#anyways. it's like 2am. i dont stay up anymore these days. i should go. but my heart felt so full right now i had to say something | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seventhroses · 5 years ago

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☁️ Dreams

👩🏻 A/N: It's here! This is my first story! I just wrote it as I needed an outlet to get my mind off reality. Probably gonna write again? Idk 🤔Anyway I'm excited to share this! Not sure if it’s good BUT I hope anyone that gives it a go would enjoys it! 🥰

🌠 Geners: Fantasy, fluff, slight smut

📃 Word count: 4.9K

Since young, you always have a thing for dreams. You were told many stories of different people's dreams and you've always finds it fascinating on what goes on in there when your body shuts to recharged.

There was one in particular that had it imprinted in you till now. It was your grandparent's dreams. You can't believe that they actually met in their dreams and how their love unfolds into reality.

How can anyone dreamed of someone else when they've never cross path or see each other before? You always questioned.

You could never figure out no matter how many times they tell you their tales. But even so, it was the sweetest love story that you've heard and of course, seeing it through parts of their times, you were partially convinced that maybe dreams do come true.

As you get older, instead of popping colours of life, nightmares get the best of you. You eventually start sleeping lesser and lesser hours. Dreams were no longer the happy fluffy thing you did look forward to every night.

Today was the worst. It was one of those days, where you felt like everything was collapsing on you. This week have been so exhausting and you probably had less than 10hours of sleep in total. Having to deal with your sickening boss that always throws you with piles of urgent paper work that you end up OT till 1-2AM to finish, colleagues that act as if they're the only one that have a life outside of work and dumped their unfinished work on you.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worst, you sprained your ankle while chasing for your last bus home tonight.

"How great.." you sighed while limping up the bus with your now sore ankle.

"Well at least, I managed to catch the bus…" Trying hard to comfort your miserable self as you found a seat and sat down.

You finally reached home after what seems like forever. Throwing your heels aside, you limped towards the kitchen to get some ice for your swollen ankle. Walking to the living room you plopped yourself onto the sofa, turning the TV on that you have no plans on watching. You find yourself staring into the ceiling, can't help but to question about your life.

Even though you're tired as hell, you can feel yourself fighting that tiredness, refusing to let another nightmare invade you tonight. But as the clock ticks away by the minutes, you know your fight is futile.

"If only.. I just wish for one good dream.. Just one, to end this miserable week" with that, you find your heavy lids closed as you fell asleep.

The next thing you know, upon opening your eye you saw the ray of morning sun shining into your room.

Checking the time on the clock,

"It's 11AM?!" Now, widely awake. "Did I just sleep through the night?"

Not remembering when's the last time you slept through the night without waking up with cold sweat or hyperventilating from the nightmare you had. Though, you weren't complaining. You were in fact longing for a good sleep like this.

You got out of your bed, slipping into your bunny slippers, ready to kicked start your day. You just felt really good and recharged from the long sleep. After washing up and making yourself a cup of coffee, you walk to the sofa and sat down, finding a comfortable position to plan how you should go about your day before having your best friend over tonight for dinner and movie.

While you were making plans, a suddenly feeling strikes you. Something doesn't add up, but you can't seem to put it into words.

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It's 1PM. You're dressed in your ripped jeans and cute smiley sweater ready for some shopping therapy and groceries shopping for tonight's dinner. You grabbed a pair of your most comfortable heels and skipped out of your apartment. You were in a good mood, stress free and you know that's not normal but again you're not complaining. You're going to enjoy it while it last and so you thought.

As you were going down the long flight of stairs towards the bus stop, you were impressed at how you managed to go up these 'stairs of hell' with your swollen ankle last night. That's when you realised, they aren't painful anymore. You were pretty sure it was swollen before you fell asleep but they seem perfectly fine now. You also remember falling asleep on the sofa and not in the room.

So, how did I get to the room? When did I changed into the pj? Now, lots of thoughts are flying in and you couldn't much process or find an answer to them. Are you that tired that you can't remember what you did?

"Be careful!!" A loud voice snapped you back into reality and you can feel a strong hand holding on to your arm.

Facing the stairs down, you're pretty sure that you will get more than just swollen ankle if it's not for this person. You turned your head around wanting to thank your saviour but came to face with a white tee and strong veiny arms that is holding on to you. You tilted your head up trying to see who's this perfect fitting body belongs to and there, you saw a pair of small worrisome eyes looking at you.

"Are you ok? Hurt anywhere?" he asked worriedly.

At that moment, you couldn't seem to find a word as you were too focus on looking at this charming looking gentleman in front of you.

Let's be honest, ever since you start adulting, life has been a struggle of paying off bills and dealing with your work life. You hardly even have time for yourself, so let alone finding yourself a partner to add on the struggle with.

The only male presence in your life other than your dad, is your childhood best friend, Lee Minhyuk. Well, he's called your best friend for a reason. You have been in each other's life for more than a decade and you know each other all too well. Also, knowing that there will probably be no peaceful day ahead if you guys were to even try. You and Minhyuk can't even decide on a movie together for movie night without bricking for at least 30 minutes and ended up having to tossed a coin to decide. Which, you think it's probably going to happen tonight too. So, it has never really cross both of your mind about developing your relationship into anything else more than what you guys are.

You did met a few people, go for a few dates before but that was in collage when you had the privileged of time. All that just seems so long ago.

Right now, having come face to face with this charming guy, it is sure to activate your needs for a new male presence in your life. Not to mention, this gentlemen in front of you, his visual is… let's just say, he's totally your type. With your 'love struck' expression which you probably are showing now, he figured that you should be ok.

"Hi, I'm Hyunwoo." Waiting for your answer while holding on to you as you steady your feet.

You noticed his expression changed to a shy and smiley eye, that would totally make anyone soft.

"Hi" … "I'm y/n." Quite sure you sounded like a robot.

A red one to be exact because you can feel yourself blushing hard and the distant between the both of you and his perfume smell is not helping at all. You can hear him chuckled. His hand is still on your arms. His warm palm on your skin certainly have you feeling the butterfly flying wildly in your stomach.

"Are you free for a coffee?" You blurted out of nowhere and a sudden realisation that you're thinking out loud, got you in panicked mode.

"I mean… I mean you just saved me from the probability of cracking my head like an egg... so.. " pausing and cursing yourself for the lame joke. Now, you just want to dig a hole and hid.

He laughed. "I like that" not sure if he said that out of courtesy, just so your now red af face wouldn't burst.

"and sure. I would love for a coffee with you, Y/n. "

You liked the way he calls your name. Like you never knew it could sound so sweet.

After the awkward invitation, Hyunwoo slide his hand down from your arm. Holding on to your hand now, he casually walks down the stairs. Going one step ahead of you as he leads you down. He turned his head to looked at you and smiled,

"Now, you don't need to worry about getting your head cracked."

You're very sure at that moment, your face was in tomato red as Hyunwoo holds your hand and walk towards the nearby café.

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"Do you stay around here?" You asked as the both of you set down on the sofa seating in the café.

"Yes, I just moved here recently and was exploring the neighbourhood. You stay around the area?"

"Yup. Not far from the 'stairs of hell'." Almost rolling your eye.

Hyunwoo let out an airy laughed "I totally know what you mean."

Taking the first sipped of his drink, he started making some sound. "Mmmm! Mmm! This is so good!"

His reaction makes you adore him. How can someone be so charming, gentle and cute all at the same time.

"Oh, what did you ordered?" you asked out of curiosity.

"Honey grapefruit tea! It's on the drink's special menu. It's so refreshing!" You smiled at him as he sounded so proud of his order.

"Do you stay alone?"

