#anyways. blah blah the best of you is a silly fake finale like from those disney channel movies whatever. but its still not catchy.

[wheresurboytonighthelookslikeenj]

for months ive been joking that the best of you npmd reminds me of i see stars mean girls in a bad way. but then i actually relistened to i see stars and guys. it’s not a great song of course but um. it’s. it’s better than the best of you 💀💀💀

[7wanderingpaws]

Captain Bucheon 02

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader (Lee Nari)

Genre: policeman AU; enemies to lovers AU

Warnings:  langauge, mentions of drugs

story masterlist masterlist

<-- first -- next -->

tags: @wooya1224 (if you want to be un/tagged let me know! I forgot to ask last time lol)

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Second: Fears and Desires

Rushing out of the building, you made a quick run for the closest bus stop, trying to supress every urge to look back in case someone could be following you. With their identity being unknown and the box being successfully delivered on your behalf meant huge trouble for you and it left you incredibly nervous to stay in the same place as that anonymous. For whatever reason someone decided to deliver the box. Who could it be?

With your heart racing all the way in your throat, you thought that this situation would be the worst. Turning a sharp corner that led to the main road, you collided harshly with a sturdy chest, the person's arms flying out to catch your falling figure. Hands slid around your waist and steadied you up carefully.

Realizing your eyes were squeezed shut, you opened your eyes to be met with familiar ones. You slowly died inside.

“Careful,” he murmured as he took in your scared expression.

Stepping away from him, you tried to brush off the feeling of pining. You'd been working way too hard to avoid him for you to meet him exactly when you were running away red-handed. “What are you doing here?”

He shook his head gently as his gaze slowly took in your features. It made you shudder. “My workplace is not far away, remember?”

Gulping, you nodded, letting out a breathy snort as you looked down on the pavement. “Right. Silly of me to ask.”

“Are you okay?”

“I missed you,” you blurted at the same time and looked up at him. “Oppa.”

Baekhyun was frozen just for a moment before he stepped closer to you with the gentlest of smiles. Slowly, he reached up with his hand and cradled your cheek. “I missed you too, pretty.”

Pretty. Ah, how you missed that nickname.

“Then kiss me,” you let out boldly and you expected him to be surprised or even scold you for being so demanding but he surprised you.

“Oh, yeah,” he murmured, leaning in. “I will, now that you're finally here.” You helped him out by standing on your tip-toes while you let your arms circle around his neck, and his hands slid back to your waist. His lips touched yours gently, carefully, before you hummed and pushed yourself more into him, urging him to deepen the kiss.

He growled when he felt your chest press up to his and his grip tightened while one of his hands came up to your neck, tilting your head so he could have better access. With a simple lick of his tongue, he was inside and you were whimpering, gasping, panting. So, so needy for him. You groaned, feeling the strong attraction you both shared. It seemed that no matter how much you hated him, it was always present. You would always be bewitched by Byun Baekhyun.

He was still hungrily claiming your lips when he reached up for your arms and brought them down until he had your hands in his. He fumbled with them for a while and you smiled, expecting him to intertwine your hands. Just the feeling of his smooth hands on yours made the butterflies in your tummy flutter their wings.

Then you heard a click.

Baekhyun kissed you one last time, his lips puckering, before slowly leaning back and taking in your scared eyes when you felt cold metal around your wrists.

“Lee Nari,” he breathed, the puffs of hot air on your wet lips, “I arrest you for illegal drug distribution.”

><

Gasping loudly, you sat straight up in your bed, the aftermath of your nightmare still present and fresh in front of your eyes while you tried to shake off the dread and the terrible pull in your lower tummy. Why the hell were you sexually frustrated when he arrested you again?

“What is it?” you heard from beside you, a confused and sleepy Yuyeon. “Nari? Are you okay?” she was next to you within a second, the early morning sun lighting up the room softly through the light curtains. She saw you touching your lips while tears were rolling down your cheeks. “Goodness, was the dream that bad?” she asked again carefully and sat on your bed.

You whimpered, still shocked, and reached out for your best friend, wrapping your arms around her to get a feel of reality. “Just… it was ridiculous. So ridiculous, Yuyeonah,” you muttered, sniffing, flashes of Baekhyun's face ever-present and lively. That was certainly not how you imagined the first meeting with him to go. 

“It was just a bad dream,” consoled Yuyeon gently, rubbing your back in circles. “None if it is real, Nari.”

You nodded and pressed your lips together. 

Just a bad dream.

><

“Are you okay?” Someone muttered to your ear, successfully scaring the living daylights out of you.

You heard that sentence in your dream.

Turning around abruptly with wide eyes, you spot Chul who was smiling at you cheekily.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. You just look a little absent-minded,” he explained, scratching his neck as he looked at the ground.

You sighed. “I’m fine. But thanks for worrying.”

He nodded and wanted to say something before hesitating. You raised a questioning eyebrow, silently asking him what was up.

“Was everything fine after I left?”

Oh. You completely forgot to let him know the mission was successful since you were so freaked out by the unexplainable events. “Yes!” you squeaked. “It went perfectly!”

“Great! I received the confirmation text but you never followed up with an update.” He laughed. “Then we can focus on your run in the festival!”

You groaned and started stomping towards your classroom. “I really, really like REALLY don’t wanna do it.”

He followed you, snickering. “You’re our ace, Nari.” He hugged your shoulders with his arm and pressed you to his side. “If you won’t attend, nobody will come and watch!”

Puffing your hair out of your face, you silently fumed. “I already said okay to the darn MCing with that bitc- singer.”

“Were you just about to call her a bitch?” asked Chul, shocked as he maneuvered you through the crowded corridors. Students were giving you looks, some whispering when they spotted Chul, the famous boy.

“Ah, no, not at all,” you grumbled, not bothering to hide your sarcasm.

Chul chuckled and you stopped in front of your class. “You can be so feisty. Either way, bring this spirit to the running track. We are starting from today!”

“But-but I want to go out to the bar-“

Chul clicked his tongue. “I will gladly take you to a bar if you come to the practice.”

Not even stopping to think it over, you quickly complied: “You’ll buy me a drink, right? Oppa?” you added with a mischievous glint in your eyes.

He observed you for a moment, an amused smile splayed on his face. “Sure, Nari. A drink it is.”

“Deal!”

><

“Faster, Lee!” shouted coach Lim when you finished the second round, heaving loudly like a horse. “If you want to win an award for us you will have to do better than that!”

With bitter realization, you noticed how he reminded you of your beloved math teacher back in high school. Unfortunately, you weren’t that good at sports but you were still better than math.

“Okay, got it,” you exhaled harshly, coming to a full stop.

You saw the sun already setting, the cold air turning your hot breaths into condensation. You could practically feel your nose turning red.

“Hey, Rudolf!” Chul.

You snapped your head at him, glaring. “Do not mock me. You’ve dragged me into this yet you seem very unaffected.”

He laughed, walking over to you. “You already forgot why I am the president of the student council?” He quirked an eyebrow at you. “I’m good at everything.”

You rolled your eyes. “Okay then you win the award for us.”

“Nuh-uh. It’s gotta be you,” he winked at you.

Too tired to bother fighting with him, you quickly went to change into your clothes, deciding you would take a shower once you got back from the smelly bar. Surely you stinking wouldn’t bother people too much. Plus, it wasn’t like you were trying to impress Chul anyway.

Meeting the senior outside, you headed for the closest bar, bickering on the way. Once inside he bought you a drink just as promised and you were fast to gulp down half of the cocktail.

“So, I’ve been wanting to discuss some matters with you,” started Chul, looking at you in amusement when you took another big gulp. “Just some other stuff that has to be taken care of about the festival.”

You whined and leaned your forehead into your palm. “Why now? We should do that at the student council.”

“You’re my right hand, Lee,” reasoned smoothly Chul and took a sip of his beer. The frothy foam left a small white mustache and it made you giggle. You motioned for him to get rid of it and he quickly licked it off. “Anyway,” he started with a laugh, “you’ll take care of the security team of the festival. Make sure to book the bodyguards and police guards around. We will have famous artists there so security should be our number one priority at all costs.”

You hummed, faking thinking. You ignored your rapid heartbeat at the mention of police, some flashbacks of your dream quickly chasing you down. Nodding, you hid your face behind the cup as you took another sip and looked around the place as if expecting to see the familiar face in the crowd just like you did on the night you met him.

“I kind of want to pass on this one,” you finally replied as you put down your glass.

“Why is that?”

Sighing, you pursed your lips not wanting to elaborate on your actual thinking pattern. “Just feels weird to talk to the police and blah blah blah,” you rolled your eyes. “I’m already doing so much for the festival, Chul, don’t you think?”

Chul observed you for a moment. “I’m sorry. I feel like a total jerk for always throwing all the responsibilities at you but I really am only giving you those tasks that require the most able person.”

“Oh.” You didn’t think about that. After all, Chul was right. You were kind of like a right hand to him, doing a lot of jobs in the behind the scenes whenever there were events happening at the school.

“And I heard that you might have connections at the police so I thought we could use that to our advantage,” he continued, hesitating when he noticed your sour expression. “Am I wrong?”

Your slight scowl turned into a frown. “Who the hell told you that?”

He blinked a couple of times. “Well, she told me it’s a secret so…”

“Chul?”

“Yeah,” he looked at your hard expression, prompting him to answer you. You swore you would kill Oh Sehun, you were sure it was him.

“Yuyeon. It was Yuyeon.”

Your mouth opened in shock. You thought you heard wrong. “What? What did she tell you though?” And why would Yuyeon talk to a person she didn't like? You knew her well and she voiced, or at least showed, how she didn't like Chul. In her opinion, he was too friendly with everyone.

Chul laughed unsurely, a little perplexed at the change of your behavior. “Nothing! I mean... she mentioned a boyfriend-“

“I never had a boyfriend at the police station,” you declared quickly. “I hardly know anyone there so I don’t think I can help you in this matter.”

Chul nodded, immediately complying while his hands played with the cup in his hands. “Right, sorry. Maybe I’ve heard wrong. You’d be too young to date a police officer anyway.” He took note of your sudden unreadable expression and when you didn’t reply, he added: “Then I don’t see a problem why you can’t take care of the matters! Since you don’t have a boyfriend at the station.”

You sucked your lips in, mulling over his words. It wouldn’t hurt if you’d ask for favors from Yuyeon or Sehun, right? They could call in with your name and that way you wouldn’t have to worry about the possibility of accidentally talking to Byun Baekhyun. Either way, it was hard to win an exclusive chat with the big captain himself, so eventually, you didn’t see that much of a problem with it. And, it was a must that nobody could find out about any kind of connection with him. People would know you were underaged or could think you were too easy and had a beneficial relationship with him. That could totally ruin your image — because you didn’t care about his for sure!

“Okay,” you agreed with a timid nod, avoiding Chul’s eyes. “I’ll do it.” Managing to fake a strained smile you finally looked up to catch him studying you.

