#anyways. if strangers come into your inbox and ask for help. PLEASE check their profile or look them up on the internet to see if they're

[slumbergoblin]

This is a longshot, would you be willing to help me get my insulin? I'm down to my last pen and its pretty much close to being empty.Nt asking for much only need $370 rn to save my blood sugar. please help me with a small donation or share, reblog any help can save my life.Please help & Blessings ❤

Took me 2 seconds to look up their profile and paypal name to confirm that this person is a scammer.

[lovelyirony]

@ironmanspussy​ here we are, directly inspired by your wonderful texpost! 

King Rhodes needed a partner to rule. It was ancient law, something he hadn’t really desired to follow. But unfortunately, the lawyers are assholes and want to create a monopoly of power that he just simply hasn’t the time to dismantle if he’s to follow his ten-year policy plan.

His partner should be well-mannered, aware of high society dress codes as well as how to navigate regular, everyday wear, and be calm in times of crisis.

So begins the search.

“You’re not going to find someone you like like that,” his advisor, Carol says, laughing. “I guarantee it.”

“We’ll see,” Rhodes decides.

Oh, they saw.

They saw a lot.

Almost every single candidate is bad. Or just off, in some way.

“Rogers seemed like a nice fit,” Carol says, tapping on her clipboard.

"He was nice, not for me. A bit too much.”

“What, muscle?”

“You could say that’s a factor. He’s also just a little too take-charge-of-everything.”

“Mm, that could pose a problem later. Well, the candidates who most matched your requirements are all out.”

“You’re kidding.”

“You’re a very particular kind of guy, Jim. So here are the rest.”

“Send in the clowns,” Rhodes says, waving his hand in dismissal and drawing the other one to his forehead to signal a headache about to come on.

“You just sent Barnes out,” Danvers reminds him, grinning.

“Asshole.”

“I’m still getting paid!” Carol sing-songs.

-

It’s almost better. Almost. Prince Clint Barton is an impossibly good marksman, and...that’s about it. His leadership style is far different from the Rhodes kingdom needs and he admits that he almost showed up in jeans.

Well, at least there’s honesty. Rhodes could find that forgivable.

But the jeans. Good god.

-

Bruce Banner is a total sweetheart, but his constitution is quite poor and again with the fashion choices. He shows up in a very nice outfit and has a nice wit about him.

They talk at length, and Carol swears that it will go well and perhaps there will actually be a wedding by June, all things said and considered.

This is until Rhodes leads Dr. Banner out to the gardens to meet Thor, their part-time warrior and full-time gardener.

Thor is completely gone on the scientist-ruler, and there it is.

“This is supposed to be your matchmaking,” Carol reminds him, scowling. “It was going well.”

“Once he met Thor anyways, it would have been all over. You know Thor’s type. The scientists that could ruin the earth if they truly had the thought to.”

“I suppose you’re right. Next person, then. She looks promising, Empress Romanov?”

-

Natasha Romanov is a terrifying figure. Very, very terrifying.

That being said, she has excellent taste in fashion and promised to send Rhodes some reviews, but “unfortunately has her heart spoken for.”

(It’s not very unfortunate. Rhodes feared for his life.)

-

He’s about to lose it, to be completely honest. Is there seriously no one out there?

“Your last candidate, at least for this month, is Tony Stark. High-profile inventor.”

“Not royalty?”

“Essentially, he is. Dad helped create weapons, he followed with protection and medical detail. He usually doesn’t agree to meet, so you’ll have to ask him why.”

“Refuse to meet royalty?”

“People.”

-

Tony Stark did, in fact, refuse to meet people. In general, people were not his strong suit and he saw no point to marriage.

“If you marry well, you get more access to resources for your reacting thing,” Pepper says.

“My reactor. I’ve told you that a million times.”

“And I’ve forgotten it a million and one. But if you meet Rhodes, he’s probably your best chance of not marrying a total shit royal.”

“And why is that?”

“Searching online for your answer is free, I am not. Your bill will be sent to your inbox.”

Tony stares after Pepper. She’s too damn capable.

He sighs to himself.

He does need more funding for his projects. His father cut him off completely and while that wouldn’t be the worst thing, Tony’s not going to charge obscene prices just to keep himself afloat.