That question was definitely out of nowhere.

There was a short pause as you were a little startled by the intruding question. Hyunwoo probably felt that he might have make you uncomfortable, so he explained.

"Oh, don't get me wrong. Since I moved here alone, I just thought it would be nice to know people in my neighbourhood. But its ok! You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry for the sudden question." Looking apologetic and not sure if he sounded weird.

But somehow his explanation makes you feel comfortable enough to tell him, so you looked at him,

"It's ok, dont be sorry. And yes, I kind of stays alone. But I have this best friend of mine, that would come crushing every so often to check if im still alive. So i'm not sure if that counts." Again, cursing yourself for the lame joke but it's kind of true too.

Well, atleast your reply showed Hyunwoo some relieved as you can see the smile back on his face.

"It would be nice if we could have…"

Before you manage to hear finished his sentence, the whole place start to shake violently. You could hear someone calling your name very loudly, somewhere but you couldn't find the source. Scared as hell, you closed your eyes shut.

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When you opened your eye, you were in a dazed. Minhyuk is now on the sofa beside you and shaking you violently. You frowned, now back to your sense. You were quite sure if he were to continue shaking, you would have thrown up on him that instant.

"Babe! Back on earth?! You scare the hell out of me!" "What happen to you?!" "I came into the apartment and the first thing I saw is your dead body on the sofa!" "I mean lifeless. I mean.." As Minhyuk went on with his chains of words, you rolled your eyes at him. You can totally see that small smirked on his face.

You had given Minhyuk the password to your apartment on day one when you move in, as he was whining non-stop about it until you gave him the digits. Since the both of you are having movie night every other Saturday, so you though it did be more convenient to do so too. But Minhyuk always says, it's for your safety so he can come by to check on you and see if you're still alive and kicking. You just want to rolled your eye, knowing all too well it's for his own convenience, as he always comes over for free meals, if not when he wants to escape from his mom's nagging. But even so, you never really mind it because he would keep you accompany whenever nightmares start taunting you.

"What time is it now?" you asked.

"It's almost 7PM, y/n! And you are supposed to start cooking dinner at 6:30PM!" He shouted across the kitchen while getting you a glass of water.

You took the glass from him while trying to figure out what just happened.

"Are you having nightmares again?" Minhyuk asked with concern on his face.

"No, it's not a nightmare. In fact, it was a good dream." You paused.

"Well, at least it is until someone starts shaking me so violently, I thought there was an earthquake." You said to him with a somewhat annoyed tone now. He pouted.

You stood up wanting to get a quick shower because you're still in your yesterday's work clothes but your ankle give way. Now you remembered that you had sprained your ankle and it's still swollen. You realised what was not adding up. You were dreaming, that's why it wasn't hurting earlier.

And that guy in your dream, Hyunwoo.

Who is he? Have you seen him before?

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It’s been a month since you dreamt of Hyunwoo and you were hoping to dream of him again but instead, the whole nightmare routine starts bugging you instead.

Today, was no different as you find yourself fighting the tiredness to sleep. But after sometime, you finally can’t hold much longer and you fell asleep on the sofa. When you opened your eye and to your delight, you were at the same cafe, same sofa seat where you and Hyunwoo were at before.

"Hey, your coffee." Looking up, you saw that smiley eyes that you were missing so much, right in front of you.

"Hey.." You replied, fighting the urge to ask if he he's real. Afraid that it would break the spell to whatever is causing this dream.

You decided to throw the thought to the back of your head, as you have been waiting for this to happen ever since that day, you tell yourself to enjoy it well it last. So, you turned your focus back on him.

"How have you been?" You smiled while sipping on the coffee he got for you.

"I'm good. And I've been thinking about talking to you again" That sudden confession caught you off guard.

Has he been thinking about me? This is a dream, right? He's probably a reflection of what I've been wanting to hear from a guy.

Now you're very much convinced by yourself that all this are probably just in your head.

The both of you talked for a while, enjoying each other's company. It felt nice talking to Hyunwoo and you were hoping to talk for a little longer but a loud ringing sound woke you up.

Lazy hand searching for the source of the dreadful sound, you grabbed the alarm and turn it off. Looking at the time, it's now 5AM and you know you are back at the harsh reality of work week. A sigh leaves you as you drag your heavy body out of bed.

On the way to work, you can't help but be hopeful about dreaming of Hyunwoo again since the second time did happened.

Indeed, you found yourself seeing Hyunwoo in your dreams for the third, fourth and fifth time in a spent of 2 months. It always happens at the same cafe. The both of you would be seating at the same sofa seat, drinking the same drinks. Even though, there's no knowing to when you will be dreaming of Hyunwoo but when you did, he never fails to makes you happy and recharged. You start seeing yourself looking forward to sleeping and dreaming again. Something that you use to love before adulting. Not to mention, nightmare have been less frequent and you were feeling better every day. It was a good sign for you.

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And today you're dream again, the sixth time. But you found yourself at a different setting. It wasn't the usual cafe or the sofa seat that you always sat on. It was a place you are not familiar with. It was someone's home.

It was Hyunwoo's home to be exact. You can see his family picture framed up sitting on the kitchen's table. He was smiling so brightly in the picture and you can see where he probably gets his youthfulness from. You smiled because in front of you, stands a familiar back hovering over the stove.

"Your mum look so young and pretty." you said while admiring his back view.

He turned around sounded in agreement. Now turning towards you, you can't help but to admire this perfect looking guy, in his home clothes and combing his hair back with his hand. He wearing a white tee that hug his body perfectly, showing his chest muscles curve and broad shoulder and a pair of shorts that shows his long legs. Unaware of yourself checking him out so openly, he chuckled

"Enjoying your view huh?" he says jokingly as he turns back to cook.

You cough trying to hid your blushing face, "Ahem, are you cooking ramen?" "The legendary 'Hyunwoo's ramen'?" You giggled as you teased him.

"Yes, I promised its the real deal."

"Are you sure is that good?"

"Oh yes, it's that good that you would want for more." feeling challenged as he places the ramen in front of you.

"Go on, have a taste"

He leans in on the table, moving into your personal space as you took your first bite. You're trying to ignore his extremely close presence, not sure if it's the ramen or Hyunwoo that's making you all hot now.

"How is it? Good?" Staring at you earnestly, waiting for your feedback.

How am I supposed to concentrate and eating with him being so close?

In all honesty, he looks so yummy you just want to eat him instead. You can't help but blush so hard at your own desirable thoughts.

"Are you ok?" Hyunwoo asked as his hands feels your burning cheeks and his face just inches away from you.

Your face now so close to his. You looked at his so kissable lips and a sudden impulse urged you to slid forward and kiss him. You retreat back and shut your eyes, hoping to wakes up so you don't have to face the embarrassment from your action. But you didn't. Before you know it, you felt Hyunwoo lips clashing back on yours causing you to open your eye in a shock. That impulse and innocent kiss had turned into a heated open mouth kisses as Hyunwoo move his hand behind your head keep you closer. You felt yourself heated up from the action. You want more. He pulls away after a while, only to carry you up onto the table as he parted your legs to stand between you. He latched his lips back on yours and you swear you're feel all sorts of sensational feeling with what he was doing. Hyunwoo slowly moves his hand with lazy fingers gliding all over your body leaving hot trials and tingling feelings to where ever he passes. You can feel the shiver up your body and the tight knot somewhere inside of you wanting more of him.

He pulls you closer to him while moving down to your neck, giving you soft open kisses. You can feel his growing bulge pressing on your centre as he grinds up against you, cause you to make soft seductive moans that you never thought you're capable of making.

"Hyunwoo.." You murmur as you arched your back.