“If it makes you uncomfortable—“

“No, it’s absolutely fine,” you chirped in and threw the remaining cocktail into your mouth. If you pretended it was hard alcohol maybe you could slowly start swimming in nothingness and forget about him.

It was unfair that he’d been chasing you in your dream. It felt so real. Even the kissing was so believable it made chills run down your spine. “I’m gonna order another one,” you decided, already standing up. “I need it.”

Chul nodded slowly, hesitantly, and shook his head when you asked him whether he wanted another one.

Walking over to the busy bar, you caught the waiter and ordered yourself another cocktail when a tall figure appeared next to you.

“Is this your fourth already?” He asked nonchalantly, looking around. He was one head taller than you so it wasn’t like you were obscuring his view. “Jez, woman, when was the last time you took a shower?”

Rolling your eyes, you waved your hand to finally bring his attention to you. “You don't even pay attention to me but dare to comment on my hygiene.” You clicked your tongue disappointedly. “I’m right here, Sehun, and no it isn’t my fourth. But I’m getting there,” you rumbled and tapped your fingers impatiently on the worn-down surface of the wooden bar table.

“Why are you here with Chul?”

“Cause you didn’t ask me to hang out,” you pouted and innocently blinked a few times.

Sehun elbowed you gently. “I was meeting someone else today. And anyways, you’ve been always busy during a weekday - you don’t have work tonight, right?”

Making a grimace at the mention of your work, you turned back to the barista, watching him mix your cocktail. “No, tonight I’m free. And I had my first training, Sehun. I will die if I have to continue preparing for that damn race,” you whined, turning abruptly to him.

“I’ll help you with the training. I promise I’m more fun than coach Lim! I hear he is rather hot-headed,” he said with a glint in his eyes. “You know I won’t scold you.”

You frowned like a kid. “Run the race for me then.”

Sehun sighed and when the barista brought you your cocktail he quickly ordered two whiskeys.

Your eyebrows shot up to your hairline. “You’re going hard tonight.” Immediately you took a sip of your drink and felt an instant relief. While still playing with the straw, you looked up at your friend. “Who’re you here with anyway?”

Sehun gave you a look. “Uh, just a friend.” He shrugged. He was thankful for the crowded bar tonight. “We are just catching up.”

“Great!” You smiled brightly and put your cocktail down. “Do I know him? Or her?” you winked.

“Eh—“ Sehun hesitated and his eyes fell on someone behind you, following the person with his eyes for a moment. He then quickly took your cocktail and pushed it into your hand. “Nari, you shouldn’t have Chul wait for you. I’ll see you at school.”

You pouted, frowning. “Yah, are you trying to get rid of me?!”

“No, I'm really not but just go. I’m doing you a favor here.”

You were about to scoff and retort to him something ugly for daring to kick you out like that, when another figure appeared next to Sehun. “I have an urgent phone call. I’ll be back soon, Sehun.”

You stared at Byun Baekhyun with your mouth hanging slightly open. His hair was pushed from his forehead, leaving space to admire his handsome features and the wrinkle-free forehead. His jawline was sharp and you zoomed in on those lips and the way they showed his lower teeth whenever he opened his mouth. He was absolutely breath-taking and he kissed you last night in your dream. He arrested you, too.

Baekhyun finally looked at the person Sehun had been chatting with, intending to acknowledge their presence but maybe he shouldn’t have. Having Lee Nari staring at him that way still pulled on his insides.

It was exactly three seconds and you sensed Sehun nodding to himself awkwardly, obviously thinking well, I told you to leave, but he didn't have to speak indirectly no more. You dashed. You literally dashed along with your cocktail, not bothering about spilling it all over yourself in the process, not bothering to say bye to Sehun, let alone acknowledging Baekhyun's presence. You swore you wouldn't do it. So you didn't.

Your heart was wild and scarily loud as you hastily approached Chul and slid down into your chair, bringing breeze along with you. He locked his phone he’d been playing with while you were away but when he saw your disheveled state, he blurted: “Nari? What happened? Are you okay?”

You were staring at him, desperately trying not to look where Sehun and Baekhyun were.

“It’s fine.”

“Did someone try to do something?” He looked back over his shoulder and he directly spotted Sehun and he must have seen Baekhyun, too. They had their heads connected now, an intense talk going on. “Hey, that’s Oh Sehun with someone.”

“Yeah, I chatted with him for a moment. Anyway, I’m here now. Let’s continue the talk.”

Chul took a moment longer before he finally turned around and faced you. He caught you gulping down half of the cocktail and sighed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I am.” Your eyes wandered on their own accord and you caught eyes with Baekhyun as he was leaving the bar. He was carefully making his way through the crowd, his phone in his hands, most probably tending to that urgent phone call he mentioned. He must have still been a workaholic.

To your utter horror, he wasn’t a coward. You should have known better than to follow him with your stare, for Baekhyun kept his look on you, observing you expressionlessly until he couldn’t do so anymore and until he was out of the bar.

He would hunt you all the time.

And you, as mature and as confident you acted a year ago when you told him there might be a chance of you two starting over again, you realized you probably matured backwards during that time. Anger, hatred, passion - they were all burning up inside of you and all the unwanted memories came flooding back.

Biting down hard on your lip, you willed away the tears. Lee Nari was not someone who would cry just over anyone and she wouldn't get fooled twice.

It was just the realization that you would never be able to build your bridges up with him again that made you want to weep. Even though you wanted to, you found it almost impossible in that moment.

><><><><><

A/N: Whew. I had a little bit of a rough time with this one because it is so slow-paced and already a little complex (in my head). What did you think? I got you fooled there in the beginning heheh It was just a dream in case you are still not sure! Though you never know with Captain Bucheon, hm?

Please let me know your thoughts!! :) 

CuriousCat

[oneweekoneband]

To Leave Or Die In Long Island

Of course, BTMI! was just getting started. Less than a year after the release of the debut, Jeff came out with a second album (well, at 8 songs, it’s more of an EP, or mini-album, or, in Jeff’s words, a digital “10-inch”). Though To Leave Or Die In Long Island is shorter in length than Album Minus Band, that only seems to have helped to focus the sound and songwriting on it. In some ways, it’s more conceptually ambitious, too – the album begins and ends with the same melody in a kind of parallel structure. Almost everything that was great on Album Minus Band is honed to a finer point here. (Strangely, according to this interview, this is apparently Jeff’s least favourite BTMI! album; while I understand his reasoning why, it easily ranks as one of my favourites.) As on that album, for example, Jeff continues to criticize the state of the 2000s punk scene. But instead of simply lashing out at obnoxious trend-chasers, his targets get more specific and his lyrics more potent as a result: opener “Happy Anterrabae Day!!!” takes aim at the overly-violent culture that can still be observed at hardcore shows. Between the first verse to the second, Jeff moves from jeering at the guys who threaten “some fourteen-year-old” to suggesting ways to improve the situation: “If I kissed you on the nose or offered you a hug, / How could you possibly still wanna fight?” He ends with a reminder of the positive possibilities of punk rock: “Think about the reason you went to shows at twelve years old, / We all felt alone, it was not to kick my ass!”

Whether it’s the inside-joke about a bandmate’s ladder-climbing career offer to join a more successful band (that didn’t work out in the end) on “Congratulations, John, On Joining Every Time I Die!” or the under-a-minute hardcore punchline of “Showerbeers!!!”, the album really shines on the lyrical front even when it feels like Jeff isn’t trying (which he admits he wasn’t on “Showerbeers!!!”). Then there’s the more serious stuff: “Dude, Get With The Program” is one of Jeff’s best songs about the paper-thin quality of that bullshit facade upper-management types put on when trying to soothe class antagonisms in their workplaces. Inspired by an experience he had at a job in which a company’s managers started lecturing workers on being part of their “family” right before the paycuts and firings began, he vents his frustrations: “You’re working on your first million, / I’m on my first thousand, / And bills are due tomorrow.” There’s the emptiness of the rhetoric fed to those who get the short end of the stick under capitalism: “You didn’t get fired, you’re ‘laid off.’” The chorus clears it all up: “You could have figured out a way to help us out, / But you just said: / ‘Hey, go ahead and get fucked!’”

By contrast, the less-oppositional “Stand There Until Your Sober” has been a long-running fan favourite possibly due to its confessional quality. It’s a song about drinking too much, feeling like you’ve fallen behind in life, like you’ve missed your chance to grow up, and being generally miserable with nothing to look forward to except the awesome party you have planned for your friends at your funeral (because “mourning is for suckers!”). Over a relatively sparse 3/4 groove with some nice musical flourishes (those backmasked acoustic guitar chords that open the song always get me), Jeff sings about the city’s ambient lights blocking out the stars, making out with a stranger on a boat, and earning only “a hundred and ten bucks for twenty hours” while watching his friends achieve a comfortable stability in life that always seems out of reach for him. It’s the ultimate loser’s anthem, and maybe some of the most poetic stuff to come out of BTMI! Even in the midst of the despair, a ray of positivity breaks through near the end of the song: “You’ll finally know that life’s okay, / Even when the bad things happen.”

The music, too, takes a giant step forward on To Leave Or Die. Though Album Minus Band already showed signs of breaking free from the confines of ska-punk, Jeff signals his ambitions to fuck with the formula as much as possible right off the bat with the cheesy fake-out synth-rock intro to “Happy Anterrabae Day!!!”, gradually revving up the tempo until it reaches the hardcore intensity that kicks off its first verse. Remember what I said about Jeff’s harmonies on Album Minus Band? Here’s the thing: he might not be a great singer (something he’d address directly on the band’s final album), but he sure knows how to layer his voice in his wall-of-sound production to trick you into thinking he is. Of course, he pulls back the curtain at the end and mutes all instruments for the final chorus’s last couple “na-na-na” sections, revealing a chorus of Jeffs screaming vague harmonies and polyphonies at the top of their lungs, barely staying in time with each other, let alone in tune. He knows exactly how absurd it sounds and works that to his advantage perfectly – it never fails to make me laugh out loud. I actually first got my sister into this band by showing her this part of the song, which she couldn’t believe would be left in an actual studio recording. It’s both incredibly funny and incredibly punk; what could be more so than a guy going “Yeah, I can’t sing, but how about I make a whole goddamn choral arrangement out of my voice anyway?”