So...marrying a royal. Not the best plan in the world, especially given Tony’s track record with people. Sure, he can play the part. But he just...won’t.

-

This is why Tony’s about five minutes late, cursing up a blue streak at a guard that has followed him into the hall because due to his appearance he thinks he needs to have a “check-in” with the people at the front desk for appointments, and in general? The day has been bad.

Also, Pepper forced him into “nice” clothes. While Tony can and has worn his nice clothing before, he does not like the ones that Pepper chose because they are uncomfortable, stiff, and absolutely a bit too long.

So he trips on the carpet.

“Motherfucker!”

Rhodes’ head pops away from his conversation with the chef regarding the dinner menu.

Here is a man with probably the most intricately embroidered robes he’s ever seen on, hair that looks like it was probably not even styled, just brushed through, and had about the entirety of the guard behind him asking him about an appointment time.

Obviously, he’s the most attractive man Rhodes has ever seen in his life.

“And who are you?” he asks.

“Tony. Stark. Mechanic and inventor. Um, you talked to Pepper about me? I think I’m in your circle of potential candidates for ruling. It’s totally fine if you kick me out, I kind of scuffed your carpet.”

“We need new carpet anyway,” Carol says. “We’ll disregard your entrance for now, Stark.”

“Tony, please.”

“Tony,” Carol says slowly, smiling. “You will be walking around the gardens with King Rhodes, pausing for dinner.”

“Cool.”

Rhodes has to stop from laughing. Cool. He’s already a fan of this.

Carol leans over to him, whispering in his ear.

“I thought you wanted someone who had a cool head, not someone like that.”

“Well, I can be wrong every once in a while.”

“Or more.”

“Every once in a while,” Rhodes reiterates. “Besides, I have a good feeling about this.”

“Hm.”

-

Walking through a garden with a stranger is not as smooth as one would expect. Rhodes isn’t exactly well-versed in asking people what their plans are for the future, and if they are amenable to perhaps marriage.

“What do you do for fun?” Tony asks.

He’s sort of taken aback at the question.

“Pardon me?”

“What do you do for fun?” he repeats. “Like, do you cook? Sew? Duel with your rivals? What do you do for fun?”

Well. He has to think for a moment.

“I go on runs.”

“That is not fun. Don’t tell me that that’s what’s fun for you.”

“What, can’t run?”

“I don’t run, there’s a difference. I’ll run when something’s chasing me.”

“And yet you won’t have training, like I will.”

“Did you forget my trade, Your Imminence?” Tony asks, voice mocking him.

It’s honestly refreshing. Rhodes doesn’t like it when people are so serious around him, so afraid to disappoint.

“An inventor? You’re going to invent a way to run better?”

“To fly, honey. Honestly...”

-

After that, it’s a dead-set decision from Rhodes.

He offers his hand in marriage, as well as the crown. Tony blinks.

“You haven’t even seen me take a turn in the ballroom.”

“It’s either going to be wildly entertaining or surprising, and I can’t wait for either.”

-

Tony enters his own room, in a panic.

This has to go well. He has to dress to impress.

“Pepper, he’s holding a party for our engagement. I have to dress nicely.”

“You know how to do that, I don’t know why you’re telling me that.”

“There are so many factors. Do you know anyone who can embroider his family crest on any shoes? What colors I’m meant to do? Oh my god, we have to fuse the colors together. This is going to be a disgrace. I’ll be exiled to be a hermit in the forest who relies on bark for sustenance, and this--”

“Can you. Potentially, maybe, chill? It’ll be fine.”

“You say that, but right now I’m imagining having to go to war because I didn’t wear the right color of red, so...”

“You are literally the worst person alive.”

“False, we both know Justin Hammer and out of the two of us, I think you’d want to date me more.”

“Don’t be a smartass.”

“Just practical, Pep. Just practical. Now help me shade match Rhodey’s red.”

“He’s Rhodey now?”

“In my head? Yes. I don’t like Rhodes, I absolutely will not call him Jim until we both hit seventy years old.”

“Better let him know that.”

