#anyways. i really like these actually. i feel like its actually cohesive for once in a nice way :D he's so pretty

[welcometoteyvat]

Some things will always be more important than the truth.

— Doushin Shikanoin Heizou, Tenryou Commission.

[codgod]

y’know generally i try to limit colour palettes to as few colours as possible to make things more cohesive but despite my best efforts only jay ended up being able to stick to that </3

ANYWAYS here’s the as-of-right-now fully updated designs for these dickheads. these will no doubt undergo even more tweaking as i draw them more but this is a start i guess. also pls open the pictures to look at them properly i worked so hard LOL

some random notes under the cut yaaaay

chip —

he jingles when he walks. somehow he’s still stealthy. i do not know how

kept the platinum ring that bonded him to gillion in the block! because hey he doesn’t really have a reason to take it off (and it’s a nice reminder of how much gill cares about him, and how far their friendship has come since that ice arena)

his tattoos shift and flicker like actual flames, and sometimes (harmless, purely aesthetic) sparks fly off them when he’s excited

i just think smoke coming out of his mouth when he’s angry would be cool :]

chipped teeth from biting rocks and coins all the time :/

he has scars from the red lightning, they’re just mostly contained to his back and shoulders. they’re a similar red to his coat even once they’ve healed

gillion —

the tail sleeve thing is so he can rest it on the ground without damaging his scales, he doesn’t usually wear it when he’s just on the ship because the wood is soft enough that it’s usually fine + it can hinder swimming a bit. it’s mostly meant for places where there’s cobblestone or gravel streets and such. i think his armour would probably have a version that looks similar but covers the whole tail minus the fins, maybe with some armour plating of its own. i didn’t draw it because there wasn’t any room lol

his scars from the lightning are pink mostly because red stood out too much tbh. they softly glow in the dark the same as his coral and the pink parts of his fins

also kept his ring! his hands aren’t really made for jewellery, though, because the webbing means it won’t sit very secure on his finger. so he keeps it on the same chain as the necklace he got from aslana to keep it safe

tried to make him look a bit bulkier and more his age than in my original design? i feel like i was leaning too much into the naivety and. shortness. originally lol. he also has thicker eyebrows now and i’m still trying to decide how i feel about them but i think? i like it? i don’t tend to give many character thin eyebrows so it could’ve been a unique thing for him but alas

i think i made the sword too small but like ignore that

also forgor to include pretzel </3 that’s okay though she can get her own design sheet later. she’s special like that

jay —

i believe in tall jay supremacy

blue magic! i was considering gold but that’d look a bit more like a canary than i wanted for her wings so. blue jay :]

her hair is supposed to look kinda like fire to mimic her dad ! kinda showing that even if she runs from her family and the navy they’ll always be a part of her. and also i just like drawing messy hair

i gave her sturdier gloves just because i feel like it fits her better. also changed up the shirt to more of a button up solely because i don’t like tank tops very much LOL

i did WANT to make her outfit a bit flashier to match the boys better but i couldn’t quite figure out where to Put the flash. maybe that’ll come later, the way the story’s going i might get to design some cool prosthetics for her or something

overall —

because there’s just so many fucking colours i triiied to add at least one or two colours from each of them into the others designs. jay has her necklace with each of their main colours on it, her wings are the same blue as gillions eyes, her jacket and right eye are the same dark blue as destiny’s blade, her hair is the same orange as the lighter part of chips tattoos. chip has a dark green sash under all the belts, the same as the hilt of destiny’s blade. they all use the same shades of black, gold, and brown

the only real exception is gillion doesn’t have anything from the other two because he has Such a specific colour palette and he already had so much going on as-is orz jay was obviously the easiest to do this with because she has both warm and cool colours in her palette by default lol (and i did her design last, so that helps)

[whatevertheweather]

Hi hello. I miss y'all. That is my own fault but it's still true, and I'm writing this on saturday night and feeling maudlin about how wonderful and talented and dear this fandom is and how I never join in anymore, so I'm making my little post okay.

I'm going with Musical Chairs again because it's so far past time for that to be done. And I've said this before, but it is approaching done. And I'm gonna get into that, but it'll all be behind the scenes rambling, so it's below the cut, and for those who don't want to delve that far, here is some freshly written Penny POV.

“Ah,” Shepard smiled, “a good deed wasn’t motive enough on its own?” “Not when it’s for a stupid reason.” “What is your un-stupid reason?” “Un-stupid?” Penny repeated. She turned resolutely to her drink. “Nevermind. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” “Hey now,” Shepard said, ducking into her line of sight. “You struck me as someone who prefers being honest.” It was a job not to smile at that, but Penny put the work in.

Now for the mess.

It's a good mess I think. I have a new section in my miscellany document, tucked in between nine (9) sections of ramblings and cut scenes, and the new section is called "we got it this time boys," and I think it's right. I've written a full draft of the scene that's been holding us all back. It's there in its entirety, it just needs to be edited. And I'm so scared to reread it, because every time I think I got this scene right I come back and it's wrong. Which I've decided to be fine with, because so what!!! So what if I got 36k right and there's 5k that doesn't quite hit the way I want it to!!! The earth will keep spinning!!!

Anyway, "we got it this time boys" is 3 pages of what is technically kind of an outline for 5 pages of story, and every time I read the header it's in the voice of someone from some black-and-white hardboiled detective noir, which brings me the joy that might be the only reason I feel I've gotten it right in the first place. The outline is all written about as cohesively as it starts:

I think maybe, and gosh haven’t I said this a million times, I just need to stop trying to go that way. Stop trying to go any way. Like always “how do I get them to this moment” instead of “what would they do in this situation.” Unfortunately, the latter requires I connect with them on a level I’m not sure I can right now. But I guess let’s try. Actually let’s go for a walk, I can see the sun setting on the top of the house across the way and it’s lovely. Okay nice, it was lovely. Relaxing, refreshing. Saw a stump that looked like a beaver. Saw a cat. Thought of the opening to something I’m never going to write. So anyway,

It also sort of ends with:

Oh shit came up on an obstacle immediately. [Redacted]. This does not actually open the door for Baz to say something that can incite “[Redacted].” Fuck god okay whoops already going completely back on all I’ve decided and thinking maybe we could keep some of the new exchange I’d written, maybe he does reveal the ugh no stop I hate this. Just figure out a transition to bring in [...], what would Baz say to that other than what I’ve written him saying to that which doesn’t work for what I’m trying to do. I guess it could just be, like…he murmurs incorrigible. Or something. With a raised brow, a la baz. Sure let’s do that, however, I’ve laid down to do this and learned I’m actually quite sleepy, so let’s do it another time. Hopefully I don’t come up on another immediate problem and despair. Just remember not to start combining things and rereading things yet, okay. Please.

This would be alarming if I hadn't already gotten past this point and written the thing. So I'm going to go into editing it with the mindset that nothing substantial shall change and boohoo to me if I want it to, and once that's done we're pretty much home free.

Now tags.

Gonna dip a toe back into being melancholy and wistful about this fandom k, I really do miss it even though I'm the only one keeping me out. You're all my friends even if that is a surprise for you to hear because we haven't talked in months or maybe ever, but I love each and every one of you x

@fatalfangirl @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @moodandmist @cutestkilla @artsyunderstudy

@bookish-bogwitch @aristocratic-otter @mooncello @noblecorgi @alexalexinii

@rimeswithpurple @ivelovedhimthroughworse @basiltonbutliketheherb @whogaveyoupermission @facewithoutheart

@martsonmars @iamamythologicalcreature @run-for-chamo-miles @thewholelemon

@forabeatofadrum @youarenevertooold @ileadacharmedlife @monbons

[rocketkid300]

so at first I thought the JJK finale was buns. And then I was mad. Then I thought about it a bit.

I think a lot of the stuff that Gege included within the final chapter (final few chapters ngl) is CONCEPTUALLY pretty good. Trio and all students surviving? Conclusion for the CG characters? Everyone moving on from Gojo because sorcerers should work together as a community and not rely on the strongest in a flawed system? Yuuji passing on encouragement to a new CG sorcerer to represent the next gen passing on their strength? All great points.

The problem was that it felt too fast paced. We didn't have time to really let the characters breathe and settle into the new world. No emotional conversations between the main trio, not even between Yuuji and Megumi. Just. Right back to it! And my biggest gripe was probably that there didn't really feel like there was a change to the status quo. Megumi's character didn't really feel like it had a proper conclusion, and we definitely should've gotten more from both Nobara and Yuuji about the new world they're in. Just killing the higher ups and putting gakugangi up there doesn't really make that much of a difference imo. And also everything with the foreign militaries? Ofc there was a lot of stuff implied w/ Mei Mei and the NSS clan stuff, and all the new CG sorcerers and etc, but honestly we just needed more.

That's when I realized the real enemy was Shonen Jump all along. Shonen Jump has extremely strict deadlines on the final chapter; meaning that once the final arc starts, the author would have to pick a date to end the manga and stick with it. But remember what happened a few months ago? Gege got sick around the time when the yuutago chapters dropped. He was out for a month. Thats anywhere from 3-5 extra chapters we could've had.

And that... really hurts. I genuinely think even 3 extra chapters could've fixed all the glaring issues with the last few chaps. More room to have emotional conversations, more to talk about the future of Jujutsu society/cursed energy, more change to the status quo, more actually cohesive character conclusions/interactions, even maybe a Gojo acknowledgement (yes ik the point is that the future gen will move on without him but I think it's unrealistic that the students don't look back on him fondly at least). Those extra chapters wouldn't fix everything, ofc, but it would definitely make things feel more complete. It sucks from a readers perspective, because we KNOW Gege can write really well. But I imagine it sucks even more from a writers perspective.

There's a lot of debate on whether or not Gege actually cares about JJK and its characters (especially when it comes to that six eyes freak ykwim), but even if his original ideas were scrapped, I think ANYONE who works on something for upwards of six years will feel some sort of love or care towards that project. I can't imagine what it must feel like to not be able to fully execute your creative vision because of health problems and the shitty cog-wheels of Shonen Jump serialization.

Ofc, I might be reading too much into it. Perhaps his leave of absence had nothing to do with how Gege ended JJK. Maybe this was his plan all along. The more I sit with it, the more okay I feel. We've known for a long time that the JJK ending wasn't going to be perfect. And yeah, we can (respectfully) mourn what we could've had but honestly? I had so much fun. I have never ever been involved in a fandom like this and yeah it sucked like 99% of the time but despite it all I had so much fucking fun. Say all you want about Gege's skills but you can't deny that he is amazing at creating compelling characters, cool power systems and emotionally packed plots. Yuuji, Megumi, Nobara and Maki will all be oh so dear to me forever. Yeah the ending could definitely have been better, but I'm willing to give him grace. If anything, I'm even more excited for his next work.

Anyways, I think that having all these plot holes and "wasted potential" might actually be a good thing in the long run. It can be frustrating, obviously, when you look at the story all on its own, but ngl fandom works best when we can fill in the gaps on our own. I'm looking forwards to seeing what everyone's gonna make from here on out! I definitely have a LOT of things I'd want to write about, maybe even draw ooh.

Incredibly longwinded way of saying: Gege, you aint so bad after all. And yeah, I think I'm pretty happy overall with JJK. Maybe a lil miffed about certain things, but I doubt I would be the person I am today without this godforsaken manga. How amazing is that? :)

[bonefall]

I’m not sure if you talked about it, but what do you think about A Thief in Thunderclan? I actually liked it, though it definitely had a few ehhh moments

Eh, honestly? Im kinda disappointed that James Barry had to go out on such a low note. I did not like it, it felt like a waste of time.

It wasn't like... offensively bad but I have very little good to say about it. It was fine. If you want to see more ThunderClan you can check it out?

(A lot of Thief in ThunderClan critique below the cut, I didn't like it much)

First of all, the mystery was just bad. I'm sorry. An owl? Swooping in at night for dead animals and leaving perfect scores in the dirt? It felt like a real "running out of ideas" type plot.

Brightheart was NOT fun to follow. She was uncomfortable for most of the story and secondhand embarassment is an emotion I really don't enjoy. Even moments that were supposed to be thought-provoking (like the Brambleclaw name confrontation) just felt like cringe because they were written so poorly.

Like, seriously? "Firestar why did you name Bramble after his father who disfigured me?" "Oh its because i uhhhh wanted to remind ppl of it so they would stop being reminded of it eventually" WHAT? That was a brainless enough choice when it was FIRST made, you can't fucking tell me any cat with a brain cell would go "wao... really makes you think... hngsociety"

I disliked the fact they decided to give Brightheart serious suspicion towards people like Longtail and Brambleclaw, I strongly disagree she would be like that. She feels so much to me like someone who would feel awful for doubting people she logically knows are innocent, and express to Cloudtail that it makes her feel like a bad person, but she CANT help it. She is such a kind, loving, and self doubting sort of cat... or, was, I guess? Or maybe it was never there at all and I'm the fool.