The peak of the album’s musical ambition arrives at its climax and final song, “Syke! Life Is Awesome!” A tour-de-force of multi-section songwriting, Jeff describes it relatively accurately on Quote Unquote as being composed of “20-second blasts of different genres whether it be alt-country, post-punk, reggae or synth pop.” What that description doesn’t quite capture is the progression of the song, from an acoustic-strummed folk-punk intro into a kind of freak-folk chorus strung out on its own silliness, from there to a classic hardcore punk tempo interspersed with a couple bars of ska, building to an unstoppable outro with a horn section that sounds like a Motown track’s backing dialed up to light-speed. That excellent “na-na-na” vocal melody from “Happy Anterrabae Day!!!” is reprised here through the horns at the end of the song, a motif for the observant listener to enjoy. Lyrically, too, this might be one of my favourite BTMI! songs; Jeff says this one was about a time he got to talk with the lead singer of Squeeze and realized how cool it was that his life had turned out in a way that such a thing could happen. It’s the end of the song that really gets me: sprinting across the album’s final stretch, Jeff begins a long, uninterrupted phrase following an instrumental break that details all the weird things that happened in his life in the chain of events that got him to where he was at the time of writing that song. It evokes a sense of wonder at the simple mechanism of cause-and-effect: “And if I knew how to throw a football, / I would have never played any music, / And if never got my heart broken, / I would sing ‘blah blah fucking nothing.’” It’s a celebration of the uniqueness of the timeline that makes your life unequivocally yours, as it could never be any other way. In philosophy, we might call that a “haecceity.”

[shitty-tf2-headcanons]

Standard fluff question but mercs reacting to their lover telling them theyre gonna be parents?

Scout-

What?! You serious!? He’s gotta tell everybody!! Tell’s his ma, his 7 brothers, the entire team, Miss Pauling, the Administrator, Saxton Hale, Bidwell, Merasmus, etc. Everybody and their fish is gonna know you’re pregnant and expecting. Thanks Scout. 

Promises to be the best damn father there ever was! But he doesn’t know how to be one. So how does he learn? Asks his ma! Seeing as she was the only consistent parent in his life, it only feels right to talk to her about child raising. She tells him everything she knows from raising him and his brothers, all on her own, of course. He hangs onto her every word. He even takes notes.

Having any pregnancy cravings? This boy is sprinting to the store and buying damn near everything in there! Feet hurt? Lay back and let the massage master work his magic! Want some cuddles? He’s already holding you. This boy has got you covered!

Soldier-

You mean to tell him there’s going to be a little solider running around here soon? That’s wonderful! He’s been wanting to train a new recruit! Announces to the team that there will be a new soldier joining their ranks with a big stupid grin on his face. 

Already planning out how he’s gonna turn your kid into a skilled soldier. First, they must have a sensible haircut. Second, he must tell them the story and war strategy of Sun Tzu. Third, he shall introduce your kid to his heads outside. Fourth, he will blah blah blah blah...just be warned that Soldier will someday teach your kid the glory of fighting naked while covered in honey.

Wants to immediately start looking at baby names. You already know this man is gonna wanna name your kid something like America or Liberty. If you’re cool with those names, then go right ahead. But if no, then suggest a name you like and just say it’s patriotic or American. He’ll believes you. Still insists that your kids middle name be something like America.

Pyro-

Baby...they’re gonna be a parent? R-Really?? You just made them the happiest pyromaniac around! Will burst into tears under their mask and is going to tackle you into a hug. They’re so happy!! Not even pyrovision could make them feel this good! Everyone on the team can just feel the happiness radiating off of them.

They already know they’ll love their baby unconditionally but what if the baby is scared of them? They look like a monster in and out of the suit...so they decided to ditch the suit for a while and just wrap their entire body in bandages. Their lover tells them they look silly and they should just show the baby how they really look. From then, Pyro actually stops wearing his suit and mask when off the battlefield

Pyro wants to decorate the nursery with you. So that means painting Pyroland scenery on the walls and building a crib. Pyro also leaves all their stuffies in the nursery (even Balloonicorn) for their baby when they’re finally born.

Demo-

THE DEGROOT CLAN SHALL PREVAIL!!! THE NEXT GENERATION OF DEGROOT’S WILL BE EVEN STRONGER!! Ahem, yeah Demo is pretty happy when he learns the news. Before you know it, every member of the DeGroot clan knows about the pregnancy and is sending the both of you care packages. The care packages are mostly full of bombs and fireworks.

DeGroot clan tradition demands that the parents abandon their kid and only reclaim them when they learn their true bombing potential. Tradition also demands they lose both their eyes. Demo will understand if you are rightfully horrified by these traditions. He is too. So he just says to hell with tradition! He’s never gonna abandon his kid and make them go through what he did! And it’s their choice if they want to lose their eyes or not! He rather you and your kid be happy than make sure some dumb tradition is followed.

Doesn’t drink as much anymore when he learns you’re pregnant. He doesn’t want to give you’re pregnant self a harder time by being black out drunk all the time. He’s also doing it for the baby. He wants his kid to think of him as some fun bomb throwing dad, not a fun bomb throwing drunk dad.

Heavy-

You’re...having a baby? This...this is the best news he’s heard in a while! Is going to pull you into a bear hug and spin you around while laughing jovially, tears are beginning to prick into his eyes. Will carry you all the way to med bay just so he could tell his favorite doctor the good news. He’s carrying you to every team member and telling them the good news too. Not long after he’s gonna call his mom and sisters and tell them the good news. He’s all smiles for weeks after you tell him.

Becomes 10x more caring. Will have Medic check you daily to see if everything is okay. Will do tons of research on what you’re not supposed to do during pregnancy and will make sure you don’t do any of those things. This man will carry everywhere you need to go, can’t have you straining yourself now, can we? Makes sure you and the baby are as comfy as possible.

Along with becoming more caring, he also becomes a lot more protective. No one except Medic (even then Medic’s only allowed to get up close and personal when doing your check ups) is allowed anywhere near you. Heavy becomes something of a personal bodyguard. Will glare angrily at anyone who gets too close to you. Will also not hesitate to throw somebody across the room if they do manage to get close. Eventually everybody learns to stay out of your way. They also realize they shouldn’t do anything reckless or dangerous in front of you in fear of incurring Heavy’s wrath. 

Engineer-

His honeybee is pregnant?! Yeehaw!! This calls for a celebration! This boy is gonna throw a whole ass party with the team and just cook an entire feast for everyone. Spends the entire time insisting that you eat enough for two and making sure you’re having a good time. Never fails to remind everyone that you’re pregnant, eventually Demo and Sniper make it into a drinking: every time the word “pregnant” comes out of Engie’s mouth, they take a shot.

Dad mode overload. Engie’s days are now spent just tending to you. He’s going to be cooking you your favorite breakfast and dinner everyday from then on. Full body massages are going to become a lot more common. Will fluff your pillows to their most fluffiest state and make sure your bed is as comfy as possible. Cleans up any mess you make with no hesitation. You’d think he would be tired from all this extra work but no. He’s just as energized and motivated as ever. 

Just like Pyro, he wants to build a nursery with you. He’ll leave the painting and decorating to you while he starts building the crib and every other piece of furniture needed for a nursery. Will also not hesitate to build his own toys for your baby to play with when their born.

Medic-

You both kinda find out at the same time actually. He’s doing your monthly check up when he finds out you’re pregnant. Then he tells you and it just kinda spirals from there. He’s all smiles and cheers when you both tell the team but that all but disappears when the two of you are alone that night. He never imagined he would be a father...isn’t he too old anyway? Those thoughts quickly leave when he realizes how excited you are. Maybe having a baby with you, the love of his life, won’t be too bad after all. Plus the thought of having a little apprentice gets him all giddy.

Just like Heavy, you’re gonna have daily check ups from then on. As your doctor and lover, he has to make sure you and your child is at peak health. Will get snappy if you try to skip an appointment. Will also have a panic attack if he sees something even slightly wrong with you or the baby. Even his doves look a little stressed. So it kinda becomes the patient’s job to calm the doctor down.

Will have his doves on guard duty. Whenever he’s not around you, one of his doves (mostly Archimedes) will stick with you and keep a close eye on you. In the event that something does happen to you, his dove will report back to him and squawk at him. That’s Medics cue to drop everything and attend to you. 

Sniper-

Not gonna lie, this man is gonna faint when you tell him. Believe him when he says he’s overjoyed, but he’s scared out of his mind. He’s not fit to be a dad!! He pisses in jars and throws it at people!! He shoots people for a living!! HE LIVES IN A VAN!!! What kind of normal dad does that?!? Snipes is gonna cling to you even more and ask for constant reassurances. He doesn’t want to screw this whole dad thing up...

Will ask Engie to help renovate his van so there’s more room for you and the baby, in the end it kind of resembles a trailer. Fully intends on traveling to places with you and the baby. Witnessing the world’s many wonders with the two of you will only make those moments that much sweeter.

Just like the other guys, he wants you to be as comfy as possible. So that means knitting a couple blankets and sweaters for you if you ever get cold. Will also do the same thing for the baby, he’ll even try to make little booties for them too!

Spy-

excuse me what the fuck??? Doesn’t faint like Sniper but gets very pale and sweaty. Oh god this can’t be happening again...once was already enough. Seriously plans on running away, he’s already trying to fake his death, when it dawns on him: Scout turned out to be disaster. He wasn’t there for Scout...so there’s a chance of your kid turning into a Scout 2.0...no...he won’t allow that to happen. Spy promises to stay and raise your kid right. He refuses to make the same mistake again.

You think he’ll allow you and your child to live on the base? Ha, don’t make him laugh! Being the extra bitch he is, he is going to buy you a whole ass house and it’s all yours. Fully decorated and everything of course. Being the shitty good expecting father like he is, he’ll spend a lot of his time there with you. It starts to feel like home after a while.

When you’re sleeping, he’ll just hold you and stroke your belly. He’s scared. He knows almost nothing about being a real father. It would be so easy to run away. But...he can’t. He loves you far too much to abandon you both now. Most nights are spent like this during the pregnancy.

Miss Pauling-

Aw crap, how is she gonna work and be pregnant at the same time? She’s always wanted kids but why did she have to get pregnant when she’s working a job that only allows her 1 day off a year. She’ll try to hide her pregnancy and keep working. But the Administrator knows everything and just tells her to go home for as long she needs. In return, she just asks that you take over for Pauling. Pauling will still insist on helping you with your new job.

Pauling is going to be feeling a little down now that she’s basically jobless and forced to try to relax for months. Just read gun catalogs to her and give her hot chocolate and she’ll feel a little better. Though being with you does improve her spirits greatly.

Is gonna wanna spruce up her apartment and bit and make some more room for the baby. So that means buying new furniture and painting the walls purple. With all the purple, you have a feeling your kid is gonna be conditioned to like the color. Just don’t mention this to Pauling cause she will chase you down and insist on painting you purple too. 

[tonydadisbestdad]

Mistletoe Kisses

Peter ParkerxReader

Dad!TonyxReader

Word Count: 2,038

Prompt: person a seducing person b into taking a few steps back/backing them against the wall (”oh look, how did that mistletoe get right there????”)

A/N: Hello all, sorry it has been 800 years. I am just having a damn time with work. I am sorry if you have requested something from me and I haven’t gotten to it… I will eventually I promise. Until then I am going to do some Christmassy stories so if you have any requests for that let me know! AGAIN with the weird spacing...

You were desperate. Since meeting Peter you had liked him. He was handsome and funny and so smart. He was brave, a literal hero. But his one flaw was that no matter how hard you tried, he just would not fall for you.