-

Rhodes gets a text from Tony.

so a.) your new nickname from me is rhodey. don’t question it, honeybear. Anyways, would you say your royal family color is closer to garnet-red or blood-red?

Rhodey blinks. He likes the nickname. It’s different. He has to show the text to Carol.

“What in the hell does that mean?”

“Let me google it.”

She analyzes the results, frowning.

“I’m thinking blood-red.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“Why does he want to know the color?”

“I don’t know, I’ll ask.”

we’ve decided it matches closer to blood-red, Tones. Why do you ask?

Tony blinks. Other nickname. Interesting. He likes it.

my outfit choice relies heavily on this.

He leaves it at that, grinning as he puts his phone away.

Rhodey is laughing. He’s excited to see his husband-to-be.

-

Tony knows he looks damned good. The whole outfit is incredible. Red with gold stitching throughout, and he got his hair to cooperate to be artfully messy instead of just messy.

“I’m surprised at you, you clean up well,” Pepper teases. “You ready to go and make your debut?”

“As ready as ever,” Tony says, fixing the chain around his neck. The gold glints off the lights, and he knows he’s about to be the best dressed person in the room, with perhaps the exception of Rhodey.

He knows that most people are surprised that he’s the one that King Rhodes has decided to marry. He’s not known for being a particularly polite royal. In fact, he has told multiple members of royalty to “get fucked or get out of my way” when they want him to build something that he refuses to build.

So he’s not exactly the perfect choice. But his outfit is still the best in the room.

“Hi gorgeous,” Rhodey says, smiling. “You look incredible.”

“Well I do know how to make an entrance, after all,” Tony says. “You’ll find out this is only the tip of the iceberg.”

“Well then, I’m in for treats all my life,” Rhodey says. “How are you tonight, Tones?”

“Doing well, finished up working on one of the cars for Thor today.”

“Wait, you’re the one who’s refinishing it? He hasn’t been able to shut up about it for weeks! I was the one who used to look at it.”

“You like fixing up cars?”

“Yes, of course I do!”

-

From there, conversation flows. They understand each other well, laugh at the same jokes, and agree on cake flavors.

It’s not love, not yet. But they’re getting there.

-

It is officially love when Tony steals Rhodey from his royal duties to get a cheeseburger.

“Sometimes it’s good to get out of the throne, don’t you think?” Tony says, grinning over his sunglasses.

“For a cheeseburger? Can’t say I’ve ever done anything like that.”

“That’s because you’re all fancy and posh, I bet you don’t even know the f-word,” Tony says.

“Fuck you,” Rhodey jokes.

Tony gasps. “The king knows a curse word? Oh my lord! What...shame you bring to your family!”

Rhodey laughs, and it’s in this moment that he realizes that spending the rest of his days with Tony is potentially the best possible option in the world.

“I’m so glad we’re getting married,” he says. Tony stills.

“You...you are?”

“You’re the best thing to happen to me, I think,” Rhodey says, taking a sip of water as if he hasn’t just said the sweetest thing Tony’s ever heard. “And I hope that I’m the best thing to ever happen to you.”

“I mean I don’t know, the AC/DC reunion tour was pretty sick...” Tony says, grinning. “I’m kidding. Rhodey, I think we’re gonna be a good team. And I’m glad that I get to be with you.”

-

Their wedding is the talk of the year. Literally no one can shut up about it, but maybe that’s because Tony accidentally showed up late because he was inventing and had wild hair and maybe a stray grease-stain on his forehead.

Rhodey just grinned.

“You better not be late to the reception.”

“I’ll try my best. You know how I am.”

They kiss, and Rhodey sends him into a deep dip. Tony laughs into the kiss, and it becomes one of the most well-known photographs of the year.

-

Sure, Rhodey didn’t exactly get all of the qualifications that he wanted out of his ruling partner. Tony is absolutely not calm in times of crisis, and stress-bought novelty socks.

He more than once told a difficult business partner to “absolutely get fucked up on a Thursday, see if I give a singular shit when my husband is ten times better than you,” and also has a certain unawareness of some of his public outfit choices. (Hello sweatpants with holes in them and a striped hoodie.)

But Tony makes the best coffee ever, always gets Rhodey flowers from the supermarket, and is perhaps the most compassionate man he’s ever met.

