you to instantly became the talk of the town, they wrote articles about you while using the codename 'ph4n70m’ which stood for phantom, something you considered yourself to be as you’d lived in the shadows for most of your life anyways. they had you on the top stories in news broadcasting, your codename was trending on twitter and you were the ticket item for months as everyone tried to figure out who you were, and you absolutely loved the feeling, loved knowing that no matter what, you were being talked about, all while keeping your identity, your mother’s identity and your father’s business off the radar. it was like this new game for you, finding more dangerous things to hack into all while doing random odd-jobs for friends and fellow students for some money on the side. this was it, the life that you wanted, a life that gave you everything your father had.

during your school years, you’d come home and instantly sit down on your computer, finding the next big thing that would continue to keep your codename alive, to keep you the m moment. but after a while, that began to die down too and you knew you needed something that would get you noticed, something that would get you thrown in jail for the rest of your life if you were caught. so you decided to attempt to hack into one of the most secure buildings in the united states: the pentagon. you didn’t even really have a reason, and honestly? you didn’t need one, but you were rather nosy and wanted to see if you could uncover any more dirty laundry. much to your surprise and disappointment, you didn’t find anything that was worth your time. a few people had been discharged for a few things, but nothing was news worthy. so you left it alone and went back to exposing people who had done things that would get you that fifteen minutes of fame all over again. but that wasn’t enough, so you decided to make a move you never thought you would. you took over for your mother, told her you were old enough ( you were eighteen, which meant you were legal, so you figured why not ), told her that she didn’t need the burden of the business on her shoulders anymore and that you’d take over from there. but what you didn’t tell her was that you planned on getting back at every single person that’d done your father wrong in the process. you weren’t a voilent person, you took your anger out in your boxing matches, so you knew you weren’t going to hurt anyone even though it had crossed your mind a few times. no, instead you decided to do what you were best at, hacking into all of their accounts and linking them to a cartel that’d try to plant it’s roots in your territory, a cartel that you quickly had exposed to the police via a few emails under the 'ph4n70m’ alias. two birds with one stone, why not go for it? but your mother didn’t approve of you basically firing all of your men. you couldn’t do this alone, you knew that, but you sure ass hell didn’t want backstabbers working for you. something she needed to understand, something you proved to her by showing everything you’d found years ago about the mutiny.

but things didn’t stay that way and you found out that life can change in the blink of an eye. you’d met someone in school, someone who saw past the wall you kept up around your heart, someone you found yourself falling for. it was young love, yes, but it was unlike any feeling you’d ever had. the people around you didn’t find that as a smart move, though, they started calling you weak, whipped and a million other things that got under your skin because you’d learned that your father had something very similar to this situation happen to him. however, you knew the outcome wouldn’t be the same, and you showed that by cracking down on people who were slacking and making sure everything was run just as smoothly as it could be, all while still having that person what every one called you weak for falling for, showing them that they were wrong. showing them that you could do both and still be the 'heartless asshole’ you needed to be when it was necessary. however, you should have paid attention to the people around you that weren’t your employees, because there was a storm brewing that you never thought would hit so close to home. there was a rival cartel trying to weave their way into new york, and they’d been doing their research on you. knowing that the only way to get to you was through the one person who had gotten past your wall. you woke up to a text message from an unknown number telling you that you had twenty-four hours to get the hell out of new york or everything you knew and cared about would be burnt to the ground.

what other choice did you have but to obey? if they’d threatened you, it would have been find, you would have rolled your eyes and moved on. but they’d attached photos of you and her strolling down the streets, hand in hand along with your address and hers. so you made the hardest choice you would have to make in your life, you packed up everything and left. leaving notes for your friends and her with your mother, telling her to give them out because you’d made the choice to move and get out on your own. she didn’t understand that, though, you were only fifteen and couldn’t actually get a job anywhere, you couldn’t drive, yet you were packed up and had a plane ticket for a town in indiana that you’d never even heard of before, but it was so off the radar that you figured it’d be the best bet. you had to get away, had to start all over. but that was okay with you. you knew that you could manage, you knew you’d be able to figure something out whenever you got there. yes, it’d be hard, but you were strong and you knew that.

however, what you didn’t expect was to find a lifestyle there that wasn’t all that different from the one you’d lived in new york. you’d been pick-pocketing people for money to afford a shitty hotel room, one that you now called your home when someone saw you tricking someone else. whenever the person approached you, you fully expected them to call you out and put you under citizen’s arrest, but to your surprise, they offered you a job. it wasn’t much at first, you’d go to their hq and clean up and never asked questions about what in the hell they were doing because honestly? you had a general idea and you wanted in, no matter what it was they were actually doing. you found out when someone came in with a duffel bag full of money, something that made your heart start pumping once again. you hadn’t seen that much money since you’d been the “leader” of your father’s business, so you knew with every fiber of your being that you needed to be more hands on, that you needed to be involved in the heists they set up.