He tilted his head up to look at you, so done for him just from the kisses. You can see his pupils blown; eyes filled with lust. He wants you. Before you can think of anything, you shudder as you felt the sudden contact of his palm cupping your heated clothed centre. You moaned and that encouraged him to move further. He slipped his hand through the side of your shorts and pushing your panties aside. You hissed at him when he parts your folds and starts making circle at your swollen nub. You can't remember the last time someone had taken care of you like that and saying you were a moaning mess is an understatement. You moved your hand wrapping around his now fully grown budge, wanting to help him relief from the strain in his shorts. You can hear his low moaned when you start pumping him. He sounded so attractive, yet so sweet. Soon after, both of you were helping each other to chased your much needed high.

"Baby.." the sudden pet name got you closer to your high " I can't…" you curled your toe and shut your eyes, preparing for the rush that was going to come through.

But talk about bad timing.

As you opened your eye as you found yourself lying on your own bed. You rolled over, face pressed down and you screamed into your pillow venting out your frustration. You need to settle your sexual frustration. Reaching down to your panties which is now soak with aroused.

You sighed. "I want him."

You find yourself craving for Hyunwoo. While thinking of him, you settle your needs with the fate of your own fingers.

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2 weeks went by after that heated dream you had. The seventh didn't come.

"Just go to that damn cafe! It won't hurt anyone…" Minhyuk retorted over at the other side of the phone. Clearly annoyed at you talking about the cafe for the nth number of times over the months.

You had told Minhyuk about all your encounter with Hyunwoo in your dreams. Maybe not all, you did leave the sixth encounter out to save yourself some teasing that you would for sure get from him.

"I dont know. I mean they're dreams. I shouldn't let it bothers me so much." turning and twisting your hair on your finger while you talked.

You have been thinking of going to that cafe ever since the first dream but you couldn't find a reason to go. You make your own morning coffee so you won't willing to spend that extra money on coffee outside. Work also got the best of you, so you go only between your work place or home. Your life it's so exhausting, so during weekends you just wants to stay at home do your overdue laundry and spend the rest of the day sloth-ing.

Today, Minhyuk finally convince you to get out of your den and you both were planning to meet for lunch.

"How about you go there and get me a cup of coffee before we meet?" Minhyuk suggested. Clearly taking advantage of your dilemma but, it works. You were more convince to pop by the cafe for a reason.

"You're one smart ass." you can hear his sinister laugh, knowing that he succeeded in getting himself a free coffee.

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"Hi, welcome!" The girl behind the cashier smile as you walk through the door. In reality, you have never noticed this cafe before, so let alone visit it, but it felt familiar. The interior and the seating were the same as what you could remember from your dreams. You look at the menu board for a while, even though you know you would probably get an ice coffee to satisfy your caffeine needs as you didn't have one in the morning. But you saw 'Honey grapefruit tea" on the drink’s special menu and without much thinking you ordered it along with Minhyuk's ice coffee. You set down at the same sofa seat that you and Hyunwoo had sat on in the dream, while waiting for your orders.

Your phone vibrates.

TheannoyingBFF: Hey babe! Please dont kill me!

TheannoyingBFF: Hyungwon car broke down and he needs me to find him

You: ...

TheannoyingBFF: I'll buy you dinner tomorrow

TheannoyingBFF: I PROMISE!

You: You better!

You: Be glad that I'm still at the cafe and not on my way

TheannoyingBFF: I'm sorry and I love you!

You: I would've killed you

You: along with hyungwon

TheannoyingBFF: Hope you will bump into him, so my sin can be off set *Praying emoji*

You: ...

You: Bye

You grabbed your drinks when your order tag buzz and went back to the sofa seat. Having your plans cancelled and with no back up, you decided to stay in the cafe for a while. This cafe makes you smile. You were happy when you're there, so it naturally makes you feel good.

You took a sip of the new drink and with an impressed look, you mumble to yourself “Waoh, it's indeed nice and refreshing." Continue drinking, you stare at Minhyuk's ice coffee that is place in front of the empty seat, you thought to yourself how lonely this makes you look. Like you've been bumped or something and this makes you feel like cursing at Lee Minhyuk.

'Ting Ting' the doorbell of the cafe rang. You didnt react to it as it has been sounding out quite a few times. While you continue to scroll through your feed, a familiar voice started talking.

"Hi, is this seat taken?" Looking at you and gesturing at the empty seat in front of you.

You looked up, couldn't believe by the person standing in front of you. You start looking around and find the cafe seat all packed, so you turned back to him "Erm.. No" while you kind of avoid looking at him as you try to calm your nerves and trying hard not to show that "love struck" expression.

He smiled and thank you as he set down. You moved the cup of now showing two layered coffee away, so he can have his space.

After a minute or so, his order tag buzzed and he stood up to get his drink. Your eye followed him as he went over to the counter. When he got his drink, you notice the table at the far end were about to leave and you can feel a slight disappointment in you, thinking that he would move to that available seats.

But to your surprise, you see him walking back towards you.

"If you don't mind, I did love to seat here. Is that ok?" His requested makes you smile.

"I don't mind. Please seat."

Both of you were quiet for a while, looking at your individual phones when you decided to break the silence.

"Do you stay around here?"

A sudden Goosebumps came to you as you asked the same question, at the same place, same spot.

He looked at you and with a soft smile, not questioning or looking at you weirdly.

"Yes, I just.."

before he finished his sentence, you were mumbling under your breathe, like you already know what he would probably say.

"..moved here recently and was exploring the neighbourhood."

He now looked at you with wide eyes but somehow it doesn't look like he was spooked by you but rather a sense of realisation. Like you know his secret.

He grabbed your hand and rushed out of the cafe, bring you to the 'stairs of hell'. That very spot when he first met you.

"Do you know this spot?" trying to search for an answer from you.

"Yes" is all you say, as you're trying to process the situation here.

He grins, showing his teeth and his eyes turned into a smiley eye that were so familiar with.

"This is real right?" you couldn't help but asked.

Because at this moment, you were just confused and happy all at the same time. Hoping that this could be real and not wakes up to nothingness again.

"It is." "Let's do this all over again." Not sure what he means by his words, you waited.

"Hi, I'm Hyunwoo. Nice to finally meet you." he stretched out his hand wanting for a handshake.

You couldn't help but to smile and hug him instead. The guy that you have been thinking of, debating if he is real or just fantasy, is right in front of you.

"Hi.. I'm y/n" you murmur as you can feel the tears that trapped in your eyes threatening to fall out.

He hugs you back and you could hear him say "Thank you for finally going to that cafe."

You look up at him "Did you go to that cafe frequently, hoping that you could meet me?" You're certain your face is now showing that 'love stuck' expression as you ask that question.

"Yes" is all he said as he held your arms and gave you a kiss on your forehead.

That moment, knew you're the one that needs to buy Minhyuk a meal and you can't love him enough for giving you the reason to go to the cafe.

"Shall we continue where we left off?" He whispered softly into your ears and turns to look at you with a goofy smile.

You can feel your face burning as he reached down to kissed you on your lips.

Having to experience ‘real dream’ yourself, you now truly believed your grandparents dreams and that some dreams really do come true.

#monsta x #fanfic #monsta x fanfic #mosta x shownu #hyunwoo #monsta x minhyuk #minhyuk #lee minhyuk #son hyunwoo #monsta x fluff #monsta x smut

15 notes · View notes

dontyouhearmehowling · 5 years ago

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oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear

ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.

ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.

so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.

then, on august 9th i got this ask.

and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.

anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:

and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.

then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.

okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.

—————

ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:

and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:

i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over

—————

ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion

but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.

anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.

another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!