So not a bad trade-off.

They lay in bed together, Rhodey looking over his obscenely trashy detective novels with his reading glasses, and Tony battling Pepper in a word search competition online.

“I love you,” Tony says out of nowhere, smiling. He presses a kiss to Rhodey’s shoulder.

“You’re okay,” Rhodey responds, patting Tony’s thigh.

He makes a squawk of outrage as Rhodey’s head turns from his book, grinning.

“You better give me a kiss to make up for that,” Tony demands. Rhodey rolls his eyes.

“Of course, drama queen.”

“Drama queen? I was told by the love of my life that I was ‘okay’ after one year of marriage? And I am supposed to be unaffected? Absolutely unacceptable, I think I will fling myself into a pit in the ocean, and--”

Rhodey cuts him off with a kiss.

“Or not. Not could definitely work.”

[the-beastslayers-queen]

A Dangerous Game: Chapter 1

So this is my new story I’ve been working on. Tagging: @queenofthearchitect @biforbecky2belts @writtingrose @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk and if anyone else wishes to be tagged for this beauty, hit my inbox.

“Cat,” I heard my brother call me from downstairs at the entryway to my studio loft apartment, “We’re going to be late if ye don’t hurry yer arse up!”

“You can’t rush perfection, Finn,” I shouted back, “Besides, this is my party and I can be late if I want to be, damn it.”

I smirked as I heard him groan at knowing I was right. I made sure I had everything I needed. Lipstick? Check. Hair ties? Check. Phone? Check. Ipad? Check. Side piece? Of course check.

See the thing with my life is that I am the second-in-command of my brother’s gang, Bálor Club. Brother’s real name is Fergal Devitt and I’m Catriona Devitt. But we go by Finn and Cat (And only a select few call me Catie) Bálor. We do it to keep our illicit activities from getting back to our parents. Now a key thing to note is that Finn and I aren’t blood related. I was adopted when I was just a baby, but I don’t have an Irish accent anymore since I was sent to the US for middle school through college because my birth mother’s brother, my uncle, had asked if he could be involved in my life and help get a really good education. So I went to an elite, all-girls boarding school and then went to the Michigan State University for a major in criminal psychology and a minor accounting. It was while I was at school I also dabbled in computers and coding, becoming a hacker and a computer builder as a hobby and to make some extra cash on the side. I’m like a genius.

So when I returned home to Bray, Finn had told me he was the leader of a gang and that he was heading to Orlando to get things started there, I followed him whole-heartedly. I was going to watch his back and help keep his books for him. Plus with my major I knew how to out think the cops.

Since I was put in charge of the money for our gang, I kept my iPad with me at all times. I had the program on there that I designed myself that can hack into any bank account I needed to and I could syphon funds or if I needed to make someone disappear, I could do so with a few keystrokes and I leave no digital evidence behind in the systems I crack. I designed my program to delete itself entirely from any server it gets placed into.

But with any gang, there tends to be competition. Bálor Club has two main competitors. The biggest threat to us is Clan McIntyre. They’re led by Drew McIntyre, his second-in-command Baron Corbin, and his sergeant-at-arms Dolph Ziggler. But another threat that can’t be ignored is The Authority. They were very well established when we first arrived in Orlando, but were willing to help us get started since they were at odds with the Straight-Edge Society and the Corre at the time and we helped them run those two out of town. The Authority even split the assets left behind by the two gangs as a token of peace between us.

But we’re now on shaky ground due to my soon-to-be announced engagement tonight at my party. Clan McIntyre and The Authority do not see eye-to-eye with each other and for us to be aligning with them through my marriage to McIntyre himself, it makes it very fragile with the dealings between us and The Authority. So Finn is going to be having some key members of The Authority at the party to work on a way to keep the peace between all of us. More than likely Finn is going to try to offer himself up to one of The Authority’s daughters, Bayley, in order to satisfy all parties.

All I knew is that this was too much politics for a hacker to keep track of so I left that with Finn. I just handled the money and the digital traces of our organization, maybe running a couple of the legit businesses if I was bored enough. But for the most part I left the politicking to Finn since he was so good at it. He was the one that arranged my marriage and he was going to put his silver tongue to the test tonight.