On that note? Her character arc was a mess. As much as I hate Shadow in RiverClan, I can say that Feathertail's arc was a competent *story*. Brightheart is having nightmares, suspects Bramble and Long of treason, is trying to figure out this mystery, trying to help train Rainpaw, the fact she resents not being his mentor is mentioned and dropped, she is pregnant... so much shit is going on and it feels absolutely unfocused.

And even worse, because it's overlapping with the beginning of Firestar's Quest, we end up having to Show Off The Continuity instead of telling a cohesive story. Oop Willowpelt died and Rainpaw is kind of sad about it! But wait we have to say bye to Firestar, make sure to squeeze in the Brambleclaw name confrontation before he goes! GO BACK Longtail has been blinded!! ALSO THE OWL! HERES WHY THE OWL WASNT MENTIONED IN FQ!!

And DUDE if there's anything that's a SERIOUS problem, it's Brightheart's stupid ass cutesy "look who's being USEFUL in here!" When blinded Longtail is helping out in the medcat den

First of all fuck you for the wording of that line! Second of all, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD that disabled people shouldn't have to find a way to be "useful" to belong to their society.

The fact we're getting a book from Bright's perspective as a disabled person and the whole thing is chock full of "useful" language as she struggles with PTSD makes the fact this is COMMON in WC sting so much more.

Anyway back to just, normal critique and not frustration with ableism in wc.

I feel like they really wasted Brightheart's family. I enjoyed finally getting Cinder and Bright hanging out as sisters, but we got a MENTION of Frostfur, and barely anything with her brothers. It's already a mess so why not go the whole way?

Ashfur also has his post-TBC personality retcon which absolutely kills me. Why do we need this shitty "foreshadowing"? Why do we need him to have been so obviously controlling and argumentative? Why are these writers fucking allergic to having a villain that people thought was nice and normal once?

NITPICK: if i have to see another cat gently picked up by a large bird of prey without at LEAST getting a cracked rib I will shapeshift into 10,000 crows and fly away forever

I have some good feelings towards it though, and I have to be clear, this is actually Ambivalent Bones. I'm only mad at the "Usefulness" rhetoric, the rest is just my normal amount of whinging lmao.

I do really like Cinderpelt and Brightheart finally getting some interactions. It's long overdo lmao

I like Cloudtail and Brightheart as a ship so it's nice to see them hang out.

Uhhh this is a bit of a backhanded compliment but I liked how she was upset at not getting one of Whitestorm's children to mentor? I don't like how it bodes for the wider narrative though, because we know this ends in her getting shafted FOR YEARS and unable to get an apprentice. But I liked the plot setup of her having resentment for Cloudtail because of this. I thought that would make a really good plot point for putting a wedge between them to work through. Like, stop being cowards, LEAN INTO Firestar making some very serious, insulting, short-sighted mistakes, and it interfering with Brightheart's ability to heal. Kill your darling.

There were some nice lines. I do remember Ashfur's lame "greedyclaw" insult, which was funny.

I enjoyed the cute moments between the cats in ThunderClan. Ferncloud chasing after her kids, Brightheart convincing people to help her investigate, the Willowkin being upset about their mom. It's a mess but there's some nice stuff in that mess, y'know?

Overall, my memory hasn't been kind to it. I think I was giving it a 6/10 when I first saw it, but it's dropped down to a low 5/10. Not (very) offensive but too messy and pointless to revisit.

[rueririn]

Pirating OPLA, thoughts

Episode 1

Garp being at Roger's execution is a nice touch

Really like how full Luffy's dinghy is-- crates of fruit, a barrel of fish instead of just one barrel of apples--- all makes sense. All the tiny details removed from manga that are just added onto opla for realism-- like the way the execution stand works, too, with the people cranking the manual lift to get roger up there. It's all very cool and makes the setting feel more piraty than mangapiece.

Our beloved Zoro tried to go to Sixis on a cruise ship. This is a good way to casually mention Zoro earlier (plus that's Ace's first island so it actually lines up on the One Piece map to be around Dawn Island--)

"it's worth more than the rest of our loot put together" a nika mention that can be interpreted as just a devil fruit mention

"You should never let anyone tell you what you can't do. If I did that, I never would have left my village to go find the One Piece." Luffy referencing Garp like this is so funny to me

Unlike mangapiece, Luffy invites Coby along before knowing his dream to become a marine. This makes me sad because now I wish la coby joined the crew

opla Shanks is weirdly more serious than mangapiece Shanks. Not necessarily in a bad way, just different. That's the attitude I'm takign for most of opla anyways.

Adding the Mr 7 and Zoro fight here is actually really cool

Beta Nami outfit aaaaa they moved the pre-orange town ship-stealing scene to serve as her introduction scene and that works so well for her.

I love that they all naturally congregated in Ririka's bar. Everyone congregates and chaos occurs. Really like how they switched things up while never really taking things off course.

"PIRATES SPREAD DISEASE" poster on the wall

Coby sliding under the table once a fight breaks outajslkdjalsijdsakj i love him pls

ADORE the barfight. It's Zoro vs Baroque Works but bite-sized and with everything we love about the most consistently badass member of the crew. Thank you.

Zoro really pulled a reverse on Helmeppo lmao. "Three swords? I only need one" proceeds to get curbed by zero swords

oh! Zoro introduced himself as pirate hunter. that makes him different from mangapiece where he explicitly says at some point that he never called himself that. But it fits the opla characterisation so fair enough.

Luffy popping out of the manhole to yell 'thanks' at Zoro just sends me. Makino taught him well.

Nami being the most independent and capable girlboss up until the second Luffy literally crashes into her life and ruins her plan is actually 100% compliant with the basis of their relationship.

Oh is this the ass naked Helmeppo scene everyone's been yelling abo--- oh it is. ok.

I've never realized how badly I wanted a Nami and Luffy fighting together scene until now. I just realized how little of those we get in Mangapiece. Holy shit.

Romance Dawn trio just has this really satisfying trio cohesion that I can't describe. They're forever my favourite trio in the strawhats and opla does a magnificent job of bringing justice to what the manga couldn't give them with its chapter and page limits, since their only trio time together without being dragged around by handicaps was in the gaimon arc.

Makes me a little sad that Coby's involvement in Shells gets cut down a little, but that's fine I guess, he got plenty of touchup in his introduction scene.

Luffy holding back laughter when he sees Helmeppo's hair. Zoro chuckling because "yeah I might've done that" and Nami just being speechless. They're so stupid i love them

Garp going silent when he hears a straw-hat pirate stole the map to the grand line. I like to think this could imply Roger also stole his map once upon a time, but for now I'm just laughing at Garp internally screeching "that STUPID GRANDSON it's been ONE DAY"

[lorillee]

ok finished kiwami 1. had to do something for a bit but time for loose thoughts

i know i said it before but like actually insane imagining this as somebodys first yakuza game like before i started i was looking up on reddit peoples recommended playing order and i thought it was weird they were all saying you should play y0 first because i knew y0 was released later but like no theyre absolutely correct.

kiwami 1 throws so much at you all at once and doesnt really spend the time to build up a lot of the characters or their relationships and how they know each other and so like this story flows a lot better coming in with the knowledge that comes from y0 but if i didnt have that its like. Well that was a lot.

also with the additional context from kiwami 1 i think some of the stuff that i felt was a bit of a loose thread or didnt really seem like it went anywhere wrt the plotline for y0 feels a lot more complete now. theyre kind of like two halves of a whole and one without the other kind of leaves you hanging <- and for this exact reason im soooo so excited to replay y0 at some point. Itll happen. TRUST

ok lets take a brief sabbatical to talk about gameplay and other non-plot related things

to be honest i feel like the combat was more challenging in kiwami than in y0 and some of the fights rlly kicked my butt. but definitely like the worst was the one on the rooftop after reina gets shot like omg that one was actually like kind of dreadful

a SIGNIFICANTLY smaller amount of quicktime events in this game but honestly i feel like i got pretty good at the quicktime events i miss them

every time i walked past maharaja's corpse i felt a part of my soul die

to be so honest i liked the y0 renditions of the karaoke songs better........................... that being said im never getting over how they changed the baka mitai mv picture to FIGHTER?????? too funny. actually too funny.

absolutely and entirely fascinated by majimas role in this game. which is mostly just to show up and be a menace and occasionally sprinkle in a bit of his lore before bouncing right back to the usual brand of insanity. im honestly still thinking about that scene at shangri-la where he turns that girl loose and pats her on the back

i miss fighting in majimas slugger style so bad you actually dont know. it breaks my heart.

ok plot time.

something that im starting to realize is i cant really approach the yakuza games with the expectation of a more traditional story. like one of my mild frustrations with kiryu's story in y0 was that it kind of just felt like a string of events occurring, particularly in comparison to majima's storyline which felt generally a lot more like. im trying to find the words but the only thing i can come up with is tightly wound. i dont know if that makes any sense but this isnt an essay this is my personal feelings so im not going to bother explaining any more than that.

anyways kiwami 1 felt a lot closer to kiryu's y0 story and this lack of . i dont want to say cohesion because its still a cohesive story but the lack of whatever it is is almost definitely the point - like kiryu's plots feel less like a story and more a portrayal of life. where not everything wraps back around in the cleanest way and it kind of is just a string of events that builds off itself and sometimes the conclusion it finds itself in is soul destroying and the ending of everything youve ever known and sometimes its the beginning of something new. anwyays its really fun i love it

haruka i would die for?

also can we stop killing our beautiful women

whatever though the men die too so i guess its equality

actually im kind of devastated that kazuma is dead not because i like super like him or anything but im actually fascinated by him like you know how entomologists pin dead butterflies up on displays or whatever. Yeah kind of like that. really really interesting character particularly the dichotomy of who he was vs kiryus opinion of him like I WANT TO KNOW MOREEEEE but also to some degree hes one of those characters thats more fun hearing about them 2nd or 3rd hand and piecing together a picture based on a thousand different impressions with not a clue of whats actually going on inside his head at any given moment

really and truly though im very im soooo excited to see where haruka's story is going in the future like kind of obsessed with how quick she is. like because in the scene where the cop stops her and kiryu the dialogue options are to claim to be her father or run and i chose to run because i was like ok if i made kiryu claim to be her father shes like 7 shes proabbly going to go "Huh? no youre not" but she took care of the situation not only by lying on the spot but making it convincing after kiryu epicly fumbles the getaway attempt. like i am soooo im so excited to hang out with her more

im not worlds biggest nishiki stan so honestly i dont have all that much to say on his front but i did really like his story and i wish he was given more of a direct focus/role in the climax as opposed to just showing up at the end. im also kind of disappointed they gave him a sister and then never let us see her or their dynamic or get to know literally anything going on with that other than the fact that she was nebulously terminally ill and now dead. SIGH

i want to get sss rank for majima everywhere but i want to play the next game SOOOOO BADDDD because i think majima gets a more active role in the story and Well hes my babygirl..........

anwyays good game much enjoyed

[howtotrainyourrei]

anywho here are maneskins albums ranked according to which ones i like best, if you're also into them i would love to hear your thoughts (this is also LONG AS FUCK)

1. TEATRO D'IRA

this was the first one i listened to, i dont even remember why, i vaguely remember thinking of beggin' and being like,, omg i remember that song, i wonder if they have any good albums. so i googled which maneskin album was best and MY LIFE WAS TRANSFORMED. every single song on this album is such a banger there are no skips, like usually on albums i like there are at least a couple songs where i'm like,, ehhh could be better. NOT HERE. idk which song is my favourite i think it's a tie between IWBYS, coraline, zitti e buoni, and vent'anni (literally that is half of the album, that's how good it is).

anyway i love love love the hard rock sound, but it's also not just that, like there is so much variation but it's all very cohesive. maneskin is known for their unique sound so that makes sense but my mind is still sort of boggled. it has like some harder songs but they all feel emotional?? i dont even speak italian but without even looking up the translation i almost cried from coraline because it was so beautiful. and vent'anni is ON ANOTHER LEVEL. IT IS THE PERFECT SONG TO END AN ALBUM WITH. it like combines all the ideas of the album into one song, it has hard rock elements but it still almost feels like a ballad.? GOD I LOVE THIS ALBUM. i think it might be my second fabourite album of all time now,,, it's just actually perfect. i think it's the best album i've heard in 2024. FUCK ITS SO GOOD.