#mine #l #answered #dont rb #i dont think anyone will but this is personal and i dont want to risk it getting out #i wanna have this bc i love telling people this story and next time someone asks i’ll just send them this post

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survivor-mountmerapi · 4 years ago

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Ep. 9&10: “I’m just--------peeing quite frankly” - Madi

Steven

Was I entertained by this tribal and Julia playing her idol? Yes I very much was. Was I about to simultaneously puke and cry at the same time? Yes. Yes I was. Can this game have one single ounce of something that wont make me go into tears.

Anastasia

We are so dumb and stupid and dumb and stupid. I dont know why we would all vote for one person?? ESPEVIALLU if the person knows they are going and especially if that person is julia and shes already rlly good at lying. we were all blinded by our mutual force to get her out and we didnt think it out heck frick. sorry moth this is so unfair. moth was trying to get julia out the most bcs julia targetted moth last season. why julia has a thing against moth in this game? i dont know!! anyway we have to get that girl out next round and we will split vote pls it has to happen we cant give up she has to go

Madi

im just--------peeing quite frankly

go off julia, you did that, props to you

Raffy

Julia playing that idol is the best and most iconic play in this game thus far. The dramatics of the fight to ensure that all the votes landed on her? Keeping the people who she knew would get skittish and snake-ish so she has a higher chance of staying next round? Literally, this all works in her favor. To be honest, I don't even want Julia gone at this point. I want someone like Ginnifer or Rachel gone for future security. Sure Julia will eventually snake me, but keep your enemies close and all that.

Ginnifer admitted ON CALL that she almost voted for Steven WHEN STEVEN WAS THERE. She also wanted an alliance with Julia, Madi, Steven, and I in the same call! Then, DeNara gets on call and Ginnifer ADMITS to wanting to create an alliance without her. I'm just kind of shook. Why would I want to work with Ginnifer anyways if she's been targeting me since the swap? There's no reason to other than being chaotic. Then, Julia transitions to pitching with working with her! And Madi is calling her out! This after-tribal call is a mess. But, now the target is fully off of me. Mwahahaha. These people???

Ginny

Moth was idoled out yikes but I tried to make a new alliance but it failed

Steven

Im trying to figure out what Ginny's logic is. First you say that you wanna target all the winners cause we are the biggest threats in the game. Then you tell me TO MY FACE after a wild tribal that you almost voted for me to leave tonight. Even after all that you then turn around and try to align yourself with the winners that you were just targeting to spice it up???????? Im sorry but Im not following this.

Julia

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AxVD3qWAkVmL_7fWiHERvNIg9VkKFS1W/view?usp=drivesdk

Raffy

According to DeNara, Elle wants to create an alliance with DeNara, Steven, and I. This could be a good back up alliance for the time being. Additionally, it gives us more numbers on our side if we ever need to turn on Gian and Madi. However, I don't want to do that anytime soon. They are great allies to have. Plus, they are able to think and are going after Julia. So, it should all work in my favor. I love being able to slip by each tribal with my target not being shot. I am thinking of throwing this challenge so Ginny can get the yeet though.

Madi

hi its madi and im being messy did I just text DeNara and ask her to be in a tighter alliance with me bc its gonna get to the point where the winners have to go? have I been reinforcing since the merge to anastasia that we are working together and that shes my partner in this game? did I just say “partner to partner” to anastasia that we should start an all girls alliance? did I also ask denara? me, denara, anastasia, rachel, and elle? rachel wont talk to me tho:( bc I “lied” so thats a speed bump denara also thinks she is the only one I told ab this and when I asked if we should tell anastasia she said that anastasia is a “blabber mouth” so “not yet”??????? am I fucking up my game? idkkk come back tomorrow thank the lords I have an idol if this blows up in my face???

DeNara

That awkward moment when you don't remember what your confessionals say anymore and you are repeating yourself a lot lol

Steven

https://youtu.be/2NGxkNjrGdk

DeNara

Soooo after Moth got voted out and Ginnifer decided to go a little crazy and try and make new alliances without us, Elle and I have decided to jump ship on the Lucky Charms alliance. She suggested talking to Steven and Raffy which was a great idea. I talked to them and they said they would be down with that so we are going to make a new alliance when Elle brings it up.

TEA. Steven and Raffy want to stick with our alliance of 5 with Madi and Gian because they trust them but Madi messaged me today saying she wanted to make a tighter alliance with me so we can eventually take out the winners. I am not sure if I should tell Steven and Raffy this or not yet, as it could end up worse for me if I do....

DeNara

You know, I should give myself more credit in this game. I have played the middle so well this season so far. I have an alliance with literally everyone in this game except Julia and Anastasia and Anastasia tells me things when I ask her lol I think I can do well in this game if I play my cards right.

DeNara

Oooooh so I made an alliance chat with Raffy, Steven and Elle. Sounds like we are gonna try and get Ginnifer out before Julia now. I did tell Julia I would try and spare her a round since she didn't vote me out o.O

Elle

✨A New Alliance Has Been Formed✨Me, DeNara, Steven, and Raffy ^_^ Which is great bc I trust DeNara, and I feel really good about Steven and Raf (I don't think?? they would betray us 😂but I am not sure of anything anymore lol ahhhh the post merge paranoia is real) I also feel really good about this challenge. I get to work on my layout designs for the magazine me and Madi are working on which is great! I don't know why I always worm in something I want to be practicing into these challenges lol, probs bc I'm prone to being like "I'll get right on that!" and then... not 😂 so the challenges are good excuses. I also would have Loved to make a tarot deck like the example ugh that seems so cool 😭

DeNara

So I told Raffy and Steven about Madi bringing up a potential tighter alliance and I regret it. I feel like that was something I should have kept to myself Stevenhttps://youtu.be/dWdKo0iuaV4

Raffy

DeNara created an alliance with Elle, Steven, and I. Steven and DeNara still don't want to tell Gian and Madi about it. Ok I guess. If they find out though, I am throwing DeNara under that bus so fast. Secondly, it seems Elle wants to target Ginnifer as well this round. I love ur impact. Now, we just need two more votes. One of them being Julia. The others possibly Gian and Madi if I can convince them. Rachel and Anatasia would probably still target Julia. I am trying to not obviously throw this challenge.

Gian

The way I ate Steven up on this lip sync. It was so fun to do! Im really happy we did this challenge :)

Elle

The judges are judging🎶 (to the tune of "The Lady's Improving" from The Prom) Anyway, I just want to preface that the first ad was supposed to be the only like, purposefully kinda bad layout in the magazine 😂 I was low on time and I regretted the color palette, it was way too saturated but Madi and I had agreed on it and I didn't want to be more annoying than I was already being about the magazine 😅. Also, I need to remember people read these afterward 😂 I'm incredibly bad at not just spewing whatever is in my mind sometimes, I feel like I might've overshared a couple of times but it happens! This probably counts as oversharing bc it's not about gameplay... yes okay back on topic I hope we win, if we don't I'll be okay I'll just be ticked at myself for staying up past 2AM but realistically if I didn't hyperfocus on that it'd be something else 🤷🏽‍♀️ atleast this was productive, I got to work on layouts a little (I mean technically I got quite a few layouts but so many are baddd 😭😭😭 like if a professor saw some of these they'd faint and then kick me out of graphic design lmao). But the point wasn't for it to be professional, so it's okay!!!!! I'm telling myself that so I don't go back and fix everything lol.