Once I was satisfied with my appearance and having all the contents in my purse accounted for, I descended down the stairs from my bedroom to my brother as he stood in the doorway waiting for me. I embraced my brother, enjoying his softer side he only showed to me when we were alone or around our parents, and led the way out of my apartment to head to our most popular business and the venue for my party, The Bullet Club.

When we arrived to Bullet Club, the party was in full swing. I saw my two closest friends and my personal bodyguards when I have to conduct Club business, Gallows and Anderson waiting for us at the club entrance. I ran up to the two men and embraced them both.

“How are my good brothers tonight,” I asked them, “Any good marks for me to con out of a couple drinks?”

“And what would your new fiancé have to say about that, Catie,” Anderson asked with a smile, “I’ll keep an eye out, like a good wingman, and find you an easy sucker to buy you all the drinks you could want.”

“Anderson,” Finn scolded him, “I would like to keep her from getting completely wasted in front of McIntyre tonight. So please, for the sake of our good friendship, don’t get her any marks tonight.”

“Kill joy,” I grumbled as I crossed my arms across my chest with a huff.

“You’ll thank me later for this, Catie,” Finn kissed my cheek, “I’m going to go find McIntyre and have him come see you in our office above the DJ booth. Then I’m going to conduct business with Hunter in the VIP section. Behave, Cat, there’s a lot riding on your first impression with Drew and his clan.”

“Alright I’ll play nice,” I threw my hands up in surrender, “But only for you, deartháir mór.”

I walked off with Gallows and Anderson in tow, making my way up to the office above the club. As I cut through the crowd, I ended up getting bumped into by a man with long dark hair and a small patch of it bleached blond. I locked eyes with him and lost my train of thought in his dark dreamy eyes. I mean he was quite a bit taller than me, maybe 6’1”, and he was fairly lean. He was just so damn attractive.

“Sorry,” he apologized as he recovered his balance, “I didn’t see you behind me. I’m Seth.”

“Catriona,” I replied as I held my hand out to him, “You can call me Cat, Seth.”

Seth smiled softly towards me and shook my hand. Once his hand touched mine I felt something like a spark of electricity. Now I was intrigued by him. But like Finn said, I had business to attend to first.

“Can I buy you a drink, Cat,” he asked as he looked to my guards.

“I actually have some business to attend to,” I replied, “But when I finish, I might have to take you up on your offer.”

I left Seth on the dance floor and continued on my way up to the office. Once I arrived, I took off my coat and hung it up on the coat rack by the door before I sauntered over to the big desk that sat in front of the large window that looked out over the dancefloor, and plopped down in the giant chair before I spun it around to look out over the dancefloor. I spotted Seth dancing with four girls and two other guys. I wished I was down on that dancefloor with him, but I had to put what I want aside for the sake of my brother and our club and get prepared to meet my fiancé tonight.

I heard the door open and turned around in the chair to find Finn walking in with a giant of a man with dark hair pulled back from his face and a thick, closely trimmed beard. He was smartly dressed, wearing a nicely tailored suit that did not end up hiding his impressive physique. I was enjoying the sight of this attractive man in front of me.

“Drew, this is my sister and right hand woman,” Finn introduced me as I kicked my feet up onto the desk, “This is Catriona Bálor.”

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet ya, lass,” Drew bowed his head to me, “Your brother hear has told me a lot about ye. But if you grew up together, where’s yer Irish accent.”

“I lost it,” I replied, “Since I spent my teenage years here in the States in a small town in the mid-west. It comes out only when I force it or if I’m speaking Gaelic. Otherwise, I blend in like I grew up here all along.”

“Anyway,” Finn stepped to stand between me and Drew, “Now that you’ve met, do you want to go arrange the wedding or going through a courtship first before we seal the deal.”

“I would like to enjoy an engagement with your sister,” Drew replied, “We can have a long engagement to let her get to know me and get familiar with my operation. I do not wish to make her marry me as a stranger and be forced to remain with me. Even if she wishes not to marry me, I’m sure we can still remain allies out of respect. If I see reason to break the whole alliance off, I will inform you first before I take you to war, Bálor.”