Correction, he’d definitely fell for you. He’d told you so, right along with “we can’t be together”, “I can’t because of your dad and if things got messed up I wouldn’t be able to fix it”, and “if something happened to you because we were together I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

No matter how many times you brought up that it didn’t matter it apparently mattered to him. Even when you talked to your dad about it, HE didn’t care if you guys were a thing. But that just ended with Peter giving the excuse that if anything happened to you because of him blah blah blah.

The worst part was as the two of you got older, you wanted him more. Being you and in college wasn’t easy, not that it was hard, but you had a particular problem where you wanted Peter and you were getting to the point that you were willing to do just about anything to get his attention on you long enough to reel him in without him being able to back out.

You tried talking about other guys. You tried asking him to go to parties with you, but he never took that bait. You even tried just asking him out once. Albeit doing it subtly, without saying the exact words because you didn’t want to start the conversation about him not being able to, again.

So, you were going to resort to your most drastic plan yet. You were going to make him jealous. And when he confronted you you’d just make a move on him.

You decided that since it was nearing your dad’s annual holiday party, you would use that as your cover. So, you asked a guy from your college’s football team to do you the favor of pretending to be going out with you and yes it could involve a little makeout and him meeting the Avengers. Of course he jumped at the chance.

Everything was set. You planted some mistletoe, got an adorably short Christmas dress, and when the time came you were going to be ready to finally get your guy.

You introduced your fake date to everyone that was there and gave them a quick explanation of your plan so they wouldn’t freak out.

You took a shot, and you waited with your date for Peter to arrive.

Upon Peter’s arrival you began to get touchy feely with your date. You were talking with people and you stepped into him. His hands landing low on your back. Your hand was on his chest.

It wasn’t long before you made your way to Peter. You’d felt him watching you practically the entire time it took to make your way to him.

You hugged him, pressing your entire body to his. Feeling him tense slightly you pulled back away from him and fell into your dates side. “Petey this is Dylan. Dylan this is my best friend Peter.to your date.

“Petey this is Dylan, Dylan this is my friend Peter.” You introduced, Peter loved when you called him the cutesy version of his name you knew it just from the way he blushed slightly every time you did it.

“Nice to meet you,” Dylan said, a wide, charming smile on his face. He shook Peter’s hand firmly. “Y/N told me a lot about you. You sound like a smart guy.”

Peter shrugged as he retracted his hand. The guy definitely tried to hurt him but little did he know. “Funny, she didn’t tell me anything about you.”

Dylan shrugged and hugged you closer to him. “That’s okay, we've been spending so much time together she probably just hasn’t had the time to talk to you about us.”

You smiled up at your fake boyfriend. He was brilliant at this.

Peter nodded, his face going to one of him trying to hide his irritation.

It was then that you heard your dad calling you over so you tilted Dylan’s head towards you and kissed him gently. “Be right back.”

You cast a glance at Peter before continuing on to your dad. He was trying so hard to keep his cool.

Dylan watched you go.

“If you hurt her-,” Peter started but Dylan snorting cut him off.

“What? How do you think you have any ground to stand on to threaten me? She told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship because she was trying to get over her best friend that turned her down but damn dude. You really think after that you can threaten me to not hurt her? If anything that should be coming from me.”

Peter eyed Dylan suspiciously. “Yet she is in a relationship with you anyway?”

Dylan shrugged. “Told her I’d Gladly plsyRebound to help her get over you.”

“You don’t know anything about the actual situation. Why I can't be with her. You wouldn’t understand. You aren’t part of it. Our world is different from yours.”

Dylan laughed. “Whatever man, you lost this one. Let that sink in. She’s moving on and you missed your chance.”

Peter was becoming more pissed off with every word Dylan said. But of course right as he was about to let that show you returned to his side and gave him eyes that Peter desperately wished you'd give to him.

“Dylie come on there’s more people I want you to meet and I want another drink.”

“Yes baby,” he said, a charming smile on his face before he kissed your nose, making you giggle again.

“We’ll be around, Peter,” You said, turning, your already short skirt flying up and showing just enough more skin that Peter basically saw the crease where your thighs met your ass. But those thoughts left quickly as he realized you called Dylan a silly nickname and went back to using the hard r in his own name. It hurt.

You left him, wrapping yourself around Dylan’s arm. You all but snickered as the two of you went off to get another drink.

The party had been in full swing for only an hour and Peter was ready to leave. You were killing him. Even more so when he spotted you and Dylan making out where you were quite obviously but also obviously trying to hide.

So, Peter went in search of your dad to say good night and leave.

Too peters surprise by the time he found Tony you and Dylan were already with him.

Peter groaned quietly to himself as he went over.

“I’m gonna ride down with dylan he's gotta go,” you said to your dad.

“Thank you for having me Mr. Stark. Sorry I have to leave so soon.” Dylan added.

“Not a problem, hope you had a good time,” your dad told him. He spotted Peter behind the two of you a bit away, watching. “Have a good night.”

“Thank you, sir. You too,” he shook Tony’s hand and you began to guide him away. Spotting Peter you offered a cold shoulder.

Tony went over to Peter and clasped a hand around his shoulders. “How’s it goin’ kid?”

“Fine, Mr. Stark… I’m gonna get going.”

Tony arched an eyebrow at him. “Everything okay?” He asked, knowing exactly what was going on.

Peter rubbed the back of his neck. “I just-”

“Want some advice?”

After sighing he nodded.

“She’s my kid, Peter. Any danger she’s in she’s already in it. Whether she’s with you or just a person you have regular contact with. Even if she was a stranger. You still feel obligated to protect her. But you’re letting yourself think that if she dates you the. She's in so much danger. But she's got you so what's it stopping you for? You still love her.”

“But-,” he was going to argue, but he just couldn’t. He knew Tony was right. “What if I screw everything up?” His actual biggest worry finally being stated aloud.

Tony sighed this time. “That’s not abnormal. Everyone thinks that when they want to be with someone they’re close to. But i for damn sure know that you're a great kid and will do all you can to be there for her. So would you just go get her already?”

Peter turned just as you were getting off the elevator. He quickly turned back to your dad. “I can’t. What if she turns me down because I had turned her down a while ago?”

Tony looked at the now nervous young man in front of him. “Pete, you won’t know until you do it. Go talk to her.” He gave him a shove in your direction.

He found you getting another drink at the bar. “Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey,” you responded, a giggle slipping past your lips.

“Y/N, can we talk?”

“We are talking silly.” In the back of your mind you knew he was being serious, but with the drunken state you were in, you couldn’t help finding everything funny and were unable to take things seriously. Which also there in your mind was that you were going to screw everything up because of how drunk you’d gotten. But making out with a guy that you didn’t want to be with and trying to make it seem you were was hard sober.

Peter sighed at the state you were in. “I mean… can we go somewhere private to talk, like your room maybe?”

You brightened up at that, almost forgetting that you were gonna ask him yourself so you could put that mistletoe to good use. “Yeah, totally.” You grabbed his hand and pulled him off towards your room.

He wasn’t sure how this was going to go, but he was really hoping it wouldn’t end badly. When you reached your door he stopped you. Thinking it would be a bad idea to go into your room in case things did end badly, he didn’t want to let you hold that negativity in your room.

He was working your plan better than you were. You turned to face him. “Petey…” he looked so hesitant. You leaned back against your door. Retaking his hand you pulled him forward. “Petey, can you please just… give me one night. Just fuck me and go and it can be meaningless sex and we never have to talk about it or how I feel about you ever again.

Your words surprised him. “What?”

You slid your arms up his torso and put them around his neck. “I just wanna know what it’d be like to be with you, Petey. If you won’t give in to dating me just fuck me instead. Just once, so I can have you just for a little while.” You could feel the tears in your eyes roll down your cheeks. You when from flirty to depressed in seconds flat.

Peter’s stomach sank as you spoke. He reached up and cupped your cheeks. “Y/N,” he whispered, wiping your tears and making you look at him. “I would never take advantage of you being drunk. And I’m so sorry I’ve been so stupid. I know I’m bad at the whole relationship thing and I just…. I didn’t want to ruin anything our put you at risk. But I realize I have by not giving both of us what we both want.”

You stared at him surprised.

“So,” He said taking a deep breath. “Will you please forgive me for not saying yes when you asked me and will you please let me take you on a date?”

You nodded fairly quickly.

His head tilted back as he sighed in relief. That’s when he spotted it. “Is that mistletoe?”

You glanced up and blushed, seeing you’d been caught. “Guess that means you gotta kiss me now, huh?” You smiled sheepishly.

Peter chuckled, “Yeah, yeah I guess I do.” He cupped your chin and pulled you in.

Any hesitation about this that he felt was gone the moment your lips started moving with his.

TAGGING LATER

[jiwonsssi]

- differences, p. 3

I hate descriptions. Just read.

characters: eun jiwon/you;

warnings: alcohol usage, swearing.

- And so I was all in the cake and he was laughing like crazy and..I don't know, it's funny, I get it, but it was my fucking birthday and I had nothing to change to and, - rumbling, you feel your head spin a little after two bottles of soju that you two finished, - That dress was so expensive. I gave half of my allowance for it. And that asshole.. woah, now I hate him even more.

Sighing, you frown and pout, looking at your glass. Yeah, you do. Alcohol apparently did boost your eyes to finally open up. You look at Jiwon who's sitting in front of you in this night cafe in the middle of the street and he tries his best to hide his laughter.

- Oh, go on, laugh! - you pour another two glasses of soju and Jiwon smiles, getting his portion from your hand. He already told to stop with all those polite ways of drinking and this is one of the million things that you are thankful for, - Those problems must sound silly for you.

You've been nagging him about how terrible Sungha is for half an hour and he still is listening politely, not to mention his laughter from time to time and that soft look which sometimes your mom gives you when she doesn't want to call you an idiot even if she clearly thinks so, but anyway. He's not even slightly drunk, though. Deep inside you understand why he is not drinking so much.

To keep you safe.

- Yes, they are, - you pretend to be offended by the simple answer and he leans on the table, drinking alcohol like it's water; so you do the same, shoving spicy tteokbokki into your mouth like crazy right after, - But I understand that they are not stupid for you so I have no rights to offend you by saying that 'you are too young your problem are miserable' and all that shit. I was young once too with the same problems.

You are truly taken aback. He's clearly the best 40 years old person you have ever talked to. Idealising him is the worst idea, but that's exactly what you are doing right now.

It's hard to not to after all that happened today; your relationship and work is a mess, but here you are, being absolutely relaxed and comfortable. He did bare minimum; but it is so enough.

- That's the best you could have ever said. Thank you, - he bows down his head to his arms, laughing silently and his shoulder are shaking. Did you just make him giggle like a teenager? God, that feels the best, - So you really did has same troubles? Were you a troublemaker back then?

Jiwon raises his head up, opening a new bottle of soju and you laugh at his 'hell yeah I was' expression.

- Before I speak we should drink at least half of this one, - he pours your glasses again and you drink, feeling your throat burn slightly. You had plans on getting drunk, you are on your way.

