#anyways. I’m incredibly hurt and saddened. but. weirdly enough I feel very free

[pendaymonium]

Are you seeing the banh mi guy who invited you over to have one? Are you married to him? *invested*

Omg I didn’t know someone actually read my ramblings about him LMAO. I’m sorry, I rarely check my inbox nowadays!!

To answer your question, I did confess to him. I actually wrote up this whole thing with things I thought were hints beforehand! Sadly, today, he very politely rejected me saying he liked us as friends. It hurts and I’m sad, and a bit in denial still. But it makes me happy you were invested! I’ll share the rest of what I wrote as a farewell to this possibility in my life.

“

- I had mentioned wanting to visit the aquarium with some friends, him included, and he got really excited! I organized with just him (yes, because I think he’s cute), and he INSISTED on picking me up on the way. I relented. We had a lovely time, and got lunch/dinner together afterwards. He’s the type to take his time at exhibits, which is great because I’m also the type! He insisted on buying me a graduation gift at the gift shop. I said no. He got sad. I relented. He bought me an extra thing I had been eyeing. He drove me home, and played Queen the entire way back. He also does a very good, “No little German boy, don’t go into the weed cave!” Impression. He can also do it in German. He’s amazing.

- he bought me a fucking waffle iron for my birthday. I, with no concept of what a waffle iron costs, thanked him kindly and looked up the model out of curiosity a few weeks later. I died. I’ll die if i think about the price again.

- I have this nice outfit which consists of black, high-waisted linen pants, and a fitting sleeveless green sweater, and thread-through earrings. I wore it because I was working that day. I saw him to give him a present which I knew he really wanted, but he proceeded to compliment me quite a bit through that night. He also made me soup.

- took me to what I know and understand is a local queer dating spot. Intentionally took the scenic route and got us lunch while I brought snacks. It was lovely- we talked about our dream homes. He wants a kitchen with mixed metals- I want one with big windows and plants.

- this is an older one, and I don’t think he had anything but platonic feelings for me at this point since he had recently split with his partner. But, we were at this dancing event, and he had come back from a break (because dancing can make you SO dizzy), and was confused that they had shifted the type of dance. Upon informing him that it was a waltz, he asked me if I wanted to waltz. I didn’t even answer before he took my hand. To say I’m still smitten would be an understatement.

Anywho, this man is incredibly charming and I think he knows it. It’s making my life much more difficult, and I love it. I want to do more for him. “

I wish I had a better update and that I didn’t feel so hurt and angry, yet weirdly relieved. Thank you for the ask!