“Does that work for you, deirfiúr beag,” Finn asked me.

“Yeah that will work,” I agreed, “Am I free to go? I’d like to go get drinks and dance for a while.”

“Of course,” Drew answered before Finn could, “I will go out tomorrow to find the perfect ring for you, but for tonight I want to talk business with your brother.”

I booked it out of the office and ran into Gallows and Anderson. I knew they would end up following me down to the dancefloor, drawing attention to me. I wanted to go down to find Seth again and take him up on that drink. I didn’t like how cocky Drew came off with me, sure he was attractive as hell, but I did not want to marry him. He came off like a guy that would be controlling and dominate in the relationship. What I wanted was a man that could be in charge, but knew when to let off and let me be in charge. Drew did not seem like that kind of man.

“I’m going to the dancefloor,” I shared glances between Gallows and Anderson.

“And you want us to stay guard Finn over following you,” Gallows finished my sentence for me.

“Consider it done,” Anderson added, “We know you want to keep your low profile to go see that Seth guy. Just be careful. If you pursue him, you’ll be playing with fire.”

“I know what I’m doing,” I reassured him, “I did this when I was dating Pete.”

“Yeah and how did that end up working out for you,” Gallows perked his eyebrows at me.

“So Pete and I ended up splitting,” I replied, “And he got a tongue lashing from Finn for even trying to date me. I promise I’ll be careful. I’ll see you tomorrow at the Devlin pub to meet with Jordan to go over the books.”

I took my leave and made my way to the DJ booth to make a few requests and passed the DJ a $100 dollar bill tip so I got my requests first before I made my way to the dancefloor. As my first song came on, I swayed my hips to the beat of the track, letting the music take control of every fiber of my body and getting lost in the crowd for a moment.

As I danced, I felt a pair of hands grab my hips. I looked up over my shoulder to find Seth there. I smirked at the fact that he ended up finding me instead of me finding him in the crowd.

“Is your business done,” he asked as he pressed his body into my back, “Because if you’re still interested in that drink, I’m still willing to pay up.”

“A drink sounds great,” I replied, “Lead the way to the bar, handsome.”

Seth took my hand and guided me between the bodies dancing around us. Once we got to the bar, it was much easier to talk and hear each other. I love being at the club, since I loved to dance. But on the other hand, I do like intimacy and bars, like our dive bar in the rougher part of Orlando, The Coup De Grace. It was the one business I enjoyed running for my brother since the regulars were nice and the people we have working there were the best.

“Now that we can really talk,” Seth started once he had our drinks ordered with the bartender, “I have to ask, what kind of ‘business’ did you have to attend to?”

“Well the party here at the club is in my honor,” I replied, “I’m supposed to be getting engaged.”

“Oh shit,” he recoiled from me a little, “Maybe buying you a drink isn’t the best idea.”

“Hey,” I grabbed hold of his hand, “The fiancé hasn’t put a ring on my finger yet. I only just met him tonight. Let me have tonight with you and if things go south with him and this whole arranged marriage, I need a booty call.”

“Oh so I’m a booty call,” he smirked, “Sweetheart, you won’t be able to keep me as just a booty call.”

“Someone’s cocky,” I smirked as the bartender handed us our drinks.

“Confidence is more the term I prefer,” he replied with a smug smirk on his face, “Maybe after a couple drinks I could take you to my apartment and really have fun.”

“Yeah keep dreaming pretty boy,” I replied with a sarcastic laugh, “I’m letting you buy me drinks for now. If you’re lucky and I like after a couple rounds, we’ll see about going back to your place.”

“Yo Rollins,” Seth and I both perked at the sound of a man coming over to the bar. This guys was huge compared to Seth. His black hair was pulled back in a neat bun and his goatee was crisp and cleanly shaved. He wore just a simple t-shirt and jeans, the shirt exposed this intricate Samoan tattoo on his right arm, which meant this guy was Samoan. He was followed by a guy with somewhat shaggy strawberry blond hair that hung his face and he was clean shaven and wore a white t-shirt, a leather jacket, dark blue jeans, and a pair of black boots.