2. RUSH! (ARE U COMING?)

GOD GOD GODDDDD THIS ALBUM. this is a totally different sound to any of their other albums. it's also LITERALLY DOUBLE THE LENGTH OF THEIR PREVIOUS LONGEST ALBUM (il ballo della vita, which is 34 minutes) WHICH MEANS THIS ALBUM HAS ONE HOUR AND EIGHT MINUTES OF MUSIC. TEATRO D'IRA ONLY HAS 30 MINUTES!!!! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THIS IS REVOLUTIONARY. okay so this album was at first released just as RUSH! with five less songs, but apparently as they continued touring and stuff they felt they had more to say so they added more songs (correct me if i'm wrong but i think this is what happened). I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS ALBUM, IT IS ONCE AGAIN VERY GENIUS. the songs are almosr completely english. i really love their italian songs, but they have always wanted to write in english so i understand why they're moving back to english.

SO!! this album is so good, it has a lot of extra depth that none of their previous albums had (musically),, except for maybe il ballo della vita. like in teatro d'ira it's basically just bass, guitar, drums, vocals, and tambourine. there might be a couple other instruments but the reason that album is so strong is because of the foundation and stuff. but with rush! there is not only a strong foundation but they also had so many types of songs!!!! there were ballads, there were harder songs, but there were also weird songs like bla bla bla and kool kids. i really LOVE kool kids, i love the punk sound. i think my favourite songs are HONEY (ARE U COMING), off my face, gossip, timezone, baby said, feel, and mammamia but EVERY SONG IS SO GOOD. just like the prev albums THERE ARE NO SKIPS!! that is so crazy for me because even with my one love (david bowie's ziggy stardust and the whatever lol) there is one skip, and måneskin has THREE ALBUMS WITH NO SONGS I WANT TO SKIP. THIS IS SO RARE FOR ME YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. i got off track there back to rush. this album is, also, SO COHESIVE. despite all the different styles they try it all fits together so well, it's such a magical experience to listen to this album. okay so this album was going to be number three on this list but i'm going to switch it now bc im currently listening to it and writing this is sort of changing my mind lol, ITS SO GODDAMN GOOD. tbh i would say this album is equally aa good as teatro d'ira but i have a sentimental attachment to teatro already lol and it's also more my usual style of music.

3. Chosen (this is an ep but whatever)

so this was their first album thing they ever released, it's mostly covers but there are two originals which are the first two songs. the originals are SO GOOD expecially for being some of the first music they ever released????? im obsessed with chosen (the song), i really REALLY love the line "this is not music, this is my life, this is what i live for." IT FEELS SO TRUE BC THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MUSIC (i literally do not make music i just like it lol but its like an important part of my life idfk but this line just hits hard) anyway i think the reason i like this album sm is because it's a lot more lighthearted?? i really like the style of their music, how it all feels connected even though it's mostly covers. also i think i like this album so much too because i found this english translation where they competed on x factor and most of these songs were there (if anyone wants the link lmk).

my favourite song by far tho is SOMEBODY TOLD ME. GOD FUCKING DAMN THEY EXECUTED THAT SONG SO WELL. and their FUCKING PERFORMANCE on x factor that went with it was SO GODDAMN GOOD. i love watching choreography and stuff, its my fucking jam, but i dont usually feel actual emotions about it?? like obviously it was very attractive, damiano is stunning, but also it was just so gorgeous..?? i felt real emotions watching that one performance, it was so good. im going to put the link at the bottom of the post bc GOOD LORD. god that was a brilliant performance. anyway i just love the sound of this ep, it's very raw and i really love that it was when they were first starting out,,

also the goofy little intros on both of the original songs on these albums are SO FUNNY why did he do that

4. Il ballo della vita

we've reached the final album :(((( i honestly feel bad for putting it at the end, but the reason it's all the way down here is because there's actually a couple songs i don't love, so i'll say those first. the first one is immortale. i cant tell if its a bad song or not, but i think its good, i just personally dont love it lol. but the other one is "are you ready?" this song is not even that bad it's just kind of goofy, but once again, it's not my usual style of music and it's not something i think i would listen to if it wasn't maneskin.

okay now we can get into WHAT I LIKE!!!! WHICH IS LITERALLY THE REST OF THE ALBUM. this album's style is very similar actually to the chosen ep, except it's all originals, and it's also VERY EXPERIMENTAL. i love love LOVEEEE that. like you can tell this is their first lp by how many different things they try. they're finding their style BUT IT STILL REMAINS EXTREMELY IDENTIFIABLE. on x factor their little music coach guy kept emphasising that when the other judges commented on how maneskin should try different styles and saying that its more important to be recognisable, but MANESKIN DID BOTH!! they tried so many tyoes of songs with different structures and stuff, but they also remained maneskin. obviously damiano's vocals are a huge part in that, he has a distinct af voice, but it's also the other instruments, i particularly noticed vic's bass, and i love LOVE thomas's riffs OMG. this isn't even just on this album. i dont play guitar so i have no idea if he's technically skilled (i think he is???) but i LOVE HIS STYLE AND THE CLASSIC MANESKIN RIFFS OMGGGGG. anyway tho the reason this album is so good bc it has so much variation, although i would say it's not as cohesive as the other albums, even chosen. my favourite songs tho are definitely torna a casa, fear for nobody, and close to the top. torna a case is a BEAUTIFUL ballad. it's brilliant and amazing,, i LOVE that song.

also, they made a documentary about the making of this album which was so so interesting. it was very real, and you kind of get an insight into their dynamic as a band, which was just so SHAJAISISI. but it definitely made me appreciate this album more when i could actually get a look into its production. anyway listen to torna a casa it's gorgeous.

OKAY!!! this was so fun to write actually, i doubt anyone is going to read it because it's so goddamn long but if you did i am kissing you on the lips. here is the promised link to their performance of somebody told me by the killers covered by måneskin https://youtu.be/ADcTUnUJnGs?si=3Iht9sLZn2ZRbuAW

seriously, this band is so good. i'm obsessed with them yeah but they're honestly revolutionary. not only are they basically the only world famous italian band (that i know of at least?? lmk if there are any), but they do so many INTERESTING THINGS. i have been SEARCHING for a modern band who takes old music, particularly 70s bc that's what i'm into, and takes inspiration from it but still makes something original. they are doing so much for music nowadays, obviously there are lots of amazing modern rock bands, but the fact that maneskin is SO popular is crazy to me, it makes me so so happy. and not only that, it's also so amazing that there are two queer band members (vic and ethan) who (especially victoria) talk about being queer. they also act very modest in interviews and stuff, which i really appreciate, and they're all very well-spoken and good at communicating their thoughts even though it's in a second language, which can be SO FRUSTRATING sometimes bc you know what you want to say but it can be so hard in a second language. they are just very eloquent and they act very wonderful (i say "act" and "seem" bc i understand it's a parasocial relationship lol, they could all be assholes, but they seem very, VERY genuine). they all impress me a lot and i am so excited to see what they do next.

damn this is so long im sorry but i had to say this I AM OBSESSED WITH THESE GUYS, maybe if you're also into maneskin or want to get into them you could dm me to talk about them........??..?🥺🥺

[bigskydreaming]

wouriqueen

Unhelpful answer : I don't have one, because in general I really struggle to ever get them to that point where they feel fleshed out. I can imagine their entire life, but personality wise they always seem flat to me. So let me rudely turn the question around 😅: do you have one advice to change that ?

One? No. That would require brevity and I don't do that. Can't stand the stuff. I simply do not partake. Buuuuuut if you're in the market for a gratuitously long and involved post about my process in general, for you to mine for any useful ideas as needed but mostly just existing to satisfy my vaguely defined plans for doing a post about all this at some point anyway and co-opting this as an opportunity to get that off my plate and go yeah this totally counts, one hundred percent what I was intending all along, go me - well then......I totally wrote this JUST for you and am obviously not lying for effect haha who would even do that.

Okay! So.

Hmm. Where to start. Right, so this is totally just my own made-up approach, roughly generalizing how I've honed and streamlined my own creating process over the years. So adapt as needed, don't take it as anything other than a starting point to figuring out something that works best for you. I call it my Three Pronged Approach and I use it for both character creation and worldbuilding. It somewhat comes into play in developing plots but in a different way that doesn't quite match what I'm getting into here, so focusing just on the first two. Actually, we're really just focusing on character, so assume the Three Pronged part applies to the worldbuilding as well (once we get to it) but for purposes of mapping this out, we're starting at a point where the worldbuilding has largely already been done.

It'll take a bit to get to the actual character/personality development part, but I'm not used to actually detailing the process to someone else, or breaking down any specific part of it, let alone outside my own head, so the most cohesive way for me to run through it all mentally is to just lay things out from start to finish, as generalized as possible.

So like I said in that other post, personally speaking, I tend to prioritize character over plot in my approach to writing a story. I almost always start with a setting, with worldbuilding being my initial creation stage and go-to for projects before figuring out a story that suits that setting. Basically for me its the equivalent of mapping out the landscape and laying it down as a base to build upon. For our purposes here, I'm gonna use one of my established settings - you've seen my posts about my Changelings 'verse over the years, so I'm just gonna use that here, since various worldbuilding posts about it are easily referenced here and in my #changelings' verse tag.

Once I have the world I want to work in, which acts as both the foundation and the frame for everything that follows, I figure out my basic premise. What I want to write about happening within that world, in basic logline terms.

I personally do not consider coming up with my premise the same thing as coming up with a plot.....there are ten different plots you could go with for any underlying premise like Character X plots revenge after being left for dead or Character B is hired to Protect Character C from an unknown threat, etc, etc. I consider the premise to just be a snapshot of the big picture as it looks when zoomed out to the nth degree, more just about picking a genre, an overall goal and an obstacle to reaching that - but again, each only conceptualized in the vaguest of ways at this point.

Then, picking a spot somewhere in the setting, within the frame of the chosen world, I 'pencil in' the faceless, practically shapeless figure of the first character denoted in the premise, like sketching out the roughest rendering of them, no details to them whatsoever. And then if there are any others mentioned or alluded to within the premise - with only characters referenced in the premise being absolutely essential to the story at that point - I add the written/brainstorming equivalent of a rough sketch of these other characters and place them somewhere in the background contained within the frame....each in positions relative to the first one, as described by my basic premise.

So the world I'm working in is my Changelings 'Verse, and for a specific setting I'm going with Bordertown, as described in the reference posts above. Let's say for my premise I go with "Character B is hired to Protect Character C from an unknown threat," and so my main character at this point is Character B. They're the first one I put in frame. I add in Character C somewhere behind them, however that's best visualized conceptually, and then on the other side of Character C opposite where I positioned Character B, I just....sketch in some rough, cross-hatched lines denoting some threat to Character C that Character B is standing between.

Conceptually, I visualize this area being big enough that this shading COULD obscure another character, but keep the overall shaded area formless enough that it could just as easily be obscuring some depiction or representation of a threat not embodied by a single character, or even a character at all. At this point, I probably don't even know myself. I don't need to.

Finally, I add in one last figure, even more lightly sketched into frame than the others, because I suspect their position might shift at some point as overall story and character details become more defined....for now, let's imagine this last figure placed in the background as though looming over both Characters B and C. This is Character A, not specifically mentioned in the premise but alluded to and essential to the story even at this stage....because the premise implies that someone had to hire Character B and give them the mandate to protect Character C from the threat.

Granted, this could end up being an organization or multiple people rather than just one character, but we're going with Character A for now even if they just end up the point man or spokesperson for a larger group later in the plotting stages....the point is, even without knowing if the threat is a person, persons, or some other force, situation, crisis, natural disaster or more......an individual had to act with agency to move Characters B and C into the initial positions laid out by the premise, so whomever did that has to be an (or include at least one) actual character.

So now we've got our frame (larger world and time period, ie the Changelings 'Verse in the present day), our background (somewhere within Bordertown), our premise with at least three characters central or at the very least necessary to the story, and some undefined threat.

Next, before anything else, I'm picking a theme. Well, more like themes, as this is where the Three Pronged Approach starts to come into play. Basically, the whole idea of the Three Pronged Approach is at any stage of narrative development where you have to pick or settle on specific elements to be added to either a character, the plot, the greater narrative structure, whatever.....never pick just one. Always pick three.