- I'm not going to run away, - trying to reassure him, you smile and you find him so damn handsome. You blame it on the alcohol, but you know that's a lie.

He is. Damn, he so is. In the dim lights of the night restaurant, his sparkling because of alcohol and small smile eyes; fuck, you can scream about the color of his goddamn eyes. You just don't want to go all romantic force on how you lost in it, but just to make it clear: you do. Helplessly lost.

And the way he licks his lips sometimes; you are trying desperately to ignore it. You really do. But you would do anything if it means that his tongue would be on your skin right now. Wherever he wants.

You blink, waking up from that little trip that you never wanted to experience and pretend like you didn't imagine blowing him off under that exact table. No big deal.

- I was wild, when I was at your age. That's even sound.. oh my, - he brushes his face with both hands and you finally realise what is he's so afraid of, - I did everything to fuck up my relationships with family and, sometimes, society. Felt edgy or something. I pay for it till this days and it's been almost 20 years. Sounds dramatically.. scary.

- Absolutely not, - why do you feel offended? The feeling that you should protect him from himself suddenly arose and you have no idea how to fight that, - I.. you are not old!

You mumble, not being able to contain your drunken thoughts and breath heavily.

- I am, - he smiles at you with such a soft look in his eyes. God. He could be sixty and you would still find him the best, - Don't fight me on that, you know it's true.

He sounds really cheerful but at the same time you can't deny how sad he actually is. It's heartbreaking to see a man who's worth thousands, feel himself like shit about goddamn age. Maybe you don't understand, you are young and blah blah. Maybe he will think that you don't understand; fuck him then. You understand everything, but alcohol in your blood mixed with slow realisation of break up going on at the back of your mind and anger at him for saying that messes up pretty much everything you were going to say.

- You are an idiot, - he stops in the midst of pouring you another glass and looks at you with such mixed emotions you can't even separate them. He looks adorable, waiting for a continuation of your thought with pure interest and faked offend and you decide to make him even more confused, because that's how we live, - What? Will you punish me? Was I a bad girl?

You make the purest and cutest face you could manage and bite you lower lip. Before he can contain himself, you totally saw him gulping and gazing at your lips. You saw and you blame wave of warmness spreading in your body on alcohol and not on the thought of him kissing you. Or punishing. Or.. Whatever.

- What th..

- My point is, you can count yourself, as old, how much you want, but for me, it will not change the fact that you are still absolutely able to get it, - you were not expecting to say something like that but for someone who wasn't ready, you spoke way too confidently.

- I didn't say I am not able to get it, - his gaze is so intense all of a sudden and you badly want to kiss that smirk off his face. And considering the amount of glasses you have drunk, you might actually able to try, - I was talking about different things.

You are so annoyed! He looks so pleased with himself you don't want him to look like that.

No, you want. He made you frustrated and he didn't even touch you.

Jiwon looks like a total asshole with his shiteating grin, leaning comfortably in a goddamn plastic chair, making it obvious that he checks you out. An asshole you would happily let ruin you in so many ways.

You don't want him to look so attractive because he's dangerous like that. What you said earlier, is true. He is so able to get it. Anything he wants.

It's alcohol speaking in your mind. Probably. Hopefully. G o d, hopefully.

- Are going to stare at me till the night is over? - yes, you were staring. So what? Huh? What? Oh God, you are done.

- Do you want me to do something else? - the game is for two players, right? You take off one of your slippers under the table, not even thinking about how right or wrong it will be. You are drunk, just broke with a dickhead and.. why not? Jiwon's face changes instantly when you touch his leg with yours, slowly and gently getting higher. You lick your lips, biting on the lower one, looking him directly in the eyes and you can swear you have never felt more desired. He just sits there, doing nothing and you can see everything in his eyes. Every fucking thing he wants to do.

It doesn't take much time before you feel his hand sliding smoothly up your ankle and maybe it's because alcohol (you blame way too much on alcohol today) in your veins busted your senses to the max, but you feel such a need for him just because of the one touch. His touches are light, but you can feel how firm and warm his hand is. Fuck. If underessing with a stare would be possible, you sure he won't be even bothered by taking your panties off to not waste time. God, you don't mind.

The only time he breaks eye contact is when he stares at your parted lips, slowly licking his and how he bites it when you push your leg along his thigh. The urge to kiss him is so strong. You met his eyes again and the moment he caress your knee with his fingers, you can't contain yourself and soft whine that escapes your lips ruin it all.

You broke the moment.

Jiwon shrugs and lets you go, muttering something you can't hear.

You would be begging him to continue, but the look on his face.. It's the first time you get rejected but care about the other person instead of your pride.

He closes his eyes and takes his phone with a loud exhale.

- It's so late. I'll call you a taxi, - Jiwon doesn't look at you, taking a wallet and heads towards the cassier.

The game is for two players and everyone lost. You wanted nothing more than come home, bury your head in pillow and cry the whole day away. What were you hoping for? Spend that one night together just because he was generous enough to take care of you through the whole day? You start to think that if he will think a whore who sleeps with men for money out of you, he won't be wrong. It all was so wrong.

You were so ashamed. Like crazy, you felt your cheeks burning, the heat spreading everywhere on your face. God.. it was the worst thing ever.

- Hey, I.. - you hear his voice again and you feel how it literally got worse. It's not healthy, you are afraid to even look at him.

- It's okay. I understand everything. I'm truly sorry for what I did, - you stand in front of him, trying to avoid his eyes and the atmosphere changes so suddenly. A moments ago you felt the best in weeks and now it's.. The lowest, honestly. The deep end.

- You didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't have drink that much. I am sorry, - you look at him and you can bet his mood is the same. He looks so down. Yet Jiwon sounds so sincere. And sad. And maybe you understand clearly now what he meant earlier about his age.

Responsibilities. He has so many of them.

The thing is, you are absolutely, one hundred percent sure about what he was thinking when you touched him. God, a few moments more and bet it wouldn't end like that. You are not blind.

But the decision he made was like a pretty much a fair slap for you to quit with it. Not because he didn't like you or what you were doing; but because he knew it won't be right.

Even now, he doesn't make you feel uncomfortable, taking the blame on himself.

- It's natural. We both are drunk. You are not the only one who got carried away, - he avoids eye contact, grabbing his phones from the table and you stand up, feeling way more sober now. Jiwon heads to the exit and you follow him, saying goodbye to the waiter.

The cool of the night feels amazing and you inhale deeply, trying to clear your thoughts. Jiwon stands near you, staring into nowhere and you have no idea how you survived this day. It was such a mess. And it still is.

- Aren't you going with me or..? - he left a car in front of YG and you get here by taxi. It's not like he could drive anyway. And you don't want to stand in silence. Even though it's not awkward, as you expected it to be. Just.. tough.

- I live not so far from here. Will walk there, I need to think anyway, - Jiwon smiles at you, putting his hands in pockets and you nod, returning a smile.

- Thank you for the evening. It was great, I enjoyed it anyway. I would cry the whole time if not you, - he looks at you, pouting a little and you want to squish his cheeks. Bad idea.

- Nah, it's okay. I had fun too, - now Jiwon smiles a lot more natural and you are so happy about it.

A car stops in front of you two and he opens a door, waiting for you to sit. You stop standing next to him, trying to find the right words for what you are about to say.

- About earlier.. I'm sorry if it was offensive. I truly am. I haven't thought before doing. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, - he looks you dead in the eyes, gripping on a door and you are afraid you made it worse. As usual.

- Stop with it. I wasn't uncomfortable or offended, - he stops for a second, sigh heavily looking elsewhere, - And that's the main problem. Sleep tight.

He walks away just like that and you.. you can't stop him anyway.

For you, this evening was a great way to sort out many things. That you don't care about Sungha, as a boyfriend, and that the one you loved in him was gone a long time ago, you just didn't want to admit it. You care more about what people might think of you and that's the biggest problem of it all. The bigger might be only the fact that you start to feel things to someone, who's not even slightly will give you a chance. Today, he made it as clear as day. And somehow it makes you feel so miserable. And you planned on crying in your pillow anyway, right?

And for Jiwon, it wasn't that bad. He didn't cry in his pillow, at least. He just thought that from his side, it was so fucking disgusting to make a drunk girl who just broke up with another dumbass flirt with him and what was even more disgusting, he never planned on jerking off with her under his eyelids. For him, it's not that bad, but he doesn't feel himself any better

[sending-the-message]

HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL AND THIN by Skelethin

Hello everyone, so, uh, I want to be beautiful and thin. And I’ll tell you exactly how you can too!

There’s a storm deep within me that’s dying to get out. It’s a storm of rage and self hate, constantly gnawing at my fat to escape. I must admit, I’m not fat and I never have been. I have always been a size small, since I’m 5’3 and 105 lbs to begin with. What hurts more is that I’m simply average. Normal body, normal size, normal everything. I’m considered “normal thin”, and not fat nor skinny. I’ve never been anything special. I’m 15 and I frequently enjoy, well, different things than your average teen. I’m obsessed with books, and only classic literature. I only listen to classical music and I play a few instruments, as well as spend my time writing poetry and practicing ballet En Pointe.

Anyway, now that you know a little bit about me, I’m here to tell you exactly how I got thin and beautiful. So, I had tried everything at this point; being Vegan for a few months, which resulted in Anaemia, I tried the Keto diet, which also didn’t work. I even tried diet pills, which no, did not give me a tapeworm. I will admit, I was losing 4 pounds per week, but that’s simply not enough. How do people even have the patience to diet for months while losing as little as 1-4 lbs per week? I didn’t. I had to find a way to speed up the process. I stumbled across a diet known as an “Ana Diet”, unbeknownst to me, it definitely would work. It was on some website called “AnaBones4evur.com” and i figured it was a spam site at first, since it popped up like an annoying ad on the bottom of my computer when I was searching other legit dieting websites. This one didn’t seem professional, as it was a minimalistic page. The font looked as if it were tipping and falling off the page, as well as little blue sparks were glitching all over the deep black wallpaper of the website. I looked closer, and I noticed that the millions of little blue sparks that were glitching were in fact mini pixel butterflies. Strange. There were only a few links displayed on the page, which were clearly misspelt.

There was an “Abooout”, an “FAQ”, a “Store” And a “Dietes, Tricks and Ttipss”. Now, I know what you’re thinking, clearly it’s a fake scam website as all the red flags were there. Mind you, I was absolutely desperate to lose weight. As silly as this sounds, I couldn’t just be happy and satisfied with a body like any average girl. I wanted mine to be surreal, angelic, ethereal, like sharp jagged bones protruding like glass. So first, I clicked on the store. There weren’t many items being sold; just scales, measuring tapes, laxatives, diuretics, exercise merch, and a bunch of purple bracelets with the same bluebell butterfly symbol on them. The prices were all surprisingly low, and I hoped that the FAQ would say something about the butterfly, so I clicked on that next.