“Hey brother,” the blond greeted Seth, “Dad is meeting with Bálor right now to look into making arrangements between him and Bayley. He told us to get you so we can join the meeting. Oh who’s this lovely lady?”

“This is Cat,” Seth replied, “Looks like I have business to attend to. I’ll handle the tab for this round. I’ll have to get another round with you some other time.”

Before Seth left he got out a pen and wrote on a napkin and handed it to me. As he left I looked down at the napkin to find his name and phone number written on it. I smiled and looked up to watch him disappear into the crowd.

[therandomfics]

Strangers

Most of my friends aren’t here anymore. They all moved away for college, or graduated and went somewhere else to start their careers. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t lonely. My job is very demanding and takes up a good majority of my time, but I just want to know that there’s some good left in what I’ve come to find as a miserable pit of a city. I’m not looking for someone to sweep into my life and then leave just as quickly. I want friendship and then maybe more, depending on the situation. Please don’t get angry if I reply slowly or not at all for a few days. I’m not the best at this whole online dating thing. :) 

You clicked submit and sat back to refresh your page and look it over once more. Online dating was not scary, it was the fact that your online profile was supposed to be a different identity, but you realized that you were exactly what your mystery perp was looking for. 

Earlier that day, Captain Lyndell Walker had approached you and given you a new task. 

“It’s starting to look like all of his victims have one thing in common: Meet And Mingle.” Captain Walker was clueless about anything online. He was in his fifties, married for 20 something years and had three kids. They probably knew more about Meet and Mingle than their father. “You need to create a profile, do some digging. Probably wouldn’t hurt you to go on a few dates.” 

“That’s harassment, Cap,” you replied with a smirk. “But okay. So I’m using my own pictures, or no?”

“Yes. Be you. Well - okay, be you, just more friendly. And really, Sullivan.. be careful. Make the profile and we’ll meet tomorrow to see what we have narrowed down from TARU.” 

The ding on your computer refocused your attention, an alert flashing at the bottom of the screen. A new message. How wonderful, you thought, exhaling the heaviest sigh you could muster. You clicked on the envelope icon and scowled. 

Hey, threestrikes, like those pictures... wanna come over?

“Gross,” you muttered and deleted the message. How did anyone meet another human being online if this was the kind of interaction that was deemed normal? 

A few hours passed and you made your way back to the computer to check your inbox. Twelve messages. Impressive. 

Hey sexy.. DELETE. 

Hi my name is Phil..Youup. DELETE. 

Three were merely inappropriate pictures. Only two really went beyond the normal “hi what’s up” of messaging. 

BHUNT03: Hey, threestrikes, my name is Brendon. I’m 34, I work on Wallstreet (big deal right?) and I am also feeling a little lost. I’m from Austin, TX, but moved here about two years ago with a former love who has since ended our relationship. I’d love to talk more if you have time. I’m busy too, but hopefully we’ll get some screen time together. Talk soon. 

Austin, Texas. Southern accents didn’t really appeal to you like they did most people, but you knew you had to be nice and get your head out of your ass if you planned on making any sort of headway. 

isirac: Threestrikes and I’m out? Yankees or Mets? I’m Dominick, by the way.

You couldn’t help but to reply to that one. 

Actually, I’m a Red Sox fan.... so, neither. :) Strike one for you, Dominick. I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you. Maybe I can convert you to the dark side. 

Your eyes were heavy when you realized the time. Nearly midnight. It was definitely time for bed. You knew you’d have a busy day ahead of you and you couldn’t disappoint. 

You met with TARU the next day and discovered a few interesting things about your suspect. The two victims had matched with and chatted with fifteen of the same men. A list of their usernames was provided to you for reference. Of the fifteen men, both victims had given their phone numbers to each of the men, under the pretense of setting up a time to meet and get to know one another. It was your job, TARU said, to chat with each of these men and try to narrow down the list of suspects as quickly as possible. 

It wouldn’t be an easy task, but it beat dragging your feet through paperwork for another 8 hour day. Brooklyn had their fair share of crimes to follow up on, especially in your division of SVU, and you never felt like you were caught up. From what you heard, other areas of the city felt the same. You’d never gotten to meet any of them, even after being there for two years. You only knew your friends from your work in Narcotics, and you were glad to say you’d gotten out of that. 