Raffy

The plan as of right now is to target both Ginnifer and Julia. Personally, I want Ginnifer out because she has been a very chaotic mess since the merge started. I would rather want that gone now rather than later when we no longer have the chance. I made the plan to split the vote 4-4 against Ginnifer and Julia. DeNara, Steven, Elle, and I (the secret alliance hidden from Gian's and Madi's view) will vote for Ginnifer. Gian and Madi know about this. They, along with Anastasia and Rachel, will vote for Julia. So, it should not matter who either of them vote for. However, it would be nice if they could vote each other. This plan does come with its risks though. I am willing to take those risks. And, if I get a bad smell, I will use my SWP to get out of the sticky situation.

DeNara

Well. Today is tribal day. I have been feeling worn down so much the past couple days and part of me just wants to be carried by others for a while. On the other hand, part of me feels like it might be time to make a big move soon because that is how you win. If Julia is still here after the vote tonight, then I feel like I just need to team up with her because clearly she needs to be blindsided. The lack of chatter has me worried.....like why is nobody talking??? Is it because they have all teamed up and are plotting against one of my alliances, or are they just tired and busy like me? I am not sure... I am suspicious that Julia hasn't really been talking. I know she said she had personal stuff going on but who knows if that is all of it, or just part of it. I am feeling the desire to flip on my alliance soon. Idk if I will because I feel tight with Steven and he plays loyal, but if I told him about Madi wanting to flip on the winners soon I may be able to do something... I kind of want to start actually lying to people, like... full blown lies... muahahaha! We shall see what happens if I am not blindsided tonight.

Raffy

DeNara is so paranoid. This is what she told me: "I am pretty nervous about Julia teaming up with some ppl and making a play tonight. Should we come up with some crazy lie just to scare her? I am not sure what we could say, but I am feeling nervous about her?" Like, do you want to become the target? Doing that is a surefire way of becoming one. Everyone is BUSY. They're DOING things. The situation only becomes dire later on in the day. There's no reason to be doing all this when there is still time to discuss tribal. I might just dip because I am not going to get punished for DeNara being paranoid. Like, if Julia wanted to target us, she would have already done so. DeNara is just... very taxing to work with because she thinks that everyone is against her. I feel like I needed to talk her down from making a move that would have certainly gotten her voted out.

Ginny

Ohhh girl I’m scared tonight I better not get blindsided because Lordy I got it when moth left and I wasn’t prepared whooo Jesus

DeNara

So I have been talking to Elle a bunch and someone told her about the split vote between Ginny and Julia. I am trying to play as though she is the one giving me this information, even though I helped plan it. I actually am feeling really close with Elle and hoping I can get far with her. I might make her my real number one with Steven. I like Steven a lot but I am worried he won't turn on Raffy when it is time. Raffy keeps getting a little frustrtaed with how hard I am trying to play this game (which is fair) so he may have to go after Julia and Ginny. I am getting concerned about these newbies though. We should take one of them out soon to even out the numbers. Also, I have been trying to get idol hunt information from as many people as I can and I remembered that Gian got an advantage during a game, so I am trying to get him to tell me what number it was since he didn't add it to our group chart

Anastasia

Me and Julia were paired together for the challenge. Since we're trying to get that girl out I didn't want to win. I was a little worried that somehow ours would win but we got second to last. Julia was sadly going through stuff in real life and struggled. It's good for me but I sympathize with her.. Anyway Julia is out of here tonight.

Julia

Ok so last tribal was so sexy the looks on everyone’s faces are now burned into my brain

Julia

I’m really hoping it’s Ginny tonight. I’m going to try to pull out some shit and hope and pray put nothings in my hands tonight

Rachel

i am so happy to be playing with such nice people. i really do be getting in my own head sometimes, but it is so nice to be reassured that i am playing a fun game and no one feels ill will towards me in anyway. i feel awesome to be supported by this group. i had a tragic event happen in my life this week, but plan to move forward and try to have the most fun while playing in his honor.

Julia

I’m at tribal right now and I feel like I’m going to puke. It’s definitely me. It’s been a ride friends. Julia out

Madi

So I got immunity, Julia went home. Sad but necessary. I really respect her as a player and would love to work with her sometime but just not this game. Also kinda annoyed that raffy called me out at tribal during the revote..... like yeah I came up with the revote but why call my name out for it???? like what is the deal with that. He is my next target tho so like hehehehe raffy its time to go. I am thinking we convince him ginny is going home and blindside him instead??? idk just thoughts

goodnight!

DeNara

So we just voted Julia out and I am actually sad about it. I am glad the threat is gone, but she was fun for sure. Now my alliance of 5 is standing strong, if I stay loyal...

Raffy

R.I.P. Julia, Queen of the Idol. The plan went off without a hitch which is pretty boring, but it means I have a lot of control in this game. I am excited for Touchy Subjects as it will be a very revealing challenge. If I had my choice, a newbie or Ginnifer would get voted out next.

Gian

My game is borderline UTR/Goat at this point and idk if that’s something I’d want to change lol. I’ve been feeling lazy >-<

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unicornninjabitch · 7 years ago

Text

You: no one asked for another one of these

Me: yeah i know sorry i just have a lot of emotions and shit lately

(Haha thats a lie all i feel lately is annoyed and pain)

Anyway yes I’m going to complain more about life cause i have some emotions i need to get out and shit. Okay I’m very much a night owl, I have been my whole life, I work better t night and just love the night sky and shit. However 8th grade I was really, super, hella depressed cause of family stuff and school and being totally alone and you know the depression (thanks genes!), so I’d be absolutely TERRIFIED to be left alone with my thoughts. I’d stay up all night on youtube or some cringey website or on tumblr just so I didn’t have to lay in bed and think. Also very closeted, very depressed baby Alex had no idea wtf a healthy coping mechanism was, so I cut and it was bad like an every night thing cause after I did I was suddenly really tired and could almost sleep instantly once it hit like 2-3 am. Anyway I fucked my sleeping schedule up at a very young age, so that habit never left and the earliest I go to bed anymore is 12-12:30, whatever im used to it, not good for me but whatever. Then summer started and I didn’t sleep till like 1am-2am so I chalked it up to “it’s summer whatever”, but then it was 2 am-3am and I thought that was a one time thing, but nope. Now (as in the past week/week and a half ish) I’m lucky to get 2-3 hours of sleep and even then I’m up at like 9 am. As you can imagine this has lead to a good amount of problems, but first one additional thing. Now it’s just me and my mom at our house, but because of hour cuts and paying for school and catching up on bills and other shit we don’t really have a ton of money which means we don’t have a ton of food which means what we have we have to make last. With that being said back track to me getting 2-3 hours of sleep, now my body’s tired and I’m exhausted I just wont go to fucking sleep, but I’m hungry as hell. We didn’t have cereal and milk for awhile, so that left me with pasta like I said I’m exhausted so pasta involves cooking, but I couldn’t do it. I knew I’d be too tired half way through the water boiling to finish let alone eat anything. Also cause we don’t have a ton of money I’d get 2 free meals a day in school so I wouldn’t go a whole day (or week) without eating real food (i mean it was gross government food but it got the job done), but in summer I didn’t get that so I just havent eaten really all summer like i could probably count on my hands how many actual meals ive eaten all summer. So the not eating mixed with the not sleepings fucking awful as you can imagine.I had a headache so bad I had to close my curtains put on sunglasses cover my head with a blanket and put my ice on my head in an attempt to help ease the pain, but WAIT THERES MORE. Every bone in my body constantly feels like it needs to crack and im just constantly really achey (idk if that has to do anything but it hurts like hell) Ive tried stretching and resting but it doesnt help, BUT THERES EVEN MORE!! The not eating!! I can feel my stomach being totally empty besides some water and that shit fucking hurts (idk how baby Alex did that shit) AND A FINAL THING your boy was born with god awful child bearing parts and guess what came up?! That’s right devil week so i feel like someones just stabbing me with a pitchfork while also trying to eject food thats not there. Therefore the past few nights Ive basically been clutching my stomach and head, the heating pad isnt helping, and pain killers arent helping much.