There were only 5 Questions with short non-detailed answers below. It’s weird, since all the questions seemed odd but well punctuated, and the answers from the website host was misspelling everything and often using foreign letters such as “ ç, ż, ł, ß, æ, ø, œ, ü, ę, ŵ, etc.” It was strange. One of the questions was “How long does it take to lose about 60 lbs?” And the host answered “well, if you follow all the ÅNNNNÁ rules, then you will lose 60 lbs in about 5 months. Usūally yoau losę 8 pounds p3er ŵeek (((:” the rest of the questions weren’t very important. So I clicked “Abooout” and it was also short paragraphed. It looked a little like this:

“Hallo And Welcym freinds!!! U are now part of the ÁnNa famly. Everywun who joyns, is my fellowe sister or brothear!! U can onlye be acepTed on 1 Condishin. You MUST FOLLEW allkklllllll the rules. If u fail to follew evry rool, u will be BANNED FROm THISE WEBSIGHT. How will I Kno if u breyk a rule?? TrUuuuuust me. I kno. I am Alwaus Watching u. It u sighn up here, I Will Automauticalli have Access to sey what u r doing 24 HRs A DAY. SeveRe Punichment will come ur way if u Brayk a rule.

Remember, have Fün and liive Dangeroushly!!”

Xoxoxo- MIA

Finally, I clicked the diet, tricks, and tips. All of them were normal enough, at least at first. “Eat only X amount of calories per day” and the punishment is, if you eat over 900 calories then you will have severe nightmares for 8 days. You have 3 strikes. If you go over 900 for the third time in a row, you will have severe physical pains. I don’t believe in a lot of supernatural stuff, I mean, I believe in ghosts, but not that some random person on the internet has the power to control your mind and your body. You have to exercise until you faint, if you stop exercising and you’re still able to walk and stand fine, then you aren’t doing it enough. You must count and measure everything that goes in your mouth. You must make yourself throw up in case you accidentally consume a little extra calories. I hate vomit, but if it will make me lose weight, I will do it.

So I tried. On August 1st I began my diet. I restricted. That was the main word etched in my mind: Restriction Restriction. Other words were “Willpower” and “Self Control.” I have the willpower to restrict my calories, and I feel like I am the Goddess of my own body. I have immense self-control that people often express how jealous they are, that I easily decline delicious sweets being offered to me. Every time my stomach rumbles and moans and screams at me for my cruelty, I smack it and tell it that it’s not hungry, just bored. Who knew that feeling hungry and empty felt so good?? The “full” feeling I used to feel when I ate normally was disgusting. Bloated belly, full of food, now is empty shrinking belly. I feel so weightless, like a feather. I hated vomit, but soon I began to vomit 5 times a day. I never went over my calories. I was gonna be the one to do everything perfectly so I can impress Mia. I will be the number one winner in her dieting contest. She will absolutely love me. She expresses adoration for me already. Her little voice in my head constantly praises me after a good purge.

September 10th: I feel so nauseous. My bones ache and my whole body is sore. I think I worked out too hard last night. My breath still reeks of last nights vomit even though I brushed them like, 12 times. I had to tell people my teeth are yellow because I ate something that contained food colouring. It’s tiring, having to pretend to make breakfast and lunch so my dad thinks I’m eating. Luckily he’s the only person I live with. It’s crazy how the only reason I manage to get out of bed is so I can weigh myself. The scale is my religion. I hated math, but now I love it. I’m the best at counting calories and measuring the size of my waist and my thighs, and that number that drops every day is amazing. I weighed in at 83 lbs today. My dad doesn’t know since my old clothes are the only thing I wear, and they’re huge on my delicate and dainty figure.

October 1st: I can’t even move. My long pretty fingernails are yellow and brittle and they constantly fall off whenever I scratch my dry, itchy head. My once thick mass of luscious blonde hair is dirty and greasy and stringy, falling out in clumps when I brush it, when I shower, and when I wake up. My skin feels like a snake; patchy and scaly. I’ve always been pale, but never like this. It’s a annoying how everyone asks if I’m sick or if I have a fever. They don’t know. They’ll NEVER understand. I’m constipated so I have to rely on 15 lax a day. I can’t sleep because I’m so hungry, and when I do sleep, all my dreams are food-related to me binging, and I wake up in a panic, crying since I think it’s real. I can’t walk 3 steps to my own bathroom in my own room. It hurts. I want to pass out and pant heavily whenever I walk up the stairs, as it feels as if I have walked 30 miles. I resorted to crawling everywhere. Sometimes, my dad has to carry me.

November 1st: I hate my my life. I used to have depression before, but it’s never been this severe. I feel like the more weight I lose, the more depressed I get. MIA LIED. She said I’d be happier once I’m thin. She promised I’d look like one of those models in the VS show. They don’t look as dead as I. My dad is a mortician, and he constantly remind me that I look and feel like a dead body. I’m cold, my skin is so so cold. I’m cold. I wore Uggs, Sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and thick blanket in 105 degrees and I was shivering and freezing. Every time I stand up my vision fades to black and all these black little dots dance around my blurry vision. It’s like when you stand up too fast you get dizzy spells, except it happens to me all the damn time. I have to lay down 4 towels on the toilet seat to go pee since it hurts my bones. I have to sleep on 5 blankets since it hurts my bones. I can’t sit on wooden chairs because it stabs my bones.

Everyone says they’re worried about me. Teachers pull me aside, my ballet instructor, the nurse, store owners when I go and order a Diet Coke during lunch rather than actual food. I don’t even look twice at the display of pastries. I’m successful. Everyone says I’m too thin and I need a doctor, blah blah blah. They’re wrong. They have no idea how long it took for me to get here. They have no idea how I desperately needed this. They have no idea all the effort I put. They need to appreciate how beautiful I am. I thought they’d praise me. They’re just denying I’m beautiful, they’re all jealous. They stare at me with haunting and pitying eyes and whisper behind my back. They gasp and gape at my body wherever I go. See how jealous they are? They want to be me. They’re just saying I’m dangerously thin because they wish my body was theirs. Well, I had to work for it. If being thin was easy, everyone would do it. We live in a world of gluttony where everyone is constantly stuffing their face, whereas I eat every other day.

December 1st: Too weak. Can’t move. I have missed school for a week now. My skin is more blue and purple than white, and it’s not my veins. My lips are dry and white with a slight pale red and swollen shut with dead skin hanging off. I have heavy and thick black bags underneath my eyes. I FEEL BEAUTIFUL. My body is covered in bruises, even though I do nothing but sit on my ass all day watching TV. Mia said it’s okay to stop exercising since I’m so weak, so I deserve a break. My metabolism is dead, and I’ve hit a few plateaus, but I’m almost to my goal weight. It’s funny because my goal weight gets lower and lower the more weight I lose. At 105 lbs my goal was 95. I got there, and I still looked obese. Then it was 85, got there, and still obese. 75, got there, and still obese. I’m currently 68 lbs and my goal is 59. 5 is my favourite number, and 9 is one less away from being the highest and the greatest: 10.

It’s so funny. It’s like I was blind my whole life. I never really thought I was fat, but Mia said to take one good look in the mirror, which opened my eyes, and suddenly, I realised, maybe I AM obese. Soon those protruding bones became rolls of fat and I physically transformed into a monster. My mirror was alive and moving. It kept morphing and twisting and distorting like a fun-house mirror. Why isn’t enough? I think I was born with a special body that can’t be skinny no matter how much weight I lose. That number on the scale will never be enough. It will never satisfy my cravings and my need for skinny. Maybe my goal should be 50.

December 10th: I’ve fainted 4 times so far. I get Charlie horses in my legs every night. My dad says I have low magnesium and blood pressure. As well has dangerously low blood sugar and severe iron deficiency. He’s lying. He just wants to make a big fat ass again. My heart rate is currently 40 BPM. There is one thing that i love, though, and that’s my period. It’s gone. I haven’t had it in forever. My dad keeps crying and getting on his knees and begging me to eat, telling me I’m painfully thin. He’s just MOCKING ME. Everyone who says I’m thin is a big fat liar. They know I’m an obese pig, they just want to lie to me. I’m the only one who sees my body truly for what it is, why can’t everyone else? I know the real me is fat. Apparently everyone else just looks shocked and surprised when I say I’m still fat. “Gaunt Girl” they call me. “Emaciated Evangeline” they call me. “Starving Sister” I’m called. “Skinny Minnie” “itty-bitty” “Malnourished.” Everyone calls me either a zombie, a vampire, or a ghost.

I don’t even FEEL alive. I feel more like I’m existing, but not living. I don’t feel like I have a life. It’s as if I’m a puppet. Or someone is playing with me like an unmoving doll. I can’t breathe, i can’t sleep, i can’t eat, and I feel dead. I feel brain dead. I can’t even move now. I lay on the couch all day, barely moving my head. I can’t even watch tv or go on my phone. I can’t even tell you what I said 3 minutes ago. My memory used to be intelligent and sharp, now I can’t remember anything. My vocabulary speaking-wise is that of a 5 year old. My mind is that of a 5 year old. I dumbed down as my malnourished brain and mental state deteriorated. I am nothing but a decomposing body, waiting to be as light as dust. Soon to be ashes. I can only really remember to speak 5 words “Hi, Bye, No, Yes, Okay.” THIS IS WHAT PERFECTION FEELS LIKE

December 17th: This is Evangeline’s Dad. I found her diary and all the sickening things she’s written in it about her diet and some website. Evangeline Elizabeth Winters was admitted to X hospital at X address for a possible cardiac arrest. It appears she was found unconscious in her bed. On December 16th 10:31 AM. She is thankfully not in a coma. They were able to shock her heart and revive her. It is an utter miracle that she is along the 2% of patients who are able to recover from cardiac arrest.

January 1st: Hello everyone, I’m back! I’m in the hospital and they have diagnosed me with something that ended in “Nervosa” and I can’t remember what the first part is. All I know is that Mia would be so proud of me. I got a message saying “I’m the official Ana of the website.” And apparently Ana is the highest ranking position. There are many Anas, but there’s only one true perfect Ana. Along with Mia, she promised we’d rule together! I can hear her talking in my head already. Apparently I’m forced to be submitted into an Inpatient facility at a mental hospital for a few months, as well as be supervised and regularly see a dietician, a doctor, and a psychiatrist. I did nothing wrong.. it’s just a diet. Why can’t anyone let me be skinny? Why do they want me to be fat?? I’d rather kill myself than be fat.

January 2cd: I managed to steal a knife off of the medical table while no one was looking. It’s 1:30am and I’m going to do the final step it takes to become a true Ana. Cut off the rest of my fat. My bones are in the way, but I’ll find the fat hiding behind them.

This is what perfection feels like. This is what perfection is. Perfection is death. I am thin and beautiful, and I can already see Mia’s shadowy figure smile at me with glowing fangs across my bed.