to their surprise, you were good with guns, good with violence. good with not showing emotions other than anger. that you could become a really good asset for them. so began your 'new’ life. you became a robber, meaning you became more hands on than you ever thought you would have been. and you loved every single second of it. you had power, but the focus wasn’t just on you. you had other people you were working with and for once, you were okay with working with others. they became your family, you found yourself realizing that year after year that went by, you’d do anything for them. kaden, you found a life for yourself that not only made you happy because you were able to do what you wanted to do, but you found people who loved it just as much, people you could trust your life with, people who you found yourself actually caring for. more so than you’d ever felt that for anyone. but there was that small part of you that thought you needed more, so more was what you went for and not long after that, you found yourself falling back into the old habits of dealing drugs. you started small at first, dealing nothing but weed, but a year after that you were back to selling everything you’d been selling back in new york and for the first time in your life, you were content. this was the life you’d wanted. power without being a 'leader’, fun without worrying about the consequences.. you had it all, and you were so damn happy.

present.

you’ve lived that life for fourteen years now, and there isn’t a damn thing you’d change about it, nor do you see yourself stopping any time soon. you have it all, all while keeping yourself so far off the radar that people from your past couldn’t find you even if they tried. not to mention the fact you’re able to do whatever you want with your money, spending it on alcohol, drugs, cars, shoes, clothes, clubs, bars and women. things that you’d had back in new york, sure.. but here? here it was different. you were able to do all of the things you wanted to do without having to worry about any of your choices effecting an entire business. yes, you made mistakes, some that were hard to fix or cover up, but they were covered up in the long run so that took the weight off of your shoulders. of course, you have to be careful with how you act in public, but you’d always been good at that anyways so that was as easy as breathing in your honest opinion. what still troubles you from time to time is the fact that you have to let people in, that the people around you know far more about you than you ever thought they would have fourteen years ago. that’s hard, yes, and you struggle with it, slipping back into your 'heartless asshole’ reputation you had back in new york far more often than not. but you’re sure the people around you know that you can’t help it, that it’s just how you are.. and that you don’t mean to offend anyone with your actions or words. or at least you hope so, because you’d actually do care about them. they’ve become closer to you than your old friends or family. you also still have your side job of dealing drugs to people around monroe, and you’re doing everything you can to keep both of your jobs going as smoothly as possibly, all while still living the way you want to live.

however, even though you keep your jobs and the syndicate on the down low and in the shadows, you have a tendency to flaunt your money whenever possible, something that makes your mother roll her eyes because she didn’t raise you to be 'pretentious, arrogant and vain’ but you don’t mind because at the end of the day, she still loves you with all of her heart. something that you cherish with every fiber of your being, something that you actually allow yourself to feel because you’ve learned that in your line of business, bottling up every emotion you’ve got works far better than letting them all out. which also means that you still tend to sleep around, a habit you couldn’t seem to break and honestly? it’s probably better that way, or at least that’s what you tell yourself all the time. 'it would be far too dangerous to involve someone in your life for more than just a hook up.’ it’s a plausible excuse, and you’ve never led someone on, making them believe you were looking for more than just that.. so you don’t really see an issue with it. as long as it’s not hurting anyone else, why should you stop? you tell yourself that far too often, any time you come home with a different person, any time you go out and party as if you’ve just turned twenty-one. but what you don’t realize is your friends are concerned about you. they see through the lies when you tell them 'you’re fine’ or 'i got plenty of sleep’, but they never call you out on it because they’re worried their jobs would be at risk if they did. that’s the person you’ve become, kaden. someone who drinks too often, someone who doesn’t get enough sleep.. or at all because of just how busy juggling two lives is. but you’re determined to go on living the life that you want to live, acting the way you want to act because in your mind you’ve earned every second of it. which, you might have, but that doesn’t stop you from being a human being. someone who needs rest, someone who needs to stop juggling everything, someone who needs to stop thinking he has to do everything on his own. but hey, it’s your life, you’ll ignore most people whenever they try to tell you how to live your life because you’re stubborn, just like your father.. someone who would be so proud of you for picking up his legacy and making the 'family business’ grow to heights he never could have done, and that’s all that matters to you. you’ve become the man he wanted you to be from the moment you were born, and that might not be the best thing in the world due to the fact you have to live your life so shut off from everyone else. you’re lonely, kaden, and that’s not something you can fix by partying, hooking up with other people or running businesses. you need to find a way to balance everything in your life.

personality.

hides behind a wall of sarcasm, cockiness, anger and lust.