At this point youre probably like “dude just some nyquil” which yeah youre right i should but we didnt have extra money this week to buy any and we dont have any so thats why i didnt do that. Also like I said before I /am/ tired, im really fucking tired and i dont really have thoughts its more like fast and loud static and like energy i have to get out or i get uncomfortable, so the past few nights (last night was really bad) Im up clutching and rocking and snapping and tapping my feet just trying to get rid of that energy. It comes a little bit in the day i was talking to a friend and typing so fucking fast while also thinking about some oc idea and then BAM no energy at fucking all like i had to lay down. This also leads into ive been trying to read out loud to myself so i can try to get my voice lower cause my voice bothers the hell out of me, but i cant focus for longer than like 5 minutes cause of loud static and extra energy and being tired and my eyes being tired so its really frustrating.

The thing is i go to a psychiatrist for my meds and what she told me (idk if this is true everywhere or just how she is) that i had like textbook bipolar but becaue at the time i was ike 14/15 they didnt want to diagnose it cause i was still young. Bipolar runs in my family, just like depression and anxiety, so i wasnt super suprised by that and as i got older i got less scared (theres nothing scary about people with bipolar btw i just didnt know what to expect or think cause of how i saw it in like movies and stuff) i thought maybe i wasnt and i just had highs and lows like everyone else, but looking back i can see that the highs and lows were really extreme and like i said before i was super suicidal last year and just kinda gave up and earlier this summer it took a lot of energy to do anything, but this isnt like doing reckless things kinda high like it normally is and it fucking suck ass guys. On top of that my ever so supporting lately mother was like “look up manic episodes” so i told her i know what it is but she just pushed to look it up so i did and of course i made a joke about increased sexual activity (which my virgin is not) and looked like yes i know. (side note dw too much im going to the doctors tomorrow and im gonna see what i can do about my meds and stuff).

So yeah sorry for another shitty life update (not including tons of dysphoria, isolation, and more self hate but whatevs)

#personal #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #i also mention not eating but it wasnt/isnt like an ed #i dont think so anyway #its mostly me talking about my mental health and being in pain almost always #sorry for another one of these #honestly i might start posting one once a week to get some shit out

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darkcookiesnmilk · 8 years ago

Text

Midnight Thoughts: Taehyung (BTS)

Um, hi

you probably don't know me

oh sure you don't

I don't know you either, I just randomly dialed your number to be honest

wait don't block

I just wanted to, um, vent a bit, if that is possible

Please don't reply till I'm done tho, it'd be more comfortable that way

it's okay if you aren't gonna read this, I just need to let this out, it's been heaving on my chest for enough time

uhh, so where to start

You'd probably find what's bothering me ridiculous, call me weird. I don't care. I just roll that way, maybe I'm depressed. Who knows?

I'm at a point where I don't even know what's bothering me anymore, you know, when a lot of things just pile up and you can't figure out what you're upset about

I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago, I mean he broke up with me, on my birthday. Funny, isn't he?

We were supposed to go to Japan, you know, spend a few days there including my birthday. It was his idea, he paid and everything and I found it so sweet.

the flight was at 2am, two hours through my birthday. We reached the airport an hour before and If I said I wasn't excited I would be lying.

it was time to transfer to the boarding room when he broke the news to me.

he said we had to break up. I still remember every little thing he said that day. the truth was that he had a scholarship to major in dancing in Japan, and while we were both studying veterinary together he was also studying dancing in parallel without me knowing. He said he didn't believe in long distance relationships and that it was better if we stopped dating.

He didn't pay for my ticket or anything. He was going by himself and left me standing in the middle of the airport while he accessed the boarding room.

that night I got drunk. for the first time. I had a friend who worked at a coffee shop that turned into a bar by nighttime.

he tried comforting me and telling me to stop drinking. I couldn't. I just couldn't. I wanted to forget about what had just happened.

of course, and you probably figured out that, I didn't.

My family knew about what happened soon after. My parents scolded me a lot. Since I spent forever to convince them it was okay to date him and that we weren't going to end soon. I even thought we could get married. I tried to convince them that he was the one and that he wasn't going to distract me from my studies, which seemed like the only fucking thing occupying their mind. I almost thought they don't see me as a human anymore, but as exam marks.

They were really mad and I eventually got into a fight with them. They kept claiming they knew from the beginning that he wasn't good news and he was going to dump be anyways. Goodness how would they even fucking know.

I was practically alone. I had a close friend who was in Paris by the time, and I really didn't Want to bother her with my bullshit, the girl was living her dream of becoming a designer after all.

I was lost. My marks started dropping and I didn't contact my parents or they'd be furious with me. I had no desire to eat and skipped meals often, eventually getting sick a lot. I am sick right now actually, I keep on sneezing

and to top it the owner of the apartment I'm living in informed me by the beginning of the following month that he'd increase the renting fee. And of course I had nothing to say about it. I spent forever to find this studio so I had no choice but to accept.

I of course had no money, and also no plans of asking my family for money. I didn't have any one to borrow money from even if I wanted. How pathetic. life is funny

I got a part time job. I started working at the coffee shop I had a friend in, Serving early in the morning and late in the evening before the place turned into a bar. Also known as the only free time I had from college.

I didn't want to work the nighttime because I honestly didn't want to end up between someone's legs.

I automatically got close to that friend, since he was the only one I knew there. we had been meeting for over three years and I felt comfortable around him

Until I fell for him. I didn't know how it happened but I did.

long story short, I confessed one day and he rejected me. Oh sure he would. He said he saw me as a younger sibling that he cared for. And here I had the tiniest hope he was doing so because he mirrored my feelings. I told you life is funny. Too funny that I just noticed that I'm crying now.

I told him to forget about it and that we should just stay friends like we were. I really didn't want to lose someone else.

one day I got dismissed of college early and had a meeting with a high school friend. Of course we met at that same coffee shop.

She saw my friend and she immediately fell for him. I actually didn't blame her, he was too fine that girls would try to flirt with him everyday.

Long story short she asked me to hook her up with him, since she knew I worked there and was close to him.

she started coming more often to the café and as much as it made me deranged I tried making the two close, and it worked. They started dating and I never felt lonlier.

I spent most of my time working, studying, working again, studying at home and chatting with a close online friend from Japan.

she had been my friend since forever and we never got the chance to meet.

Then one day she told me she'd be coming to Korea for a few days, also informing me that her boyfriend was coming along which I didn't bother about at all.

In fact, I did. I still remember that day clearly. The day I was waiting for her to come in this restaurant and she came in, hand in hand with her boyfriend, who was none other than my ex.

both of us were surprised to see each other again, I had a terrified face on while he just looked at me as if he was saying oh hey you actually managed to still be alive. My friend was so confused when I suddenly ran away. I was crying. And no where in hell was I going to let him see me cry because of him.

just when I thought he was long gone and I could forget about him he came again

and that's how I started all the way from zero. Trying to erase him from my memory. I couldn't forget the look on his face that day. He was almost smirking impressedly. He knew I was too attached to him and that I turned into a mess after he left.

My friend understood the situation later and apologized to me. I told her there was nothing to apologize about and there really wasn't. Its not like she knew he was my ex and dated him on purpose.

So for now, I'm still working and studying. The others are still dating so I dont see any of them often.