Going with one, IMO, usually ends up resulting in bare-bones plotting and characterization and runs the risk of feeling kinda...paint by numbers. It gives the overall story and characters the elements absolutely essential to advancing the plot and character arcs, but usually not much else. The characters have exactly what character traits they need to level up through each stage of their character arc, even if they don't know it at first, they're given the specific tools they need to advance to each next stage of the plot, and the precise theme fundamental to whatever messaging the story is meant to contain is kept front and center the whole time, because there's nothing else to shift perception to, thematically speaking.

With just one element picked at any given juncture, by extension always being the exact element essential to fulfilling each aspect of the narrative....your story and characters can easily end up feeling hollow and made to order. Existing purely for the purposes of telling this story rather than feeling like characters that exist and a particular story being told about them.

Now, going with two picks for elements added at any juncture you have to fill in and flesh out with specific choices....better than just going with one, but now you run the risk of things feeling made to order or with the Hand of the Author clearly visible throughout because your story is too perfectly balanced.

With two picks at each juncture, more often than not, you're going to end up with a bunch of perfect foils, each element paired with either its ideal complement or most optimal opposition. The characters have exactly what they need to level up in each stage of their arc....but also, whatever trait most easily gets in the way of that, but never in insurmountable ways. They're given whatever tools are needed to progress them through the plot, along with either a perfect red herring meant to distract them from choosing the proper tool first or something intended to break on the first attempt at passing each obstacle, forcing the character to hunt around for the second, actually essential tool needed to unlock the next stage of the plot. The story's larger theme is either paired with something that complements it perfectly as if made (or picked) with that in mind, or positioned perfectly opposite to act as a thematic foil.

Point being....your story now includes more conflict, less of 'and each and every scene is facilitated by having the exact element needed' making the readers feel its all a little too convenient, and your characters are now more detailed, having internal conflicts and obstacles to realizing each stage of their character arc....

But it still can easily fall into the trap of all of these added conflicts and characteristics feeling superficial and not invoking a sense of stakes...because the second choice of element is so often TOO perfectly selected, in the contexts of each initially chosen element.

The point of the Three Pronged Approach is when in doubt, add not one or two but three options whenever new elements need to be introduced....because with three, the third choice acts as a natural wildcard throwing off the perfect positioning or pairing of the other two. With a third point mapped out in conjunction with every pair of character traits, themes, narrative obstacles....its a lot easier to end up with an organic story, plot and characters because that third angle is almost never going to come across as having been introduced specifically TO counterbalance the other two....the three points simply exist and whatever shape is created by triangulating from each point...its not predisposed to being any particular shape a reader is expecting those three points to make.

And yeah, three points CAN make a pattern, and if all three are still chosen with complementing each other in mind, that pattern will stick out and again make things feel visibly scripted - but unlike when selecting two options, with three there's not that default instinct to pick a clear and obvious partner for the others. Its a lot easier and more likely for your three choices to just be three different choices...and then from THERE you can weigh different ways of juxtaposing all three elements or positioning them relative to each other, and wind up with a lot more (and more nuanced) options than two perfectly paired elements could ever generate.

So, getting back to our outline....I've got my frame (World: Changelings 'Verse), my background (Setting: Bordertown, present day), my premise (Character B is hired to protect Character C from an unknown threat) and next I'm picking themes. Specifically, three of them.

I usually make my first pick of theme with my worldbuilding in mind. The final product of my worldbuilding always contains a bunch of different elements picked with the Three Pronged Approach so the world I'm working with usually already lends itself in my mind to specific themes....and for my first pick I usually grab from one of these. With the Changelings 'Verse, my big themes include stuff like having trouble recognizing yourself in the wake of big and unexpected changes, exploitation of minors and living with the aftermath of that, trying to find a place where you fit when there are no spaces designed with you in mind, the inherent trauma of having your intended life trajectory derailed by a dramatic upheaval of your life that there was no way to prepare for or see coming, etc, etc.

Just running through the list of themes associated with my World/Setting, that was already generated during my worldbuilding process.....one jumps out at me immediately, as a natural fit for my premise: exploitation of minors and living with the aftermath of that lends itself perfectly to a threat that needs to be (and CAN be) protected from. The kind of thing someone would feasibly hire a bodyguard to protect someone else from. A thematic complement to the threat demanded by the premise.

So I'm gonna pick that for my first theme, my big picture, broad strokes, overall Setting/World theme. I'll incorporate it throughout the background, build the plot in a way that leads the characters through the Bordertown setting under an overlying, looming awareness of how many others they encounter have all faced that issue or been impacted by it.

Weaving this theme through the overall setting and tying it to the main threat turns each and every encounter Characters B and C have with other characters - that they might see as like them or that they in some way relate to - into a natural opportunity to pair, contrast or juxtapose their own encounters with this theme/threat to the many varied ways these other characters have interacted with this theme or been shaped by it. But at the same time, with this theme built into the setting as an overlying background theme....none of these encounters are strictly ESSENTIAL to reaching the end of the plot, learning specific character lessons or coming to some sort of thematic conclusion. They're just....there, as needed, providing an indeterminate number of ways you can explore this theme via background characters and what the main characters take away from their encounters with those already victimized by an exploitation threat.

And as a result, I'm less likely to run the risk of seeming like I'm going for an after school message with this story, that it exists solely to build to one particularly thematic awareness or conclusion about this theme. It just....exists, throughout the story, as part of the setting itself.

So that's one theme picked. Now let's add another. Since I picked one to complement the WORLDBUILDING itself.....with that specifically being the reason I selected it and the natural association to that theme in my mind....I'm not primed to pick a second theme specifically because of how it would play off of that first theme. And since my first theme is setting-oriented but also pairs naturally with the premise and gives shape to the threat our characters are trying to avoid/defend against....I'm going to pick my second theme with one of the other basic ingredients of the premise in mind.

Specifically, I'm going to pick the next theme in association with Character B themselves. Character B doesn't HAVE to be the main character, even in context of the premise I picked, and in fact I don't even need to have one singular main character and could just as easily make it a dual POV story that trades off chapters between Character B as the primary and Character C as the primary, but I'm going to go with Character B as the main character. They're best positioned by the premise to drive the action, existing as a character both acted upon (hired by Character A) and acting upon others (protecting Character C), which makes them inherently centralized and enables a natural narrative flow that revolves around them as the primary figure our story is about.

This doesn't mean that Character C can't have their own storylines and character arc separate from the parts of the narrative they share with Character B, it just helps firm out the underlying framework we're hanging our narrative on.

So I'm going with Character B as the central primary protagonist driving the plot of the story and the figure I'm most interested in telling a story ABOUT. Its their character arc that'll act as the tentpole everything else is built around. As stated before, I tend to build the plot as a narrative journey whose largest purpose is to get the main character - Character B in this case - from an initial state of being as a character....to a specific endgoal I want for them. The story ultimately will be MOST about finding a path from who they begin as to who I want them to become by its conclusion, what I want them to be like by the last page, lessons I want them to have learned or obstacles overcome. Ironically, my start point for actually building Character B will be my intended endpoint for who they become as a result of their narrative journey.....and then I'll reverse engineer specifics of the character and their plot from there.

But for now, we're only picking one thing for Character B. Our first selection when it comes to them, the very first addition made to the rough sketched outline of a character somewhere against the backdrop of Bordertown....is a theme accompanying their character arc. Because there's no real point in me picking this theme as a complement or counterpart to the Setting theme, not when there's another third theme to pick that would throw off that balance anyway....I'm just gonna grab bag this shit.

The only specifics I have for my main character at this point is they're going to be in a position to be hired by Character A to protect Character C, a minor, from being exploited in some fashion, but beyond that, sky's the limit. I don't even have Character B's age selected in contrast to Character C, but since their dynamic will be central to the story, deciding whether Character B is also a minor or if they're different from Character C in that regard....this'll help me zero in on a potential character theme one way or another.

Now, there's nothing really stopping me from making both characters teenagers and having some in-universe or character explanation for why one would be picked to bodyguard a fellow teen vs the other being seen as needing that protection. Plenty of directions I could go with that, so its more just a gut preference that I'm not looking to write a teenage main character with this particular story, so Character B will be an adult. Not necessarily that much older than Character C, I have no preferences there yet, but it feels more natural to have them be hired as a protector in part because they're an adult rather than a teen - especially in the context of our setting, with Bordertown being full of runaways and teens kicked out by their families - and I don't feel any particular urge to subvert the natural expectation that anyone hired as a bodyguard would be an adult, so....they're an adult, then.

Which right away fills in some details about genre and overall narrative structure, as I have no interest in writing an adult/minor romantic relationship, so whatever dynamic Characters B and C end up having beyond just protector and protectee will not be romantic in nature. Plus, given the details just mentioned about the setting, and the prevalence of teens in Bordertown, Character B being an adult within that setting sets them up to be an outlier, relatively speaking.

Which in turn further refines the narrative logistics required by our premise, as it helps build a picture of why they in specific would be sought out as a protector - there being a limited number of options for adults familiar with Bordertown TO hire for that role goes a long way towards figuring out why in-universe this character was picked for that narrative role.

And as we narrow down character logistics - by necessity of the premise, Character B is now known to be both familiar with Bordertown and an adult unlike most of its residents - we open up a specific avenue of character selection choices. There's no particular requirement now for Character B to have any specific expertise with being a bodyguard....their suitability for the role could just be a matter of needing someone of age and experience navigating Bordertown. It doesn't mean they CAN'T have prior experience acting as a bodyguard, but still building from the gut at this point, I think its more interesting if they're not particularly prepared or suited for that role, leaving room for self-doubts as to how well they're doing at the job, whether they were the wrong choice, etc. We're laying the groundwork for internal conflicts already.

But since they ARE an adult with familiarity with Bordertown, that also makes it most likely they've been living there for awhile, and it works to say they came to Bordertown as a solitary teenager themselves, and aged into adulthood within it. Thus, even though they're an adult unlike Character C, this still lends itself to them being a Changeling as well.....which makes it possible, and even likely, that they've had their own personal experience with our Threat and Setting Theme, the exploitation a lot of teenage Changelings face by those interested in using them for their magic and taking advantage of their lack of resources and support systems to do so.

From here, we can reasonably sketch in the details/elements that their own experiences with exploitation or even just the specter of it will color all interactions they have with Character C while trying to protect them from it. It gives them a personal stake in what would otherwise just be a job, and begs the question....what does Character B see when they look at Character C? What do they see themselves as in comparison to Character C? Did they take this job because they saw it as a chance to be for someone else what they wished someone had been there to be for them, a shield standing between them and those who sought to use them? Is it just a paycheck and Character B feels they have nothing in common with Character C despite both being changelings and so keeps their emotional distance from them as a result, and if so, are they actually being objective here or are they just lying to themselves about not seeing themselves in Character C?

Did they maybe NOT have any personal experience with being exploited for their magic when they were still a teenager, either because they lucked out or they were powerful or resourceful enough to protect themselves from any attempts....and if so, does their role here and the way they view Character C contain any elements of guilt, deserved or otherwise, does it have anything to do with them feeling guilty for avoiding a fate so many others fall prey to and driven to protect Character C because of that guilt that they CAN'T relate to them rather than emotions born of the fact that they DO relate to them and their plight?

I've got options here, so running through them quickly and still going with what possibilities grab me the most....personally, I don't find guilt to be the best emotional driving force for a larger narrative, particularly if its unnecessary/irrational guilt rather than something actually merited by past actions they took. And as no angle for them actually deserving to feel guilty for avoiding personal victimization is jumping out at me, any guilt they're acting upon here would most likely IMO be undeserved, so.....the guilt angle just doesn't seem particularly compelling to me.

Which means regardless of other particulars, it does feel most right for Character B to have had their own experiences with the Setting Theme of exploitation when they were younger and possibly new to Bordertown, which provides a basis for them to relate to Character C whether they want to acknowledge that or not. Or inversely, they don't WANT to be able to relate to Character C, or vice versa, especially not to the degree they would if they fail to protect Character C from the Threat and they end up going through something similar to what Character B experienced when younger.

I'm personally inclined to knock off the "seeing themselves in Character C but not wanting to acknowledge it and insisting the job is just for the paycheck" option from the jump, just because denial as a central motivating factor is a tricky one to pull off. Any time you have a character arc rooted in an initial denial that the arc is intended to shake them out of at some point, you're giving yourself a clock from your very first page.

At some point, your character has to cut it out with the denial and face what it is they don't want to face, and the tricky part is there's no real way to gauge when and where to set that point in the narrative and if you gauge things wrong and drag the denial arc past the point readers are willing to have patience with it, you've shot your entire story in the foot. If you set that point too early in the narrative, it can make the momentum and pacing of the rest of your story and that character arc feel disjointed and unnatural, and again you've shot your entire story in the foot.