You opened your laptop and began your task of hunting down the men on the list. Two of them, you found, had already messaged you. BHUNT03 and isirac. You composed a message to BHUNT03 and hit send. 

Hi, Brendon. I’m Y/N. It’s a pleasure to meet you - virtually. I’m from Boston and moved here when I was 17 with my family. Not nearly as cool as Texas. I also don’t work on Wall St, but my job is pretty great. I’m a teacher. Hope you had a great day! Talk soon. 

You’d managed to make it down the list and send each one of them a special message, hoping that your little touch of charm would seal the deal and get you a response. Fifteen sent messages and 20 unread responses, mostly from men who were treating a legitimate dating website like it was Craigslist. 

isirac: Don’t think that’s gonna happen, but I know the Yanks and the Red Sox are playing one another next month.. hint hint. 

You snorted and typed out a quick reply. 

Yeah, that could be fun, but we can’t sit together. I can’t be seen with a Yankees fan. 

isirac: Good point, I can’t be seen with a Red Sox fan. Maybe we’d better plan something else since you’re a shitty New Yorker? 

Shitty New Yorker or Amazing Bostonian? 

isirac: No such thing as an amazing Bostonian... sorry, Y/N. 

You had to laugh. The rivalry between NYC and Boston was strong, and while it mattered to you a little, you couldn’t help but find it somewhat charming. Be on your guard, you reminded yourself. You weren’t here to find a husband. You were here to find a killer. 

A few days went by before Captain Walker called you and asked you for an update. 

“It’s going well. TARU gave me a list of the guys the two vics had in common and I’ve talked to each of them. I actually have a date with one of them tonight. His username is arodisgod. I think I hate him, but that’s not the point,” you said with a laugh. “Anyway, I’m going to meet him at 7:30 at Starbucks, because I keep it wicked classy.” 

Walker snorted. “Alright kid. Just be safe, let me know how things go. You know you’re gonna have a tail, right?” 

“I know.” 

“Alright.” 

That night, you looked at yourself in the mirror. It was 7:00 and you needed to leave, but you found yourself critiquing your outfit instead. Was all black too somber? No, you couldn’t be somber. Your fake identity had you as a teacher. Teachers couldn’t be gothic, could they? Who knew. You changed into a yellow dress and threw your black cardigan on to tie everything together. Better than nothing. Who really cared? You were going on a fake date. Even if you ruled the guy out and ended up liking him, your whole relationship would have started on a lie. 

When you walked into the coffee shop, you looked around and realized that your date was waiting for you in the corner. He was shorter than his profile stated, but friendly and somewhat attractive. 

“Hi, Andrew?” you asked as you approached, a fake, warm smile plastered on your face. 

“Wow, yeah! Hi! Y/N, it’s nice to meet you,” he said as he stood and gave you a quick hug. “Please, have a seat. I know you don’t have a lot of time tonight but I’m really glad you decided to meet me.” 

You sat down and crossed your legs under the table. Apparently, he had already ordered you a drink. Green tea. Gross, but considerate. “Thanks for asking. It’s nice to meet you, too. I know we hadn’t spoken too much online but I figure, you only live once, right? Why not take your shot when you can?” 

“Right, I feel you,” he agreed with an excited nod. “Actually it’s funny you mention that, because I just got back from backpacking across Europe. I was gone for three months and just got back like a week ago.” 

If you could confirm that, Andrew was off the suspect list. 

“That’s really amazing!” you lied, and dropped your hand by your side. You held up 2 fingers and made air quotations; your signal to your tail that you were ready to go. Immediately, your phone rang. “Oh, I’m so sorry. It’s my land lord. Two seconds!” You answered the phone and the voice on the other end chastised you for ending the date so early. “I know. I know. Oh, that’s so awful. Okay, I”ll be there immediately.” 

Andrew looked at you mournfully. “Is everything okay?” 

You shook your head and feigned remorse. “I’m so sorry, but no, it isn’t. I’ve got to go. Apparently there’s been a burst pipe leaking into my living room. Let’s try this again another time,” you insisted, before you stood up and rushed outside and down the sidewalk. Dating, fake or not, was unreal.