Exams are coming and I don't really think I'm ready, which is not of me at all

I'm kind of a perfectionist you see, I like to have everything prepared and set for anything. good grades, good looks, good manners. I wanted them all. Call me selfish

I never had good looks to begin with. I never went out without make up. I guess it just worked out like this. I'm insecure about how I look and I would never lie about it.

I keep strict track of my weight and starve myself if I gain any.

Even though people tell me I'm fine. What are 52kilos for a 169cm tall girl? I was already underweight. But I didn't care. I would never be satisfied with how I look anyways

I'm now just sitting here in my bed while hugging Baby Lion, my favorite lion plush.

He's better than them all I think. If Baby Lion was a person I would've dated him. He seems like he'd never leave me.

sorry for spamming you, I hope you aren't bothered with all of my ranting -you probably are-

you don't even know me and I rudely interrupted your peace with my problems, really sorry

if you ever read this, thanks. It actually helped me out a bit. They say letting out your heart to a stranger makes you feel better

If it's possible can I vent to you whenever I'm feeling down? Id still do even if you say no tho just saying, you can not read them if you want

again sorry for disturbing you, take care

good night.

Hello, you didn't send a message in a while now so I think you're, uhh, done now, or fallen asleep

Don't cry. Trust me just don't, it's not worth it, everything ain't worth it

I may not be in the right place to talk, I just got to hear your story, I don't even know your name or whatsoever

but I believe you should just brush it all off.

Your ex? Screw him

so what if he went to Japan? Good for him. Are you really going to let him have all the fun there while you sulk in your bed bawling your eyes out about him? Guess not, if he isn't bothered about leaving you, then why are you? Let him be, if he wants to be an asshole that's his problem. Also if you think he might do it again, inform your friend.

Your family? Its about time they realize you're not just about your grades. Have a serious talk with them. But before everything, I think you should apologize. You know for fighting with them. Then make things up.

Your job? I really hope you quit it. I don't know why, but I'm not the least comfortable when I see a girl having a parttime job. Try to make up with your parents and ask them for money instead.

your friends? Let those two date, even though you might be a bit hurt seeing them together. Just make them notice they've been leaving you behind, and not just because they were dating that they can stop talking to you or seeing you often.

I don't know about the Japanese one, I told you, if you think your ex might ditch her too, tell her to break up with him before it's too late.

You do what you think is best.

And uh considering that I don't know you and I never saw you I don't think you'd believe me but I really think you're beautiful. Everyone is. And there is no reason for you not to.

if you want to wear makeup, wear it. Just don't feel insecure about your natural face.

Also don't strave yourself. Like seriously, don't. Youre more than fine so go ahead and eat whatever you want.

I bet you're looking too unhealthy considering you're 169cm tall (oh hey tall girl right there, that's rare these days!)

You should really just feel good about yourself, because that's what makes you different. No, that's what makes you limited edition; if that feels better.

So for now please wipe away those tears and stop crying, that if you're still awake. go take a good warm shower and sleep while, uh, hugging Baby Lion.

nice to meet you, if you ever feel down don't hesitate to message me. Or we can do it face to face. Over two good warm mugs of coffee. You have my number.

I mean I'm not courting you or anything I uh

I would just also feel good about myself for helping someone, haha

Take care, good night

ps: I'm Taehyung

I'm Hajin.

#taehyung #kimtaehyung #bts taehyung #bts v #taehyung angst #taehyung texts #taehyung scenarios #kim taehyung scenarios #bts angst #kpop angst #kpop texts #taetae #taehyung oneshot #taehyung fanfic #taehyung drabble

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ghostsnbees · 6 years ago

Text

HELLO here’s the short story I worked on for a couple of hours for a school contest,,,,,,,,,,,,,, its called “And Time Stopped When I Saw You”

tw for hints of self-harm (though theres nothing explicit and it just seems like thats whats being implied) and bleeding ;;

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Another minute passes by.

Tick. Tock. Tick. To-

“Okay, fine, you win.”

I pressed the ball-point pen a bit too hard, leaving a visible red mark on my forearm. The badly scribbled sentence on my arm was barely legible- nobody I knew understood it. Except for one particular person.

All of a sudden, as if like magic- blue ink strokes were swirling on my arm. If it really was “magic”, it didn’t feel that way anymore. This was normal for me. This was normal for us. The once unrecognisable strokes became clearer and clearer, until it formed..

“☺”

“..Rude.”

The culprit of the blue and neatly drawn smiley face was Karamveer- or K for short. He was to me what most would call… a soulmate, perhaps. We were bound together by fate or whatever- and though most people had what we called “The Red String of Fate”, or the “Grayscale view” that connected two soulmates, K and I were tied differently. Different in a way that whenever he drew on himself, the marks would appear on me, too, and vice versa. We used this to communicate with one another- because for some odd reason, he doesn’t want to tell me where he is, or if there’s any other way i could communicate with him. So we were stuck like this- drawing dumb marks on our limbs in a somewhat desperate attempt to talk with one another.

“See? Even you admit it. I’m just that irresistible.”

“Yuck, shut up.”

“;))”

I let out a small chuckle. This boy is gonna kill me someday— if he hasn’t already.

“wait brb gonna do smth. don't die while I'm gone lol”

My eyes blink over towards the clock rested beside my bed— it was 2am. I had school.

“on the subject of death, i’ll be signing off for tonight. its like. 2am here. Night K.”

I wince at how hard I pressed on my forearm again, and at how bad my handwriting was. I hope he could still understand.

“Gnight Ani <3”

I feel something flutter in my chest seeing the little heart scribbled beside the stupid little nickname he gave me. After staring at the blue symbol on my arm for what felt like a while, I brush the feeling off and head to bed.

—

“Animosah Agbon?”

My eyes tear open upon hearing my name. I was dozing off in class again.

“What’s the answer for number 11?”

I blink at the chalkboard and reposition my big reading glasses. “Uhhhhh….” The whole class is staring at me, a few of my classmates snickering and talking between themselves. I frown.

“Sixteen…four… no, in the equation 2y+16=6y-4, y is equal to 5.”

My classmates whoop and cheer while my teacher subtly smiles to herself. I slink back into my chair shyly and take my favorite retractable black pen out of my pencil case, rolling up my long sleeve to see if he’s written anything.

“please save me. i don’t like it in school anymore.”

Not a few seconds later, a reply is scribbled on my palm. “Ohhh, i hear ya. The only thing that kept me sane was the actually decent food they had there. Other than that, school is quite literally a juvenile prison.”

“,,,,why are you talking in past tense????”

“its for me to know and for you to find out :))”

“I hate you”

“ I love you too <3”

I try and hold back a small smile, but it peeps out anyway. I look around to see if anyone else has noticed. They’re all pre-occupied with something- Alvis with her string of fate, Callum asking his friend Xavier what color the chalk on the board was, Elenoir re-checking the ink of his token pen. Before I can fully fall asleep, the school bell chimes and everyone is rushing to their next class.

—

I plop onto my bed and read the conversations we shared throughout the day. He kept me awake through the majority of my subjects but stopped replying by the time I was writing on my ankles. I wasn’t sure what his timezone was, but I do admit- it would look pretty weird if he was scribbling with a colored gel-pen on his leg in public. Not even in public- just in general.

“I dont know if your still awake but good night”

“**you’re”

I groan and scrawl a small ‘e’ beside the misspelled word.

“goodnig”

The next few letters don’t come, and the text smudges itself. I subconsciously frown. What was he doing? I feel my stomach turn in knots in worry and I choke on my spit. Head screaming for relief, I shut my eyes tight and force my probably malfunctioning body to fall asleep.