ThÁbks For raéDjng this And Becum a Membrrr of THe Dïett!!! -Evangel-AÑNÁ

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Ex’s & Oh’s

Word Count: 3.8k Author’s Note: This song is part of the song drabble game and it’s inspired by Ex’s and Oh’s by Elle King. However, it ended up taking a different tone than that of the song but I think it’s for the best. I feel like I’ve invariably made this a “How I think BTS would be like in dating and in bed” in fic form fml. Please don’t be offended by any negative portrayals of the boys, this is just a silly fic, don’t take it seriously.  Oh, and there is a teeny bit of a twist at the end ;) You can read the first installment of the song drabble game by clicking on the following: Back To Black (Tae), It Will Come Back (Suga), Florida Kilos (Sana), and Je Suis Malade (Mina). 

The situation you were in was absolutely ridiculous. You felt like you were in a really bad drama. The most cliche kind, but here you were in real life, your parents demanding that you find a suitable suitor or else you would be cut off from the family fortune. What kind of fucked up situation is that?

You couldn’t protest much. After all, you were an adult now, and you shouldn’t still be relying on your parents’ money. But the way you think of it is that your parents are extremely well off. You’ll inherit enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life, if not more, provided that you don’t have kids to waste your money on, and clearly, you weren’t planning to do that, not that you’d ever tell your parents, not until you absolutely have to anyway. So why toil through some thankless job and live your life in a constant state of misery and stress when you could just enjoy your life with the money you take from your parents?

And they were more than happy to oblige, saying that their money was made for you and your siblings anyway. But apparently, that money doesn’t come for free. There is a hefty price attached to it, your freedom. So much for unconditional parental love.

They say they’re doing it for you so that you wouldn’t spend your life alone. They’re not going to be by your side forever. Who’s going to take care of you when you’re sick? Blah blah blah.

They suggested finding a suitor for you if you didn’t want to do it yourself. Hah! as if you’d let them do that. You’re not a house cat they can pick and choose a mate for.  No, you’re just going to have to find a guy you tolerate enough to marry. Maybe you’d make it clear to him that it’s just for show.

But no, then he might blackmail you and try to get some money out of it. You can’t do that.

Maybe when your parents find you “happily” dating someone they’d forfeit the marriage thing and let you be. Afterall, they said they wanted your happiness, and that doesn’t necessarily mean marriage.

You wouldn’t have agreed to this whole absurd situation if you weren’t thinking about it yourself already. You didn’t have the best track record when it comes to dating but you were at that age where all your friends were starting to get married one by one. You woke up one day and suddenly everyone else had their own lives and families and you were all alone. Watching your friends interact with their partners, the subtle touches, the meaningful gazes… they rekindled a need within you, and you found yourself wanting what they have.

You needed a man from a good family, someone charming and classy, someone your parents would eat up, and that’s why you chose Jin.

He was a parent’s wet dream. He hailed from an old and respected family, who were very well off themselves. He knew exactly the right way to act in every situation. Every action he did was graceful and every sentence strung beautifully. He was also his family’s only son, set to inherit the whole business and he was leading it like he already did.

For your part, he was total eye candy. Tall, dark, and handsome. If he had lived long enough in the past, you would have easily believed that prince charming was inspired by him. He knew how to treat a woman, always respectful and thoughtful. He opened doors for you, pulled back your chair, never let you exert yourself. In short, he completely pampered you.

And damn, those shoulders on him! When you were wrapped up in his arms, you believed that nothing could hurt you.

But as the days went by, you realized the nasty power of nostalgia. It can make shit look like chocolate through its rose tinted glasses. Prince charming only looked good in the past, but if you bring him to the present, he’s just another sexist asshole in beautiful packaging.

To say Jin was old fashioned would be an understatement. Yeah he never told you to clean the house and make him a sandwich, he had servants for that, but he believed that a woman had her place and a man had his, and they should never overlap. Any questions you had about his business, just to make conversation, just to ask how he’s been, were quickly brushed off with a metaphorical pat on the head and an unsaid “Look, she thinks she’s people.”

In almost everything, Jin treated you like a queen, but he belittled your intelligence and doubted your abilities. You never really cared about work anyway, but being told you can’t do it… that was unacceptable. You had the right to choose and you were just as smart as him, you just chose not to utilize it.

The final straw was when he casually mentioned taking over your part of the company when you get married and after your parents die. He said it so matter-of-fact, like there was no question about it, that you couldn’t stop yourself from throwing your drink at him. It was red wine too. Good luck getting that stain out, asshole. Nobody talks about your parents dying, nobody tells you what to do with your parents’ hard earned money.

Maybe insulting his vanilla sex life on your way out was a bit too much, but it felt so good. You hadn’t politely faked way too many orgasms in order not to bruise his inflated ego, just to deal with this shit. You’ll miss his dad jokes though. They were stupid but only in the most hilarious way.

You needed someone different. Someone who would be the complete opposite of Jin, and you found that person in Namjoon.

Namjoon was an example of a hard worker. He came from a middle-class family but that’s not where he’ll stay. He was destined for great things. No one could challenge his work ethic and no one could match wits with him.

He made you strive to be a better version of yourself. He encouraged you to care about your family’s legacy and not to squander their efforts like that. Late night talks with him were always revealing, making you discover aspects of yourself you never knew existed.

You wouldn’t expect such an illustrious man to be such a beast in bed but oh god he was. He was all daddy-like and dominating. Pinning you with his smoldering eyes and giving a smirk that shows just a hint of his dimples. He ordered you around and punished you when you misbehaved. You’d think after Jin’s domineering attitude you would be turned off from dominant men forever, but Namjoon knew just how to play you so you’d willingly submit, beg for it even.

He was the perfect specimen.

Sadly, you yourself were very flawed. You just couldn’t keep up with him. He demanded more out of you than you were willing to give. You were a lazy bitch, you knew it, and it would do you no good to pretend that you aren’t. It would only make you burn out. So you had to let him go, He deserved to find his superwoman who would rule the world by his side.

New money, you could smell it on him from a mile away. Still, he was a breath of fresh air after the grind that was your time with Namjoon.

Taehyung lived a life of luxury, compensating for all the things he was deprived of as a child. Gucci was his favorite brand, perhaps the only one he knew. He dressed himself in it from head to toe. His phone case was Gucci, hell even his socks were Gucci. Overkill, he reeked of it.

But he knew how to dress, unlike so many others like him. He had a peculiar fashion sense, but it somehow fit him. It might be because he had the visuals of a god. You suspected he could make a trash bag look fashionable.

If Namjoon was a beast in bed then this boy was a freak. He always came up with the most perverted stuff. Apparently, he had nothing to do with his time pre-fortune other than coming up with creative ways to fuck the girls who were throwing themselves at him even then. He had learned quite a few tricks in his time.

You’d began avoiding him when you knew he would want to have sex, not because you didn’t enjoy it, but because it was always so intense you felt like it would kill you.

Taehyung never spared anything on you, showering you with gifts, taking you out for dinner in places even you have never been to, taking you on impromptu vacations on his private jet. You’d began expecting him to invite you over for marshmallows toasted over a bonfire made from stacks of cash, or taking you golfing where the balls are made with fist-sized diamonds.

Nobody would ever call you stingy, but you felt like you would have a stroke from watching the amount of money he could blow in a single day. You tried talking to him about it multiple times, but he wouldn’t listen. He suffered to get this far and he was going to enjoy it. Nevermind that by this rate he’d run through his entire fortune, and yours too if you marry him, soon enough. He was too blinded by the glamorous life to care.

Well, you weren’t going to marry someone just to have him spend your money for you. As for Taehyung, he was getting tired of you avoiding him, and soon enough you caught him in bed with not one but two women at the same time.

Caught is a strong word, it wasn’t like he was trying to hide it. To him, it was just another thing he could buy with his money.

You didn’t stick around long after that, but you didn’t leave without making sure to “accidentally” smash his favorite, really expensive camera.

You were done with business men, they were too jaded. You needed someone who hasn’t witnessed enough of the world to lose all hope in it.

Optimism lies personified in Hoseok. He’s truly an admirable person. He has dedicated his life helping kids growing up in less than ideal situations, channel their anger and fear into dancing. He was the reason a lot of these kids were still with one foot firmly in this world. He always knew what to do and what to say to make someone’s day. You must have saved a country in your past life to get someone like him to notice you.

He didn’t have a lot of confidence in himself but to you he was beautiful. His smile lit up the world, a contrast to his eyes that held a profound sadness you were scared to touch but that made him human and not the angel you sometimes mistake him for.

There was an intensity in his love-making that was reminiscent of his dancing in the way that they were the only aspects of his life where he was one hundred percent honest with himself. The emotional aspect of it touched you in ways that sometimes freaked you out, but that made the orgasms all the more soul-shaking.

His voice was raspy in the most soothing ways. Your favorite time of day was the early minutes of every morning he’d spend gearing you up to face the world ahead of you. He said the silliest things, things you’d roll your eyes at if they were said by anyone else, but he made them sound reasonable.

Until they didn’t. He dealt with every problem the same way, no matter its magnitude, as if every problem could be fixed with a smile and an unfounded belief that things will get better. Which was the cause of endless one-sided arguments with him, where you’d try to get him to be more proactive and he’d smile and nod then repeat to you one of his many feel good quotes.

You later realize that his optimistic attitude was more for his sake than anyone else’s. If he lives by it long enough then maybe he’d believe it. Fake it till you make it.

You tried to get him to open up. Knock down his brightly painted walls and get to the root of the problem but he resisted with all his might. You don’t know what exactly you would have done if he had actually let you in, you sensed that whatever was behind his sad eyes was way out of your scope. You tried anyway but you guess you’ll never know because soon after that he broke up with you.

You were disrupting his bubble.

To hell with dreamers. What this day and age requires is a man rooted firmly in fact.

Despite being a musician, Yoongi wasn’t the least bit inclined to their fanciful ways. he was a tell-it-like-it-is kind of person while still seeming to possess a secret key to an endless supply of creative genius.

With Yoongi, you learned for the first time the meaning of comfortable silence. You didn’t have to compulsively fill every pause in conversation with mindless chatter to avoid the creeping insecurity it inspires. You learned how to be partners and not other halves. You both lived your own independent lives that you shared together.

Yoongi was a man of few words but that only made the times he spoke truly count. He loved sharing his music with you. You could see that your wide eyed admiration really got to him. It made all his hard work seem worth it.

Yoongi came from a harsh background. He sacrificed so much for his craft. He gave it his all, and so seeing the woman he loves be so enamored with it felt like a divine reward.

He often bragged about his ‘tongue technology’ on his mixtapes, and you were blessed to know that this wasn’t only restricted to his rapping. Rumors about his laziness were completely unfounded when he could spend hours eating you out. His style of love-making was languid and easy going, not because he lacked the energy to go harder but simply because he loved to take his time and savor the moment.

To no one’s surprise, Yoongi eventually found success. Some would say he sold out, you knew better, but it still didn’t stop you from throwing those insults at him. With his newfound success, there was simply no time to spend on you. Even those comfortable silences you so enjoyed became too distracting for him because of your uncontrollable tendency to talk. Who could blame you? It was the only time you got to see him anymore.