doesn’t really care to get to know people and had a tendency to push people away before they get too close to him due to his job.

wears glasses to read and mess w computers, but hates them a lot and probably won’t wear them if people are around.

loves suits & everything expensive.. will probably look like he just came out of a photo shoot like 8 times outta 10 ??

however, he rocks jeans, v-necks, shorts, sweats, leather jackets and anything that makes him look like your typical fuckboi jock?? it’s kinda his aesthetic.

is …. stubborn as hell and refuses to ask for help with anything.

has a motorcycle and it’s his baby.. has a few cars too bc tbh he likes to flaunt his money

a hot mess

loves halloween so much?? even though it’s his birthday?? he gets so hype for that holiday it’s unreal.

fluent in a lot of languages, picked them up so that he didn’t need translators at meetings with potential business partners.

lowkey worried that people will figure out that he’s not the complete asshole role that he plays on a daily basis and is actually a very hurt person bc if people started realizing that, he’d have to start feeling again and tbh, he don’t wanna do that.

is the biggest flirt you will ever meet??

will try to get everyone to go to bars n parties with him because that’s his life in a nutshell.

hella nerd on the inside though like owns so many comic books, loves to play video games, read books, write songs & all that jazz.

super, super intelligent. had he not gone into the life he did, he’d probably be working for nasa or something idk.

drinks like every night?? it’s a problem tbh.

he cares… god he cares so much about people and the world but he pretends to hate everything because it’s easier than letting people in.

full of horrible and cheesy pick up lines and jokes and frequently texts people said pick up lines and jokes.

owns a book that is full of nothing but blank pages and keeps it on his coffee table because he 'relates’ to it.

is a highkey hoe but he keeps it on the dl

speaking of….. might be a highkey dom yikes

super into fitness as it’s a way to keep him away from drinking every evening, even if that doesn’t actually work ??

loves boxing so much and can be seen at the gym almost every night..

also has bruised knuckles 24/7 because of it as it’s a way to take out his aggression and feelings out on a punching bag??

actually super loyal and caring once you’re able to see get past his wall??

which is really hard to do due to his job but if u do it he’ll cherish u.

is one of those people who’s instagram feed is nothing but pictures of his dogs and food.

has a bad habit of smoking whenever he’s stressed out or drunk.

will also talk about his dogs more often than he talks about his life.

highkey into cuddling and all the cute shit like that but would literally never tell a soul because then they’d see that he isn’t such a hardass.

is a burnt cupcake who has really good intentions but has horrible execution skills.

statistics.

full name: kaden james mendoza.

nickname(s): kade, reaper, k or m, ph4n70m ( phantom. ).

age: thirty.

date of birth: october 31st.

zodiac sign: scorpio.

place of birth: new york city, new york.

gender: cis-male.

sexual orientation: bisexual.

romantic orientation: bisexual.

religion: n/a.

occupation: robber / drug dealer.

language(s) spoken: english, french, spanish, welsh, russian, korean, japanese, italian, romanian, greek, gaelic and bulgarian.

accent: american.

physical appearance.

face claim: bob morley.

hair color: brown.

eye color: brown.

height: 6′ 1″.

weight: 225 lbs.

build: athletic.

personality / traits.

label: the cataclysmic.

positive traits: cunning, adventurous, intelligent, charming & brave.

negative traits: hedonistic, cocky, impulsive, flirtatious & closed off.

fears: claustrophobia.

hobbies: playing video games, reading books / comics, boxing, pool, going to sports events, soccer, football, going to the gym, playing guitar, playing piano, cooking, hiking, camping, fishing, golf.

quirks: belives in karma, fights for animal rights, fights for gender equality, fights for human rights, fights for marriage equality, wears mismatched socks ( sometimes ), counts stairs, plays with fire, plays a musical instrument, boxes, enjoys nature, tells the truth / can be brutally honest, uses bad puns whenever possible.

likes: rain, thunderstorms, cars, shoes, boxing, sports, nighttime, fall, traveling, swimming, cooking, art, astronomy, greek history, food, animals, movie marathons, comic books.

dislikes: seafood, heat, bad traffic, being bossed around.

family

father: gideon james mendoza. ( deceased. )

mother: lindsey rose williams-mendoza. ( living. )

siblings: a younger sister ( living. )

pets: two siberian huskies named balto and steele.

financial status: upper class.

tests.

myers-briggs: estp-a

enneagram: type 8 ( the challenger. )

moral alignment: lawful evil. ( the dominator. )

temperament: choleric.

hogwarts house: slytherin.

[bs-ent]

(1) Hey, I just wanna say that I just discovered your blog and I LOVE your analysis, and I love how nice you are.