—

When I open my eyes the next morning, the sun’s rays immediately burn and blur my sight, causing me to roll out of bed with a unceremonious thump! After lying on the floor for what seemed like 5 minutes, I check my arm to see if K wrote anything new.

..Nothing.

Before panic settles in, I lift the hem of my pajamas to check if the ones he wrote on my right leg were still there.

..All of his marks were gone.

Perhaps he just took a bath?

That’s.. impossible. He never washes the ink thoroughly enough for it to disappear.

..Is he okay?

“Are you okay?”

—

5 hours later and he still hasn’t replied.

At this point I’m awkwardly sprawled on my bed, occasionally lifting my arm to see if he’s said anything.

Where did he go?

—

2 weeks and still nothing.

I’ve been doing worse in school. My parents are getting uneasy, my teachers are concerned.

I wish I could talk to him again.

—

One month.

One month and my limbs are clean, aside from the numerous writings I’ve left asking where he was.

I haven’t slept well since the day he stopped replying. Am I too clingy? Am I too concerned? Should I stop trying?

..Maybe I am. Maybe I should. But no, I won’t.

I guess I just.. really, really miss him.

—

“Class dismissed!”

I stand up quickly and fumble for my bag and everyone rushes out of the room.

“..Animosah, can you stay for a bit?”

I grimace at my teacher, and she responds by softening her worried smile. I approach her slowly without maintaining eye contact with her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you?”

“I’m sorry, Ma’am. I really don’t want to.”

She must’ve noticed me rubbing my forearm because her face grows with concern.

“Animosah, what’s on your arm..?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Animosah. Show me.”

“Ma’am, please-“

“Ani.”

I almost gag at the nickname she called me.

Hesitantly, I shakily roll up my sleeve and lift up my right arm. It was nearly fully covered with ink marks- desperate pleas begging to know where my soulmate was. Tears start to roll down my cheeks as I quickly withdraw my arm and bend over to stifle my cries. My teacher quickly leaps to her feet and kneels to reach my eye level. She cups my face in her hands and pulls me into a hug.

“..Everything will be alright soon, dear. He will come back to you soon. I promise.”

And I hoped she was right.

—

My eyes feel a little dry after crying.

The town was a bustling, lively place of no sleep. The people there were a smiling and happy bunch- nearly everyone knew each other, and nearly everyone was friends. Though the townspeople greeted me with countless ‘good morning!’s and ‘hello!’s, I wasn't in the mood to even wave back. I felt like a sulking rat in a sea of adorable rabbits.

I hated it.

The roads were already familiar to me, so I walk in an almost rhythmic pattern to try to lighten my mood. Street Maya, Street Kassel, Street Avida, Street Ramas, Street Ettiel, Street Maya, Street Kassel, Str-

Wait.

I glance at the street sign. I’m at Street Avida.

..What.

Suddenly the air feels tight in my throat. I gasp ang gag, silently crying for air. I’m kneeling on the sidewalk when I see someone walking towards me. HELP! HELP! I try to scream, but I just cough harder.

The person walks past me without any sign of acknowledgement.

No, wait-!

In an instant, I’m dragged by the collar into an alleyway I didn’t even notice was there. When I’m pushed against the wall, I feel the air get knocked out of my lungs and I’m left hacking and coughing on the floor. The stranger who dragged me looms over me in a somewhat curious manner, examining my features slowly. They brush the hair off my face and I get a clear look at them- Their face is shrouded by a black hood, but with what little light peaking through they appeared to be young. The hood extended into a cloak reaching until their feet. The only eye-catching thing about them was a carefully-crafted pocket watch dangling off their hand.

“Who.. Who are you?”

“That’s not important, dear.”

Their voice rung in my head like an alarm clock- except it was less annoying. They spoke in an echo-y mixture of voices- my mom’s, my dad’s, my teachers’, my friends’, and so many other people. It felt calming in so many ways, but it also raised a dozen more questions.

“What’s important to you is what I have to offer.”

“What? Offer? I’m really sorry but I’m not interested in another car de-“

Even if I couldn’t see their face, I could tell they were glaring.

“Sorry.”

“It’s quite alright, love.” They look at my arm. “..You miss your soulmate, yes?”

I painfully look away and nod lightly.

“I see. I was like you once. I had a left wing of white feathers and my soulmate had the right of black. We flew together in the skies, hands intertwined. One day, however, he stopped wanting to fly with me. He never told me why, but all answers came to me once all my feathers fell out. I suppose we both flew too close to the sun.”

I gulp and mouth a subtle “I’m sorry”.

“..I’m sorry too, dear. I’m afraid I might've gone on a little tangent there. See, that might’ve happened to me, but that doesn’t have to happen to you, too.”

I look up at them. “What do you mean?”

“Fate has given you a chance, sunshine. As a sorceress of time, they’ve instructed me to give you a choice.”

“Time will stop in this world and shall only go on for you both. You have all the time in the world to look for him. And when you two meet eyes, the cycle of the earth shall continue. But you must hurry. Best of luck to you, love.”

“Hurry? Why? Is something wrong?”

..They’re gone.

—

When I wake up the next morning, everything is in black and white.

I check my alarm clock and it’s frozen at 6:12 am.

..That wasn’t a dream?

..That was real. Which means-

I jump out of bed, throw on a long sleeve blouse and pants and bolt towards the door. I almost trip on the stairs and when I fling the front door open, I tumble on a package that nearly sends me flying. I regain my composure and open the package. In it was a necklace with a red gem etched with mysterious writings and a note. The note said:

“This necklace will be able to transport you to whichever place you wish to be and light up whenever he may be near. Just say the word and you shall be there. Good luck, my dear. May the stars be forever in your favor. -SHUVHISKRGH”

I didn’t feel like decoding their name anymore. All I knew was one thing- I had to look for him.

I bring the necklace to my lips and whisper..

“Bring me… Bring me to my heart.”

The gem glows, and the mysterious writings ring in my ears in a unknown language. I shut my eyes tight as I’m enveloped by the red light and..

I fall to the ground and I groan.

I quickly get up and stumble a bit. Where was I? I was somewhere unfamiliar and new, that was for sure. I shuffle on tiled grounds. The place was filled with people that didn’t look all that friendly. The buildings surrounding me stood proud and tall like skyscrapers- and it was driving me crazy. I try to remain calm and examine my surroundings.

The necklace I held tight in my hand glowed faintly.

He’s here.

I dash from street to street, checking if the necklace would glow any brighter. And when it was as bright as a fire in my hand, I look up and see a figure looking down from a window.

The shadow places its hand on the glass, and glances at me. Suddenly my chest feels like its being tugged towards it, causing me to stumble. I hit the ground and before I can get up, something taps my shoulder

“Are you alright, miss?”

“Yes, I-“

..Wait, what?

The stranger has his arm stretched out, so I take it and heave myself up.

“..Thank you, sir.” I say as the man begins to walk away.

Time’s moving. That means-

I shoot my head up and see the figure by the window. It looked clearer now- it appeared to be a young boy my age in a hospital gown. He writes something on his left arm, lifts his right, smiles, and I realize who he was.

I run towards the building as quick as I can. My chest is pounding and I’m running out of breath but I don’t care. Before I reach the entrance, pain shoots up my left arm and I fall over. Blood was seeping through my sleeve and I cry out for help. With the little strength still left in my body, I roll up the cloth and see something etched into my inner forearm in very familiar neat cursive writing. When the realisation hits me, I start to cry even harder.

“i love you.”

..Always and forever.

#over-write #UGHHHHH IM SLEEPY GOOD NIGHT #oof #anyway u can.. give ur opinions on this id love to hear it #this is the first time ive written something original and kinda long so please bear with me hh

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