With a realization of denial and pivot to facing the truth as a fixed point your entire character arc hinges on, the most important thing becomes setting that point at JUST the right spot in the narrative and your entire story will sink or swim depending on whether your placed it in the right spot. There's a whole lot of risk in using a denial-based initial motivation and even if you do nail the placement of that hinge point, there's not really any inherent GREATER payoff to that character arc than what you could achieve with others.

So, with that off the table....we're left with two polar options:

Character B already sees themselves in Character C and it drives their desire to protect them from undergoing the things they did.....or they don't really see themselves in Character C, despite having similar history or elements of their backstories, and its a desire to AVOID ever seeing themselves reflected in this younger changeling that drives their desire to protect them from being shaped by the same factors they were and ending up more like them as a result.

Both those options lend themselves to entirely different directions, thematically speaking, with the former option gravitating more towards themes of recognizing the self in the other and the possibilities this creates for introspection or revisiting memories of past traumas, as well as reshaping one's view of themselves in the present - especially if upon reflection, past events or responses no longer look how they've gotten used to assuming they do.

Additionally, there's the angle of being driven by the desire - and opportunity - to protect a younger person you see yourself in from undergoing the same struggles or traumas you faced. This can feasibly be a vehicle for empowerment....a chance to write a new course for history in the form of taking a parallel situation and shaping it to a better resolution than the first time around had, even if it doesn't change the ending (and previous chapters) of your own story. But at the same time, this does the person you're trying to protect a disservice, if you're ultimately only seeing them as a proxy for yourself, or seeing yourself in them to such a degree as to miss or under-emphasize the ways in which they're different from you and their own distinct individual.

And then alternatively, you might also be more securely rooted in a desire to help and protect simply because you want to be for someone else what nobody was around - or chose - to be for you when you needed it. No illusions about being able to rewrite history or need to write yourself a better ending, instead just wanting to be a protector for a younger teen you relate to because they deserve someone to protect them and you're in a position to step up and be that person, so you do.

Going back to the opposite angle of NOT seeing yourself reflected in this younger individual, and being largely driven by an urge to keep it that way and protect them from becoming someone you CAN see yourself in, shaped by similar traumas....again, there's a lot of directions you can go with this. But this larger direction, the drive to AVOID seeing yourself reflected in the other - and by extension, creating a link or association between your protection of them and your goal of keeping them from becoming more like you - this can easily pivot towards themes of shame and self-loathing. Hinting at troubled self-image issues not far beneath your surface that the story's events are likely to exacerbate and make boil over. Not just wanting to protect someone from becoming more like you see yourself, but not really being happy or comfortable with the you that you see yourself as.

All of which can dovetail pretty seamlessly with the internal and thematic conflicts of being the person entrusted with using their power to protect someone while simultaneously seeing yourself as the end result of your failure to use that same power to successfully protect yourself. The potential impostor syndrome of being someone's bodyguard and guide, acting in roles that people associate with expertise and certain qualities of skill, and feeling like a fraud because if you fail them, they'll end up becoming you, and shouldn't that make you even LESS qualified to protect them than they are to protect themselves?

So....looking back at all of the above, and the options they lay out....altruism's all well and good, but in terms of narratives meant to grow a character from initial internal or emotional conflicts to some kind of resolution....altruism doesn't make for a good starting point, in terms of inciting motivations. So that's out.

Recognizing the self in the other and from there embarking on introspective re-examanations of yourself and past traumas and responses.....also a totally valid journey and motivations, but fairly low-energy ones, at least in and of themselves. Not the most narratively engaging.

The dichotomy of seeking empowerment or a fascimile of personal justice through steering a 'younger you' towards better outcomes than you managed for yourself....with the dehumanization of your younger charge inherent in being unwilling or unable to view them as their own person rather than just your second chance....that has the most potential of the "Character B relating to Character C and this driving their desire to protect them from undergoing the things they endured" options.

And in the "Character B not seeing themselves in Character C and wanting to keep it that way" direction....pretty much all of our options feed into each other and can feasibly work as the basis of a coherent character arc in and of themselves. All of which speaks to the strength of that narrative direction...it gives us way more bang for our buck.

We're pretty organically steered towards a strong initial character conflict to serve as a base to launch our character arc from. Character B has a personal emotional stake in ensuring Character C doesn't become like them, which fuels their drive to protect Character C and keeps them invested in a specific outcome, as well as primes them to make frequent and active choices in pursuit of it, whether they're helpful or are just reckless actions born more of their own fears than any actual necessity. We've got a clear direction for our character arc, momentum consistently generated by high-energy motivations that won't peter out until the resolution of the character arc, and self-loathing and shame as initial internal conflicts don't NEED to be earned or rational in order to be compelling.

All in all, there's an easily followed trajectory from that start point through revisitations of past traumas/responses to setbacks in coming to terms with what happened to you and separating how you view yourself from how you view factors that undeniably shaped you and finally culminating in you reconciling your inability to change your past with your ability to shed the negative self-image generated by your past and don a more positive one that will serve you better in the future. With emotional catharsis for the reader built right into that resolution and requiring no additional steps beyond just having Character B reach it.

And now not only have we already mapped out the broad strokes of Character B's overall character arc, including its start and end points, we have a clear selection of possible themes to immerse Character B and their arc in.

Themes like you are not defined by what was done to you by others. You can not make the changes you want for yourself while only acting to change things for a surrogate you've fixated on instead. Trying to protect someone from becoming like you denies them the chance to choose you as someone they want to be like. The worst things you think about yourself and assume everyone else thinks about you probably aren't even on anyone else's radar. Etc, etc.

For a variety of reasons, but mostly a gut instinct saying this one feels right, I'm going with Character B's associated theme as:

"The person you are and that you're trying to protect someone from becoming might very well be the person they want to be and that they're trying to ask your help to become. What you see as the failure to go through life unharmed can just as easily be seen as the triumph of continuing through life no matter how harmed."

Well, a condensed and pithier version of that, ideally. You get it though.

Anyway. That gives us two themes, one tied to the setting and one tied to the main character. Now we have options for what to gear the third theme towards. We could pick one specific to Character C, and no matter how that one juxtaposes with Character B's central theme, the Setting theme will still exist as a third over-arching narrative theme that keeps things from mirroring too exactly while still allowing for mirroring themes to exist. We could go with something specific to Character A, and ideally flesh them out more in the process, or we could pick something geared towards a specific point in the narrative journey, like an aimed-for climax that helps map out the plot structure in the process.

I'm going to refer back to the premise "Character B is hired to protect someone from an unknown threat" and see what jumps out at me this time....and after a second or two, I'm eyeing the motivations and character dynamics as two different or conjoined possibilities.

I already did a lot of legwork diving into possible motivations for Character B and built up most of their overall character arc....but ultimately, the theme I went with for Character B, while complementing everything I settled on there....still actually ended up being more about messaging and a conclusion for Character B to ultimately reach rather than something derived from or associated with their motivations in specific.

And also, I'm looking to find a theme that can weave a connection between Characters A, B and C on at least one shared level, so that we'll have a setting theme that encompasses all the characters likely to appear over the course of the story, a main character theme that marries their character arc to a specific thematic message, and a shared theme connecting the various characters via the comparisons and contrasts it allows me to make between their respective motivations and/or dynamics.

I still don't have any kind of image or sense of Character A, despite now having a pretty strong start to both Characters B and C - an adult and teenage changeling respectively, the latter with a backstory or situation similar enough to the former's own past that Character B worries Character C could easily end up just like them if not kept safe from whomever is seeking to exploit them and their magic.

Additionally, I know that Character B is a fairly longterm resident of Bordertown, who's lived there since they came there on their own as a teenager....either after being exploited in some parallel fashion or being victim of that upon arriving in Bordertown. Character B's age and adult status marks them as enough of a rarity among Bordertown residents, that said age and adult status alone were enough to land them on Character A's shortlist of potential bodyguards for Character C. While not set in stone, its likely that Character B's age/adult status were the primary elements leading Character A to approach them, and they don't additionally possess any particular expertise or experience acting as a bodyguard.

Since I already have several links/connections between Characters B and C, ways that they're alike or things they have in common, and because the most natural choice for Character A's base motivation is concern for Character C, suggesting some link or connection between Characters A and C, even if the roundabout nature of working through a proxy to protect the latter paints a picture of likely estrangement.....that leaves me wondering about possible dynamics between Characters A and B, or what their interactions might look like and whether they might have any shared connections or links as well.

The obvious connection there would be both are likely adults, having that in common with each other and a way they're similarly unable to relate or connect to Character C as a peer. Despite their shared status as adults, Character A would only need to seek out Character B to protect Character C if Character B had skills, resources or expertise that Character A didn't...or alternatively, if they felt Character C was more likely to accept help or protection from a stranger than from Character A.

So, more than likely - and with no gut instinct challenging these conclusions - Character A is not a Changeling themselves, nor a resident of Bordertown, and likely unable to directly relate to the experiences or threat of exploitation that Characters B and C share. They'd still need to possess enough resources - or have some other knowledge of Character B - to become aware of Character B as a potential solution for their needs, and seek them out....as well as have something to offer Character B sufficient to motivate them to take the job despite a lack of experience or interest in being a bodyguard. Additionally, they have some previous connection to Character C driving them to ensure they're protected, but that connection is either flimsy or damaged enough that they're not accompanied by Character C when seeking a protector for them, or attempting to safeguard them themselves.

(Or possibly Character A just doesn't believe themselves as capable of protecting Character C as Character B would be, due to familiarity with Bordertown, prior experiences with those Character C needs protection from, or something to do with Character B's magic - or their actual reasoning is a mix of all of the above).

Again, just starting from the most obvious connections or conclusions and branching out from there if needed....the most logical links to start building there are between Characters A and C in regards to their prior connection. I'm going to say they're parent and child, but estranged. At some point, some conflict between them led Character C to leave the safety of home - with attention paid to the fact that the exploitation of a minor theme paired with the World/Setting/Threat is optimized for a Character C who is a teen under eighteen and still meant to be living at home with their parents or legal guardians. Which would make them a full-fledged runaway, fleeing from a conflict or confrontation that made them view heading to Bordertown as their best prospect.

Pulling back just a little as I notice I've started referring definitively to elements I never actively decided on and are really just assumptions rather than an examination of the possibilities....since I never cemented Character A as a single individual, its worth raising the possibility that Character A is actually a) a parental unit, b) one parent acting in ways both agreed upon but with the other parent remaining behind at home, c) one parent acting on their own despite their partner's disapproval of this course of action, or even without their knowledge of it, d) a single parent acting on their own due to not having a co-parent, be that because of a divorce, death of a spouse, or something else.

Any of those could work well and offer up unique possibilities, but I'm leaning towards C or D, and after giving it a quick mental run-through, I'm gonna go with C, as that gives me the most vivid ideas.

So Character A is one of Character C's two parents, having followed them to Bordertown against the wishes of their co-parent or without their knowledge, after a conflict that has them estranged enough Character A believes Character C would be more likely - and more effectively - helped by a fellow changeling they feel more akin to than by their parent, Character A. Who also can't offer the same protection or experience navigating Bordertown and its threats but was still clearly willing to go to at least some length to try and ensure Character C's safe and protected, including going against/without their co-parent to do so.

Which brings us back to Character A and B's connections, associations or parallels beyond just both being adults....and after asking myself what other possible connections are there to mine there, I've got a big one, that sends the narrative in an entirely new direction but fleshing out a ton of additional elements in the process:

Now I'm thinking....what if Character A is Character B's parent as well?

That solves both the issue of how they find/learn about Character B in specific in order TO approach them, and why, other than just them being an adult in the mostly teen-populated Bordertown, they approach Character B over any and all of the other adult changeling options.

In addition, it goes a long way towards cementing the inciting motivations and reasons given for taking such an unusual job on behalf of a complete stranger....if Character C isn't in fact a complete stranger, but a younger sibling or maybe half or step sibling Character B hasn't seen since they came to Bordertown as a teenager themselves - likely after having run away from their own confrontation with Character A and their co-parent.

A years long estrangement between Character B and their family, as well as some kind of sizeable age gap between Characters B and C, would suggest that Character B likely hasn't seen Character C since they were very young, and raises possibilities for Character C to not initially know/recognize who Character B is when they first approach the latter....especially given how much changelings' appearances tend to change when the Change hits them.

It would also build upon and enhance all the aforementioned connections between Characters B and C, and likelihood of Character B seeing a lot of themselves in Character C, or wanting to avoid seeing them become like them or suffer a similar fate, and increases the personal stake Character B has in all of this.