In the end, you had to give him an ultimatum: Either he finds a way to spend a little bit of time with you or you part ways. You could see the pain in his eyes, but he was too good of a man to continue this relationship when he knew it would only be hurting you.

Yoongi taught you the meaning of 'The One That Got Away’.

You vowed to yourself that you’d never again love someone who wasn’t going to put you first.

Jimin loved in excess. He contained so much love in his tiny body enough for two people. He was a veritable teddy bear, the protagonist of a K-drama. Always writing you little love notes, bringing you thoughtful little gifts for no other reason than his happiness to have you around. He was incredibly considerate, no down, no matter how slight, was missed by him, and he made sure to never leave you upset by anything in the world.

Jimin was a true switch. He fit the role of a dominant, submissive, and everything in between perfectly. There was never a dull moment with him. He knew just how to mix it up. And that ass was sculpted by the gods. You’d often catch yourself staring at it like a hormonal teenager.

You never were a much of a fan of kissing, to the derision of all your friends, but you had a newfound passion for it with Jimin, a late awakening. He had the softest, most sweet lips of anyone who has ever existed, and you took the chance to kiss them every chance you got.

Jimin taught you the importance of communicating your feelings. He never left anything unsaid. And maybe that’s why the cracks in your relationship came to light much sooner than it would otherwise have. You see, for Jimin it was all or none, and he demanded the same of his partners. You gave him your all until you had nothing left to give but you still came up woefully lacking. He ran you dry. You just didn’t possess the amount of love he did. You’d come to know that some people just felt everything more strongly.

Unfortunately, for Jimin, he couldn’t tell the difference between that and you not loving him. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that not everyone was made like him. How could he possibly fathom your dearth of emotions when he himself had so much.

You weren’t sure who ended it. He who was convinced that you were withholding your love from him, or you who were beginning to think that there was really something wrong with you.

Jungkook was a desperate move on your part, you admit it, but he was a sweet guy, incredibly funny and smoking hot, smart and perseverant. He still retained much of the vigor of childhood in him and he taught you to let loose, to not rush yourself into old age yet. He made you feel connected to the world.

When that boy set his mind to something, he let nothing distract him, and that trait extended into the bedroom. He made it his mission to learn where all your buttons were and how to push them. He was insatiable. His eyes twinkled with mischief and he loved nothing more than to tease. Unpenetrable patience was the inevitable side effect of being with him.

Jungkook was a Jack of all trades, master of none. He was eternally flaky. And despite sometimes seeming to possess a level of maturity beyond his years, he was still a young adult after all, and you weren’t prepared to place your bets on him, just for him to decide he actually wants something else.

He took it badly. You now realize that you might have been his first heartbreak. Even though you were sad for him, and for yourself, you didn’t feel too guilty. Everyone needs a first heartbreak. He’ll learn much from it, about himself and about others.  

You appreciated the time you had with every single one of them and treasured everything they taught you, keeping it close to heart and making use of it to live your life to the fullest. But in the end, you were back to square one.

Your parents had witnessed it all, all the heartbreak you had experienced and caused, and they had since forfeited their order. But what use was it when you have already tasted love and now yearned for it?

Maybe you really weren’t destined for it, after all, you muse as you shift your eyes around the meeting you were currently in and obviously paying no attention to.  A pair of eyes catch yours, a stunning gorgeous pair of eyes that belong to an even more beautiful face. The face smirking at you from across the table is a familiar one. It belongs to an employee of a company you were doing business with.

The woman was alluring, to say the least. You always listened to her when she talked, everyone did, that’s why you weren’t listening today, she was silent, but she was apparently observing you. For how long, you didn’t know. Your face heats up. You hope you didn’t have a derp face on while you were zoning out, the last thing you want to do is to embarrass yourself in front of her.

She was the perfect woman. Smart, accomplished, confident, sexy, assertive, and ambitious. God, she intimidated you. You both loved and hated attending these meeting with her. You were always self-conscious around her, but you risked humiliation just to be near her and hear her unique voice once a week.

She raises an eyebrow at you and you realize you’ve been staring. God, why were you such an embarrassment to yourself! You put your cold hands on your cheeks, trying to soothe the flames contained in them.

Thankfully the meeting ends, and you get up and attempt to make a run for it, and hopefully, you’ll regroup and be prepared for next week’s challenge… but a voice stops you in your tracks.  

You scrunch your face, cursing your legs for not being more agile, then turn around towards her, offering her your best smile, trying to undo everything that happened in the last fifteen minutes with it. “Yes, Miss Kim?”

“Oh, you make me sound so old. Call me Hyuna, and I’ll call you ___. Deal?”

The sound of your name on her lips makes your knees turn to jelly and you hang onto the door to stop them from buckling.

“Deal.” You squeak, then clear your throat. “I noticed you didn’t say anything today. I normally look forward to your remarks and speeches. They’re very helpful. You’re very smart.” You babble, suddenly finding the doorknob very interesting.

To your surprise, she doesn’t tease you or make a snide remark about you saying you look forward to listening to her talk. Instead, she laughs sweetly and gushes, “You think so? It’s such an honor to hear that from the daughter of such an influential businessman.”

“Oh, that’s only my father’s work. I really know nothing about the business. It’s all him and my siblings.” You shrink back, ashamed.

“Hey, look at me.” Hyuna coaxes, and when you look up you’re startled to see her standing only a few inches away from you. “You’re capable of great things. I can see it in you. You just need to find something you’re passionate about.”

You flush, looking down and whispering, “Thank you.”

“And the first step to do that,” Hyuna says, lifting your chin up to look at her, “Is to never be afraid to look anyone in the eyes.”

You smile, but can’t really follow her order when she is biting her lip so enticingly. You shake your head and muster up every kind of strength left in your shaky body to say, “Hey, we have a cafeteria here on the third floor. It’s horrible, the worst coffee you’ll ever taste but, um, would you like to go down for a cup anyway?”

Her eyes light up in a way that screams 'Finally’. Or maybe you were just imagining it, but she smiles and says, “I’d love to.”

Author’s Note: This was written with the help of some great ideas from my lovely readers. It's really different than anything I’ve done before. I hope you guys liked it. Any kind of review is greatly welcomed. 

[strawberry7777-blog2]

mutual understanding

kira

april 18th | 1:03 pm

i don’t know if you’ll ever see this letter, but when i first started getting to know you- i found myself slowly opening up to you and i don’t normally open up to people easily especially if i don’t know them.

when it came to you i found it easy, i never told you this but i thought about it long and hard … about how i was forming my relationship with you at that time, i was confused and i didn’t know if you were worth knowing who i was and what i have done in the past. but i did it anyways, i told you everything and i trusted you. because you looked trustworthy and you didn’t judge me for who i am before you met me. 

i don’t know why you embraced my mistakes with open arms just like that … to be honest, at that time i was lost and my mistake was just so traumatizing and it made me feel like i’m no longer worthy of being loved. when i first came here to the philippines, i didn’t befriend people

i just went on with my day and then go home- 

it was a routine already and then … i met you.

you were the only person there for me when no was and you offered to listen to my rants and whatever it is that made me sad or happy.

you drive me to places when i didn’t have my license yet and you were kind enough to buy me food even though you didn’t have that much money. 

i never once doubted your love and trust, i poured all of my love and praise to you because that was something that i never really got from my parents- shocking right? i always talk about how great my parents are and how hardworking they are and how much they love me? 

but i never got the same attention they gave to my younger siblings, so there’s my reason to why i gave my all to you. 

i know that you weren’t getting the love and affection you want from your parents so i decided … that maybe i should do it to you, even though i wasn’t getting anything in return. as long as you were happy then i’m alright ♡

but things change, 

you changed. 

i changed. 

there was more fights, more arguments- we were never really in the same page. whenever i have an opinion, it’s different from yours and sometimes it starts an argument and then it leads to a fight and then we just don’t talk to each other. 

there are nights where i just want to go to you and just say sorry and that i didn’t mean to yell at you or be mad at you, but it always seemed to be me trying to piece us together again, but then again… 

there was never really an us right? 

we were just friends. 

friends who went out together. 

friends who kissed.

friends who held hands.

friends who saw each other bare.

friends who showered together. 

friends who have seen each other’s thoughts.

i really wanted to make things work with you, but then i realized that you were slowly drifting away from me. 

you can’t even look me in my eyes anymore and the more i tried to spend time with you i feel like you were just being forced and you would always say that you’re only coming with me so i’m not alone and every time you said those words a piece of me breaks every time because that just shows how you were slowly losing interest in me, or maybe you never really had any interest in me at all.

remember that time when we talked and i asked you why you never told me about [redacted] and how she still thinks that you like her blah blah, when tita told me that i never held any grudge or anger or hated towards you or her, instead i gave you the benefit of the doubt and decided to understand. 

i wasn’t mad, i was just sad. 

i was sad that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me about that. i was sad that i didn’t hear it from you. i was sad that you think that everything that you hid from me, you can hide forever.

 is that why you hated taking photos with me? is that why you didn’t want to take a silly tiktok with me? is that why you didn’t want us to be seen in the mall because you might see her or someone you know from school? because you didn’t want your image to be blemished? by me? 

when you brought up my scandal with my ex, my heart broke to pieces, i suddenly forgot how to speak and i just wanted to fall to my knees at that time because i didn’t know you thought of me that way. the difference between us was that i WAS HONEST WITH YOU, i told you everything about my ex and how i wasn’t proud of what i have done. 

and you?

you hid yours from me and had the audacity to say “why do i have to tell you?” why do i have to tell you? seriously?

instead of always making me feel like crap or unloved in the past two months, why didn’t you just end it? 

why didn’t you just say that you no longer felt that way towards me? 

why didn’t you say that you only wanted to stay as friends? 

why didn’t you say that?

why did you have to continue pulling a dead horse, why did you have to always make me look like a fool? you know that i started liking you and that my feelings are truly genuine for you.

so, why?

or were you waiting for me to be the one to finally break and end all of this? is that it? is this a game to you? like my heart can just regenerate and be fine the next day? is that it?

but i thank you too, because i learned a lot from you. 

for a short time you made me happy, made me feel loved even if it may be fake this whole time. i don’t wish anything bad for you, i just want you to find someone who will always be there for you. i want someone to listen to you and love you more than i ever did. if i wasn’t enough or i was too much, i hope this girl will be enough. i really thought that you were maybe the one, but i guess god has better plans. i’m hurt, my heart broke, but that’s okay. 

it will heal and i will learn to love once again, i will still be the same. 

i will love with all of my heart, because i know that if i’m with the right person i will never be too much or not enough; for them it will be fine. but as of now, i will focus on myself because i pretty much lost half of me while in the process of healing from all of this.

you might just laugh at what i have to say and that i’m just being overacting, but this are my feelings and i’m not afraid to embrace it. the more i hide it the more it will depress and break me more. you probably understand that right? 

hopefully. 

you probably don’t feel anything while reading this and that’s alright, sana all like you- can just go on with life and forget things and people.

i wish you all the best, take care.