#anyways. *frustrated transsexual noises* why cant i just be me !!!!!!!!
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it's the feeling of being caught in a lie, except the lie is who i'm not rather than who i am.
& the knowledge that, if expressed, it will always be taken the other way around. That the [self], other, is real.
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transgender#transmasc#trans ftm#people CAN tell something's different. it's possible i'm even being singled out!#but for what? why? is the thought of intersex (i am not to my knowledge) whether pc or not what brings us here?#do they think i'm actively on hormones? at least one relative does!#and yet all i feel like is that everyone is seeing me as a girl. a failed one - maybe - but still a girl. still one of them.#that women can be masculine is not a novelty concept to me#i've been almost nothing BUT masculine or as 'gnc' as i can swing it since i've realized i was trans & even a little before#even being halfway out as 'nonbinary Maybe' in guard it just.......#it never feels like anyone sees me for who i AM. maybe not a very manly man but at LEAST just some guy.#i dont think i've ever really known any (cis) boys my age which .......... well that's a revelation for sure#anyways. *frustrated transsexual noises* why cant i just be me !!!!!!!!#why do i have to exist in this area where the most i think people could ever see me as is a slightly butch lesbian even when evidence#suggests they can see something transgender about me!!!! augh#maybe i WILL cut my hair right before pride#(probably will not since last time i did that i lost most of my sense of self)#(but strongly considering anyways)
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