At the same time, it introduces another potential internal conflict for Character B, and possible obstacle in Character B's attempts to build a connection with Character C or gain their trust.....as Character B's lack of communication with their family and years spent living in Bordertown, as well as personal experience with being exploited....all paint a picture wherein Character A and/or their co-parent did NOT follow Character B to Bordertown or make a similar attempt to ensure they were protected when Character B ran away as a teenager. Or if they did, they weren't successful in finding someone to protect Character B, or hired someone not up to the task.

Either way, it lays groundwork for Character B to be motivated to take this "job" in the interests of protecting their sibling and possibly reconnecting with them, doing their best to spare them from traumas like those Character B suffered, it allows for the potential wrinkle of Character C not knowing who Character B is to them and possible fall-out or issues arising from them later finding out the truth after Character B made a choice to continue withholding it.....and it introduces the possibility Character B's internal conflict about revealing their connection and reasons for keeping it secret (should they decide not to tell them), derive at least in part from Character B's jealousy:

That despite the parallels in Characters B and C's situations and conflicts with their parents, Character A made efforts to continue acting as a parent and showing their concern in Character C's case, that they did simply not make when it was Character B in a similar scenario.

Which, in turn, could exacerbate Character B's self-loathing and shame spirals and delay the development of their character arc, if Character B recognizes their jealousy as misdirected and judges themselves for feeling it and not knowing how to stop.

But to return to Character A, there's also the prospect that Character A's attempts to continue looking out for Character C and willingness to act against/without their co-parent.....are at least to some degree motivated by THEIR shame about not doing more on Character B's behalf or in an effort to reach out or maintain/renew a connection to them. Making their actions here and now only partly about Character C, the actual individual, and partly about their guilt and shame and desperation to do better by Character C than they did Character B. Their own attempt at a re-do or second chance at getting this right.

And there's always the possible angle of them having sought out Character B not just because they viewed them as the best person to try and recruit as Character C's protector, but also because the situation gave them an excuse (or push) to seek them out at all, after however many years of convincing themselves there was no point trying to fix things at this point or there was no chance Character B would ever be willing to hear from them. With Character A hoping even just to some small degree, that this could potentially lead to actually rebuilding a longterm connection to Character B.

And just like that, we've got the broad strokes of not just our A plot, but our B plot as well:

The primary narrative focus throughout the story will remain centered on Characters B and C's dynamic and their growing but tentative relationship, with this A plot having its own emotional components such as in terms of how Characters B and C view and feel towards each other and their situation. It'll also have its own distinct character arcs (or parts of their overall character arcs) - such as how Character B's attempts to protect Character C in the present brings up memories of past experiences being on the victimized side of things without protection....and both Character B's central theme and the resolution of their over-arching character arc are optimized to be woven into the climax and culmination of the A plot.

The A plot's primary character dynamics, thematic messaging and corresponding emotional and character arcs have all they need to be resolved within the structure of the A plot, by the A plot's own narrative beats, with all of the aforementioned able to exist with our without the B plot.

In contrast, the B plot can not exist on its own independent of the A plot's super-structure, but still will contain its own shape, structure and resolution within that super-structure - focusing on Character B's relationship and dynamic with Character A, emotional components distinct to Character B's feelings about their own history with Character A, the latter's efforts on behalf of Character C and juxtaposed with their lack thereof on behalf of Character B, and introspection/revisiting of their own past conflicts with Character A and the events that were set in motion by that and culminated in Character B's traumas after leaving home. With all of the above able to parallel Character B's revisiting of past events and traumas in the A plot, without that being necessary for the resolution of either A or B plots rather than just an available option.

The B plot's resolution, in terms of both narrative and emotional beats, can and should exist separate from the A plot's resolution, as well as occurring before the latter. Character B's ultimate views of their own history, connection and desired relationship with Character A should be settled and established before the ultimate conclusion of their character arc as of the resolution of the A plot. Their negative self-image and shame/self-loathing spirals can't be fully addressed until any insecurities about their dynamic with Character A or feelings of being second place to Character C have been faced and dealt with.

And to bring it back from there to selecting our third theme, one associated with either the shared motivations or dynamics of the characters in regards to each other.....

I'm going with Theme Three being:

Trying to make someone your do-over or second chance to fix mistakes you made with someone else: just a terrible idea destined to end messily for everyone or - no, never mind, there is no or, its just that, there's only one outcome.

Again....just picture a condensed, pithier version of that. It's fine, that can be fixed. Scalpels exist for a reason.

Anyway!

So we've picked three themes, and added them to our frame (world), background (setting), premise, rough character outlines and depiction of threat....

And then we rinse and repeat as needed, with each additional element added to the story or picked for a character.

Sure, alllll of that and we haven't even started selecting traits and options for our characters here, seems a whole lot of work just to pick three themes before even moving on to base stats for the main character.

Except the trick of it is, by the time you get to this part and finally START fleshing out the specific characteristics and physical stats and identity traits of each character....

Even as you begin building your characters from the ground up, fleshing them out and filling in the outline or idea of them one trait or characteristic at a time, you should have enough figured out about WHO they are that you have a sense of their personalities already at hand and available to weave into each newly added trait or character element.

Without even having chosen basic identity traits for Character B, nothing selected or cemented yet about their gender, race, sexual orientation, physical stats or possible disabilities or neurodivergencies let alone the world-distinct character elements like changelings' otherworldly appearances and magic distinct to each individual....

We've already built up an impression of what Character B is like as a person, in relation to others like Characters A and C, in conjunction with our chosen themes, as contextualized by the shape of their overall character arc. And we can use this to inform and quiz and add depth to everything we choose to build into that character from here.

Character B struggles with self-loathing issues and shame spirals born of a negative self-image deriving from their inability to protect themselves from being exploited and victimized when they were younger and new to Bordertown, having just run away from their home and a conflict with their parents, leaving behind a much younger sibling or half or step sibling, and being both hurt and unsurprised when their parents showed no attempt to follow or reconnect with them, or any evident concern for what happened to them after they left home.

Character B has since spent years living in Bordertown and establishing a home there, aging into one of the area's few adults among a mostly underage population where Character B's greater age and adult status automatically confers a degree of authority, experience and capability in the eyes of most others, whether or not they possess any of those things.

We know that when approached out of the blue by their estranged parent Character A after years without contact or indication Character B ever crossed their mind, Character B's personality is such that despite their issues with Character A and the confused and undecided feelings they've awoken towards Character A and their part in the events of the past and Character B's past traumas, and even while feeling jealous and resentful of Character Cand the greater efforts their shared parent seems willing to make on their behalf, they do accept the responsibility of seeking out and protecting the sibling they harbor at least some irrational envy towards.

Additionally, their resentment and jealousy, to whatever degree they're feeling that, coexists alongside their acknowledgment they've missed Character C all these years and wanting to see and know who they've become while keeping them safe....with this also sharing space with their awareness of their paralleled journeys and circumstances, the very thing forcing them to hold up a mental image of how Character A reacted to one child in this situation next to how differently they reacted to the other child in the same situation ALSO keeping them keenly aware of the ways Character C is like them and could end up even more like them. How easily the familiar situation Character B sees Character C in now could lead down the same paths that so traumatized Character B and are the reason for much of the shame and self-loathing they struggle with.

We also know Character B's drive to protect Character C from enduring similar traumas is at least partially fueled by their belief that they're damaged and who they've beccome due to those traumas is a fate they want to protect their younger sibling from, as much as they want to protect them from any specific trauma. That despite all their parallels, similarities and shared circumstances, connection and familial history, all the ways in which Character B can see themselves in Character C and use as a basis for forging a new connection out of the common ground between them....in fact, in part BECAUSE of all these similarities and shared connections and circumstances....rather than being used as an opportunity to grow closer to Character C and build trust, due to their negative self-image, all of this actually feeds into and fuels their belief that the fundamental differences between them come down to the traumas they feel broke them and that Character C can yet be protected from....ensuring they never become more like Character B.

While trying to build a connection with a jaded and untrusting Character C who believes Character B to be a total stranger with a specific interest in Character C involving an unknown agenda on behalf of someone else....none of which are factors conducive to building trust.....AND despite their own barely-shoved-down desire to tell Character C everything....Character B continues to keep who they really are a secret and withhold the truth of their connection and who asked them to protect Character C and why. Their yearning to re-embrace a sibling relationship they thought they'd never get another chance at butts up directly against their assumption that none of this is permanent and there's no longterm connection or future to be built between them, reinforcing their instinct to protect themselves from the inevitable hurt and disappointed bound to come their way once Character C realizes how damaged they actually are and decides to move on, with Character B's unwillingness to trust in Character C - even while asking for their trust themselves - spilling directly out of Character B's inability to trust in their own worth and value as someone Character C would want to reconnect with as a sibling and stick around for indefinitely.

Thus the one truth that could guarantee Character C's faith and trust in Character B stays buried by the latter long enough that its eventual reveal ends up an eruption with catastrophic repercussions for their tentative bond, rather than emerging as a voluntarily shared secret that cements that bond into something more lasting. In Character B's mind, the only defense they could offer as explanation went hand in hand with convincing Character C that having Character B as their sibling wasn't in Character C's best interests. In their self-sabotaging attempt to protect their younger sibling from the threat Character B views themselves to be, Character B is directly responsible for the wedge driven between them and resulting distance Character C insists upon, ultimately leaving them exposed and vulnerable to the larger and actual threat of the very people Character B had meant to protect them from.

Leaving Character B with the belief their only real (or effective) path forward required facing their demons and finding some kind of strength or advantage in the only real edge they had left in regards to these people.....the very memories and experiences of being traumatized at their hands that Character B had spent so long trying to avoid revisiting.

Ultimately, the irony in the resolution of Character B's character arc is it only comes in the wake of Character B reframing past failures to make it out unharmed as past triumphs where they made it out on their own. Examining the possibility they're not someone whose only value is in existing as a cautionary tale, but rather there are elements of themselves and strengths they have that others might see as enviable and worth emulating....with all of this having been how Character C viewed Character B from their initial "meeting" and the entire basis of what trust they'd been willing to put in Character B from the start and that they had been building upon before Character C found out the truth of their familial connection.

Now!

All of that is already at your fingertips and able to be factored in as you select identity traits:

What gender are they - and how might them being male vs female vs trans vs non-binary - impact the personality described above or result in them expressing different parts of it more than others or in different ways?

What race are they - and how might the different options intersect the described personality differently?

Sexual orientation - same question. Any possible disabilities and/or neurodivergencies - same question. Etc, etc.

And at any point, when in doubt, unsure what option to pick or add to a character....default to the Three Pronged Approach.

You want the clearest sense of how Character B would interact with people? Map out three different interactions: what does it sound/look like when they interact with Character A vs when they interact with Character C vs when they interact with one of the Threats?

You want a sense of what Character B is like at their most approachable, when their best traits are on display? Pick or figure out three traits and write how they come across when leading with those traits, as described through the eyes of a different POV character.

Want to layer in personal likes and dislikes? Pick three unrelated musicians and triangulate between them, see what kind of taste in music that creates an impression of, and what that might say about anyone who would point to those specific artists as their go-to choices.

Want a strong mental picture for what Character B is like when they catastrophize, or their inner monologue when spiraling? Imagine three different scenarios for when Character B could have told Character C the truth, and then try and put yourself in Character B's head and figure out what train of thought or particular insecurities or worst case scenarios creates a plausible mindset or logic you can follow in regards to why they didn't take that opportunity to come clean.

In light of all of the above, the character mapped out and described here, what might someone like Character B take comfort it, or consider relaxing? What are three possibilities for their greatest fear and who are their top three celebrity crushes and why.

Literally just.....pick personality traits to choose from at this point, or flip through magazine or online personality quizzes and ask the same questions as them while trying to answer from the POV of Character B, and go with three options or variables as needed, and see what characterization ground that covers and offers as stuff that feasibly fits within the triangle generated by those three points, rather than belonging to some random outlying point far outside it.

Do as many or as few as needed til you're happy with the character and personality/characterization you perceive them to be as of that point, and don't be afraid to pop the hood again later and move some things around until it all feels like it fits within the same singular individual in a more naturally cohesive way.

Aaaaand that's my process! Or I mean, these parts of my process at least. Same diff. Well not really the same at all so much as diff diff but eh. You get it.

Or not. I never can tell. Should probably stop making that part rhetorical I suppose.

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ep.5 thoughts

[Don't Ya Wanna See UMA Clothes on Me?]