[cont.] (2) It’s especially interesting for me to observe all the BTS ships BC I’m such a new ARMY… I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of the changes and shifts in dynamics over the years that simply can’t be fully comprehended even tho I have gone back and watched all the old content? I’m just curious bc I do know that friendships change over time… we might still be close to someone but not to the same extent as before, right? And we also form stronger bonds with other ppl too… (JIKOOK COUGHS)

(3) Sorry for the long ass ask LMAO I’m really bad at expressing myself so I’m not even sure if I got my thoughts across properly haha… but anywho, thanks so much for being such an amazing part of the fandom!!! And thanks for listening to me ramble heh~

NEVER apologize for a long ask, i love rambles ; ;

you’ve expressed yourself excellently? and this is such an interesting question; i’m a run-era child so i also have quite some looking back to do and i feel like i could probably spend a few months to answer this omg;;;; but i really want to attempt this so i went on a bts research adventure and idk how useful any of it will be, but i’m just gonna –

warning, big mess ahead 

NOTE: i think i just experienced a moment of clarity when i went back and combed through this entire set of Hanryu Pia magazine interviews (among my faves, no question). it spans 2014-15, with a bunch of 1-on-1 member segments and it really refreshed their dynamics for me (makes me want to go back and edit some of my other rambles now AH). tl;dr i’ll be referencing it a lot and it’s a good read!

back on track with a bit of background – if i could start with a very generalized way to look at their earlier dynamics (before going into how their relationships shifted), i want to address that although the members formed friendships based on interests/personality/etc., i feel like their bonds were also initially pretty affected by where they fell into certain ‘categories’/spectrums, like these:

earliest to join bts –> latest to join

hyung-line vs. maknae-line (which is very close to #1)

vocal-line vs. rap-line vs. dance-line

music-line vs. performance-line (very close to #2 and #1)

etc. etc.

…. you’re probably like, this is common sense LOL but i guess i didn’t really think about how much they had to live in these labels, how jin + jungkook, for example, were vocal-line and had a similar training schedule, and as a result got closer by hanging out after classes together. but in a broader sense the labels became identities, and also affected the way they viewed each other; like for hyung-ln as long-time trainees, they likely felt more distant from maknae-ln, who we know hadn’t experienced the same hardships and didn’t handle as much of the responsibility. jin was out there making sure everyone was alive, namjoon and yoongi were in charge of discipline and musical drive, yoonseok were taking turns accompanying each other to the hospital… i think they really felt that gap in experience up through debut, because in 2013 interviews sugamon especially were always talking about how angry/tired they were during trainee limbo. honestly i’m not sure how much of that was to market a “hard”/“hiphop” image, but they also weren’t lying about those difficulties? and there seems to be a communication gap between hyung-ln and maknae-ln as well (all ‘jin being childish’ aside). for ex., in one of the Hanryu Pia 2015 interviews, hoseok and namjoon were paired up to talk and joon admitted the maknae-ln couldn’t sense his bad moods the way the hyung-ln could. extra interesting because age seems to trump training time here –– even though jungkook and jin joined around the same time, jk was not on the same wavelength.

i guess my conclusion from this is a lot of member relationships that may have shifted started from there, and that maybe in a generalized way, some members who got closer were able to like, overcome whatever initial differences they had, including age gap, talent specialties, relationship history?

if we go into specific relationships – i apologize if any of these were already on your mind btw – i think maybe namjin had somewhat of a rocky(?) start, since they referred to each other as complete opposites and didn’t understand how the other person worked, but they clearly got closer after talking with one another and were mature enough to overcome their differences. and now they’re married! :) i also think jinmin have gotten much closer – partially based off of how jin apparently used to nitpick at them a lot like a mom lmao and jimin wasn’t a fan of it, but now jimin’s become jin’s portable laughing track and jin adores him for it and throws cheesy pick-up lines at him probably every day, so there’s that too! i’m mentioning jin a lot, but since jin didn’t start dorming with everyone until later i think it’s understandable that he took some time to get closer with the younger members.

(EDIT: i wanna mention minjoon too, who have always been kinda close bc they relate to each other about self-esteem/motivation issues, but i think they’ve probably gotten closer? they seem to talk to each other about their troubles often and that kind of intimacy builds over time)

i think some of our conceptions of who was close with who also comes from how much we knew about them debut era vs. now –– like imo jikook were always pretty close (though i agree, definitely closer now), but we just didn’t see it as much early on and it’s taken some time for their dynamics to shine through. same thing for sope, and vmon and taejin too, and hey, taejin got an onscreen indirect kiss and sope’s bringing hwaggae tango to dancing with the stars, so i’m patiently waiting for bighit to up the game @ bts_twt call me for details 

(urgh im neglecting a lot of relationships but maybe i can revisit this later… hopefully this answered your question somewhat sajdfkl)