#anyways thx Not Brog

[sapphirescales]

talk to us abt how raven idealises erik Too Much and how painful it is for her to have grown past his all consuming anger !!!! talk to us about i don't believe in god but still look for him in every store window !!! (not brogan)

hm since this ISN’T brogan (: i’ll just have to tag her blog so that she absolutely does NOT miss this (: @mutantism​ (:

ANYWAYS !!! i don’t think she thinks he’s without flaws – she’s certainly confronted w them enough that she can’t Deny to herself that he is flawed? BUT she a) is less likely to penalize him for his flaws and b) also doesnt think his flaws are like Glaring Flaws like for e.g. charles’ misogyny or the fact tht hank thinks shes Ugly

in a sense, he’s the FIRST PERSON to have affirm her sexuality and desirability. the FIRST, in a lifetime of knowing and understanding that she isn’t Conventionally Beautiful, that she isn’t Conventionally Desirable; after a lifetime of being made to understand that, as a result of not fitting the conventions, she is not beautiful or desirable. i was talking to @krovidym​ / @backwaterheroics​ last night about how often raven’s sexuality is used as a weapon to reaffirm the fact that people don’t find her sexually desirable ( consider: all the scenes where she’s Forward with a man in xm//fc are also all the scenes where it’s reaffirmed again and again that the men in her life don’t find her attractive Looking Like That – except erik ) and that’s a whole other hc but erik is the first and, at this point, the ONLY person who has ever been faced w the bitterness of her sexuality and affirms her desirability in a positive way.

that already contributes so much to her idealisation of him; in her mind, he can do no wrong. even when she’s split off from him ( like in xm//a ) you can see that when queried about him, even though their paths have diverged, she doesn’t think he’s a Bad Guy ( like she’s aware that Others think he’s bad, in a traditional sense, but he’s not a bad guy to her. the last time they saw each other he kidnapped charles and before that they’ve tried to kill each other and he’s still not a bad guy to her! )

ON TOP OF THAT, he also validates her anger which is so often dismissed or made smaller / less significant by charles and hank and alex and even logan in do//fp. the entirety of do//fp was partially driven out of the fact that ALL THE IDIOT MEN IN HER LIFE just dismissed the very real problems she was talking about, and the very real heartbreak and anger she felt at the loss of the people she loves the most ( the fact tht she lost them in the first place…….FUCK U BRYAN WHY DIDN’T U STEAL EVERYONE COMING BACK TO LIFE FROM MY BLOG TOO U FCKN ASSHAT ). erik never once invalidates her anger and, in dofp, he even goes so far as to suggest that she isn’t angry enough in that scene in the subway ( which is it’s own topic but Anyway i digress ). that he is one of the first people in her life to afford her the recognition of the validity of her emotions including her negative ones means so much to her and, in his understanding of her anger and her rage comes her understanding of his. and this understanding puts erik above reproach for her.

on top of all of that; canon-wise, erik’s done the one thing raven has never been capable of. canon-wise, it’s pretty obvious that raven struggles so much with survivor’s guilt, all throughout do//fp and xm//a; all her friends are dead, and she couldn’t save any of them. contrast that with cuba and how easily erik saved them all with such minimal effort, how easily erik saves mutantkind time and time again ( ofc its not Easy but on her end, it seems easy bc he’s effective, because he actually saves people where she can’t ) and she seems incompetent as a result. he is Literally a savior of mutantkind to raven – an actual hero – and even though their politics and priorities diverge, that still holds true. 

and for her to have grown out of the fervent, passion of his path? to have grown past the righteousness, the drive of it? for her to have decided that she’ll save what she can get her hands on, and that she can’t stand the guilt of trying to save Everyone like he does and being unable to? for her to have had her very real anger validated by erik and to understand and empathize so much with erik’s own rage, and for her to have grown past letting rage inform all her decisions – having reached bone-tired weariness after fighting for years and failing? it hurts so much. it’s cripplingly alone and lonely – and she thinks she’s better off that way because everyone who sticks with her only seems to get hurt ( in do//fp and xm//a, her very insistent “i work alone” to alex and to kurt ).

having grown past his path and diverging off onto her own – not conforming to the ideals that magneto sets out for mystique, being her own person – is both liberating and heartbreaking because she’s on her own path, now. and, even with a growing understanding between her and charles, erik is still the one who understands her the most. and the path she walks is a lonely one and there are so many days where she misses the solidarity, the community in being part of a cause, and there are so many days where, although they’ve grown apart from each other, although they can be at odd ends now, there are so many days where she just misses him.