(Contents: Animation, griping)

Admittedly, I think this was the weakest episode so far, but that's to be expected since this was pretty much entirely a set-up episode and not one that really required too much allocation of budget

I still would have liked a bit more energy to it, though; while Apocalypse had that really cool moment when the Quests were being listed with the stylistic dark flames, Apocalypse himself had pretty stiff movements that, as I am always dreading, just looked like stills from the manga given animation cycles rather than being full bespoke animations

Clothes kind of had that too once his face came out, though I will say I really liked seeing how much difficulty it had forming into a cohesive outfit at first. I really got the feeling that he was trying to properly take shape but just didn't know how to do it

The Union's introduction was also somewhat lackluster, but that might just be because I've been building it up in my head for so long, a weakness that I've been anticipating for the last fouryearsandananime. I think other people won't have this issue, and newcomers especially will probably just accept it at face value as a cool moment where we're meeting the cast that we'll come to know and love later, but I think that the anime didn't quite go as far with making that scene its own as it could have. I liked that we actually got everyone's names and a brief preview of the fact that we don't know what their abilities are yet, but I think there must have been a better way to build hype for them than just...counting them one at a time

What I'm especially disappointed with, though...UMA Eat's intro was really lame!!! Burn was all shadowy, Sean had a little cutscene, Language was a bit more stylized and showed off what the language unification would look like, and we even got a little preview of Unrepair, but...Eat was just...mouths...floating...they weren't even actually chewing the food!!! I wanted the mouths to emerge from the darkness and start voraciously devouring whatever they could find, to show us a bit more than the manga since it's a UMA we'll likely never actually see, but...somehow it gave us less! It's such a minor little gripe, but it's indicative of what I don't like about a lot of anime adaptations - even if it's in isolation and other things took precedence, I still want an anime adaptation to actually bring the material to life! And that felt like the director or the animators or someone decided that that was a moment that wasn't important enough to bring to life!

Sure, it was a tiny moment, and sure, if something else needed the budget something needed to be trimmed down, but STILL! Even if it was just a little chewing motion, that would have been better than the mouths vaguely bobbing up and down! I'll likely forget about it by the time the next episode comes out, and it certainly won't color my interpretation of the rest of the series (not on its own, anyway), but in the moment it's disappointing to see

Oh, I also don't love that Shaft David Pro keeps clearing every non-Negator out of every scene. Andy and Fuuko being alone in a closed restaurant is really strange, and means that Andy can't make a point of ordering a third glass of vodka to represent Gina. Sure, it lets Fuuko cry louder since she doesn't need to be mindful of anyone, and the candlelit dinner is a bit more striking visually, but I feel that something is lost in having every scene take place in wide open, lifeless vignettes

I hate that I have so little good to say about this episode. I don't want to give the impression that I had a bad time, it's just that so few of the good parts were good in a way that was unique to the rest of the series so far, so I don't really feel any need to discuss them. They weren't novel, but the complaints are pretty specific, so I ended up focusing pretty much solely on them

To keep from giving too negative of an impression, I'll close by saying that I think it's good for an episode like this to happen; as a lower stakes, less bombastic episode, the surrounding episodes will feel so much more impactful, and with what's to come, this is a well appreciated chance to breathe

[catnift]

My Writing Setup (ft Zettelkasten)

My writing journey so far has been an endless road of pushbacks and trying to conform to the conventions, without much luck. So (only very recently) I've decided to just throw all of my previous knowledge out of the window and try to figure out what actually feels good to do, because I get snagged on the smallest of stuff, i.e. "it's 5 min past a whole hour, ergo too late to start"-type of things.

After a whirlwind of experimenting with various ideas and methods, I have landed on the Zettelkasten side of the internet. If you've never heard of it before, then I urge you to check it out here: https://zettelkasten.de/ . The Zettelkasten community is surprisingly active and is (at least partly) lead by some German guy, who does a lot of his podcasts and vlogs with a bare upper body. I choose to believe that this is optional, but it might be crucial for especially intense work. The original method was used to more effectively put together scientific articles, after all.

Anyway, the purebred Zettelkasten method, much like the purebred Bullet Journal method, is kind of intense for casuals. I've tried both in their full glory and it got messy real quick, so my advice is to start off with the bare minimum and work up to a level that feels comfortable to you. Always stop and think about your needs the moment you feel the slightest mental or physical resistance at any point - in the end, all of these 'second brain' methods are suggestions and the only true good method is the one you regularly use. Also, only you yourself need to understand it, so no need to cater to 'conventional logic'.

So the Zettelkasten method, at its core, is basically a personal Wiki, which connects snips of knowledge together on an even playing field (i.e. there is no "History" or "Maths" notebook, but a single monster book of "stuff"). The glroy of it is that you have these base notes that you can then link and connect to others and make up very complex thoughts. The original method was implemented purely on paper, so it's very versatile, once you understand the basic. For me however, paper is a fire hazard, so I use Obsidian, which again can go as hardcore as you want, but I use very basic functions. But maybe more on that in a separate post.

There have been talks on the Zettelkasten formus of some people trying to write creative fiction with it, but I'm not quite sure how they do it. For me, I have dumbed the system down significantly. Various scenes and worldbuilding facts in my stories are separate notes. My brain doesn't necessarily know everything about my WIPs in advance, but I know the general order of events, general "rules" and I have vivid scenes in my mind. So I just .. write them :) In any order at any time I'm inclined to write. I have a series of master notes that links to various topics and everything links to each other. "Editing" is going to a random note and checking both the text and links. If something no longer works, then it's a separate note and doesn't need to go anywhere - it can just stay there for future linking and/or reference. Once I'm ready to put some chapter together, then the scenes are already there and it's just a matter of putting them in some cohesive order and connecting them, which is a challenge, but way easier than figuring them out outright. If I need to check some descriptions for consistency, then 'stable' things link to the same note (for example some specific character), so it's way easier to check the details. If I really like some setting, I can describe it to my hearts content - it may not be used in my current WIP, but maybe it'll be perfect for some other future WIP.

Anyway, this is a whole lifestyle, to be sure, and I'm basically at the beginning of it. So this will definitely be a repeated topic on this blog :)

[cinnaminsvga]

omg so i saw your account pop up on that bit at the side with accounts to follow and stuff and immediately was thrown back

i don't know how long ago it was actually but based on the fact I've recently revived my own writing account after like 3 years away and forgetting tumblr even exists, but it's been at least that long since I last saw your account but immediate like nostalgia

this sounds terrible but i genuinely can't remember what exactly I read of yours (other than probably most of it back in the day) but I just remember you were one of my fave writers, i don't really read bts anymore because i'm up seventeen's ass these days but ima have to go through your masterlist and reread stuff for the memories now

im pretty sure that there was one specific fic series you wrote that you made group chats for on kakao maybe, i was there for it i just have terrible memory. now watch it turn out it wasn't even you that did that 🥴

i actually meant to send an ask last night when I saw your account and followed you (i think i used to follow you from my personal but idk) but it was late so I thought "hey let's wait until tomorrow when you can string together more cohesive sentences, yeah?" and then this shit show happened. but at least im not actually screaming at you in this ask like i probably would've last night

anyway, just wanted to just idek just sort of reminisce a lil and tell you that it made me really happy to see your account after these years even if you're not always active, it's nice to see that you still pop back now and then 💖

(I apologise for the mess of this. i'd say im usually more eloquent but that's a fucking lie, im a complete mess all the damn time <3)

WOAGH this was an unexpected letter in my inbox i'll tell you what (a pleasant surprise!) but hello hello welcome back and thanks for taking the time to send a message after all these years :D the tumblr algorithm, in all its mystery and dysfunctionality, sometimes makes little fun things happen like this lol

judging by your description, that fic series you're talking about is very likely "the lonely hearts club", which i suppose is an smau rather than a fic but yenno... it was something alright... if you were there during the peak of it, when i had kakao group chats for it... then it must have been 6 years since youve been around these parts (i posted that in 2018!! aint that a strange thing!!)

also, i appreciate all and every screaming ask sent my way HAHA this was actually very fun to read because like you said, i'm not very active on this blog, but getting messages once in a while is still a sweet treat!! nice to know that strangers on the internet just feel... compelled to talk to me, yenno?? especially you, who had somehow stumbled onto my patch of land by some algorithmic miracle :D it's nice reminiscing with ya!! if you really were here back in 2018, then you've known me a long time (even if you forgot most of it HAHA but i dont blame ya... my memory is pretty foggy even on a good day) so thanks for making a short stop my way <3

[d0d0-b0i]

(SPOILER FILLED) alrighty, time for some more cohesive thoughts on prime for me (since my last one was written directly after finishing it and now its had time to sit in my brain) (long post btw, i ramble @w@)

overall, i very much enjoyed it! the animation had me positively salivating over the fact that its /actually/ using animation techniques and not just. moving characters from A to B without the time for proper stylization. the overall plot was enjoyable and i am excited to see what the rest of the season will offer.

the fact that it is only one-third of the whole season also makes me a lot more forgiving about certain flaws i found at first, like only showing three worlds and not giving the characters a lot of time to breathe. theres the very high likelihood that such a thing actually will happen, and we might even see more places and worlds, which is an exciting thought! nonetheless, going in i did not know this as i was sleep deprived and had forgotten how many episodes the season has, so i felt a little bit salty, ngl.

Devon Mack does a very good job as sonic, and it makes me feel warm inside hearing his portrayal! every actor does a great job honestly, and it truly feels like they all understand the respective character they voice act(especially considering they have to acclimate the character /and/ voice for each new world. very talented!). the eggman voice actor could use some rerecords at times honestly;; but he does a good enough job that i only notice it sometimes; and he is fun to listen to regardless, and is just a subjective thought of mine.

the different universes also intrigue me! :D i really enjoyed the first one the jungle one was interesting and had beautiful flora models, but it is with this one that a problem of mine arises (but ill get to that later). the waterworld was also interesting, but kind of boring worldwise, since its just. water. (i get that its a pirate world and thats fine! i just cant give a good description of my feelings besides just. water. yknow?)

ive seen that a lot of people think rouge shouldve been the captain in the third world and. honestly. yeah. i think we might get to see why later on? but idk. i hope they have a reason that makes sense as to why she isnt, like if the worlds stick around and dont fuse back, shed be the next captain? weh! (i do love knuckles in a captains outfit though, so bonus points for that!)

now. i only have a few “criticisms”, and although some can be attributed to not being intended for me(and i will therefore not include cus. duh), there is one thing i just cannot let slip by.

(CRITIQUE START) the issue i have is that it feels so empty. new yolk (i refuse the yoke) is populated, but later episodes only really reuse the same five models roughly multiple times and i think had at most like 30? of them at the same time, and obviously could not have had more due to budget and such (which is understandable, but that still doesnt mean i cant point it out).

the jungle episodes! THE JUNGLE EPISODES?? ONLY HAD 5?? CHARACTERS MINUS SONIC (froggy counts) AT ALL TIMES?? and even the flashbacks only show those, probably so as not to imply death but like. come on. not even a few background characters at all? am i meant to believe they will all die out anyway simply by being the last people on this earth? im sorry i just cant get over this. you can make sean mcloughlin, mr jacksepticeye, get a cameo and his own personal character model, BUT CANNOT EVEN FILL A JUNGLE WITH PEOPLE?? did i miss something? if theyd shown even /one/ bg character once in a single frame in the flashbacks, id forgive it but i. cannot. im sorry. im nitpicking but come on! this is like the only issue i have. you only have 11 of the original characters in the first place (sonic. tails. knuckles. amy. rouge. big. froggy. shadow. eggman. orbot. cubot.), and then half of them are pretty much gone most of the time.

i just. its so empty? DO NOT GET ME WRONG I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS. I DEEPLY ENJOY THIS SHOW! I LOVE THE CHARACTERS WEVE GOTTEN TO SEE !!! THAT DOES NOT MEAN I CANNOT COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING I HAD TROUBLE PROCESSING. if its gonna be a show about sonic and his friendships. where the fuck are the rest of them? is all we’re gonna get homages to their characters? (jungle knuckles was just sticks. come on now. just put her in shes already canon to the mainline games now) sega, if youre going to make a show about his friendships, why wont you let his friends be there? why can you only license 11 of your characters to the show? please make me eat my words.

and yeah you could say that the reasons others arent there (in-canon, not because of legal issues) is because they werent hit close-up with the prism shatter, but neither was big? he was shown to be down by the hills when it exploded, and i dont know if that counts considering that orbot and cubot arent even in any episode besides the first one, and they werent visible in the blast, i do not know what the blast radius would be to affect anything else. eugh. idk man. this is like the ONE issue i have, and its so small it feels meaningless. yeah yeah the budget the tight grip on characters yadda yadda i get the reasons behind it but it still affects the endgoal and i should be allowed to point it out.                                                                                                                     (CRITIQUE OVER)

that being said. i am in love with the character designs! especially a big fan of sonics gloves and shoes in the pirate world. i fuck w/ that very much <3

anyway, thats it. show good. binge it if possible! we need netflix to know that we like this. and maybe theyll realize that one episode per week for this show would be perfect (im looking at you episode recaps)

[ot3]

so i see you tweet sometimes about gw2 and im just curious about your thoughts on it like, plot wise.

i think the story of early guild wars is pretty par for the course mmo storytelling where im paying mostly superficial attention to the plot and mainly enjoying how fun the game is. but around the time you get to heart of thorns they start introducing enough interesting concepts that you decide its worth paying slightly more attention to.

there was a huge problem in the way guild wars 2's narrative flowed because of the way they handled the living world stuff. i love the living world in concept when it was unreplayable because its just neat to me to be able to take such large story beats in an mmo. where you literally nuke your entire main city and change its appearance. but i appreciate the fact they decided to retroactively let you play that stuff in the end! however making it, in the case of living world season 2, optional to buy, but then not also doing lws1 in the same way? it just meant that you got the story non completely and non sequentially. if you just go straight to core from HoT you have to do soooo much Inferring Shit About This Plot from it. It's like your character blacked out and lost several years of their life. 'hello? commander? its us. the guys who are totally already your best friends'

anyway once i got through HoT then i found myself going back to lws2 specifically to unlock the luminescent armor and the respective ascended trinkets since back pre-lws3 the only stat selectable ascended trinkets were from raids, i believe. and then once again it was really interesting to get the map meta-events recontexualized to me from going through the story. and then after that i was invested enough in these characters to go watch the howeverlong supercut lws1 movie someone had on youtube for anyone who hadnt been there to play through it.

all this to say i think there was a lot of interesting story stuff here that would have helped hook more people earlier on if it had been freely available to play in its intended order. anyway

hot: i feel like it benefitted a TON from playing through this on a sylvari pc the first time because the custom dialogue they give that taints it like all of the npcs are suspicious you are going to fucking turn evil. like the sort of 'youre the coolest strongest character in the world!' stuff never really does it for me. i'm way more into 'youre a very powerful person in an extremely fraught and complex political situation' and HoT really felt a lot more like that, with i think it doing a good job of setting the mood for being In An Active Warzone. i like dragons stand meta a lot in terms of things where gameplay really makes the story hit in a certain way. the challenging, large-scale metas make a better multiplayer use of a high fantasy war shining than a lot of them do. getting events that genuinely do take several dozen real human beings coordinating in real time to accomplish makes there be a sense of difficulty and scale that would be rather punishing and frustrating as instanced single player combat.

i know i kind of talked more a bout the combat than the story. oops. but to me the sort of positive feedback loop between getting more invested in playing the actual game and then getting more invested in learning about the characters to continue to future expansions.

I wish I could speak more about lws3 and PoF but i will be real with you right now. those years of my life are kind of a blur and i do not remember a lot of the story beats right now. lws4 felt pretty weak to me in a lot of ways, pretty disparate from itself. PoF though i had a hell of a fun time with. joko was a fun villain he was serving necromantic cunt.

lws4 was ok. definitely more cohesive overall and had some cool stuff. lws5 i think on the other hand really suffered from a bit of covid slump in its content which i will absolutely not blame them for. I would much rather they put out slightly subpar content during a massive health crisis than they overwork people.

CANTHA, ON THE OTHER HAND. WAS EXCELLENT. DEFINITELY THEIR BEST STORY WRITING YET. i had a blast of a time with it and i was specifically fond of what they did with mai trin, a character i was well acquainted with via getting my ass kicked in her fractal back when she was scale 100. they gave her some INSANE dyke drama. it was catnip to me. she fucked that asura they had toxic yuri i knowww they did. kelly hu did her voice for EoD, who i immediately clocked as stacy from phineas and ferb and was as such predisposed to be endeared to her. also who doesnt love an ex supervillain pirate captain. mai trin you will always be famous.

anyway. that is my extnesive opinion on the plot of guild wars 2. great game everyone play it i have over 3000 hours in guild wars 2.

[notebookmusical]

Hi! I know what voice you're talking about and it seems like it really sucks. I know when I can't talk..that means it's also pretty painful too. Which is once again so awful and I'm sorry for the horrible timing! Oh that seems fun but it sucks that you're not seeing a show, and it sounds like a nice tradition. If it makes you feel better, I don't have any plans to see any shows either. I mean I probably will see one eventually next year but there's nothing I'm excited for or looking forward to.

Maybe watching a bootleg can help, but I know it's not the same. I know i have said I haven't been very into or caught up on recent Broadway stuff and sometimes it does make me sad. I am planning to read the Starless Sea in January too I hope so I'll keep that in mind. I didn't think of the Pippin revival but that's also an example of a revival trying to do something a little different I think. And I actually did watch Schmicago and thought it was pretty good! They might've actually referenced Pippin with a narrator character. I think it was actually better than the first season actually and the references were a lot more clear, at least to me. I would recommend it but did make me miss Broadway. At least they have Broadway actors though. I need to get better at watching shows too..that might have actually been the last full show I watched and that was back in July lol but I think I'm just more of a movie person usually.

But mostly I'm a music person and I can recommend my favorites. Omg I didn't know that..I've seen a few clips of Fall Out Boy on tour and it seems awesome. I hope you have the best time! So I'm not as into Fall Out Boy..like I've never done a deep dive on old albums and I was more of a casual fan at first. But their new album is great and since you're seeing their tour, you can just focus on that for now. My favorites are Fakeout and Love from the other side. For Paramore, I would listen to their albums in order cuz it's cool to see their evolution as a band and they don't have that many. They also have some covers and unreleased songs too. But if you wanna start with their newest album, I think it has a good mix of all of their sounds too. It's my favorite album of this year. I can also just list some favorites of mine here kinda going in order by album,. Oh Star, I caught Myself, Brighter, My Heart, Misery Business, When it Rains, Crushcrush. Brick By Boring Brick, Turn it off, Playing God, Misguided Ghosts, and all I wanted. Daydreaming, Last Hope, Hate to see your Heart Break, one of those crazy girls. Rose colored Boy, Fake Happy, 26, Tell me How, Running out of time, Big Man, You First, Liar, Crave and Thick Skull. I know that's a lot..wow i'm even surprised. I debated cutting it down but in case you don't listen to the full albums, this is what I would recommend! For her solo music, I would just recommend hearing the albums. Anyway what other vinyls did you get?

I definitely prefer Folklore, because I love a lot of songs on the album and I just know what my favorites are. Compared to Evermore, where some of it is more like background music to me. Ive already told you what my least favorites are and I might have unpopular favorites. My favorites are Evermore, Coney Island, Dorothea, and Gold Rush and Long Story Short . I also like No Body No Crime, Cowboy Like Me, Ivy and Right where you Left me cuz sometimes it feels like a movie. Ya Evermore does feel more cohesive to me or like it all blends together but my favorite songs are definitely on Folklore. That's why I've never understood the whole Folklore is a better album but Evermore has better songs thing lol. Also now it's Taylors birthday today..yay! Are you planning to watch the eras tour movie? I think I will sometime this weekend probably. Then its your birthday too and if anything, I will send you a message wishing you happy birthday if I don't reply. I hope you have a great weekend and birthday!!!

guess what guess what my voice is a little more back today !!! so fingers crossed it'll be completely back by saturday!!!! i've decided to make bracelets for the hockey game, so i'm going to be doing that tonight/tomorrow i think!! it'll be a nice break from making taylor bracelets :") (although i need to make some so i can mail them out next week eep!) i think my next show will probably be the company tour ... unless i see a regional production of spring awakening (which i'm tempted to; just depends on the cast and stuff).

i almost watched TBOSAS last night! but then i put the kraken game on instead </3 (which i'm glad i did because it was a beautiful game! and we won!) and i originally was going to stream eras tonight (i have $20 digital credits expiring on the 15th) but i forgot i have a thing at 7, and by the time that's over i won't want to watch a 3 hour long movie — so something for another night! you'll have to let me know how it is watching it from home! i suspect it'll be so much nicer to watch it all cozy and all but i wonder if i'll miss the cinema vibe!

i listened to part of the first paramore album yesterday when i was getting my allergy shot! i liked what i heard, but will need to finish it and then do another listen through to figure out what my favorites are! i ordered from the dirty hit store, so i figured if i was paying for ridiculous shipping costs i might as well bundle up so i actually ordered more than i normally would: i got the japanese house's saw you in a dream & pools to bathe in, beabadoobee's loveworm + the way things go 7", finally preordered benjamin francis leftwich's some things break vinyl + ordered his to carry a whale vinyl and after the rain, and the 1975's 7" all i need to hear + i like america and america likes me (real world version) ! and i have sabrina carpenter's fruitcake ep coming in i think on friday! so definitely way too many vinyls coming in haha. i need to cool it! way too many vinyls! i still need to finish working on my little vinyl craft project too, but that might be a next week problem / after the game / after my bracelets are done! i have like 15 ? that i need to prioritize for mailing out but then i can chill out for a little bit!

have i asked you for an updated taylor discography ranking yet? i'm curious to know what your ranking is/if it's changed since we last talked about it, especially with 1989 tv! you can distinguish between stolen and taylor's version if you'd like too!

i hope you have a lovely weekend 🤍 and thank you for the birthday wishes! x

[filthforfriends]

Hello :) I am an avid reader and big admirer of your fics and I have a little question. I have noticed you mostly (maybe even exclusively) write from the reader’s pov. And I really like it that way. I’m curious if you would ever write a bonus chapter or a passage from Damiano’s pov - for example in GA. Maybe that might help you with your writer’s block with chapter 14? Also I’m generally interested if you ever considered something similar or what you think about it. I’d love learning more about the process and thought behind your writing.

Actually the reason I write in second person is because I noticed that was the most common perspective fan fiction is written from. It was actually difficult to get used to. I think a chapter in Alpha!Damiano's perspective could be cool, I think thats been suggested once before. tbh I'd probably do the chapter half in y/n's perspective and half in his. It's not gonna help my writers block though because I'd have to intentionally choose a plot that I feel sorta confident writing about in his perspective, which would mean scraping what I do have. Y/n is a character I make up all on my own, but Damiano, while a fictional character in my stories, does need to share enough traits with the real person for people to recognize him. Whatever they like about him, I want them to like that same thing in my character. So that means I can't just do what I feels right to the story and wing it

Winging it is always how I write here. I've never sat down and drawn a plot out before hand, but I spend a lot of time in my own head. When I imagine a story that feels so compelling I can't not write it, I force myself to stay there and flush it out. With smut I try to find something thats a little gross or weird or intense or not sexy and then make that sexy. Because all the times I've done that and been nervous about the how its received, those are the fics or chapters that do best. When you push things just slightly past the comfort zone its exciting and honest and raw in a way I believe people crave. I try to find a couple points where it isn't ideal but that humanness actually ends up making things more passionate, more intimate. My experience as a smut writer hasn't been that people desire an ideal portrayed in media or porn. Based on reactions I think that, at least in this little corner of the internet people desire sex and connections with other flawed, quirky, and real people.

Sometimes as soon as I come up with a story, I come up with another one based on that, and I really get into the idea of the characters. So without trying, I have a few ideas that are 4k-12k words long with those characters If I can find a thread that attaches them and flush it out, sometimes it turns into a series with those stories being the chapters. Of course, writing this way you have to lay seeds so theres plot points you can circle back to so the whole thing is cohesive. Eventually, like I'm doing right now, I have to go through a whole fic and all my notes on it to list all the possible plot points and make sure I'm coming back to those. Because I think in collections of stories like this, I write my chapters our of order.

honestly my writers block is a combination of can't focus, too depressed to do anything, and a fear of failure so poisonous that it makes me freeze up. Like right now I'm currently writing chapter 19 for TSITCOE which makes my brain go "No point in posting this fic if you can't even finish it. You're never gonna make it in time. Better just pause the upload schedule now." Meanwhile I have the next two week's worth of chapters totally done and another two weeks after that 90% done. My brain is just really fucking mean as hell and lol. My confidence in my own intellect was very much based in external validations and meeting criteria society told me I should be proud to achieve. Being disabled these past few years as really taken a toll and now I have a voice that always insists I'm going to fail.

anyways thank you for reading and being so supportive! I hope some of this was interesting writery inside scoop type stuff